#but if i suddenly started seeing children differently why wouldn't i also suddenly become attracted to older men who have kids

[thatlittledandere]

I remember getting into Persona 4 and thinking man am I glad I don't find Dojima attractive. Well

[narcjsistx]

Can i request something about Umemiya Hajime?

Was honestly thinking about scenarios of him secretly dating a timid and studious reader who studies in an all girls school and they never expected she'd fall in love with the leader of Bofurin, their personalities are huge opposite but i think that dynamic would be adorable.

𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

— You are you

Sitting on a park bench, the sun caresses my skin with its first spring warmth. I removed my school jacket earlier, leaving it folded next to me, and I enjoy the light breeze that passes through my blouse, while the sleeves are rolled up just above the elbows. I observe the people passing by, the familiar faces of those who live in this small town. I see them leading their lives, immersed in the usual monotony: the elderly lady walking her dog, the owner of the bar arranging the tables outside, the children racing with their bicycles on the streets still damp from the morning rain

It amazes me how almost surreal the quiet has become since the Bofurin students started helping this place. Umemiya often brags about his boys, and it always makes me laugh a little that he talks about them as if he were a father

Suddenly, I hear a voice calling me in the distance. I turn around and, in an instant, Umemiya's face is inches from mine. His presence takes me by surprise, but immediately makes me smile. His face is radiant, as always, full of that swagger that makes him unique "Y/n Chan!" in his hand he waves two bags from the local bakery, full of sweets that they distribute for free only to Bofurin students "Look what I brought!" he exclaims, with the enthusiasm of a child who has just won a prize. He's so different from me, so self-centered and extroverted. While I prefer the tranquility of moments like this, he always seems to live to the fullest, as if every day is a new adventure. But that's exactly what I love about him, even though our lives are so different

While I wouldn't even know what pose to throw a punch, he is the commander of the Bofurin, also called the strongest guy in the whole city

"What did you get this time?" I ask seeing the two bags, which give off a sweet smell of bread "I think they are donuts and some desserts with cream. Maybe even some sandwiches" he says opening the first bag, which is full of delicacies. Here it is normal to give anything to Furin students, especially to Ume. Sometimes I even feel guilty about eating what he receives, because I know it's not directed at me "Here, this looks delicious" he says, passing me a sandwich with cream and strawberries, which although I would like to avoid out of courtesy, I accept because I'm hungry. I give the sandwich a bite, which is full of cream. Some of it gets on my nose, but as soon as the guy notices it he removes it with his finger. I smile at him to thank him with my cheeks filled with dessert, while he wipes his finger on a handkerchief "Be slow, otherwise it could hurt your stomach afterwards"

At a certain point, however, something catches my attention. In passing, I notice some female figures in the distance, barely distinguishable among the trees in the park. They seem to be watching us, but they are far enough away that it is difficult to understand who they are. I squint, trying to focus, but the girls remain indistinct, like blurry shadows amid the spring light

"Do you know them?" Ume asks noticing what I'm looking at "I don't know. They're too far away to see clearly..." I say biting another piece from the sandwich. I try not to give it too much thought, but I can't help but wonder who they might be and why they're watching us. Maybe it's just my impression, or maybe they're simply curious, attracted by Umemiya's contagious energy, which always manages to attract attention without even realizing it. Also, he's famous here, so they could probably be looking at him rather than me

I look away and focus on him again. His laughter brings me back to the present, to the moment we are living in. I decide not to worry too much, to let go of that fleeting thought. While we are still sitting on the bench, intent on chatting and enjoying the desserts, I notice out of the corner of my eye that the figures in the distance are getting closer. As they get closer, I can distinguish them better: there are five girls, and my blood immediately runs cold. I recognize them. They are all classmates in the same class as me

My heart starts to beat faster, and that feeling of tranquility I had just experienced vanishes in an instant. I hadn't recognized them from afar because they were wearing normal clothes, different from our usual school uniforms. Seeing them like this, outside of the school environment, caught me off guard. I don't know why they are coming towards us, but I suddenly feel completely exposed. My shy side emerges forcefully. I feel small, vulnerable, as if every single flaw is visible to their eyes. I never spoke to any of them at school, and now the idea of having to interact with them in this context terrifies me. Umemiya is here next to me, but her presence, instead of reassuring me, makes me feel even more embarrassed. I don't want them to see it, I don't want them to think that we are... something, because it would make him look bad being with me, who am his complete opposite. Yet, he doesn't seem the least bit disturbed by their presence, continuing to smile and talk as if nothing had happened

I would like to run away, escape that embarrassing encounter, but I can't move. The girls get closer and closer, and I stiffen, looking down. I feel my cheeks burning with shame. I don't know what to say, I don't know how to behave. I wish I could disappear, become invisible. There is nothing more difficult for me than dealing with social situations like this, where the judgment of others seems to weigh like a boulder

When they are finally in front of us, one of them greets us with a smile "Y/s? Is that really you?" a girl asks, covering her mouth in surprise. Umemiya, on the other hand, welcomes them with his usual confidence, and I can't help but admire him, even if, at this moment, I would just like to be somewhere else, far from here

They're all smiling, and before I can even say anything, they start peppering me with questions "What are you doing here?" "Did you go out together?" "How long have you been seeing each other?" "But is it Umemiya from Bofurin?" "What are you two doing together?" they ask in chorus, with a curiosity that makes me feel even more embarrassed. My heart is pounding, and my cheeks are burning with shame. I don't know how to answer, I don't even know if I should answer. The words catch in my throat as I desperately try to find something to say that doesn't sound stupid or inappropriate. Umemiya, at my side, remains silent, observing the scene with a calm that I cannot understand

He's usually so bold and talkative, but now he seems to have decided to stay on the sidelines. The girls keep talking to me, making assumptions, laughing among themselves, and I feel smaller and smaller. Their every word is a blow to my self-esteem, every laugh a reminder that I am not like them, so confident and comfortable in every situation. I can't look them in the eyes, I keep my gaze down, trying to hide my nervousness. I wish I could dissolve

"Girls, girls, girls!" the boy finally intervenes, shifting attention to him "Are you friends whit my girlfriend?" he asks with a nonchalance that I finally recognize. Time seems to stop for an instant. The girls stare at him in disbelief, their eyes wide and their mouths slightly open. Their buzz stops, replaced by a silence full of amazement. I remain motionless, completely paralyzed. My heart beats even faster, and I feel the heat rising to my cheeks

The girls exchange quick glances, obviously shocked by the revelation. None of them seem to know how to react. For a moment, everything I had feared materializes before my eyes: their judgment, their surprise, their invasive curiosity

Finally, one of the girls breaks the silence with a nervous giggle, trying to mask her shock. "We never expected this!" she exclaims, while the others nod, still surprised "Yes, well, not for something against Y/s, absolutely! It's strange just seeing her with..." says another girl, and she doesn't finish the sentence but it's implied that she means Umemiya. A few other girls in the group nod. I can't say anything, but I feel the warmth of Umemiya's hand touching mine, a reassuring gesture that makes me understand that I'm not alone. The girls, after a few more confused comments, seem to understand that they won't get any more information from us, and slowly begin to say goodbye, still with that incredulous expression on their faces

When they finally leave, breathing a sigh of relief, I turn to Umemiya. He smiles at me, with that smile of his that always manages to reassure me, and I, despite everything, manage to smile back to my lover. Even if, hidden behind that smile of his, he's absolutely understood my discomfort. Ume stands up and holds out his hand to help me do the same "Come on, I'll walk you home" he says in that reassuring tone of voice I know so well

We walk side by side along the park path, and the tension I had tried to hide begins to melt. But as we walk away from the bench, my thoughts return to what just happened. I can't help but feel like I've lived one of my worst nightmares. Since Umemiya and I have been together, for almost a year now, we have always decided to keep our relationship private. Not for lack of feeling or commitment, but simply because neither of us likes gossip. And more importantly, we wanted to prevent his enemies from targeting me to harm him. I have always known that Umemiya's life is not without risk, and his reputation, along with the people around him, are often balanced on a thin thread

Yet, today, all this has been put to the test. As I walk beside him, I wonder if, with that brief encounter, we have ruined everything we have tried to protect for so long. The girls in our class know about us now, and I can't stop thinking about what would happen if word got out. What if some of Umemiya's enemies found out? What if my presence in his life became a weapon against him?. I feel guilty, as if I had betrayed our promise of confidentiality. Maybe if I hadn't been so embarrassed, if I had been more confident, Umemiya wouldn't have felt the need to step in and openly declare our relationship

