#but i also enjoy everything i like so i kinda like myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

syrips · 7 months

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cant believe i would suppress my happiness and excitement for things

i would get embarrassed about if i liked/loved posts too often, or followed too many people, or reblogged/talked about things that people made

but no! i can share it as much as i want!! i can love it as much as i want!! ima pour my love into everyone and everything and enjoy uninhibited happiness!!

#gonna make my happiness everyone's problem #if someone finds me annoying they can just block #to be fair i find myself annoying sometimes too hehe #but i also enjoy everything i like so i kinda like myself #my therapist is proud #she would be like 'yayyy!!!'#while i go 'yayy!!'#happy stimming

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chrisbangs · 5 months

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hello... (and bye ig 👋)

#👋😭 hi...#i haven't come on in about a month and i didn't realize a month passed by like that... i've kinda stopped using any apps on my phone #i barely even talk to my friends anymore lol 😭#i just saw my follower count this morning and realized i hit 13k and i was like 🥸 huh...#uhhhhhhh 😭 idk i wanted to say thank you i guess 🫂#i'm done with stayblr and tumblr in general 😭 this much has been obvious for a while now... i tried to fit myself back in during 5star but #i think i realized i've outgrown the vibes here and in online spaces in general... i don't really enjoy it anymore 😭 which is weird cause #i've used tumblr since i was in middle school so 🫡 end of an era some would say...#i think it sucks because i don't have the same feelings about this place or skz or anything in my life right now... i tried to ignore it bu #it's so obvious now that the entirety of december passed without me really talking to a single person / without me using social media /#without me really doing much except for like homework and assignments lmao #i think genuinely i've stopped enjoying everything i used to like and i don't know why 😭 it hit me the other day bc i don't even enjoy #pc collecting anymore which is CRAZY considering how much time and money i've put into that hobby so 👋🥸 who knows what goes on #i haven't consumed any skz content since rockstar dropped 😭 and that also feels weird to me... idk... i would say maybe i'm going through a #depressive episode but i don't really feel how i do then... i think i'm just tired like i always am and that's just how i am now .. i think #i'm just not really interested in things anymore? weird but .. yeah idk😭 if i knew what was wrong i would Fix It sndjdndkd mostly i'm just #sad because i haven't been talking to friends... i keep ignoring everyone and not replying to any texts from anyone because ????#i tell myself i will do it later but i know i won't ... idk i genuinely don't know why i'm struggling to talk to ppl anymore 😭 i've become #even more of a reclusive hermit than i already was 💀 and the worst part is i feel normal abt it #i don't feel /bad/ i just feel guilty that i'm not replying to ppl bc i don't want to hurt ppls feelings... on my end i feel Normal abt it #like i ??? is it weird that i'm so detached from everything that not even a month ago made me so happy..? that's weird right 😭 like idgi #i don't feel (as) depressed (as i usually do) but clearly ?? smth is wrong ?? like ik i'm not a clingy sentimental person but ? it kinda #makes me sad wondering if i really don't care abt ppl anymore ... but i think 😭 it's also the object permanence issues that come with adhd #not seeing or talking to the ppl i love . not doing my hobbies or seeing the groups i care abt . makes it easy to not care or forget what #they make me feel etc etc ... i get it... but idk 😭 if that's what this is . well wow it sucks ASS.. cause i feel guilty for not feeling #anything at all ... 😭 idk how to explain that HENSKDNISJS anywayyyy 💀#i came on cause i wanted to say thank you for 13k followers 😭‼️ and that i probably will not be online anymore unless i really want to say #this was a really long winded way to say i feel bad but i'm done with stayblr fr 👋🥸 i tried so hard for the last 2 years to make it feel #like home again but it stopped ages ago so 🥹 that's ok.. i still cherish my memories here 🫂 anyway thanku and sjsjsksksks bye i guess 😭#who knows maybe i'll enjoy it one day again and come back :') never know what the future holds 🫡

