#but it is PHENOMENALLY satisfying for more than half my gear to be shit I made myself

[teaandinanity]

the main problem with FFXIV letting me have All The Gathering And Production Classes is that I’m currently looking at my inventory cap with mounting dread  because like

I need All The Things to make shit but I do not have ROOM for All The Things To Make Shit

[lady-therion]

Everything I Meant to Say: Part 6 [Nessian]

Summary: Cassian sends the wrong message at the wrong time.

(Modern AU)

***

   It only took a few seconds for Cassian’s phone to explode with text messages.

   “Fake news,” said Azriel.

   “This is fake right?” echoed Rhys. “Do they have that suit in my size?”

   “I *almost* believed this,” said Feyre. “Smh.”  

   “This is SO mean,” said Elain, her declaration followed by furious emojis.

   “I don’t even know where to begin with this,” said Mor.

   “Pretty heartless,” wrote Amren. “Good job.”

   Cassian scrolled through the endless banter that followed. Most of it was just variations of the beginning of the thread. Then he mulled over something Feyre sent him privately.

   “I know you two are over,” she began. “And I’m glad you’re still close enough to be complete assholes to your family, but NGL...I wish this was real.”

   He sighed, pocketing his phone. He didn’t want to think too deeply on whether he agreed with Feyre or not. The answer was kept behind a door he swore to never pry open the moment Nesta vanished from his life.

   Speaking of which…

   Nearby, the rapid click-click-click of the cameras geared into overdrive as his ex stood next to her formation of “bridesmaids.” Like her, they were tall, stylish, and criminally gorgeous. But as long as Nesta was in the shot, she stole the entire show. Though it wasn’t her beauty that made her stand out. It was her presence. She was commanding. When she was there, you couldn’t look at anyone else. That went doubly so for Cassian. Tearing his eyes away from her somehow felt like a cardinal sin.

   And yet…

   The doubt that had been stalking his periphery all day began to slink into focus. No matter how phenomenal Nesta was at her job, he still had a hard time believing she actually enjoyed this. The Nesta he remembered abhorred taking pictures, especially if they were of her. He’d been on recon missions more difficult than getting Nesta to pose for five minutes—let alone smile like she meant it.

  That’s why most of the photos he had of her were candid, taken during moments when her mind was elsewhere. One of his old favorites (that he didn’t have the heart to delete) was of her reading. He remembered finding her on his balcony, draped in one of his T-shirts. It always made him embarrassingly possessive to see her wear his things and she knew it.

   The sunlight had brought out all the gold in her hair, the color in her cheeks, the kissable bow of her mouth. She had looked so soft, so at ease. Her long, bare legs were curled beneath her in an adorable, girlish way. He remembered how much he wanted to wrap them around his waist and carry her back to bed...

   It was her expression that he remembered most of all. He had only ever seen it when she was reading something smutty. He wondered if she still read those kinds of books. Or if they were one of the many things she left behind once she started a new life.

   Again, he marveled at how different she was now. Somehow in the span of six years, she had been reforged and refined. The Nesta from before their fallout was all sharp corners and jagged edges. This Nesta was no less keen, no less imposing. But there was something about her that was...soothed. As though someone had cooled and gentled all that raw pain and blazing anger.

   Someone that wasn’t him.

   “I can practically hear you brooding,” said Nesta, drawing near.

   He gave her a half-hearted grin.

   “Not getting cold feet, are you?”

   “It’s not that,” he said.

   “Then what?” she asked. “Did the happy little circle not enjoy our trick?”

   Happy little circle.

   She had used those words a lot when they were together and never in a fond way. It used to set his teeth on edge, the way she would scoff and sneer at his family. Their family. He could never understand why she always tried to distance herself from them.

   They’re your happy little circle, she would say. Not mine.

   Apparently, it didn’t matter that his circle also included her own blood relations. Getting her to join any sort of group event was an Olympic-level challenge. It chafed him every time she said no, as if these family gatherings were a waste of her time. They had endless arguments about it. Cassian often wondered why he even bothered dragging her along, especially when she fought him tooth and nail every step of the way.

   But there were no teeth or nails in her words now. Because in that moment, the phrase “happy little circle” was said as a matter of fact. There was no derision, no haughtiness, no sarcasm. There was still a wedge of distance, however. A near palpable sense of “I acknowledge and respect your world, but I am not a part of it.”

  The notion bothered him in ways that he couldn’t explain. But now wasn’t the time to air out his grievances.

  Instead, he smirked at her and said, “Yeah, they’re pretty pissed. I should show you later.”

  “You should,” she said. “We’ll grab dinner. I know a place.”

  “Dinner?”

  “Yes,” she said. “It usually comes after lunch. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

  Her brow furrowed in concern as he glanced away. Those killer blue eyes of hers were at full power and he was worried that if she looked too long, she would see just how fucking inadequate he was. He was a bastard nobody. Standing next to her now made it a thousand times more obvious.

  Maybe he was getting cold feet.

  She cleared her throat.

  “We don’t have to do dinner if that’s too...awkward. I know I asked a lot from you today—”  

  “Can the bossy bride and her hot groom please take their markers?”

   Vassa’s voice echoed imperiously through the megaphone as Nesta’s bridal party sailed away from the stone bridge like a parade of lavender clouds. A few of them glanced his way, but averted their eyes as soon as they caught Nesta glaring. He’d been on the receiving end of that glare before. The one that said, “Proceed at your own peril.”

  They stood at their markers. The city’s world-famous sunset making Nesta shine like a thousand-carat diamond. Once upon a time, he had told her that he loved her at this exact same spot. How long ago was that now? A decade? Maybe more? Back then, they were young and full of expectations.

   None of those expectations had panned out.

   Being here, stuffed into someone else’s suit, made him feel like the punchline of some cosmic joke; a glitch in the matrix. All of the optimism he gathered throughout the day seemed to evaporate under the realization that he really did not belong here.

  “You look like you’re about to throw up,” she said.

  “I think I just might,” he answered.

  “You were fine just a minute ago,” she said quietly. “What changed?”

   “Sorry,” he said. “I’m just overthinking this.”

   “Overthinking what?”

   “Is there a reason you two look like you’re about to say your last words instead of your wedding vows?”

   Cassian started as Vassa materialized between them like a referee about to lay down the ground rules. As cute as she was, she should really wear a bell.

  “You realize that we’re not actually getting married right?” asked Nesta. “We’re just playing dress-up.”

  A strange pang went through him at the words “dress-up.” It had the same impact as a jab to the gut. Nesta was right. This was all just pretend and he really needed to get his shit together. For both their sakes.

