#but if they just keeping looping for eternity and i can't stop it? it drives me crazy

[eeveearoace]

my teacher keeps using gifs and it is killing me

[misscammiedawn]

50 Days of HypnoKink - Day 15: Mantras/Call & Response

Alignment: 95% Top. I am sure I enjoy doing this when I am soft, but I just don't get a charge from it like I do when I'm in control.

This one seems pretty cut and dry on the surface, but my interest in it has drive me to explore the sandbox as much as I am able. Obviously there is such a distinct thrill in hearing a delightfully soft partner slur out "must obey..." in their litany of blissed out, monotone or bespelled tones of voices. As I had mentioned yesterday, I have an affinity for voices; one thing I forgot to mention in that post was the impact of transformation.

A giant part of my interest in this kink is caught up in the changes in states, emotions and energies. Hypnosis is a dynamic and a hypnotic relationship is itself dynamic with so many moving parts. I live for all of the little intricacies of exploration and change.

And so, to be able to take a fully alert and active partner and with a few words make them go hollow and repeat a phrase I put in their head?

That, my loves, is hot as fuck; especially if there is a bounce back. When they realize what had happened and become animated in shock, embarrassment or even affection. My goal is always to add to the interaction. Never to shoot it down.

My preferred one on both sides of the watch when I was young was "You're MINE." With the programmed reply "I'm yours..."

I recall the way the words washed over and crescendoed into a swooning sigh as eyes close, hand clutches heart and a loving release of all tension as that affectionate reply comes out. I loved it so much. Especially if I was the one saying it right before a neck bite. (Vampire kink is coming this week, I swear it.)

Much akin to the other entries, I could just leave it at explaining why I find it hot and leaving it at that, but I did say I like to explore the sandbox... so let me share some distinct flavors. Maybe you all have your own flavors. Feel free to suggest any if I miss them, because I want to know more.

- Obedience mantras "I must obey" and its ilk. A simple and firm statement that states obedience. I tend to do these with "You" statements parroted back with an "I" such as "You can't resist" "I can't resist".

- Autofractionation mantras which are those lovely moments of training where the call and response both come from inside the house. All I need to do is start the chain reaction, "I am going deeper" on repeat is a very basic one for this. They'll keep repeating and reinforcing until you stop them. But I have a programmer's brain, so I like things which create recursive loops, "I can go deeper - so I must go deeper" on repeat for instance. As long as my partner *can* go deeper they *must* go deeper. Oh how I love letting a partner just sizzle on that eternal loop as I sneak in and whisper in their ears "that's right... very good... just like that... keep going... deeper and deeper... obeying so perfectly... knowing I am so proud of you." For example.

- Check-in triggers. This one is one I picked up from Goddess as she has made it so that "Green" is always an acceptable answer when working in any spaces. I tend to only use this one within Oikos as it is part of our consent dynamic. I worry that mirroring "Green?" "Green." Is less asking and more telling someone what they feel. Which is fine within Oikos, but I do not consider myself controlling enough or negotiated enough with my partners to add that to the mix. Still. "Green?" "Green." Is a really good way of gently tugging a partner's mind and seeing where they are.

- Physical call and response triggers. People often forget this, but we are conditioned to perform a number of these in every day life. Hand waves for instance. I have not experimented enough with this, but I would love to blow a kiss to a partner and have their compelled reply to be to catch the kiss and place it to their cheek and feel a wave of infatuation overwhelm them. My love of Poison Ivy inevitably corrupts every part of this kink for me. I do have a hand signal which causes a partner to kneel and that is only *slightly* different from my Puppetiing Gestures special move. I highly recommend folks think about this one.

- Pre-programmed statements. There are two I'd like to call out here. "What are you?" With the reply a partner is conditioned to give, and pulling on a certain Dolly's drawstring so she will tell me that she is a good dolly and that good dollies obey. I do so enjoy knowing I get to hear a statement I put in their mind whenever I want. It is such a power rush.

(Edit: Since writing this I have added written mantras in to my rotation)

Lastly, I just want to add this one in for free.

Once I pinned a partner down, stared in their eyes and did a call and response trigger where the reply is the same as the statement. Then just kept repeating it, over and over, synchronizing my words to match theirs, speaking in unison. One dominant voice and one submissive voice, matching in harmony. Every time we said it we inspired the other to just keep going.

THAT was a magical moment. I highly recommend you try and emulate it.

---

Day 14: Voice Kink

FULL SCHEDULE MASTER POST

Day 16: Betrayal

[gyunivrse]

Idk if you have seen this already but here's the smollest feline in the world beomgyu - here

Also could I know your favourite txt bsides?

