#but I'm like crying because halfdan would have been a damn good dad

[queenfinehair]

Until the bitter end

Epilogue

Warnings: None, unless childbirth freaks you out. Lots of Torvi and Bjorn.

Song mood and This one

Disclaimer: Photo not mine, it belongs to

Halfdan haunts your dreams frequently, the way his body had toppled over was a constant video in your mind. Tonight was no different as you wake with a start. It was just a dream. Usually that is said to put a mind at ease, but for you it's the reminder of the living horror you had seen first hand.

Lately they've been worse though, much more vivid. A particularly nasty bit is always seeing his final glance in your direction. Luckily you were rarely alone for long to mourn over what was meant to be. Idunn was your neighbor now, Torvi was always bringing her children over for you to practice with and Bjorn was constantly there with food. "To help the little one grow strong." He said every time he came to check on you, always poking your growing belly. Bjorn had been there for you many times in the passing months. Although many talked behind your backs, the love you shared was strictly platonic.

To calm yourself and bring you to the present you slowly rub your swollen stomach, feeling a tiny kick as you make small circles with your hand. Grunting with effort as you slowly sit up you breathe in deeply and exhale loudly. As your feet hit the ice cold floor you stand up and look out of the window.

Your nightly routine now consists of this same pattern. Over and over again you see Halfdan's dying face, a nightmare that was unfortunately true. You get up, change clothes and pace. That was exactly what happens tonight, what will happen tomorrow night and so on.

You peel the dampened night clothes from your body and bend over to retrieve a new set from the chair beside your bed. Night sweats were the worst part of this debacle, leaving you freezing as you change. Still shivering you grab your blanket and wrap it over your shoulders.

A sharp pain spasms through your abdomen and you hiss at that. The pains had started that morning and never really went away fully. Then the trickling starts. You could have had yet another accident but this feels different. Sneezing or laughter usually brought an accident on but you were doing neither. Pregnancy was far less magical and more gross than you had imagined it would be. Another pain shoots through and your water completely breaks, running down your legs.

"Oh!" You exclaim and begin to panic. You knew nothing about giving birth apart from pushing, Torvi had taught that. The rest, she said, could only be learnt through experience. Well you weren't experienced and you weren't ready. Nine, almost ten, months seemed so far away when you had first told Halfdan. You hadn't expected the time to pass by so quickly after his death.

Exasperated as you grab your fur to wrap over you, dropping the blanket, you're out the door in no time. Idunn was away with her husband but you knew where to find Torvi. In the months that had followed the battle you and her had become close friends. She had lost a son and as tough as the woman was, she was a mother, and she knew heartache.

"Torvi?" You yell as you knock loudly. Hopping a little from foot to foot you realize it was foolish to have forgotten your boots. The night was frosty and your toes were already freezing. Again you pound on the door.

"Y/N?" You turn around quickly and relief washes over you before another quick pain stabs you again.

"Bjorn!" You grunt, voice straining. He looks at the way you're dressed and crosses his arms. "What are you doing out here like this?"

"Bjorn, it's happening." Faster than you're expecting, too. Another pain and you're clutching your stomach, the warm fur falling to the ground.

With realization Bjorn hurriedly picks you up honeymoon style and makes his way back to your house. "Where is Torvi?" You whine as the door is opened and you're back to where you started. Alone apart from Bjorn who is the last person you wish to see. You needed a woman, not a man who had never even been intimate with you. The very last thing you want is Bjorn seeing you this way.

"She is not here?" Of course he wouldn't know. Bjorn and Torvi had long since been apart, Bjorn moving on quickly while Torvi had just recently gotten with Ubbe.

He lays you on the floor, looking around for towels, or loose fabric, anything that he can put underneath of you. A cry escapes your mouth as your hands cling onto your thighs, nails digging into the flesh.

"Okay, here's all I could find!" Bjorn runs back to you and lays down towels and the fur of Halfdan's that you still owned. "I'm not laying on that!" You shriek, grabbing the article before your fist flies to your mouth, teeth baring down.

"So don't use it, I don't know!"

