#but it still feels very different and much less layered than austen would have made it

[fictionadventurer]

It's the time of year to get really upset that Jane Austen never finished The Watsons.

It would have put the Jane Fairfax/Fanny Price Changeling Child plotline front-and-center, with a heroine who'd been adopted into high society only to be sent back to live with a lower-class family she no longer knows.

But she'd have had an Anne Elliot sister whose good-natured practicality keeps the family together even while she deals with the heartbreak of being separated from the man she once loved.

And a harpy of a sister whose machinations make everyone's lives miserable.

And a brother who's a surgeon (!) who has his own hopeless unrequited love story happening in the background.

And when their father died, the girls would have had to live with a higher-class brother and his disagreeable wife who would have found them a burden.

Meanwhile, our heroine is being pursued by a socially-awkward, proud lord who doesn't know how to discuss anything but hunting.

But she's really in love with a humble, kind curate who is devoted to caring for his widowed sister and her children.

But the curate is being romantically pursued by the lord's predatory mother.

And mixed up in all this is a charming, lively young man who uses his skills to grovel for position with his betters.

In short, we could have had Jane Fairfax and Anne Elliot as devoted sisters forced to live with John and Fanny Dashwood while their sister Lucy Steele causes problems, a Charles Musgrove version of Mr. Darcy pursues Jane, Anne gets a chance to be reunited with her Wentworth, and Jane falls in love with a Henry Tilney version of Edward Ferrars who's being pursued by Lady Susan, while Wickham is doing his best to be Mr. Collins. Plus a romance plot for a brother! We could have had a book with the family complexities and darker issues of Sense and Sensibility and Mansfield Park and the light, bright and sparkling humor of Pride and Prejudice.

But we don't, because she never finished it, and I'm so upset.

[neuvillette]

Francis is perfect for England.

England is self-critical to the point of almost self-hatred in some regards, but he's also unrivaled in his pride. Much of this is a facade, of course, but some of it is actually a genuine expression of his attempts to like himself. Being constantly denigrated/neglected as he was growing up made him much more vocal about his self-praise (even if it's ingenuine praise he doesn’t think he deserves) to make up for the fact that he wasn't really getting it from elsewhere. I think most people around him just see this as arrogance (which it is sometimes, to be fair, especially during his adventuring days). His incredibly opinionated nature means that he comes of as aggressive to others, which he is when he believes he’s being more logical or correct (which is often). He loves physical labour, walks, anything to stay active, but a good mental challenge is incredibly fulfilling to him as well. He also has a strong tendency to overwork himself, he is prone to melancholy, and dwells too much on how and why he's alone, often to the point that he overlooks the smaller ways he makes others happy. He doesn’t really realise that he has much, if any, positive impact on others, which leads him to believe that he’s a worse person than he is. He is incredibly stubborn, but his sense of duty often makes him cave in to doing things he would prefer not to, which generally is work or war. He is almost defined by this strong pull of duty, of being a gentleman, of Englishness to a harsh degree. This impossible standard also makes him ashamed when he obviously can't live up to it, and this shame is something he believes others feel about him as well. To him, when he cannot fulfill an expectation, it's not only himself that feels regret, it's that everyone is looking down on him. This also makes his responses to other people less than friendly, often incredibly defensive (which for him looks like outright vitriol to others sometimes) which isn't doing him any favours when he's trying to not push people away. He's a hard nut to crack, so it's understandable why some people just choose not to even attempt to deal with it at all. He is, however, irredeemably sentimental deep down, and such a softie that he's actually quite ashamed of himself over it. He’ll buy sweeties for kids that can’t afford it, help people across the street, spend time he should be working on paperwork helping out anyone in need (which occasionally gets him scolded for being late, only leading to more self-doubt as to how good he actually is). He’s a quite masculine person, being a drinker and pub-frequenter. While he does hobbies traditionally considered “feminine”, he tries not to think about how this “brings him down” in other people’s eyes, though he does have layers of toxic masculinity to him. This often is worsened by his “stiff upper lip” mentality. No whinging about anything, from physical pain to emotional anguish, a lot of which he considers pathetic if he does it, but natural if someone else does. His double standard for behavior and tolerance of pain is something really clear in his relationship to other people, especially kids, the elderly, and strangers in general. If he caught a kid, or anyone else, spouting the mentality he enforces on himself, he’d instantly rebuke it! Sentimentality is a very, very difficult layer to find within him, though, and it usually only surfaces when he's in massive amounts of emotional anguish. That's when he gets quite retaliatory, like with Alfred when he was breaking away. A lot of this also has to deal with his absolute emotional ineptitude. If he's writing alone, or talking to someone he's not especially close to, how eloquent he is! His poetry is almost unrivaled and he's decently good at reading the room, so to speak. He also can be quite the flirt (though never in a real romantic sense)! Old women love him over that, they think he’s the sweetest young lad they know. This demeanor goes out the door the moment he feels "attacked" in any way, though, which most often is when he's feeling insecure. If that's the case, watch him try to struggle to get a compliment out, or to say anything other than a nasty insult meant to express an entirely different (often more favourable) message to the recipient. What he means to say as “you’re looking nice today” often comes out as “you don’t look as crap as usual”. The reverse is true too, when he means to say “I’m glad you’re spending time with me”, what comes out is “Wow, you’re wasting your time talking to me?” What a mess...

That's just why Francis is perfect, though. His stubbornness is most certainly a match for England's in most regards, and in some cases even trumps it, generally with things like his determination to weasel England's genuine emotions out of him. Francis is self-confident, too, and why wouldn't he be? Harsh comments can effect him, of course, and he is also sentimental, but the fact that he's much more open and honest about his emotions makes him generally easy to talk to and communicate with, as well as more impervious to critique. Unlike England, he's not ashamed of who he is or how he feels in practically every regard. He's unabashedly himself. He takes no shit because he knows what he wants and deserves, so if his bosses or anyone else tries to overwork him? Nope. He wants a coffee break because that's what's good for him, so he's going to do it. This makes him distressed when people he cares about aren't as rigorous with their own self-care, appreciation, and praise. This doesn't come up too often with Gilbert or Antonio, though Gilbert is quite similar to England in many regards, but boy does he have a field day with England. Often times he gets frustrated with him, though, since he just doesn't understand why he let's himself get pushed around, ignored, etc, and this only gets worse when England responds with "well maybe you should work harder?" Francis usually throws back a "You wouldn't expect others to do this, why do you do it to yourself?" The answer is obvious and Francis knows it. Many people can't see past the rough exterior, and Francis has had his fair share of "fuck it, I'm done with you" moments too, which are entirely understandable. But then he remembers the little kid crying over being abandoned again, and he understands how that's led to how England reacts to things now, and he wants to show him that the world isn’t out to get him and that the viewpoint on life of his that has been reinforced is a lie. Francis is just emotionally fluent, and that means for basically everyone. A lot of it is just intuition, or just some weird ability of his, but since he holds real love for everything in his heart, he also has an odd and immediate understanding of things on a level England can't feel immediately. This means basically every tactic England generally uses to evade other people, their judgement, or even his own feelings, is completely transparent to France. Other people think England is honestly boasting and degrading others after someone else does a good job? Francis finds it kind of sad how hard England is trying to hide his own embarrassment or feelings of ineptitude. England is leaving meetings early and says he has better company to look forward to, and everyone thinks he's haughty? Francis is surprised England feels so left out and alone that he has to pretend to have better friends. This goes the other way as well! When England feels snubbed by someone, Francis is there to reassure him that it’s a misunderstanding. Alfred’s being himself again? It’s alright, that’s just his way of expressing himself, he’s not trying to be hurtful. Francis is good with interpreting between England’s emotions and other people’s, which is something England REALLY needs. Is this intuition of his always functioning, however? Nope! Francis can be quite the drama queen, and that primarily shows up when England genuinely rebukes his earnest attempts to make him feel better, or when other people are really caught up in whatever (admittedly) idiotic thing England's done most recently. This has gotten the pair into a history of misunderstandings that even a language barrier can't hope to achieve! Still, once he's able to have a one-on-one again when their both in a better frame of mind, it's not difficult for him to sort things out again. England hasn't felt heard most of his life, and Francis is a great listener and a master at emotional intelligence. Francis doesn't really hold much shame about himself or shame others (unless their clothing is just TOO atrocious), so he's a natural at working through those problems with England. From England's perspective, though, he's just... fascinating. He finds Francis arrogant, not because he thinks Francis doesn't live up to the standards Francis espouses, but because he DOES find Francis that great for the most part and thinks it rude to show off so much! He thinks Francis is too blunt about things to the point of rudeness (in a VERY distinct way from America since Alfred typically does this without the tact Francis has), but that bluntness makes Francis open and accessible to him in ways that others aren't. He can be far too silly and frivolous, but England needs that so he’s not such a hardass, which Francis often reminds him of. Francis is also impeccably charming and is one of the only people who give England the precise praise that makes him feel so unequivocally good and appreciated...But he sees France be just as kind to everyone else and he feels like he's been used. The thing is, though, that they both get under each other's skin. That makes them so quick to bicker, of course, but England needs someone he can be quick and witty and his own Austen-like figure with that can stand up to the challenge. He goes easy (or what he thinks of as easy) with people he cares about, but that's often still too much for most people, but not for Francis. Francis is as quick as a whip, too, and he's not one to shy away from many challenges, even if he is still a bit of a scardey-cat with some things.

Not to mention that England finds Francis so dumbfoundingly attractive and is his best partner in bed as well... England's feelings of inferiority means he needs reinforcement, but not so much that he feels he's being pitied or looked down upon, and Francis does this naturally. England often feels he no longer has control of the direction of his life, that he's not as strong, as dutiful, as capable as he once was. I feel like that's why he'd not really ever bottom in bed, he already feels that he doesn't have that power in his day to day life and he wants a place to find it during sex, and that fits perfectly into what Francis needs as well. It's also a trust thing, I think, where when England is able to take charge, he's given real trust from Francis that he can't really find anywhere else. When England needs to feel like a powerful king, Francis gets gratification from helping him fulfill it. On the rare occasion that England just wants something caring, a place to feel that he's in control and can express love and tenderness for someone, Francis makes sure he's in charge and comfortable with how he does it it, which is key to him not being ashamed. They both also have equally ravenous libidos so that's a plus, too. Also Francis has a phat ass and his moans are really hot in bed.

Check out this link for a look at Francis, and why England is Francis's perfect match as well!

[spockandawe]

Okay, I want to pull together more detailed thoughts at some point, I think, because the sheer amount of material means I have about ten billion thoughts to sort out. But I’ve read all three of the mxtx novels now, and loved all of them, in different ways. Though I already tried to figure out if I can pick a Favorite, and tbh, I can’t. I love them all in ways that are too distinct to let me rank them easily. And... man, it’s lucky for my friends that social distancing is in place, or I’d be hassling them shamelessly to give these novels a try.

RIGHT. So.

The Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System: Shen Yuan goes to bed full of rage directed at a trashy webnovel with a grimdark blackened hero who conquered the world and collected hundreds of women into his harem.... and wakes up in novel, while that hero is still an innocent youth. As the hero’s abusive teacher. Who is doomed for a horrifying death unless he can somehow turn things around.

I think I had the most fun with this one. I really enjoy self-referential stories, and stories poking fun at certain genres, and I’ve run into the concept of transmigration before (the idea being a person enters a fictional world, a la lost in austen), though I’m blanking on any media like that I’ve actually consumed. This was chronologically the first book mxtx wrote, and it has less of a sprawling cast with complicated relationships than the other two books, but it definitely has the thing where she lays early groundwork for later revelations that shatter my poor heart. 

And there may be fewer relationships to play with, but my GOD, do I love the relationships we got. I’ve been rolling around in svsss fanfic since I finished the book, even more so than mdzs or tgcf. There’s a lot of good crunchy relationship content with the 79 ship (they destroy me, all day every day), Liu Qingge owns my whole-ass heart, and Luo Binghe makes for a fascinating love interest. I love that even at his best, he remains a needy, needy, manipulative boy, who’s so smart and strong and nEEDY. I don’t love how the book handled moshang, but mmmm the fan content is Good. And Shen Qingqiu does the unreliable narrator thing that is usually not my jam, but works so WELL in these books, in that his unreliable narration is hugely skewed towards not giving himself nearly as much credit as he deserves. Xie Lian takes this to UNBELIEVABLE heights in tgcf, but in Shen Qingqiu’s case, it’s done on such a casual, immediate, personal level that I’m fascinated by everything he does. 

And, since Shen Yuan/Shen Qingqiu is a millennial fan of trashy romance webnovels who gets yanked into the universe of a novel he hates, into an old-timey xianxia setting, the prose is SO COOL. You swing between modern slang and old school high society courtesies at the drop of a hat, and I’m honestly awed that the translators were able to catch so much of that. Like, in-setting, I love all the nuance you can get in ‘qi-ge should give his a-jiu the scroll’ vs ‘yue-shixiong should give this teacher the scroll’ vs ‘you should give me the scroll’. But then it adds a whole new layer when the person ALSO has modern-day casual speech bouncing around in their head. It makes for a fascinating, fascinating reading experience.

The Grandmaster Of Demonic Cultivation: Thirteen years ago, Wei Wuxian died. And then he wakes up! In someone else’s body. I’m not going to try to summarize the premise of this one, go look up The Untamed if you want someone to do a better job of this than me XD

Ahhh, this was the book I read first. I still haven’t watched the show (only clips) and I’m not sure I ever will, because adhd is a hell of a drug. But it’s hard to purely evaluate the prose when there’s also this gorgeous, beautifully-acted visual adaptation all over my tumblr to bias me in its favor. I think this book benefits a lot from the MYSTERY of it all. From the very start, there’s the question of ‘what the fuck is up with this goddamn arm’ that the characters pursue, even as that takes them through flashbacks and other arcs within the story. It gives a thrust to the novel that I think isn’t exactly there in tgcf, though I’m torn on which one is “better.” This gave the story momentum, yes, but it also meant I was much more impatient in yi city and the 3zun flashbacks, because this isn’t what I was focused onnnnnn this is cool but how much longer will we BE HERE--

That being said, I think I’ll be more patient with those flashbacks on my next time through the book, now that I have a better picture of where everything is headed. I think the balance and structure of the book worked really well, I was setting myself up for self-sabotage because of the pace I was plowing through the thing. My reading habits didn’t lend themselves well to the nonlinear storytelling, and it speaks to the story’s strength that it held up that well despite me. And the CAST. My GOD. I went in not caring about anyone but Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji and maybe the jackass nephew, but... that Did Not Last. I didn’t intend to care about 3zun? Nope, too bad, you care so much now. Who cares about Xue Yang? Me. I care. Way too much. HECK!!!

And something that happens in this book and tgcf that was much less of a thing in svsss is that there are some meaningful holes in the story that I’d like to be filled, and I really care about filling-- and the story doesn’t go there. But it doesn’t leave me unhappy, it leaves me cheerfully scrabbling around in the throwaway details trying to piece together a picture of what happened when I wasn’t looking. What happened to Wei Wuxian in the burial mounds? How did Hua Cheng take control of the ghost city? Idk, but let us Rummage and theorize and roll around in ideas and have a fantastic, speculative time. Svsss might hook me more than the other stories from an au+shipping perspective, but mdzs and tgcf do a great job of making me want to roll around and create within the bounds of canon.

Heaven Official’s Blessing: 800 years ago, Xie Lian ascended to heaven. And fell. And rose again! And fell again. Now he’s ascended for the third time, and things are Awkward.

God, I just finished this, and I’m still reeling. This is the LONGEST mxtx book, that’s for sure. I also think it’s the most tightly edited translation. All the translators did an unbelievable job, I could never even approach what they accomplished, but I am genuinely stunned that a book this long was edited so well. I blew through this in about 3.5 days (if not for work, i could have made it in three dghsafdsgf) and my brain was cooking in my skull by the time I was halfway through, but I couldn’t STOP. I was ENCHANTED the entire time! I was reading so much my head was destroying me and I still sulked so HARD every time I had to put my phone down and sleep.

This book sprawls the hardest, I think, because it involves a cast made of mostly immortal/immortal-adjacent people, so time and space get... flexible. And I feel really bad saying this, because Lan Wangji is DEVOTED, but this is seriously the book with the most attentive and adoring and respectful love interest. Hua Cheng is..... god. I truly don’t think I’ve EVER read a character quite like him before, and I am so, so sad, because I don’t know how I’ll find one who lives up to these heights ever again XD I recommend reading this book just for the Hua Cheng experience, if nothing else. I was making audible noises at literally flailing at multiple points in the story, but most often, it was because of him. 

Shipping is what usually drags me into a fandom hardest, and all of these books do pretty well for themselves, all of them have a nice selection of fluffy and crunchy ships to choose from. And this one... goddammit. I just realized, that the best, most crunchy ships are too spoilery for me to be willing to talk about them here. Hell. Goddammit. But I think tgcf has the crunchiest ship of all, even better than xuexiao. I was so invested, and then there were Reveals, and then I was like OH NO THIS IS TERRIBLE BUT MY INVESTMENT HAS EXPONENTIALLY INCREASED. 

And something that I really, really appreciate, is that across the mxtx books, even though a lot of characters fit into strong archetypes, there’s nobody that is blurring together for me, either within or across the books. Liu Qingge isn’t Jiang Cheng isn’t Feng Xin. They’re all blunt, fighty boys, but all super distinct in my head, and what I want for each of them is distinct and character-driven. I want Liu Qingge to be properly cherished and I want Jiang Cheng to relax with his brother and nephew and I want Feng Xin to [goddammit i don’t want to spoil this book AGH]. It’s something I appreciated in the other books too, but I can really FEEL it in this book, with how long and luxurious it is. 

And last thing I have to say, I think, is that tgcf is so long. It’s so, so long. But I would FITE if anyone tried to pare it down at all. I can’t think of anything I’d be willing to sacrifice. I enjoyed every last piece of it so much, and it was all ultimately SO well-constructed and interlocking, that any piece I can think of snipping out would take away significant emotional impact from what was left. It’s a nonlinear story, like mdzs is nonlinear, and I loved mdzs a lot! But the construction here is so, so, so elegant. I’m just in AWE of how well it was assembled. I was in Agony as reveals happened, because oh no no no no, now that they’ve told me this, that casts this whole other scene in a brand new light! The one I read hundreds of thousands of words ago! Literally, I need to go start the book over so I can savor the shitty teens in new ways, given [redacted] as revealed in like, the last twenty percent of the book. The book was a fun experience, but there’s so Much here that I know I haven’t even absorbed yet. I loved the other mxtx books a lot, and in many ways, they were easier to get a grasp on than tgcf was, but even before I finished tgcf I was already despairingly trying to figure out how easily I could fit a full reread into my life, and I think that says a lot

[sorin-in-the-sixth-sense]

A list of my favourite fictional grey characters (not in order) SPOILER ALERT!

Regina Mills (Once Upon A Time)

There is a reason why Regina is called «The Evil Queen» She was pure evil. A murderer, a kidnapper, a rapist, how could I like her? Well it wasnt before season 3 I started to like her. It took a lot of time. And I suppose I will never fully love her after she raped Graham for...years... and murdered people - children when she was a tiny bit frustrated. I would even say that she is irredeemable. And I thought her redemtion arc was unrealistic in the beginning, and for God’s sake, she should not have been crowned The Good Queen in season 7. But she tried to change so hard for Henry, she tried to redeem herself. Tried to be a good mother for a change. She saved multiple lives and souls. She didnt completely redeem herself, I must admit it. But she tried so hard and I feel like she deserves something from that. She eventually became a very good mother, even though it was a little late since Henry was already 12 when she became one. She was still a bitter bitch and blamed innocent people for unfortunate things that happened to her (Zelena, Mary Margaret, Emma) but by season 7, she became something more than that. She became half good. Grey. And even though she didnt completely redeem herself, she came close. Also, I love her sassy personality, she should be crowned The Sassy Queen, not The Good Queen.

