#but i cant go curb stomp my local rapist or dropkick a groomer or elbow a transphobes teeth in snd she was like yeah youre right | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hofftrans · 21 days

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Platonically adore my psych for a number of reasons but a big one is that her whole practice is committed do de-colonising and stripping anglo christian values from therapy. Discussions on violent urges and guilt below the read more

So in my last session when I was like "I know I am a bad person because I solved most of my problems growing up with violence and genuinely enjoyed doing so what if I'm the next jack the ripper no one should enjoy violence" and my psych just uno reverse cards me and goes "Nah fuck that, all the examples of you hurting people are in situations where you were actively defending another person, often a minority, and gave warnings before attacking. Its bullshit that people are 'allowed' to hurt you but if you hurt them back you're suddenly the monster. Fuck that. You had your power stripped away and found a way to get it back, of course that felt good" and then we spent the last like ten minutes flipping between being nostalgic about past fights and talking about subjects like the military, police brutality and the way the western world moralists and demonised violence from any individual or group other than the ones that support the oppressive status quo

#have always been so scared to talk to any psych on the subject bc i can always imagine them slamming the giant cartoon alarm button #that says Patient Is A Danger To Themselves And Others and i told her as such and she basically just laughed n was like nah youre chill #i expressed how fucked it is to me that an officer can train for a blink of time and be given a gun and the ability to abuse and murder #people for the most selfish and vile reasons and they just get a slap on the wrist #but i cant go curb stomp my local rapist or dropkick a groomer or elbow a transphobes teeth in snd she was like yeah youre right #its fucked up and its not right #dw not about to become a vigilante assassin or punch out rhe next dickhead i see it was just very comforting #to have a subject ive struggled with for many years be met with so much understanding and honestly appreciation #i do feel the need to clarify that even tho i have ocd its not like one of those symptoms where violence distresses me so much im terrified #that i will do it. its more that violence really doesnt disturb me as much as it seems to bother others around me and #i simply dont believe its inherently unethical in many situations idk man. and thats the part that disturbs me #knowing that i should feel more uncomfortable around violence and gore and aggression as a solution but i just.... dont #personal

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