#but it was actually a decent weekend despite me feeling on edge and anxious for most of it

[stonesandswords]

.

[min-minn]

Symphony - Chapter Five

A03

Summary: Viktor Nikiforov, tenor prodigy and top student at the Salchow Institute of Music, is looking for an accompanist.

And word around campus is that Yakov Feltsman, Head of Music and conductor of the prestigious Institute Band, is looking for new members.

Yuuri Katsuki is just looking to survive his next Piano recital

OR

The Yuri on CONCERT Music School AU that we all deserve

Pairings: Viktor Nikiforov/ Yuuri Katsuki

Rating: Teen And Up

Content Warning: Anxiety

A/N: *bows profusely* I'm so so sorry it took me this long, and I'm sorry it was a bit of a shorter chapter!

After finishing Fever I had to literally purge myself and get my mind back into this fic properly. This chapter felt like a bit of a warm up - getting ready to throw myself into the deep end that is the story to come. AND BOY AM I READY to throw myself in. I've never wanted to write something so much in my life.

AND ITS THANKS TO ALL OF YOU GREMLINS! Thank you so much for all of the support - I actually don't know how to describe how much it encourages me. Knowing there's people out there who actually want to listen to some crazy story I've dreamt up, it makes me want to wake up in the morning. I hope I can do this story justice and give you some half-decent food to keep us all satiated until YOI gets back from the war...

No music this chapter, but there'll be plenty in the next one! I'm writing it as we speak!I also hope to update this fic on a bit of a stricter schedule - After this weekend I'll be posting a new chapter (sometimes two) every Monday night PST! (Give or take because I'm at the other end of the world and Monday night is actually Tuesday evening for me~) I really want to challenge myself to write this fic as fully as I can, and I don't like keeping people waiting!

And also, of course, find me on twitter or tumblr if you have any questions. I also do art when my brain wants a break from writing which I post there, and I've met some great members of the YOI fandom already around my art and writing so I'm always open to making more! (YALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE, YOU SICKENINGLY BEAUTIFUL HUMANS)

ANYWAY LOTS OF BELATED LOVE,

- Min

Shortly after the practice session, Yuuri had completely thrown himself into his study. His anxiety was nothing new - after however many years of bathroom stalls and car parks and stage wings soaked in fear, the panic attacks were like old friends. And every time they rolled through him, passing through like a tornado and leaving him weak, his first thought was always music.

At least he had his music.

As a child, Yuuri had been blessed with plenty of time to practice. His life was easy-going in Hasetsu - school was simple, friends were simple, home was simple. If anything threw him into an anxious spin, nobody paid any mind when he would slip away quietly to his room, or sprint to Minako’s then studio to use her grand. It was a sort of therapy, he’d decided. There were probably better ways for him to find relief - ways that didn’t border on obsession - but he reasoned that if it worked, if it wasn’t hurting anyone else, then how bad could it be?

When he’d practice to calm himself, it didn’t matter what he played, so long as his fingers were moving along the keys. Sometimes it was Liszt. Sometimes Chopin. Sometimes jazz or simple accompaniment pieces. He even had a small folder of pop songs and film scores that slipped into his rotation every now and then. Phichit always loved listening to Yuuri play pieces from The King and the Skater – his ‘absolute favourite movie of all time, no exceptions’- though that usually only happened when they were drinking at home, Phichit screeching along at the top of his lungs while Yuuri stumbled his way through the chords.

Now that Yuuri was focussed on his thesis and composition, he had plenty to fill up his practice time. And so, after the disastrous practice session, blinded slightly by tears and desperate to get his hands on his keyboard, bitterly afraid of running into Viktor, he’d come home with Phichit and all but chained himself to his piano. Had run over the notes from his last session with Lilia. Practiced scales and glissandos and tremolos until his nails dug into his skin. Written pages after pages of ideas - notes erased and moved like chess pieces across the bars. Ideas scrawled in fine pencil in the margins - sometimes in English, sometimes in Japanese.

Very soon, as the days drifted past, the events of that practice session - and with it, the painful thoughts of Viktor - drowned into quiet at the back of his mind. Phichit was kind enough not to bring it up, though he was quite busy with his own practice and some latest video project he’d been commissioned to do.

Sometimes the thoughts would resurface - particularly if Yuuri spotted a flash of silver hair across the quad, or heard someone say his name in passing - but all in all, Yuuri felt he was slowly putting the whole thing behind him.

It had been a relatively productive week by the time Yuuri’s next session with Lilia rolled around. He was still slightly nervous - certain that she’d be just as cold and ruthless as their first meeting - but the edge was taken off ever so slightly since he knew, now, what to expect. He almost felt comforted, knowing with certainty that he was going to be chewed up and spat out by the diva. Kind of fitting.

He deserved it, after all.

Because that was the one constant as his mind reeled. As he tried to make sense of the strange events surrounding Viktor. As he tried to reason and brute force his way through all his emotions with some sort of logic.

He wasn’t good enough for him. Wasn’t good enough for The Institute Band. Wasn’t good enough to even be here at SIM…

“Do I have your complete attention, Mr. Katsuki?” A voice cut across his thoughts.

“Oh! Yes, Madame Baranovskaya. Of course,” he quickly straightened in the piano stool, Lilia was a constant presence behind him as she scanned his movements. He’d drifted off while playing again – working his way through the first movement of his composition piece to try and show her what he’d been working on.

“I admire your appreciation of the musicality of your piece, Mr. Katsuki, but we’re strictly working on tempo today,” she said coolly, eyes flashing as she looked down at him. Yuuri’s heart sank ever so slightly – if only he could keep his mind in check for one second perhaps he’d be worthy of Lilia’s time. But, of course, who was he kidding? He hardly had any right to be here, under her supervision, let alone at this school…

“And I do believe,” she said in an oddly soft tone, “This piece was originally intended to be played in a major key, correct?”

Yuuri blinked, furrowing his brow. Had he been playing in a minor key? He could hardly remember…

“Yes, of course” he dipped his head in embarrassment.

“Celestino did warn me about your tendency to get lost in the music,” she continued, pursing her lips as she appraised him. Her gaze never failed to set his teeth on edge. Like he was on display, completely exposed and slowly being picked apart. He swallowed as the silence dragged on, bracing himself for the inevitable reprimand.

“You can use that to your advantage, if you have someone skilled enough to record your playing,” and her voice was rather quiet. Almost as if she were speaking to herself. “You have a unique way of phrasing that would do you wonders if you were actually paying attention.”

Yuuri tried to hide the blush he could feel warming his ears at her words. Was it …meant to be some kind of compliment? He’d never heard someone speak that way about his playing before.

“I’ll see what I can do,” and her voice was back to its usual strict tone. “For now, Mr. Katsuki. Tempo.”

Their session lasted most of the afternoon, the sun dipping low as they came to a close after hours of metronome instructed exercises and Lilia’s constant reprimands and observations. It felt like Yuuri had run a mental marathon by the time she called the session to a close.

But it was a good feeling, in its own way. He knew he’d hardly have the mental energy to worry about running into Viktor on his way to the bus. To worry about what Lilia really thought of him as a student. It was like a kind of mental static – too exhausted to even bring up coherent thoughts as he slowly packed his sheet music and notes away.

Lilia offered him a few pointers for his practice at home, giving strict instructions for their next session. He bid her farewell and made his way to the door, only to be stopped by the sound of her clearing her throat.

“And, Mr. Katsuki,” she called after him. He turned back toward her and took in her severe silhouette as she stood by the grand, expression unreadable.

“Congratulations,” she said, mouth a hard line, though her eyes seemed … uncharacteristically warm.

Yuuri blinked.

“Congratulations?” he asked quietly.

Congratulations for what?

“Try not to celebrate too much this weekend,” and Yuuri all but choked as he watched Lilia … smile? It was thin, hardly reaching her eyes, but it was a smile nonetheless.

Celebrate?

What on earth—

Yuuri didn’t get the chance to question her, however, as her phone suddenly rang loudly, filling the room with a strange ringtone. Some kind of high staccato singing. She picked it up quickly and waved for him to leave, greeting whoever had called in a stoic manner.

Yuuri hurried out of the room. The whole meeting was quite strange – stranger than his first meeting that still gave him chills when he remembered how cold Lilia had been with him. Despite how exhausted he felt, he couldn’t help but gnaw on the thought in his mind;

Why had she congratulated him?

He was still worrying away at the question when he rounded the corner and came into one of the common areas. It was a large, spacious room with high ceilings – couches and coffee tables huddled in one corner with tables and chairs filling what remained. There were large expanses of wall space taken up by posters and flyers of every kind. It was the main common area at the school – the one where all of the latest news and postings always ended up. Things like simple advertisements for local concerts or gigs that students were involved in. Flyers looking for roommates or accompanists.

But there was also one wall dedicated to official postings. It was a dividing wall that cut through the room, and it was often crowded at this time of year.

