#but it was one of the co-owners instead of hr asking me if i'd found a job yet & asking me to come in
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#going for a second interview at this company feels a lot like religion at this point#namely: you can't prepare because they don't do it like other people#you have no fuckin clue what they're gonna say who's gonna be there what questions they'll ask what they care about#& have no idea how much if any you'll be able to talk#& when you're done you will likely have no idea how you did#i went in like the last day of january & they only called me back now#but it was one of the co-owners instead of hr asking me if i'd found a job yet & asking me to come in#so i will#i had given up on it frankly#don't want to get too invested so we shall see if anything happens#(i say that & yet i'm spiraling inside with all sorts of paranoias about our relationship & the shortness of life & the question of kids#idk.#in a lot of ways the last few years feel like they've turned me on my head & i have no idea who i am anymore or what i want#i have moments of passion & determination but not many & it often feels pointless#i feel helpless to do any of the things i really want to#maybe money will change that & maybe not#all i know is i need a change but i'm terrified of it all the same#i wish i could get over existentialing to death in every phase of my life#and not realizing how good it is/appreciating it until it's over
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