#but no. that doesn't last. he's immediately pressured into stuff again it's. choices were made while making this show

[eyelessfaces]

about time we found each other again.

leto atreides x reader

summary: even years after your wedding got called off, leto is not sure he truly really got over you.

warnings: implied cheating (I am so sorry lady jessica I love you), death of a parent, angst, probably inaccurate dune lore stuff my most sincere apologies I did my best

tags: f!reader, arranged marriage, first love, love confessions, estrangement, time jump where the second part takes place a few years before the first movie (this doesn't matter at all tbh)

word count: 2.1k

this is my first time writing for leto so I hope he's alright lol<3

When you came to meet Leto Atreides for the first time, it was instantaneous; maybe you couldn't rightfully affirm it with conviction yet, but some deep part of you immediately knew that you desired him to be the one by your side for the rest of time. 

He had been the only other person around your age when you and your family attended a special meeting on Caladan, and you could very well feel your heart beat faster and your cheeks burn hot at each of his furtive glance thrown your way and each slight smirk over either of your faces when your gaze met his. 

Maybe leaving your home land and being sent to eventually move to Caladan wouldn’t be as bad as you had thought, after all.

And it wasn't. You quickly, borderline scarily quickly fell in love with Leto, you were sure of it by now. His manners were those of a man of respect, and he was kind and compassionate, he didn’t have the over excessive pride you would expect from a destined duke.

And ultimately, you grew to also be almost pretty sure that he felt the same way towards you, from the way he listened to you with no feigned interest whenever you shared stories with him, from the way his warm brown eyes so gently looked over at you, from the way he always made sure you were treated right.

You remembered it to be a warm evening when he officially confessed his love to you. 

You had been walking mindlessly through seemingly never ending fields, talking about anything and everything for what felt like a lifetime, eventually stopping to lay down and watch the sun set. 

Leto had settled on gently putting flowers in your hair while you told him about your childhood on your home land, smiling radiantly as he admired you lovingly, brushing your cheek with the back of his hand before he leaned in to kiss you. 

Your own hand was quick to find his dark curls neatly slicked back as he hovered over you, the tip of his fingers delicately tracing your face and neck before he pulled away from your lips when it became absolutely necessary. 

From there, the sunset and everything else became insignificant, everything could be crumbling around you and you wouldn’t pay it any mind; nothing mattered, not when Leto promised to love you until his very last breath here in the middle of nowhere. 

So when you eventually had your parents visit you on Caladan and announce to you that you had been sent there for them to agree with the Atreides upon arranging a marriage with Leto, you couldn’t be happier and it couldn’t be more convenient; you would have chosen him anyway, if given the choice.

Leto had the competence of making everything seem so easy, and he turned out to be quick to ease your worries about your upcoming future as a duchess.

Even under the looming political pressure of your marriage, this wedding meant a starting point for the rest of your life, a part you could not wait to share with him, even if it meant a lot of responsibilities and changes.

Then so suddenly, all at once, it all fell apart, everything. 

It was late in the night when you and Leto were laughing and dancing, rehearsing for the forthcoming wedding. Servants had knocked onto your shared room door, and Leto’s hand left your waist as he scurried away to answer the door, opening and making way for them to enter the room. 

They came in with a polite nod, one of them unrolling a parchment letter, reading out loud to the both of you.

The letter was from your father, announcing the news that your mother had died while on a mission, resulting in the need of your presence at your home land to take over her legacy and responsibilities for a while.

You didn’t understand what it involved right away, maybe from the shock of the sudden, dreadful news, the loss of your mother too hard to swallow.

You didn’t understand that it meant that you and Leto were bound to be no more, that either of you were now assigned to different fates and responsibilities, that the marriage was therefore called off for the moment being.

And you quite certainly didn't realize that the night you spent tossing and turning around your shared bed with eyes wide open until the sunrise was the last night by his side, that the morning you left was the last time you would see him.

Until years later, what felt like a lifetime.

When you came back to Caladan for political and business reasons, it was only because of the absolute necessity of your presence, otherwise you wouldn't have shown up.

Finding him again after so long drowned you right back again in the same hollow feeling you endured the moment you were drawn apart years ago, and while you mirrored his polite nod and smirk, you couldn't help but still feel the pain of being estranged so brutally, of seeing him again after so many years.

He was wearing the slowly appearing gray streaks of hair beautifully, and the beard suited him like he was made for it; it made his handsome face look a bit more harsh and severe, but he was a duke now, after all.

You lightly cleared your throat as you made your way to leave the meeting once it was over, troubled as you could feel the weight of his gaze burning holes through you all along. You could feel your heart pound through your ribcage the exact same way it used to when he held you when you were younger, and you ultimately came to the rotten conclusion that your stay here in his presence would be a tough, challenging time for you, and that dwelling on the past had been a bad idea, exactly like you had anticipated it to be. 

—

It was wonderful out there, just like you had remembered it to be. The view from the balcony offered you an endless panorama over Caladan and its lush lands, and while you loved your home land with your whole being, you couldn’t deny missing living on Caladan.

The fresh breeze of the night was nothing but pleasant, and even though you were slowly starting to feel goosebump growing over your skin, you figured the view of the sun starting to set was more important.

“I thought I could stay focused while in your presence.” you recognize his voice all too well, and you wonder if the shiver running down your spine is caused by his sudden apparition or the wind hitting you. “I was deeply wrong”

“Leto,” you chuckle sheepishly, blushing as you turn around and face him.

A bittersweet smile has quirked upon his face, and he steps further and approaches you. The years have been unkind to him, lines of wisdom and experience growing upon his face transforming him into a man hardened by duty. Yet, beneath the rough facade, you can still see the eyes and soul of the man you once knew and loved.

“Why only now?” he asks, a certain helplessness painted across his face.

“What?”

He sighs as he looks away, licks his lips as he walks besides you and grips the barrier of the balcony with both hands. You only hear the wind as you watch and wait for him to do, to say something.

“This should have been yours. All of this” he mutters, gaze fixed on the sight before him. The clouds look like cotton ripped apart and spread through the wide sky, and the sun setting over Caladan turns them into an abnormal color, one you wouldn't even be able to define. “I waited for you.” Leto declares, head turning to look back at you like he is trying to figure out how you feel or waiting for you to say something.

Your eyes close as a small exhale leaves your mouth. “Why should it matter now, Leto” you scoff, turning away to try to escape his gaze, heavier than you remember.

“It has always mattered” he declares, following your steps as you try to inch away from him. He calls your name in a weak plea, his hand coming to rest over your arm. “Look at me. Please”

You do. You turn back to him, and he looks at you like you will be slipping away from him any moment now, like you're just a ghost, like you're water in his bare hands. “Tell me you did not think of me all those years and I'll leave you alone.” he whispers feebly, face close to yours as he still holds onto your arm, and you can feel your breaths mingling from how close he is to you.

His unwavering gaze is locked on yours, desperately waiting for you to say something. Eventually, your lack of response speaks for itself, and he nods slightly. “That's what I thought.”

“Leto.”

His hands come to cup your face, holding it steady as with a sigh, his forehead rests against yours. Your eyelids fall shut under the weight of it all and you exhale softly, your hand wrapping around his wrist, stroking along his forearm.

“I have loved you since I met you. I should have found you and married you regardless.” he mutters, barely louder than a whisper. His declaration makes something flutter deep in your core, and you grimace like his words feel sour to hear. You should have done it differently, should have come back to Caladan after everything went back to normal after your mother's death.

“And your wife?” you rhetorically ask, with a dubious scoff.

“She's not– we never married.” he shakes his head, pulling away from your forehead to look back at you, your hand falling to your side again when you let go of his arm. His gaze and the way his eyebrows are angled weakly are conveying everything you need to know, confirming every conclusion you made. 

Your lips part slightly, some part of you refusing to believe in what he's indirectly telling you, refusing to believe that he gave up on some part of his life waiting for you.

“We were promised a marriage together, a life together” he continues, taking hold of your hand, fingers lacing with yours tentatively. “I always hoped you would come back and we would resume our life together where it stopped.”

“Now still?” you weakly ask, equally pained and somehow flattered that he never really got over you.

Again, the lack of answer and his previous actions prove the point, and you hold his hand tighter when you swallow with difficulty. Your other hand slightly trembles when you reach to touch his face, settling to rest at his bearded cheek, and you smile weakly as you trace the lines that you never got to witness appear. 

“We were so young” you smile, drawing one out of him. The corners of his lips turn upwards as his hand covers your own over his face, pulling it to bring it to his mouth to kiss your knuckles softly, the feeling of his warm breath over your skin taking you years back.

“Don't go back.” he begs against your hand, his voice wavering a little. There’s a glint in his eyes as his gaze darts up at you that makes it impossible for you to consider refusing and giving up on him again. “You belong here.”

Your eyebrows knit in uncertainty as you tear your gaze away from him, looking at the endless view again. You can't help but overthink every consequence coming back to Caladan is going to involve, for you as much as for Leto, and especially for his own concubine that is at this point already long forgotten by him.

This is unfair, but some part of you acknowledges your younger selves feelings and remembers how devastated you were to leave him; leaving again while knowing that he still cares after so many years and regrets not marrying you may hurt even more.

“This will make people talk, Leto.” you wince, looking back at him.

He shakes his head carefreely. “Let them.” he affirms with a dismissive scoff as his hands settle over your hips. You grin softly as he pulls you closer, and a soft exhale leaves your mouth when your arms wrap around his neck.

He takes a while to admire your face, how it has changed despite still remaining the one of the woman he fell in love with long ago.

When he kisses you, it is the exact same way he used to when you were young.

—

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[doppelnatur]

CAN I PLS HEAR UR WILL GRAHAM TAKE?? hannibal is one of my favorite shows but GOD DAMN do they fumble the ball w his illness/neurodivergency/mental illness sometimes (often)

Omg ok listen I haven't watched Hannibal in a hot second and my opinions are deeply deeply unpopular, you probably won't agree at all it's ok. but my impression from last watching it was that, esp in the latest seasons, we're told a bunch of stuff about Will Graham by other characters, which is supposed to be "reading him" but which is directly contradicted by his on screen actions.