Today it was positively crammed with students.

The noise was overwhelming, Yuuri finding himself flinching ever so slightly as he realised how many people he’d have to pass just to get to the exit. There was shouting and screaming, what sounded like someone practicing scales on a clarinet. There was laughter, and as the crowd came into view, Yuuri could see countless people jostling each other for space around the wall.

Yuuri distantly remembered that today was important, though he couldn’t remember why. There must be a posting – parts for the SIM Musical perhaps? Or maybe there’d been new chairs announced for the orchestra?. Yuuri knew none of it would apply to him, however. He hadn’t auditioned in years, preferring to just focus on the orchestra when he needed to. He ducked his head to make sure nobody recognised him, tucking his chin into his scarf and making his way toward the exits.

A familiar voice rang out across the din and he froze in his tracks.

“Yuuri! Yuuri, over here!”

Viktor.

Viktor’s voice.

His legs turned to water the second the realisation hit him, and he barely had the strength to turn towards the sound. He cursed his high-functioning anxiety for choosing to auto-pilot right at that moment. He wanted nothing more than to pretend he hadn’t heard him and bolt for the doors, but his body seemed to move on its own. Wooden and puppeteered by years of trying to appear normal in social situations. Not to mention the uncomfortable flip his heart did in his chest that took control of his pulse quickly.

He turned to see Viktor standing at the front of the crowd, shouldering his way through and making his way towards him with a beaming grin lighting up his features. It almost hurt to look at. Like staring straight into the sun.

Yuuri figured Viktor must be greeting him out of pity. He could see a few of the school’s best and brightest hanging near where Viktor was standing by the posting wall, so it was unsettling to see Viktor prying himself away from his elite friends, focussed on Yuuri instead. Christophe Giacometti, the school’s top double bassist, stood out instantly, his curly blonde hair all too visible in the sea of browns and blacks. He was one of Viktor’s closest friends, Yuuri knew, and the man seemed to be shouting something after Viktor, though his voice was lost as someone blasted a note on a trombone nearby.

“Congratulations, Yuuri!” Viktor cried, breaking free of the crowd and all but running over to him. The uneasiness of Lilia’s words returned with full force.

Congratulations for what?

“V—Viktor,” Yuuri said in a small voice by way of a greeting, though it sounded more like a question, a deep sense of dread beginning to work it’s way into his chest. He hadn’t spoken with Viktor since their last practice – hadn’t replied to the one text message he’d sent. He hadn’t even opened it, too petrified of what it might entail to even read the opening line. Viktor would surely be offended at Yuuri’s silence. It had been just over a week since their practice, after all.

“I’m so thrilled you decided to audition in the end,” Viktor said breathlessly, rearranging his shirt after being tossed around in the crowd. He stood just slightly too close, eyes bright as he watched Yuuri with all the excitement of a child.

Wait…

Audition?

“Wh—what?” Yuuri’s voice came out as a strangled squeak as he felt himself grow pale. Audition? As in—?

But before he could finish the thought, another familiar voice rang out across the room. He turned to see Phichit, red-faced and gasping for air as he all but sprinted toward Yuuri from the doors on the other side of the room, saxophone slung precariously across his shoulder, satchel bouncing against his hip as he ran.

“Yuuri my love!” He all but screamed, crashing into Yuuri with full force, crushing him in a hug. Yuuri barely had time to register Viktor clearing his throat behind him, crying out as Phichit tackled him.

“I’m so sorry! Did you find out already? Shit! I can’t believe I missed it! All that work for nothing,” and around Phichit’s senseless rambling Yuuri managed to gasp a few confused words and worm his way out of the hug.

“Phichit, what on earth is going on—?” but there was another strong grip on his shoulder that froze the words in his throat, Yuuri crying out in shock as he spun around. It was Otabek – the Otabek, from their practice session. And he was standing over him, clapping him on the back, face stoic as he nodded. The man offered a thumbs up, blinking once, not saying a word, before walking past him toward the exit. Yuuri watched him wide-eyed and more confused than ever as Otabek wandered toward a small figure with a guitar slung over his back.

Toward Yuri. The other Yuri. With blonde hair peeking out from a black hoodie, leopard print across its back. The smaller man glanced back to him with piercing eyes, waving at him in a way that seemed almost … friendly?

It was all too much. Why were they all here? Why was Yuri waving at him? Why was Viktor bouncing up and down where he stood, Phichit running his mouth like a stream?

Why was everyone so excited?

“Phichit,” Yuuri’s voice was weak, breaking ever so slightly as that same sense of dread bloomed into full-blown fear. “What's going on?”

“Huh?” Phichit glanced at him worriedly, stopping his rambling as he took in Yuuri’s expression, though he still had a ridiculously wide grin plastered on his face. “What do you mean?”

“Why is everyone congratulating me?” Yuuri whispered, eyes darting nervously between his best friend and Viktor as they stood, watching him like he was the only person in the world who didn’t know…

“Oh, Yuuri…” Phichit’s eyes grew wide, his feet shuffling as he took a tentative step closer, hand reaching out instinctively. “It’s okay, don’t—“

“What did he mean by audition, Phichit?” Yuuri said distantly, the light from the wide windows flashing off his glasses, eyes hidden.

Phichit swallowed.

“Yuuri, I need you to take deep breaths,” Phichit said slowly, two hands out now. Wary.

“What did you do?” Yuuri all but whispered, feeling his stomach threaten to drop to the floor. Surely not. Surely Phichit would never…

“Well,” Phichit swallowed again, rubbing the back of his neck and throwing Viktor a desperate look. “You know that, ah, project? The video one?”

“You didn’t,” Yuuri breathed, taking a small step backwards as his legs threatened to give way. He could fit the pieces together easily enough. The video project. An audition. All the strange secrecy and vague answers.

“I may or may not have,” and Phichit’s eyes were concerned. Fearful. But there was that typical sparkle of mischief and excitement that – in any other circumstance – would have won Yuuri over.

But this was…

“Wait, what’s going on?” Viktor asked cheerily, face slightly confused as he glanced between the two friends. He spoke like someone at ease with slotting himself into conversations, and Yuuri found himself marvelling at the social confidence, despite it all.

“Ah, I’m a terrible friend,” Phichit said with an exasperated smile. “I filmed our practice the other day and sent it to Yakov by way of an audition.”

Yuuri felt like all of the words were coming at him from a great distance – like he’d suddenly slipped into a well, sound and light having trouble reaching his senses. Audition. Practice. Yakov. Film…

“Yuuri please, hear me out,” Phichit said quickly. “I knew you’d never have the balls to audition on your own and now the hard part’s out of the way! You were accepted!”

Yuuri blinked.

“No I wasn’t,” he whispered matter-of-factly, shaking his head ever so slightly. He couldn’t have been accepted, it must have been some kind of mistake.

“But you were, Yuuri!” Viktor said with a dazzling grin, eyes bright as he reached and gripped Yuuri by the shoulders. The touch sent flames licking along Yuuri’s veins, and if it weren’t for Viktor’s strong grip, he knew he would have fallen right then and there.

“Come and see!” and he was suddenly being whisked through the crowd, bodies pressing against him tightly as Viktor reached down to hold his hand, tugging him along after him like a kite, Phichit trailing behind with a steadying hand on his back.

They made their way to the posting wall, faces crammed towards the small piece of paper pinned to the centre of the board.

It read, in a simple non-descript font:

2016 Institute Band Members

Saxophones

Alto: Phichit Chulanont

Tenor1: Guang Hong Ji

Tenor2: Leo De La Iglesia

Trumpets

1st: Jean-Jaques Leroy

2nd: Sara Crispino

3rd: Seung-gil Lee

Trombones

1st: Emil Nikola

2nd: Michele Crispino

Rhythm

Double Bass: Christophe Giacometti

Guitar: Yuri Plisetsky

Percussion: Otabek Altin

Piano: Yuuri Katsuki

Vocalists

Viktor Nikiforov

Mila Babicheva

Practice this Thursday, March 16th, 6pm sharp

- Yakov Feltsman

Yuuri felt the ground fall away beneath him.

“Yuuri? Yuuri!” Phichit managed to catch him as he fell, holding his shoulders firmly and giving them a slight shake.

Yuuri distantly registered that Viktor was still holding him by the hand…

“It can’t be real,” Yuuri whispered, attempting to steady himself. Yakov had seen him practice – had seen his lack-lustre playing with Viktor and Yuri and Otabek there to outshine him at every turn. Had seen it and …

Accepted him?

