#but idk i don't care i had SO MUCH FUN
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I am absolutely obsessed with this guy btw
#dr pretorius#WHAT A MAN#btw bride of Frankenstein was soooo good#much more silly than the first film which might be a flaw for some people#but idk i don't care i had SO MUCH FUN#this film is CRAZYYYY#my biggest problem is that Henry is still boring and the Bride is underwhelming#like im sorry actress clearly tried to salvage it with her performance but really#you created a new life and all she does is stare in the oblivion amd scream and then just fucking dies?#boring#tbh this film made me appreciate Bride of Reanimator much more#it's a objectively worse film yet Bride is used so sooo much better#anyway justice for Frankenstein monster 😔
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another super self-indulgent chapter 20 / 21 drawing
edgar belongs to jhonen vasquez
scriabin belongs to @zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#edgar vargas#scriabin vargas#zarla s#vargas zarla#scriabin#hello and good night#* changes her brush again *#textured brushes for sai2 save me#textured brushes for sai2#save me textured brushes for sai2#this is just a mess of me trying new stuff . i like the result .#well ummm hello . time to ramble about my stuff . you can stop reading this now . if you want#going back to school on tuesday .#drew some other stuff but but they're related to weird crossovers or they're just sketches . i might post them .#this is supposed to be a dump account after all#i've been fine ! holidays were nice and i had many days to rest . got a new phone too .#also my birthday's in idk like 19 days ??? excited !!!#this was so fun to draw#i was just doing this and then my brain said " hey this is like super self-indulgent#but i don't care i enjoy to draw them like this way too much to stop#i'll try to get something else done before going back to school#i want to paint something else for a friend too . . . ugh not enough time !!!!#okay i can't think of anything else bye
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i think. everyone should stop reading my most popular fics that aren't really that good and start reading the ones with 18 kudos that are significantly better
#this is about (just wanna be) somebody i'm proud of#yes i had fun writing it. but it's REALLY NOT THAT GOOD#also i cannot stress this enough: that fic was a fluke#it's NOT a good example of what i write. guys i'm so much better at the angsty character study fics#i promise i actually can get proper characterization. i had to sacrifice some of that for the light-hearted stupid cheesy premise#alas#no one in fandom actually cares about characterization#ngl sometimes i even wonder what the point of writing stuff in-character is if the flat#'characters reduced to a single trait that they may or may not even possess'#fics will ALWAYS end up being more popular than the ones with good characterization#anyway i know why the 18 kudos one is so low. it's the mcd tag. AND it's a gen fic centered around a character no one cares about#i wasn't expecting that one to do well#but it does suck that like. my most popular fics will never actually be my best ones#it's the same with bsd but THAT'S a whole other story#that's the phenomenon of everyone reducing bsd to the skk show and not giving the time of day to fics centered around anyone else#do u guys realize there are SO many other INCREDIBLE characters and dynamics????#like i was doing that bsd fic rec event on twt and almost all of the fics recced were skk#meanwhile i was searching for anything NOT skk bc idk other ships and characters deserve appreciation too??#and i don't even read much skk bc it's so hard to find anything that's. like. ACTUALLY good.#anyway. i don't actually care if you read somebody i'm proud of#but i hate that that's like. one of my most popular fics by a longshot#i have stuff that is so much better that people won't even glance at bc it's not tagged with the most popular m/m ship in the fandom#hello grace here
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1/3 of the way done of this last page, then I can finally post it all o|-<
#blabbering#idk who even cares or knows what I'm talking about; but I just wanna talk about what's on my mind somewhere; even if it's to no one#I just haven't had much confidence in art or gaming prowess lately; but I'm still trying#I mean I haven't had much to begin with; but it's just tanked worse lately bc I'm probably just burnt out from work and need a break#I just wanna do fun stuff with friends; but I'm constantly plagued with conflicting schedules (aka the quintessential adult experience lol)#but at least after I'm done this thing I meant to do simply and quickly (but wound up taking way longer than I thought) I'll be happy#i just can't make myself really do anything else until it was done bc it would keep looming over my head and I need it done for reasons#at least tomorrow is a nice short day in the timeframe I like; so I'll be in higher spirits#lol sorry I've been complaining so much lately alskjdflsf. I just don't have anyone to talk to about random stuff on my mind lakjdlf#anywho bed time and then short shift and then FREE FOR THE WEEKEND + Friday :catjam:#also I think I have seasonal allergies again (no idea what from lol)#and i also stubbed my toe multiple times last week and it's still a bit swollen and hurts to put pressure on one part (bone bruise maybe)#my life is an exciting adventure that's for sure (I guess yesterday absolutely counts for negating my sarcasm here lmao whoops)