My take on Will Graham is that he's a kind and gentle autistic person with magical ""empathy"" abilities that make him over identify with and feel guilty for the actions of others. (Hannibal also has magical abilities, idc about their bs psychoanalysis, super sense of smell, empathy whatever shit it's magic and that's FINE. Face blindness also doesn't make you do this shit so like. That's a magical curse also idc).

His (wrong) belief that his empathy magic makes him evil and responsible is reaffirmed by literally every other character in the show in weird and honestly predatory ways. Obviously Jack uses it to get Will to continue way beyond when he himself wants to stop, Hannibal (wrongly) thinks this magical ability makes Will Graham able to understand him, like on an emotional level and becomes obsessed with him, Alana from the beginning patronizes Will and has a distrust of him and his moral (not just mental! That worry is fair lol) stability and abandons him when he would need her. I think Freddie's attitude to him is supposed to be "foreshadowing his inevitable downfall" which is caused by him being a "criminal kind of person" (read: autistic/magical/mentally ill idc). This believe in criminal people and ""mental illness""" (it whatever the fuck this show does to the concept) making people criminal is a core tenant of the world of the show and it is why it expects us all as viewers to take the side of the other characters because of this.

And then one concrete example that sticks out rn in my mind where someone says something about Will Graham that. In my opinion is directly contradicted by what we see on screen is in season three, when he frees the guy that is trapped by that woman because Hannibal said he murdered his sister (i don't get this plot at all btw what the fuck why was she doing this in the first place what was her relation i know they explain this but i didn't get it) and Will puts a bag over his head and brings him away from the house and then let's him go. But when he (somehow???) Finds the house again and attacks the woman, she blames Will and says this outcome was his intention and that he wanted to make her a murderer. Which he doesn't contradict, because will Graham never contradicts what ppl think about him lol but it's framed like she revealed his evil truth to the audience??? When, if that's what they wanted to do. It would have been so easy to not have Will put a bag over his head. Watching it I was like "why is he putting a bag over his head, he's freeing him" but that's the thing you do when you don't want the outcome where he finds the house again. I just. Don't get it.

It's like the show wrote two characters, will Graham in the dialogue of how everyone including himself sees him which is how we seem to be supposed to see him? As this fallen corrupted man who loves Hannibal. And then will Graham who does things who is repeatedly shown to be extremely concerned with saving lives and values even the criminal lives no one else in the show values lol. And who tbh doesn't seem in love with Hannibal to me. At all. He's like gaslit and pretending that's the feeling of the guy to me.

[heresathreebee]

That G-D Ring of Yours

High Fidelity’s Robyn Brooks X Female reader

Summary: You seek comfort from your neighbor Rob

Masterlist

There's probably gonna be a part 2

Word count: 2.5k words

Warning(s): +15 | implied cheating, internalized homophobia, heterosexism, author and Rob swearing, no hate to polyamorists but major hate to bad faith players, shameless self insert, no beta, barely edited, long as fuck I'm so sorry

Author's note: I'm having anxiety for no discernable reason and my brain has decided this is ideal fuel for a fic, so please enjoy. EDIT: ha ha yeah still anxious but we're doing stuff about it

-------------------------------------------------------

"-- And she just touched my hand by accident and I just felt this–  this spark between us…" 

It was so sweet how he was talking about it. Or at least it would be were this not your fiancé explaining how he had been seeing another person behind your back. Had you rushed into things with him? Gotten hitched after three months because of familial pressure to settle down and start your family? Quite possibly.

But it didn't make that stabbing in your gut hurt any less. 

You had been a little gung-ho from date number 1, but he had been right there with you the whole time. Date number 2 happened the following weekend and then you just kept seeing each other more and more until before you knew it you had been introduced to each other's extended families and announced your engagement on Valentine's Day. 

You started to suspect something was amiss on Sunday, when you were braiding your hair on the bed and he had gone to take a shower. He accidentally set his phone screen aside with a text chat still open. Thinking nothing of it (he had already told you he was talking to Mark about getting drinks tonight), you looked at the name and saw it belonged to a woman you had never heard of before. Your immediate reaction was 'she must be a new coworker or a cousin,' but then you glanced again and saw the text conversation mirrored the same kind of ‘sentiments’ he texts you. 

The dirt burned into your brain for eternity: 

You had looked away then. You were actually not going to say anything at all to him that night– had planned to bring it up after Tuesday dinner with your auntie's family, but something came up. It turns out that Jessabelle also frequented the same Starbucks as you (and she's your age, not a teen like you worried). You can't even find it in you to be mad at her since it seemed like she had no idea who you were when she showed you the picture of her date at a baseball game. You tried not to puke as you asked for her number and to send her that picture "for her contact profile." 

You hadn't heard a word your fiance had said since the beginning of the phone call and you cut him off with some excuse you barely remember. You tossed your phone carelessly onto the couch and laid back on the cushions in defeat. What now? 

You weren't really a drinker or a smoker, and you didn't exactly have friends who would be supportive right now. You could hear them now, your family too– asking you what you did wrong, telling you to just forgive him or how to get even, or simply saying 'well what do you expect? Boys will be boys.' 

Maybe… no, you definitely need to get this off your chest before you do something stupid like pretend to forget about it. You had a bad habit of that because you tend to fall fast and hard. Perhaps your neighbor could give you some advice. 

Thank the Lord for fire escapes. Rob lived on the floor beneath you, always playing something good from her huge collection of vinyl records. You've told her at least a hundred times before if she played nothing but Phil Collins for the rest of eternity, you could die happy. You crossed your fingers and hoped you weren't being weird or invading her privacy. 

Thankfully, she seemed to be expecting you. She even motioned that the latch was undone and waved you inside. Ok the second wine glass made your face grow hot. 

"I'm not interrupting am I?" 

Rob gave you a warm smile. "I could hear you pacing around your kitchen for about an hour. Was about to come and get you actually." 

She pressed the glass into your hand and you made an effort not to grimace. Rob liked her drinks cheap and strong and she never held back. You tried a sip just to be polite, and she snorted at the face you pulled. 

"That's right, you like that sweet stuff. What's it called again?" 

"Stella Rosa," you mumbled, grateful when she takes the glass back and hands you a water to replace it. 

"Favorite flavor," she asked looking at her phone. 

"Uh… the peach and the rosé. They're all pretty good, not gonna lie." 

"OK, take this, grab a blanket from the hall closet, and tell me what's going on." 

You curled up on Rob's couch and put your feet up. There were piles of records all over the place, empty beer cans and a pizza box or two on the coffee table. Your neighbor tapped away at her phone screen before silencing it and slipping it in her back pocket. She gave you a minute or two to speak up, sipping her drink like you two had all night. Which actually you did as you did not want to see your fiancé right now. 

You felt two fingers gently tap your forehead. "Come on, dreamer, tell me what's going on in that head of yours." 

You swallow the lump in your throat. "I feel a little over dramatic saying my life is about to fall apart." 

Rob raised her eyebrows at you. "Damn, OK." 

You rush to correct yourself– explain your weird sentiment in more detail but you end up just vomiting words until your voice is hoarse. 

"I mean– like– like it's not falling apart per say or whatever– I… the rest of my life is fine its just my relationship that's screwed. Which I guess I'm more worried about because it's gonna screw up all my other relationships for a while too– dang it, let me start over–" 

"Babe! Slow down. Breathe." Rob switched drinks with you and against your better judgement you took a sip. Oddly enough it did calm you down. "So… it's your fiancé, right? What did he do?" 

You stared at her trying to unscramble your thoughts. "He… I found out he was kind of... dating another person. After I found out, he tried to explain that he didn't think I would mind–" 

Rob barked, "let me guess: he didn't think you were exclusive? Pull the Main Chick, Side Chick schtick? Tried to claim 'polyamory' after he got caught?" 

Two and two clicked together at last. "Yeah… yeah, he did!," you scoffed, "and it's not like it didn't ever come up in conversation: we spent our third date talking out our, like, sexualities and fantasies and fetishes and shit. If he was polyamorous, wh- why wouldn't he have brought it up then?" 

"That is so fucked." 

You took a deeper draft of her wine, coughing before setting it aside. Up until now, you've been numb. Now there's this wave of anger boiling up to the surface and you hear yourself getting louder. Rob doesn't flinch but she does give you this look of empathy unlike anything you've seen before. 

"If he– if he would have just asked me, I would have told him it was fine. My family does shit like that all the time: nobody bats an eye! If he really thought I wouldn't mind, he wouldn't have been so freaking sneaky about it. He literally lied, Robyn!" 

You whipped around and for a brief moment you knew you looked crazy. "He said he was going out for drinks with his guy friend, but he was making plans to go to a baseball game with a girl I've never heard of! If he really thought I wouldn't mind, or if he 'thought I would understand,' then why would go out of his way to lie about who he was with?" 

Someone buzzed Rob's door and she left you on the couch momentarily, coming back quickly with two bottles of your favorite wine. "Damn girl, these are kinda bougie: Peach or Rosé?" 

"I--"you choked, "Robyn you didn't have to–" 

"Peach it is!" She unscrewed the caps and handed you the whole freaking bottle of white, downing the last of her merlot and getting a fresh glass for you. 

You felt a little guilty she had spent money on you. But then again it had been her choice. If she didn't want you there, Rob wouldn't have let you in in the first place. Maybe you were just a tinsy bit worried you shouldn't be here. 

You and Rob took a break from talking to put on music and get a little tipsy. It came much easier with the help of the Stella Rosa, though Rob initially complained it was 5.5%, she did get accustomed to the sweetness pretty fast, and after consuming half the bottle, realized it was a little easier to get carried away with a drink like this. She admitted it was her first time trying rosé and now she was hooked. Eventually you started talking again, just spilling your guts out with no filter anymore. 

"I really think I just hate myself," you said cuddling the cool glassware. "When I found out, I wasn't even thinking of it as a betrayal of my trust– it felt like I was trying to come to terms with it so I could continue with the relationship. Not because it would make me happy but because… I don't know… it's what everybody else wants me to do. They don't even know about it and I was fully prepared not to tell them even though they'd want me to marry him whether they knew or not." 

Rob barked a laugh of surprise. "Doh-K!" 

"What?" 

"Nothing, nothing…" she said, "keep going." 

You stared off into the middle distance and leaned into her side. She was a tiny bit warm despite her lithe figure. Made you want to throw your blanket over her shoulders and share your greater warmth. 