  “I’ve seen kindergartners perform better than this,” said Vassa. “At least try to act like this is the happiest day of your life. Both of you.” The shuffled uneasily under her discerning gaze. “My advice? Leave everything in the past. All that matters is now. I don’t need either of you to look schmoopy. Just talk about something nice. Something honest.”

   She flounced away, directing her staff to reposition the cameras.

   “And please stand closer,” she said. “You’re about to get married. Not take each other to prom.”

  Nesta cursed under her breath as she shifted towards him. She was close enough that he could smell the jasmine from her bouquet or trace the flower buds threaded into her hair. His fingers twitched with muscle memory. Almost nothing satisfied him more than Nesta’s hair. Playing with it had been one of his favorite things in the entire world. He loved combing out the strands, twisting it into braids, or grabbing whole fistfuls while she...

   “Just do it.”

   “Hm?” He hoped he didn’t look as dazed as he felt. “Sorry, do what?”

   “My hair.” She tugged at a particularly springy curl that that framed her heart-shaped face. The urge to tuck it behind her ear staggered him. “Go ahead. I can tell you want to. You get this glazed look in your eye.”  

   “I do not,” he said, even though he knew he did.

   But when she tugged that curl again, he knew he was done for.

  So he did as she asked and she sighed in contentment, almost leaning into his hand as he grazed the whorl of her ear. He didn’t know if that was for the benefit of their audience, but for now he didn’t care. It was such a small and simple gesture. Something he had done a thousand times when they were a couple. But even with small and simple gestures, you never knew if the next one would be your last.

   A moment passed. Then a hundred years.

  It was Nesta who spoke first. “You brought me here for our anniversary.”

  “Every single one,” he whispered.

   “It was two weeks ago,” she added. “The last one. If we stayed together, that is.” She turned her face, glancing at the river below. Its surface was as still as glass, reflecting the setting sun like a mirror. “Do you...do you sometimes wish things had been different?”

   All the time, he wanted to say.  

   “I thought the exercise was to leave everything in the past?”

   “It’s probably better that way,” said Nesta. “But still...it’s hard to forget.”

   Regrets piled up between them like mounds of ash. Why couldn’t “starting over” feel like the clean slate it was supposed to? Why couldn’t all hurts just fade with time?  

   He leaned down far enough to kiss her, but stopped just shy of her glossy lips.

   “I tripped up the steps, remember?”

   “What?”

   “This bridge. I tripped on that cobblestone right there, because I was nervous as shit.”

   “You were?”

   “I was about to tell you that I loved you,” he said, grimly. “Yes, I was nervous as shit.”

   The corner of her mouth lifted, making her dimple show. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to caress it with his thumb.

   “I do remember a lot of stammering that day.”

   “I think I was about to have a stroke,” he said. “Glad that I amused you though.”

   That was the honest-to-god truth. Her smile could have lit up the entire city. He remembered wanting to be the cause of them forever. He would hoard each one for a rainy day.

   “You’ve always been a cheeky little shit,” she said. “It was nice seeing you flustered for once.”

   “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you flustered, Ms. Archeron.”

   “Mrs.” she corrected. “In this pretend scenario we’re playing, I’m Mrs. Archeron and you also took my name.”

   “Is that so?”

   Funny. He actually did plan on taking her last name if they ever got married.

   “I thought it would be more….awful to talk to you like this,” she said. “I guess we really have moved on.”

   Another click. Another shutter. Another meaningful silence.

   “Yeah, I guess we have,” he said.

   “What the hell, Vassa?”

   Their peaceful tableau curled away like burning paper when a tall man walked onto their set. Like Vassa, his hair was red. But deeper, golden—like a fox’s. Cassian tensed at the man’s sneering, half-cruel expression. Irrationally, it made Cassian want to shove Nesta behind him. The only thing that stopped him from doing so was the certainty that she would toss him into the river if he tried.

   “Nice of you to finally show up to work, Eris,” said Nesta dryly.  

   So this was Eris.

   “I see you’re quick to replace me, Nesta dear.” He pouted as he placed a hand over his heart. “My feelings are crushed.”

   Nesta snorted. “As if you had them. And for the record, I didn’t replace you. Vassa did.”

   “You’re damn right I did,” cried Vassa. “Where the hell have you been all day, jackass?”

   He shrugged. “One of my brothers had a thing.”

   Nesta and Vassa exchanged a glance, as if to say “of course.”

   “Hey there, Eris Vanserra.”

   He reached out to shake his hand. It took a moment for Cassian to take it because he wasn’t sure if Eris was actually being sincere.

   “Thanks for putting up with the Ice Queen and the Fire Bitch,” Eris added, winking.

   “We resent that,” the aforementioned deadpanned.

   There was a rhythm to their teasing, Cassian realized. A fluid rhythm that reminded himself and Rhys, or himself and Morrigan. It was the assurance between people who were close friends; who were perhaps drawn together because they were misfits everywhere else. It made Cassian feel even more out of place; even more isolated.

   Was this how Nesta felt whenever she was with his family?

   The realization astounded him, changing the molecular structure of a thousand different memories. It was like adding color to black and white photographs. Every clash, every fight, every screaming match that erupted between them...had Nesta just felt lonely all that time? Had she perhaps felt like he was always choosing his own family’s happiness, while disregarding hers?

   It was a miracle that he could still draw air into his lungs.

   How could he not see it? How could he not know?

   “Might as well take the day off, Eris,” said Vassa. “Your replacement is doing just fine. We’re almost done in fact. All the important shots were done today.”

“So I dragged my fine ass out here for nothing?”

  “You can grab dinner with us later,” said Nesta. “I was thinking of taking Cassian to that bistro downtown.”

   “Ugh, I hate that place,” said Eris. “But for you, I’d go.”

   He gave her an obnoxious wink that made Cassian want to punch something. His only consolation was that Nesta was immune to this particular man’s “charm.”

   You don’t belong here, his subconscious taunted. You don’t belong here. You don’t belong here.

   You’re an accessory. 

   She doesn’t need you. 

   Get out before you cause any more damage.

   “Actually, I think I might call it a day,” said Cassian, wincing inwardly at his own awkwardness. “It’s getting late and I have an early morning tomorrow.”

   “Are you sure?” asked Nesta.

   “Yeah,” he said, ignoring her concern. “I, ah...I’d better go.”

   He pretended not to hear Nesta calling him on the way back to her trailer.

   “Idiot,” said Vassa, smacking Eris with a rolled up newspaper. “You scared him away!”

