#btw this isn’t even salt I’m cackling

[werepires]

Destiel “feels like the writers wanted it but the characters didn’t” is…. An incredible take to read on here how on Earth did you get to that conclusion on tumblr dot com

[in-tua-deep]

Can you please write an headcanon for Klaus or the relationship between Klaus and Diego? You're a wonderful writer btw, thank you for this! 💕

Klaus and Diego!! My sister actually wanted me to do this as well lmao so this is also for u @sindoodles

As kids, they weren’t very close. They only became closer in their teens when Diego started getting more rebellious and started talking back to Reginald. Diego had a lot of anger, and pretty much jumped at the chance to talk back to his dad and so ended up cutting in and defending Klaus a lot more. This had the added bonus of bringing him closer to Ben as well, who also wanted to defend Klaus but never had the courage to talk back to Reginald.

Diego was the only one that Klaus told when he left the house. After all, he didn’t need to tell Ben and Five left and honestly? Klaus withdrew from most of the family after Ben’s death. Only Diego got a heads up, and Diego left only a few weeks after Klaus did.

Diego and Klaus were the only siblings that actually ran into each other occasionally, usually when Diego was looking for a perp or something and ended up finding Klaus. Early on he actually sought Klaus out. He checked Klaus into rehab a couple of times and took him to the hospital a few other ones. But it got really painful really quick to see what Klaus was doing to himself so after a while Diego just… stopped actively looking for him. It was too heartbreaking, and he didn’t want to find his brother’s body one day. Not after Ben.

In a no apocalypse!au, Klaus and Diego are a very chaotic duo. The issue is that Diego actually had a hard time saying no to his brother. Okay, no, that’s not true. He has no trouble saying no but doesn’t actually enforce those no’s and so Klaus just runs right over them and Diego just sighs and goes with it for the most part. That’s been the pattern for… most of their lives tbh. 

Diego teaches Klaus how to drive. Diego is gripping the ‘oh shit’ handle the entire time and praying for their survival as Klaus cackles and drives like a maniac. Klaus drove an ice cream truck down an empty road and crashed it into a car and somehow that’s actually one of the least nervewracking experiences Diego has had with Klaus behind the wheel. At least 30% of Diego’s yelling is him purposefully overreacting though tbh

Sometimes Diego and Klaus get together and just,,, talk about Eudora and Dave together. They both lost people really important to them and sometimes it helps to just have someone to listen as they ramble about specific instances or days and just. It helps, and if there are tears involved they are manly tears.

Diego and Klaus constantly start shit. Like I’m talking glue someone to a chair or put itching powder in their underwear type petty prank shit which turns the rest of the house into a battleground. No matter what it can usually be traced back to them, whether it’s because they’re at each others throats or whether they teamed up (usually against Luther) to pull something off. 

After the realization that Five will literally eat anything and has a stomach of fucking steel after the apocalypse they do call a truce with food items though. It was making Diego sick to watch Five obliviously eat the cookies he left out to tempt Klaus. Klaus switches the sugar with salt and watches amazed as Five seems to literally not care and continues to drink his salt coffee. It’s unholy.

Even though Diego puts Klaus down in a sibling way a lot, he’s very ride or die for Klaus and if anyone saying ANYTHING about his brother he is ready with knives and at least three places in mind to stash a body. Klaus thinks it’s very sweet and isn’t afraid to tell Diego this. Seriously it’s an unwritten rule, they can shittalk each other but no one else is allowed fuck that noise

their relationship is literally “if i jump at diego he will definitely catch me” “klaUS NO I’M HOLDING COFFEE -”

10/10 one of my favorite sibling duos (trios? Ben exists) on screen

[anbu-legacy]

In awe.

