#but decided 'eh i complain ant this too much anyway'

[delusional-mishaps]

EVERY DAY I FIND A NEW TAG TO BLOCK

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #230: THE LAST FAREWELL!

April, 1983

“Yellowjacket no more!”

Aw, dang! Hank got raptured!

Captain America, Thor, and Hawkeye is a weird collection of characters to be staring forlornly at the empty Yellowjacket uniform.

Thor hasn’t really expressed much about the Yellowjacket situation in comparison. You think they could squeeze Wasp into the shot. Just her ex-husband is all. She’s just the team leader is all.

Put Wasp on the cover, you cowards.

So last times on Avengers: Hank Pym got himself kicked out of the Avengers and out of his marriage and pretty much deserved it. He was tricked into committing treason by his arch-nemesis Egghead and sent to jail. He sat in jail for, like, a really long time. The wheels really spun on the arc.

He was kicked out of the Avengers/walked before he could be kicked out in #213. He was arrested at the end of issue #217. His trial was in issue #228.

He was kidnapped from his trial by the Masters of Evil. Then in #229, he turned the tables on them all in quite a satisfying manner and slugged Egghead in the egg head.

Then Hawkeye manslaughtered him. He’s dead.

Hawkeye arrowed the science gun to stop Egghead from shooting Hank in the back and then the science gun backfired and microwaved that egg.

This makes Hank’s victory a little bittersweet for him.

Hank Pym: “I defeated the Masters of Evil single-handed... but more than anything, I wanted to bring Egghead to justice. He was a thorn in my side for so many years. I was never able to defeat him for long, not when I was Ant-Man... and not even after I became Giant-Man! He bedeviled me in every identity I assumed. He did me the greatest wrong when I was Yellowjacket. I’d already ruined my Avengers career, when he tricked me into committing a federal crime!”

Hawkeye too is set to thinking by what happened. Maybe humming a bit of Bohemian Rhapsody to himself too.

Hawkeye: “This is unreal! I’ve never killed a man before! I never planned on anything like this happening! Yeah, but I can’t feel sorry for Egghead! If anyone deserved this, he did! My brother Barney bought the farm, stopping Egghead from killing the Avengers. And if I hadn’t acted when I did, Hank Pym would be dead! If I had to do it again... I would!”

Hawkeye: ‘Eh, fuck ‘em!’

hah.

But Hank laments that with Egghead dead, so goes his chance of proving his innocence by turning him over to the law.

Hank Pym: “Egghead was always getting away from me, Hawkeye. It’s almost as if he’s pulled the ultimate escape!”

Fun fact: There doesn’t seem to be an Ultimate Egghead! Why would there need to be? Even more than in the 616, Ultimate Hank Pym is by far his own worst enemy.

Hawkeye basically tells Hank to buck up and that there’s basically incriminating evidence lying all over the place.

He doesn’t say it but even Egghead’s dead deceased corpse is kind of like evidence. Evidence that he wasn’t dead until recently.

Captain Marvel shows up because someone finally came looking for Hawkeye.

Hank is surprised, much like others have been that this is Captain Marvel. He knew the old guy, the super saiyan. And I guess he didn’t hear there was a new one.

Hawkeye: “We’ve had a few changes since you went in the slammer, Hank. C.M. is an Avenger in training.”

Huh. Captain Marvel doesn’t even react to the dead body. Then again, there’s a lot of bodies lying all around the place.

And while Hawkeye is introducing the new Captain Marvel to Hank, one of those bodies stirs.

Moonstone has regained consciousness and assesses the situation. She could blast Hank, Captain Marvel, and Hawkeye with her coherent light pew pew but that’d just weaken her.

Like in the previous issue, Moonstone is one of the few supervillains who knows when to fold ‘em.

So she decides to skeedaddle while the getting is good but whoops.

Getting wasn’t good.

The rest of the Avengers have shown up and cornered her while she was pondering.

So Moonstone decides ‘eh fuck it’ and promises to spill all the beans if it gets her a lighter sentence.

So days later, the mostly off-screen trial of Hank Pym finally ends.

A loooot of new evidence suddenly popping up led the prosecution to withdraw all charges.

The lead prosecution witness, Trish Starr, suddenly reversing her testimony after putting on Tony Stark’s magical mental-scan helmet kind of tanked the case, really.

Wait, they really did just admit the use of the helmet in the trial when its new, unsubstantiated technology whose inventor disappeared?

Damn, I knew the Marvel legal system was wild (considering comic books as legal documents as explored in Dan Slott’s run on the character) but still!