So you did (you're not great at acting out your desires but this is nice!)

"It's just easier," the words left your mouth unbidden, "I don't even know what that means, but it's true. I don't want to marry him anymore but I don't want to break it off. Not marrying Fiancé means disappointing my family. It means having to find an entire new man to marry sooner rather than later because I'm already 'behind' and lowering my already low expectations. 

"It's not gonna make me happy, but I just think it's easier to keep this wedding going because at least I won't have to find somebody new who might not be as good for me just because I didn't want him. Another man won't make me happy so there's no reason to drop him... except that I don't want him." 

Rob's brow furrowed. "Are you saying it's easier for you to please your family than it is to be happy?" 

"Yes? I– no, I– … I don't know," you sigh. "I guess you could say my priorities are a little… mismanaged." 

"Sure, you could say that." Rob wrapped her arms around your shoulders and you inhaled the scent of her soap and cigarettes. "What if you tried… like… not doing that anymore...? You just said you do whatever your family wants you to do. So, just like do what makes you happy for a change." 

It really does sound so simple the way she puts it, doesn't it? Why are you doing this to yourself? You're not dependent on them for money or security or happiness for that matter. So... why has your whole life been centered around pleasing them? 

"I think… I think I've never really sat down and thought about what makes me happy," you admitted. "I think it's just been that way forever and I might have been too scared to try anything else." 

Rob hummed. "Are you still scared now?" 

Are you? You look into her eyes and ask yourself a question that has never crossed your mind with such depth. You used to be scared– but what is it about your happiness that you are so afraid of? OK, let’s start a little simpler: what are things that make you happy? 

“I like…” you swallowed, trying to break down the barriers you’ve built years and years ago. “I like… coffee. I like… short skirts. I like… girls– I like… my job. I like… music. I think I’d enjoy camping, you know, some day…” 

Your words… these things seemed so arbitrary and trivial. But in your house, these things cause dissent. “My family has an opinion about everything. There’s no right way to live in all of their eyes, but I think I figured out a way to get past it. Keep my head down and do what’s expected of me. Graduate college, get a respectable job, find a man to marry, drop the job and become a mother. Just… don’t make waves. It seemed better because the cousins who didn’t or couldn’t… well they became the butt of every joke at the family dinner. Lisa had one miscarriage so she was a ‘failure’ and Don never dated girls so he was gay and that was ‘bad,’ but grandma Zelda did everything a good Christian woman could do and they still gossiped about her behind her back… 

“And I just… I just let their ignorance control me for my entire life.” God, you could cry right now, but somehow it just felt too good to say it outloud. “That.. that is so fucked.” 

Robyn snorted, and you turned to her as if you’d forgotten she was there. There it was again, that sympathy. Not pity, she did not burden you with tears of her own or try to be angry for you. She just listened and understood. You twisted the diamond encrusted ring on your finger and stared at her. You felt it, that feeling in your heart. No one else had given you that look, like she could really see you. 

“You’re not going back to Fiancé, are you?” Her question was equal parts worrisome and hopeful and you already knew the answer in your heart. 

“No.”

And that was it. Decision made. Actually easier than you'd thought. Maybe not down the road but it felt good for now. There's the telling your fiancé it's over, the moving out, the public announcement, the inevitable feeling of failure, your family, god, his family too. Untangling your lives would be long and hard. You're not sure if you have that level of commitment and motivation in you but fuck it. Problems for tomorrow.

You rest your head on Rob's shoulder and hope your not pushing any boundaries. She doesn't stop you though, in fact she snuggles you deeper into her. You get the feeling she's been here before though your not sure which side or how bad it was for her.

"I like you way more in the few times I've met you than any man I've ever dated," you heard yourself say. "I'm sure that means something but I'm too tired to decide anymore. No tonight at least."

Rob chuckled. "I like you too, sugar."

If you made it this far, hi 💛 appreciate you, leave me a comment! Or just comment "💛"

[procrastination-queenie]

BTS Princes!au

Note: 1)This is a modern Royal family! au headcanon. (I never saw any fic with the BTS members as brothers of a royal family, so why not post about the concept. 🤷🏽‍♀️)

2)All the members of BTS are brothers.

3) Yoongi and Hoseok are twins, and Jimin and Taehyung are twins, too.

4)This takes place in the present time.

5) I will make a separate headcanon for each member (how they meet their significant others and the weddings details)later, also might turn it into a series if it gets good response.💜

6) last but not least, none of the photos included are mine, only the edits are made by me.

First things first

Maknae line are so hard to tame, I am telling you.

Yet, the queen loves to pamper them because they're her babies.🥺

Hyung line are so formal and collected, unlike the maknae line.

They are always carrying out royal duties.

They are so concerned for their subjects.

Hate the idea of leading a lavish and luxurious lifestyle while there are people out there who are suffering.

Therefore, you find each prince supporting different causes.

Jin would be supporting organisations that help single mothers.👩‍👧‍👦

Yoongi and Hoseok would focus on mental health.🧠🗣️

Namjoon definitely supporting education.🎓🏫📕

Taehyung promoting environmental causes.♻️

Jimin would probably be interested in organizations that focuses on the issue of plastic pollution.🏭

Jungkook supporting anything related to physical health maybe doing something like The invictus games as Prince Harry did.💪🏼♿

But the nation has never been on edge like this since ages, everyone can't wait to see each Prince's choice of their future spouses.

Plus don't get me started on the idea of 7 different themed, royal weddings .... OMG!!!👀💃🏽

It got to the point that whenever any of them is seen with any woman then it's instantly assumed that she'd become a future Princess. 👸🏻👸🏼👸🏽👸🏾👸🏿

The king's advisors would suggest that he talks to the boys upon the matter since they're becoming of age and should start families of their own.

But he won't force them to do anything tho.

Like he'd discuss it with their mother while they're all out doing a traditional royal activity or something.

The Queen getting excited over the idea but won't pressure her boys just like their father.

The boys won't focus on that matter, they want to focus on helping the people more.

But that doesn't mean that they haven't thought before about meeting their significant others.😉

Especially when their parents, the king and queen, set a great example for love stories.

But they find it hard specially with all the attention being on them which is not giving them the space to focus on their love life.

During one of the rare interviews that the Palace allows them to do, the 7 Princes agreed that they won't mind marrying a foreign girl.

The King and Queen wouldn't mind, too. The most important thing is that their sons are happy.

Each one would meet the love of his life unexpectedly.

Surprisingly, first one to be in a relationship is Jin.

I know everyone said it would be Jungkook, but the poor boy can not imagine to put his future Princess under the spotlight with his lifestyle, so he preferred to wait and see how it would go with his hyungs.

Plus he didn't want to be the first one to settle because the intensified attention on him that will get worst as he's the golden maknae.

The last one to likely get married or settle down is probably Yoongi.

Everyone knew it really, especially the Queen.

When Yoongi was a smol baby,👶🏻 she realised that he cherished spending time by himself.

Don't get me wrong tho, Yoongi was a sweet baby.🖤

He got along so well with Hoseok and Jin.

He even loved playing the part of the big brother when the world welcomed baby Namjoon.

He would hug his siblings if anyone of them was crying and needed comforting.

She could remember that one time Jungkook was crying his heart out because Jimin snatched his favourite toy, and Yoongi would immediately comfort Jungkook and share his favourite blanket with him, but not before reprimanding baby Jimin and making him apologize to his little brother.

Such a sweet baby 🥺💜.

But again...

It's just that the Queen noticed that her second son was not really into being a sociable person like his brothers.

He can definitely be sociable, it's just he prefers not to be.

And because of that, she knew that her Yoongi won't settle with just anyone, and that it would take time.

The king is such a proud father because all of his 7 sons are hard working and passionate about their duties.

Jin and Namjoon are definitely the ones who lead most of the important royal events.

Jin is mature and knows how to handle himself with the public and the press.

Something that the maknae line still has to learn and perfect, that's their father's opinion.

while Namjoon is really well read in politics as it was his major.

So Jin and Namjoon definitely make a good duo when it comes to the political affairs of the country.

Hoseok,Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook are most likely the ones to be on the first page of the newspapers almost everyday.

As I said the citizens would be very interested in the life of their future rulers.

Therefore, the boys are always under a microscope.

Especially those 4 because they're bold and reckless, but like not in a bad way.

With the world evolving around them, many people do realize the fact that the concept of a monarchy is old news.

And that's why these 4 are working so hard to evolve their monarchy and keep up with the changes taking place.

Therefore, they manage to surprise their subjects by their open minds and their updated thoughts upon almost every matter.

That's why you can find them all over the global news every now and then more than the other monarchies.

The boys would all probably travel abroad to complete their education, then come back to enlist in the army.

Jin enlisting first of course as he's the oldest and finishing before them.

Then Yoongi and Hoseok complete theirs.

Followed by Namjoon

Then Jimin and Taehyung

Finally, ending with Jungkook.

And let me tell you something...

The Queen cried the hardest during Jungkook's ceremony.

I mean she did cry during the other ceremonies of her sons, too.

But Kookie's was the hardest.

Because that's her last baby🥺.

Plus you know how mothers always pamper their last child. ALWAYS.

It's so unfair.

The boys sometimes think that Jungkook is her favourite, but that's not true.

She loves them all equally.

"It just hits differently when you're letting your youngest baby off to face the world because he/she is all grown up now."

That's what she always says.

Now let's move on to the important stuff ...

The Queen has an important event at which she will be bored to death?

Don't worry😊.

Leave it to her youngest twins and Jungkook to accompany her.😈

They always know how to make their mother laugh when things get way too boring.

Of course they would all show up with all their glory 😉.

The Queen is so proud of her babies.

Like who wouldn't be proud of having 7 perfect handsome boys who are well mannered and such gentlemen.

They are so smart and are always up to learn more.

Here's how they turn her boring night into an eventful one:

Make her laugh over their silly attitude towards eachother.

You know like, Jungkook teasing Jimin for being short.

Or Taehyung squishing Jungkook's chubby cheeks.

Never fail in making their mother laugh.

But now moving onto the serious part.

Once the event starts.

They become focused.

Start firing questions. (Politely of course).

Want to know more about the matter discussed at hand.

Will intimidate the host by the amount of questions being asked.

