#sooo.... behold my word salad

[seangelfish]

A/N: This is a reupload from my old blog, but I have rewritten some things here and there so the story will flow better. Added more fluff into it too, hehe~ I love Jun sooo much. He's a sweetheart. A perfect lover if I say so myself. I hope to write more fics around him, it's what he deserves.

"Alright, I'll just pay for the bill."

Jun Sazanami x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1,385

Plot/summary: Inspired by one of Jun’s idol stories! After a long day at work, you decide to grab a bite from the cafeteria. However, you didn't have money on you, but lo and behold, here comes your saviour...

“Thank you for your work today, (Y/N)!” exclaimed Hinata, jumping into your arms.

“Yes, thank you!” Yuta followed suit. “Have a good rest of your day!”

The twins had you in their grasp, jumping up and down.

“You two do know that you shouldn’t show affection like this to your producer, right?” you scolded, but at the same time, you just couldn’t help but hug them back.

“Hehe, sorry producer!” said Yuta.

“We will do it again!” cheered Hinata.

“You mean you won’t do it again,” you said with a sigh.

The twins bid you their farewells as they exited your office. Packing up your belongings, you were just glad that the day was coming to an end. You were dreaming of heading home and going to sleep, but before you did that, you decided to grab something to eat in the cafeteria. Your stomach had been grumbling for a while now.

You scanned the menu, wondering which meal you should order. Perhaps you should try something new or maybe it’s best to just go for the usual…

“Time for food!" Jun muttered to himself excitedly. "It's the only thing I expect during all these harsh trainings~ What should I have? ...Huh?"

Jun caught sight of you deep in thought, your thumb underneath your chin as you debated on whether to get a sandwich or a salad.

He began to approach you from behind, chuckling to himself.

Maybe I should get the salad… you thought. Should I get dessert too or—

Suddenly, you felt a pair of hands clasp your shoulders and a voice that whispered, “Nice to see you here too.”

“AHH!” you screamed as you whipped around to face the prankster. “J-Jun?!”

“What are you getting?" he asked, laughing at your reaction. "Let's eat together."

Whilst the cashier took Jun's order, you rummaged in your bag, trying to find your wallet.

"Yeah, I'll just get it with a meal," said Jun. "Thanks."

However, it became increasingly clear that you didn't have your wallet with you. You turned to Jun who picked up his receipt. He didn't notice the sullen expression on your face until you tugged on his sleeve.

"Hmm? What is it?" he asked.

You didn't want to answer him with your words as you were ashamed of asking him directly to cover your costs. You thought of just going home to eat instead.

"Did you forget your wallet?"

Eyes locked with his, you slowly nodded your head.

He smirked. "Well... that's indeed a problem. I'm sorry to hear that..."

You looked away, lips pursed.

"It's okay," you said quietly. "I'll just go home—"

"You wanted a salad, right?" He turned to the cashier once again. "Hi, I'd like to order the salad too, please. Yeah, the one that comes with the meal. Oh, and..."

You watched him in astonishment and gratefulness. Due to the fact you were so embarrassed for even thinking of getting Jun to pay for your meal, some of the words he was uttering became muffled.

"Yes, thank you," he said, taking another receipt from the cashier. He stuffed it into his pocket. "So... alright, I'll just pay for the bill. You can pay me back later, okay?"

You looked at him with glassy eyes.

"H-Hey!" he exclaimed. "I was joking, alright? I won't just abandon you here...!"

You nodded.

Jun sighed, but he gave you a reassuring smile.

"It's fine. I'm only doing this for Cos Pro's beloved idol and producer," he said. "Come on, let's find a seat, okay?"

The two of you sat across from each other on one of the empty tables by the windows.

You stared at your food blankly. You felt so ashamed that you didn't have it in you to even take a small bite. Your eyes darted away from your food to Jun. He was looking outside at the amber sunset as he ate. Feeling your gaze on him, his eyes fell on you, resulting in you looking away.

“You don’t need to feel guilty about it, you know?” he said, pointing at your food. “Just eat.”

You hesitated for a moment. You slowly picked up your fork and began to eat. Jun noticed how quiet you were being and it concerned him.

"(Y/N), it's okay," he said softly. "You don't need to be embarrassed. You can pay me back whenever. And as I said before, I was only teasing. I wouldn't just leave you without food especially since you've been busy all day."

"I..." you began. "...Thank you, Jun. I really appreciate it."

He smiled with his cheek resting on his palm.

"Of course."

You looked a bit happier now. You were eating normally too. He was relieved, he liked it better when you were smiling. He really hoped you smiled like that often.

When you worked as a producer, you kept it professional. However, when you worked as an idol, the real you came out. You were so bubbly, jumpy too. Unfortunately, this personality of yours would seep through your producer activities sometimes, and you would end up annoying Eden for help on work. Jun, however, never minded that you would confide him on such matters. He would help you no matter what.

And today wasn't any different.

You looked up at him and he smiled wider. "How's work for you nowadays?" he questioned. "I hope Ibara isn't bothering you with too much work."

"He isn't, thankfully," you chuckled. "He's been trying to reduce my workload as a producer. He still wonders why I decided to become both an idol and producer, but... well... it's just something that I wanted to do."

You smiled at him.

"Plus... I get to be with Eden more~!"

He laughed at this, his hand automatically covering his mouth. For some reason, that sentence made him incredibly bashful.