Although it makes sense. Egghead got Trish to incriminate Hank by using the bionic arm to alter her memories. The helmet Tony invented undoes that kind of alteration. This connects the dots quite reasonably. Glad Stern was paying attention when preparing to finish this arc.

Moonstone and Beetle confirming that Egghead was using Hank as a tool also helps.

In fact, not only did the prosecution drop all their charges, the judge also dismissed all the charges. Which feels redundant? I dunno much about law, really. Just the She-Hulk version of law. Which, again, uses comic books as legal documents.

Apparently happening at around the same time, Hawkeye also had his day in court.

Literally a day.

It wasn’t a trial, just a hearing to investigate whether he was guilty of wrong-doing in the death of Egghead.

Newsman with a newsplan: “Though he was threatened with contempt-of-court charges a number of times -- Hawkeye was found innocent of any wrong-doing in the death of Dr. Elihas Starr -- the self-styled Egghead.”

Yeah, I bet Hawkeye was threatened with contempt-of-court a bunch. And I bet you anything that at least one of the times he rejoined with “No, you’re out of order! This whole damn courtroom is out of order!”

And then the judge probably just sighed.

I mean, look at that unbelievable Hawkeye in the bottom left panel.

Anyway, I think Stern must have felt a little pent up having to start his Avengers run finishing off someone else’s story, especially having to devote a recap issue to it since the plot had been interspersed with fill-ins.

Because in the middle of concluding this arc, he throws in two plot beats that I have to assume are to set up stuff of his own.

A day after the trial, the Beetle is being escorted to a cell in a Western Pennsylvanian federal maximum security prison when he bumps into another prisoner.

What neither the Beetle or the guard notices is that the bump to “Sam Smithers” has peeled off some skin on his arm and revealed THAT HE IS ACTUALLY MADE OF WOOD!

Suspect possibly a living puppet.

And elsewhere but samewhen, IN SPACE, specifically on Saturn’s moon Titan, Thanos’ brother Eros is basically complaining about being bored.

When Captain Mar-vell died of having a lot of cancer, he asked Eros to look after Mar-vell’s... uh... -google- robot girlfriend?? Elysius.

Eventual mom to Genis and Phyla-Vells.

Soooooo, Eros has done as Mar-vell’s deathbed wish was and spent an agonizing several consecutive months hanging out in Titan’s beautiful inside forests and just having a real hard time caring about one thing for such a long period of time.

I’m not even being unfair to him.

Eros: “This is the first time in ages that I’ve spent so many consecutive months on Titan! I have ever been a wanderer! I’ve sought out adventure across the wide cosmos. Frankly, I have known romance on more worlds than most sentient beings could imagine. That’s part of the problem. Our friendship has been wonderful, but I’m having a hard time adjusting to it. My previous relationships have all been of a fleeting nature.”

‘Look its not you, its me’ except for attempting to dump someone as a friend, instead of romantically.

Not dump, even. He just kind of wants to ditch her and is asking in a roundabout way if she’s emotionally stable enough to ditch.

She goes, yeah sure, go off and have fun. And maybe she’s getting tired of his company too.

Elysius: “Look... you’ve been a great comfort to me these last few months, but now I need to be alone for a while with my thoughts.”

Geez, how clingy has he been this whole time while desperately wanting to be anywhere else?

Anyway, since she’s fine with him fucking off, he does fuck off. Right to the Hall of Science.

Where Eros’ dad is like ‘oh ffs’ when Eros tells him that he needs to use the LIVING COMPUTER Isaac to look up planets with the highest adventure potential.

Mentor of Titan is a man deeply disappointed in both of his sons for very different reasons.

Anyway, would you really be surprised if I told you that Earth was in the Top 3 planets in known space for adventure?

You wouldn’t, right?

Meanwhile, back at the plot, Hank Pym is on a boat with Trish Starr.

She wants to apologize for that time she incriminated him but Hank isn’t going to blame her for being as much a pawn in Egghead’s scheme as he was.

Trish: “Yes, uncle was like that all of his life. I think he really enjoyed using people.”

And she remembers the first time they met in Marvel Feature #5, where Egghead tried to drain her mind to power his machines. Because. Batteries hadn’t been invented? Because he’s just not happy unless he’s screwing over someone else?

Second one sounds likeliest.

She also remembers the time he car bombed her car but siphoned out most of the gas first.

Trish: “He didn’t want to kill me... only maim me. Nice guy, my uncle.”

Yeah. Its stories like that why its only Trish and Hank also Fred Sloan on a boat at Egghead’s funeral. Yeah, by the way, this is basically Egghead’s funeral.

Fred is only here for Trish.