GYYUUUU 💔💔 that video just made my day he's soso cute

also, oh my gosh,, i could talk about txt bsides all day long, i hope you're prepared

tbh there's so many to choose from but one that really sticks out to me is roller coaster, it's genuinely so good and i somehow overlooked it when i first became a moa (idk how i did that bc it's literally a masterpiece, i ascend every time i listen to it AND THE CHOREO IS ADDICTIVE)

blue orangeade makes me hyper, like it's so good i just can't help but to dance around when it comes on 💀 it came on while i was driving yesterday and i had to fight the urge

new rules and no rules are two of my all time favorite txt songs, i'll never shut up about them

IT'S HARD TO PICK A BSIDE FROM MINISODE BLUE HOUR OR TDC ETERNITY THOUGH

ghosting will always be special to me tho, it makes me emotional <//3

but yeah i genuinely think that i'm incapable of picking a bside from tdc eternity, they're all genuinely so good 😭 i looped that album for weeks when it first came out

from thursdays child, my favorite bside is probably thursdays child has far to go, but i'm listening to lonely boy a lot recently too (tchftg will always be special to me tho from the atlanta concert that i went to 💔 hyuka and yj came to the second floor and they ran past me, so every time i hear that song i fr get flashbacks 😭😭)

STOP I DIDN'T THINK I'D WRITE A LITERAL NOVEL OVER THE TXT BSIDES BUT HERE WE ARE and i could probably keep going if i didn't control myself

also hii thank you for asking, i hope you've had a good day so far 🫶🏻

[hapalopus]

Cross Your Heart Chapter 17 live blog/initial thoughts

@karkalicious769 I've been so excited for this chapter I went out and bought snacks to really make it a special reading experience. I can't believe we're finally gonna figure out what's going on!!!

I'm tired of tumblr's image limit, so instead of screenshots I'll just copy-paste whatever quotes I'm reacting to. And I'm on mobile, so I can't do line-breaks only paragraph breaks RIP

Anyways without further ado...

The image of Rook in Max's old 70s clothes is delightful and I need fanart stat! at least in my mind it's 70s, don't ruin this for me dfghgdd

"a tiny part of Rook was thrilled by his lack of respect today." THAT’S MY BOY!!! He's really grown as a character during this fic and it shines through in little things like this<3

"Even his eyes were the wrong shade of green." Yes yes we get it Blonko, you're madly in love with Ben and have memorized every detail of his face xD

"Rook certainly could think of worse ways to spend eternity. He was glad that he was sharing it with Ben, even if only one of them would get to remember."

"When Ben made no move to take the origami rose, Rook leaned forward a few inches more to tuck it behind his ear. Without his armor and gloves on, he could feel Ben's hair against his fur and had to resist the urge to stroke his jaw." When I tell you I had to stop myself from squeeing here. Oh man.

"Ben turned pink, eyes widening at the gesture as Rook's intentions sank in. His lips formed a silent "oh" HE HAD AN 'OH' MOMENT AAAAA!!! Good or bad, is there anything more satisfying than Oh Moments? no. no there is not

"Rook took a step back, even though he wanted to be closer." Excuse me miss?? How do you make the simple act of moving out of the way give me feels????

Paradox's dialogue is on point, I am 100% reading it in his voice!! And by that I don't mean the rest of the dialogue is not on point ofc, it's all great, sfjjhfdk

"though Rook doubted that the man actually had a doctorate" get his ass

""At first, I wasn't planning to speak to anyone at all," Paradox admitted. "I was simply going to end this timeline and move on. But you're close to Ben— closer than you should be, even— and I must confess to a certain level of, well… personal curiosity." For all the meta talk about how Rook isn't cosmically significant and how this timeloop has nothing to with him... it's oddly satisfying to know he's the reason the loop hasn't been ended yet. Even if the reason is less "your existence matters" and more "your existence is curious". Also, Paradox being able to just erase entire timelines is terrifying and I love him existing as some kind of eldritch being who views people as ants.

NO WATCH BEN CAMEO AAAA

"To demonstrate, Paradox snapped off the end of one branch. Everything that came before still existed, but there was nothing in the future, and there never would be again. Rook tried to imagine time just stopping and couldn't." This makes so much sense!! I feel silly for not catching on earlier, but then again it's been a while since I watched those episodes :3 But god, this is a really good explanation and suddenly the Eternity ending (or what I assume it revolves around) seems disturbingly likely o.o

""No, Ben can't be dead. He isn't supposed to die. Why—?"" THE CONTRACTION, I'M-

"Rook stared into Paradox's eyes and saw the endless march into infinity. He saw nothing at all." For some reason this really drives home how... idk, I keep repeating myself, but I really have no better word for it. Paradox is a terrifying eldritch creature. I imagine his eyes, matte and empty like shark eyes now. Dreadful.

"He was seconds away from launching himself forward and decking Paradox in the face." He should've :/

I always get a little bit of second hand embarassment when a character bares their soul like this, but it is a really good speech. However much I may dunk on Ben, Rook is right, he really is just a good person who does good things. And who can live up to something as simple as that?