I turn to him, trying to read his thoughts, but his face is serene, as if none of this bothers him "Are you sure you're okay, honey?" he asks with a reassuring smile, as if he sensed my anxiety. Even though I try to hide it, I know that something has changed, and I can't help but worry "This afternoon I would have expected it to be different" I say keeping my gaze lowered. He thinks about it for a few moments, before putting a hand on my shoulder to squeeze our hips together "Do you seriously care about those girls? I mean, I wouldn't give them as much weight as you are doing" he says rolling his eyes, trying to keep things light. I sigh, playing with the sleeves of the uniform jacket that I put back on in the meantime "It's just that I'm sorry for having forced you to make things public when we had decided to keep it private..." I say a little uncertain

Hearing my words, Umemiya burst out laughing. I'm surprised by his behavior and for a second I have the idea that he's laughing to keep from crying "Are you really worried about such a tiny thing? I thought you were worried because those are your bullies or something..." he says continuing to laugh. I raise an eyebrow, confused "My thing is no small matter! I broke our promise and let you down!" I say, clenching my fists, but the boy stops and lowers himself to my height "You could never disappoint me, or at least not for such a tiny thing. And then, if we've been together for so long, it would have happened sooner or later, right?" he says, running a hand through my hair. I purse my lips to try not to seem sorry since he doesn't want to see me like this, but I can't: inside I really feel like I made a mistake, that the blame for this is exclusively mine

"Y/n, really, don't get paranoid about things like that. Yes, we agreed to keep it private, but what does it matter now? You think I'm so weak that I can't protect you if something happened, do you really underestimate me like that?" he says jokingly for the last few sentences. I giggle at his words, feeling a little less guilty "Y/n, you are you. You could never willingly do something to me to annoy me. It's not a trait of your character to be mean" he says caressing my cheek, placing a kiss on my forehead. I sigh, deciding that maybe today I can let go and completely trust what he says

It's that despite being so different, we are linked by something that I didn't think I would create so well. If anything ever happens, we'll just handle it

[esther-dot]

The double standards when it comes to show!Sansa is so blatant that IDK who they think they are fooling with that. "Everyone got dumber to make show!Sansa smarter!!!" First of all, like you said why is it always Sansa did this Sansa did that, but when it's other characters D&D make them do that? But also umm did you mean Dany? Tyrion lost all his wits the moment he left KL and became part of her storyline. Jon lost all his characterization in order to make Jonono somewhat work. Daario x Dany dynamics is the complete opposite of the books: It's Dany who acts like a lovesick fool (which is fine, she's a teenager) (but oh ofc it can't happen on this show bc "sTrOnG fEmAlE ChArAcTeRs" can't have crushes esp unrequited, that's a role deserved only for characters like Sansa) and Daario is the one who doesn't care. Missandei was killed in order to soften Dany's turn, to make it about grief. Even cutting Missandei's scene in EP4 was to make Dany look good. Imagine if we had had the scene of Missandei leaving Dany alone in the feast to be with her loved one (just like everybody else did) in the same episode where Dany chose the IT over saving Missandei. Or better yet if they had followed up with their set-up and let Missandei and Grey Worm inform Dany that they wanted to leave. End of EP4 would look a lot different then, wouldn't it? And it's not just bending the characters out of her way, the fighting pit scene is vastly different too, and it's again to make D look good: Harpy attacks, Drogon comes to save Mommy, they leave. In the books, Drogon comes bc it smells blood and starts eating people in the arena, people rightly so attack it, Dany chooses her dragon over "her people" and flies away with it and at that pointed she is too excited about flying to care for how Drogon is burning people alive.

D&D favored the characters they liked, or the characters they knew the fans like and the characters they knew they could use as cashcows. Tyrion never molested Sansa, never even admitted he was attracted to a child, they turned him killing Shae in vengeance into self-defense. He doesn't hate Cersei, never talks about wanting to rape her and her children, as he does in the books. They wanted more Tywin, which made Arya look dumb when she didn't name him to Jaqen H'ghar. No one goes around blaming Arya for being stupid, suddenly everyone understands it's D&D's fuck-up.

Sansa has been sidelined in her own story in KL from the beginning, they took all her little moments of agency. They erased her manipulating Joffrey, fooling Tyrion. They mocked her for her crush on Loras, silly girl doesn't realize he's gay hehe, when in the books she is aware Loras isn't interested in her but by then she cares about getting away from Lannisters more than a true love marriage. Margaery became a more important character than Sansa bc sexy seductress is more exciting. Sansa didn't suddenly become a smart woman adept at being Lady of a major house with all that it entails, she didn't suddenly become a shrew political leader who understands how courts work. They erased her political arc, they erased her managing a household in Vale, they erased her intelligence from the very beginning. What happened in the last seasons wasn't them making Sansa more important or smarter, it was course correction bc they fucked up her journey but they had to deliver her book ending.

The way “Jonono” makes me laugh each time I see it! I think the goal is convince themselves, anon. As bad as we had it with the ending of the show, as unhappy as we were, can you imagine being a Dany stan? Thinking she would be embraced for killing Cersei? And you have to watch that happen? Watch Jon kill her to protect Sansa? Or maybe they’re an Arya fan. Can you imagine thinking Arya would be QitN and instead have to watch Sansa be crowned? Sansa didn’t stay in her place and they have to convince themselves that she will in the books because what they envisioned is impossible unless she does. They’re lashing out because we were meant to be proven wrong about everything, not them. So, they hyperfocus on show!sansa and her fans because we took what was theirs. Not that they’ll ever admit it, but I think that’s what it comes down to.

Instead of creating elaborate theories about why Sansa doesn’t matter and what D&D changed to make it so she did in the show, all they have to do is realize everyone was mischaracterized to hide Dark Dany—even Dany. Tyrion can’t be his villainous self or people might begin to suspect something when he’s on team Dany. Jon has to become an inconsistent mess too or the audience will begin to think there’s something wrong with conquering. Sansa has to be possibly traitorous or someone might think, wait, why does Dany deserve to rule these people? Why shouldn’t they be free? Cersei has to be on the throne rather than Aegon to keep the “Dany is saving people” idea afloat.

D&D made the wrong decision when they chose to get to the ending that way, but as soon as you accept, not even full scale Dark Dany, just the fact that to Westeros she is a threat, that whatever her intention she is an agent of chaos, that Tyrion will want to use her and that everyone in Westeros has reasons to fear her, well, then you see how D&D’s choices, while stupid, were towards one end, and yet, instead of acknowledging that, instead of admitting that D&D were building to Dany burning KL for seasons but didn’t want the audience to realize, they come up with elaborate theories for how/why Sansa still doesn’t matter. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Re: Tyrion, there are a lot of people who view his book incarnation very fondly and fully expect him to be a dragon rider/save the word. Apparently, wanting to rape your sister doesn’t make you a bad person but disagreeing with your brother or not liking his gf who threatens your life or breaking a promise does. Interesting. Dany who profits from slavery and orders the death of children is a kind soul, but Sansa allowing a man who raped, tortured, and skinned people to get eaten by his own dogs is too far and now she’s a villain. Interesting. Jon can betray her trust by giving away her freedom, the freedom of their people, and she should be grateful, but Sansa betraying his trust to save him/the South/Westeros means she’s eViL. Interesting. Clearly show Sansa is different from book Sansa (who is incredibly merciful and kind), but their criticism isn’t evenhanded. Why is what everyone else does fine and dandy, but Sansa is the one character no one is permitted to like unless you condemn her. And while you condemn her, don’t get confused and condemn others. You can’t condemn the far worse acts of the book characters because they’re morally grey. Condemn show!Sansa though, that shit isn’t allowed. Their stance is basically, “You don’t love her if you don’t condemn her” which makes no sense, anon. None at all.

You said it perfectly in your closing, “What happened in the last seasons wasn't them making Sansa more important or smarter, it was course correction bc they fucked up her journey but they had to deliver her book ending.”

[shiroandblack]

Finwë, the Progenitor of the 'Fins'

[Disclaimer: what you are about to read are basically my thoughts and interpretation of Finwë. So if you have different thoughts and opinions that's perfectly fine]

Oh, and I'm totally not doing this because I'm procrastinating on the Fëanor thought-vomit I have going on in my head. Pfft, absolutely not!

Finwë, High King of the Noldor, Daddy to Fëanor, Findis, Fingolfin, Lalwen, and Finarfin (not that kind of daddy, get yer minds out of the gutter), husband to both Míriel and Indis, the Ned Stark of the Silmarillion, (depending on who you ask) the Fin to Elu's Finelwë -

I should stop.

First of all, we have no idea where this guy came from (I think?). He just suddenly popped out as an ambassador who basically went out with his buddies (OG Goldilocks and Tall Boy) to scout Valinor and see if the elves should move there or not. Prior to that, Finwë is not mentioned anywhere. People are generally divided if he was Tata's son as was Ingwë being Imin's son and Elwë being Enel' or if he's Unbegotten. Some also headcanon him as an orphan with his parents gone via Morgoth Kidnapping which was why he was chosen as an ambassador. I mean, magical guy on horse saying he'll take their society somewhere? I wouldn't really send the heirs or chieftains, I'd send someone competent enough to be a diplomat but ultimately no great loss to the tribal society of Cuiviénen (my god did I spell that right) if magical guy does pull a Dark Rider. Personally I do think that if he was indeed an orphan, it would explain some things in particular, like his want for many children and just a big family in general.