Which leads other hosts to remind themselves to be prepared beforehand in case the 3 Princes decide to show up ... No one wants to be embarrassed in front of the royal family and the public and be accused of not knowing a certain detail about the matter they're responsible of.

The Queen would have a big proud grin on her face.

Proud of her babies for being so invested in the matters of their country.🤗

Now moving onto the older twins: 😉.

You know, everyone told the Queen that having twins would be a really unique experience.

And it was true.

She swears having her first twins was the funniest thing in her life.

She was astonished to find her babies becoming the total opposite of eachother.

Like, to her Yoongi's character is the moon 🌒 while Hoseok's the sun 🌞, and the cutest thing about it is that they complete eachother.

How cute is that. 🥺😍

As we said Yoongi is calm and prefers to spend time by himself and that wasn't any different when he was an infant.

But,Hoseok was and still is the total opposite.

Even tho they were similar when they were born.

But you would definitely know how to differentiate between them.

Baby Yoongi is calm while baby Hoseok is bubbly and energetic.

You'd probably find Hoseok fussing in the middle of the night, but YOONGI !!! 😂

Baby Yoongi appreciated his sleep over anything else. 😂😂😂

The Queen would remember toddler Yoongi falling asleep in weird places at weird times.

Like how he fell asleep under the dinning table during a royal family gathering in Christmas. 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

While Hoseok would cause many maids to hand in their resignation to the head staff of the palace due to his over energetic bubbly self.🤣

Definitely was the devil himself.

Pranking the staff and pushing them to their limits.😂

She would remember that one time when they were on a vacation and they were introducing the twins to the concept of a swimming pool....

Hoseok was ecstatic, he felt like he was on top of the world and kept splashing water at his mum by slamming his chubby little hands in the water. 😂

While Yoongi kept looking around like a grumpy cat then falling asleep in his father's arms with his chubby cheeks squished on his dad's bare shoulder.

Pouty lips slightly agape.

With drool falling from his cute little lips 🤤.

The Queen was laughing so hard that day at her husband who was trying to get any reaction from Yoongi but failed miserably. 😂

Getting out of the pool and putting the twins in their push chairs for a nap.

Yoongi grumping in his sleep because the sun was too much for him which led to him waking up feeling grumpier than ever.

Hoseok was too busy consumed in his curiosity by looking down from his high chair wondering why he is being restricted in it now when he was far away from being sleepy.

Now fast forward a few years later, and the twins were still the same in their mother's eyes.

Sometimes, she would look over at them and wonder if her grandchildren would look anything like their fathers and inherit their weirdly cute personalities, or maybe they would grow up to take after their mothers whom she still has no idea who they are or when would her boys meet them.

I mean let's face it, all mums get super excited when thinking about grandchildren.

The Queen actually caught herself imaging how her grandchildren will look like after the boys decide to settle down and start their own families.

Almost had a mini heart attack at the thought of the palace being invaded by her grandchildren.😂

That is if her sons decide to have as many children as she and her husband did.

Would secretly wish for girls because obviously she didn't have the experience of raising a girl.💜

Which will lead her to think of all the royal jewelleries that she will be giving to them.

But would push away the whole thought as she didn't want to pressure the boys.🥺

Now moving onto Namjoon:

Boy was the king and queen amazed when they discovered his love for reading at an early age.

Like he would spend so much time in the library of the palace, and afterwards would go to bed immediately.

The king promised not to tell anyone this except for Namjoon's future wife.

But one night when he was on his way to his room ...

He found Namjoon sneaking late at night out of his room and into the library in his cute baby blue onsies. 💙🥺

His father won't admit it, but he thought it was one of the cutest things ever.

Just like, how he found his oldest twins the total opposite of eachother. 😍

The king as a father was very involved in his sons' lives.

They made him so excited.

Like everyday they would teach him something new, and as a father he was and still is looking forward to know more about them.

How they think, react, and what do they like and dislike.

Raising them was such an adventure to him.

He remembers when they were first expecting Jin.

Everyone told him that having a son is like having a partner in crime.

And God blessed him with 7.

Too many partners in crime for the poor Queen's heart.😂

Well concerning Jin:

The king and queen remember how he was the second quietest baby after Yoongi.

Sometimes the Queen thinks that Jin is too mature for his age.

A perfectionist since childhood.

She could remember when he would throw little tantrums when things didn't go his own way.😂

As the eldest, he is doing a great job of looking out for his brothers.

She of course understands the way Jin is as he's the crown prince.

But still she can't help but worry that he takes the position too seriously that it can wear him out.

She just wants him to enjoy his life a little bit like his younger brothers.

When accompanied by one of the maknae line to carry out a royal duty, you can see him quietly reprimanding them (yet gently) to behave in front of the public and the paparazzi.

This one time the camera caught him giving Jungkook the look because he was fussing around.

Poor Kookie looking at the ground like a reprimanded little child muttering a "sorry hyung." 😂😂😂

Jin has this faint sided smile.

He loves his brothers,truly.

Can't help having a cute little smile whenever one of them would apologize for acting unprofessionally, he just loves to mess with them.

And they know it.

But they respect him so much that they won't argue about it. 💜

Now Jimin and Taehyung are a different story:

THESE KIDS ARE A MESS

I am telling you. 🙂

DO. NOT. LEAVE. THEM. TOGETHER. FOR. TOO. LONG. ⚠️

They will bring chaos upon the place.

Even though they are not identical twins.

But unlike Yoongi and Hoseok, they have a lot in common.

Would wear matching outfits when doing a royal duty.😊💜

The boys remember when Hosoek once suggested doing the same thing with Yoongi...

But he scoffed at him. 😂

Anyways.

Even though they are trouble, but that doesn't mean that they're unaware of their positions as princes.

Therefore they won't really do something reckless. But still they're crazy.

Insepararble.

If one leaves the other to carry out a certain royal duty without his twin.... They immediately feel uncomfortable.

You can definitely feel it that they're close brothers.

But again they're twins so you can't really blame them.

definitely helped Hoseok with his pranks on the staff of the place when they were kids.😂🤭

As for Jungkook, well...:

Last child, so definitely pampered all the time.

VERY CURIOUS.

you know how children are curious by nature, well.... He is extra curious.

Definitely the most athletic among his brothers.

Very competitive.

Don't ask me why!! But Prince Jungkook would be interested in fencing 🤺

Like I'd imagine him in that uniform, sword in his gloved hand, messy hair hidden under his helmet...

And oh my God ... I just melted at the concept 🤤

Such a hopeless romantic.🥺💜

Like when the king and queen would share a short loving kiss.

All the boys would act disgusted, but not Kookie.

He found it cute.

Like he would have a hint of a blush on his face.

Smile, face down.

Hoping to find someone like how his dad found his mum.

Like it really amazes him how after all these years, with seven kids, a heavy burden of ruling a country and yet they seem to be falling more and more for eachother everyday.

If the boys learnt one thing from their parents, it would be pure love.(romantically speaking.)

All in all, the boys are doing just fine as princes.

Carrying out their duties as professionally as possible.

Things are quite normal in their lives that is until ...

Each one finds his partner.😏💜

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N: Please, please, please I am begging you guys for the millionth time to not be silent readers and share your opinions. TELL. ME WHAT. DO. YOU. THINK. Pwetty pwease 🥺👉🏼👈🏼. Also I'll upload the second part of this when it gets a decent amount of likes so....

[mademoiselless]

[3/10]

"Give her wings when she wants to fly"

Jaehyun really felt it. It was warm and it's spreading in his chest rapidly, almost suffocating him. The warmth was uncomfortable and irritating and his body isn't accustomed to that kind of feel. It was new. It was profound.

He ran as far as he could, out where he could breath. His heart was beating so fast as if he ran a mile or two. He feels so exhausted and tired as he reached and leaned himself to a nearest concrete. He breathes in heavy, thinking his lungs might collapse anytime and the current pang his feeling now in his chest is not really helping.

"What is happening?" He silently thought to himself. The question was still left hanging, seeking for answers that he might actually know himself but he's just afraid to discover.

A couple of minutes passed when he finally stabilized his breathing and realized where he was. Good thing it was the place where his feet brought him, in the proffesor's faculty where students seldomly go at that hour.

The spot was silent and the dark orange rays of the late afternoon sun that passes through the window across the hall calms him a bit as he recollects his thoughts. Jaehyun settles on the ground, leaning his back againts the cold wall as he thinks ; of course his mind was screaming about you.

He knows, he doesnt have the right to meddle with those kind of things, but the hell you were thinking of backing out? He knows it was your passion, your dream and it stirs his gut to know you're going to let go of it because he's an athlete himself. He knows the feeling of not pursuing something you want regardless of what's ceasing you. He doesn't know, he's not the nosy type of person after all, but he wants to pry himself into this matter. Jaehyun knows well that it's kind of absurb and you will surely hate him more, but he wants to try nonetheless.

His deep line of thoughts were interrupted when he heard one of the offices door, the loud creaking of it echoes through the empty hallway. He abruptly rose from his sit as his palms unexpectedly sweat the time he saw your figure, exiting one of the rooms. Like on a cue, he calls for your name but regrets it almost immediately as you turned and all the warm feeling in his chest were back in an instant.

He jogs towards you only to meet your the same stoic face that he sees everyday but secretly yearns to see hours ago. Despite the heavy pang he's feeling, he tried to regain his courage and will to express himself to you. He knows he should let this thing out of his chest before it consumes him, thoroughly.

Meanwhile, you were kind of surprised to see Jaehyun, who came out of nowhere yet again, standing before you in closest proximity he's ever been. It's already late in the afternoon and you thought maybe he's supposed to be practicing seeing now he's still on his jersey and basketball shorts. What's he doing here?A talk with one of the couches maybe? But why he had called and approached you?

The moment he's stood in front of you, the thing on his chest starts to pump, a little bit faster and all the courage and will were gone when he stared into your eyes unintentionally. Breath hitched and tongue tied, all of a sudden.

Both of you sweared internally that it was the longest 5 seconds of your lives. No words were found, only your eyes appear to be talking ; questions and thoughts were impended inside your minds, struggling to be spoken out.

"Hey." Jaehyun breaks the silence, finally.

"I know I really do annoy you a lot and you might be thinking that I'mjust playing around but can you hear me outjust this once?" He said in one go, almost choking on the last word. You only quirked your brows up signally him to continue.