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fun fact about me: i'm insecure about so many random things that i've never flipped anyone off in my 22 years of life because i think my middle finger looks awkward and ugly by itself
#and like i say: brf slt#i felt like this especially when i would have been likely to do it semi-regularly like in middle school. but like i was thinking about this#the other day and i did it in front of a mirror just to check and it looked as bad as i remember like it's just not for me#i have a story abour middle fingers though or just about what one would call the finger#when i was in what an american would call the 5th grade (i can never do when i was x years old because it's not an accurate representation#of the class i was in since i skipped a grade and the grade is what matters more to me. when i was 9 and my friends were 10 i was saying)#we would always play this game called girls catch guys or guys catch girls where the girls would run after the guys and like tap them on#the shoulder and then they would go to prison and they would line up and another guy could set them free by like touching one of the#prisoners it was a very fun game except it's way more fun to be like the ones getting caught than to be the ones catching and we would#ALWAYS play girls catching guys and it was very unfair we would be like okay in the morning we do guys catching girls in the afternoon#girls catching guys so it's fair like normal system but the guys NEVER wanted to do it (and we would always give in because like we still#wanted to play ig and idk guys. female socialization) they never wanted to be the ones doing the catching it was so unfair because we also#didn't like it as much and we did it all the time?#and i remember this one morning we were fighting about this we had literally all agreed that it was fair this way but they didn't want to#do it and my second best male friend flipped me and my best (female) friend off and (very#important detail) he did it with both of his hands so like two middle fingers and i don't know why because i'm not even sure that that's a#thing but one middle finger meant fuck you and two middle fingers meant go fuck yourself and to us that was very different? and i remember#my friend and i we like knew what it meant but for some reason we were like. he did do the one finger before doing the two does this mean#he...loves us because it literally means he wants to have sex with us#but what's funny is we never talked to him again after that and i don't even know why that was our last straw because i remember i#genuinely liked him before that like i said he was my second best male friend! so like maybe sixth best friend overall that's not bad#and he's not the only guy friend who flipped us off that year like it was so random to stop talking to him after that😭#like he was an actual enemy we really did not like him we talked about him in letters we'd give each other using a nickname etc#and what's even funnier is in our last year of middle schoold FOUR YEARS AFTER THIS a friend of a friend told him he should become friends#with well my friend and he was like hm i don't think so have you seen who she hangs out with? marianne *last name* like why do YOU hate#me😭 it was so funny like wdym it was mutual this whole time. i had literally moved on by then i didn't even care about hating him#anymore like wow...i think he's the only person i hated who actually hated me back
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danny talking about how resentful she became when nobody who she self-sacrificed for cared when she died and then leaving kirsch with laura and carmilla bc "if he stays with me i might lose control again and kill him" kinda confirms my thoughts abt both newly-turnedness and anger making vampires more vampiry
but also makes me think that in more usual circumstances, when the dean turned vampires like carmilla and mattie, that shes really nice at the start to temper any of that unruly anger
#we dont have a lot of info on her usual mo i guess but im thinking a lot abt how it mustve gone with carmilla#i dont know if she was a special case or if this is usually generally how it goes#i suppose you dont necessarily need a lot of new ones do you. if youve got one vampire seductress in working condition#mattie had her role on the board#danny was just for end of the world purposes i think. opportunistic turning. to replace will perhaps#but im thinking abt how at first the dean and carmilla were kinda close. and i have no illusions abt what that meant for the dean like#im sure it was just to control carmilla. play into what she needed to ensure centuries of loyalty. and that kinda worked until elle#and looking at mattie i expect most of them will eventually start rebelling so i wouldnt be surprised if she did smth similar with mattieto#just 1000 years earlier. and at our point in the story mattie is doing strained coexistence with her right?#carmilla is well in mattie's view rocking the boat once again for a cute girl#thats so funny oh my god. iconic. take the first lesbian predator archetype character and make it so that she keeps#rebelling against the evil BECAUSE shes so gay#like literally thats her entire motivation 'of course i was just doing it for you' oh my godddd hfkjhgjhghj ICONIC#i love her so much i love her soooo much#what was i talking about. oh yeah so i think the dean in usual circumstances is very nice at first and spoils her new vampires#to foster allegiance#god carmilla must just have been so happy to have someone care about her and be nice to her i think#every thought i have abt 18 yo carmilla is so sad#but i can imagine those early years/decades of her and the dean travelling around. mattie there too maybe not all the time#but enough time. mattie there too specifically also to make carmilla feel wanted and make friendship so she wouldnt rebel#to guide her through her young vampire years probably! damn yeah i bet that was mattie who taught her all the tricks#mother isnt a vampire and i dont see her really caring. i think mattie probably taught carmilla the do's and don'ts of vampiredom#and they had fun! they had fun with it. they had cruel fun being vampires together. i think carmilla was just happy to belong#maybe mattie was happy to have a friend too idk if she had many. not many vampire friends anyway. she seems to have fun being a sister#anyway. just thinking aloud#carmillaposting
