#bro can i please just have plumbers don’t wear ties

[switch]

i mean look i understand lrg’s… uh, mixed reputation, but i’m not sure that it getting caught in a veritable fucking free for all of a mass acquisition is going to lead to things meaningfully improving either

[icequeenoriginal]

New Super Sarcastic Bros.

Pairings: Logicality and Prinxiety

Note: Me? Still obsessed with @sugarglider9603‘s Mario Au? More likely than you think. This was so fun to write so I did get a bit carried away. I hope you still enjoy it

Trigger Warnings: Deceit, kidnapping, tied up and gagged, knocked out, unconscious, hurt/comfort, manipulation, slight panic attack, fighting, swearing (I’m trying to get better at tagging triggers)

“You saved me, Lo!”

“It’s what I do.”

“You did awesome Virgil!”

“T-Thanks Ro. Let’s get you home.”

Bowceit rolled his eyes as he sat under the rumble of his once grand castle. He waited for the plumbers and the princes to leave before he got up and wiped the dirt off of him. Another plan had failed. He had lost to Logan and Virgil yet again and had neither Patton nor Roman as his husband.

Bowceit walked around, picking up the unconscious danger noodles from their various spots in the debris. He instructed the magikoopas that were still alive (and trying to flee) to rebuild the castle. He flopped into his throne as he watched the walls rise up once again around him. His decorations and lava were put back into their proper place. Slowly, his children woke up and choose to wait outside their rooms for them to be rebuilt. Leaving their father to sulk in his chair.

Once the castle was completely rebuilt, Bowceit made his way over to the kitchen. Pulling his favorite mug down, he turned to see one of his faithful Koopas making him a big pot of coffee. It was his tradition that after he lost to the Sarcastic Bros., he would drown his sorrows in coffee. His daughter had banned him from eating ramen noodles out of the coffee cup anymore.

Bowceit sighed as he took a sip. He was so exhausted. Every week he’d kidnap one of the princes, only to be defeated by the pesky plumbers. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many different plans he came up with, nothing worked.

He silently contemplated giving up. He could continue being a single dad to his eight wonderful children. He could focus on running his kingdom instead of fighting. His stuff wouldn’t be broken as often as it was. Maybe, just maybe, he should stop.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the castle’s door. Finding that odd, Bowceit walked over. Upon opening it, he was greeted by a young woman. She was wearing a red dress and a red hat. Her eyes and hair were chocolate brown.

Bowceit would have found her beautiful if he wasn’t gay.

She smiled at him sweetly. “Hello there!”

“Hello” he replied deadpanned. He had noticed that in one of her hands was a red suitcase. He figured she was there to sell him something. He hoped the danger noodles would stay in their rooms or he’d lose a lot of coins fast.

“I hope I’m not bothering you but I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the Mushroom Kingdom.”

Bowceit raised an eyebrow and raised the coffee to his mouth. “The Mushroom Kingdom? What business do you have there? Visiting the prince?”

The woman smile fondly “Oh nothing like that. I’m visiting two friends of mine. I doubt you know them.”

“Try me. I have a lot of...business...in the Mushroom Kingdom.” Bowceit took a sip of his coffee.

“Their names are Logan and Virgil” Bowceit immediately spat out his coffee and had a coughing fit.

The woman jumped and patted his back “Are you alright?!” She patted his back in an attempt to help him.

Suddenly, Bowceit straightened up “Yes, yes, I’m alright. What-What did you say your name was?”

“Oh, my name is Valerie. Do you know Logan and Virgil?”

Bowceit suddenly smiled and his confident demeanor returned. He straightens up and even fixed his leather jacket with his free hand. “I do. They’ve…done some work for me. How do you know them?”

The woman now known as Valerie replied “Oh we go way back! We’re longtime friends. Plus they…Oh, you probably don’t want to hear me ramble.”

“No please, I need to draw up a map anyway for you. Come in, come in.” Valerie was impressed by this man’s kindness and followed him into the castle.

“Would you like something to drink or eat as we talk?”

Valerie shook her head, wanting this visit to be short. She told Bowceit the basics, figuring the boys wouldn’t want a random stranger to know. This was more than enough for the villain. He concluded that the brothers have enough history with this woman to care about her wellbeing. Care enough that they would definitely come and try to rescue her.

Valerie tugged on his arm to pull him back into reality. “So, may I have that map now?”

“Map? Oh yes, the map! Excuse me for a moment!” Bowceit walked off and rubbed his hands together maniacally. Oh, how perfect this was! This was a sign that he mustn’t stop being a villain. He is one level pull away from trapping this woman. She will make perfect bait for the Sarcastic Bros while he can marry any prince of his choosing.

Bowceit suddenly stopped walking. A thought crossed his mind.

The princes.

The same princes who make no secret of how jealous they can get. Roman was more outward and Patton was inward but it was still apparent.

The princes who have never met this woman.

The princes who he wants to punish for helping to ruin his plans.

Bowceit smirked and quickly drew up a map. He walked over to her, forming his new plan with every step. “Here you are, my dear.”

Valerie popped up happily and took the map. “Oh thank you! It was nice meeting you.” Bowceit waved as she left.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

~

Prince Patton groaned as he rubbed his face. This was the worst week of the year. It was nothing but non-stop work and meetings. Usually, he would go as slowly as he could so he wouldn’t fry his brain. But now that he had Logan, Patton wanted to get it out of the way as soon as he possibly could. That didn’t make it easier.

Logan was a god’s sent for the past few days. He constantly checked on Patton, gives him neck and back messages and makes sure he sleeps and eats. Patton was currently distracted by Logan making him tea, so much so that he nearly fell out of his throne.

Logan walked in, carefully holding a  teacup. “Here you go dear, take a quick break. I’ll look over some of those papers.”

Patton stood up and took the drink gratefully. He was clearly exhausted. “Thank you, love. You’re amazing.” Patton took a sip and felt the peace run down his throat to calm him down. Logan sat on the throne and began looking over the plans Patton had for building stronger houses for the Thomases and Talyns in the event of a Bowceit attack.

Patton smirked and sat innocently on Logan’s lap. Logan didn’t look up from his work, only wrapping his free arm around Patton. Patton leaned into the embrace and began to gently kiss Logan’s ear, cheek, and neck. Logan’s face progressively got redder by the minute and his focus figuratively jumped out the window. He turned his head slowly to captured Patton’s traveling lips.