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b4kuch1n · 1 year

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found out this year’s snow miku contest is happening yesterday while on call with my friend and then I blacked out and woke up to this being posted on the piapro site (it’s here btw)

#VOCALOID #Piapro Characters #Hatsune Miku #Snow Miku 2024 #idk why I capitalized those tags so properly. what for #also this is literally the first time I drew something chibi in uhhhh. seven years. probably #kinda chose a weird corner to stuff myself in with this one here. everyone is doing seafood and here I am like #hng. vegtble #I think my thot process fully was just hey. if I pull from one single dish or just a type of food thats not a meal #scrolling thru the entry feed growing more and more outraged that some people base their whole design on just dessert. like I'm a grandma #genuinely me and cosme were browsing yesterday hmm-ing and hah-ing like we know shit lmao #the spectator sport of design. this is the exact attitude my parents get when they watch an olympic match #except I'm also dabbling. and hopefully so is cosme #well thats one time Ive done this. off the bucket list #tbh? I chose a good year to join. food is always on the mind #food is many things. mayhaps everything #okay I will. probably try and ink this page of the comic now. or I take a nap we will see #have a good nite lads! enjoy the process

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kaidanalenkosprmanager · 1 month

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THE BEST OF PRIORITY: TUCHANKA (PART 1)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Urdnot Wrex, and Urdnot Bakara With: Dr. Mordin Solus, Primarch Adrien Victus, Dalatrass Linron, Urdnot Wreav, and Comm. Specialist Samantha Traynor This will be the defining moment of Krogan history... Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨#sophie shepard #urdnot wrex #mordin solus #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #tuchanka is here baby!! she’s another two parter bc she was a chonky one for good cutscenes #i was gonna enjoy some ME3 last night bc i have to redo the coup for reasons™️ but scottina released reegar returns #AND THATS MY FAVORITE QUARIAN ON THE CITADEL (plus everything scott makes is stonks!!)#so we restored the ME3 install and divvied up the tuchanka footage into gifs instead while textures reinstalled lmao #but onto the gifset commentary as per my usual tag ranting: i adore tuchanka!! it’s one of my favorites for priority missions!!#wrex and bakara have some absolutely FLAME dialogue throughout the mission (especially bakara’s speech)#i usually pick a quote i like from the mission to subquote the post with and i wanted to use bakara’s but i decided it made a better gif!#also wrex head butting wreav is hot as fuck thanks for that one wrex you kinda ate on that #the first set is kinda boring compared to the second set but i love that the dalatrass comes in #and tries to make a shady little underhanded deal with shep!!! like that’s one of the more interesting ME3 plot points imo #i myself would never side with her bc i love wrex too much and disagree with genophage politics too much #but for her to come in with a shady little deal and be like ‘you should sabotage the cure and we’ll help you instead’?#i gotta respect her shady motives even if i hate her tbh lol #i will say i wish companions had a bit more dialogue in the cutscenes in the front end (and the back end too)#priority tuchanka feels a little? light? on the commentary from EDI and james #they both deserved so much more dialogue during the mission bc this is SUCH A BIG ONE??? this is such a huge deal???#i wish they had more to say here!!! bc i feel like they would both have so many thoughts on everything going on!!! ESPECIALLY kalros??#and wreav?? the city of the ancients?? like there's so many concepts that get the BAREST of touches and i wish they were touched on more!!#bc the city of the ancients is the best part of the mission imo.. like it's gorgeous and i wish we saw just a touch more of it!!#like c'mon i KNOW the companions would have SOOOO much to say in the bigger conversations!!!

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seariii · 4 months

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I was stressed but now i'm more chill and really sleepy...