***

   He was about to hail a cab from the park entrance when he realized Nesta had followed him. She was still wearing her wedding gown, looking for all the world like a desperate bride trying to win back an errant groom. A few onlookers exchanged curious murmurs. One of them snapped a photo that was probably going to be all over Twitter. Christ.

   “Can you at least tell me why you’re leaving?” she asked.

   He stilled.

   Don’t walk away from me!

   There were only two people in his life that walked away from him for good: his father and the woman standing before him. Although to be fair, he walked away from her first. The only good that came from today was the realization of just how badly he failed her. Of course, Nesta had left him. He couldn’t give her what she needed. How could he possibly explain this to her?

   “I thought we were friends,” she said. “I thought we were starting over.”

   “I don’t know if we can be ever friends, Nesta.”

   “Oh.”  

   The words shattered between them like broken glass.

   He wished he could rewind time and say them all over again differently. He wished for a lot of things.

   “Nesta. That’s not what I meant.”

   She nodded stiffly.

   “You’re right,” she said. “This was a mistake.”

   She took a step back from him, her face a familiar mask of ice hiding a tempest of emotions. He knew that mask well. It was a sign that the battle was over, though neither side had won.

   “I’m sorry,” he said.  

   “So am I.”

***

Tagging these baes:  @aelin-and-feyre, @ladyvanserra, @queen-archeron, @mariamuses, @alyssa-targaryen, @urbisie, @dreamilyzealousbird, @wolffrising, @elide-lochan-salvaterre, @writer-reader-traveller, @sugarcoated44, @a-trifling-matter, @tntwme, @crazybookladythings, @katexrenee, @katshrev, @voiceoftheroses, @highfaenesta, @a-court-of-nessian, @iamnesta, @empress-ofbloodshed, @lordof-bloodshed, @ourbooksuniverse, @godbepatient, @verifiefangirl, @photofeesh, @deathbytitanium, @ofstarsanddreams, @cruelwickedthing, @helloprinceling, @maddieimhot, @awesomethreedragons, @catastrophicideass, @shadowazriel, @kaliejane26, @fantasy-faes, @cmhmama, @cyracourtney, @rowanismybae, @mydarlingwhitethorn, @escapingtheconstrictingboxes, @thenameisjaida-blog, @poisonbooknerd, @deathroseravenscar, @saltierthanbottomofapretzelbag, @officialsuriel, @alexisnm95, @captain-timetraveldreamer, @leulivy, @high-lady-of-rochambeau, @deathroseravenscar, @zaradearbornsucks, @ootwwolves, @booksaremylife4eva, @the-dream-team-of-prythian, @goldbooksblack, @fandoms-everywhere-united, @hashtolanashoba, @wewhohavefailed, @highladyjel, @curiousitykilledthecas, @nerdperson524, @unicornbooks-blog, @sarcasticsashimi, @way-too-emotionally-invested, @mydarlingwhitethorn, @whydoyoucareaboutmyusername, @tswaney17, @court-of-fandoms-and-art, @alicethelonerabbit, @acourtofrosesandbooks, @stardustsroses, @fck-tamlin, @beelezebub, @aelinashgalathynius, @rowanismybae, @nessian-girl, @starlightheir 

Thank you for reading, my loves.

Other chapters be found in the Masterlist in my Bio / I am Lady_Therion on AO3

[ollyarchive]

Olly Alexander Just Wants to Be Straight with You

BY

BRENNAN CARLEY

PHOTOGRAPHS BY

ALEX RESIDE

The Years & Years frontman is back with a new single, a new hair color, and a new outlook on straight men.

Olly Alexander walks into GQ's photo studio and removes his hat, revealing a shock of brightly dyed red hair. Whether that means something to you or not depends on how familiar you are with and fanatic about the British singer's incredibly popular band, Years & Years. The trio's already put out one incredible album (2015's Communion), picked up fans like Katy Perry, and are now gearing up for their sophomore project, coming this summer and anchored by the just-released "Sanctify", which chronicles Alexander's experience sleeping with and falling for a straight man. It's an effortless synth-pop song with vivid religious imagery, a sticky chorus, and cheeky lyrics like "You don't have to be straight with me / I see what's underneath your mask," which is sort of Years & Years' sweet spot: Just when you think you have them figured out, they take you to a deeper place than you thought pop music could go.

Alexander, who's 27, is also known both for his acting work (you may have seen him on Skins) and for his outspokenness as a member of the gay community (his 2017 BBC documentary, Growing Up Gay, is a phenomenal watch). Boyish in appearance but confident in presentation, Alexander lounges in a windowless green room in lower Manhattan, fielding our questions about self-care, new music, and—yes—straight men.

GQ: When did you start working on the album? Olly Alexander: It was September 2016. We had finished up the majority of our touring. We were gonna take a break, and I...didn't take a break. I just started working on the second album. I did take like three weeks where I just deliberately did nothing and read books and stuff at home. But I also went to Taiwan and Bali by myself. It was a really good trip. It was fun.

I love being alone. [A solo vacation's] not for everybody, but I just like how you can do your own thing at your own time. You don't have to give a shit about anyone else's preferences, what they want to do. And you make friends and stuff.

Have you always liked being alone? Solitude is very restorative for me, especially because I spend so much time around other people and performing to people. And when you're on tour, you're sharing a bus with 20 people.

How did you handle needing solitude on the road? It's tough because you're constantly traveling, and you're in this whirlwind with no stability. I definitely got better at creating my own personal alone time within the company of lots of other people. It would be like, "Don't talk to me. I'm reading my book. I'm inside my bunk on my tour bus, and it's like literally a coffin." No one can come in, and I can just close the curtain and be here and be alone. And then, also, I would do things. It's fun touring. In America, the drives are so long, and then you make a stop over in El Paso or Cleveland. In Cleveland, I remember we had a day off, and I just Googled "things to do in Cleveland," and number three was "the cemetery." So, I went! And it was a good cemetery. Spend more time in cemeteries.

Why'd you jump right back into writing after the first album cycle wrapped? In my mind, I was like, "I'll just get loads of songs out of the way because I know how this process works. It's gonna take a really, really long time to find anything good, and I just want to get a good chunk in right now. And then I'll take the rest of the year off and start again in the New Year."

Once I started doing it, I was like, "Oh, I actually really like writing music." When you're touring and promoting an album, I wasn't writing any music or necessarily being super creative at all, and I forgot how much that's very important to me. It was encouraging because there's always a part of you that thinks, "Maybe I just can't. I won't be able to do it again. I won't be able to write another song."

Where did "Sanctify" come in the process? It came pretty early. I've been having a lot of encounters with straight guys that were not being straight with me and were struggling, to put it lightly, with their sexuality. I was very fascinated by that dynamic because for starters, it's a very common experience, I think, for gay men to fall for a straight guy.

