#bucky barnes x reaser

[loving-all-for-loki]

Voiceless Love Chapter 6: Downfall

Loki x reader, Bucky x reader

Word Count: 3452

Warnings: angst, lots and lots of angst, some Loki fluff, swearing

A/N: I’m sorry. I cried while writing this and had to take a break to gather myself. It’s a rough one

Tag List: @caffeineoverloadandstudying @zizzlekwum @buckylokisimp @daddysfavoritesexkitten @lokiyoulittle @magicalpieex

You spend three days in bed with Loki resting after the Bucky incident. Even though you’ve been able to get up, Loki refuses to let you do anything and forces you to lay all day with him serving you hand and foot. The team watches in disbelief as Loki makes you lunch, gets you your clothes, and even slipped your fingernails once. They find excuses to walk past Loki’s room to spy on you two, but they always catch Loki reading to you or you asleep.

“You can’t be really mad at him. He’s taking care of her,” Natasha states. “Yes, that may be the case, but what are his intentions? She’s not a super soldier or a government trained assassin. She can’t defend herself if Reindeer Games decides to pull any tricks,” Tony pipes in.

“Tony’s right,” Bucky says, “She’s not a superhero in the sense we are.”

“You boys are so paranoid. Obviously, they got closer while we were gone. Is that such a bad thing? Loki finding someone who calms him and makes him kinder?”

“Yes.”

Nat rolls her eyes at Tony and Bucky, sitting down on the lounge seats. 

“What are we discussing? I heard my brother's name.”

Thor enters the room which gains everyone’s attention. Steve and Sam put down their sandwiches and tune into the conversation.

“We’re discussing Loki’s intentions with Y/N.” Nat informs.

“Oh, it is very sweet isn’t it?”

“Not to Tony.”

“It’s like he’s grooming her!”

Everyone groans in disgust. 

“Tony, I think you fail to realize how hard it is for Loki to connect to people, especially Midgardians yourself.”

“I don’t. I know he’s an arrogant prick whose head is shoved up his ass.”

“Yes, he thinks highly of himself, but he’s capable of feelings beyond pride and rage.”

“Most people aren’t like you Tony,” Steve jokes, which earns him a hard look from the billionaire.

“But with Y/N? Someone who’s so defenseless and vulnerable?” Bucky adds in.

-

Loki comes in with a bowl of mac n’ cheese, setting it before you.

“I had to get Thor to help me. I’m very good with Midgard technology. I’m not even sure what a microwave really is.”

You chuckle inside at Loki’s innocence and start eating the macaroni before he joins you on the bed, his arm resting over your shoulders. You lean your head against his as the two of you watch some history documentary Loki was intrigues by. Since you’ve been in bed for three days, you’ve only been watching shows and movies you like so you gave Loki a chance. He felt bad then complained about poor Midgard entertainment, but as soon as you showed him the history channel, he changed his mind.

You take your pen beside you and grab Loki’s hand that’s gently rubbing your back. On the side of his index, you write thank you for everything.

“Oh course, little one. You need to be well rested.”

Do you think I could get my own water?

Loki looks beside him to see your glass empty and sighs.

“I suppose you can.”

You smile up at him before getting out of bed. It’s weird to feel the cold floors on your feet after spending so much time under thick warm blankets. You shuffle your way over to the other side of the bed and take the glass. Loki keeps an eye on you as you make your way around, ready to pounce at grab you if you fall over and pass out. You give him a smile and pat on the shoulder before making your way to the door.

Taking your time, you walk down the hallway and hear your name come up in conversation. You stop right before the entrance to the living room, your hands shaking as you grip the glass cup tightly.

“But with Y/N? Someone who’s so defenseless and vulnerable?”

“I know it seems what you would say sketchy, but Loki’s intentions are honorable.”

“And Buck, you’ve seen the way she is with you. She holds onto your metal arm. She’s not afraid of most things other people are,” Steve adds.