Anyways, the three go on their joy trip to Valinor and come back and go like "come, come, there are two pretty trees and no Dark Rider". I personally would have gone because of the no Dark Rider part but hey, if you like shiny, glowing trees and that's your main motivation, no judgement. Right after that, we don't know what happens to Imin, Tata, or Enel. Working on the assumption that the three are different people to the three '-wë's then they could have become Avari since the Avari are Tatyar and Nelyar. Interestingly, the Minyar all go and there is no more mention of Imin despite he was chieftain of all chieftains and then suddenly Ingwë is High King of all Elves? I'm gonna go with @squirrelwrangler's Klingon route here from their story 'Of Ingwë Ingweron' because I think there should be more depth to Ingwë and on a completely irrelevant note I have had a crush on 'the boy who would be Ingwë' since I started reading. You probably didn't need to know that, but now you do :)

(As you can see, I'm being very objective.)

BACK TO THE MAIN POINT. THIS IS A POST ABOUT FINWË. So anyways, the Great Journey happened and for some reason he and Elwë decide to meet up in a forest to do what nobody knows. Anyways, Elwë got skadooshed by Melian and Finwë went to Aman forever regretting the fact that he never got to do Elwë - I MEAN DO WHATEVER HE AND ELWË PLANNED in the woods of Nan Elmoth.

There he got married. Now, this is where I actually stop making fun of Finwë (yeah, no) and give you my interpretations and analysis which none of you have asked for but I'm doing anyways. So right off the bat, even when Míriel is obviously tired from giving birth to the baby who is his own crematorium - sorry, I meant Fëanàro - Finwë goes like "oh he's so pretty, I'm sure our other kids will be just as pretty". Which goes to show us that Finwë likely wanted an armada of kids right from the start. Y'all know what happens next. Point is, Míriel's dead and gone and Finwë is understandably a Sad Boy™.

Now, he also exhibits a certain impatient streak after Míriel dies. Surely he knew that the more he bothered Míriel about "hey, when are you gonna come back?" the more obstinate Míriel would be about not returning. I say he is impatient because he is an elf. He technically has all the time in Arda to wait for Míriel to return, but curiously he doesn't wait. Now, Fëanor was born in YT 1169 and Fingolfin in YT 1190 and since one YT is about 10 solar years (I'm pretty sure it's 9.8 years ish but I suck at maths so please have mercy on me) that means that Fëanor was around 200 years old when Fingolfin was born and we know Findis is elder. 200 years for an elf is not long at all, hell to the elven perception of time Finwë marrying Indis is probably like someone going out dating after 40 days of abstinence after a break up. This means that he married Indis relatively quickly after Míriel died, which shows that he was very eager for the marriage to happen.

Why? Was it because he knew Míriel wouldn't return for a very long time? Or was it because he wanted more kids? Or maybe that impatience is just intrinsic to Finwë's character? I actually don't know what to make of his motivations regarding this, so I'd love to hear anyone's opinions.

Finwë supposedly fell in love with Indis when he was going to visit Ingwë and saw her singing and the light was golden and Indis glowed and yeah. Prior to that, they most likely met in Tirion or even in Cuiviénen as Indis was close kin to Ingwë so I highly doubt that this was their first meeting and Indis was in love with Finwë since the early days of when the Vanyar and Noldor still stayed together in Tirion. This does make me wonder that even when Finwë was married to Míriel, were there seeds of feelings towards Indis? No, I am not saying he had an affair with Indis while married to Míriel, but you can feel attracted to someone even while married to another. But considering Finwë's favouritism towards Fëanor, I don't think this was the case and he probably began falling in love with Indis when he saw her singing and being basked in golden light. I do wonder what would have happened if he saw her picking her nose instead but hey, elves don't pick their noses in the Silm because all the nose dirt is removed by the sheer amount of times they must've cried in the First Age. Snotty crying ftw.

Many people in-universe seem to think that his second marriage was a mistake, but I do not think his marriage per say was a mistake. To me Finwë had the right to move on from Míriel, but what I don't agree with was that the Valar basically locked her up in Mandos for eternity. But this is a point of conflict that I feel I should address in a separate post about the Valar. In any case, what I think was the mistake was Finwë's impactful favouritism of Fëanor and his failure to reconcile Fëanor and his children by Indis. As there are a lot of external factors to him being unable to make his kids get along, I will be focusing more on the negative effects of his favouritism.

Finwë's marriage to Indis seems almost like a spontaneous decision, I don't think he actually sat Fëanor down and explained things to him quite well. After all, in Fëanor's mind Indis is the reason his mother is forever dead which is not really the case. Finwë wanted to marry Indis and Indis wanted to marry Finwë. It takes two to make the relationship work, after all. But despite Indis giving him what he wanted which is more children and a big family in general, Finwë still favoured Fëanor. Now I do get favouritism because everyone has favourites, but Finwë's favouritism only served to create more strife between Fëanor and Fingolfin. With one child, he lavishes praise and attention to the point that it's detrimental to Fëanor's growth as a person and with the other children, Fingolfin felt ignored enough to tailor his entire life into proving that he is more worthy to be Finwë's heir to - for a lack of better word - get his father to look at him the same way Finwë looks at Fëanor.

I don't doubt that Finwë loved his kids. I think he did love both Fëanor and his children by Indis, but the thing is . . . his actions always show that he loved Fëanor more. And I think that must have been devastating for his other children and what was the worst in my opinion is that Finwë doesn't seem to realise this. This could be a form of selective ignorance on Finwë's part or it could simply be that Finwë felt that he was giving equal attention to his children and that Fëanor needed more attention because he didn't have a mother. This is a logical thought process for him, but just because something seems logical it doesn't mean it's the right thing. Personally, I think Finwë's feelings towards Fëanor revolve around love and guilt and that guilt over denying Fëanor a birth mother makes him put Fëanor on a pedestal above his other children.

Now I'm gonna dive in to the circumstances up to his death. Prior to the infamous 'point-a-sword-at-traitorous-half brother' incident, the Noldor already had factions brewing under each of Finwë's sons. Which means that there were different groups supporting different sons (I'm just gonna give this quick glance because Noldorin elf politics and succession matters requires its own post honestly), both Fëanor and Fingolfin's group were advocating for these two princes to be Finwë's heir while Finarfin's most likely stayed neutral as throughout the text Finarfin has shown no real desire for kingship as his brothers (well, little did he know that his mother-name would come true in an arguably sad way). What is very interesting is the fact that Fingolfin thought he could be king after Finwë to begin with, which suggests to me that Finwë hadn't formally declared an heir. Usually it is assumed that the eldest son is heir and there would be no formal declaration needed, but the thing is Finwë had sons by a different queen and what's more is Fingolfin and Finarfin were the children of the ruling queen. Why he didn't do a formal declaration, I do wonder, because while it may have embittered Fingolfin for awhile I do think that if Fëanor had been assured of his position then maybe the two could have had some semblance of a healthy relationship. Maybe he viewed it as causing a greater rift between his children?

Now we finally get on to the sword pulling incident. We all know what happens, so I'll just skip on to the aftermath. Fëanor is exiled by Manwë, Finwë views this as an insult to his authority. I do agree that this can be viewed as that because as a Noldo, Fëanor should answer to the king of the Noldor and Manwë is exiling someone who is not his subject. But the thing is, Finwë probably wasn't going to really punish him and that's why Manwë stepped in. Hell, we have no evidence of a trial going on for what Fëanor did. But the thing is, this isn't just a regular Fëanor and Fingolfin screaming match this was Fëanor actually threatening harm to Fingolfin in front of everyone. The guy literally sashayed into the room, wearing armour and drew a sword. This must have been the equivalent of a bank robber drawing out a loaded gun to the elves.

Anyways, ya know what good ol' Finwë did to protest against Manwë's interference and Fëanor getting exiled -

He incited the Fourth Shinobi War -

No, he just yeeted off with Fëanor. Look guys, I have neutral feelings towards Fingolfin I mean he is no victim (in general) because he has done some pretty presumptuous things (which is what makes him interesting, let's be honest), but I have never ever felt so bad for him before. Hell, this is an even worse 'fuck you' then making him cross the Helcaraxë because Fingolfin's main motivation in life thus far is probably to be equal to Fëanor in Finwë's eyes. I mean, he did leave Fingolfin regent (did he? Oh gosh, I honestly forgot) but still dealt an emotional blow anyways.

