#buried in the basement of elmwood avenue
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do i actually want to date someone or am i just crushed by loneliness and want someone to prove it isn't too much work to love me???? more @ eleven
#the thought of setting up a dating profile makes me want to throw up. like for real zero exaggeration i start having Problems.#but sitting in this apartment without anyone breaks my heart#buried in the basement of elmwood avenue#i want to do things for people i want to go places w people#i want to have a person i tell things to#at the same time this heat has been turning me into a fucking Beast of a person#i get so hot and overwhelmed and frustrated over the smallest things and it makes me feel like. toxic to inhale.#i talked to deb a lot this week about how. like. i know love is real. i feel love for people in my life!#but 24/7 romantic love seems. like such insane effort. on everyones part.#fuck bro i just. need to figure out casual friends#talking to people terrifies me. trusting people terrifies me. its so much easier to burrow deep in the soils with the bugs#there's people i miss and who i want to talk to more and who i want to spend more time with but holy fuck#imitating has gotten so insanely hard#i've been trying to call my own grandfather back for five days#lays down. i HAVE to stop watching 90s rom-coms.#this happens every time#irl#personal#DEEPLY personal lmfao.....#one day i'll have faith in myself anf others and trust people to love me maybe. for now. i'll make some strawberry syrup maybe.#i'm still not over that big fucking bug though so no kitchen activities for awhile
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