Soo… I found the anbu legacy podbook by coincidence a while back, on a03 I believe. I was going travelling and would be without any Internet connection for quite some time; I was really excited because finding such a long podfic is RARE! I don’t usually go for a naruto fic if team 7 isn’t the focus, but the podfic was gloriously over 15 hours! And I am a slag for good quality podfics! ;) in any case, I got sucked In and fell in love immediately <3 . It made what would normally be an unbearable 12 hour flight bearable, enjoyable even. Maybe only a bit awkward when I got all hot and bothered by the raidou/ryouma scene, while in public.. ANYWAY, I think it took me two full days to finish the podfic. I got through the whole file, and I was all sad and mopey :3, I wanted more.. So, I went on the hunt to figure out who the deity was that wrote this masterpiece, in the hopes of finding more. And lo and behold, (HALLELUJAH PRAISE THE BUDDHA) the story wasn’t over! There was MOOAAARR!! You shouldve seen me cackling in excitement. That was last week, i spent the whole week reading and falling in love with your writing. You writers are amazing. Made me feel all the feels, and now I am SO INVESTED IN THIS TEAM. (I am still mad about u sending katsuki away btw *glare* no matter how good that made the plot, u made me love that lunatic and then took her way!) Okay now Im just rambling and gushing, I just wanted to tell u how much I adore you and your story. So Nezu, Ki, and DK thank you, also your wonderful editor: Aubrey <3 thank you all for the wonderful read! And I can’t wait how the story will unfold next!!! A aah I’m so excited! Ps. Please don’t ruin kakashi/ryouma’s budding relationship. It would make me cry. The last few chapters have been such a treat! Xx

LOOK, @godoflaundrybaskets, it’s your podfic!!!

To the submitter – We’re absolutely delighted you’ve enjoyed Legacy so much, both in podfic and written form. 

For your future long journeys, I hear good news that @godoflaundrybaskets is about to release the rest of Book 1 in podfic form soon, and subvocalization has released assorted chapters including Salt the Earth and Soldiers Take Flight. And of course our first 3 volumes are available in ebook form for (re)reading, with a 4th volume in progress. 

We’re so glad you’ve found us. Please stick around!

- Ki

P.S. We miss Katsuko too. ;_;

[feroluce]

TatST - Ch 1: Secrets

For Day 1: Secrets of Ritshou Summer Week by @shouritshou! Please enjoy the first chapter of Together at the Same Time!

Warnings: Major character death, violence, injuries, blood, concussions

Shou is acting weird. Like, weird even for Shou.

Ritsu wakes up to the smell of meat cooking in his nose. 

He fumbles for his phone, something that's become the first part of his daily routine since he convinced his parents to get it for him last year. A quiet chime plays as it unlocks, Ritsu sleepily rubbing at his eyes until his ceiling looks less blurred. He can already see out his glass door that it's going to storm later...maybe he'll just stay in bed for a while longer. He can still smell breakfast cooking and it's making his stomach growl, but he doesn't want to leave his warm bed yet. Ritsu pulls the blankets up to his ears as he rolls onto his stomach and tries to ignore the little pang in his heart when there are no new messages from Shou. Because really, it shouldn't be that much of a let down. He's probably not even awake yet. Shou tends to stay up late and sleep in late, doubly so on weekends. So it's completely normal to not have a new message and he shouldn't be so disappointed. Ritsu's phone signals a new text message and he snatches it up to check his notifications in record time. Dammit. Damn Shou and his handsome face and his cute freckles and the new pang in Ritsu's heart that is the exact opposite of disappointment but just as unwelcome and painful. Shou: We're going somewhere today! I'll come pick you up! Shou: And don't skip bfast it's bad for you The first one isn't unusual. Shou is restless and he is always finding something to do. The second text, though, is...oddly specific. Ritsu widens out his psychic senses just to make sure Shou isn't hiding somewhere with his invisibility (which also isn't unusual). He can't Feel Shou sneaking around anywhere, although that doesn't always mean anything. His ability to hide his presence rivals Shigeo's and supposedly Reigen's.

Reinvigorated with the promise of an adventure, Ritsu rolls himself out of bed and drags his feet across the carpet. He wonders if he should bother to bring an umbrella or not. It might just be in the way.

