#but SO glad we got to have fun with FB while it lasted! :3 thanks for your hard work!! <3

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 10

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online. Day 271: Work was dominated by Qfiniti again, including a meeting with Jon and staff from the States, where I found my self taking control to get the next steps in process (and then, Dave Stewart, the SCCM engineer fucked off and put an OOO message on Teams telling me he’s off until Tuesday (it’s Thursday)...and I am off on Monday!) But, I have to say this project does float my boat. Got a text message and then a call from PCH for another laser eye appt this coming Monday at 12.30pm. I mentioned to the lady that phoned that I will have to square it with work (I won’t, but she doesn’t know that) as I can’t afford to lose my job - it just seems the hospital, while under pressue with the admin and the clinic availability - I get it! - just aren’t seeing the issues for the patients. Plus, Peterborough has been declared a Tier 3 from Sunday under the new lockdown scheme, the highest tier. Great...I really want to travel to a highly infected area! managed to find an online booze shop that does Gordon’s and Famous Grouse and will deliver beforee Chrimbo, so I’ve placed the order for dad and Rita’s gift. I spoke with Dad today, he hasn’t heard about his vaccination yet which is a surprise (he’s in the first draft being over 80)

Day 272: Typing on day 273. Work was that manic shit at the end of the dya when I’ve got time off. I am only off on Moday but still had to tie up loose ends, complictaed further by Jon being off next week and Sueanne off this week and the Qfiniti project! In the evening I only mamaged three beers. I ate too much. Plus my sugars were all over the place and way too high! I ordered a torch a couple of days ago (£17), it arrived today. It takes rechargeable batteries or 3 AAAs. Apparently, to get the best performance (i.e. brightness) you need the rechargeable batteries in it, so i charged ‘em. Fucking hell, I’m glad I did - it’s brighter than the sun. It opens up my late walks in winter, for sure.

Day 273: While it was a very late (but sober) night yesterday (gone 4am before lights out) I was up before midday. Usual walking etc. plus gave the bathroom a clean (albeit with wipes, but I did mop the floor - and used the water to also mop the kitchen). Now I am about to stick a pizza in the oven, plus wedges (to have with microwaveable chip shop curry sauce) and watch This Is 40 which is coincidentally on telly tonight - the coincidence being clips of it are on TikTok a lot right now. I am on my second beer and am going to have a smoke right now as well. Lastly for this entry, I have been using my AudioPro speaker today, it pisses me off it’s not WiFi capable but, thru Bt, it does sound fucking good - revisiting James works very well to demonstrate the speaker’s prowess.

Day 274: I have another Paypal a/c. I have been getting emails to my standard gmail account from Paypal saying they are going to charge me £9 for an inactive account which I have been largely ignoring since my paypal a/c has a specific email address. Anyway, I tried to log in, after a password reset and, hey presto, I do have another one, with £35 in it, having just been fleeced of £9 for the aforementioned inactivity, fuckers. It’s registered with the old Market Place address and phone. When I try to transfer the £35 to my card, it wants to confim it’s me by calling the phone, which I can’t amend. Oh, and you can’t contact Paypal direct. Fuck knows what to do! Other than that, usual Sunday, a tad more relaxed since I have tomorrow off, but not that much now I have an eye appointment in Tier 4 Peterborough (it’s been up’d from tier 3)! Up at 1.30 pm (I watched This is 40 and The Guvners last night with lots of beer), feeling worse for wear but, stair climb and a 6 miler acheived!

Day 275: I was at the hospital for 3 hours. The laser clinic didn’t start until 1.30pm so, why my appointment was at 12.20, not even the consultant could understand. 15 minutes of lasering - horrible but I am used to it. It took so long it pretty much fucked my day off up completely. I got a Christmas card from Karen, in the actual post, so, a mail shot. It’s depressing.

Day 276: Back to work and it’s definitely in wind down mode. I’ve decided to compile a list of things I have done this year. It will be on the postive side, such as all the steps I’ve walked and getting an article published about my photography, but it will also include randon facts like getting bitten by a dig twice and not having a haircut. I’ll get it done so I can post in at new year, hopefully be a little inspiring, a little silly and a lot of showing off!

Day 277: Work, again, was quiet. It’s fucking pissing down now, as I type at 21:50, and has been all day. It’s causing havoc and there’s flooding everywhere. I could walk down St. Peter’s Road tonight ‘cos of it (had to go up New Road, Springfield Road, down Latham Road). Soaked a lunhtime and tonight! With a new variant of Coronavirus, France stopped frieght crossing the border. That’s now been resolved but tyeh back log has/is affecting certain food stocks in the shops, of which, fresh veg might affect me for Christams dinner (I plan to do a chicken breast with stuffing, pigs in blankets, yorkshire pud and shed loads of veg. I’ll nip to Co-Op tomorrow morning and see what’s vaialble. It’s a half day at work ‘cos of Christmas Eve, so I can nip out somewhere in the car if need be, as ong as the flooding has subsided. Or I could just get shitfaced and have burgers and pizza.

Day 278: Christmas Eve. Sueanne let me finish at 11.00am so, very shortly thereafter, off for a walk I went; it turned out to be a stop/start affair - flooding as the Nene had burst its banks, ended up doing more of a circuit round town. Bumped into Andy Smith (and his son) and, after that, Ash and Denise. Ended up doing just under 11.5km in 2 and a half hours.Knackered! As I type, I have a chilli on the stove, beer on the go, all the veg and chicken breast bought with no shortages, as feared, for tomorrow’s lunch and looking forward to eating. getting drunk, smoking, listening to music, watching telly....all over the next two/three days.

Day 279: I don’t even remember going to bed last night. As a direct result I got out of bed at 2.30pm. I couldn’t even be bothered with Christmas dinner, let alone anything else like exercise. I’m just about to have chilli for dinner (it’s 8.10pm). Watch some telly then try an go to sleep before midnight. No booze! I did talk to dad earlier. Day 280: Typing on day 281. A better, more productive day. Up @11.00am exercise and walk as usual, although the walk was a different route due to flooding. In the evening I could hear ‘storm Bella’ raging, so windy! I cooked a christmas dinner of sorts, chicken breast with Thyme, all the veg, roasted spuds and parsnip, stuffing (a first for me, albeit co-op stuffing mix), Yorkshie and pigs in blankets. It was smashing! A few beers and The Hitman’s Bodyguard, alays a fun watch. A better day, as I say, but I am feeling particular deflated this Christmas. Day 281: Typing on day 282. I realised, about mid afternoon, that Monday (tomorrow) is a bank holiday so no work. It was a great realisation but, also, worrying that it dawned on my like I’m an old person! Nevertheless, a nice long walk - bumped into Baz & Kate and had a nice long chat, then El & Camila, Aaron and Eva for another, shorter chat. I also saw Denise & Ash along the way. Fog video called later in the evening for a chat too (he told me how he fell asleep at the dinner table, fuck he makes me laugh - unwittingly - when I need it most!) A regular social fest! A repeat of last night’s dinner and a few beers - it was a good day albeit I am in a proper low ebb.

Day 282: Up at midday after a 4am-er. A very long walk (1.75 hours) and a hodge podge dinner (remaining chilli, roasted spuds and peppers, steamed cauliflower and runner beans, grated cheese) - it’s nearly ready, I’ll type the review tomorrow. I realise that this is the first time in 21 Christmases that I have at least talked to K. Is that connected to my mood slump? I reckon so. So, as that fact dawned on me, I then considered, should it be the case next Christmas, it will not be the first in along time and, as such, more manageable....fuck knows how I manage to accentuate any little positive but, thank goodness I do. Day 283: Work was a sedate affair today, fuck all to do really. Sueanne is now follwing me on Insta...I shall invetsigate on how to exclude posts to individuals, methinks. Tea, last night, was fucking lovely. More of the same tonight-ish - currently I am roasting spuds, peppers, garlic, chillies, tomatoes - it’ll all go with left over pigs-in-blankets (5) and a burger. I’ll have bisto beef with mustard on it. I can’t wait! Day 284: Typing on day 285. That meal was fucking lush! Checked on the car todfay and it would not start. Something is draining the battery so I will have to give it a run every day until I can get Julian to sort it. So, I WhatsApp’d Karen to borrow the portable starter. She dropped it off for me. We had the briefest of chats at the doorstep, first time we’ve spoken in weeks. She mentioned my hair! Day 285: NYE. I have just got back from walking to Cottersock and back. I would not have been able to do so without my new torch! I finished and published my double letter quiz on FB, including to the Virtual Pub group and the Oundle Chatter. It’s had some good feedback, I’m rather proud of it. I am going to make chicken casserole now (with dumplings - a first for me, I even bought some flour), have some beers and get a bit stoned. Before that, I am going to finish off my list of things I’ve done this year, including steps wlaked and hours listening on Spotify. I am quite proud of that list too.

Day 286: I fucked the dumplings up, added too much water, so that didn’t happen but the chicken casserole was good, just about to finish it for tea tonight. I also had pizza last night and went to bed at 5am. I have had a lot of good feedback on my list of 2020 achievements. I proud of it. K sent a happy new WhatsApp last night, around 00.30.

Day 287: No booze last night, so I was up before the alarm today (about 10.00am) Two walks, one on my own, another with Fog with a couple of beers. I fucking loved it! Watching datrts (World champs semi finals - been texting Dan while the first one has been on). Going to watch The Aviator later...I’ve not seen it before which surprises me. Why it surprises me I do not know, since I know I haven’t seen it. How the fuck can I be surprised by a fact I’m completely aware of? Day 288: I didn’t watch The Aviator ‘cos Logan Luck was on at 11:55pm on ITV4. Great fildm...I can’t believe that I very nearly paid for it (rent from Sky or Amazon). A late one last night and quite pissed. Thinking about it, having afew beers with Fog in the afternoon made it quite a long sesh for me! Up at just gone midday today, nice long walk (Cotterstock) which was mde long by a painful right ankle - I must have turned or twiested slightly sometime. Still, it survived. Back to work tomorrow - Chrimbo and New Year all done and dusted for the 55th time in my life!

Day 289: First day back at work of 2021. Boris announces another full lockdown in England (there’s a new strain of Covid19 which is seeing huge numbers of infections every day, over 50,000 per day).

Day 290: Something is up with my right foot, the little toe pad. It’s bloody sore. If it gets any worse it’ll affect my walking and exercise. I phoned Anne Bennison to talk about it, she just wants me to go and see her which i donlt want to do if poss, pandemic and all that.

Day 291: Wearing my sandals instead of the M&S slippers and my foot/toepad is already feeling bteer. However, I did inspect my Merrell boots, just in case, and the sole on te right is really worn down, in just three months. I have sent a WhatsApp to CotswoldOutdoors, where I got them from....let’s see what they say! It’s all kicking off i  the US - pro Trump protestors have storm the Capitol Building, where congrees was being held. Only in ‘Merica.

Day 292: Busy at work with rolling out Qfiniti - all that project work was pretty much for fuck all since the SCCM package has to hand held. It’s feckin’ freezing today, below freezing, slippy af on my walks. I have been shopping tonight, £106 in Corby Tesco. That does include 8 cans of sapporo.

Day 293: The fracas at Capitol Hill on Wednesday left 5 dead, it looks like Trump will be impeached. He’s already said he’ll not attend Biden’s inauguration. In a fucking world gone mad, it’s another level of madness. It’s really cold -3℃ tonight, more of the same tomorrow. Makes for brisk walks. I’ve just had chicken balti pie and chips for tea. It was so nice that I burnt the roof of my fucking gob. I’m on the Sapporo and about to have a smoke then watch Jack Reacher. I’ve (kinda) earnt after the first 5 day week for a while.

Day 294: Well, last night saw another late one...5am by the time I :went to sleep. Up at 2pm today with no instention of any exercise or walking or housework or fuck all, really. But, I did my exercises and a 9 mile walk. While I walked I came across Banners, quick 15 min chat and listed to Stage by David Bowie. He’s all over the radio right now as it’s his death’s anniversary tomorrow and his birthday yesterday. It’s a fucking good live album. A few beers tonight, eating trash, watching FA Cup highlights then End of Watch later.  Posh played today (first time in a while due to Covid infections) drew away to (shitty) Lincoln 1-1. Good point as Posh were down to ten men after 67 mins for a second yellow for handball in the area. Lincoln missed the pen. Fucking funny. Chorley, the non leaguers who knocked Posh out in round 2 of the FA Cup, beat Derby in round 3 today (albeit derby fielded an academy side of 11 first timers due to Covid ) - a great day for them!

Day 295: Up at 2pm swearing blind I’d not walk or exercise (again!) but, of course I did. I’ve done over 25 miles this w/e! End of Watch was brilliant last night. Well worth a rewatch, so emotional. I am making butter chicken as I type. I’ve added extra onion, garlic and, of course, chillies. It’s the spiciest butter chicken I have ever tasted! 

Day 296: One of those frustrating days at work when no problem of request I try to resolve goes without a hitch. After a 7km walk in the evening, took the car for a spin and cleaned the bathroom. Fucking knackered. It’s 11:30pm and I’m in bed typing this on the iPad! despite getting up so late, I feel knackered. 11pm bedtime for me, I reckon.

