#but i can just *imagine* how pre-realization me wouldve seen her

[bones-n-bookles]

This is a Blue Eye Samurai fan blog now sorry not sorry I'm obsessed

[melforbes]

ask meme. what if. patching up. no I still haven’t seen source material

the way i completely forgot about this ask until i wrote like two paragraphs in this and was like oh shit lmao

the source material is getting an hbo series bb you're in luck also ignore anna whatever as tess yes i respect her as an actress yes she is talented in a bunch of things i have not seen but ms annie wersching is the only tess in my heart and also if i have to endure tess being reduced to a powerbitch stereotype i will start foaming at the mouth. but also i have no feelings about this whatsoever <3

WHAT IF: i will pick an important choice or event in my current project and write three sentences (or more?) about if it’d gone done differently

hmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMm

this is hard because i kind of had a stupid amount of confidence in the decisions i had them make in this and because i have ~a lot of experience~ in flying by the seat of my pants with writing lmaooooo a lot of the time with this ive had some degree of foresight when it comes to certain plot decisions. the only reason i have this in the first place is that with other things ive had kind of sort of plot revelations and then been like "well if i'd set that up three chapters ago it would have a huge impact i think but instead i guess it's just going in this one for a smaller impact" so i think i learned my lesson haha. also because this pairing nowadays has a small and sparse tag i really intentionally put in stuff to make it interesting (maybe the wrong word) to reread. like not Interesting interesting but i wanted there to be certain details that are more relevant on a reread than on an initial read because whenever i read stuff in small tags i tend to read it Multiple Times lmaoooooo and it's like if anyone like me is out there I Will Feed You. I Will Give You Food. you see i have this problem in which im like i dont want to act like i put thought into this because That's Embarrassing and i also dont want to seem like i take this too seriously because That's Embarrassing and also i dont want to act uppity or pompous or something But At The Same Time i do put a lot of thought into certain things and i feel like mentioning that and i dont really want to judge myself for that. it's complicated but also super uncomplicated. where was i going with this

OH right. so most of the plot decisions were made super concretely. like pre breakup arc in the nightmares chapters (which came out so much worse than i intended alkdjksjad;glksjg) when tess and joel talk about ellie Knowing (also legit it is such a trip to me that you dont know the context of that. a trip in a good way) she says we every time and he only ever says i even when she points out that this would affect both of them, and at one point i think he says that tess doesnt understand baseless violence which is 100% untrue, and then there's a bunch of window imagery i put in starting there because im a freak. so like For Once In My Life a lot of this was as planned as it could be. on occasion there's been Plot Revelations that get wedged in (the radio interlude chapter, which was a bit of an inelegant seam between prewritten things that didnt mesh well) but for the most part ive got tits out into every decision. like tess and ellie disagreeing about joel's choice was very planned though i imagine that kind of conversation could be executed many different ways i had my one way and stuck to it. so either way

where was i going with this. did i have a point.

OKAY. let's see. i think one of the big ~emotional beats~ so to speak was the ambush chapter and i think that's the favorite because that's usually where people comment if i remember correctly and initially i wasnt going to go with that tone At All haha. years ago i wrote everyday domestic scenes of mulder and scully from x files and had it all on this blog and it was plotless but largely in the same overarching universe (i say as if it was legit ever That Deep) and after writing this as a oneshot and being like you know? Kind of feel like doing that again. i figured i would just follow the same largely plotless path of legit just domesticity and leave it at that. and i think the first like five chapters are tonally different from the rest because i'd never really intended for it to have plot or really any depth whatsoever. in the end like. How do i say this in a way that wont be interpreted as uppity or something asldkjgalsdgjk like. when i did those mulder scully scenes i was very much a beginner and i think i didnt realize just how inherent that beginner-ness was to the concept itself. which isnt a bad thing! like people had fun with those so far as i remember. bizarrely enough i think people might still read those which. cringe. but you kno!!! but with a few years of distance from that kind of concept i think it was hard for me to Not try something else. especially with this universe in which it's just dense with storytelling opportunity. and also i felt as if the first few chapters were just like super super lighthearted and i wanted some angst factor. which is why in the end the angst factor plot itself is flimsy as fuck. like i did not care WHY they got attacked i just wanted that sweet sweet hurt/comfort cup of tea u feel. and after that i didnt really go for the plot too much But i did edge toward it a lot more. like i mean ultimately this is a romance like it was not intended to be plot heavy ever But it's more plot heavy than it couldve been. had i actually written it as i'd intended from the start i think it wouldve gotten old really fast. like nothing but lighthearted domesticity doesnt make sense in this context. for the first few chapters it doesnt necessarily kill the whole thing imo because like. that's the first few chapters. but after then if there was never any ~deeper thoughts~ i think it wouldve gotten reductive super fast.

