#going for a second interview at this company feels a lot like religion at this point

[autumnhobbit]

.

[satlun]

Lust: John Constantine x fem!reader

Genre: smut, nsfw Trigger Warnings: mentioning about religion (a bit idk if I should add it but yeah), swear words, slurs; sl**t, wh**re, unprotected sex, missionary, oral (f!receiving)

You need money and he is lonely.

Author's note: my first time writing performing exorcism guyss (if you know what I mean ><) loll it's quite hard when I have to write in English lol so if it sounds weird please please please don't laugh </3 plus the problem is idk what word I shouldn’t write on tumblr idk if tumblr allows or not allow which word so if it’s weird or I can use another word pls tell me I'm scared that I might be banned lol so in this one shot I use ** to censor a lot (as much as possible I don't wanna be banned! *scream* 😭 it might not sound so smooth so sorry in advance readers!)

Credits: Gif (right) Gif (left)

“You got a lighter?” A sound of woman interrupted John while he was drinking cough suppressant outside a supermarket. He has a cough a lot lately, it doesn't surprised him at all actually since he smokes 30 cigarettes a day since he was 15. “Yeah” He finds the lighter in his suit before giving it to you. You light the cigarette that is now between your lips up. “Thanks” before handing it back to him. The way he dresses up just makes you curious. It is Saturday night and this guy is wearing a suit, full set. “How was your job interview?” Who knows? Maybe there's a company around here has an interview on Saturday. “What?” He turns to face you with confusion in his eyes. Your eyes glance down at his clothes. “A suit... with black boots.” He followed your gaze. “I didn't have an interview.” And this guy wears a suit on a daily basis? That's interesting. He's kinda odd or maybe cool. “Good for you. Companies around here are sucks.” He raised his eyebrows. “I have been interviewed by companies around here for like 13 companies and still not get a job.” Maybe it's your fault. That's what he thought. “It's not my fault.” You just slapped him by words.

He sighs and gives you a goodbye look. “Good luck then.” He said with emotionless face. Does he even have emotions? John walks to the car park nearby where he parked his car earlier. Well, that was a short conversation actually. You think to yourself. “You live around here?!” You shout and run after him with a cigarette on your hand. “Maybe you can recommend me some companies? I really need money!” He still keeps crossing the road without looking at you. “I'm not an office worker.” Yeah definitely because his life doesn't fit it. “Well, then how do you live without any money?” He stops and turns to you. You're like a stalker for him now. “What do you want?” He asked firmly with annoyance in on his face. “A job? Money?” You feel so helpless honestly. You're an unemployed woman at 30. How embarrassing you are. No job means no money and no money means your life is going to be harder. “I can't recommend you that. I'm not an office worker.” Nice sentence to end the conversation. “Too bad.” You said. John continues to walk again. He doesn't even care really. Who even are you? A completely stranger. “You have a girlfriend or something?” What kind of question is this? And to be asked by a stranger? John is confused that he needs to turn his face and look at you. “What?” The way he keeps walking way from you makes me think about him in two ways. First, he has a girlfriend and he is loyal with her so much that he doesn't even talk with other women. Second, he hasn't had a girlfriend and out of touch with women because he looks scared of you? Actually, who wouldn't be scared when a stranger keeps messing with you. “You got a girlfriend?” He answers without any shame. “No” He said as he opened the car door. “Hey wait. Just asking.” He looks at you with emotionless face again. “A man like you shouldn't spend time alone on Saturday night, you know.” What's it about Saturday night? “What do you mean?” There's a car past you both at the moment so you need to shout. “It's a shame!” It was supposed to be a joke. “I don't care.” He gets in the car and closes the door. “Don't you feel lonely sometimes?-” You said before he shutting the door on you but then you don't stop knocking on the window so he just has to roll it down. You start to speak again. “Let's think about it, it's a rainy Saturday night means tomorrow is still a weekend. You have no girlfriend, I have no boyfriend and I also need money. You have a car and maybe you live around here. I can take your loneliness away for a night.” He is about to roll the window up again but you use your hand to stop it. “And you know what, rain can really make us feel lonely. I did a research on it yesterday.” Yeah you actually did a research on it yesterday. He doesn't seem to answer you so you speak again. “You're out of touch with women.” You underestimate him. “I'm not.” He frowned at you. That's rude actually. Out of touch with women? Oh my. “Yes you're. You look at me like I'm a demon and keep walking away from me.” You tossed your cigarette on the wet ground and stomped on it. “Because you're a stranger and the fact that I don't know you at all.” You nod at him and smile sarcastically before leaning on his car. “Sure. I’m [y/n]. 30 years old. Married twice. No children. Just moved here last week and unemployed. You know me now.” Well, you really get on his nerves. “That's not-” you interrupt him immediately. “What do you want to know more about me? I can cook. I can clean. Don't have many hobbies watching movies... baking... and I love writing but most of the time I'm lazy.” You add. “And you're my type.” Well, that quite impress him. Not the fact they he's your type but the fact that you don't even give up after he ghosted you many times earlier.

“You won't give up, will you?” Now you look at him like a puppy, waiting for food. It's start to rain again. John notices the rain that's pouring down on you. “As long as you don't tell me to fuck off.” John smirks and looks away. He hesitates for a moment. It's raining now and maybe it's not that bad to have a woman in his embrace tonight. He never had a girlfriend before but he isn't out of touch with women. He sometimes sleeps with the girls he meet at bars or restaurants around here. They come to his apartment time to time but that's only for one night. He hates commitment and attachment issues. And here you're a bad little girl, standing next to his car begging him to fuck her and give her some money which that's not even a problem for him. He might not have a big house but he can afford you that. “How much?” A big smile formed on your face. “Let's talk about that later.” He didn't say anything except unlock the door as an answer for you. You get in his car and now he drives you to his apartment.

You are standing right in front of his apartment door while he is unlocking the door for you. As he opens the door, you notice there's a spell on the frame of the door. That's kind of new thing for you meanwhile it is something that a guy like him would do. John takes off his black suit and his necktie since they're now soaked with rain. You slowly walk in and observe around. It's big but it's almost like an abandoned apartment. It doesn't matter actually, you just love to observe things because they can tell what kind of person he is. Just like handwriting. Your gaze stop on the many water gallons on the floor which have a christian cross on it. “Well, I wanna know more about your job now.” You look at him while he is washing his face in the bathroom. “An excorsist.” He walks out of the bathroom with soaked face and hair. “You can leave. Most girls do. They're scared.” He says calmly, you can tell that he actually experienced that a lot. An exorcist? Interesting. “But I'm not.” You walk towards him before unbuttoning your shirt, revealing your black lace underwear. “You know... I've never met a guy like you before.” John raises his eyebrows as he keeps his gaze on your face. You’re concentrating on it. “How?” Now you slowly slide your shirt down to the floor. “A spell on the door frame, gallons with chritain cross sign on them and the fact that I've never been fucked by an exorcist.” John’s lips form into a smirk as he looks all over your beautiful body. You notice him that. “Tell me your name. So I can moan the right one...” you start to unbuttoned his white shirt, revealing his toned body. He looks hot in white shirt that is the first thought of him but when there’s nothing on him is just like he puts a spell on you. You're captivated by him. “It's John.” He looks at you while you're busy sliding his shirt down. The curiosity comes across his mind when he thinks about how a woman like you got married twice. You look too good to marry many times actually. He can feel that you’re good at things on bed or stuff like that. “Why did you marry twice?” You raise your eyebrows and answer his question. You don’t mind answering personal to strangers since this is only one night. "The first one was son of a bitch and the second one moaned the wrong name. I divorced him in the next day." He chuckled with your answer. Your sense of humor is something. "Yeah?" It is probably the reason why you asked his name earlier. Even your ex husbands are sucks, he knows that you have a lot of experience about s**x. Of course, husbands and wives thing. "You must have a lot of experience. Don’t embarrass yourself, show me." His hands move to your neck, and over to your hair before he pulls your hair gently so he can see your face clearly. He presses his lips against yours before you interrupt him. "No... I choose to be an innocent today.”

You break the kiss and crawl on to his bed. You play hard to get. It’s more fun when you act like this. Not too essay to read. “Unfortunately, she is possessed by a sinful demon.” John smirks before hovering on top of you and kissing your neck. He nibbles your soft skin gently but sometimes he nibbles harder so you can feel the pain. He loves it. Not too gentle and not too hard. “What kind of sin that is inside you now, beautiful?” He asks as he slides down your trousers away, revealing your black lace underwear. Obviously, you matched it before you going out. How sl**tty you are. “Such a wh**e” he murmurs as he goes down between your legs and spread it. “So I can perform exorcism on you correctly.” His fingers trace down on your folds gently and press it time to time on the spot while he is talking with you. You look at him through your thighs. He does the same, you both gaze locks on each other. He looks… hot that you just want him to eat all over your body right now. You already ready to give up on anything and just give him your body. “Lust” not in a second after hearing your answer, he kisses on your folds through the lace underwear once before using one finger to pull your underwear aside without taking it off. His tongue on your folds feels like heaven. He licks it gently as you moan his name sweetly. He likes hearing John… John… from your mouth. So sweet and delicate. “Did your ex husbands did this to you, huh?” You can’t even form a sentence, sadly. You just keep calling his name. He is naughty you know. After a while, you almost c**m but he doesn’t let you. When he notices that you are about to c**m, he stops. You feel like you’re gonna die, you need more, more of him. Never enough.

John doesn’t let you wait for too long. He stands up before taking his trousers off, showing his d**ck. He crawls and gets on top of you afterwards. Your face is red and sweaty, you’re ready for it. John gives you a passionate kiss once again, biting your upper lip, sucking it until it’s full of his saliva. You groan softly when he kisses you. You don’t talk back you just stay still like a good little girl. “You can’t even say a word.” He said as he grabbed your chin and turn your face to his. “Should I stop again or finally fuck you now. What do you want?” He asks firmly because you look so submissive, quiet and submit. “F**ck me, John...” Your doe eyes tell everything. You want his d**ck so bad, you want to feel it inside you. You want him to fuck you until you can’t even moan. “Not enough. Beg me.” He demanded. “John… please… fuck me. Fill me.” Your hand grabs his big arm as you beg him. He slowly gets up and pull your legs, so your body can get closer to him. He put his d**ck inside you easily because you’re already wet. It’s so obvious that your black lace underwear becomes soaked and sticky. He doesn’t take your underwear off though, he loves when there are still clothes or something on your body, not too naked because it’s boring. “Fuck-” he groaned. His hip moves slow at first and slowly gets faster. He doesn’t want it to be so roughy. He loves it to be soft first and then hard later. “Oh- John…” your back arches like a cat while your hands finding something to squeeze. F**ck with an exorcist feeling like you go to heaven but on earth. “So tight.” He said. It’s like you’re still a v**rgin but the fact is that you have been f**cked by many strangers. You’re the exact definition of a sl**t. He moves faster than before, the sound of your skin being hit by his is so loud. However, that doesn’t seem to stop him, he doesn’t care if anybody is going to hear it. “Don’t pull out, John- fuck!” You moan loudly. “I am not gonna pull out. You’re so good. Fuck…” he doesn’t let go of your legs while his eyes are still on you for the whole time, the way your face starts to be sweaty and red makes him feel like he wants to f**ck you harder. And c**m inside you as well. Soon, your body starts to arch and shake a little while he fills you inside with his c**m. “Fuck-” He doesn’t take it off immediately, he just lets it stay like this for a moment while one of his hand places on your belly and presses it a little. So you could feel his d**ck inside you better. “I can feel it- fuck yes…” you muttered as you looked up at the ceiling. He leans on you and force your face to look at him. “I told you. I’m not out of touch with women. I know how to do with them.” You look at him with doe tearing eyes. It feels so good that you want to cry. You’re totally a good girl beneath him. Never talk back for the whole activity even now. “How much do you want?” You answer immediately as if you already thought about it. “22$” John raises his eyebrows because he thought you were going to ask more than that. “22$?” You nod as he grabs his wallet while his d**ick is still inside you, jiggling inside your p**ssy. He opens his wallet before counting it and then hand it to you. You starts to count. You notice that it's more than that. “28$ for being a good girl.” he leans to give you a kiss on your forehead before pulling it out of you. It’s still soaking. His c**m slowly flowing out of your pretty p**ssy. You slowly get up and kiss his lip while he’s dressing up. The money that he paid you earlier is now in your pocket. You are ready to leave, you don’t wash your p**ssy though. You just wear your underwear anyway because you love how sticky his c**m feels on your folds. It makes you feel good for hours later after this.

He watches you as you’re about to leave. You stop at his dining table and place a tiny paper on it. “What’s that?” “Call me when you feel lonely on a rainy night.” You give him a playful smirk and he does the same. John walks towards you and stands right in front of you closely. “Or crawl back to me when you need money.” He teases. You didn’t say anything just give him a goodbye look in your eyes. You left.

Tonight , rain doesn’t make him feel lonely anymore, I guess.

END

Author's note: I hope it's not cringe guys. That's all I want. 😭

© satlun, 2024 : DO NOT PLAGIARISM OR ANY OTHER WAY OF REPHRASING

[lesvegas]

related to that old ask you answered with resume tips, do you have any advice for interviews?

I'm kinda tired rn but off the top of my head;

Dress nice, and also gender conforming. I usually wear dress pants and this one black and white blouse my grandmother gave me. Make sure your hair looks cleanly styled too.

Get a ride there if you can. If you walk, especially in summer, you could get all sweaty.

You're gonna be nervous. Everyone gets nervous, and that feeling never goes away during interviews; my parents still get a bit anxious at job interviews. Remember to breathe, remember to smile, and just think about what you're gonna say next.

Be polite, but don't overdo it. Smile, but not constantly. Small talk is just a courtesy here; the interviewee doesn't really want to know how your day has actually been. Try to be calm, answer questions as clearly as possible. Watch your posture. If you have to wait, it looks better to stand than sit, and try not to check your phone.

Be honest, but not too honest. Don't blatantly lie unless you absolutely have to and there's no real way to find out the truth. For example, when people ask me about the gap between my last two jobs, I tell them I tried to go to college again. That's half-true; I spent about half that time in college and the other half doing pretty much nothing.

If you're new to job searching, read example interview questions and genuinely consider how to answer them. Big one I've been asked a lot is; 'can you give an example where you used/were x?' Usually something like how have I been a team player, how did I deal with a particularly upset coworker/customer, etc. Remember they want very specific examples; make up a story if you have to, but make it believable.

If you get the 'biggest weakness' question, turn it into a positive. I often tell interviewers that while math is my biggest weakness, I've been taking online courses to improve. Is the second part true? No lol but they don't need to know that. I could be lying out of my ass about this question, the answer doesn't even matter; it just has to be a negative turned positive. Many questions are just psychological bullshit ngl.

When asked about plans/your future, at least imply that you'll be with the company for at least five years. To the interviewee, you're a potential investment.

Remember that no one can ever ask about things like your race, religion, sexuality/gender, political beliefs, etc etc. In Canada and the United States (I think), this is actually illegal. If they ask, say 'I don't understand how that is relevant to the job'.

Also, for the love of god, do NOT tell any interviewee that you are; lgbtq, disabled (unless you seriously need physical accomodations, but even then I'd try to wait until your 3 month probation is over), neurodiverse and/or mentally ill, in need of any accomodations at all, or if you're unable to drive. This will almost definitely guarantee you won't get the job.

If it's for a company you know little about, do some research. Find out what they do, maybe a bit of history, sprinkle that knowledge into your answers. Make it look like you actually give a shit about the company.

Ask questions throughout but especially at the end of the interview. It looks bad if you have no questions whatsoever. Questions I usually ask; 'how long have you been here, how do you like the job?', 'what is the work environment like? how does the usual shift progress throughout the day/night?', 'is there any opportunity for upward mobility?'.

Ok that's all I can remember rn lol

[myimaginarywonderland]

Okay, so this post will talk about Lance but I will also give my opinion on the Lando situation since I think it is important.

First off, I think it says a lot about Lando that he made an apology. Now, be it because of the backlash he faced, because he actually saw the harm he was causing or because he genuinely regrets it, that is something I don't know. What I do know is that by apologising for it, he acknowledges that his behaviour was wrong and that is really important because it shows that he reflected on himself.

While I do still feel irked by something about the message, be it that he isn't naming Lance or Lewis who he both targeted with his actions in different ways and apologise to them directly which he might have done in person, so I am not able to judge it or be it the weird sorry at the end, I can put aside my feelings and say that this was the right thing to do and is also setting an example for his fans who were one of my main issues with all of this. They then know that saying that was not right and might learn from it themselves.

But this post isn't about Lando. This post is about Lance.

As most of you might have heard, Lance was really affected by what happened on track. He can clearly see that he is anxious and uncomfortable in his post race interview and what happened afterwards tells the story (I don't really want to talk about it because this is something private that he did not share and it is like with the story on Twitter something that was shared by other people who he didn't give the right to share it too so I don't want to spread it any further.)

This is who Lance is.

Someone who is sensitive and takes a lot of things personally.

You want to know why? Because he has, as a person, always been blamed for his dad's wealth. As if he choose to grow up with a billionaire dad. As if he is somehow responsible for it.

And he has always been painted out as someone undeserving, someone that doesn't have talent and totally owns his position to the money of his dad.

Now, let me just give you some data because I want to totally discredit this made up stuff with no roots.

In 2015, he won the Toyota Racing Series. He won by a bit over 100 points. The second finisher was his teammate. You might now some of the other drivers who competed in this series for example one Callum Iliot or Artjom Markelow.

Or in 2016,his first season in Formula 3, he finished fifth. The winner of that year was Felix Rosenquvist (a great driver) who was also Lance teammate and had only one DNF in comparison to Lance 5 and a DSQ. Now, there are two other drivers, one that was the runner up in Antonio Giovinazzi and a fourth who was Charles Leclerc. Pretty competitive field if you ask me and to finish 5th as a rookie,is impressive.

Now, fast forward a year to when he won the F3 championship. He won over his teammate by a margin of over 150 points which is so impressive, even with the two more DNFs his teammate, Maximilian Günther (another great driver) had that is quiet a lot.

Now, if you really want to use the argument that he skipped F2 against him, there is another driver you should be discrediting just as much. You guessed it, M*x V*rstappen. He also went straight into F1 which was a definite mistake but nobody ever likes to say that. I would also like you to remember that Lance did not drive for F1 as a regular driver immediately after he won the championship, no in 2016 he was a test driver, so he could slowly get used to F1. (This is not official but I would guess it's the thought process behind him being a test driver.)

Now, in 2017, his first F1 season, he was teammates of Felipe Massa. Might have heard of him, lost his championship to Lewis by one point, was teammate of Micheal Schumacher and a generally way more experienced driver. Yeah, you wanna know what the difference between him and Lance was in Lance first season? 3 points. And Lance had 2 more DNFs. You know what else he got in his first season? His first podium. In his first season, he became one of the youngest people to ever achieve a podium. With just 7 rounds into his first F1 season, in an okay midfield car with a way more experienced and older driver he was up against, he achieved a podium. And during the entire course of the season, that would remain the only podium for the Williams team that year.