Rumplestiltskin (Once Upon A Time)

The Dark One who after 7 seasons became one of the greatest heroes in OUAT. The man who was known as the village coward because he ran away from the Ogre War and was too afraid to fight for his wife became one of the bravest men. Like Regina, he was a murderer. He was super manipulative with all his deals and the «all magic comes with a price, dearie» thing. He manipulated people into getting themselves killed. Before he became The Dark One, he was a good man with a pure heart. But the power of the dagger took over him and his heart was all black. He was power sick. He always wanted power, but not for selfish reasons. He felt like he needed power to protect his son Bealfire/Neal and his wife Milah, but when he took that power, the darkness came over him and he, after time, became evil. It wasn’t before he met Belle French his heart showed a little bit of light. As he said, she was his light in an ocean of darkness. Their relationship was problematic and selfish in the beginning. He manipulated her into thinking he changed (which you know i detest *cough* James Potter) Rumple loved power more than he loved her, at least in season 4. He too often chose it over her, until season 6 when he started to properly redeem himself. His redemtion arc took over 300 years but it came in the end. His love for her changed A LOT. In the other seasons, his love was unhealthy and selfish. But in season 6 and 7, he changed a lot. This time it wasnt only for Belle, but Gideon too. They helped him let go of power and in season 7, he tried so hard to get rid of the dagger and the power so that he could live a normal life with his family. And after Belle died, he didn’t return to the dagger or the dark side. He helped the good side to defeat Drizella and the other villians in that season. He even became a father figure to Alice. And in the end he sacrificed himself to save Killian’s (Nook) life. And he got reunited with Belle. He is the most interesting character in OUAT, no doubt there.

Sawyer/James Ford (LOST)

Sawyer is without a doubt one of my fave characters from LOST (after Charlie and John) in his background, he was a thief and manipulated woman to believe he loved them, just to take all their money. (Maybe except Cassidy, since he fell in love with her later, but he still manipulated her AND got her pregnant) He’s a real asshole. Buuut - then he became an entirely different (and better) man. He meets Kate Austen and I feel like his love for her changes his character. In the beginning he was a bit of a perve with her (i mean, walking straight towards her completely naked...) he doesnt develope much in the 1 season, but later (beginning in the 3 season) he becomes quite selfless and protective. In season (was it 4? I dont quite remember) he falls in love again with Juliet Burke, and heeeeell, she was good for him. He also developes a nice relationship with Claire Littleton (platonic) he becomes protective of her. He attemts to comfort Hurley after Charlie’s death. In the rest of the seasons he is the born leader. He puts the team before himself (like when he sacrificed his chance to escape the Island) and in the paralell universe he is absolutely the best.

Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

Okay, no he’s not exactly a grey character since he’s a lot more dark than light, but I love him too much to not put him here. Differently from the other character I’ve mentioned above, Heathcliff doesnt have a redemtion. He died an awful person. He abused and manipulated a lot of people. Before he became this asshole, he was a much better person. He was an ass to those who deserved it (Hindley, That bitch deserved to die so young. Edward was a kind man, but I don’t like him, sooo... nevermind) The way he treated Isabella was sickening and awful, she had every right to leave him and take Linton away and hate him. I Don’t like Isabella, but she never deserved to be treated that way. His love for Cathy was unhealthy, but it was true and he would do so much for her. (They kinda remind me of Snily, so ofc I ship it) Heathcliff went through so much trauma in his life and never recovered. After Cathy died, he was practically dead too, then he killed himself years later. His life made me cry for days, especially the ending. He is such an interesting character with so many layers.

Ulrich Nielsen (Dark)

(Before I say anything, I haven’t finished the entire show yet, so this is gonna be short and probably not 100% correct)

To be honest, I don’t like Ulrich at all as a person. I look at him and I see a fully grown up man with no remorse for what he did to Regina as a teen. He cheated on his wife with a woman he didnt even love. He tried to murder a CHILD who hadnt done anything wrong (yet) because he thought he was going to kill his brother and son in the future (okay, i get why he did it. He was desperate to get Mikkel back and the whole time-tarvelig thing was extremely stressfull) BUT HE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING A LOT LESS HARMFULL TO PREVENT EVERYTHING TO HAPPEN. Despite this, i love him as a character. He is so interesting and there are times were I have to remind myself why i dont like him. He is brave and intelligent and... so fucking hot as a teen.

Hannah Kahnwald (Dark)

(Again, havent watched the whole show yet)

This girl is MESSED UP. When she was fourteen, she accused Ulrich of being a rapist, which is a very serious accusation and then blamed it on Regina who she knew was a victim of Ulrich and Katharina’s bullying. She is a home-wrecker, and when Katharina found out about Ulrich cheating on her with Hannah and confronted her, Hannah blamed it on Ulrich and said he pressed her and that she wanted it to end, but he refused or whatever, i dont 100% remember the conversation. But she was also a very good mother to Jonas and she was so sweet to Mikkel/Michael. She is a bitch, so much that its impossible to not like her.

Severus Snape (Harry Potter)

Saved the best one to last. The guy my whole account is about, ofc he’s on this list, and ofc this is gonna be the longest text.

This guy is a complete asshole. Always has been, always will be. He bullied Harry and Co (mostly Harry and Neville) he was a bitter and sarcastic bitch. He used to be a follower of Voldemort. Even in his youth he had a lot of flaws. We all know he became the bastard he was due to childhood trauma, mental illnesses and manipulation. I believe he had depression, grief and PTSD. At least in his 20’s he was suicidal, and I believe it remained like that til the day he died, because he had no one to help him or give him support. He turned to the dark side in an attemt to make his life better (as many members of gangs do) but he only stayed like that for two years, which is extremely impressive if you know what kind of person Voldemort is. As a 21 year old, Snape was a very different person from what he was as a 38 year old. If he was the way he was as a 38 yr old when Lily, James and Harry was in danger. First of all, he wouldnt start to try to save Lily by asking Voldemort, he would have went straight to Dumbledore, probably with his own brilliant plan on how to save them. Second, he wouldnt hesitate for a second to save James and Harry to. In canon, he needed to have a personal reason to save them, which was Lily’s feelings I believe. As a 38 yr old, he risked his life to save people he hated (Lupin) This is a great character developement. He went from being a selfish bitch, to become a selfless asshole. He was that kind of person who did anything in his power to protect someone, even if that person had nothing to do with winning the war and had nothing to gain himself.

[spaceskam]

Something’s Coming, Something Good

for @andrea-lyn for 12 days of malex ( @malexsanta)! Here’s an absurdly long Austenland au! I hope you enjoy it:) (special thanks to my betas @zuluoscarecho and @pippsmcgee)

ao3

“Michael, this was cute when we were kids, but this has got to stop.”

Michael frowned as he looked around his apartment. He didn’t really see what he had to stop. Sure, he had a particularly strong interest in old fashioned love stories and Jane Austen in particular, but he still had a job and a place of his own. His special interests weren’t destroying his life, so why did he need to stop? Perhaps his place was a little too covered in floral and he had a stack of books a little too high, but that was his own business. And the large cardboard cutouts of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet respectively were just as personal.

“I like it this way,” Michael argued. Maria sighed loudly and gave him that ‘sweetie, no’ look that she gave him a lot. It was basically all she gave him whenever he spoke about anything he was serious about.

“Michael, your obsession is ruining your love life,” Maria said, eyes full of sympathy that he didn’t think he needed. He was fine. “You have these impossible standards for men and women alike and I’m scared that you’re going to keep searching forever for something you won’t find.”

“I don’t think I have impossible standards, I think I’m just not willing to settle for something less than I deserve,” Michael said stubbornly, “I’d rather be alone forever than settle for someone.”

“Okay, that’s not what I meant,” she sighed, sitting beside him, “I just don’t want you to be disappointed all the time. This was the fourth girl you said wasn’t for you in the last few months and it was over something silly.”

“She fake laughed at my jokes that weren’t funny!” he argued, “I don’t want to date a girl who I can never tell if she actually thinks I’m funny or not!”

Maria dropped her face into her palms. It felt like a good time to tell her what he had planned for the next couple of weeks. Well, actually, it felt like a bad time, but when it came to Maria and his fascination with 19th-century romance it was never really a good time.

“And because of my lifelong appreciation,” Michael said, watching Maria slowly peek back up at him, “I’ve decided to go to this place called Austenland.”

Maria blinked very dully at him for almost an entire minute. Michael, on the other hand, was nearly bursting with excitement. He tried to keep it under wraps for her though. If he got too excited, she would get anxious on his behalf all over again.

“Excuse me?”

“Okay, so, it’s this place where you get fully immersed in a Jane Austen experience. Period costume, period events, all that fun stuff. You even get a romance with one of the actors and everything, it has great reviews and I’m just… It’s going to be great, I think,” Michael said, keeping his smile tame even though he’d spent all night watching the introduction video over and over and over. 

“Michael,” Maria said slowly, those pitiful ’sweetie, no’ eyes back in full view, “Michael, how much did that cost?”

He pressed his tongue to his teeth and smiled. “Only, like $10,000.” Maria’s eyes bulged.

“Honey, you cannot do that! That is way too much! That-that’s like ten month’s rent!” she said and Michael just smiled tensely. He knew it was a lot, but, God, it felt worth it. All he wanted was to be immersed in that life‒$10k felt like a small price to pay for a lifelong dream.

“It’ll be okay,” Michael said, “Actually, it’s going to be perfect.”

“Okay, you know what, I support this,” Maria decided, nodding as she put her hands over Michael’s, “I want you to go and get all of this out of your system.”

Michael rolled his eyes but nodded. He couldn’t see the issue with enjoying something with his whole heart. He didn’t need some romance that was less-than when he could have the world. There was nothing wrong with knowing what you wanted and going after it and refusing to settle for less. To him, that sounded more healthy than anything he’d seen anywhere.

“Okay. I will.”

-

“Oh, I didn’t know we were supposed to show up in costume!” 

Michael managed a smile as he looked down at his own period garb and then to the woman before him who was dressed to the nines. In fact, it looked far too extravagant for someone just stepping off a plane, but she gave him a kind smile, so he gave one back.

“Yeah, me neither,” Michael joked, “Are you going to Austenland too?”

“Yes!” she said excitedly, eyes lit up like she was bubbling with joy. It was a nice change from the bleakness and the negativity that surrounded everything else back home. “My name is Isobel… Windsor,” she giggled, “I made it up.” 

Michael chuckled, “I can hear that. I’m Michael.” She shook his hand firmly.

“Ooh, Micahel, fun!” she cheered, clapping happily. He couldn’t help but smile fondly at her. “I’m so excited!” 

“Me too,” he agreed just in time to see a horse-drawn carriage pull up. Excitement began to stir in his bones even more and he helplessly bounced on his toes. 

A woman in expensive period garb that he recognized from the introduction video stepped out, grinning a truly sinister grin. Another girl hopped off the front of the carriage from where she had been driving the horses. She had on an outfit not too unlike a traditional stable boy’s, her long hair braided down her back. Michael couldn’t help but smile at them both.

“Good evening,” Mrs. Pennington said, smiling between the two of them, “I am Mrs. Pennington. How was your flight?”

“Great,” Isobel said. Michael barely opened his mouth, before Mrs. Pennington already began to cut him off.

“And this is Elizabeth. Elizabeth, get their bags,” she instructed, snapping the girl with the braid into place. She grabbed both of their bags and smiled at them. “So, Miss Windsor and‒”

“Oh, about my pseudonym,” Michael began, but Mrs. Pennington just shook her head.

“We already assigned one to you,” she said, “Mr. Gilkes.” Michael blinked a few times and thought about arguing, but chose to smile. No sense arguing over something as silly as that.

“Alright, Gilkes,” he repeated.

“Miss Windsor, you can step into the cab,” she said and then turned to Michael, “Unfortunately, it’s only a two-person cab, you’ll need to sit on the back of the carriage.” Michael took a deep breath, but nodded with a smile. 

Liz came around the back and helped him get all settled on the back and she gave a sugary sweet smile before mouthing ‘don’t mind her’. He nodded curtly and bowed his chin to his chest. He wasn’t going to let something like sitting on the back of a carriage ruin his time.

This is all he’d ever wanted. He was going to have a good time.

-

“We don’t usually have men coming here, Mr. Gilkes, you are a rarity.”

Michael managed a smile as Miss Pennington stood behind a nice, old fashioned desk. Isobel had been holding his hand for some time, squeezing every time she got too overwhelmed with excitement. Michael would squeeze when he got too overwhelmed in general. He squeezed right them.

“I’ve been reading Jane Austen’s novels since I was eight,” he told her, “I really love them. I could recite passages from Pride and Prejudice by the time I was thirteen.”

“How quaint,” she said, standing a bit taller, “Now, we have several different packages. You, Mr. Gilkes, are signed up with the basic, copper package while the women have signed up with the premium, platinum package. I feel it would be in your best interest to upgrade seeing as you will be excluded from some things.”

Michael squeezed Isobel’s hand again. He got the cheapest package?

“I’m alright with the package I got, ma’am,” he said as kindly as he could. Mrs. Pennington stared at him for a moment and then gave a really tight smile that had him questioning if he should really break the already broken bank just so she would stop staring at him like that.

“Alright, well, as you already know, with your stay here, you are promised a romance experience with one of our fine actors to truly reenact a better time when love was pure and untainted,” she said wistfully. Isobel squealed softly and squeezed his hand. Michael stayed quiet and chose not to point out just how common affairs were back then. He felt like it would ruin the mood.

“Oh, Michael, this is going to be wonderful,” Isobel said as she leaned closer to him. He nodded. Even if everything was exactly how he pictured it, he knew that he was signing up to get a truly fantastic experience with a Mr. Darcy type. Or, Elizabeth Bennet. Or anyone, really. That’s all he’s ever really wanted, really. Someone who could both sweep him off his feet and challenge him. Maria didn’t seem to understand that. 

“If you follow me, now, we’ll get you both dressed up before we head towards the main estate,” Mrs. Pennington said. 

They both followed her, Michael being led into one room by a group of stern-looking women and Isobel being led into another. Inside, he was surrounded by men’s clothing ranged from the insanely posh to rags. He genuinely would’ve been happy to play inside that room for days. Hell, if they’d let him, he would’ve enjoyed the women’s clothing for a whole nother day. He wanted to dress in both. Besides, he was very curious to see how he might look in a corset.

Instead, however, he was ushered towards an array of bleak and ragged clothing. He smiled through it all, letting them remove his own outfit and dress him in a loose, billowy white shirt with high waisted breeches to tuck them into. They were paired with uncomfortable shoes that felt a little too snug, but they fit the outfit too well to complain. Michael sat still as they combed his hair, tugging and gelling it to slick back like they wanted. When they showed him a mirror of his curls all tamed, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh, Michael, you look so cute!” Isobel squealed when the met in the hall. She had on a large blue dress that seemed to have a million layers, her hips looking impossibly wide in it and a nice corset hugging her tightly. Her blonde hair was done up big and probably heavy on top of her head, curls spiraling down around her naturally pretty face that had very faint makeup covering it.

“And you look beautiful,” he said, laughing as she teasingly scoffed and tossed hair over her shoulder. 

They were once again put back on the carriage to head towards the main estate and this time Michael couldn’t find it in him to complain about sitting on the back. It was a never-ending gorgeous view of luscious gardens and woods and carefully tailored, well, everything. There were barns and stables and little sheds and they all looked so accurate. Michael had spent a lot of time studying this period of time and it really felt like he was in the right place. This was where he was meant to be the entire time, truly.

This was his time period.

When they arrived at the main building, he had to pause and take a deep breath. Again, he bounced on his toes and gazed up at all the wonders this week would hold. Just looking at it made it hard to imagine leaving. Couldn’t he just stay right there forever?

“Come along now.”

Micahel and Isobel followed dutifully as they were led into the house and towards their rooms. They went to Isobel’s first, a large room packed with little trinkets and figurines with a massive canopy bed in the middle. It felt like a queen’s room and it seemed very fitting. When she stepped inside, he wondered what she could’ve possibly looked like in a normal house. This seemed to be her space.

Michael was then led down to the servants’ quarters and into a much smaller, less extravagant room. Still, he couldn’t find any complaints in him. It still looked like everything he’d ever wanted. It felt good. If only Maria could see it, she would tease him about just how in his element this happened to be.

“We’ll have dinner in the dining room later,” Mrs. Pennington instructed, “I trust you can find your way.”

He turned to her and tried not to bounce on his toes. He did anyways.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

-

Finding the dining room was much more difficult than anticipated.

He’d found the kitchen first and one of the sour-faced chefs had to boot him in the correct direction. He wasn’t late, though, and that was really all that mattered. He arrived at the door beside Mrs. Pennington at the same time that Isobel did, still looking stunningly gorgeous. She did a little shimmy when she spotted him, raising her eyebrows and sticking the tip of her tongue through her teeth.

Mrs. Pennington opened the doors.

“Good evening everyone, may I introduce our guest of honor?” Mrs. Pennington said, stepping aside to make way for Isobel first. “Miss Isobel Windsor, heiress of the Windsor fortune.”

“Good evening,” one of the men said, standing to be ungodly tall. Michael wished he still had Isobel’s hand to squeeze. Or he wished Maria was here to hug him from behind whenever he got overwhelmed. 

“And this is Mr. Michael Gilkes, an orphan of no fortune who we took in from the kindness of our hearts,” she introduced. Michael smiled through it, ignoring the stabbing feeling he had from hearing his truth on display. But she didn’t know that‒that wasn’t her fault.

“Hi,” Michael said, almost cringing outwardly at how bad that sounded.

“This is Mr. Maxwell Evans,” Mrs. Pennington said, ignoring him, “The fourth son of the Earl of Essex.” He bowed with a curt smile. “And this is my dear nephew, Sir Alexander Manes.”

Michael eyed the man who did nothing more than salute with a single finger. He was genuinely gorgeous, dark hair and tanned skin. His hair seemed just as forcibly tamed as Michael’s and he had a little bit of stubble that dotted across his jaw. Michael wondered if that one was for him.

“And, let us not forget, Lady Jenna Cameron,” Mrs. Pennington said and another very pretty blonde woman stood to greet them. Micahel smiled and nodded to her, suddenly feeling outnumbered. Two beautiful women and two gorgeous men and then… him.

The evening dragged on like that. Mrs. Pennington, Isobel, Jenna, and Maxwell speaking and speaking and speaking while Michael sat out of place and Alexander stuck with his nose stuck in a book. Michael had spent a lot of his life imagining what this would be like and he was ruining it, letting it waste away while he sat awkwardly.

"C'mon, Michael," Isobel pressed as they sat down for dinner, "Say something fancy."

Michael smiled at her and nodded, taking a deep breath as he looked around the table to people making small talk. The only one not engaged in small talk already was Sir Alexander Manes.

"Sir Manes," he said, trying his best not to seem too irritating. The man looked up at him. "I know there's a ball to look forward to at the end of the week. Are you attending?"

"I suppose, though I'm not sure it's something to look forward to," he said. 

Michael gulped softly, "Oh? Why not?" 

"There's something so very ingrained in the human psyche that says we should enjoy social events like that and I disagree," Sir Alexander said, "There's no need for an event that only serves as a place for faux niceties when I can gather whatever from a person like this."

"Like what? A simple first impression?" Michael asked. 

Sir Alexander nodded. "That's all that's needed."

