#but at least I managed to fart somethin out before the end of the year

[outerhexe]

can you still remember your very first kiss? or the future you hoped for when we were still kids? stay young, stay young

—

wishing my favorite asshole a happy birthday 🎂

[fuck-customers]

My Worst Customer

Most definitely gonna be a TL;DR at the end 😳 I've been a cashier for a little over a year now, and I have my share of favorite customers, customers I just recognize as regulars, and customers I dread the sight of. This is the story of my worst customer to date (and this was fairly recent). One starry evening (I'm assuming; I had been in the store all day), I was cleaning up the return desk. We hadn't had a customer in a while and the hours were winding down to closing time. Enter older gentleman (I'll call him Sam). Sam comes to the desk wanting to exchange a lawn mower. Not my favorite thing to do, but whatevs, ain't no other customers, so I get to it. We don't do exchanges, only returns. In order for us to return lawn mowers, it would be fan-freakin-tastic if we had the original receipt. Of course, I've learned that's too much to ask for at the service desk, so we just verify the serial number and date code (we accept only as prior as last year) and hope they paid with a card. Sam assures us that he paid with his store credit card, so that took away some worry. I start looking for the date code. I'm searching for it. I'm hunting for it. I get frantic and ask Sam when he bought the lawn mower. He says "Some time last year." Finally, after pushing back some caked-on dirt, I find it. 2012. Now I could be wrong, but that's not really this year or last year. Somethin ain't right. Around this time, I had recruited an associate from the mowers department to try to find the item in our system. But OF COURSE we don't even carry it anymore because it's FIVE FUCKING YEARS OLD... So we tell Sam the situation. We can't return the mower because it's not in our system, and even if it was, it's as old as the dirt it's covered in. Naturally, he's not happy. He says he needs a new mower "right now, cuz I got grass to cut!" At this point the only thing we can do is send it out for repair. What sucks about that, though, is that it's a one week turn around. The repairs get picked up Thursday and dropped back off the next Thursday. "No, I don't wanna wait that long, I need it now!" At this point we had gotten a manager involved, who directs Sam's attention to some discounted mowers out front. My manager offered to discount it some more (probably so Sam would buy it and get tf out of the store). He caves, and he buys the other mower at a severely discounted price. All is well. UNTIL THE NEXT DAY! He came back and said the mower he just bought wasn't working and *he wanted to return it.* HE WANTED TO RETURN IT. So as I'm processing his return, which he hands over his receipt and card for, he starts talking about getting another mower outside that looks exactly like the one he just got. I go outside to see what he's talking about. There was, indeed, a mower that seemed identical. But the item numbers were different and the new mower is twice as much as the one he got the day before. The manager that discounted the first lawn mower is there, but I know for a fact he's not gonna discount another one for the same price and the same customer. I prepare myself for battle. I tell Sam everything I know: yesterday's lawn mower is returned, the new one of desire is not the same as the old one, it's more expensive, and the manager is not gonna reduce the price. As I'm trying to get him to sign his return slip, he gets belligerent. He takes the sign slip and sticks it in his pocket, REFUSING to sign until we "give him something". I feel dumb AF arguing with an old man about a piece of paper, so I beg the manager to come back over and talk to him. They go away for at least 20 minutes and Sam comes back, deciding to send his old mower out for repair. I'm like "Cool, not a problem, you just have to buy it back!" "What do you mean buy it back? It's already mine!" ".......no sir, you just returned it. You have the return slip in your pocket." "Why do y'all treat me like this! I spend too much money in this store!" It's the middle of the day, and the line at the return desk is getting longer and longer. I'm taking other customers while he's pouting nearby. Eventually he's able to get back in line to buy back the mower. I get this man to the front of my line. He gives me back my return slip, which he still refuses to sign because "if I don't sign it, it's not returned". Fuck it, I sign for him. I ring him up. I press "Total". I'm literally at the screen with his total on it and now.... He can't find his fucking card. HE GETS OUT OF LINE TO FIND HIS FUCKING CARD. I lose all my patience with this man, so I save the transaction and take the next customer. By the time all the customers are taken care of, Sam is gone. He's completely disappeared. The mower is still sitting in front of the desk though. I wait hours for Sam to come back and pay for that damn mower. It's close to closing time, and he's still not back, so I let the manager know that he had not paid for the mower. The manager, as fed up with Sam as me, gathers up all Sam's information and puts it in a file. We start the process of sending the mower out for repair as a store-owned item, and we make a hilarious discovery: San had written his initials all over the lawnmower while he was in the store! I super wish this was the end of the story... About 2 weeks later, Sam comes back wanting to pick up his mower that got sent out for repair. BITCH, WHAT MOWER?! My coworker (I call her my Grandma) had the misfortune of dealing with him. I ran off pretending to do something else in the store. I came back and she fussed at me. "Why you leave me with that crazy man?!" I felt bad. But apparently it only took a few times for Grandma to tell him he didn't have anything out for repair. He graciously accepted this and left. Still not done... Two MORE weeks later, Sam is back. I can tell by the exasperated looks on the faces of my coworkers that he had been there a while, finally getting the lawn mower he's been bitching about. I'm just coming in at self checkout and he just happened to walk by and see me. "Hey, you that girl that caused me all this trouble with my lawn mower!" WHAT THE FUCK?! LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT, MY DUDE. YOU CAN REMEMBER FACES, BUT YOU CANT REMEMBER THE LITERAL GRIEF YOU CAUSED HALF THE EMPLOYEES HERE, BECAUSE OF YOUR INABILITY TO LISTEN TO THE SHIT WE TRIED TO TELL YOU?!! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY STORE! K, I'm done. If you made it to the end of this, you're a trooper!! 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪 TL;DR: An ornery old man came wanting to exchange a lawn mower half a decade old; bought an different lawn mower instead; returned it the next day, then decided to send it out for repair; threw a hussy fit when I told him he had to buy it back; had a brain fart and forgot to pay for it; came back asking for it and basically annoyed everyone in the process. By: aleahkch