Shou: Don't bring your umbrella btw you'll just lose it

Shou: And wear shoes without laces

Ritsu sticks his head into Shigeo's room on his way by, just to make sure Momozou hadn't come by to visit without him knowing. There's only one futon on the floor, though, with one head of black hair poking out. Telepathy and invisibility make for a horrifying stealth combo.

Me: Why are you being so specific.

Shou: Just a feeling

Shou: Don't worry about it

Ritsu is torn between not worrying about it and knowing better until he walks in on Shou in the middle of picking his outside door’s lock.

“Ricchan! Lemme in, we're going somewhere today and we need to get going!” Shou looks up at him from where he's kneeling and his stupid grin is so bright that Ritsu wonders for a moment if the storm clouds cleared up. And he considers it, he really does…

“Why should I?” But sometimes Ritsu feels like being difficult.

“C'mon, I came all the way out here! Don't be a dick.”

“Impossible. I'm always a dick.”

Shou snorts at him. The sound doesn't carry through the glass, but Ritsu knows the face he makes when he does it. “Yeah, well, y’are whatcha eat, I guess.”

Ritsu pulls the curtain shut.

The indignant “Awww, c’mon, it was funny,” is muffled by the thick fabric. Ritsu had just recently reset that lock, he reasons he has at least a couple minutes before Shou gets it figured out. He's just barely finished stepping into his shoes, though, when the door slides open and Shou breezes in, bringing in the smell of rain. He's getting too good at that.

"So where exactly are we going?" Ritsu always asks when Shou just shows up to whisk him away like this, but he had stopped caring about an actual answer over a year ago. Shou can make even mundane, boring things exciting. He could say they were just going to the corner store and it would still be fun. So it doesn't matter what the answer is, because Ritsu will follow along regardless.

"Places." Ritsu side steps to make room for the eventual circuit that Shou will make through his room. Even though they see each other almost every day now, Shou always walks by his bookshelf to look at the framed pictures sitting there. Or maybe he just scans the book spines, trying to figure out which one might be Ritsu's journal. "I found some pretty cool abandoned stuff past Mud Boat Mountain. Like they just half bulldozed some tourist places and then left them!" Shou stops in front of Ritsu's desk, leaning back against it with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. He doesn't pace, doesn’t play with any of the pens on Ritsu's desk, doesn’t even look at the shelves.

The sudden break in routine is more than enough to remind Ritsu of the strange text messages from that morning. 

Shou is acting weird. Like, weird even for Shou.

And he only realizes it more and more as Shou babbles about whatever he's found out in the mountain ranges. There's something off about his rhythm, about the way the words roll off his tongue. And Ritsu isn't sure of exactly what it is, but he can pick out that it's wrong. It maybe wouldn't be wrong coming from anyone else, but it's wrong for Shou and at least to Ritsu, Shou isn't just anyone else, he's Shou.

And Shou does eventually move, but it's only to steal a jacket out of the closet. The one that's changed hands so many times between the two of them that Ritsu can't even remember who it belonged to first.

Something like unease settles into Ritsu's gut, twisting up his insides.

It only gets worse from there. When they both leave the house, Shou keeps finishing Ritsu's sentences or answering questions before he's even done asking them. And this isn't unheard of, Shou can read Ritsu like an open book after so much time, but it's never been to this extent. Part of it makes Ritsu nervous simply because it's something new with no obvious explanation, but the other part worries that this means Ritsu is just that obvious. How much as Shou figured out about him recently? Does he know about Ritsu's Secret and that's why he's acting strange? Does Shou know that he likes him? "Yo, Earth to Ritsu!" Right. The convenience store. Snacks for on the way. It's not until they're back on the route to Mud Boat that Ritsu realizes he hadn't grabbed the salt water taffy he always brings home with him. He really is preoccupied. "Hey...Shou, hold on, I forgot Nii-san's candy." "Eh? Isn't he gone for the weekend, anyway?" Ritsu has just opened his mouth to answer that no, where did Shou even get that idea, when his phone trills in his pocket. Shige: I'll be gone when you get home. Shishou needed help and Serizawa is still out of town. Be back Monday. Ritsu's blood chills, bits of it clogging up his brain and trapping his thoughts in a clotted-off loop. Something is wrong. Something is really, really, wrong.

