#but also it’s kinda relevant to the point that people don’t actually know what terminology means

[penicillium-pusher]

Kinda strange to me when people say Topa was assigned female at birth, like……. she was explicitly assigned male at birth. There was an entire episode about it, they had a whole court case decision to assign her male………… like I obviously get where you’re coming from but she was absolutely Assigned Male.

[nefoe-dd]

SO SMT AU AM I RIGHT GAMERS

I mentioned this in the tags of another post and joked about it in Discord but my brain went brrrr during my last class of the day and now I lowkey have a full plot starting to form lol.

Keep in mind the only Shin Megami Tensei game I’ve played myself is the Nocturne remake, plus I only really remember bits of the plot of 4 and whatever we’ve been given so far of 5 so I’m not super well versed in the series.

Also I’ll add this to the tags too but DSMP Spoilers specifically for the contents of Techno’s Will exist in this post, because that is where the idea for this came from. A lot of other JRPGs have similar plotlines but I specifically thought of SMT because its kind of a meme specifically for that at this point how the plot always seems to have the same type ending bosses. 

Also some spoilers for Shin Megami Tensei IV

ANYWAYS

Now Presenting: An AU where Techno’s Limbo is an SMT Game lol

(Under a ‘Read More’ because it got way ahead of me)

An Introduction to Relevant SMT terminology:

Demons: Makes up a large majority of the characters in the game. They are the enemies that you face in combat, and its possible to recruit them to your team through various means. Some demons exist in the overworld though, and can be talked to normally, they’re chill most of the time, unless you do something to tick them off. ‘Demon’ is not taken literally by the Christian definition, they are based off of various figures in folklore and religion around the world, some are even based on Gods and Angels.

Law vs Chaos: Many SMT games have multiple endings based on these two alignments, along with the neutral alignment. It is usually decided by some important decisions the player makes throughout the game. I’m most aware of the SMT 4 ending, in which the route you are on decides the final dungeon, the character you team with for the ending, and the final boss (its either Satan or the in-game version of God). It’s based off of the traditional interpretation of these two, where Law represents the importance of authority, and Chaos represents the importance of freedom. 

Another note is that a lot of SMT games take place in a post-apocalyptic world of some kind, which, spoiler, is the case here.

General Plot Details and Worldbuilding:

- Techno dies in the prison. The stasis chamber fails and Quackity succeeds in killing him. Permanently. 

- Despite dying, he wakes up again in the main prison cell, but things are different. The lava isn’t blocking the entrance anymore, (in fact there isn’t any lava at all), and he’s alone. Upon peering outside the main cell, he notices a bit of sky peeking through the prison ceiling, like it had been broken into. 

- The drop down to the bottom floor is long, but he’s dead, so he just shrugs and jumps down so he can see what’s going on. Turns out there are several holes in this part of the prison, in fact there are multiple on the ground, likely where the lava had escaped from. (Obviously Minecraft lava specifically doesn’t work like that, I’m pretty sure in the DreamSMP the bottom is all source blocks, but just ignore that bit). 

- He exits from the back wall of the prison, and everything there so far looks normal, except for the fact that there appears to be less trees than normal. Of the trees that are still there, many of them were cut down and never collected, and some appear to have fallen over due to some damage.

- Techno goes around the prison to the front, and that’s when he notices some things that are very wrong. Various parts of the prison, not just the main cell, are also sitting destroyed. Many cracks, scuff marks and full-on chunks are missing on the walls. The usual entrance which houses the nether portal is hardly still standing, and he can see straight into the main lobby where the portal would lead into once you were let through. 

- The surrounding areas are not much better. Tommy’s outpost is toppled over in the distance, only the base and bottom floor are left standing. The tents near the beach are collapsed and destroyed, the only remnants of one of them is a small piece of fabric ripped from the main bit and laying on the ground. Skeppy and Badboyhalo’s mansion is crumbling where it stands, half of the back wall and ceiling are gone. And that’s only what’s visible from here. 

- The rest of the server is also in various states of destruction, the spawn walls are hardly left standing, the main nether portal area is covered in potholes, none of the portals are active. The prime path is rotted and broken in most areas, the buildings along it are not faring much better than the ones he’d seen before. And the further he gets away from the prison, the more the plants themselves appear to be dead or dying. 

- L’manburg’s crater looks much the same as it once did right after its destruction, albeit with more debris at the bottom which had fallen from the sides as they slowly eroded. The flag at the bottom is torn up and discoloured, honestly its hardly recognizable. The nature that had finally begun to reclaim the land has slowly been dying instead over time, and the bridge overtop has completely collapsed. The only thing still standing, is the ever present obsidian grid that looms over it in the sky. He supposes that whatever disaster had caused this wasn’t able to reach that high up, or that it was at least in part done by someone that liked the way it looked. Not that there seems to be a need for the reminder anymore. 