"Well I do hope my first impression of you is incorrect," he said. He licked his lips and looked down after that, hoping it wasn't too obvious that his hands were shaking. That was a very Maria thing to say. He hoped he didn't sound rude. 

Isobel squeezed his hand under the table. When he looked up, he saw Sir Alexander still staring at him.

"Oh, and Michael, are you planning on going to the ball on your own?" Mrs. Pennington asked. He turned to face her, seeing a simple tight smile on her face.

"I'm sorry?"

"Well, I know you've failed at love in the past," she said. Isobel squeezed his hand as he just stared at her. “I mean, how sad is it that you’re nearly 30 and haven’t had a single romantic relationship?”

Michael looked around the table and found a mix of snickering and pitiful faces. It felt like dinner back home all over again‒full of disappointment for Michael’s love life. Great. Beautiful. Pushing through it all, Michael smiled.

“If you’ll excuse me,” he said softly, pushing himself out of the chair and walking into the halls.

He considered escaping back to his room but reaffirmed in his mind that he couldn’t let it ruin his night. Instead, he decided to go exploring. He wanted to truly revel in this old house and just play pretend for a little while. Maybe he was unlucky in love, but so what? He didn’t need a person when he had a whole world to explore.

Michael wandered around, managing not to run into a single person as he did so. It made him feel at ease. He considered that maybe he should’ve just rented an old house with the money he spent here and spent a few nights pretending he was Dorian Grey or something. Well, not Dorian Grey‒just maybe as beautiful and lucky as him.

About an hour of wandering led him to the ballroom. Michael grinned as he walked into it, closing his eyes as he breathed it in. It reminded him of when he had a girlfriend for about a month back in high school whose mother made her go to cotillion and he had to escort her to her coming-out party. He’d enjoyed it so much that she had dumped him, but still.

He slowly started doing the waltz alone, murmuring a rhythmic one-two-three under his breath. It wasn't too unlike what he did in the privacy of his own house, but this time he had the extra benefit of the way his shoes sounded on a real ballroom floor. It made him feel at home.

Until a voice broke his peace.

"Are you having fun, Mr. Gilkes?" Sir Alexander asked. Michael stumbled to a stop, staring towards the doorway with wide eyes. He was leaning against the doorway, nothing but amusement on his face. Michael couldn't find words. He tried to think of what Maria would say, but somehow 'more fun than I would ever with you' sounded unwarranted. "I still can't believe people actually pay money to come here. Do you actually enjoy this place?" 

Michael blinked a few times, still not knowing what to say.

"You don't speak much, do you? You know that's considered rude in many social circles," he said, stepping further into the ballroom with that smile still on his face and a cane in hand, "And then when you do speak, that in itself feels rather brash."

"Is the cane there to make you look more full of yourself?" Michael asked and then nearly retreated into his body. Why did he have to say that of all things? Thankfully, Alexander just smiled.

"Probably," he answered, but tapped the edge of the cane against his leg and Michael knew his face paled at the hollow sound it made.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean–"

"You said what you were thinking," Sir Alexander said, "So you meant it."

Michael stood there and took a deep breath, waiting for his payback for that stupid, stupid sentence to come. Why did he always speak before he thought?

“Nonetheless, you didn’t deserve to be called out. There’s no shame in taking a while to fall in love or never falling in love at all,” he said, tapping his cane on the ballroom floor. Michael gave a single nod and wished he would leave so he could stop this never-ending cycle of embarrassment. “Felt you should at least hear that.”

Alexander walked away before Michael could construct a response.

-

“Don’t worry, darling, I’ve got you.”

Michael clutched his sketchbook behind his back as they walked around the gardens. It was nearly impossible not to take note of how Jenna was hooked onto Maxwell’s arm and Isobel was hooked onto Alexander’s and he was hooked onto absolutely no one. He wasn’t even jealous as much as he was irritated. This didn’t feel very fair.

Maxwell helped Jenna step up beside a fountain and she gave him a kind smile and Michael took that as his cue to escape. He’d learned very quickly that if he third wheeled, he did something stupid or annoying that ruined it for everyone. Like that time Maria was about to get her first kiss at the movies and he reached between them to steal a twizzler. 

He let them get lost in themselves for a moment before quickly taking a step back. Then he took another step back and soon he was out of the garden altogether. Michael very quickly wandered towards the barn that was close by and collapsed into a mound of hay. 

“Excuse you, this definitely qualifies as cramping my style.”

Michael scrambled to a sitting position and peered over to the other side of the mound and found Elizabeth sitting there with a pile of hay on her head and her book in her lap. He gave her a sorry smile.

“I didn’t see you there, I’m sorry,” he said. She just giggled and shook the hay off her head. Her hair was in a braid once again and she was still the only woman on the grounds who was wearing pants rather than a dress.

“You’re fine,” she promised, smiling in a way that lit up her whole face. Michael reached over to pick a few strands of hay from her hair. “Needed an escape?”

“I guess,” he said. She scooted closer to his side of the hay bail. “I’m not even really supposed to be out here. Mrs. Pennington is probably going to be really irritated with me for running off.”

“Maybe so, maybe not. I’m sure she’s not really keeping tabs,” Elizabeth tried. Micahel huffed a breath and plucked the last bit of hay from her hair.

“Hopefully. ‘M Michael, by the way. I know she said your name was Elizabeth.” 

“Yeah, but call me Liz.” 

Michael nodded curtly. “Alright, Liz.”

Michael leaned back into the hay, letting out a slow breath and closing his eyes. He needed a break. And a phone, perhaps, to vent to Maria. This was the longest he’d gone without her in some way and it was making him anxious.

“Not to insult you or anything,” Liz said, swinging her knee to bump his, “But you paid a fuck ton of money to enjoy the fancy shit and you’re sitting in a barn.”

Michael quirked a smirk and looked over to her. She was easier to talk to than the rest of them. It helped that she wasn’t as fancy.

“Honestly, I thought I would be better at all this. I spent so much time studying the time period and wishing I was there, but turns out I’m just as bad here as I am at my own time,” he sighed. She leaned in close and raised her eyebrows.

“Maybe you just need something a little more your speed.”

-

“I disagree that this is my speed.”

“Hush,” Liz laughed, handing him a bow and an arrow.

Michael looked over beside him to see Maxwell guiding Jenna to shoot her arrow semi-towards the target and then Alexander was helping Isobel shoot it directly at the bullseye. Isobel saw him looking and then gave him a very hyperactive thumbs up. He nodded back and then looked back to Liz. He could do this.

“Come here,” Liz urged, sidling up behind him despite being much shorter. Maria didn’t have to be present for him to hear her teasing him. 

She placed her hands on his hips, turning them to some probably specific angle and put her lips by his ear. He looked over at her and felt a bit jittery at how long her eyelashes were and the fact that she was all pressed up against him. Then he remembered it was probably bad to be jittery whenever you had an arrow in your hand.

“So you’re gonna pull it back with three fingers,” she whispered, “Balance your weight. Keep your back straight and push your hips forward just a little.” He gulped when she pressed into him to guide his hips. “Steady and… release.”

It flew and flew and flew straight into the ground about four feet in front of him.

Liz let out a sweet little laugh, “Well, let’s try that again.” Michael nodded and couldn’t really take his eyes off her for a moment.  Yeah, sure, he failed, but he failed at a lot of things and most of those things didn’t involve a pretty girl pressing up against him.

“Do you need me to teach him or are you just messing around?” Sir Alexander asked suddenly which made Michael’s eyes very reluctantly move away from Liz. Alexander was staring at them with a look very similar to when Michael had rudely said he made a shitty first impression.

Michael just stared back.

“No, I’ve got it,” Liz said and Michael felt that fuzzy feeling return as she grabbed his hips again.

It took a few shots, but Liz eventually got him to hit the target. Maybe not the bullseye, but it hit the target and it got him squeezed by Liz and that made it a million times worth it. 

“Maybe you’ll be better with the horses?” Liz suggested as they started walking towards the stables. He had a permanent smile etched onto his face as he watched her.

“Yeah, maybe.”

He did not.

Michael spent about twenty minutes attempting to get on his horse. Poor thing probably got kicked in the side a million times and Michael would take a second each time to apologize. He would say sorry and pat her on the nose before he tried to climb onto her again and then would promptly kick her in the side again. In all that time, everyone else had managed to go so far with their own horse that they were completely out of sight. Anxiety built in his stomach and he moved to the horse’s face.

“Hi,” he said, giving her his best smile, “I know I’m really bad at this, I know, but… can we just do this one thing together? Maybe you could bend down? Is that bad for your legs? Don’t do it if it’s bad for your legs. You know, I heard that running upstairs is really bad for your legs and that scene in Game of Thrones when Jamie ran up the steps on a horse was probably actual hell on that horse, so...  I am rambling to a horse.” Michael sighed and pet her face as she just huffed in his direction. “Could we make a deal? Just let me ride you long enough to get back and I’ll never kick you again.”

Michael really did think they were on the same page, so when she responded by running away, he was a little more than irritated.

“Come back!” he called, trying to run after her, but there wasn’t much to do. Chasing after a horse was basically pointless.

This really was not his day. Or week. Or month. Or year. Maybe Friends was right.

It took a few seconds for Michael to rationalize that he was going to be stuck on foot. Which was fine, he’d definitely experienced worse in life. Walking through a field and some woods wasn’t going to be the end of the world. So, he started trekking after them. He knew he’d probably get there well past when everyone else did, but that was fine. Truly, he needed a good walk in silence. Maybe the horse sensed that and gave him what he was desperately needing. What a kind horse.

Only when it started pouring rain did Michael consider that maybe this just really wasn’t meant to happen. He’d only been there for two days and it had gone about as smoothly as riding a unicycle over gravel. If he hadn’t paid so much money, he probably would’ve just got on a plane and gone home. Maybe Maria would be down for a pity round of rom-coms and popcorn. That sounded better than anything that was happening to him here.

“Mr. Gilkes, did everyone abandon you?”

Michael whipped around to see Sir Alexander riding towards him on his big white horse. He had a smile on his face despite the rain and despite the fact that Michael's hair had completely come untamed and was starting to curl hectically and despite it being too cold to be walking or riding in the rain. Michael could only take it as mocking.

“I’m fine,” he answered. He didn’t like being mocked, he got enough of that in every other goddamn aspect of his shitty life.

“You aren’t, it’s raining and even your horse abandoned you,” Alexander said. He dismounted the horse with a shocking amount of grace for a man who had only one leg. Michael wondered how long he practiced that.

“I can just walk, it’s fine,” Michael insisted. Alexander shook his head.

“What kind of man would I be if I left you lost in the woods while it was raining? I’m not evil,” he chuckled, gesturing towards the horse, “Come on.”

“Well, see, I don’t think we can both get on one horse because I-I don’t, I can’t, and your leg, like‒”

“It’s fine,” Alexander insisted and then suddenly Michael was being lifted onto the horse.

“Oh my‒” he gasped and Alexander just laughed, helping him swing his leg to the other side so he was straddling the horse.

“Now scoot forward,” he said and Michael tried to while Alexander helped push him a bit. Then Michael tried not to have a heart attack when he climbed up behind him.

“Sorry,” Michael mumbled, putting all his focus into keeping from doing anything stupid. Sir Alexander laughed behind him.

“Sorry for what?” When Michael didn’t answer, he added a simple, “I’ve ridden horses since I was a kid, I’ve got you.”

Michael’s face flushed and he nodded. For a moment, he tried to figure out which Maria would tease him for more: Liz pressing up against him to shoot arrows or Alexander lifting him onto a horse and pressing up against him on the horse. He could hear her voice in his mind, ‘Oh, Sir Alexander, what big strong arms you have!’ and then Michael would say, ‘you’re embarrassing me, he’s going to throw me off the horse’ and then Maria would say, ‘no, he won’t, he’s trying to get serious dick’ and then Michael would say, ‘oh my God!’. 

Though, he would admit that he liked being held from behind by a guy strong enough to lift him onto a horse.

When they got back to the stables, Alex helped him down and then led the horse away without another word. Michael went inside and tried to figure out if he was embarrassed about what happened or not.

He chose not to be.

-

“It’s rude for a gentleman to doodle the entire evening, Mr. Gilkes.”

Michael blinked a few times as he looked up to where Mrs. Pennington was all but glaring him to death. He licked his lips and looked around. There wasn’t really anyone to talk to. Sure, Isobel would quickly pull him into the conversation if need be, but she seemed to be trying really hard to seem interested in forcing Sir Alexander to talk about his book. Jenna, who was nice enough, seemed to enjoy the overwhelming attention she was receiving from Maxwell. Then Mrs. Pennington was focusing quite hard on her needlepoint when she wasn’t trying to send daggers into his head with a single look.

“Right,” Michael said, peering down at his sketchbook and then back to Mrs. Pennington, “Men should be outside doing… manly things.”

She raised an eyebrow at him and Micahel was pretty sure everyone else was looking at him too. Which made sense. They were all doing their period things and Michael had come here to also do period things, but instead, he was just drawing pictures of a boy who was acting and thinking of a girl who wore pants in a time where she shouldn’t.

He suddenly had a very strong urge to go find that girl. She probably wouldn’t be staring at him like everyone in this room was.

“I’ll go… do manly things.”

Michael excused himself and very quickly made his way outside. He didn’t exactly know where to find her, but he was sure that he could find her and that he would be able to make it seem like he found her by happenstance and not that he was being creepy. The last thing he wanted was to be super creepy towards her. She’d been the only one who hadn’t made him feel completely out of place here. It reminded him of summer camp whenever he hung out with the camp counselor the whole time because he couldn’t seem to make any friends that like was supposed to. 

He eventually heard the faint sound of Dancing Queen by ABBA summoning him towards a tiny shed and decided that was a good place to start. Even if it wasn’t Liz, it was obviously someone infinitely better than anyone inside the house. So, he knocked.

The music stopped and he heard some quick stomping inside that made him smile. When the door flew open, Liz stood there with her braid undone and legs bare with only a long, billowy period-shirt. He smiled childishly large at her and she reciprocated it.

“Hello, Mr. Gilkes,” she said, “What brings you my way?”

“I was just wandering and I heard the music, thought I’d come see what’s going on,” he said, keeping his eyes on hers and hoping beyond hope that she’d invite him inside. He needed to be around someone like her for a little while. She reminded him of Maria in all the ways that he needed.

“Ah, well, I know it’s technically inappropriate for a man and a woman to be alone together,” Liz said, shaking her head teasingly, “But… you wanna come in?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Michael stepped up into the tiny little shed and saw that it was basically functioning as her bedroom. It was quaint and homey and modern and it made him relax a bit. Liz made no move to put on pants or tame her crimped, frizzy hair and she still looked insanely gorgeous. Honestly, nearly everyone here was gorgeous. Was that a requirement?

“How do you feel about an ABBA dancing session?” she asked.

“I feel like it’s exactly what I need.”

Whenever Michael and Maria were teenagers and he either slept in his truck or on her bedroom floor, his only release from hell was blaring Queen and ABBA while he and Maria danced around the room. It was hard to be sad whenever Freddie Mercury was boosting you up and how could they possibly be stressed about life whenever they decided to perform an entire production of Mamma Mia! with just the two of them. And now, how could he be upset about awkwardly being a third or fifth wheel whenever he was jumping around and singing Money, Money, Money with a girl who was this stunning?

They danced through a few songs until they ran out of breath and collapsed onto the little futon in the corner in a pile of laughter. It was the best Michael had felt in days and it actually had nothing to do with the amount of skin he could see of hers. That was just a bonus.

“I’m sorry, by the way,” Liz said after they caught their breath, “For yesterday. I should’ve stuck around in case the horse decided to abandon you. That was my bad.”

“Nah, it’s okay,” Michael said, waving it off, “I said I could do it. I just didn’t wanna ask for help. And then Mr. Perfect strolled up to save the day. Still not sure how to feel about it.” Liz snorted a laugh.

“Between you and me, the actors are paid to be perfect, you can’t really hold it against them,” Liz explained, turning to face him completely. For a moment, he considered touching her, but he didn’t. It felt too out of place. “But Alex is sweet, so he probably just genuinely wanted to help.”

Michael gave her a skeptical look. “Sweet? He always looks mildly to extremely irritated with my general existence.”

“Yeah,” she laughed, “I think that’s just his face though.”

Michael chuckled along with her for a moment and then they quieted down and just looked at each other. Maria would really like her. He could see the three of them hanging out and bingeing silly romcoms together. If he got anything from this trip, he hoped he’d gained her friendship.

“You think we could play another song? I didn’t realize how much I’d miss music being here,” he admitted. Liz flashed a big smile.

“Absolutely,” she said and stood up. She walked over to her phone and typed for a second and then the opening to Lay All Your Love On Me started playing and Michael was on his feet. That was easily a favorite of his. There was something about it that felt so unabashedly freeing even when it was literally about being possessive.

They started jumping around again, dancing closer and closer until she was touching him and he was touching her. She was a lot shorter than him, but it didn’t take away the charm of having her move against him as she held onto his hands. He barely noticed when they stopped moving.

He did notice when his forehead touched hers.

“You know,” she whispered, her eyes flickering down to his lips. He tried not to get excited. “We probably shouldn’t be doing this.”

Michael moved away instantly. “You’re right, I’m sorry for being so forward.” 

Liz rolled her eyes.“Don’t be silly, I like your forwardness. It isn’t there that often, but I like it,” she said. He chewed on his bottom lip and it was the only thing keeping him from smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I think I can arrange that,” he said. She giggled and shooed him out the door.

He felt much better.

-

“Jesus, you are way too good at that.”

Michael let Isobel lean over his shoulder to get a better look at his needlepoint. He found it wasn’t too hard if you didn’t think too much about it. Whenever he looked to hers, though, he saw that she should’ve probably thought a little harder.

“Isobel, what is that?” he laughed. Jenna leaned over to see the monstrosity Isobel was creating. She quickly joined in on the laughter.

“Is it Cthulu himself?” she asked which had them all laughing harder.

Isobel tried to pout as she held it out in front of them. “No, it’s supposed to be an elephant.”

“An elephant?” Jenna nearly cackled, “From what planet?”

“Ours!” Isobel whined, but it was quickly cut off by infectious giggling, “Listen, we can’t all be Michael.”

“You don’t want to be me,” Micahel said, shaking his head as he put his needlepoint in his lap, “That’s basically the only thing I’ve done right since I’ve been here.” 

“Oh c’mon, you can’t let Mrs. Bitchington ruin your time here,” Jenna said encouragingly. Michael shrugged.

“It’s not just her,” he admitted. Isobel grabbed his hand and he immediately calmed down a bit. She had a magic touch sometimes. One squeeze and a weight would lift off his shoulders.

“You know, I feel pretty shitty about the way she excludes you all the time. I still can’t figure out why,” Isobel admitted. Michael had an idea about why, but he chose to shrug. “You want to be here more than either of us do. It’s just not fair.”

“Do I?” he asked. He’d been under the impression that they were both as excited about it as he was. Or at least Isobel since she was the one who always seemed so eager to play along and engage Sir Alexander in conversation.

“My husband is super rich,” Isobel admitted, “He’ll basically pay for me to do anything if it means getting out of his hair.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Isobel said, waving him off, “It doesn’t bother me. It means I can do whatever including coming to this super fun place.” 

“Not sure if fun’s the right word,” Jenna mumbled before clearing her throat, “It’s not the worst, but… I don’t know, I’m trying to enjoy it. It’s just not my type of thing, you know.”

“Why’d you come then?” Michael asked. Jenna sighed and leaned back into the uncomfortable sofa.

“My sister loves this stuff,” she began, pulling loosely at the thick fabric of her dress, “She always wanted to come and she planned to one day. But, uh, then she got sick and now she can’t come, so she forced me to so she could live vicariously through me.”