"Don't give up."

You're not sure if you were hearing things or might just misheard him but it definitely hit something inside you. "I'm sorry?" You said with a questioning look. Jaehyun sensed the somewhat irk in the tone of your voice but for him, it's now or never.

"I-I know, I'm not in the position to say this or meddle with your personal stuff and business but... please dont give up on it." He has spoken, eyes still lingering to yours, feeling his sincerity on each and every word. You've also never missed that stutter and you couldn't actually believe it.

Jaehyun was actually ready to your snarky remarks, he's assumed you'll be pissed off at him for discovering your personal issues he's not supposed to know or give a fuck with and giving sudden uneccesary advise. He knows it was wrong but he despise the feeling of loss, be it passion, dream or perhaps love ; and for some reasons, the urge to spare you from it was strong. Time goes by and the tension between you was getting thick and you remaining motionless and silent seemed not a good sign to him. Finally tearing away his gaze, he walks off.

You tried to open your mouth to speak but unexpectedly no words came out as he passed by you. His faint scent in the air remains and it invaded your senses, calming you strangely. Truthfully, you were so tired of the pressure and confusion that you were not able to respond. You were somewhat annoyed of how the hell he knew about your varsity retirement— if that's what he's pertaining but a part of you is craving for someone who will tell you to keep up. You were alone to this, only having a few friends and your teammates but none of them actually supports you on what you love, of what makes you really happy. Dropping varsity was never your choice, it was your parents' and forever you will continue to live up on their dreams. Sure you love your course but it's not that easy to let go of something you have worked hard for, your dreams.

For a moment, you have actually thought if he's really sincere. Sincerity is a word that's very far to associate with Jaehyun but you can't help but to think of the possibilities and what if's. You wouldn't admit it to yourself but he's like practically the push you were waiting to help you manage your inner turmoil. Sighing deeply, you walk out of the empty hall alone with a choice of finally giving the boy some credit.

"Jung Jaehyun, thank you."

Next day came like nothing happened, apparently Jaehyun was still having this little crisis inside him. He's a bit anxious of seeing you today after what happened last time. Realizing you're still not around as the literature class was about to start, he thinks of maybe it's the time to get totally away from you and leave you alone. Maybe he was really just intrigue and curious about you. Plus, he kinda miss the "girls", that idea made him chuckle and shake his head, well old habits die hard.

"Sorry I'm late."

"That's a first for you Miss."

Jaehyun swears he felt something swell inside him the moment he saw you making your way to the seat beside him and he hates it. He hates that everytime you come around he feels lost. He hates that you make him speechless andva stuttering mess all of sudden. He hates the warm and strange he's feeling, the rapid beating in his chest, he hates it. He hates everything but you.

He remained silent in his seat for the whole 2 hours period, he didnt spare you a glance like the immature prick that he is thinking that it's for his own good. Jaehyun was checking the time every 5 minutes and curses, two hours seems like years for him.

Five minutes before dismissal he's already packing his stuff inside his backpack ready to chicken out anytime soon but not when you suddenly move closer towards his desk making him fidget in his seat. He finally threw you a glance having him no choice and saw you placing out some books in his desk and your old binder.

"What?" You asked him, quirking your brows before scribbling something on a piece of paper. He just stares at you in disbelief like you've grown an extra head.

"Partners right?" You mused.

<< [0/10] [1/10] [2/10]

A/n: was actually writing this while listening to "Stolen Moments" by Causious Clay

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 3 Chapter 11

• Again, fam, I'm not entirely sure I'll have this QT out in time but I hope I will. My surgery has been fixed for next Thursday, and I'd like to finish whatever I can before I leave for hospital. It's going to be hard, but fingers crossed I can get it done.

Here is Part 2 of Chapter 11's Quick Thoughts once you're through with this one!

• I'm noticing a narrative pattern here! Whenever something devastating is happening right in front of us (like the two attacks in the palace) they immediately pick up from where they left off in the previous chapter, bring that portion to its dramatic conclusion, and then play the opening theme (in this case, it's the sad version of the TRR title track). They used a similar narrative format in Chapter 1 of this book.

• This is also the third time the sad TRR track plays in the book. The only time it was played sans the narrative style of Chapter 1 and Chapter 10's openings, was in Chapter 6, after the orchard at Applewood was burned. All at points of time when all hope seems to be lost, before our lead characters get up, dust themselves off, and resolve to keep going despite everything and everyone against them.

• It was pretty clear that Constantine would sacrifice his life in this chapter, given the way he was talking at the end of the last one. It's the kind of symbolic send-off one tends to write for a character one knows will die sooner than he anticipates. Which is why even though I'm kinda pissed that Leo comes now when everything seems safe, I understand why having him there is so important. In the narrative, Leo is an important part of the closure that comes before Constantine's demise.

•

A few notes on Constantine's demise:

1. He's right about one thing: it definitely is a better end for him. He dies a hero. Cordonia never finds out that he was going to die anyway. No one gets to know what he did to the future Queen/newest Duchess either. I'm still going to be unhappy about this because it's a way better end than the man deserves.

2. I know I would find it disturbing if the man who arranged for me to be harmed in multiple ways in his own house was hailed a hero during his funeral, with only me and a handful of other people knowing he had done, and without the option of ever opening up about who was really behind it. I don't know about you, but my MC Esther would definitely feel conflicted about that.

3. Also..."everything I did, it was for you...whether or not it was right". Sorry Constantine, but that's a load of bullshit. After all this time, this man is still making excuses just before he dies. Liam answered this brilliantly in the last book - Constantine had a choice. He always had a choice. There were other, better ways of getting the MC out of the competition if that was his goal but no, his mind went straight to privacy violations and assault.

4. Also, while he pledged to help us under pressure from Liam, the fact remains that the brunt of his actions were borne by other people. The MC's name was dragged into the mud and SHE had to run around and make all the effort of setting it right. Liam was forced into a loveless match that would have culminated in a disastrous marriage had Tariq not cooperated, and he had to work on figuring out who was behind this not knowing his own family was involved. In all this, Constantine did all the work of making his own home as unsafe for his guest as it could possibly get, and very little of the work in restoring her reputation in the eyes of all of Cordonia. Did he apologize? Sure he did. But that doesn't change a damned thing. It doesn't change the fact that he sowed evil and left it for other people to reap.

5. I find his last line to Liam quite poignant though. "You are Cordonia". That's a very loaded statement, and a very accurate one. And I think if there is anything that can keep Liam strong and carry him forward, it's that. No one in this book is as immersed in the culture, history and spirit of Cordonia as Liam is - which is why he makes the best king for the nation. Because he knows it intimately and cares for it, he knows what this country needs so it can heal. Even if it takes a while for Liam to realize that himself.

6. So long, old man.

• Title: Cold Fire. Kinda fitting, considering our tour has now moved to Lythikos, but the 'heat' of the tensions within the court have turned up several notches. It could also refer to that sick, sick burn Drake delivered to Madeleine today though 😂😂😂

• Alternative titles:

Drink What Everyone Else Is Drinking. Good For Health.

Drake Doesn't Need A Sword to Slay Assholes. Nor Does Olivia, Apparently.

@callmetippytumbles suggested a shorter and better alternative title to that one, and it's: Drake Roasts And Gets Roasted.

• I was hoping we would spend at least a chapter in the Capitol and, yknow, actually help Liam work through his grief, but nope. Flash-forward it is.

• Bastien is in hospital now, with injuries sustained from escorting people out of the palace, so Mara (who apparently hasn't been sleeping since the attack) is the one doing the debriefing on his behalf.

• It's clear to Liam and our friends NOW that whoever has been conspiring against us was a part of the Unity Tour and working from the inside (bruh, I could have told you that long ago). I'm thinking now that if Neville is part of this plan, perhaps the duel was meant to serve as a distraction so arrangements could be made within the time that the entire court was out in the courtyard. Just a theory.

• This was also alluded to in Perfect Match, when one of Nadia's alternative identities is Steel, a guest in the 'royal's tour who is actually an assassin.

•

This is perhaps the closest we get to Liam confessing how much all this has been affecting him, and sadly enough, he doesn't have enough time to really work through his grief. The suggestion to continue to Lythikos and get their answers there comes from Liam, and he speaks of it as something Constantine would have wanted. It isn't entirely healthy, but I think this is the way Liam has been brought up and it's hard for him to give himself time to be vulnerable, to give himself the space to grieve properly. Because now more than ever he has an entire country depending on him, and the royal family is known for projecting displays of strength and stoicism even if they don't feel it. It's not a good way of working through one's issues, but it's probably the only way Liam knows to deal with his trauma. I feel like in a lot of ways he's reliving especially the assassination attempt that happened earlier, but worse because someone he loved actually died this time. I'd definitely see some signs of PTSD at work here, even if it's suppressed. Particularly given that he speaks of feeling empty.

•

Waitaminute...are you telling me that Esther, the future Queen of Cordonia, is going to attend a Ball, her fiancé's father's funeral, a meeting, and an entire trip to Lythikos in this fever dream of a costume???

Fine. Fine, Esther, I give up. Fanta bottle inspired Stephanie Seymour gown it is 🙄

• What Madeleine says about the effect the MC has (particularly if the MC chooses all the right options during the tour) on people is very very similar to the last thing Constantine said before he died:

I'm guessing in a lot of ways this is seen as the MC's personal victory. Constantine and Madeleine were the two people who believed least that the MC had anything of value to give if she became Queen or a person of power in Cordonian politics. It was a long hard road to achieving this level of confidence even in her naysayers, so in a lot of ways the MC now truly is a unifying factor. Which makes me wonder what they say if you do a gag-run instead where the MC fails miserably during the tour. I know @boneandfur is doing such a playthrough as of now, but I don't know exactly if Madeleine and Constantine's words to her change in such an eventuality.

•

OMG. The design team is KILLING IT with the OOTD this week! It's gorgeous, and it tells us plenty about the Lythikos duchy and the Nevrakis House! For those of you who haven't read my House Sigils essay, I theorized that red was one of the house tinctures (colours), and that the sigil was either a sword or a spider. The flaming sword is attached to the gown (possibly as a brooch pin). @i-dream-so-i-write and I discussed this, and it was she who pointed out that Diavolos signature weapon was the flaming sword, as can be seen from the above picture. I'm not sure which metallic colour would form the second colour/tincture, but evidence seems to be learning more towards silver (there is a little gold on the brooch-sword, so it could be either). Tldr: I love this gown. It has that grace and effortless style that I've come to associate with Nevrakis fashion.