They were interrupted by a sudden squeal. They both turned to see a very delighted Valerie. “Omg, Logan!”

Logan was shocked to see his old friend but no less happy to see her “Valerie!” He quickly picked up Patton and put the prince in his throne before running off to hug her.

“It’s been so long!”

“My, have you’ve grown!”

“I can’t believe you’re here!”

Patton felt his heart shatter as he witnessed the exchange. Who was this beautiful woman hugging his boyfriend? Logan has certainly never mentioned her before. Was she his ex…? No…Logan told him he never dated anyone before. He wouldn’t lie...right…?

Patton took a deep breath and walked over with the most genuine smile he could. “Hello there.”

Valerie curtsied “Hello your majesty.”

“Please, call me Patton.” She talks his hand and gives it a gentle squeeze. “And you are?”

The woman smiled “My name is Valerie.”

Logan patted her shoulder and spoke proudly “She is a dear friend of mine. We go way back!”

“Dear friend? Honey, I’m your best friend! Virgil’s too!”

Patton’s heart began to break as he watched the exchange between the two. They were so close, in a whole different world. A world Patton wasn’t allowed in.

Valerie tugged on Logan’s arm “Come on! You must show me around.”

Logan didn’t hesitate “Of course!” They ran out of the castle, leaving the prince with nothing but his work and a slowly growing pain in his chest.

~

Virgil sat bored outside Roman’s meeting hall. He started hitting his legs to create a beat. He figured he could start writing a new song. One for Roman so he wouldn’t stab himself out of frustration. He felt so sorry for his boyfriend. Virgil could barely handle the small amount of paper required for when he was a plumber, he could never imagine what mountains Roman has to climb as a leader of a kingdom.

A Talyn ran up to his with a newly acquired cell phone. The plumbers had them installed mainly so that the princes could communicate easily or if the plumbers needed the other’s help.

“It’s your brother.” Virgil nodded and took the phone, a silent thank you.

“Hell? Hey Lo, what’s up? Seriously? No way! I’ll be right there!” Virgil put the phone down and went to knock on the door that separates him and Roman. He shook his head, he couldn’t possibly bother Roman while he was doing serious business. He didn’t want to get in the way. Smiling to himself, Virgil took off. He figured Roman wouldn’t mind.

~

An hour later, Roman exited the room, feeling accomplished. He got a good amount of work taken care of which met he could spend time with Virgil. As Roman began to fantasize about what they could do, he saw that the chair that Virgil was occupying was empty. He had to ask several different Talyns and Thomases before finding the one who gave Virgil the phone.

“His brother called, your majesty, and then he took off.”

“Thank you.” Roman went to his room and scooped up all the documents he could and placed them in a bag. He figured Patton had been kidnapped again and Logan called Virgil for his help. He hopped into his carriage and hoped the Mushroom Kingdom was alright. Upon seeing everything too peaceful in the kingdom though, Roman began to wonder if there was another reason Virgil left.

As Roman walked into the castle, he barely dodged the flying bowl thrown his way. A few Talyns and Thomases were worried as they clean up after their angry prince. They practically pushed him into the kitchen, begging him to calm Patton down.

Roman could almost laugh at what he was seeing. Patton and his kitchen were covered in flour and dough as Patton angrily stirred in his bowl, sending the ingredients all around the room. Roman grabbed a cookie before stealing the bowl from Patton with a smirk.

“Yo Pat! What did the bowl do to you?” Roman’s smirk dropped when he saw Patton look down at ground instead of reply. Roman gently lifted his chin and saw that tears were forming in his eyes “What’s wrong?”

Patton tried to blink away his tears. “A woman…”

“A woman?”

Patton nodded “A woman came by…she said she’s Logan’s best friend…he never told me about her.”   

Roman was shocked, Logan was so open with Patton, and a sinking feeling developed in his stomach “Best friend?” “Yeah, Virgil’s too…”

“WHAT?!”

Patton pointed to the window and revealed to Roman the woman hugging Virgil.

Who the hell does she think she is, hugging his man?! Roman balled up his fists and was ready to march right over there and deck her if Patton hadn’t physically restrained him. Roman didn’t fight it, opting to give Patton a hug. He rubbed circles into Patton back and Patton let himself cry.

Roman gave him a soft smile “Let’s get you cleaned up.” Roman grabbed a rag and began to wipe the food and tears off of Patton’s face. This allowed Patton to catch his breath and let more tears fall.

Roman got to Patton’s arms when they noticed their boyfriends and that woman were headed towards the entrance of the castle. Patton abruptly turned and began to wipe his eyes roughly to stop himself from crying. He grabbed the closest sponge and tossed it to Roman. “Start cleaning, please.”

Roman nodded and started wiping the wall. He imagined himself running at Virgil and tackling him to the ground. Not to attack him, just to aggressively make out with him to show the woman needed to back off. He never got the chance though, Logan called out for Patton and Patton shouted back that he was in the kitchen.

Logan and Virgil walked in with big grins on their faces as their boyfriend scrubbed away their sorrows.

“Hey honey, I’m back!”

“Ro! I didn’t know you were here!” Roman nearly threw the sponge at his head. He really wanted to yell at Virgil for leaving without telling him but Roman also wanted to yell at Logan for making Patton cry.

Logan gave Patton a side hug, oblivious to the pained expression of the prince’s face. “Since we’re all here, how about the five of us talk over tea?”

Roman turned his head to him bewildered as Patton hide his expression behind his bangs. “Five?”

Virgil gently took Roman’s arms “Yeah! We want to introduce you guys to Valerie!”

Roman looked at Virgil and his heart ached. Virgil looked so excited to introduce him, how could he say no to that?

Both Princes nodded their heads. Patton even told them to take Valerie to the common room so the princes could make the tea. That allowed the princes to regain their composure, however fake, especially after the punch to the gut of their boyfriends running off too quickly for their tastes.

Roman gripped the sink as Patton started up the kettle “We’re going to join them, aren’t we?”

Patton sucked in his breath “Yup.”

“Wonderful.”

