#bsdsad

[nymonni]

What about me?

  *alternate ending of the ship  fight*

 Everything had worked out.

 Finally that hell was over.

 The new age soukoku, as Dazai had called them, defeated Fukuchi. The plan had worked and he had really died. Now they were going back to Yokohama, back to their friends.

 Atsushi and Akutagawa were sitting quietly opposite each other on the boat that was taking them to the harbor. Not a word had been exchanged between them since they walked in, and honestly, neither of them was missing a conversation.

 Akutagawa looked at Atsushi who had his eyes closed and his head leaning against the wall, imagining how tired he must be now. In fact, he was too. He spent a lot of time following people at the agency, especially Atsushi, he had no rest. In fact, it was a request from Dazai himself, Akutagawa would never do wrong, he would always put his whole soul into whatever he asked for, he always did.

 The brunette shifted uncomfortably on the bench he was on, his entire body aching. Each time he moved, he felt his cuts pulse more and more. He sighed and mimicked the albino, closing his eyes and leaning his head back.

 But he didn't sleep. He was thinking about what would happen now. Not in Yokohama (he even cared a little, but now it didn't matter), but in Dazai. He did everything the eldest asked. 

 He made each step with care and perfection. He helped (and a lot) to defeat Fukuchi, now the Decay could be undone even easier. The day finally came when he really showed Dazai that he was strong, that he was good. He felt the boat slowly come to a stop, and then he felt the were-tiger's hand shake his shoulder slightly. The mob member opened his eyes and stood up, suppressing a groan of pain as he did so, following the albino who was already leaving.

 When he came down to dry land, he saw only one person waiting for the two of them there. Her eyes widened and her heart filled with hope. What Akutagawa was feeling right now, he couldn't explain. The closer Dazai got closer, the more the brunette felt his heart speed up. But then the bandage stopped. Not near him. He stopped in front of Atsushi, who was a few meters away. He heard Dazai praise Atsushi. He heard Dazai say that he knew Atsushi would make it anyway. He heard Dazai say that Atsushi was strong, that Atsushi was amazing. "What about me?" Akutagawa thought. He also helped…

 But he was invisible. In fact, he was always invisible. With every second that passed, his chest sank into unbearable pain. With every second that passed, the more he felt horrible. With every second that passed, he felt more jealous. Atsushi's envy. Because Atsushi was good, it was amazing. Atsushi was something Akutagawa could never be. Akutagawa could never be the hero. He would always be the villain. The killer. The enemy. The monster. The son of a bitch. It doesn't matter if he does good things, if he helped save Yokohama and the whole world. It will never matter. Nobody will ever care about that. He saw Dazai look at him and wave his hand “bye bye” and turn again to leave. 

 "What about me, Dazai-san?" he whispered softly.