Right, so we don't get much of what Finwë did in Formenos but maybe this whole thing was just for him to get a holiday. And then Melkor comes and fucks shit up by killing Finwë. Now, I'm going to talk about Finwë's murder and why it is in my opinion the Inciting Incident™ of the Silm, the Chekhov's gun being fired so to speak, the equivalent of Ned Stark's execution in the Tolkienverse. Everything else, Melkor's lies, the creation of the Silmarils, the drama between the brothers, it was a build up to this moment. And everything after, the exile of the Noldor, the War of the Jewels, it was what happened because of Finwë's murder. Prior to this, there were already factions among the Noldor as previously discussed above but none of these factions actually openly made any moves against each other. Why? Because Finwë was still alive, because Finwë was essentially the lynchpin holding the Noldor together. Now, I'm pretty sure that Morgoth killed Finwë just to fuck Fëanor's shit up even more, but what he did was quite tactically brilliant. He has effectively wrought chaos among the Noldor in one single swoop.

And thus the Quenta Silmarillion happens.

In Mandos, he meets Míriel and tells her about his life. Because maybe it went something like this:

Finwë: so yeah, you know I was with our son all the way through and then I died. What have you been doing?

Míriel: oh, you know the usual things one does when one is condemned to Mandos for eternity.

Anyways, he gives up any opportunity for life for Míriel. Which is admittedly a nice thing to do since the reason Míriel is kinda stuck there is related to him, until you find out Míriel weaves the history of the House of Finwë instead of well, I don't know building the Mírindis ship? Yeah, she probably weaved Fingon getting his head smashed open by Gothmog and getting his corpse trampled. Oh and the 'If I Die, You Die' duel between Celegorm and Dior which probably wasn't as badass as Katniss' "If we burn, you burn with us" line from Mockingjay made it seem but more bloody and violent. Also Maedhros throwing himself off into a fiery chasm. Finrod getting mauled by a werewolf.

Good times, I'm sure.

But hey, at least Fëanor comes within a few seconds after stepping into Beleriand to keep him company.

So, I'm done with teasing my analysis of Finwë. Thank you for your time. Have a nice day.

Just keep procrastinating <3

[raoulstardust]

DON'T PANIC!

Dedicated to Nikki Bella. Happy birthday. DON'T PANIC! This is an iconic. phrase appearing on the cover of one of the most iconic books, in science fiction and humor, of all time. This is also what I said to myself when my phone suddenly ran out of power and I was forced to write this blog from the start. They say life "Life is like a roller coaster, with it's ups and downs." Or that "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get." Although they may cover some aspects of life accurately, I think they are pretty inaccurate. More like they feel a bit too stable compared to life. Cause, in life stuff just happens. And no one can do anything about it. And moreover, everyone is affected in so many different ways, I don't think there are enough flavors of chocolates to compare. The chocolate industry is trying really hard though.

I think life is more like a journey through the Galaxy with a two headed president and a depressed and nihlistic robot, in a ship with an improbability drive which is controlled by a malfunctioning computer. You don't know where you ever are because of the infinite number of reference points. Think about it, there is always someone in a better position than you in life and someone in a better position. All we know that there is a start. We don't even know if there is an end. Which makes me think if we even know if there is a start. And you never know when the improbability drive kicks in. Some people are unfortunate enough to start their journeys on a collision course with the Sun. They say you are more than the surroundings in which you were born. But, what about the children born in warzones? But for us normal people, whenever this improbability drive kicks in, we wish for a book with a panic button, to help us make some sort of sense of this randomness.

Like I mentioned earlier, when I was writing this blog, my phone just switched off all of a sudden. It somehow went from 20 to 0 in an instant, and I was frustrated as hell. I just wanted to punch my phone. Cause somedays it lasts till 0 , on others it switches off at 60. But the reason I started panicking was because the time I spent writing it gave me nothing. I started from nowhere, and the improbability drive took me to a nowhere somewhere else. And then I started having this unbearable anxiety about having wasted the limited time I had , on nothing. I began thinking of all the other things I could have been doing. Sure, starting it was important. Maybe I got more time to write a better one. But one of the major reasons we all panic is that even when we do everything right and come so close to what we wanted, we randomly wind up nowhere without a clue what happened. And even when something good happens to is unexpectedly, all we can think about is when it will eventually go wrong. And some would argue that it is this negative thinking which makes it go wrong, and though it's often true, I still think that what happens just happens. Out human minds often fail to grasp the concept of randomness. Even well defined patterns have randomly sprung into existence. Which is why I think our perception of existence is a joke. We often think of a beginning and an end, but we often fail to comprehend that when everything exists, there will always be something more or nothing at all. I have spent a part of my life thinking about this, wondering what the reason to live was. If it all is just random , why should I suffer all the trials of life when it all means nothing and everything at the same time. I've always thought how funny it is when people complain about their life, for if they finally got what they wanted they wouldn't be here to enjoy it. After a long period of depression and an existential crisis caused due to my personal life going from a 90% straight to 0%, just randomly, I panicked. I didn't know what to do. I put my whole life in perspective and declared it not requiring my participation anymore. But then my role model and hero, a legendary professional wrestler and iconic woman, Nikki Bella said something which got me back up on my feet.

She said, that we should have a purpose which drives us. Her purpose was to change the world for the better. That gave me direction. I too thought about my purpose and I thought how I have always wanted to make a positive impact on the world too. I became my purpose. And that's when I realized that my purpose was having me for itself. I thought that I would change the world by inventing something. I thought I would be the next Elon Musk. I became disillusioned into thinking that Science was the only way. And so I took science in school. And although I absolutely love studying science,as Stephen Hawking was my first science teacher, the school had a different idea about science. I soon became disinterested, until one day I realized I knew nothing for my tests. So I panicked pretty hard. And I failed my Maths exam. Because I procrastinated whenever I had no idea of what to do. I got jealous of everyone who was more successful than me at my age. I didn't want the world wanted to be changed for the better. I WANTED TO CHANGE IT. AND I WANTED EVERYONE TO KNOW I DID IT.

Knowing that my time was limited, I started panicking every time something didn't go my way. Time, it is the definition of 'zero empathy'. It is the only part of nature which has worked against the survival of life. So, I decided that I would spend my entire life for my purpose. A family? That's for losers. Love? It's not essential. Except for some romedy. Rest? Nas said "Sleep is the cousin of death." And I wanted everything to be perfect. I didn't want a second of my time to be wasted. Ironically, whenever something didn't go my way, I panicked and procrastinated making sure that nothing would happen. And eventually I went on this quest to change myself so that I could change the world. The only problem, I expected too much and when the results didn't happen, I did the usual. Panicked, procrastinated and gave up. Being overweight, I have always wanted to lose weight. Trouble is that I would expect to transform from Chris Pratt in Parks and Recreation to Chris Pratt in The Guardians of the Galaxy. Unfortunately , biology doesn't work that way. And nothing resolves the sadness of not hitting your goals than a nice ice cream, right? Well one of the main reasons for me wanting to lose weight was that I wanted some girl to get attracted to me. Yeah, I know love is useless, but the raging hormones in my teenage body strongly disagree. Also,whenever I see people like Greta Thunberg becoming more successful at my age, I seethed with jealousy. Whenever I saw a friend accomplish something I felt like I wanted to top that person the very next day. So I piled everything in my schedule. I wanted to be better at everything than everyone else. And of course as I've shown throughout, even when you have everything planned out, randomness happens at random times. And when your life is so tightly packed, you can't afford that randomness. So whenever, things never happened my way, I panicked and procrastinated like usual and the mammoth plans held up by a structure of order collapsed on me, crushing me with more anxiety and panic.

So my grades went down. My weight went up. I was not learning anything new. Not developing myself. I stagnated. And I started complaining, but whenever I did so , I started comparing myself to people who had it much worse than me and that just made me feel guilty. So the only thing I could think of to overcome this guilt was self pity, so I started looking at my situations for being worse than they actually were. So I just stagnated more and more in a pool of self pity, guilt, hopelessness, anxiety and lethargy.

So I retreated back into my head full of nihilism and depression and anxiety. So I started failing. But then I remembered that I had filtered a lot of what Nikki Bella was saying to me. She said that fearing failure only makes it happen. She also said that every journey into the unknown was magical. It gave you new opportunities to explore yourself and push yourself beyond your limits. So I started enjoying this journey into the unknown. And since life is so random, everything is the unknown. I learnt new things, because I enjoyed them and I wanted to explore them, not because I wanted to compete. I decided I wanted to explore this randomness, see the beauty in it. Nikki Bella also said that true success in life was happiness. And this is one of the very few things about life which made sense to me. Sure a purpose gave our life meaning and excitement and something to be happy about , but it's not everything. I realized I am made up of a lot more than my purpose. So I started doing everything I was doing earlier to make me happy, not to fulfill a purpose. I wanted them to make me think. To make me feel satisfied. To challenge myself. To explore. And I knew that happiness was not feeling accomplished at the time of your death, cause they meant nothing then. Happiness is to be at peace with yourself in the present. To be able to smile in the present. And like Nikki, I became Fearless. I stopped fearing failure. I stopped fearing regrets, cause even though regrets are the worst thing because of the nature of time, fearing them made them happen. And the worst enemy of happiness is the unrealistic expectations that go along with the idea. You can never be happy throughout your life. Happiness is the moments of peace and satisfaction which come rarely in this random world often driving us to nowhere, but it's the rarity and challenge of feeling happy that make it what it is. You wouldn't know peace without knowing the conflict and you wouldn't know the satisfaction without knowing disappointment. And so, I started to accept myself for what I am. I still panic and procrastinate , but that's just a small part of me. There's also a part after me that gets up from failure, a part that works towards making my ideal reality manifest itself. So, now I am doing things I want to do. I am exploring randomness even when I'm sitting in one place. I am doing things which feel honest to myself. What makes me HAPPY.

