#brandi molitor

[brandimolitor]

Letters on Leading with Courage

Courageous Leadership

Hi! Fun update: I’m now referring to these emails/newsletters to “Letters on Leading with Courage.”

According to our friends at Merriam-Webster, leading means to exercise leadership, which means to lead, which is defined as: to guide on a way especially by going in advance (aka going first).

Courage is defined by mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear or difficulty.

I talk and write about both of these things.

One of my mentors, Kelly Diels, pointed out the importance of naming things.

Kelly shares that an oppressive culture breeds vagueness to keep people in a state of confusion and therefore have a loss of power. When we name things, they become real. The “thing” then holds space in the world. It has existence! Things that were once invisible, become visible. So when we go bravely into new territory and lead ourselves, we can name that as courageous leadership.

Because it is.

Here’s why…

Dominant culture (oppressive, masculine & capitalistic) teaches us we can only be one way. That way is to hustle, push and go for more. The default is to ignore how we feel if we have feelings to keep working at being "successful."

There’s this apparent blueprint we are all aware of. You know it and I know it. It’s there, always lurking in the background and we compare ourselves to it.

Did we make it?

So who declared what's successful in the first place?

Oh yah, dominate culture (which, forces us to repress all the sides of ourselves that don’t fall into the masculine & capitalistic ways). The voice of dominant culture is LOUD and the loudest is often what's heard, felt and believed.

So, our minds get stuck thinking we’re "wrong" all the time because we aren't following the blueprint (this also works really well within the self-help industrial complex). As in, if we can’t get it right, we must be broken and therefore need fixing.

We push and push until the voice inside of us saying there’s gotta be a different way, becomes louder than the one we’re being sold.

OR, we are forced to see things differently because our bodies quit, our relationships start to fall apart, we start to have health issues… we basically hit the proverbial rock bottom (pssst — we get to declare what that bottom is).

Courageous leaders then make a change.

So, it takes a lot of courage to choose a different path than what is being forced upon us.

We purposefully or accidentally become leaders in all this. Leading means going first within your group or system. You don’t have to be a business owner or run big shit or anything like that.

You show up and show the way.

Others follow because they see your courage and bravery and see it feels good for you and makes sense. They likely want some of that, too.

You could be inspiring people and not even know it.

It can also mean leading with your heart. Putting love first. Not putting dominant culture’s plan for you first.

To move beyond the shame and guilt that are by-products of our dominant system from not following or “failing” at the marching orders of what a “good and productive life” is, is courageous. It’s badass.

AND! There’s a way to integrate your feelings and desires and energies without having to ditch all of dominate culture and move to a hut in the mountains.

It starts with sifting through what works for you and what doesn’t.

Most usually don’t take pause for this because as a society we are being pushed to consume and achieve (a massive f’in distraction).

It’s not our fault.

Oftentimes we don't even realize it (I still think the first iPhone should’ve come with a warning label for what it would do to our minds — just sayin’).

The upside is, we don't have to pick one way of being.

This work can be tough at times and it helps to have someone guiding on where to get started and how to unpack it.

So I'll be sharing more on how we can work together with an upcoming course I'm offering on Courageous Leadership.

We can be Courageous Leaders and hold space around the fire supporting each other as we create what works for us.

It takes courage and bravery to go against the oppressive forces and lead with your heart.

Here’s an exercise on exploring what you like:

What is your favorite part of spring?

Do you like the flowers or things coming to bloom? Do you like a certain sport? Do you like being able to open the windows? Longer walks outside? The birds? Trips to a cabin or cottage? Friends coming back to town? Camping? The smell of rain? Riding your bike? Cool nights with the windows open and smelling the breeze? Fresh veggies from the farmers market? Baseball games with the kiddos and sitting on the sidelines with your morning cup o’ joe?

Invitation:

Take some time today to see what you like about springtime and write it down. Declare what you enjoy. Chances are it doesn’t have much to do with what others say you should like, or even that next pair of shoes you were thinking of buying ;)

[brandimolitor]

One thing I know about high-achievers, we can be wildly successful AND STILL NOT FEEL LIKE we’ve “MADE IT”...

Instead we get hung up on yet another certain goal post that would mean we MADE IT.

It was a condo. Now it’s a summer home.

It was a sexy car. Now it’s a boat on the lake.

It’s not that there’s anything wrong with going after bigger and bigger goals.

It’s that when the engine that drives us is the need to know we MADE IT, it’s possible that we’ll never truly get there…

The symbols holding up the goal posts…may not be what we actually want!