"Shou... Shou, how did you-?" "Peach ring?" When he looks up from his phone, Shou is suddenly a lot closer, holding a piece of candy up to his face. His eyes have gone from warm to overbearing, something that burns so hot and bright the flame has gone blue. Ritsu knows when he's being told not to ask. He opens his mouth again only to bite the peach ring out of Shou's fingers. ○●●○●●○ Now that he knows Shou is keeping Secrets, too, Ritsu goes on high alert, his feeling of everything being off-kilter only multiplied from before. "And so then- Then I told this guy that if he didn't speak- If he didn't start talking, I was really gonna light a fire under him-" "Shou, oh my god." It's a little hard to concentrate on that, though, when Shou is holding his hand because touching makes it easier to keep them both invisible. This didn't used to rile him up nearly as much as it does now. His only comfort is the fact that Shou can't see him, either. When the bus finally pulls up to the last stop at the base of the mountain, they both drop down to the ground without breaking hold, Shou kicking against the window and cackling when the people inside startle. Ritsu wonders if Reigen is going to get a call on Monday about evil spirits riding on top of public transport and messing with the passengers. The bus pulls away and Shou drops the invisibility and Ritsu drops their hands and turns before Shou can notice if his face is as unbearably red as it feels.

"...C'mon, it's not too much farther now." Ritsu is pretty sure he's just imagining the disappointed tone in his voice. Shou guides him up the mountain side, occasionally grabbing his sleeve to stop him from taking specific paths because trust me, Ritsu, you'll just give yourself a concussion like a dumbass. Ritsu bites his tongue and doesn't argue against it. When they float up the last bit of cliffside, they're greeted by a few run down old buildings, sides caved in and toppled by time and creeping vines. Their walls spill out like entrails, littering the ground with wood and glittering broken glass. "Pretty cool, eh?" Ritsu has to admit, it is pretty cool. They both walk forwards and it takes Ritsu a moment to place why the act itself is so weird. He's grown familiar with the sight of Shou's back, he could redraw the freckles on the nape of his neck almost as well as he could the ones on his face. Because Shou is always leading and Ritsu is always content to follow wherever Shou might lead him. But now Shou is all but glued to his side, shorter legs working to keep pace. He's keeping him close, keeping an eye on him, and Ritsu doesn't know what to think about that. And the longer they go on exploring their new discovery, the more antsy Shou seems to get. He's always energetic, always doing something, but it's never with this uncharacteristically nervous or paranoid feel to it. Shou keeps checking the time on his phone, he turns towards any sound that he can't immediately see the source of. His nerves are fraying like old rope. "Ritsu." He startles, because Shou hadn't said anything in a while and his jumpiness is starting to rub off on him. "Be quiet a sec. Don't move." They both go perfectly still until Shou's head whips towards the ceiling. Ritsu's eyes follow and then he can hear it, too, creaking along the old rubble. Footsteps. "Ok..." Shou's voice drops to a whisper. "Ritsu, put up a barrier. Thick as you can. On my mark. Three..." Ritsu tenses up, aura manifesting around them both in refractile bluepurplepink. "Two..." Shou drops his stance, reaching out and grabbing Ritsu to pull him closer until his concentration nearly stutters. "One!!" Ritsu's barrier balloons around them and too many things happen all at once for him to keep track of them all. Something drops in from the ceiling and something else swings in from the window and- Shou suddenly has Ritsu behind him backed in a corner and the desk near them flies open and stuff comes pouring out the drawers- And the entire desk goes hurtling across the room and someone screams and glass shatters and wood splinters- Something collides with his barrier and it pops like a bubble and then- And then Shou is being ripped screaming out of his hands- And suddenly there's a fist in his face and it isn't Shou’s because Ritsu knows what Shou’s fists look like, especially when they're right in his face, and this one isn't Shou's- Ritsu