And then the ending. If you hadn't been generous enough to share the date for tge next chapter I might drive myself mad with that "we need to talk" xD

Gah, I loved this chapter!!! So satisfying in so many ways :DDD

[nerdypanda3126]

Playing with Fire – Ch. 2

I'm all caught up on posting now from the @lovebugs-and-snakecharmers exchange, I promise 😅 Anyone up for more Dragon Luka?

Read on Ao3 

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

She woke draped over his human form, in the middle of a fire that was on its way towards sputtering out. The pillows had been the kindling and she jolted awake as she realized that she was on fire in broad daylight. 

She shook his shoulder, panic making her flames sputter and spark erratically. He woke slowly, and seemed confused to see her until he looked down at himself and around where they’d been lying together. He sighed and laid his head back down. 

“Didn’t think of that,” he grumbled before he sat up, keeping a firm hold on her hand. She shook her free hand in his face frantically, unable to form words, and he blinked as he caught on to her panic. 

“It’s fine. You’re fine.” He held up their linked hands, as if that proved or explained something. He sighed again when she let out a strange little squeal and her flames burned hotter. 

“Meet me in the courtyard, okay?” he asked gently, then purposefully dropped her hand. Instantly her flames went out and he shuddered into his dragon form again. 

He jerked his head towards the open window before he shrugged his wings open and leapt off. She watched him glide gently to the ground and land, folding his wings—irritably, she would call it, although she had no clue what mannerisms to look for on a dragon. She raked her fingers through her hair hurriedly, wishing she’d thought to bring something to tie it up with, and scrambled down the stairs to meet him.

She started towards him on the grass, but he huffed out a small plume of smoke as soon as she tried to take a step off the path. She tried again with the same result and understood him that time. Stay where you are . She nodded and he loped over to her. His movement in this form was fascinating, like a cross between a prowl and a slither, smooth and powerful. He came right up to her and pressed his head into her hands. 

And she understood why he’d wanted her to stay on the path. As he shed his scales, she burst into flames. She blushed as she found that she was holding his face between her hands and her fingers were digging into his hair before she could stop them. He gave her that small, tentative smile of his as he laced his fingers through hers and pulled her down to sit across from him on the stone path. 

He put both of his palms against hers and caught her in those earnest blue eyes. 

Wordlessly, he pulled one palm away from hers, causing a bridge of fire to open up between them.

He pushed the flame back to her and pulled his other palm away, creating an easy rhythm. She followed his lead, marveling at how easily the fire was channeled between them. She'd never been able to control it like this before, to make it do what she wanted.

"Think of it like a current," he started. "The stronger the bond between us, the easier the current. Right now, our bond is brittle. Instead of a steady flow back and forth, it's almost like we cancel each other out. It makes us switch on and off. Does that make sense?” 

“Cancels out,” she repeated in a daze. “Got it.” 

"It'll take practice, and time, but eventually, if you choose to stay here, we might be able to share it without touching. To pass it between us—" he pushed his palms back to hers and closed the circuit "—without even thinking about it."

She pulled her palm away from his again, leaving only the tips of their fingers connected, and watched the sparks that built up into a ball between them. She could sense his eyes on her, although she steadfastly ignored falling into them again. 

“If you have questions,” he murmured after a moment. “I might have answers.” 

She lowered their hands. Her throat had gone entirely dry. There was one question above all others that burned to be asked. 

“Why?” 

He looked up at her briefly through his ragged hair before he dropped his eyes to the ground between them. She wasn't sure he'd understood her until—

“I didn’t know,” he whispered.

“You cursed me.” Her words came out as more of a sob and he winced. 

“I cursed myself, too, remember?” He pulled one hand away from her and leaned back on it, letting the sunlight hit his face. “I’m not supposed to be like this. Trapped, grounded, human ." 

She bristled at that. "Being human isn't a bad thing." 

He shot a sharp glance at her. "No fire. No claws. No wings. No fangs even. So fragile." He shook his head. "Humanity is a curse in itself." 

"I guess it makes sense, then, why there aren't more cases like ours," she said, allowing her anger to seep into her tone, "since humans are so far beneath you mighty dragons."

“I’m sure it was more common, at one time." He half-shrugged and turned to smirk at her, either unaware of her discomfort or choosing to ignore it. "Why do you think there are all those stories of young maidens and strapping knights being sacrificed to placate the evil and terrible dragon?” 

He imitated fangs with his fingers and snarled at her, which made her laugh despite herself. His smirk warmed to a smile before he looked away again. 

“It was supposed to be a mutual decision. I know that now. A… pact, or a promise. I've heard humans have something similar, sealed with a sharing of breath." 

She paused to think. Sharing of breath. Other than breathing for someone to save their life, the other cause for 'sharing breath' was—

"You mean like a…  kiss?"

"I think so." 