Now, onto 2018. Williams was not as bad as in 2019 but they were still nowhere in terms of pace and he still didn't finish last in the championship (but I don't think we can count this season.)

In 2019, Checo became his teammate. And Checo in my opinion is one of the best midfield drivers, so there was already a lot he had to go up against and he was still so young and had less experience. There is a 30 point difference between them. Make of that what you want but for me, sure it was not Lance greatest season but now you have to think if Racing Point where really that good go be the fifth best car or if maybe, Checo just got more out of the car with his experience and talent. And than, you have to consider that he was still young and only had one season where he was truly competitive (that 2018 Williams was not something you could truly challenge anyone with.) And to then be up to one of the best midfield drivers who is widely appreciated and adored by the paddock, is a lot. Maybe for some of you it was too big of a gap which is alright.

However, don't dismiss his talent. He has had a good junior career and was up to some of the drivers you love and call talented, he even beat some of your faves. Maybe you don't see him as the next great driver but he is not a bad one and truly deserves a seat if you consider his achievements. Maybe he could have proven himself more if he had a season in F2 which is fair but that doesn't take away from anything he has achieved.

And even if you don't see him as talented, that gives you no right to bully him online. He can't change who his dad is.

Now,onto the money. I see a lot of people saying that he is only in F1 because of the money (which I hope you have by now realized is not the case.) But really, let's talk about the money.

Money is something that sadly plays a big role in F1. F1 is above all still a business. And businesses want money. So, why not take someone who has money and talent like Lance? Where are you all saying Michael only got his seat because of money (he is a pay-driver after all or at least he was one when he came to F1.) And now let's talk about his move to Racing Point. Can you truly blame Lawrence for wanting to make his sons dream come true? Wouldn't any father if they had the resources do this? Wouldn't any father want to fufill his son's dream, even if it might be seen as unethical by some or criticized? Would you really care if you saw how happy your kid was? Would you really care if you saw the glow you kid had? I don't think so.

I already said it but he was at Williams before he was at RP. His dad doesn't own that team or have any chairs in it.

Let's forget his profession for a second. Let's say you don't find him talented as a driver or just don't like him, fine. You are entitled to your opinion and sometimes we just don't like people, it happens.

What else would you have against him?

He doesn't post on social media often because people already bully him enough for his family. There is basically nothing you can dislike about him there.

And as a person? He is quiet and basically does nothing to anger people. He is literally just a normal dude. He goes on trips with his friends, he does sports to stay in shape and watches sports. He is not even posting personal stuff because he doesn't want to give people more room to bully him.

If you saw him on the street, would you think he is from a rich family? He does not look like it at all, he looks like that guy from your local sport who is literally just a college student trying to get through life.

And not only was he discredited for all his accomplishments because of something he had no control over but he also saw another driver proudly display a symbol that has been used by people who killed people who belonged to his religion. He saw a driver weat that symbol in cooperation with a company whose boos seems to be a Neo Nazi.

Lance has had to go through to so much shit just because his dad was rich (which Nicky's and Lando's also are, yes I know it's less but it's still more than any of us will probably ever have.)

This boy does nothing wrong.

Did he make a mistake with the maneuvers on Lando? Yes. But he is still so young and also new to F1, he can still learn and is growing as a person and driver. He is expected to perform more just so he proves his worth which he already has because people discredit him for having a rich dad.

Have you seen what he has done this season? He would be in the top 5 had it not been for the last races where none of the DNFs where his fault. Neither was getting Covid or being ill but people literally made fun of him for being in pain, saying stuff like "Did Daddies boy have a little stomach ache?" Yeah, because F1 drivers aren't trainex to perform no matter what, aren't putting their health last when it comes to these things and might have to be really bad if they can't drive and are not even going out of their room.

He has improved so much, he is not blaming other drivers even if they clearly hit him (see Charles) and he stays calm. Because he can't afford to be to emotional since some people would hate him for rightfully calling out others mistakes and just maybe saying that their faves are not flawless and make mistakes (like Charles.)

He has to act a certain way or be a certain way because what would happen if he just showed more of his personality? You call him dull, boring but you don't even try to get to know him. You don't even look up videos where he is more open and comfortable.

He is awkward infront of the press because he has to fear to be discredited or to be questioned about his worth every second.

And all of this pressure, this mask and this pretend eventhough he is just as human as the rest of us. And you see how hard it is, how much he questions himself, how his self-doubt increases and ultimately what happened has happened.

Because while it is just an easy insult for you that you can post anonymously online, it is one of thousands for him.

And you know, he didn't grew up in Europe. Sure he competed with some of the European drivers later one but he didn't have any of them when he started racing and he might already have been an outcast because people would already have seen him as different since his family didn't need to make sacrifices to get him to wear he is now. At least not financially ones. And then, when he came to Europe there were these already formed friend groups and it wasn't easy to get into them. The only friend he had was Esteban and I am so glad. This seems like such an unlikely friendship because they are from totally different backgrounds but that might have been what connected them in the first place. So, with basically only Esteban who liked him from the competitive times, it must have been pretty bad (not to say that the others hated him but I don't think they really cared for him.) I am so glad to see that he now also has Checo and that they get along and I hope that stays this way eventhough all of what has happened (which is also not his fault and I am sure that if he had any say in it, it would have been done differently.) Maybe we can even see their friendship when Checo stays on the grid. And with the potential of Seb next year, that might be the only other friendship or friendly connection he might form.

He is so strong for having to endure the dislike of so many people and he is still so kind and so sweet.

This has been a long post but one that I have wanted to make for a long time. If you got this far, I applaude you.

[jungcity]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥.

genre: romance, fantasy, erotica

au: fallen angel, reincarnation

pairing: jung jaehyun x female reader

note: This is a work of fiction. The portrayal of the celebrities included in this story does not reflect their true nature in real life. I am just using them as a way to bring life into the story and to give entertainment to readers. Concerning the plot which is about Lucifer, I do not— in any means— sympathize with the devil and I do not intend to offend any religion. Furthermore, I discourage you to continue reading if you feel uncomfortable with this type of stories. I’d appreciate it if you'll leave some feedbacks! Thank you so much!

“he was the worse of his kind—

dared the Almighty with

pride in his mind.

banished from heaven,

the infamous fallen.

the one you cannot tame;

lucifer, that is his name.”

Unable to process the words printed out in the sheet of paper that was in your hands, you stare dat your termination contract with dread slowly creeping up into your face. Maybe you want to scream or to cry– heck, you have no idea what to feel as yet another hindrance towards a stable life lay heavy in your palms. An exhausted exhale of breath escaped your lips as the realization hit you– you were indeed terminated by the management of the fast-food chain you were working on for the reason that they could not meet their quota anymore and they had to terminate some employees. Unfortunately, you are one of those workers.

You have witnessed as the same dread fell upon your co-workers while they skimmed the paper in their hands. The fast-food chain stood as your only means to support yourself and your sister, so you never once took it for granted and did your work diligently despite the low wages and the awful workplace it had offered. Now, you have to find another job or else you will surely die of hunger.

You do have a talent in arts, and you graduated with a fine arts degree. But life after college was beyond what you had expected when you were still studying. You had anticipated to have a stable job suited for your skills, but life did not go as you planned. Your mother fell sick and died a year after you graduated, leaving you and your sister all alone. From that day onwards, you became the modern Atlas who carried the world in your shoulders. Yet you couldn’t complain. And despite all of the hardships, you only felt the need to take care of your little sister even more.

You continued walking the side streets like a ragged doll being pulled sluggishly by whatever force there was, thinking of other ways to get by tomorrow. Being jobless wouldn’t be so hard if you didn’t have another mouth to feed. Your sister will be a freshman in college next year, and that’s the sole reason why you needed to work your butt off harder than before. And life isn’t really helping right now. So you grabbed your phone and rang your best friend’s number. She picked up after fifteen seconds.

“Hey, gorge—”

“I am jobless,” you greeted Soojin. There was a surprised ‘oh’ in the other line and you could imagine your best friend looking at you pitifully. It made you bite your lower lip to fight the urge to cry in front of the judging eyes of the city.

“Tell me, is there something I can do to help?”

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I am deep in fucking debt and Yuqi’s going to college soon. I couldn’t possibly pay for our rent with my current situation— oh. I am a mess!” You heaved a deep sigh, your chest constricting from all the emotions you were keeping locked up inside you. Different set of eyes were on you as you tried not to crumple in the side streets. There were adults giving you sympathetic looks and children almost laughing at you.

“Hey! Hey, Y/N! Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale!” You did as you were told. Gulping a large amount of air, you didn’t even bother how polluted it was now that you were in the heart of the town. You have to get a new job before you lose your mind.

“Okay, is everything calmer now?” Soojin asked.

“Yes. Yes,” you replied, still taking deep breaths.

“I could recommend a job, Y/N.”

Your ears perked up. “I’m listening.”

“But it wouldn’t be an easy one,” she sighed on the other line before continuing, “The job is right here in Jung’s Fiscals. Luckily for you, the former secretary of Mr. Jung decided to resign today; rumor has it that it’s because of the cold and ruthless demeanor of our CEO. I know you’re fit for the job because you’re one hell of a hard working bitch. However, I want you to give it a thought. Mr. Jung is not someone to mess with. Heck, he does not even—”

You replied before she even had the chance to finish her sentence, “I’ll take it. I’m really not in the position to say no to a job right now, am I? I badly need one so whatever the character of this Mr. Jung, I’d cooperate with him.”

You heard your best friend sigh in defeat. She knows you too well to try to stop you. So she simply directed you to prepare your resumé and other documents for the interview tomorrow.

“God! Thank you!” You kissed the mic of your phone as thanks to your best friend-slash-life savior.

You were too desperate to even think about her advice and the possibility of the CEO mistreating you. As long as there is money in your card to support your sister and food on your table, you are always ready to serve anyone— even if that person was forged straight from the womb of the devil.

All energetic and ready to take the challenge of the world again, you blew your friend one last kiss before ending the call and trudging towards the bus stop.

It was a night of simple ready-to-eat-ramen pack. Your sister had already known about your termination and currently feels bad that there is nothing she could do to help.

“It’s okay. Worry about school and nothing else, Yuqi,” you told her. The younger girl pouted her lips, reluctance clear on her face. “And I could not possibly let you work. We know enough not to overwork you.”

She has a weak stamina. Asthmatic since she was a kid, you never allowed her to do any part-time jobs for the fear that it would take a toll on her health. You couldn’t afford to lose the only relative you have, so every attempt of hers to help you boils down to nothing.

“I mean, who am I in this household? I don’t want to be a leech, sucking all your money and energy like that.” She scrunched up her nose.

“Yuqi, it’s my responsibility to take care of you. This is nothing, really.”

Even though you had almost lost your mind earlier thinking about the fact that you were indeed jobless, you tried to show your strong façade and smiled encouragingly to your sister. The least that you want right now is to worry her.

“Not to mention that you have to work in that wretched company– where the CEO is Jung Jaehyun. I’ve heard a lot of rumors about him, you know. They say he fucks—”

“Language, please,” you warned with a glare.

Yuqi rolled her eyes before continuing, “They say, he brings famous models into his penthouse every single night. And some say he does it even in his own office.” She talked while pointing her chopstick at you, munching her food deliciously like it was the best ramen she has ever tasted.

“Well, let’s be glad I am not a model then.” You shrugged. The both of you laughed.

She rambled about Jung Jaehyun the whole dinner with you, half-listening to her. Yuqi almost sounded like she was a fan and you seriously couldn’t grasp the need to be cautious towards Jung Jaehyun. You were hell-bent to impress him tomorrow that you refused to indulge yourself around the bad rumors circulating his name and well-being. All that matters to you is you are going to get that job, and you will do your best to stay in that office long enough to support your sister’s education.

This is the day where your fate is divided into two. You have a chance to make everything better for you and your sister, or you can prove that your life has been cursed and there is no more hope to rescue it from the depths of poverty.

The fate is in your hands and right now, your palms are sweating and your hands are trembling. Shaking your head and clearing your mind— with a determined heart— you trudge inside the thirty-story building of Jung’s Fiscals.

You were greeted by your best friend, Soojin. She was wearing a slightly loose pencil skirt paired with simple white polo sleeves. Her hair was styled into a neat bun, just like any other girl at the front desk. You have presumed that that would also be your hairstyle once you got the job.

“You got this,” Soojin mumbled as she led you towards the elevator. Unfortunately for you, she couldn’t accompany you all the way to Mr. Jung’s office for the reason that the building is buzzing with work and she couldn’t leave her position at the front desk for too long. You wave her a nervous goodbye before pushing the button on to the 28th floor.

There was really something about CEOs preferring to locate their offices on the top floor of their building. It was not like you mind, but you truly couldn’t believe that it really happens in real life. You once thought that they only appear in televisions.

Surrounded by the shiny metal covers of the elevator’s interior, you decided to check on your clothes and overall appearance. You have picked your best set of formal clothes for this day because you obviously wanted to impress the CEO and look presentable on your possible first day of work.

After a few minutes of standing alone inside the shiny elevator, it finally dinged and opened. You step outside, eyes roaming around the surroundings before taking a step forward. A nice and wide room greeted you as you walked through. The secretary’s table was made of polished wood, with the company’s logo engraved in gold. There were sets of black marble columns at the back and two comfortable armchairs in front of the secretary’s table to serve as a waiting area.

A woman, with the same bun as Soojin, stood up from her seat to greet you. Unlike your best friend, she was wearing a brown blazer that slightly hugged her waist and a fitted black dress underneath it. In your own opinion, she was too young to resign in this prestigious company. Which made your mind fall back into thinking that maybe the rumors were true– that the CEO, indeed, mistreats his employees.

“Good morning, Miss. Mr. Jung is ready to meet you.” She greeted with a slight bow. Her whole aura screamed professionalism. Something that you were not acquainted with— being a former waitress at a fast-food chain. All you had to do was take orders and smile and obey inquiries but you had never, ever, worked in a place where those aforementioned skills were almost nothing compared to the huge building that you were— hopefully— going to work in. Although, you suppose you have a bit of advantage when it comes to noting something and smiling. The only difference is that, rather than French fries and diet coke, you would have to take notes about meetings and business trips.

You breathed slowly, calming your nerves. The woman must have heard your heart thumping against your chest since she hesitated to open the door.

“Just be yourself, Miss. Do not worry too much. You’ll get through this.” She offered you a kind smile. You couldn’t help but think that she was accompanying you towards your own doom. You returned the smile even as you felt your lips wobble. A few inhales and exhales later, you told her you were ready. She slowly opened the door to Mr. Jung’s office and Jesus Christ— you thought you would collapse by the expansive space that greeted you in.

Typical CEO, he was obviously sitting on his swivel chair, the back of it facing you and the secretary. You have guessed he was looking at the spectacular view outside. The interior of his office wasn’t quite different from the secretary’s. Floor-to-ceiling glass windows that overlooked the skyscrapers and buzzing life outside. Light brown wood with grey walls surrounded you, partnered with black leather furniture. Hints of gold in the CEO’s table were also visible and there were minimalistic abstract paintings with the same hue as everything in the room.

Jung Jaehyun. CEO. — was printed on the glass plaque on top of his table.

“Leave us.” He said without turning his chair. The voice was deep and raspy— clean and masculine— the kind of voice from someone who knows he was in authority and that he owns the whole place.

Shivering, you almost begged the woman not to leave you with the predator sitting not two meters away from you. The secretary gave you an encouraging nod before turning on her heels and walking away. At the sound of the door clicking close, the swivel chair whirled.

You expected to see a grey-haired, middle-aged man to greet you. As a large company like this one, the CEO wouldn’t be as young as the man in front of you now. You tried to focus your breathing because fuck— the man is beyond gorgeous. It has been a while since you had encountered a creature as beautiful as him.

Hair, raven black against the white swivel chair that stood out in the whole room like a throne only for his to take, his lips were too red as a freshly plucked cherry against his pale skin— so white you could almost see the blues and the violets of his veins. And those eyes— the perfect dark brown; screams calmness after the storm and the rage of the hurricane fused together.

“Are you quite done staring?”

His voice shot you back to reality. You prayed to the saints that you hadn’t been drooling as you took in his whole features. If that was the case?You were absolutely doomed. Your chances of ever being hired beginning to thin.

“I… my apologies, Sir.” You bowed your head, suddenly confused as to why your body reacted that way. This is not a medieval fantasy where you were inclined to bow before the king, but the man in front of you exudes the energy of the likeliness of a monarch and it felt right to bow in front of him.

He didn’t answer. You could only assume that he was looking through your documents by the sound of the papers shuffling.

“Fine arts degree? To a waitress?” His words ended with a ‘hm?’. He almost sounded disgusted by your resume. It made the veins on your temple ticked but you really couldn’t blame him. The job that you landed on after graduating wasn’t really what you expected after those too many sleepless nights struggling to finish all your plates.

“And with this basic resume…” Your head automatically recovered from the bow and your eyes stared at him. He didn’t call your resume basic, right? But he did. It was crystal clear in your ears, ringing in your mind. And all your hopes of getting the job were gone in an instant. “… why should I hire you?” he finished.

His eyes were emotionless but his voice was taunting. Despite the insult of calling your resume basic, you smiled at him. It was your time to prove yourself and there was no stopping you now.

You cleared your throat, “Because I am a hard-working woman ready to give you her utmost effort—”

“You’re hired.” He simply declared with a wave of his hand.

You blinked, doubtful of the words that you have heard. “Sir?”

“You’re hired. Go and talk to Maggie about everything that you need to know,” he coldly stated, not looking at you but into his computer.

You could really jump from happiness, right in front of him. And you didn’t even care that he interrupted the speech which you practiced all night with the hopes to impress him. What truly matters is you got a new job not twenty-four-hours after you were terminated from that wretched fast-food chain. However, you wouldn’t provoke him to fire you on your first day so you remained calm.

“Thank you, Sir!”

Clasping your hands together was the only vessel you have to let go of a fraction of the happiness that you have felt. You turned on your heels with a smile that could reach your ears. But before you could open the door, he spoke again.

“Try harder when it comes to your clothes, next time. They don’t match mine.”

It was the best pair of formal clothes in your wardrobe. You inhaled sharply and faced him with the same smile, already not so fond of your newly-acclaimed boss.

“Alright, Sir. I understand.”

Then you dashed outside, instantly regretting being his secretary even before your job to serve him had begun.

The secretary, Maggie, introduced you your new workplace. She must’ve seen how happy you were when you departed Mr. Jung’s office that she automatically guided you towards the secretary’s table with a smile.

Her corner was neat, the folders clearly stacked on one end and notebooks at the side. The computer was placed on the right corner alongside the telephone. It was easy to move around since everything is in its place.

Then she guided you towards the pantry. It was decorated with the same brown, grey, black hues with a hint of gold accents. Adjacent to it is the meeting area, composed of the same black leather furniture and a glass table partnered with a minimalistic chandelier. Everything around you looks so expensive that you felt out of place all of a sudden.

“Mr. Jung wants his coffee a little bit warm in the morning. There’s a coffee maker ready, you just have to watch a few coffee making videos and you’re gonna be alright.” You shared a chuckle. It would seem as if Jung Jaehyun is meticulous when it comes to his coffee. So you mentally reminded yourself to watch some coffee making videos tonight.