“I can assure you, it’s real,” Viktor said with a smile, and as Phichit helped Yuuri stay on his feet, Yuuri noticed that Viktor was smiling at him warmly. But his eyes were … troubled? He seemed to be searching Yuuri’s face, trying to figure something out…

“I’m … sorry,” Yuuri managed to squeeze out, heart clenching painfully as he realise that Vikor was probably disappointed. Probably angry that Yuuri had run him around. “I’m sorry I caused you so much trouble…”

And Viktor’s face fell into a mask of confusion, brows knitting together as those piercing blue eyes continued to search Yuuri’s face. Despite the raucousness of the room, Yuuri couldn’t help but feel himself getting lost in them. Reminded of their first practice session at Minako’s studio…

And Viktor seemed to be about to say something, eyes fervent as he wet his lips, but a hand on Viktor’s shoulder had him turning around before he could speak.

“Congratulations, everyone!” a lilting voice cut across the crowd. Christophe Giacometti. He was about the same height as Viktor, leaning in to offer a knowing smile to Yuuri and Phichit as he joined their little circle at the front of the crowd, pressed close together.

“It’ll be nice to finally have some … fresh meat,” and Yuuri watched on in horror as Christophe licked his lips, eyes heavy-lidded. He seemed to be directing his flirting towards Phichit, who took it in his stride easily.

“I do hope you’re gentle with me,” and he laughed, light and easy. Of course. It was all so easy for him. For everyone.

Yuuri found himself running down the list again, taking in every name and feeling his heart stutter uncomfortably in his chest when he saw his own name nestled among them. He knew them all – all accomplished musicians. All ridiculously talented. All self-assured and socially confident and…

“Let’s get a drink to celebrate!” Christophe exclaimed, wrapping an arm effortlessly around Viktor’s shoulder.

Oh.

Oh.

Yuuri took in the gesture and felt a strange twist in his gut.

“Yes!” Phichit jumped on the spot, pumping his fist and letting out another giggle of excitement. Yuuri reached for Phichit’s sleeve, tugging ever so slightly to get his attention. No. Not drinking…

Phichit seemed to notice, chewing on his lower lip and leaning in to try and speak with him in confidence.

“Come on, Yuuri,” Phichit whispered behind his hand, making eyes at him that made Yuuri feel guilty and angry and... “I know you’re freaking out right now but trust me. This will do you the world of good,” and before Yuuri could protest, Phichit suddenly creased his brow and gave him a pleading look, eyes darting back to Christophe pointedly, who was now chatting away with a few of the other members who had gathered around them.

Yuuri took the hint. Phichit had had a crush on Chris for as long as Yuuri had had a crush on Viktor. Of course, Phichit would want to take up the opportunity to go out drinking with him.

In the whirl of emotions and shock and terror that started to simmer just under Yuuri’s skin, Yuuri found himself helpless when he saw Phichit’s expression. When he turned and saw Viktor’s expression, wrapped in Chris’ arms and gazing after him…

Hopefully?

“Oh do come, Yuuri,” Viktor said gently, eyes warm, mouth set in a soft smile. “At least let me buy you a drink to apologise.”

Yuuri furrowed his brow and moved to speak; “Apologise?” But the words were lost as his voice broke and Chris let loose a loud laugh. There was another tall man with a trumpet case in hand – Jean-Jaques, Yuuri distantly recalled – talking with him. Was he coming too?

Yuuri felt like he was drowning. Everyone wanted to celebrate. All smiles and laughter and loud, loud, loud.

And between Phichit’s desperate puppy dog eyes and Viktor’s piercing blue stare, Yuuri found himself nodding, though everything screamed at him to run.

[zutaralesbian]

The Way I Love (d) You

Here’s part 1 of 2 of the AU Bontherine fic i’ve been working on. I decided to split it into two parts because I was tired of it sitting in my drafts. 

Note: Since it’s an All Human AU, Katherine might be a little OOC.

Read it here or on A03

"So you're all set up now?" Caroline asked.

Bonnie held the phone up to her ear as she stood in her new dorm room, eyeing her handiwork with a pleased smile. Everything was ready. The photos of family and friends that she had brought from home were all taped onto the walls of her side of the room, done so in a neat, rectangular pattern. Her bed was made up with her favorite bed-sheets and blankets, and her desk was set up. She was fully ready for her first year at university.

"I am," Bonnie replied with another smile, even though Caroline couldn't see it from the other end of the line. She turned to face the window, which had a decent view of the entire front side of the campus. "You should see the room, Care. It has a great view. You would love it."

Her tone at the end was only a little accusatory. Since they were in middle school, it had been a plan of Bonnie and Caroline's to one day go to college together and, hopefully, even share a dorm together. But at nearly the last minute, Caroline had changed her mind and decided to go to a trade school instead, leaving Bonnie to follow their original plan on her own. It also left her at the mercy of not knowing who her roommate would turn out to be.

She heard Caroline let out a small, maybe slightly nervous laugh. "Maybe i'll come down there and visit over the weekends. That's allowed, isn't it?"

"I think so. But I doubt you would be able to stay overnight."

"We'll make it work. I could always drive down there to pick you up and take you home with me. It's a two hour long drive but i'm willing to do that for you. You should feel special."

Bonnie felt a small flash of irritation at that phrasing, even though she knew that Caroline was only joking. As unfair and irrational as it may be, she didn't feel special. She felt abandoned. But she wasn't ever going to say that out loud.

"Let's pray that you don't end up with Katherine as your roommate. Now that would be a nightmare," Caroline said after moment, probably when she realized that Bonnie wasn't going to say anything. It sounded like an obvious attempt to fill in the awkward silence that had suddenly passed over them.

"Why do you say that?" Bonnie asked, freezing at the mention of her ex girlfriend. Caroline hadn't brought her up in months, and it seemed weird that it was happening now of all times. Katherine didn't even want to go to college. She had told Bonnie so multiple times in the past, despite her attempts to change her mind.

"Um...because she's your ex? And it didn't sound like you two exactly ended on good terms."

Bonnie rolled her eyes, laughing a bit. "We didn't. But Katherine wouldn't ever come here. College was never her thing. I thought she made that pretty clear."

"Oh god, I assumed you already knew."

"Knew what?"

There was another pause, and Caroline's voice seemed almost...hesitant when she did start speaking again as if she didn't want to be the one to break the news of what she was about to say.

"Katherine is going to college, Bonnie. And last I heard, she decided on Whitmore too. You might run into her there."

It was as if someone had poured a bucket of ice water on top of her. Bonnie wasn't really intimidated at the idea of of seeing Katherine again per se, but they really hadn't ended on the cleanest of terms. Their breakup had been messy, and if Bonnie was being completely honest with herself, there were a ton of things that still needed closure between them. But avoiding all of it had been easier. And now it looked like all of her efforts to dodge that awkward and maybe even painful confrontation was about to be completely dashed. Why had Katherine suddenly decided to go to college anyway?

She forced her tone to remain level. "Really? Well, good for her."

Caroline didn't sound convinced, and Bonnie could practically visualize the way her best friend's eyebrows were probably arched, the way they always did when she was questioning something. "You're not nervous?"

"No, and why would I be? It's a big campus. I might never even see her. And even if I do...all of that is in the past. I'm sure she's moved on by now. We both have." Bonnie glanced up at the clock that hung on the wall on the far left side of where she was standing, feeling a small jolt of relief when she saw that it was nearly lunch time at the cafeteria. She had an actual excuse to end the phone call. "Anyway Care, I should probably get going. It's about time for me to eat."

She heard Caroline let out a disappointed huff. "And right when the conversation was really starting to get interesting. But okay. Call me sometime tomorrow! I'll want to know how your first day went."

"I will. Bye Care."

They said their final goodbyes before Bonnie hung up the phone, placing it back in her purse, trying not to let the news that had just been dropped on her effect her more than it should. People had to deal with awkward encounters with their exes all of the time. Sure, she hadn't expected to have to deal with seeing Katherine on campus but, it was like she told Caroline, it was a big campus. There was a good chance that she and Katherine would never even catch a glimpse of each other. At least not for a little while.

The only problem was that there was a small part of Bonnie that wasn't sure if she would be disappointed by that outcome or not.

The day went by slowly, even though she was pleased with the look of the campus, the people, the professors, and the lunch options. Bonnie figured that it had been a mixture of her classes, which were mainly dull general ed credits with it being her first trimester, and the anticipation of finding out who her roommate would be. It had been hours since she had last been in the room. She figured that the roommate would have had to have moved her stuff in by now, unless she was going to be an entire day late.

After exiting her final class for the day, Bonnie fast-walked in the direction of the dorm room, a bit anxious and nervous to get the reveal with over already. Whoever this person turned out to be could possibly effect a good portion of her experience here. She hoped they wouldn't turn out to be the overly moody and unfriendly sort. It'd be nice to be able to be friends with them, especially considering the fact that she wasn't able to go by her original plan of rooming with Caroline.

After reaching the room and seeing that whoever was inside had the light on, Bonnie gave the door a few soft knocks. When she received no answer, she flung the door open with raised eyebrows, closing it behind her once inside.

She'd been right. The other girl had obviously moved herself in while Bonnie had been away, if the made-up bed across from hers was anything to go by. But the person herself was nowhere in sight.