We’re possibly not trying to reach them for ourselves at all, but to prove something to other people.

That’s why we feel like we’re on a hamster wheel. Why the things we work so hard for don’t end up feeling as good as we thought they would…

The dream trip. The debt paid off. The sexy car.

It’s like…uh…now what?

That’s why I like to play with this experiment.

Let’s pretend you’ve already made it.

Then what? What matters then?

How can you create that NOW?

***

I’m Brandi Molitor. I’m an executive-level coach for high-achievers who want to get off the hamster wheel of exhaustion and reconnect to joy and freedom at work and in life.

If that’s you and you’re curious about what it would take for you to no longer feel stuck, let’s talk.

Book a free Breakthrough Call with me on my website, link in bio. ✨

[brandimolitor]

Lessons from Climbing Stairs

Arriving is a state of mind.

In a little town called Manitou Springs in Colorado, is a notoriously famous hike called The Incline - which climbs 2,744 stairs in just under a mile up the side of a mountain. The stairs start at 6,000’ in elevation and climb up just over 2,000’ — all much higher than my typical sea-level living.

On a cold, wet and snowy early morning, my partner and I decided to climb it on our trip. The trail typically climbs up to experience some expansive views of the surrounding mountains and town below, but on this typical morning, the hills were socked in with fog, and we weren’t able to see beyond 30’ or so in front of us.

We got to the trailhead and all I saw were steps. No top, no surrounding mountains. Trees and steps. I hadn’t even done any research on this hike, just that it was steep and something to accomplish.

I looked at the first few steps and thought “I got this.” I started to climb in to the sea of clouds. What a beautiful experience, I thought to myself. I settled in to the idea of feeling good in my body, hanging out in some nature.

After 10 or so minutes, I felt the frustration start to mount inside of me. “Where is the end?! I can’t see the top!” screamed out in to my head. I vacillated between talking myself in to trusting I’d get to the end and feeling frustration that I couldn’t see the end. Part of it was not being able to determine how fast to climb or how to set my mind for the climb. I wanted to KNOW the end so I knew how to be and how much to give. My mind raced with thoughts passing and rushing over me, but my questioning of “are we there yet?” stayed consistently present in the background.

The trail was light with hikers because of the weather and the time of day. There were only the two of us and one other fellow who was clearly not a regular climber of these stairs. Others were seasoned incline-goers, running up (and down) the snowy stairs. As they passed me I marveled at their physique. I compared myself a few times as they cheered me on and congratulated me on my efforts.

I eventually arrived at the top. Through the clouds I hit the last step. “This surely can’t be it?” I thought. “There are no more steps?” It seemed anticlimactic after all the pressure I put on myself to get to the end. All I wanted was to know where the end was and when I got there, I realized it was over.

When I finally hit the last step, I looked for more. I even ran around the flat top of the area, searching for more steps. I had a lot more energy left inside of me. It’s really over? I did it?

Then it hit me. This is how I show up in life, too: Entirely focused on the end and achieving the goal than enjoying and being present on the journey along the way, and saving energy in the tank for what-if’s.

Life isn’t about getting the prize at the end, crossing the finish line, winning the award, purchasing the next practice or business, landing the next big deal or fitting in to the certain size of pants. The real joy is in living one step at a time. I envisioned at times, too, how each step was similar to one moment or experience in life. That each step leads to another, and then another. We get to this point and we look back, like I did at the top of these stairs, and see the hill we climbed. Much to my soul’s delight, I could only see a few stairs behind me. The rest were lost in the clouds, as distant memories. I couldn’t even see where we started from. Just like in life, the starting point doesn’t matter, and neither does the end, really. It’s who we are and what we experience and what we give along the way, with the continued momentum forward.

Looking back, what’s funny is that we didn’t get “the view” everyone talks about from the top. A few people asked “wasn’t the view incredible?” All we saw were trees and fog and the handful of stairs behind us. I wouldn’t of wanted it any other way, though. I was being asked to look at what was right in front of me and focus in on the experience and to stay in the moment and not be distracted by the view. And what was even more revealing, is that the journey I had along the way wasn’t any less full of elation and pain than someone who got the view. Same trail. Same steps. Same beauty. Different view. All the same path. Totally glorious.

Once again, I was able to see it’s not about arriving at something - because once I arrived, it was never about the arrival at all.

It’s how I got there that created the experience.

Are you in a rush to the end? Consider pausing and enjoy the steps along the way. What would it be like for you to focus on the experience of and IN the journey rather than leaving your happiness and sense of fulfillment waiting for you at the finish line?