“Sometimes he likes it cold. Plus, he usually drinks iced-americano. Easy to make,” she said with a wink.

Is working for Jung Jaehyun also requires you to be a barista? Cool.

“For his breakfast, you have to ask him every morning if he’d like to eat. More of the times he does not. And I think one of his personal pet peeves is when someone wastes food. So be careful about that.”

You listed everything she has told you, emphasizing the words ‘ask him’ to remind yourself not to impulsively make him food for there was no guarantee that he was going to eat.

“On the days that he wants to have breakfast, he usually likes to eat scrambled eggs with slices of bacon and don’t forget about the apples. He loves apples,” she exaggerated, “You just have to cut them in equal pieces or else he won’t eat them.”

Bringing a ruler with you won’t do any harm, right? So you listed it together with the reminders that Maggie informed you of. She continued walking you through the works that she does: from the emails that you need to go through to make sure no insignificant message would irate Mr. Jung, to her techniques in taking notes and arranging schedules for the boss.

“And there’s a proper uniform made for you,” she said while eyeing you from head to toe. But not in an insulting manner like what Jung Jaehyun did. Her scrutinizing was more on the calculating side. It would appear as though she was mentally analyzing your body size.

“On Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays– you will have to wear this same outfit as I am wearing.” By that, she means the dress and the brown blazer.

“Tuesdays, and Thursdays, you have to wear slacks the same color as this blazer. It’s paired with white silky polo sleeves. Nothing uncomfortable, don’t worry,” she chuckles. But your tongue wanted to ask whether you were going to buy your own set of clothes. The uniform looked so neat and expensive that by the lookds of it, surely you do not have the luxury to buy one. As if reading through your knitted brows, Maggie told you that all uniforms are provided by the company. Thank God.

“On Saturdays, you can wear anything you like. Just be mindful of it. Mr. Jung does not like it when his secretary—”

“Wears cheap clothing? And does not match with his?” You finished the sentence for her. It was the sentiment of the CEO before you exited his office.

Maggie’s lips was formed in a thin line, telling you to go along with it. “It’s not exactly like that. But you have to at least try to catch up to his fashion sense.”

Well— Jesus Christ— the man exhales the air of Balmain and Versace and you do not have the richest to afford a Chanel outfit to pair with him even if you sell your soul to the devil.

“Is that… really necessary?” You asked her, clearly agitated. If that was what the CEO wants, you would gladly go back and work in that cursed fast-food chain and wear the same uniform six days a week than thinking about robbing a famous clothing brands’ store every fucking day to match his highness’ clothes.

“Yes. But don’t worry. The clothes I wear every Saturdays were all thrifted. You just have to really dig every clothes to find a decent one.” She winked at you. You smiled at her nervously. You wouldn’t trust yourself thrifting clothes, simply because you do not have the patience for it. But your little sister, Yuqi, does. So you would have to trust her taste and maybe she wouldn’t feel so helpless anymore once you give her the task.

“That’s pretty much all you have to know,” Maggie declares while clasping her hands together. You suddenly felt the need to ask her the reason why she was resigning. But it seemed too personal to inquire. You shrugged and let the question die in your mind.

“How long have you been working here?” You asked instead. She smiled at you, looking around the place like she was reliving some kind of memories.

“I interned in this place when I was still in college. Mr. Jung applauded my performance so I decided to work here when I graduated. It’s been three years, to be exact.”

Jung Jaehyun must’ve been owning this empire at such a young age, based on Maggie’s story. He was the CEO when she was still in college until now. You wonder how old he was when he took this company.

“Mr. Jung’s must’ve been really young when he took over this company,” you voiced. Maggie nodded and told you she was impressed by how young yet clever Jung Jaehyun is to be managing a top company such as Jung’s Fiscals.

After a few minutes of small talk and reminders, Maggie bid you goodbye. Her things were all gathered and she was ready to go even before she walked you through the rules and reminders of the company. However, before she left, you asked the one question that you have been itching to know the answer to the very moment you walked out of Mr. Jung’s office.

“Is he… is he really terrible? Like in the rumors?” You know it was not pleasant to ask such things regarding your boss. But you need at least some warnings before you dive in headfirst to the trouble.

Maggie chuckled and you didn’t know if that was a good sign or not. “He doesn’t mistreat his employees. It’s more like, he doesn’t really care enough. I don’t know. He’s excellent in his field but he’s aloof towards everyone. Never really socializing and talking outside of business.” Maggie smiled and you hate to be the one to noticed it, but it seems like she adores Mr. Jung. With the possibility of romantic feelings bubbling beneath her weak facade.

Before you knew it, your tongue is rolling and asking the question you whispered only to yourself. “Do you like him?”

At your question, all the professionalism deteriorated from Maggie’s presence. She looked like a giddy thirteen-year-old lovesick teenager when she answered, “Who wouldn’t like him? The man is like, rich-rich. And that aura? That body? I’d let him spit on me.”

You were slightly disgusted by the latter but you were not going to argue that Jung Jaehyun is indeed the kind of man who could easily wreck you. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. He has that power in him and you know it the second you laid your eyes on that beautifully cruel face. Those eyes— oh boy— eyes that could make you feel alive but drown and capture you within the depths of them— yet his looks; looks that could almost kill. Men like him know their place, and that is above everyone else— including you.

Your first week went smoothly. There were new emails sent to Jung Jaehyun’s inbox that you need to check. There was also a telephone call, once, from a girl named Chaelin who wishes to visit Jaehyun once his schedule wasn’t too jampacked to bother. You silently asked your boss whether he would allow it, checking his schedules first before asking. He told you to insert Chaelin’s visit on one of his them. That made you wonder if she was one of those rumored models caught leaving Jaehyun’s penthouse and office. But you shook your mind off the thought. Clearly, you have no business wondering about those kinds of things. He is your boss and you are his secretary. You would never meddle in his personal life.

Maggie was right, Jung Jaehyun was indeed aloof. He eats alone and employees never really stay in his office longer than ten minutes. Maximum. And they would always come out with their hand on their chest, heaving a deep sigh. He didn’t welcome small talk and he was all about business. Slowly, you have grounded and reminded yourself exactly where your place was inside the office; and that is inside his territory, but out of his life.

It was easy to master the perfect taste of his coffee. And yes, you would admit, you almost collapsed on your knees when he first tasted your office-made americano. You even stayed for two minutes after he took a sip, hoping for some good comments but he just raised a brow at you. That was your cue to exit. Just like what Maggie reminded you, Jung Jaehyun does not eat breakfast often as a normal person would. But today, he finally ordered one.

Chaelin, who called you, finally arrived fifteen-minutes ago. If Jaehyun looked like a king, Chaelin was his queen — or so you assume. She carried the dominant female aura in her; ash grey hair, red lips, and red bottoms, with a 90’s silk dress hugging her body paired with a Chanel purse. Everything about her screams perfection. You were glad that she smiled softly towards you after you guided her towards Mr. Jung’s office; making you more comfortable in her presence instantly. Maybe that was why you were preparing breakfast for the duo.

The whole office is lonesome. The surrounding eerily silent with literally only the three of you on the whole floor. All you could hear was the crisp sound of the slices of bacon as you fry them, and the thud of the knife against the chopping board as you prepare his apples— fresh and pristine on the plate.

Everything was ready in twenty-five minutes. You placed the food on a clean tray before walking towards Mr. Jung’s office. Balancing all of it with your hip, you pushed the door slightly. The main office stood empty before you, but you heard their murmurs silently echoing from the meeting area that was adjacent to Mr. Jung’s office.

Reluctant to barge in without asking for their permission, your steps slowed. But Mr. Jung ordered for a breakfast today, he must have been hungry. You did not want to make him wait, or his visitor— so you inhaled and exhaled, continuing your walk towards the meeting area.

“So basically, this visit is to tell me to clean up your own mess?”

You heard Mr. Jung asked, contempt clear in his voice. It definitely felt like the conversation is not for anyone to hear. You hesitated in your position.

“This is not my mess. It’s theirs. How many times—” Chaelin was obviously frustrated by the tone of her voice. You heard a playful chuckle from your boss, interrupting the lady’s discourse.

“And how many times do I have to tell you that I. Do. Not. Give. A. Flying. Fuck.”

“Come on! You’re the only creature here on Earth who could do what needs to be done.” Chaelin sounded tired, worn out from the male’s large ego.

You were about to turn on your heel and walk away, the conversation clearly was between both of them alone, and you didn’t mean to eavesdrop. You were just torn between serving their food or walking away. You started doing the latter until Mr. Jung’s voice boomed in the whole office that you literally felt the plates in the tray shook.

“Who’s there?!”

You froze on your spot— and your breathing too. It wasn’t just a question. It was a scream of command to reveal yourself. You didn’t even know how he had known someone staying outside the meeting area. Before you could run away from the scene, you heard footsteps coming your way. You turned around to face your boss, you regretted doing so. He was looking at you with his emotionless eyes. And you felt a trickle ran down your spine as he continued walking towards you— grabbing your arms like he wanted to crush your bones. You were too shocked to even feel the pain but it was there, slowly slicing through your skin, certain it was going to leave a bruise.

“What did you hear?” He asked, rage evident in his voice. Chaelin was looking at the both of you, not enjoying the scene but also anticipating for your answer.

You squeezed your eyes shut because you couldn’t stand looking at his eyes as they seemed to burn you to ashes. “N-nothing, Sir.” You trembled.

He pinned you down with that same, deadly stare. His body only a tray away from yours, you could smell his spicy perfume mixing with the smell of portions of bacon and eggs. And his face, too close, so close he almost seemed familiar. He stared at you, not saying anything with his mouth but shooting you death threats with his eyes. You couldn’t stand it. Your knees began to wobble but before you could lose your balance, Chaelin decided to intrude.

“Jaehyun, let go of the girl. She’s telling the truth.”

His hand automatically slid away from your arms. He drew a frustrated sigh, running his hand through his raven-black hair. You let out a sigh of relief. But it was short-lived as he spoke with his toneless voice again.

“Get the fuck out of this room. Now.” His back facing you while he gripped the edge of the table.

You gathered all your strength, placing the tray on the small table two steps away from you. You were dumbfounded and beyond scared, you didn’t even bother to arrange their plates, you dashed towards the door like a contender in a marathon.

The moment the oak door closed behind you only did you allow yourself to breathe. It came out shaky. But surprisingly, there were no tears rolling down your cheeks. You simply clutched your chest; the pain in your arm numb because of your fear.

It was only your first week. Yet all you wanted to do was resign and get the hell out of the building.

With a glass of liquor in one hand, Jaehyun stared at the vast expanse of the city lights below from his penthouse; thinking that every twinkling light is his to conquer. He was always been fond of high grounds; it reminded him of his place before he was cast out of heaven and became the most infamous fallen in the history of mankind.

The fall. History had withered and repeated itself for millions of years. Yet he still could not forget how it felt like to fall into nothingness, with the gates of heaven closing in before his very eyes.

Did it hurt? The poets tried to ask the unknown; they bled ink trying to fathom the feelings of Lucifer when the Almighty and every angel declared him a traitor. Yet no poem had the exact metaphors to decipher his doom.

Did it hurt? Jaehyun sometimes asks himself the same question. Did it hurt when his wings started to smolder with fire as he plunged into the abyss of nothingness and into the Earth? Did it hurt when every bone in his body twisted and shattered as he landed into hard ground of a place too grave to be called heaven? Did it hurt when he was all bruises and blood and ill-fated to burn into the pits of hell? Just like the poets, Jaehyun has not found the metaphor to describe the feeling; but unlike them, he knew too well how it felt like.

He had lost count of the millennia that had past. He had lost count of his own age if he ever had one. The world made its inevitable change. And it continues to change, leaving him behind. Because he was still him; all wings and sins. Forever damned, forever unforgiven.

He was there when religion had been born, and he watched as the pious made different names to describe him; Prince of hell, the devil, Satan, the Fallen Angel. He watched them cursed him and condemned those who believed in him. And back then he realized that people were quick to describe and hate something they do not understand.

Kings and queens died. Kingdoms rose and fell, and he watched them all with obloquy in his face. Because he couldn’t believe that despite the spitefulness of humans against each other, the Almighty still loved them above all else.

They say he was destined to burn in hell, but his true punishment lay more grievous than being scorched alive. He pulled a locket out of his pocket with his too pale hands. Opening the little old golden thing, it didn’t fail to make his breath run wild every time he looked at the picture inside. The girl is smiling, the one thing she does not practice usually.

How many years has it been? He forgot the faces of his friends and of his enemies. Yet the one thing he could not forget is her ocean eyes and how her lips tasted salvation in his.

One hundred years, my love, he whispered.

One hundred years of her gone, and one hundred years of him keeping her closest to his aching heart despite the death that separates them both. And he would do everything to live; to keep her as his secret, to keep her alive in him.

That was when his thoughts weaved its way to you. A girl who has the ability to ruin everything he holds dear in his damned eternity. You might’ve heard things earlier; he wasn’t sure. The way your eyes looked at him frantically and how your body almost convulsed in his touch, he couldn’t explain why but he never wants to see that same reaction painted on your face again.

Drinking the last contents of his glass and with a touch of warning in his voice, he whispered your name against the miles that are separating you both. With the hopes that it would caress and remind you of the storm coming.

A mere mortal like you is nothing compared to his ancient greatness. Yet the thought of a human knowing his secret nagged in his system even if he didn’t want to. He couldn’t let you out his sight. Not tomorrow, not ever.

masterlist.

[lin-dorie]

Cuties/Mignonnes, from the project to the meaning and international public interactions

OK Let’s talk about it. 

Let me tell you what Cuties is really about, the meaning behind it and what you need, as an international public, to understand it properly.

/!\ Spoilers needed. 

So Mignonnes/Cuties is French-Senegalese movie produced by Bien ou Bien Production in collaboration with Netflix for international distribution. Maimouna Doucouré is an award winning director, she’s french-senegalese, 35 years old, grew up with a dad and two mothers surround by a big religious family. Nothing wrong, just a little girl having thoughts and dreams like any others. 

Mignonnes, her very first long metrage, is based on a study she conducted for the project. She interviewed hundreds of young people with her team (pedopsychologist included) to collect a lot of infos and ressources to built a movie dealing with young people anxiety, sexual discovering, bullying, social media and young black people representation in movies. 

I. Story telling from someone who watched it.

Amy is 11 year old, she came in France with her mom and little brother. While hidden, she discovered that her dad is in Senegal and will soon come back with a second wife as it is authorized by Islam and accepted in Senegal. Her mom and aunt don’t tell her anything but she saw her mom crying about the topic, not knowing what’s happening, she ressents her dad and her condition as a refugee, the typical “it was better where we were before”. 

Her family is muslim, she wore a hijab to her religious ceremonies and practice like she was told to, without the opportunity to do otherwise. In her building there’s a girl, Angelica, she has a rebellious side in opposition to her workaholics parents and she dances hip-hop style which Amy has never saw. She befriend her and her circle of friends and decided to dance with them at a local championship. In order to learn the dance and prove to them she was “cool”, she stole her cousin’s phone, got herself instagram and started relooking herself as a young woman instead of the pre-teen girl style she got before.  But, she gets her periods. She’s afraid, she’s anxious, but most of all she doesn’t understand because nobody told her. Her aunt take care of her telling her “you’re an adult now” and how she wish she’ll live a beautiful life like they are. This is a problem as Amy doesn’t know what it is to be “an adult” nor does she know what it is to grow up, and the only roles model she has at home are her sad mom and her ultraconservative aunt. So she starts acting out, comparing herself to more developped girls, tries to be like them and starts mimicing them for their dances. While fighting for the phone she stoled with her cousin, she locks herself in the bathroom and posts an intimate photo of her on instagram as a last proof she’s a woman. Obviously, she’s getting bullied in school for that, her mom come, slap her across the cheek, call her names and ground her.  Amy became depressed and in her anxiety, tries to reach out for her friends who turned their back on her so they won’t be associated with her.  Nonetheless, she succeed into entering a championship with her former-friends and are disqualifies due to highly innapropriate behaviour on scene.  She go back quickly to her house during a panic attack, her mother comfort her telling her she doesn’t have to attend her father’s wedding if she doesn’t want to. Reassured, she skip the wedding and go play with kids her age. -END-

II. Producing and interpretation. 

DISCLAIMER : Self-made interpretations as someone who’s into thoughtfull movies. It may changes from one person to another. 

As sais before, it was produced by Bien ou Bien Production which a french production corporation based in Bordeaux. They are producing movies dealing with diversity, social issues, minority representation and religious debunking. They also produced Doucouré’s award winning short film “Mom(s)” that was dealing with the topic of polygamy in Senegal, and was based on her own life. 

Being produced by them again for her long metrage was a financial security and a very good deal. She got a France TV (public channels organisation) financial deal and scored that spot into Netflix international catalog making her one of the only black french-senegalese woman director into the international catalog. 

Obviously, as it is not a movie for children/teenagers, there’s few meanings behind the already well written script : 

Growing up without ressources : Amy is a stereotypical 11yo girl who doesn’t know anything about relationships, sexuality and woman body. It is well know that parents tends to have “the big talk” with their children when they are around 15-17yo, but puberty starts around 13yo and with that : sexual desire discovery, gender identity crises and body changes. Innocents idioms like “you’re a big girl now” or “you’re not a child anymore” shortenned childhood, leaving young girls without ressources to develop themselves and, often, shame to ask for answers.

Female representations and social media : We can’t criticize this movie without putting a context around it. Our society has been developped around certains standards, weither they are socials, professional, personnal... Social media and main stream TV promote a way of life that is unattainable for 90% of us but they give us the opportunity to act “as if”. In this movie, Amy is just like one of us except that she is way too young to understand the behaviour she is immitated. You can see it when she doesn’t understand why her friends are lying about their ages, when she’s pushing a girl into the water (possibly drowning the girl), when she cries on stage in front of those parents judging her... What Doucouré is trying to show us is that little girls are little girls, they aren’t tough enough to be shown anything just because it’s socially accepted. 

Children education :  To me, this is the main purpose of the film, showing that it is important to educate children. Predatory behaviour, public image, false advertisment, relationships... There is no “right time” to talk about it, and most of the parents are too late, the fact is protecting your children is also making them understand why this behaviour is dangerous, why this outfit is innapropriate and never blame your children for mistakes they can make. Amy is the exemple of what could happen if you don’t educate your children, and she is brave enough to rise when her my mom take a step toward her to comfort her. 

Religious family and sexual education :  As an atheist, I won’t talk about metaphors behind the prayers or anything, someone who believe in their God the same way her family does will be more adequate to talk about it. But it is one of the main critic and thus, I have to share facts : The movie isn’t centered around it, the only reason it is here is because they needed a traditional figure such as the aunt, they needed a strict environment such as a religious family and they needed a twist that would put the little girl into a negative feeling, they needed her to ressent her situation as a refugee in order to criticize how it is to grow up without help. So why Islam ? Well, in France, we have two main religions : Roman Catholics and Islam. Using Islam as the main religion of the film helped them showing the good sides of this religion such as love, family devotion and loyalty.  Added 22/08/20 : Islam has a lot of branches like any other religion. In Senegal most muslim practice Soufism, find differences between the way you practice and theirs mights come from that. Especially regarding the hijab, it’s common for young people to wear their hijabs only during ceremonies.