hmmm what else. Because i am deciding to talk too much on the internet now.

oh in theory the whole breakup arc couldve been omitted and now in retrospect im like it's hilarious that like the next chapter after they got married i immediately peppered in hints that they would break up lkajsdglaksjgdlkj like wow. That lasted a long time. but like i mean i think with them it fits that they would do something like get married before they even said that they loved each other. like i can see them doing a massive workaround instead of doing a small and simple but vulnerable thing. makes sense 2 me. and like they definitely couldve stuck together in the end but 1 theres interesting storytelling in how maybe joel was too stubborn or maybe they grew apart in certain ways or blah blah blah and 2 I JUST LOVE A GOOD BREAKUP AND THEN RETURNING TO EACH OTHER ARC OKAAAAAAAAAY. legit. favorite trope. if i ever experienced that in real life i would claw my eyes out but in fiction it makes me FERALLLL. and also like i mean i lov these two for their dumb quirks but also like it would be a lil wrong to say there wouldnt be consequences for like. Not communicating haha. also again like the world this game is put in is so full of storytelling opportunities and im like Must Take Them All. like joel is stubborn as hell and shuts down when he's overwhelmed and there is growth in the first game (and in the second too but thats not really shown as much and is more left for the player to fill in the gaps i think) but also i think it would be super easy to regress in that sense and i had fun with putting him in those situations. and it's also super fun to have an additional person for the joel and ellie plots to bounce off of. like joel and ellie are two very stubborn people and having an extra person there to be like You Blithering Idiots has been a good time. im getting sidetracked. like it was fun to answer the question of how these two in a marriage neither of them can fully substantiate would communicate in hard times and the answer i personally found was that they both would end up breaking things. which was fun to write!!!!!!!!! but in theory couldve been prevented. maybe i just cant imagine this a different way haha. like Joel And Tess Learn Healthy Communication Skills Over Time. am i mean for saying that doesnt sound probable aldskjgalskdjgslkgj

OH LMAO THE MARRIAGE PART. that was also a big decision i guess. i wouldnt make it go differently alksdjglasdjg like. i definitely couldve written the context around that many different ways bc again this whole is full of opportunity But a frankly premature wedding just feels right to me. especially with like going from being stuck on survival to being safe for the first time in decades. and then having that sense of safety get boring and wondering why there was that super fast wedding in the first place. cant really imagine it going differently

there is later unposted stuff that could def have gone many different ways and that i tried to make go different ways but that would not be right to talk about akldsjaslkgdjsg so.

this got too long sorry <3

[unohanadaydreams]

Sometimes I get really caught up in wondering what Unohana's motivations were for helping to found the SS and like, some theories:

1. Her original intention was purely to kill the soul king. She was presumably a child while the king was active and alive. I also imagine she was probably from a particularly rough rukongai. How much worse were things while quincy and shinigami were actively feuding within soul society? Perhaps people she cared about were killed by Quincy or she was abused by them somehow. Maybe she was just a shinigami who grew to resent the "others". Her motivations could be endless.

But, after the soul society is formed, she is seen as bored, listless, and empty per her interaction with young Kenpachi, which leads me to believe what she sought to do was finished (subduing the soul king) and she didnt know how to handle being essentially purposeless after such a grand campaign.

I imagine she went from trying to survive, to trying to get stronger, to trying to kill the soul king, to....being a captain, the strongest position possible, with no real threats to her person, the soul king conquered. And she has to make peace with that and actually figure out who she is and what kind of life she wants now that she isnt just trying to climb higher and higher. She lowers her head. She sees what's around her. She meets a boy. And she smiles.