I mean, I've done it. I think for a lot of gay guys, you're at school and fall in love with your straight friends. That happened to me, and I think that's really super common. But also, now that I'm an out gay man—very out—I've noticed how some straight guys gravitate...it's weird because I've almost found myself having these encounters with straight guys and find myself playing this saint and sinner role, or like this angel and devil, because I'm leading them down the path of "sinful gayness," but also I'm helping them satisfy the sexual desire that they feel they can't get anywhere else. It's strange to have that dichotomy, and so I was like, "I'm gonna write a song about it!"

Most of my straight crushes happened when I was younger, where it's like, "Oh, I feel like I can lust after this person because it's likely never going to amount to anything because they're straight, so it's not gonna hurt me in the end." I relate to that 100 percent. That's something that I felt when I was younger. But then it happened to me recently where I was like, "Am I having feelings for this straight guy? What is that about?"

It's like you said: Putting away your emotions and investing in someone that ostensibly is never gonna give you that back. It's kind of heartbreaking. Why would anybody put themselves in that position? I think when you're a gay guy, navigating the dating world and romance, it's hard enough. If you're just stepping outside of all of that bullshit and just putting it on a straight guy, you're right: "Oh, that will never happen. My feelings aren't gonna get hurt." Even though they always kind of do. You're lying to yourself.

Have you felt from straight men—or men that present as straight, I suppose—that they've projected those angel and devil roles back on you? Yes. It's funny because it's like you feel the sense of responsibility to not fuck up this guy that's clearly struggling with his sexuality, but then resenting the fact that I had to tread on eggshells.

Is it especially hard for you to date because you're you? Yeah. It's funny because I downloaded Grindr. I was newly single toward the end of 2016, and I've been in relationships all throughout my 20s, and I was like, "I really want to be single, and I need to be alone." I think it's the right decision, but I'm literally like...I haven't seen Call Me by Your Name, and now I just cannot watch it because I'm just like, "Why would I watch depictions of two men being in love when I know I'll die alone?" I just can't handle that right now.

Anyway, when I was newly single, I downloaded Grindr because I'd been in relationships or I'd been in the band. I couldn't have Grindr, but then I was like, "Wait, but why the fuck can't I have Grindr? I want to have this experience." You know? So I downloaded it and I was on it, and then it was just weird because people would think I was catfishing myself, which was kind of a head fuck.

Grindr has some great things about it, but it also has a lot of negatives, and it's just very hard to trust anybody. It just feels like this meat market of dick pics and sex positions. "Are you a top or bottom?" It does kind of depress me a bit, even though I love to hook up as much as the next guy. It's good for that, but people would think I was catfishing myself, or they'd be like, "Oh, I'm such a big fan," and that's kind of a turnoff, so it didn't go super well for me.

You know how some people have dreams of moving to Florence or living in Seoul? You can still do all of those things, but I always think for queer people, "Well, I kind of need to live somewhere where I'm not gonna face abuse." A queer-friendly place. I think a lot of straight people forget that sometimes. They're surprised when I say that to them.

I think the assumption with straight people is that it's 2018 and even though things are better for gay people, it's not entirely true. I went to a wedding in San Antonio with my partner a couple of weeks ago, and I remember thinking, "Oh! This is the first time in a long time that I have not felt comfortable!" Yeah, I totally agree with you. Back when I had a boyfriend, if we were getting a cab together, I would a be a little uncomfortable kissing in the back of a cab. A lot of that has to do with my own issues around internalized homophobia that I grew up with, but at the same time, I do live in a really gay-friendly city. But if you leave London, half an hour away, you feel like it's a completely different landscape, and, you know, it does feel very threatening to just hold your boyfriend's hand or be yourself.

That is the reality for most queer people. I think we have made amazing strides in so many ways and we can be super happy about that, but it would be delusional to think that everything's fine. It's also because the LGBT community is so diverse, so intersectional, and I think people outside of the community forget that. But people within the community forget it, too. We don't actually reach equality unless everybody has equality, but if you're used to privilege, true equality feels like oppression. Unfortunately, we're white gay dudes, and we are a minority, and we have our own systems of oppression, but we're also at the top of the privilege tree. I think there's a lot of imbalance there.

I'm always gonna support my siblings in the community, but it does make me really sad to see how much racism, sexism, and transphobia that exists from within, and I think there are lots and lots of reasons for that, but we just can't really lose sight of the fact that we're all fighting similar battles.

You use the word "queer." A lot of people are still uncomfortable with that. Yes.

Have you had a moment where you've said to yourself, "I am comfortable using this and here's the reason why"? Yeah. Whenever I have these kind of conversations, I try and say I personally like "queer," but I understand that it's really painful for many people, and I've had a few people get offended with my use of the word, which I do completely understand. I'd like to think I have enough humility to be able to engage with that person that has the problem with that word, and I would listen and I would try and learn something from that experience.

I suppose for me, I like it because it feels very inclusive. "LGBT" is also good, and both feel separate but also similar. I don't know. I would be interested to hear what you think about the word and the use of the word.

I feel the same way. I think it's a generation who grew up knowing that word as an insult and a slur, that's hesitant to let a younger generation reclaim it. I think in 20 years, the gay twentysomethings at that time will be using "fag" as slang, but I was called it when I was younger, and I'm not comfortable yet letting that word be reclaimed. Yeah, I feel the same way about that [word], too.

It might say more about me than it says about them. Maybe I should be thrilled that they're so comfortable to take that word, especially when we're having the conversation about "queer." I'm comfortable using "queer," but it's also because the kids who were bullying me when I was 12 and 13 weren't using that as an insult. Exactly, yeah. I have not grown up with being victimized by that word. That is a super important distinction. But some gay guys feel like it diminishes a gay identity, and I love being a gay man. I identify as a gay man all the time, but I also like to identify as queer. I suppose it feels like it encompasses my gay identity, but it also encompasses some other stuff—a more fluid approach to my gender. And I feel like when I spend time with my friends who identify as genderqueer or non-binary, queer feels like the best word for us all as group. Language is so multifaceted, and these are words that we can employ in different situations, and they don't have to be fixed. If we're just carrying on these conversations, then I think we're fine.

You talked about the people that you have surrounded yourself with. Have you built up a support system within the community? Oh yeah, 100 percent. I moved away from home when I was 18 to London, and what I did was just try to find my family and people that I felt could understand the experience that I was going through. I've met amazing people. I've also lost amazing people along the way, and unfortunately that's normal.