So , PANIC! BUT DON'T PANIC!Sure , time is cruel, existence is meaningless and random and we have no idea why we were born. But this unknown is beautiful. Life is beautiful, although more than often it looks ugly. It helps us appreciate the beauty. Don't panic even if you panic. We all panic, but it is not what defines us. Try and explore the unknown. Do what makes you happy. Moreover, do what you want to do. Do what is true to you. Be yourself, cause you don't know why you started where you started, but there are infinite places to go and you should reach the place which gives you peace as yourself. Stress and anxiety often wear us down , and hopelessness may always overcome us. But getting through these challenges make life worth living. The only way you can achieve true happiness is if you achieve YOUR DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS. And you can only be at peace with yourself is if you accept yourself for the beautifully flawed homo sapien you are. The feeling of happiness and peace with yourself and the feeling to be able to share this happiness with someone else, all make life worth living.

Thank you Nikki Bella.

Thank you Mom. Love you.

[proflongbttm]

Tutor (Neville Longbottom x Slytherin! Reader)

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Notes: I had lot of fun writing this chapter! I hope you all enjoy, again requests are still open! @okaymalfcy

Word count: 3,120 (wOopS)

You and Neville left Professor Sprouts class in a swift walk,  you were both well aware Snape wouldn't be at all happy that you two were late for his class. It was like torture for any gryffindor.  Especially Neville,

who he took additional joy in terrorizing.   Neville has probably lost more points for gryffindor in that class then any gryffindor had in their entire life,  including Harry Potter.

You both walked down the cold and drafty  halls beside each other, every so often a chill would run down your spine. The only noise came from both of your brisk footfalls and from the harsh, bitter winds outside, with books in arms you walked without saying a word. A few times Neville opened his mouth and looked at you like he was about to say something, but decided against it.

The near silence of the hall was ruined by the sudden noise of another pair of footsteps, they were a lot heavier and slower then you and Nevilles, the loud walkers came into sight when they turned the corner ahead of you. The two were tall, but also quite large and bulky, they wore slytherin robes that were filled with pastries at the pockets and they sauntered down the hall like they owned the school as they snickered to each other. Crabbe and Goyle. Surprisingly there was no sign of Draco Malfoy with them. Not that you were complaining.

You looked up at Neville's face, he watched the two large boys approach him with furrowed brows and his lips formed a striaght line. The smallest bead of sweat roll down his freckled face, it was like he was waiting for them to make some surprising grand gesture, like explode maybe. ‘If they kept eating they way they did, they won't be too far off of it’ you thought. Neville looked nervous, much more nervous than he always did,  which was saying something. He rubbed his clammy palms against his robe while you both continued to walk at your steady pace towards potions class and towards the two towering torments.  

"Not them, not now" Neville spoke to himself  so quiet you just barely heard him.  He already had a pit of worry in his stomach from just thinking about the horror of potions class, he didn't need these two torturing him to add to his anxiousness.  

You were hoping the two would just pass by peacefully, maybe they were feeling kind or something,  but you but knew that wasn't going to happen. They could never just leave Neville alone. He was too quiet to stand up to them, he was an easy target. But you were not.    

The two parted from each other,  meters away from you , and had a wicked grin on their faces, they made a small gap in between them, almost big enough to walk in between, them but not quite. When they approached they roughly slammed each of their shoulders into Nevilles with the force of a small troll, sending the nervous boy onto his back with a yelp and a thud, his head whipped off the ground. That was going to hurt.

When he fell he threw his books into the air, sheets flew far from the books and they all flew in different directions, they floated to the ground like large pieces of confetti at a party and gently landed all around you while the books landed with a heavy thud, much like Neville did.

“Watch where you're going longbottom.” The two teased together. Their vile tones matched their faces,which were plastered with evil grins.

The two did nothing but snicker and give a nasty look to you while they walked away triumphantly. You clenched fists trembled  and your teeth gritted together hard enough to crush a rock. Fuck that, fuck them.

Your narrowed eyes shot to Neville, who groaned in pain as he held himself up with one arm,  the other held the back of his head where it hit off of the ground; then they shot back to the large boys, who hadn't gotten to far as of yet with their slow saunter,  still snickering to each other. Your blood was practically boiling. Your hand reached for your wand in your pocket like it were a pistol in its holster in an old western movie, you swiftly drew it out and pointed it at Crabbe and Goyle's large feet. You then did something very stupid,  something you knew would only end up getting you into trouble, but you didn't care. You whipped your wand in a circular motion and a small red spark darted from your wand and caught their ankles. On contact the spark crackled like a firework and the two boys lost their balance. Their knees wobbled like they were made of jelly for only a second  before falling flat on their faces with a loud thump, their thump were much louder then Neville’s, because both boys were much, much heavier.

They laid on the floor and whined dramatically and loudly,  like two children who had fallen in a playground. You lowered your wand and reached your arm out to Neville to pull him up onto his feet. His hand was still held on the back of his head after he dusted himself off.

Suddenly, loud and quick footsteps could be heard , looks like Crabbe and Goyles baby whining had attracted someone's attention.  A second later, Professor Mcgonagal sped around the corner and froze. Oh shit.  You sighed,  and in sync you and Neville turned to each other,  Neville looked like a deer in the headlights. She took one look at the layer of littered sheets and books surrounding you then looked further to end of the hall to see Crabbe and Goygle rolling on the ground,  holding their ankles while wailing in pain. You still had your wand in your hand, it was too late to put it away now. Then she was looking at you and Neville. Well, there goes your perfect track record.  

“What in merlin's name is going on here!? Why are the two of you not in class!?" She questioned in a stern tone. Glaring at both of you with her large, angry looking eyes.  

Your eyes were set onto the floor like a pair of weights and you took a step forward after a few seconds of silence.  You calmed yourself and took a deep breath.

"It was my fault professor, I was very stupid and didn't think about what I was doing"

Your eyes slowly looked up to her as you waited for a response.  

"That is still not an answer to my question Miss Y/S/N.  I hope I do not have to repeat myself when you explain what happened in my office, but first, you and Mr. Longbottom will clean up this mess while I bring these boys to the infirmary,  when I get back this hall better be spick and span, is that understood?" Her eyes still glared at the two of you, all you could both manage to say was "yes miss." before she left.

Once the hall was empty you both quickly began to pick up sheets from the floor and put them where they belonged. Neville stopped and looked at you.  

"You didn't have to do that y'know. Stand up for me, I'm used to it by now. "

You continued to pick up sheets as you spoke.

"I know, but i've been waiting to do that since the day I got here though, they're so rude,  and they eat all the good apple tarts! So really they had it coming, maybe now they'll know better."

"It was a bloody good spell by the way."

"Thanks Neville" you flashed a smile at him them continued to work

Neville smiled and went back to picking up the pieces of paper in his arms,  humming to himself softly.

"How's your head? " you asked, trying to break the silence still picking up and sorting sheets.  

He rubbed where his head had hit the ground and winced quietly  

"Still sore, but id say I'll be okay in an hour or two. It's become pretty resilient at this point." You both giggled, you did feel bad that his head had to be resilient in the first place.  You'd pay 50 galleons to wipe the smile from Malfoy's face for every time he thought he was hilarious by messing with Neville. Or anyone for that matter.

It took you both at least half an hour before you finished, there was still no sign of  Professor McGonagall yet.

You both stood in silence awkwardly before your legs started to ache so you sat on the floor against the cold corridor wall.

You looked up at Neville and smiled before saying,

"I'm sorry about this whole tutoring situation, I'm sure you've got much better things to do"

You did feel bad about it, and still quite embarrassed to be honest..  

"Oh it's no problem, really. Herbology's easy once you get the hang of it, plus I was wondering, cause I've seen you in potions and you're really good, a lot better than me anyway-" he chuckled a bit and scratched the back of his neck remembering when the class had to evacuate because the fumes from his potion were so potent.  "- and I was wondering could you help me with that if I help you with herbology? That way we’re even." He started to bite his nails, gazing up at you with his puppy dog brown eyes while he waited for your response, hoping you would say yes.

