#but it won't last forever? is that a positive or a negative? idk

[braisedhoney]

I love ur Narrator so much <3

*grabs the arrows on him* we gonna go to the blender my guy

(i'm putting that little screen thing back on my sona's cuff... thing, btw. i think it's cute to read asks off it ahdkfksks)

[mrs-monaghan]

Maybe it just seems that way, and I honestly apologize if I misunderstood your posts/answers, but I wonder why you always bring up Suga negatively (i.e. "glad the tour is finally over", "we don't talk about yoonmin", whatever you meant about the "weird rm-yoongi" thing).

I am pretty sure I have never said I'm glad Suga's tour is finally over. My anons are my anons and Shaz is Shaz. We are 2 different entitities. Mkay? But I'm I glad the notifications are finally going to stop? Yes. Yes I am.

2nd he's literally my 3rd favourite member after Jikook so idk what you're insinuating here 🧐

3rd we don't talk about Yoonmin because Suga won't stop thirsting over Jimin. U want me to stop saying this then tell him to behave when it comes to Jimin. 👀 But just like with V, as long as Jikook don't have an issue with Suga, then neither do I. And JK seems to still like him just fine. Also, this really isn't a negative thing. It's meant to be funny and I myself find it quite hilarious the whole Yoonkook thing when it comes to Jimin. Thus why I say we don't talk about Yoonmin coz JK doesn't like Yoonmin moments. 🤫 I need more people with a sense of humor to start following me 😩

4th i didn't shade Suga. I just said according to some people there has always seemed to be tension between Suga and RM. Sometimes. As per their own admission they used to be very competitive. They're both writers and both producers so it makes sense that they would clash often over creative differences.

We had members recounting about how Hopekook folded all these clothes neatly and came back to RM and Suga throwing them at eo back in the day. In the soop we had Minimoni once again recounting another Suga, RM fight. And again as per their own admission said they used to fight alot back then.

About the current situation, From what I'm hearing out there in the streets is that chapter 2 has RM behaving some type of way. What with him posting everything he's credited for. Something he never used to do before. Suga produced take 2, he's in the credits. I'm not sure coz I haven't checked but idk if RM is in the credits but now we know he wrote the song coz he told us. I've also heard about something he said during the festa last year when Suga said idols come to him for advice and RM was like "why don't they come to me?"

Now listen, I'm not invested enough in their dynamic to care or keep tabs so idk anything really. All I know is there are people who didn't expect him to show up at the concert and he didn't....

There could be many reasons as to why he didn't show but people will always have discussions on certain topics even though we have limited content to go by.

Last but not least its not that I only bring up Suga negatively. Its the fact that I'm a Jikook blog. Which means I will only talk about other members in relation to Jikook. And when it comes to Suga, its never going to be in a positive light because mans does need to get his shit together when it comes to Jimin, is all.

But other than that I have no issue whatsoever with Suga. Yoonminkook is my favourite trio. Fr fr. Jinjikook and Hopekookmin fight for that spot alot depending on the day, but Yoonminkook will forever have my heart.

I like Suga, alot, actually. And the insinuation that I don't hurts me, anon. It hurts me right here.

[stfu-im-thinking-abt-blorbo]

Copy/Pasted from my other pages, a little update on my art and mental health, and wanted to leave my situation on a slightly more positive note than this morning.

So my Apple Pencil/stylus has died for good today. I've been having issues with it for months now, and today was officially it's last day. There's nowhere nearby to take it for repairs, and I'm more than likely not going to be able to send it away to be repaired. I've had this thing since 2019, and in the past three years it has served me incredibly well. I won't be able to reopen any commissions until I either get it replaced or figure out how to mimic my style on Procreate in a different program. Replacement is definitely not going to happen any time soon, especially so close to Christmas, so idk when I'll be comfortable with my art in FireAlpaca or SAI2 again. Pretty much all of my WIPs on my iPad are going to remain unfinished for a while.