is dragged out and away through a hole in the wall and halfway through the woods all at once before he can get his bearings, but he lashes out as soon as he does. Practiced weak spots, eyes, nose, throat, solar plexus, hands wreathed with aura and one fist shoved up under the ribs before both hammer down onto the back of the person's bowed head. Ritsu sends them flying, maybe into a tree, maybe over a fucking cliff, he doesn't care, it doesn't matter as long as they're not in the way because he needs to get back to Shou. He races back to the old building and Shou is standing close to where they'd been before, visible through a massive hole blown in the wall of the second floor, Ritsu isn't even sure it was there before, but oh thank god he's still standing and he's alright. Shou pulls the hood of their jacket up one-handed right before he sways backwards and plummets. It's such a short fall that Ritsu only barely manages to grab him with telekinesis right before he crashes into all the debris below and that in itself scares him even more, because Shou doesn't even try to catch himself, he just falls and he's completely limp as he dangles in the air. Ritsu eases him down as gently as he can, but he can feel his heartbeat in his ears and it's making his control shaky. It isn't until he has him laying flat on the ground that Shou's eyes peer open again. "Shou! What happened, did you get hit? Are you bleeding? Where does it hurt? Is your head alright?" And Shou just blinks up at him like he's trying to recalibrate, turquoise irises rolling like compass needles until they realign with their true north and settle on Ritsu's face. "Ritsu...you did it. I knew you'd pull through on your end." When he smiles, his teeth are stained pink. "They have a bad habit of...of underestimating you." Shou's arm comes up and pats his cheek, but it's only the left one. His right stays crooked on the ground. Ritsu's eyes catch on the red starting to pool under his back, under his head, and the sight tangles in the spokes of his brain until the wheels grind. "Don't." Shou's hand, the only good one left, grabs Ritsu's wrist before he can reach the zipper to get a look at where the jacket is soaked to his skin. "Ritsu, just...just trust me. Don't." He doesn't stop Ritsu from calling an ambulance at least, even though he's starting to fear there's no point in it. Shou's teeth are starting to chatter and Ritsu's heart and lungs are starting to spasm and he's bleeding out all over the ground and- "Listen to me. L-Listen. Ritsu." Shou stops to grit his teeth and spit blood. "Ricchan. It's all...everything's gonna be ok. I can do this. I'll do...I'll get i-it right next time. I was so close this time. Ricchan, it's gonna be ok." "...You knew." Shou had been acting weird all day long. Like he already knew everything that would happen. "Shou, you asshole, you were keeping Secrets, you knew, and you still- You still...!" "Which is why...I know that everything's gonna...gonna be ok." Ritsu finally makes himself look Shou in the eye. He still looks dazed, his pupils mismatched in size. Concussion. "C'mere. My head is...it hurts. I...pillow." Ritsu manages to get Shou's head on his lap, desperately trying to ignore the sticky wetness seeping into his jeans. He figures it's the least he can do. "Ricchan. Tell me-e-e...tell me a, uh, a story." "You seriously want...?" "Mm. Tell me...haha, tell me about the time...about when Kamuro and, and Tokugawa tried to...catch Momozou ditching." "I...Shou, you already know that story. You were there for some of it." "I know... It's, uh...a good memory. I love...like the way you, you tell it." Shou settles in while Ritsu recites something from back in middle school, Kamuro and Tokugawa deciding tardiness was their new target and Momozou was the worst in Salt Mid. "So Shinji is still hanging halfway out the window and... Shou. Sh-Shou, stay awake." "Mm." He doesn't open his eyes again. "Keep...going. Still listening..." Ritsu closes his eyes, too, because that way he can almost pretend this is just another night where one of them had a nightmare and went crawling into the other's bed and he doesn't have to watch his vision swim. "And...and Hikaru is trying to, to pull them both back in, but Momozou is so d-damn big and heavy that...th-that..." Ritsu squeezes his eyes shut tighter. He's not sure he wants to see.