~

Patton’s teacup was shaking in his hands “S-So, h-how did you guys met?” Patton took a sip to calm himself down. Tea always helped.

If anyone noticed that the prince was acting strangely, no one voiced it. Virgil decided to start the tale “Lo and I used to live in New Donk City, where Valerie is from.”

“Thanks for telling me about that.” Roman thought bitterly.

Logan continued “But we didn’t know each other. The day we really met was when we rescued Valerie from this crazy monkey who climbed up the tallest building in the city, the one we happened to be working in.”

Patton felt like he was going to throw up “I thought I was your first rescue…”

“It was nothing Valerie,” Logan replied

“Nothing?! Without you two, my city wouldn’t have its mayor.”

Both Roman nearly choked on his tea while Patton’s cookie missed his mouth. Patton gently put the cookie down and whipped his face before answering “Y-You’re the mayor?”

“Oh yes! I forgot to mention that.” The princes sighed. Great, she was basically like them. There was nothing to top it.

Roman wasn’t going to give in that easily “So what happened next? Did you two date or something?” He gestured between Logan and Valerie, not wanting to even think that Virgil was a possibility. The three city folk erupted in laughter. Valerie regained her composer first. “No, no! One of them would have to be attracted to women for me to date them. No, we’re just great friends.” Valerie smiled and leaned over the table, taking a hand from each of the princes. “I’m so happy my boys found such great guys like you.”

Once she let go, the princes exchanged a look that screamed: “She’s a keeper.”

And yet, that didn’t make it hurt less. The princes had never seen their boyfriends smile like this. They seemed so happy spending time with her. They weren’t bogged down with the responsibility of protecting her, they could be normal adults with her. They looked so relaxed, a calmness neither prince could ever remember providing.

It didn’t help that the princes weren’t being included in the conversations.

Roman gave up right away, watching the tea leaf float in his teacup. He couldn’t look at Virgil. He couldn’t watch someone else light up his eyes. He couldn’t accept the fact that someone else made Virgil happy before Roman ever met him and continues to. Roman felt so unneeded, he just wanted to lock himself in his castle so that he didn’t have to face the fact Virgil loved someone else.

Patton tried to jump into the conversations, but it involved inside jokes and memories Patton would never know about. Patton’s eyes fell on Logan. Logan…who is forced to save Patton every week while he only had to save Valerie once. Was that why Logan ran off so eagerly? To have a taste of life without having to put up with him? Patton’s heart shattered. Maybe Logan secretly hated him and was only still with Patton because he was a prince.

Valerie sudden straighten up with a look of realization on her face, snapping the princes’ out of their depressing thoughts. “I almost forgot! I wanted to visit the cafe Talent! .I’ve been told it’s a must do when you visit here”

Roman interjected before either plumber could speak, “O-Oh, you could go to that, or y-you could come and watch the tennis game Pat and I were about to put on!”

Both Virgil’s and Logan’s faces became red fast. A tennis game meant their boyfriends were going to wear their sports outfits. The brothers were not ready for that. They each grabbed Valerie’s arms and lifted her up at out of her chair. “We’ll see you guys after the game!” They ran off quickly, telling Valerie stories of their adventures to block out their fantasies.

“O-Oh okay…” Patton tried to stay positive as he watched them leave. “You kiddos enjoy yourselves while we have fun…playing tennis…right Roman?” He got no reply. He turned to see Roman walking off. “Roman?”  

Roman walked over to the lake, eyes closed and hands folded. Once he made it to the edge, he abruptly opened his eyes and blurted out a huge scream of pure anger. The scream was so powerful that his people all the way in Sarasaland could hear him. Thankfully, (or unfortunately, if you are Roman) Virgil was walking in the other direction and lost in the conversation so he was unable to hear Roman.

Thomas and Talyn hide fearfully behind their equally terrified prince. Roman walked back over to Patton and smiled “Shall we?”

Patton just nodded his head and followed Roman back into his castle to get changed. In the distance, Bowceit was happily enjoying the spectacle. He threw his head back, almost choking from the laughter. He quickly realized he had finished his popcorn.

“Well, time to get this party started.”

~ They never made it to the tennis courts.

Once they arrived in Patton’s room the change, the princes flopped onto Patton’s bed. They are on different sides of the bed, heads meeting in the middle. Roman gently taps his feet against the headboard before kicking it in anger. He kicked it so hard that he moved so that their shoulders were next to each other.

“Who does she think she is?! Being all perfect and taking all their attention?! She’s hasn’t been around them like we are!” As Roman continued to rant, he waved his arms to strengthen his point. Patton listens intently to avoid giving attention to the aching feeling in his chest.

“And how can Virgil be so comfortable around her! He’s barely comfortable around me and we’re dating! Not to mention living together!” Roman covered his face with his hands “And I can’t even banish her since Virgil likes her so much.” Patton chuckled as Roman turned his head to him “We could kill her.”

Patton hit his arm playfully “Roman Marigold of Sarasaland! What would your mother say?”

“She would say” Roman straighten up and make his voice sound snooty “Roman, as a prince, you must be a host and you must be kind to all. We do not wish ill will onto someone.” His voice changed back to normal “And then she’d tell me to sit up straight or something.”

Patton laughed, that made him feel better. It’s been a while since the two of them were able to have a happy moment like this. They were children again, with no fear of Bowceit and no jealousy plaguing them.

Roman sighed “I can’t blame her though. It’s all me. I’m insecure about our relationship and I’m so afraid of losing him that I act like this but it’ll only result in me pushing him away.”

Patton did a double taken. “Woah, where did that come from?”

“...I’ve been hanging out with Picani too much.”

Patton smiled and gently bumped their heads together “Don’t worry about it, it’s not just you.”

“You?! But you and Logan are perfect together!”

Patton looked away “Perfect? I never heard of a perfect relationship that involves needing weekly rescues?” Patton shook his head and curled up into a ball “I’m so scared he’s going to become sick of rescuing me and he’ll just leave and I’ll be forced to marry Bowceit--”

“Hey, hey.” Roman caught his attention “That’s never going to happen. Sarcastic bros or not, you’re never going to have to be forced to marry that snake. I’ll make sure of it.”

Patton smiled “Thanks, Ro. You’re the best.”

Roman shrugged “It’s what I do.”