“Man, you’re a good person,” Isobel huffed, “I don’t think I could do something I didn’t want to do just for my sibling.” 

“Really? I think I could do something insane for my best friend if she wanted me to because she couldn’t,” Michael said decidedly. He, in fact, had done a lot for Maria and she had done a lot for him. If she wanted him to do something crazy that he didn’t want to, he was sure he could do it for her.

“Still, it’s really sweet of you,” Isobel said, nudging Michael. She had that heartfelt smile on her face though and he felt warm inside. “But, if we’re gonna talk about Mrs. Bitchington, I find it super weird that it’s always the three of us and then two of them. Like, that’s so unfair.”

“It is unfair,” Jenna agreed, “I mean, apart of this whole thing is a romance, right? Where’s your romance?”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” Michael said, but his mind immediately jumped to Liz. He hadn’t seen her since the night prior and she was still hovering around his brain. He was eager to see her again and the more he thought about it, the more he itched to get away.

“I know that face,” Isobel said.

“What face?” Michael asked. She gave him a distinctly Isobel expression that he hadn’t actually seen on anyone else and he was struggling to decide what, exactly, it meant.

“That one,” she said, circling his head with her finger. Jenna chuckled beside him. “The one a boy gets when he’s thinking about a girl.”

“Okay, so maybe I’m thinking about a girl,” Michael agreed. Isobel’s eyes lit up.

“Is that girl around?” When he didn’t answer, she shoved his shoulder. “Michael! Go find the girl!”

Michael didn’t want to say no, so he didn’t.

Wandering around outside, it wasn’t hard to find Liz sitting on the bank of the little lake that wasn’t too far behind the house. He plopped down beside her and focused on his sketchbook. Or, pretended to be focused on his sketchbook even though he was very aware of the way she leaned closer and how she was smiling at him.

“Are you supposed to be out here?” she asked. He scribbled in the weaves of her braid that he happened to be drawing, trying to seem busy.

“I’m drawing.”

“You’re supposed to be inside,” she teased. He licked his lips and tried his best to channel his inner Maria. He looked over to her and grinned, letting his eyes trail up and down her. 

“I mean… I don’t have to be drawing.” Liz’s eyes went wide and she giggled, shoving his shoulder gently. “No, but I’m tired of being cooped up in there and playing third wheel all the time. Show me around, Liz, please?”

“How very scandalous,” she mused, “Didn’t you pay to be cooped up?”

Michael gave an exaggerated frown and kicked her foot. Her nose scrunched up and she looked so cute he thought about kissing her right then. He didn’t, though Maria would’ve been proud if he had.

“You’re right,” he sighed dramatically, “I guess I’m going to go be all bored and alone somewhere with no WiFi.”

He pushed off the ground and went to stand up, but Liz quickly grabbed his arm. He hit the ground again and barely had any time to adjust before there was a small hand at the back of his neck and lips on his. He melted into it, letting her set the pace and the boundaries. It was a good kiss. She was a good kisser.

And it was the first kiss he’d had in over two years and kisses were nice.

“Are you sure you can sneak around with me today?” she asked as she pulled away. He realized that, for at least the next couple hours, he was completely at her beck and call. And he was completely okay with that.

“Yes,” he said, “Absolutely.”

Liz stood first and grabbed his hands, tugging him up onto his feet. He smiled down at her when he got there and felt that strong urge to kiss her again. He didn’t really get the chance to even say that before she was on her toes, their noses smushing together as well as their mouths and his heart was slamming in his chest. He missed kissing someone.

“If you stay right here, I’ll go swipe us some lunch from the kitchen,” she said against his lips. He nodded dumbly.

Michael watched as she ran towards the house, impressively light on her feet. His first instinct was to call Maria, to tell her he actually kissed someone, but he knew he couldn’t. He just had to revel in it by himself which, honestly, was a lot to handle. He managed to do it if only so he didn’t embarrass himself in front of Liz.

She returned with a picnic basket in her hands and a mischievous glint in her eye.

Liz led him away from the lake and towards the back garden that he hadn’t actually been to yet. It was secluded and she laid out a blanket before laying on it herself. Staring at her with the sun on her face and the clothes she wore made Michael crave the idea of stealing one of the dresses they had and fixing his hair up like women did back in the day. He wanted to layout in the garden in one and he wanted to feel pretty. He wanted to feel pretty and be kissed senselessly for it and be told things poetically that had his mind reeling.

That wasn’t an option, so he just laid beside her instead.

They spent at least two hours talking and laughing and feeding each other and discussing their lives outside of this place. Liz explained it was a summer job she took on and that for most parts of the year she worked on her Ph.D. in biomedicine. Michael tried not to feel too much less than when he said he was an English teacher at a middle school.

When they weren’t speaking, they were kissing and Michael decided he could get used to being kissed all the time. He honestly didn’t think it mattered who or where, as long as he was being kissed and felt like he wasn’t unwantable. Well, actually, he was fine with being unwantable in most aspects of his life, but if he could kiss for a few minutes a day with a stranger, that sounded fine.

“Mmm, you should probably go back inside,” Liz said eventually. Michael sighed pathetically and pouted.

“I really don’t want to.”

“I really think you should.”

She ran a hand through his hair, tucking the already gelled strands behind his ear. She gave him one last kiss before she started folding up the picnic blanket. 

“So, can I see you tomorrow?” Michael asked. She grinned and nodded.

“You can count on it.”

He started making his way back towards the house, working on taming the smile on his face. The last thing he needed was Mrs. Pennington gaining another reason to be irritated with him. He was just fine with the current reasons.

Except, when he got back, the only person waiting around and looking irritated was Sir Alexander.

-

“Good news!”

Michael looked up from his plate at Mrs. Pennington’s announcement. She was beaming in a way that Michael felt was almost sinister. He wondered if he could get away with sneaking back out to find Liz if only so he wouldn’t have to see Mrs. Pennington do… that.

“Mr. Kyle Valenti will be joining us for the remainder of our time here!” she announced.

As if one cue‒most likely actually on cue‒a man burst in through the doors with an air of importance. He was actually gorgeous with a chiseled face and an easy smirk. His cheeks were stubbly, but it worked almost too well and Michael’s mind scrambled. He’d seen attractive men before‒hell, Sir Alexander was a force to be reckoned with‒but this man knew he was attractive and therefore carried himself to make it even more so. Confidence itself was no match for him.

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,” he said, his words coming out as natural as breathing.

Isobel kicked Michael beneath the table. He tore his attention from Mr. Valenti to look at her. Her eyes were wide with excitement, her smile so big that her teeth were showing. She was interested. Which made sense‒they were both beautiful enough to be models. Michael gave her a quick little thumbs up.

“And who might you be?”

It took Michael a moment to realize that basically everyone had been introduced to Mr. Valenti except for him and that he was sitting beside him and that he was leaning all close. He had to blink a few times to catch up with what he had clearly missed. When did that happen? 

“Oh, um, Michael. Michael Gue- Gilkes,” he fumbled. Mr. Valenti grinned and grabbed his hand, kissing it once and then a few more times.

“It’s a pleasure to meet someone who graces the Earth with such beauty, Mr. Gilkes,” he said and Michael gulped. What the fuck was happening?

“Oh, thanks, you too,” Michael fumbled. Mr. Valenti chuckled and Isobel gave Michael a look that said ‘damn, look at you’.

Dinner went on with the new addition, only Michael was no longer left out of the conversation. Not that he typically minded being in his own headspace, but he was here to experience everything. Mr. Valenti made sure that he was constantly being talked to, showering him in attention. Every extensive ramble would end with, “And what do you think of that, Mr. Gilkes?”, and Michael would have to answer. It was overwhelming and alluring all at the same time.

When dinner began to wind down and they went to the sitting room, Michael felt like he was in a haze. This is what it was supposed to feel like. He was supposed to be fuzzy and flattered. That was the whole point of this entire trip. He couldn’t wait to go home to Maria and gush about all the attention he was getting, even if it was all acting.

“So, there I was, and there was a bear,” Mr. Valenti explained, standing up in the sitting room as he told his story. Michael mimicked the way Isobel had looked at Sir Alexander and the way Maxwell looked at Jenna, that wide-eyed interested look. He seemed to feed on it. “And he came towards me! Running, growling‒I had to act fast.”

“Bears don’t attack unless provoked,” Sir Alexander said, voice dull with disinterest as it had been every time he spoke this evening. Which was very little.

Mr. Valenti glanced at him for a moment. “This one did.”

“Unlikely. Unless it was a mother and you got too close to her baby,” he said, then paused, “Or this entire story is bullshit which feels more accurate than anything.”

Mrs. Pennington gasped at his language, looking over at him with overly mothering eyes. Sir Alexander just stared back with a face that said ‘what?’. She tilted her head and he took a deep breath, looking away.

“I need a different book,” he said, standing with his cane in hand. He spared Michael a glance before not-so-subtly hitting Mr. Valenti with his cane. Michael tried not to smile because that wasn’t nice.

But the look Sir Alexander gave him was.

Still, Michael was quite sure Mr. Valenti was there to be his romance and he would at least give Mr. Valenti the attention he so clearly wanted. It wasn’t until much later when he ran into Liz in the hall outside the kitchen that he realized maybe he shouldn’t have been so eager to play along.

“Oh, you look normal. I thought you would never get that ‘oh, sir’ look off your face,” she teased. Heat rushed to his cheeks and he tried to gauge if she was mad at him or not. She didn’t seem mad, but most people weren’t too happy when they saw you flirt with someone else after making out with them.

“I’m sorry,” he said. Liz rolled her eyes.

“It’s okay, you aren’t required to be attracted to women,” she said, leaning against the wall with that fond expression on her face. Michael blinked dumbly.

“No,” he said, “I am, I just… have a broad taste.” Bisexual didn’t sound like a very early-1800s thing to say, but the fact that he didn’t say it made him feel kind of stupid too. He bowed his head and heard her little giggle in response. He didn’t realize how tense he was until she smoothed her hand over his shoulder to make him relax.

“Are you having fun being doused in manly attention?” she asked, nose scrunched up as if she knew she was slamming the ’make him blush’ button.

“You aren’t upset with me?” he whispered. Liz scoffed, her hand moving to his cheek.

“Michael, we just kissed a little, I’m not your keeper and I don’t think you feel like I am. Go! Swoon over all the sexy ass guys that you literally came here to be courted by,” she insisted, “Don’t be ashamed of wanting that‒that’s the opposite of the point. You’re supposed to be proposed to by the end of the story, aren’t you?”

Michael nodded and breathed slowly, quietly thanking her with the tilt of his head. She slipped her hand into his hair and tugged him closer.

“Get up in the morning, dress nice, do your hair how you want, and make them all stare. Stop being scared when you’re here to be someone else,” she whispered, ending it with a firm kiss to his lips. 

He went to bed with a plan to do just that.

-

“Can I speak to you for a moment, Mr. Gilkes?”

Michael would be lying if he said he wasn’t shocked to see Isobel and Jenna outside his bedroom door. While they were friends and very friendly, they never really came down to the servants quarters where he’d been set up.

“Yeah, sure,” he said, moving to let her in. The moment they were behind closed doors, Isobel gave a big wild smile that was a whole lot more Isobel than the structured sentence she had greeted him with.

“Me and Kyle started talking last night,” she said, so giddy that he grinned right back.

“Oh yeah?” he asked. Jenna just smiled and shook her head.

“Yes!” Isobel said, giggling, “I really like him, so… I was wondering how you’d feel about possibly switching.”

“Switching?” he repeated, looking between the two women.

“Yes, you get Sir Alexander and I get Mr. Valenti.”

“Or Maxwell, if you want,” Jenna added, “I don’t really mind.”

Michael blinked a few times and tried to order things in his head. They only had about half a week left here and they were all so ready to switch. That wasn’t a part of the story. However, he didn’t want to ruin her time here. She was actually enjoying it and Michael was having fun with Liz… even if she had just told him to get showered by male affection. It was fine. So, he nodded.

“Sure, I’ll take Alexander,” he said. He was the most attractive of them all, in his opinion. Even if he was sort of a dick who Michael clearly annoyed.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” Isobel asked. He nodded.

“Of course not, go be happy.”

-

“I have a fun little task for you all!”

Michael nearly sighed when Mrs. Pennington announced that. He found that the best way to enjoy this place now that Isobel had asked for Mr. Valenti was to quietly sit beside Sir Alexander and sketch while he read. He wouldn’t say it was accurate bonding time, but it had resulted in some of the calmest moments he’d had since he arrived. He was pretty content on doing that until the ball where Sir Alexander would probably propose to him even though they’d done nothing but annoy each other at the least.

“I have written a play that I would like you all to star in!” Mrs. Pennington said cheerily. Isobel, Kyle, and Maxwell all made sounds of intrigue, Michael and Jenna managed a smile, and Sir Alexander…

“Absolutely not,” he said. She gave him that motherly look like she did quite often. “No, I’m not doing that.”

“Yes, you are, so split into pairs,” Mrs. Pennington pushed. Alexander scoffed, dropping his head into his hand. Michael eyed him for a moment. It felt ungodly disrespectful. He almost smiled. “Ladies choice?”

“I guess we can be a pair, Mr. Evans,” Jenna said. He grinned with what could only be described as heart eyes.

“And, Mr. Valenti, I would enjoy your company,” Isobel said. Kyle looked supremely excited about that. Which left Michael to be paired with Alexander, which was expected since Isobel had asked him to switch suitors. Still, it felt weird. He kept replaying that moment in his mind where he insulted his cane only to realize he had a false leg.

“I guess that leaves us, Sir Alexander,” he said. Alexander picked up his head and looked at him, nodding with a sigh. He looked extremely disinterested in the entire prospect. Michael understood because he wasn’t really keen on the whole thing either.

Still, Mrs. Pennington pushed them to go run lines.

Michael found himself walking through the garden with a man who probably hated walking through the garden with his cane. It added an extra layer of guilt to the whole situation.

“I’m sorry about this, Sir Alexander,” Michael said, holding back a tree branch so it wouldn’t hit the man, “I’ll do my best not to annoy you.”

“You don’t annoy me,” he said almost before Michael finished speaking, “You make me nervous.” Michael froze for a moment and blinked at the man who walked past him. “And call me Alex.”

Michael watched him continue to walk and mulled over his words. Oh, he thought after a moment, this is the pairing I was supposed to have. He cleared his throat and ruffled his hair in hopes that his curls looked alright. Mrs. Pennington had given him a look from hell when she saw it. But, hey, he looked better and Liz had said to enjoy himself and look good. And he was going to look good for the guy he was supposed to be paired with.

“So, you like horses?” Michael said as he followed Alex towards the bench he was sitting at. Alex huffed a laugh and nodded, straightening out the leg with the prosthetic. Michael eyed it for a moment before he realized he was probably being extremely rude. When he looked up, Alex didn’t seem to mind.

“When I was first starting PT, they asked me to decide on a goal-- what I wanted to be able to do again-- and focus on it. I chose horseback riding,” Alex admitted, “It’s the only reason I was able to save you the other day, so… you’re welcome.”

“Thank you,” Michael said, sitting beside him, “That’s really impressive.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Alex said, shaking his head. When he looked towards Michael, the fact that they were always intended to be paired made even more sense. “Can I ask you a question? Why did you come to this place?”

Michael chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t know. I really enjoy everything about the time period‒well, most things about the time period. I like the dramatics of it all.”

“Really? I think the only thing I like is the simplicity. It’s so easy to just exist in a place that feels cut off,” Alex admitted. Okay, this was easy. Holding a conversation with him was easy.

“Absolutely. And the clothing is super fun,” Michael added, nodding towards the proper garb Alex had on. Michael’s was loose and peasant-y, but it was still comfy and simple.

“And it’s quiet. Super quiet. No constant noise like it is everywhere else,” he said and Michael again agreed. He lived in an apartment, quietness was a virtue.

“And,” Michael said, pausing for a moment as he tried to build up his inner Maria. He could be ballsy too, “The men.”

Alex stared at him and a slow smile slinked onto his face. It was world-altering. It was a very comforting thing to see and Michael had to wonder why he didn’t do it more often. He should do it all the time.

“The men,” Alex echoed.

Michael breathed slowly as they stared at each other for a moment. He could feel his cheeks heating up and his mind swim frantically as he tried to think of something to say so he didn’t sound stupid. He found himself desperately trying not to embarrass himself that he hadn’t even felt around Liz. Well, he always wanted to avoid embarrassing himself, but this felt like a life or death situation. It wasn’t… but it was.

“I-I like that there’s time to draw here,” Michael added limply. Alex’s head tilted in interest.

“Right, you’re an artist,” he said, casually snatching Michael’s sketchbook from his arms like that was something you do. He clearly didn’t have the same panicky thought process that Michael did.

“Uh, yeah, but don’t‒”

Michael’s protests didn’t really do much of anything as Alex continued to flip through his sketchbook and seeing drawing after drawing of his own damn face. Michael wondered if perhaps the dirt was loose enough to bury himself under.

“You seem to have a lot of me,” Alex said casually. There was nothing condescending in his tone or anything mocking on his face. He was just curious. Michael imagined Isobel or Maria squeezing his hand and nodded.

“You’re aesthetically pleasing and… quiet and curious. You’re, like, a token Mr. Darcy figure. You’re created to be a fantasy,” Michael answered.

Alex’s fingers gently traced the lines that Michael had drawn of his face, having tried and failed to capture the beauty of him. Still, Alex seemed impressed and entranced and Michael thanked whoever was listening that he wasn’t being shamed.

“So… I’m your fantasy?” Alex asked, tilting his head towards Michael. He felt his heart drop into his stomach and he tried not to gulp. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. He channeled Maria once again.

“Well, you do your job very well.”

Alex didn’t smile at this, he just nodded and turned to look back at the sketchbook. Michael wasn’t sure if he’d fucked up or not.

He hoped not.

-

Three hours of not-so-successful line-running, Michael and Alex made their way out of the garden. It went as well as one could imagine practicing a shitty play would be. They got distracted and talking more about things that felt much more interesting than the play itself. Like Alex’s penchant for cooking and his history in the Air Force and Michael’s job as an English teacher and the existence of his best friend Maria. It had him feeling a little more jittery than expected.

That jitteriness was immediately shut down and replaced by worry when he saw Isobel and Mr. Valenti making out against one of the sheds, hardly even trying to hide behind shrubbery. It immediately soured Michael’s mood and he scoffed.

“What?” Alex pressed. Michael gestured haphazardly towards the pair.

“That’s not right,” he said simply.

“Two straight people kissing?” Alex asked. Michael stuck his tongue out at him without thinking which earned him a smile that he quickly ignored.

“She’s kissing an actor, right? Where’s the line at? Where does truth end and fantasy begin when you do stuff like that?” Michael pointed out. He knew Isobel, not incredibly well, but enough to know that she probably wouldn’t understand that it wouldn’t carry on past this week. It was asking for heartbreak when Valenti turned out to be nothing more than an actor doing his job for a paycheck. Perhaps, more than his job description, actually.

“It’s a dangerous game they’re playing, I suppose,” Alex said. 

Michael shook his head.“She’s going to end up heartbroken because of a stupid game and he won’t even feel bad,” he decided. Alex breathed in so deep that Michael had to look over at him. He was already looking right back.

“I don’t know,” he said softly, “A week prior, I never would’ve seen any of this as anything other than a game, but now…”

He never finished his sentence. They stared for a moment until Michael decided that it was far, far too overwhelming and gave him a small nod before walking away. The entire trip back to the house was full of his mind trying to decipher what the hell that meant and then having to remind himself that this was indeed a game. It meant nothing. He couldn’t be stupid.

