#breaking that 4th wall just like i n the movie of hey. were the audience always so close to us

[priscirat]

were the seats always this close ?

[spaceorphan18]

Changed For the Better 11 [Klaine Advent Day 11]

Rating: SF for Shenanigans and 4th wall breaking Word Count: 3451 Summary: AU - Kurt’s a struggling actor living in New York, and is currently working on a Made-for-TV movie starring Cooper Anderson.

A/N: Written for Klaine Advent Day 11: Key

Thank you do the supremely suburb @snarkyhag for taking a look at this <3

LINK TO A03

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7] [Part 8] [Part 9] [Part 10]

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Changed for the Better - Part 11/24: Thriller or Heads Will Roll 

“So, the whole thing lasted about an hour, I was asked, like, three questions, and that was it,” Kurt said.  He and Blaine were getting coffee at the local shop down the street from the theater; the same ritual they’ve had for the past few weeks.  

“Wait - so this whole big press thing, wasn’t really a press thing?” Blaine asked, as he paid the barista.  He had also bought a couple of sugar cookies, and without a word, handed one over to Kurt.  

“Not really,” Kurt said.  “I’m guessing the little clips will air during commercial breaks? The whole thing is kind of depressing.  I mean, they’re going to air this in a few days -- in August! Not even for the whole Christmas in July thing.  And then it’ll be swept under the rug and forgotten, not even dragged out for those holiday marathons the network does every year in December.”

They sat at their usual table, in their usual spots across from one another.  Blaine tilted his head and watched as Kurt played with the plastic lid on his coffee.  

“I thought that’s what you wanted?” Blaine asked.  “I mean, for the movie to be buried and forgotten about.  It’s not like you’ve been exactly raving about it.  Even Cooper has managed to forget about its existence. Mostly.  Though Cooper does have a hard time focusing on anything other than what’s right in front of him.”  

Kurt gave a little shrug.  “I know, but I guess I can’t help but think that all I’m doing is going from one absolute failure to the next.  Maybe I should be buried and forgotten about, too.”  

“Hey,” Blaine reached out his hand and grabbed it.  “I don’t think you’re a failure.”

Kurt gave him a smile, happy for the reassurance, even if he didn’t fully believe it himself.

“Ku-urt!” A familiar voice rang through the coffeeshop.  It was Rachel, with Jesse following not far behind.  She promptly sat down at the table, squishing herself to Kurt’s left as Jesse sat next to Blaine.  “I knew I’d find you here. I’ve been wanting to come here for ages and, oh my god, this is so much lovelier than I thought it would be - you never know with these places.  Sometimes a cute little cafe, all rustic and inspirational, sometimes a front for the mafia.  Remember the time I tried to use that barber shop and almost wound up murdered? Oh, hey is that sugar cookie? Kurt - I told you that you should cut out cookies or else you’ll get back the baby fat in your cheeks you had during high school.”

Kurt took a deliberate large bite out of his cookie.  “Hello, Rachel, what brings you here at this exact moment in time?”

Rachel lit up.  “Oh, now that it’s official I can finally tell you.  I’ve been cast in a one-woman show!  And everything about it sounds amazing!  It’s this tear-jerking, gut-wrenching play written by this first time writer who’s had accolades from professors at NYU, and she asked me, after seeing me in my pivotal portrayal of Janet in Rocky Horror, to do the honors of portraying her mother in this play.  We’re going live in just a few months!”

“So, looks like your little boyhood boarding school play is going to have some competition this fall,” Jesse said.  “Because Rachel’s really going to shine.”  

“Well,” Blaine said, “say what you want about my little play...our well funded, Broadway acclaimed cast and crew, which includes having the one of the best up-and-coming stars I’ve ever seen,” he gave a wink to Kurt, “is going to rock the Broadway world.  But please, tell me about your show.”  Jesse and Rachel sat stunned as Blaine went back to finishing his cookie.  

Kurt smirked.  “Rachel, this is Blaine.  Blaine, Rachel.”  

