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#but anyway i know im just naturally like my dad in disposition and humour and looks and everything else but i also know i probably studied
13eyond13
·
1 year
Text
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#been thinking about genetics and nature vs nurture and all this sort of stuff a lot lately
#and just contemplating why people are the way they are and how much is sort of hardwired vs learned etc.
#anyway I'm definitely wayyyy more like my dad than my mom and i think i have actually learned to become sort of the ideal companion
#for people like my mom
#because my mom is the harder to please and stronger personality in the household who is way more obviously emotional and sensitive
#and i empathized with her automatically in a sort of female solidarity way as the household is all boys otherwise
#but anyway i know im just naturally like my dad in disposition and humour and looks and everything else but i also know i probably studied
#how he handles my mom and her outbursts and insecurities and learned to react to it similarly to him as well
#she's a very odd mix of one of the most empathetic kindest people you'll ever meet and also incredibly critical and sensitive to criticism
#and she barely ever will tell you you did a good job at anything and will point out mostly only the bad stuff or flaws in whatever you do
#yet also HATES that her own mom is exactly the same way and was traumatized by that growing up herself
#i honestly 100% believe her mom (my grandma) is undiagnosed autistic and simply doesnt even realize how she comes off but it really
#affected my mom growing up and now she is constantly on alert for anything that could possibly be a critique of her and will throw you
#under the bus instead if you ever say something even remotely close to negative about her or arent extremely thoughtful about showing up
#to the multiple events she hosts every single week
#anyway the way my dad usually reacts is just being extremely quiet and steady and dry humoured in reaction to this and when she starts
#critiquing him and bringing up all his past failures as a way of making herself feel better about her own bad self esteem he kind of just
#takes it and doesnt take it personally because he knows shes doing it for low self esteem reasons
#even though its not really fair to him and she would absolutely hate anybody doing the same to her
#when i think of my dad's gentle quietness and humour and how much he hates being aggressive or critical i think of when we played a
#board game called qwelf once and in the game he was made to act like a drill sergeant and scold and yell at all of us as we moved
#our pieces around the board and the best he could do was to mutter stuff like 'get your buns in gear there soldier!'
#it makes me lol to remember it my god he simply can't it's the most unnatural thing for him in the world
#anyway i always wonder how much of my similarities to him are just genes and how much are learning from him
#by watching and admiring and mimicking
#because having nieces shows me that kids are absolutely little sponges who try to do everything they see you doing without even knowing
#if it's a good thing to be mimicking or not and that can be a bit of a terrifying responsibility as the adult
#i am glad i learned good coping mechanisms from dad and how to handle unfair criticism and lack of praise in stride as well but
#something i had to teach myself as an adult was how to have healthy boundaries and be assertive when i feel like im being treated poorly
#because my parents are both huge people pleasers who struggle with it themselves
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