#but I’m just going with my gut here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

myokk · 19 days

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#this might be the most scribble thing I post here yet bahahahahahahahahahahaaha #I still like how the hands turned out even though I didn’t finish them😇#but it’s pretty messy and the hands might be the only part I like🥲#but since this blog is my art journey documentation here you are #I was pretty busy today so no good art but maybe tomorrow we’ll see #I am preparing things to FINALLY answer my asks🥹#& if you tagged me in anything I actually have been meaning to respond!!!!!!!! my notifications are the WORST and so confusing on here😵‍💫#and I’m technology grandma…#hope u all have had an amazing day !!!! 🫶#my brother in law has been fishing and catching SO MANY sargo #(sargo = sea bream for the animal crossing playing English speakers😙)#AND ITS LITERALLY SOOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS !!!!!#i cook it in the weirdest way possible #you just have to gut the fish and cut off its fins etc #then you put it in a wet salt bed and cover it up…cook it for 30 min…AND VOILA ITS DONE !!!!!#I don’t add any spices…NOTHING…and this fish literally has the taste and texture of crab covered in butter #LIKE…😳 it might be my favorite food/fav thing to cook these days bc it’s so easy and fresh caught fish is just delicious😫#well that was my grandma cooking show of the day👩‍🍳#now you know how to cook sargo a la sal 👩‍🍳#also going back to the drawing🥹 I just love these two so much…#I love thinking of sweet moments…most of my angst is confined to writinc😆#the chapter I’m writing right now is SO ANGST DEPRESSING (sorry Eloise)#it will get better…I promise…#hogwarts legacy #hogwarts legacy fanart #hogwarts legacy oc #hogwarts legacy mc #eloise babbit #sebastian sallow #sebastian sallow x mc

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magicicephoenix · 1 month

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Erase - The Ink Demonth 2024 (Day 16)

Weird, huh? Almost like someone thought eight legs would be two too many and took action… or something.

#the ink demonth #batim #bendy and the ink machine #bendy #edgar #doodle dump #drawing prompt #okay yeah this one’s a definite stretch of the prompt that’s my bad #it originated as just “maybe edgar’s first concept had eight legs and they were Erased” y’know?#but then i thought a character bringing it up in-universe would be funny and this comic appeared #and it’s too late and i’m too tired to do somethin else so here ya go!#btw i love the idea of bendy wholeheartedly seeing the butcher gang as pals of his #meanwhile the gang (mainly charley dragging the others along lol) absolutely hates his guts and wants him gone #so that’s why he and edgar are just hanging out :)

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melrosing · 10 months

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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me

#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags #like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol #since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything #they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts #and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god #then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me #so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through #like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence #it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao #i leave end of the month #at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened #I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are

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adxmanial · 1 month

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#having a time again #I fucking hate rsd #I hate just feeling the overwhelming urge to go scorched earth and abandon everyone and everything I’ve ever known #I thought I had it under control and it got triggered again recently #and it leaves me fucking exhausted and regretting all my life decisions in the end #hate fucking relapsing #hate being unable to read people’s minds #being built fucking Wrong #and having people hate me for reasons I’m not even Aware of because I can’t pick up on it and no one just fucking Talks #no one just Says when they’re bothered they let it fester and then it’s My fault #I didn’t Completely burn this bridge yet but god I am staring at it with a lighter and gasoline in hand #all that’s stopping me is that what I’m about to burn meant and still does mean a lot to me but #I can’t keep fucking doing this #it always ends like this #it never fucking changes and I don’t know why I bother I should stay in my little hole Alone where no one can hurt me #and I can’t accidentally hurt anyone else #idk man #having a fucking time #and maybe I shouldn’t even be Talking about it here #becuase who cares it’s social media #but if I don’t spill my guts Somewhere then I’ll fucking explode and cut ties with Everyone in my life at a trigger’s notice #and I need to pour this out somewhere Else #so I Don’t do something I know is Bad #in a moment of fucking rsd anxiety panic attack #lays down under my rock and dies #becomes a mushroom #if I’m a mushroom I’ll have no more problems #the mushroom hive mind will understand me and I will understand the mushroom hive mind

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stardustings · 6 months

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I think we have decided we are going to move to the countryside in the next 2-3 years and it’s such a huge relief. My sensory overwhelm has been really challenging lately, and we are lucky our current house is in a peaceful little suburban pocket, but I am on the brink of genuine agoraphobia because going out is such a nightmare.

If we moved to our ideal location, we would be close enough to zip to the city on the train as needed but it would be more spacious and peaceful. There are cafes and locally grown food and the best book store I’ve ever been to. And best of all, I can actually enjoy being in society without feeling overwhelmed by people and cars and noise.