III. Streaming plateform and international public : 

If you’ve read all this, you know now that it isn’t about girls twerking or pedo porn normalization, in fact, until Amy came into the group, the girls are doing basic hip-hop dance (well, at least they try...). So how a movie mostly acclaimed by those who saw it can be the center of such a scandal ? 

Well, first let’s talk about culture appropriation.  As a 25yo white european woman I’ve had my share of culture appropriation story, did I mean anything bad when I did it ? No. Was I ignorant ? Yes. As everybody with a little bit of dignity I reflected on myself and stopped whatever the f*ck I was doing that was innapropriate as a white woman. That said, we can’t denied that the world has absorded some part of the black africans culture when it got popularized.

Twerking is actually a mixed between dances from African diasporas (especially Mapouka and Soukous from Ivory Coast and Congo), it is known nowadays a sensual hiphop dance and there is nothing wrong with doing it when you’re a grown up in your right mind doing whatever you want to do. So why using this dance in the movie ? First, it’s part of the heritage of Amy, a 11yo girl who hasn’t lived in a occidental culture before. Second, it is a way of telling you, public, that what you do has consequences. Suggestive dances on TV, sexualized hiphop dances in the streets, rated r music video available on YT... Adult contents are available anywhere, anywhen by anywho. Children included. It is what the director, who study the subject of the impact of oversexualized content on young girls, is trying to tell you through the film. 

Now, Netflix and the art of communication. Netflix has first released a trailer, a poster and a pitch that aren’t the one used to promote the film in the first place (France included). After the start of the backlash they released another set that are stil not the one used to begin with. Why ? Because Netflix is an industry, they aren’t cinema professionnals, they aren’t critics, they are a company like any others. They didn’t watch the film, didn’t understand it and didn’t advertize it as it should : A movie for adults who want to know what they could do to help the younger generations. 

Because a movie isn’t just for entertainment, there is no film just made to amuse you, everyone is trying to tell something thanks to their art. Yes, those same young girls who acted in the movie won’t be able to watch it because they are too young, not because it is inapropriate but because the subject is too thick for them to understand it fully at such a young age. The way Netflix handle the promotion of this movie was also bad because international public can’t resonnate with it the way we do. And I include myself because I was the age of Amy not long ago, in the same country she came to. Cinemas from every country is proper to this country, we have the chance to be able to watch films from other places made by people whom don’t speak our language, have their own religion or not at all and try to reach us with their own issues and traditions. 

I’m not saying this movie will be the best of this year, and I’m not saying that everything inside of it is perfect, what I’m trying to say is that it’s easier to agree with the majority than to forge your own opinion but if you take the time to watch you’ll be able to understand others and empathize with them. 

I hope it will help some of you understand the purpose of the film, that some will be kind enough to watch it before throwing their critics and that most of you will still enjoy movies for watch the director is trying to say instead of what the politics want you to see. 

[nerdycatastrophe]

Idk did some pixel art and I’m now gonna attach my danganronpa fancharacter biographies because I can :DD (sprite edits, character details and designs are subject to change btw and this very post will be re-blogged everytime I edit something.)

W/ SCARF AND BEANIE

Name and Talent:

Ikani Rinyu, Ultimate Digital/Multimedia Artist

Birth Date and Age:

February 13, 16 years old

Race and Ethnicity:

Polynesian Japanese // Filipino Japanese

Accent:

Japanese, just...japanese.

Blood Type:

A+

Weight and Height:

128 lbs, 5'2 ft

Mental or Physical disorders:

Recovering Pyromaniac (I’m still researching about Inattentive ADHD and if this oc has accurate symptoms) and Peptic Ulcer

Sex, Pronouns and Gender identity:

Biologically Female, Prefer She/Her/Herself & They/Them/Themself or any pronouns & Demi-girl

Sexual and Romantic orientation:

Asexual Biromantic

Religion / Belief:

Agnostic

Other Hobbies:

Cooking, Baking, Making things out of matchsticks and wood and Drawing traditionally.

Likes:

Making digital artworks, playing with match sticks and flowers.        

Loves:

The idea of setting things on fire or being around fire (for emotional reasons and urges) and warmth.      

Dislikes:

Theft-related activity, acidic food and seafood.

Despises:

The idea of water and feeling cold.

Personality type and traits: ISFP

(INTROVERTED;SENSING;FEELER;PERCEIVING)

Personality description:

Ikani is mostly self-aware of reality’s hardships yet tend to keep up an ‘’whatever goes, is what happen and I cannot potentially do anything to change that.’’ carefree, reckless, will only believe when she has seen attitude that pretends to be a healthy optimistic nihilist way of dealing with life but when unmasked turns out to be a faulty uncertain self-hate of pessimism that pretends to be optimistic or a realist way of thinking and solving problems. This can badly affects her creative ability to do any problem solving, thinking outside the box or standing up for herself and the people she loves alone unless she has encountered that situation before or has help from someone with far more experience. She does not rebel that much to authority or dictatorship as she believes rules are rules or the law is the law and whatever unintended consequences that follow or reports of abuse of power are normal and natural but she’s open-minded and adaptable enough to consider changing rules and regulations peacefully if she’s convinced or confident enough. Either way, Whatever happens is whatever happens in the present and she won’t make any effort to neither change or preserve any rules or laws that much. She, most of the time, follows whatever happens in the present world with no consideration for the consequences that would follow because she doesn’t like to think philosophically or overthink.

Habits:

Stimming, flapping hands around, running around in circles when stressed, excited, happy, confused or afraid if she can’t bottle up her emotions, Running away from problems as much as possible (literally and figuratively) and bottling up her feelings. Also tends to get distracted and daydreams a lot yet when it’s her turn to talk about herself she goes a little overboard which can put off people and assume she is selfish. (when it’s just a habit she does)

Character morality alignment:

Lawful Neutral <-> Neutral Good

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 1:

Ikani Rinyu once translated from Japanese to English respectively means ‘’How’’ and ‘’Renew’’ forming the phrase, ‘’How renew.’’

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 2:

Mess with the letters on Ikani and you’ll get ‘’Ikanai’’ which means ‘’Don’t go’’ referring to her brother, ‘’Ika’’ which means ‘’not exceeding’’, ‘’Kanai’’ which means ‘’Flower’’, ‘’Kani’’ which means ‘’crab’’, ‘’Ikan’’ which means ‘’Fish’’, ‘’Ani’’ which is another term for ‘’brother’’ and ‘’Ni’’ which means ‘’to go’’

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 3:

Mess with the letters on Rinyu and you’ll get ‘’Rin’’ which means ‘’Cold’’ in Japanese and ‘’Dignified’’ or ‘’Severe’’ in Italian, ‘’Inu’’ which means ‘’Dog’’, and ‘’Rinu’’ which can mean ‘’Freelance of flowers’’ and ‘’Beautiful’’ or ‘’Pretty’’ in Indian.

Zodiac and Planet:

She is an Aquarius and is assigned the planet Uranus based on her zodiac.

Backstory:

Ikani Rinyu was born as a second child to a worker class family (Rinyu family) who mostly had time for her. Many years went by and her parents had to focus on things they deemed far more important in order to sustain a family with regular income. Her family’s income condition worsened when the day before Ikani 7th birthday, She, her brother and her parents were robbed of a lot of yen at gun-point by a gang after they went to the store and bought a digital tablet for her as a gift (because they felt as if they were neglecting Ikani because of work). After the incident happened, Ikani's mother divorced with her husband because it turned out that Ikani's father had connections with the gang that robbed them and never told her about it. Another reason for her parents divorce is that both of her father and mother had an underlying conflict in which both were never really interested in each other and only agreed to marry back when they were friends so that they can decrease their tax and avoid debt and they both felt guilty about divorcing each other because both felt that they were selfish with their underlying mutual motivations for marriage,  they were still saving up money and investing and couldn’t afford to divorce early, and that divorcing will affect their children greatly if they will be honest about it to them at an early age (suprise suprise, bottling up your feelings worsens everything, yourself and everyone around you). This robbery incident went mainstream after the time Ikani’s mother divorced Ikani’s father and her remaining family was secretly interviewed by a group of ''journalists'' and this is how (insert academy name) found and scouted Ikani just so they can replace and -cover up an ultimate's death.- So her mom and the group of journalists made a contract in exchange for financial gain and basically free education for Ikani and her brother and also medical + financial insurance. Ikani started setting things on fire (mostly flowers, sticks and wood) on ‘’accident’’ just to gain attention from her busy mom, brother and everyone else she was close to and was forming a relationship with, in which her ‘’habits’’ slowly spiralled and developed into impulsive Pyromania because she felt that she was never loved enough + with her parents divorce taking a toll on her (her brother tried to help but also didn't know what to do and was busy with their own school). Around this time, she also felt like eating would decrease her family's money greatly so she tried skipped eating snacks at school but not basic meals yet she still developed peptic ulcer. On her 11th birthday, Ikani’s brother finally took a stand and consulted a ‘’reliable’’ therapist/psychiatrist and a dietician (who helped with the insert academy's goals) despite it being expensive and discouraged by her mom. Her therapist/psychiatrist then noted to her parents that Ikani should focus more on expressing her emotions in more artistic and creative ways in order to cope with her bottled up emotions, trauma and urges and using the digital tablet she got at age 7 when everything was still relatively alright should be a good head start. Her dietician also helped her with resolving her peptic ulcer and convinced her that she shouldn't feel bad about eating extra snacks and set out a diet for her to follow. Soon, The academy’s contract money given to her parents was enough to sustain her creative urges as Ikani eventually learned to create moving and still digital artworks including complex 3d and photography by simply using her tablet that had limited features over the years despite her age as she contributed to many famous and iconic company logos, designs, presentations, artworks, animations, movies, edits and videos that are found in the media. Over the years, Ikani secretly wished that the contract would stop as that diverted corporate's financial wants for themselves because of her hidden relations with the academy journalists and she wishes she was never born and regretted that time she was too ''needy'' at age 7 (she shouldn't blame herself though) but never took her own ground against it to her mom as she felt like she was selfish for wanting to do something her mom didn't desire so she ended up ONLY EVER venting her emotions through her work/hobby and sometimes forgot how to express her emotions.

Reasons for acting the way she does during the killing game:

The reason why she doesn’t vent her emotions and only bottles it up during the killing game is because just like in the original Danganronpa series, Monokuma would confiscate your belongings that allowed access to communicating with the outside world (and it just turned out her only venting item was a digital tablet that would probably screw up Monokuma) Also, it’s because the idea of ‘’Survival of the Fittest.’’, ‘’Being weak will kill you.’’ and ‘’No time for crying because it is not yet over’’ is in her head all the time + fear of being impulsive again and accidentally resurfacing her Pyromania and basically rendering her brother’s efforts to help her with her problems useless so yeah she’s guilty of wanting to feel emotions so she eventually becomes numb to the things happening around her.  All of these are her ways of justifying being emotionless, being unintentionally ignorant and coping with loss and grief in a dangerous game that could kill you any moment.

Student percentile, Predictability and chances:

>Gets killed normally: 30%

>Punished and killed for breaking rules OR due to unfair trial misconduct shenanigans because plot: 4.6%

>ATTEMPTED to murder someone: 20%

>Blackened AND escapes:  10.5%

>Blackened BUT executed:  25.5 %

>Killed someone BUT died during or before their murder trial:  9%

>Betrays everyone as the MASTERMIND: 1.5 %

>Betrays everyone as the MOLE // TRAITOR: 5.7 %

>Survives the killing game as an forever evil MOLE // TRAITOR // MASTERMIND in the killing game: 0.8 %

> Survives the killing game as a redeemed MOLE // TRAITOR // MASTERMIND in the killing game: 0.3 %

>Survives the killing game as a normal person in the killing game:  35%

W/ VISION CORRECTING VISORS

        2. W/ VISION CORRECTING READING GLASSES

         3. N/A EYEWEAR

Name and Talent:

Cyl Bol // Cyden Boliver ^ Ultimate Arcade Attendant

Birth Date and Age:

July 9 ^ 15 years old

Race and Ethnicity:

Dutch Japanese

Accent:

Russian mixed with Dutch and Japanese

Blood Type:

B-

Weight and Height:

100 lbs ^ 5'5 ft

Mental or Physical disorders:

Developing schizophrenia symptoms (I’m still researching on this so I’m not sure) and PAPD (Passive-Aggressive Disorder) and has genetic Albinism + Astigmatism.

Sex, Pronouns and Gender identity:

Biologically male, Any pronouns but They/Them/Themself and He/Him/Himself are preferred, Gender-fluid

Sexual and Romantic orientation:

Toric // Quadrisan or Viramoric

Religion / Belief:

Reformed // Progressive Judiasm (yeah, this the correct term-)

Other Hobbies:

Debate, Internet surfing, Meditation, Reading philosophical/theology books, Practicing first-aid methods and crushing herbs.

Likes:

Salt, Bread, Dieting (fasting), Figs, Bread, Wheat and Grains, Krupnik with meat

Loves:

Philosophy, Theology, Basic human rights, Debating, Eating Chopped Liver 

Dislikes:

The taste of pork (im sorry for adding this if it feels a little bit racist but I genuinely hate pork and I wanted to add it to a character that fits it the most without being too ignorant and stereotypical while still making the character that dislikes pork have an actual personality and backstory other than just RELIGION stuff. keep in mind this character hates pork not because it’s ‘’unholy’’, it’s because it tastes horrible for them), Immature // Karen customers, His own talent, Seeds, Human contact, Getting sick and parties/social celebrations.

Despises:

Strict people, Strict rules, Strict regulations, Dense and stubborn optimists, Peer pressure, Being taunted for being weak // frail, The sun’s warmth and sunlight, Going outside, Backstabbers and being manipulated.

Personality type and traits: INTP

(INTROVERTED;INTUITIVE;THINKING;PERCEIVING)

Personality description:

Really really intentionally and maybe unintentionally paranoid, superstitious, ‘’weird’’ passive-aggressive and lonely since it's his way of avoiding unnecessary conversations that could drain out his energy for him to save up on topics he deems far more important (philosophy + theology) and people that could potentially hurt him again unless they specifically ask him or want something from him for a short // limited amount of time and say it extremely extremely politely to the point where he feels pity or someone out-smarts his passive-aggressiveness causing Cyl to do your favor immediately out of embarrassment, anger, frustration or getting flustered. Most of the time, Cyl has a rather nihilistic and pessimistic (but sometimes, realistic and optimistic at times) views and mindsets of life and would rather die rather than following strict regulations // rules. Although he is a passive type of Nihilist and knows there isn’t that much value in life despite searching it (even with religion), He still is sort of a coward and ends up helping other people out of pity, jealousy, admiration or respect and will still be willing to fight for people’s rights things society deems unworthy despite the odds and his diminishing motivation on doing so. Cyl prefers to be individualistic, thoughtful, overthink for hours, alone and free when it comes to him making decisions or going onto places. Although he’s an INTP, He allows his emotions to run wild at times (even if in the process, hurting other people whether he realizes it or not) which allows him to make thoughtfully calculated decisions without having the burden of emotions and mood. Because of his defiance against the norms, He can usually think outside the box and think of solutions quick enough to solve an underlying problem on time in an creative yet messy analytical manner. Also yeah he struggles following rules.

Habits:

Praying a bit too much than usual, Rapidly cleaning visor goggles // reading glasses even when not needed, Limping hands and fingers to relax hand tendons, muscles and bones and tugging at Hanukkah snow cap when embarrassed / flustered.

Character moral alignment:

Chaotic Neutral

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 1:

Cyl is an abbreviation of ‘’Cylinder’’  which indicates the lens power your doctor is prescribing to correct your astigmatism (and this oc has astigmatism)

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 2:

Bol can be an abbreivation for Broek Op Langedijk (a dutch town), Beacon of light, Bread of Life, Bolivia’s (sounds like Boliver) ISO Country code,  Beginning Of Life and Balls Of Light (paranormal phenominon associated with crop circles) Name Etymology and Shenanigans 3:

Cyden is of English origin and means "To stand strong and be brave together as one" and Cayden is of American origin and means ‘’Fighter’’

Name Etymology and Shenanigans 4:

Bolivar is the name of the South American soldier that had a country (Bolivia) dedicated to him. Oliver is a boy name that means ‘’Descendant Of The Ancestor’’ in English, In latin it means Olive (symbol of peace); peaceful. Olive is a girl’s name meaning ‘’Olive tree’’ and is another symbol of peace.

Zodiac and Planet:

He is a Cancer and is assigned the ‘planet’ moon based on their zodiac.

Backstory:

N/A (ITS ALMOST 2 AM LOL MAYBE TOMORROW)

Student percentile, Predictability and chances:

N/A (ITS ALMOST 2 AM LOL MAYBE TOMORROW)

[imcrushedbyarainbowoffical]

Janus’s Playlist Analysis

Since Janus is my favorite Side I thought I’d have some fun and do an analysis of his playlist. 

Enjoy~

Black Hole Sun (Bradlee's Postmodern Jukebox, Haley Reinhart)

A. Janus is depressed by his own existence and the existence of others. He doesn't believe anyone in this world is good and wishes a black hole would suck away the pain he feels and the emptiness inside that is filled with nothing but desires and greed. He also misses his youth and yearns for the sweet fruit of the past where everything was easier and you didn't realize how horrible the world truly is.

B. We live in a societyTM

It Seemed Better That Way (Leonard Cohen)

A. Janus's view on religion and faith, in general, is that it's painful and earns you nothing but confusion and doubt. One can believe that these things make them a good person or that there is truth in the Bible, but no one really knows for sure.

B. Even religion is filled with hypocrisy and lies and no matter how faithful one is to something, it doesn't count for the many hardships and broken hearts one faces on account of that faith.

Anywhere (The Scarring Party)

A. This is a prod at optimism and Patton, as Janus doesn't believe the world is beautiful despite what is said by Parents, Teachers, and Priests. It's a dog eat dog world out there and if one tries to fit themselves into the box society has made for them, they will be fortunate sure, but will also be sent to an early grave once they're no longer needed.

B. Janus doesn't want Thomas to star in society's tv show but rather be the star of his own show. He wants Thomas to live as he wants and to be happy without trying to hold onto pointless optimism.

Talking at the Same Time (Tom Waits)

A. You can't trust anyone but yourself, as people have a tendency to push others down in order to get what they want or to gain some sort of control. So it's either you trust yourself and fight or you trust others and die.

B. Janus feels as though he and the others got the short end of the stick once Virgil got accepted and knows that they will have to fight in order to get a seat at the table.

all the good girls go to hell (Billie Eilish)

A. "In an interview with Vulture, Finneas confirmed the track is indeed about climate change. I read somewhere that some fans think that ‘All the Good Girls Go to Hell’ is about climate change. I love that they think that.” I was like, “That’s ‘cause it is.” - Genius Lyrics

So uh, "trees....?"