"Shou...?" Nothing answers him but his own hiccuping breaths. "Shou, c'mon, you shouldn't...you're not supposed to sleep with a concussion. You can't..." He can't do this to him is what he wants to say, but he already knows it's pointless because there's no one there to hear it, because Shou is a fucking liar and he had said that everything was gonna be ok and Ritsu didn't even get to tell him his own Secret and nothing about this is even remotely ok. One hand clenches in the sleeve of their shared jacket and the other clamps over his eyes until it makes kaleidoscope patterns on the inside of his eyelids. He and Shou weren't supposed to be separated, they did everything together, they were a pair, he doesn’t want to imagine having to look forward and not seeing Shou's back like always because Ritsu is the only one he trusts to watch his back. They weren't ever supposed to be apart. Something bright burns beyond his eyelids and it's the only reason Ritsu peeks out between his fingers. Orange, yellow, and pink, an aura he knows almost as well as his own, but now in the shape of a person. Two wide white eyes slowly open across its face, meeting his gaze head on. Shou's ghost is sitting in front of him, staring at him. Ritsu watches, partly mesmerized and partly horrified, as he cups his hands together and something builds there, crackling with energy. Shou's eyes crinkle up like they do when he smiles and suddenly everything starts to pull. Nothing looks like it's moving, but Ritsu can feel it, like he's being sucked in, like his very soul is being forced out of him through a straw. Everything is compressed, crushed, crumbled down to crumbs as it's drawn into the tiny black hole held carefully in Shou's cupped hands. He can feel the world condensing into a single point, the preparation for a new universe because the best thing about this one was dead and gone. And Ritsu swears, just at the last possible second before the big bang, that he feels Shou's heart jolt beneath his fingertips.

[kittymaverick]

Tradition dictates that I must make commentary on each MCF games, even when I complain about how thing the content is...

Spoilers under cut. Also, this is written from memory, so order might be a little off.