#idk I love our house but lately I’ve been in this terrible mood that I can’t shake #like it’s time to leave here or something #I just feel we suddenly outgrew it or we are meant to be going somewhere else #and I can feel in my gut I will do better work in the country and we will all be happier #I’m at the point here where I finally go out and then regret it because it’s so overwhelming #and I end up exhausted for days

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ficklecat · 1 year

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#I feel like I need to call out of work tomorrow #but I’m already taking Tues/Wed off this week #i’m just so exhausted #this shit is so disappointing #I’m going to be thinking about it all day tomorrow #and I’m already feeling so bad I don’t think I’ll sleep well #I’m trying to distract myself with chores and internet shit #but I just want to lay on the floor #I haven’t felt so fucking devastated in so long #and my brain can’t stop worrying about what this means for my health #i don’t know what to do #sorry for the freaking out and sad boy content I know that’s not why y’all are here #I’ll probably be fine or whatever #just really fucking gutted right now #ax says stuff

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reflectionsofgalaxies · 1 month

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#it’s weird because i always know before it’s even said #but it still hurts each time?#wild #hitting on some real tender spots that i thought i left behind years ago #it’s not. like. punch to the gut whole world seems wrong level.#it’s more like a short sharp stab in my heart the size of a pencil #but it’s still definitely not fun #especially with everything else going on #just. overwhelmingly bad timing for me personally which is wildly selfish #but i think i’m allowed to feel that way so long as i don’t let if affect the way i act #still very much trying not to pull away #and that’s kind of really fucking hard #because it’s so much easier to make the decision myself #but i’ve learned from my mistakes and i don’t plan on hurting anyone like that again if i can help it #i just. i’m tired. i’m tired of putting on a brave face for everyone and still not doing a great job at it.#my friend today said ‘you’re allowed to be grumpy’ before we hung out and that felt really good #and i found that i didn’t even have to put on a brave face around her or pretend to not be grumpy #i just wasn’t grumpy anymore #so that was definitely nice #there are good things in my life!#and i know this #it’s just hard when so much is changing at the same time and it definitely doesn’t feel #like it’s for the better #but: i have my friends and i’m going back to school #(both of which are actually also causes of stress rn but ALSO sources of joy and excitement)#anyway glad i can talk here #kinda want to cut my chest open and bleed out the painful bits #but talking is a decent alternative #personal

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toffyrats · 9 months

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it’s finally starting to settle in that christmas is in 3 fucking days

#like. it doesnt even feel like winter #maybe i’m js getting older but last i checked i was counting down the hours and it was getting hard to sleep at night #it was a “its finally cold out! my favorite time of year! we’re off on break! christmas is almost here!”#n now its a “oh right christmas. free stuff”#my parents apparently have something big planned for my 18th this year and i can’t bring myself to even look forward to it?#like. yeah. my fucking eighteenth birthday is in like a week #and the start of a new year is less of a celebration and more of a sigh of relief #its more of a “yippee. another year. at least it’s a fresh start.”#i think this is the 2020 effect #2020 was 4 years ago guys. that is absolutely insane #its not even nostalgia it’s just “wow. okay.”#its like getting punched in the gut yk #2020 was the last year the holidays felt right.#now my whole life feels like a blur and i cannot believe it was four whole years ago #and now we’re entering 2024 with nothing but see you again by tyler the creator and a few loose hopes #the election is this year #maybe things will fix themselves and go back to normal #thats all ive ever wanted since 2020 ended. was for things to just be normal #after the masking mandates were lifted i felt like maybe they could #but im just kinda being rushed through life #and i wish it would just be normal.

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afterthefeast · 2 months

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i gotta play some viddy games man i can’t keep reading this or it might kill me

#ada palmer i owe u life i owe u everything #but perhaps the stars is gutting me #julia doria-pamphili i will see you in hell!!! joyce faust i’ll see you there too!!!!!!#and. controversial one. bryar kosala you will at least be in purgatory for a long time #due to my personal hatred of the servicer program #carlyle foster and 9A you will have the highest seats in heaven #felix faust i’m putting my faith in you because as renowned dirty old man you could screw me over really hard here #but i’m putting you forward for heaven too #dominic seneschal weirdly i just think you should have a nice warm bath and twenty years of deprogramming and then we can discuss #oh heloïse you’re going to heaven too angel you need the deprogramming as well but it’s heaven for you #anyway. dishonored 2 save me i need a moment #ais.log

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floral-hex · 9 months

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Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.