This is Janus's spiel on how the world is burning and climate change is happening but no one seems to care.

B. Janus believes that no matter how "good" you are or pretend to be it won't matter in the end because any person can lie and say they're good when really they aren't. Plus, since your going to sin no matter what you do, what's the point of going to extreme measures to be "perfect" when your wasting time and energy to do so.

Denial (The Vaccines)

A. Janus knows what Thomas is capable of and wants him to hold the world in his hands and to be so much more. He also knows that Thomas is lost and is trying to provide some direction to him but is always ignored or turned away as a villain.

B. Janus is denying his feelings about Virgil and is hanging on by a thread. He knows that Virgil wanted so much more and despite everything Janus did for him, it wasn't enough. Now, Janus wants to talk to Virgil and doesn't want to be shut out without explaining his true feelings.

Trust in Me (Scarlet Johanson)

A. Janus wants Thomas to trust in him and know that he is safe as long as he is around.

B. As Deceit, it is easy to manipulate people and get them to do what he wants.

Razzle Dazzle (Richard Gere)

A. In SVS, Janus believes that by putting on a show/scenario he can easily persuade everyone to go to the callback.

B. Janus is a dramatic boiTM and believes that by being dramatic and overzealous, he can hide his true nature (and perhaps his insecurities too).

When the Chips Are Down (Anais Mitchell and The Haden Triplets)

A. Janus has always had to trust himself when it came to decisions and fighting for what he believes in.

B. Janus believes it's important to ensure your own survival before ensuring the survival of others. When your own life is at stake and/or there's a big opportunity you have to think about yourself and be "selfish."

Mandy Goes to Med School (The Dresden Dolls)

A. Janus doesn't think he's really qualified to do his job and perhaps wonders if he's doing anything right.

B. He's good at faking it until he makes it and doing things on the fly.

I Put A Spell On You (Nina Simone)

A. Janus is a huge flirt and just likes playing around

B. He has a crush/affinity towards one of the Sides and likes them but they perhaps don't reciprocate the feeling.

Evil Night Together  (Jill Tracey)

A. Janus loves doing evil things and enjoys being a villain.

B. (Platonic or Romantic) This is Janus and Remus's song and how they enjoy spending time together. Janus and Remus also like to flirt and talk dirty to eachother. (Also, can you imagine these two dancing to this song? That would be so cool!).

Cabaret: Don't Tell Mama (John Kander)

A. Janus is good at keeping secrets and fits into whatever role he must play.

B. This could be in reference to Thomas's sexuality and the fact that he was raised Catholic and thus being homosexual is a taboo. So, Janus kept the fact that Thomas was Gay a secret for fear his parents and/or society would get mad/reject him.

You're A Cad (Fiona Apple)

A. Janus sees through the lies Virgil is telling himself about being good and forcing himself to be better.

B. Janus knows he's worse than Virgil but also knows he isn't lying to himself in trying to be solely good. He's always going to have an element of darkness in him and unlike Virgil, he's learned to accept it.

As Far As I Can See (Phantogram)

A. No one cares about the others, as they're all seen as evil and villainous. So, whether there crying out or are being pushed down to the deepest darkest levels, no one will ever be there to save them.

B. Janus doesn't believe he's loved and or is needed since Thomas doesn't listen to him. He feels like he's falling down a plight of stairs and/or is crying out in pain, yet, Thomas and the Sides push him away without a second thought.

Criminal (Fiona Apple)

A. Janus is able to use his charisma to get what he wants and to be heard in some capacity.

B. He feels like a criminal and doesn't believe he can ever have redemption. He's sinned against so many of the Sides that he feels he can't ever be "forgiven" or "loved" because of what he's done. Yet, he does care about the Sides and Thomas, he just doesn't know how to show it without everything coming out wrong.

Change (Lana Del Rey)

A. Janus can feel a change within Thomas but knows it will take a while for it to come, as the Sides have yet to truly understand each other.

B. Janus is a tired snake boyTM and feels that change is coming but finds it meaningless and pointless. He wants to be more honest and to be able to hold Thomas up but at the same time is so bitter about everything he's losing his will to live. He wants to be here but at the same time doesn't understand what any of it's for. Besides, if no one cares about him then why should he care about himself?

The Devil’s in the Details (Bright Eyes)

A. Janus is starting to be accepted but is scared because he knows that things aren't that easy and everything can fall apart at the drop of a hat. He's trying to be better but because of his own duality, he knows he is only fooling himself into being good when in reality he may always be a villain.

B. Janus knows that he's wronged Virgil in some way but can't seem to make it better and everything has only gotten worse. He wants Virgil back and for them to forgive each other but knows he may not get what he wants without some significant change/understanding.

Come Little Children (Erutan)

A. He is responsible for taking care of the others and as such tries to keep them from harm. Also, Janus knows that Thomas would never accept them and so decided to keep the others hidden away.

B. Janus is the protector and the leader of the others and is now starting to let the come out to play.

Into The Unknown (The Blasting Company)

A. Janus misses Virgil a lot and likes to remember the adventures Remus, Virgil, Orange, and he used to have.

B. Janus is nostalgic for the past and misses the sweet bliss of youth, where the world was deemed beautiful in his eyes and filled with wonder. During a time where friendship and love were something, he could hold onto and not yet know that these memories would be nothing but lovely lies in the future.

[who-is-olivia]

Track 8. Ever Since New York

Harry Styles x OC

Harry and Olivia move in together but get caught in an argument. [3.4k]

Genre: angst, fluff

Warnings: none

March 2014

  Olivia rubs her eyes, sleeping in a first class flight is truly a transcendental experience. Beneath her, Harry wrestles with the belt holder that painfully presses against his back. She pokes her head out in the corridor, the lights are all still out and there are no flight attendants in sight. On the entertainment system is a freeze frame of Finding Nemo, she doesn’t remember having paused it so she just assumes Harry did. The divide between their seats was lifted and they found a strange position to sleep together while keeping the seatbelts fastened. He hits the entertainment system clumsily to find they’re missing less than an hour until landing in New York.

“Already?” he groans with a husky voice, tugging on her elbow, “didn’t even get the time to fuck in the bathroom”

“No fucking way-“

“Just a quickie ‘ey?”

“You’re disgusting” she dismisses it, pulling her blanket up to her chin.

“I wanna get in the mile high club” he insists.

“Come again?”

“It’s like a club of people-“

“I figured, I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating” she chuckles at him, “what do you get in that club?”

“I guess a membership card and a breakfast basket”

“Ugh, I’m dying for breakfast” she rubs her feet together as one of them is numb.

“You can always order something from the menu”

She raises her brows, “Oh yeah, I’ve got money now” he giggles, getting up as well and stealing a bit of her blanket. “Always forget that, I guess my soul will always be a twenty-year-old broke student”

“You’ll get used to it”

  After about thirty minutes they arrive at the JFK airport, then head to the baggage reclaim. As they wait by the carrousel, they notice a couple of people whispering discreetly. It must be quite a sight: Olivia in her loose jumpsuit hugging Harry by the waist as he keeps a flight pillow around his neck.

“I think we’ve been caught” he pokes her sides, “told you we should’ve taken a private flight”

“Shut up” she runs a hand mockingly over his face. “Broke student, remember?”

“Yeah, right” he pecks her lips.

The baggage starts to arrive at the carrousel as they keep a watchful eye, until she notices one of Harry’s three red suitcases come over. “I got this”

“Oli, it’s really heavy”

“Don’t worry, I got this!”

  She gets close to the tracks and tries to pull it put her legs give away under the weight and she almost trips but eventually gets the damn suitcase. She excuses herself from the people around and takes it to their little cart.

“You ok?” he barely holds a laughter.

“Yeah, just fucked up my shoulder but I’m alright”

“Want me to get the rest?”

“Yes” she cries jokingly.

  Olivia sits on top of his baggage while he pushes her around the arrivals terminal. This, to him, is the least practical way of moving into another place. Since he and Oli decided to live together in New York, they’ve spent a lot of time figuring out the logistics of that. Most of his big stuff – furniture, electronics, memorabilia – has already been moved by a moving company. All that was left were his clothes, and since they were both available, he recruited her for that little adventure.

  They arrive at 3:00 am to avoid the crowds and instead of hiring a transfer they call Frank. He picks them up at that ungodly hour and takes them down the road to Manhattan.

“How was the photoshoot?” Franks asks.

“It was great, after the second album’ shoot we asked for something a bit more grounded and they found this really sick house with a swimming pool” Harry picks up his phone to show the pictures.

“I’m feeling some wet shirt vibes” Oli taunts.

“The pool was empty, love”

“Bullshit” she mocks, “You were there doing what? Riding skateboards?”

“Lou actually tried but he ain’t good enough for that” he comments leaning over to show them the pictures, Frank tries to catch a glimpse but Harry pushes him away. “Don’t look, you’re driving”

“Didn’t you say wet shirt?”

“No! Didn’t you hear anything we just said?” she complains.

“I kinda zoned out after wet shirt” they laugh.

  As they make their way to Manhattan, they drive through Brooklyn noticing how quiet the bustling city feels at this time in the morning. All they see is the newspaper delivery truck, few cabs arriving at the neighborhood, people walking their dogs. They take the Manhattan Bridge and watch as the city transform from the horizon to the engulfing walls around them. This late they ride through empty avenues, as if they’re sneaking into the city while everybody else’s asleep.

“Is that a church?” Frank notices when he parks the car.

“Yeah, St. Lazarus Chapel. They don’t ring bells or anything like that, at least not every hour” Oli explains. “But I think I’ll go crazy just like my mum”

“Why’s that?” Harry asks while Frank chuckles knowingly.

“When I was little she used to make me do the cross sign every time I passed before a church, and there’s a bazillion churches in Rio so we walked like to maniacs going-“ she performs the cross sign several times, “all the time”

“I never saw you do that”

“Guess I lost practice”

  After dropping all their luggage on their new place, Frank heads back to his flat. They have to crawl up some stairs to the small building before taking the elevator, but once they arrive at the huge flat it feels worthwhile. It still smells like fresh ink and new rugs, there’s still a couple of unfinished furniture, lots of boxes to unpack but it’s welcoming. Harry notices the decorations he brought over from London is already in place at the kitchen and the dining room, along with some of her stuff. It feels appropriate, like a place made for both of them, a mix of what they both enjoy.

“Do you want to unpack now or can we just sleep a bit?”

“Let me just get my trousers”

  He searches through the cases while she climbs the stairs to the master bedroom.  As there seems to be no one around and, through their wall-sized window, he can't see any neighbors, he chooses to change right there in the middle of the living room. When he climbs the stairs to their suite he finds Oli with a grumpy face staring at her phone.

“What’s with the funny face?”

“Got an interview in Boston today” she grunts, “I completely forgot”

“Oh, come on” he climbs on the bed beside her, “can’t you reschedule it? Maybe Morgan can say you’re sick-“

“No! This is big, I have to go” she dismisses putting her phone down, “Just got time for a quick nap”

“Oli, come on... I just got ‘til Friday before the tour”

“I know, it’s a quick drive, I’ll be back tonight”

“Can’t you take the week off? Just this once, so we can get the place done” he works his way to her neck, laying small kisses over it but she won’t break.

“You can get it done on your own, I’ll help when I get back” she pecks his head quickly before hopping out of the bed and towards the bathroom. He follows her there with puppy eyes and she sighs, “Haz... really? I got to do it, it’s just one day, I’ll come back right after!”

“I know, I just don’t want to stay here on my own”

“If we keep working like this eventually one of us will stay here alone, we talked about this” she reminds him while putting her braids on a bun.

“I get it, I just... I don’t like here the way you like here, staying in New York without you feels a bit dumb”

“You’re making a fuss for nothing”

“I only moved here to stay with you, first day I get here and you’re off to somewhere else, it’s a bit telling” he insists, making her stop on her tracks.

“Harry, this is a one off thing! If it was anything else I’d rather stick around and finish this place with you, you know how much effort I put into it, but I have to work! You agreed to it before we even got the deed!”

He leans his forehead on the doorframe, hitting it slightly. “I know... Can we at least-“ he’s cut by her phone ringing.

“Hi Morgan...” she picks up to talk to her agent, “You better call him, I think he also forgot...”

  Harry leaves her on the bathroom and sits on the top of the stairs. The window opposite to him takes a whole wall from the ceiling of the second floor to the base of the first, and through it he can see parts of St. Lazarus Chapel. He never considered how faith had seldom played a part in his life, it’s not something he misses particularly, but he always envied the faithful. They have such a peaceful conformity with the way life is, he assumes they interpret every setback as the will of God and therefore even the worst things in life must happen for a positive outcome. He wishes he could have that, he wishes he could think of their careers as a privilege but in times like these it’s hard to understand God’s designs. Why would they move together if they get further apart?

  Out of sheer curiosity, Harry closes his eyes and makes a prayer, a very silent one without even putting his hands together, just repeating the words that come so naturally to him. Growing up in a small city, religion was a constant in his education just as much as art. After years of reciting the words he even frowns upon forgetting some of them and maybe changing the order of some verses.

  His prayer is cut by Olivia leaving the bathroom, carrying her perfumed scent out with her. She picks a change of clothes and stores on a small rucksack, at least he knows for sure she won’t take long to come back.

He keeps hearing her actions behind his back until she gets silent: “Don’t do this to me”

He turns around, “What?”

“Don’t sit there like an abandoned dog, you’re killing me” he chuckles but she remains dead serious. “We’re already taking huge steps, Harry, I swear to you this isn’t the way it’ll be from now on”

“If you say so” he smiles shortly, she huffs and continues to pack her things.

“Do you want to come with me?”

“No, I’ll unpack the stuff, there’s still a lot to do”

“Fine, suit yourself” she sits down on the bed and furiously ties her shoes. She wants to say something, anything to make him quit the tantrum and realize how quickly she’ll be back but he’s a stubborn little baby. If she wants to get away with it without scathing her relationships, she’ll have to choose her words carefully. With him, there’s no antidote for her missteps, and she doesn’t want to face the consequences of upsetting him so deeply. “Tell me something: if I asked you not to go on tour next week to help me settle things here, would you do it?”

He huffs, “Oli, you know I can’t-“

“Why should it be different with me?”

“‘Cause if I don’t do my work we don’t get to afford any of this, but one bloody interview won’t change a fucking thing” he bursts.

Olivia stands in shock for a moment, “You’re an arrogant piece of shit”

“Yeah? Tell me something I don’t already know”

  She ignores his self-pity and picks up her bag angrily, checking her phone for the driver who’s already by the door. She wants to say something, anything to make him feel as awful as she feels before she goes. With her bag in hand, she walks past him and down the stairs to the door without even a glance. Guess the stone cold silence say more than words could possibly say.

“Fuck” he sighs, curling in on himself. Her silence is truly deafening.

  For hours Harry can’t shut his eyes, he keeps roaming around his own flat and talking to the walls in hopes of them talking back. He sits at his garden and watches the sun rise considering if he should call and apologize, maybe blame it on the sleep deprivation or the fear of his own loneliness but he knows it’s his own fault. He admits he has flaws, so does Oli, but she seems more at peace with them than himself. Harry considers checking if any of his friends are in town but eventually decides to face his own solitude and try to make peace with it as well.

  He unboxes some of his books and vinyls, placing them on their library. When that box is done, he finds another with Oli’s certifications: after her breakdown, she and Frank released an album as a duo which got ridiculously acclaimed by critics and fans alike. It was such a wild experiment, dropping everything that was once safe for them musically and just write for the sheer pleasure of it. He wishes he had that freedom and also that same outcome. To keep his mind busy, he plays their CD on the sound system while he hangs her certificates on a corner of the living room.

  Thankfully, there’s enough in the boxes to keep him occupied all day while Olivia works in Boston. The city barely resembles New York in its urbanization but if feels incredibly foreign to her, specially when her mind zones out from time to time stopping her from actually recognizing any sights. She arrives at the studio where she’ll be interviewed and photographed, sits down on the makeup chair and once again lets her mind wonder to the Big Apple. Several times she considers picking up the phone and calling him just to make sure he’s not wallowing in self-pity, that’d be worse than simply being left alone.

“We’re all set up, follow me please” the producers calls her.

She follows to a white background where Frank also stands with a worried frown, “You’ve got that look on your face”

“I’ll tell you later, promise”

  Their pictures are taken with several props and instruments then it’s time for the interview. As it’ll be recorded, Morgan comes up to make sure everything’s ok considering Olivia looks dead eyed and Frank looks like he’s having a caffeine withdrawal.

“Just try to look as if you’re not dead inside” she smiles down at them before giving the production a green light.

An interviewer sits in front of them and out of reach from cameras. “You just need to answer me, the questions will be inserted in the video”

“Alright” Frank nods and she starts.

“The new album is a huge departure from the work that got you on the radar, what caused this shift?”

Frank takes the first answer: “The first album was mostly written by Gina and Fiona, our bandmates, and they had a pop-rock approach that didn’t really represented us but it was enough to get us a start. After we became big enough artists, Oli and I tried to make our music a but more like us”

“Yeah, and by that time we had gone through so many formative steps that it was inevitable for us to sound more mature” she complements, minding how much information she wants to expose.

“How would you describe this mature sound?”

“It’s more influenced by black music and regional music. Frank and I spend a season in my home country with my mom, who’s a musician, and we got to understand each other through music, learning different rhythms and arrangements that made it to the album”

“This new sound also made it hard to keep touring with One Direction, is that something you miss?”

Frank looks at her but she shakes her head negatively. This is not a question he wants to answer, neither does she want to delve deep into her personal relationships which are obviously what the interviewer wants. “We miss our friends from the band...” he answers but her mind quickly evades her, going back to that flat on the east side of Manhattan.

  By the time the sun sets, Harry’s done a lot of unpacking. For the last hour he unboxed several pictures of them to place on hangers, but now decided to rest a bit before actually hanging them. He cuddles up on the couch with a blanket and a cup of tea, alright feeling quite homely in his new home.

  It’s around 7:00 pm when Olivia arrives. As the driver leaves, she finds herself once more in front of St. Lazarus Chapel. In the privacy of the empty street, she discreetly touches her forehead, chest, and both shoulders before walking inside her building. She walks into her new home and drops her keys on a coffee table, absorbing the new decoration until her eyes land on the small ball of covers on the couch. If that isn’t the sweetest fucking sight she’s ever seen...

She steps out of her shoes and crawls beneath the blanket, making Harry fuss a bit making room for her on the couch.  “I told you I’d be back soon”

“You did” he mumbles.

“So you threw a temper tantrum for nothing”

He rubs his eyes and faces her, “I’m sorry love” he strokes her cheek, “I said some rude things and you didn’t deserve that, I’m really really sorry” he pecks her lips, pulling her into his embrace. She knows he’s not a bullshit excuser, he’s very much capable of admitting his mistakes and asking for genuine forgiveness, that’s why she won’t push it further.

“I forgive you, ok?” she pecks the tip of his nose, “but I can’t forget what you said”

“Oli... I didn’t mean it-“

“I know baby, but you said some things that got me worried”

“Don’t worry about that, I was just being a drama queen-“

“I’m not mad about it, I promise! But you’re right, you don’t know many people here and you don’t know the town like I do, and I want you to feel at home” she turns around and picks something from her backpack, “So, I got you this”

He frowns and picks an amass of paper wrapped in a bow. He unlaces it and finds a map of New York City, by the size of the folded paper it must be huge. “... thanks?”