Hank reacts to Fred so I wondered if he’s important in some way or if Hank recognized him but I checked the wiki and his main importance seems to be... this issue? So I don’t know why Hank reacts to the guy.

So Fred is just here for Trish. Trish is here out of duty, since she was Egghead’s only known family. And Hank is also only here out of duty but more archnemesis ‘can’t believe that asshole is dead and I don’t even get to feel good about it’ duty. I assume.

Hank even gets the honor (?) of laying Egghead to rest. By dumping his ashes into New York harbor.

Mostly because it doesn’t seem like Trish wants to?

So Hank quotes some Mark Twain and dumps the ashes.

Hank Pym: “‘Death... the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all -- the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.’ Farewell, Egghead.”

Trish: “It’s awful to say this -- but I can’t find it in myself to be sorry. I think I’m glad he’s dead.”

And that’s Egghead’s legacy. Mourned by no one. And his death is only not cheered because the only people that cared feel shitty about feeling glad he’s dead.

ANYWAY, there’s some other loose ends to tie up.

So Hank takes a taxi to the Avengers Mansion and I guess finally explicitly explains why the mansion has seemed to change positions over time?

Hank Pym: “I never thought I’d be coming here again. The place has certainly changed since the day Jan and I met here with Iron Man, Thor, and the Hulk to draft the Avengers charter and by-laws. And I still recall the time Iron Man and Thor moved the mansion back from the street to give us more privacy. What a project that was!”

Sounds like a heck of a noodle incident, Hank.

... Why just Thor and Iron Man? Did they... did they literally just shove the mansion back from the street? ... There’s... basements and caves under there. How does that work? That seems like a massive architectural project.

Hank, pls, I need to know more details. You can’t just drop that information and casually stroll away. HANK!

Captain Marvel meets Hank at the door and escorts him inside, captain marveling at how calm Hank is despite everything he’s been through.

Hank shows up to the Avengers meeting and-

Oh god, She-Hulk looks like she wants to punch the suppressed emotions right out of Jan. She-Hulk, pls.

So, Wasp is super formal, calling Hank Dr. Pym and telling him that they want to use the mento-scan helmet to see if he was under outside influence when he did all the very bad things he did.

All of the Avengers are harboring their own concerns.

She-Hulk: “I’ve read legal briefs that were more informal! She’s cool on the surface, but inside -- ! Jannie, why are you doing this to yourself?!”

Are you guys already at the cute nickname stage of your friendship or is that just the way She-Hulk be?

Cap is worried that this is rough on Jan but that she’s doing what she needs to do as the Avengers chairwoman. But he’s more worried about the absence of Iron Man who is still missing and who ignored three calls to assemble.

Thor is just internally like ‘just do the helmet, my dude.’

Hawkeye is literally biting his lip at the tension.

Hawkeye: “Jan divorced Hank after his last breakdown. If we find out that he wasn’t to blame, what’s it gonna do to the both of ‘em? I hate this! That stupid court hearing was a breeze in comparison.”

Huh, Hawkeye has a point. Even if outside influence is proven, its not as straightforward as Jan and Hank instantly getting back together, no harm no foul. There was harm. And the problems with their relationship were deeper than one incident. But it would also create this possible expectation that they should get back together because the specific incident wasn’t Hank’s fault.

And Captain Marvel is still looking at this from an outsiders’ perspective.

Captain Marvel: “They’re really hurting over this... all of them! They all care so very, very much. If I ever become a fully active Avenger, I pray that I can live up to their example.”

So Hank very calmly agrees to use the helmet. But...

Hank Pym: “Sorry... no outside influences. It would have changed a lot of things if there had been, wouldn’t it? But no, I made my own mistakes... and I have to live with them.”

Thiiiiis was the best decision for the story arc. It may seem, in retrospect, the worst decision in the long run, but I can respect the story for standing by what it has done and standing by the growth Hank has had as a result of everything that happened.

I think a lot of more modern marvel comics have gone a little wild with letting the heroes do all kinds of dubious things and also die because it can be easily undone. It was a Skrull, they were being mind-controlled, it was an AU Nazi version of them created by a cosmic cube child. Or by giving the hero some big redemptive moment like Iron Man wiping his mind to make up for doing Civil War. Or Iron Man dying to make up for Civil War 2. You can explore whatever scenarios you want without worrying about dealing with the consequences long-term.

But in this era of Marvel, they were concerned with the long-term. Not to say that there weren’t cop-outs back in this day too. But since books were expected to keep going indefinitely instead of being cancelled and relaunched, there’s less of a sense of ‘this thing is only here to play with for a little while.’ If you wrote a thing, another writer was expected to follow up on it.