lol it’s underwater 🐠

#ugggghhhhh so sad #like genuinely I think my therapist rocks #he’s the best one I’ve ever had. nice and cool but no BS and just harsh enough to push me #I feel like such a baby for saying it but literally the number one thing I’ve wanted these last few weeks was to go to therapy #I had to skip my last appointment so I haven’t seen him in weeks #between my mom’s organ transplant and driving back and forth to see her everyday and taking care of my bros aaand super suicidal birthday #I’m just… I’m tired. I want to vent. I just want to spill my guts for an hour and maybe cry a lot #and I can’t do that with anyone else. I know that’s dumb to say #I 100% can’t complain to my family because ya know I gotta be strong and they don’t need me being a burden #and I love my mutuals but I don’t know any of you anywhere well enough to feel comfortable venting #I mean. y’all can vent to me all day. I’ll gladly listen to you talk about yourselves. I’m here for it. I just can’t do it myself 😕#I’m so tired and anxious and I don’t want to really get into the self harm talk but I’ve had some serious self destructive thoughts lately #I don’t know what I’m going to do #I have to believe it’ll get better #because if I don’t believe that then… what’s the point?#also.. I’m really fucking lonely. just to throw that out there. if you can’t tell by my reblogs.#I am like desperately and ravenously lonely and full of longing #and you add that to everything else it’s just the sad little cherry on top…#now I want an ice cream sundae… mmmm….#I need 1000 hugs and to sit with someone and maybe get fucked up and complain and sit in silence and and and blegh #but that’s life. it’ll be… it’ll be whatever it is.#sorry. this is a bit too heavy for this time of morning #I’ve been sick. really bad vertigo and vomiting and I’m just wiped out and sad #but I love you stranger or at least I like you enough to be okay with you reading this #okay be safe #goodbye forever #text

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arolesbianism · 4 months

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Ok yeah I’m a little obsessed with them

#keese draws #oxygen not included #jackie stern #olivia broussard #I’m experiencing joy and whimsy allow me to be cringe for a time #anyways ferret jackie snuggling with her tail is my favorite image now #and olivia eating pecha berry is my second favorite look at her #if I’m the only one making fanart of these two I must train myself to go insane over my own art it’s for my own survival #even if I don’t have the motivation to make a full drawing rn #plus it’s good practice for me to get better at sketching sketching is usually big biggest roadblock to making the pieces I wanna make #anyways I was nowhere near consistent with sizes here but I like to imagine that olivia is significantly smaller than jackie #jackie is very large by furret standards and olivia is very small by bibarel standards #again didn’t draw that well here since I was being lazy with jackie but just imagine I did draw it well #honestly it’s going to be a miracle if I ever get around to designing anyone else in this au I have favorites #plus some of the ideas I have are going to be. annoying to excecute to put it mildly #it’s my own fault no one is forcing me to make ada an aegislash but I’m going to complain abt it anyways #although tbh liam as a panpour is probably going to be harder for me since at least I have a silhouette in my head for ada #and then there’s yanma ari and kabuto hassan who are deceptively easy sounding #as in my gut says oh yeah that’s easy but my brain says oh this is going to be hell #otto as flaaffy is another one that Should be easy but I know it’ll be hell since I have no ideas for their shapes #and I’m never drawing mi-ma since for some ungodly reason my brain decided to cling to making her metagross #and then my only other idea as of now is galvantula ellie but I’m not set in stone on that one #honestly if anyone has suggestions for the other scientists feel free to shoot them at me #or just wants to share what they’d make any of them even if it’s the guys I’ve already decided on I’m still not set on some of them and #it’s fun hearing other ppls ideas #real sad thing for me is that this is probably going to be pmd au number 2000 without any good zorua candidates 😔#nails comes close but the shapes man the shapes don’t call to me #also color pallet would be hell I’m sorry bestie but your hair is such an ugly color #ohhhh wait what if I made them a trubbish…. that could work honestly #I’ll also totally need to make someone a vanilite as the worlds number one vanilite defender

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catastrxblues · 1 year

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finally listening to guts ajsklfd

#it’s been a long time coming but #!!#i feel like i would have had to force myself to sit down if i wanted to listen to an album these days #and i didn’t like that so i just put it off #but now that my mood has lightened up a bit i’m finally doing it #it’s like 5 am here and i’m going to listen to it while building this lego like toy and i feel so giddy lmao #i can cry about the slow destruction of my future later #it’s time to heal my inner child while also hurting my current teenage self with this album (in the best way possible)#okay anyway #see you when i see you #i will probably be way more annoying again sorry #like it’ll be like sntv all over again #so apologies in advance #guts #olivia rodrigo #<3 #nadirants

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mearchy · 8 months

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Haven’t been on tumblr since last September or earlier so I’ve added Zionists to my blog’s DNI list. A long time coming I just always thought things like racists, Zionists, etc were a given. Evidently not. However long we’ve known each other/been mutuals, if you can’t see your way to the right side of this I want you to walk away from my blog and not come back.