Well,” Rachel said, obviously in competition mode now.  “We already have a marketing strategy ready.  I’ve barely seen a poster related to your show.”  She dug through her purse and fetched out her phone, quickly shoving it into Kurt’s face.  “We’re on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Snap-Chat, Reddit - well Jesse’s running a Reddit thread but there’s just a lot of foul-mouthed weirdos on there, and we have three interviews set up with prestigious Broadway sites.”  

“Oh my god, Rachel, you’re naked!” Kurt said, as he flipped through the photogallery she had pulled up on her phone.  It’s not like he’s seen Rachel nude before - she had a tendency to be pretty open about her body when they were roommates - but he had never seen her like this, on a public website no less.  

Rachel seemed unphased.  “Well, yes, most of the show I’m naked.”  

“It’s classy,” Jesse added.  “And Rachel has a fantastic ass and perky boobs.”  Kurt cringed, Blaine looked away.   “And should not be ashamed of how amazing she is.  The show is about being open - on the inside and on the outside.”

“Really?” Kurt asked sarcastically.  

“Look - see, we already have a million followers on this one,” Rachel said, pointing to the number on the screen.

“That’s because you’re naked,” Kurt shot back.  

Rachel pouted, grabbing her phone back.  

In the meantime, Mercedes and Sam had come into the coffeeshop, ordered coffee, and were coming up to the table, Mercedes pulling up a chair to Kurt’s right, while Sam slid into an empty chair next to Blaine.  

“Hey guys! I thought we’d find you here,” Mercedes said.  “Hope you don’t mind that we joined you.  I could hear Kurt and Rachel arguing from the line.”  

Rachel rolled her eyes as they all got snug around the table, which was now getting too small for their crowd.

“Anyway,” Kurt said, deliberately changing the subject. “What are you up to, Mercedes?”

“Oh, Sam and I were just out,” she said, looking adoringly at Sam.  

“Yeah, Mercedes is helping me get all of these modeling auditions,” Sam said excitedly.  “I actually have this one I’m excited about.  I’d be doing ads for sports stores - most likely football since the season starts soon.”

“Ooh, I love football,” Kurt said.  

“Kurt,” Blaine said “the only thing you like about football is that the guys wear pants tight enough appreciate all their assets.”  Blaine gave him a wink and a smirk, a flirtatious smirk if Kurt didn’t know better, before taking a sip of his coffee.  

Kurt looked at him suspiciously. Then underneath the table, Kurt stretched out his leg, and daringly ran his foot up Blaine’s calf.  Blaine, however, didn’t seem to notice.  

“Kurt, is there a reason you are using your foot to caress my leg?” Jesse asked.

“Nope, just a cramp.”

Mercedes laughed into her coffee.  

“Hey, look, it’s all my special friends.”  This time it was Brittany who was joining them.  She bounced up to Kurt, and gave him a huge hug from behind.  “Hello, favorite unicorn.”  

“Uh, hey Brit,” Kurt replied.  “Let me introduce-”

“No need,” Brittany said, pulling a chair from another table to push her way in-between Kurt and Rachel.  “Obviously, you’re my favorite unicorn friend.  And there’s your boyfriend,” she said pointing to Sam, who gave her a weird look.  “And your other boyfriend.” She pointed to Blaine.

“Oh, no, Kurt and I are just friends,” Blaine said.  

Kurt’s face fell, crestfallen.  He brought his previously roaming foot next to the other, feeling foolish for trying to flirt.  What was he even doing?

“Your snapchats would say otherwise,” Brittany said without explanation.  “And that’s the next Beyonce over there.”  Mercedes smiled at the compliment.  “And this is the loud girl, who Santana says needs a boob job if she’s going to try to make it as a porn star.”

“It’s not a porno!”

Brittany ignored Rachel.  “And the guy over there is my old choir director’s illegitimate son.”

Jesse gave her a strange look.

“Brittany, how do you know all of this?” Kurt asked, not sure if he liked the idea of Brittany knowing so much about all of his friends.  

“Lord Tubbington stalks all of you,” Brittany said, as if not sure what the problem was.  “He just wanted to make sure you were all safe before I invite you to my webshow Fondue for Two.”