"A promise sealed with a kiss… You're talking about a wedding. You're saying that—" she swallowed against what was now an uncomfortable feeling of cotton stuck to the roof of her mouth.

He waited while she started and stopped several times before she finally found her voice.

"You mean to say… in dragon terms, we're married? And have been since I was… since you were…" She gestured with her hand low to the ground, her words failing her again. 

He hesitated, his brow furrowing at her panicked tone. "I take it that's a bad thing?" 

Her fire started sparking and sputtering and he seemed at a loss for how to comfort her. Finally, he opted for looking away from her and squeezing her hand. 

"I don't know if it's the same, but what we have, it's a way for a dragon and a human to share a life together if they wanted to. The human is protected, kept safe—” he winced at that “—or at least what a dragon would consider safe. Fireproof, kept close, given a defense. And the dragon is able to live a mortal life, age along with their intended, spare them the heartache of being alone for eternity. It’s… mutually beneficial.” His face pinched as if his words were bitter on his tongue. "And it's for life." 

The flames licking around her were turning white and threatening to overtake the stone path. Married. To a dragon. For life. Words that should have meaning, but strung together made no sense. He squeezed her hand again to try to comfort her and she barely felt it.  

There was a pause between them and he focused on placing the tips of his fingers against hers, pulling each finger away one by one and watching the spark dangle between them. 

“I thought I was saving you,” he finally said, answering her question at last. “I saw you fall into the water. I fished you out and you were so small. So helpless—" his eyes flicked up to hers beneath his hair. "So fragile. You were ice cold and you weren't breathing. So I breathed for you. I kept you warm. When the other humans came and found you, I thought that would be the end of it.” 

She waited, holding her breath, the fire crackling in her ears, for him to continue his story. 

“It wasn’t until I tried to fly away with my family that—” His voice broke and he cleared his throat, leaning back and away from her again. “I got stuck here. The end of the tether between us. When my mother realized what I’d done, what had happened…” He shook his head. “There was nothing she could do. Staying so near the village would’ve endangered her and my little sister.” 

“You have a sister?”

“I have a sister.” He smiled sadly. “Or at least I did. I don’t know where they are now, or if they’re okay. I haven’t been able to leave and they’ve never come back. One dragon draws enough attention near humans, if you haven't noticed, let alone an entire family.” 

“You’ve been alone? All this time?” 

“Not entirely. I’ve had a lot more visitors lately, of the knight in shining armor variety.” He grimaced. “I tried to drive them away, but they saw a huge, dumb, fire-breathing lizard and I had to—” He stopped himself and hid his eyes behind his hair. 

“Defend yourself,” she finished for him.

His lips pressed into that thin line again. It wasn’t a topic he liked, then. He took another deep breath before continuing. 

“I had to wait for you. I knew eventually you'd find your way here and I knew the choice should be yours. This was all my mistake. If there’s any way I can atone for it, it’s giving you back your life. Your freedom.” He laced his fingers through hers before he met her eyes evenly. "It's not much of a choice, I'll admit. But it is yours to make. The bond is for life, but that's easily remedied."  

Her breath hitched at his implication. "I can't—last night, you said—it's not—" 

He shushed her by placing a finger on her lips. "You don't have to decide now, or even soon." Those blue eyes, so soft, so sad, made her heart break for him. "Just think about it." 

With that he pulled away from her, breaking her grip on his hand gently, and the flames around her disappeared as he transformed again. He took off in a whoosh of wind that blew her hair back over her shoulders. She watched him glide in a slow, lazy loop around the top of the tower before perching there, his wings fluttering as he settled, his claws easily finding purchase on the thatched roof. 

She stood and shaded her eyes against the sun to look at him again. He laid his head down on his claws and closed his eyes, letting the sun spill over his rippling scales. The way his body draped across the roof reminded her of a black satin ribbon tossed casually across a bedpost. His tail was hanging over the edge of the roof, and the blue tuft at the end flicked occasionally. 

Admiring him like this, she understood now why he'd said humanity was a curse to him. She imagined it must feel cramped and uncomfortable to be forced to wear a different, smaller, weaker form night after night. Like trying to sleep in a dress that was five sizes too small. No wonder he looked so tired. She wrapped her arms around herself just thinking about it. 

All this time she'd thought she was truly cursed. But she'd had her family to help her, the people of her village that—while they might not have always understood—were always there for her. And most days she'd lived normally; she'd even forgotten about it entirely on occasion. 

He'd unknowingly pledged his life to her. A mistake he'd paid for by sacrificing his family, his freedom. And he was willing to sacrifice still more.

It wasn't right. He shouldn't have to pay for saving her life. He shouldn't have to sacrifice anything else for her.

She lowered her eyes, blinking against the spots in her vision left from the sun, and headed back inside to leave him to his quiet contemplation. 