- Something something, he finds out DreamXD is here, and that he might have had something to do with how this world looks. And as much as it shouldn’t matter in the afterlife, he did promise Phil he would be killing God sooooo he goes on a mission to do just that. He can do pretty much anything now that he really doesn’t have to worry about dying, so why not. He has no reason to care about some God, especially when they’re the only ones left.

- Some DSMP people hang around the world and are represented by certain demons, the mostly chill ones that kinda just hang around in the apocalyptic scenery. They don’t recognize him, it isn’t really the people he knows after all, but they are willing to talk to him since they can tell he isn’t human either. He learns little bits of what happened through them, and learns where DreamXD resides, that being one of the strongholds that’s a bit further out. 

- Unfortunately, due to the portals being inactive, and his inability to break anything efficiently, or even at all, he has to travel using the overworld. Along the way he manages to speak to some others, this allows him to better locate where the God is, although it doesn’t seem to be hiding out. He even sees it sometimes flying around, which he uses to follow where its hiding. 

- Some of the random demons he runs into recognize that he’s not supposed to be here (according to them at least), so he has to fight his way through them. Luckily, many of the friendly demons that he talks to end up tagging along in order to help, thus making up a team he can use to get through them instead.

 - There’s probably a demon that seems to resemble Phil somewhere, living alone (alone for so so long) away from everyone in an arctic house perhaps. If I wanted to really up the angst, the demon takes a liking to Techno right away, which is partly how Techno is able to tell its him so quickly. The more they talk, the more Techno realizes how lonely the Phil he knows must be without him there, how upset he’d be once he reads the will and finds out what happened to him. Thus he’s more motivated to, you know, fight God, in an attempt to figure out what the hell happened. (DXD is the only entity existing here that also exists where he’s from, he can guess pretty easily that maybe, just maybe, they are one and the same). Thus, he is given a choice that he knows he will have to make in the future. 

- Eventually he manages to find the stronghold and comes face to face with DreamXD himself. DreamXD is just kinda chillin there, they fight, through DreamXD doesn’t seem to be putting in too much effort, almost like it does not want to win. 

- Techno wins (duh), and he is left with a choice, a choice to finish the job, or spare the god and allow it to go free. And, well, he feels that he doesn’t really have the right to decide whether it lives or dies, and while its possible that DreamXD caused whatever disaster created the current state of the world, but he doesn’t know that for sure. DreamXD has done nothing this whole time he’s been here, and its done nothing to him or his companions.

- He chooses to leave it alone, and DreamXD seems to know that it was always going to end that way. 

- DreamXD disappears, and Techno wakes up in the cell again post-revival, the prison and the world around it is the same as he remembers

(I don’t remember the exact real-world to limbo time difference but I imagine that it felt like, a day, maybe half that, while irl it was only a few minutes to an hour.)

Some other notes/details:

- The other possible ending would have resulted in Techno killing DreamXD and being given ANOTHER choice to take its power over the world, or just leave and stay there forever. Basically DreamXD’s existence is vital to the power of the revival book, and it’s death would have resulted in Dream not being successful in his revival attempts. Obviously we have no idea how the powers actually work yet, but I just came up with an explanation because I thought it would be interesting. You can decide on your own which of these endings fall into Law, Chaos or Neutral because uh, its complicated given the scenario. You can also decide if letting DreamXD live even fits into his character! Idk! But its not like DreamXD’s being oppressive by any means, not that there’s anyone to oppress here anyways. That’s my logic anyways.

- I don’t know what demons would represent specific people, I’d like to use one of the Angels for Phil but the Demons based on Angels usually have an important role in the plot that is in line with the Law alignment and like, protecting god or whatever, so no. There are a couple bird ones but idk if they fit the vibe, idk it could work, I’d have to look at a list if I want to go into this further.

- I kinda want Eret to be an Inugami because it’s body does that thing that ferret’s do when they’re all stretched out :) The only reason I’m hesitant is because Inugami is a dog, and Goose deserves representation.

- The reason I imagined for why Techno can’t break anything is because the mining fatigue lasted throughout this because he died with it, it’d get in the way of fighting too but at least it isn’t weakness, and he’s not alone either.

Uhhhhh that’s it for now I think!

(will potentially add to this if I figure something else out in the future)

[justbutch]

How do you feel about the concept of cisgender as a butch? I detransed after 4 years on T and aside from throwing away my packers and pronoun and sex marker reversal i live pretty much the same i did as ftm so as a gnc female i feel in the nowhere land of where both trans and cis sound absurd applied to me. I wish gnc was recognized as third option but i feel kinda crazy and guilty for this view.

Hi there, first anon ever. Sorry for replying so late. I’m not very good at putting my thoughts into words, which is why you’ll find very few original posts on this blog. However, this is a topic I have thought a lot about, so I’ll try my best to give you a good answer.