“That’s it,” Blaine said suddenly.  “Kurt, that’s the key - if you want people to see your movie, let’s flood all the online possibilities. We can get the word out on all those social media sites.  If it’s already working for Rachel, there’s no reason it won’t work for you.  You guys need to do something big.”

“I am not taking off my clothes for this,” Kurt said, which made Blaine chuckled and Rachel groan.  

“Is it strange that we should worry Cooper might?” Blaine asked.

“I’m not shooting myself out of a cannon again,” Brittany said, to everyone’s confusion.  

“I meant,” Blaine continued, “maybe you guys can do a live premiere party or something.  If your network won’t put in the leg work, why don’t you guys.”

“Blaine, that’s brilliant,” Kurt replied.  

“You know, Blaine gets all his brilliance from me.”  And that was when Cooper arrived, all toothy grins, and his arm around a blonde woman with glasses that he had never seen before.  Blaine rolled his eyes and sunk a little lower in his chair.  Kurt wondered why he and Blaine’s normally quiet morning coffee time was continually being interrupted.  

“Coop, what are you doing here?” Blaine asked.

Cooper beamed - as if waiting for an opening to start his act. “Hello, little brother.  Best friend.  Best friend’s boyfriend.  Fake girlfriend.  And other people I don’t know, but I know will make a fantastic audience.  I know what you’re thinking - why would such a renowned actor of my status be found in a Friends-knock-off coffee lounge.  Well, I’ll tell you.  I, Cooper J. Anderson, am in love.  And when I saw you through the window, Blainey, I needed to tell you straight away that I have found the most wonderful person on the planet.” The woman let out a delighted little squeal.  “Her name is Arby.”  

“Like the restaurant?” Mercedes asked, confused.  

“You see, this morning, I was walking to my agent’s to see if they had any new work for me, and pondered some new poses for updated headshots,” Cooper paused to pose.  There was scattered and uneasy applause.  “And then, I saw her.  This woman, protesting in a church’s parking lot. I’ve never seen anyone who pointed with such intensity.  I had to compliment her.  And then our eyes met and it was like lightning.  I felt it.  She felt it.  We both felt it as we made passionate love in the back of that car.  I know now that I have found the person that I am supposed to be with.”

“God, isn’t he amazing?!?” Arby shrieked.  

Cooper began to kiss her face.  Everyone else groaned.  

“So, Brittany,” Kurt said doing his best to ignore them.  “Tell me about this webshow you have.”  

Cooper pulled off his new girlfriend.  “Did you say webshow?  Will it be live?”

///

Brittany: Hello! And welcome back to our very special live edition of Fondue For Two.  We are getting you all psyched up to watch my new, brilliant, TV-movie, as well as doing interviews with the cast.  With me now is Sam Evans.  Sam, the viewers want to be know, how do you feel to officially come out on this movie?

Sam: Um, Brittany - I’m not actually gay.  I mean, I’m totally cool with it - and I’m trying to be a good ally.  I just play gay on TV.  And on stage.  

Brittany: Are you sure?  Because Santana says those lips were definitely made for sucking on balls…

Sam: What?!

Brittany: Personally, I think they’re like two big pillows to rest your lips on…

Sam: I don’t...I’ve never had... uh, shout out to my wonderful girlfriend, Mercedes Jones!

Kurt was running just a little behind.  It was hard to decide what exactly to wear to a live screening of a made-for-TV-movie-slash-web-show interview.  He chose his favorite pair of skinny jeans with a black vest and red button down, and arriving at the banquet hall just as Brittany was wrapping up her interview with Sam.   

“Trying to be fashionably late to your own show?” Blaine met him near the entrance and handed him a glass of wine.  And if Kurt wasn’t mistaken, Blaine took a long moment to notice what he was wearing.  

“Well, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from your brother, it’s always make an entrance,” Kurt said.  Blaine laughed.  “Wow, this place… Santana really out did herself, didn’t she?”

