#but it doesn't settles well with me
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It seems like Dyana is going to be on season 2 ... I think she is gonna get her revenge, maybe help Daemon with B&C. She deserves her revenge, but I think helping to murder kids isn't the best choice, she could have been the one that poisoned Aegon, which I can understand, but helping with Jaehaerys murder?
#i mean i totally understand why she would do it#as i said she deserves to have her revenge#but i am completely against the murder of an innocent child#yes i know it was an strategic move#i understand the whole 'a son for a son' thing#but it doesn't settles well with me#dyana#aegon ii targaryen#team green#hotd
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Soichiro is worried about Light’s taste in men. (Let’s assume that somehow Yotsuba was never involved with Kira junk in this reality, lol.)
#drawn by me#my fanart#my fancomic#Death Note#Soichiro Yagami#Light Yagami#L#lawlight#Reiji Namikawa#Teru Mikami#I was asking myself why Light would choose L over Mikami and realized it's because Mikami's too boring for him#I love Mikalight as much as the next shipper but...#without the Kira worshipper thing he'd have a hard time catching Light's eye#he may well still be Kira here memories and all but he has no real desire to stray from L (for now)#Light's gotta shatter his beliefs and faith to get Mikami to cross the 'bitch' line#Light needs a lover with teeth~#I literally yelled when I found out that Namikawa is 12 years older than Light XD#Light doesn't come out to his dad until he's well into his career or keeping his relationship secret is no longer viable#couldn't add proper transcription to the pictures again. had to settle with long captions#as if they'll even be able to be seen and read =__=
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Hazing (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#The Captain#DAX#Who's hazing who? Yes :)#I'd like to say this is early on in their relationship but let's be honest they'd take the opportunity to rib each other at any point lol#Hehe I had fun with DAX's eye and tendril expressions in this one ♪#I mean I have a lot lately with the curls and swirls and thick lines and shapes and fully-up and angry hehehe ♪ It's all fun!#But these were especially fun hehe#Still yet inspired by WOY lol - believe me I was least of all expecting to be hit this hard but I'm not about to complain lol#I still can't get over the fact that DAX and Peepers are both Commanders who are in love with their superior and have beef with a Captain#Hilarious ♥ Love that for them ♪♫#But yes! Captain Tim was what inspired these! Lol ♪ The fact that Peepers is 3rd in command to a pet is very funny haha#And obviously it doesn't quite transfer over since the Captain is y'know - a human and DAX is ranked under ZEX specifically#I guess if you really wanted to get into it the Captain could be bragging about sleeping with ZEX but that seems even a little too mean#And also would he be so brazen about that to DAX - would he even know? I guess it Really depends on when this is lol#I do love DAX's subtle rudeness hehe ♪ He puts up with you Captain and that's about it#I had a lot of fun with his pained/freaked out expression as well haha#I also forget if I've talked about my headcanon about VUX strength? :0 I feel like I have but I have no idea where lol#I also don't remember where I got the inclination from but at some point my mind settled on the thought that VUX arms are weaker than human#At least pound-for-pound - but their strength comes from their specificity :D That their grip strength is much more evenly spread!#I mean humans have what our hands so fingers - and our arms - we can grab and hold but they can /coil/#So holding a human in an arm lock like that would be hard to break especially if he held onto the Captain's shoulder or lifted :3c#Why are you picking fights person-to-person Captain don't you have a ship and crew to pilot right about now lol#Goes and tattles to ZEX maybe hehe ♪ Fair's fair!
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.