• Olivia is wearing the gown she wore for her Coronation. Come to think of it, the Scarlet Duchess moniker that Olivia got would refer to way more than her fashion. Given that it's one of her house colours and she was proud to be a Nevrakis especially at the time, Scarlet Duchess would mean so much to her. So much.

• So we're seated in the front and served fresh, piping hot food. SWEET! XD This time we get to order stuff. Maxwell gets fondue, Hana gets glazed salmon and Drake has ordered for ribs.

• Olivia: I had to request a few changes for your more...rustic palette.

Drake: Are you expecting a thanks? Because you're not getting one.

You're in for the meal of your life, Walker 😂

•

If you've never liked Olivia at all before? This scene in reason enough 😂😂😂

• Lucretia drops by to make more heavy hints about marriage prospects for Olivia (including relief that her niece wasn't scarred from rubble. How...caring).

• Olivia and Liam then perform the opening dance (like they did during the social season) and Liam takes this opportunity to find out what she knows. He gets little, beyond her worries about having to marry someone Lucretia will pick for her. Hana points out that perhaps "one has to wonder who Lucretia wants Olivia to marry". Good question.

• But before that, Kiara comes up to the MC to tell her she will be withdrawing from court after the Winter Festival ends. Kiara's argument is sound - she had already extended her public support and seems to be attending the wedding. But now is a dangerous time to be a part of the court, and Kiara's doing what she can to stay safe. Remember, she was the only noblewoman in court injured during the attack at Homecoming Ball, a fact that was given hardly a minute of consideration before the MC "convinced" her to join them again.

• Hana mentions that perhaps they can speak to her before she returns. I hope this means we will FINALLY address what happened to Kiara and look into possible - very valid - concerns about her safety. This is something we SHOULD have been talking about when we meet her at Castelserraillian, but no. PB decided to create a whole new character instead just so Kiara wouldn't get the attention she deserved as a character.

• Then again, she is seen as a suspect in a way none of the other court ladies (besides Olivia, and she's only viewed as such because of her family history) are. Sigh. The MC gets the option to speculate that she "knows something" and Drake gets to answer that "we must suspect everyone". DRAKE. Who ALSO got wounded at the same Ball that she was wounded in. Ugh. I mean I shouldn't be surprised considering he gets angry about people not supporting Liam barely hours after he got shot, but he's friends with the King. Kiara is not, and if she gets wounded again wouldn't it be their fault for not addressing the concerns she and her family had in the first place? Apparently Penelope's and Madeleine's concerns should be given ample consideration, but Kiara? Kiara who?? Oh right, Penelope's love interest's sister 😠 While we're at it, let's just make her suspicious for no reason!

• CONGRATULATIONS MAXWELL STANS on getting your first character development scene! There isn't a lot of overt character development but the scene does show us how observant and resourceful Maxwell is, pointing out the hole in the armoury wall that will allow us to overhear people's conversations and give us a better idea of who we should suspect. It does this while still establishing him as goofy, fun-living and always ready to live life king-size.

• Maxwell and the MC engage in what is known in European folklore as an apple-shot (Apfelschuss in German. The most popular folk tale involving this feat of archery is that of William Tell, a Swiss folk hero, who was ordered to shoot an apple from the top of his son's head by a cruel nobleman named Albrecht Gessler. Thankfully, he succeeded).

• Oooh now comes my favourite part: the weapons!

• This is an amazing Easter Egg in two ways if you're a TCaTF fan. One is that it reminds me SO MUCH of when Val gets to be the narrator, which is ALWAYS fun! Case in point are the names she gives the Iron Empire soldiers at Ennan: Pointy, Mr Fancy, Birdface, Grumpy and That Other Guy. Here, the MC gives names to all the weapons.

• So if you're someone who has played TCaTF and forgotten the weapons, no problem! I'm here to list out what these weapons are actually called, where they originated from and how Kenna (if the reader pays) gets them!

• The Weirdly Fancy Dagger is the Black Asps Dagger (which I think might be venom-tipped, like Adder's Fang) which Raydan gets from a Black Asp agent when he is imprisoned under Azura's orders. I see this weapon as being associated most with Abanthus/Lythikos in this list of weapons, because it comes from Adder's team of Lykos spies and assassins, and eventually (if Kenna chooses so) Adder can get to rule over this kingdom either alone or alongside Princess Zenobia (or not at all).

The Dragon Face Hammer! is actually the famous Wave Hammer, made by Kailani Keawe of Ebrimel - a fierce warrior and a skilled craftswoman - from Heart Oak Wood sneaked in from Thorngate. Heart Oak has all the appearance of wood with all the strength of metal, and makes for an amazing secret weapon.

The Ram Head Thing is Crown Guardian Leon Stirling's signature weapon - The Ram's Head Mace. This is a weapon clearly associated with Stormholt as Queen Adriana bequeathed it to him. Leon gets to pass it down to Kenna upon his death, if she so chooses. This mace is strong enough to crush armour, and Leon won the tournament at Ducitora with it before Azura killed him.

The Skull...Flail? is Val Greaves' signature weapon, The Deadman's Flail, which is powerful enough to crush armour. Kenna can use this weapon in her fight against Severin Cale, Leader of the Mercenaries. Val herself uses it often in battle.

The polo mallet is just...there.

• Ooh finally! It's time to investigative.

1. Madeleine approaching a man the MC has rejected in favour of her current fiancé. If you're marrying Liam, this man is Drake and he gets to roast Madeleine like she's never been roasted before ("Liam does get what he wants. That means he also gets to throw away what he doesn't want"). If you're marrying Drake, Hana or Maxwell, she is talking to Liam, addressing the king-sized elephant in the room. Liam doesn't pull any extra punches - he just looks extra annoyed and tells her he's "had other matters to attend to". It may seem like a weak defense in comparison to Drake's explosive comeback, but to be fair the man is going through some crazy shit here, and I don't think anyone in that state can actually expand enough thought to form a rebuttal at all. I doubt he'd have either the inclination or energy to actually respond with more than "I've had other matters to attend to". It's particularly awkward if your LI is Maxwell because he is standing right next to you hearing all this, but that hardly reflects in his dialogue. Basically, I view this sequence as telling us more about Madeleine than about the men: she may have changed a tiny bit, but she's still just a huge shit-stirrer.

Possibly, this might be set up for the apology that will ensue if we save Madeleine's backstabbing ass next chapter. It'll be something along the lines of "oh forgive me, I was so wrong, what I did was so wrong, I'll never do that again" etc etc yadda yadda getouttamyfaceyoufakeassbitch.

Also, I believe that the part of the reason Drake delivered that zinger to Madeleine was because he was still stinging from Olivia's burn at dinner 😂

2. While there are very few differences between the first and last conversations, the second conversation changes drastically depending on who your LI is.

a. If your LI is Liam, Hakim comes up to Liam, gives him his condolences for Constantine's death, and then comments positively on Esther and the upcoming wedding, which leads to a discussion between the MC and Maxwell about wedding preparations. I think this is mostly because Kiara never really interacts with Liam, so they got Hakim to do the honors. Over here though, Hakim and Liam's conversation about the wedding forms only a tiny portion of the conversation, as opposed to the entire thing.

b. If your LI is Hana, Kiara and Hana have a lovely, lighthearted conversation about the latter's upcoming wedding. Kiara expresses great happiness at Hana getting married to the MC, and Hana confesses to being so nervous she constantly dreams about it. I love the way Hana and Kiara's friendship is written here: how open Hana is with Kiara and how encouraging and supportive Kiara is towards Hana. I think it's so beautiful to see 😭

c. If your LI is Maxwell? It's Hana and Kiara again, this time speculating what the MC's wedding to Maxwell will be like. Kiara confesses that she plans to skip a cousin's reception on the same day by pretending to be ill, just so she can attend their reception instead. Together they discuss what surprises the Beaumonts might spring during the reception - from dance-offs to ball pits to hot air balloons filled with kittens. Here too, it's a lovely moment - two of the smartest court members having fun talking about weddings.

d. If your LI is Drake, Kiara talks to him instead. First about the offerings at the dessert buffet, then about the wedding. Kiara is overly chirpy and happy and excited about the wedding, and Drake tenses up when she turns the topic towards the wedding preparations, because those are "complicated". Of course, if you do the LI scene with him at the ice palace, you will find out that he doesn't like talking about it because he would rather keep things simple and focus on his bride, and the nobility is all about perfection and elaborate preparations. Very possibly the Kiara-Drake conversation was written this way as a lead-up to his conversation with the MC at the snow palace. (and perhaps also to dissuade people who would like to ship Drake and Kiara, especially given the backlash Kiara got from fans just for having a crush on the man).

The main focus of this conversation of course is to give out the message that the MC's upcoming wedding is something that still excites people, and that even people afraid of staying in court don't want to miss it.

3. The third conversation between Olivia and Lucretia is given the suspicious sounding music from ES, and begins with Lucretia trying to find out more about the MC. Olivia doesn't tell her much beyond what everyone else knows, and Lucretia leaves her with this cryptic statement:

I feel we're going to have a Big Reveal about what actually happened to the Nevrakises and whether they really were traitors or not.

• With that we finish our little stint at investigation, and in comes our next chance to spend diamonds on our respective LIs!

• I love how Liam's outdoor kink has been referenced two chapters in a row now 😂

•

(Screenshots: @kennaxval for Hana, @mariamatsuo for Drake and the Vika Avey YouTube channel for Maxwell).

Again, like the previous scene, the LIs have their own individual stamp over their ice palace scene. The beauty of it is not just that they all seem different in the way they make love to the MC, but that their reactions to the ice palace itself vary from LI to LI.

Liam gives us a legend. He tells us about the prevalent pre-wedding tradition in Lythikos, where an engaged couple would have their village build them an ice palace the following winter. Kind of like a seasonal barn-raising, which also involves a community coming together to build something for the couple. It says plenty about Lythikos and its people (I won't elaborate because at some point I'm going to be writing essays again). But it also confirms for us how immersed in Cordonian culture Liam is, and how much his Queen will learn when she is with him.