They laid there a little while longer, finishing off the cookies made by a stressed Patton. They continued to gossip and complain, just to past the time. Eventually, Patton tapped Roman and said: “Come on, we have work to do.”

Roman whined “No! I don’t want to!”

Patton pulled on his arm “We have to. We both have a bunch of individual work, plus we have to re-establish our alliance.”

Roman sat up. “Fineee. Hey Pat? Are we still each other’s best friend?”

Patton let out an offended noise “Of course we are! Why would you even need to ask?”

Roman dodged the question by continuing with: “So, because we are best friends, we would want our kingdoms to be allies?”

“Yes.”

Roman clapped his hands together “Great! Meeting’s over, let’s go back to complaining about our boyfriends.” Roman flopped back onto the bed.

Patton pulled him off the bed “Get up Roman, I know you don’t want to do this but we have to.”

Roman laid on the floor in protest “No, what I have to be doing is cuddling with Virgil in my bed with the door lock, keeping all my problems outside.”

Patton dropped the papers on him “Up, now.”

Roman sighed and gave in. They both sat on Patton’s bed as they read through the different files. Both of them let out a groan once they got through one packet in half an hour.

Roman looked up at the window and shouted “Hey Bowceit! If you’re planning on kidnapping me, now would be a great time!” Both princes began to laugh until they heard the sudden sound of running feet.

Patton suddenly became terrified “Could it be?!”

Roman shook his head but moved so that he was between Patton and the door “No way. He’s not that stupid to a) stalk us and b) actually listen to anything I say.” Still, Roman had a bad feeling and he reached down for his sword.”

The door bursts open, revealing an out of breath Logan and Virgil with a slightly frustrated Talyn. For a second, Roman wonder if they heard him and he was about to get yelled at.

Talyn pointed at the princes “See? I told you they were fine.” That didn’t seem to be enough for the plumber. They practically threw themselves at their boyfriends. Patton melted into the touch as if he had never been held before even though he was in Logan's arms hours before. He needed this so badly.

Roman was just very confused. He still returned the hug though.

Logan kissed Patton’s head before speaking “Thank god you’re alright.”

Despite all that, Patton was the first one to pull away. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

Logan looked down, ashamed “We were taking Valerie to the cafe…”

Patton grabbed his hands so he would continue

“And then Bowceit showed up in his gigantic ship and attacked the town. We fought him off but once the smoke cleared, Valerie was gone. We looked everywhere.”

Patton frowned and Roman shook his head, that villain would never give up.

Virgil continued “We were going to go straight to Bowceit’s castle but we stopped to check on you guys.”

The princes' heads snapped towards him as Logan nodded: “Yes, and when we saw that you guys weren’t at the tennis courts, we feared the worse.”

The princes exchanged a look. Did he say what I think he said?

~

Valerie woke up with a headache and with no idea where she was. She looked around the dark room and saw nothing. Her arms were tied to the arms of a chair and her legs were tied to the legs of the chair. She swore she could see a shadow watching her but when she called out, no one replied. She pulled on the restraints but it was no use.

Suddenly, the shadow moved into the light and she saw the man with the strange face from before. She needed answers now. “What’s going on? Why am I here?”

Bowceit smiled “Pardon my rudeness my dear but I did tell you a bit of a lie. Several actually. I felt bad so I brought you here. Let me start over. My name is King Bowceit.”

Valerie tilted her head “King Bowceit? Wait a minute, I know who you are! You’re always kidnapping princes!”

Bowceit scoffed “That’s what everyone one says now thanks to those two jerks you call friends. What really happened was I was supposed to marry one of the princes but those pesky plumbers got in the way. That forced me to use…different methods.”

“So kidnapping princes.”

“You say kidnapping, I say proposing.” “You’re insane!”

“Thank you.” Bowceit walked back into the darkness and flipped on the lights “But really, that’s beside the point, I brought you here to thank you.”

“Thank me?” Valerie was flabbergasted.

Bowceit smirked, “Yes, because, by the time those idiots are done saving you, I’ll be a married man.”

~

Logan turned to Virgil “We should get going.” He looked back at Roman and Patton “you two stay here.”

Virgil nodded “We should get some of the power-ups we have stored here, to make the trip faster.” The twins ran out of the room and to their makeshift armory. Roman got up from his spot on the bed. Roman stood up and his eyebrows pressed together.

“We were an afterthought.”

“Roman…” Patton didn’t want the fighting to continue. Even if he felt the same way as Roman. He gripped his chest, his way of trying to physically stop his heart from breaking.

“We were an afterthought Patton, they were just going to leave. And you know it too. I can tell by the way your holding your chest.” Patton didn’t reply, Roman knew him too well.

Roman groaned “These are our heroes, why can’t someone else save her…?”. Patton looked at the door before verbally agreeing with Roman. He didn’t want Logan to know he felt this way, not yet anyway.

Unbeknownst to Patton; Logan and Virgil had already returned and heard what was said. Logan sighed “They’re angry with us, but we really must go. We should fix this now.”  

Virgil nodded “Right and we have to do this delicately.” Virgil walked up to the princes “You know, Valerie was our first rescue, so she kinda deserves it more than you guys.”

Patton once again had to physically restrain Roman.

“Excellent job Virgil,” Logan stated sarcastically.

“Oh like you could do better”

“I can, and will.” Logan went to cup Patton’s face but Patton moved away from the touch, he did not like being spied on.

“Why does it always have to be you? Why can’t you let anyone else do it?” Patton’s voice dripped with venom. He wasn’t angry at Valerie nor was he angry at Logan, he just had so much pent up emotions that were fighting to escape him.

Logan pulled back. The only other time Patton was ever this hostile was when he was possessed by the Shadow Queen. That’s a time Logan never wanted to revisit. He turned around, his eyes dark “Let’s go, Virgil. We’re wasting time.”

“We’re coming with you.”

~

Bowceit walked out of the room, satisfied with himself when he ran into the danger noodles. “Kids? Is something wrong?”

“Is she going to be our new mother?” Roy asked curiously, the other danger noodles nodded to indicate that’s what they all wanted to ask.

Bowceit smiled sympathetically “Sorry kiddos but no, she’s only the bait.”

Wendy perked up “What, you’re doing something different!”