Bonnie walked over and sat on the edge of her own bed. She figured that her roommate must have left to do laundry or get food, leaving the light on and the door unlocked behind her, open for anyone to just slip inside and help themselves to their stuff. Bonnie couldn't help but feel the faintest flash of irritation at that thought already.

She allowed her eyes to travel over to the bed across from her again, taking in the details of it. The bed was made fairly neatly, just as Bonnie's was, and the sheets looked like they had recently come right out of a store, obviously brand new. Whoever the person was must have bought the bedding specifically for college, and hadn't used it at any time before.  

But there was something very specific that eventually caught her eye, something small that lingered on the foot of the bed. Something relevant enough to send Bonnie flying to her feet and quickly approach it. She picked the small object into her hands, eyeing it carefully as to not send herself into panic mode before knowing for sure.

There was no mistaking the familiar black nail filer. And, to cement the realization, the initials KP  were still clearly engraved into it. The same initials that Bonnie remembered rolling her eyes at once upon a time, not understanding why anyone would need to have their initials engraved onto something as mundane as a nail filer.

Despite all of the evidence staring back at her, Bonnie shook her head in denial. "It can't be."

"What can't be?" An achingly familiar voice said after Bonnie heard the sound of the door opening and closing again. She placed the nail filer back down onto the bed in front of her and turned to face the person who had entered the room, her cheeks, to her annoyance, heating up slightly at the sight.

Standing in the room, clad in only a towel wrapped around her and her long, light brown hair hair still dripping wet from the shower, was Katherine Pierce.

Even though Katherine had been fully prepared for Bonnie to be in the room by the time she came back, the sight of her ex...the woman who had broken her heart, still managed to nearly knock the breath out of her. She was still so beautiful...so beautiful that it was unfair. She was wearing a fairly simple outfit, but the pleasant green color of her tank top was the exact correct shade to really bring out the emerald eyes that she remembered so well.

But those eyes were now looking at her with a look of what almost seemed like horror, not adoration.

Luckily; Katherine was a master at hiding emotions. And Bonnie's clear flush at the sight of her state of undress was enough to make her smirk, satisfied that she still seemed to have an effect on her too, despite everything.

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue, Bon Bon?" She asked casually, moving further into the room. She didn't bother trying to see if Bonnie reacted to the old nickname, mainly because she didn't want to appear desperate and there wasn't a way of doing it without making it obvious that she was looking. As she approached her bed, she sensed Bonnie quickly moving further away from it, as if she was avoiding the plague.

As Katherine began to rummage through one of her assigned dresser drawers in search of clothes to change into, Bonnie finally spoke, her tone displaying crystal clear aggravation. "What are you doing here, Katherine?"

It had been the exact question that she had been expecting her to ask first. So predictable. Katherine finished selecting her outfit; a pair of night shorts and a thin tank top, before turning to face her ex. "Isn't it obvious? I'm here for you."

And that was the truth...mostly. She had initially come to Whitmore with the intention of escaping her family, the memory of it being the same college that Bonnie planned on attending only an added bonus. But when the dean of the school had presented her a list of all of the dorm rooms up for grabs in order to choose her roommate (a bonus that could only come with the benefit of being the mayor's daughter. It seemed that her father was good for something) and she had seen her ex's name on the list, she couldn't help but leap at the opportunity.

Now she and Bonnie were roommates. Katherine would have an entire year to grill the real reason they had broken up out of her. And well, she'd be lying if she said that she wasn't hoping for and planning a possible reunion.

But so far, it didn't seem like Bonnie shared the sentiment. She grimaced at the answer Katherine gave. "You don't mean that."

"I never say anything that I don't mean. You should know that by now."

Bonnie didn't say anything in response to that. Katherine masked her slightly crestfallen feeling with another smirk. "Anyway would you mind turning around or leaving the room while I get dressed? Or, you could always watch. I know that you appreciated the view in the past. I don't mind."

Bonnie's emerald green eyes narrowed in a way that Katherine was well accustomed to. It was an expression that she had found adorable in the past but now it only served to cause small tremors in her chest. "There's a bathroom that you can change in, you know."

"This is my dorm. I can change right here if I want to."

Bonnie pursed her lips in a way that Katherine recognized as her trying to decide if it was worth arguing further. Eventually, she sighed before wordlessly turning around, facing the door instead of Katherine.

Taking that as a sign, Katherine allowed the towel to slip off her frame before grabbing the new change of clothes to get dressed.

Unfortunately, she had been so preoccupied with trying to fluster Bonnie up, she hadn't taken into account how awkward the next few moments would end up being. And she hadn't even really gotten a satisfying reaction to make up for it.

Once she had nearly finished dressed, Bonnie suddenly spoke again, her back still facing her. "One of us can request a room change."

Katherine pretended that she hadn't heard her as she finished slipping on her shorts. "What?"

"One of us can request a room change," Bonnie repeated. She chanced a brief look over her shoulder and, after seeing that Katherine was now fully dressed, her tense shoulders visibly relaxed and she turned to face her head on again. "It's still early in the year, only the first official day of the semester. If one of us asks for a room change, we could probably get one."

She had seen something like this coming. Of course Bonnie would bring up the idea of getting their rooms switched. Katherine forced her expression to remain impassive, unreadable. "Who will be the one to switch?"

"I was technically here first."

"Well, i'm not the one with a problem here. I already told you the reason I was here, and I meant it. If you have issues with it, then they are yours to deal with." She mentally applauded herself for managing to keep up her neutral front through that. Although she was the master of emotional stealth, Bonnie Bennett had always been one of the harder people for her to fool. She supposed that was one of the many reasons she had been drawn to her in the first place.

If Bonnie sensed anything off about her guarded demure, she didn't say anything about it. Instead, she flushed again. But this time, Katherine couldn't tell if it was out of bashfulness or anger. "Come on Katherine. This bothers you just as much as it does me. Admit it."

A challenge. Now that was something that could be used as fuel.

Katherine finished drying off her hair before gazing at the other woman, brown eyes locking fiercely with emerald green ones. "If you're so sensitive that you can't handle sharing a mere room with an ex, then hey, go ahead and ask for a switch. But I am perfectly content where I am."

The fire in Bonnie's eyes in response was enough to tell Katherine that she had gotten what she wanted.

No one would be switching rooms.

Despite the tremors she felt whenever they were in too close of proximity, whether that was from the accidental brushes as they walked by each other across the small room or when Katherine very purposefully stood a bit too close, over the last few days, Bonnie was finding that her ex girlfriend wasn't too terrible of a person to live with after all.

Katherine wasn't a slob. She picked up after herself and kept her side of the room, and the bathroom, relatively neat. It brought back memories of the two of them sitting in Bonnie's room. The moments when Katherine, almost looking to be on complete autopilot, tidied up the unbalanced pillow on Bonnie's bed or picked up the stray socks that had been left on the floor. Little things to make the room a bit cleaner. That is, when they weren't completely wrapped up in each other.

She also wasn't loud, and didn't complain when Bonnie left the light on late in order to study.

There wasn't anything visible that could prove that Katherine Pierce made a bad roommate. The only problems lied within Bonnie's own mind and...the things that Katherine was managing to make her feel just by being near her again.

After the breakup, Bonnie had coped with it by reminding herself of only the reasons why she had ended the relationship, and why it needed to stay that way. Katherine never listened to her. She didn't ever take the time to get to know Bonnie's friends and family, both of which she knew were very important to her. And, it a lot of ways, Katherine was selfish. She didn't live up to the image of the person Bonnie had always imagined herself ending up with.

But...now, she was being steamrolled with the other things she remembered about Katherine. The things that had made her fall for her in the first place. Her confidence. Her determination. Her wit.

And the way she looked at Bonnie as if she was the key to the complete salvation of humanity , which didn't seem to have at all changed or faded during the months they spent apart.

Feeling her throat tighten, Bonnie stopped walking as she reached her destination, a corner of the cafeteria that was fairly secluded from private view. She took out her cellphone and dialed Caroline's number. This was something that she should be able to do in her own dorm, but this was a conversation that she didn't want to risk Katherine overhearing. Over the last couple of days, she had neglected to tell Caroline who her roommate was, a bit nervous about the possible reaction she would get. But she couldn't hold it in any longer...not with the range of emotions in her mind. She needed someone to remind her why getting involved with Katherine again would be the worst mistake she could ever make, and Caroline would probably be the perfect person for the job.

Caroline answered after only two rings.

"Finally! I was wondering when you were going to call me. How is..."

"Katherine is my roommate."

A small stretch of silence, but still too long to be completely in character for Caroline, passed before anyone said anything else. Just when Bonnie was about to ask if she was still there, Caroline spoke, her tone filled with disbelief. "No way."

Bonnie bit her lip. "Yes way."

"You're serious?"

"I wish I wasn't."