Listening to them discuss you like they know you is irritating. Bucky goes on to talk about how weak and fragile you are and the others don’t disagree. They add comments about Loki that infuriate you. ‘He’s dangerous’. ‘He’s using her’. ‘He’s tricking her’. It didn’t feel like manipulation when he made you tea last night. It didn’t feel like manipulation when he explained book plots you didn’t understand. Why did they see him for someone he isn’t? Why do they still hold New York against him as if it was completely him?

You get pulled out of your thoughts when you hear Bucky speak again.

“I don’t like that he went after someone so innocent and defenseless like her.”

You step into their sight as soon as the words leave Bucky’s mouth. Everyone turns to stare at you, realizing you heard them talking about you. Bucky’s eyes go wide at the hurt expression written across your face, realizing he had messed up.

“How much did you hear?” Steve asks.

You slowly and nervously shake your head in disgust. Bucky takes a step forward to come near you but you stumble over your feet as you back up, falling and landing on your wrists. Tears start forming in your eyes as you look back up at the team, specifically Bucky who looks likes he just ran over someone’s dog.

“Y/N, you know I didn’t mean-”

You shake your head and run back down the hallway, ignoring Bucky’s pleads and the Avengers trying to diffuse the situation. Your vision was so clouded by the tears that you miss Loki coming up behind you and run straight into him.

“Woah, woah,” he gasps, grabbing your forearm as you stumble, “what’s-”. He notices the tears slowly falling down your face. “What did they do?”

You shake your head and push past him, retreating into yout room and under your blankets. Loki storms straight to the Avengers instead of with you.

“Tell me what in the nine realms you did to make her cry?”

The team is stunned as Loki raises his voice. There’s fury raging in his eyes, popping his veins out in anger. 

“She overheard something. It’s fine.” Sam says.

“Then tell me why she looks like someone hit her dog?”

Bucky puffs up his chest and walks straight up to Loki in a threatening manner, but Loki doesn’t react even an inch.

“Why do you care, huh? Why are you so attached to her? I thought you hated humans! That’s why you attacked New York right? You wanted to take control of us ‘weak humans’, but you failed, so what gives you the right to take her?”

“Are you implying she is weak?”

Bucky stays silent and holds his stoic look. 

“You are. That’s what you were saying, wasn’t it? She heard you call her weak.”

Loki scoffs at the soldier and looks to the other avengers for a sign of confirmation. They don’t meet his eyes with trigger alarms in his brain.

“You are all despicable. You know nothing about her. She is not as vulnerable as you think she is.”

“That’s not the point, Reindeer Games,” Tony cuts in, “The point is what are your intentions with her? Why do you want her so bad?”

“What? You think I’m manipulating or messing with her in some way. Is it impossible to imagine me liking someone’s presence?”

“Honestly, yes. We do. We’ve seen you do it in New York. Why can’t you do it now?”

There’s a deafening silence looming over the room. Loki’s eyes go cold as he clenches his fist, trying to not knock Tony out on the spot. Bucky still stands in his face, searching for some kind of vulnerable moment, but all he sees is fury in Loki’s face. He realizes they may be wrong in this situation. No one gets angry like this over nothing. They have never seen him like this before, so much so that even Thor takes a step away from his seething brother. Like nothing happened, Loki swivels and rushes away down the hall, but passes his room and goes straight to yours to find you balling underneath your sheets.

His anger does not go away, but only lessens as he removes the barrier between you two. He sees you curled into yourself, crying as if you had to get rid of every ounce of water in your body. No human has ever seemed so in need comfort to him before than now. Picking you up, he adjusts in bed with you on his lap, gripping your hands tight to his neck, burying your face in his chest. Loki pats your head and shushes you, trying to calm you down while his own burdens flash through his mind.

“I am absolutely outraged by those people,” he says, “how dare they speak like that about you. Do not listen, little one. You are stronger than you know and they are not aware. They do not know you like I know you.”

You continue to sob into him but the tears slow down. Heavy gasping turns into staggered breathing as your heart races less.

“I cannot fathom their incompetence. Pathetic Midgardians. I don’t think they’ll ever forgive me for my advances.”

“I forgive you.”

Loki snaps his head to look down at you, who is staring up at him, face flushed with tears. You had spoken.