"Sounds like a deal to me Longbottom."

You were flattered by Nevilles kind words, it was shown in your face by the light link shade your cheeks were dusted with. For all the effort and hard work you put into school it was very rarely praised or acknowledged,  though you were equally as good as other students, who often got complimented on their skills, yours went undetected, skimmed across and ignored. That was until now. They were just noticed, and praised. Thank you Neville.  You thought to yourself.  

You picked yourself up from the wall at the sight of professor Mcgonagall returning, she looked just as angry as she did before,  she signaled for you two to follow her, and you did. Once you arrived at her office, you told her the whole story, and lost slytherin 40 points for your ‘reckless and impulsive behavior’ and landed yourself in detention tomorrow.  

You couldn't wait for your house mates to hear about that one. You thought you lose more but seeing as it was 'an act of self defense' it was only 40, though that was still more than you wanted it to be. What was worse than losing the points is that you also disappointed Professor Mcgonagall which is what hurt you more. You had no real friends, your now tainted reputation with the teachers really mattered to you. You were a grade A slytherin student after all.  

While this was going on Neville just sat in silence,  agreeing as you told the story. He did ask the professor to lower the amount of points you lost, saying he should have been watching where he was going.

"Mr Longbottom I highly recommend you stay quiet unless you want to join Ms.  Y/L/N in detention tomorrow."

"B-but professor-"

"That is enough Mr. Longbottom."

By the time the professor gave you permission to leave it was almost dinner time.  You usually spent this time in the library with your nose buried in a book, usually about potions. It was much more welcoming than your house table, plus the books never called you "filthy mudblood" like malfoy loved to do.

The corridors were crowded with different students filling the hall with loud chatter and laughter. You and Neville walked side by side.  

"I'm sorry you got in trouble, this is all my fault" His eyes were fixed on the ground and his voice had a mixture of sadness and guilt to it.

"Hey no need to apologize" you elbowed him playfully with a smile on your face,  which transferred to his face when he looked at you. "Its what us slytherins do best."

"I mean, gryffindor isn't really known for staying out of trouble either,  especially with Harry around" He joked.

You both chuckled while you dodged between the older and younger students, like a forest covered in tall and small trees. You wandered the halls with no destination in mind.  

"I mean we've got Draco Malfoy, I don't think it can get much worse than that."

"That's fair. "

You chuckled together and continued to converse, about your houses, what it was like in each of them,  how different they were. He told you about a wizard in Nepal, who is growing Gravity resistant trees, you thought it was all very interesting, you could see in his eyes just how passionate he was about the subject, his eyes would light up like christmas trees while he spoke about it.   Very few people wanted to listen to him talk about it, they usually asked him to stop by now so when you asked him to continue, he didn't know what to do other than smile widely and tell you about goes one day he'd love to go and see them, but his grandma said they couldn't afford it.  His love for the subject was one of the most endearing things, you grinned the whole way through his bumbling.

You told him about how people have been trying to use bravery and kindness potions to get into different Hogwarts houses, and how miserably they failed, one potion made someone about to brave, they went to the forbidden forest to show off , and still haven't come out. “Bloody hell, I mean i'd love potion to make me brave, but not that much,” he added

“You are brave Neville, you tried to bargain with Professor Mcgonaggle for godrics sake, if that's not brave i don't know what is.”

“But it didn't work though, you still lost 40 points cause of me.”  

“Being brave doesn't mean your ideas work Neville, it means you realise theres a chance they won't but you try them anyway, it was my fault really, I shouldn't have lost my senses. But you stood up for me Neville, that's real bravery.”

“It's the least I could have done for you taking the bloody ankles off Crabbe and Goyle for me, did you see there faces?!”

You both aimlessly walked through the corridors  together while you talked, you looked down at your watch and gasped in shock as you seen the time. It didn't feel like you had been talking for that long at all.  

"Merlin! Is it that late already!?  Neville we better get going to the dining hall, dinners almost over! "

You looked around you, you had spent so much time talking you wouldn't even  recognise where you were, you had been walking and talking for so long you didn't know where you had gotten yours too,  You both began to retrace your steps as you ran down not populated the corridors you took a few wrong turns, delaying you both even further. You felt your stomach grumble while the cold air around the school hit your face . After what felt like a lifetime,  you finally found yourselves in front of the giant oak doors, you both stopped and hunched over to catch your breath. Both of you seemed to be equally as unfit as each other, both of you wheezing and gasping for breath. Not to mention how your legs ached from all the walking. You never realised how big Hogwarts was until now, no wonder that girl from first year still hasn't been found yet.

Once you were able to control your breathing again you pushed open the heavy,  creaking door open and you walked in together, still panting quietly. The hall was loud with cheering and talking from all the tables as they ate their food. You had made it. When you entered it quieted down. Loud conversations turned into hushed discussions amongst the gryffindor and slytherin tables.  Hufflepuff and ravenclaw continued their conversations as normal, not even noticing you two. Groups of eyes from both the gryffindor and slytherin table set themselves onto you both. You looked at Neville with a nervous smile, he looked to you with the same expression. Soon you and Neville were ready to part ways to your respected house table; your table was already whispering about you while giving sly and disgusted looks your way, seems like they know about what happened, and all the points you lost them. Looks likes gryffindor knew too, they were whispering just as much. Though the looks they gave you and Neville was a lot less cruel and piercing . This was not going to be fun for you.

Before the two of you parted you arranged to meet in the library tomorrow afternoon, after your detention  to study together. You said goodbye to each other with a smile and a wave. When you approached your table nobody moved,  you walked to the end where very few people were sitting. They continued to stare and whisper, you wondered what they were saying,  but at the same time, you didn't want to know. Some even got up and moved away from you to another part of the long table, they fled like you had some infectious disease they were afraid to get. They did know you didn't kill Crabbe and Goyle right?  Because their looks could pass for the ones you'd give a magical murderer . You were a mudblood not a monster.  Slytherins were always ones for dramatics.

You watched Neville walk over to his table.  His experience was very different to yours. All the gryffindors welcomed Neville with friendly and curious expressions, wanting to hear all about what happened today; two of them,  who you recognized to be Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas , quickly parted to give him somewhere to sit as they bombarded him with questions, to be fair it was mainly the weasley twins asking the questions,  it was also one of the weasley twins who whistled and teased him about coming in with you, which turned your cheeks a light pink and tugged your mouth into a smile. You wish you had that relationship with your house,  that lovely friendship. But you were here as normal, on the outside looking in through the glass. On the bright side, you made a friend today , finally. You made a friend. And his name was Neville Longbottom.

[bunnyhani]

Crushes? What are those?

Pairing: Reader x Lee Felix (Stray Kids) Platonic

Genre: Fluff and angst

Warnings: Mild language...? I guess that's all.

Summary: You're just a normal student with normal student struggles and concerns. But was questioning your sexuality just a common student concern or just yours? Thankfully your best friend is there to help you out.

----

Lately you've been feeling a bit stressed. School has been burning you out constantly and is definitely not showing any sings on stopping. All kinds of fun things kept pressing on you. (Note the sarcasm). It will pass, you reminded and huffed, gathering your stuff to go to the next class, even though you knew that the teacher's lecture would fall to deaf ears and the scribbles on the chalkboard wouldn't make any sense. At least you could pretend that they did.

The school bell rang, finally releasing you from that awful class that bore you to death. It was finally lunch time. You and your friendgroup quickly scrambled to the cafeteria, your jackets and backpacks hanging all over the place as you ran through the campus. Finally, you felt like you could breathe. A light smile tugged on your chapped lips as you thought that the school day would be over soon.

At the lunch table, you and your friends chatted on all kinds of stuff.

"Oh my god, did you see Jihoon? He's so hot!" Your friend, Dahae squelead, while not so subtly pointing at the said boy. Jihoon was too busy to notice it though. You silently thanked Gods for that. You weren't in the mood of looking at yout friend flailing her arms all over the place and embarras herself. Your other friend agreed Dahae's nonsense with a giggle. Usually it would've brought an easy smile to your lips, but not today.

"What do you think, Y/N? Which one is hotter, Jihoon or Minjun? Namseon is crazy and thinks that Minjun is hotter", Dahae said, while pointing at Namseon. You bit your lip and sighed.

"I...I don't know... I really don't think either of them are too attractive", you said, shifting in your seat uncomfortably and kept your eyes on the tray in front of you. Dahae gasped and shoved you a bit.

"Why are you so picky? Honestly what's wrong with you? I haven't seen you crush on anyone in years!" She exclaimed. You flinched a bit. That one hit a sore spot. You felt all sorts of thoughts and emotions crash on you. 'Is something wrong with me? Why haven't I liked anyone? What is wrong with me' you thought. After the insecurities and anxiety had had their turn of playing with you, anger seeped in. You clenched your fists and grinded your teeth.

