#but it turned out the farrier had arrived and was hot shoeing directly outside my front door

[hoochieblues]

100 Days of Writing: Day 67

How do you get through the fire swamp?

for @the-wip-project

Honestly, I'll tell you when I know...? I haven't really had any experiences like in the original post, where it's a repeated experience that I hated every book when I was doing it (apart from some forays into genres or house styles I did not like doing) ... generally if there was an issue where a story was hard to write, something was up with it, either because I screwed up somewhere, or due to personal reasons.

Personal under cut; some mild abuse mentions?

If I've ever had a really hard time working through something, either the characters were off, the plot had a problem, or I had what I've seen referred to as a 'writing injury' - either burnout or negative associations with the process of writing that had become untenable for any number of reasons (in my case, ranging from financial issues and pressure, abuse at home, massive disconnect between what I was writing and what I was comfortable producing/marketing, and so on...) to a degree so extreme that I felt horrible about something I'd once been proud of and enthused by.

There are also challenges in terms of health and fatigue but, generally, if I was having such negative patterns every time, that would be really abnormal for me. That's something that occurs with, for example, regular editing jobs where I proof books in genres I really don't jive with.

What I do get most often is less a fire swamp and more a cold and desolate desert of indecision.

Like, rn I have (under a separate pen name) a series of fetish romances on the back boiler. The first one went great and got a lovely reception from the six people out there who actively read femdom. I was so delighted.

I'm currently completely goddamn stuck on the start of the series I was testing the water for, partly due to - TMI incoming - some gnarly shit in my personal life around relationships that affected how I see myself and my confidence in myself (kinky or otherwise) , partly due to Hooch's Continuing Adventures in Therapy (woop woop), and partly - probably most significantly - due to plotting myself into a corner with a macguffin that just stubbornly won't work.

I've been stuck on it for months, largely thanks to a depressive episode over the summer, and while that's a fabulous thing about self-publishing - you're fucking up no one's timetable but your own - it's still frustrating, and it's very lonely when you are doing it all alone.

I have very few writing buddies to start with, and literally nobody for the very classy plot-heavy I swear femdom smut so it's a real challenge. And I say that as the same person currently wading back into fandom to revamp about 500k of years-old fics for fun (why yes, I question myself often) after being stuck in a ~7year fire swamp of not being able to write either at all or 'for fun' because of ill health, work, other obligations/complete breakdown and processing all the nonsense I've cheese-and-whined about here before.

So, in short.... I don't know? I know what I'm trying to do, which is a) not be annoyed by or envious of people (no shade on the original post that was referenced in today prompt, this is my baggage entirely) who say 'I get through things thanks to my great support network!' - that's wonderful and I'm pleased for you, just slightly frustrated - and b) trying to be more compassionate to myself and allow that yes, sometimes I need time off. I need to heal, relax, breathe, and refill the creative well, to borrow @barbex's excellent phrase.

And that's okay. That's not something to be ashamed of or feel guilt or pressure over. I've had a lot going on, as anyone who's followed even a few of my long, rambling, and over-sharing posts will attest to. (I owe you all cookies. :) )

If it takes me a week, a month, a year, or longer, I will make it out of the swamp and/or desert on my own time. It's not unfamiliar terrain. I've lived here before and I packed rations and a teflon tent. I'm not worried.

Just... maybe this time I'll make notes on the map about what works and what doesn't, and aim for a shorter path.