Day 297: Fucking busy at work, the States rolled out a new Okta trust policy and it caused mayhem. Meant my evening walk didn’t start ‘til gone 6pm. When I got back, clened the hall and stairs, made chilli (which I am about to have for tea (gone 10.15pm!) and showered. I’m, again, fucking knackered! Posh played Portsmouth in the EFL Trophy 3rd round at home. Won 5-1. Nice.

Day 298: Had an electrician rouind for the EICR cetrt. He was here until 2pm and it was a pain in the arse, having to work upstairs plus, with having to cut the electricity, all the smart devices lost their settings. And it was freezing up there.

Day 299: Work was impossibly infuriating. Not one pc remote session went to plan! It was pissing down a lunchtime during my walk but, I have to say, the cheap TargetDry coat copes fine in heavy rain for short periods. Everywhere is flooding again even though the rain turned to sleet. By my evening walk, it was dry but bloody cold. Then, when I got in I cleaned the kitchen and mopped the floor and the bathroom’s as well. I fucking done in! Chatted to dad today - same as ever!

Day 300: What a fucking work at week! I am so glad it’s Friday. To celebrate, I ordered new walking boots: Scarpas £121!

[punderfulowl]

Top 12 Anime (That I've Seen) in 2018

Happy New Year, one and all! You read the title right, starting off 2019 with a change of format with not ten, but TWELVE entries in this year-end list! Not only that, I’ve actually watched more current stuff than last year! 

Allow me to explain...

Just in case you haven’t seen my list from last year, this list will consist of anime I’ve seen this year and not necessarily anime that came out this year. Why? One, because I watch whatever I want to watch. And two, because not a lot of people do end of the year retrospectives this way and it’s a fun time sharing older series that many might not have seen, yet (not exactly original though considering that I stole this idea from videogamedunkey). Now that you understand the rules, let’s begin!

12. Fastest Finger First (2017)

Starting off the list is a little anime series that may have gone under most people’s radar when it first came out. I, myself, forgot about it until a random clip showed up on my FB feed via Crunchyroll’s page and decided to seek it out. It was a fun enough time with learning about the ins and outs of the Quiz Bowl world while getting behind our young heroes that aim to be the best. Admittedly, this shows rolls with plenty of anime cliches which almost drowns out the few surprises it has. One of those surprises is that these high school characters actually look like high schoolers! There’s no, “lolz, that’s a freshman in high school, but she has double D boobs! And that one over there is over six feet tall high muscle tone! Cuh-razy!”

Okay, that was more of a personal note, but it’s still appreciated. Anyway, it’s a cute show and definitely worth the look.

11. Ray:The Animation (2006)

Starting out is a show that I did a review on earlier this year so I’ll keep this, as well as other shows I reviewed already, relatively short. Ray is about a young woman, whom is an amazing doctor in her own right, tackling medical mysteries as well as her own foggy past. Medical dramas may be present in live-action shows, but it’s quite the rarity in anime especially having a woman in the leading role. Unfortunately, the lackluster animation and art keep it from going higher on this list, but all the good it has is REALLY good (albeit with some silliness here and there).

10. Beautiful Bones: Sakurako's Investigation (2015)

I’ve already had my say in regards to this series, but, just to clarify for this list, my feelings have not changed. Holds itself well for a mystery, has an interesting protagonist, and is visually beautiful. I would like to know more about this story, but that would mean reading the light novels. It may be low on the list because of it being a glorified commercial, but I would recommend this anime regardless.

9. Devilman Crybaby (2018)

Once you have seen this list as a whole, you’ll notice that most of the stuff I’ve seen last year was on the lighter side. You can blame Devilman for that because I needed some fluff for a morale boost after watching that! However, I didn’t place it at the bottom of the list for a reason and that’s because I recognize this anime as the game changer it is. Devilman is both visually and narratively different from what we’re used to in anime and we, as a community, need more of that. We need more shows that start up conversations on not just meaning, morals or symbolism, but rather on what we want to see and how trends should change. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve yet to recover from this show, so I’m going to look at some pictures of adorable puppers.

8. Pop Team Epic (2018)

Apparently, a LOT of people didn’t like Pop Team Epic and the attention that it was getting. I...don’t quite get it? I guess you can be allergic to fun? Sure, it was weird and off the wall, but that OP was a banger, though! Okay, so the humor didn’t jive with everyone, but it sure jived with me!

7. Aggretsuko (2018)

A fun look into the life of a young individual stuck in an average desk job (except, you know, with animals), Aggretsuko was an honest to goodness surprise for me last year and I’m glad it’s getting a second season. 

6. Violet Evergarden (2018)

I’m sure that there are going to be a lot of people that will be mad at me for not putting this higher, especially since I think it’s this high to begin with on its merits of being a beautifully animated show alone. Yes, it had some really good character moments and one episode that got me very emotionally invested, but for some reason I find this spot to be just right. Hey, it beat out six other shows, right?

5. Interviews with Monster Girls (2017)

If ya’ll aren’t angry now hahaha!

Seriously, be thankful that my bias only had this anime this far. What bias is that? As sad as it sounds, this show opened up my eyes to the wonder that is Sakie Satou aka my new, overall, waifu. 

Sakie aside, this show has a lot going for it. I can just imagine if this kind of story was handled by anyone else our main protagonist, Tetsuo Takahashi, would have been some bland self-insert with no personality, but instead, he’s one of the show’s strong points. For one, Tetsuo is a freakin’ adult and freakin’ acts like one. Second, instead of a generic, lean body type, he’s pretty jacked which I like to think provides some manservice for those looking for it.

IwMG is a delight and you should check it out if you haven’t already.

4. Hinamatsuri (2018)  

Hinamatsuri was considered to be not only the best comedy anime of 2018, but the best anime, period, of 2018. Those claims are easily understood because the show has many things going for it: comedic timing, slapstick, and a variety of interesting characters. I’ve already said my piece when I reviewed it earlier, so all I have to say is to check out Hinamatsuri for a good laugh or seven.

3. Teasing Master Takagi-san (2018)

This show has charmed me so much. It was such a surprise. However, I’m going to keep this short because any longer will leave me gushing over and over again about how freakin’ precious these two kids are.

2. Nichijou (2011)

Nichijou is such a delight! The pacing, rhythm, and slapstick are ALL on point! I remember seeing some images back in the day and wasn’t all that impressed, but it wasn’t until one or two years ago that I came across some actual footage and was left impressed. A truly hilarious show with its own style. Go and watch this if you need a laugh.

1. My Hero Academia [S1] (2016)

So, yeah, I was about two years late to this party, eh? But after two years of seeing a lot of my friend fall head over heels for MHA, I thought, “Enough is enough, time to see if all this hype is merited.”

It was, it so freakin’ was.

I paced myself as best as I could thinking that I could space out the (current) three seasons because I’m not huge into binge watching, but I practically watched the first two seasons back to back. I enjoyed it that much! Heck, it got my brother to start watching it and he’s not that big into the anime scene! However, between the first two seasons, I felt that the first season was the stronger of the two and thus its place on this list. 

Sorry for this being WAY late, but I’m glad to have finally finished this. Here’s to another year of being a huge nerd! Hooray!

[kristens-chaotic-life]

What in the world is happening..

*Fair warning...I decided not to proofread this lol. So this could be messy*

Well, remember how I said I blog and then I just stop? And don’t do anything for months..years, or whatever. Yea that kinda happened. I guess it's only been months this time. But several months...because I’m pretty sure the last time I blogged that COVID wasn’t a thing. At least not here. So it's pretty safe to say that life has been absolutely crazy since mid march.  Trying to adjust to this new normal has not been easy. We finished up the year of virtual learning with the kids almost a month ago.  This just confirmed that there is no way in heck I could ever homeschool. I know, people say it's easier than the virtual thing that we were doing, but honestly I just lack the organizational skills to do it. Ask anyone how well I do at following a plan or schedule, they will tell you. We developed multiple schedules for school and chores and everything like that and I think the most successful one lasted a week. Not even kidding. So you can bet I’m praying and have my fingers crossed that we go back to school in the fall with it at least being some sort of normal! 

I’m trying to compose my thoughts into some sort of order that makes sense...but there is just so much that's happened lately it's hard! So forgive me if this is ALL over.

So...real talk here. I spent about a week recently in one of my oh so fun anxiety filled modes. I won’t go into detail over what, because it’s weird. And I know it's weird. Only a handful of people know about it. And I am super grateful for those who do because while they may not understand it at all they have learned how to deal with me..how to be helpful to me and I’m able to talk and reason things out and get to a place of being temporarily ok. And when this is going on I really seriously struggle for a while. I’ll be very up and down. Sometimes wake up in a panic and don’t even get why exactly. I’m finally coming out of it. Thank goodness..but couldn’t have without the help of awesome people.Zach trying to keep me talked down and comfort me.. Keeping myself occupied with the kids and having a friend or two over(Stephanie&Sue), AMAZING friends to talk to on the phone(Christy&Gen) and an awesome therapist to talk things through with and make me feel like I’m not so crazy! I am really grateful that I was able to get an extra appointment in this last week because I was there on Monday..I was a mess but ended up feeling somewhat better when I left. But Tuesday morning I woke up in total panic. Like what the heck is happening...why is this bothering me...why am I so panicked. Its scary..waking up feeling overwhelmed. After monday I had got to the point where I could kinda realize when the panic was coming on and kinda separate it..not let it get too overwhelming. But how in the world can you overcome that feeling when you wake up feeling like you have no control? I wrestled with it through the night/early morning and decided to call up to the office and luckily got in. That afternoon after leaving I felt better...and have been better regarding that whole situation since. So very grateful for that.  OH MY GOSH though..let's take it back a week. So the week prior to all this craziness I left my counseling session feeling different. Not sure what the heck was happening with me. I had found myself feeling really uncomfortable over something that seems so silly. A simple question regarding what I wanted to work on..and I didn’t know what to say. And it just made me feel weird. Like I’m afraid to say the wrong thing? But why? Why the heck does that make me feel like that? It's extremely rare for me to get uncomfortable in a session. As I have literally talked about almost everything and everything you could think of and been very open. But when it comes to me answering a simple question about making a decision...couldn’t do it. So I left there that day and I just kinda drove. And processed. Tried to figure out why I felt the way I did. I honestly still don’t have an answer for that...but I ended up down at the tridge...if you are local to me you know what is. If you aren’t google the tridge in midland mi. Its pretty cool. But my thought process took me to how a lot of things make me nervous or scared. And the tridge is something I’ve been across many times. But never actually alone. Why? Because I don’t like heights..not that it's that high..but it's off the ground lol. And I don’t like bridges. I sat in my car and thought for a while and then decided I was going to walk it alone..and I did. And I sat in the middle of it on a bench for a while and just thought and tried to process some things...and it felt good. Maybe next time I’ll walk by the railing...but probably not .  And I will probably be confused for a while as to what the heck got me there..what a weird process! Maybe you’ve seen that jar of fears thing floating around on fb...I finally filled out lol...yep I’m just afraid of life apparently. I swear its missing like 50 more of my fears haha.

So I’m starting to feel like I should have split this up into separate blogs...but lets be honest if I were to do that it would be another month before I came back to it...so lets keep moving on, if I haven’t lost everyone yet with my randomness.

Having a moment experiencing God...So yesterday was the first time back at worship practice. Our church opened its doors last weekend. Now this weekend I get to help lead worship. Its one of my favorite places to be hands down. Just walking back through those doors yesterday evening felt amazing. I missed being there so much. Just being in the presence of God, and around those people. It was so fun to do music and worship together..and to talk to people I haven’t seen in months. When I left though I felt overwhelmed. Not in a bad way like the anxiety mess. But just overwhelmed by the presence of God. Something that is just so hard to put into words. I spent a little time reflecting on things...I prayed. I cried. I reached out to a couple people. Honestly the only 2 people that I felt would know or somewhat understand what I was experiencing in that moment. Because I didn’t even know. I had sent a few texts that I felt like made absolutely no sense just needing to talk a little bit about what I was feeling and needing someone to pray with. And how I felt so weird asking that because I didn’t even know how to explain what was going on, and I felt somewhat embarrassed because really the words that were coming out didn’t make a whole lot of sense. I actually erased what I had sent so I didn’t have to look at it again because it sounded crazy lol. But I was assured it was ok. And we prayed. What I think got me feeling that way is a particular song lyric that just hit me really hard from a song we were doing: 

'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me

Your goodness is running after, it's running after me

With my life laid down, I'm surrendered now

I give You everything

'Cause Your goodness is running after, it's running after me”

Sometimes, well really a lot of times life gets crazy and we forget..just give it all to God...and it's like why haven’t I been doing this all along. All this last week, or almost 2 weeks when I felt like I was losing my mind. Filled with anxiety, overwhelmed. Why didn’t I just surrender it all over to God...even when literally just days before I was being told to just give it to God, cry out to him and pray. I did spend time doing that then...but I just wasn’t letting it all go and trusting God to take care of it, like I should be. SO to the 2 of you...you know who you are(I literally only talked to 2 people thursday night lol so if you were one of them...its you)  I appreciate you more than words can express. I spent some time praying on this today too and I feel like I’m in a better place. 