Bowceit pressed his lips together for a moment “Okay, first, rude. And second, I guess so?”

Wendy started to bounce happily “Can we have a new castle?”

Bowceit was taken back “A new castle? Why do you want a new castle?”

Larry nodded “You’re doing something different, therefore we should have a new castle or at least a new theme.”

“This castle’s look is a bit boring anyway,” Iggy commented

“...I clearly spoil you, children, too much. BUT! You have caught my attention. Did you have any ideas in mind?”

“CASINO CASTLE!” They all scream in unison.

“Casino castle?” Bowceit smiled “I like it. MAGIKOOPAS! COME HERE NOW!”  

~

Logan swirled around, clearly frustrated “What did you say?”

Roman’s arms were crossed by his chest was puffed out “I said, we’re coming with you. Patton and I.”

Logan pinched the bridge of his nose “And why do you want to come?”

“As the prince of a country, I don’t have to answer that.” Roman step forward and got in Logan’s face. As much as he could since Logan was the tallest.

Logan glared down at him, frustration taking over. There was so tension in the room that Patton found himself holding his breath.  “No,” Logan uttered simply.

Patton winced, Logan sounded so angry. Roman would not back down, he grabbed Patton’s hand and walked out of the room.

Roman and Patton gave off one emotion each as they walked to Roman’s carriage. Anger and Sadness. Hot and Cold. Two opposites, yet they gave off the same amount of energy. An energy that terrified the people to not even blink at them. Though the Talyn who drove Roman’s carriage had to force themselves to ask where the princes want to go, not questioning why they both said ‘Bowceit’s castle’ simultaneously.

It petrified all. All except the plumber who could control it.

The plumbers jumped into the carriage directly after the princes. The couples sat separately from one another. Roman stared out the window, arms and legs crossed. Virgil, who was sitting across from him, looked down. He wanted to look into Roman’s soft eyes. He didn’t mean to snap. Patton looked directly at Logan, longing for forgiveness that wasn’t needed. Logan’s eyes were shut, he was hoping when he opened them, he would be in bed and the day would reset so he could make up for his mistakes.

Patton and Virgil locked eyes and silently agreed to end this fighting. Patton figured the best approach would be to switch spots. Not because he was planning to throw himself onto Logan, don’t be preposterous. Patton pointed at himself with one hand and Virgil with the other then switch them, hoping that it would convey his thought process. He got a confused look in return. Patton looked around before gesturing to Roman then Virgil. Virgil made an “oh!” face and nodded. Patton sighed of relief, Virgil knew exactly what Patton meant--

“Hey Ro!” Patton facepalmed, Virgil understood nothing.

Roman said nothing, he didn’t even turn. The only motion he made was to lift up his umbrella and pull down a curtain that cut the carriage in half with the handle. Mission failed.

Virgil sighed “Lo, my boyfriend’s mad at me and I don’t know what to do.” Virgil didn’t care who heard him, he just missed Roman. He looked at the unmoving curtain. If the princes were listening, there was no indication. Roman was but he was still staring out the window. He was lost in anger.

Logan shook his head “Roman is acting irrationally and is an overall stubborn person. This will eventually pass and everything will be fine.”

Both Patton and Virgil waited for Roman to stab Logan through. He didn’t. The curtain stayed still. Patton didn’t even have to hold him back. He didn’t move, he didn’t blink, the prince was quiet. The prince was quiet. That wasn’t a good sign.

Virgil began to panic “Great, just great. Roman is now never going to forgive me, I’m going to be banished from his kingdom and lose the best thing that has ever happened to me!” Logan rubbed his back and instructed Virgil to breathe. He didn’t notice though. He was focused on a certain sound. A familiar sound. A pleasant sound. It was faint, nearly a whisper. It was Roman’s singing. Roman sang to help Virgil calm down from a panic attack. Virgil was sure he was just imagining it.

He had no time to find out because the carriage suddenly stopped and sent the princes flying forward.

The sudden weight caused the curtain to rip off the ceiling of the carriage, involuntary catching the princes. Roman immediately sat up and fixed his hair. He then turned to check on Patton. “You good Pat?”

Patton nodded and tried catching his breath “Yes, I landed on something.” Patton patted the ground and his eyes suddenly widen when he felt it was uneven. He jumped back, he knew what he landed on. Logan got up from under the curtain and rubbed his head. He looked over Patton for any injuries but when he came upon Patton’s eyes. They were filled with fear and staring back at them. Was Patton afraid of him? He pulled the hand he had reached out to touch Patton back and looked away. He didn’t want to frighten him more.

Patton’s heart shattered. He made Logan upset. Logan thought he was being irrational in his jealousy, he had only said Roman’s name but Patton knew Logan was talking about him too. He was so scared that he would make Logan hate him. Now he didn’t even want to touch Patton. Patton was crushed.

Roman pulled Virgil up and even fixed his hat. Virgil smiled softly but Roman looked away. He was still angry, he wasn’t going to be the one to apologize again. Roman let out a “Hmph!” and made his way to the door.

Logan grabbed his arm and pulled him towards Patton “Stay. Here.” Logan grabbed Virgil and left before Roman could protest. The now damaged carriage was surrounded by Bowceit’s minions. The twins saw this as an opportunity to get their anger out. The enemies were dealt with very quickly, to say the least.

Roman glared at the shut door, he wasn’t planning on sitting around. He grabbed his umbrella and Patton’s hand and they walked out. He didn’t even have to drag Patton this time. Patton wanted to prove to Logan that he was worthy and to win his love back.

They spoke to the Talyn and informed them to keep the carriage there. The princes instructed Talyn that they should call some other Talyns to help fix the carriage but do not wait for the princes. They were going to finish the journey on foot.

The Sarcastic Bros actually didn’t notice the princes were following them until Roman jumped over Logan to get the flag at the end of the world. For Roman and Virgil, it became a race. A race for Virgil to close the distance between them and Roman to lengthen it. Roman wasn’t ready to talk yet. For Logan and Patton, it was like a game of ‘Hide and Seek’, where Patton did the hiding and Logan did the seeking. Patton wasn’t necessarily trying to hide from Logan, it was just that Patton wanted to show off his strength without any help

Despite all that, they actually made very good progress on getting to Bowceit. It was shocking how well they worked together, even when they were this emotional.

