#but i have more of these sort of revolving around early sleepy bois where theyre a close family and the boys get into some shenanigans

[myketheartista]

“Tommy’s ghost only remembers bad memories.”

Furthermore, Tommy accidentally dies canonically while exiled. Contrary to what we know in canon, Tubbo has not gone to see him at all. Tubbo has basically refused to visit Tommy to accept the fact that he doesn’t need him. This only makes things worse, of course! I haven’t seen anything from Tubbo’s POV after the exile, so if he has said something of the sort, that’s pretty interesting!

---

Tubbo doesn’t know which one of those deaths is real every time he sees Tommyinnit tried to swim in lava or Tommyinnit fell from a high place. It haunts him, not knowing what Tommy is doing, why is he in danger, why is he not taking care of himself? He’s gotten a passing word from Ranboo, Fundy, anyone who has spoken to him, that Tommy is okay, but he needs to see for himself. So he finally goes to pay a visit.

Except he doesn’t see Tommy anywhere near the tent. His gaze follows the path leading past the nether portal, perking up when he spots Logsted hidden within the trees and begins heading over rather slowly. He feels good. For some reason though, there’s a hint of....jealousy? He’s sad? Tommy seems to be doing just fine after the exile...has a decent looking home, a huge body of water, plenty of space to build, access to the nether...he’s doing fine without Tubbo.

Meanwhile for Tommy, and as we’ve seen a little bit in canon, he thinks Tubbo will visit soon! He’ll come eventually, he’s still his friend, he misses him...right? And as days pass, there’s still no sign. Every time someone else comes, he asks if Tubbo has talked about him, if he’s even mentioned his name in conversation, and the more he asks, the more desperate he becomes. In the book him and Ranboo write in, he always asks, trying his best not to sound as desperate as he is, but it’s without fail that it comes up, ‘has Tubbo mentioned me at all? Not that I care about the guy! He exiled me, he’s a bitch hahahaha he can fuck off...but has he said anything?’

But yeah, Tubbo finally works up the courage to visit Tommy, knows he’ll have to see him eventually, and makes his way over to Logsted. He stands in the entrance, surprised to see the familiar yellow sweater of his old leader who has his back turned to Tubbo. He’s busy chatting away as chipper as can be while his voice is light and scratchy as it has been for the past few weeks ever since he died, but its the quiet, “Ghostbur?” that makes him turn around to acknowledge the boy’s presence. Wilbur’s face lights up and he moves forward to greet Tubbo, but it’s difficult to focus on the ghost’s cheerful attitude when all Tubbo can look at is the pale skin, the white, lifeless eyes, and the messy blonde hair that seems to have lost some of its color. He takes a step back, unsettled by the way Tommy’s expressionless face stares back at him. He’s...is he...he can’t be...?

Wilbur slips back into view because he’s clearly been talking this whole time and Tubbo hasn’t been listening! How rude :(  but it’s okay because- oh! he’s looking at Tommy! 

“Yeah, Tommy’s been like that for a while now, but he doesn’t talk much which is weird, right, Tubbo? Tommy always has something to say, but I guess it’s nice getting some peace and quiet every once in a while.” And Tubbo can only focus on the ‘been like that for a while’ part because what? He’s been what?? Tommy is still staring at him with no recognition in his face, nor does he give a sign that he’s glad to see his best friend after so long. It hurts.

Tubbo feels Wilbur practically hanging off of his shoulder and hears him whisper, “He doesn’t smile as much as he used to. Even when I play the discs, he always looks so sad. Nothing really cheers him up anymore. And Tommy loved the discs, I remember that. I tried asking him why he was so sad because I know I don’t like feeling sad since it doesn’t feel very good, and he just shrugs every time.” Tubbo doesn’t feel good himself. 

Wilbur continues to ramble on about how the things that usually make Tommy happy haven’t been working as Tubbo reaches into his pocket, pulling out the compass. Wilbur stops when he sees it and brightens, “Hey, I gave you that! You still have it on you- see Tommy, I told you he carries it wherever he goes!” And surprisingly enough, there’s a flicker of something in Tommy’s eyes that makes Tubbo hold his breath. Something like ‘that’s familiar...tubbo has one?’ Tommy looks around, confusion evident on his face. ‘i have one too, right?’ It’s been a while since he’s touched it. He stored it away out of fear he would lose it after falling into lava so much. And as he begins to move towards the barrels, Wilbur watches him in fascination, kind of like how someone watches their dog look for a hidden treat because Tommy is finally remembering something! This is good! Tommy sifts through the barrels, taking his time to go through each one until he searches through a particularly full barrel and pulls out the compass from the bottom. Hidden beneath unused materials and more of the like. Things that they weren’t going to use anymore...there was no point. Tommy just stays in Logsted all day. But he fishes it out, turns around and walks over to Tubbo and holds it out next to the other compass that Tubbo has hovering in front of him.

Tubbo’s been too...shocked? Too nervous to say anything this whole time, but he stares at the compasses and looks up at Tommy who’s watching the little red needle quite intensely. He speaks up, feeling his throat tighten as he attempts to get the word out, “Tommy?”