2. She started out as a revolutionary, aiming to make things better for the rukongais. This one seems plausible to me due to the person she becomes--the character she is when first introduced.

Side note on this one: Kubo gives us the reason that she left so Kenpachi could take her place/she wasnt worthy, but I'm taking that as a "I'm aimless and depressed" and not at face value, because Unohana retrofitting her life around Kenpachi is dumb. I think the main reason she cared AT ALL for Kenpachi was because he probably reminded her a loooot of herself. A rukongai rat desperately lashing out for strength, with a solid code of personal ethics, who obviously has a soft spot for people (yachiru, ikkaku, yumichika), who she fears will become aimless once he reaches his goals, like she did. Who she fears will be merely used (which he is) like she was.

Back on topic, I imagine things were probably way worse pre-seireitei. It's clear that there was once a larger emphasis on nobility (and might still be. Manga canon never got much into the actual politics outside of the first arc w/ Rukia and Byakuya, but the image I got was of a faded relevance) and with the constant clash among shinigami and quincy as well as the lack of protection for the rukongai (since I'm presuming seireitei didnt exist at the time), I'm sure in her days as a youth, Everywhere was a lawless battle zone. I dont imagine the nobility gave a shit about structuring the rukongai and just wanted preferential treatment within the new government. And a huge wall.

So, you have this very strong shinigami who can hold her own against quincy in battle and could realistically be swayed to fight for you if you cater to the commoners a bit and promise her dangerous enemies to 1v1. The nobility and many of the older generation don't like the idea because shes a criminal--she doesnt play by their rules or respect their values; she only cares about honesty and strength. You're able to get everyone to play nice, because you're patient and wise and Yachiru can rally shinigami behind her that were previously thought to be lost to lawless abandon in the rukongais. She believes in something better so earnestly that they do to. So you tell her what she wants to hear.

I dont find it hard to believe that Yamamoto lied about what exactly the new government would be willing to do for the rukongais after the soul king was defeated. And after everything is said and done, what is Unohana going to do? After the foundation is placed and everything's built and things still arent as she thought, what can she do? Rip apart any of the infrastructure she was able to get them because it isnt enough? She knows she could take out plenty of people on her way down, but she also knows her fate would be the maggots nest and that's not going to happen.

So shes depressed and aimless, going to the worst run rukongais and fighting anyone. Everyone. Sparing them the fate of living. Sparing them the disappointment of the Seireitei, who will never give a shit about them. Sparing herself from having to face the truth of what happened and who she is now; shes a war hero and a captain and she should be happy and proud and fulfilled, after all. And then she sees herself in a boy, who cuts her throat--cuts the throat of a captain--and feels something, realizes that things can still change and she isnt stagnant. Realizes that there is still true will and strength out here, enough to touch the likes of her.

So she finds the strength to move on, to create again.

3. Self-preservation, pure and simple.

I think for this one, the most likely scenarios would be that she either did something reckless and illegal towards the shinigami or Quincy. If it was toward the quincy and shes being hunted, well: the enemy of thine enemy is thy friend. If it's against the shinigami, then I find it likely Yamamoto knew she was more valuable to him alive than dead.

This one is built upon the fact that I think Unohana was pretty fucking young when all of this went down; she doesn't look near Yamamoto's age and I can imagine any young person raised in war torn squalor is going to get up to some truly reckless shit in the name of Strength and Power.

As far as WHAT she did? I bet she probably organized some rather substantial attacks on the quincy, attempting to test her strength against enemies with powers she wasnt used to fighting. Maybe even got too close to winning against a high ranking official and got herself a spite bounty.

For the shinigami, I honestly think her existence was enough to get her in trouble, since a nobility and seniority driven society is gonna look at a super powered rukongai girl with no respect for government or hierarchy as a menace. But to be spicy, I'll say she probably punched a noble in a bar fight and laughed when she found out who they were. Or she seduced a Kuchiki woman. Actually combine them. That was what got her in the "fight with us or die" shackles. Chaotic lesbianism.

You could very well combine any and all of these, but I needed some level of organization or this wouldve turned into a more aimless and lengthy post.