1. MD: Ah, finally. A well deserved holiday just like I requested-- Queen: Oh Master Detective the Americas are being incredibly incompetent at this whole supernatural thing. Awfully sorry for disrupting your vacation, but your service are requested. MD: ...Just shoot me in the head, will you, Your Majesty? Queen: I’m flying you over on a private jet plane. MD: Okay, everything’s forgiven. 2. Me: Cassette tape? Really? MD: I didn’t know our beloved Queen’s a hipster. Queen: Not only that, I also write letters. Me: My god she really is a hipster. 3. Me: ...Really? Artifact of immense power capable of granting immortality, and you use it as a quill? MD: I have no idea what you are talking about. 4. MD: ...Why isn’t anyone here to pick me up? I thought this was an all expense paid trip? I’m going to need to walk TEN MILES to the murder scene? Me: You’ve walked more than that in underground complexes. A wheat field is nothing. 5. Woman: Oh hi Detective you’re totally here to investigate the murder right. Me and MD in unison: SUSPECT! INSTANT SUSPECT! Woman: Also, why are you not turning on the truck lights? You can progress the game until you do that. MD: ... I hate this town already. Me: For a town that’s devoid of people you sure fill it with a lotta hate. MD: Me and abandoned towns don’t go so well together, in case my history hasn’t reflected that enough. 6. MD: Hm, interesting grave-- [GRABBED] FUUUUUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEEEEEE. Alvin: Hi. Bye. [Gone~] MD: .................How am I still alive? Me: You know, it’s awfully refreshing for once when the enemy isn’t obsessed with you. 7. Me: Who’s this magic guy that keeps on showing up on all the flyers? MD: If you actually used your head, it’s the first murder victim. Me: ...Can you not? 8. Housekeeper lady: Oh this town is so full of gossip you know, about it’s rich people. Me: Yes do share. I love gossips. 83 MD: .......What has my life come to. 9. [Creepy doll thing] MD: ... Totally not creepy at all. Nope! [Eyes lights up red] Not creepy! [MD begins weeping.] 10. Woman to other woman: GET OUTTA TOWN. Me: Someone get me a camera, imma gonna paparazzi this. MD: ...When I submit my case report, I am so going to request that I just have a mundane investigation of a heist or something simple for once. Me: Awwww, but the supernatural cases are the fun ones. D: 11. [Sees door with contraption] Me: Oh yeah...This is totally not a reminder of something. 12. Housekeeper: Oh no I’m trapped because I stuck my hand in this thing please help. MD: I am so fed up by non-player characters. Me: And I am dying of laughter inside because it’s legit the first time I’ve seen a complicated door puzzle TRAP someone. 13. MD: Alright, opening this hunting room right now-- [Bullet goes through the Elephant’s head] JESUS CHRIST! Me: YOUR HEAD. IS IT OKAY? MD: I’m glad I’m not taller! Me: Wait no, you have that immortal feather why am I worried about you? 14. Guy with gun: You made me waste a bullet! MD: And you made me waste my wits. What the hell is going on? Guy: Do you hear that? MD: ...No? Guy: The silence, it’s deafening. MD: ...Yeah, exactly. So I heard nothing. 15. [EPIC CRASH THROUGH THE WINDOW] {SHOTS FIRE} Me: OMG HE SHOT THE REVENANT-- oh wait yeah, guy’s undead he’s fine. 16. Guy: SHOOT HIM WITH THE CROSS BOWS! MD: WHAT CROSSBOW--[accidentally sets it off] ... OKAY GOT IT. GUY: IT’S NOT WORKING GET THE NET! MD: WHAT NET-- oh I SEE IT. Me: That worked? Holy shit it worked. 17. Alvin: Bye bye again. [Zoink!] Guy: COME BACK HERE. Me: No wait come back people that chase after the enemy tends to die you know. MD: ...Guy had it coming. Me: Also, it’s refreshing that YOU aren’t the one that set the building on fire this time. 18. MD: Alright, finally able to follow them. Ghost of first victim: BEWARE OF WHAT LIES AHEAD. MD: SOME FUCKING WARNING WOULD BE NICE. Me: ...Well you saw ghosts in Ravenhearst so-- MD: NO. 19. MD: Let’s find the guy-- Me: AAAAAHHHHHH BODY STABBED TO TREE! DEAD BODY ALERT! MD: ............I can’t even at this point. Me: You know, you’ve been less able to save people recently. MD: Can you really blame me? The last few enemies were rather homicidal. I have better self preservation instincts than to dive right in and risk my neck for people. 20. Me: Alright! We’ve got a ladder to the window! MD: ...THAT ENTIRE GEAR PUZZLE WAS ALL FOR A FREAKING WEIGHT??? Me: Yeah, was a tad unsatisfying... 21. Me: Aw they have a place called Lover’s Point-- MD: NOPE. Me: ...I didn’t even-- MD: CAN’T HEAR YOU. 22. Me: ...BTW, why are you kicking piles of leaves? MD: Stress relief. It’s that or setting things on fire. The latter’s kinda illegal. Me: Duly noted. 