Your voice. It’s unlike anything he’s ever heard and he only heard three words. Three so very important words he never thought he’d hear anyone say and you said it with such meaning. Such kindness and heart. It sounded like the heavens themselves opened up and relinquished its glory to him. He felt his body get a rush of warmth flowing through him, one that reminded him of being home with Frigga.

“Thank you,” he says, “I fear you may be the only one.”

He’s scared to say anything about you speaking and freak you out. If he has to go another lifetime without hearing your voice again, he’d never forgive himself.

“I’m tired,” you say sheepishly.

“Then go to bed, darling. I’ll still be here when you wake.”

-

You wake the next day to the sounds of crashing. Manly voices you have never heard before boom. Springing awake, you forget about Loki falling asleep next to you and accidentally elbow him in the face. “What the-”

“Loki, I’m sorry! I forgot-”

“It’s okay, little one. Accidents happen,” he groans.

The two of you get up off the bed for you to change. With a flick of the neck, Loki uses his magic to change into a three piece suit as he usually wears. You come out with a deep green overalls that makes him smile.

“I like it when you wear my colors.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Hearing your voice in the morning reminds him why he’s around. You’re so perfect in so many ways and that angelic noise only proves that more and more. The sounds of a male booming voice brings him out of his paradise. Taking your hand, the two of you enter the main room where the other Avengers are gathered with a man you’ve never seen before talking to Thor.

“Heimdall,” Loki announces, “what are you doing here?”

The man turns to see Loki standing next to you and doesn’t miss the interlocking of your hands. He turns to Thor who gives a weak smile and whispers something for only him to hear before looking back to you and the god.

“I am here to take you back to Asgard.”

“Father has requested you to come home and get punished for your actions on New York since you have been spending time here. He wants to take proper precautions on behalf of Asgard,” Thor adds.

“That’s ridiculous. He can’t beg for me now.”

“He can, brother, as I am afraid.”

You take Loki’s collar and bring his ear closer to you.

“Does that mean I won’t get to see you?”

“Don’t worry, darling. I won’t let them take me.”

Steve looks between Bucky and Tony who are staring wide eyed at your interaction with the god. Even Clint and Nat stare in awe as you have a private conversation, clearly speaking to Loki.

“What is happening?” Heimdall asks.

“She’s never spoken before,” Thor whispers.

“And she’s speaking to Loki? Why him?”

“I’ve said ‘I’m afraid’ many times and I’m going to say it again. I’m afraid they’ve bonded greatly. This will be an issue if All-Father intends to keep Loki in prison on Asgard.”

“Wonderful.”

Loki walks away from you and takes Thor’s arm, pulling him away to the side.

“Do you really expect me to fall for this?”

“For what?”

“Father wants me home. I know all he wants is to throw me in some cage for eternity. I’m not going no matter how much you plead or even if Father wants to come down here himself and drag me through the Bifrost.””

“There’s nothing I can do. Heimdall had strict orders.”

You walk over to Bucky who puts a protective arm around you, trying to ignore the pain of being second to comfort. He kisses the top of your forehead which you smile for. A glimmer of hope rests in Bucky’s heart that you still have feelings for him despite spending all your time with Loki. You hold to him tight, hugging him around his waist, in anxiousness. You can’t imagine if Loki is gone, the one person you trust the most, you haven't hurt before.

“I can’t leave Y/N,” Loki whispers, “I don’t think you understand that.”

“Brother, I understand your connection to her, but I-”

“Don’t say you have no choice. You can go back to Father and tell him that I’m not coming.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

“There’s no point in arguing about this, Loki. You have to go home.”

“What will happen to her, then? She’ll be stuck here with people who treat her like a child.”

“She’ll be fine. She’s a big girl.”

“Not to them. To them she’s weak and useless. She’ll never be used for her powers properly. She’ll never be treated as an equal.”

“I’ll make sure that she does.”

“Brother, I’m the god of lies. I can see straight through you. You’re not going to do anything but sit by and watch them.”

“I’ll watch out for her.”

Loki’s chest rises as he takes in a deep breath, knowing his brother won’t do anything. He contemplates his options: either go with Heimdall or stay here and face worse punishment when he sees his Father one day.