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#nuzleaf#i didn't really like nuzleaf before psmd. and i still don't really care for it as a pokémon‚ but i liked psmd too much to not feel Something#y'know‚ just by virtue of this pokémon being a major-ish character in my favorite game of all time‚ i kinda like it a Bit more now#although i still don't like it conceptually that much. the design isn't my favorite and it didn't do grass/dark very well#meowscarada for sure did that typing better#i actually just realized i had a notification that you could see in the corner of this image and i just had to go edit that out#this is the first time i've ever had to edit one of the images of the pokémon for this blog‚ fun fact#in case you're wondering. the notification was the reminder that i have set to queue pokémon up for the blog#every morning at 8 AM it tells me Update ffp and i don't do it until i wake up so the notification just kinda sits there until i do it#but the same thing happens with the take your meds notification‚ too#so. i'm kind of a bit of a fail and i can't survive without reminders. if i need to do something i have to ask my phone to remind me#or else i will not fucking do it. idk if any of y'all relate but i think i'll have to edit the notification out of the next one#as well. so. see you in shiftry
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the "I already bought tickets to go see Indy again next week" moodboard
#actually factually finalized the purchase it's happening same seats and everything lmfao#I am being very irritating abt this I'm not sorry I had so much fun today and I loved this movie to bits#and I'm so happy this is how we as fans get to close Indy's adventures like.#it didn't just feel like half-hearted fan service bullshit it was really well done which I'll be honest#I was not expecting. there are def call backs of course to the previous films#but it didn't feel like heavy handed or cheap#they really did a good job of like. making it feel authentic like. not just a shitty rehash idk for me#it felt like. so appropriate. like he's an old man now. time has passed. they don't just like wallpaper over that#it just has idk so much heart. like the old og movies it's fantastical but there's so much heart#idk I really liked it. it felt like watching the old ones. the old ones had so much heart. that's why you loved indy!#he was a smart ass but he was earnest too and he had heart and he cared and like ahhhhhhhhhh!!!#it's just. idk idk idk I feel like it's such a great close to the adventures for massive Indy nerds like myself#lmao I asked my mom tonight like when was the last time you watched any of the movies#cause you mught wanna rewatch before we go#and she was like well it has been a while cause you don't live here anymore#and I was like I know. I'm never like six months removed from the last time I watched an Indy#and she was like I know it's your religion I know#I just. I loved it. a lot. I really did. as a massive Indy nerd I really did just enjoy it a lot. more than kotcs#but I firmly believe w/o kotcs it wouldn't have been so fuckin good like omg#erin explains it all
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there is absolutely zero (read: like, idk, 30 posts?) fan content for margaret eilander, which is a crime,
#libra.txt#is it really? no#but she's still an interesting character!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#me before october: ugh rusty lake paradise was so weird and gross and i don't like anybody there#me now: [rattling the bars of my cage] THE EILANDER FAMILY!!!!!! PLEASE TALK TO ME ABT THE EILANDER FAMILY#like okay yeah sure there really isn't much of anything to go off of abt most of them#sure we know they become the hotel guests. whatever#(except: mrs pigeon leads into some of my thoughts abt margaret so!)#BUT HHHHHHNGH THE EILANDERS..........#awful people all of them <3#like. idk. margaret is just kinda fun to think abt sometimes#woman who's chill with her (eldest?) son plotting to kill his family#chill abt her youngest son dying. chill abt feeding him diseased meat.#[paused to look up when burgers were invented]#she gets carried away by a giant locust and doesn't particularly care#woman was so chill abt everything#but uhhhh personal headcanon that she had other children but killed them <3#i think she (and perhaps her unnamed husband) also had a deep interest in the lake#and due to not fully understanding it + the day of the lake she sacrificed her eldest child(ren)#which is part of why nicholas is so messed up (trauma!)#but they still believe that a sacrifice could bring them enlightenment#(and it's kinda open-ended on what happened to them after jakob became mr owl)#(sure we see them as guests in hotel but. those /can't/ be the exact same people. mrs pigeon is confirmed 39 years old#and margaret HAS to be older than that for jakob (21) to be her eldest grandson)#and with mrs pigeon electrocuting the young bird in hotel (and the rest of the mistreatment and malpractise in her research)#i feel pretty comfortable saying she'd be chill with killing her children too#anyway. more evil old WOMEN. come on. hashtag evil feminism