Hana gives us a fairytale. She tells us a story her mother used to read to her at night, about a frozen kingdom, an ice palace and a princess with a frozen heart, which thawed the moment she found true love. The fairytale Hana tells us bears similarities to Hans Christian Andersen's "The Snow Queen", and more to the film it inspired, Frozen. But snow maidens are a staple of certain European cultures (particularly Norwegian and Slavic legend), so it could be a mix of many stories. It's fitting that Hana relates the ice palace to a story, connected as she is to literature and folklore and romance. In a lot of ways, hidden beneath the fable of the ice princess is Hana's own story.

Drake gives us a memory. As a follow-through to the conversation between him and Kiara in Maxwell's armoury scene if the reader bought it (unbeknownst to him, because he doesn't know the MC was overhearing them) he gets to be more open about not being very interested in planning weddings. His ideal would have been to take his bride to his mother's ranch in Texas for a wedding very reminiscent of his parents' union, and were Cordonia not in this condition that's exactly what he would have done. It's very like Drake, whose most powerful emotional associations are connected to his once-happy childhood and his memories of his parents, particularly his father.

Maxwell gives us an gift, made with his own hands. When he brings the MC to the ice palace, he suggests creating ice sculptures, and both make one of each other. It's a sweet, funny and affectionate scene, with both of them exchanging cute banter about Maxwell's "secret affair" with "Ice MC" and his tongue getting stuck in ice while pretending to kiss her 😂 It's very Maxwell. He's very hands-on, likes to do fun things, likes to entertain. And that's exactly the vibe I'm getting here.

The love scenes are tender and sweet and hot, and I think each of these scenes is worth the diamonds you'll spend. The scenes are tailored perfectly to fit the personalities of each LI. This is exactly what I hoped to see with scenes like the bathtub scene at the beginning of the book, and the spa scene. If they continue with this kind of quality content going forward, then I'm really really glad they took that hiatus.

• Okay we're back to the ballroom now. With Madeleine super drunk on...um...some pineapple drink.

• Madeleine is the only person to have the pineapple drink, and she seems to have an affinity for pineapple's since Maxwell offered her that Pineapple Paradise Punch in Fydelia. Everyone else is drinking Lythikos Nog.

• Madeleine collapses in the middle of Olivia's speech!

• The security detail uses "Code Locusta" to refer to poisons. Which is fitting, because Locusta was a very notorious maker of poisons during the time of Claudius and Nero (around AD 54 was when she contributed to the assassination of Emperor Claudius, and his son Brittanicus a year later). She was not only someone who was an expert on poisons and hired for that purpose, but also someone who used her skills to bring down royalty at the behest of their enemies. This could be a bit of a stretch, but I think this ties in symbolically with the plot of the movie scene in Liam's playthrough, where the enemy of the throne is someone who also can claim to be a royal. Especially considering poisons have been used to kill Liam's mother, and now to kill a supporter of the Crown and the MC, and a member of a very powerful Cordonian noble house. And yet...the other noble house - the Nevrakis family of Lythikos - stays untouched.

• The last time I recall "Locusta" being used in literature was in Alexandre Dumas' (père) The Count of Monte Cristo. A chapter of this book, in which a woman attempts to poison her stepdaughter so the family fortune could be passed on to her son, was titled Locusta as well.

• Something is rotten in the state of Denmark, folks. Or should I say, in the Kingdom of. Cordonia?

• Can I just say I love the parallels between Lythikos in Book 1 and now? We learned a little about Olivia's past in passing from Liam here, and now it will hit us in full force in the form of Lucretia. Constantine didn't seem to be in Lythikos, and returned to tell Liam that he was going to die soon, and now we visit the same estate after he has given his life to save his son.

Olivia gave us the worst place and the worst treatment then, and the best now. We convinced Kiara to support us in this very ballroom, and perhaps we might have to do so now too. It was here that Madeleine proudly claimed she was neither unrefined or insecure...but now she doesn't care about propriety.

I recall it was here for the first time that Maxwell stans were given the chance to express affection towards him, and it's here that they now get his first character development scene in Book 3. Most of all...it was here that the initial 3 LIs started to open up to us, in different ways, (if we paid) and now we return...an engaged couple - shedding all our layers and keeping each other warm in the cold (again, if we pay). I have many fond memories of Lythikos, and this chapter definitely brought me back there xD

• Tumblr isn't allowing me to write further for this post, so I will be writing my theories and who I believe is involved in the next post.

[phoenix1966sbottom]

Hi Phoneix! Do you have any favorite fics discussing the more gloomy, realistic problems between Sam and Dean? Safiyabat's for example (just an example, it doesn't need to be something like that), but non-slash is fine with me. Preferably hurt Sam, and no fixing. Also, if you don't mind, I'm curious what's your idea on their dysfunctional relationship? Thank you! ( I understand this is a fic rec blog, please just ignore my question if you don't feel to answer :)

When I read your first sentence, I immediately thought of Safiyabat for their wincest and gen stories. I haven’t come across many that really focus on the dysfunctional nature of the family relationship as well as their stuff and stays close to canon (there are plenty of serial killer!AUs, etc., for example).

That being said, I have a couple of gloomy ones and ones that just focus on the broken, family dynamic. Hurt!Sam all the way. Heed the warnings where the stories are hosted as there are deathfics in this list, not to mention other disturbing content (also, John and/or Dean are not “good” guys in these stories):

Remember When…by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean, Dean/John. Wincest. John is mysteriously back from the dead and Sam is happy about that until he walks in on his father and Dean. Sam is upset and jealous, so Dean reminds him of times in their past.Sam doesn’t want to think about those times. Dean thinks Sam is playing a game by shying away from him.

Don’t Let Me Know We’re Invisible by mimblexwimble on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. The sex is ambiguous. Sam just can’t cope with the hunting life.

Wild Men Who Caught and Sang the Sun by kroki-refur on adult-fanfiction.org. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Sam is Dean but Dean is not Sam.

What Doesn’t Kill Us by kroki-refur on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean, Sam/John. Wincest. Incest. Heed the warnings on this one! John and Dean use abusive methods to keep Sam in line. (this might be f-locked now)

Talk to Me by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest. John walked in on the unthinkable. He never wanted this to happen but he needed answers. He hoped this wasn’t true. He hoped there was another reason.

The Wolf At His Door by goandgetthegun on Ao3. Sam/Dean. Wincest.  Dean wants Sam in every way he shouldn’t, so when he gets an opportunity to have what he wants, he takes it.

The Virgin by darkroses on Ao3. Sam/John (non-con). Wincest. Sixteen year old Sam is on a hunt with his dad, brother, and Bobby. The thing is targeting virgins. John takes matters into his own hands to protect Sam.

And if I show you my dark side by ratherastory on LiveJournal. Sam/Dean. Wincest. Dean will never let Sam go, and Sam knows it. This changes nothing, but it changes everything.

These two are a/b/o by darkroses:

To Have Worth. Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. Dean claims Sam from a young age to be his omega. Sam wasn’t sure how he felt about that. His feelings changed with time. All he wanted was to be worth something. No matter what Sam offered, he could never have what he was searching for.

The Monster in the Shadows. Sam/John, Sam/Dean. Wincest AU. John comes to terms with how to treated Sam after he presented as an omega at the tender age of twelve. He only did what he thought he was right. He can never make up for what he did. He can never change what Sam thinks of him now.

And, finally, a gen one I really liked because it showed how Sam suffered for a decision Dean made (something the show, in my opinion, teases at but never fully resolves. e.g. Dean selling his soul and not really considering what hell he’s condemning his brother to in the process, allows an angel to possess him even though he knows Sam hated every moment of Meg and Lucifer). It goes AU after Dean knocks Sam unconscious and leaves him on the ground in 9X23.

How the Wild Things Start by foolscapper on Ao3. Gen. Sam-centric. "This is where it starts — the brightly lit ring, the screams, the glinting of knives, the baring of teeth. This, right here, is where it begins. Sam turns to Dean, Metatron just a hero’s walk away, and Dean slams his fist into the side of Sam’s face. It will bruise, but that’s not the point. Sam will not face Metatron’s blade and wrath, but that is not the point. The point is, Dean puts Sam’s hands on his chest, the action sickly sweet like perfume left on a tacky, bloated corpse — and then he walks away. He leaves Sam, dreaming black dreams on the ground, just outside of the impala. Baby does not protect him when one of Abaddon’s followers finds him. Baby does not scream for help or look for Dean when the demons drag Sam’s unconscious body away.When Dean leaves Metatron’s burnt-out husk, his bones screaming ecstasy from the kill, he finds Sam gone.“

As for my thoughts on dysfunctional wincest…I’ll put them below the cut so people can skip that if they want.

I started watching the show as it went on the air, so I have had 12 years to mull over all sorts of relationships, etc. Below are my thoughts on wincest in fanon. I am by no means saying it exists in canon or should exist in canon. These are simply my opinions. 

Wincest, to me, was there from the start. You’ve got the father (and one day I will sit down and write out my take on John) who raises his sons as soldiers (I know Sam described them as “warriors” in the pilot, but I suspect the word choice was intentional by the writers. There are rightfully all types of negative connotations to the phrase “child soldier”). Nevertheless, this is how they were raised.

The sons were never given the time or permission to form outside attachments with all the moving around John put the family through. They were taught at a young age to lie, and later to cheat and steal via credit card fraud and pool hustling at the very least (a reason the whitewashing of John’s character in these last few seasons irks me. “I raised you right” was John’s motto? Really? However, that is a discussion for another time)

Dean was given the heavy burden of raising his brother. John stripped him of his childhood and drilled into him to always “take care of Sammy” from a very young age. And that is where I see the seeds of wincest, with the older brother having proprietary feelings for his younger because John placed Sam (literally and figuratively) in Dean’s hands. And, at his end, John placed Sam’s life once more in Dean’s control by urging him to save or kill his younger brother while leaving Sam in the dark about what he knew.

John emphasized family first according to his rules and did not allow them to leave (except, of course, he was allowed to go off and not only father another son, but let that son have the life, including “normal” dad, Sam and Dean ached for). The price of leaving the family (and for college, not to run off to deal drugs, etc.)? Excommunication from the only family/support system Sam was allowed to have. Having made his sons so dependent on the family unit, I wonder if John secretly thought Sam would eventually cave and come crawling back to them (my speculation - nothing in the show overtlypointed to this).