“How long will I be gone for?”

“My hope is a month or two, but most likely two or three years.”

“I can’t leave her that long.”

“Then I will fight for your freedom or escape every day.”

Loki takes a look at you hugging Bucky. The exact image in front of his is what he fear most: losing you to the soldier who looks at you the same way he does. He knows he has no choice if he wants to face a lesser punishment.

“Fine. Give me a moment to say goodbye.”

“Of course.”

Loki walks to you who lets go of Bucky and hugs him. He wraps an arm around your waist and walks with you over to the entrance of the hall where no one can hear you.

“I have to go, darling.”

“Please, don’t.”

The team watches as you open your mouth and speak to Loki, proving to them there was a situation at hand with your attachment to Loki.

“Oh no,” Tony mumbles.

“We’re in trouble,” Nat agreed.

Bucky tries to drown out the anger and instead, a wave of depression over comes him. He knows he messed up with you, but seeing how quick you moved to the god makes him sad, knowing he could have had that with you had he not gotten hurt or even gone on that mission.

“I have no choice, Y/N, but I promise whatever happens, I will come back.”

“What do you mean ‘whatever happens’?” 

“There is a good chance I’m being locked away for some time. Thor said that if that is the case, he will help me get out and return to you.”

“You promise you’ll come back?”

“There is not a soul in the nine realms that can stop me from coming to you, because you are my home and you can’t rip my heart away from you.”

Silver tongue. You knew they called him that for a reason.

“I promise, my darling.” 

“I’m scared if you don’t come back.”

“I know. I am too. I fear that I’ll never forget you and spend the rest of my days in a cell longing for your touch.”

“Please, don't’ say that.”

“I’m sorry,” he chuckles, “I take it back. I’ll see you in good time.”

Loki gives you a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You start crying on his shoulder, leaving dark spots on his suit. Before walking to Thor, Loki lifts your chin up with his hand, connecting his lips to yours. 

You taste like strawberries and wine. Loki thinks to himself that he could get drunk on your lips all the time, always thirsting for you. You’re so soft, like floating on a cloud. He thought your voice was the closest thing to nirvana, but he was wrong. He is just the same. He tastes like whiskey and is sensual with his touch. You can feel the butterflies in your stomach flying around, fluttering their wings and bumping into the insides of you. A chill runs down your spine as the two of you hold each other. You never want to stop kissing him.

Thor coughs under his breath, distracting you and Loki, breaking your kiss. Loki turns to his brother with sadness in his eyes that every person sees. The Avengers look at one another, seeing how painful this is for him, but they don’t dare to look at you. Tears roll down your face, flushing you over. They’ve never seen anyone look so desperate for help. It breaks them, but they don’t dare go against Odin’s word.

Loki walks over to Heimdall who places a hand on his shoulder. He turns back to face you across the room.

“Goodbye, my love.”

In a flash, the two are gone, leaving you a blubbering mess in front of the heroes. Bucky takes a step forward to console you, but you fall backwards shaking your head.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but Loki needs to take responsibility. He’s a criminal.”

“No!” You scream.

Everyone is taken back by the anger and desperation in your voice. Nat and Sam share a look, in awe of your vocal power. Bucky goes wide eyed, staring at you whose eyebrows are furrowed and mouth wide open. You’re choking on your own breath as you hyperventilate. No one dares to say anything as they urge you to break the silence, not wanting to miss a single thing you say.

“You don’t get to say shit!” You yell. “You don’t know him! You don’t get to say ‘he’s a criminal’! He’s a good man and you all are disappointing children! You’re children! Only mature people don’t try to hurt those who hurt them! They understand and listen and make them better! You’re only out to destroy! You’re not heroes fighting for vengeance! You’re villains wanting revenge! You disgust me! The way you treat him and me, so don’t say anything about Loki! People say things happen for a reason, so when I punch you in the face for ever saying anything bad about him ever again, remember I had a reason!”