I am SO much looking forward to Sunday and worshiping..AND its my BIRTHDAY! No place I would rather be on my birthday than there <3  and then spending time with my family. God is so good <3 

In other news in my life...the kids are all doing great. Glad to be done with “homeschooling”. The big 3 have been getting to go up to Grayling with their grammy and grandma, leaving a lot of time for just me and the little man together. Which is fun. He misses his big kids though. 

 I recently became apart of the “Ritza Creative Team” with Ritza Life which I’m pretty excited about and will be a good opportunity! AND my boutique business has been thriving lately!  I mailed all this out yesterday! I’ve never been so busy! I love it! 

www.facebook.com/groups/ktrip86boutique

If you aren’t part of my boutique group check it out :) I have face masks for sale!!

I think thats all for now..if you stuck with reading all this thanks :D Maybe one of these times I will do a shorter entry with a little less craziness and seriousness :) 

[bangtan-spells]

92 Truths~  tag game

Rules:  write 92 truths about yourself then tag 25 people.

Thanks to @ulookatme-ilookintoyou for taggin us 💕

Em👸🏽

LAST…

[1] drink: Cold green tea!

[2] phone call: Called my aunt to please pick me up hahaha

[3] text message: I think it was to the same aunt.

[4] song you listened to: Fun by Troye Sivan.

[5] Time you cried: yesterday evening, I’m super sensitive for a lot of things going on in my life so yeah, I was talking about it and cried a lil tiny bit

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice: uh no (don’t think I would anyway)

[7] Been cheated on: hmmm let’s say no, but I think one of my boyfriends did, I’m just not 100% sure about it, the asshole...

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes! it was a friendship sacrifice so... but still yuck.

[9] lost someone special: Yes, but not recently.

[10] Been depresed: Yes, been there.

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: lol yes, and I don’t like to remember those times, thank you very much.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

[12] White

[13] Pink

[14] Purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: Met a lot of people, but I don’t consider them friends yet whatsoever.

[16] fallen out of love: Nah

[17] laughed until you cried: Of course! it’s one of life’s pleasures

[18] found ppl were talking about you: nothing bad actually, just nice things, I’m cool like that 😎

[19] met someone who change you: I guess not?

[20] found out who your true friends are:They are the same as always!

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: No

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: Most of them, I’m not that active on fb anyways.

[23] do you have any pets: No, sadly.

[24] do you want to change your name: Well, this is tricky, I’m not the biggest fan of my name but I guess it’s alright to keep it.

[25] what did you do your last birthday: Chilled with grandpa and slept on his bedroom hahaha, I celebrated it like 9 days later.

[26] what time did you wake up: 5:10am (dying internally)

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Talking with a friend and simultaneously reading one of the new requests we got for Jin that I finished (I’m my number one fan💞 gotta keep myself going)

[28] name something you cannot wait for: Leaving this country.

[29] when was the last you saw your mother: I honestly can’t recall exactly, like two months? one, or more? something of the sort.

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I guess my personal health, if I could.

[31] what are you listening right now: Touch by Troye Sivan!

[32] have you talked to someone named Tom: Never.

[33] something that is gettin on your nerves: Inefficient people! jesus freaking christ, I’ve been dealing with them the whole day and I just hate it, I don’t have time for inefficiency  because other’s don’t freaking do what they have to!!!

[34] most visited websibe: Have to be tumblr and youtube.

[35] elementary: Finished, I was cute, naive and nerdy.

[36] high school: Finished, I was a cool nerd through that hahaha.

[37] college: Finished two years ago! I was cooler and fabulous, burned my eyelashes studying in almost every semester, college made me grow up a lot and learn a lot of things about myself and others, I’m glad it’s already over but it was a good experience🤓

[38] hair color: Dark brown.

[39] long or short hair: I’m fan of both, but currently I’m digging long hair the most.

[40] do you have a crush on someone: Awn, yes, I actually met such a fine man past week, I’m speechless, he’s boyfriend material and I’m 8 out of 10 seeing him at work very soon again aaaahhh

[41] what do you like about yourself: Physically, my body shape, my freckles and beauty/birth marks, my eyes, my voice, my hands. About my personality, hmmm, my endurance, my drive to succeed, my constancy, my imagination, my strong will, my confidence on the days it shines. I’m trying to tell myself the things I love about me more.

[42] piercings: On my ears only.

[43] blood type: B-

[44] nickname: Em, Enicito, Yani, some in my family call me maravillita which is something like little wonder too.

[45] relationship status: Single (but mentally in a long term relationship wih my alpha boyfriend Jin 💕 )

[46] zodiac sign: I’m a Scorpio babe.

[47] pronouns: She/Her

[48] fav tv show: GOT, Say Yes To The Dress, Cupcake War, the gourmet channel, oh and what not to wear.

[49] tattoos: A tiny one on my right ribs.

[50] right or left hand: I use the right.

FIRST…

[51] surgery: None yet.

[52] piercings: None besides the ones on my ears.

[53] best friend: Mars💖

[54] sport: Llike the first I played? idk must have been volleyball, it was the only one I was good at.

[55] Vacations: God, must have been to the capital I suppose.

[56] pair of trainers: I have no idea what this is.

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: Pineapple.

[58] drinking: Cold green tea.

[59] im about to: Get into bed and probably talk until late with a friend that is staying over.

[60] listening to: Shape Of You, by Ed Sheeran (love,love,love)

[61] waiting for: Success, luck and wealth in my future!

[62] want: A big big chocolate bar, I’m craving it, oh and flips too but I’m currently banned from buying sweets.

[63] get married: Hopefully I will someday with Mr. Right.

[64] career: I’m a Lawyer.

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: both, but I’m picking hugs.

[66] lips or eyes:  I recently discovered I have a thing for full lips, but I’m still picking eyes for this.

[67] shorter or taller: On the man I like? Taller❤️ in anybody else, whatever.

[68] older or younger: I guess older.

[69] romantic or spontaneous: Awn both, I cannot...

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: Nice arms to pick me up with because I’m a princess!!! 🙈

[71] sensible or loud: Let’s say sensible,but not that sensible.

[72] hook up or relationship: hahaha what is this? this depends of the situation and person you’re being with, but a relationship it is.

[73] troublermaker or hesitant:  A perfect mixture of both. Hesitancy gets on my nerves and a total troublemaker would get on my bad side sometimes.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: Yeah.

[75] drank hard liquor: Yes, in this country you go ride or die with liquor.

[76] lost glasses/contac lenses: Yes, when I was a child I lost my glasses.

[77] turned someone down: Yes.

[78] sex on the first date?:  Not yet honey.

[79] broken someone’s heart: I guess not? Idk

[80] had your heart broken?: Yes, it’s all part of experience, makes you learn good things for the rest of your life.

[81] been arrested?: No.

[82] cried when someone died?:Yes, when my grandma did.

[83] fallen for a friend: I had a crush on a friend once.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself: Absolutely, I try to always do it.

[85] miracles?: Yes

[86] love at first sight?: No. Attraction at first sight on the other hand, yes.

[87] santa clouse?: hahaha I will if he brings me gifts. I need new makeup Santa, please.

[88] kiss on the first date?: Yes, if the feel is right.

[89] angels?: A total yes for this.

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Mars 👸💞

[91] eye color: Dark brown

[92] favorite movie: The Corpse Bride it’s an all time favorite, no matter my age.

Mars 👸🏻

LAST…

[1] drink: Black coffee. 

[2] phone call: The bank, cries.

[3] text message: a friend to meet up later!

[4] song you listened to: Sexy Movimiento by Wisin Y Yandel (why every time I do these things I’m listening to reggaeton???)

[5] Time you cried: I don’t know, two weeks ago, yey, beating records right here, no cry no more. 

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice: Yes, and it’s no fun lmao.

[7] Been cheated on: Yes.

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it: Oh yes, I wish I could unkiss.

[9] lost someone special: Yes.

[10] Been depresed: Yes.

[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: Yeah lol more than I’d like to admit.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

[12] Pink

[13] Black

[14] Grey

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

[15] made new friends: Yes, some didn’t last but yeah.

[16] fallen out of love: No.

[17] laughed until you cried: Yes!!! and oh god it’s the best feeling ever.

[18] found ppl were talking about you: Yes yes, good and bad, but we can’t control what other people do or think so...

[19] met someone who change you: Nah.

[20] found out who your true friends are:I found out this a long time ago.

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: No.

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: I don’t use Facebook lol but when I had one I knew a lot.

[23] do you have any pets: Yes!!! Her name is Paris and she’s a beautiful Alaskan Malamute, so beautiful although we are not together at the moment, cries❤️💔

[24] do you want to change your name: Not anymore, there was a time I wanted a cooler name but the hell, my name is pretty.

[25] what did you do your last birthday: I had a great day at NYC, it was amazing, I went to sephora and then ate japanese, what else could I have asked for??

[26] what time did you wake up: 8am!

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: Writing!! Yes Yes, I was writing a Taehyung scenario.

[28] name something you cannot wait for: Being economically stable on my own.

[29] when was the last you saw your mother: A week ago, I won’t see her for a long time, gonna miss that girl and her amazing cooking.

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I have to be more motivated.

[31] what are you listening right now: Beautiful by Crush, one minute reggaeton and one minute this, that’s how my brain works lol.

[32] have you talked to someone named Tom: No.

[33] something that is gettin on your nerves: My bank!!!! I cannot deal with banks.

[34] most visited websibe: Tumblr or youtube. 

[35] elementary: Finished, following Em’s line I’d say I was mischievous and rebellious.

[36] high school: Finished, I was a rebel for the most part, but I was pretty cool and popular so it was fun lol

[37] college: Same as Em I finished two years ago (wow it’s been a while) I had many stages at college, I studied a lot, but I also partied a lot, I knew a lot of people and did a lot of crazy things, some things weren’t the best but at the end it was all great because I learned a lot.

[38] hair color: Dark brown.

[39] long or short hair: Long hair all the way.

[40] do you have a crush on someone: No, and I’m kind of angry because I want a crush lmao, but I’vent find someone I like recently.

[41] what do you like about yourself: Well let’s start physically, I love my hands and my legs, I like how I’m a bit short but my body shape is elegant since I have long and slender legs and arms. I love my hair, my lips, my a+ boobs no shame here. And about my personality I love my imagination, the way I speak, I love how I can be both very friendly but very reserved at times, I love the way I can adapt to certain things, I love my empathy to others, I love many things about myself!

[42] piercings: Right now two on both ears.

[43] blood type: A.

[44] nickname: Mars, here on tumblr. Mary, Pachi, Garza (which is heron in spanish).

[45] relationship status: Single, of course Min Yoongi would beg to differ but I’m not an easy girl 😈

[46] zodiac sign: Sagittarius.

[47] pronouns: She/Her

[48] fav tv show: GoT, The Walking Dead, What not to wear, everything in discovery id, American Horror Story, etc.

[49] tattoos: None.

[50] right or left hand: Right.

FIRST…

[51] surgery: Just one.

[52] piercings: I got one in my tongue once, I’m telling you, I was a rebel lmao.

[53] best friend: My first best friend was named Natasha, she’s an awesome girl, I’ve seen her in a while but I wish her the best!

[54] sport: I don’t remember the first I played, but I was in tennis classes once so...

[55] Vacations: To Margarita I guess, we traveled a lot while I was a child and I don’t remember. 

[56] pair of trainers: What?

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: Nothing.

[58] drinking: I finished my coffee a while ago.

[59] im about to: Either write or go out.

[60] listening to: Not Today by BTS.

[61] waiting for: The plans for today to know what I’m going to wear.

[62] want: More makeup, more money, more love. But chicken and beer would be nice too.

[63] get married: Yes yes, I hope someday.

[64] career: I’m a Lawyer.

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: I like both, but I’m picking kisses today!

[66] lips or eyes: Eyes!

[67] shorter or taller: My man has to be taller than me, which is not difficult lol

[68] older or younger: Older?

[69] romantic or spontaneous: Both are amazing.

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: Nice arms, and nice hands!!!! If he doesn’t have nice hands I cannot. 

[71] sensible or loud: Sensible.

[72] hook up or relationship: It depends on the person, because there are guys who are just for hooking up, but I want a relationship, so, relationship it is.

[73] troublermaker or hesitant:  I don’t know, too hesitant is boring, too troublesome would be annoying. Something in the middle I guess.

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: Yes.

[75] drank hard liquor: Yes, sometimes fun, sometimes it isn’t lol

[76] lost glasses/contac lenses: Yes.

[77] turned someone down: Yes.

[78] sex on the first date?:  Yes lmao, for the fun!

[79] broken someone’s heart: Yes.

[80] had your heart broken?: Yes, it hurts a lot but then you feel like you are another person which is a great feeling by the way.

[81] been arrested?: No.

[82] cried when someone died?:Yes, it hurts to say goodbye.

[83] fallen for a friend: Nah, friends are just friends.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself: Yes! At least is what I mean.

[85] miracles?: Yes

[86] love at first sight?: Not love love, but like, the feel that you Have to get to know that person.

[87] santa clouse?: I wish.

[88] kiss on the first date?: If we both are into it and I think it’d be good then yeah sure.