~

A Hammer Bro. sheepishly walked over to Bowceit. Bowceit was being fitted for a silver glitter suit with matching silver top hat. He looked happy. Crap.

“M-Master!”

Bowciet turn to it. “Yes? What is it?”

“Patton…was not in his castle…”  

“What?!” The hammer bro jumped back, brought its hands up as if it was praying.

“W-We check the entire castle. We even attacked the kingdom, but he wasn’t there.”

Bowceit rubbed his temples “So why would you come here instead of going to get Prince Roman?”

The Hammer Bro. bite its lip “W-We did, also nothing.”

Bowceit clenched his teeth. Those plumbers weren’t smart enough to hide the princes, were they? “Find them. Now. I have a wedding chapel and no prince to get married in it!” The Hammer Bro ran off as Bowceit Jr. slithered in.

“Dad! Dad! You’ll never guess what I saw when I was in Ice Zone!” The danger noodle was practically dancing as he spoke.

Bowceit smiled and rubbed his son’s head “What did you see?”

“Mr. Roman and Patton were there! They were fighting and everything!”

Bowceit raised his eyebrows. This certainly was a different day. He sent Bowceit Jr. to join his siblings in the playroom. Bowceit pondered on what to do. If the princes were fighting, then they weren’t as affected by jealousy as Bowceit previously thought. Or maybe they were.

He wanted to find out.

~

Patton was exhausted. He was drained physically and especially emotionally. He wouldn’t stop, Logan was too important to him. Logan took notice of the prince’s slumped shoulder and yawns and forced the group to stop. “We should make camp.”

Everyone looked at him, bewilder. “Camp? Since when do we make camp?” Virgil asked

“Since we have two monarchs with us.” Patton looked down and hugged himself. Logan was frowning. Logan had his back turned to Patton. Logan was angry at him. Patton walked off and sat on a rock. Only Roman seemed to notice.

Logan used the mostly intact curtain and an array of sticks to craft a makeshift tent. “It can fit about two people maybe. Roman, Patton, you two take the tent. Virgil and I will be fine out here.” Logan was facing the tent, hands on his hips. Oblivious to the situation unfolding.

Roman stormed up to him, stared straight into Logan’s eyes and threw his sword into the tent. “Congratulations, you are now one of the only two people to ever make Patton cry. You should be so proud.” Roman walked off but in the opposite direction of Patton.

Logan's stomach flipped as he slowly turned to face Patton’s spot. To his horror, Patton was curled up into a ball, shaking. Logan couldn’t hear him but he knew Patton was crying. Logan slowly walked over and wrapped his arms around Patton. Patton’s head shot up but he otherwise didn’t move. Logan buried his head into Patton’s shoulder and pulled the prince close. Patton action turned Patton into butter.

“I’m so sorry for upsetting you, my love. The thought of you crying makes my mind go dark but to be the cause of it, there’s no greater crime. Getting your cold shoulder worse than frostbite. Your scorn is worse than the heat of any star. To earn your wrath, I must have done some heinous. I don’t know what I did to make you angry but I apologize for it. I hope you will forgive me.” Logan said softly, muffled by the prince’s garment. That didn’t make them any less perfect. It was exactly what Patton needed to hear. He only had one question.

“Oh, Lo…who said I was mad at you? I thought you were mad at me!” Patton exclaimed

Logan picked his head up, looking into Patton’s eyes to see if he’s joking “Darling, why on Earth would I ever be mad at you?”

Patton looked down, fixating his gaze on Logan’s lips. “It didn’t seem like you wanted me here or around, generally…”

Logan frowned “Patton, the day I don’t want you around is the day I’m dying so I won’t see you mourn.”

Patton bit his lip doubtfully “It didn’t seem like it, especially after Valerie arrived. You looked so happy spending time with her and you never asked me to come, so what was I supposed to think? You never told me she even existed!”

Logan cupped Patton’s face. “Patton-cake, were you jealous?” Patton nodded and moved closer to Logan. Logan smiled softly. “Oh my love, I’m sorry you felt that way. You have nothing to fear though, my love for you is unending. I apologize for not asking you to come, I didn’t want to distract you from your work.” The kiss they shared was as magical as their first one.

Once they pulled away, Patton yawned. Logan kissed his head and smiled “Get some rest love, you need it.”

Patton nodded and kissed Logan’s cheek. He walked into the tent as Logan used the spot Patton was occupying to sketch the stars. Patton climbed into the tent carefully to avoid knocking over what Logan had made for him.

He noticed that on top of Roman’s sword, there was a small ball shaped object on it. Knowing how much Roman cared about his sword, Patton flicked it away. Suddenly it started to let out a gas that was trapped inside it. Patton felt his eyelids become heavy and he passed out almost instantly.

For a few seconds, there seemed to be no explanation to what had happened to the prince. That is until two Buzzy Beetles crawled into the tent and shoved themselves between Patton and the ground. They slowly carried Patton out of the tent, making sure to go unnoticed. It was slow and painful for the minions, one wrong mistake and Logan would be crushing them. As soon as Patton was inches away from the Flying Koopas, they picked him up and flew away as quickly as they could.

Once again, Logan didn’t notice.

~

Virgil watched Logan embrace Patton for a few moments, he was proud of his brother. He turned and gulped, ready to face Roman. He planned on doing the same as his brother since it seemed to work.

Keyword being planned to.

Once he got a few feet from Roman, the prince turned his head sharply. Roman was wearing a glare. It was enough to make Virgil raise his hands and slowly back away.

Roman turned his head back “I thought you were Logan…”

Virgil sighed of relief “Sorry to disappoint you.”

Roman looked up at the stars. “Not disappointed”

Virgil stepped closer “Then what?”

“Frustrated, angry, a little bit sad.” Roman slowly turn to face Virgil.

“But why?” Virgil took another step towards Roman.

Roman frowned “You left.” Roman stood up “You left and didn’t tell me you were leaving.” Both Roman and Virgil took a step forward. “You did all that to spend time with someone who you are very close to. Someone you’ve never told me about.” Roman took another step forward.

A million sentences ran Virgil’s head. A million apologizes. A million ‘I love you’s. A million explanations. A million cynical remarks. A million jokes.