And I miss that a little.

So not giving a cop-out bullshit thing that undoes Hank’s actions was bad in the long run for his image as a character. But that’s a long way from now problem, exacerbated by writers like Chuck Austin and Mark Millar who wanted to wallow in it.

For an arc where Hank fell from grace and proved himself again, taking ownership of what a garbage fire his life can be was necessary.

One among many reasons I probably won’t like the Crossing when I get to it, haha.

With Hank’s actions proven as being Hank’s actions, Hank says there’s one more loose end that he wants to help tie off.

He wants to participate as witness when the Avengers hold a court of inquiry for Hawkeye killing Egghead.

This comes as an absolute surprise to Hawkeye, who I guess never read the bylaws. Which honestly, is very in-character for him.

But it being brought up, he insists that all he has to do is enter the findings of the state judge and be done with it.

Hank insists he participate though.

Hank Pym: “Hawkeye is faced with charges because he acted in my defense. It’s only right that I act in his.”

So, the Avengers go to the first floor library, which is apparently the court of inquiry room. I feel like we’re suddenly getting a lot of details about the layout of the Avengers Mansion in recent issues.

So Wasp convenes the court all formal style, so formal style that Hawkeye thinks that stickler Cap(tain America) couldn’t have done a better job. The purpose of the court of inquiry is to determine the validity of the charge of “unreasonable use of deadly force” and determine what if any proper disciplinary action should be taken.

I think Hawkeye is annoyed at having to go through with this (read the bylaws, my dude) because when Wasp asks if he has anything to add to his claim of innocence of the charge, he says he already gave the court copies of the court transcript that cleared him of the same charge, but also decides to speechify a little, because he wasn’t accused of contempt of court enough today.

Hawkeye: “I have already given the chair copies of the transcript of a hearing of the state courts... a hearing which found me not guilty of the same charge. And I have something else to say as well!”

“I don’t deny that my actions caused the death of Egghead. But in no way did I use undue force! I found Hank Pym in mortal danger, and I used the necessary means to save him... period. After all, we are supposed to be the Avengers, right?”

Luckily for Hawkeye, the Avengers are more willing to put up with him than a state court so Jan just goes ‘ok, noted.’

Captain Marvel also has a minor change of heart on Hawkeye. I don’t think we’ve gotten her in-depth feelings on him before (although he did get pissy about her joining the team, we didn’t see her response to that) but she’s impressed because she thought he had more wind than conviction but is seeing that isn’t so. And she’s also impressed by Serious Mode Jan who she thought was kind of flighty.

Captain Monica Marvel seeing all kinds of new sides of the Avengers lately.

Also, this isn’t important and you won’t be able to see what I mean unless I included more caps than I wanted to, but in the panel establishing the court of inquiry, Monica is just standing off to the side. But in the next panel she appears in, she’s moved over to sit on a couch instead.

I think its a framing thing but its still kind of funny to imagine her going ‘wait why am I standing up’ and heading for the comfy couch.

With Hawkeye’s statement given, Wasp invites Hank Pym to speak his piece.

And Hank gets up and gives an entirely unnecessary but probably appreciated defense of Hawkeye.

Hank Pym: “Ladies and gentlemen... I have not always been on the friendliest of terms with Hawkeye. Point of fact, we nearly came to blows a number of times... back in the days when I was an Avenger. But in all the time I’ve known him, Hawkeye has never used undue force.”

“I realize that this inquiry is little more than a formality. I have no doubt that you will find in his behalf. He did, as he said, act only in my defense. Unlike my own recent case before you, there is not the slightest hint of misconduct or negligence. The only thing Hawkeye is guilty of is being a good Avenger.”

“When I last spoke before this body, at my court-martial, I was not in a rational state of mind. I was unfit to be an Avenger. You wisely expelled me. I never expected to speak before you again. And now, I can think of no finer final statement than this... It has been my sincere honor to have known Hawkeye’s fellowship... as it has to have known yours.”

Okay. So. Half a defense of Hawkeye. And half... just a general good-bye and a demonstration that he actually does know how to deliver a defense at a court-martial. Cool.

I imagine if he had a mic, he would have dropped it.

Probably not, actually. Hank isn’t that exact blend of cool and inconsiderate for a mic drop.

Jarvis intercepts Hank on his way out and asks that he come with him to the second floor study. Jarvis has taken the liberty of gathering up the personal items Hank just kind of left in the mansion and packing them for him.

One suitcase has a bunch of Hank’s clothes that he had stashed in the mansion over the years. Including some wacky ties for wacky tie Fridays and a shirt that Hank had just plumb lost.