Another few seconds before Bonnie heard what sounded like forced laughter coming from the other end of the line. "I was only joking when I brought up the idea of you getting her as a roommate. I didn't...I didn't think it would actually happen. It's right out of a cheesy romcom."

Bonnie could imagine the thoughts that were probably coursing through Caroline's mind right now, considering she had helped Bonnie come to the decision to break things off with Katherine in the first place. She was probably worried that this would be the perfect opportunity for Katherine to pounce, and that Bonnie would eventually give in despite her reservations.

The worst part about it was that Bonnie couldn't even be annoyed by it, because she was worried about that too.

She let out a sigh and leaned against the concrete wall she was standing by. "I don't know what to do Care."

"Did you ask to switch rooms?"

"I did. But it was already too late for me to switch." That was a lie. Bonnie was fairly confident that she could have gotten a room switch easily the day she had found out about Katherine being her roommate. But Katherine had challenged her and Bonnie was never one to allow herself to look weak, especially not to her ex girlfriend. Asking for a room switch would have only shown Katherine that she still had an effect on her, and Bonnie hadn't wanted to give her that satisfaction. But...she also didn't want to admit out loud that it was her pride that had prevented her from getting out of this mess.

"Well...does it seem like she's still into you?" Caroline's tone implied that she already knew the answer. But honestly, Bonnie wasn't exactly sure how to respond. Katherine had always sort of been a bit of a mystery in more than one way. You could never be sure what her intentions were or what she was going to do. It was one of the things that had managed to both frustrate and excite Bonnie in the past.

"Maybe? I don't know. She told me that I was the reason she came here."

She heard Caroline's breath hitch. "And you don't know whether she's still into you? That's pretty much her way of outright admitting it Bonnie!"

"Well, you know what she's like! It could have meant a lot of different things," Bonnie defended.

"Really? Like what?"

"Maybe she's here to...I don't know, get some sort of revenge on me? For breaking up with her? I wouldn't put it past her." Logically, Bonnie knew she was being a little unfair. Katherine could hold grudges and be vengeful, but their relationship had reached a maturity level by the end of it that told Bonnie that she was unlikely to stoop low enough to partake in petty revenge over a breakup. It was just much easier to resist thinking about Katherine too much by concluding that it was revenge she was after, not reconciliation.

Caroline seemed to be considering what she said for a few moments. "Okay, maybe. But I personally wouldn't put that much effort in seeing my ex again, for whatever reason."

"You're not Katherine." Bonnie closed her eyes before continuing. "Just...remind me of all the reasons we broke up, would you? I need to have it completely ingrained into my mind if i'm going to survive the semester."

And that was all the invitation that Caroline needed to go into complete shut down Katherine mode. Instantly, Bonnie was pulled back into all of the memories that she was desperately clinging to. The memories of all of the fighting, the disagreements,  and Katherine's complete lack of regard for all of Bonnie's friends (and anyone outside of herself and Bonnie, really).

It really had all been for the best.

By the time the conversation was over and she and Caroline and hung up with each other, Bonnie felt emotionally drained. And, unfortunately, no more confident about her ability to not give into Katherine than she had been before.

It was going to be a long semester.

After having managed to avoid the dorm room for most of the day, Bonnie finally had to surrender when the sun set and the library closed for the night. She tried to comfort herself with the possibility that Katherine wasn't even in the dorm yet and she could pretend to be asleep before the other woman arrived. It was a Friday night, so it was possible that she was out somewhere. Katherine had always loved parities and the area they were in offered a lot of them.

What she didn't expect to see was her ex girlfriend sitting at her desk, the lamp beside her on, and her face clearly glued to a textbook.

"Are you studying?" Bonnie couldn't help but ask, her surprise overclouding her desire to remain unnoticed.

At the sound of another voice in the room, Katherine jumped slightly and abruptly turned to face her. If this kind of thing had happened back when they were together, Bonnie would have teased her endlessly over it. But...things weren't like that anymore. Simple. A scowl crossed her face at the question. "No, i'm painting a fence."

Bonnie rolled her eyes at the clear sarcasm, walking further into the room to take a seat on her bed. "I'm just surprised. You never cared about studying back in high school. I used to have to force you."

She thought she saw Katherine wince a bit at the casual reminder of their past relationship, but the dim lighting made her unsure. "Well, things change."

What changed?  Bonnie wanted to ask, but didn't, fairly positive that she would only get a snarky reply in return. What had made Katherine want to go to college....and actually put effort into it? It was such a stark difference of character from the Katherine she remembered dating.

To her surprise, it seemed that Katherine was in the mood to genuinely share. Katherine looked up from the textbook she had been hunched over and peered at Bonnie, clearing her throat before speaking. "I had a fight with my father over it before I left. I needed to go so I could get out of the house. And prove him wrong."

"Oh." Despite everything, Bonnie felt her chest swell with sympathy. Katherine's relationship with her father had always been a dysfunctional one. There had been many nights where Katherine had arrived at Bonnie's house late at night because of a fight that she had with her father. Afterwards, they would lay in Bonnie's bed, with Katherine's head on Bonnie's chest as they talked about what happened...

Bonnie's throat ran dry and she became desperate to change the subject. "Can I ask you something?"

Katherine narrowed her eyes in surprise. "Sure."

"What major are you planning on pursuing?" It had been her attempt at changing the subject to a lighter one that held less significant meaning, but Bonnie was genuinely curious too. She had never imagined that Katherine would ever willingly go to college, and now that she had been proven wrong on that front, she was interested in knowing what exactly Katherine had planned for the future.

At the question, Katherine stiffened slightly, as if caught off guard. She gritted her teeth in what looked like a frustrated manner, as if she didn't like the feeling of admitting her answer. "I don't know. Right now i'm only taking general ed classes."

It didn't really surprise Bonnie that Katherine wasn't sure about what path she was going to go down. She'd always had a habit of jumping into things immediately, and then questioning herself later. She wanted to take a moment to really try to ponder what career or degree she could see Katherine perusing when Katherine took the silence as an opportunity to keep speaking.

"What about you? Premed, i'm assuming?"

Bonnie smiled, a bit happy that Katherine had remembered. Going into the medical field and becoming a nurse or even a doctor had always been the ending she wanted to achieve for herself. She liked helping people, and it had always been something she believed she'd be good at. "Yep. But i'm taking a lot of general ed credits right now too. I probably won't be able to get too much into the medical stuff until next year."

Her smile seemed to have spur Katherine on, because Bonnie could see her suddenly sitting up straighter at the desk, her usual confidence oozing off of her. "I always knew you'd end up being a hero of some sort. It goes with your complex. But fortunately for me, I think you'd look sexy in a doctor's outfit."

And...there it was.

Bonnie felt herself flushing, hoping that it wouldn't be too obvious in the currently dim lighting of the room. She also tried to make sure her voice properly conveyed annoyance. "The uniform isn't exactly on top of my priorities list."

"I didn't say it was. Just that it probably would be on top of mine."

Bonnie couldn't help but laugh at that. "Well, that's just more evidence of our differences. And maybe part of the reason we didn't work out."

She'd meant the words as a lighthearted joke. And, honestly, it felt kind of nice to talk to Katherine like this, a bit like the way they used to be with each other. She was still firm on the stance that they couldn't ever go back to the relationship they had before but that didn't mean she didn't miss parts of it.

Katherine's smile immediately disappeared, replaced with an expression of slight alarm and maybe some...hurt? "Is that why you ended things between us? Because we were too different?"

This conversation was because teetering into an area that Bonnie wasn't ready to discuss. She let out a sigh. "No. You know why we broke up."

Katherine gritted her teeth in a frustrated fashion. "No actually, I don't. We were fine one day and then the next, you were breaking up with me."

"I told you the reasons why..."

"Yeah yeah. I didn't particularly care about every single person you cared about. I wasn't nice enough. But that was never an issue between us until that day. You always knew that I prioritized you. Loved you. Why was that suddenly not enough for you?"

To Bonnie's horror, she could feel a small amount of tears burning at the back of her eyes at Katherine's splurge of words. But she held them back. She would not cry in front of Katherine right now. She refused.

The truth was, there had been something she had really enjoyed about being in love with Katherine, and being loved by her in return. When Katherine loved someone, they became her entire world. Nothing else mattered to Katherine aside from herself and the person she loved. And well, Bonnie had always had a bad habit of giving a lot more in her relationships than she received. Katherine was the first and really, the only person she had ever dated that never made her feel that way...like she cared more than her significant other did. Katherine had dotted on her and put her above everything and everyone else and damn it, Bonnie wasn't going to deny the fact that all of that had felt nice.

But...that wasn't the type of person she could spend her life with. The person she spent her life with had to share at least some of the same morals and ideals as her. And they had to care about the other people she loved as well. Her and Katherine's relationship had, in a way, been a selfish and self-indulgent one on her part.