#overall my mood has been better but i am so incredibly terrified of the future... its like....#like i feel as if someone has holding me at gun point and got told thst if i did any mistakes they would shoot #but then im not given clear instructions on what i need to do and i have to figure it out myself #i am really scared... even tho all of this gave me a new objective... i dont wanna be obsolete...#... so... that what we will work on... also... i wanna work towards my dreams...#I've been putting it off for so long i want to do it #people support me and actually enjoy my voice... i want to...#the things on my plate right now are things i can achieve... but i want more... i want things i actually want...#i want...#my house has a constant buzzing sound. i believe its because of the small power plant behind the lot. which makes it difficult for recording #since i have to get rid of that and that messes with the rest of the audio #its comforting to know it wasnt the mic tho... heh...#tomorrow lets try to take the first few steps... well more like lets try to continue with the set up #we have already a couple stuff but we still have a lot missing...#... today the girls said some stuff that impressed me... thats how im perceived?... is that what people think of me?#i kinda want to... fulfill those 'expectations'... they dont expect anything but its more of a me thing... ive been dreaming and hoping for #so long but i dont take the next step. i never do... and its because of the executive dysfunction... but... once i get the hang of it...#once i do... everything will be excellent... and we will take it easy #i am so tired already... i feel im gonan falla sleep #seari talks

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glfry · 3 months

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I love the m2 references in m3 a whole lot but the lack of almost any specific m1 rep slays me

#theres Berry tofu and TECHINICALLY eight Melodies. that’s it. and the melodies aren’t even specific to m1 so who gaf #tbf I Love earthbound gameplay and story wise more. and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart bc it was the first mther I played #BUT. I did like the last couple hours of m1 a lot #also The George Maria & gigyas stuff went so hard it was good ok #ALSO TEDDY.#Idk why but I couldn’t attach myself to most of the mother 2 cast #only like ness and that’s it #teddy however. teddy is my goat #mother #mother 2 #earthbound #mother 3 #im the only mother 1 fan and I don’t even like 70% of it #nor is it even my favorite mother game. or my second favorite #I DID LIKW IT THOUGH #beggining is Rough. middle is fine. end is peak ((except for the area not tested who the fuck came up with that))#the best way to play m1 is with rewind features I’m being so fr #also anyone who played without the run button. you are stronger than the troops #in General I dont think ppl like m1 like at all.#Theres like 5 pieces of merch for it on the hobonichi store and 3 of them are buttons.#Theres also the towels but that barely counts #it sucks that I like the m1 team more but like. i want to see the m2 team do more !!!!!#i thought poo (metaphorically? spiritually?) giving up his arms went hard #I loved Paula’s hopefulness. i Love Jeff having a lot of self confiecene issues and his bf and the fact his dad kinda sucked #NAD I LOVE NESSSSSSS I LOVE NESS SO MUCH #but the m1 cast is given so much more flavor text it makes me kinda mad #ninten liking penguins and loving baseball. Ana refusing to dissect a frog. Lloyd being autistic af and THE EVERYTHING AROUND TEDDY???#Peak. absolutely Peak #genuinely if the gameplay was on par with m2 I think i would’ve enjoyed it more than m2 im being so foreal #also i Love magiciant in m2 but the calm version from m1 goes SO much harder and that’s also why it’s the one represented in smash dont@me

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flyingspicerack · 1 year

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I WILL KILL THE ANON HATER imagine being so pathetic as to send mean things to a stranger on the internet... that person doesn't matter and neither does their opinion. Me and a bunch of others love your page because it's stuff that makes you happy and your drawings and writings are made with such love and excitement!! I love seeing you enjoy yourself!! I know it sucks but please don't let these fuckos get you down. Love you Aero, you being you and sharing your passions inspires me to be me every day ♥️♥️♥️

thank u toad ;w;

#sorry thank you #i really appreciate it i just ... ugh i thought i was doing everything right #but here someone with stupid opinons comes in to point out what im most self concious about #so it kinda rattled me #but you reaching out has made me feel a lot better... thank u #and to think that i inspire you is... uwehh like flattering but also embarassing #im trying so hard to enjoy myself but when others are... just mean cause they cant do the same? well i pity them...#but i dont pity them because they shouldn't be using MEEE as their target #bc when you hurt me #thats who ur hurting *i point up at that cat*#spice.ask

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shivunin · 1 year

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Get to Know the Blogger

Thanks for the tag @scribbledquillz c: I hope your weekend is going well!