I'm not saying that being straight is easy, but when you're gay, you don't really have a familial network or support system. You have to find that. Also, I think there's a whole erasure of queer people who are in their 60s, 70s, 80s, and so there's this collective anxiety about aging and who's gonna love us and who's gonna take care of us and what if we don't have kids because we don't have any rulebooks for that or any guidebooks for that. It feels completely terrifying, and I know that I'm not alone in thinking that.

Do you worry at all about getting older? For sure. Now I feel a little bit more comfortable with it and I think, "Oh my God, I'm so happy that I'm not gonna have to worry." I don't want to have kids, and that's just a personal choice. It's nothing to do with being gay or not, but I used to worry that "Oh, I'm gay, and that means I can't have a longterm relationship or get married or have kids." That was just the thing that you were supposed to have, that everybody was supposed to have. Now, of course, we do live in a world where it's totally normal for gay guys to get married and have kids.

Now I kind of feel like, "Oh well, I feel like I can just be empowered enough to make the choice to not have those things. I don't want them," and still live a full, happy life and get old and be a mad gay guy living by the sea like Grace and Frankie. That's literally all I'm aiming toward, is living like Grace and Frankie.

You just mentioned how we're meant to assume that we won't have long relationships. I've been in a relationship for almost four years, but the way that straight people talk about the length of their relationship, as if it's like...you know how when you have a dog, and it's like, "Well, he's 8 in dog years, but he's 64 in human years." People seem shocked that we're able to carry out longterm monogamy. I know. On the one hand, I think one of the great things about being gay, I find, is it's not a given that you're gonna immediately enter a monogamous relationship with somebody that just has to last as long as possible, and it fails when it ends. It's like one rule, and it's not to cheat. I love that it feels like there are more possibilities. For myself as a gay guy, I feel like, "Oh, maybe I could have a different kind of relationship," which is great but...

The rulebook is different. Exactly. But at the same time, it does show the double standard that gay people are viewed as less likely to be able to commit. I think there are lots of reasons for that, and I don't want to jump to, like, "Oh, well, straight people just think that gay guys are deviant and promiscuous," you know? There's a seed of truth to that, still, that it is kind of a surprise to see a longterm relationship.

It's crazy how we have one relationship model. I think even five years ago, people weren't super aware of what polyamory meant or being in a throuple. And I was like, "Maybe I wanna be in a throuple?" And I was like, "Actually, that seems like the best relationship ever." I just wanna be the unicorn in the throuple, and I can live in the next house to the couple. Wait, this sounds so fun. How can I arrange this?

I'm sure you can arrange that. I know. In my mind, I'm working toward the Grace and Frankie throuple situation. I'm just gonna get high by the beach all day. Maybe see my husbands or whoever they are a couple times a week.

Styling by Nick Royal

[nautiscarader]

Kim Possible season 3 recap

And here is part 3 of my KP marathon notes. Obligatory thanks to @fereality-indy for encouraging me to watch this awesome show. 

So, what will happen this this time? Will Kim Possible save another kitten from a tree? Will Ron discover something better than nachos? Will Doctor Drakken release the Krakken? Will Shego puncture her ego? Will Lord Monkeyfist buy Club Banana just because he is bonkers? Will Duff Killigan finally score?

So, let’s see what’s the first big problem KP has to deal with!

Kim being alone on a Friday evening. Okay.

Also, amusingly, everyone is doing something on a Friday evening, including the villians. 

Motorhead turns out to be Drakken’s cousin. okay.

And people know the address of Draken’s lair bc of mailing list

See, it’s the little touches like those that make this show a very accurate portrayal of superheroes and villians. 

KP gets jealous of Ron’s friend in wheelchair because they spend too much time together playing video games, so she has to find a way to “fit in”.

Okay, so they can approach it in a sensible and subtle, or so-cringe-worthy-and-painful-the-skip-button-presses-itself way.

So, which did they choose?

painful it is

Few stupid scenes later, Draken STEALs THE WHEELCHAIR FROM A DISABLED KID

shego: what’s next, stealing lolipop from a baby?

and there is a brilliant running joke about it

is it ableist to say that a joke about disabled person is “running”? Well, this is tumblr you gotta be carfeul

Anyway, turns out that Drakken and Jake the Dog make an actual competent combo, even though they end up in prison. And momma Lipski is still clueless about her son’s profession

Next ep: KIM CHANGED HER HAIR! and she looks cute

Ron is a pickle, but that’s normal

Draken and shego steal moodulators (get it?) from random scientist #464

Shego: if you are so smart why do you always steal instead of inventing things yourself

Draken: it’s called outsourcing, shego

God d amit, that is a smart show. 

And of course moodultaors accidentally fall on KP and SHego, so they act random throughout the day. And boy it is weird when it’s set to loveskick

Shego: steals lolipop from a baby for Drakken because she luvs him

KP turns into  a proper stalker mode for her Ronnie

And Monique is completely fine with it. 

and then kim KISSED him!!!

OMG NOSEBLEED

And then poor Ron has no idea what to do with dating KP so suddenly, and the whole scene where he debates what to do is absolute gold with a punchline that defies expectations. 

Draken and Shego go on a date and boy it is weird. SHE CATWALKS TO HIM

I can already see Disney censors thinking when it’s going to be too much for The Mouse

and kim’s dad threatens to send ron to a black hole when he takes her on a date

Also the random professor wants to sell his no-longer-existent moodulaTors on auction and he thinks about blaming it on the mail. You know, i’ve seen some approaches how to handle a world where superheroes/villians/geniuses live in our society (like in BNHA, for example), but KP so far makes it the best approach, because it makes them so relatable. 

And boy the finale is satisfying because everything completely backfires

Shego and KP got stuck in an anGry mode, and chase their boys. Ron tries to hide in the same place as drakken

Drakken: Dibs!

Ron: Double dibs!

Drakken: all right, you won with your superior dib-calling (ACTUAL QUOTE)

And the day is saved thanks to the power of friendship and not that Kp and ron are definitely in love with each other

KP, Ron, Drakken and Shego somehow manage to get into Tv, where they visit parodies of famous shows

Honestly, meh. I remember a similar episode of Teen Titans, that one was funny as heck.

and then we find out who’s the real villian of the middleton high: THE SCARY LIBRARIAN!

And turns out Ron accidentally put a book Kim rented in his backpack, causing her to get into trouble doing library duties. 

So he goes on a mission to revisit all of the bad guys they fought to see where he might have left it

Okay: calling it now, it’s still in his backpack

Shego: Where’s Possible?

Ron: She’s not my girlfriend!

Shego: Never said she was. 