#I've sort of made a new friend? Like we met at the same art group and he's also trans which was like pleasantly surprising in our small town#but like. We have Differences Of Opinion#and it's not totally his fault because it sounds like he's had a Lot of bad shit in his past that's obviously made him wary and closed off#but like. He's slightly older than me (only 4 years) and keeps blaming a load of his problems on other trans folks?#like you know the type. The like 'all these nonbinary/other identities the kids are doing are complicating shit'#the 'it hurts to see people younger than me inc. kids get hormones thrown at them when I still can't get 'em' (which... yeah not even true)#and he's told me himself he doesn't engage much with the queer community bc it's too 'toxic'#and like. I can absolutely understand why he could've had some bad experiences esp. since he has some mental health shit going on#but he wants to be friends bc he doesn't know anyone else going through the medical shit and it's like. Yeah no shit you don't?#you decided the community you'd find them in is toxic? and that people in them are doing being trans wrong?#and I think if he was just some guy online I'd like roll my eyes and ignore him#but he's a real person in my vicinity and I feel fucking bad for him#and I can see how much self loathing he has and how much that probably informs the bullshit#like he told me he thinks that trans men and cis men are fundamentally different categories and trans men will never be cis men#but not in a 'the experiences are just different and come with different perspectives way'#in like a self defeating way. Like a I just have to settle for being a trans man way.#and it made me SO SAD#like bro#I'm so sorry for whoever the fuck made you feel like you're fighting an unwinnable battle#and I want to be a friend to him. I want him to feel like there's other queer people out there and there's friends and hope#but also I genuinely could see him being the kind of person who would get really angry at you for no fault of your own#like I already get the distinct feeling he resents me a little#like obviously not too much since he still wants to hang#but he's been trying and failing to get HRT for years and I got it super quickly basically by sheer luck/a doctor who looks out for me#like I'm so fucking lucky. And I just genuinely feel like he's the kind of person who might take that personally.#I just do not think I have the fucking. Emotional tool kit to salvage this shit#But I also can't exactly text him and say sorry I don't think we should hang out so. What do.#.....I wasn't even LOOKING for a new friend! I have enough friends!!! I wanted to make clay faces and look at pretty buildings dammit!!!#now I have to be the emotionally mature one who goes hmmm maybe let's not blame other depressed trans kids for our problems buddy#I'm just gonna have to be like. Upfront about my stance and if he doesn't like it well he doesn't have to hang out with me
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I'll take "posts that aren't about SQX but also are completely about them too" for 500
#▌ �� SHI QINGXUAN ; ⌜ study ⌟#as i've said previously: LEECH RATE 1000000% CRITICAL DAMAGE.#not to be a tag essayist again but i think a lot about their attachment style/love languages#throws their whole self into it. doesn't care how/if it's reciprocated. it's pure and unfiltered but also obnoxious and overbearing#moss on a rock is a very apt descriptor i thingk....#fascinating to me how interpretations of how she shows affection tend to veer in very different directions#either “childlike and wholly uncomplicated” (WRONG!) or “self-serving and patronizing” (WRONG!)#it's... well not both actually; not in their entireties#childlike in the way they don't hide anything; they don't dress it up or down if they like you they like you if they love you they love you#self-centered in that they do have high opinions of theirself & therefore their personal standards#though i must stress it's not a case self-centeredly choosing ppl who only flatter them/boost their perceived value/can't say no#self-centered in that 'i would never settle for less' = (in their mind) 'nobody i'm friends with is anything less'#breaking news: lain is once again agonizing over how all of sqx's most redeeming virtues are also her most damning flaws#something something. girl who was made to be in love but not built to withstand the trials of love without breaking a little. hrm. um.#moss on rock. moss on rock.....#needs the rock there to persist. she needs that damn rock
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"but i know that this? .. this is nice"
#hystii#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#i love him with all my heart#yes i made my tav a version of myself#... she's wayy cuntier than me but#oh well#im playing as the dark urge too as a fucking bard#it's hilarious#and i worship selune somehow#shadowheart doesn't like me that much but i am in love with her#i want to romance everyone and then settle down with astarion how do we do that ethically and not in a way that makes everyone mad at me?#callmehysteriia#mine#my gameplay#bg3 gameplay#bg3 screenies#bg3 screenshots
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you guys im so fucking excited I could cry... i gotta call a bunch of ppl idek who to call next
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Song of the Day: May 3
"Life Less Frightening" by Rise Against
#song of the day#'I don't ask for much / truth be told I'd settle / for a life less frightening'#another song that when I sing it alone it doesn't sound much like the original but I do so like to sing it#check me stirring my roux humming 'these lives we live test negative for happiness' sweetly to myself#today was Friday and I'm still trying to decide if I'm satisfied with the amount of work I got done this week#I suppose I'll have to be#I had my weekly report meeting and again the updates my boss asked for in the meeting were not the ones she asked me to prepare#so I split-screened her and delivered the prepared updates as I frantically opened and updated the new request#and then when she finished making politely falsely interested sounds (I'm not bitter I'm not I'm not) she asked again for the new update#and by then I had it ready! saved it as I brought up the share-screen and showed it to her#too frustrated in the moment to be properly proud of myself but now it's hours later and I'm feeling a little smug about it#little back-pats for me#I have something like a project timeline worked out for the idiot project#and I did some good work in the garden (nasturtium growing up the post under the bird feeder. very pleased it took the transplant so well)#and I sooooort of sorted the freezer stuff. kind of. mostly we ate the things I wanted to rearrange but I've got a plan for moving forward#the last non-work thing I'd really wanted to accomplish this week was getting my queue set up again here#I've gone through my drafts and done some prep but as you can see the queue isn't actually running again yet#hopefully I'll do that tomorrow. we'll see how it goes#the queue may have to wait until Sunday because I must confess if I can accomplish only one single solitary thing tomorrow#I would like it to be six hours of uninterrupted sleep. may it please the gods I shall rest tomorrow. blessed weekend#edit: wait wait I'm a fool I'm a fool I just typed 'May 3' and still I am a fool#it's May the Fourth!!#happy star wars day my loves if I don't get the queue up today after all#it's because I'm reshuffling everything because I've got a new influx of SW posts to distribute!!