When she reached his room again, she let her eyes slip over the dented and burned pieces of armor he’d collected and instead moved to his stack of books, running her fingers lightly over the spines as she read the titles. She recognized a few of these, too. Carefully, she pulled one out of the stack and flipped through the pages absent-mindedly until she came across the illustration she remembered. 

One of the sorcerers that had come through was showing her this page. He'd shown everyone in town this page. He’d proclaimed to anyone who would listen that this, this was what would take down that monster. 

She chuckled quietly as she thought about it now. Monster, prince, shapeshifter, thing, sorcerer, dragon. He had so many names to the townspeople, yet no one had ever used his actual name. Luka. It suited him. 

She sat down to read by the open window, only vaguely registering the height before she dangled one leg off the edge, bracing her back against the solid stone wall. 

What she wouldn’t give for a pillow. 

Her eyes slid over to the corner. There was another silhouette left in the ashes of the pillows, this time a doubled figure: hers on top of Luka’s. 

A flush of heat crept up her cheeks. He’d been human this morning. She’d been curled up against him and he’d been human and that was somehow weirder than being curled up against a dragon like she had been last night. 

She forced her eyes back to the page as her blush deepened. She was too distracted to absorb any of the words, so she laid that one aside and went back to searching the stack of titles. There was a wide range, although most of it seemed to be about dragon lore. No wonder he was so knowledgeable now. But there were other things, too. Books about spells, music, fairy tales, poetry. A couple here and there about foraging and cooking. She wondered how he’d gotten them all. 

There was one small leather bound book with no title. When she pulled that one out, the edges of the pages were singed, and looked as if they had been leafed through often. She let the pages fall open in her hands and found scrawling handwriting, along with what looked like dates at the top. Or at least, as she flipped through, the pages were numbered somehow. 

A journal. His journal? 

She snapped it shut and set it back on the stack. He hadn’t said she couldn’t look at his things, but she also hadn’t asked. Her curiosity was burning in her chest, but instead of giving into it, she listened to her grumbling stomach and made her way back down the stairs. 

His eyes were closed, but his attention was on her as she poked around the edges of their clearing. She didn’t know how, but she just felt it. She knew he was watching as she found a small thicket of blackberry bushes and pricked her fingers on thorns trying to get to the luscious prize, as she fumbled her way through making a small trap for any nearby rabbits, and as she decided to start testing the limits of their tether. 

That last one, he might not have known about, but she was, in the back of her mind, wondering how far she could go before that barrier—that blinding pain—started ripping them apart.

She could feel it, here and there, tugging at her. Once he let out a quiet grumble, but when she turned to look at him, he hadn’t moved. He hadn’t turned to look at her, and he hadn’t made any kind of motion to stop her. 

When she felt the tug again—she’d found a honeybee hive, and she was trying to figure out if it’d be worth harvesting later—she glanced back at him before she took a step forward. 

She could say she was trying to reach for it, if he asked. 

One more step forward, and a zing shot straight through her. 

From behind her, she heard what was now the telltale whoosh of his landing, and she felt the thud of his claws as he hit the ground near the tower. He growled, low and anxious, in the back of his throat. 

She turned to face him, and smiled to let him know she was okay, then locked eyes with him as she took another step backwards. 

His claw raised as if to take a step with her, but he resolutely set it back down and huffed out a plume of smoke at her. As she took another step back, he started pacing, that low growl rumbling through him, his scales ruffling in irritation. With another step back, she felt what was now a familiar tug. She took note of the distance between them before she stepped back one more time. 

She winced as that zing came back, and he let out a whine at the same time. Eyeing the distance between them, she was a good ten meters away from him. About two full body lengths for him, or just barely past the edge of the clearing if he stood in the middle. She glanced back at him and his glowing blue eyes were entirely focused on her, but he seemed to understand what she was doing. Or at least she hoped he understood. 

One more step backwards made that zing turn into a bolt that thrummed in time to her heartbeat, and she looked down to find that her fingers were sparking with white fire. 

She gasped and fell forwards, back into the safety of the clearing, and he was there to catch her. As she leaned onto his scales they melted away, and then he was holding her up with his arm slipped under hers. Before her flames flared to life around her, he swept her feet up to carry her back to the stone path and set her down safely, although he kept his arm around her shoulders. 

“Trying to run away again?” he asked, his voice low and breathy from the effort. 

She straightened herself up and leaned her head back against him. “As far and as fast as I can,” she muttered, although she managed to smile to let him know she was being flippant. 

His lips pressed into that thin line again and she backtracked shyly. “I just wanted to know the limit.” 

“Well, now you know. What good does that do?” 

She looked over at him, at the harsh edges of his face under the ragged lines of dark hair that flopped unevenly over his ears. Those dark circles under his eyes, made more obvious because he was white with… pain? Fear, maybe? The way he was still gripping her shoulder tightly made her think it was maybe the latter. She blushed as she pushed that thought away and dared to answer him.