“Come here” Oli tugs on his hand and pulls him to the big empty space in his living room where there’s still no furniture. She opens the whole thing on the floor and it’s about the size of her arms open wide in both dimensions with the city boundaries encapsulating Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens and Jersey. She then takes a red sharpie from her backpack and circles a spot in the east side of Central Park. “This is our house, right?” she writes ‘home’ over the spot, “If you follow Broadway all the way up you’ll get to Frank’s right...” she pinpoints it, “here”

“Ed’s got a place here, right?” he asks.

“Yes! Ed’s got a flat in one of these condos, let me check” she zaps through her texts with Ed Sheeran back to the day she visited his new place, “Yeah, it’s right here, mark it” Harry takes the sharpie, marks an X on the spot and writes Sheeran.

“Do you know if James’ got a place here too?”

“He hasn’t got a place, but he always rents a room in Midtown when there’s a new Broadway show”

“And where’s that?”

“Here” she points it and marks it, staining the tip of her finger with red ink. “We could watch a show sometimes, I need to see the new Phantom of the Opera”

“Oh no, you’ve watched it enough” he chuckles as he recalls her watching it almost weekly and greeting the actors on a first name basis.

“Come on, you never came with me”

“It’s ‘cause I don’t want to” he mocks.

“Fine, then stay here moping like a fucking hermit” she kicks him humorously but he takes hold of her leg and bites it lightly causing her to giggle. “Stop it!”

  He pulls her by the leg, making the map slide on the wooden floor until he can crawl up on her. She spins them around trying to evade his grasp but on his back pocket he accidentally presses his phone and her album starts to play on the PA system.

“You’ve got to be kidding me” she shakes her head in disbelief. “Can't believe you're a fanboy"

“Shut up” she leans and kisses him intently somewhere over Wall Street and Ellis Island.

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Masterlist

[mysmedrabbles]

RFA Reacting to a Muslim MC

requested: twice by the same anon :P

a/n: note that I am not a muslim nor am i a hijabi, so if i get a detail wrong, im super sorry and please pLEAse let me know so it can be fixed!! :D this was really interesting to write, enjoy!! 

would you like to support this Muslim MC? want more specific WoC MC’s? buy me a coffee to support my dangerous coffee addiction so i can do em for ya!

warnings: n/a

-hyped mod alex

Jumin

-his strong faith in Christianity was admirable, his ideals set in stone as he abided by them; but of course there was the smallest bit of apprehension in getting to know him, how would he react to someone with ideals different than his?

-he was never one to announce his faith publicly, he still isn’t, however he likes taking with you about your respective religions, sitting on the balcony of his penthouse taking in the cool night air,,, wine for him and Aryana’s Halal Cola shipped all the way from Montreal for you

-orders you the finest hijabs for you to wear, most of them custom made exactly the way you love them, elegant and refined. he also learns the level of modesty you tend to wear your clothes, buying you occasional stunning gala outfit that he knows you’ll both love and feel comfortable with

-you own the most stunning abayas

-absolutely takes you with him on his trips to the middle east. he’s an avid believer in learning about your own roots, and especially if you have family there, he’ll more than certainly take you, going together to see all the sights, take private tours of museums and enjoy life

-makes Chef learn specific halal recipes, and is more than willing to import any food you want from other countries that you cant get in Korea

-learns Arabic in about a year flat,, of course his Korean accent hits heavily, but its so sweet hearing him carefully pronounce sentences to your parents and or relatives

-on eid al-adha he’s aware of the old tradition to sacrifice animals and share with the poor, needy and family; so as a compromise he decides to donate 300 lbs of meat to various homeless shelters and soup kitchens. both you and him going down to help with transport, hand every box to the people, a sort of community service combined with observing a time old tradition.

-comes down with you to the night prayer at the mosque during ramadan, and even though he stays near the entrance and the garden out front, hearing the prayers coming from the inside and seeing all the people that you know and love around you, smiling and having a good time, it makes him happy

Jaehee

-she grew up catholic, lives catholic; but this isn’t to say she’s close-minded to other religions,, she always loves learning more, especially if its about you, who she loves with all her heart

-when youre cuddling, she likes fiddling with the edge of your hijab, just feeling the material and knowing you’re there makes any day of hers better, no matter how hard it may have been

-you being muslim doesn’t have much of an impact, she’s respectful to your beliefs, and even puts in halal foods in the cafe

-this is, of course, after months of her experimenting with different recipes, often finding her in the kitchen at midnight, flour on her face and apron dirtied, sleeves rolled up in a frenzy as she mutters under her breath 

-shes so proud to finally present the finished deserts and foods to you!!

-one time you used one of her woven silk scarves as a makeshift hijab when all of yours were in the wash and she almost cries seeing how pretty you are in her stuff (the scarf is yours now)

-always interested in your religion, and she likes learning the differences between the traditions she was raised with and the ones you were

-during Ramadan, the two of you keep the shop open later for anyone wanting to eat after the sun has set, figuring that no one had to break their fast alone if they didn’t want to

-she gets up very early to prepare Suhoor for you in the morning, a simple oatmeal with dates, blueberries, grapes, almonds and honey

-likes to read her own books aside you while you read the Quran and do your morning prayer, its often the most peaceful part of your day, just having a clean and quiet space as you both enjoy each others company while also doing your own morning routines

Yoosung

-sweet boy, he knows very little of,, well any religion to be honest, and outside of 10th grade history, his knowledge on Islam as a whole is quite limited

-always asking questions about your traditions

-he reads the Quran at some point, wanting to understand you better,, and even though it takes him a long time (mostly due to having to re-read the passages over and over again to understand what was going on), but he’s devoted to learning about your culture

-he drives/walks you to the mosque, but doesn’t leave,, he’s not sure if he can go in, so instead he opts to walk around the area, enjoying the park and waiting for you to come back out so you can walk/drive back together

-he learns so many recipes specifically for you everything from mawmenye, harira, and moroccan krsa to berber bread

-he loves spending time with your family, he loves the sense of community and the celebrations that take place in your household, specifically during religious holidays

-he legitimately cries when you eventually decide to go to Mecca, leaving for hajj, because he knows he cant be with you for around a week and a half,, he can’t help it, he’s so sad he won't be able to see you for more than a week

-he’s so used to stopping all gaming and quieting down devices during salah, that even when you’re not around he still stops for five minutes at the designated times, mostly out of habit, but it also serves as a break from working, studying or gaming

-Lisa,, lisa loves your prayer mat, always trying to knock it down from its rolled up position next to the couch and sleep on it, so instead yoosung buys her a smaller prayer rug to lay on and its the cutest thing you've ever seen

Seven

-although he’s always been the one to mention his own faith in Catholicism, he’s also the one to be most curious about other faiths.

-he likes hearing you talk about the way you grew up, specifically hearing you talk about Islam and asking questions about traditions and practices you have to do

- “wait y/n!!,,, are honey buddha chips halal???”

-if theyre not, he opts to buy pringles in bulk instead. hes going to binge eat chips and damnit he wants you to join him!!! 

-when it comes time for you to perform Salah, he makes sure that you have total peace, even stopping his typing for the duration, letting you connect fully with Allah and your spirit

-since theres little to no sunlight that appears in the bunker, he makes a simple little app that alerts you when the times of prayer come, pre-dawn, noon, afternoon, sunset, and night, using the bells that are primarily heard in mosques as the ringtone for the app

-if anyone dares to mess with you or insult you in any way, Defender of Justice 707 will send a nasty virus their way, because theres no way anyone is getting away with hurting his angel

-its canon that he knows Arabic, and often times, when you can’t go to sleep he’ll sing to you in the language, and although his singing isn't the best, focusing on the strength and passion in his words, the almost comforting way he sings, it sends you calmly to sleep

Zen

-incredibly respectful of your religion and the fact that you’re Muslim

-he sets himself to learn everything he can about your faith and things he might have to change or alter in his own life to be respectful of the way you live yours

-he cuts down on alcohol. a lot.

-this isn’t to say he stops drinking altogether but he certainly cuts down, only having a beer or two in the fridge for emergencies

-bursts in one day, phone in hand as he wheezes, leaning on the couch for support, “y/n ArE wE hALaL dATiNg Or?”

-if you believe that sex should be saved to be only after marriage, he respects that, if not,, well he respects that too

-WILL spend extra money on an abaya from serenity scarves as a gift, just for you being you

-his only goal is to make you as comfortable as you can be, and he Will Not Stand for islamophobic comments directed towards you, but in most cases he won't even let them reach you, cutting off interviewers before they can say anything with a stream of gushing about how perfect you are, and smoothly taking you to the other side of the room if he thinks someone is looking at you, shooting them a mean glare before looking back at you and smiling, whispering something to make you laugh as you guys walk away hand in hand

-respect is this mans middle name, he’ll meet your family the second you start officially dating, making sure to make a good first impression, the second, and third, and fourth impressions

-likes going shopping with you, and is constantly in awe of how stunning you can make anything look, going to the little middle eastern kiosk in the mall to buy food

-he’s such a shameless fan of those cute matching couples outfits, and his heart bursts everytime your hijab matches the colour or pattern of his shirt or jacket

[yasbxxgie]

South Holland syrup maker poised to pick up market share from Aunt Jemima

Michele Hoskins felt a seismic shift for her company on a Tuesday morning in mid-June when Quaker Oats announced it was retiring the Aunt Jemima brand due to concerns about racial stereotypes.

“My life changed,” Hoskins said. “Our company changed. It brought awareness to us.”

Her South Holland-based company, Michele Foods, has been selling syrup and other products since 1984. Still, she has a tiny fraction of a market dominated by Aunt Jemima.

Hoskins saw her company’s profile suddenly elevated.

“The next day my tech guy called and said, ‘Your website has crashed,’” Hoskins said.

People were discovering her company on social media. After 35 years of hard work, she was an overnight sensation.

The Aunt Jemima brand dates back to 1889, according to Quaker Oats.

“I never in my wildest dreams thought that anything would happen that would make her do anything that would affect my company,” Hoskins said.

After building her business for 35 years, the south suburban entrepreneur is poised to expand her company’s operations.

“I should be in every major retail chain in the country. I should be able to supply customers who want my product,” she said.

Hoskins expects other competitors also will try to seize the chance to increase their share of the syrup market.

“I’m not going to take Aunt Jemima’s place. No one ever can, because she’s a different brand from a different era,” she said. “But if you’re looking for a minority company that sells in that category, I’m that. I think we should have the same opportunity as everyone else because we persevered.”

Hoskins said she launched her company in 1984 while she was going through a divorce and moving back into her parents’ home with her three young girls.

“I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life,” she said.

She decided to make syrup based on a secret recipe developed by her great-great-great-grandmother, America Washington.

“She was a slave who worked as a cook on a plantation,” Hoskins said. “The family she worked for did not like molasses. So she came up with this concoction of honey, churned butter and cream. It was delicious.”

Hoskins had her idea, but no clue how to start a business.

“I didn’t know anything about the food industry or product development,” she said.

She cooked up a batch on the stove and took it to local restaurants, whose owners told Hoskins the syrup separated and had to be reheated.

“I think at that point most people would have gotten discouraged,” Hoskins said.

She applied lessons she learned from teaching world religions at a private school.

“You can do anything if you put your mind to it,” she said. “I still believe that.”

Hoskins found someone to make her syrup so she could focus on marketing and distribution.

“I had a company at 35th and Kedzie that made the product for me and they would deliver it in 55-gallon drums in the alley,” she said.

She and her daughters would fill bottles and place handmade labels on them in her parents’ basement.

“I would take it around to neighborhood stores,” Hoskins said.

Even though independent South Side retailers agreed to stock her product, no customers initially bought it.

“It wasn’t moving,” she said. “I would go in myself and buy it to create this illusion of movement.”

To expand her reach, she visited the corporate offices of Jewel Foods in Melrose Park. She asked to talk with a buyer.

“They had never seen anybody walk in like that,” she said. “I was the first minority supplier for Jewel stores.”

She expanded her line to three syrup flavors: butter pecan, maple crème and honey crème. She worked to get her products placed in Kroger, Publix, Safeway and other grocery stores across the country. Companies were eager to do business with her, she said.

“I realized who I am made a difference, because diversity was hot,” she said.

By 1990, after she had been featured on local TV news, she was contacted by Walmart, which was looking to increase its diversity, she said. Then she was contacted by Harpo Studios.

“Oprah was looking for women who had made their first million (dollars),” Hoskins said.

She appeared three different times on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” she said. The first appearance led to her getting called back for a second.

[Most read] Column: If Stephen Hawking is right about Earth’s end, keep an eye on the deer »

“(Oprah) asked me something and I said you create your own destiny,” Hoskins said. “That’s profound, right?”

Her business continued to grow. She supplied syrup to Denny’s restaurants, then Popeyes chicken. While networking at a conference, she received another call from Harper Studios. They had learned a viewer in Texas had planned to take her own life but was stopped by something she heard on the television.

“She heard, ‘create your own destiny,’ and stopped,” Hoskins said. The woman started her own business and wanted to thank the woman who inspired her. The two appeared together.

“That was a tearful show,” Hoskins said.

She was featured in newspapers and business magazines and developed a reputation as a savvy entrepreneur. During an interview in her South Holland office, she pointed out a magazine cover about her doing business with General Foods.

“I called up the head of General Foods and said I had done research on Bisquick,” she said. “Seventy percent of people who buy Bisquick use it to make pancakes, and you only have 2% market share in the African American community. “I didn’t have a pancake and General Foods didn’t have a syrup. I said, ‘I can get you some share in the African American community by my face.‘”

They partnered and offered a coupon where shoppers received discounts when they bought Bisquick and a Michele’s Foods syrup together, she said.

She reached out to Kellogg’s. The maker of Eggo frozen waffles and other breakfast products had no syrup brand of its own.

“They wanted a share because Aunt Jemima had 77% of the syrup market,” she said. “I helped them develop Eggo syrup. I did that because when they did that, it brought light to the syrup category.”

Aunt Jemima’s market dominance left little room for competition.

“The syrup category is a very unsaturated market,” she said. “There are certain products in retail where you don’t add to them, there’s no room for them, there’s no market share. It’s just a closed category.”

Aunt Jemima continues to dominate market share, with Mrs. Butterworth’s, Log Cabin and Hungry Jack distant competitors, according to 2019 market data published by Statista. Aunt Jemima sells about $500 million worth of syrup annually, Hoskins said.

“Aunt Jemima owned that category by her image and by the perception that she was African American,” Hoskins said. “A lot of us grew up on that not understanding anything about advertising.”

Brands like Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben perpetuated stereotypes about Blacks, she said.

“People would walk past me to get to her,” Hoskins said. “For years I didn’t have my face on there.”

Hoskins said she introduced an illustrated image of herself to her syrup bottles about 18 months ago. She had resisted for more than 30 years because of something a grocery store buyer said to her when she was starting her business 35 years ago.

“I went out to one of these suburbs and told the manager that was my product,” she said. “He called (the regional grocery chain) and said, ‘I don’t want Black products out here. I don’t want anything that’s going to draw the African American community into my store.’”

Hoskins said she expanded her reach by masking her identity.

“I became a general-market product,” she said. “My product was sold in Colorado and Utah. No one knew this was an African American product.”

Hoskins has shared her expertise about business with others. She has mentored 225 people over the past 20 years, she said.

“Some of them have great products,” she said. “One girl was on ‘Shark Tank.’ I have a guy in Virginia that’s doing about $20 million (of business) a year with the government.”

At this stage in her life, Hoskins could look back on an award-winning, successful career, but she is not one to rest on laurels.

“We still did not have the consumer awareness that we wanted,” she said. “Right now we’re in about 6,000 stores.”

Michele Foods remains relatively small, with just four employees and modest annual sales, Hoskins said. Her product is made by a subcontractor near Cincinnati, she said. Profits and sales have never been her primary motivation, she said.

“I’m in it to create a legacy,” Hoskins said. “I feel that at some point we as a people have to understand how to build, create and pass on wealth.”

Most minority-owned companies sell out or fade away, she said. Hoskins wants to eventually pass her company along to her daughter Keisha, who runs social media and other projects for the business.

“If my great-great-great-grandmother could pass down this recipe, I surely could pass it along to her,” Hoskins said. “That becomes our legacy. It’s my legacy in a bottle. Whatever wealth is built into that, we break that curse.”

+Black Enterprise [h/t]

[theonyxpath]

Wooo! The Kickstarter for V5 Cults of the Blood Gods is going live tomorrow (or today depending when you read this), Tuesday, December 17th at 2pm Eastern US time! We’re doing this Kickstarter in order to create a traditionally printed book that we’ll print and deliver to backers and overprint more books in order to get Cults into stores!

Here are some of the highlights of the book, provided to me by developer Matthew Dawkins:

•           An in-character breakdown of the rise of esoteric beliefs among the ranks of the undead and how faith drives many of the major aspects of vampire culture.

•           A host of religions — from historic theocracies and globe-spanning conspiracies to fringe cults and mortal beliefs arising in the modern nights — introduced for incorporation into your character backgrounds or as supporting casts and antagonist groups in your chronicles.

•           The history, structure, and ambitions of the Hecata, the vampire group known as the Clan of Death, as well as a chapter dedicated to playing a vampire among the Necromancers, and the rituals for their Discipline: Oblivion.

•           Guidance on how to use ecclesiastical horror and construct cults in Vampire, making them a vivid backdrop for your own stories, including new coterie styles focused on cult play.

•           Faith-based story hooks and a full story centered on the activities of the Hecata, involving walking corpses, ghosts, ready-made characters, and the secrets of the most twisted family in the World of Darkness.

•           New Loresheets, Discipline powers, and Predator types for inclusion in your chronicles, encouraging player characters to engage fully with the material presented in this book.

Visually, as folks will see when the KS page goes live, it’ll be a gorgeous book featuring much of the same qualities and artists as V5 Chicago By Night.

Just fair warning: we continue to look for methods to cut shipping costs outside the US, yet the shipping for V5 Cults of the Blood Gods has shipping costs in line with our more recent KSs this whole year, rather than the shipping costs we were working with when we KS’d V5 Chicago By Night.

As I’ve mentioned before, we know the costs are high, but they are the costs quoted to us from our shippers here in the US, and passed on to backers. I continue to think it better to give our non-US backers a choice as to whether to back and pay the shipping costs and be part of the KS (including getting Stretch Goals, and all), rather than Onyx just not shipping outside the US as many TTRPG companies have decided to do with their KSs.

Basically, shipping costs are high, and they suck. We will keep searching for avenues that could cut those costs – never fear!

CofD Dark Eras 2 art by Alex Sheikman

Here are some brief nuggets of things we want you to know about this week, besides the V5 Cult of the Blood Gods Kickstarter:

If you haven’t seen the promos on our social media, Onyx Path is part of DTRPG‘s Teach Your Kids To Game sale! You can get the Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau core book PDFs half-off! https://www.drivethrurpg.com/rpg_teachkids.php

When I was at PAX Unplugged I sat down for an interview about art directing for TTRPGs in general, how I got started art directing for White Wolf, how art directing has changed since then, and specifically how I went about devising the look and feel and artistic style of Mage: The Ascension first edition and how the look evolved from edition to edition.