[89] angels?: Yes.

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Em 💞

[91] eye color: Dark brown

[92] favorite movie: I have a lot of favorite movies, how can you do this?? But two of my all time favorites are Gone Girl and Memoirs of a Geisha.

We tag everyone who wants to to do this!!! Love you all!!!

[survivorelara]

Episode #1: “So thank you Gods and Goddesses.” -Ci’ere

three people on this tribe are 100% pros they have mangastars as their pfp im scared

Okay, this is my second time typing this because I accidentally deleted the first attempt ASDF. Hello every1 out there 👽 I'm so thrilled to be playing Elara because I know that the hosts are going to make this an awesome experience! We began our journey about an hour & a half ago, but something tremendous has already occured... I happened to snatch the Zosma idol on my first guess! Something about the placement of the 39th star spoke to me & luck was definitely on my side, so thank you celestial gods and goddesses! I’m kind of wondering if the idol locations & the iconic phrase “18 people, 39 days, 1 Survivor” have any correlation. Hmm. :O Even though I have some power to fall back on now, I don’t wanna have to rely on the idol to save myself so I’m stepping up to the plate socially to hopefully solidify myself in this group. I was hyped before, but this hype train has went through the ceiling!

Not only am I in this game with like many other Facebook ORGers.... I'm the least popular of them all. Like I see Emma, Ci'ere, Andrea and Toby... like they have a good friend group and people generally like them. Me on the other hand, I get easily annoyed with certain people and groups within this community and I have been told that I am a rainy and dark cloud. I mean, LOVE the comparison... but when you're in a "scavenger hunt" and one of the things is to get 50 reactions on a post and I average about 5-6... it ain't looking good for this bitch. And ITS ONLY DAY 1.

Great question. I am trying to figure that out. I realize not knowing discord puts me at s disadvantage. Let’s hope we win till I can figure it out.

Well I like this tribe, I'm feeling good about things at the moment, I've talked to loris, Andreaa, and John who I had a prior relationship with. They all seem nice enough. I'm hoping to make more connections with people in the near future, because with only 6 people on the tribe I need to make ABSOLUTE sure I'm in the numbers.

I'm such a flop, I did almost all my voice recordings on my phone while I accidentally left voice chat on. My Computer Mic isn't great and it was only for a little while, nobody said anything, so I don't know if anybody caught anything I might have said for the challenge, but the worst thing that might have been caught was my statement about Dani

We're approaching the end of Day 1 and I don't think I've made much progress with anyone other than John... this tribe is very quiet, and I don't know if that's due to many different timezones, or inactivity, or what have you. Regardless I'm a little worried about this challenge, but hopefully a win can be pulled out.

Its so quiet dawg

ok i love selfie scavenger hunts so this challenge is great. as for my tribe mates, roxy and i are in F6 in atomic together, so thats a interesting. Drew H was in that season and like. i have no idea what our relationship is going to be like ydgfs. the only person who I haven't talked to at all is Odd. i should get on that

Oh these motherfuckers think they got me found. They think they know me. Expect drama.

My tribe is ducking stacked with people I like so this is hot hopefully we can get this scav hunt done and get max point WEW

Well. I’m doing another one. Do I have the time? Nope! Is this a good idea? No ma’am/sir. But I’m doing it anyway. This is an...interesting tribe for me to be on. I have my one true love, Sam Drachus, and a tribe of people that probably don’t know he’s my husband. Of course, a pregame relationship never equates to an ingame relationship necessarily, so I will not rest in my socialisation (especially given I will have ass for physical game for a while). Louise I’ve hosted twice, Ci’ere I’ve hosted and played with. Dani and Brian I don’t really know properly but they seem very inactive. I am quite sure we will lose this challenge, but hopefully I can be active and bond-build enough to be Victorious!!

i hate this challenge because im so lazy

hi!! so my social game is going pretty good so far, i'm v tight with andrea, emma and i said we don't want each other to go, john's an icon and i like talking to zach. kori doesn't talk a lot so he'll probably be an ez boot. also i think im gonna end up with the most points for our immunity so that'll probably let me be spared if we do end up losing :)))). ALSO,,,,,,,,, i found the legacy advantage bc i clicked on seamus' manga on the tumblr?? of course they hid it behind the ugly one... no one looks there.

So our first challenge is a cute scavenger hunt & one of the 10 point items is getting 50 likes on a FB post. When I initially made the post, only a few people reacted to it so I knew I was going to have to do something drastic in order to get more people’s attention. I stole Nicki Minaj’s brand & started running KWEENT (6 letters Jack :p) Radio! I put in a lot of work to get people to help me out, but I also wanted to have fun with it & in the end it paid off. I’mma bit worried however since only Louise, Sam & I have made contributions to the challenge thus far. We don’t have that much time left & there’s still three empty columns... I’ve been talking a lot to Dani who I find I probably relate to the most. They made it pretty far in the actual Survivor casting process & they have also been talking to Sam. Sam is so nice & has that straight male humor, YEET. Louise is obviously a kween & we’ve played together before so I think I could work something out with her? Toby’s timezone & schedule is tough to work through, but I think I might be able to charm him up hehe. Brian is the only person that hasn’t shown any sign of life so I’ve been pushing for him, but of course he shows up now ASDFG.

Did so many challenges but have trouble uploading to gdoc

Anxiety is a bitch. Like I already have alot of it due to work and school, but for us to be submitting things for the scavenger hunt last minute... that made my heart quicken a bit more than needed. ESPECIALLY if your video links for the video portion of the hunt DON'T WORK. Like wth ODD? Like if you're gonna submit late.. like at least check the damn links so you can actually win the points for the videos that you are submitting. OH AND IN OTHER WORDS. I didn't think Jack was gonna view my poem to him. And he watched it. I have no words. Like let me die of embarrassment because I am flummoxed with a straight man once again in my life. ALL FOR 6 MEASLY POINTS IN A GAME! LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!?

That's so FETCH! Even with Odd's bumbling incapabilities, he can make us get a narrow win for reward! Maybe my frustrations were misplaced with him! But I am glad that I will not be the first boot and get to stay here for another 3 days or so! Pumped!

well just as i thought,,, TRASH this tribe has good people that i like but apart from ci'ere CHILEEEEEEE we sucked so bad we didn't deserve to win. I think it's brian that's going tbh he wasn't active till the last 4? hours of the comp and people have already said if we lose it's him so yikes guess that's what is happening.

we won the challenge which is actually surprising. Odd's links didn't work but if they did I would've had the lowest score. I was gonna do so much more but my phone won't charge !! and i went to a college fair ok. I love how i said i was good at comps during my live interview. i swear im not a liar hosts

Woo we won, I put a fair amount of work in, so I'm glad we got results... unfortunately it didn't REALLY matter because of how badly the losing tribe did.

I think I have a decent shot of making a 4-person alliance with John, Andrea, and Loris. Hopefully I can get that going through. Emma is LIKELY the weak link on the tribe, which is fine by me she has yet to talk to me really, so I'd have no qualms voting her out.

I have a funny story. I spent a half hour walking and  looking for a license plate with ce on it. I had to use scooter plates. Half the cars only have one letter. When I finally found the plate parked in front of a restaurant . I got on one knee to take the pic. It was night so flash went out. A guy came out and demanded I delete the photo. Not kidding. He was not happy. I couldn’t explain what I was doing. I deleted it. He drove away. I was really bummed. So I got on my motorcycle and drove to the university where I knew there were hundreds of scooters. I slowly drove while looking on both sides of the parking lot. I must of looked at more than 500 plates. Finally I found one. Guess what? It was the same scooter from earlier. This time the guy not around. I was still really nervous like I was breaking the law. When the flash went off I was waiting for the guy to start running at me. He didn’t. Success.

Well, I'm a bit scared. Apparently, Sam has already found something? Or someone has... Item 39 purportedly received the "There was something there, but isn't anymore" treatment, which is Scary AF! Like, if someone has an idol THIS early in the game...if I got idol'd out THIS early in the game!!

But, I suspect that whatever was hidden in Position 39 was not, in fact, an idol, but was rather some clue or aspect to the idol system. 50 possibilities isn't enough of a competition space for an idol search, right? I mean, I bloody hope so because the alternative is that a Zosma idol is already flying around at the literal first tribal council and, man, I don't need that paranoia right now.

Winning this challenge was way easier than I expected, I figure some inactive is about to die on the other tribe so no worries there. I had a blast this thing is gonna be a fun time if the challenges continue to be similar to this.

Well it's day 2, John and Andreaa seem on board for an alliance, now all I need is to hear what Loris thinks and if he seems on board, I've got my 4-some right there. Which'll leave Emma and Big Z on the outs. Which is fine, we could even split the votes in case of an idol if we felt like it.

But I can't afford to get too comfortable, players can be real snakes and I can't let myself be too trusting. I just have to work on being super relateable and someone people feel comfortable talking to.

I just hope I didn't start "talking game" too early…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onr3BoPGJzA

I guess I cast assess now! Loris: he is a mood and playing hard but he likes me so for now we r gucci. He is super fun to talk to and we share idol guesses so hes aight! I dont want to work long term with him. Kori: Yikes. He's super inactive but he was like i like u lets form an alliance so ofc I'm like ok. He left me on read on the first day and randomly offered and im like k wyd i wasnt born yesterday Emma: Queen? I knew her before this we used to be married until she deactivated and I divorced her but like that literally not even the point. Shes kinda  inactive and very on the bottom besides Kori so I'm hoping I can convince Loris to keep her if we go to tribal twice. Big Z: Ok I have never met him before now but OMG ive heard so much about him AND I LOVE HIM!!! I get the hype and then some. I wish we talked more. I 100% would not vote him or Emma out rn. John: he's cool! I havent talked to him too much but were in an alliance Basically im really happy we won LMAO. I am in an alliance I have no plans of following through with. life is interesting. I may just go off the rails. I am predicting Brian goes home because Zosma is a facebook clusterfuck right now.

I’m winning this org... I’m in a silly alliance with kori Andrea and John that I’m not gonna take seriously but kori probably will... me and Andrea are rlly good allies and I have the legacy??? give me my money

We lost the challenge by a landslide. https://tenor.com/view/davonne-rogers-pretends-to-be-gif-6175133

Zosma was 400+ points behind the other tribes so they really did snatch us huh. I’m happy to hear that they’re active though unlike some of my tribemates for the past two days l m a o. I scored more than half of our aggregate, so I think I should be set to survive this vote.

Toby wants to share idol info and I can’t decline that so I gave him fake receipts hehe. He also stated that I’m the person he’s connected to the most. Sam says that I’m easy to talk to as well, so I think my social game is going pretty well at the moment!

Sam wants to vote for anybody that isn’t him & he also said he loved me 😳 L i s t e n: love is a BIG word (to me at least) & you can’t just throw it out to anyone & their mother, Sam. Louise is in the same mindset as myself as she’s talked to Toby/Dani more than Brian so let’s just snipe Brian right? Well, Toby comes to me after scoring 0 & says he has a “gut feeling” that we should vote out Dani because Brian is preoccupied with Mount Olympus. Does that make any sense? We just lost the challenge by an extremely large margin & you want to keep the person that doesn’t prioritize this game? Go to sleep Toby, you’re drunk. I guess it’s hard to judge who will be more active since it’s only round uno. Dani was present, but only sent in one thing…& Brian had internet problems. I had a great conversation with Dani the first day, but it’s day three now. Should I stick my neck out for him? I told Toby what he wanted to hear because it was 3AM for him & he wanted to sleep, but there’s still a lot of time left & I want Brian dead.

I need to talk to people more often hn

I mean this vote is as simple as it gets, it's basically a battle of which inactive should we kick. Most votes seem to be going on brian, which I do feel bad about cuz I love him in mount Olympus and feel he could easily be a number to drag. but at the same time he's been so inactive to the point where he'll probs just die at a swap or something. I feel bad for toby since he already voted dani but im sure he'd understand with all the timezone differences, I would like dani to go but if brian stayed, we would probs lose again then he would just leave so rip

Hi!! It's me john coffey!!! So I love the theme of my tribe being like  the emotional players and I love the vibe of all my tribemates. However I know that the emotional players are also sometimes the messiest players because I forsure fall into that category sometimes!! So far I have just been trying to chill tf out and get to know people, and use the scavenger hunt to show that I really want to be here. I may not have as much to offer in future tribe challenges so I like being able to use scavenger hunts to really go ham. I got the highest score on our tribe and I think the second highest behind Roxy so woo! Now let's move on to my fellow tribe mates. Kori - the only person I was familiar with going into this game. I played with him in my most recent game where he witnessed me win. We had a good bond the entire game but he also voted for me when he thought I was the majority vote, setting aside any connection I had made with him, so that is always kinda going to be on my mind in this game. But as of now he is the person I trust the most. Andrea - I LOVE her! We bonded quickly over being messes so that's always fun. I could see myself growing close with her in this game. Loris- I really like him, I always like British guys LOL it's been kinda difficult getting to talk to him at a time that works for both of us but I really like him so far Emma- she hosted me a few years ago though I didn't know it was her at first, I like her but haven talked to her as much as the others Big z - I like him though we haven't talked too much but I immediately see him as my biggest threat at this point. Just something about him idk.