And Ron accidentally saves the world on that book hunt

Lord Monkey:Ron Stoppable!

Ron: You’re the only one, who remembers my name, I respect that

Okay, so Wade can make stuff invisible. Like, how?

And there we go: the book it was in his backpack all the time. 

Oh, and Ron takes a book from Lord Monkeymonkey contaning a spirit of a monkey demon.

And he returns to the library, saving Kim from being bored to death by retunring the book. 

GUESS WHICH ONE HE RETURNED.

Oh, it was another half-episode. Weird. 

And the next one is about giant bugs. Interesting how Kim tells Ron not to be afraid of bugs, and next moment she’s all squirmish while Ron befriends a giant roach and calls him Roachie. 

KP: Ron, did you start working on the project? it was supposed to be autobiographical

ron: No, I’m waiting for it to write itself.

WE MIGHT GET RUFUS’ BACKSTORY!

Oh, and Drakken tried to take over the world with shampoo. Honestly, it’s funny as heck

he tries smarty mart to sell it

he even makes loreal-style ad, but it doesn’t sell

so he tries product placement in a hip hop song, and the artists is like “Aw, hell no”

And then 

and then

turns out that Shego and Drakken are having karaoke night every friday.

God dammit, i don’t know why but that is beyond funny

and turns out that Drakken can sing. 

and shego points out that he could sing about the shampoo

so he goes to an american idol

And I think I realise what really makes it funny: Kp is barely in this episode, helping ron with homework. No evil-doing is actually done, we only get to see, for the most part what goes behind the scenes of an evil plan that is so insanely and unnecessary convoluted it is beyond belief. 

OH, AND kp GETS TO RIVAL HIM ON STAGE, OF COURSE.

people hypnotised by the shampoo so far: one (1) random henchman

one (1) old TV producer in a sauna 

one (1) Simon Cowell

And...holy shit, his song is actually good. 

And instead of KP, who is busy fighting the mean lean green machine, Ron sings about Rufus. The song is titled “Naked Mole Rap”. And it is FREAKING PHENOMENAL.

Oh, add one (1) Shego to the list. 

Okay, so far that is the most crazy episode. Like, seriously, the quality was through the roof.

SCRATCH THAT NEXT EP is EVEN WEIRDER

So, the Team Impossible, which we have learned about in the movie, is angry at KP for saving the world for free, whereas they actually charge people for it. 

And they try to cut Kim from all of her world-traveling assets and knock her out of competition.

THAT IS FUCKING V ILE

And they hack Wade

AND TURNS OUT YOU DON’T FUCK WITH WADE

YOU DON’T CUT THEIR INTERNET CABLES OF A NERD

SINCE THIS IS ONE WAY TO MAKE AN OBESE SUPER GENIOUS  WALK OUT OF THEIR ROOM

AND HE LOOKS SO FREAKING BAD-ASS WHEN HE STORMS INTO THEIR HEADQUATERS

aaand TI is defeated the same way they would have been defeated had they answered the call. 

Pretty funny, and it does go into the details of how on Earth superheroes work in this world. 

And we have another episode about the secret ninja high school Ron was sent to 

And Yori travels to US for Ron 

And Kim is super jelaus

Wade: Kim, you are jelly

Kim: So not

Monique: You are jelly 

Kim: So not

Kim: *is jelly*

So she pretty much stalks Ron all the way to the school, and nearly fails the mission of trying to save the levitating magical jedi principal. Seriously, he’s OP as fuck.

And he’s escaping from a huge monkey. turns out it’s crazy dna lady who turned herself  into monkey for Lord Britishmonkey. 

Next episode is bascially one huge satire on the movie industry, down to the title (”and The mole rat will be CGI”). KIm and Ron accidentally crash a movie set, after Senior Senior Junior crashes it first since he accidentally applied for a role of a henchman in said movie. 

It was supposed to be set in Britian, but the movie set was in New Zealand, since “it was cheaper”

And I was like 

Is that a “Lord of The rings” joke? Someone tell me if I’m right.

Oh, and we have another long episode WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE IS ANOTHER MOVIE?

And it looks like it’s a three-part episode again, I wonder if the formula’s gonna work again. 

The beginning feels like a short promo scene for people who might not know what KP is about, and I’m not gonna lie, this sums it up perfectly. Action, drama, explosions, more drama, goofy ron, naked mole rat kicking ass and more drama. By the way, what;s the title? 

I guess the intro is an homage to the James Bond ones, with lots of colourful, surreal visuals floating in the background to the soothing, slow music. Love it, too bad it’s short, but again, it had to fit an episode’s running time.

 wait so the Nakasumi president CAN speak English? Even the movie calls him wacky for whispering all the time as if he couldn’t. 

Okay, now the movie just fucks with us. 

mr and mrs possible almost switch their cloaks with important documents, but she switches them back just at the last moment

mr posible ALMOST deletes his work file worth three billion dollars but undos it at the last moment.

it’s like the plot TRIES to start itself

And I bet the key is under the doormat

So the dating drama IS going to be the theme of the movie, huh. 

Wade: Drakken has been spotted in the Bermuda triangle

Bermuda triangle: *turns out to be a hotel*

And Ron just happened to have his suit under the scuba diving gear.

Shego proves to be once again, way more competent than Drakken.

and we have obligatory fight between two kickass ladies in dresses and high heels. This IS a James Bond movie. 

So, the prom drama continues, and it is sadly kinda goes into the cringe territory, with some new dude falling in love with Kim and Kim falling for him, Ron feeling sad, they both being conflicted, yep, seen it. 

But for once Drakken helps the cause and moves the plot forward, stealing some super project from dr Possible.

he deletes the file like he did in the opening, but GASP drakken has some mind reading machine

I do wonder if the coat switcheroo is going to be part of the plot. 

Holy shit

Drakken’s plan is so crazy that it actually makes sense. Take over the buneo nachos and put kiddy meals in it with robot toys that take over the world. And neither kim nor Shego could have forseen it. 

And more prom drama. Ugh. 

I always like when Possible family work together to stop the evil-doers.

So Drakken’s plan was brilliant, minus the part when the entire army of robots shuts down when the signal goes off-line. Kinda a major fuck-up. 

And they kindapped Kim’s boyfriend to lure her.  

OH, SO HE WAS A SYNTH ROBOT

I genuinely didn’t see that coming. 

Drakken learns Ron’s name, yeah! And it’s shot like Drakken’s yelling a curse to the skies, love it. 

Also, HOLY SHIT, Kim kicks Shego into the tower so hard it looks like she was about to kill her. Like, that was genuinely chilling moment, especially with an ominous, lightning-filled close-up onto her later.