I'm very upset at the moment, not just from my stylus. A lot of stuff has happened over the past few years, this has been the worst year yet, and all of it is making me reconsider every step I've taken as an artist. I'm not well, I haven't been well for years, and I won't be well for many many more. I don't really have a good way to vent nor anyone I feel safe with to vent to, and I don't really know how express what I'm feeling on my own. I don't make vent art because I hate how it makes me feel, plus I can barely bring myself to pick up a pencil when I'm like this anyways. And while I can still write in a state like this, writing about my problems just makes me spiral further into depression, anxiety and paranoia. I literally have a doc titled "Why My Life Sucks, From Before I Was Born to Now." If that isn't unhealthy idk what is. This situation particularly stings right now. Yesterday I made my list of what I wanted to do in 2023 in an attempt to feel more positive and hopeful about my future, but I've already been set back before the new year even started. I'm not at risk of hurting myself or others, but ngl it'd be pretty nice to simply not exist right about now.

Sorry if this was a downer to read, but I wanted to give an update on my art situation and let everyone know what my headspace is like atm. For what its worth, I'm not "giving up" in any sense of the phrase. I'm definitely taking a break from any serious work on my stories or reopening commissions, but not forever. I'll still be making silly doodles and reacquainting myself with my screen tablet and FireAlpaca or SAI2. I have a lot of editing I want to do so I can update my deco and themes for my pages and blogs. And I've also realized there's also a lot of writing requests building up on my fanfiction blog, so I could also tackle that. Even though it feels like positivity has brought my life nothing but negativity, I'm still trying. I've been a pretty decent therapist for myself after all these years, why would I stop now lol

Happy holidays everyone 💖

[nathank77]

5/4/24

10:33 p.m finished at: 11:08 p.m

So I slept really well. I fell asleep in like 30 minutes or less. I got really high before bed and obv took my xanax. Was it the weed or being over tired from only getting 4 hours of sleep the other night? We will see. I slept for 4 hours, woke up peed and then took a Benadryl. I took a couple to a few hits and passed back out. The Benadryl was a just in case. I woke up once more and passed back out. Then I woke up at like 3:30 I think.

I've been smoking weed all day and having a red bull day enjoying bully. Idk if the weed is making it worse or better or the same. I've been more positive and calm and I've been more relaxed. I've been convincing myself the hallucination is murmuring or something, incoherent things that sound like what I'm either thinking or random things. Last night it said carnegie hall. So that's not positive or negative or anything? It was neutral.

I mean at one point yesterday I felt like it was getting worse but I was really tired. Today seems about the same as any other day but I mean its hard to tell. I got to see what sleeping is like on a day I got like 8 hours. Just using Xanax and getting stoned before bed.

I mean we will see and we will keep tracking the hallucination and slightly the mental pictures... I'm trying not to ruminate on it or negative things. Cause that doesn't help its obsessive in nature.

My new obsession is trying to control the hallucination by convincing myself that it's so indiscernible that it either sounds like my internal monologue or it sounds like nothing but a weird ahh or incoherent sounds. We will see how it goes.

Sleep really does matter cause if it can fix it then that would be great but if it has little to no effect then it isn't worth the money...

Especially if it could worsen the hallucination. However I'll keep myself busy and keep trying to think its indiscernible and try to change my inner monologue that's been effected by hearing the same phrases for months on end despite the fact that like yea I can still hear birthday present or happy birthday but Maybe I can convince myself that most of it is indiscernible. Especially my dead name and bussyunt... use your imagination that was changed to bussyunt from pussy cunt.... but that happened months ago with the voice when it was more intelligent...it helped me...

So now I'm trying to help myself and change things to indiscernible noise or my monolgue or random neutral shit.

We will see. I know one thing, I could backtrack a bit but it won't be significant. It won't be like October all of a sudden.

So I'll take it day by day cause it would be nice to get off xanax ALTHOUGH maybe that's not possible...

Xanax stopped the mental pictures with auditory hallucination thing. It hasn't happened since I started taking it..

Let's say my hallucination stays the same or gets marginally better and I'm sleeping great and falling asleep easily....