Useless! You scream in your head, crying now. Bjorn paces the small room, hands behind his back as he thinks. "I'm going to find someone." He decides and makes a break for the door.

"Bjorn Ironside if you leave me alone now I will kill you!"

He surrenders with his hands and begins his pacing once more, trying to think of what he could possibly do. "Shouldn't you push or something?" He asks and you scream in his direction, a sentence of nonsensical words before breathing quickly. "Not now, Bjorn, you idiot!" You can't help but to be mad at him, at any man right now. There he was, comfortable while you were in agony. "If he wasn't dead already I'd kill Halfdan!" The mention of such a task sends you further into tears.

Finally there's a knock on the door and Bjorn answers it, fully relieved. "Torvi." He sighs, pointing in your direction to which she quickly goes and kneels beside you.

"Torvi, it hurts." You whimper and hold tightly on to the fur which you've scrunched into your hands. "I know it does, Y/N. But it will be all over soon. I need you to spread your legs for me. Can you do that?" You nod you open your shaking legs, the pain unbearable.

"Bjorn I need water." Taking a loose piece of cloth she rips it smaller. "Okay now lift your back up." Guiding you through the process you obey again and Torvi slides a towel underneath you before gently pushing your back to the ground once more.

Bjorn hands her a small bucket and stands back awaiting any further instructions. Torvi takes the smaller piece of cloth and dips it into the water before pressing it against your sweating forehead. "That's it. Just breathe."

Her touch and her words are gentle, something you need right now when you're feeling so frantic, so helpless. "Y/N, I need to check you now to see how far along you are." You nod as Torvi looks between your legs, her hand disappearing under your dress. The feeling is uncomfortable but no worse than what you're going through now. "She's close," Torvi says to Bjorn. His nails are in his mouth as he watches the scene unfold.

"Okay. When I say go, I need you to push, okay?" Her face is serious as she looks to you. You sit up, resting your weight on your elbows and bite your lip. "Okay." You groan.

"Push."

As you strain through the first push you cry out, the pain so uncomfortable that your body shakes and you fall down. Unable to hold your body up Torvi looks to Bjorn, "Go on! Sit behind her." She rushes him.

Taking off the thick fur coat he'd still been wearing, Bjorn tosses it aside and goes to your head. You lift yourself up again and Bjorn sits down behind you. Another push and you again collapse but with him behind you for support you're able to see more.

"Torvi, lift my dress up? I want to see when this child breaks free from me." As the fabric slides up over your stomach you lift your back so the bottom goes up to.

Another big push and Torvi is smiling, "It's coming."

Your hair sticks to the sides of your face from sweat and Bjorn reaches over to wipe your forehead with the cloth Torvi had used. The small action sends you into hysterics, thinking of how Halfdan would have been the one to do it.

"I know." He whispers into your ear as if reading your mind. The tears flow freely as you give one more big push after Torvi's cue.

Crying. Screaming. That's all you can hear now but it's not coming from you. "Y/N, look." Bjorn points down and when you do you see Torvi holding a baby in her arms, her own eyes glistening. "A girl." She sighs happily and hands you the screaming babe. It's filthy, slimy and bloody as you take it - her - into your arms while Torvi cuts the cord.

Bjorn sets about reaching for a larger cloth to wrap the infant in but you no longer care how disgusting she looks. She's yours, you did this.

"Hello my sweet girl." Your voice is a hoarse whisper as you look into her eyes. She stopped screaming when you spoke and looked up to you and you gasp at how brown, almost black, her eyes are.

You can hear Bjorn sniffle behind you and you tilt your head back to see if he's really crying. He is and he shakes his head, "She's his. She is one hundred percent Halfdan's." He laughs as he thinks fondly of his good friend. You look back down and nod, Torvi coming beside you to clean the baby's head. Once free from the goo and blood, she's even more striking and those eyes never leave you.

"Halfdan would be so proud of you right now." Torvi says and leans in to kiss your cheek. Bjorn, watching the baby as she now watches him, sighs and his chin rests on your head. "Very proud." He agrees.

"What are you going to call this future shieldmaiden?"

"Verdandi," you whisper, "I shall call her Verdandi."

.

Tags: @naaladareia