As far as other tribe members go - drew Heuser is one of my favorite people to have played orgs with. He was the reason I was first boot in my first Tumblr game but has remained a dear friend of mine ever since. I met him in person and he's the besssst. If I have a chance to play with him I'm excited to see what the outcome will be.

https://youtu.be/TfQ4Xmeb2J8

Brian is voted out 5-1.

[365footballorg-blog]

Armchair Analyst: RSL, Seattle drop the hammer & more from Week 27

September 2, 201810:20PM EDT

The 2018 MLS season is about 80% done. Hope everybody’s ready for the finishing kick.

Let’s dive into Week 27:  

Of Time And Stars

Seattle won their eighth straight game, the first time anybody’s done that in a single season in the post-shootout era, thanks to a come-from-behind 3-1 win over visiting (and previously surging) Sporting KC.

The Sounders did it by building from the back, being patient, playing the ball from side to side, and waiting until gaps open up. They did it by defending deeper than most teams are comfortable defending. They did it by playing simple and taking few chances until they’re in the attacking third. Maybe it isn’t always who they’ve been, but it’s certainly who they’ve become during this remarkable run.

And unlike last week against Portland it didn’t take them 70 minutes to identify a mismatch – they went right at SKC Graham Zusi right from the start.

Say what you want about the simplicity of Seattle’s approach, and the fact that they’re not really playing “modern” soccer: They don’t do a ton of work in transitions and press much, and their positions are more defined (save for Nicolas Lodeiro) than what we see from many other teams at or near the top of the standings.

All of that is true-ish, but what matters is that you throw 11 guys out there, and the one thing that truly connects them is the ball, and that’s what the Sounders are built around – the fundamental idea that passing the ball is a good thing. Chad Marshall is reliable in his distribution. Kelvin Leerdam is reliable in his distribution. Kim Kee-Hee is occasionally game-breaking. Ozzie Alonso, who is the single greatest defensive midfielder this league has ever seen, is healthy and starting to do things like this again:

Hesitation dribble, side-step, and a defense-splitting pass. He eliminated the entire SKC press, just like that. It’s a breathtaking bit of mental, technical and tactical skill, and it unleashes Brad Smith – who can definitely pass – into space.

Harry Shipp can pass, even though he’s not the game-breaking No. 10 we’d hoped he’d be. Cristian Roldan can pass (and his movement when the game is tight is superb), and Gustav Svensson is uncomplicated, but he can pass. Lodeiro is maybe the league’s best and most versatile passer of the ball, shifting from zone-moving No. 8 to winger to elite, chance creating No. 10.

So if you have that many guys who can pass the ball, and are patient about it, and most of them move well off the ball, too, you’re going to win a lot of games. It’s taken some luck to make it eight games, but you can literally not show me a single winning streak in the history of this sport in which luck was not involved.

And before you point me to the expected goals battle, which was roughly even: Please control for the game state. Six of SKC’s eight biggest chances came in the last 15 minutes when they were down two goals and up one man and throwing the kitchen sink at the Seattle defense. For the vast majority of the game the Sounders were winning and controlling the game, and they were doing that because they were playing good soccer. They were the better team.

Childhood’s End

RSL entered the record books on Saturday night. They became the first team in MLS history to score six or more goals in back-to-back games, following up last weekend’s 6-0 win over Colorado with a leave-no-doubt-about-it 6-2 destruction of the death spiraling LA Galaxy in Rio Tinto. Here’s a duck:

Ok, now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about what RSL are doing.

The defense has improved across the board, but especially in central defense. Hat-trick hero Damir Kreilach refused to go to a postgame press conference alone afterward; he insisted upon bringing center backs Justen Glad and Nick Besler, who mostly kept the potent Galaxy attack under wraps. Those two guys have been good, as have fullbacks Brooks Lennon and Aaron Herrera (who’s beaten out fellow Homegrown Danny Acosta for the LB job).

Sunny has pretty much permanently entered the XI as a destroyer on the “2” line of the 4-2-3-1. His range covers up a lot of mistakes that had proved fatal earlier in the season.

RSL have a cadre of quick, skillful attackers to sprinkle across the “3” line of the 4-2-3-1. Earlier in the year they were, for whatever, reason, static. Over the past two months, as the team as a whole has been better at moving the ball from back to front, they’ve become more dynamic and dangerous, and thus harder to track.

“False 9 by Committee” has worked! I thought (really, everyone thought, including the RSL braintrust) RSL needed a “true” center forward, one who goes toe-to-toe with the center backs, holds the ball up, and allows that “3” line to shine. But since Alfredo Ortuño didn’t work out, they don’t have that guy. Luis Silva’s a false 9, and Corey Baird’s a false 9, and Kreilach – yes Kreilach, the guy who was brought in this winter to play defensive midfield, and has spent almost his entire career bouncing between a 6 role and an 8 role – have shared that spot and… it’s worked.

Kreilach, Silva and Baird have 16g/6a between the three of them when playing as a false 9. I’ve documented before how Baird’s movement (he always tries to drift between the weakside CB and FB, rather than hitting the A gap between the CBs) has opened space for those around him, and Silva does a lot of the same stuff.

Now look at his, how Kreilach vacating the normal spot a No. 9 confuses the Galaxy defense:

That’s Kreilach drifting away from the central channel and out wide, and that’s Albert Rusnak, the No. 10, receiving the ball with his back to goal like a center forward, except his about four yards further from goal than a center forward usually is when receiving that pass. It confuses Michael Ciani just enough to make him a split second late closing down, and that gives Rusnak the room he needs to turn and fire one home.

RSL play weird, and that weirdness, when playing against disorganized backlines, creates just enough hesitation to turn normal defensive rotations into cracks. And when guys like Rusnak, Joao Plata, Jefferson Savarino and Bofo Saucedo are playing as well as they have been, those cracks turn into chasms. Those chasms are being filled with goals.

They just killed the Galaxy on Saturday night. They left no doubt who the better team was. They subbed in a duck. It was all good in Sandy, because for the vast majority of the game there was only one team on the field, and it was the one playing weird, fun, unexpected, playoff soccer.

A few more things to ponder…

8. All hail the Impact? They maintained control of the sixth spot in the Eastern Conference playoff race with Saturday’s convincing 3-0 win over a listless Red Bulls team. Montreal are usually the victims on set pieces, but they turned the tables on an RBNY team that have been struggling in that department recently, getting the night’s first on a corner, the second on a free kick, and then coasting to a never-in-doubt, comfortable win for the rest of the night.

This was a necessary “stop the bleeding” win for the Impact, who’d no doubt felt some pressure after a six-game stretch in which they’d won just once. And while they are in, as I said, control of the sixth spot, the work’s not done yet because the rest of their schedule is brutal: at Philly, vs. NYCFC, at D.C., vs. Columbus, vs. Toronto, at New England. And, of course, because of what D.C. United did on Sunday night (more on that below).

Three of the last four are six-pointers against teams that could plausibly catch them. Montreal’s defense needs to figure out what went right against RBNY, bottle it, and keep it with them for the rest of the year.

7. That said, TFC didn’t look much like a team in danger of catching anybody this week. Their 4-2 home loss to LAFC was yet another defensive disaster in a season full of defensive disasters. They don’t win balls in central midfield at the same rate they did last year, and they don’t close down danger through central midfield as well as they did last year, and that puts pressure on a patchwork backline that’s not been up to the job.

LAFC, after struggling for about a month, have gone 3-0-1 in their last four and are up to second in the West.

6. Up to seventh in the West? That’d be the ‘Caps, who beat San Jose 2-1 and are now 4-0-2 in their last six and possessed of an outside chance at making the playoffs. This whole sequence might be the prettiest goal they’ve ever scored under Carl Robinson, and it’s all our Pass of the Week:

In non-duck related news, I think this is legit the nicest goal the ‘Caps have ever scored under Robbo. Beautiful, patient, incisive buildup from back-to-front. #VANvSJ https://t.co/qGe56STAFg

— Matthew Doyle (@MattDoyle76) September 2, 2018

That run from Alphonso Davies is devastating.

In addition to Davies, Homegrown products Russell Teibert and Brett Levis (who is Homegrown-ish, having played for the ‘Caps U-23s and Whitecaps 2, but not the academy) have both played huge roles in this run. Better late than never.

5. Philly basically secured a playoff spot this week, going on the road to beat D.C. United midweek before grinding out a 2-2 draw at Orlando City on Saturday night. It probably feels like two points dropped for the Union, who took and then squandered a late lead, but it’s hard to complain too much from a two-game, four-day, four-point road trip against conference foes.

The bad news for Philly was that Borek Dockal came off with some sort of injury on 40 minutes. The good news is that Homegrown central midfielder Derrick Jones took his place and put in a solid and reliable, if unsexy 50 minutes as the usual 4-2-3-1 turned into more of a 4-3-3. It was a slightly different look than we’re used to seeing from them – one in which the midfield played a little bit deeper, they had a little bit less of the ball, and the wings had to do more of the playmaking lift – but it worked. And it’s the type of look that could be useful down the line, say in the last 30 minutes of a road game in the playoffs. Hint hint.

Cory Burke got another goal in this one, and he’s now on 8g/1a in 949 minutes. There’s no “Breakout Player of the Year” award in MLS, but there should be, and if there was then Burke would probably be it. His consistent goalscoring has changed Philly from a solid team that plays pretty if ineffective soccer to a dangerous team that plays winning soccer.

He’s also a guy who developed at Bethlehem Steel, Philly’s USL affiliate. We’ve talked a lot about the Union’s academy investment, and we should now dap them up for the investment they’ve made in their entire pipeline. It’s a huge chunk of why they’ll be in the playoffs.

4. FC Dallas put the brakes on what had turned into a mini slide – one win in five – with a convincing and comprehensive 4-2 win over the visiting Dynamo on Saturday in Frisco.

The most noteworthy takeaways:

I think Pablo Aranguiz is going to have a tough time getting onto the field. Oscar Pareja is loathe to bench Urruti, and to be fair, Urruti repaid that faith with 1g/3a in two games this past week after a long barren spell.

3. NYCFC are officially slumping. They went to Columbus and got damn near played off the field in the first half, took an against-the-run-of-play lead early in the second half, then almost immediately folded and gave that lead away in what became a 2-1 loss to a Crew team that’s mostly righted the ship. 

It hasn’t been just one thing with NYCFC and is much more a collection of little things. But one of those “little things” is larger than it seems at first glance, namely: They’re playing 8% fewer passes in their own defensive half under Domé Torrent, which means they’re doing less work with the ball in terms of rearranging their opposition.

Think about NYCFC at their best. Yes, they could and did viciously press teams, but they were also patient and studious and precise with their movement when they had the ball. The goal was to suck opposing defenses into bad spots, then when they were compact, to use one or two touches to eliminate a whole host of them and force a scramble. Then in the midst of those scrambles, kill.

They don’t really do that anymore. It’s a problem.

For the Crew, this was Justin Meram’s real homecoming, the first time he looked and played like the player he was last year. If they get more of that guy in the coming weeks, and if Federico Higuain stays healthy, they are indeed, as Torrent said, a threat to win the league.

2. Wow. Let’s run down the list of things D.C. United did in Sunday night’s really, really really impressive 3-1 win over visiting Atlanta:

They ended Atlanta’s seven-game unbeaten run

They ended Atlanta’s two-game winning streak

They ended Josef Martinez’s nine-game goal-scoring streak

They ended Martinez’s streak of 10 straight road games with a goal

They bounced back from a painful midweek home loss to Philly

They climbed up to seventh in the Eastern Conference on both points and points per game

I’ll admit I didn’t think they had it in them. I’ll admit that I thought the midweek loss to the Union would be more destructive to both D.C.’s team morale and their overall playoff hopes. I’ll admit that I underestimated the “Bill Hamid vs. Atlanta United” effect.

I’ll also admit that I didn’t think D.C. would do such a good job of protecting the ball and limiting their midfield turnovers. They were out-possessed – almost everybody’s out-possessed against the Five Stripes – which is fine, and there were times when they sprayed their passes a little bit. But there weren’t a huge amount of passes that were forced down blind alleys or into traffic, and if you don’t do that, you at least somewhat limit Atlanta’s ability to counter on you. And if you limit their ability to counter on you, they’re beatable.

Paul Arriola was excellent in his first game at right back, and the center backs have been better since Kofi Opare’s won the starting job. The defensive midfield pairing of Russell Canouse and Junior Moreno has been solid. What Wayne Rooney and Lucho Acosta have done together in attack has been beyond solid – it’s been spectacular and compelling and match-winning.

D.C. could’ve fallen apart after the two-game losing streak against RBNY last weekend and Philly midweek. Instead they outplayed the best team in the league, and deserved their win. Next week they go to the Bronx and visit NYCFC. Then they have a run of seven straight home games.

Anyone brave enough to bet they’ll still be below the playoff line at the end of that stretch? 

1. And finally, our Face of the Week goes to Lucas Melano, who played the final 20 minutes of Portland’s 1-1 draw at New England and had a chance to win it deep in second-half stoppage:

Why didn’t he even attempt to kick it? I don’t know! It’s a mystery! He looks confused, too!

