#but idk. i feel like if i was more ''traditionally'' autistic i'd at least have an excuse for meltdowns and general Bad Days

[scattered-winter]

i NEED to be more autistic

[padawan-crevette]

7, 8, and 14 for the pride asks :)

Hi there! :)

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

As far as I'm aware yes, at least I'm the only one who's out and a lot of relatives have made it clear they perceive me as the odd one out, but then again I only know a fraction of my family so I really can't say

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

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14. How do you think other factors like neurodivergency or upbringing have impacted your identity?

(This one ran long, sorry! And thank you for asking it, it was very fun to answer!)

My parents are ND too, no matter how much they're in denial over it half the time, and I think it showed in the way they raised me with hardly a thought for gender stereotypes until puberty hit and my dad got all overprotective about it. I think they also don't understand gender as well as they think, because what they say doesn't match up with what they do. Especially as far as gender roles go, you can see it's a learned thing and not quite something they understand because it's absolutely not consistent across the board, and that really bled over onto the way they raised me. You can probably imagine how confused I was when other people, particularly at school, started expecting me to conform to certain ideas in regards to my behavior and tastes.

It definitely took a long while for my autistic ass to even get it lmao and I think both of these things play a huge part in the way I understand gender as a concept only in relation to other people and the way they identify and define themselves. Encountering the word "agender" was even more a revelation than "non-binary" was, and honestly such a relief. Same for asexual and aromantic. As much as I am a big language nerd overall and love to read, defining myself in single word labels was a big struggle for a while, and had the same flavor as struggling with finding the right words to express myself and my emotions in my daily life, which is one of the things that first made me relate with posts about autism. Figuring out I'm autistic helped me understand my identity and how I function the same way figuring out my gender identity and orientation did, and it's all something I'd never have bothered to do if I hadn't felt the need to find people I belonged with when many pushed me away or questioned who I was. Hell, I never thought of questioning my orientation until my friends in high school talked about being straight/gay/bi (the only three labels they knew) and asked me my preferences. My immediate response was a confused "I can't just... Idk, like people??" in part because growing up in very tiny countryside villages, I wasn't really exposed to queerness as a concept for a while, and what thoughts I may have had on the subject were filed under "marked for later", and in part because when the question came up I only had some vague thought that maybe gender had nothing to do with liking someone or not.

Same goes for being aspec and poly, my flavor of neurodivergency comes with being somewhat confused about people and feelings and emotions most of the time, and it took a long while for me to have some idea of what I felt and wanted. But getting there came along with meeting some truly lovely folks, and spending hours talking about it together and finding out we had so much in common.

In conclusion, I'd say my neurodivergency absolutely plays a part in the way I perceive and understand things, including every queer label I identify with, but really all of the above is interconnected in a way that feels very much like the chicken and egg question. And my upbringing at least let me grow up in a space where, more often than not (at least when puberty wasn't getting in the way of my parents' behavior towards me), I didn't feel like I had to think about gender, and I believe that helped me be comfortable with that the way I am now, as an adult.