Brittany’s girlfriend took charge on the whole ‘do a live show’ thing.  The banquet hall was decked out with Christmas decorations, a fake tree near where Brittany was filming her web show, Christmas lights hung from the ceiling, and all of the chairs facing the large screen where they’d be watching the TV-movie that night had red and green garland taped to the back of them.  There were a ton of people, too, most of them mingling near the buffet on the far side of the room.  Kurt didn’t know who they were, but suspected that many of them might be reporters… or an odd hodgepodge of Brittany’s friends.   It was hard to say.  But there were plenty of people from production there as well -- crew members, extras, and a few of the supporting cast.  It was a mini-reunion.  

“I think it’s sweet,” Blaine said.  “Brittany’s girlfriend wanting to support her by putting this all together.”  

“Oh, I wouldn’t go that far,” Kurt said, taking a sip of his wine.  “Santana’s job is public relations.  I’m sure she got some kind of compensation from the network for doing it.”  

“I saw them chatting earlier, Brittany and Santana,” Blaine said.  “And Santana seemed to have nothing but adoration for Brittany.  You know, I like to think that some people do things for others just for the sake of doing something nice.”

“You really haven’t met Santana, have you.”  

“Where’s your sense of romanticism?”

“I used it all up in this performance,” Kurt joked.  “And what’s left is this old cynic.”

“I don’t believe that,” Blaine said, giving him a tiny nudge in the arm.    

Not a moment later,  Kurt was being summoned over to the corner to do his interview with Brittany.  Brittany grasped at him quickly the moment she was in reach, excited about the interview, and the atmosphere in general.  She was in her zone, and it made her glow in a way Kurt had never seen before.  

“Hello, viewers out there,” she told the camera.  “I have a very special guest for you now.   He’s one of my favorite people that I met on set, even if he doesn’t know his own place in the story -- Kurt Hummel.”  Brittany applauded for him.  

“Uh, thank you?” He gave a little wave to the camera.  The bored tech guy behind it yawned.  

“So, Kurt, tell us what it’s like to be in love?”

“...You mean on the show or…”

“On the show obviously,” Brittany said, rolling her eyes.   “I mean, in real life you’re a stick in the mud who doesn’t believe in love.”

“I have never said that.”

Brittany clicked her tongue.  “Well, if you were in love, you wouldn’t be single.  You’d have a tiny, compact boyfriend who smells like raspberries, and who believes in his own magic the way you don’t believe in yours.”

“Well, I…love is…” Kurt looked up, past the bored tech guy and the camera, across the room, to where Blaine was standing, chatting with Brittany’s girlfriend.  Santana was actually smiling, as if enjoying his company.  Kurt didn’t think he had ever seen Santana genuinely smile that.  Of course, Blaine could charm anyone…  

“Love is what, Kurt?” Brittany’s question hung in the air.  

“Love is…” -- unexpected?

Kurt wasn’t sure he had felt quite like this before, as he watched Blaine warmly work his way around the room.   

There was so much he liked about Blaine - the way he was so kind to others, the way he laughed so easily,  the way they could talk or text until 2am, the way Blaine always had a drink ready for him, or the way he put his hand on the small of Kurt’s back as they walked into a new room. Or the way their voices sounded when they sang together.  He didn’t just like Blaine.  He was falling in love with Blaine.  

But his past experiences with love had always been so hard.  And everything about Blaine felt so easy.  Was that really what love was?

Blaine, almost instinctively, looked in his direction, and from across the room, their eyes locked.  And Blaine held on, almost as if reading Kurt’s mind.  

Kurt wanted to chase that look. And suddenly he felt very nervous - but in a good way.  They didn’t really need to see this movie, right? Even if it was Blaine’s idea, and his movie, and Blaine’s brother’s show, and he said he’d be there.  He and Blaine could just be alone.  Why were they never just alone?

“Kurt…?”

“Sorry, Brittany, there’s something I’ve got to do.”  

Kurt abruptly stopped the interview, though Brittany didn’t seem to mind.  In fact, she almost looked excited.  But Kurt didn’t pay her much attention as he made his way across the room.  

It was time - time to ask Blaine out on a real date.  Time to let these feelings be more than bottled up inside him.  Time to see if Blaine really did feel the same way.  

“Hey, Blaine-” Kurt’s heart fluttered.  

Blaine looked at him eagerly - waiting.  “Yes?”