For context: I never medically transitioned, my social transition was relatively half-assed and while I have definitely experienced feelings that could be justifiably put under the dysphoria label as it’s currently used, I never had really strong sex/body dysphoria, all of which obviously influence my perspective on gender topics.

Regarding any discussion of labels and terminology, I think a big problem at the moment is that terminology changes so quickly and varies so strongly between communities that it is really hard to make yourself understood regardless of how you label yourself. And because labels have become a battleground for ideology, certain concepts/identities will be extremely difficult to express within certain communities no matter how hard you try and which label you choose (this is true for both queer as well as radfem circles).

If I am entirely honest, my first reaction to being called “cis” is a very strong internal cringe moment. I really, really hate using this label. This is largely because of how trans, and therefore cis as its opposite, is currently conceptionalised by the majority of people, not because I think there is no value in the concept of “trans” at all. At the moment, many people use the label trans for any discomfort around gender and/or any tendency towards (visible) gender nonconformity. In this context, the idea of a “cis” butch seems pretty absurd. On the other hand, I do think it is useful to acknowledge that I do not mind people recognising me as female (anymore) and that I am not actively trying to change the fact that people gender me as a woman. So I do think “cis” has its uses in that context and many butches who call themselves cisgender are probably using it that way. And then there are of course butches who really actively consider women their gender identity, whether that’s inborn or constructed.

In the end, I do think that gender identity as a concept has its use and that it is important to acknowledge that both gender performance and medical transition will change someone’s position within the social framework of gender. However, I do not think that the current use of cis/trans as a strict binary, applied to simultaneously to these three different concepts by different people, is really doing that job particularly well. Because that’s how you end up with nondysphoric gender conforming people lecturing medically transitioned male-passing “cisgender” butches about cis privilege…

Regarding labels for me personally, I often try to target the words I am using somewhat to the group I am speaking with, but it’s quite exhausting and in the end it’s never really perfect. I really wish that I had a good way of describing my alienation from social womanhood, while still acknowledging that I am largely gendered as a woman by society due to being visibly female/afab. Currently, identifying as trans seems to preclude that due to the whole “sex is a social construct and your gender is whatever you want it to be” thing. I really wish the queer community was actually serious about distinguishing between sex, gender identity, gender performance and social/perceived gender, because that would fix a lot of these problems for me, but alas...so since there is currently no universally accepted label for “gender nonconforming afab/female person without an internal gender identity who largely gets gendered as a woman and is not too bothered about it”, describing myself as a gender non-conforming woman seems to do the best job of getting my lived experience across. It will still mean people in queer circles assigning some kind of internal identity to me that I do not possess, which is eternally frustrating, but this is just one of the points where my own framework of gender is so out of line with the mainstream that I don’t think any label would get across how I really feel. It will also mean that certain radfems will get very mad at me for calling myself gnc because no one is really 100% gender conforming, which is technically true (kinda like with that whole cis/trans not-actually-a-binary), but also, not everyone gets spotted as a dyke from 20m distance and makes other women uncomfortable in the restroom by their presence, you know?

For your own situation, I completely understand why you would be even more uncomfortable with the label cis as I am due to the fact that you medically transitioned, still get read as male and probably have a history of dysphoria, all of which are experiences not usually encompassed by the cisgender label. However, I also understand not wanting to use the trans label due to its current strong connections with gender identity. I think that this is one of the situations that show very clearly the limitations of the cis/trans binary and the current focus on identity at the expense of lived experience. I think it is only natural that you would want a label that encompasses both your sex and how you are seen by others in terms of gender given that both will have a strong impact on how you move through the world. Unfortunately, given the current state of the discourse and especially the fact that some people seem to be extremely unwilling to accept that anything besides gender identity might ever be relevant, you will probably not find a label that will make everyone happy in this regard. I personally think that considering yourself a gender non-conforming female person is perfectly reasonable and it is very similar to how I think about myself, though I know that it’s not particularly catchy and won’t fly with the “sex is a social construct” crowd. Other labels I’ve heard people situations similar to yours use are e.g. “passing woman” (probably a bit old-fashioned), “butch/trans cusper” and “functionally nonbinary”, all with slightly different connotations. There are also plenty of people who use transmasc,  nonbinary or even FTM labels to acknowledge their gender expression, lived experience and/or identity while still considering themselves female (though not necessarily women). This is obviously highly controversial these days, but let’s face it, pretty much everything any gnc female/afab person does is.

So, this has turned out super long and ramble-y in the end and I’m not even sure if it’s still relevant, but I hope there was something useful in there for you.

I know that this all sounds a bit negative because I’m currently very tired of all the fighting about labels, so let me just say that people like us have always been out there and always will be, regardless of which labels we choose. And while labels can be important, I really hope you will find people who will take the time to understand you regardless of what labels you use in the end, because you deserve it.