The other suitcase is a spare Yellowjacket outfit. In case Hank ever needs it.

Then Hank and Jarvis shake hands, Hank thanking Jarvis for everything that he’s done for him and the Avengers. He asks Jarvis to take care of himself because he knows he doesn’t have to ask him to take care of the Avengers.

This is a very touching scene. Its so touching that Jarvis excuses himself to go get misty eyed.

This is a Jarvis appreciation blog because I appreciate Jarvis as well.

Then, as Hank heads back down the staircase, he is intercepted by Thor, Captain America, and Hawkeye.

Yeah, the court of inquiry resolved off-screen because of how forgone a conclusion it was.

The three Avengers basically fall all over themselves to pat Hank on the back. Hank actually looks somewhat panicked by the positive affirmation.

That’s some mixture of funny and sad that I can’t identify.

Hawkeye tells Hank how much he appreciated his unnecessary defense. Thor clasps Hank’s shoulder and tells him he’s a class act, but in Thor-y words. And Cap extends an offer for whatever the Avengers can do to help Hank get back on his feet.

Hank thanks him for the offer but he’s already received an offer from a small research foundation in the Midwest.

Seems like getting exonerated of a treason charge is the best resume of all. That and Hank’s actual impressive resume.

But Cap has some stuff to work out re: Hank because he starts off on the stuff he put on the back burner back in that Ghost Rider issue.

Cap(tain America): “Hank... I know Iron Man would agree, if he were here, that we’re all sorry about the way things worked out. We should have realized the pressures you’d been under, prior to your breakdown. I was group leader at the time! I should have -- !”

Hank Pym: “Hold it right there, Cap! What I did, I did to myself! If I could have admitted that my problems existed... If I’d been willing to open up to you folks... Well, ‘if’ can be a big word sometimes. The fact of the matter is, I screwed up. And you did the only thing you could do! I don’t blame any of you.”

Hank has boarded the personal responsibility train and goddammit he’s riding it to the end of the line!

Good for him. Good clarity for the arc to have in its last issue.

But having started to slightly shout at the Avengers that he’s taking responsibility dammit! (he looks a bit pissed when he’s responding to Cap) Hank awkwardly excuses himself.

Cap tries to stop Hank from leaving because he has reached the bargaining stage of grief, I guess.

Cap: “Hank, wait! It doesn’t have to end like this! We could make a special amendment to the by-laws! We could reinstate you as an Avenger! You could be a special reservist -- !”

Hank: “Thanks, Cap. But no thanks. Trying to play super hero was the biggest mistake I ever made with my life! I was only fooling myself in ever thinking otherwise. But if you ever really think you might need a Yellowjacket again some day...”

He hands Cap the Yellowjacket suitcase.

Hank: “... Here! All you need is a good man and what’s in this case!”

I would hope, anyway. It’s going to be awkward if he opens it up later and its full of wacky ties.

The funny thing, although not really funny ha ha, is that Yellowjacket is the one codename of Hank’s that never really catches on outside of him.

You have multiple Ant-Men, a couple Goliaths, at least one other Giant-Man. There was a second Yellowjacket, eventually. But she didn’t make a big splash.

Despite Hank’s attempt here to pass the torch, Yellowjacket is a codename that remains inextricably tied to him. Which might be the problem. If there were another, more successful or at least more endearing Yellowjacket, Hank’s infamy in the role would not stand out so much.

Alas.

She-Hulk and Captain Marvel try next to intercept Hank. They don’t know him very well but they wanted to say their goodbyes too, despite not really knowing him that well.

Its the thought that definitely counts, probably.

But Hawkeye has some social awareness for a change and draws their attention to Wasp who is hanging back, but who clearly wants to talk to Hank.

So the rest of the Avengers quickly vacate to let Hank and Jan finally have closure. Or re-closure. “I want a divorce and to never see you again” is a kind of closure.

The situation has changed, however.

They both try to apologize to each other and then laugh at the awkwardness.

Hank: “Janet van Dyne, you are one in a million! After all that I put you through, you want to tell me that you’re sorry?”

Wasp: “I think we both made some mistakes along the way, but there were some good times... weren’t there?”

Hank: “Yes. But you can’t base a marriage on just a few good times. I fell for the young lady who reminded me of my first wife... and you thought you’d found the strong, silent hero. But I was never that strong, Jan. You know that now.”

Wasp: “Uh-huh.”

Damn, his prison time really did bring Hank a lot of clarity. That or the pile of therapists Tony kept throwing at him.