“You said we could leave, if we were together.” 

He stiffened against her. “I did.” 

“And I thought…” She bit her lip as she hesitated. She didn’t know him well enough to know how he’d react if she told him the real reason. That she thought he might want to see his family again, if they were still out there. That she was willing to help him look for them. 

“I thought that maybe… eventually… we could go back to my village?” She finally decided to say. “For supplies, and... ” She fidgeted, twisting her hands together. “And maybe to see my family.” 

He flinched at the word, then took a deep breath, in through his nose and out through his mouth before he turned to look at her. “It’s a bad idea,” he said softly. 

“You only think that because—” 

“Because your village is the one sending people to kill me,” he finished irritably. 

“But they wouldn’t know it’s you! You look human at night and… and they wouldn’t know…” 

“You really want to lie to your family like that?” 

She couldn’t think of a response, so she closed her mouth and looked down at her feet, abashed. 

“As much as I might appear human,” he continued after a tense pause, “I’m not. And we can’t pretend I am. I understand wanting to see your family. Trust me, I do.” He squeezed her shoulders to him almost involuntarily, but she didn’t know if he was comforting her or himself. 

“But if they knew what I was they’d most likely kill me on sight and you and I both know that.” 

There was another pause between them and he took another deep breath. She could almost picture him letting out a plume of smoke as he exhaled.  

“Don’t…” He tipped her chin up to look in her eyes, and his thumb stroked along her jaw softly. “Don’t scare me like that again.” 

She nodded as if in a daze, stunned by the sincerity in his voice. He released her from that intense gaze and turned his face to check the fading light before he pulled away from her, although he let his fingers slip past hers slowly, and his transformation took over in slow motion. He took off and went back to his perch, changing his position on the roof to stay in the light that was starting to fill their clearing with a golden-orange glow. 

[tenderlyrenjun]

i dont know how to make you feel better but one thing i know for sure that people and comments cant make you feel better about how you feel of yourself. the only thing in this world that can make you feel better is yourself. it must start from you. no matter how many people tell you that you are worthy, you are doing just great, you deserve all that, if you still think that youre unworthy, undeserving then their kind comments wont affect you even the slightest. i really hope you will change your mindset, you need to change how you think of yourself. i hope you are doing well now.

I really don't know how to explain to people that extrinsic motivation is a form of motivation. Yeah, it shouldn't be the only one, but the consistent absence relates to operant conditioning where a negative experience is reinforced - ie, posting fics + no interaction with fics = difficulty finishing fics, difficulty starting fics, overall writer's block, etc. Extrinsic motivation (re: the notes and reblogs and comments that you're talking about) positively moderates intrinsic motivation (Fischer, Malycha, Schafman, 2019), meaning that extrinsic motivation, in moderation, adds something to intrinsic motivation (re: that self-confidence you're talking about). Adding extrinsic motivation (again, comments) literally increases the drive and intrinsic motivation (again, the self-love to do writing) and stimulates creativity and innovation.

I am on a negative feedback loop on this website where I'm the main person keeping this blog alive, there is very little, if any, external stimuli (again, comments or literally any form of interaction with my fics), meaning that I'm at a steady rate of one fic per like every three months, even fucking more, because I'm doing this by myself. A positive feedback loop (aka one with comments or some acknowledgement) would literally increase creativity and the amount of writing that I do, because right now, I can barely bring myself to open my drafts.

It is so frustrating (not directed at you, anon) that people think their conventional truths about motivation are actually like reality, like psychology exists for a reason and you cannot learn everything on the internet. Motivation is literally not black and white, one extreme or another; you need both to stay motivated and focused.

Comments are just once in a blue moon; I probably get one every like 2-3 weeks after I post a fic, until I get about maybe 4 or 5, and this really only applies to smut fics. If it's not a smut fic, then I get the 2-3 comments over the course of 6-8 months. Like, I've read books and I'm in therapy - I know what I need to stay motivated; I just don't think that I'm deserving of something that I haven't done anything to deserve it yet, like, I suck. I'm pretty negative, in case you haven't noticed; it just sucks.

This isn't even about me. I'm just trying to be in a community, and I'm not; I quite literally am not, and it just sucks. I keep trying and trying, and it's wearing down on my already incredibly low self-esteem. It can't get worse than this, but it does, and to be quite frank, I probably deserve it. Like, I probably don't really deserve to be in the nct writer community because I haven't done good enough to be there.

