#but im. actually worse than when they had to talk me down every three weekss | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

larry-ben-kenobi · 10 months

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I just cannot escape the yearning to die

Its almost been a decade and if I think about it it still brings my mental space into the molten core of the earth

I'm just so tired of being depressed im not depressed like I used to be, though, it just gets duller because I'm so damn used to it unless i let myself think about how much I don't want to be alive

Bleh. Ive said it for years and still true, if I could find 18 year old me id tell him to do the attempt better, rather than anything about how life is worth it. It's been eight years and honestly it only got worse. Was supposed to have done it when I was 14 probably, and never bothered anyone.

Hate being such a stereotypical zoomer freak about my own existence though.

#delete later #obviously #i dont know im jus #just tired of being tired of being alive #i dont even have horrible spiraling episodes anymore #i just dont have anything #almost miss crying and loathing what little i had and being so mad that the only feeling i had was despair and the strange hopelessness of #iunno loneliness in a communal sense too even #friends who kept me alive for years who we stopped really being in touch after covid #theyre all humans. doing good. and im glad #but im. actually worse than when they had to talk me down every three weekss #like im arguably worse #i was once very mad at one of them for getting me to promise to live until that next easter #after he spent a damn few hours trying to keep me going and vibing #so much effort from much better people just to have me waste years more oxygen

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