You turn to walk away from the paralyzed group. They try to take in everything you said, shocked by your first words to them being rage over Loki. There’s no words they have left in them as you’ve taken all of them, except for Bucky. He stand there, heart shattering in a million pieces from watching you pour your heart out for a man who did his people wrong, for a man who is a war dictator. 

“Why do you care so much about him?” He screams at you.

You stop in your tracks, facing them with your face full of pain and sorrow.

“Because I love him.

[lepetitmondedeju]

Bruises, part 4 : My thoughts are empty I feel like I have no story

Word count : 1248

Author note : Part 4, hope you’re still on board.  As always feedback is appreciated as usual. Tag list is at the end and is still close till March 21st.  Domestic violence is not normal, don’t let that happen even once because it’ll happen again, run away or go to the police or call special numbers for domestic violence.

Warnings : Mentions of Bucky’s past.

Song of the title : All You Know, Earlyrise

Masterlist

Bruises masterlist

Part 3

Trying to have a normal life again is not easy, but though I’m trying. Since the moment Steve brought me back from Wakanda to New York I try. He brought me back here almost a year ago, I try to deal with the new century, my new arm and the trigger words in my head. If T'Challa and his doctors managed to give me a new left arm a few weeks after Tony blown it up while Steve and I fought him, unfortunately for the words, he didn’t managed to remove them from my brain, so I have to live with it for the moment.

So I try, Tony and I are not specially friends, but at least we don’t try to kill each other when we’re in the same room. I also tried to see if I could have a normal life, like back in the day, having a girlfriend or at least a lover. I tried things with Natasha, there was some attraction between the two of us, and as she reminded me, it started in the Red Room, a long time ago. But things didn’t worked out, we spent our time to argue, making up in bed, and I must say that she’s amazing in bed, but something was missing, something deeper, love maybe. I have affection for her, but it’s not love. She’s dating Sam now, and it seems that he gives her everything that I can’t, love, affection, and a stable relationship without nightmares and all the painful memories. After all, who would love me now, I’m a monster, a heartless cold-blood murderer, a brainwashed assassin who scares the hell out of everyone.

I still have nightmares, have them since I escape from HYDRA three years ago. Night terrors. They tried to give me something for that but it hardly work and most of the time, Steve ends up to sleep in my room to wake me up. A few times, he finished the night with bruises on his face because I punched him in my sleep. I also wake up with some bruises, hitting myself in my sleep. It’s almost always the same dream, HYDRA taking me back and forcing me to kill all the people in the tower by activating my Winter Soldier mode with the trigger words. Many of the tower’s workers avoid me when they can, it means almost all the time. They think that I’ll kill them just because they’re looking at me, I’m not like that, I didn’t killed anyone since I escape HYDRA. The Winter Soldier is not who I am, he was a cold merciless assassin, I’m just a lost human. I know that I’ll never be the one I was seventy years ago, the man I was before the war. Steve can’t accept it, Steve doesn’t want to accept it, but he’ll have to. I’m not the Bucky Barnes I was before the war anymore, I’m not the Winter Soldier anymore, I’m something, someone in between. Nor James Barnes, nor the Winter Soldier, I’m a brand new man, I have to learn how to live as such.

Every weeks, Tony checks on my arm to be sure that nothing goes wrong with it, that it works well and to check on the memory therapy he started with me. I don’t really understand that process, he shows me pictures, makes me listen to sounds of back in the day, but it doesn’t really work. I recognize some music, songs, places, but my personal memories are still buried somewhere inside of me, just a few insignificant details. I don’t remember anything of my family except their names. I can’t remember the sound of my father’s laugh, the smell of my mother, the voice of my little sister Rebecca. Tony says it’s going to come back and that he’s ready to help me to remember my old life even if we are still not friends and that I know that he’ll never forgive me to have killed his parents. Steve watched over me at the beginning during the sessions, but then, Tony asked him to leave because he was interrupting every two seconds. So as usual, I’m walking towards the usual lab when I hear voices coming from the room Tony usually wait for me.