“There’s something I wanted to ask you about, but, uh…”

“Hey, Kurt, I’m glad I found you.” Elliott arrived, guitar in hand, and band in tow.  He threw an easy arm around Kurt’s shoulders.  “You will not believe how lost we got trying to get here.  I texted you.  Dude, you need to check your phone more often.  We’re still singing tonight, right?  Where am I supposed to set up?”

“Uh…” Kurt didn’t even know Elliott’s band was playing tonight, let alone what to do with them.  “I have no idea - Santana’s running the show somewhere.  I’m sure you can find her, there’s something I was doing…”

“Kurt, go ahead and take care of them,” Blaine said, giving a disappointed frown to the floor.  “I should probably go any way.”  

“What? Blaine, you can’t leave - the movie hasn’t started,” Kurt said.  “And Cooper hasn’t even arrived.”

“I know,” Blaine said softly.  He was avoiding Kurt’s eyes, and Kurt didn’t understand why.  “But I have an early call time.  And I wouldn’t want to disrupt your night.”

“But - Blaine.”  He reached out for Blaine’s hand, but Blaine took an unexpected step back.  What had just happened? He looked up at Elliott, but Elliott only shrugged.    

“Night, Kurt.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Blaine proceeded to give him the most awkward hug, before turning to leave.  

Kurt wanted to run after him, but before he could he was met by Cooper Anderson entering the room.  Cooper insisted Kurt follow him, all but dragging him and a few of the other cast members back over to where Brittany was hosting her show.  Cooper then pushed Brittany’s current subject - one of the crew members - out of the way so he could be in full view of the camera.  

“Hello my dear, dear audience - made up of friends, colleagues, and people of the internet,” Cooper announced, loud enough that everyone had stopped to watch him.  “The time has come for what you’ve all been waiting for.  I, Cooper J Anderson, have taken the stage.  And I want to thank you, all of you, and especially my new superbly hot girlfriend Arby, for being here.”  Cooper took a dramatic pause, and pointed to where his girlfriend was standing on the side of the crowd.   “You see - we are here to witness one of the great cinematic pieces of our time.  And in order to enhance the experience, I am willing to give back.  Some may call this a publicity stunt, but I call it good press.  So, my dear audience, you will have not just me - but all of me tonight.”

And with that, in front of the hundred or so people in the room, and the thousand or so people watching live online - Cooper Anderson tore away his shirt and pants until he was wearing only a thong, and proceeded to shake his ass at the camera.  

Kurt’s jaw dropped to the floor.

Cooper’s new girlfriend gave a shriek of delight.  And then promptly fainted.  

[l0-f1g0dd3ss3s]

1977 interview with patti smith

concentrating on the god within[from "Patti Smith Peaking: The Infinite Possibilities of a Woman," by Marc Stevens and Diana Clapton, Club Quest, January 1977]

She hurtles into the room, a breathless tousled angel with a face out of Edvard Munch. She carries with her the karmic electricity of the genuine superstar, the true heroine. Her energy is so untrammeled, it fills the room; it pushes us against the wall in its intensity. Those wondrous salamander eyes move slowly, almost supernaturally. They embrace the whole of the activity around her. Her Mary Janes, her 4th grade red sox, the fine, strange jewelry lashed to her writs. The arching, artist's fingers, almost too much purity and reality and talent. Things become improbable. She is gracious, considerate, the essence of feminine charm, all the mannerisms of the sexually self-confident woman, the emotional largesse of the truly arrivée. There must be something bad about Patti Smith. Well, she doesn't play the guitar that well -- yet. She has the eerie beauty she treasures in those old Italian or French films, the mantle of mystery of the steadily evolving female unafraid to declare herself a fully sexual individual. She speaks of her own erotic feelings with candor and honesty. Whoever said that rock was really sex with all the rhythms down -- certainly had Patti in the wildest corner of his mind. Patti:  It's either not hectic at all or it's totally hectic. It's like the ocean, y'know, a big, big wave comes in.. I just tune it in. It starts out, there's a lot of static, like the radio, and you go like this [twists imaginary knobs] and it comes in. That's like the ocean -- not so bad. I don't care if there's a lot of action going on as long as I can tune it in.