Spoiler: she didn’t die. 

Okay, colour me confused: I didn’t think that Kim and Ron were going to kiss and start dating now, I thought this movie was going to be one huge prequel to a movie by the end of S4. Or more precisely, it feels weird NOW, knowing that there is a whole season ahead of me. Cos that felt like a pretty good end of a series, something akin to the Last Airbender one, so I’m slightly concerned how it’s going to be played into season 4, cos this can go haywire pretty easily. 

Uh, not going to lie, I’ve got mixed feelings about the movie. On one hand, it gave us a proper evil plan from Drakken, one that attacks Kim psychologically, showing that for once, he DID his homework and actually studied Kim’s behaviour. On the other, the prom/dating drama is kinda painful to watch, but fortunately gets resolved in the end. Maybe it’s just me, but I had the same expression as Rufus when he and Ron said that guys don’t talk about feelings. It felt kinda clumsy and not subtle at all, and what’s worse, the show itself did way better job of portraying romance in previous episodes, most notably the moodulator one. But as I said, those last few scenes with Ron and Kim fighting together does make up for it. 

also, Rufus once again is the unspoken hero. He did so freaking much, including, but not limited to: saving ron from the tentacle monster, freeing kim and ron, defeating the synth boyfriend, pushing Kim and Ron together... He really is a badass.    

So, not a bad one, though I preferred the first movie. Also, on the whole Season 3 was significantly shorter than second. Wonder what’s gonna happen in the next season.  

[roxy-davenport]

Temptation

Pairing: Demon!Dean x Reader

Word Count: 2,397

Prompts: This was written for @neversatisfiedgirl Ree’s Rocky Horror Writing Challenge with the prompt, “Planet, Schmanet, Janet” with demon dean and for @little-red-83 Red’s Christmas songs and coffee shops AU Writing challenges with the prompt, “Baby it’s cold outside.”

Also on AO3

 Dean was different as a demon. He acted on impulse not suppressing any want or desire he had. You knew it was dangerous being with him but you couldn’t stay away.

 You figured holidays and demons didn’t go together but you were pleasantly surprised when he said yes. He sat through all the Christmas movies you threw at him. You had stayed a lot longer than you anticipated. Truthfully you only planned on seeing two movies but being in Dean’s arms and watching cute holidays fics about couples distracted you from your plan.

 Dean bolted off the couch retrieving the DVD once you had finished another movie. Dean looked at you, eyes alight with mischief.

 “Y/N I know you love the holidays and I love seeing you smile but come on kiddo. How many sappy movies can you take? The holiday cheer is killin’ my buzz. What would ya say if we switched gears a bit?”

 You hesitantly met his gaze trying to decipher where he was going with this. He kept his face mysteriously bland. You could say no but he did sit through all the sappy movies even though it’s not his thing. Surely you could give him this. You nodded slowly, smiling meekly, worried what the film was.

 The second he saw you nod, his face changed and his eyes actually flashed back for a second. You gasped suddenly at the change. Dean chuckled as he turned back to you.

 “You get riled up so easily and I wasn’t even trying. It’s just Rocky Horror Picture Show not porn.”

 There was definitely a play here. You watched his movements carefully. They were reserved but calculated. When he sat down on the couch, he sat a bit away from you so as not to startle you. He sat cross-legged, his eyes facing you with the TV on his left. What a strange way to sit to watch a film unless he was really watching you. You shivered at the thought. He slowly started the film taking long glances at you and your reaction to it.

  You had only seen the movie once before with your very outgoing flirty friend who swore by it. You felt a little awkward watching it now with Dean since you identified so much with Janet’s naivety. Frank-N-Furter was always so scary and bit alluring to you. Sort of like Dean himself. They both had a sexuality full of kink and darkness that both drew you in and terrified you.

 A heavy silence filled the room. You were really quite sure Dean was dying to say something. He was smiling and uncharacteristically nervous. His fingers were tapping on the arm of the couch.

 You watched as Dean’s face slowly lit up as the song, Planet Schmanet Janet came on. You started to blush but you couldn’t look away. You were like a moth to a flame. Could anyone really blame you though? Tim Curry was phenomenal. And watching him meant you could try to ignore Dean’s intensity. Dean was singing along to certain parts of the song.

 I won't tell you twice

You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss

Your apple pie don't taste too nice

You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss

 He’d sing it, stare at you, and then his eyes were glued back on Janet and the way she moved around in the scene – at the scared timid look in her eyes as Frank-N-Furter glided around in a corset and tights with amazing legs for a man.

 I've laid the seed, it should be all you need

You're as sensual as a pencil

Wound up like an 'e' or first string

When we made it, did you hear a bell ring?

You got a block, well take my advice

You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss

The Transducer will seduce ya

 You blushed profusely throughout this scene. The second that Frank-N-Furter left in the elevator leaving Brad and Janet to deal with everything, Dean turned towards you again. His tone playful but his eyes were dark, hooded and nearly black.

 “You know you remind me a lot of Janet. I guess that makes me Frank-N-Furter.”

 Dean chuckled darkly. Your face flushed even more. You were a bright tomato at this point. That statement shocked you. Dean saw it, too. Where was he going with this? You were ten times more nervous now.

 Smiling at you Dean continued. “Yeah you’re innocent and sweet and naïve. Janet’s wide-eyed and afraid of Frank-N-Furter’s advances. She’s a good girl -- all prim and proper, wound up tight needing a release desperately but having no sensually so she’s trapped in a hell of her own making. She just needs to let out her secret desires, satisfy her needs, get in touch with her real self. Know what I mean?”

 “Hmmm.” You bit your lip both worried and excited about where he was going.  Was he suggesting you give in to him?

 “Can you relate to Janet’s predicament?”

 You start to feel a shift in the air and get a bit uncomfortable. You move to get up thinking you could use the bathroom as a ruse to put some distance between the two of you. To think about what he’s saying here. Dean sighs.

 “Sit down and stop being a scared little mouse. Demon or not, I mean you no harm, little one.”

 The way he says “little one” and the tone of his voice, sweet but with a lustful edge made you whimper softly. He didn’t miss the sound looking curiously at you.

 You were frozen half up, half down confused by your own desires. Dean used his powers to sit you back down trapping you just like Janet in the scene before. The sexualized very experienced handsome man in front of you looked over your body with hunger. This man could devour you. He’s done this before to women and was still alone. This could end badly for you since you had a habit of getting attached easily. It was dangerous now that he was a demon but the other Dean would never come to you like this and you were too inexperienced to come to him. Maybe the other Dean, the real Dean, didn’t feel the same way Demon Dean felt about you? Maybe this was your only chance.