“I’m an adult Tony, stop wanting to control my life. I’m a big girl, I can handle myself !”, a woman’s voice scream. “And besides, you’re not my father.” “You still don’t understand, you can’t go back and stay with him, what will happen next ? Someone is going to call me to say that you’re lying in a hospital bed, with something broken ? Or maybe to tell me that you’re in coma ? Or worse, dead ?”, I hear Tony screaming back at her. “Let me go ! You don’t understand, I can’t leave him.”

And at the moment I least expect it, a young woman bursts outside of the lab and runs in the corridor, her head dimmed towards the floor, not looking where she’s running. I don’t even have time to step out of the way, she bumps in my shoulder and almost finishes her race onto the linoleum. I just have time to catch her arm and put her back on her feet.

“Are you okay, ma'am ?”, I ask her, detailing her features.

Not really tall but not so short, shorter than me that’s sure, Y/H/C hair, plump pink kissable lips and big sad brown eyes. Howard’s and Tony’s eyes, filled with tears.

“Yes, thank you”, she says just before rushing back to the elevator.

I resume my path to Tony’s lab, to find him his head between his hands, his elbows on his desk, visibly pissed.

“I can come back later if you want me to”, I say as soon as I enter the room. “Yes, do us a favor, and do that, come back later”, he replies.

I exit as fast as my legs allow me and head to the living room where Steve, Peter, Natasha and Sam are sitting on the couch in front of the télévision, an odd habit that I still don’t understand.

“Hey what are you doing here ?”, Steve asks, seeing me taking the seat next to his. “Aren’t you supposed to be with Tony inside the lab for your memory session and the check of your arm ?” “I was, but, he dismissed me, he seemed pretty pissed by something”, I answer him. “What something ?”, Sam questions. “More like someone, actually. I don’t really know a girl”, I reply. “What does she looks like ?”, Peter demands without turning his head, eyes still glued to the screen. “Y/H/C hair, brown eyes”, I say, remembering how sad her gaze was. “Oh, that’s Y/N, she’s Tony’s little sister”, Steve simply states. “Tony has a sister ?”, I ask, shocked by the fact that I never knew that. “Yes, and she’s damn hot”, Peter adds from his spot. “She has some problems with her boyfriend”, Nat suddenly says. “That girl looks almost always sad, I feel so bad for her, poor little thing. Tony tries his best to make her leave him, but it seems she doesn’t want to or that she can’t do it”, she adds sadly.

After they all turn back to the show they’re watching, I can’t keep myself to think about the poor girl I crossed in the hallway and the sad look on her face.

Part 5

Tag list :  @hellomissmabel, @marvel-ash, @bovaria, @howlingbarnes, @buckyandsebsinbin, @allandnothing90, @brighterlights, @sebbytrash, @feelmyroarrrr, @ciannabell, @bellejeunefillesansmerci, @hardcorehippos, @amrita31199, @yourtropegirl, @sallyp-53, @ghostssss, @totheendofthelinepal, @mrs-lamezec, @mrs-squirrel-chester, @hello-sweetie-get-the-salt, @caplanbuckybarnes, @poe-also-bucky, @belleetlabeast, @crazychick010, @lilacs-lavender, @buckysberrie, @dreamer1495, @marvelfanuniverse, @gondorgirl01, @james–bucky-barnes, @smilingwsoldier, @asirenscalling, @re2d2, @callingmrsbarnes, @writingruna, @iamthemaskhewears, @candycountries, @youandb, @sebbys-girl, @winchester-with-wings, @jarnesbrnes, @after-avenging-hours, @maybe-mikala, @fangirlwithasweettooth, @stormyfandoms, @kerzenphilosophie, @winchesterenthusiast, @vibranium-ass, @nenyakj, @buckysbackpackbuckle, @theycallmebucky, @oneshot-shit, @papi-chulo-bucky, @thatawkwardtinyperson, @marvelous-fvcks, @purplekitten30, @just-call-me-mrs-captain, @captain-amelia-bradley, @katbird787, @evilxcupcakexnik , @marvel-music-books, @thenightmarebeforebucky, @emilyevanston, @i-want-to-fuck-that-dorito-man, @queenllamamama13, @saffreelove, @learisa, @tequilavet, @you-know-whodoesthat-crazypeople 

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