Which caused him to stupidly bump into Liz.

“Hello there, Mr. Gilkes,” Liz said, smiling up at him fondly. He had the urge to kiss her if only so he would stop thinking about kissing Alex which was a really terrible reason to kiss someone. So, obviously, he didn’t do it.

“Hi,” Michael said. She laughed at him, stepping up close to him and reaching up to spring one of the loose curls.

“So, how’s it all going?” she wondered. He huffed a laugh and shook his head.

“It’s all right out of a storybook,” he answered, sarcasm dripping from his tone. She smirked.

“That’s the point.”

When she walked past him, he didn’t bother to watch her leave. As gorgeous as she was, he had more pressing matters on his mind. Like the fact that Isobel was kissing an actor or that he was going to have to act in a play even though he was a shitty actor.

The main culprit invading his mind, however, was Sir Alexander Manes himself.

-

Alex was shaking.

“You know, for an actor, you’re pretty shit at this,” Michael whispered to him playfully as they stood backstage. Michael wasn’t really fond of acting on stage, it was actually the worst, but this didn’t feel like acting. There was no audience, it was just the six of them fucking around for Mrs. Pennington.

Alex gave him a pretty nasty glare which didn’t really hit the way it should because he looked downright terrified. It didn’t make sense considering he knew they were going to have to put on this damn play eventually. You’d think he’d be comfortable. But, no, he was nervous.

Still, they galloped on stage at their cue.

“Alas, my dear friend,” Alex mumbled. Michael gave him a smile. 

“Louder,” he instructed softly. Alex took a shaky breath and nodded.

“Alas, my dear friend!” he announced, so loud that his voice cracked. Michael squeezed his eyes shut to try to suppress his laughter. “You’ve been stabbed!”

Michael looked at him with wide eyes. He’d casually skipped half the damn script. With a small laugh, Michael got on the ground to pretend to be dead. Alex stood frozen for a bit before he awkwardly went to sit beside him, overly cautious for his prosthetic leg. 

“You’re supposed to be crying,” Michael told him carefully. Alex blinked and then frowned, sniffling in quite possibly the least believable way. Michael almost started laughing out loud. With a shake of his head, he said his next line. “Tis but a scratch.” 

“Let me hold you, my dear friend,” Alex said, scooting closer. He didn’t actually make any move to hold him which didn’t matter, but it had them both snickering under their breath.

“Oh, this life we have led,” Michael began, gazing up at Alex in the most loving way he could. He wasn’t an actor by any means, but he’d spent enough time playing Maria’s fake boyfriend to pretty accurately capture an ‘in love’ face. “I fear the day we let it go.”

“We will meet again. Ours are meant to be in every lifetime,” Alex spoke back, again too softly but Michael didn’t bother correcting him. He just smiled at him.

“Ah, for this moment, if it may be my last, it seems we are alone in this world. Just you and I in this very moment,” Michael recited dramatically. Alex just stared at him.

“I love you,” he blurted suddenly. Michael’s eyebrows furrowed as he stared at him. That wasn’t in the script. Had he really forgotten the script that badly? Alex’s eyes widened at his mistake and Michael just managed a comforting little smile.

Maxwell badly galloped onto the stage behind them in an off-kilter rhythm. 

“You’re supposed to be dead,” he whispered to them. 

“Oh, yeah,” Michael said, dropping to the floor completely in his death and Alex managed an ‘oh no’ that almost revived him with laughter.

A little commotion went on around them as Michael played dead, the image of Alex saying ’I love you’ cycling through his mind over and over and over. What a weird thing to throw in. 

“And they all died!” Jenna announced a little too early or perhaps not, causing a slow slinking of his fellow “actors” to the floor. Alex laid on his chest.

If anyone asked him, he would say it was a very successful performance.

-

High on the adrenaline of the play, Michael grabbed Alex’s arm the moment they got off stage.

“Let’s get out of here,” he pressed. Alex blinked curiously but nodded with a smile. 

Michael gave Alex time to grab his cane before they began rushing away from the makeshift stage, speed walking away from it all and towards the house. Alex stayed close as they moved, smiles on both of their faces. It was hard to pinpoint where it all came from. He just knew one minute Alex was laying on his chest and the next he needed to get him alone.

They found themselves huddled behind the door of Michael’s bedroom, bodies all but touching as they took each other in. Alex had been beautiful since the first day, but seeing him smile like that felt like a brand new type of gorgeous. It flurried into Michael with new knowledge of his shitty stage acting skills and soft hair and the way he felt on his chest. 

This is what it should feel like. 

Michael remembered Maria trying to explain to him what it felt like whenever she really, really liked someone, especially back in high school. She’d explained the heart-pounding, mind-numbing, euphoric feeling of it all. He always thought it was bullshit. While he wanted something out of a book, he couldn’t understand how anyone real could make you feel that way. Now, here he was, giddy to be alone with a boy for once. It didn’t feel like dread or duty like he usually felt whenever he found himself alone in a room with someone. This felt like he wanted it.

He didn’t let go of his hand.

“I feel someone in the early 19th century might have a few words to say about two men who close themselves in a bedroom together,” Alex whispered, though he made no move to back away or let go.

However, his words shattered Michael’s thoughts and rudely reminded him that he was an actor. This wasn’t real. This was a game that he signed up for. He shouldn’t feel so comfortable.

But he did. And, for a moment he considered pleading him to stay.

Instead, he said, “Maybe I should let you go then. Wouldn’t want to get either of us into trouble.” He paused for a moment, squeezing Alex’s hand. As long as he was aware this wasn’t real, he could be a little reckless. Just a little. “I had fun with you.”

“So did I.”

Alex stared at him for a moment before he blinked and looked to the side. He took a deep breath and then gave a curt smile before turning to open the door. He turned the handle and everything, but he paused before he pushed it open.

“Mr. Gilkes, during the ball tomorrow… may I steal a dance or two?”

“Yes, of course, Sir Alexander,” Michael agreed, that giddy feeling slowly but surely rearing its head again.

Alex nodded and then very quickly seemed to make a decision, turning back to Michael and capturing his hand again. Michael held his breath.

“When I look at you, I feel right for the first time in my life,” he admitted, completing the romantic fantasy in Michael’s mind. He truly was the perfect actor.

Alex pressed a kiss to the palm of Michael’s hand and let it linger for a moment. It felt more intimate than anything Michael had ever experienced in his life. It made his heart pound. 

“Good night, Mr. Gilkes,” Alex said softly, quickly disappearing outside of the door and leaving Michael alone.

His mind was in a haze as he went to his bed, laying down fully clothed. He wanted to replay those last few minutes in his mind forever. He wanted to tell Maria. He wanted so much.

He wanted that feeling to never, ever go away.

-

The ball was everything a young Michael could’ve ever dreamed of.

Fancy costumes, beautiful men and women, live early Romantic era music, dancing. He couldn’t even help the smile that overcame his face as he, Jenna, and Isobel made their way into the ballroom. It was the real answer to his fantasies and suddenly the whole week was worth everything awful that had happened.

In the sea of bodies, he spotted Liz who gave him a little wave and a wink. She was wearing a dress for the first time, dressed up in a way similar to Isobel and Jenna. It was different, but she still looked gorgeous. Jenna got whisked away by Maxwell, Isobel got whisked away by Mr. Valenti, and Michael considered whisking away with Liz until a familiar face stood in front of him.

Alex looked even better in his special occasion fancy garb than he did in his daily fancy garb. The pale blues of the suit made his skin look even darker than it usually did and accented his already dazzling eyes. Michael was immediately brought back to the night before whenever they had snuck off to his room for nothing more than a kiss on the hand.

“May I have this dance?”

Michael held out his hand, allowing him to pull him into a very Regency-esque dance that had been taught to them through the week, but Michael had already known. It was something he did in his free time, something he did when he needed to remember what the point was. It was natural to him. Doing it with a good looking man, however, was new.

“You know, I seem to recall you saying you didn’t like social events such as this,” Michael pointed out with a grin.

“I can make an exception, I suppose,” Alex said softly. Michael raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh, I can make you enjoy this?”

Alex stared at him for a moment, confliction on his face before he quickly pulled Michael off the dance floor. Michael let him, though the confusion never left his face.

“Michael, can we speak for a moment? I need to tell you something that-- that I'm not supposed to tell you,” Alex said, his eyes shifting over to someone. When Michael followed his gaze, he saw Mrs. Pennington all but staring them down. Alex gave his hand a little squeeze. “Please?”

“O-Okay,” Michael said dumbly, letting himself be pulled through the crowd. He overheard Maxwell wistfully propose to Jenna and then Mr. Valenti wistfully propose to Isobel. His stomach started churning. 

Alex tugged him outside onto the balcony, closing the door behind them and creating a world for just them. He stood close, his cane beside both of their feet as he leaned in. His eyes were so big and worried and nervous that Michael couldn’t help but listen attentively.

“I-I know that I made quite a horrible first impression on our first meeting, but I hope I’ve changed that. You see, I had no intention to even speak to anyone here more than I had to, much less fall for anyone, but I did and I have and I… I feel connected to you in a way I haven’t before and I just can’t imagine never seeing you again,” Alex gushed, seeming so sincerely honest. Michael stared at him, eyes growing wider each moment. He was a fantastic actor. “Is there any hope that I can see you after this is over?” 

There was something awful about how conflicted Michael felt in that moment. The illogical side that was still caught up in the feeling of the night before wanted to say yes. He wanted to tug him close and kiss him and never leave. But this wasn’t real. Every single emotion he was feeling was intended from the start. 

“Oh,” Michael whispered, slowly pulling away from him. Alex’s face dropped. “I didn’t realize this would feel so…”

Alex’s eyebrows pulled together, his head tilting like a desperate puppy would. “So what?”

“Fake.”

Michael took a large step away, watching as Alex got a downright pitiful expression on his pretty features. It made it harder to leave.

“No, but it’s not‒”

“No, you were right, this is a dangerous game that I shouldn’t have played in the first place,” Michael said. He didn’t think it would’ve felt so bad had he not had that moment of belonging and security in his bedroom the night prior. That felt too good to be fake. But it was and that made him feel uncomfortable. “I want something real.”

Michael didn’t stay long enough to hear anything else Alex might have to say, instead quickly escaping into the ballroom again to find the one real thing he had experienced in the entire week he’d been there. It took him a moment, but he did eventually find Liz’s short stature in the sea of people, talking to an elderly woman with a smile on her face.

“Liz,” he called. She turned him with pleading eyes. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“Yes, please,” Liz agreed, taking his hand.

Her laughter followed him as they all but sprinted away and out of the house. He made sure she had a good hold on her dress before making a beeline through the grass to the little shed they’d danced in earlier in the week. He didn’t really let himself breathe until he fell onto her couch.

“Any reason in particular we just made a great escape?” she asked teasingly. He closed his eyes, breathing in slow. He tried to push away the conflicted feelings he had about leaving Alex. He was a fucking actor. 

“I realized that you were the only person who hasn’t been putting on a show for the whole week,” he said softly. It helped convince himself just a little bit more that he indeed made the right choice.

Until she didn’t respond.

Liz stayed quiet until he pried his eyes open. She looked downright guilty. He felt his heart drop into his stomach. God, he needed Maria.

“I don’t think I was really putting on a show, but,” Liz said, grimacing as she spoke slow and controlled, “I was originally intended to be your love interest. I’m an actress.”

“Of fucking course,” Michael groaned, slapping his hand over his eyes. Of course. The one real thing wasn’t even fucking real.

“But I really do like you, you know, as a person. I had so much fun with you and I felt bad about tricking you like that, so I put some space between us. Nothing I did with you was acting, though,” Liz explained. Michael sighed dramatically all over again. Suddenly, he realized that he was indeed getting all of this out of his system. This was all one giant mindfuck.

“Well, thanks for telling the truth, I guess,” Michael whispered. It suddenly made a bit more sense that Alex didn’t really start giving him any attention until halfway through. She backed out and Alex had to swoop in and save the day. How very Mr. Perfect of him.

“I would want to be told the truth, so…��� Liz explained, shrugging. He lulled his head back on the couch and tried to let it all sink in. If he knew how badly this was going to feel, he never would’ve blown so much money on it in the first place.

“Can I admit something, though?” Michael asked.

“Sure.”

“Alex’s character was pretty convincing,” he said softly, again imagining that safe feeling in his bedroom paired with the soft kiss to his hand, “There were moments where it felt real.”

Liz just gave that comforting smile of hers and placed a hand on his shoulder. He decided that would have to do.

“I know.”

-

“I think me and Kyle are going to keep seeing each other after this.”

Michael looked up from where he was packing his bags and saw Jenna staring too. Isobel seemed very blissfully into the idea that whatever they were was legit. Michael wasn’t sure if he should say something. Maybe they were, maybe they weren’t. He didn’t know and he didn’t want to upset her for anything.

“I have to admit,” Jenna said with a smile, “They could be pretty dreamy when they need to be. My sister is gonna love all the stories.”

“My friend is too,” Michael agreed. As much as he knew Maria was fed up with his obsession, he also knew that she was a sucker for any story that involved a gushy romance. He was walking away with two different versions of that.

They finished packing up their things before heading outside. The carriage was waiting for them, all ready to wheel them away so they could go home and return to modern life. Michael couldn’t tell if he was sad to leave his childhood dream or glad to get away from the drama. 

“You know, I had a lot of fun with you guys,” Michael said, sighing softly as he took in the large house behind him, “I hope we can keep in touch. Like, on social media.”

“Aw, me too,” Isobel gushed, squeezing him in a hug. Jenna laughed gave his arm a little squeeze.

“Absolutely,” she said with a smile.

Maybe this thing wasn’t a total bust. If he was walking away with friends, then maybe it was worth it.

“Wait!” 

They all turned to see Alex hauling ass after them with his cane in hand. Michael furrowed his eyebrows as Alex came towards him, desperation on his face. Really?

“Michael, please,” he said as he got close, “I never lied to you, you have to know that.” Michael shook his head, giving the nicest smile he could manage.

“It’s okay, I know you’re just doing your job. And you were the perfect fantasy. You can stop now.”

“But I‒”

“No, it’s okay,” Michael assured him, seeing Alex’s face scrunch up in a panic, “I’m over it.”

Michael made his way towards the carriage and gave Alex one last look. The man looked torn, like he didn’t know whether to keep at it or to let him go. He let him go. Michael let out a heavy sigh as he sat across from Jenna and Isobel.

They were silent for a moment as the carriage got going. No one said anything until the large house was completely out of sight. Isobel reached across to put her hand on his knee and gave it a little squeeze. He was able to relax just a bit, even if Alex was still on his mind.

“You know, Alex did a very good job at pretending to fall in love with you,” Isobel noted kindly. Michael snorted, nodding his head.

“Yeah, he really did.”

“He asked me if there was any way I could go with Kyle so he could spend more time with you. Good thing, though, since we really hit it off,” she informed him like it was something to ignore. Jenna’s eyes widened a little and shot a look at Michael. He was already feeling overwhelmed. He gulped.

Michael spent the rest of the ride to the airport trying to rationalize why Alex would have requested him. That didn’t make sense, especially since he was supposed to be with Liz originally. Why would he do that? And, hell, why would he have asked Isobel and not Kyle or Mrs. Pennington?

He got on the plane, trying to convince himself that it didn’t matter.

-

Dorothy was right, there really was no place like home.

Michael instantly curled up on the couch the minute he got inside, breathing in the comforting smell of home and nothing more. He was going to be alright. Whatever that experience was, it was necessary for him to move on.

He glanced around at all his floral and antique decor and decided that could all stay. Just because he no longer felt the need to pretend he was going to have a great Mr. Darcy love, that didn’t mean he couldn’t like his aesthetic. He would have to remove the giant cardboard cutouts, though. 

Michael stood up after a moment and lit a candle, letting it make the room smell like home even more. He needed that comfort. As he settled into the soothing smell of lavender, his phone buzzed and he pulled it out to see follow requests from Jenna, Isobel, and even Liz. That made him feel even more at home. He didn’t need a boyfriend or a girlfriend or anything to be at home. He just needed friends.

He called Maria.

“Hey!” she answered, sounding as cheery as ever. Michael smiled. He missed her a lot. It felt like too long. 

“Are you home?"

"Yeah, don't have to be at the bar until later."

"Well, you were right, I’m over it,” he sighed, “Even perfect guys aren’t perfect.”

Maria made a mournful little noise, “Oh, honey. I’ll be right over.”

“See you soon.”

The call ended and he put his phone down. Michael closed his eyes for a moment as he stood there, taking in the smell of the candle and the security that came with Maria being on her way. He was going to survive this. He didn’t need Alex.

Alex, Alex, Alex. The confusing man haunted his mind. The confusing man he wanted out of his mind. Whatever that was, it wasn’t real. Alex was an actor and he played his job well. Too well. Honestly, dangerously well.

A few minutes later, Maria knocked on the door and Michael smiled thankfully. He quickly made his way to open it and prepared himself for the backbreaking hug she was going to give him, only to not receive it. Instead, Sir Alexander Manes stood across from him nearly out of breath and wide-eyed and in normal clothing. Hell, he even had a leather jacket.

He looked even better.

“I tried to catch you at the airport and I missed you by a few seconds, so I got on the next flight here and I ran and I wanted to give you this,” Alex said, leaning harder on his cane as he held out the sketchbook he’d forgotten. Michael’s eyes went wide and he stared at him, more than a little confused.

“You came all the way here to give me this?” Michael asked, very hesitantly taking the book from Alex’s hand. He nodded sincerely.

“Yes.”

“That’s a little extreme,” Michael pointed out. Alex’s face fell again and he nodded once, licking his lips.

“Right, sorry,” he said, using the wall to help him balance. He almost took a step in the opposite direction to leave, but then he stopped. Michael would never admit how thankful he was that he stopped. “Look, I’m an ex-Airman. I just got discharged because of my injury and I haven’t done anything in a long time, so my aunt basically forced me to come play stand-in before Kyle could come. I’m not an actor, I’m just some guy who… who fell for you. Really, really hard. We just connected like something wild, like something…”

Michael took a slow breath and tried not to smile. This felt too overwhelming, too much like a romcom, too fake. But he was here. Would he really be here if it was fake?

“Cosmic?” Michael offered. Alex smiled.

“Yes, cosmic,” he agreed, adjusting his stance to stand up straighter. He fixed his grip on his cane. “I used to think my aunt’s work was ridiculous and I thought all the people went there were too. But, the truth is, I really enjoyed it, just like we talked about. For a moment, love that simple was very real to me. Then I realized it was because it was that simple. Love is the easiest thing and I want that with you if you’ll let me.” 

Michael smiled so simply and almost leaned forward. He almost gave in, he almost melted. But this really was too good to be true.

“You don’t even know me,” Michael said softly. He didn’t walk away like his brain was telling him to, though. He didn’t close the door. He wanted so badly to be convinced.

“But I would like to.”

“Alex…” Michael trailed off. Please be real, please be real, please be real.

“You said you didn’t want fake. I don’t want that either. Do you think… we could try to be something real together? I promise I won’t show up at your door without warning ever again,” he said with a warm smile. 

The tone he used reminded him of the kiss on the hand he’d given him and how comfortable he felt being alone with him. Even now, he couldn’t find himself to be weirded out that he’d come all this way to give him back his book. It felt sincere. He seemed so, so sincere. 

For a moment, he got lost in how sincere the kiss on the hand felt.

For a moment, he wondered what it would be like to kiss him for real.

For a moment, he almost did.