Why is it not self-love and confidence to know what I need and have that be from someone else? Why do I have to be alone in doing things all the time? Why do I have to talk to myself in order for me to do things? Am I destined for eternal loneliness? Am I not supposed to have friends? Am I supposed to be on this website, post fics, and then not care? Like, why am I not allowed to ask for notes? Should I not be posting ads and previews in the comments for my fics?? Am I not allowed to vent on my own blog with 33 followers, of which are literally mostly spam and porn blogs and few inactive writer mutuals who moved on from fanfiction? Like, don't stop me if I fully understand your point. I'm supposed to be the sole motivator for my fics; I'm supposed to self-build my own confidence and love because no one else can help or do it with me. I'm not supposed to try and reach out to people until I feel confident alone and by myself. Like, okay, im already alone, so do I just do all the steps toward self-love and confidence by myself too? Im not deserving of comments or compliments from other people because I should be doing to myself? Like that's it. My whole point about not being worthy of interacting with people because im worthless and haven't done anything to deserve friends is essentially boiled down to "I have to learn to love myself by myself on my own without anyone else"?

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

I love this girl. She make me laugh. She make me smile

And I know she's suffering and I know she's being honest.

But I feel and I understand her frustration and that is what makes me smile.

Y'all gotta watch she goes off on Corona and COVID -19 calling it a her and a she.

Saying she didn't do no wrong and she don't deserve house arrest.

I believe her and I love her for her pure honesty and raw anger and hate for the situation.

I felt that same so many times in my life for aliens and for situations beyond the means of the Earth.

People like her i been worried for. People trying their best But just one day its too much.

I worry because I'm like that myself.

While she seem like... A volcano... Realize she took herself outside. Yelled loud enough so the kids were warned to not approach her she needed her own anger time out.

And she yelled her heart and mind out. She yelled it so strong and powerful.

And for that i am proud of her.

I'm sure she went inside and gave them kids all the love they deserve and juice without making a pool.

You can send your kids in the backyard and play. I see there's a garage open... Let them draw with chalk and get out your pretty hair.

They're bored as you auntie. Idk if you're baby sitting or live in... But it seems like you got someone essential working, or someone other than you that isn't pulling "at home weight" as much as you.

Being in front of the open garage... Laughing a bit at yourself when you said you wanted to make lil girl a pool... Drinking.. Feeling trapped ... Just seems like Some one else is leaving every day and you can't. And if you ask me to look real good you was waiting the last few minutes outside for them to come driving up.

So you may wanna go pick up a Wal-Mart pick up order of grocery. It sometimes is a long line. I looked this morning and its all booked to Monday for my local one. But doing that will keep you in less contact with others thus ideally healthier. Then spin through the drive thru and take the long way home.

There's no law saying the stay at home personnel must stay home at all times. Just limited.

You wouldn't necessarily wanna go in the stores seeing as yoh are the number one to care for the children, auntie. As the germs are more likely to be there. But to do a pick up. Idk who else is doing pick up. We just have Wal-Mart here... But may be others,in your local area. Well pick up you Just verify its your order. Through your car window so it's very limited contact with one person and they load up your groceries and you sit and wait in the car.

At the same time there's no law you and the kids can't go in the store. Its just limited.

It's clear you're not going anywhere. You can go places. Just limited. I do believe you can get in the car and just go for a drive. Just get out in the car and drive wherever. Idk where you live and if they have a ban but here in New Mexico we can drive anywhere in the state. And hotels are still operating. So drive to the next city and get a hotel for a night.

Its okay in many areas to do so. Even in NYC you can book a room.

But if we have to social distance. And we are in our cars following traffic laws and just driving without getting out of our cars. Then we are obeying the rules.

Loop hole baby.

Many of us feel like our cars are as personal as our homes. So #stayhome would be same as #stayinthecar on a nice drive.

And she has a 3 year old. Its a perfect time to show her the neighborhood and let her get familiar with it and how to get to the store. Test the little one

So, then it falls under education.

Loop hole baby.

How a cop gonna be all "you can't"???

Now as long as you remember to say "we're doing this in case you get lost (or kidnapped) or get a ride from your friend's parent that i said you could and you can make sure you can tell them how to get home and/or make sure they're going the right ways to get home"

Then for sure a cop can't tell you you can't.

Just in case neighborhood watch don't recognize your car... And calls you in. And you have the little one repeat the lessons to you because you explain it So in case you do get stopped then they know what they are doing in the car with you. And the SMS if the cop check it will also notify "safe distance patrol" which means all you need is verification you live there. Car registration or ID is preferred. That is for a worried cop. What it does actually signal is "having fun let's join in, too" So, when or if you see the cop you can pull over and they can give you tips on being safe if the cop wants interaction currently they probably will not pull over because of social distancing. But all they're doing is saying "SMS notified action in the area. We want you to know if this happens you're safe"

Because home invasions will often use the victims car, if a a person inside is moving around or the cop senses something not,right they will pull over the car to double check. So an ID is the most preferred method and they will visually check all ID of all adult passengers if they choose but it is recommended.

So make sure you're following laws. Kids are buckled and you're going the posted speed limit.

If you're going to your house then back out and over and over.

This case im speaking would look suspicious. So you drive down to the 711 four times so they can memorize and no one gets out and yoh just keep driving that circle

Its how you need to teach the kids but it would look suspiciously to the SMS computer system and for our safety I don't want to override it.