Tommy doesn’t look at him, doesn’t do anything to reassure Tubbo that he’s heard him, just brings his other hand up to grab the underside of Tubbo’s hand and brings their compasses closer to where they touch and there’s a little clink. His brows are furrowed as he thinks, “Your....Tubbo.” Ah, he hasn’t forgotten about him! He might be a ghost, but he stills remembers who his best friend is.

Tubbo nods, “Yeah...yeah, I’m Tubbo.” And Tommy shakes his head, a frustrated noise coming out of him. “Your Tubbo,” and pushes his own compass forward. Tubbo blinks and it sort of registers. “Oh, oh yeah,” and he pushes his compass forward as well, mimicking Tommy, “Y-Your Tommy.”

Tommy nods but still looks a bit confused, irritated, not really satisfied with the “answer” he’s been given. Tubbo stares at him, watching his face sit on the same sad, lost expression. He grabs Tommy’s hand as well, the one with the compass, and brings their hands up. “Do you remember? Remember me?”

Tommy finally looks at him, causing Tubbo to wince at the way those lifeless eyes stare right through his body. He holds Tommy’s gaze though, forcing himself to choke back the tears that dare to escape and gives his friend a smile. “You remember Tubbo, yeah? I’m your best friend, Tommy.” Tommy stares at him before plainly stating, “Yeah, you exiled me.” Tubbo’s smile drops, and his grip on Tommy’s hands loosens. “I- I didn’t- Tommy, I didn’t mean to, Dream wanted-“

Tommy’s expression shifts to something angrier, annoyed, and still a bit confused. “Dream wanted? Why are we listening to Dream? Dream hates me, why would you listen to him? Who cares what he wants.”

Tubbo averts his gaze, shaking his head. “No, I’m not listening to- Tommy, I didn’t want to exile you, but he-“ and Tommy cuts him off again, getting louder. “He what?! What about him, Tubbo? Why are you listening to him? He tried to kill us, he started a war, he hurt our friends, Tubbo, he built walls around L’manberg! And you’re still listening to him? Tubbo, he—he came over here and kept taking my things! Forced me to give up everything I had! Everyday, it was the same thing and he blew them up right in front of me! Threatened to kill me if I didn’t listen, Tubbo!”

And as quickly as the anger appeared, it vanished. His expression falls and his voice grows weak. “You exiled me...and he kept coming back to shove it in my face.”

Ah, but there’s still some resentment left. “He kept- he’s a bitch, Tubbo, that’s what he is. I hate him and I wanna kill him and you should stop listening to him because you’re...” and he trails off, eyes softening and mouth closing into a thin line. Tommy physically deflates and sighs. “You said you’re my best friend, Tubbo.” Tubbo nods and hears his voice break, “I am, Tommy.” 

“Then why am I so mad at you. I don’t feel happy at all to see you.” Tubbo wants to cry and laugh at the same time because the words hurt, but Tommy looks like he’s just pouting at this point. Even as a ghost, he’s pouting. “...Tommy, are you mad at me or mad that you aren’t happy to see me?” Tommy takes a second and chews on his lip awkwardly because he’s right. He grunts out a “both” and Tubbo exhales, letting the laugh slip out.

“What’s so funny? I’m still mad at you. You can’t laugh when I’m mad at you or I’ll be even madder.” Wilbur comes up behind Tubbo and floats beside him because he’s apparently still here, and Tubbo nearly jumps out of his skin cause oh god he saw all that? that’s sort of embarrassing, but Wilbur joins in, “Yeah, that’s kind of rude of you, Tubbo. Tommy’s been really sad and all you do is laugh at him.” And Tommy’s pale skin somehow reddens despite the lack of blood in his body. “I haven’t been sad, you idiot! Don’t tell him that!” Now that sounds like the Tommy he knows.

Tubbo listens to them go back and forth, feeling the burning sensation behind his eyes become unbearable and tries to swallow, sucks in a breath and realizes he can’t hold it back anymore, so he just leans forward and pulls Tommy into a hug and hides his face in the crook of his neck. That shuts them both up. And Tommy doesn’t know what ‘good’ is anymore. Doesn’t remember what happiness feels like. It’s really the complete opposite of Wilbur’s situation and Tommy hates it. He doesn’t want to feel sad all the time, but he can’t think of anything good that happened to him while he was alive and it frustrates him, confuses him, and that just makes him angrier. Wilbur telling him stuff makes him mad too because he shouldn’t have to be told these things, they should just come to him naturally. 

But bottom line, he doesn’t remember what a hug is nor what it felt like. So...hugging is weird. It feels nice? He thinks? He vaguely recalls doing it with Wilbur...and even Techno...a lot with Phil. Years ago for them three but what felt like just yesterday for Tommy. He hugged them all the time back then when they were still a family...he didn’t hug Tubbo enough, did he?