Hank also kind of talks over Jan here. Or at least steers the conversation. I don’t know what Jan would have said because Hank tells her that they both have other lives to lead and tells her to take care of herself.

Maybe its for the best, if, like Cap, she was going to try to shoulder all the blame for Hank’s bad decisions.

Hank walks out the door and finds Trish and Fred from the boat waiting to give him a ride to the airport. And then he is gone.

Like in the final image of the COURT-MARTIAL issue, Jan watches at the window.

“The last time Henry Pym left these walls, Janet felt like crying... but couldn’t find any tears. Today, at last, she has found the tears... for her former husband... for her team... for herself. Today, there is pain and remorse and release. There will be time enough for joy and hope tomorrow.”

Emotional catharsis can be like that.

In that the book kept going ‘Jan is really holding her emotions in and that’s probably not overall great for her’ its good that she can let it out now.

Kind of laughing at Captain Marvel and She-Hulk who only recently just met Jan being the ones going there there while the men she has known for years are just awkwardly standing in the background.

And that’s the fall and rise of Hank Pym. Apparently collected in trade as The Trial of Yellowjacket, which is a decent enough name too.

Overall, a good arc. That is kind of hampered by the need for filler and a writer change near the end. But honestly, Stern catches the ball and runs with it. He concludes the arc just as good as Shooter would’ve.

This arc is all kinds of iconic for Hank, although, unfortunately, most people are only aware of the beginning and maybe have a hazy understanding of what the ending does.

Although. This is a really good send-off for Hank. A really, really good send-off that would have worked best if he did like he said and quit superheroing forever.

That’s not to be, obviously, not in a perpetual narrative machine like Marvel. But it feels like it could have been and maybe should have been the last word on his character.

I enjoy Hank in Busiek’s Avengers and in Avengers Academy. And also, conceptually, Hank telling Reed “it’s on, bitch.” I very don’t enjoy Ultimate Hank Pym. So its a balancing act. The perfect exit for the character vs but I like some stuff when they brought him back.

Anyway.

After this, Stern gets to move on to his own material. Which he already planted the seeds for in this issue.

That’s a pun.

Follow @essential-avengers​ because of my bad puns. Also like and reblog, if you like to reblog.

[skitscratched]

Hat - Chapter 2

Summary: Roger get’s his first (second) mate.

Chapter 2 - Gol Arc: Serendipity Siver

What? Don't you think that getting shot constitutes as an excruciatingly painful ordeal?

Haaah? What do you mean "Suck it up, you're a Hat"?! I'd like to see you get shot and call it anything less than traumatizing.

Well screw you too! I don't know why I made you such a jerk.

Oh you have something else you want to say? LALALA I'M NOT LISTENING.

Alright fine. What is it?

Huh. That's actually an intelligent question.

So, the thing is, it turns out that the way I was "seeing" the world was actually Observational Haki. It makes a weird amount of sense too. I am incapable of seeing with any sort of vision, but Haki is Willpower and though I do not have a body, I most certainly have Will. It is what keeps me aware even though I am supposed to be inanimate and non-sentient. After explaining it to him, Roger and I were able to figure out the basics of all three Hakis.

Speaking of whom, Roger was the tipping point. I finally realized that this world is the world of One Piece and that I was his infamous straw hat, now Hat. Though, how would I have guessed that? The only things I ever heard about were the marines and pirates and the large amount of sea travel used as the primary mode of locomotion. I mean, there was that one time where Beanie had me within a meter of a map when he was giving directions to a traveler and mentioned the Grand Line, but I thought he was talking about a really thick line on the paper that indicated an area to go around.

...Okay fine. I really should have noticed earlier.

ANYWAYS, The two of us traveled alone for a while. Roger hitched a ride from ship to ship. He was determined to finish traveling through all the Blues within the next two years. Apparently, he already scoured the North, and East Blues. The two of us met in the South and the West was his final travel point. And then he told me that he wanted to travel the Grand Line.

:: No. ::

"Aw come ooon!" Roger whines in the cargo hold of the latest ship he managed to worm his way onto. "It'll be fun!"

:: The last time you said that Roger, you dived head first into a pit of carnivorous, gigantic squirrels. No. ::

"Ah, that worked out fine." Roger dismisses. "We got a lot stronger from that too."

:: No. ::

"It'll be an adventure…" Roger tries to entice Felix.

:: I reference the event prior. No. ::

"Are you afraid?" Roger needles. "Is that it? Did the tales of the Grand Line we heard frighten you away?"