As is typical for me with interviews, I absolutely have no idea how it went. Like, did I talk too much, did I answer their questions at all interestingly, did I reveal too much? But I got a lot of really nice comments from folks about the Werewolf one, so hopefully this one sounds good to y’all. Thanks, Terry!http://magethepodcast.com/index.php/2019/12/14/mage-noir-with-matt-webb-and-the-art-of-mage-with-rich-thomas/

Lunars art by Gunship Revolution

Finally, we spent a lot of time setting up what everybody will be doing for the next couple of weeks, as today’s Monday Meeting was our last one for the year! From here until after New Years, we’re trying to give folks enough space to handle the holidays, while we still have projects rolling at full speed!

In fact, it’s not uncommon for freelancers – which is what the vast majority of our creators are – to use holidays to really dive into their freelance projects. Certainly, I always did that when I was freelance illustrating. Having a deadline is a great reason for ducking out on a long family event! (Not that I do that any more!)

But, never fear, true believers!

I’ll still be assembling the next two weeks’ Monday Meeting Notes with updates and Kickstarter news, and with some short year-end focused content! We just aren’t having the Monday Meetings those weeks.

And, of course, we hope all of you have happy holidays and plenty of time for playing in our:

Many Worlds, One Path!

BLURBS!

Kickstarter!

V5 Cults of the Blood Gods goes live at 2pm Eastern US time on Tuesday December 17th!

Onyx Path Media!

This Friday’s Onyx Pathcast Is our Holiday Special 1: Podbean Live Test Episode! Check it out direct on Podbean, or your favorite podcast venue! https://onyxpathcast.podbean.com/

Just because it’s the holiday season doesn’t mean we’re stopping with our gaming streams! This week we’ve got Vampire: The Masquerade, Trinity Continuum, Scarred Lands, Hunter: The Vigil, Changeling: The Dreaming, and Mage: The Awakening, and we’ll undoubtedly be dropping a surprise stream or two into the mix as well!

Subscribe to twitch.tv/theonyxpath to keep up with our streams as and when they happen!

As ever, we’ve got a lot of YouTube content coming up too. This week, expect to see an interview regarding Pugmire��and Dystopia Rising: Evolution, actual plays of Changeling: The Lost and Aberrant, and a behind-the-screen special for Scion!

Subscribe to youtube.com/user/theonyxpath to catch up on all our content!

Matthew Dawkins – The Gentleman Gamer – continues with his Gentleman’s Guide to Scion over on his channel, and will be doing a few V5 Cults of the Blood Gods videos too!

Subscribe to him on youtube.com/user/clackclickbang right here!

Mage: The Podcast recently had occultist S Rune Emerson walk through the history of Tarot and the symbology of the Mage the Ascension Tarot: http://magethepodcast.com/index.php/…-rune-emerson/

A group of podcasters and Storyteller Vault writers are looking for input on what kind of publications and podcasts WoD and CoD fans would like to see in 2020. If you complete their survey, you can be entered into a drawing for a $200 DriveThruRPG gift card. The survey is available here: bit.ly/wodcodsurvey2019

Here’s Occultists Anonymous returning with two new episodes

Episode 64: Small Details As the cabal waits to hear back about a meeting with the Union, Atratus begins to research vampires, Wyrd develops her labyrinth, and Songbird makes a phone call. https://youtu.be/UoyrYH_PM3A

Episode 65: Ignorant Fools   The cabal take the lead in meeting with the Union on behalf of the Phantasm Society, and perhaps many other supernatural beings trying to lay low. https://youtu.be/8sTnubeBl44

Red Moon Roleplaying recently concluded their Mummy: The Curse actual play and are currently running a Changeling: The Lost chronicle!  You can subscribe to their YouTube channel here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1wvSKstApo9vYYq1wEDtmQ

Drop Matthew a message via the contact button on matthewdawkins.com if you have actual plays, reviews, or game overviews you want us to profile on the blog!

Please check any of these out and let us know if you find or produce any actual plays of our games!

Electronic Gaming!

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is awesome! (Seriously, you need to roll 100 dice for Exalted? This app has you covered.)

On Amazon and Barnes & Noble!

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue from which you bought it. Reviews really, really help us get folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these latest fiction books:

Our Sales Partners!

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire and Monarchies of Mau out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there! https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

We’ve added Prince’s Gambit to our Studio2 catalog: https://studio2publishing.com/products/prince-s-gambit-card-game

Now, we’ve added Changeling: The Lost 2nd Edition products to Studio2‘s store! See them here: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/all-products/changeling-the-lost

Scarred Lands (Pathfinder) books are also on sale at Studio2, and they have the 5e version, supplements, and dice as well!: https://studio2publishing.com/collections/scarred-lands

Scion 2e books and other products are available now at Studio2: https://studio2publishing.com/blogs/new-releases/scion-second-edition-book-one-origin-now-available-at-your-local-retailer-or-online

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

And you can order Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, Cavaliers of Mars, and Changeling: The Lost 2e at the same link! And NOW Scion Origin and Scion Hero are available to order!

As always, you can find Onyx Path’s titles at DriveThruRPG.com!

On Sale This Week!

This Wednesday, we are proud to announce the PDF and physical book PoD versions of the Aeon Aexpansion for Trinity Continuum: Aeon, a collection of additional material that came out of the Kickstarter, including:

Information about new noetic biotech, hardtech cyberware, military weapons, and other technologies of the early 22nd century.

Rules for creating and playing psiad and superior characters within the Trinity Continuum.

Rules for playing psions in the modern day setting of the Trinity Continuum Core Rulebook.

And more…

Plus we���re also releasing the Trinity Continuum Aeon Screen in PDF – all on DriveThruRPG

Conventions!

2020: Midwinter: January 9th – 12th, in Milwaukee, WI. Check out David Fuller’s Athens, Ohio Scion actual play tie-in adventure (soon to be coming to the Storypath Nexus community content site) that will be running at Midwinter. The event url is below: https://tabletop.events/conventions/midwinter-gaming-convention-2020/schedule/402

And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM EDDY WEBB (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

Exalted Essay Collection (Exalted)

N!ternational Wrestling Entertainment (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Contagion Chronicle Ready-Made Characters (Chronicles of Darkness)

Trinity Continuum: Adventure! core (Trinity Continuum: Adventure!)

Duke Rollo fiction (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

TC: Aberrant Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Redlines

Kith and Kin (Changeling: The Lost 2e)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #2 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Many-Faced Strangers – Lunars Companion (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Second Draft

Player’s Guide to the Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Exigents (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Crucible of Legends (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Development

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

TC: Aberrant Reference Screen (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Trinity Continuum Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum Core)

Monsters of the Deep (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

One Foot in the Grave Jumpstart (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2e)

Scion: Demigod (Scion 2nd Edition)

Tales of Aquatic Terror (They Came From Beneath the Sea!)

Across the Eight Directions (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Contagion Chronicle: Global Outbreaks (Chronicles of Darkness)

Contagion Chronicle Jumpstart (Chronicles of Darkness)

Manuscript Approval

Scion: Dragon (Scion 2nd Edition)

Masks of the Mythos (Scion 2nd Edition)

Titanomachy (Scion 2nd Edition)

Buried Bones: Creating in the Realms of Pugmire (Realms of Pugmire)

Post-Approval Development

Scion LARP Rules (Scion)

Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition core rulebook (Mummy: The Curse 2nd Edition)

Editing

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Hunter: The Vigil 2e core (Hunter: The Vigil 2nd Edition)

Let the Streets Run Red (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Geist 2e Fiction Anthology (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition)

Dragon-Blooded Novella #1 (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Legendlore core book (Legendlore)

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Mythical Denizens (Creatures of the World Bestiary) (Scion 2nd Edition)

Pirates of Pugmire KS-Added Adventure (Realms of Pugmire)

M20 The Technocracy Reloaded (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad (Scarred Lands)

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Terra Firma (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Wraith20 Fiction Anthology (Wraith: The Oblivion 20th Anniversary Edition)

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Lunars Novella (Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Post-Editing Development

TC: Aeon Ready-Made Characters (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

W20 Shattered Dreams Gift Cards (Werewolf: The Apocalypse 20th)

TC: Aeon Jumpstart (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

Vigil Watch (Scarred Lands)

Scion Companion: Mysteries of the World (Scion 2nd Edition)

Cults of the Blood Gods (Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition)

Indexing

ART DIRECTION FROM MIKE CHANEY!

In Art Direction

Contagion Chronicle

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant

Hunter: The Vigil 2e

Ex3 Lunars – Contracted.

TCfBtS!: Heroic Land Dwellers – LeBlanc working away.

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed – Contracted.

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Cults of the Blood God (KS) – Ready for KS.

Mummy 2

City of the Towered Tombs

Let the Streets Run Red – Art notes and contracts finishing going out this week.

CtL Oak Ash and Thorn – Rich doing artnotes.

Scion Mythical Denizens – Finals coming in soon.

Deviant

Yugman’s Guide to Ghelspad – Totally contracted.

Vigil Watch – Wrapping up AD stuff this week.

Legendlore (KS)

Technocracy Reloaded (KS)

In Layout

Chicago Folio – On it.

Trinity Continuum Aeon: Distant Worlds – Haven’t forgotten it.

Pirates of Pugmire – With Aileen.

Proofing

Dark Eras 2 – Off to WW this week for approval.

Trinity Continuum Aeon Jumpstart

M20 Book of the Fallen – Getting it to PoD this week.

They Came from Beneath the Sea! – Approval needed, then Backer PDF out to backers.

VtR Spilled Blood

At Press

V5: Chicago – Shipping to the KS fulfillment shippers. PoD proofs ordered.

Aeon Aexpansion – PDF and PoD versions on sale on Weds at DTRPG!

Geist 2e (Geist: The Sin-Eaters 2nd Edition) – Being printed.

Geist 2e Screen – Being printed.

DR:E – Being printed.

DRE Screen – Being printed.

DR:E Threat Guide – Helnau’s Guide to Wasteland Beasties – PoD proof on the way.

Trinity RMCs

Tales of Good Dogs – PoD proof ordered.

Memento Mori – Backer PDF going out to backers soon.

Today’s Reason to Celebrate!

Today is the birthday of Wassily Kandinsky, a painter born in 1866 whose later paintings after WWI were completely abstract. Now most of our illustrations depict things rather than going for abstractions, but how they depict them stylistically, and why different people respond to the different approaches our illustrators use, is part of creating the moods inherent to our various game lines. There’s something else going on in our brains when we see art beyond just IDing that the piece looks like a thing, and Kandinsky was creating abstract art intended to evoke sound and meaning because he supposedly had a direct link to that part of the brain. According to popular thinking, he was one of those rare people who “hear color” and “see pictures” when he listening to music. There’s not really medical proof he indeed had synaesthesia, as it’s called, but he did recall hearing a strange hissing noise when mixing colours in his paintbox as a child, and later became an accomplished cello player, which he said represented one of the deepest blues of all instruments.

[onlyinraresouls-blog]

LGBTQ & the Wizarding World

Put under a cut cause I’m just rambling and it’s a little long.

Disclaimer: This is about in character/in world LGTBQ+ opinions within the Wizarding World/Harry Potter franchise, not about Rowling's personal feelings on the topic(s) in the real world.  Somehow, it came up for me a few years ago that I was curious about what the wizarding world thought about same-sex couples and things of that nature. It doesn’t take a hard Google to find her replying to someone on Twitter, saying wizards don’t concern themselves with someone’s sexual orientation, it’s all about magic for them, it’s only muggles (and therefor possibly implied, muggleborns) that care 

It also brings up a Pottercast interview, where she has the following exchange: 

MA: We wanna talk about Dumbledore so bad. We know that you've created worldwide intrigue when you said that he is gay. But I wanted to ask you about homosexuality in the Wizarding World in general. Is it a taboo?

JKR: Now, that's something I never thought of. I would think that that would be-- it would be exactly what it is in the Muggle World. But the greatest taboo in the Wizarding World is, well, for some wizards... I mean if we're talking about prejudiced people within the Wizarding World, what they care most about is your blood status. So I think you could be, um, gay, pure-blood, and totally without any kind of criticism from the Lucius Malfoys of the world. I don't think that would be something that would interest him in the slightest. But, you know, I can't answer for all witches and wizards because I think in matters of the heart, it would be directly parallel to our world.

She doesn’t elaborate any more on what she means by “exactly what it is in the Muggle world, whether she means that the muggle world influences it (so as it becomes more accepted in the muggle world, it’s more accepted in the wizarding world), or if she just means there are some people that support it, and some people who hate it. It feels like more the latter, especially as she gives Lucius as an example of not caring. 

I do, however, feel like this isn’t portrayed well in any bit of official Potter storytelling. I think Lucius Malfoy would absolutely care, but for a different reason than a muggle might. Mostly muggles (I.E regular humans) see it as a sin/against their religious beliefs, or just unnatural... while some people defend the idea of it being “unnatural” by saying a same-sex couple can’t create, I think it’s that defence that would actually be the bigger issue in the wizarding world; a lot of pureblood families, such as the Malfoys, want a big, pure lineage. You know what a gay pureblood wouldn’t be able to provide? An heir. So in a way, do I think Lucius would care if Harry (being a half-blood) or someone he doesn’t care about being in a same-sex relationship? No. But if Draco, or Bellatrix, or Regulus was gay/in a same-sex relationship? Yes, I feel like he’d have a negative opinion, unless/until he was informed of a way that they’d still produce a pureblood heir (we, of course, don’t know whether or not artificial insemination or things of that sort are available in the wizarding world.) 

So some purebloods would probably care if it affected their lineage/may judge other families if it affected their lineage -- I don’t imagine the Weasleys, despite being pureblood and a family in the Sacred 28, would care if any of their children were in a same-sex relationship. But say the Weasley’s only had one child, or even just using Bill as an example... say their proper heir was in a same-sex relationship. Then yes, I could see people like Lucius turning their nose up at the fact it would put a damper on their bloodline, just like if they ended up with someone who was half-blood or (le-gasp) muggle-born. 

Not every pureblood family is obsessed with purity and lineage, which I already gave an example of with the Weasleys. So where does that leave the rest of the majority of the wizarding population? 

Muggleborns are pretty simple. You can take her statement of “exactly what it is in the muggle world” a bit more literally. It would be influenced by the world they grew up in. A muggleborn who went to school with Albus Dumbledore would be far less likely to be accepting of his homosexuality, than a muggleborn who went to school with Albus Potter, going on the hypothetical that Albus Potter would be less than heterosexual, of course.  But of course, that doesn’t mean every Muggleborn is homophobic. It varies from family to family, be it 200 years ago, or today. It would be a mix of their family, their environment, yes the times, and also their own personal opinion. All they have to go on at that point is the muggle world.

As for the half-bloods, and the purebloods who don’t take importance in blood status, I assume the second bit of what I said about Muggleborns could be said for them -- it just varies from family to family. As far as we know, there isn’t really “religion” to get in the way, but there is still the idea of it just being “unnatural”, though I think half-bloods would be more likely to have a higher population of homophobes, in comparison to purebloods - they still have muggle family members, who could cause them to have negative feelings about people who aren’t heterosexual, but again, like muggleborns, it depends on a whole lot more than just being muggle or even the time.

I appreciate the idea of Jo wanting to create a world where homophobia isn’t a big thing. but it is a bit too simplistic, and too one-note, which is why my explanation took longer.   I do not take into account the lack of same-sex couples in Potter, as the books were published for children, starting in the 90s, ending in the early 2000s... even now, having LGBTQ+ characters isn’t always exactly encouraged and can be met with backlash, so back then, even if she wanted to (if she’s said anything about ever having any plans of having an LGBTQ+ character besides Dumbledore, I haven’t seen it), I wouldn’t be surprised if her editor or the publishing company shut it down; that part is pure speculation. She may have had no interest in another character, and just didn’t have the inspiration or find it relevant. 

I don’t particularly dismiss Dumbledore being gay not said in the books as meaning it was an “afterthought” or a “way to be inclusive.” I accept the idea that it’s possible, but given who Dumbledore’s character was, I find it to be perfectly valid that it just didn’t come up. Had she said Harry was canonically bi the entire time, then I’d think it was an afterthought or a way to be inclusive, because apart from acknowledging a few male characters as attractive/good looking/handsome (something you can very much do with the same -sex and still be straight), we see no signs of him having any interest in the same sex, and he’s our protagonist, our eyes and ears, for 7 books, over 7 years of Harry’s life.

Other people within the LGBTQ+ world, beyond just same-sex couples (trans, nonbinary, ace/arom/etc), is an entirely different conversation that I can only give headcanons and speculation on, because to my knowledge, she’s never made any public statement about them existing, or the wizarding world’s opinion on them. I can make assumptions that I believe would make sense, but that would be another long rant.  Maybe I’ll save that for another day.

[spingtime-visitor]

CHARACTER  INTERVIEW  ! repost, don’t reblog.

NAME  :  Snufkin NICKNAME(s)  : Snuffy (Moomin-only nickname) AGE  :   22 SPECIES  : Half Mumrik, half Mymble

PERSONAL !

MORALITY  :  lawful   /   neutral / chaotic   /  good  /   neutral   /   evil  /   true RELIGION  : Somewhat superstitious, if that counts. Doesn’t believe in things he hasn’t seen with his own eyes, but also doesn’t deny anything he does see. SINS   :  greed   /   gluttony   /   sloth   /   lust   /   pride   /   envy   /   wrath VIRTUES  :   chastity   /   charity   / diligence /   humility   /   kindness   /   patience  /   justice KNOWN LANGUAGES  : English (Only with me playing him though, in actuality I imagine he speaks Swedish and/or Finnish), I also like the idea that he can talk to birds and most small beasts (although this isn’t canon as far as I know) SECRETS  :  Snufkin does in fact long for affection and company, but is mostly in denial of this. He has a lot of unresolved issues stemming from being abandoned/lost as a young child and growing up almost entirely independently. He has been slowly coming to terms with his emotional side and need for other people, but he has a way to go.

PHYSICAL    !

BUILD  :      scrawny   /   bony   /   slender   /   fit   /   athletic   /  curvy   /   herculean   /  pudgy /   average HEIGHT  :  4′7 (canonically he’s only about one or two feet tall, but for simplicity’s sake I go with this height for this blog) SCARS   /   BIRTHMARKS  :  Various small scars and bruises from living outdoors on his own, as well as some more notable scars earned by years of evading the law and digging himself out of prisons. Marks not relating to injuries include freckles and a red blush colour to his nose. ABILITIES   /   POWERS  :  Differing forms of divination ranging from innate ‘feelings’ about upcoming events to using tarot cards, generally has a propensity towards small magical ‘rituals’ mainly relating to superstitions. Nocturnal vision, keen senses and fast reflexes. Also generally skilled in a lot of areas, like cooking and mending, due to his independent lifestyle. RESTRICTIONS  :   Snufkin’s innate divination skills are very vague and often unreliable as a result. His small ‘rituals’ can give him much more specific prophecies, but these rituals take time and the answers are often slightly cryptic or hold double meanings. His senses and reflexes are a combination of Mumrik and Mymble traits, but can make crowded or otherwise overwhelming environments very difficult for him to navigate (think large bustling cities). Finally, while he has picked up skills useful to his own way of life, he is not an expert on everything. Whilst he is well travelled there are still a lot of things he doesn’t know, and a lot of skills he has no experience in at all due to never having needed them while he grew up.