[peachblossomsofair]

Alright ok, again, some fair points. 1 and 2 I get, 3 sorta although enjoying the observation (while not in the same way you would classical texts -- I guess that's where the difference lies?) is (I would argue) partially what a shipper does -- but also yeah I understand how sometimes that's not the case at all (when there isn't anything there to see/when it's all in someone's head which is often be a big part of shipping). 1/7

4 I kinda object to though because that's not how I see shipping; it has nothing (originally, I feel like this is changing/people misinterpret it a lot, new shippers and non-shippers alike) to do with needing or even wanting a pairing to be real. (Personal anecdote but I actually would've preferred if KM weren't together because I enjoy the tension that comes with ~almost~ more than I do observing an - forgive the ao3 terminology - established relationship). 2/7

Idk there are lots of ways to ship I guess but I would /not/ say that one of the things that make a shipper is believing/trying to convince others that their ship is real or even wanting it to be real. I mean yeah I'd be sad if KM were together and broke up but that's as natural to me as a break-up would be. 3/7

I'd say it would be natural for supporters as well since they're also emotionally invested by observing them for some time -- or is that another aspect in which shippers and supporters differ? Emotional investment or a lack thereof? I dunno. It just feels unlikely to me that someone would spend so much time observing two people and their relationship without actually caring about it. 4/7

Well, back to 4, my point is that shippers don't need KM to be anything either since shipping isn't necessarily anywhere but in your head (which, again, I admit is a relevant difference). 5 I don't really know how to address because I feel like most shippers would for sure drop KM if it did turn out to be toxic/they broke up/started dating other people. But I guess your point there connects to what I just wrote about 4 and is in that sense correct. 5/7

(I'm starting to think the main difference might just be the "stretching of the imagination" as you called it. I guess if you just support that wouldn't be a thing you did. Then again. I don't think most shippers, at least KM, believe or want to believe fake stuff.. I guess the only thing shippers really do with the stretch of the imagination is look at interactions and read into them; deluding themselves into believing (purposely and not real delusion) is that what they're seeing is love. 6/7

With KM it just happens to maybe really be there which means we don't actually have to do the stretching of the imagination thing at all which is probably why I can't agree with that description although usually, it's true. It's a strange situation for shipping this one I guess and I'm a lot more confused now than when I began. Sorry for the long and mostly irrelevant ask.) 7/7

------

Anon and pop into my DM if you want...

In any case... I think shippers is not only KM shippers... so adding all kinds of shippers into the definition.

So considering shippers always try to say “it’s just shipping, it’s not real, it’s not that deep, peace.”, whereas the first thing for supporters is that they believe the couple is in a real relationship, it’s a very apparent difference in attitude to how we observe and examine the couple in question.

As for the degree of emotional attachment... personally seeing KM happy makes me smile, but that’s mostly coz of Jimin and Jungkook individually, especially Jimin; it’s them being happy makes me happy. But I don’t live through their relationship. Hence, if KM ended up breaking up, as long as both Jimin and Jungkook still are OK and it’s like a mutual decision thing, I am totally fine with it...

So on that note, if it turned out that TK is real, or Jihope is real, or YM or whatever is real, I won’t mind in the least. As long as the boys are happy and content, I don’t care about myself being right or wrong in my observation. 

[angelicmemo]

Listen okay I need to talk through some shit that has scarred me emotionally so like I’m sorry but I need to let this out somewhere.

Okay so Number One- internalised homophobia

now I didn’t used to consider this a big issue for me and on the romantic side it still like I love girls I know I love girls I accept I love girls and I honestly love that I love girls however more and more over the past few years I have been feeling ashamed for being Sexually attracted to women. Romantically I’m fine but when it comes to the Sexual part of sexuality it’s something I want but hate that I want. Like being sexual is something I’m not allowed which is dirty and shameful and I know that that’s wrong and I would never apply that standard to anyone else but within me any sexual attraction towards women I just push down and refuse to agknowledge out of fear of coming across as predatory meaning I instead come across as naïve or ‘innocent’ and I am treated by others as a joke or as not a real lesbian. This is even the case around other lesbians I know irl- because I’m not comfortable enough to express my sexual attraction to women out of fear and shame other lesbians treat me like a child and as if those feelings don’t exist. Like newsflash fuckers I love women they’re soft and sweet and smell nice.

See? See what I did there? None of the comments that were made about me loving women in a sexual manner were actually sexual like that is how big of a barrier has been put between me and expressing my Sexual love for women (like I said no issue with the soppy romantic stuff akdbdkfbfkg)- I see other lesbians talking about how hot and sexy girls are and all the sexual things that are beautiful and normal and natural that I relate to so much and want but I can’t bring myself to recognise that because I’m too ashamed of it. Like this is getting super personal and kinda tmi but I don’t even masturbate naked I keep my clothes on because it feels as if if my clothes are on then it’s something that I’ll never have to physically agknowledge.