(I have no idea who has or hasn't done this, so ignore if you don't want to/have already/etc): @ndostairlyrium @star--nymph @heniareth @jtownnn @demandthedoodles @greypetrel (I think you might've done this one? but if not c:)

Share your wallpaper: I use a shared computer, but:

Last song you listened to: A Taste of Honey by Peggy Lee

Currently reading: The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson (a reread)

Last movie: Underworld (okay but listen, I had no idea how much of the dialogue I remember from this movie by heart. It was my first R-rated movie, I definitely shouldn't have been watching it, and my taste in women is inextricably shaped by Kate Beckinsale in that catsuit/embossed corset/leather duster combo)

Last show: How to Build a Sex Room

Craving: Coconut Taro boba

What are you wearing right now: Jeans and black and orange ghost crop top

How tall are you: 5'4"

Piercings: Two on each ear

Tattoos: No, but as soon as I can get up the nerve (low pain tolerance, can't stand that buzzing noise) I am getting a moon w stained glass honeycomb inside

Glasses? Contacts? Glasses, can't stand contacts

Last drink: Coffee

Last thing you ate: Breakfast sandwich w biscuits, egg, and bacon (oh man, I just realized that it's four...whoops)

Favorite color: Purple! But especially plum purple and periwinkle

Current obsession: Dragon Age? (How long can one be into something before liking it becomes chronic? Does it count as a current obsession if I've been obsessed for over a year?)

Any pets: One tiny terrier mix named Rigatoni (Toni for short)

Favorite fictional character: oh this is a mean question :c Tybalt from the October Daye series or Cimorene from the Enchanted Forest Chronicles

#dixeram #the show is better than i thought it would be but everyone is reeeeeaaaaaal vanilla which. odd choice if you're building a sex room but w/e #also: i forgot to post about it here and not just the other account but i am going to be online less the next few days #and i won't be writing for at least two weeks #i burned myself out real bad and i want to enjoy my writing again #(and you know. posting it by extension)#so (big bang aside) everything else is kinda on hold for the foreseeable future #anyways if anyone is thinking of getting a piercing i highly recommend getting it at a tattoo parlor #bc the ones i got at 13 by one of those piercing guns are horrifically uneven #but the tattoo parlor guy made the seconds look even somehow like some kind of genius #and you know they gotta have steady hands there which is not a requirement for the place i got my first piercings #i do wish i could get past the sound those tattoo guns make though because it makes me want to claw my skin off and i really want a tattoo

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astro-b-o-y-d · 9 months

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I've got a confession I must admit. I thought Luz and Willow were a much cuter idea for a couple than Luz and Amity when I watched TOH because the latter gave me Mabel and Pacifica vibes.

...I am remembering why that's not a positive :)

#Hayley Speaks #The truth come out: I am not a fan of them together romantically </3 #Pacifica I respect the fact that you get a redemption arc and everything #But you need to back off my sweet angel Mabel #But also we need to get you out of that toxic household and you two can work on being friends and stuff too #Because none of that's your fault and your parents are absolutely to blame for raising you to act like that #But also I hit Irrational Treasure and Pacifica is making my baby feel bad about herself so now I'm mad at her~#But also I support her when she's NOT bullying my daughter <3 #And no there's nothing wrong with the ship (or Luz and Amity either)#I support the wlw of it all for sure <3 #I think I've also just kinda never liked the mean girl characters bc those girls bullied ME as a kid #So the idea of getting with one of those girls myself (if I were still a girl and lesbian) is. Hmm. Nah.#It's just a very complicated kind of dynamic for me to enjoy

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seventh-district · 9 months

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oh nice! the Matt fic posted itself at the correct time