Let's say that I try to get off xanax but- those mental picture with auditory hallucination thing happens again... I'll stay on Xanax until the day or even months after I stop hallucinating assuming I ever stop. I'll stay on Xanax forever if I hallucinate forever just to stop that mental picture/auditory hallucination trauma.

I do keep seeing weird specks out of my peripheral vision, that's a little new.... but not really it was happening months ago... but I'm trying to stay positive. It's rapid and disappears... but I did get enough sleep last night. I'm a little worried. I wouldn't say it happens often but maybe a few times today, maybe 4 times I something in my peripheral vision for seconds. I won't count last night cause I only got 4 hours and it's always like that with a lack of sleep....

I'm def worried about that but I mean as long as it doesn't get worse. I just got to track everything and anything....

I guess I'm on the fence. I notice my thoughts are a little sloppy.. like thinking Nathan deadname. That was getting better significantly before but sometimes I think tiki tots or something too cause I'm high... idk I got to track everything and that's what I mean about changing my internal monologue by trying to erase those phrases as much as I can by changing the hallucination..

Idk... I'm trying bc sleep is really an issue with me... and I need to fix it...

I feel like if my sleep stays the same and I got to drug myself all the time beyond Xanax it is not improving and then it's not worth the money or the risk...

Beyond that it can help ptsd.... the issue is making my auditory hallucination or any hallucination worse....

But I feel more like me... when I've been on dating sites, not putting 420 friendly and being like she's a pot head and I mean I may never be able to smoke pot again regularly, I feel I lost a huge part of my identity.... like I kinda get when Katie cried and said, "you're always high so it's not really you." Bc of her trauma with her parents having been alcoholics.... but the high version of me feels like me. Especially when I am less high and medicated..... bc it's something that evens me out... and feels more like a mood stabilizer than, "woah man," if that makes sense. Right now I def feel high cause like I have no tolerance... but it will even out more.

We will see, I don't want to lose this part of myself. Without edibles weed doesn't cost an arm and a leg anymore. I mean atm bc of what I have I won't need to get my card until like August.

Anyways- I'm playing bully. I stopped for dinner. I'm feeling lonely but I'm used to it. Trying to numb that pain with distraction....

Hardcore moshpit is starting Tuesday I'm excited. I'm going to take Tuesday the 7th to the 13th and play black ops everyday all day long assuming I don't get smashed cause then I'm going to be mad. I haven't played any bo4 cause I only seem to do well on hardcore barebones moshpit and hardcore Nuketown which are two playlists that only last a week each spread out over a 15 week rotation.

[imisswonho]

Hi there friend!!! 💛💜💓 I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but just know it won't last forever! ☀️🌞🌠☄ I don't know any way to cheer you up, but I just wanted to let you know that you're such a wonderful positive influence in my life!! 😄😊 There's so much negativity around, so your blog really makes me feel so happy!! Thank you for being such a wonderful person and spreading kindness and love!! 😘😃😄💓💛❤💗💕 Feel better soon

HI BABY!! ✨✨✨ oh my gosh sjdflkafjsa thank u so so so much for the sweetest message ever!!!!! tbh i saw this yesterday and i wanted to keep it in my inbox for a bit longer bc it made me smile so much and i appreciate everything u said :’))) this definitely cheered me up and idk how to thank u!!! 💛💫🏹⭐️🍯✨💛💫🏹⭐️🍯✨💛��🏹⭐️🍯✨💛💫🏹⭐️🍯✨ aklsdfjlakjfl hearing u say that makes me want to work on my blog and spread more positive vibes so thank you!!! 💛💫🏹⭐️🍯✨💛💫🏹⭐️🍯✨💛💫🏹⭐️🍯✨ u are an incredible human being and im so grateful for u and ur cute message, ilysm!!!!!!

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

[sanderssideblog]

Hey, there's still a bajillion amazing things you haven't experienced yet, please try and stay for a little bit longer. It's painful, but it's worth it, I promise. You won't feel this pain forever, it does get better. Do you know the crisis line for your country at all? Maybe it would help to talk to them?

i mean i am not sure. about any of this. like i am trying to do stuff that seems nice. but it makes it worse because. my brain can't tell apart positive and negative emotions so everything is like "kill yourself". and idk about help lines here. last time i check there was bothing available at this time?