CQ:  You were supposed to be out at the ocean this weekend -- on Fire Island.

Patti:  Oh, yeah, but I had too much work to do. Cutting the new album took about 3 weeks, but the cover and the liner notes...

CQ:  The record [Radio Ethiopia] seems a lot more lyrical than Horses.

Patti:  It's got a lot more presence. We've been on the road for a year. The first record really reflected exactly what we knew then. Being alone by ourselves, fantasizing, playing in small clubs, the fragile adoration of the people who believe in ya. But then you go on the road for a year and it's real maniac. There aren't 40 people who love you but 4,000. You have to really project. You can't be as fragile. It's the power of projection that you learn on the road. So the new record reflects what we learned from the kids. Before I was a fan, an artist, or whatever. If I'm a fan of anybody these days, I'm a fan of my audiences.

CQ:  But 4,000 people means performing in large halls. Can you handle it?

Patti:  I like performing anywhere there's a lot of energy. Like Jesus says, when two people are gathered together in my name. Well, I feel the same way. I like performing in an interview situation or for 4,000 people or in a club. As long as all the energy is directed toward the same place. When I perform some place and the people have their heads into what they want to see, like something artistic, it's a drag. But when they're loose...

CQ:  How loose do they get at your concerts?

Patti:  Real loose. Jumpin' up on stage and grabbin' me -- everything.

CQ:  Do you get bothered?

Patti:  I like it. It's rock 'n' roll. If nobody leapt on the stage and cried 'Fuck me' ... I mean, I've seen Privilege; I'd do it. In the old days, especially when I'd go to a concert -- Johnny Winter, the Stones or Hendrix, I'd scream and get beat up and try to get on the stage. I got stomped by Grateful Dead guys for try'na get on the stage when they were on. And my foot got broken with the Stones.

CQ:  How about violence directed toward you personally?

Patti:  Oh sure, I've been attacked. After the show the kids come back, but I understand it, y'know? It's not that I want it to happen, but when it does, I get into it. I can dig it. It's a nightmare, but a nightmare I can relate to. I know what it's about. I've seen those Elvis Presley movies where the girls were try'na pull his clothes off. Hey, I know what rock 'n' roll is all about. I came into this thing with my eyes open. I didn't come in thinking that people should treat me like some precious jewel because I write poetry. I came in fully open to anything rock 'n' roll has to offer.

CQ:  Do you get stage fright?

Patti:  Nah, real excited. I only get nervous if it's real quiet out there. That makes me suspicious. But if the kids are screamin' and carryin' on, I get real excited. I was so thrilled when I did the Schaefer Music Festival in Central Park, I thought my heart was gonna burst.

CQ:  Do your fans give you expensive gifts -- say, a half ounce of cocaine?

Patti:  I've had ounces. And grass. But one time a guy sent me a letter. His name was Timothy -- no number or last name or nothin' -- and two $50 bills in it. Brand new, and I couldn't give 'em back. Free money.

CQ:  Have you changed since you began making it?

Patti:  I feel stronger. I feel like I've been doin' it all my life. It's still art, and I been doin' art since I was 4 years old. Rock 'n' roll has now entered the art spectrum. And because of that, I put the same energies into working within the context of rock 'n' roll as I did when I wanted to be a sculptor.

CQ:  You mentioned that you've been on the road here and abroad. Does travel inspire you to create art?

Patti:  O yeah, I been to Paris about 10 times. To get inspiration I got to a bunch of places -- to Jim Morrison's grave in Pere Lachaise, that's the first place I go. In fact, our first European tour was really cool because they had this white Aston- Martin or somethin' waitin' for me. You know, I don't get treated that way in America. In America I'm lucky if I get a station wagon. I'm just sayin' that I happened to be treated like a princess in Paris. So anyway, I had this white car and they said, where do you wanna go? And I said, to see Jim Morrison. So they took me to the graveyard in the big white car. I remember the first time I went, I was all by myself in the pouring rain. Really fucked up and the mud was splattering all over me. I was in this white car smoking a cigarette.