Good week for the Timbers, though, who followed up their four-game losing streak with four points. As for the Revs, they’re now winless in nine and Brad Friedel’s backing up the bus.

“I told the players to their face that every single one of them are playing for their contracts, absolutely,” he said after the game. “We’re learning a lot about what’s happened here the last few years.”

He also added that “We’re coaching for our contracts. That’s professional sports.”

New England are on 1.15 ppg, their worst record since 2012.

Series: 

Topics: 

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Armchair Analyst: RSL, Seattle drop the hammer & more from Week 27 was originally published on 365 Football

[jvzooproductsclub]

Maître Review

Maître Review

Learn more here: http://mattmartin.club/index.php/2017/10/12/maitre-review/

Welcome to, Mattmartin.Club Proud to show you my Maître Review hope you will enjoy it !

“The Market-Leading Referral Marketing Software That Attracts More Traffic Than Any Other”

Maitre is the Number One referral software that helps marketers generate more leads, traffic and sales from referral marketing better than the competition, even if you’ve never ran a single campaign in your life.

Overview :

Product Creator Aravindh Sridhar Product Name Maître Price $97 Niche Software Bonuses Yes, CHECK NOW Refund 30 Day Money Back Guarantee Recommend Highly Recommend

BUY NOW

What Is Maître?

Maitre is the Number One referral software that helps marketers generate more leads, traffic and sales from referral marketing better than the competition, even if you’ve never ran a single campaign in your life.]

Maître is a Referral software for Effective Marketers which lets you Set Up successful refer-a-friend style waiting lists, sweepstakes & lead-magnets in minutes, not days.

Companies rely on inefficient marketing channels to attract new customers, such as advertising (expensive and complicated), content marketing (slow) or do nothing at all because they think that referral marketing is the game of the big guys and they can’t afford it.

So Manuel set out to build something simple, something elegant, something that everybody can use, without being a developer… a tool that makes it easy to grow your business through referral campaigns.

We are a London based startup with a simple vision: enable companies of any size to generate viral growth easily and organically.

As of now over 12 Million Subscribers Have Been Captured using Maître software.

Who Are The Creators Of Maître?

Aravindh Sridhar & Manuel Frigerio are The men behind Maître, They are well known names in the field of online marketing who have created many successful internet marketing products and software such as FB Empire Builders, Social Mini Store, Social Spy Agent , Outgrow, Video Bookmarker 2.0 and many more successful digital product launches.

Features:

Viral Lead Magnet

=> Create The Enticing ‘1st reward’:

People sign up onto your list and get a reward (eg: a free ebook).

=> Incentivize Referrals:

You create additional bonuses your sign ups can unlock by referring their friends. (eg: Refer 3 friends and get another free ebook; Refer 5 friends and get a free PRO account).

=> Number of Leads Grows Exponentially:

When your sign-ups unlock a bonus, we send them an automated email that you can customize. The more friends they refer, the more bonuses they unlock, creating a viral lead generation machine.

Viral Waiting List

=> Capture emails:

People sign up onto your list and join the waiting list.

=> Incentivize Referrals:

People compete to climb to the top of the leaderboard. The more people they refer, the higher up the queue they get!

=> Go Viral:

When the competition is over, the top referrers win the prizes. You decide how many people you want to reward and can export the list at any time.

Viral Sweepstake

=> Capture emails:

People sign up onto your list and join the sweepstake.

=> Incentivize Referrals:

People refer their friends to increase their chances of being drawn. The more people they refer, the more draws they get (and the higher their chances of winning)!

=> Go Viral:

When the competition is over, Maître automated system will pick a random winner (or winners) weighted by the number of referrals. You decide how many people are drawn and can export the list at any time.

What Is The Main Idea Behind Maître?

If the CRAZY idea that you can click a few buttons…

…then sit back ‘n’ watch as thousands of new subscribers opt-in to your email list without…

– Breaking the bank paying for expensive ads

or:

– Building backlinks trying to get your sites to rank in the search engines, then I recommend you read every word of this letter…Because as crazy, and I admit unlikely, as it seems, you’re about to discover…

How Maître’s List-Building Tech Is Waiting To Increase Your List Size By The Thousands And Bring You More Leads Than the Age Of Ultron!

I’ve been in the Software as a Service (SaaS) business for a long time. And let me make one thing incredibly clear:

I’m not a List Building guy. I’m a Software guy. I got into this business because I love making and selling Software that people use.

I’ve sold over 6 million dollars worth of Software and Info Products within the last 8 years.

But even I’ve got to admit… if no-one sees your Lead Capture Page, it’s not going to generate any leads and make you any money. You may not like driving traffic… but you need to do it.

But just because you need to do it, it doesn’t mean it’s fun.

My go-to was always paid traffic.

Handing over my credit card to Facebook and Google, paying for clicks and then crying when the bill came through.

I’d heard some people were doing great with organic traffic, but I’d never been able to make it work. I did the tags, and the keyword optimization, and all that on-page stuff people say you should do. All I got were a bunch of links still sitting on page 5 of Google and a conviction that SEO was more boring than a bureaucrat convention.

Enter Manuel Frigerio – the Guy who’s helped big companies…..like Men’s Health get thousands of leads…

When Manuel overheard me going on yet another rant about the stupidly high costs of getting subscribers… he could’ve just carried on with his day like most people would.

But Manuel isn’t most people…

For one thing he’s a top-flight developer who just happens to be a list-building TITAN…

For another thing, he likes to prove stuff instead of just saying it.

Which is why, when Manuel speaks, people listen.

So when he offered to show me how to get leads with ZERO costs… I figured… I’d listen up like my life depended on it!

Turns out a 20-minute conversation with Manuel can lead to XXXXX more leads in XX-short days. Not Just For My Own Company but for Others too…

These Companies All Posted Amazing Results Using Manuel’s Self-Same Method!

  The Only Thing MORE Amazing Than These Results Is How Easily They Were Achieved!

Does the word “Referral Marketing” Ring a Bell?

Referral marketing (or word-of-mouth marketing) is a method of promoting products or services to new customers through referrals, usually word of mouth.

It’s a powerful marketing channel because people trust the opinions of other people in their lives and people they respect, whether that be family, friends, social media influencers or big stars.

Such referrals often happen spontaneously but businesses can influence this through strategies. Ever heard of AirBnB, DropBox, what about Men’s Health?

There’s ONLY one good reason BIG companies like these use referral marketing… It works.

And When It Works, It Puts Your Lead Generation On Steroids!

74%:

of consumers identify word-of-mouth as a key influencer in their purchasing decision. – Ogilvy/Google/TNS

77%:

of consumers are more likely to buy a new product when learning about it from friends or family – Nielsen

upto 10x more…

Consumers rely on word-of-mouth 2x to 10x more than paid media. – Boston Consulting Group

So How Does Referral Marketing Actually Work?

Here’s a Diagram to Help You Understand Better…

I’m Sure You Must’ve Heard of AirBnB!

Airbnb is an online marketplace and hospitality service, enabling people to lease or rent short-term lodging including vacation rentals, apartment rentals, home stays, hostel beds, or hotel rooms.

The company does not own any lodging; it is merely a broker and receives percentage service fees (commissions) from both guests and hosts in conjunction with every booking.

Back in 2008, when they launched – they were a struggling startup who were getting rejected by investors left and right for having a “crazy business model” of people renting out their own homes to strangers…

But today – the company has about 150 Million Users and is valued at a staggering $31 Billion!

Conclusion

In a nutshell, I’m really thankful to you for keeping up with my Maître Review to the very end, so you can make the right decision for your own business. Good luck and see you again!

If you are on the fence about getting this product or not, please notice that the product has 100% Risk-FREE along with 30 Day Money Back Guarantee that worth the try of everybody.

By checking and purchasing the product through my link, you don’t have to spend any extra fee or anything, and i will have some commission to build my review site to provide you more and more honest reviews. Moreover, i will be glad to give you a huge bonus (free of charge) with every product buying from my link.

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If you buy through my affiliate link (just click on any link on this page) you get these bonuses below: 

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Please Note: I only promote products I use or have used myself. All have great reviews, significant sales and low refund rates. I try to promote offers from reliable and trustworthy sellers with excellent track record about customer support and are in business for a while.

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[1996babes]

92 Things ✨

I was tagged by @zigisbisexual thanks hun! THE LAST: 1. Drink: Lemonade 2. Phone call: My mom 3.. Text message: “I saw that😭” that was my reply to my cousin (a marvel fanatic like yours truly ☺️) who has sent me an instagram post of mark ruffalo talking about how we will never get a Hulk movie.
 4. Song you listened to: Fetish by Selena Gomez
 5. Time you cried: I think like two days ago when I watched the live premiere of Dunkirk and saw how happy Harry Styles was and his smile and happiness just literally made me cry. ❤️

HAVE YOU: 
 6. Dated someone twice: I have. Once. I’m glad it happened bc we definitely got more closure after the breakup the second time around. I believe that sometimes you have to go back to the the past to move onto the future.
 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No, absolutely not. 
 8. Been cheated on: Yes
 9. Lost someone special: Yes. Um, my dad passed three years ago. In fact, his birthday was two days ago (July 14) I miss him all the time. 💔
 10. Been depressed: I went through a short period of depression when my dad passed away. But I am SO happy to say that I feel great now. 
 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Of course! 😂

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 
12. Amethyst (Pisces rule! 😝)
13. Teal Blue 
14. Jet Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 
15. Made new friends: In real life and as well as on Tumblr. 16. Fallen out of love: Nope
 17. Laughed until you cried: Oh totally. Every day. 
 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Nope. 
 19. Met someone who changed you: Yes
20. Found out who your friends are: Yes, but I also did that awhile back, too.
 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I have a fb but I only made one to use for games and to sign up for stuff faster. I don’t use it, so no.

GENERAL: 
22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: None.
23. Do you have any pets: Not at the moment.
24. Do you want to change your name: When I was younger, I used to hate my name because I thought it was a boy’s name 🤦🏽‍♀️but I figured now if I change that would be doing to much.😂
25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Went out to dinner. 
26. What time did you wake up: Today? At like 12:45 pm lmaoo
27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was up all night reading Steve Rogers fan fiction. 😂😂😂
28. Name something you can’t wait for: I can’t wait to see Dunkirk so I can rep for my baby, Harry. I’m shook for Thor: Ragnork, Chris Hemsworth slays me. More books from Choices.
29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Yesterday, we went shopping.
30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Too many things to even name. 
31. What are you listening right now: The Law and Order: SVU theme song. Can you say…ICONIC? 
32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Nope.
33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My life 😂but really, I can’t think of anything right now. 
34. Most visited Website: These past couple of weeks? Tumblr. Overall? Twitter.
35. Mole/s: Three small ones, actually. I have a small one on the side of my right thigh. The second one is a few inches under my knee or my right leg. The last one is on my ankle on my right foot. I always forget that they're there. 36. Fav song (at the moment): Definitely War of Hormone by BTS. Been listening to that bop on repeat. [this one was missing so I made this one]
37. Childhood dream: I want to be a singer. Still do. 
38. Hair color: Jet Black 
39. Long or short hair: Long
40. Do you have a crush on someone: Besides celebrities, no. 
41. What do you like about yourself: I like my smile, people are always complimenting me on it and that makes me happy. 
42. Piercings: Besides my ears, none…yet.
43. Blood type: I actually don’t know, but I going to get my blood drawn tomorrow so I will find out. 
44. Nickname: I have a lot but I dont feel like typing all of them.
45. Relationship status: Single 
46. Zodiac: Pisces 🌟
47. Pronouns: She/her 
48. Favorite TV Show/s: Supernatural, Grey’s Anatomy, Teen Wolf
49. Tattoos: I have quite a few so I’ll talke about two. “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” Across my right forearm and “To be loved; to be in love” on my right hip 50. Right or left hand: Right
51. Surgery: No
52. Hair dyed in different color: I dye the tips of my hair every once in awhile. Right now, they are a dark blue.
53. Sport: I play lacrosse but I love watching football.
54. Favorite Food: Macaroni and Cheese 😋( this was also missing)
55. Vacation: Last year, my friends and I went to Vegas to celebrate our friends 21st bday!
56. Pair of trainers: Um, I don’t have one.

MORE GENERAL: 
57. Eating: Nothing currently but I’m definitely thinking about macaroni and cheese right now.
58. Drinking: Nothing atm 
59. I’m about to: To do nothing 
60. Marvel or DC: Marvel, all day every day! 🔥but Wonder Woman was badass 👏🏼👏🏼[this one was missing as well]
61. Waiting for: Life to cut me some slack 8232;62. Want: to meet all the members of One Direction 
 63. Get married: In the future, yes 64. Career: I work on my college campus in the cafe. 8232;65. Hugs or kisses: kisses 💋 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes. 8232;67. Shorter or taller: I’m 5'8, so I love my height just the way it is 
68. Older or younger: I don’t date people younger than me. Not saying I won’t because I can’t tell the future but I just prefer them to be the same age or older. 69. -Missing-
70. Nice arms or nice stomach: This is the weirdest and most random question, Idek how to answer. 
71. Sensitive or loud: It depends, I can be both. As a Pisces, I’m very in touch with my emotions. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN WE CRY ALL THE TIME BC WE LITERALLY DONT. Tbh, we are one of the most ruthless signs out there. 😂😂And as you can see above, I can get loud. 
72. Hook up or relationship: I love hook-ups. They can be really fun and totally chill and relaxed. Overall, relationships.
73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Definitely Troublemaker but I do think about the consequences before doing said “troublemaking things” I think before I do/talk.