:: Roger, you more than anyone else should know that I fucking loved those stories. All that hilarious death and destruction… No. The reason I refuse to let you just go and traverse the Grand Line is because you want to do it with nothing more than a fishing boat and the two of us. If you do that, we'll both die. Or rather, you will and I'll find out if Hats can die. ::

"Oh, is that all." Roger easily brushes aside Felix's concerns. "We're plenty strong. We can totally handle it."

:: We have a basic grasp of Haki by sheer luck and can take on most of the people we might encounter on the Grand Line, yes. But the Grand Line is a sea that will kill a fishing boat with no problem. The only way that it might, emphasis on might, survive is if we reinforce it with Haki and even then, one of us will have to maintain it at all times, which neither of us is capable of doing. That's not even mentioning the weather. ::

"The weather?"

:: On the Grand Line, weather can change at the drop of a hat, pun fully intended. A ship would have to be able to withstand harsh and violent weather. We would also need a Log Pose not to get hopelessly lost in there. ::

"A Log Pose?" Roger pauses and asks, "And how do you know this stuff anyways?"

:: I'm a Hat that can think and you're questioning my knowledge, now? After all the times I used it to help us? No. Forget it. Don't answer that, I'll never understand your lines of thought. How I know it doesn't matter. The point is, we're nowhere near ready to traverse the Grand Line. Ask me again when you have a boat and at least one crewmate that's strong enough to survive. ::

"Strong enough?" Roger prods the brim of his Hat. "Felix? Felix? Don't ignore me!"

The door to the cargo hold opens and a curiously blank faced sailor steps through. He actively ignores Roger's wave hello, picks up what he came for, and firmly shuts the door behind him.

"...I blame you for this."

Sigh.

Roger frowns. "Yeah. Okay. Thanks anyways." The ridiculously buff and tattooed guy walks off, fully intent on achieving his dream to be a seamstress after conversing with Roger. "Man, why is it so hard to find a strong guy with a ship." Roger complains aloud, gathering weirded out looks.

:: Because it's not going to be that easy. You're probably going to need to get a ship first, and then recruit when you look more capable than you do right now. And how many times do I have to tell you! Just send your thoughts at me! Do you want someone else to think you're cra- you're insa- you're hearing voices? You don't need talk, just thi- well actually, that might explain a lot of things. ::

"Oh, Ha Ha." Roger rolls his eyes, takes off his hat and spins it on his finger. He walks towards the docks, trusting his friend's advice. "You're absolutely no help. "

:: Stop spinning me! ::

"Never." Roger freezes. "Hey, do you feel that?"

:: Feel what? I can't feel anything with the way you're turning me in circles! ::

Roger dashes off, still spinning his hat around his finger. He skids to a stop once he sees a blond haired man lounging in a boat and drinking a flask of some kind of drink. The sea breeze blows across Roger's face and carries with it the strong scent of alcohol. Roger's grin nearly splits his face. "He's strong!" He crows, absolutely ecstatic. .

"Heeeey!" Roger calls out, waving the hand that had his Hat in it at the man, heading closer to talk. "That's a nice ship!"

The man shrugs. "I stole it. My house burned down so I'm living here."

:: Asshole, stop spinning me already! ::

"Fine, fine."

:: ….Huh. Now that I can sense him, you're right. He is pretty strong. ::

"Strong enough to go to the Grand Line?" Roger thinks hopefully.

:: ...Mm. Maybe not the New World just yet, but he'll be able to handle most of Paradise. All of us would need to become Haki masters to handle that; or in his case, learn Haki and then master it. ::

"Yeah? And what's your name?"

"Reyleigh."

"I'm Roger!" He says cheerfully! "I think we were destined to meet, Rayleigh!'

Oh you have noooo ideaaaa.

Rayleigh jerks his flask from his mouth slightly, skeptically. "Destined?"

Roger beams and offers, "Do you want to turn the world upside down with me?"

"Huh? The world?" Rayleigh looks at Roger both stunned and amused at once. "Hahaha. Who are you and where are you from? Go away!"

Roger ignores him. He never took no for a first answer. Most of the time he never even took it for a final answer. "Your ship is small, but it looks like it can endure storms if you handle it right. It's perfect for us to set sail in!"

"Us? Set sail?" Rayleigh asks, narrowing his gaze, outraged. "Don't decide for me! Why should I join you?"

"Like I said," Roger rolls his eyes, intent on bulldozing over Rayleigh to get him to join them. "To turn the world upside down!"

He hops aboard the ship and gives Rayleigh a cheeky grin. "Alright, let's set sail, Rayleigh!"

"When did I ever say I would join you?!" He yells, getting up for the first time and pulling Roger from the sails. "And stop messing with my ship!"