"Well, that's good. We don't want you to be overworking yourself," he replied. Now noticing that you've finished your meal, he continued, "Anyway, how was the food?"

“It was good, thank you!” you exclaimed. “I promise to pay—"

But before you could finish your sentence, the cashier approached your table and placed down a plate of cake.

"Enjoy," they said, making their leave.

You looked at Jun in confusion, but he was just smiling at you.

"You wanted dessert, didn't you?"

You couldn't believe it. Jun had paid for your meal AND ordered you dessert? So, that's what he was asking the cashier for...

"I noticed how much you like your desserts here," he added. "So, I thought to buy you one. Don't worry, I won't charge extra."

"Jun, you're so nice!" you cried, already digging in. "Thank you so much! I promise to pay you back immediately!"

As you scooped up a piece of cake, Jun grabbed your hand and moved the spoon into his mouth.

"What? I paid for it," he teased.

Smiling, you scooped up another spoonful and tried feeding it to him in retaliation.

"What?" you teased back. "You paid for it."

But as you watched him shyly back away, his cheeks hinting a light shade of pink, you started blushing too.

"J-Just eat your cake, (Y/N)..."

Once you were finished, you helped Jun clean the table.

"You know what?" he said, pushing his chair back to its place. "I change my mind. It's my treat. Don't worry about paying me back."

"What?"

He walked over to you. With a napkin, he wiped off the frosting on your lips. You blushed at this action, but you didn't stop him from doing so. It felt nice being cared for like this.

"Buuut," he began. "You could pay me back another way... Hmm... let's hang out tomorrow... at the arcade. I'm free after five."

You grinned and nodded.

“Yes, let’s hang out!” you chirped.

He walked you to the bus stop. When your bus pulled up, you tiptoed to his height and kissed his cheek.

"(Y-Y/N)?"

"Thanks for today," you said, beaming. "I enjoyed being with you."

You skipped into the bus and seated yourself down. You waved at him from the window, and he returned the wave with ease.

You were looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow, but it seemed like he was more excited. He couldn't stop himself from smiling, thinking of you and the little kiss you gave him.

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[hoochieblues]

100 Days of Writing: Day 67

How do you get through the fire swamp?

for @the-wip-project

Honestly, I'll tell you when I know...? I haven't really had any experiences like in the original post, where it's a repeated experience that I hated every book when I was doing it (apart from some forays into genres or house styles I did not like doing) ... generally if there was an issue where a story was hard to write, something was up with it, either because I screwed up somewhere, or due to personal reasons.

Personal under cut; some mild abuse mentions?

If I've ever had a really hard time working through something, either the characters were off, the plot had a problem, or I had what I've seen referred to as a 'writing injury' - either burnout or negative associations with the process of writing that had become untenable for any number of reasons (in my case, ranging from financial issues and pressure, abuse at home, massive disconnect between what I was writing and what I was comfortable producing/marketing, and so on...) to a degree so extreme that I felt horrible about something I'd once been proud of and enthused by.

There are also challenges in terms of health and fatigue but, generally, if I was having such negative patterns every time, that would be really abnormal for me. That's something that occurs with, for example, regular editing jobs where I proof books in genres I really don't jive with.

What I do get most often is less a fire swamp and more a cold and desolate desert of indecision.

Like, rn I have (under a separate pen name) a series of fetish romances on the back boiler. The first one went great and got a lovely reception from the six people out there who actively read femdom. I was so delighted.

I'm currently completely goddamn stuck on the start of the series I was testing the water for, partly due to - TMI incoming - some gnarly shit in my personal life around relationships that affected how I see myself and my confidence in myself (kinky or otherwise) , partly due to Hooch's Continuing Adventures in Therapy (woop woop), and partly - probably most significantly - due to plotting myself into a corner with a macguffin that just stubbornly won't work.

I've been stuck on it for months, largely thanks to a depressive episode over the summer, and while that's a fabulous thing about self-publishing - you're fucking up no one's timetable but your own - it's still frustrating, and it's very lonely when you are doing it all alone.

I have very few writing buddies to start with, and literally nobody for the very classy plot-heavy I swear femdom smut so it's a real challenge. And I say that as the same person currently wading back into fandom to revamp about 500k of years-old fics for fun (why yes, I question myself often) after being stuck in a ~7year fire swamp of not being able to write either at all or 'for fun' because of ill health, work, other obligations/complete breakdown and processing all the nonsense I've cheese-and-whined about here before.

So, in short.... I don't know? I know what I'm trying to do, which is a) not be annoyed by or envious of people (no shade on the original post that was referenced in today prompt, this is my baggage entirely) who say 'I get through things thanks to my great support network!' - that's wonderful and I'm pleased for you, just slightly frustrated - and b) trying to be more compassionate to myself and allow that yes, sometimes I need time off. I need to heal, relax, breathe, and refill the creative well, to borrow @barbex's excellent phrase.

And that's okay. That's not something to be ashamed of or feel guilt or pressure over. I've had a lot going on, as anyone who's followed even a few of my long, rambling, and over-sharing posts will attest to. (I owe you all cookies. :) )

If it takes me a week, a month, a year, or longer, I will make it out of the swamp and/or desert on my own time. It's not unfamiliar terrain. I've lived here before and I packed rations and a teflon tent. I'm not worried.

Just... maybe this time I'll make notes on the map about what works and what doesn't, and aim for a shorter path.