But all that could come out was: “You’re jealous.”

Roman rolled his eyes. He couldn’t tell if that was a statement or question but he was too stubborn to ask. The couple turned their backs to one another. Roman slumped his shoulders, he really didn’t want to keep fighting, but he couldn't’. It was his nature to just fight, fight, fight until the bitter end. It was who he was. It was who he had to be.

Virgil rubbed his arm absently, that didn’t work. He needed to choose his words carefully. He took a deep breath before he spoke. “Roman, you always get jealous…with other guys…and I…can’t take it anymore.” Roman whipped around, ready to plead with Virgil when a hammer hit him directly in the back of the head and rendered him unconscious. Before Roman could hit the ground, a Magikoopa used its magic to not only muffle the sound of the hammer but also to catch Roman. Virgil didn’t turn, he was working on what to say next. “I can’t take seeing you sad and suffering. I want to fix it, I want to help you.” Virgil smiled “So what do you say?” Virgil turned to see nothing.

Roman was gone.

Virgil sucked in his breath. Had Roman left before he finished? Did Roman think he was mad at him? Did Roman misinterpret what he said? Did Roman not want to accept his apology? Had he pushed Roman to run away?

Virgil ran to the camp, frantic. “Logan! I fucked up!”

Logan arched an eyebrow. “In what way?”

Virgil paced back and forth as he spoke “I was trying to make up with Roman and now he’s gone and I think he’s mad and now I don’t know what to do and now you’re giving me a look and…” Virgil began to pant, he had run out of words and energy.

Logan pulled him into a hug and rubbed gentle circles into his back. “Breathe Virgil. Remember, 4-7-8.” Virgil nodded and eventually calmed down. Logan gave him a small smile “Let’s wake Patton and find Roman, okay?”

Virgil smiled and nodded, he liked the sound of that. Logan poked his head into the tent slowly so he wouldn’t startle Patton. He frowned when he saw nothing but Roman’s sword. “That’s odd.”

Virgil tilted he head “What’s wrong?”

Logan stood up straight and pulled out Roman’s sword “Patton is missing as well.”

Virgil sighed of relief “Oh thank god. He’s not mad at me, just kidnapped.” It took a moment before Virgil processed his own words “Oh crap, Roman’s been kidnapped.”

Logan groaned “Most likely along with Patton. Wonderful, now we have three people to worry about.”

Virgil began to hyperventilate “Make that four.”

~

“...Ro…Rom...Roman!” Roman’s head jerk forward suddenly, a big mistake as it worsen the splitting headache he had he had. Roman attempted to get up and groaned when he found himself chained. Not this again…

Patton felt the relief wash over when he felt Roman stir behind him. He was shocked when he awoke to see he was no longer in his tent and it only grew worse as he slowly realized what had happened. He just hoped no one was hurt.

Roman wanted to ask Patton if he was alright, but the words died as the reached his tongue. Roman’s head was still blaring, but not from the injury. The argument with Virgil kept playing over and over, make Roman sick to his stomach. The guilt consumed Roman. He had truly screwed up, and there was nothing he could do about it now. Patton

Suddenly, spotlights turn on, blinding Patton and Roman. They now could see that they were chained to the wheelhead of a gigantic roulette wheel. The pockets were pink and orange, the princes could only imagine what it meant. Looking up at the balcony, they could Valerie trapped in large prize ball, looking terrified. Bowceit stood beside her, in his shiny silver sequin suit and holding a cane.

Roman burst out laughing “HAHAHA!! YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS!!”

Bowceit groaned “Oh great, Roman’s awake. Wonderful. Just what I needed.”

Roman smiled proudly “I live to serve.”  That made Patton giggle.

Bowceit groaned and did something so extra, it even impressed Roman. He climbed off his balcony, climbed into the roulette wheel, and climbed up the wheelhead, all to slap Roman across the face.

Bowceit walked back to his spot, his wicked smile returning. “Now I’ve heard from a little birdy that you two think I’m not very fair.”

Roman narrowed his eyes “No you didn’t. You heard it from us, to your face, said among other things.”

“Roman, I swear to god, I will slap you again.”

Roman smirked “By all means, do it. Take your time even.”

“I’m not falling for that again.” Bowceit mumbled

Roman leaned forward “What was that?”

Bowceit groaned but took a deep breath, ignoring Roman to continue his speech. “Well, I want to let you both know that I am going to fix this. Instead of me picking who I marry, this handy-dandy roulette wheel will.” Photos of the princes appeared on screens behind the pockets. “And to show just how good I can be, I’ll let Valerie go with the prince who isn’t picked. Now, isn’t that just so nice of me?”

All three hostages voted no.

“WELL I DON’T CARE, LET’S START!” Bowceit pulled a lever and a large white ball appeared. There was a pause as a giant plunger,  a thing you would normally find on a pinball machine, pulled back like on a pinball machine and sent the ball flying, round and round the roulette wheel.

Roman began working his way out of the chains, noticing what a sloppy job Bowceit had done this time. As Roman pulled his leg up to stand, he noticed that his photo slowly turned into Patton’s. Roman immediately sat back down and the picture turned back to Roman.

Patton’s eyes widen “Ro, did you see that?”

“Yup…”

Patton bit his lip “What should we do?”

Roman looked up, the ball was getting closer and closer to the pockets by the second, they needed to act quickly. “I have an idea pat. On three, we get up at the same time.”

“Got it.”

“One, two, three.” the princes both hopped up, keeping the same weight on the sensors. Per Roman’s instructions, they managed to get themselves out of the chains, each movement perfectly timed to be done at the same time. However, there was one more challenge, Bowceit had them chained  on a small platform attached near the top of the wheelhead, it was very high up. The ladder was small enough for only one of them to go down, meaning whoever went first was dooming the other. Not to mention Patton was terrified of heights and didn’t seem to be moving now.

The ball was very close to the pockets now, they were trapped.

Virgil wants to break up with you because of how jealous you get. He never told you about this important person in his life. Does he really love you? Roman shook his head, he wasn’t going to let his panic thoughts takeover now.

Patton began to hyperventilate, he had no idea how they were going to escape now.

An idea popped into Roman’s head and he gulped. He turned his head to Patton “Patton?”

“Yeah Ro?”