#Seven.txt #writing stuff #🧷 Matt 🔨#i usually wait around for whatever time i want my finished and ready-to-go drafted posts to go up so i can do it manually #but then it occurred to me that i could like. make use of the scheduling feature and just set it and forget it #but i was actually keeping an eye on that one to see if it went up at the right time cause i scheduled it for today #but then it said it was set for Sunday at 7 and not Saturday. so i was like okay i'll just. wait and see what it does #but it went up when i wanted it to! (still don't know why it said Sunday in the queue tho...)#anyways this is a lot of worrying and rambling abt a post that no one will read anyways bc No One knows who Matt is and that fic is Dark #(even tho the numbers for it on Ao3 are Tiny the kudos to hits ratio is good though!!)#(so hopefully that means that those who do read it seemed to enjoy it. or appreciate it? it's a weird fucking fic man idk)#(the kudos are Greatly appreciated nonetheless)#but that's okey i just wanted to get it out of my drafts and posted anyways. and also kinda use it to test the scheduling feature #but bc i'm a control freak who needs to Do Everything Myself anyways i'll probably keep doing stuff manually #or schedule posts and then sit around and wait for them to go up anyways just to make sure nothing goes wrong lmao #okay rambling over. back to work #well actually i'm gonna go grab dinner. i haven't. ate yet today. and then back to work!

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therevengeoffrankenstein · 1 year

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sweating and shaking over whether or not to up my rating of the revenge of frankenstein to 5/5.

#fighting myself over it bc i definitely enjoy it but there might be enough stuff in it that's just kinda.#i hesitate to say mediocre. that i can't exactly defend outside of 'well it's there!'#it felt a lot shorter on this watch and it's having me feeling so very kind towards it.#it is a masterpiece either way i rate it though obviously.#idk how i feel about the dirty weird guy who just kinda hangs around causing trouble honestly.#bc on one hand i find him vaguely funny and he definitely adds some further thematic depth to the themes #of dehumanization and prejudice (and how they go hand in hand) that pervade the flick but he's also so.#aggravating because of it. the film needed a character like him but also he feels like a walking plot convenience.#same thing with eunice gayson's character. the film obviously needs a character like her because of what it is but she feels #underdeveloped. honestly i would've loved for the film to be like ten minutes longer :)#but i feel like they probably wouldn't've utilized the run time.#myevilposts #hammer #frankenstein #the revenge of frankenstein #they should've given peter a billion dollar film budget and had him write it and everything idc if it'd been awful i'd be eating it up #like puppy dog chow for real human boys. and i'd fall asleep in the bowl.#i decided to give it five stars btw and it made firefox crash 😭

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stargarland · 1 year

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i am calm 🙏 i am not a hater 🕯️ i will not deliver career ending levels of haterism ⭐️

#sports hating will continue this doesn’t mean that #howerver this MAN is testing me 🙏🙏🙏#we r kinda sorta friends but not rlly more so just in the same friend group #and he operates on the assumption that quiet people are stupid therefore don’t say anything before giving the most idiotic take possible #it’s the classic men giving a take than 13 year old girls figured out kinda thing like shut the hell up #also lovessss to belittle everything i do in a way that absolutely reeks of jealousy #and ik that sounds rlly rlly arrogant of me but it’s getting out of hand at this point it’s just rude 😭#i’m sure u had a setllar jv hs basketball carrer and are enjoying ur retirement of smoking and video games #however … to act like u are presently a better athlete than me is sooo wild jealously is a disease get well soon #girls when they r female athletes therefore never truly respected 💔💔💔💔#THIS SOUNDS SO FULL OF MYSELF but i’m soooo over his disrespect sorry every1

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narrativedoomed · 1 year

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I'll be honest w y'all i do not intend on catching up w yj any time soon