23. Alvin’s sister(?): Yeah just go ahead and have a look around. MD: You have a shite garden you know that? Me: WHAT SHE MEANT IS YOUR PUMPKIN PATCH IS WONDERFUL. 24. MD: It’s so nice to have an opponent who’s actually sane and has an organized room for once. Me: It’s a double decker trailer. I’m not sure how “neat” that is. MD: Just let me enjoy this for a moment, okay? 25. Woman: Hi this is totally not a supervillain confession tape. Well okay it is. MD: That makes you 1000% more forthcoming than the others I’ve faced. 26. MD: I need something with a hook on it to get this thing. Me: Alright, let’s find a broom-- MD: I’m going to stretch this rubber chicken out and attach a hook to it! Me: ...Is your mind okay?... 27. Me: Hm...There’s nothing about this creepy toy factory that’s ringing any bells, is it? MD: Hm.....I sure hope there isn’t. Me: Yeah, think we might just be paranoid. Devs: [Cackling in the background as they plot evilly] 28. Woman: PLEASE DON’T KILL OUR KID ALVIN. Alvin: Whatever. [Kills the woman] Me: ...You seriously just watched that happen and did nothing, didn’t you? MD: Yep. The less people there are alive, the less trouble I need to handle later. Me: ...Is this because you’ve had to save so many characters again you’re now letting them die so that’ll never trouble you again? MD: Damn, my master plan has been figured out ABORT ABORT. 29. MD: Oh no so the woman’s houskeeper’s daughter is really her own daughter! Le gasp. Me: ...For rich people this is kinda tame. MD: I know, right? They could have made it spicier. Housekeeper’s notes: I found ropes and handcuffs. Wonder what the miss is up to. Me: ...I don’t think that counts. 30. Housekeeper: The girl’s locked herself in her room! Me: Alright, just let me find one thing-- [Alvin comes charging through the door] MD: GOD DAMMIT CAN YOU TIME YOUR ENTRANCE A LITTLE BETTER ALVIN? 31. MD: Wait, what are they weak to? Me: Salt. Good old table salt. MD: Oh I’ll give them salt-- HERE HAVE ALL OF MY SALTINESS THAT’S DEVELOPED OVER THE YEARS BECAUSE OF THE ABUSE I’VE SUFFERED DURING MY CASES. YOU GET A SALT, YOU GET A SALT, YOU ALL GET A SALT! SALT FOR DAYS! Me: ......Nice therapy. 32. Housekeeper: Quick, open the door! Me: WE’RE MISSING A KEY-- Housekeeper: Oh that here I have it for you. MD: ...SERIOUSLY?! Me: I’m not sure if you’re surprised that she actually gave you something directly or that you’re insulted you didn’t get to search for it. 33. The girl: MH MH MH MH! MD: Oh so that’s what the bindings are for. Me: Huh, she’s left a vial of her own blood. MD: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU RICH PEOPLE??? 34. Me: So things have gone to shit downstairs. We’re taking the bedsheets down. MD: At least it’s not us escaping from a death trap. Alvin: [GLARING YELLOW EYES[ MD: I’M GOING I’M GOING! 35. Ghostly voice of the woman: ENTER THE ART EXHIBITION OF REGRET. Me: What do you mean exhibition-- oh my dear gods. This is like if Charles Dalimar built his complexes out of guilt of his crimes against humanity. MD: ....Why can’t I just see a NORMAL art gallery for once? Me: Well at least this time it’s not dedicated to you. MD: Please don’t jinx me. 36. MD: Really? All of that for a really nice fancy leather jacket? Me: It’s a nice leather jacket. Alvin’s got taste. Alvin: Hi, I heard you’re touching my jacket. Also is that what’s-her-name’s blood? MD: Um... yeah? Alvin: Okay. [GRABS STRANGLES] MD: FUUUUUUUUU-- Me: Oh don’t worry this isn’t so bad-- Alvin: [Breaks vial of blood] Me: Oh shit this is bad. 37. MD: YOU WANT IT HERE HAVE IT [Tosses the jacket into the fire] Alvin: Finally I’ve been avengeeeeeeeeeeddddddd [Ashes] Me: NOOOOOOO NOT THE JACKET IT WAS INNOCENT. MD: It was tacky. Real cool people wear detective long coats. 38. The girl: So the woman’s really my mom? But she was so mean to me. Housekeeper: Well she wanted what was best for you. Me and MD: Not it’s because she’s a self centered abusive bitch who keeps using her rich background as an excuse go hang out with your cool aunt. 39. Housekeeper: Omg that was so much drama. I can’t wait until I tell my friends at brunch. MD: Can you not??? Me: I’ll take brunch! 40. Me: You know, I can’t believe that went by so fast. We solved the case in a single evening for once. MD: Does this mean I can have the rest of my vacation back? Oh thank god. Me: Wait hold on a minute you let like TWO people die. MD: Two out of three people. I save the third. Me: Why couldn’t you save all three??? MD: Well you know what they say. Third times the charm-- Me: THAT’S NOT HOW THAT SAYING WORKS.