HAVE YOU EVER: 
74. Kissed a stranger: Hell yeah, how do yal think a hook up starts? 😂😂😂im kidding but yes, I have. 75. Drank hard liquor: Plenty. I had another “hook up” joke but I thought, “nahhh, better not.“
76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t wear glasses.
77. Turned someone down: Yea
78. Sex in the first date: This is weird, but none of my first dates ever led to sex or a second date even lmao. Usually hooks ups were just once or twice and then gone.
79. Broken someone’s heart: Yup
80. Had your heart broken: Of course
81. Been arrested: Welllll….I was held for a period of time in a place where police officers work while in handcuffs.😂GUYS KIDDING AGAIN but no I have not and I don’t want to be.
82. Cried when someone died: Definitely
83. Fallen for a friend: I have.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 
84. Yourself: Eh 😂but on a good day yes
85. Miracles: Sometimes 
86. Love at first sight: Sometimes 
87. Santa Claus: I did when I was little bc those Santa Claus movie with Tim Allen movies were LIT AF 
88. Kiss on the first date: Always. I believe that if we don’t have enough chemistry/didn’t have a good enough time on the first date, we shouldn’t be going on another. 
89. Angels: Yes

OTHER: 
90. Current best friend’s name: Tayla (She’s literally the Cristina to my Meredith, the Stiles to my Scott, she’s my fucking person) 
91. Eye color: Brown
92. Favorite movie: I have wayyy to many, so I’ll name my three. Footloose (2011), Burlesque, Captain America; TWS

FINALLY Done! I’m going to tag a few people, @zigbadboy @gingerjane15 @lanapowellblog @ohmymaxwell @princeleolicious @asfhdj

[hellotvv]

Past weekend

Honestly this past weekend was pretty good. I wish I did more homework/school work, but it was a fun weekend. I kind of only went home this weekend, since pretty much all my friends were going home or Coachella. So I decided to go home Friday morning, since I was too lazy Thursday night to drive home. Friday morning, I made plans to meet up with Fyona and hang out. We were also doing a clothing shoot for this ugly clothing brand Bitroyd that paid Fyona and I $$$ to do a fashion shoot for their clothes. They shipped me their shirt, and I just didn’t like the clothing brand at all. So I pretty much refuse to post their stuff on my instagram lol, unless they were to pay me for that too. But anyways, Fyona was dropped off at my house, since she had a previous shoot with some photographer. Then we head to Tebo tebo, pretty bad drinks place lol. I haven’t been there in honestly years maybe since senior year of HS? But yeah, Fyona wanted to get an avocado smoothie or something from there. Then we headed to Irvine Spectrum to casually shoot and potentially watch a movie together. We shot a bit, walked around, and got macarons from Honey & Butter. We decided to not watch a movie, since it would have been too late at night, and I had dinner at 7:30 with my cousin Toto. So we went to the Artic to do the clothing brand shoot, and quickly shot since they don’t allow professional photography there anymore lol. It doesn’t really make sense why phone photography is allowed, but ‘professional’ cameras aren’t. Like I could be using an entry level DSLR which is technically not a ‘professional’ camera, and it wouldn’t be allowed. But yeah whatever, idk why they disallowed it. So quickly shot, and then PEACED. Was fun talking to her, listening to music in the car, and then dropped her off at home. Then I headed back home in time for dinner with my cousin. I took her to Kitakata, and we had a big long talk during the wait to eat. Since she was deciding between UC Merced and UCSB... ;-; Her bf does go to uc merced, and she justified it with idk the generic reasons. Going to uc merced would be cheaper, she’s gonna be a Bio major and aiming towards med school, so it technically doesn’t matter what university she goes to, and it’s probably easier to get an A at uc merced for med school blah blah. Uhh, I guess she thinks it’ll be fun, since obv her bf goes there, hypes it up to her, prob knows his friends, and etc. But I went hard on the FACTS and tried to convince her otherwise. Like what if she doesn’t stay a bio major and switch, it’ll be really bad to be grad with a degree from UC Merced etc etc etc. How I can help her get an A, since I know all the classes to take, best professors, etc etc. Blah blah, many reasons. She was fairly convinced and really appreciated the advice. She repeatedly talked about how she feels really loved and is thankful for the advice, and how much she loves me hehe. I appreciate the family love <3 She enjoyed kitakata as well and thinks I’m a foodie. I’m a picky eater lmao, def not a foodie. But I think it’s cute that she thinks I am, despite knowing that I’m a picky eater, since I always show her cool food places. I treated her, then we headed to Rolling Creamery for ice cream dessert. Also since Catherine was working there on Friday night, so I wanted to harass her for fun. She made our ice cream and we skipped the 30 mins wait! While my cousin treated me :) hopefully she’s convinced, she’s going to uc merced this weekend, then ucsb the following weekend. Afterwards, I actually met up with Jia at night!! Dang so many ppl haha. We were going to grab drinks together and decided Tokyo Table (never been) in Diamond Jamboree. But the line for pretty much every store there that Friday night had lines out the door, even 85 degrees bakery/afters/lolicup. There was no way to find parking too, I legit roamed around for 40 mins.... Then Jia suggested we just go to a buffalo wild wings nearby for drinks, and I was like uhh okie then. I been to BWW before in like junior year of hs, but I thought the food was pretty bad LOL. But yeah, it still holds true today lol. We shared an appetizer, and I thought it was pretty bad. But I got a strawberry margarita, while Jia got some beer, then we talked and caught up on the uh idk 2 weeks we haven’t seen each other. Then it was getting late, so we hugged, and went home. We did make plans to maybe vaca in vegas over the summer together haha. TBH, I’ve been making those plans with fking everyone LOL. Kai, Kristy, Jessica, Brent, Bryan, Jia now, Peach, etc... I’m a monster ;-; lol.. I’m just 21 now and it seems fun to go to a bar/club in vegas, go to the buffets, and idk!! Be a degenerate for a weekend haha. Anyways, it was time for bed after that.

Then on Saturday morning, I picked up Cat for lunch, and we went to Omelette house. Since she’s never been there before. I actually kinda like Omelette House, since I normally don’t like omelettes that much... But I really like their omelettes lol. I think Catherine just thought it was whatever, but I think Omelette House is pretty yummy. I treated Catherine, since idk why. We had time to kill, so we went to Irvine Spectrum, and just kinda shot pics for fun since she made me lol... Then she bought some clothes there and then idk we headed back to her place. I think we headed to her place for a bit, and got Tastea thai tea and shared it (she treated me for dis) since my shoot with Jenn was not till 5 and I said hi to mom and grandma haha. The shoot I had with Jenn at 5 was going to be pretty interesting. Since my friend Dana is getting into photography and wanted to tag along for a photoshoot. I normally don’t let ppl, if they’re not gonna like shoot or model with me, since kinda weird just tagging along. But I asked Jenn, if it was okay if Catherine and Dana could tag along. I felt bad asking, since idk I like making good first impressions, and yeah... Catherine wanted to along, since I’m not in the area too often and she wanted to spend as much time with me as possible (her words). Catherine and I watched iron fist at her place, and it’s a pretty good tv show honestly. I don’t think it’s as good as the flash, but it’s pretty good~ Then Jenn came over to my place, since she wanted to carpool. Catherine, Jenn, and I kinda introduced ourselves and talked. We all knew Hope as a mutual friend, and we kinda all met through Hope actually. Jenn prob found my ig from Hope idk. Catherine, I met through a shoot with Hope. Jenn dmed/commented on my ig photo asking to shoot, and I’m glad I said yes. She’s actually really pretty o.o... Anyways, uh went to downtown Huntington Beach, and met up with Dana there. We walked around shooting and Catherine was wearing a cute outfit and demanded I took pics of her too lol... Jenn didn’t mind tho, and the focus was mostly on Jenn still. Dana idk how much she was learning, but she was having fun talking to the models and befriending them. Jenn is actually the most quiet model I’ve worked with. She’s not like super quiet, but just the most quiet model I’ve worked with actually. I guess the models I’ve worked with are generally really talkative and idk. Maybe she’s shy when working with ppl for the first time or because it’s a group idk, since Hope said she’s pretty talkative actually. After the shoot, I was gonna grab dinner with Catherine, and Jenn was down to tag along. Then Dana wanted to tag along, so we all got kitakata. Since uhh Jenn and Dana never tried, Catherine likes the place, and I didn’t care that I just ate at kitakata yesterday night. But yeah... They liked the place, the wait was long like usual for dinner, and talked. Jenn shared how she met her bf actually! So uhh, her bf is not the best looking dude, prob has good personality whatever. But apparently, he made an instagram post asking if any models wanted to shoot, and then she just hit him up, and then they shot together. Then idk how, but I guess they started dating a bit after. I was like o_o... I guess, it gave me a big revelation lol. Maybe it’s time to start hitting on models... But I’ve always been super friendly, professional, never touch models or anything, and yeah... But that does not get me a hot gf by being professional LOL... So maybe, it is time to change my ways. I asked Catherine, if I should, and she was like uhh no theo! You have such a good reputation with your models and most of them end up becoming friends with you. It’s true! I shot with Cindy once, but we still snap and make plans to hang out still, since I was so idk friendly/cool. I’m friends with Hope/Catherine, Chubbybunnies (Ali) is down to hang out still and wants to, and yeah.. ;-; I guess I am a social boi and is good at making pretty friends lol. My friend Chloe and Amandi snapped me again that my friends are so pretty and that they’re shook. BUT having pretty friends does not get me anywhere!! So yeah, maybe time to change my ways, and maybe throw my professionalism and morals out the window.. Since all these other guy photographers are doing it -.-!! Drove Jenn home, hugged Dana good bye after dinner, and then went to Cat’s place to watch Iron Fist for another two episodes almost lol, then went home late-ish. Overall, it was a pretty busy but fun Saturday. I did feel a bit burnt out from that much socializing and talking, since I try to make convo quite a bit, and ask questions to get to know more about people. We all (well for me just Jenn) exchanged phone #s and snapchats and even have a group chat on fb now lol. 

Anyways on Sunday, it was pretty basic. My dad got me lunch, then I headed back to SB, and kinda just chilled/unwinded. I had to go through trouble of uploading a bunch of photos from that weekend lol... So many photos ;-;... Jenn texted me early the next morning asking if I had an estimate of when I’ll send her the pics, since she really liked the pics. I felt flattered haha, and thankfully I already had it finished uploading from last night! So I sent it to her and Cat, both actually asked me that morning when I barely woke up for my 8 am on Monday. Jenn actually ended up posting a bunch of my photos, making it her ig profile pic, fb profile pic, etc and it makes me pretty happy actually. It feels good when a model really likes the photos I take and it feels like I did a good job! So yayyyy :) I feel the love! 