Tommy awkwardly moves his arms to hold Tubbo and stares at Wilbur, helpless and silently pleading ‘help me what do I do’, and Wil just nods like, ‘yeah, you’re doing fine! dont worry.’ And they fall into a comfortable silence. Or rather what Tommy thought was going to be comfortable until he realizes that his shirt is progressively getting wetter by the second and Tubbo has begun to sniff quite a lot. “Uh...y’know, Tubbo, this is pretty cool. You’re hugging a ghost right now. Not many people can say they’ve done that.” He receives a laugh in response and Tubbo’s warm breath tickles his cold skin. “‘m sorry, Tommy.”

Well, he had certainly tried to lighten the mood, but he deflates a bit at the apology and frowns. “It’s fine.” He feels Tubbo’s head shake. “No, I should’ve stopped him. I shouldn’t have made him escort you, and I should’ve kept an eye on him. I should’ve come sooner.” Ugh. All of this apologizing and for what? Tommy rolls his nonexistent eyes and grumbles, his tone growing annoyed. “It’s fine, Tubbo, I don’t care-“ and Tubbo lightly punches his back to shut him up. “You do. You wouldn’t have told me if you didn’t.” Dammit, he’s got a point.

Tommy purses his lips and glares at Wilbur who smiles innocently. God, he definitely shouldn’t be here, just go a w a y. But Wilbur either ignores him or completely misses the social cue and floats over to a barrel, pulling out a disc and moving out of Tommy’s peripheral. Tubbo keeps going, “I was scared. I’m the president, Tommy, but I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to follow you, but that’s...I’m a leader now. I can’t. That’s all I’ve ever done. I followed you and Wilbur, and now you’re both gone and I’m all by myself.” 

Tommy’s arms tighten a bit around him as he tries to reason with him. “There’s Fundy. And Big Q. Niki, Ranboo, Eret’s there but he’s still a bitch for what he did to us.” Tubbo digs his face into his neck even more, voice breaking again when he continues. “They called me Schlatt. Fundy, Quackity, even you. They don’t like me. They think I’m some dictator for what I did, and I thought I was doing the right thing. Everything hurts when I think back on it, but I can’t help it.” He pulls back and Tommy wants to look away, but the redness of Tubbo’s cheeks and the tears falling down his face keep him where he’s at. “I was scared you had died. Really died. But they always said you were fine, and I thought you didn’t need me. “

Tommy’s grip tightens around his compass “I didn’t.” Tubbo shakes his head and he wipes at the tears that refuse to stop. “You don’t mean that.” Chirp kicks to life in the background, and Tommy hums at the sound, relieved there’s something there to fill the silence “I don’t.” He doesn’t. He really doesn’t, but he’s at a loss. He’s unsure what the right thing to say is. He probably would’ve said something different if he were still alive, but he can’t even begin to think about what alive Tommy would say. All he thinks about is grey.

He looks behind him and sees Wilbur gone, probably inside the house, and listens to Tubbo speak again. “You clearly needed someone. You’re dead.”

Tommy looks back, and his eyes are a bit wider because someone finally said it to his face. It’s like he knew but...didn’t completely process it? And hearing it from Tubbo only makes it worse. “I guess I am...” he trails off, losing focus as the familiar tune of Chirp invades his ears and begins to sound too loud, too much, he doesn’t like how loud it is- 

“Tommy?”

He blinks and stares at Tubbo. His tears have stopped. That’s good. He doesn’t like it when Tubbo cries. “Tubbo, are you just here to lecture me or is there something you want?” He curses mentally. Those words aren’t what he wanted to say at all, but saying anything else didn’t feel right. He’s not saying what he wants, why can’t he speak?? But Tubbo smiles and grabs his hand with the compass again, staring at it fondly and running his thumb across Tommy’s ashy skin. 

“I’d like if you came back, Tommy.”

Huh?

Huh???

Tommy frowns. “Oh, so NOW you want me to come back. You waited till I died to say that! You just want L’manberg to be haunted, don’t you, Tubbo? You wanna be able to tell tourists that you have ghosts, huh?” And Tubbo laughs and laughs. Bubbly and so childlike. “That’s not what I meant-“

Tommy interrupts him and yells, but it’s clear he’s joking this time. “Wilbur- no, Ghostbur wasn’t enough for you, huh? That’s fine, I can be a good ghost for you, Tubbo, I’m great at this thing and I’ve only been like this for a week or so, I’ve practically mastered it.” And Tubbo keeps laughing, wipes at his eyes again as Tommy yells for Wilbur to “Pack our bags! we’re moving back to shitty, old L’manberg! We’re gonna be ghosts, Wilbur! It’ll be less shitty once we take over!” But he leans down and grabs Tubbo’s shoulders, white eyes seemingly glowing a little bit brighter as a smile grows on his face. “Tubbo, you have to promise me that I won’t be exiled again if I haunt Dream. I need to have your word, Tubbo, this is the most important thing in my entire life and I need your permission so I can rub it in his face when he starts crying like a little bitch boy and tells me to stop.”

Tubbo nods as more tears slip down his face, more laughter bubbling out of him. Tommy shakes his shoulders and laughs as well, high-pitched and loud as always. “Tubbo! Why’re you still crying! The president of L’manberg doesn’t cry, he gets angry and tells Dream to fuck off!” 

And Tubbo looks up at Tommy, slipping the compass back inside his pocket. 

“I’m just glad you’re still you.”