I believe a lot of this shame was inherent within my growing up in a single parent household- my mum wasn’t getting any and was super uncomfortable around sex and the notion that it could be something anyone would want (i highkey think she’s asexual and just doesn’t know the terminology or that how she feels is not how everyone else feels but that’s a conversation for another day). So that means that I grew up being the naïve innocent person I am still assumed to be and letting go of that once I figured out my own sexuality and sexual desires is something I’m still not done with- like I’m out to my Mum but I tried calling a girl hot once and she was there and she just looked at me and was like ‘that’s disgusting why would you think that’ ‘because I’m a lesbian??’ ‘Well that’s fine but don’t think that’ like dude do you not know how being a lesbian works??? Sorry sorry a little off topic I know but still relevant to me as hello slut shaming the second I even vaguely agknowledge being attracted to girls.

To make matters even more complicated there was a girl and she was the first girl I ever truely fell in love with and she was the first girl I felt sexually towards and at first that was fine!! Great!! Especially because at that time I was still closeted to my mum and therefore she hadn’t addressed sexuality with me at this point. However the girl was someone who was extremely uncomfortable with physical contact which is all well and good but the way she went about it made it seem to my anxiety ridden depressed brain that it was me that was the problem. It wasn’t that she hated the touch of anyone it was that she didn’t want me sitting too close to her or doing her makeup or holding her hand like it was specifically the fact that it was me putting her off (untrue but what my brain was telling me) leading me to affirm that I was disgusting (as my mental illnesses had already told me) but this time in manner relating to my sexuality therefore associating that feeling of shame and wrongfulness for wanting to be close to and touch or have any form of physical contact with other girls with hate and shame and me making people uncomfortable.

I honestly think that if I had had someone, like just one person in my life, who would let me touch them even in explicitly nonsexual ways then I wouldn’t feel this shame I do or have my intense fear of being seen as predatory causing me countless panic attacks over the tiniest of things like my knee accidently brushing against someone whilst I’m sitting down or accidently touching a girls hand when picking something up.

I am 17 years old and I still haven’t been kissed- the last time I was in physical contact with a girl who wasn’t my mother was over a year ago despite the fact that physical contact of any form is something I crave. I see other lesbians I know being all happy and snuggly and together and at the same time being able to embrace the sexuality of their relationship (seriously so many strap on jokes I like died) and am just hit with this wave of want like I want that life so badly but not only do I feel as if I don’t deserve it and that no one would ever want to be near me or touch me but that by wanting this I am being inherently predatory.

It’s not so bad over the internet- the one relationship I’ve had has been extremely long distance so like I didn’t have to worry about accidently knocking into her or accidently touching her in a way she wouldn’t want - it was so much easier to feel validated in my own lesbianism and my relationship if I didn’t have this massive cloud of anxiety surrounding unwanted physical contact hovering over my heart at all times but it was also lonely. I need to be touched and held I need physical contact but at the same time I’m terrified of it on behalf of the other person.

I’m fine around boys though. I have friends who are boys who I snuggle up to or hug or hold their hands to drag them places and I don’t feel that shame because there isn’t that inherent feeling of I’m doing this because I’m Gay and they DONT want it even when that isn’t the case. I have friends who are girls who I’m not attracted to in the slightest but I’m still scared to touch in case this is the reaction I get of disgust. With guys I’m not attracted to any of them so it’s so much easier to be openly affectionate because both they and I know it is and always will be purely platonic- I think that’s the same reason there are so many boys on my blog like I’m not attracted to them and have no capacity to be attracted to them so I can just love them in peace without this feeling of I’m Wrong pooling in my stomach

At this point I don’t even know if this is making sense but TLDR I just want to be able to be around girls without being terrified in case I accidentally touch them and they/I believe me to be predatory because of it even if there is no sexuality behind the actions.

Also my first Love fucked me up big time mentally possibly causing repercussions that could last a lifetime.

[avegetariancannibal]

Wingman

Here, have some season 1 canon divergent Hannigram!

Will was supposed to be serving as Hannibal's wingman, and Hannibal as his. That wasn't the term Hannibal had used when he proposed this little outing, but terminology wasn't as relevant as actuality. And the actually of the situation was that Will Graham was currently sitting in an upscale bar in downtown Baltimore, trying to be subtle while scoping the place for a hookup for his friend. His therapist? His...whatever.

"I don't really know what to do," Will whispered into his tumbler of scotch and soda.

"You have a keen eye for people," Hannibal said. "Simply use it to my benefit, and I'll do the same for you."

"I have a keen eye for murderers," Will reminded him.

"I'm not averse to a little danger for the night," Hannibal said, giving him a smile over the rim of his wine glass.