There’s some other random stuff I wanted to talk about tho besides this recap. Just random thoughts that idk reflect about. I guess thinking on a deeper level is pretty good sometimes, since there’s less reflecting to do before sleeping, I get to understand myself/the world slightly better, and yeah. For my cousin, I have a 50% UCSB convince success rate so far haha. Since I convinced Kristy, but failed to convince Stefanie. For Toto, if I successfully convince her, then I’ll have a 66% success rate!! Pretty cool haha. But I would be slightly sad, if she doesn’t end up going to ucsb and choose uc merced over it lol... Probably since I think it’s the wrong choice. For Stefanie, this is prob something that idk I did realize back then, but OBV will never admit to her hehe. But I can’t blame her for choosing USC over UCSB and I actually agree it’s the right choice. It was her dream school, USC is higher rank than UCSB, and it’s dumb to commit the next 4 years of your life for a boy you’re dating/not dating whatever we had at that time. I think it would be dumb for my cousin to attend/move to merced for the next 4 years just for her bf, since objectively UCSB is a better school and a smarter decision for the future. The reason why I was upset with Stefanie in the past though, I don’t necessarily ‘regret’ that or whatever. Idk how to exactly phrase this, but I think my actions back then were kinda understandable in my perspective. In my cousin’s case, if she did chose UCSB over UC Merced, and I was her boyfriend I’d totally understand if he’d at least be slightly upset if not disappointed. The reason with Stefanie is, initially I had 0 hopes of her ever choosing UCSB, and was like ugh if she goes to USC than long distance and I really did not want that at the time. It just felt like, man I’m in my 1st year in college, and as she knows I really want relationships for the long run. So that means potentially years with no end goal of closing the distance and just have a long distance relationship for years. But I guess when I started to convince her about UCSB or tell her about it, she really kinda got my hopes up that hey maybe she’ll go to UCSB. She even made a whole blog post back then, about how she kinda liked the vibe and questioned if going to USC would be a bad choice, blah blah blah. I guess she even jokingly (but idk I thought was srs to me lol...) promise me numerous times that she’ll go to UCSB. In a powerpoint that I made and that she made, we kinda hyped up what it would be like if she did attend UCSB, and I really got invested and wanted it. So when she obviously chose USC over UCSB, which I don’t fault her for. I hurted obviously. Since the dreams of studying together at UCSB, sleepovers all the time, hanging out, eating lunch/dinner together often, and all our other plans seemed like it was gone, and I was sad. I spent hours every night convincing her, she promised me yes numerous times, and it felt like idk it would happen especially after her visit to UCSB where we kissed/etc. So when she SIRed shortly after, I felt kinda led on/cheated/many feelings. When she chose USC over UCSB, it kinda felt like she was rejecting me in a way, even though she wasn’t. Since it’s like, dang :( why doesn’t she want to be with me or how could she say no to all those cool dreams/plans we had together if she did attend. It also felt bad, since I really wanted a close distance relationship with this girl, since I felt like we could go the distance since we were so alike, she seemed really sweet, and etc etc etc. I didn’t want a long distance either, so when she chose to not close the distance, indirectly rejecting me (even if she necessarily wasn’t) or indirectly rejecting the plans we made, and etc. I felt sad and bad!! So yeah, I guess those were my feelings during that time. Idk if I ever got to properly tell those feelings to Stefanie, since it was kinda ‘dark’ times and we get into a mini-argument because of our different perspectives. I felt hurt, she felt like I was obligated to go to prom with her still regardless of whatever, even tho to me she broke her promise/indirectly rejected me/kinda felt led on too/etc, but I can see how she felt wronged as well. But hey, I mean I guess things kinda did work out. We ended up dating for a year, and I just sucked it up and suffered through the distance and tried not to let it bother me. It did kinda hurt me inside sometimes, when she cried when I had to say good bye and head back to school, after spending a weekend with her. Idk if I told her, but I sometimes cried a bit too as I left alone to the elevator, since it felt awful that I was making her sad and there wasn’t much I could do... :( I had school the next day... Sigh. I even considered the dumb intercampus UC transfer thing, that lets me study at any UC for a quarter/semester. I was genuinely considering a quarter at ucla lmao just to close the distance for a quarter, and give her a close distance bf for a quarter. Anyways, enough of the past. I guess my point is, I do realize that choosing USC over UCSB is 100% the right choice. Stefanie once told me, hey you know, you never told me that you were proud of me or congratulated me for going to USC, since idk kinda brushed the USC enrollment thing under the rug for a while after she SIRed. I recall we were in her dorm room and I was sleeping over when she said that. I think that I replied oh. sorry, congratulations haha. Idk I didn’t think I properly congratulated her that well outside of that, but I mean deep down despite the sad boy vibes, I was happy for her. She got into her dream school and is obv happy there. Regardless of how sad I felt at the time, I 100% agree it’s the right choice and was proud that she got in, and glad she did it. I just hope that my cousin would do the same and choose UCSB over UC Merced, since I genuinely think it’s the right decision objectively and she prob kinda knows it too. I understand how it’s a hard decision, even tho objectively it shouldn’t be, since her bf goes to uc merced and hypes it up/etc. I could also totally understand if her bf does get upset that she chooses ucsb over uc merced, even tho he shouldn’t/whatever, since I was kinda in his position. I guess we’ll see what my cousin decides in the future tho, but regardless I’ll try to support her. Another topic I kinda wanted to briefly touch upon, is kinda this idk idolization thing that certain ppl do, that I think is kinda bad actually. Back in HS, when Jia, Bradley, and I were kinda popular-ish on Kawaii Ulzzang Contest for posting selfies and being cute and having random cute ppl add us on fb and try to hit on us lmao. All of us were friends with Tiffany, who is a nice girl honestly. She uhm, I guess is not as attractive whatever, and kinda viewed all 3 of us highly. Like Jia later explained when Tiffany and her kinda just drifted away that Tiffany kinda treated us like idk as if she’s our fan rather than as a friend. Kinda hard to explain how she did, but it’s like pretty obvious. I think it’s bad only since, idk shouldn’t really idolize your friends or make it seem like you’re lower/they’re superior or anything, and it’s definitely bad for self esteem and def she should have more confidence in her self regardless of her level of attractiveness whatever. Like it made us feel weird, since she idk didn’t treat us like equals. She should have just be confident, normal, talked to us like any other friends, and I think we would have idk have a lot more respect for her rather than kinda pity?? Anyways, Dana kinda did the same thing during the photoshoot. She’s like omg Jenn and Cat, you’re so pretty, I wish I was as pretty as you girls, and etc. Then she in a friendly way makes a group chat for us and asked for their #, and then says she kinda wants to try modeling just once, then asked if they could help her. Which is kinda sounds fine when I write it, but like the way she says it, even Cat kinda addressed it. It just made it feel like she’s a fan girl or something, they’re like great, and it makes it feel like she kinda wants to use them to help her like a social climber or idk. She’s like making a new ig and kinda wants to try to be a popular blogger or whatever, and Catherine especially has quite a # of followers. I guess this is really hard to put into words, but I kinda disliked that. I think Dana is a nice person, but it’s just kinda weird when ppl kinda start idolizing/putting their friends as like superior and feels weird asking for favors already when you barely met ppl like help with modeling/getting Hope to shoot her/etc. Like idk, that’s just me. But I think it does teach me a lesson to kinda just treat everyone equally, like I’m sure that’s how some ppl want to be treated. Like popular super star rappers prob just want their friends to treat them all the same as a normal person rather than like a fan boy or something. Since, then idk it just makes the relationship dynamic awkward. I guess learning from Tiffany and Dana, I won’t be doing the same if I ever try to befriend someone that’s a super star. Definitely do not want to seem like I’m using them. Like many photographers and myself included dislikes when photographers that we barely know/not even friends ask us to introduce them to our x model friend. Since 1, we barely know you to refer you to our models, since if you’re crazy it makes us look bad. I hate it when they hit up models and goes oh I know Theo! or some shit, like it makes it seem like I referred them/am a reference, but I am not. Also it feels like they’re just using you too. So yeah, idk random thoughts about things rn~ Something similar to this is, I learned to not really make self deprecating jokes/etc too often, since actually it kinda unconsciously lowers your ‘worth’ a bit to ppl. Like my friend Calvin kinda does it too overboard and I noticed that when I meet ppl that do it too often too, it kinda does the opposite of making them seem like confident to talk about their flaws. I guess when you constantly talk about how lazy/ugly/fat/how you don’t do anything/blah blah blah bad points, it makes ppl unconsciously or consciously whatever not view you as highly. When I guess the intentions are to seem funny and that they don’t take themselves to seriously and can admit their flaws or whatever. But yeah, idk I just don’t do it anymore, and maybe I’ll do it occasionally if other ppl are to join in on the joke for fun. But otherwise, I think ppl generally like ppl who are confident individuals that knows what they want, but aren’t too entitled. I think being confident is fine, but being entitled is bad~

Anyways enough for this long blog post, hand hurts, but it feels good getting all my thoughts out and recapping my weekend. This weekend might be slightly more boring, but this weeks been good so far. Had a nice dinner just now with Bryan, Kristy, and Jessica. Got groceries with Chloe and late night smash + dinner with Brent on Monday night. Feeling good rn, and gonna try to sleep well :)

[paulyrhythmics]

New Years Rant

So it is the new year, the first day has passed it’s been a pretty chill yet somber start.

So I guess I should start off with saying that 2016 was just about the most trying year of my life... thus far. I went through so many emotions & have felt the lowest I never even thought I could even feel. 

Just starting out I was dealing with feelings of rejection from my ex from the previous year & when she finally broke things off between us the night before her birthday I kinda felt a sense of relief that I no longer had to feel like I was trying too hard to make her notice I was still alive & I was happy knowing that I could still be a friend to her, but given my nature I was still incredibly attached to her. 

Fast forward a couple of months to April & I was super excited that I got to play my first show at my favorite venue as my own solo project & was elated to hear so much positive response from those whom attended. All the fruits of my labor had paid off & it was incredibly satisfying.

However not too long after that was when shit started really going downhill... I found out that my ex had been seeing someone else... & was supposed to be spending their 2 year anniversary in July... I was completely devastated. I went to my friend for consultation, who (unfortunately) went to his friend... & eventually the other guy found out. 

When I finally talked to her she was upset with me & shut me & my friend out. It was an agonizing feeling not having proper closure. I’m the kind of person who likes having that sense of peace with things & this is now just a loose end in my life that’ll unfortunately never be tied... Also I’ll never get to see our cat again which super sucks since she also was expecting a litter when we broke up that I’ll never get to meet... 😕

Well, the main effect of all the drama was I went into the hardest state of anxiety/depression of my life. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anyone & I’d never be able to find love again & it was hard for me to function properly for a while... About a month later though, I was able to feel like my life had meaning again when I started seeing a friend that I had been flirting with prior to the drama. 

I was still dealing with my conflicting feelings with my ex but I was still happy that I had found someone new & who was so supportive to me. I was able to find the motivation to work on my other passion in music & played yet another great show at my favorite venue (as myself & back-up for my other friend’s project) & received a lot of positive reinforcement from family & friends during the time. 

The next few months during the summer/fall seasons were a great adventure. I spent a lot of time feeling in love again. There was lots of trial & error in both my relationship & with my music. I was discovering what it is that I needed to do to make things work for me, & to help her grow as well. I got to hang with a lot of good friends, I got to meet a lot of great new people, saw a few amazing live artists (not as much as I’d’ve liked tho tbh) & even got to experience the world of LARPing, which is something I said I’d never do before lol

The only downside during this time was I still had those unresolved feelings of my ex floating in the back of my mind & I was also kinda dealing with a newfound feeling of jealousy for one of my partner’s friends. They were former lovers & it felt like maybe they were a better match for each other sometimes... But I kept that bottled up inside since there didn’t seem a reason to make things awkward between us.

Unfortunately things started slowing down between the 2 of us & we eventually parted ways a little after Thanksgiving. There’s no hard feelings & we can still talk a bit, which makes me happy (though it does feel a bit one sided sometimes haha but it’s cool I know she’s working hard on bettering herself as a person) 

It’s been pretty lonely as of late, I find myself feeling a great need to display affection towards someone who isn’t there. But it’s as they say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, maybe I’ll find someone new in this upcoming year. Though I find myself in a kind of mindset that I kinda don’t want to be in a “relationship” but maybe have a FWB sort of thing going on. I dunno, we’ll see where that takes us... (suddenly I’m speaking in the royal we for some reason lol) 

Lately a lot of venues have been closing or on the verge of closing & my favorite venue was no exception... I had a bittersweet farewell to the venue at the first of the last 3 shows there a few weeks back. It’s been kind of heartbreaking see a place that holds so many memories for so many people go away. It’s where I used to hang with my friends & ex all the time & it’s the last place I played live at too. I have both good & bad memories in there & I’ll cherish them all for as long as I live.  

The end of the year has been spent pretty great however. I’ve been hanging out in AZ since that last show with my family for the past few weeks. I’ve had a pretty fun musical experience. Drum classes, jazz band jams, Music Instrument Museum, & a Snoop Dogg/Bone Thugs n Harmony concert have been highlights of the passing year. I‘ve been eating just about the best I could ever have (haha thanks mom) & I’ve gone mountain hiking 2x too.

Actual new years passed by pretty smoothly. I ate a whole large pizza by myself (all for the sake of a joke) had the traditional grapes mom & I eat (a custom from our trip to Spain when I was a kid). Kinda had a bit of a cry to myself as I reflected the hardships & loneliness I’ve felt this past year. During the day I just chilled at home, played a little guitar & Kindom Hearts Unchainedx, did some laundry, listened to some music & watched stuff on Netflix.

A little while ago, against better judgment & for old times sake I scrolled through my first ex’s fb. (I know, you’re an absolute creep man!) She’s going on a trip to Europe which is cool, I’m glad that he’s doing well for herself & I find it funny that I’ll also be going on a big trip out to Central America this year. Apparently she actually was at the old hang out spot a few days before I was there for a show (despite saying she’d never go there again a few months prior) I find it funny that had I known about the show on that day & we had crossed paths... well who knows what could have happened??? lol Also she made a post about her year & mentioned that she had ended 2 shitty relationships & stopped a few friendships. I’m curious as to weather if she even considers me to be 1 of those relationships (since I believe she was with someone else before her current relationship) or if I’m just one of the “friends” & doesn’t even acknowledge me in that regard. 

I know people always saying don’t check in on others who don’t give a shit about you, but honestly, it makes me feel better knowing that people I’ve interacted with are doing well even if it’s without me in their life. I like the feeling that at one point in their life I was a part of their reality & it helped push them to where they’re at in the now for the better.

Well anyways I just felt like venting shit here again. I’ve been through a lot from 2 relationships to 2 grand musical performances (let’s not even talk about all the political bs that transpired haha) I’ve just gotta figure out what it is that I need to do this year to mature & become more adult-like. Gotta finally start thinking about learning to drive, going back to school &/or finding a stable source of income. *shudders* I guess I need to become a functioning member of society & the kind of person that can help someone I care about in any sort of situation (like help pay for things or whatever). Here’s hoping that this year will be one of great personal growth for the better!~ 

(Hopefully this isn’t too naive of a notion lol)