“Forgive me”

“Why would I--” Patton was cut off by his own screaming. Roman kicked him off the ledge and sent him flying to the ground. Once Patton was in the air, Roman immediately jumped off the ledge. He hope that because neither man was on a sensor, the pictures would go back to blank.

Roman’s plan almost worked.

The only problem was that he waited a second to make sure Patton was off the ledge, that secure his picture on every pocket. It didn’t matter that he jumped, it didn’t matter that he was currently climbing out of the roulette wheel with Patton.

The ball landed on a pocket with his picture. He was chosen to be Bowceit’s husband.

Bowceit’s booming voice sent a shiver down his spine “Congratulations Roman! You are tonight’s winner!” A claw suddenly grabbed Roman and dragged him to Bowceit. Patton grabbed Roman’s hand and tried to pull him away but it was no use. Patton went tumbling backwards and Roman was struggling against Bowceit’s grip. Bowceit Jr. used his tail to press a button and the ball that held Valerie went tumbling towards Patton. It open once it was right in front of the prince and open. Patton quickly helped her out of it.

Bowceit chuckled “It has been a pleasure playing with you but we must be going!” Bowceit paused and exchanged a smirk with  “Oh what the heck, one more game.” Wendy pulled a level and the roulette wheel disappeared. Suddenly, three walls appeared around Patton and Valerie. The walls got close enough that the prince and the mayor were touching shoulders. The walls began to move and pushed them towards the edge. Patton ran to the edge to see what their doom was only to jump back.

Apparently Bowceit decided that they would be trapped on a mechanical floating island, high above the ground.

Patton pressed his back against the wall, panic swelling up in him again. This was his worst nightmare come true.

~

Bowceit dragged Roman to the chapel, Roman noticed that it definitely had been moved. Bowceit placed him in the back of the church where there were chains waited for Roman.

Roman rolled his eyes ‘You sure had everything planned out, didn’t you?”

Bowceit laughed “Of course I did! I had a partner. Lady Luck was the integral part to my plan.”

Roman raised an eyebrow “And what does that mean?”

Bowceit locked the chains around Roman’s limbs “You see, I was expecting you to escape as quickly as possible and Patton would be chosen. But, I should have expected that you would sacrifice yourself. It was a 50/50 chance really.”

Roman was shocked “Y-You really didn’t know…?” Bowceit smirked “It’s called a gamble my dear.” Bowceit ran to the front, extending Roman’s chains so that they reached the other end of the chapel. He pulled out a pair of dice “I lied before, this is the final game.”

~

Logan and Virgil arrived at Bowceit’s castle as there was only about three feet of flooring under Patton and Valerie.

Logan was horrified “PATTON! VALERIE!”

“LOGAN! VIRGIL!”

“YOU TWO ARE GOING TO HAVE TO JUMP!”

Patton shook his head “Jump?! Are you crazy?!” There was two feet left when Patton patted his his sides out of nervousness. It was then he felt his umbrella was, after everything that happened, still attached to belt. Feeling it in his hands, his confidence returned. Opening it, Patton took Valerie’s hand and jumped. The umbrella caused them to float down slowly. Patton locked eyes with Logan and suddenly got an absolutely crazy idea in him mind.

Patton spoke softly “Valerie, could you please take the umbrella?”

Valerie nodded. Once she got one hand securely on the umbrella, Patton let go entirely. He found himself smiling. He wasn’t scared, he was excited. Within seconds, he was safely in Logan’s arms, like he knew he would land.

Logan pressed his forehead against Patton and whispered “That was crazy.”

Patton giggled “people do crazy things when they’re in love.”

Logan gently placed Patton on his own two feet. “I hope this means we are, as the kids say, ‘officially gucci’?”

Patton laughed and kissed Logan’s cheek. “Of course.”

Virgil made sure Valerie was securely on the ground before running around, looking for Roman. Patton moved away from logan and spoke sadly ‘Roman was taken by Bowceit.”

Virgil paused his pacing. ‘What direction?”

Patton pointed to the balcony and that was all Virgil needed. He used the flying Koopas as makeshift stairs that lead him straight to the chapel.

Logan found a hiding spot for Patton and Valerie before following Virgil. Patton and Valerie only had to exchange a look before they ran after the brothers to help them save Roman.

~

Roman was truly in hell. Bowceit didn’t even let him go down the aisle on his own accord. With each roll of the dice, Roman was pulled forcefully towards the altar, the chains digging into his wrists. It took Bowceit rolling an 11, a 15 and a 5 to get him to the altar. Clearly the dices had been rigged.

The Koopa who was being the priest began to speak. “Dearly beloveds, we are gathered today in the presence of these witnesses to join this king and this prince in Holy Matrimony. If anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Both Bowceit and Roman looked at the door. They waited a few moments but nothing happened.

Bowceit threw his head back in joy “Ha! Looks like your little hero isn’t coming! Looks like he really like that girl more than you.”

Roman growled but looked down, he wasn’t going to allow himself to be tricked by Bowceit’s words once again. Though, he couldn’t just ignore than aching feeling in his chest. It was so loud, he could barely hear what the Koopa was saying.

“And now for the rings.”

Virgil kicked open the chapel down “RING, RING! GET AWAY FROM MY MAN BITCH!”

Roman sighed happily, hearts practically forming around him as he cupped his own face. Bowceit rolled his eyes “THAT DIDN’T EVEN RHYME!”

Needless to say, the fight ended just as Valerie and Patton appeared at the chapel.

Virgil undid the chains and looked at Roman, slightly unsure of what to say or do. “A-Are you okay?” Roman responding by tackling Virgil and kissing him passionately repeatedly.

~

Once Roman released Virgil from the onslaught of kisses and apologizes, Valerie embraced the princes.

“I’m so glad you two are alright, I can’t believe you guys go through that on the weekly.”

The princes happily hugged her back. “It’s nothing, we’re sorry you got dragged into it.” Roman spoke confidently.

Patton nodded “And if it’s any consolation, we would like to spend some time with you, to get to know you truly.”

Valerie wrapped her arms around each of their shoulders “I would love that. In fact, I have plenty of embarrassing stories to tell you two about your heroes.”

Patton and Roman exchanged smirks much to their boyfriends’ dismay. She truly was a keeper.

~

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