 You wanted desperately to give in, to experience everything he could offer. It wasn’t like you were a virgin. You’d had a boyfriend before and maybe it would be better with someone who knew what they were doing. Your previous boyfriend was also a virgin and so the sex was okay but nothing to write home about. But Dean was a demon; you couldn’t give in to his dark desires could you?

 You moved your eyes away from his figure landing on the clock beside you. Your eyes widened when you realized just how much time you spent here. You were late. Sam was expecting you. You got up so quickly you spilled the eggnog he made for you on his carpet. The overturned cup of eggnog bumped against your coffee mug nearly spilling that too if not for Dean’s quick hands.

 “OMG I am so sorry. I’m really late. I have to meet Sam.” You spewed out.

 Ignoring the spill Dean turned his attention to you. “Are you running out on me?” He asked clearly offended.

 “I told Sam I would meet him an hour ago. He needs my help with a case.” You nearly pleaded.

 “He can call other hunters Y/N. You’re not leaving, not after that conversation.” Dean uttered a bit harshly.

 “I want what you said. I never thought you’d want me, but yes I would like…but not now.” You state anxiously playing with the bottom of your shirt. Confused why you said yes. Did you really want him like that or did you just want to shut him up by saying yes so you could leave?

 “Then when Y/N?

 “I don’t know but I really can’t stay.”

 “But you want to.” Dean spoke seductively as he moved in front of you bringing your chin up to meet his eyes.

 “I’m sorry Dean. I can’t.”

 Dean released your chin with a sigh. “Baby it’s cold outside.”

 “This evening has been--.”

 “I’m so happy you’re here. Stay with me.” He said offering his hand to you.

 “Been nice but.”

 “Don’t you dare! No buts.” Dean nearly growled.

 “I enjoyed spending time with you and I am like Janet. We’ll talk more later I promise. Sam is expecting me. He’ll be worried if--”

 “Why are you bringing my brother into this. Fuck Sam.” Dean grinds out. He sighs heavily and walks over to his iPod. When he speaks again his voice is much less harsh. “Why don’t we listen to some music? What songs are you into? What song would get out in the mood?

 You blushed. “I can’t.”

 “You haven’t even finished your coffee. I got it special for you. It’s the organic dark roast from that indie place you love. I waited on a twenty-minute line with hipsters to get it for you. You are the biggest coffee snob ever. I must say this shit is coffee gold so I get it. No one I’d rather drink this with.”

 You smiled at the lengths Dean went to, to make you happy. You could just imagine him waiting there, the mark burning into his arm commanding him to kill. But what did he do? He just kept waiting. He stayed in line to buy you coffee? What’s a stronger motivation than the mark? Love? Does he love you? Can demons love? Wouldn’t that mean that old Dean loved you too?

 “I really do have to go.” You spoke a bit more hesitantly as you stepped back from him.

 “Baby, it’s bad out there and your car is stalled -- you know that. It stalled when you got here and now the snow is worse.”

 “I can call a cab.” You shrugged.

 “Sweetheart, there are no cabs out there.” He spoke in a warning tone.

 “I wish I knew how to--.”

 “You’re gorgeous doll. You can’t leave me. Not on the holidays. Baby don’t be cruel.”

 “Break this spell.”

 “Ain’t no spell, sweetie. It’s me and how good I can make you feel. How much you care about me. Don’t lie, sweetie. I know you love me. And I love you. Your old Dean would never tell you that but we love you. Now come here and stop fucking around.”

 “I love you too but I really should go.”

 You couldn’t believe it -- he loved you. He professed his love and you were leaving? What a stupid move on your part. But Sam was expecting you and Dean was a demon now. Leaving was the right choice but then why did you feel so empty?

 “It’s a blizzard, sweetie.”

 “But--.”

 “It’s up to your knees, baby. How can you do this to me? I’m a demon. A demon, mind you, and I say the L word and you say I’m leaving?”

 You freeze staring up at him.

 “Mind if I step closer? Your lips look delicious.” Dean’s eyes held such an intense look you thought he’d ravish you right here.

 You gulped as you tried to avert your eyes from that look. “I can say I tried at least, right?” You whispered hesitantly.

 Dean moved towards you. “Sure, sweetie, as if you would have ever decided anything else.” Dean took a strand of hair out of your face moving closer to kiss you.

 “No. No this is…I can’t say yes. I have to go.” You pushed Dean back. Nerves setting in on how he would have sex or rather on what he would like. You never did anything kinky. You were strictly a vanilla missionary position type girl.

 “But it’s cold outside.” Dean pleaded.

 “The answer is no. I must go.” You moved quickly toward the door.

 “But it’s cold outside.” Dean put his hand on the door his eyes boring down at you.

 “Your brother will be at the door.” You whimper at how dominant he’s being.

 “No way for him to get through the snow storm outside. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Your only choice is me, baby doll.”

 You opened your mouth to speak but Dean stopped you by placing a finger on your lips.

 “Baby, you’ll freeze out there. I refuse to let you risk your life leaving. It’s so warm in here. I’ll take good care of you sweetheart.”

 It was true. The cold was seeping in. You could only imagine how cold it was outside. You bit your lip utterly confused and feeling a bit defeated. Then again staying here meant you’d be with Dean so maybe you should just give in. See what sex is like with him, give in to your darkest desires. There was a snowstorm outside anyway. Why bother running into that when you could run into Dean’s arms.

 “Maybe until I warm up?”

 Warm up? No. You go out there and you’ll freeze your pretty little ass off. It’s final you’re staying here for the night.”

 Dean grabbed your arm and his lips crashed onto yours. You were utterly shocked but moments later responded, kissing him back. He deepened the kiss pushing you gently backwards until your back hit the wall. His hands grabbed your hair keeping you head in place as he ravished your mouth. When he thought you needed air, he pulled your head back by your hair. His breathing ragged, his tongue diving out to lick his lips as his eyes rove over your figure. He ground his cock against your clothed core. You gasped. He was so big and you were very attracted to him. That kiss was fantastic. How could you leave now? Fuck Sam and your responsibilities. You needed to stay and play this out or you’d regret it.

 “If I’m going to stay here I need a fire.”

 Dean smiled as he snapped his fingers making a fire appear in the fireplace.

 “Is that a yes?”

 “There’s no place I’d rather be,” you said earnestly.

 After tonight Rocky Horror Picture Show might be your favorite movie. You held up your warm coffee cup looking straight into Dean’s eyes. “Show me what you made of Frank-N-Furter. I’m tired of being Janet.”

Tagging

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