“No, no, this isn’t real! Don’t you get that?” Michael laughed, turning and walking a bit deeper into the apartment before turning back to him. Space would help get his mindset back. Alex never crossed the threshold, he just stared with hope in his eyes. “This is a story, this is a fantasy. You can’t be real.”

“Michael, can’t you understand that you are my fantasy?” Alex asked. Michael sighed and his shoulders dropped, his heart thudding wildly in his chest. God, he wanted to kiss him.

“You can’t say stuff like that when you don’t mean it,” Michael whispered as a last-ditch effort. However, he was already gravitating back towards Alex. “You don’t know me. I don’t know you.”

“And I will tell you everything there is to know. I will prove to you that everything is real, I swear,” Alex promised. Michael couldn’t even fight the stupid smile from taking over his face even though he wished he could look a little more serious in this situation. “You say I’m a fantasy or something, but you’re the one who is too good to be true. You're kind and talented and beautiful. You're shy while also somehow managing to speak your mind. I'm just so intrigued to learn every little detail about who you are. Please, let me."

“Man, I really wanna kiss you now,” Michael huffed, still smiling. This was real. This was his. He was allowed to have this. 

Alex smiled right back.“Then do it.”

Michael closed the distance between them, both of his hands grabbing onto Alex’s face and kissing him. It was easily the best kiss he’d ever had, something better than he could’ve ever imagined. He was so comfortable. He was at home. This was it. This was everything.

This is what he was supposed to feel.

He really was going to get his true fairytale ending.

[antimatterpod]

Transcript - 47. Pride And Prejudice In the Original Romulan

If you found the audio on this ep a little painful (and I don’t blame you at all, so did I!), here is the transcript!

Liz:  Welcome to Antimatter Pod, a Star Trek podcast where we discuss fashion, feminism, subtext and subspace, hosted by Anika and Liz. Today we're going to TRY to talk about the TOS novel My Enemy, My Ally -- but it's raining at both of our houses, and we both have internet that drops out in the rain. So…

Anika:  [laughs]

Liz:  This is our second go at recording the opening. [laughs] And it's really bucketing down out there!

Anika:  We bring the drama.

Liz:  We do! We do. Anyway, I am so glad that I finally read this classic tie-in novel, because I had such a good time.

Anika:  It's a lot of fun. I have long loved these books. I have a great deal of affection for the Rihannsu novels, and the characters within them. I don't think I've ever actually sat down and read the whole book in a really long time. So I noticed a lot of things that I don't remember when I'm thinking about the book. These aren't the things that I remember, or think on fondly when I go back and read my favourite passages and things. Those, I know practically by heart, but there was a lot that I just sort of glossed over.

Liz:  I have been hearing or reading about these books for almost as long as I've been in Star Trek fandom. And I never read them before, because I knew that Duane's worldbuilding for the Romulans was so different from what we ultimately got.

And yes, there's a lot of stuff that's really outdated, and no longer current, and I laughed out loud at the bit where the Starfleet intelligence report is like, "There have been a lot of assassinations happening in the Romulan Senate!" And everyone's like, "That's not like the Romulans! That's so weird!" Guys, it's Tuesday, there's an assassination.

But I was so impressed by how well it still fits with -- and I think Picard actually has a lot to do with that, because it's added so many layers of nuance and details to Romulan culture that Duane's ideas can just slip neatly in.

Anika:  Right. Yes. especially when -- whenever Ael talked or thought about the Klingons, she is so anti-Klingon, and it was sort of hilarious, because everything that she said about the Klingons was sort of what the TNG Romulans do.

Liz:  Yeah!

Anika:  And everything that she believes in about the Romulans is pretty much TNG Klingons.

Liz:  Right!

Anika:  And so it was this weird, you know -- and so this book came out in 1984, and the movie, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, which was really the first time we saw modern Klingons. -- was in Star Trek III.

Liz:  And they were not particularly honourable.

Anika:  But they did have -- like, Valkris? Something like that. She has a V-kris name. At the very beginning of Star Trek III, she does the whole little, "I have to die, now, for honour" Klingon thing. That was new.

Liz:  Oh, you're right! It's been so long since I saw that.

Anika:  So I feel like [Duane] was writing about these Romulans while they were writing about those Klingons, and they decided to move in that direction. Because, you know, like, five years later, I guess? Maybe three years later, Next Generation came out. I'm sure they were already writing Next Generation. So--

Liz:  They actually weren't! Planning for Next Gen was going on really, really late in 1986.

Anika:  Really!

Liz:  Yeah, listening to the podcast The Trek Files, they go through a lot of the early Next Gen planning documents, and it's actually a little scary how close to the release for "Encounter at Farpoint" they're still working out things like, "Should there be a doctor?" and "Maybe we should cast someone as the android?"

Anika:  Maybe.

Liz:  It gives me a lot of secondhand stress. [laughs]

Anika:  That's funny. Although, looking at the beginnings of Next Generation, I believe it.

Liz:  Oh yeah, absolutely. It explains a lot. But yeah, it's interesting that Duane kept going with these books -- and was allowed to keep going with these books -- even after Next Gen started up and basically -- I think the term in fandom is still "jossed"? For Joss Whedon? Jossed all of her ideas about Romulans. And I just think it's really wonderful that Star Trek: Picard has started restoring some of these ideas.

And some of them are quite different, you know, Romulans have three names (including a secret name), not four. But the seeds are there. And I believe I read somewhere that Chabon actually considered using the Rihannsu language that Duane created, but it was decided that it was too different from everything else we've seen of Romulan language on screen.

Anika:  Interesting.

Liz:  I just wanna point out, species can have more than one language. Just putting that out there.

Anika:  What? Are you sure?

Liz:  I know. I know. I've heard it's possible.

Anika:  I don't think that's true.

Liz:  I hear there are people on Earth right now who don't speak English.

Anika:  [laughing] I'm sorry, just the idea that that would be shocking to anyone? Is a little scary.

Liz:  I know.

Anika:  But we can say that they were dialects, even. It doesn't even have to be a different language. But one of the things I really love about these books is that at least five percent of the book is in Romulan, and she puts in no effort of translating it. She just expects you to be able to understand what's going on based on the rest of it. I've always appreciated that.

Liz:  See, that kind of annoyed me. Because, like, I have no problem with subtitles, and I'm not one of those people who was complaining about all the subtitled Klingon in early Discovery. But here, I'm like, IT'S A BOOK! I DON'T NEED TO READ THESE FAKE WORDS! But when they start talking about, um, mmmmnesssahiiii… [Transcriber's note: the word is "mnhei’sahe". Good luck.]

Anika:  Yeah, I know. My second point is, I can't pronounce any of it.

Liz:  No!

Anika:  I read The Romulan Way first.

Liz:  Oh, I think you've said that before, yes. That's the one set on Romulus, with the spy?

Anika:  Yes. I was not reading Star Trek novels in 1984. But I read The Romulan Way, and then I went backwards for My Enemy, My Ally, because Ael is in The Romulan Way, and she's amazing. And she's, like, a superhero that shows up at the end, so I was like, I need to know the story of that. So I went back to it. But at the back of The Romulan Way, there's a glossary of Romulan words. It's only three pages long. It's nothing like the Klingon-English dictionary. And I am still, to this day, angry that I can't learn Romulan the way I could learn Klingon. Like, you can learn Klingon in Duolingo.

Liz:  You can! It's outrageous.

Anika:  But no one's ever taken the time to do that for Romulan, and I'm just annoyed, because that's the -- since I was a small child, that's the language I've wanted to speak.

Liz:  It sounds like they have put in the work of creating a conlang for Romulan now, with Picard, so maybe you can learn that? But it won't be Duane's Rihannsu.

Anika:  But it'll be at least something. I would love for someone to take the time and translate a novel into Romulan, or something. Like Jane Austen. If the Klingons get Shakespear--

Liz:  The Romulans get Austen.

Anika:  Yeah.

Liz:  I feel like the Romulans would rather have John LeCarre. But no, they're getting Austen and they're going to like it.

Anika:  Pride And Prejudice in the original Romulan is something I desperately want to read.

Liz:  "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a subcommander in possession of a great fortune must be in want of a…" yeah. Anyway. I'm gonna have to take some time to think about how this translates.

I wasn't so keen on the passages of Romulan, but I liked the Romulan words and concepts that we were introduced to, and I like that now we have -- like, Duane gives us names of Romulan animals? And the significance that they attach to names, names of ships and names of people, I really groove on that sort of thing. And Ael's idea that the name of the Enterprise is very unlucky because it's such a big, powerful concept.

Anika:  Sounds accurate. And it also makes me think about the Enterprise. Like, obviously -- when I was a kid, watching Next Generation, watching The Original Series, watching the one with the whales -- you know, it's exciting that they get the Enterprise back in the end, right? It's a big deal, and the Enterprise is obviously the best ship in the fleet. Because it's the Enterprise, and these are the stories of the people who are on it!

But, if I think about the name, I hate it! It's so capitalist. It's so military. It's so American, and I just -- I hate it!

Liz:  It really is. I say this with all due love and respect. And I know it was a British Navy ship first, but come on.

Anika:  So, yeah, that's how I feel about it. So I appreciate that she makes me think about these things.

Liz:  Yeah, I really love her take on it. And it makes me like the name of the Enterprise, too. I think, you know, Discovery and Voyager are much more positive and less iconic names, and even Defiant -- you know, that's a big concept, and it's not so positive as "discovery" or "voyaging", but it's necessary to what the Defiant was built for.

Anika:  And I like that, in Discovery and in Picard, they have actually named some ships with non-English words and concepts and people. They're taking those tiny baby steps towards making it a little less--

Liz:  I know! For all that I've dunked on Chabon throughout our podcast, he made a deliberate choice to name starships after non-western explorers, and I really, really love that. Still all men, but, you know, we'll get there.

Anika:  Baby steps!

Liz:  My thing in fic is that I always name starships after women of science or science fiction. So when I am in charge of Star Trek, it will be a much better show. I promise.

I just wanna say how much I love Ael as a character.

Anika:  Absolutely.

Liz:  She's basically the perfect character for me -- she's not quite cranky enough, although she puts on a good facade of it early in the book, when she's deceiving the crew she's about to sacrifice. But she's -- I like characters who are old enough to have a past, and young enough to have a future. And she's perfect [for me]! She has her ship, she has her crew, she has her adult son, who serves underneath her as her first office. It's really wonderful. And I read that Duane created her as a woman who could sort of match Kirk at his own game, but in doing so, she created a wonderful character in her own right.

Anika:  I had to write this one sentence down. It's on page 93, when Ael beams onto the ship, onto the Enterprise, and so our Enterprise crew first see her. I underlined the sentence that I'm going to read, and then I wrote in the margins, "So that's why I fell so hard and so immediately for Admiral Kat."

Liz:  [laughs] Yes?

Anika:  And this is the sentence: "She carried herself like a banner or a weapon, like something proud and dangerous, but momentarily at rest."

Liz:  Yes! And I think she and Kat have a lot in common, because Ael is so pragmatic, and so ruthless in how she abandons the crew of the Cuirass to their own destruction -- which she has set up for them! And these were not particularly good people, they intended to betray her, but she still feels that twinge of regret, because this is her honour that she is destroying. And then she does it anyway. And I love that in a character. I love characters who are -- particularly women -- who are capable of terrible things, but know what they have done.

Anika:  Right. And, as you said, that she's old enough to have a past, and young enough to have a future. I think that that has that same -- and so I was like -- again, I read these books young. And so I really looked up to Ael as a role model, you know? I really was drawn to that. The character in The Romulan Way, the main character, is the character that I would want to be, and then she looked up to Ael. So it was like this whole thing.

So, going back and, again, reading it -- and really reading it, this time, not just skimming and skipping to my favourite parts, but really taking the time to read each passage -- there was just so much of things that I love about Star Trek and other mediums, and other fandoms, that were in this book. And it's like, oh, it formed -- it informed the future me, when I was reading it as a small girl. Because I was inspired by those things, and then I went looking for more of that.

Liz:  It's just the most wonderful piece of space opera, with empires attempting to push and shift the balance of power, and individuals working for the betterment of the community, the galactic community as a whole. I love that! And at one point, I was like, the worldbuilding in this story is so rich, and the plot itself is so interesting, this didn't need to be a tie-in. This could be an original piece of work. But, at the same time, would we still be talking about it if this "original novel" had been published in 1984? Like, there is a lot of great science fiction written by women in the '80s, which is just straight forgotten.

Anika:  Right. I agree.

Liz:  That's not to say that's okay, you know, I think there's a lot of joy to be had in rediscovering that stuff, like Vonda McIntyre's original work, but--

Anika:  And I also don't think it cheapens her worldbuilding and the effort that she clearly put in to make fifty original characters for this book--

Liz:  Fifty! Did you count?

Anika:  I didn't count them.

Liz:  Okay.

Anika:  I'm just saying, I started naming them, and there are people that are just -- and they reoccur in all of her other novels. Which is great. I looked up -- because Lia Burke, the nurse, I was like, is Lia Burke a "real character", quote-unquote, or is she only in these books? Because I couldn't tell. I really, firmly believed that she was a member of the Enterprise [crew] in The Original Series, or my guess was that she was introduced in the animated series. And since I'm never going to watch the animated series, I wouldn't know. So I looked it up, and no, she was introduced in The Wounded Sky, Duane's first book.

Liz:  Huh!

Anika:  But she appears in all of them, and is such a rich character, even with her two scenes and her four lines. But I know exactly who she is.

Liz:  She is such a rich character that I almost looked at her -- and you know I really hate the concept of the Mary Sue, but I looked at her and went, "Are you maybe TOO RICH to be a supporting character? You need to have your own series, love, you need to step out of the Star Trek universe and into your own thing. Because you are taking over."

And I think that's a really difficult line to walk with tie-in fiction, because you need to deepen the universe with original characters, and they need to be GOOD original characters, they need to be complicated and interesting. But at the same time, they're not what the audience is there for.

Anika:  Right. But I think she's amazing, and the way that [Duane] makes this rich supporting cast, and I firmly believe that they're a part of the Enterprise.

Liz:  Yes. Even the Horta officer, Ensign Naraht--

Anika:  I love him!

Liz:  He's so great! Kirk keeps comparing him to a pan pizza, and I'm like, (a) he is clearly a deep dish; (b) that's pretty racist, mate.

Anika:  [laughs] PRETTY racist? He's saying that he looks edible!

Liz:  Yes!

Anika:  That's a problem!

Liz:  And then TrekCore, yesterday, posted the stills from Discovery showing the Horta in the background of Lorca's chamber of horrors, and I'm like, was Lorca going to eat the Horta???

Anika:  But speaking of racism--

Liz:  I just want to say, like Duane's original characters always encompass non-humanoid Starfleet officers. And it's so great. I find it really distracting because, like, I've seen what the ship looks like, and I know that it doesn't accommodate these people? But at the same time, what she is doing is really good, and that I personally find it distracting is not actually a point of failure on Duane's part.

Anika:  I get confused trying to imagine -- like, she describes them, and I just cannot. I need someone to draw me fan art, or something, so I get it.

Liz:  I agree. Because, like, the three Denebian races, and one of them has tentacles -- I lost track of all of them, but I love them. What were you going to say about racism?

Anika:  I was just going to say, I find it interesting that there are a few times where our human characters, Kirk, Uhura, etc -- even Spock, I think -- will start saying something anti-Romulan, and then stop themselves and apologise to whichever Romulan they were interacting with. And the Romulan's like, "No, no, no, it's okay." And in -- I don't think Ael ever does it, but in her inner monologue, she sometimes will think about -- she has a whole couple of paragraphs about how she thought the Vulcans were one thing, but it turns out they're not. So it's like there's this whole, interesting "confronting racism" part.

Liz:  Yeah, there's a bit where she enters the rec room, and looks around at the relatively diverse Enterprise crew and goes, "This should be horrifying me maybe more than it is? Am I … a bad Romulan?"

Anika:  But then -- and I only wrote this one down, and, again, it's an old book, and we are all still grappling with racism and cultural appropriation and PC language, or whatever. But on page 135, it says, "What would you call Shanghaiing the Intrepid?" And again, I wrote in my margins, "I would call it racism!" Because, what the hell are you doing in saying that in the 22nd century -- whatever century it's supposed to be.

Liz:  Years and years ago, I used the term "shanghai" to mean, you know, kidnap someone and press them into service. And my friend Stephanie, who is Chinese-Malaysian, was like, "Um, Elizabeth?" She has this particular tone. And I apologised, but internally, I was really defensive about it, you know, [Well Actually voice] "That was a BRITISH term, and it was referring to stealing English people and taking them to serve in Shanghai, and blah, blah, blah, blah." But then it just dropped out of my vocabulary, and I haven't really felt the loss, to be honest. Like, you can say "pressed into service" if you need it. And so, yeah, that jumped out at me, too, it's such an archaic term, and something which has taken on a meaning that it did not originally have.

Anika:  Right. And that's the thing, language is constantly changing.

Liz:  And I noticed Duane uses the archaic M-Z spelling for "Mz" for Uhura and the other female officers.

Anika:  Yes!

Liz:  Which is great! Like, I love that artefact of 1984.

Anika:  There's a lot in this book. There's a lot more than we could possibly talk about. There's the part where she's thinking, you know, "The Federation doesn't understand that they have so much more than we do, and so we're hostile because we want what they have -- but they're so rich, and that's just the way they've always been, so they don't know." And I was like, oh, look at that.

There are so many of these things that we're talking about now, you know, in Picard and in Discovery. And I love that it was in this novel, that it was -- "I'm going to bring this up, and the Romulans aren't going to be just cookie cutter 'other' who we have to fight, but there are reasons for the ways that they are."

Liz:  It made me think, this is not incompatible with what we see of Romulans in the Next Gen era. Not wholly. Because Ael is very much a character who looks to a glorious and honourable past, and is sort of only dimly aware of how corrupt the present is. And that makes me think of the Klingons, who are also always talking about their great, honourable, glorious past, and, the Klingon Empire, make it great again! And, really, they also have this terrible cultural rot that's destroying them from the inside out.

Whereas the Federation -- particularly humanity -- we look at our past and go, "Wow, that is messed up. Oh God, we have failed so badly, we need to do so much better!" And I feel like these different attitudes are why the Federation -- part of why the Federation is more flexible and more dynamic than the Romulans and the Klingons. It's not looking towards this imaginary nostalgic past.

And that got me thinking about, you know, make America great again, and contemporary politics, and conservative nostalgia for the 1950s.

Anika:  That never actually existed! I did a paper on this!

Liz:  Right! And I'm sure that Ael's great, honourable empire never really existed either. But she herself is an honourable person. Mnhei’sahe…

Anika:  Meh-nehs-eye. That's how I say it.

Liz:  Mnhei’sahe! Mnhei’sahe. That makes it sound like a real word.

Anika:  I don't know if that's right.

Liz:  This complicated concept that is not quite honour, and not quite loyalty, and it's not quite brotherhood -- there's a whole vaguely sexist conversation about 'brotherhood'. But it's that sense of owing something to your family and to your people and to your culture, and they, in turn, owe you the same.

I think, because Ael believes in mnhei’sahe so firmly, she has a bit of a rosy-eyed view of the past. But we've met other Romulans in TNG who had mnhei’sahe.

Anika:  Yeah. "The Defector".

Liz:  Not just that, but the guy that Geordi meets down on the planet…

Anika:  "The Enemy".

Liz:  Yeah! They have very different values, but they come to respect each other, and that particular Romulan comes to recognise that Geordie has mnhei’sahe. Aside from treating assassination as an aberration rather than a hobby, I really do think that this is consistent with Romulan culture as we know it.