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Day 5 hating jun wu
Song assignment from a specific pleasantly unpleasant playlist:
#jun wu#tgcf#he's divorced convince me otherwise#there were so many options i could've gone with but settled on this one in the end#you'd think that with all the power he has rn he could get them back#but you know he doesn't care#also Xie Lian has an assigned song from this playlist as well#fits him perfectly#Spotify
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these urges are so fucking bizarre and foreign.
what animal has a brain screaming to annihilate itself so violently? I want to bash my head in, scar my legs and then cut open my stomach just to Get Away
#well- what animal does/doesn't do that while under continued torment? idk#tw suicide ig#but people belong in prison for what they did Hi Guys!! btw if ur lurkin on my merkin or w/e#there's no reason just to destroy my own life if I'm committed to this. I gotta do the paperwork abt GUNS also being threatened with gun#also the twitch peeps who .... Well. [reeeeeedacted]#thank god my blood relatives never cared I was alive. I won't need a funeral so I can do really fucked up DIYdies#spoon you can have money to give to your peeps but the new deal is I stab you in a place that isn't necessarily fatal before you kill me#jk Luka come over and get your linen shit back and we'll settle scores - bring a lawyer#end of life drama again#this year ooof#I wish I could shoot myself on a live stream
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So with the hangout.. do you think that settles the issue of mistranslation or not of Kaeya and Diluc being brothers?
is it even possible to settle it? i feel like there must be some insane cultural difference between me as a western person and chinese people when it comes to adoptive siblings because, i honestly don't see how the biological son of the guy you consider your adoptive father isn't, by extension, your adoptive brother; how would that relationship not be familial? even when you bring in the "sworn brothers" trope as a means of queercoding, which is a concept ive had explained to me more than once – like, okay? i agree that it's true you can't properly translate/localize that, but. how else did you want them to translate it? even if the word brother was never used once in the eng translation, how do you make it so that kaeya and diluc calling the same guy "father" doesn't imply some uncomfortable things if he and diluc are romantically involved..? but then, who knows, maybe i just don't have enough knowledge about how censorship works in china, how they do queercoding over there, how they deal with adopted relationships, whatever. it's fine. different cultural upbringings, no? it's funny when it's the western side of the fandom discussing this, though. because you'll have these extremely white people arguing with you about the intricacies of chinese BL media. as if either of us knows what the hell we're talking about. anyway, none of this matters in the end because most klc shippers just... like the incest. and the day we stop arguing about mistranslations and simply accept that people either 1) see this relationship in a different light due to their cultural background or 2) are a little bit of a freak online is the day i will finally know peace as a kaeya fan
#i dont think this will be settled until we stop asking if it's settled. what if we just don't speak about it anymore#me: no i dont do discourse. sorry. *five minutes later*#first and last time i will spend this many words on this topic#and i hate the ''it's just fiction'' argument because yes. it is just fiction.#im not gonna come here and say this has an effect on real life. of course it doesnt this is gacha game yaoi#and i wont say that people aren't well within their right to engage with this sort of content either#i dont think it necessarily means anything about the moral values you apply to reality#i myself am into things in fiction that i find horrible in real life. why wouldn't i extend this same logic to proshipping?#doesn't change the fact that it's something i find weird and uncomfortable.#and that it's something that a Lot of people are going to find weird and uncomfortable#and that acting like this is just a regular pairing between two random guys is.. frankly really dumb#if you're gonna be weird about it at least own it! admit you're just into things society perceives as very gross#and tag your thing correctly so i can filter it out and block me so i never ever have to interact with you in my life#Okay. that's out of my system now. i apologize for posting discourse#complaining tag#askpilled#discourse
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Your Weekly TV Guide
On Monday you can expect:
2:30 PM: Star Control II - Helix
And Tuesday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix
Wednesday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix
Thursday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix
Friday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix
Saturday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix
+4:20 PM Bonus!: Helix!DAX
Sunday:
2:30 PM: SCII - Helix
Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)
#Weekly TV Guide#I forgot again lol#Not like it's hard to guess what to expect lol#Last week's warning of this week being identical? I have only a repeat announcement to give you lol ♥#I Completely lost my mind about Max and Dex recently on top of ZEX - and you can see DAX's bonus there on Saturday as well lol#The next Helix reread is going to be absolutely wild <3 <3#I actually have gone in and picked out specific scenes to go over already and hghghglgjsadgds <3 <3#I've always had a strong reaction to Helix but this is like a whole other level ♥♪♫#Reading new is starting to wind down in real time but I'm still not done Quite yet hehe#Inspiration still coming at me as well of course! That usually doesn't settle until Well after I'm done reading hehehe <3#Hhhhh I'm just so ♥#I'm gonna have to take a proper word count on my liveblog notes lol#Normally I wouldn't make liveblog notes while reading but I haven't been able to read in my hammock so since it's there ♪#I'm honestly really glad for that I've been so enjoying writing down my thoughts and looking at them after taking a bit of time to digest#I think the last time I looked I found something like 700+ instances of ''<3'' so if that's any indication lol
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this new job really does challenge me & make me face my fears. last week i had to eat salmon and today i've sat in a waiting room for 45mins and counting
#i do eat salmon semi-regularly but this time it was PREPARED DIFFERENTLY!!!#i do also sit in waiting rooms a lot. doesn't make me hate it any less#ohhh well. i'm enjoying it a lot more than i did last week so that's good at least! getting settled in!#marth.txt
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augh why don't I have more hours in a day
#I'm really lucky to have a job that doesn't totally suck (well I'm underpaid but the alternatives are more boring)#but I wish my job took less time and energy#tbf I'm still sort of settling in and it's a temporary contract anyway and it's my sleepiest time of year but blerg#mainly I just want to do so much creative work and play video games but work drains the energy out of me#I say this as if I didn't spend a couple of hours last night reading a textbook for fun lol whoops#anyway I think I specifically deserve more hours in a day#inverse problem.txt
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haaaaiiii guyyyyssss (gn) probably gonna be on here more often again soon. life events occurring. have occurred? still occurring, i suppose.
i'll probably post abt it more in depth at some ltr point, still in the very early stages of some stuff. i dont want to classify them as positive or negative things, however they're certainly things.
there's a lot of thoughts in my brain (hah), and ultimately i want to share them, but for now this is kind of me waving at everyone with a smile while my life has an "under construction" sign
#the last sentence also pertains to system stuff bc there was a major split from a significant alter#so like imagine an 'under new management' sign as well#not a host shift tho afaik but the split has resulted in a new fronter who's very active and has been co-con very frequently since#i've been having a Time recently in ways i'll ltr divulge abt but i finally established a solid communication with her today and that helped#i dont know how many splits/alters had broken off because intuition is saying a few but she's the most present and active in my awareness#i think we settled on her name being Lily but that may not be concrete#for a few alters i get like a single letter for their name and i try to work with them to find a name within that letter that feels right#one of my oldest and closest alters has only had the letter 'E' for the longest time and he and i cant find a solid name yet#every now and again im like 'edgar??? edwin??? edward??? emil???' and he's like 'fuck if i know' so like. fair enough dude.#i wonder if he'd like ez/ezara given that's a name we picked for ourselves pre-diagnosis however he doesn't fit that name in my opinion#ANYWAY. Lily is a teen girl in very much every way possible and she's very much an ANP#she is loved but as i type that she made it clear she's having an eyeroll reaction but that is the best i've got lol#i dont really mention system members often on here and mention them moreso to friends however i have a feeling she'll want a sideblog tbh#which is not something i've created/done for alters before as generally most of the system choose to be more private#but she seems extremely social and i want to give her her own space#i hesitate to give her an okay posting on her own on here mainly because i am an adult and i consider this blog an adult space#but im also okay discussing her in reference if that makes dense#anyway. yeah. as you can probably imagine shit has been Going On given there was a major split/restructuring but again that's for later#that's enough rambling from me lol ttyl
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