#but I'm so happy to break the generational cycle of people that have negative perceptions of ppl who go to therapy

[pxrplepolkadots]

🤗

[imagine-your-love-story]

I have a practical questions. It might be easy to take as very critical but I know that u Penny won't read it in bad faith: I'm asking as a person who in the past used daydreaming etc to the point it had negative impact on my life and brief delusions. That's why I'm a bit... well, not concerned but wary? My point is compassion to ppl who also might have tendencies like me in the past: So: What are healthy boundaries to self shipping? When would be it going to far? When would encouragment be enabling? NOTE: I know asking this might be a little tone deaf after the person who want to marry their f/o wondered about heathiness of it all so I wanna make it clear: ANON I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU! I do not think AT ALL you take it out of healthy zone and I am wishing you best :D Have fun and make so much good memories with your spouse :D (haha I was thinking of making my bf into a trophy husband myself ;D)

this is a super good question, anon! and a really important one!

I think it's important to keep in mind that YOU as a physical, flesh and blood living human being, are still rooted in reality. Learning how to recognize and employ healthy boundaries is a constant work in progress and that's okay!

You can still allow yourself to enjoy the attention of a fictional character. You can envision yourself interacting with them, etc. Just as long as you continue to go about your own life.

Daydreaming is okay in moderation of course. And envisioning yourself in a loving relationship, interacting with a character who cares about you can have a tremendous positive impact on your confidence and your emotional and mental health!

It's like that line: "Fake it 'til you make it".

That line doesn't sit well with me. It feels...well...fake. Like I can't grasp it. It feels like plastic in my mouth when I say it.

But imagining my favorite character looking me in the eyes and saying, "I'm proud of you" and "You're strong, you're capable, you've got this"???? That works WONDERS for me!

So in that respect, daydreaming is perfectly okay (and there are a few articles about how imagining a positive outcome is good for your mental health here and here)

For people like you, dear anon, who are a bit more cautious and careful because of the impact daydreaming has had in your life, I think it's important to always employ a level of self-awareness in self-shipping.

If you notice that the quality of your life is slipping because every waking moment is spent daydreaming about fictional characters to the point that you're not eating, you're not socializing, you're not taking care of yourself, then of course that's a problem and I would not encourage daydreaming at that point. I would encourage seeking professional help.

So make sure you check in with yourself and that you know your limits! ♥♥♥

Encouragement that enables you would be ignoring the red flags and telling you to do it anyway. But there's a difference between ignoring red flags and pushing back against negative internalized speech.

Red flags tell you: "There is something seriously wrong with your mental, emotional, and/or physical health. This is a warning sign. Heed it."

Hallucinations/delusions/etc. are a warning sign. If you send me a message and tell me that you're hallucinating your favorite character taking you out to dinner, I will (gently, kindly) pester you to seek professional help.

Negative internalized speech tells you: "You have been fed inaccurate perceptions of your identity that perpetuate a cycle of self-hatred and self-loathing that is damaging your mental health and you need to learn how to reframe that script to say something positive."

If I get a message from you like, "I don't deserve to be loved by my favorite character", I will (gently, kindly) pester you to rewrite this negative self talk with the positive words the fictional character is representing to you.

If someone encourages you to ignore a red flag, RUN (in some cases, the person doesn't recognize it either and they're well-meaning, which is why you gotta check up on yourself!)

If someone encourages you to push back against negative internalized speech, keep that person close because they don't want you to hurt anymore.

Chances are really, really good that someone online won't be able to tell what is a red flag for you. That's why you need to keep checking in with yourself and get help if you think something is wrong!

This kind of got a little long winded and I don't know if I've answered your question(s) or not??? Overall, please look after yourself and if the self-ship community is hitting some sensitive areas for you, please do whatever is best for your well-being and take a break! ♥

(I also want to make a note here that I am not a medical professional and I do not have experience in this field so I can only speak from a general point of view!)