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hey guess who is actually and without exaggeration crying over ultrakill
#peridots-nonsense#ultrakill#ok so. i'm emotional right now. this has been stated. what also has been stated is the fact that this is my 2nd playthrough on a new device#first time i finished it was in november and while altars of apostasy does make me pretty sad that's about the limit to ultkill emotions.#it's really funny actually because i was so excited for heresy. i took longer to beat act 2 than i did the first time around cause i wanted#to improve on the levels (p-ranks and challenges and secrets. y'know. still haven't done 5-S yet though). so i had more time to anticipate#specifically. Gabe's rematch. i was THRILLED!!! i don't even know why!!!!! but i never stopped smiling the whole time i was fighting him!!!#it got so bad the first time i got to his second phase that i had to actually pause for the better part of a minute from stimming so hard!!#grinning like an idiot for five minutes straight!!! no fight or game has EVER made me feel that way before.#the hk collector is a fun fight for sure and i sometimes get happy going up against characters i like from any games. however#it fades as i get into the fight. it's never been nearly that grand. i was singing a lot too but sleeping family made it more of a whisper#i ended up spending 24 minutes on it with 58 restarts. and yet i was ECSTATIC the whole time. i can see what it felt like to him now lol#so. instantly on the verge of tears when i beat him. and when i got past the ending cutscene i broke. i love this game so so much...#idk. sure this could've been a text to my friends or something but i do not care you all will hear of this#cause this is the best thing ever actually. brb going to go tear up again though
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I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.
Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.
Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;
#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more#She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has#She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same#But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites#And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that#But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever.#And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it#It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks#Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie#She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen#Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk#She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow?#But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while#Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess#And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down'#I can look at that stuff a bit more#Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too#Runa diary logs#But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything.#Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;)#Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people#And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living#I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's.#Its only uphill from here :3#Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3#♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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inspired by @master-of-the-game 's country!Dukat. I'll take any excuse to draw Pythas and Nal in silly outfits (even if they don't seem particularly happy abt dressing up like cowboys)
#thank u masterofthegame for the idea :)) ur dukat was banger art as always#don't ask me what's going on w nal's outfit idk either 💀💀 edwardian balloon sleeves + traditional chinese hairstyle + cowboy bandana????#idk I was having fun w it#pythas is sitting in a wheelchair btw he's not THAT much shorter than nal#trying to get better abt posting bad sketchy unpolished art bc like. girl who cares#I had fun drawing it so like. whateber#still tagging pythas though bc he deserves more stuff in his tag#pythas lok#nal dejar#narcissus's echoes
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When you create a boyfriend because you're all alone
#I'm staring into the wall#there's so much wrong right now#I had 2 packages of chocolate and am day 2ish of no magnesium and the depression is starting to kick in#not depression but like. mood bad no good things in the world. wanting to cry a little bit#I know I should have something bc my sugar is probably crashing#but I am so fully unhungry rn#Dr basically said I wasn't allowed to be hungry anymore smh#this is so clearly caused by my bad decisions which makes it so much worse#this may have to be a midnight depression food moment idfk#depersonalizing in that awkward state where the words that I'm saying/typing don't feel right#Fuck I don't know#I also maybe think another alter is appearing which#if I'm right#is like a demon offshoot of Sheldon#Sheldon but he's evil now#(not actually. more like Sheldon's role in the system if that role is evil)#well I'm sure he'll have a great deal of fun in the problematic factive community TT#idk if he'd even care about being in a system tho dhlfglfgk#tyhgththhthhgh#Frick.