CQ:  Just you and the chauffeur.

Patti:  Yeah, me and him and a pair of dark glasses and a pack of cigarettes.

CQ:  Do you smoke a lot?

Patti:  I don't inhale so it doesn't hurt my lungs. I just like the look. really on top of it, I like that Jeanne Moreau woman-with-her-cigarette look. It's all for show. My own show.

CQ:  White cars, chauffeurs -- is power important to you?

Patti:  Power? Not like dictatorial power. Power to initiate change, to affect people in a really spiraling way. To be a catalyst. Just like when I worked at Scribner's book store for 5 years. A kid would come in and want Rod McKuen stuff. To me power was bein' able to talk to that kid, and he'd leave with Malderer, Rimbaud, Dylan Thomas. Now I feel I'm doin' the same kinda thing.

CQ:  It was about this time that Robert Mapplethorpe gave you your start -- paid for that first book of poetry.

Patti:  No, he didn't give me the start that way. He did lend me the money for my single. But he did much more than that. I was 19 years old, really shattered. I'd been through a lot of hard times. I had all this powerful energy, and I didn't know how to direct it. Robert really disciplined me to direct all my mania -- all my telepathic energy -- into art. Concentrating on the God within, or at least a creative demon. I was really emotionally fucked up.

CQ:  Are you evened out now?

Patti:  Oh yeah, I mean, I go through pain, but I try to translate everything into work. I'm almost 30 and I've been through so much stuff. Every time I go through something new, I have so much scar tissue that I suffer pain, but it doesn't take me so long to get back on my feet. I can get back on top real fast. I'm in the ring! Y'know when you're an artist an' you're like, strugglin', nobody cares. You get beat down; you stay down for a while. But when you're in the middle of the ring, you gotta get up fast because there's all these people watchin'. You don't have time. You know technology is 50% of rock 'n' roll -- the magic, the art, the performance. If you don't have good technicians and a strong road crew who are devoted and believe in you and protect you, you're totally naked.

CQ:  But the spotlight's really on you. You're the one who has to deliver.

Patti:  But it's what helps a performer stay on top, like a boxer with his trainer there. You have to know that these people are behind you. Then, when you really start to break and it's happening, a whole new kind of energy is created around you. And if you're smart, it'll make you a stronger person.

CQ:  But other rock stars had the technology going for them but couldn't channel the break into a new kind of energy.

Patti:  I was lucky. I've never been real fucked up on drugs. I knew Janis real well. She was so fragile, so emotional, a lot like, say, my mother. I mean we're all emotional. But you can't let your emotions consume you. If you can't transcend that emotion, into work, then you can't do anything. I'm real emotional. I mean if I'm really fucked up and cryin' sittin' in a room . . .

CQ:  And drugs and booze only make it worse.

Patti:  I use drugs to work. I never use them to escape or for pleasure. I use people. If I'm real depressed, I have some real wonderful friends. When you turn to drugs, all you're doing is turning inside, anyway. When I'm in trouble or emotionally fucked up, I don't wanna come to me. I wanna go to somebody else. I don't wanna look in a mirror. I only use drugs for construction. It's like one of my architectural tools now. I don't go to a party and get all fucked up. Or sit in a hotel room all sad and messed up and take drugs.

CQ:  But enough rock stars did use drugs as an escape. Now they're dead.

Patti:  I'm not makin' a platform about it. I'm just sayin' for me, personally, I think drugs are sacred and should be used for work. That's what I believe in. Drugs have a real shamanistic value. I can handle drugs. I've never had a problem.

CQ:  Some New York discos are getting pretty loose in terms of drug tolerance. Have you noticed?

Patti:  I can't go. I'm a great dancer, I love to dance, but when I go to discotheques, people talk to me so much that I can't. It's like Edith Piaf. She was very religious but she didn't go to church, because everybody looked at her.

CQ:  Judy Garland couldn't eat in a restaurant for the same reason. But are you that bothered?