Anika:  Yes, I think it is, too. Especially because Ael is a very -- she has a very strong point of view. So she's saying, "This is wrong, and this is the way it should be, and our new Romulans are doing this." So if you imagine that the 'new Romulans' win, then they're the ones who are doing all the shenanigans and nonsense in The Next Generation, as opposed to the ones who are still clinging to that idea of honour.

Liz:  I have this fairly elaborate headcanon about the Romulans, and how they sort of almost withdraw into their own space -- aside from bombing the Khitomer outpost -- after the Federation makes peace with the Klingons. And then they emerge at the end of season 1 of Next Gen.

And when they emerge, they're a lot more physically uniform, they're a lot more -- you know, they all have the bowl cut, they all have the shoulder pads. Their society has changed. And they're less diverse in their personal presentation than they were in the previous century. And I think we can argue -- especially after Picard, and the great diversity that's exploded in the wake of the destruction of Romulus -- that this was a deliberate thing, that their culture became more oppressive than it had been in the past.

Anika:  I can absolutely believe that. And it became an authoritarian version of their empire.

Liz:  Yeah, I'm sure that it was never a democracy, but it seems like most Romulans maybe had more personal freedom in the 23rd century.

Anika:  Okay, at one point the chief linguists officer starts randomly reciting a Roman poem in the middle of the briefing?

Liz:  Right!

Anika:  [laughs] Which is hilarious, and I was like, okay, this is a little too on the nose for me.

Liz:  So on the nose.

Anika:  You know, like, wink, wink, not really into it. But--

Liz:  Especially when Duane has been separating the Rihannsu from the Roman-inspired Romulans.

Anika:  Right. But, obviously, the fact that they have their praetor and their senate -- they are very based on Rome. And the Roman Empire.

Liz:  There was a concept in Rome called 'romanitas', and it's basically mnhei’sahe. It's loyalty to the state, and it's personal honour, and it's being a responsible member of your family, and what you owe to your patron, or what you owe to your clients if you are the patron. Or the paterfamilias. It's all of that. It's mnhei’sahe.

Anika:  Okay, so we are in the year 2020, right?

Liz:  Allegedly. Time has no meaning where I am, but yes.

Anika:  Well, I'm just saying that that means that within -- 2000 years ago, the Roman Empire still existed. Right?

Liz:  Yes.

Anika:  Here on good old Earth. But we have moved -- we still have politics, and we still learn algebra, and we still look at philosophy in a very Graeco-Roman way. Okay?

Liz:  We still post, "Today I baked bread", we just post it on Instagram instead of carving it into a wall.

Anika:  But we also have changed. We've evolved from Roman times. Right? Would you say that we've evolved from Roman times?

Liz:  Yeah, absolutely.

Anika:  All right. According to this book--

Liz:  [laughs]

Anika:  --the Romulan Empire has stayed the same as ancient Rome for more than 5000 years. And, like, the Vulcans were also ancient Romans 5000 years ago.

Liz:  Yes.

Anika:  And I'm just, like, no.

Liz:  It's like this thing in a lot of fantasy and science fiction where the timescales are just massively inflated. George R R Martin does it all the time, and it drives me crazy!

Anika:  [laughing] That is not how that works!

Liz:  No.

Anika:  No way.

Liz:  It is absolutely not, but it's one of those things where I look at it and go, you're a trope. You annoy me. But fine, we'll live with it.

Anika:  See, it really bothers me. Because I can't just handwave that. I can't just be, like, sure. Because it's like, no. The whole plot is based on this whole, we're gonna steal Vulcan brain matter, and we're gonna graft it into Romulan brains, and then the Romulans are gonna have Vulcan powers. Right? That's the whole plot.

Liz:  But also, there's going to be this massive super brain that can control and paralyse Vulcans.

Anika:  That's one of the things that I skim over. I just even go to the massive brain part.

Liz:  [laughs] It was just so gross that I really liked it! It made me think of the brain room in Harry Potter?

Anika:  Ew. But yes, okay, I see that.

Liz:  Also not a highlight of that series.

Anika:  Vulcans and Romulans had space travel 5000 years ago. And then they split up. And the Romulans decided to not evolve from that point on. Meanwhile, the Vulcans grew brain powers. Like -- no! Just no.

Liz:  I always assumed that there was some sort of genetic drift, and maybe the genetic predisposition in the people who left and became Romulans meant that those genes just fell dormant and were eventually bred out. Because 5000 years is a really long time.

Anika:  Is a really long time! I can believe the dormancy of the Romulans. I cannot believe that the Vulcans -- that part doesn't happen.

Liz:  Yeah, I don't believe that they developed that -- no. No.

Anika:  I think it's more likely that all of them had the brain powers 5000 years ago, in Roman times, when they had space travel. And they split off, and what happened is that all the Romulans who were, like, the best brain powered Romulans were all murdered by the other Romulans, because that's what Spock says would happen.

Liz:  Right.

Anika:  So, sure.

Liz:  Also, I wonder, if they left and found their own home planet before they had faster than light technology, if the -- the limitations of a very long journey under those circumstances are part of what made Romulan culture so pragmatic and ruthless in its treatment of the disabled, for example. Because I know, in "The Enemy", the Romulan with all the mnhei’sahe is like, "Oh, if a baby was born blind on Romulus, we'd just kill it!" And Geordie's like--

Anika:  "Yikes."

Liz:  --"What the hell, man, that's not cool."

Anika:  "Super yikes!"

Liz:  Yeah. Mate. But, from a worldbuilding perspective, it would make sense if they developed that attitude in space.

Anika:  I agree. While we're on this subject, in that part where Spock says, you know, "Oh my gosh, if Romulans had Vulcan mind powers, it would be armageddon." Which is also, like, okay. But--

Liz:  I feel like his biases are showing.

Anika:  But that paragraph is very interesting to me from, you know -- my note here is, "Not to make everything about the Jedi, but…"

Liz:  [laughs]

Anika:  Spock basically describes Jedi mind tricks in that paragraph, and says that they're evil. And I would just like to put that out there into the ether.

Liz:  See, this makes me want to hit Diane up on Tumblr and go, "So, do you have any particular opinions about Star Wars? Did you have any particular opinions about Star Wars in 1984 that you would like to share with the class?

Anika:  It was just really funny to me.

Liz:  I really do like the idea of Romulans attempting to graft and weaponise Vulcan telepathy. I think that's brilliant.

Anika:  It is brilliant! It's great. And I have to appreciate that Kirk has the thought that, if the Federation got its hands on that, it would absolutely be the same problem. Like, he is self-aware enough to realise that it would be just as bad in the Federation as it would be for the Romulans or the Klingons to have it. Yes, the Vulcans are the only ones we can trust with this, which -- I don't trust all the Vulcans, but--

Liz:  We know from Next Gen and "Gambit" that even Vulcans can't always be trusted with psychic weapons. But, okay, go off. Yep.

Anika:  So what did you think of the characterisation of our main crew?

Liz:  I really enjoyed Duane's take on McCoy. He felt so McCoy-like, but also, he's, like, secretly -- not a chess champion, but a highly ranked player? He just likes watching the game, it's a spectator sport. I really liked that, and I really liked the bit where he starts ranting at Ael, and everyone's like, oh yeah, this means he likes you, this means you're one of his people now.

Anika:  Yes. McCoy, I think, is the strongest.

Liz:  I quite liked her Kirk? We were saying in Discord, you know, no drawing of Kirk ever looks the same, and no drawing of Kirk ever looks like William Shatner? He's basically a cryptid. And that's sort of how I feel about his characterisation -- well, everywhere. Because he fits so many archetypes, and some of them are mutually exclusive. But I liked the direction that Duane took him in here. I felt like he was a very likable character, and he was a great foil for Ael … or maybe the other way around, apparently he's the main character, I don't know.

Anika:  No.

Liz:  But a fundamentally decent man, who respects and enjoys getting to know one of his most honourable enemies. That's great!

Anika:  I like that they have a pre-rivalry. They know who each other is before this book, before they meet in person. And respect each other.

Liz:  Yes. Yes. They know that they're equals, and they like that, but in certain situations they would not hesitate to kill each other. And I love the bit where Ael is listing the ships that have been sent into the Neutral Zone. And there's the Intrepid, and the other one, and the other one -- and then, "worst of all, the Enterprise." Just great.

And Spock … I don't think it was a bad characterisation of Spock, but, as much as I liked the mindmeld scene where he enters Ael's mind and sees that she is telling the truth, or at least, what she believes to be the truth -- I felt like, giving his connection with her niece, the Romulan Commander of "The Enterprise Incident", there should have been some more discussion of that?

Anika:  Especially because it's eventually an important plot point.

Liz:  Right! And that sort of came out of nowhere, and it wasn't clear to me whether he even knew that she had this connection to the unnamed Commander. But I loved that she was the Commander's aunt, and the Commander had been her heir, and that her son, Tafv, ultimately betrays her because he is so angry that the Romulan Commander was stripped of her identity and made an unperson and exiled.

Anika:  Yes. You can imagine that I love everything about that relationship.

Liz:  Yes?

Anika:  I am so -- like, I can't be angry with Tafv, because I'm like--

Liz:  Oh, I can!

Anika:  --that is a really good motivation, and I am 100% on board with it, and I just want all of -- like, I want to see them as young Narek and Narissa types. In their version of Romulus.

Liz:  We'll get to that.

Anika:  I love it.

Liz:  I have something to say about that. I loved that he wanted to take the Enterprise, and that he wanted to get revenge on Kirk and Spock for what they did to his cousin. But I was furious that he was also betraying his mother, and that he also wanted to see her executed. Like, you little shit! She did her best!

Anika:  [laughs] Yes, but it was all the same feeling, where he chose his cousin over his mother. He chose one family over the other. And it was -- but before we move off of -- because I want to go into all of that, but before we move off of characterisation, I just want to say that I've never really liked Duane's version of Spock. I don't dislike it, like, I'm not saying it's bad, it's just that her Spock is not my Spock.

Liz:  No, and I think that's fair.

Anika:  And that's okay.

Liz:  I don't think it's bad, but he's clearly not her favourite. And that's fine.

Anika:  And it's true in -- again, across all of her novels. They're barely in The Romulan Way. It's mostly -- McCoy is the only one. And he's her best.

Liz:  And McCoy is clearly her favourite.

Anika:  Yes. but then, Spock's World is obviously -- it's like the version -- they go into all of the Vulcan mythology, and they have a whole court-senate-crazy thing on Vulcan, and all of our crew get to make speeches to all of Vulcan. Because not only are there thousands in the stadium, but also, it's, you know, live streaming to all of Vulcan. And they're all making their speech, and it's just -- it's interesting to me that 96% percent of Vulcans are into politics and pay attention and vote, and stuff. Like. That's crazy, because here on Earth, it's, like, in the 30s or 40s. So that's always interesting to me.

Liz:  Right, even in Australia, we have compulsory voting, and I think it comes out at about 86%.

Anika:  But her characterisation of Spock, and particularly Sarek, in Spock's World, is really -- it's like, I appreciate it, but it's not where I would go. It's not how I see them. And also T'Pring.

Liz:  It's not that it's bad, it's just that her headcanons are not your headcanons.

Anika:  Yeah, it's just different. Exactly. And so I really appreciate the writing, but it's an AU version of those characters for me. And this one, also -- like, he kept joking, and he kept -- I don't know. It was just a little bit off. At one point he says -- he asks the doctor how you would hold hands with a mother hen?

Liz:  Yes!

Anika:  And I was like, no. Spock would never. I just couldn't see it. I had troubles.

Liz:  No, and I really liked that scene. It's a scene where Kirk tells McCoy and Spock, you know, "You don't need to hold my hand and protect me," and McCoy is like, "Yeah, the way rumours spread on this ship, you're not holding hands with Spock, ever." And I was like, I see what you did there, Duane, and I love it!

Anika:  Wink, wink.

Liz:  But we didn't need to overegg the pudding with the mother hen/how do you hold hands bit.

I was going to say, with regards to Narek and Narissa, I'm so delighted and fascinated that Duane posits that inheritances are passed down to nieces and nephews, and the concept of the sister-daughter. And then we have Ramdha raising her niece and nephew, and it's like -- again, is that an intentional reference?

Anika:  Because I knew -- I remembered that Ael was her aunt, was the Romulan Commander's (who still doesn't have a name) aunt. But I didn't -- like, I thought it was just an offhand -- but it goes into, like you say, this whole inheritance thing, and there's this whole -- and the whole Tafv -- "the cousins were as close as anyone could be" kind of thing. And I was like, oh, that is so -- it IS transferred over into Ramdha and Narek and Narissa, and I love it, and I'm -- yes.

Liz:  And, as a concept, it's just such a nice bit where the worldbuilding is not default western … white people culture. And it raises questions, like, do they practice first cousin marriage, or is that as taboo as a sibling marriage? And what happens if your sibling doesn't have children? And what happens if -- you know, there are so many questions!

Anika:  Right, exactly.

Liz:  Romulan inheritance law is suddenly really interesting to me!

Anika:  [laughs] I love them. I love my Romulans, I love my Romulan families, it's all I want from the world.

Liz:  You know, I only decided to read this because Picard had sort of revived some of its ideas. And I'm so glad that I did, and I would really like to pitch a loose adaptation of this novel as season 2 of Star Trek: Picard.

Anika:  So have Ael, or a version of Ael, who comes to Picard?

Liz:  Yeah! Who has survived the destruction of Romulus, and is attempting to serve the Romulan Free State with honour, with mnhei’sahe. And who has learned that either the Free State or the Romulan Rebirthers are doing this terrible thing with Vulcan mind powers, and -- you know, it's awful, it's horrifying. So she seeks out the man who went to toe to toe with Commander Tomalak, and who commanded the evacuation. And then, along the way, she discovers with horror that her lost sister is alive and well and living on a vineyard--

Anika:  [laughs] Because she's Laris's sister????

Liz:  Look -- you know, from the beginning, I have decided that Laris is linked to the original Romulan Commander, Joanne Linville.

Anika:  Yes.

Liz:  And Ael is canonically linked to that character. And the loss of a family member is really important to Ael's arc, so to find that her sister is alive, and has almost abandoned mnhei’sahe -- abandoned her people, not only in choosing to go into this exile, but in joining the Tal Shiar, which is the sort of organisation Ael would loathe and detest -- I think it's a really interesting way to adapt the internal conflict within Ael's family from the novel to the present canon.

Anika:  I really like it. I really like it. I have one question, that is a very me question, and that listeners are probably gonna get angry at me for.

Liz:  Go!

Anika:  Does it involve getting Narek out of Federation prison, Tom Paris style?

Liz:  [deep breath] This wasn't in my head, but yes, I think it does.

Anika:  Okay. That's all I want.

Liz:  No, it would be sort of great, because if Ael  has to kill her son after he betrays them and all that, and maybe chooses to save Laris over Tafv, then she can adopt Narek and introduce him to the radical concept of mnhei’sahe.

Anika:  Yes! See?

Liz:  Yes.

Anika:  Call us!

Liz:  I actually think one great thing about the whole Covid disaster -- and this is really insensitive to say, given the scale of death -- but at least the Star Trek writers have a lot more time to work on their seasons before filming starts? [Transcriber's note: this was said in a deliberately facetious and self-mocking tone; obviously a shitty season and no pandemic would be better.]

Anika:  [laughs] Oh dear.

Liz:  But yes, that's my pitch for an adaptation. And I gave a lot of thought to who would play Ael, and because their first thought on meeting her is that she's so small, I was like, who is a very small, powerful older woman? And my first thought was Nana Visitor.

Anika:  Ooops. That's not gonna work out.

Liz:  Yeah, there's a problem there.

Anika:  That's not gonna work. I have--

Liz:  No, so then I went -- go.

Anika:  No, go ahead, if you want to say yours first.

Liz:  Oh, well, I have two. I sort of went in a different direction and went, okay, who could plausibly be Orla Brady's sister? Who is dark, and has great cheekbones and nice eyebrows, and has that sort of power? And so my first thought was Oscar-winner Olivia Colman.

Anika:  Okay.

Liz:  And then, as a back-up, because she might be busy doing other stuff, was Helen McCrory.

Anika:  Helen McCrory! Oh my gosh! Sorry. My brain had to catch up with what you were actually saying.

Liz:  [laughs]

Anika:  That is brilliant, I love it, I would cast her in anything, and I love the idea of her as Orla Brady -- Laris's sister. Make it happen. I went in a completely different direction, but I really, really love it.

Liz:  Oh! Go!

Anika:  So I decided -- I was sort of, like, I need somebody at least in their forties, and as you said, tiny but powerful. So I decided on Archie Panjabi.

Liz:  Ooooohhhhhhh!

Anika:  You know, olive-skinned-ish.

Liz:  Yeah, yeah! Obviously this breaks my Orla Brady's sister bit--

Anika:  Yeah, sorry, I didn't know that she was supposed to be Orla Brady's sister when you said we were fancasting.

Liz:  I wanted to surprise you with that twist! I wanted to give you a nice surprise! But no, I think she'd be quite good in the role!

Anika:  Yes, I think that, at least as written on the page in this book, I can imagine her even saying some of the things. And definitely I can imagine her going toe to toe with Kirk.

Liz:  Definitely.

Anika:  And also sort of having that flirtation happening.

Liz:  Absolutely. No, I think she would be really good. I didn't really look at, like, size once I moved on from Nana Visitor, because, you know, on TV everyone is sort of the same size? But yeah, I really like your take. Apparently Gene Roddenberry did not care for this series. Which only makes me like it more.

Anika:  [laughs] I mean, good on [Duane] for getting it done anyway, is all I can say to that. Like, I'll believe it. I haven't actually read your thing, and I'm gonna let you get to it in a minute, that you have linked here.

But I absolutely believe that -- given that, like I said, she creates so many different characters, she creates new departments on the Enterprise and then people to be in them. And entire other ships, and they're friends with Kirk, and they go back so-and-so time, and there's just so much that she creates for Star Trek. But it's her version of Star Trek. That I can absolutely imagine him being annoyed at the idea that she's going to create -- she's gonna give the Romulans culture? No? That's his job, and just because he never cared to doesn't mean that someone else should.

So it's sort of, like, great men do great things, but they also have great egos. And get annoyed. It's like they -- to pull something contemporary, the fact that Rose Tico is not in The Rise of Skywalker at all seems to me--

Liz:  Oh, I'm still mad.

Anika:  --solely because JJ Abrams didn't create that character, and so he was going to create two or three new characters to take over her part, because he was annoyed. And I don't think he -- and I don't know JJ Abrams.

Liz:  He is not a close personal friend of yours?

Anika:  I don't think he would necessarily even consciously -- you know, I don't think he would even consciously do it. But I can imagine that he would subconsciously do it.

Liz:  The preponderance of original characters was at the heart of Roddenberry's objections, particularly to The Romulan Way. Apparently he tried to block publication because he felt it was an original novel that used the Romulan names and had McCoy in it just to get it published as a Star Trek novel.

Anika:  I mean, that's true, but it's also really good.

Liz:  I know, I'm like, you're saying this like it's a bad thing? My source for this is vintage 1994 wank on Usenet. There's a link to the archive which I will share, but basically, Roddenberry's former assistant, Richard Arnold, spent -- seems like a good portion of the early '90s fighting with tie-in authors on the internet?

And it's not even that he's wrong, he's saying, you know, if you wrote a Star Trek novel, that doesn't mean you wrote for Star Trek, that means you wrote for hire tie-in fiction. It's not that this is untrue, it's just that … I don't like him? And I don't like the way he says it? Anyway there are all sorts of spurious allegations of defamation, and libel, and "I don't know what Duane Duane's husband has to do with this," he only co-wrote The Romulan Way, "so I'm not going to answer that."