"Was it because of Caroline?"

Bonnie's head snapped back up to gaze at Katherine again at the sudden question. "What?"

Katherine's brown eyes turned steely. "Was Caroline the reason we broke up? Did she somehow convince you to do it? I know that she never liked me."

Bonnie wasn't sure how to answer that. In a way, it was partly true. The breakup had happened after she had voiced her concerns over the issues in her and Katherine's relationship. And while Caroline had certainly helped Bonnie come to the conclusion that their relationship needed to end, she had only helped speed up what was going to inevitably happen eventually anyway.

Katherine obviously took her hesitation as a way of saying yes. "I knew it. I thought you were beyond doing everything people tell you to do now, Bonnie. You need to stand up..."

"Screw you," Bonnie snapped. The topic of Bonnie needing to 'stand up for herself' had always been a sore one in their relationship. Katherine had never known the difference between that and simply not being selfish. The anger now coursing through her was relieving. Anger was a much easier emotion to deal with than what she was feeling a few seconds ago. "Caroline didn't make me do anything. I wanted to break up with you. For my own reasons."

"Really? Because it doesn't sound like it."

Bonnie shook her head. "I'm not having this conversation with you. We're done." Not bothering to undress, she threw herself into bed and buried her head into her pillow, ignoring Katherine's attempts at continuing the prodding.

But eventually, she stopped. And they spent the rest of the night in silence.

After that night, neither of them made any attempt to start up another conversation with each other. They went back to very rare, casual greetings and the occasional times they glanced at each other when they were both in the room. Bonnie could tell that Katherine was itching to attack her with questions again though. Meanwhile, Bonnie was doing everything she could to remind herself of why engaging with her again wouldn't be a good idea.

But she could feel herself steadily slipping. She needed a distraction of some sort.

It turns out, that distraction was quick to come in the form of Klaus Mikaelson.

On a Monday morning, when Bonnie was just getting ready to exit her English class, she was stopped by him.

"Bonnie Bennett?" She turned to face the person who addressed her, eventually taking in the sight of Klaus Mikaelson, standing firm and confident as he regarded her, a flirtatious smile on his face.

Bonnie had only seen Klaus a few times before, during the rare times she went to a party or get together held by Katherine's family. The Mikaelsons' were a fairly wealthy family, with their parents being big in the oil industry. And with Katherine's father being the mayor of Mystic Falls, the two families were pretty closely knit.

She also knew Klaus as the brother of Katherine's ex...the person she had been dating before she met Bonnie. Elijah Mikaelson.

She plastered on a friendly smile. "Hey. Do you need something?"

Klaus' smile never wavered. "I only wanted to ask for the pleasure of your company. It may seem sudden but, would you do me the honor of allowing me to take you to dinner tonight?"

Now that surprised Bonnie. She was used to being asked out, but not this suddenly. During the year she and Klaus had somewhat known each other, she was fairly sure that they had never spoken more than five words to each other. Up until now, she hadn't even noticed that they shared a class together.

As if reading her mind, Klaus continued. "I don't mean to offend. But...i've had my eye on you for quite a while now, but it never seemed the right time to do anything about it.

Bonnie briefly wondered if 'not the right time' meant that she had been with Katherine. Despite her not answering right away, Klaus didn't seem to be losing any of his confidence. "Your answer?"

Bonnie took a few moments to take him in again. Klaus was handsome and charming. He was a perfect way to distract her from her current roommate. But a part of her couldn't help but feel like this might be some sort of betrayal, agreeing to go on a date with the brother of Katherine's ex.

But then she remembered the fight she and Katherine had a few nights ago, and nothing but determination swept through her. She smiled again and nodded. "Yes, that would be nice. What time?"

Katherine was trying to build up the courage to confront Bonnie about the conversation they had started last week.

She really should have done it much sooner. Normally she would have done it sooner. But even to this day, there was still something about Bonnie Bennett that made her cautious and weak at the knees. And it was something that she could never shake off, no matter how hard she tried.

She figured that Bonnie would be back in the room by now. The other woman had been avoiding Katherine as much as possible lately, but she usually didn't stay away too long after the sun had set.

After pressing her key into the lock, Katherine pushed into the room, freezing at the sight before her.

Bonnie was standing on her side of the room in front of her mirror, looking into it as she carefully dusted her cheeks with blush. It was the first time in a while that Katherine had seen her really decked out in makeup like this since the breakup.

But she couldn't even fully enjoy it because all she could do was think about the possible reason Bonnie was putting on makeup....like she was getting ready to go on a date.

"What are you getting all gussied up for?" She asked, feigning casualty as she stepped into the room and sat down on her bed.

Bonnie didn't look away from the mirror as she answered. "I have a date tonight."

And there it was. The confirmation of what she had dreaded to be true the moment she saw Bonnie standing in front of the mirror. She knew that Bonnie wasn't stupid. She was obviously fully aware of how this was effecting her. But Katherine still tried to force her voice to remain flat.

"With who?"

Before Bonnie even had a chance to answer, there was a knock at the door. Bonnie finished up her makeup with a light smile before grabbing her purse and turning towards the door. "Right on time. Um, I guess i'll see you later tonight."

Katherine wordlessly watched as Bonnie swung open the door to greet her date, her chest clenching when she saw who it was.

Klaus fucking Mikaelson was standing outside the door, dressed nicely for the occasion and holding out a hand for Bonnie. "Ready to go love?"

She thought she saw Bonnie cringe slightly at the wording but it was probably only something someone who knew her really well would notice. She was still mostly all pleasant and polite smiles as she nodded, accepting Klaus's hand. "Yes. Let's go."

Without another glance Katherine's way, she followed the Mikaelson brother out of the room, shutting the door behind her and leaving Katherine alone with her thoughts.

Katherine felt like she was drowning.

It was the feeling of horror she felt when she realized that Bonnie was going on a date but now a million times worse now that she knew her date was Klaus Mikaelson. Images and memories were now flashing through her mind. The memories of the way Klaus had always looked at Bonnie during the few times he met with her face-to-face at one of her father's parties (it had honestly been the main reason Katherine eventually suggested they stop attending them, much to her father's displeasure). The memories of the words Klaus said to her, telling her she wasn't good enough for either his brother or Bonnie, and that he was planning on snatching her up as soon as their relationship eventually ended.  

At the time, Katherine had managed to laugh it off, despite the fact that deep down, she couldn't help but agree with him. All of that had mostly been Elijah and her father's doing. The two of them had ingrained that feeling of inadequacy into her during the time she had dated the elder Mikaelson brother. (Although, she still felt like her father never forgave her for ending things with Elijah). Her relationship with Bonnie had managed to bring her back to her real self, the secure one that wasn't afraid of anything.  

But now it felt like all of her nightmares were coming to life.

So...she had left. Fled the room and took her car to drive out to whatever place she could find that served alcohol. It was a Friday night and right now, she didn't want to have to think about anything.

She eventually settled on a small restaurant only a few blocks away from the college that had a bar at the back, throwing herself through the doors without even bothering to look at the name of the place.

"Give me a martini," she said to the bartender, a woman with slightly graying hair that looked to be in her late fifties.

It would be her first drink of many. She had the money and the time.

Bonnie was bored. That was the only word she could think of to accurately describe the night she was having.

Watching Katherine's reaction to her leaving with Klaus hadn't been nearly as satisfying as she had thought it would be. But that was partly because Bonnie hadn't been able to really bring herself to actually look at the other woman while she was leaving the room. To her annoyance, she still couldn't shake off the feeling that agreeing to go on a date with Klaus had been a betrayal of some kind.

It didn't help that Klaus was turning out to not be nearly as interesting as she always imagined he would be.

He had taken her out to a lavish restaurant, one that Bonnie could not afford on her own with her current budget as a college student. He was charming, Bonnie would give him that. But there was something so stiff and...unnatural about him, and she sensed this vibe from him that told her he believed himself to be doing her a favor by taking her out.

A distraction hadn't been worth this.

Hopefully managing to keep her relief towards the 'date' being over hidden, Bonnie smiled as Klaus escorted her towards her dorm, the two of them eventually pausing directly outside of the door.

"Thank you for a most pleasant evening," Klaus said, a seductive glint in his blue eyes as Bonnie leaned against the wall of the hallway, facing him.

"You too," she whispered, keeping her voice low in order to not wake anyone who might be sleeping. She sort of hoped that Katherine was in bed and out by now. "I had a good time."

The intensity of their closeness was beginning to grow a bit much but Bonnie didn't make any move to turn away from him. Klaus may not be as interesting as she had hoped but he was still good-looking. And well, she'd be lying if she wasn't a bit curious about what it might be like to kiss him, after seeing him from afar so much in the past. (And maybe it would help her forget about another pair of lips.)

So when Klaus began to lean down towards her, she leaned up in response, closing her eyes and....

"Back already?"