"Why does it matter to you, who I like?" you seethed at Dahae. The girl flinched at your angry tone and stared at you.

"U-uh.. I was just wondering", the girl said.

"Well don't. It is not your business", you snapped back. Namseon butted in:

"Why are you so angry all of a sudden? What's wrong with you? You know she was just playing around." You moved your fiery gaze onto her.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? Assuming things about my love life and then making it sound like there is somethig wrong with me! Like I'm abnormal! Who cares about boys or whatever! You two keep acting like mindless children with crushes and you ask me what is wrong with me!" you hissed. Namseon and Dahae stared you in surprise, but you weren't able to feel sorry.

"Are you a lesbian?" Dahae blurted out dumbly. Something snapped inside you, tears started to flood into your eyes and making your field of vision blurry. Your whole body shook in anger.

"No! Why would you even ask that?" And with that, you stormed out of the cafeteria.

The rest of the school day, you didn't neccesesarily avoid your friend, you just didn't take them into your notice. You felt a bit sorry for blowing up on them so suddenly, but at the same time you didn't. The 'what's wrong with me' -questions continued to bother you through out the rest of the school day. Lectures seemed to last longer and you felt like screaming. The more you thought about Dahae and Namseon's words, the more you realized your differences between you and them. You hadn't liked anyone in years. Not a girl, not a boy or even a soul for that matter. What was going on? The school day ended and you left the campus, without looking back. You were thanful that the weekened was finally starting.

You didn't have any room to think about your friends really, not when your other friend finally had some time to spend with you. Lee Felix, your best friend, finally had a break in his busy schedule and was coming over to spend the weekend with you. Your heart jumped in delight in your chest, when you even thought of all the thing you could do together: catching up and talking about Stray Kids together, play some games and watch movies. To say that you were excited was an understatement. Little did you know, this night wasn't going to be just all giggles and rainbows.

The doorbell rang and you jumped up from your bed. You dashed to the hallway, stumbling roughly. You had definitely gotten up way too quickly, now your vision was filled with black dots, ears ringing and head pounding. You had to lean on the wall in hopes of support, until the light headedness would ease enough for you to move again, without the risk of falling to your face or walking into a wall. After you regained your vision, you catiously went to open the door for your best friend. Your heart was fluttering in excitement. You threw the door open briskly, smiling brightly at Felix's flustered self. After he recovered from the near heart attack experience, he too started to smile so beautifully and brightly that it could easily rival the sun's brightness.

"Hey!!" you exclaimed, not waiting any longer and basically crashing into his arms. He wheezed a bit, but still wrapped his arms around you gladly. You both were smiling dumbly, but neither of you didn't want to let go of each other. After some time, you did let go and walked into your apartment. Then you shifted your sparkling eyes to him:

"Tell me everything. How's life treating you?" you asked. Felix smiled affectionally at you and ruffled your hair. You couldn't bring yourself to even care, all what mattered now was that Felix was there with you. Talking with you, face to face. Interecting with you physically, not through the screen of your phone. You just smiled.

The night was finally arraving, the darkness settling in, but that didn't bother you or Felix. Not in the slightest. You had helped Felix unpack and talking about how he was doing. He was happy to talk and vent a bit, now to someone who wasn't part of the group and also wasn't in the indrustry. You could think that he would prefer talking about these things with someone who was in the music indrustry. But not this time, it was refreshing to have someone giving him new viewpoints and just... Rant. Also, you just always understood. You were quite empathic, you didn't need to be experiencing these things to know what Felix tried to express. You were quick to pick up on those little ques and quite frankly, you were an expert at reading people. And somehow, you knew your ways with words. In conclusion, you were easy to talk to. He couldn't be more greatful.

But the air changed, when Felix asked about your life. You were tense, quickly reminded about the drama, that went down in the cafeteria. You sighed and leaned your face onto your knees.

"Is everything okay?" Felix asked, voice filled with concern and his usually smiley face was now frowning. You bit your lip, weighing and thinking of each option. Should you really bother Felix with this? You, yourself, didn't know what was going on, so how were you supposed to explain anything. On the other hand, Felix might have an answer. But what if it was petty.

"I don't know, Felix", you said quietly, frustrated and desperate. Felix leaned closer to you on the sofa.

"I'll listen and you vent. Then let's try to find the problem and a possible solution for it", he suggested. You swallowed thickly. You panicked a bit. You knew it was stupid to even panic about this, it was Felix for god's sake! You have shared your weirdest 2am thoughts with him and talked about strangest topics possible and here you were, panicking about something stupid like this. It wasn't supposed to be bothering at all!

Thankfully Felix had become good at reading you. He saw how you were becoming more and more panicked and distressed. He then decided to grab you gently and pull you to his lap, hugging you close to his chest, knowing that you felt safer when you were held. Your head started to clear up slowly, as you dipped your head so that your nose was pressed against Felix's neck. You breathed his scent and held onto him.

"You're okay, Y/N", he whispered lowly, grip tightening on you. You nodded hastily against him and breathed out again. After some time, you finally pulled away. You looked at Felix with tired eyes. He held your hands tightly and nodded at you, encouraging you to talk.

"Lately... I've had these um... Weird thoughts", you started, voice tired but your cheeks were getting pink. Felix took a notice of them, but didn't point them out. He simply just waited for you to continue.

"I don't know how to else to put it, but... I'm so confused about my sexuality. I haven't liked anyone in years Felix! I haven't even thought of anyone in that way! Well... More like in any way! I just know that I don't mind the idea of being together with a girl, a boy or even a genderless person. But I don't know! I could be just thinking about it like it now. As if I didn't bother myself with those questions enough, my friends decided to... I don't know trying to figure out and judging my love life out of nowhere... Well, more like the lack of it.

They started acting like I was abnormal for not having a crush or finding some people attractive. Then they basically said that there was something wrong with me! I exploded on them... All Dahae could say at the end of it all 'are you a lesbian?' ",you ranted, chest heaving up and down as tears gathered in your eyes and finally falling. Sobs started to escape your mouth as you cried. It felt so good to finally share your thoughts, but you were still confused and a bit mad at your friend for assuming stuff. You leaned your head against Felix's chest and cried. He started rubbing your back comfortingly and started whispering sweet words of reassuarance and encouragment. He felt all kinds of emotions stirring inside of him. He was mad how insentive your friends had been and he was also worried. For how long had you been holding this all in?

After you calmed down enough, he started speaking softly to you:

"It's okay to be confused, not to know. You have your whole life ahead of you and most definitely have time to figure this all out. And I can bet on my life, that you also have time to accept yourself and perhaps fall in love. You've got all the time in the world." You sniffled and didn't say anything for a moment. Just let yourself think.

"Am I gay?" The question just slipped before you could stop it.

"You might be. You shouldn't take so much pressure of it though. Labeling yourself, I mean. These things will get resolved with time. Just let me know, when you do get a crush!" Felix said, smiling gently.You smiled tearfully and chuckled airily.

"When did you get so wise? I was supposed to be the wise one!" you laughed. Felix laughed as well and replied:

"I become extremely wise, when your brains stop working. Someone has to back the other up!" You jabbed him in the ribs. He groaned a bit and rubbed his side tenderly.

"No but seriously, I think we can both agree that we are both weird crackheads", Felix said.

"We just have our moments too", he continued. You smiled and nodded in agreement. When you two weren't acting like idiots, you did know how to serious. That just made you two special.

"You should make up with Dahae and Namseon too, you know."

"Shut up, dumbass. Just let me hug you in peace, thank you very much."

[lillyblogs]

[Insinuation 2.7]

(Sorry about posting these out of chronological order; I didn't have a Tumblr blog yet when I first posted this one. Also, consider my liveblogs of 1.1 -> 2.6 lost to the ether.) [Insinuation 2.7] Brian and Alec were good looking guys, in very different ways. Lisa was, on the sliding scale between plain and pretty, more pretty than not. So Taylor admits to checking all of them out and also to finding them all attractive. Undersider harem when? Bug Please don't stick please don't stick I still want her name to be something cool like Myriad, but there's bound to be something of a joke to it. Lisa, though, put one of her arms around my shoulders and gave me a one-armed squeeze of a hug. She was a little older than I was, so she was just tall enough to be at the perfect height to do it. What caught me off guard was how nice the gesture felt. Taylor is attracted to girls theory: Confirmed?????? Actually, I get the impression that Lisa is supposed to be this but it's not quite coming across right and makes it seem like she has a thing for Taylor. We passed a twenty-something artist and his girlfriend, sitting on the sidewalk with paintings propped up around them. The girl waved at Lisa as we walked by, and Lisa waved back. Guessing she's an important character, a cape probably, but not one of the Undersiders. Circus? Spitfire? IDK I know too few names at this point. Alternatively, that was Uber and Leet. If that's the case, Leet was probably the girl and Uber the artist. If Tattletale's really a hacker, it'd make sense for her to be friends with someone named Leet. I supposed they might have a TiVo, though I’d never seen one. TiVo?????? Seriously, though, the Undersiders have a pretty fucking sweet loft. Also, Alec's an artist apparently. Knowing young fiction, this will either be the only thing he talks about ever or he'll never mention it again. ```“I’m jealous,” I admitted, meaning it.