But I had a lot of fun going through rec.arts.startrek.fandom fights from the early '90s. Especially the bit where I stumbled into a thread where they were looking at the premise of Deep Space 9 and going, "Oh my gosh, these people don't care about Star Trek, this is a blatant money grab, this is going to destroy Star Trek forever, look at all this political correctness with a black man in charge and a female first officer. I mean, God, Star Trek, it's just not going to survive."

Anika:  Oooh, that was one thing I wanted to bring up, too. Very early in this novel, here, on page 27, in fact, Uhura basically says that Starfleet is the worst. And then, two pages later, Kirk straight-up says that his and the Enterprise's priorities are usually different from Starfleet's. And I was just, like, you know what? She didn't pull that out of nowhere, that was in TOS. So everybody who's complaining that, in Picard, suddenly Starfleet is on the other side, and we're against them, has not been watching Star Trek.

Liz:  There's people who think that Star Trek is wholly utopian and perfect, and then there's people who agree with us.

Anika:  I just loved it. I was like, you go. And also, while I'm on the subject of Uhura, nearly every time she was in this book, she was described as beautiful, gorgeous, handsome. And I'm not complaining about this, but I love it. I love that she could not not describe Uhura as amazing and stunning.

Liz:  And it didn't feel objectifying. It wasn't, like, the male gaze. Yeah. I also enjoyed the Sulu POV when Tafv's people have attacked the ship, and he's climbing through the Jeffries tubes, and he's like, "I think I'm becoming claustrophobic. Maybe I should talk to the doctor about that. Eh, that's a future Sulu problem."

Anika:  And I love Khiy, the young Romulan who's hanging out with them, and fighting back because HIS honour has also been besmirched. It's so heartwarming! I just love them all.

Liz:  That was one of the things -- the conflict between mnhei’sahe, where one owes honour to different and competing parties, and this is not a flaw on your part, it's a problem to be solved -- I really liked that as a piece of cultural worldbuilding.

Anika:  Oh, and -- okay, so at one point she's saying, "Okay, here are the three ships that have been sent to meet up with us." And Nniol says, "My sister's on that ship, my sister's on Javelin, I don't know if I can fight my sister." Which is perfectly fair. And he says, "I have to go back to the other ship, I can't be trusted to be in battle against her." I loved that. I loved that it set up the whole "We're gonna punch each other and then start flirting" scene -- that was great -- between Kirk and Ael. That was awesome.

Liz:  Right?

Anika:  But then Javelin is destroyed! And I am so upset that Nniol's sister got blown up! I'm really, really heartbroken for Nniol, because he loved his sister. And she wasn't the captain, she wasn't one of the bad guys, she just happened to be on that ship. She was probably -- he was a really low-level person, she was probably a really low-level person, too, who just happened to be assigned to a tyrant. Like, the worst one. Javelin was the one where the captain took his own little shuttlecraft away to get back-up, and he's the captain who refuses to go down with his ship, and in fact, allows his ship to be sacrificed in order to allow him to escape. He's the worst.

Liz:  The mirror!Lorca of Romulans.

Anika:  So, of course, she's not -- I think that Nniol's sister probably had mnhei’sahe for her brother, and she would have been happy to join up with Ael and Bloodwing, and I'm really sad that she's dead.

Liz:  I found the TV Tropes page for this subseries of novels. And apparently Nniol's family come back in the later ones, and most of them have cast him -- except for one cousin, who's like, "Yeah, I think you did the right thing. I'm sorry. I love you, bro."

Anika:  Hugs.

Liz:  The later Rihannsu books were published in the early 21st century, and I have to admit that I'm less enthusiastic about reading them.

Anika:  They're not great. I will say, they're not great. I like that Arrhae -- she has to go be a junior politician, like, a junior senator for the Romulan Empire. And they're negotiating with the Federation, or whatever, and she has to go do this, she has to do politics, which I'm totally always into. And she is asked to be a spy. And she's already a spy, as we recall--

Liz:  I was gonna say!

Anika:  --she's a human who's spying on the Romulans, but she--

Liz:  I haven't read The Romulan Way yet, but I remember you telling me about it.

Anika:  [laughing] But she's asked by the Romulans to spy on the humans. So it's great, right? So she's, like, double-spying. And she's spying for the humans, she's spying for the rebels -- they're like the good Romulans. She's spying for the good Romulans and the humans, and she's trying to be a politician. All sorts of people already hate her because she was, like, a housekeeper who became a senator, and they're totally against that because they're super into, you know, pure blood and descent, and you should have 800 houses before you get to be a senator.

Liz:  Right. Nothing like the real world.

Anika:  And so I really like her plot, or the idea of her plot, because she doesn't really get to do much of it -- and she has this little sort-of romance that I'm into, as well, with the rebel. But it goes nowhere, and it becomes this whole treatise on Ael's honour, and -- it stops being about anything, and it starts being, "I'm going to preach about what I think things should be"?

I don't know, there stops being a plot, and it becomes entirely inner monologues. And I'm just, like, I'm over this, we're done, the people I care about are no longer here, so I'm going to move on. And there's no -- if I recall correctly, there are zero Star Trek characters in these books! I do not remember a single -- like, I'm pretty sure the Enterprise is involved in some way, but they're not a part of the plot at all.

Liz:  According to TV Tropes, the series ends with Ael becoming empress of the Romulan Empire, and she and Kirk exchange a kiss before he leaves and they never see each other again. And IN THEORY, I'm really into it, but -- like, I was googling around to see what people said about this series, and the thing that kept coming is, "Is Ael a Mary Sue?" And I'm like, mate, I don't care!

Anika:  [laughs]

Liz:  But I feel like making her empress is maybe a step too far. I love space politics, but I like the stories to be about the people functioning within that system rather than leading it.

Anika:  I think I've read the -- I read the third one, and that's the one where we get Arrhae's plot, and there's stuff happening. And it's, like, a cliffhanger where she -- something happens, and it's bad. And then there's two more books, and nothing happens in them! And they're really long, too, they're like, fourth Harry Potter novel long.

Liz:  Oh my God!

Anika:  And it's, like, I can't with this, I can't. And I don't remember Ael being empress, that's how -- you know how I said that I skim eventually? When they start talking about tentacles, I'm like, I don't need to know this. So my brain just shuts off, I have to try to read at some point, when the plot gets away from me, or I'm not following it. I read very quickly, and sometimes I'll read too quickly, where it's like, I decide that's unimportant--

Liz:  And miss things.

Anika:  --and I just say, that goes away. So, okay, at the end of the third Hunger Games novel, her sister is killed? I had to read that four times before I realised that her sister was killed.

Liz:  [laughs]

Anika:  I could not follow what was going on!

Liz:  No, I have the same problem. I read the Murderbot novel last night, and I really enjoyed it, it was so good, but I kept having to stop and go back because I was inhaling it so fast that I was missing things.

Anika:  So I don't remember them kissing! Are you serious? This has been an OTP of mine since I was nine! What? How is that possible?

Liz:  I'm just going with what TV Tropes says! Maybe it's a lie!

Anika:  No, I'm sure it's right, but all I remember of the last two books is being angry at them. So I completely believe that halfway through the fifth one, I was like, "Nah," and didn't even finish it. Very possible.

Liz:  It's a bit like season 7 of Next Gen, where things happen that you really, really wanted, like Picard and Crusher talk about their relationship? And then the outcome is so disappointing that you're, like, ummmmmm, I dunno. It's the seventh season of [these novels].

Anika:  Yes. But The Romulan Way is always going to be one of my favourite books, ever, in the world, and I really like My Enemy, My Ally.

Liz:  And, at a future time, probably when the international postal system is working again, and I can order a copy -- because I don't really like the ebook versions of the old Star Trek tie-ins, they tend to be really poorly formatted -- I will buy it, and read it, and we can talk about it on this very podcast.

Anika:  Excellent!

Liz:  But what are we talking about next week?

[outro music]

Anika:  Sorry, I had to move over into my --

Liz:  Yeah.

Anika:  Thank you for listening to Antimatter Pod. You can find our show notes at antimatterpod.tumblr.com, including links to our social media and credits for our theme music.

You can also follow us on Twitter at @antimatterpod. Sometimes we post cat pictures, and questions for our audience.

If you like us, leave a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you consume your podcasts -- the more reviews, the easier it is for new listeners to find us.

And join us in two weeks when we’ll be discussing medicine and medical practitioners in the Star Trek universe.

Liz:  You said you were going to talk about ER, right?

Anika:  Yes.

Liz:  Does this mean that I need to watch some Chicago Hope, so I can talk about that?

Anika:  Yes!

Liz:  Awesome!

Anika:  We can have duelling Chicago hospitals in spaaaaaace!

Liz:  Yay!

[notbecauseofvictories]

Reading Recs

Because studying for the bar is terrible, all the time, I have been reading a lot of fic to make up for how terrible it is. So have some (completely random, no two fandoms alike, plus some journalism) recs!

AN EVER-FIXED MARK by AMarguerite [pride & prejudice, elizabeth/darcy, elizabeth/colonel fitzwilliam] \\\ One would think that having the name of one's soulmate appear on one's wrist on one's sixteenth birthday would make matrimony much less complicated. It mostly does not. And not at all for Miss Elizabeth Bennet of Longbourne.

why you should read it: This is a full-fledged novel, clocking in at 190k, and delightful from start to finish. (I started reading at 11pm and didn’t stop until 6am---screwing up both my sleep and study schedules. It’s just that good.) The author calls it a deconstruction of the “soulmate mark” trope, but it’s more of an imaginative exploration, lovingly done. It deftly interweaves British history, Napoleonic politics, and a healthy dose of Austen-like humor, as well as a cast of characters from both the Austen canon and history. (Not to spoil anyone, but the appearance of the Duke of Wellington is fucking delightful.)

There are a couple places where it feels a little too postmodern (mostly dialogue in some of the later chapters) but overwhelmingly it’s a fantastic love letter to Elizabeth and Darcy, the era, Austen, and both friends-to-lovers and soulmarks.

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THE LADY AND THE KNIGHT by Jack Hawksmoor [labyrinth, sarah/jareth] \\\ Sarah's made a great life for herself, but Jareth has a problem. Will Sarah help him? What will it cost her if she does?

why you should read it: I read one of this author’s other Labyrinth stories first---“Sanctuary” which is also very good---but this is the fic that came out of nowhere and roundly punched me in the teeth. The Jareth/Sarah dynamic is so fey, so distinctly fairytale, with all the strangeness and grasping connotations of that. (I’m a sucker for a love that is profoundly selfish.) It also balances perfectly with the worldbuilding, which is done so well. There’s absolutely no dull expositional explanation just....the world and the stories therein, the way Sarah interacts with it as a Hero.

It is a decade old now, and there are places where it reads very....00s-era fic, but since I was around reading fic back then it was a fun trip back into nostalgia.

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HERMIONE GRANGER’S HOGWARTS CRAMMER FOR DELINQUENTS ON THE RUN by waspabi [harry potter, harry potter/draco malfoy, ensemble] \\\ ‘You're a wizard, Harry' is easier to hear from a half-giant when you're eleven, rather than from some kids on a tube platform when you're seventeen and late for work.

why you should read it: Another alternate universe novel, though this is more canon divergence than fusion. Honestly, the best part is how the author portrays the ensemble---Hermione, Ron, Malfoy, Neville, Ginny, and Luna, all interacting with each other and with a Harry they don’t know is fantastic, and the sense of warm humor is very much J.K. Rowling in her “schoolboy antics” prime. Obviously the stakes are considerably higher in this fic, since the gang has left Hogwarts and is on the run from the Death Eaters, but it still manages to be quippy, and intimate.

Also, Hermione is wonderful.

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LET ME LOOK AT THE SUN by telanu [the good place, michael/eleanor shellstrop] \\\ They’re eleven months into attempt 801, and Michael thinks this might be the reboot that finally takes.

why you should read it: I freely admit to getting on the Eleanor/Michael train (trolley?) purely because Ted Danson and Kristen Bell act the crap out of their scenes together. Also because it amuses me, but that’s my reason for everything. Either way, this fic takes the dynamic of “human garbage fire, on the verge of redemption” Eleanor Shellstrop and “not human, but maybe not completely evil” Michael and dials it up to eleven, underscoring both how similar and how different they are. 

It strikes completely the right balance between cruelty and kindness, and also there is discussion about monsters. My kind of thing.

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THE HILLS ARE ALIVE by MirasolAbeille [discworld/sound of music, susan sto helit/georg von trapp] \\\ Captain von Trapp and his children get rather more than they bargained for with the new governess.

why you should read it: Crossovers have never been my cup of tea, but I love a somewhat-ridiculous premise taken very seriously, and that’s what’s happening here. Half the fun of the fic is Susan’s internal narration, which imports all the uncompromising pragmatism and irony of the character, and neatly skewers some of the....more twee aspects of a very twee musical. It also brings out a much more interesting depiction of Captain von Trapp---with a more formidable governess, he’s allowed to be smarter and harder, enthralled with Susan’s will and cunning rather than innocence.

This is a work in progress, but I’m definitely keeping my eye on it. Mostly because I have to know how it ends.

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LIVE IN THE QUESTION by valeris [marvel, darcy lewis, some darcy lewis/bucky barnes, ensemble] \\\ In which Darcy is the Alpha child of two famous Omega Rights activists.

why you should read it: I honestly just love the worldbuilding on this. Darcy’s mother and father, her friendships, the dynamics complicated by designation, are all extremely interesting---ironically, the best way to get me interested in A/B/O fic seems to be lots of discussion of fictional gender roles and gender politics! Who knew.

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ARCANA by rosa_acicularis [sherlock, f!john watson/sherlock holmes] \\\ Sometimes, her grandmother has said, in the simplest, strongest of magics that’s all that’s required – a sacrifice and an intent. Her blood, and his words: I want to forget. (In which Joanna Watson is a witch, Sherlock Holmes is himself, and every spell has its price.)

why you should read it: Hey, we were all there in 2013, okay. Sometimes, you just want to return to the warm bosom of fandoms-gone-by, and this is one of my favorite Sherlock fics for a reason. Rosa_acicularis has been doing fairytale fusions since the Doctor Who days, and they’re always effective and interesting. Joanna Watson is wonderful, and her witching is wonderful, and it’s just....good.

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THE REAL BANISHMENT IS THE FAMILY WE MADE ALONG THE WAY by scioscribe [thor: ragnarok, loki & hela] \\\  Hela did not ask for company in her sealed-up world, but evidently Odin is economical in containment strategies for his misbegotten children.

why you should read it: Loki gets punted into whatever terrible pocket of space Odin kept Hela in. They kill each other, and awkwardly bond over being a murderous family disappointment. This fic nails the dynamic, and even when they’re getting along, Hela and Loki are mocking and prickly and hateful. It’s exquisite.

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+PLUS

I’ve mentioned before how much I love the nosleep reddit, and I finally found the time to sit down and catch up with the last.....couple months. Has anyone heard of the Left/Right Game? has to be my favorite since the Search & Rescue story, or maybe the Florida Pill Mills. I’m just a sucker for a sense of “further up and further in” where our everyday awareness is a thin layer of normalcy laid over the profoundly weird and deeply horrific.

Finally, in journalism, Chicago Magazine’s Journey to America made me homesick like crazy. A really good depiction of the midwest, in all its wonderful small-town weirdness.

[thebookrat]

Note: a review copy of this book was provided to me for review purposes; all opinions are honest and my own. Affiliate links used in this post.

The Bride of Northanger by Diana Birchall Publisher: White Soup Press (September 19, 2019) Length: 230 pages Trade paperback ISBN: 978-0981654300

A happier heroine than Catherine Morland does not exist in England, for she is about to marry her beloved, the handsome, witty Henry Tilney. The night before the wedding, Henry reluctantly tells Catherine and her horrified parents a secret he has dreaded to share - that there is a terrible curse on his family and their home, Northanger Abbey. Henry is a clergyman, educated and rational, and after her year’s engagement Catherine is no longer the silly young girl who delighted in reading “horrid novels”; she has improved in both reading and rationality. This sensible young couple cannot believe curses are real...until a murder at the Abbey triggers events as horrid and Gothic as Jane Austen ever parodied - events that shake the young Tilneys’ certainties, but never their love for each other ...

It is a truth universally disregarded, unfortunately, that Northanger Abbey is a criminally underrated book. It was truly a shock to me to discover, upon finding the Janeite community, that many (if not most) readers rank NA so low as to not rank it at all. They dismiss it entirely as silly fluff. But ever the contrarian, Northanger Abbey was my favorite of Austen's novels for some years, and still ranks in my top 3. I won't launch into a full defense of it here, but suffice it to say, I've been very disappointed with the lack of retellings and continuations Northanger gets in the JAFF community. I'm also always a little trepidatious of the few retellings that do make it to market, because they have a lot to live up to, both to my Northanger-loving heart, and in convincing all of the many P & P-exclusive readers to branch out and give little Catherine and Henry a chance. Added to the fact that do many readers just don't show the enthusiasm for Northanger as they do for Pride & Prejudice, Northanger is just a very different book than the rest of Austen work. In it, more of her satirical, playful side comes to the fore than in any of her works other than her juvenalia. The tone and style are so different that an additional layer of challenge is added for authors who want to mimic Austen's style; yet another is added in the need to be familiar and comfortable with the gothic literature it both embraces and satirizes. For a "light, frothy, silly" book, it's not the easiest story to take on. I was very curious to see what direction Diana Birchall would take, and how much she'd lean into the Gothic Romance of it all. . . And boy, did she ever lean in. This book is bananas. Truly, it is bonkers. Northanger Abbey itself is a bit on the bonkers-side, and I read The Bride of Northanger in one marathon sitting, so calling it bananas-bonkers (bonkernanas?) is not the insult you may think it is. It's just that, at literally no point* in this book did I know what crazy thing was going to happen next. In this — and in the body count — it is very, very much a gothic romance. The Bride of Northanger is the type of book Catherine Morland would give herself giddy shivers with at night. It's dramatic, shocking, abrupt, and oddly, utterly enthralling. It takes Catherine's many imagined horrors and uses the actual bad behaviors Austen laid out in her text, and uses them to vindicate Catherine's "flights of fancy," turning the conceit of Northanger Abbey on its head. Catherine — now married and doing her best to be rational and mature — does her best to keep her head while all of her wildest imaginings are realized, and then some. All the worst of man and monastery are thrown her way in quick succession, and the level-headed way she handles things feels surprisingly realistic; Catherine's growth feels realistic, making her a dynamic and engaging character, whose roots still feel firmly planted in Austen. Other characters, however, feel less realistic offshoots of Austen. Where Catherine has become rational, the rest have gone much in the opposite direction, becoming more extreme, over the top, dramatic, reactionary... In an odd way, it works, subverting the reader's expectations and bolstering Catherine and her capabilities. There is occasional effort made to capture Henry Tilney's sarcasm and wit (one of the highlights of NA for me), but I could have done with a great deal more of Tilney's humor, as well as a bit more complexity of feeling for him. He suffers loss, scandal, and terror in this continuation, but his reactions remain somewhat callous and unrealistic. It's an interesting book to try to discuss, because while I think there are some major flaws in it, none of them really made me like it less. Though she may not have always captured Henry's voice, Birchall (mostly) nailed Austen's mechanics, and very often, her tone. It's funny on a few levels, it's surprising almost continuously, and so fully embracing the gothicness of it all feels like a fulfillment of Catherine's character, in such an unexpected way. I don't know that it'll be the book to convince JAFF readers to embrace more Northanger Abbey retellings, necessarily, but it certainly was a fun one, and unlike any other Austen retelling I've read. *except for one crucial one, which I saw coming a mile away, and which left a really bad taste in my mouth. via The Book Rat