"Ho?" Roger tilts his head. "So you care that much about this ship then?"

:: Roger, I can hear what you're planning - you're thinking too loudly - and I fully support this idea. Go for it! Make him want to join us by annoying him until he starts to see it as his responsibility to look out for you. I could sure use the help. ::

"Nyahahaha!" Roger laughs and turns and points a finger in Rayleigh's face. "Then, I'm taking this ship! And if you want it back you have to join me!"

"Who said you could just take it?" Rayleigh asks darkly, glowering at the audacious man before him and raising his fists for a fight.

"Me." Roger gives him a confident look. "You're strong, I can feel it, but I'm much stronger."

:: Eh, that's a bit of an exaggeration, isn't it? You'd be… about 60 percent likely to beat him in a fight without Haki. Haki is the ultimate cheat. ::

"That still means I would win!"

:: No, it just means that you're more likely to beat him. ::

However, I don't doubt that, win or lose, you'll get him to join us.

"You bastard." Rayleigh growls. "Fine, if it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get."

Roger smiles. "That's the spirit! Then how about I up the ante?" He taps his chest with a finger. "I'll give you a clear shot. If you can hurt me, I'll leave and won't bother you to join again. If you can't then you'll join my crew!"

:: You're seriously going to use Haki for something like this? Well, I suppose it's not completely unreasonable. We do need him, but really? I know you're a sore loser, but to resort to something he absolutely cannot beat… ::

"That arrogant?" Rayleigh smirks running a hand through his hair, confident that he was being underestimated for his lounging earlier.

"Nope!" Roger instantly denies. "I'm just know you won't be able to win!"

Rayleigh carefully considers the man before him. On one hand, he had the sheer gall to say his punch will do shit against him, and that's just not going to fly. Rayleigh knows he's strong and he won't stand for being disrespected like that. He doesn't really want to follow anyone either, but.. What this guy said about turning the world on its head… When he said it, it sounded more real than anything else in the world. And really, what has he really got to lose? He's been drifting from island to island for a while and he can't deny he's getting bored. It might be interesting to see what someone like him could accomplish.

"If you win,-" Rayleigh starts.

"I will!"

"-then I will join you on the condition that I can leave whenever I want." Because he's not stupid and he's not going to agree to someone else's terms when he's the one being challenged.

Roger opens his mouth.

:: Wait! What would happen if he leaves a few minutes out to sea and strands us without a boat or supplies? Change the condition to- ::

"Okay, but you have to make sure I have at least five other crewmates, a ship and supplies to survive until the next island before you do." Roger counters as instructed. "You can't leave before that."

"Eh." Rayleigh shrugs. "That's fair. So we doing this then?"

"Yep!" Roger spreads his arms. "Come at-"

Rayleigh strikes before he finishes speaking, but it wouldn't have changed a thing. A moment later and Rayleigh is rubbing his fist as he stares with shock at the fading black on Roger's chest. "A Devil Fruit?" Rayleigh mutters.

"Nope." Roger shakes his head. "It's called Haki. But that's not important right now. You're joining my crew right?"

"I guess I am." Rayleigh muses, a faint smile on his lips as he relaxes again. If nothing else, he might be able to get this guy to teach him how to do that before he leaves. "So where exactly are we going 'Captain'?"

"Before that, you have to meet our other crewmate." Roger takes his Hat off and proudly presents it to Rayleigh. "Meet Felix."

:: Rooogerrr… What are you doing? I know you can hear me! You can't just turn off the Voice of All Things! ::

Rayleigh stares at the Hat. Then at Roger. Back to the Hat. "Did I just agree to join a madman?" He mutters to himself.

"Hey!" Roger protests. "I'm not crazy! Here, I'll show you!" He slaps his straw Hat on Rayleigh's head.

:: Hey! Be more careful when handling me you bastard! ::

Rayleigh adopts a freaked out look on his face. "What the fuck?"

:: Oi, no need to worry. You're not going insane. I'm just the Hat on your head. And yes, I'm fully aware of how outrageous that sounds. Hey, maybe you really are going mad and I'm just trying to keep you from getting the help you need to get rid of me. ::

"Don't chase him away when we just got him!" Roger argues. "At least he didn't try to immediately destroy you!"

:: If he tried to do that, I would have crushed him. We both have that one after all. And I'm not forgetting the fact that you revealed what I was without asking me first! I'll find a way to get back at you for that, so help me Goda. ::

"What kind of crazy did I just get pulled into?" Rayleigh asks himself, about five kinds of done right then.

Regardless, Roger answers anyway with a laugh and a brilliant grin. "Only the best kind!"