“Dork,” Alec said, “What are you jealous for?”

“I meant it’s cool,” I protested, a touch defensively.

Lisa spoke before Alec could reply, “I think what Alec means is that this is your place now too. This is the team’s space, and you’re a member of the team, now.”How all great friendships start.“Last time he went up against Shadow Stalker, he came back here and bled all over a white couch,” Lisa groused, “nine hundred dollar couch and we had to replace it.”

“Fucking Shadow Stalker,” Alec commiserated.OOOH! Shadow Stalker sounds like they might be a rival villain. (Part of Faultline's group, maybe? Or perhaps the Empire, though the Undersiders don't seem to have major issues with them yet.) Can't wait to see them.Brian came back from the other end of the loft, raising his voice to be heard as he approached, “Rache’s not here, and neither are her dogs. She must be walking them or working. Dammit. I get stressed when she’s out.” He approached the couches and saw Alec sprawled on the one.OK now I'm 99% percent sure Brian and this Rachel girl are a couple, or he wants them to be. Or alternatively, she really is a mass-murderer with a dog fetish and that's why he's worried. Either way, isn't her identity public? If so, _why_ does she walk her own dogs, instead of having the other Undersiders do it for her? Indication of obsession? Possessiveness? Or maybe they have someone who can disguise people; Regent, maybe? Not sure if it would fit with his name, though. Regent, to me, suggests he might be part of some sort of Parahuman lineage (not sure how far back it could possibly go, since didn't Scion only appear in the 80s?) and that his power is _really fucking good_. He's their heavy hitter, the one who packs the most punches. Maybe he's a mini-Superman, complete with the "powers as the plot demands".“We’ll get you one,” he said, like it wasn’t even a concern. It probably wasn’t. “We generally haul in anywhere from ten grand to thirty-five grand for a job. That gets divided four ways… five ways now that you’re on the team.”Sounds like Taylor will be rich very quickly; she'll probably be against spending the money at first but give in after a little. She is the Queen Of Slippery Slopes, after all. In fact, I suspect the Undersiders are aware of that, b/c of Tattletale and are actively baiting her into falling all the way down and becoming a villain. However, they probably won't like the new, unrestricted Taylor Hebert.“I do know everything,” Lisa said, “It’s my power.”Still thinking superpowered hacker, possibly with some sort of tinkery flavor to it, with a probable focus on spying on and tracking people.“What?” I said, interrupting Brian. My heartbeat quickened, though I hadn’t exactly been relaxed to begin with, “You’re omniscient?”

Lisa laughed, “No, no. I do know things though. My power tells me stuff.”

Swallowing hard, hoping I wasn’t drawing attention by doing so, I asked, “Like?” Like why I was joining their team?

Lisa sat forward and put her elbows on her knees, “Like how I knew you were at the library when I sent me the messages. If I felt like it, and if I had the know how, I’m sure I could have figured it out by breaking into the website database and digging through the logs to find the address you connected from, but my power just let me skip that step like that.” She snapped her fingers.Damn it. I was wrong, wasn't I? But honestly that's a _horrifying_ power; she just _knows_ things she shouldn't. Like "everything about everyone ever", apparently. Perhaps it's some sort of weird form of clairvoyance; her power sees everything going on at once, but she can focus it on a specific person/area and it'll relay whatever it finds to her for her to make sense of with her deductive skills. Like having an omnipresent, invisible and intangible drone. Heck, maybe she's lying and she's just a Tinker with a specialty in surveillance and cloaking; would certainly explain how Rachel's able to regularly go outside, seemingly.Not giving him a chance to reply, she turned to me and explained, “My power fills in the gaps in my knowledge. I generally need some info to start from, but I can use details my power feeds me to figure out more stuff, and it all sort of compounds itself, giving me a steady flow of info.”Honestly I'm not entirely sure what she means by this, but it definitely seems like _every single one_ of my guesses as to her power was wrong.Lisa’s smile widened, “I’ll admit I cheated there. Figuring out passwords is pretty easy with my power. I dig through the PHQ’s digital paperwork and enjoy a little reality TV by way of their surveillance cameras when I’m bored. It’s useful because I’m not only getting the dirt from what I see, hear and read, but my power fills in the details on stuff like changes in their routine and the team politics.”At least I was right about her tendency to spy on people. And the PHQ's the _Protectorate_ ENE HQ, right? So essentially where the heroes work, and possibly live. Makes sense that Taylor wouldn't want to join the Wards if it's actually like that; she rather seems to enjoy having _something_ of a normal life and the ability to just go home and get away from this, to just be her father's daughter for a while. (Angsty plot twist: He's actually her stepdad, in addition to being a cape (maybe Armsmaster if he isn't a villain; tinkers seem sufficiently bullshit for that to work, and he was relatively nice to Taylor, if a bit businesslike-- _just like her father_.) and she learns both of these secrets at an inopportune time (perhaps after her first mission with the Undersiders?) and ends up leaving him and her civilian ID behind and moving in with the Undersiders full-time.)she grinned her vulpine smileNo way this isn't a fandom meme. Honestly, this just feels like such a memetic phrase and Wildbow _just keeps using it_. There are other ways to call someone sly and mischevious that don't involve how foxlike their smile is. Still thinking she's going to end up with Taylor, eventually and probably only temporarily. Unless she's also a double-agent. Would explain why she hasn't been the nicest to Taylor (she went out of her way to mess with her...), despite seemingly wanting her to join the team and seemingly caring about her. Grue, Alec and Rachel probably aren't going to double-cross the team, however. They seem like they're actually villains, albeit probably sympathetic ones. I can't wait to hear how despite seeming to only be in it for the money, they all have tragic backstories. Actually, perhaps having a tragic backstory is part of gaining powers; Taylor's got a lot of trauma and the Danny interlude did suggest that things turned from idyllic to tragic rather fast. And logically speaking, it makes sense that the villains would all have a lot of mental trauma; they're the people who society has chewed up and spat right out. Calling it right now that every Undersider is some kind of minority or other oppressed group: Brian: Black, possibly not straight. Possibly a single (adoptive?) parent? He seems close to the other Undersiders, so it doesn't seem like he'd live away from them by choice. If he's got a kid who he's desperately trying to keep away from this, things suddenly make sense. Or maybe a little sister/brother (I'm leaning towards sister), if he's too young to even be adopting children? Either way, he's definitely doing this for someone else's sake. If said person is old enough (i.e. 13+; I don't think the Undersiders would employ such a small child), they'll probably join the Undersiders after a few arcs of melodrama. Or if they're not, they'll do it (complete with the melodrama) after they grow up. Which Wildbow may only do so they can be paired with whichever Undersider doesn't get paired up, since I'm 100% sure they're going to end up a set of three couples, instead of a proper team of five. Bonus points if this hypothetical sister thinks Brian's a hero before learning the considerably more unsavory truth. Alec: He's definitely either gay or bi. There is no way that boy is straight. Also, he's got a French name, which is a pretty good sign he's going to be a Flamboyant Gay, especially if he picked it for himself. Lisa: A woman, also gay (probably). Possibly asexual, maybe? (She's definitely not aromantic, though; there needs to be at least something to use for shipping bait and "will-they-or-won't-they" tension, as Worm is basically YA.) Rachel: Maybe she's transgender? I'm guessing here. Didn't Taylor describe her as unladylike in appearance or something like that? Also possibly a butch lesbian* / gender non-conforming in some other way. *If she's a lesbian, Tattletale isn't one. It's a rule of how these things work. Though in that case, Tattletale wouldn't be a proper token character and would instead exist as a plot device / excuse for exposition and probably only exists to avert the Smurfette principle.They didn’t get a chance to tell me. I heard barking from downstairs. A matter of heartbeats later I was standing, three paces from the couch. Three snarling dogs had me backed against the wall, drool flying from their mouths as their teeth gnashed and snapped for my hands and face.``` Rachel can't control her dogs = confirmed? Or maybe she's a bit more unhinged than I was thinking, or both? I'm currently thinking that she's actually the sweetest and most innocent of the Undersiders, appearances be damned (it also makes her alias of "Bitch" rather ironic), but I could be extremely wrong. Since she works with dogs, she also probably has some skill as a vet, and probably acts as the Undersiders' medic as well.

I'm also starting to think that the Undersiders are using their actual names, and that they really do trust Taylor. Unless they're all lying about their names to each other as well as to Taylor, though they seem too much like fire-forged friends for that.