#i think the finale aired? i saw a tweet ab the finale #but i just. do not care i must admit #i was so excited ab this season this show was a comfort show but the aspects of the fandom ive seen lately just. not good don't vibe #i think a Lot of the s1 and waiting experience for me was fandom based so this show is very fandom oriented for me #and knowing that everyone ive seen talk ab the show on twitter is violently hating the main character that draws me to the show is. mhm #like dont get me wrong i like the girls too!! theyre all mostly pretty likable for me its just.#im at a. specific point in my transition rn where im more drawn to male characters just bc of like. where im at idk #i dont feel like i have to explain it tbh but i also do bc i have seen fans of this show get attacked for far less #but going into s2 ben was my #my main interest i guess the main focus for me and maybe that's stupid but its what it is #and so everything just being the entire fandom hating him is just. not making me wanna watch at all #like im not gonna speak on if they're justified in hating him or not bc i have no idea i havent seen it and its truly not the point #like theyre valid for hating him and im not tryna talk shit on them for it it just kinda has been so loud that im not having fun anymore #idk. idk where this is going or what the solution is like i love this show but genuinely #can not bring myself to watch bc i will not enjoy the moments my favorite character is on screen bc i will Know people r loudly anti him #so im just kinda staying away i guess #idk. i kinda want them to. kill him off so i dont have to deal w it anymore #but i also know that when they kill him off people will be loudly celebrating and maybe thats worse #idk. i think the only way for me to win here is to change how i feel ab ben and not care ab him and join the hate train but i don't want to

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bonyato · 1 year

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Sorry abt the occasional digiposting as of late, im coming to terms w/ the fact that it's starting to grow on me orz

#clenches fists.#wondertext #I started watching it w/ some friends recently..for nostalgia reasons in their case‚ but also to introduce me 2 the franchise as well #since it never rly was part of my childhood & i was curious as to what the fuss was all about hsjwjfj #Anyways i never rly took the events all that seriously since I thought shit was so off the wall it was funny But #after nearly 24 episodes i've found myself getting emotionally invested w/ the show at last 😭😭 it's been a journey #ive been progressively getting accustomed to all of its strange concepts . I think im desensitized at this point /lh #like evn the monsters themselves now have me like..ok...Youre not so bad after all. u got a creepy-cute kinda thing goin on &i respect that #(<- Used to find their designs unpleasant. still do a little bit even now tbh sorry But i do appreciate their uniqueness a whole lot)#But yeah i feel Like ive been put thru an entire character arc w/ this thang .#You should've seen the way i used to freak out during the 1st few episodes Everything was So Insane 2 me. it had me flabbergasted #it was like . Lighthearted charming OP song -> Children having a near-death experience in the most surreal way possible #-> Isekai moment -> We get introduced to the ugliest little beasts i've ever seen #-> They spend the rest of the episode almost dying Again -> beast transform into even Uglier beasts & go feral on each other #-> World's calmest most soothing ED sequence that clashes So Hard w/ the tone that was set during the episode it makes ur brain crash.#and thats more-or-less the formula that's been handled throughout the following episodes up until this point #but i suppose I've grown fond of it by now 🧎 I am a Changed man‚ i See the appeal‚ I Understand #well not rly prbablyBut at least each episode keeps me@the edge of my seat now as opposed 2 how i used to enjoy it in more of an ironic way #'tis nice honestly..I've become more appreciative of the kinda vibe the show handles‚ it's got a lot going on :} It's /insanely/ creative

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pierswife · 1 year

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You see, the real April Fool's joke was Vash's placement on my F/O list.

This right here? A farce.

Now this? This is the truth.