The familiar voice, slurred and probably at least a little dazed startled her enough to open her eyes and jump away from Klaus, the two of them turning to look in the direction that the voice had come from.

Katherine was standing a few feet away from them, her long brown hair messy, her eyes slightly dazed. It didn't take Bonnie long at all to come to the conclusion that she was drunk. Instantly, a feeling of alarm shot through her. "Have you been driving like that?!"

Before Katherine even had a chance to respond to the question, Klaus let out a short, but cruel sounding laugh. "Of course she was. The great Katherine Pierce was never one for self preservation. If she was, she would have never left my brother."

Bonnie froze. Katherine and Elijah's past relationship was never one that she liked to think about. He had been the person Katherine dated before she met Bonnie and Bonnie had always hated him. He'd had a condescending air about him and looked at Katherine like she was scum at the bottom of his shoe, despite the fact that she was his ex girlfriend. And the stories Katherine had told her about him, about how he made her feel like shit about herself on a daily basis didn't help matters. He was a pretentious asshole.

Katherine looked alarmed, as if she either hadn't expected Klaus to speak or forgot that he was there entirely. She scowled, which came out a bit disoriented due to her drunkenness and made her way towards the door, trying to shove past them. "I'm going to bed."

But Klaus didn't budge, and even went as far as to firmly stand in Katherine's way, refusing to let her pass. "You're an embarrassment to your father, you know. It wouldn't be a surprise if he ends up disinheriting you. Elijah was your one last chance of redemption and you foolishly threw it away."

"Klaus," Bonnie said, feeling her anger and an old and familiar feeling of protectiveness flaring up.

He paid no mind to her. "You were lucky to even catch the eye of a member of my family. But I suppose it was for the best. You would have dragged him down with you in the end."

And that's when Katherine seemed to crumble. Her attempts to get to the room became more desperate in a way that made Bonnie's heart crack into two. "Let me in."

Bonnie had enough. She turned towards Klaus, her posture sharp and a glare on her face. "I think it's time for you to leave."

Klaus' eyes widened. "But..."

"Leave now. Or i'll call someone over to make you."

That thankfully made Klaus take a few steps away from them, finally giving Katherine access to enter the dorm. She threw open the door and stumbled inside on obviously wobbly legs. Bonnie's eyes remained trained on her for a few seconds before her gaze went back to Klaus.

He still seemed hesitant to leave. "Shall I call you later?"

"I don't think so. In fact, I want you to stay away from me from now on. Away from both of us."

That was what finally did him in. The blonde man shot one glare in her direction before turning on his heel and walking down the hallway. Bonnie watched him form completely disappear before following Katherine into the dorm, shutting and locking the door behind her.

There was only one lamp on in the room, so while there was light, it was dim. All of the currents were closed and Bonnie assumed that meant Katherine had closed them before going out to...wherever she had gone. Had she gone out as soon as Bonnie had left the dorm with Klaus? She wasn't sure how that possibility made her feel completely, but there was a small twinge of guilt in her chest.

Katherine was lying on top of her bed, scarily silent for someone who was obviously drunk. Bonnie wished she could see her face but she was lying on her side, her backside turned towards her.

After a moment's hesitation, Bonnie spoke, somewhat hurriedly. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought him here. But I didn't think he would even see you, let alone do any of...that."

She'd always known that Katherine and Klaus didn't like each other. Klaus had always blamed Katherine for the breakup between her and Elijah and held onto the stance that Katherine should have felt lucky to have been dating his brother. In all honestly, Bonnie now didn't know what she had been thinking, agreeing to go on that date. She had never really liked Klaus either. She'd just been so...desperate to give herself some sort of distraction from the conflicted thoughts and emotions she had been feeling over the last few days, ever since she had found Katherine coming out of their dorm room shower.

And now, this situation wasn't making that conflicted feeling any better.

Bonnie sat down on the edge of Katherine's bed when the other woman made no response, her hands itching to reach out to touch her. "Are you okay?"

"I used to believe that, you know," Katherine said, sitting up and turning to face Bonnie head on. Her voice was still slightly slurred, but not enough to make her words unclear. "Everything Klaus just said about me? I used to believe all of that."

Bonnie couldn't bring herself to focus on the 'used to' part right now. Without thinking, she placed a gentle hand on Katherine's arm, managing to mostly ignore the tingles that ran through her at the simple contact. "You shouldn't believe it, because it's not true. Elijah was the one who didn't deserve you. He was nothing but an entitled and belittling asshole, Katherine. And as for your father...well, if he see's you as a disappointment, then he doesn't know anything."

If Katherine was sober right now, she might have scoffed at Bonnie and told her that she should start following her own advice. She knew that her own self esteem didn't exactly have the best track record either.

But a drunk Katherine had always been surprisingly open about her emotions, and easily softened by comfort. And Bonnie found that she couldn't bring herself to move away when Katherine leaned into her, her head resting on her shoulder. "I know that now."

Before Bonnie even had a chance to say anything in response to that, Katherine continued. "It's because of you, you know. You were the one who made me believe that I could really...be something. The kind of person that my parents could be proud of."

That caught Bonnie off guard. "Katherine..."

"I never wanted to go to college," Katherine said, the weight of her head growing on Bonnie's shoulder as she slumped further over, "I just...didn't think it could ever be something I could do. But then you showed up and changed everything. Made me believe that I could."

Flashes of memories ran through Bonnie's mind then, of the many nights she had stayed up late into the night to help Katherine study for her exams, insisting that her girlfriend could get into college and flourish in it if she only applied herself. She had eventually managed to give Katherine a bit of a more positive outlook on school but as far as Bonnie knew, she had never managed to make Katherine change her stance on not going to college. Until now anyway.

"I...I told you that I came here because of you," Katherine said roughly when Bonnie didn't say anything because frankly, she was currently speechless. "And that was true....in more than one way. You made me believe I could do this...this college thing, Bonnie."

She still didn't know what to say. But if the increasing weight on her shoulder was anything to go by, it seemed like Katherine was falling asleep anyway. Gently, Bonnie moved away and helped Katherine lay back onto the bed, making sure her head was resting comfortably on the pillow and that a blanket was tucked around her. "Go to sleep. We'll talk more in the morning."

Katherine was lost to the world the moment her head was on the pillow, and it was only moments after that Bonnie heard her breathing level out a soft, sleeping beat.

Bonnie smiled softly at the sight for a few moments before retreating to her own bed, tucking herself in and closing her eyes, trying hard to not allow her thoughts to linger too strongly on what she had just been told.

She wouldn't be getting much sleep if she didn't.

The first thing Katherine felt when the sound of the bathroom sink woke her up was her pounding headache.

The second thing was the hazy memory of everything that had happened the night before.

Despite her wooziness, Katherine sat up straight in bed, moving as quickly as a bullet. Bonnie had gone on a date with Klaus Mikaelson of all people. Katherine had gone out to a random bar. And then she came back to the dorm, found the two of them already there, and then...

"Oh. Hey," Bonnie's voice suddenly said, and Katherine turned to see that the other woman was exiting the bathroom. Bonnie walked over to stand in front of her, biting her bottom lip lightly in a way that Katherine knew meant she was nervous. "Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. I was brushing my teeth."

Katherine shrugged nonchalantly. "It was the sound of the sink. There's nothing you could have done about that." She paused, briefly considering the question she had in mind. Did she even want to know the answer?

In the end, her need to know outweighed the possible embarrassment she could possibly gain from hearing the answer. "Did you put me to bed last night?"

Bonnie seemed even more hesitant towards having this conversation as she was, and that made her feel a bit more confident.  She glanced towards the floor, as if in thought, before returning her eyes to Katherine's. "Yeah, I did. Do you remember what happened? What you said?"

Katherine took a moment to think. Her memories were a bit hazy but....her eyes widened when it all suddenly started coming back to her. Finding Bonnie with Klaus after returning to the dorm. Klaus insulting her. Bonnie finding her lying on the bed. Her confession....

She was almost tempted to lie and say that she didn't remember anything. If the wooziness she currently felt was any indication, she had obviously drank enough last night and it would probably be a believable lie. But...she found that she didn't want to lie to Bonnie. She was one of the few people who Katherine never lied to and she wasn't about to start now. "I remember. And...it was true." Somewhat sheepishly, she moved one of her hands to move some of her hair out of the corner of her eye. "What's it to you?"

Bonnie sighed. "I just...didn't know that I had that much of an impact on you, Katherine."

Katherine ignored the emotions that spread through her chest, making sure her voice wouldn't be choked up when she replied. "Well, you learn something new every day. But we can pretend that I never said anything, if you'd like. That would suit me just fine."

There was a little bit of defensiveness on her part there. She'd never been too scared about showing her vulnerabilities to Bonnie in the past but that had been when Bonnie was her girlfriend, not her ex. This version of Bonnie was closed off from her in a way that the Bonnie from a few months ago never was. And if she was closed off, then Katherine would obviously prefer to be closed off in return.