Patti:  Oh, I eat like an animal. I come from a big family. I'm used to bein' watched. Here's what I don't like: If I'm in a certain mood and I feel pissed off or crazy and I exude that, I want people to understand it. The only times I get pissed off are when I'm walkin' down the street and someone wants to talk. I say, "Look, just trust me. I'm fucked up now; I can't talk to you. I need you. Thank you believing in me but..." And when they keep right on botherin' me, I say finally, "Look -- I don't need ya. Go away. You don't understand. Don't buy my records!"

CQ:  Do you think about equality for yourself?

Patti:  No, I don't wanna be equal with anybody. I wanna be above equal. I don't think most people are equal to me. I'd like to communicate with everybody; I'd like to do something universal, I'd like to have the hit record of the world. But that's not the same as being equal. Women compete with women; it's not all men. When I was sellin' books at Scribner's there were stupid women that were older than me, and they got paid more just 'cause they were older. You can go on forever with that shit. So you fight. I don't think fighting is bad. People get too much of what they want and they loose the fight in them.

CQ:  Should you always keep battling to be the best?

Patti:  Being on top is not the precedent. It's that I am capable of making it to the top of the tower. Why should I settle for the 26th Floor? I don't set limitations.

CQ:  You seem very free as if limitations are beside the point. You seem unencumbered by race, color, creed, gender. The 100% natural Patti Smith, no additives, no preservative, no makeup.

Patti:  Oh listen, I buy Vogue. The other night I was really depressed and got into a taxi and went to a newsstand and bought, like, this $10 magazine of Paris fashions. Fantastic photography. I love silk raincoats, but I don't wear makeup. I can't stand nothin' on my face. It's a phobia. It's not a platform.

CQ:  Do you like leather?

Patti:  Oh yeah, sometimes. It depends on the rhythm of the night. I'm like a changeling. Fickle. I might wear all leather, and then I might wear a fucked up little black dress. Plus I got a lot of cool T-shirts.

CQ:  How do you feel about your body?

Patti:  I'm an artist. I'm not ashamed of my body. I've been an artist's model for years, and people have been photographing my body nude since I was 16. I have no shame. Doing rock 'n' roll, I'm so naked now.

CQ:  Do you ornament yourself as a sex object, the way other women might spend hours before a mirror?

Patti:  Well, I'm a very sexual person. Pornography, eroticism -- that's what I work on in private. None of that has been published yet. I'm still workin' on it. Rock 'n' roll is the most important thing right now. Pornography has yet to see its day -- really high class pornography. But it's something I think about all the time. Pornography linked with elegance and grace and intelligence.

CQ:  But pornography as art is entirely a personal choice, completely individual. What form of expression would you take in creating erotic art?

Patti:  I feel I'm involved in it right now, at least as much as I know how, on stage. I've been accused of everything including masturbation. And I do come on stage. Almost every night, I come on stage. Sex -- coming -- is about concentration. I can come while I'm writing, if I'm really there. Orgasm is peaking your concentration.

CQ:  Is that an end for you? Do you work consciously for that?

Patti:  Well, any woman is capable of multiple orgasms. What I mean is, a woman can come all day. Women don't realize how heavy this is. When I first realized what coming meant -- that I could come 20 times if I could come once, over and over again like the ocean...even self-induced...I'm not necessarily talkin' about sex now.

CQ:  But even now, there are objections to your lyrics.

Patti:  My single My Generation / Gloria says "My Generation contains language which might be objectionable." To who? 'Fuck' and 'shit' are American slang.

CQ:  But you can get away with it on stage.

Patti:  Yeah, but remember Jim Morrison was locked up for using 'fuck' and so was Country Joe. And Jim pulled his pants down -- so what? Now we have Broadway shows where the cast is naked all the time. He did it once and was thrown in the slammer. And he was a genius. His death made me sadder than anyone's. He wasn't done. He was just on the threshold of being a really great poet. Now, Hendrix, he was so out there with such furious physical energy, he just died. Morrison was much sadder. He was also desperate. Rock 'n' roll was so new then. It was so heavy. There was no precedent for Jim Morrison. it's a lot different for me. I've profited from the fact that he came first.

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Can time cycles be divorced from reincarnation theories? Is Patti Smith Jim Morrison? Copyright © Marc Stevens & Diana Clapton 1977