[luciferhaswifi]

I just realized that the main reason I don't talk to ppl about my struggles or just generally be vulnerable is bc idk how to. Like I've always been a dealing-w-shit-on-my-own typa person throughout my childhood and teen years, like I talk a lot but never about serious stuff, so now I literally dont know how to stop doing that. Like how to even start a conversation like that? Do I jusy say hi can I say something not positive? Is that ok? Wouldn't that be random? Wouldn't that ruin the mood? Won't they not want to be my friend anymore because I've always been the uplifter, not the downer? Wont they think I'm not fun to hang out with anymore? Its just...a lot of my closest friends I've known for about 8-9 years and I think they're just confused about my attempts to adress things going on in my life bc a) I've never done it before and b) my attempts are really awkward. Like how do people do this? If something is going on, like which friend do they turn to? One thats a good listener? One that gives good advice? Since I've never done this before idk who has these qualities. Will they even interpret this as me wanting to talk? Bc I never did it before, wont they think I'm just expecting a "yeah, sucks man" back? And then its done? Shit. Like is that even the dynamic of our friendship? Bc they know they can always talk to me but I never talk to them so won't they be confused? And think I got weird or smth? Or think I got rlly dark and sad? Also, I'm the advice giver in the group, maybe they dont even know what to say to me, even if they tried? So even if I managed to open up I'd be left w still no clue how to deal w it but them now forever knowing I'm not as cool as they thought? But how to even start it? Like do I say hey I have a problem???? No that cant be right, right? What if it's not even a problem, what if I'm just feeling down, what if I'm just not doing well, what are they even supposed to do with that information? I mean I'm an adult, they're not here to cheer me up, right? I'm supposed to cheer myself up and if it's longer lasting talk to my therapist. Bc like longer lasting down phases and me not getting shit done, isn't that something annoying and frustration for my friends to talk about? Like why would I be that person thats like yeah everything sucks n then they're like nooo and then what? I ruined the mood and I'm still doing crappy. Like I mean they cant change that anyways? They dont have mental health issues so maybe rlly just leave all of that to my therapist. But what about like just stuff in life? Worries, issues, plans, fears, sadness, dissapointments etc. How the fuck do I talk about that? How do I in general communicate my feelings? I cant even communicate good ones, like when I'm really into smth I just say yeah I like it a lot bc I don't wanna seem obsessed. So how the fuck do I communicate negative ones in depth? Also isn't it kind of embarassing if something bad happened to me? How do I communicate anything? Do I just say hi and randomly tell them information they didnt ask for???

[tired-kf]

How do you deal with that fear? I have it as well. I just got into a new relationship after talking for almost 2 months. They don't like to text (not just me but to anyone) and are busy with sports, classes and homework. Sometimes I don't hear from them for a couple days. In person we're great and they are so affectionate. Sadly they are moving in a month in a half a few hours away. I'm falling and idk if it's mutual and I'm scared it won't last forever.

You just have to be real with them and trust them. Especially with distance, you have to be able to communicate and talk so they’re gonna have to figure out their texting thing. You also have to trust that they want it as much as you. I heard once, “if they love you they’ll make time for you”. So if they don’t have any time to talk to you or even say “hey hope you’re okay”, then they don’t deserve you. If you’re in a relationship just be real say what’s on your mind and try to fix it together. Sometimes me and my gf (on different continents w/6 hour time difference) don’t have substantial conversations in a day, but i at least try get a good morning and an I love you of some type so she knows I’m still here thinking of her, I also then just have to know and trust that sometimes she is busy, but she’ll still come back to me and know I’m there for her. I have school, homework, lacrosse, and a job but I always make time to say hey and ask how her day is. Sometimes things don’t last forever, if they add a positive in your life, they’ll stay for awhile/forever. If they bring a negative, dont keep the stress on your life.Long and a bit of a ramble but I hope that helped some how, you got this!