Will sighed. "Maybe if you picked someone out and I could just...talk you up to them," he says. "Although I don't really see how much good that would do."

Hannibal flinched ever so slightly. "Am I beyond even your most enthusiastic promotion?"

Heat burst into Will's face as he hurried to explain himself. "That--that's not what I meant. I meant the opposite! I meant...you kinda speak for yourself. You're a successful, good-looking doctor. Why would you even need me to talk you up?"

"It's a social exercise for us both," Hannibal said. "Shall I start for you? And thank you, by the way."

Will shrugged, which Hannibal took as his permission. He set down his wine glass and made his way down the to the end of the bar where a pretty brunette was sitting. She lit up as soon as Hannibal slid onto the stool next to her. They seemed to talk easily, laughing at unheard jokes. Hannibal directed her attention to where Will was sitting, and she wiggled her fingers in a small but friendly wave. Will had no idea what to do. Should he join them and let Hannibal introduce him to her? Should he send her a drink? He opted for plastering a smile on his face and waving back. He felt like an idiot.

After a few minutes, Hannibal returned to his side. The brunette watched after him for a moment, then occupied herself by stirring her drink.

"Well?" Will asked.

Hannibal sniffed in a slight scoff. "Celia doesn't like dogs. Hates them, in fact."

Will blinked at him. "Did she like me? Or whatever you said about me?"

"I didn't think it would be a good match," Hannibal said.

"For a one-night stand?!"

Hannibal bristled, perhaps at the incredulous tone of the question. "Incompatibility on such a fundamental level doesn't bode well for compatibility even for a single night. I'm merely keeping your interests at heart."

Will just barely managed to keep from rolling his eyes. "Maybe we should approach someone together."

Without waiting for an answer, he glanced around the bar until he saw two women sitting together in the lounge area. Both fashionably dressed redheads, they reminded Will of Freddie Lounds. He forced the association out of his mind as best he could.

He waited until he caught their attention and flashed them what he hoped was a fairly normal-looking smile. To his surprise, they both smiled back. 

Will crossed the room towards them, clutching his drink in a death grip. Hannibal followed a moment after.

"Could we keep you company for a bit?" Will asked.

The women looked nearly identical, even to a forensically trained eye. The one wearing a burgundy jacket gestured towards two chairs opposite their own. The other one, wearing black leather, barely looked at him, and instead gazed at Hannibal with fairly blatant interest. She was practically undressing Hannibal with her eyes.

"I'm Katrin," she all but purred, extending her hand. "This is my sister Katlin."

"That would explain your equally incomparable beauty," Hannibal said, kissing the tops of their hands in turn. "I'm Hannibal, and this is my friend Will. He had the good fortune to spy you across this crowded bar."

This time, Will didn't even try to keep from rolling his eyes, more at the hand kissing than at the introduction.

"So are you two from ‘round here?" he asked.

"We're pharmaceutical reps from New York," Katlin said. "Just passing through, I'm afraid."

"What she means," Katrin said, "is that we hope to make the most of our one night in Baltimore."

Hannibal proceeded to do most of the talking while Will nodded like a moron when he seemed to be required to offer some kind of input. Once again he wondered what he was really even supposed to be doing. He'd never had many friends, and didn't have any when he was in college during his prime wingman years. He'd been to bars a few times with his fellow cops, but the snug-fitting uniforms did most of the talking. It wasn't like anybody had to talk themselves up, or do the same for a friend.

He slowly became aware that he'd missed a cue to nod. Everyone was staring at him, expectant. He replayed the last few moments of conversation in his mind and realized Katlin had asked what he did for a living.

"I'm a teacher," he finally said.

"Influencing young minds is so important," she said.

"I'm afraid Will is being modest," Hannibal said. "He teaches at Quantico. He is, in fact, influencing the next generation of crack FBI agents."

The sisters both made impressed sounds.

"He also helps solve murders for the FBI," Hannibal went on. "They'd be lost without his amazing mind."

"I do what I can," Will said. Katlin was now regarding him with as much open lust as her sister had for Hannibal. She shifted in her seat to move closer.

"He’s being modest again," Hannibal said. "Our dear Will here can think like a killer."

Will's jaw fell open so quickly he nearly dribbled whiskey down his chin. He could think like a killer---could think like anybody!---but he was hard pressed to figure out why in the hell Hannibal had divulged such a morbid detail about his work, life, and mindset. He turned to look at Hannibal, but Hannibal's expression offered no clues. He simply regarded Will with the same twinkling-eyed expression he always did.

"Hannibal is a psychiatrist," Will said when he'd gotten his wits about him again. "He used to be a surgeon but his patients kept dying!"

Katlin and Katrin's expressions faltered slightly.

Katrin was the first to recover. "Look," she sighed, "we have to be on a plane to Cleveland in just over nine hours, so we kinda need to know if you two are up for some sort of foursome situation tonight or not."