I'd rather a nice cop check and speak to the kids and thank the adults for looking out for the children's safety and for helping them do their jobs.

Usually a cop isn't in protocol to pull over unless its a wreckless danger. So like if I'm a kidnapper I'm a trip out. And either gonna try to get away from the cop or drive super cautious.

So cops may do some Dick moves around you to check you.

So y'all teaching your kids how to get home safe realize the cop is trying to protect you and realize they are in practice mode they may not think so but you know they are. So they may pull you over and so you have already explained to the car what y'all doing. So everyone should be able to explain it back to anyone.

So otherwise just take a nice long drive to the next town and then turn around and just have a nice drive.

Take time to see sights you don't normally see. Or like say you been wanting to go to the zoo but you're unsure of the drive. Well there's no traffic so you can practice driving there so you learn that way to get there easy.

But #StayInTheCar.

I love this girl in the video so much i made a movement after her.

Remember #DriveSober

So staying in the car does mean drive through!

Get you and your babies a treat. So them Quarentine Loop Hole fries are all jacked up and down under the seat until for eternity.

So y'all Just let your family out. Don't keep your beauties locked in because it's safest. Get a little creative.

So babies with some chalk. Or in the backyard playing ...pick up some balls online... Like Oriental Trading company is cheap and i know that you can get a dozen of a variety of different balls. And jump ropes and all kinds of things delivered straight to your house. Chalk, too.

Now you could stay in your little square in the front yard but i would imagine the back yard is more contained. Something with a fence and that is just for safety and not so much about social distancing But just to "stay in the yard" and not deal with nothing bull shit someone bored can come up with.

So I know

.i been waiting... I been i know people are losing their shit.m. I need to see it so I know what to say or do.

So thank you, ma'am for being so public and raw and straight from the soul and heart.

Letting your frustration out so the dark grainy images of my imagination have a voice and a way to be visible to the needs of the world.

Because I'm not realizing what all is going on every where so i need my Soul Warriors letting it out to be known.

My life i go out and my daughter has been trapped in and she don't mind so much but last night finally i could take her to the gas station just for a minute late late night... We both had to wear masks... She was all "I don't want you getting sick" and so i told her "you need to wear one too"

Which i was glad we did because the car we borrowed is leaking antifreeze into the car and it stinks like Hell and a smoker it makes me cough like Hell so the mask actually helped a lot. So i didn't cough with it on. So after this is all over if i borrow his car youre gonna see me wearing a mask just so i came breathe unless i fix my car... And Idk...

So y'all if you're tripping or tense or even if you're not because you're just trying to chill and cope and Don't realize you're building up a bubble of lava

Switch it up a little bit!!! Y'all are all up in there together you know your schedules. Who does what and who dont do what.

Who don't ever leave.

At least open windows. Something. Switch it up.

Y'all essiential workers coming home to dinner made and a clean house... Y'all gonna come to a volcano one day and don't know why

Then you gonna make it worse all what the Hell? What i do?! You wanna go to work?! I'm doing all i can to keep this home together and you act like that?!

And mother fucker honey. You're gonna get stabbed in the throat.

The shit just builds. This is why I didn't like this plan.

It builds on both sides. Believe it or not the ones going out are worried about the ones at home getting sick. And actually about them being cooped in... Some are.

But i know without a doubt they're loving home cooked meals and the family all home and safe and the house all clean

Hello were in the 1950s

So yo let the adults trapped at home drive the car if they are licensed. Let them capture that freedom..sit in the passenger seat and be the host. Sit side way and make sure the back seat is being good. Talk to them. Give them love and attention

Let that adult box herself in to a space filled with love for the family and her have that freedom at the wheel

Because that is what it is. She/he running that home. You need to give her a break stop them kids from going on about auntie and momma and so on and give them the strong love and attention they deserve. "How was your day?" "You looking how to get to the store?" "What is that street name?"

Just let her be quiet and enjoy the ride.

As women that's all we want.

Control. Lol. And love. Attention. Help. Strength. Patience.

And I know men want the same exact thing.

But we need to switch it up. Add some spice to the bland. Or its gonna taste like lava and not lots of lova.

Y'all know i am the Queen of Lava.

And y'all going out. Make sure you're on time!

But take them stuck in the house out.

I prescribe no less than a 30 minute outing. I saw gas here was $1.58 on the interstate for regular. I know places like California and New York are lots more and i know some places are even cheaper. But point. DNA4U says y'all should be able to afford it. Every where it must be less than $3 per gallon for even premium. Right?

So #StayInTheCar and check out some low cost online shopping. They are essiential employees.

And love yourselves even if you turn into a tornado spewing lava hurricane

And if someone around does. Love them

Help them. Add something they need to your routine.

Its not too late to save a life.