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remember when imbalance came out and people managed to be upset griffin handled dav's perspective about cycle 92 & his relationship with lucretia with sensitivity, nuance, and realism
#imbalance#discourse wank#i'm still upset about this... people don't ever explore/care about how dav thinks/feels... all they care about is hating on lucretia#this was such a moving thing to hear articulated too... imagine saying you like dav but not caring what griffin says about/as him??#bc you'd rather see the sole canon woc vilified and insulted.. and all the complex moral and interpersonal issues in canon glossed over#i mean if my headcanons had been jossed more aggressively in imbalance maybe i'd be upset but idk. it's just more angst/meat to write abt!!#think of it as a good fun creativity-inducing thing!!! come write emotionally complex dav fics that engage w canon!!! please..anyone.... 🥺#there is so much interesting there & it's the worst feeling being alone in thinking that... and having no one to write for & talk to....#i miss when fandoms were fun & creative and like a positive thing. just liking the characters/story and chatting & making stuff about them#i still remember when imbalance happened and someone got mad at me for being happy about it bc of course... of course. it's a taz fan!#i couldn't even be happy about imbalance with anyone because my harmless ship is so bad and weird to every single taz fan! cool!!#they're fucking friends! he regrets not supporting her and letting her voice be heard! he thinks he shares some of the blame for it all!!#sorry but you can personally dislike a ship without collectively & baselessly gaslighting me that it's abusive bc of what you're projecting#i'd daresay after 100+ years of friendship davenport nd lucretia love each other deeply despite everything..imbalance propped that up a lot#but you don't even wanna write or read about that do you...#dav having emotionally grounded and complex thoughts and feelings? not in this fandom. lucy being treated kindly? banish the thought...#also davlucy is CUTE. they're nerds. they're hardworking and devoted to saving lives and to their friends. they care for each other !!
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j/hn wolfe make one video without complaining abt ur audience challenge
#censored cause i don't want it showing in the tags lol#i've watched this mans videos for over a decade. i legit Grew Up with this man#but over the past years he's seemingly gotten so jaded and he complains constantly#esp about his audience like it really seems like he hates his audience#and it's like since i've been watching him for so long i don't wanna give up on him cause there's still aspects of his videos i like#but i roll my eyes every time he has something to complain abt#like he gets upset ppl don't follow his twitter and then his twitter is just screenshotting his youtube comments complaining about those#he imitates his audience by using like a whiney mocking voice yknow the ones#like idk he's always been a Little pretentious but it's getting worse#and you CANNOT criticize the guy no matter how polite you are he throws a fit#like i'm not the only one who has these problems with him a lot of ppl do#so he Knows this is how a lot of ppl feel about him and he doesn't care#I DUNNO i just wanted to bitch abt this for some reason#he's just an example i think of a guy who turned a fun hobby into a job and now he hates doing it#he was so much more enjoyable when videos were just something he did for fun and he had a 'real' job as well#but he himself thinks those old videos are cringe and im like sir that was when you had whimsy and joy in ur life#marshal gets harshal
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I'm. Overwhelmed
#i have too many blogs i think i need to cut down a Lot#im thinking make my general multi again#and cut down to kurt/jase/pearl ridge and Very low activity multi#having ben/jackie is super fun i love them and yj currently airing adds so much muse but i. i dont have time#and starting new blogs is. hard and i dont know how to. start things#i love ben and i want to write ben but i dont know what to write. or how to write. does that make sense#I'd move kurt and jase to the multi but in the past that has#not worked out they just. they have too much lore for a multi i think and it overwhelms people or they dont care enough to read it#which like. to be fair still happens a lot on jasons solo blog#idk i just. i have had a Lot of muse and desire to write and plot lately for all my muses but. something is. something doesnt click#and actually writing on here is just. not possible for some reason#something about tumblr is#its too much right now#which is weird bc like i dont. i dont have anything really going on its school holidays rn#but somehow theres just. im constantly overwhelmed and being here usually helps but it hasn't lately#i feel like. has the energy on tumblr shifted over the past few months#it feels like it has#like community wise?#like i dont think the new editor is to blame i prefer the new editor#i dont know. i don't know#something is different#and i don't like it
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