- Donate to MSF, UNWR, Anera, MAUSA

- Read the news when you have the capacity. Share it when it’s accurate, never stop talking about what’s happening.

- Fuck NYT, fuck Washington Post, fuck CNN, fuck Le Monde, fuck franceinfo, FUCK CNN.

- Don’t stop learning, loving, dancing, creating. The fight only holds strong for as long as we do.

I’m not arguing with anyone about this. I will give you plain old source links if you genuinely want sources, places you can read more. I am not and will not play the “but what about-” game with anybody. I don’t care what your points are, I’ve heard them all. Go sit in your safe warm house that isn’t being carpet bombed.

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dadbots · 1 year

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August… time to get spooky.

#dadbots.txt #this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL #been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often #and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat #though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽

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hella1975 · 2 years

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forever wishing sam fender would unrelease dead boys

#it’s like the moment I get a glimmer of hope for my hometown it reminds me of how awful it is #I feel like I’m screaming underwater at people like there’s something actually insidious about that town #and I’ve BEEN saying it and it keeps getting written off as youthful angst #bc of COURSE you hate your hometown! everyone hates their hometown!#but now I’m going to another funeral for a boy in my year and it’s another suicide and I don’t even know him #i havent seen him since primary school I have no right to be so upset by this #but I’m just trawling his ig bc he looks the same #he looks the exact same and he hung himself. he was twenty #and ofc he’s connected to my family bc everyone is in that fucking town hes like a v distant cousin #so we know the news first like so many of his friends are out having a nice night rn #and I’m here with this knowledge despite not knowing him. like tomorrow someone is going to find out their best mate killed himself #the police are literally still at his house and my mum is telling me she loves me because it’s ALWAYS the boys in my year group #like off the top of my head alone bc i KNOW it’s more ive already lost six boys in my year and I’m 20 #how many kids have to die before my hometown stops being such a shithole #sorry for the vent post i dont even know why this has gutted me so much #maybe bc the only memory i have of this boy is between the ages of 5-11 so I literally ONLY know him as a child #like he was so happy I can only remember him smiling and just. what went so wrong after that? he had spiky hair and gap teeth #and now I’ve been told that he hung himself and I just #god. i don’t even know anymore #I’ll never forgive that town #hella goes home

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nullians · 1 year

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I sometimes still catch myself thinking “Man, I just wanna die” (I know this is not true) but then I see my mother and go “No, I just wanna live without these people around me” and then I do one dig deeper and make peace with what I really mean and that’s “I have to outlive you because I fucking deserve to have a life outside of this bullshit” and yeah. Much better. It doesn’t help that both of them (grandmother and mother) like to occasionally tell us their dying scenarios. Like. Thanks. Can you like. Try to not make my desire to flee worse. Because I don’t want to wish you death but it’s like. Not going to get better if you just do this. Get help.

#d0 stuff #negative #we had an argument about the dishes again #and to all of the veterans here: yes I know this has been going on for as long as this tumblr exists #it’s just. still a problem. an unending cycle because I fucking Hate my parents’ guts and it’s actually not about the dishes or house #chores or anything like that. it’s about how they care so much about dumb things there are solutions to (not perfect maybe but not #disastrous either) and not care nearly enough about the human component. mental health? non existent. fatigue? just an excuse. permanent #debuffs? I’m making shit up. how can I suffer bc of them? that’s unheard of #circus family time #there is my fault in there and that’s letting my resentment seep so deep that #I regularly let it impact my actual house chores doing but you know #it’s like. I’ve wanted to be good for them. but they will never see me like that. the moment I showed anything weird they went on forceful #correcting instead of listening to what I had to say #they are all people caring more about reputations and facades than their own children/family members’ well-being #it’s infuriating #they are all fake #and idk. like. I could do better. I should do better I know. but it’s just goddamn hard to do things and get yelled at and then turn around #and see how they gush about my brother doing basically anything (the bare minimum after they told me to go remind him multiple times) or #how they literally take so much bs from anyone outside of the family #I swear. Some stranger’s potential opinion about them matters more than if their children feel hurt or not #anyways. this back and forth that’s been going on since my early teens is the reason I can’t just #do things for them without it feeling like a monumental task #like. I’m an acts of service person ffs. but I can’t do that. not for them #lmfao okay that’s enough whining for today #tho it’s funny how they will always be like ‘you have to control yourself no matter the situation’ and when we start arguing it’s always #them telling me to shut up (despite me keeping a calm tone) and them shooting me with literally all ammunition they can think of #fun right #and then there’s always this funny thing when they scream that I don’t even care about them do I #and that’s hilarious bc I do. Guess who literally deals with the worst of medical crises and who fucking keeps half of their energy to be #the guard dog. yeah but I don’t love you (anymore) and bc of that I’m a monster? lmao

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