FAVORITES    !

FOOD  :  Snufkin is a fan of ‘classic’, hearty dishes. He generally prefers savory foods to sweet, but won't complain if offered free dessert.  DRINK  :    Coffee, without a doubt. Tea comes as close second, followed by soup.  PIZZA TOPPING  : I don’t think Snufkin has ever tried a pizza, but I imagine his favourite toppings would be mushrooms, olives and anchovies.  COLOR  :  All greens (naturally), yellow, night-sky blue, and white.  MUSIC GENRE  :  Folk, but I think he would enjoy punk if he were to hear it. BOOK GENRE  :   Non-fiction relating to botany/bird spotting, and ghost stories specifically. MOVIE GENRE  :  Again, he would likely enjoy non-fiction films like documentaries. However, I think he would also enjoy prison escape/heist movies too.  SEASON  : While the first day of spring where he returns to Moominvalley is undoubtedly his favourite day of the year, his favourite season is in fact Autumn, because it is the season before he and Moomin must say goodbye again. As a result they spend the most time together during Autumn, and appreciate each other’s presence more.  CURSE WORD  : Snufkin doesn’t exactly curse... He finds bad language very uncomfortable, and usually expresses his anger/frustration/etc with actions instead. In the event that he must curse, I think he’s the type of person to just throw random words together instead of actually swearing. SCENT ( S )  :  Moss, campfires, coffee, wildflowers, the forest after rain. The specific smell of the Moominhouse that makes him feel at home, even though he typically dislikes buildings. 

FUN STUFF    !

BOTTOM OR TOP  :  SINGS IN THE SHOWER  : Assuming you actually manage to get him into a shower, I think he might hum quietly to himself. The shower is a good place to think up new songs.  LIKES BAD PUNS  : As a big fan of wordplay and jokes, like his father the Joxter, I think he enjoys bad puns very much. 

TAGGED BY  : Pinched from @the-lost-adventurer-plum TAGGING  : @lastfallen, @morning-glcry, @spiral-cursed, @elin-cinderrose-ford and anyone else who wants to!

[temporary-dysphoria]

People are doing the decade in review, so what the hell, I’ve jumped on every other bandwagon. See below for rambles.

2010 - I was in my second last year of high school. I was three years into self harming to maintain what little control I had over my absolutely shocking mental health. My parents had found out, and they didn’t deal with it well. It wasn’t their fault, but the way they dealt with it really only made things worse. I was smoking and rebelling against my (what I now know as emotionally abusive) mother in every way I knew how. I was hanging on to church by a thin thread, and Girl’s Brigade was the only thing keeping me sane when it came to the religion that I was expected to be apart of because my mother said so.

2011 - 2014 I graduated high school. I could have done better had I put the effort in, but I was nothing if not ornery, so when my teachers said ‘Mandy, you could study and get into medicine’ I said, ‘fuck that, I’ll do the bare minimum I need to drive an ambulance because it looks like fun.’ I went on a Leadership camp with Girl’s Brigade and I fell in love with another girl there. Absolutely head over heels, and it felt so wrong because of where I was. As part of the camp we spent three days essentially alone camping with nothing but supplies, your Bible, and a letter from your parents that you didn’t know you were going to receive. It was designed to bring you closer to God. My father’s letter made me cry, and my mother’s letter made me want to die. I was still self harming even as I graduated, and prepared to apply to university. I never saw the first girl I fell in love with again because I wouldn’t go to another large Girl’s Brigade meetup after this one. 

I went to university to study Paramedicine. Leaving high school behind for university was a turning point. I managed to kick my self-harm addiction on my own. I quit smoking at least three times during the course of my degree, the last time for good. I became a Leader at Girl’s Brigade, and I found a purpose through working with my young cadets. I finished my Queens Award, and while I was proud of my achievement, the final panel interview hammered the last nail in the coffin for my relationship with Christianity when they sent me back to my company with instructions for my Captain to ensure that I understood that being gay meant a one way ticket to hell. As someone who was still struggling with my sexuality the decision to leave the church was the easiest one I’d made in a long time. 

2015 - I graduated university and snagged a graduate position in a metro area on the coast. It was super exciting, because for the first time I would no longer be under my mother’s thumb. And it was exciting, until I got there, and realized that I was essentially a country girl who had wandered into the city with absolutely no idea of what to expect or how to deal with being in such a populated area. I felt more isolated in that city than I ever did in any of the small towns I’ve ever lived in. My mental health - which until this point had been stable - took a nose dive. I worked myself to the bone and I ended up having to pull up about 8 months in with iron deficiency anemia and massive fatigue. At 4 months, I asked if I could transfer and finish the rest of my grad year somewhere rural, but I wasn’t allowed - so I had to spend the rest of the year just trying to stay afloat. 

2016-2017 - I managed to transfer back to the bush once my graduate position ended, but the damage to my mental health had been done. I went from one isolating place, to another - only this place was isolated due to distance. I was one of the only young people in the town, and even though I enjoyed myself, mentally I was probably back where I was at the end of high school. I didn’t see anything wrong though, not until I had a proper breakdown in front of my best uni friend - who then staged an intervention, and told me I either needed to move on from the tiny town I was in to a larger rural town, or I needed to move back metro so that I could be around people who could support me. 

2018-2019 - I took my friends advice and put in a transfer application for the area that I spent a lot time in growing up. It may have been luck, it may have a deity, it may have just been the universe saying ‘hey dude, sorry about that pretty rugged time we put you through before’ but a position came up in the very town that I’d spent nearly half my childhood in. I grabbed that fucker with both hands and now I am here. For the first time in years I was working in a place with a solid support network, with people that I knew around me. I started doing things I enjoyed again, like weightlifting, and writing, and gardening. I was only 40 minutes away from the property that I’d spent half my childhood on and when I needed to get out of reception and relax, all I had to do was get in the truck. 

Going into 2020, my mental health is not bad, but its not great. I’ve got a lot of work to do to repair what I’ve done over the last ten years, but I’m better than I’ve ever been historically. I’ve come to terms with my bisexuality, and I can only hope that by seeing me be as comfortable as I am with it, will help some of the local kids who might be just as confused and feel just as out of place in this still very conservative country town. 

My mother will continue to ask me if I’m going to start looking for a husband, and I will continue to tell her that I fully intend to become a wine aunt and own several dogs. I’ll also low-key disappoint her by increasing my weight training, but I can only hope that one day she will be as pleased as I am when I can lift truly obscene amounts of weight, just because I can. 

I wrote in another post about how I never expected to actually make it here, and it’s true. I was running on autopilot for so much of the last decade. The end of last year was the first time I’d actually looked forward at the future, and had a good hard think about what I wanted to do, and where I wanted to be. Running on autopilot isn’t good. It’s not healthy by any stretch of the imagination. But it got me from point A to point B, and now I’m glad that it did. 

[hissyreviews]

September Reads!

Sooooo, who’s 12 days late to show all the books I read last month?

This bitch!

So here’s how I decided to do this end of the month wrap ups. I’m going to add a read more, give the back of the book summary, my snap thoughts, and then a rating. That way, if you don’t care for long posts you don’t have to suffer.

You’re welcome.

The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

A young FBI trainee. An evil genius locked away for unspeakable crimes. A plunge into the darkest chambers of a psychopath’s mind- in the deadly search for a serial killer. . . .

Thoughts: MMMM yes, this is the good shit. Hell to the bells yes. This is my shit. One of my faves. Top ten books read ever.

Rating: 10/10 would recommend

The Road by Cormac McCarthy

The Road is a profoundly moving story of a journey. It boldly imagines a future in which no hope remains, but in which a father and his son, “each the other’s world entire”, are sustained by love.

Thoughts: Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. This book is rough. This world is absolutely horrifying but the relationship that McCarthy crafts between the father and son is so emotional. I have heard that this is one of McCarthy’s least rough books to read in both emotional trauma and philosophical nihilism. (Also I think there was a Jesus allegory in the son. I don’t know why but it felt like he was the future religion. Look, I was too busy crying. I don’t think I could handle reading another McCarthy, alright?)

Rating: 4/10 I didn’t really like it but I think it’s like Pulp Fiction. Everyone should read it once.

The Beguiled by Thomas Cullinan

Wounded and near death, a young Union Army corporal is found in the woods of Virginia during the height of the Civil War and brought to the nearby Miss Martha Farnsworth Seminary for Young Ladies. Almost immediately he sets about beguiling the three women and five teenage girls stranded in this outpost of Southern gentility, eliciting their love and fear, pity and infatuation, and pitting them against one another in a bid for his freedom. But as the women are revealed for who they really are, a sense of ominous foreboding closes in on the soldier, and the question becomes: Just who is the beguiled?

Thoughts: This is one of those books that I came into with high hopes. The story itself was good. I liked the overall story. I was not fond of the writing style. It’s the 1960′s trying to emulate the 1860′s. Overall, it went over like a lead balloon.

Rating: 5/10 Take it or leave it. You’ll either like it or you wont. (Check it out at the library.)

The Ghost Map by Steven Johnson

It’s the summer of 1854, and London is seized by a violent outbreak of cholera that no one knows how to stop. As the epidemic spreads, a maverick physicians and a local curate are spurred to action, working to solve the most pressing medical riddle of their time. Ina a triumph of multidisciplinary thinking, Johnson illuminates the intertwined histories of the spread of disease, the rise of cities, and the nature of scientific inquiry, offering both a thrilling account of the most intense cholera outbreak to strike Victorian London and a powerful explanation of how it has shaped the world we live in.

Thoughts: I loved this. I know that history can be dry and dull but this had a dynamic way of speaking about the past. The writer is a journalist not a “true” historian so it makes for good reading. No shade, but many historians just write like dust. Sooo dry. Mmm, book good, much education. I feel illuminated.

Rating: 9/10 would recommend

Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann

In the 1920s, the richest people per capita in the world were members of the Osage Nation in Oklahoma. After oil was discovered beneath their land, they rode in chauffeured cars and lived in mansions.Then one by one, the Osage began to be killed. Mollie Burkhart watched as her family became a prime target. Her relatives were shot and poisoned. Other Osage were also dying under mysterious circumstances, and many of those who investigated the crimes were themselves murdered. As the death toll rose, the case was taken up by the newly created FBI and its young, secretive director, J. Edgar Hoover. Struggling to crack the mystery, Hoover turned to a former Texas Ranger named Tom White, who put together an undercover team, including a Native American agent. They infiltrated this last remnant of the Wild West, and together with the Osage began to expose one of the most chilling conspiracies in American History.

Thoughts: This is a book that will make your blood boil. It shows the blatant racism with an unapologetic stare. As an Irish Cherokee living in Oklahoma, I was biting my fist in rage throughout this entire book. These crimes, these absolutely disgusting crimes should be taught in history books. If you have no idea what this is about. Read the damn book. If you have an idea of the events. Read the damn book. If you live in Europe. Read the damn book. Events like this should never be forgotten. And God bless Mollie Burkhart. Read the book and you will feel that way too. Just read the book.

Rating: 10/10 read the damn book

The Circle by Dave Eggers

When Mae Holland is hired to work for the Circle, the world’s most powerful internet company, she feels she’s been given the opportunity of a lifetime - even as life beyond the campus grows distant, even as a strange encounter with a colleague leaves her shaken, even as her role at the Circle becomes increasingly public. What begins as the captivating story of one woman’s ambition and idealism soon becomes a heart-racing novel of suspense, raising questions about memory, history, privacy, democracy, and the limits of human knowledge.

Thoughts: Holy shit. This is why I don’t own a smart phone. Read this book and you will second glance at every piece of technology that you own. In thrillers I try to guess what is going to happen and I was wrong about the ending of this book. Which, to tell the truth, made me happy but I was paranoid about the ending. Like it feels like life is moving towards this kind of universe and I don’t like it. May I just say that I am Mercer.

Rating: 8/10 would recommend

Voices from Chernobyl by Svetlana Alexievich

On April 26, 1986, the worst nuclear reactor accident in history occurred in Chernobyl and contaminated as much as three quarters of Europe. Voices from Chernobyl is the first book to present personal accounts of the tragedy. Journalist Svetlana Alexievich interviewed hundreds of people affected by the meltdown - from innocent civilians to firefighters to those called in to clean up the disaster - and their stories reveal the fear, anger, and uncertainty with which they still live. Comprised of interviews in monologue form, Voices from Chernobyl is a crucially important work, unforgettable in its emotional power and honesty.

Thoughts: This book  will take you through every possible emotion known to man kind. Alright. Do not read this if you are in an emotionally compromised state. It will make it worse. That said, I truly believe that this is a pivotal piece to understand the Chernobyl disaster from the ground up instead of the top down view that much of the western world understands. Also, with that Chernobyl series this seems an apropos time to read this.

Rating: 9/10 Everyone should read this once.

Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi

Every Tuesday mornign for two years in the Islamic Republic of Iran, a bold and inspired teacher named Azar Nafisi secretly gathered seven of her most committed female students to read forbidden Western classics. As Islamic morality squads staged arbitrary raids in Tehran, fundamentalists seized hold of the universities, and a blind censor stifled artistic expression, the girls in Azar Nafisi’s living room risked removing their veils and immersed themselves in the worlds of Jane Austen, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Henry James, and Vladimir Nabokov. In this extraordinary memoir, their stories become intertwined with the ones they are reading. Reading Lolita in Tehran is a remarkable exploration of resilience in the face of tyranny and a celebration of the liberating power of literature.

Thoughts: You know a book that makes you frustrated with the author when they did something you know that they would regret in the past? I felt that. I won’t spoil it but I did say on multiple occasions “You asked for this!” This book is living proof of the old adage “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” Yeah, that’s what I felt and pity. There was some pity going on.

Rating: 8/10 Read it if you are interested in Middle Eastern history or women’s studies. I don’t think it’s everyone’s cup of tea.

The Perfect Girlfriend by Karen Hamilton

Juliette loves Nate. She will follow him anywhere. She’s even become a flight attendant for his airline so she can keep a closer eye on him. They are meant to be. The fact that Nate broke up with her six months ago means nothing. Because Juliette has a plan to win him back. She is the perfect girlfriend. And she’ll make sure no one stops her from getting exactly what she wants. True love hurts, but Juliette knows it’s worth all the pain. . .

Thoughts: This book is an easy read. It’s a day and a half for someone who reads a lot. Easy to get into, easy to understand, but it doesn’t act like it thinks you’re stupid. Creepy in the same way You was creepy. If you liked You you will like this book. If stalkers aren’t your thing avoid this one. I will say that I found the ending underwhelming. It felt like the author was tired of writing and just wanted to end the freaking book. Other than that, it was fine.

Rating: 6/10 Like You? Read this one.

The Trial of Lizzie Borden by Cara Robertson

When Andy and Abby Borden were brutally hacked to death in Fall River, Massachusetts, in August of 1892, the arrest of the couple’s daughter Lizzie turned the case into international news and her trial into a spectacle unparalleled in American history. Reporter flocked to the scene. Well-known columnists took up conspicuous seats in the courtroom. The defendant was relentlessly scrutinized for signs of guilt or innocence. Everyone - rich and poor, suffragists and social conservatives, legal scholars and laypeople - had an opinion about Lizzie Borden’s guilt or innocence. The popular fascination with the Borden murders and its central, enigmatic character has endured for more than a hundred years, but the legend often outstrips the story. Based on transcripts of the Borden legal proceedings, contemporary newspaper articles, previously withheld lawyer’s journals, unpublished local reports, and recently unearthed letters from Lizzie herself, The Trial of Lizzie Borden is a definitive account fo the Borden murder case and offers a window into America in the Gilded Age, showcasing its most deeply held convictions and its most troubling social anxieties.

Thoughts: I have always been fascinated with this case. It is one of the first nationally publicized cases and as such everyone knew. Can you imagine never being able to go anywhere without being recognized as the one woman who got away with murder? In America we still sing “Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, gave her father forty-one.” No one alive in America doesn’t know who Lizzie Borden is. If you like true crime and history you will like this. I think you probably would even if you aren’t a connoisseur of those genres. P.S. I still think Lizzie did it.

Rating: 9/10 would recommend

Jane Austen, the Secret Radical by Helena Kelly

An illuminating reassessment of the life and work of Jane Austen that makes clear how Austen has been misread for the past two centuries and how she intended her books to be read. In Jane Austen, the Secret Radical, Helena Kelly, dazzling Jane Austen authority, looks a the writer and her work in the context of Austen’s own time to reveal this popular, beloved artist as daring, even subversive in reaction to her roiling world and to show, novel by novel, how Austen imbued her books with radical, sometimes revolutionary ideas - on slavery, poverty, feminism and marriage as trapping women, on the Church, and evolution. We see that Austen was writing in a time when revolution was in the air (she was born the year before the American Revolution; the French Revolution began when she was thirteen). England had become a totalitarian state; Britain was at war with France. Habeas corpus had been suspended; treason, redefined, was no longer limited to actively conspiring to overthrow and to kill. It now included thinking, writing, printing, and reading (Tom Paine was convicted of seditious libel in 1792 for ideas considered dangerous to the state), the intention being to pressure writers and publishers to police themselves; those who criticized the government or who turned away from the Church of England were seen as betraying their country in its hour of need. In this revelatory, brilliant book, Kelly discusses each of Austen’s novels in the order in which they were written. Whether writing about the fundamental unfairness of primogeniture in Sense and Sensibility (influenced by Mary Wollstonecraft’s 1792 A Vindication of the Rights of Women) or about property and inheritance, war, revolution, and counterrevolution in Pride and Prejudice (Kelly describes the novel as a revolutionary fairy tale written in response to Edmund Burke’s Reflections on the Revolution in France) or about Mansfield Park, with its issues of slavery and the hypocrisy of the Church of England, we see Austen not as someone creating a procession of undifferentiated romances but as someone whose novels reflect back to her readers the world as it is - and was then - complicated, messy, and filled with error and injustice. We see a writer who understood that the novel - seen as mindless “trash” - could be a great art form and who, perhaps more than any other writer up to that time, imbued it with its particular greatness. And finally we see Austen - the writer; the artist; the serious, ambitious, clear-sighted woman “of information” - fully aware of what was going on in the world around her, clear about what she thought of it, and clear that she set out to write about it and to quietly, artfully make her ideas known.

Thoughts: Damn that synopsis. Advice for publishers: create an engaging synopsis in one to three paragraphs. That being said this was a fascinating read. I love Austen so I enjoyed having more context to the stories. Great for women’s studies, english literature and a perspective of slavery rarely mentioned (at least in my readings).

Rating: 9/10 will enjoy if you enjoy Austen