"Actually, I don't want that." Bonnie bit her bottom lip nervously once more before she put on the brave face that Katherine had learned to adore during the course of their relationship. "I wanted to know if....if you'd like to try to be friends."

When Katherine's eyebrows rose questionably, Bonnie hurriedly continued. "We can still learn to get along. The fact that we're no longer dating doesn't have to effect that. And I could start helping you study again. I know that i'm good at keeping you focused."

If Katherine's heart wasn't currently racing, she might have made a not-so-innocent joke about that 'focused' comment. She narrowed her eyes, unsure of how to take this. "What's the catch?"

"No catch," Bonnie answered immediately. "You might not be my girlfriend anymore, but that doesn't meant that I no longer care about you. Just...drop the flirting, alright? And in exchange, I promise to help you pass every single exam that comes your way this year."

Katherine couldn't help but wonder if all if of this was in response to what she had said to Bonnie last night...well scratch that, she knew that this was in response to it. She couldn't figure out whether she was more annoyed at the possibility that Bonnie saw this offer as charity work of some sort or pleased that they were finally having a pleasant conversation again.

But in the end, she leaned more towards the latter. She would never really want to be just friends but she would take it. For now. Until Bonnie was ready to try again. She missed Bonnie. And not just for the physical intimacy. She missed their conversations. The way Bonnie would roll her eyes whenever Katherine said something smug. How easy it was for her to be riled up. She missed her laugh and her smile.

But most of all, she missed the version of Bonnie that was unguarded around her. And she wanted that back, even if it could only be in the friend way right now.

She had already made up her mind to accept the offer but she couldn't help letting some snark shine through. "You and me as friends? Nothing more? I'm not sure how well that will work."

Bonnie didn't take the bait. "We can try, if you're willing. I am."

Katherine knew that this was Bonnie's way of putting the ball in her court, so to speak. It made her very reminiscent of moments from the recent past. Bonnie had learned over the course of the time they've known each other that Katherine is much more willing to agree with things if the question or demand is somehow framed as a choice. She despised it when people gave her ultimatums.

Keeping her emotions reigned in, she nodded. "Sure. Why not?"

Hoping to have part 2 up soonish :)

[makingmymarkcharlie]

I am not traditionally an adventurous person.

I like to experience things yes but I get scared / worried / anxious about things very easily and as such whilst it may sound lame actually getting out and doing things by myself is quite a big deal.

Sure I take on bonkers personal challenges but that is a new thing driven by my desire to raise awareness for something that I am truly passionate about but I don’t do a lot of things by myself in terms of travel or adventure always preferring to experience such things with others.

That being said there are many reasons why I am pushing my boundaries willingly to improve my own drive and determination whilst also proving to myself that I can do it and I actually might enjoy or make a difference to myself if I try.

This weekend saw me embark on a business trip to somewhere I have been a number of times; Tromso, Norway.  The best type of business trip for me when travelling solo is to go to places I have been before thus reducing (not eliminating) the anxiety levels, particularly somewhere as beautiful as Tromso.  This time however I decided to spend the weekend before my Monday meeting there and explore, solo.  Something I have never done before.

I bloody loved it.

Tromso is a place that for me has held a lot of magic and wonder ever since I first knew what the northern lights or aurora borealis was yet I had never seen them.  This time would be different I told myself I had devised a plan of all the things I wanted to see in the two days I had.  Tromso isn’t a big place and at this time of year is covered in snow so thick in places (off roads and paths) that can be up to your knees or deeper but its landscape and general beauty in the depths of the fjordland is something really quite special.

I woke up Saturday to what would be a turbulent day weatherwise, a mix of what I would call a blizzard (Norwegians it seems just call this ‘snow’), an arctic wind (literally) and even some sun.  Of course taking my opportunity post ‘blizzard’ #3 of the day to walk to the furthest point from my hotel I then got caught in ‘blizzard’ #4 on the way back.  It didn’t seem to matter if I was heading towards or away from where the wind was coming from the snow seemed permanently in my face but left me smiling like a small child. 

I had the best day roaming around the delights of Tromso – still training by clocking up a good 7.5miles in doing so.  I didn’t think it could get much better.  But it did.

Sunday was an altogether calmer day, a lot of places are closed and I took the opportunity to head to the Fjellheisen (cable car) to take in a view that promised a lot from the top.  I wasn’t disappointed sitting eating lunch looking over Tromso island…I then had an idea.  Given I had seen everything else I wanted to the day before I decided to walk to the bottom of Tromso island to the Folkeparken.  It seemed like a good opportunity for some decent training whilst also going to see the only beach on Tromso (and a park under about a foot and a half of snow!).  The walk was interesting and precarious at times given that priority is given to cars and not pedestrians and there were several places where a pavement reached an immediate conclusion due to a pile of snow dumped on it.

I was greeted with some of the most beautiful views I have ever seen and I walked on the beach, next to the snow and took in wonder of this pretty much unspoiled landscape (we shall glaze over the fact I then decided to stand on a rock to look at the schisted flakes in it and then had to rapidly jump back to shore as a wave came in much to the hilarity, I am sure, of the passers by walking their dogs).  It felt very special to be there and it left me quite inspired by its wonderment.  It sounds ridiculous but it felt like a life affirming moment.

As I strolled back to my hotel having clocked up  11 miles I was greeted by an email from one of my Norwegian colleagues who knew how much I wanted to see the Northern Lights and having seen the sky was due to clear about 10pm that night had offered, very generously, to take me on an aurora hunt.

Now as I mentioned I have always wanted to see the aurora it’s been on my bucket list for a long long time but it was not looking promising as we drove west out of Tromso and onto Kavloya (whale island) in search for the elusive aurora on a night dominated by a pretty much full moon and a very hazy sky yet it felt like there was something there and we just couldn’t see it.  By 11pm we were still hunting and about to give up when we thought we would try one last place.

We stopped by the side of the road and got out wandering (falling in my case) down a slope towards the edge of the water (now standing knee deep in snow) suddenly above the edge of the haze it appeared like a ribbon weaving across the sky elongating and contracting, green and wispy.  It was only visible for 5 minutes but I couldn’t take my eyes off it it was beautiful.

I genuinely can’t describe it and it makes me emotional just thinking about it.  It all seemed rather surreal at the time to be honest, for my aurora hunt chauffeur and companion, Hugo, who sees the Northern Lights as frequently as I see the stars my excitement may have been a little overbearingly tedious.

Its moments like that, over what for me felt like a really special weekend for a number of reasons that you never forget.

It made me think of an article which had been left on one of the support groups related to fulfillment and how this woman’s opinion (Sarah Larson) is that you lead an empty and unfulfilled life if you don’t have children.  Everyone is of course entitled to their own opinion despite how narrow minded it may seem to me because I think fulfillment takes on so many different meanings and it certainly doesn’t make my life empty because I don’t have children.

One of her early arguments is, and I quote, ‘there is absolutely no chance that your life will be as full or meaningful, or that you will learn as many essential truths about existence, as you would if you had kids’ I definitely disagree with and this article has itself sparked nearly 3000 comments many of which are negative.  Whilst I can personally ignore such articles, angry as they make me, for those like me who can’t have children (or can’t naturally do so) then these types of articles cause a lot of understandable upset.  Of course we could avoid reading them but of course we often still do as we are interested in what people say.  For those struggling to come to terms with MRKH (or indeed other conditions with similar implications) such articles can send you further into a despair that seems unwavering.

I want children I have never hidden that fact but articles like this make me feel more driven to do something for myself – essentially how can I take my emotionally charged response to an article and make it work for me.   I have a habit of focusing on the future too much yet I am not in a position to have children right now and I know and have to accept that it will be a difficult process when I get to that point.  I also have to keep reminding myself that I need to live in the present not the future I wish for.  No easy task and it has taken me a long time to learn that but it’s true.

The fulfillment of having children is very different to the fulfillment from other life experiences and peoples perception of what it means for them will also differ and that is natural and ok – doesn’t mean one person is right and the other wrong.   I know plenty of people who don’t have children and are perfectly fulfilled and those who have children and are equally not fulfilled in the way they would like to be.  Life isn’t black and white.

Everyone has their own opinion and in some cases that might upset us however whilst we can wallow in our pain or upset about a certain situation (and it is incredibly hard to get out of that cycle I realize) we can also try and use that for the better, fed up of a situation we can’t control and try to make even the smallest of changes which can make a big difference empowering us to do more if we want to try. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

I spent a weekend of total fulfillment, motivation and happiness which gave me time to reflect and more importantly spend time in the company of someone I often don’t give enough time for, myself.

You can’t put a value on that.

  Glass half empty or glass half full? I am not traditionally an adventurous person. I like to experience things yes but I get scared / worried / anxious about things very easily and as such whilst it may sound lame actually getting out and doing things by myself is quite a big deal.