"We don't do stuff with each other," Katlin hurried to say, "but we're into both of you and we don't mind if y'all wanna cross swords."

"That'd be pretty hot, actually," Katrin said.

Will was about to ask what she meant by crossing swords, but as soon as he thought of the question a visual came to mind and answered it for him. His first instinct was to protest. Hannibal was, after all, his friend... therapist...whatever. He wasn't sure what touching dicks would do to...whatever...their relationship currently was. He couldn't even imagine Hannibal wanting to do such a thing.

The visuals in his mind's eye suddenly turned to the sisters having their way with Hannibal, crawling all over him, kissing his body in...places. All while Will sat off to the side with his dejected sword, nodding like a moron, unsure of what his entry point was. So to speak.

"We could be up for a foursome," Will said. "But first I gotta ask how you both feel about dogs."

The sisters donned simultaneous moues of mingled confusion and disgust.

"Wh-what the hell kind of pervert are you?" Katrin sputtered. "I mean... good fucking God!"

She grabbed Katlin's hand and dragged her across the bar, as far away from the two of them as possible.

Hannibal gave him a curious look.

"You're the one who said I should be compatible with someone," Will explained with a shrug.

Things continued on in much the same way for the next hour or so as they went about approaching women both singly and as a pair. They'd met a doctor named Luisa, a local artist named Jayne (she spelled it for them to make sure they heard the y), and a woman in an expensive-looking gray dress whose name Will didn't get before Hannibal made him sound like a weird dog hoarder.

Will waited until she'd scurried away before turning to Hannibal.

"Why on earth did you blurt that out like that?!"

"I told you before---"

"Oh come the fuck on," Will interrupted. "I'm not sold on only being sexually compatible with people who support my canine rescuing habits, but introducing me to someone as 'here's my pal Will Graham he sleeps with a lot of dogs' is just bizarre!"

Hannibal lifted his chin. "I believe I said friend, not pal."

Now Will was just plain suspicious. Hannibal, as socially expert as he was, couldn't possibly think he was doing an acceptable job as wingman.

"What kind of social exercise is this, exactly?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"You called this outing a social exercise when you proposed it," Will reminded him. "Did you ever intend for me to hook up with someone? Or are you just psychoanalyzing the way I interact with people?"

"I admit I'm somewhat taken aback by the accusation," Hannibal said.

Will threw up his hands. "Then why do you keep sabotaging me?"

"You all but called me a murder to those twins," Hannibal said. "If I'm doing any sabotaging, at least I'm not the only one."

Hannibal didn't wait for a response before stalking off towards the restrooms, leaving Will to gawp after him in stunned silence.

Will was still stewing in his own bafflement when someone took up residence on the stool beside him. Will recognized her as the brunette from earlier in the evening.

"Oh, hey, you're ummm... Cecelia?"

"Celia," she corrected him with a warm smile.

"Sorry, I've had a few of these," he said, holding up his tumbler.

"I don't mean to intrude," she started, "but I couldn't help but overhear some of your conversation on account of you guys practically shouting."

Will cringed. "Sorry about that, too."

She made small, dismissive gesture with her hands. "I'm just here to offer you a little insight as to why you guys are being such terrible wingmen for each other."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"You're dumbasses," Celia said.

Will laughed. "Well, I don't doubt that, but why in particular?"

"Because there's nobody here that interests either of you more than each other."

Will blinked at her. "No, I---"

"He's been making these dopey, sparkly eyes at you all night," she said, "and you blush like a goddamn freshman every time you look at him."

Will's hands flew to his cheeks as if he could feel any residual warmth. "No, I...I've been blushing because I'm uncomfortable talking to people."

She rolled her eyes and swiveled her way off the stool. "Whatever. I'm certainly not your wingman, either. I don't care if you get laid, but I just thought you should know because it was getting kinda pathetic."

She was halfway back to her own seat before Will forced himself to get up and follow her.

"Do you hate dogs?" he asked.

She looked instantly disgusted. "I have two elderly rescue pugs who're practically my whole life," she said. "I told your friend as much! Jesus Christ!"

Will made apologetic noises as he ran past her and into the men's room.

He found Hannibal drying his hands and seemingly making every effort not to meet his eyes.

"I think I found someone for you," Will said.

"I'm going home," Hannibal said, still not looking at him. "This evening has been an exercise in futility."

Will caught his arm as he tried to brush past. "At least ask me who I found."

Hannibal sighed. "Fine. Who?"

"Me," Will said, and mashed his mouth onto Hannibal's before he could analyze himself out of doing it.

A moment passed in which Hannibal didn't move and Will began to silently curse himself for ruining a friendship and a personal relationship all in one fell swoop.