#I have known him for a little bit more than a week but please know i love him very very much #I may call him mr cringefail loser wet napkin of a man but truly and honestly I love him very much #he's been through so much more than any one person should every have to go through and he is through and through a very gentle soul #he also very badly needs a hug and to be told that everything is gonna be okay #he's honestly what's been helping me get through the day because I'm going to be 100% honest #I have been so incredibly burned out with no time to rest and a lot of the things I enjoy were starting to feel dull cause of the burnout #but starting trigun and seeing this funny not so lil guy kinda brought a spark back to things?#tbh i think i just needed something new to get into #but still he makes me feel so many butterflies and brings new feeling of excitement to life because holy shit i have something new #and it's something that checks all the boxes for me #I very rarely will watch things on my own and I have been watching with friends #but I find myself going back to episodes that we've seen already and rewatching them because of how much I enjoy them #and the manga has been SUCH a fun read so far #and I'm ngl I haven't read a manga on my own without being prompted to in YEARS #so it... admittedly feels very nice #I feel like I'm 20 again and playing EO2U on my own and just enjoying myself #and 2020/2021 was a very low point for me that EO2U helped me cope with specifically #and not to say I'm as low as I was then and that I'm at a low now but I do feel super burnt out and having something that I enjoy #and don't feel bogged down while doing it? feels super nice #dhgfsd don't get me wrong I love all my other interests very very much #but imma be real with y'all whenever I go heavy into resident evil posting that's when I'm at my most mentally ill/lowest #and that's when I go and sit down and play that fdhjskgbfs(unless I'm asked to by a friend or once in a blue moon I just really wanna play)#which recently has been I want to play for enjoyment thank goodness #fbdhjsfvbsdjhi anyway vash the stampede my beloved thank you for bringing a new spark to life and help make things less dull for me <3 #sweet little bumblebee

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silasbug · 1 year

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fondly thinking about my best friend.

no idea how she's managed to stick it out with me this far but i'm amazed that after over 6 years she still has enough patience to tolerate me.

when i don't feel like i'm good enough, she reminds me of who i am. when i make mistakes, she doesn't treat me any different. when i'm highly dysphoric, she just /gets/ it and shows me unrelenting support and encouragement. she's my #1 hypeman, and i am hers.

there isn't another person in the world that's been able to make me feel even.. remotely okay in my own skin, about how i look and how a body feels (i would also say about who i am, but i'd be lying).

i realize that i've always had a bit of body dysmorphia and generally don't enjoy looking at my own face because it's.. very uncanny to me. i don't have a proper sense of style. but she always just?? has something nice to say and she does it so genuinely that you can actually believe that she means what she says. because she's the same.

i'll go out looking like a 12 year old boy and she's just. fucking. there for it. she'll cheer for it. do it with me. and then we'll walk around the block looking like two lil' dudebros together because we own the same clothes. and fucking hell.

this girl is too good to me. i absolutely don't deserve her.

sometimes it's hard to believe that someone like her exists.

and that i get to be witness to it.

there's caveats, of course. we talk so rarely (we go weeks without), the interests we share are few and far between and there's.. so many things i could never tell her because i will never get over that fear of losing her.

there is no right moment and there isn't a time and those are things i neither need nor want her to know, because it would change the way she sees me.

and i guess that seems callous and detached and dishonest.

but we are there when it matters. i am there when she needs me and i will always pick up her pieces.

i want her to have a good thing. she sees me as a good thing.

so i'll let her have me this way.

#the one person i've not yet managed to hurt and i don't think i ever fucking will #i'd throw myself off a damn cliff first #this girl just saw me one day when i showed up to school. decided i /seemed/ too cool for school and adopted me over the summer.#like what. how. i am THE lamest guy™ AND SHE somehow STILL thinks i'm cool what a nerd UGH #it's just sad that we're at the point where we have little to tell each other because our lives are so different & we live far apart #at least we can take naps with each other and just chill out when we meet. we can just.. be in the moment together and enjoy it.#and that is still. everything.#also like. i generally don't take selfies but i did a few days ago because i thought i looked kinda cool and i told her about it and #she really wanted to see & she is the only person i'd ever send selfies to and she just...#'bug those last three could work as a hot fuckboy tinder profile' LOL bless her that's the funniest shit i've ever heard #IDK IT'S that thing where you love and care so much for someone that they become infiniely more attractive than they are at first glance?#but she's the only person that i'd ever actually be able to believe. because she is so fucking genuine.#i'll also never get over the fact that she is the smartest and most studious person i know but listens to the most anti social german rap #like LMAO okay girl! you go! i hate it but i love you #it's just a funny contrast that she listens to the filthiest shit imaginable hahaha #personal

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