But then he felt Hannibal's fingertips petting into his hair and pulling his face closer. Hannibal's lips parting against his own felt like no small triumph, and an even bigger relief.

"Oh thank God," Will breathed when they separated some time later. "I was afraid I'd misjudged."

Hannibal gave him the twinkly eyes---the same eyes he'd been making all night, and before then, too, now that Will thought back on it.

"I just have one question," Will said.

"What's that?"

"Do you like dogs?"

Hannibal laughed. "I'm quite fond of yours."

"Oh, thank God," Will said again, and went in for another kiss.

-end-

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[dragon-in-a-fez]

idk man, like, about parents reading their kids texts without consent, like, they do pay for it, and it does kinda make sense that the person paying for the thing would be able to check on how it's being used. Like, school and work wifi often monitors and blocks internet use. idk, i once found myself in an abusive relationship online and i tried to keep it from my parents but they read my emails and pretty much saved me from that, you know? Like I'm so grateful tbh

like i def think kids should havesituations and places to vent where their parents can’t see, but like, i feellike at least in my situation my parents really did know better than me, and mysafety was at stake, and when safety is at stake like, i don’t think it’s bad tofind out what’s going on and put a stop to it

like how patient doctorconfidentiality ends when a risk of abuse is discovered. There’s totallyconfidentiality, except if it’s seeming like you’re hurting or going to hurtyourself or someone else or if there’s elder or child abuse going on, then thedoctor or therapist or whatever is legally obligated to break thatconfidentiality. Idk, to me it seems similar

to the first point: in a word, nah.

in more words, basic rights don’t end because someone else is paying for things. in a one-income household, does the non-working partner give up all rights to privacy because their spouse is paying the internet bill? of course not. that would be considered abusive behavior. being in that position of responsibility where you’re the one with the income and someone else relies on you to provide for their needs doesn’t excuse disrespectful or manipulative behavior, it makes it worse, because it’s an abuse of power.

besides which, we (adults) have set up a capitalist society in such a way that kids can’t provide for their own needs (communication and privacy are both human needs, not privileges or nice-to-haves). to then turn that back around and say “well pay for it yourself if you want to be treated respectfully” is really shitty behavior. “get your own money for a phone if you want to be treated with basic respect” would be a bad enough thing to say to someone who actually could do that, but when you’re talking to someone who’s subjected to a whole economic system arranged to prevent them from doing that it crosses the line into creepy victim-blaming. “if you want me to respect your privacy, do this thing that you literally can’t do. I have the right to not respect your privacy because I am fulfilling my basic obligations toward a person I acknowledge is dependent on me.” like…that’s not cool.

second point: I have talked here about how, yes, sometimes we do things that are morally questionable when we think a loved one is in danger, and as long as we actually recognize that those things are morally questionable instead of just going “well, I think it’s okay so it’s okay”, sometimes that can indeed be the lesser of two evils. but the protectionist discourse of spying on kids online goes way beyond that. it’s never “my kid said something that made me think she might be in a bad situation so I read her emails to find out more and I felt bad about it the whole time but I did it anyway because I thought she might need my help and be too scared to ask”. it’s always “I have the god-given right to read whatever I want on my kid’s computer because they’re MY kid” (parents actually do usually write the possessive adjective in all-caps, in my experience, I guess just to underscore the extent to which they view their kids as property).

also, important point: adults mess up all the damn time and don’t get their basic rights trampled on for it. “knowing better than” someone does not give you the right to control their lives. adults understand this when dealing with each other. hell, they’ll form picket lines to protest against a 2-cent tax on soft drinks because “what about our right to fill ourselves up with a gallon of sugary bullshit, goddamn nanny state, I don’t care if you know better it’s my body”, and then those same adults will go home and install creepy spyware on the family computer because “they know better” and cognitive dissonance is a powerful thing, I guess.

as for the limits of doctor-patient confidentiality: yes, those exist. but I don’t really see the relevance, apart from being a generally similar thing to where, like I said, if two moral obligations directly conflict one has to be given precedence. but doctors a) are not breaking into your house and going through your personal correspondence, they’re just obligated to act on things revealed to them in the course of doing their jobs, and b) their responsibility to break confidentiality under certain circumstances is a professional obligation that’s part of a contract between physician and patient. literally, every time I go to my doctor, I have to sign a form that says I consent to consultation and treatment under a set of rules, one of which is, confidentiality ends if I’m a danger to myself or others. if I don’t want to accept that rule, guess what I can do. I can walk out of the office. in other words, the doctor is not in any way able to invade my privacy without my knowledge or consent, which was the exact terminology I used in that post.

I don’t blame people for thinking this way, by the way, because we live in a society that actively discourages people from thinking critically about the double standards and dehumanizing structures that apply to young people in their daily lives, in their homes and everywhere they go. but I hope I’ve made it somewhat clearer here why these are problematic ideas.