For me, that sealed the deal that Sam and Dean were much like two people trapped on a deserted island, or like siblings trapped in an attic with a parent that was only sporadically present - ripe breeding ground for incestuous thoughts and feelings. No, I don’t for one second see it as a healthy relationship, because the boys were never allowed to know healthy.

Furthermore, Dean was always the controlling partner. I would say to the point of obsessiveness, which is understandable given the pressures that were placed on him by John. In the first season, we get to see Dean isolating Sam from the life he was building outside of the “family”. In “Skin”, he sort of mocks Sam for staying in touch with his friends, making him feel guilty that he is dishonest with them and agrees when Sam rather incredulously asks if he is supposed to just cut them out of his life. By the end of that episode, Sam is resigned to no longer really staying in touch. But Dean, like John, gets to live by different rules. We discover Dean did have a relationship with Cassie while Sam was away, going so far as to break that unspoken rule the family had about not revealing the hunting life to people they aren’t “saving”. That backfired on him, with her ending the relationship. When they meet up again in the first season, he promises to come back to her even though she doesn’t believe they have a chance. He never does return and even ignores Sam’s offer of staying there longer (Sam wanting Dean to have that life he himself had tried to fashion is once again echoed in the promise he extracts from Dean in Swan Song. Notice that when Dean returned from Purgatory [when he was thought dead], he harangued and punished Sam verbally and emotionally for trying for normal once again).

So, the show continued its slow reinforcement of the boys never having successful relationships outside of their tiny family. Sam “fails” at love when almost all his significant others die, and Dean “fails” at love when he is either rejected by them or he feels they are unsafe knowing him (in the latter, he makes one of his unilateral “I know what’s good for you even though this will take away some of your autonomy” decisions and has Lisa & Ben mindwiped. foolscapper did a dark fic au on how that choice played out in the end…ouch)

To me, there is so much fodder to play with in fanon for a twisted, unhealthy relationship with a dark, controlling Dean. Although I read very little written like that, it is my favorite wincest headcanon. This is not to say I don’t enjoy a romanticized version of wincest (because I do very much and it is usually my preferred reading), but, to me, the show enforces an unhealthy, push vs. pull relationship between the two that they will never completely resolve.

As an aside, I also find it almost humorous we all refer to them as “the boys” when they are men (if you take into account their age), as though we subconsciously acknowledge they have not grown up into adults in the conventional sense of the word and probably never will.

They truly are the lost boys doomed to never leave Neverland.

[kpopaganda]

Allied, Part 9

Group: GOT7

Member: Jackson

POV: 1st Person

Type: Angst/Fluff/Series/Other

Word Count: 2,200

Summary: The world is in turmoil. There are few functioning governments left and an incurable disease has wiped out most of the human population. It’s every man for himself until you find an ally who becomes more.

Parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”

Jackson doesn't say a word, just scowls, as I walk around the room preparing things to fix him up.

After coming ashore and finding out Jackson was injured, our new little group decided that the number one priority was treating Jackson. So the three of us set out on a trek that led us to a road and then an old, abandoned gas station. After checking that it was safe, I pulled Jackson into the bathroom while Jaebum kept watch outside. It was in pretty bad shape and there was nothing left to scavenge, but it at least got us out of the elements to focus on getting that bullet out of Jackson. 

That was one thing we determined on the way. Only one of the bullets went all the way through; the one in his abdomen. None of us were doctors, but as far as we could tell, the one that went all the way through didn’t cause serious damage. We would have to wait and see, but he kept pressure on it until we got to the gas station. I knew if I left it the other bullet in, it would get infected and risking any kind of infection was asking for trouble. The deadly kind and as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I didn’t want to lose Jackson.

It was stupid really. He was just a guy I met along the way, or at least he used to be. Now he was someone to look to, someone to help. A companion, a comrade, a friend. And I would be a monster to let my friend die because of a fucking infection.

“We might be dead if I didn’t take over,” I heard Jackson say and turned around to look at him.

He was leaning against the counter where the sinks were, looking very uncomfortable and very shirtless, but I couldn’t appreciate it through all of the blood. He also looked annoyed. I was as well, but at that point I couldn’t figure out who was annoyed with what. If he was annoyed with me, himself or our situation in general. I got the feeling it was all of the above.

“What?” I asked.

“If I didn’t step in to get the motor going and get us out of there, we might be dead.”

I scoffed. “I’m not calling you stupid because you took over from me. I’m calling you stupid because you didn’t consider the consequences and because you didn’t tell us sooner that you got hit.”

He tried crossing his arms to make a snarky comment but winced when it made him engage his injured shoulder. I almost laughed at how quickly the look on his face shifted from sassy to hurt, but I stopped myself. There was no point in either of us getting any more riled up than we already were.

“Let’s get that bullet out of you.”

I set down everything I had in terms of first aid next to him on the counter. All I could find was some gauze, a little bit of antiseptic I had left in my bag, fabric scraps, and a needle that I would need to close up the hole in his shoulder. The two in his abdomen were small enough to close up with butterfly stitches and then wrap some gauze and fabric around to keep closed, so I did that first. He gritted his teeth and hiss harshly when I applied the antiseptic, but the worst was still to come. I touched the skin around the bullet wound in his shoulder and Jackson pretty much jumped out of my reach.

“That hurts,” he yelled in a high-pitched voice. 

“It’s going to hurt a lot more than that when I pull the bullet out,” I told him. “This isn’t going to be easy.”

He flinched when I tried to reach for him again. It was weird seeing Jackson, the usually brave and reckless, shying away from my touch. I needed to help him but he was too scared to let. I was going to need to try a different strategy.

“Wait here,” I said.

Jaebum was right outside the bathroom, leaning against the wall with a gun in hand. He looked very casual, but I knew he was being vigilant. I was actually surprised he was still with us at all. His head shot up when I came out and he looked at me with enquiring eyes.

“So?” he asked. “How’d it go?”

“I’m not getting that bullet out of him without some help. We have nothing to numb the pain and he’s so sensitive right now. He is going to scream his lungs out when I try to get that bullet out and let everyone within a five-mile radius know where we are.”

He thought about it for a second before nodded. “You have a point. What do you need me to do?”

The truth was I didn’t know. My medical knowledge was limited, but I knew the tools needed to be sterile and that we needed to manage Jackson’s pain somehow, for his sake. But we only had so much at our disposal. All we had for pain were some paracetamol for headaches, nothing that could make a gunshot feel like less of a big deal. We also didn’t have anaesthesia, which meant Jackson was going to be in a world of pain. I didn’t look forward to seeing that or being responsible for it, but we didn’t have a choice.

“We need to find him something to bite on,” I said to Jaebum, letting my words sink in. “And I’m going to need you to hold him down.”

I waited while he processed what I told him, a looking of determination settling over him before he nodded. It was bizarre to me how ready he was to tackle stuff like this. I knew we’d all seen our fair share of shit and had to learn to work through it, but Jaebum was on another level. Being part of the rebels really affected him. 

We search the shop one more time before deciding that a souvenir t-shirt would be the best thing for him to bite on. I’ll rip off a piece, wad it up and stuff it in his mouth. Hopefully that will stifle most of the sound.

Jaebum follows me into the bathroom where Jackson is sat on the counter looking like a fidgety mess biting his nails. We get him to lie down on a pile of t-shirts we brought in from the shop, tearing a piece off of one for the gag. I sterilise a pair of stainless steel chopsticks with a lighter and prepare some more fabric scraps with antiseptic liquid while we wait for them to cool down. Jackson’s eyes keep shifting between me and Jaebum, waiting for some kind of reassurance, but it wasn’t time for that yet. I accidentally put pressure on the hurt shoulder and he hisses loudly before I apologise. It was too sensitive. He was going to have to wear a sling for a while and that would put him at a disadvantage.

“This is going to suck,” I tell Jackson before putting a wad of fabric in his mouth.

His eyes widen briefly and then he looks away from me entirely. I grab the chopsticks and take a deep breath before sticking them into the wound. Immediately Jackson flinches and tries to scream, but the fabric does a good job at muffling him. Jaebum holds him down while I try to find the bullet.

“Hold on,” Jaebum says to try and console him. “She has to do this.”

But Jackson keeps screaming the same muffled cry of pain and I see tears running down his face. It makes it so much harder for me to concentrate, but I have to get it done. Two torturous minutes late, I finally get the bullet out and I drop it on the floor where it rolls into one of the stalls out of sight. We all take a relieved breath, but Jackson is still in a considerable amount of pain and he’s also bleeding pretty badly.

I quickly apply the antiseptic liquid to a rag and press it to the wound, making him flinch and squeal again. Jaebum keeps holding him down without any hint of expression on his face. 

When everything was finally under control and I had Jackson’s wound dressed, everything was quiet. Jackson’s eyes were still squeezed shut and his breathing heavy. It was the only other sound I could hear over my heart pounding in my head.

“You’ll be okay,” I whispered to him. “I promise.”

We decided to stay at the gas station that night. Jackson and I were still too wiped out from the bullet removal to really think about moving around. Jaebum wasn’t too keen on the idea, but for some reason he also didn’t want to venture off on his own. It was comforting to know he would be around to have our backs. I think he’s proven his trustworthiness at this point.

I build us a small fire around the back of the building in an enclosed service area. The corrugated steel up against the chainlink fence told us that someone tried to reinforce the station, but they weren’t very successful by the looks of things. 

Jackson was asleep inside in what seemed like a staff room. His arm was in a sling and he was pretty much dead to the world not even ten minutes after I took care of him. In all honestly, I was very worried about him. I’d done the best that I could with my limited resources, but there was still the risk of infection. There was only so much I could do in the shitty circumstances.

I was tending to the fire and trying to keep warm at the same time when I felt someone take a seat beside me. It almost scared me half to death before I remembered Jaebum was still awake.

“You shouldn’t be up,” I said. “You’ll be too tired to take the next shift.”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, staring into the fire.

I didn’t have anything to say to that. I didn’t want to be a nag. If he didn’t want to sleep I wasn’t going to command him to. So we just sat like that, staring at the fire and listening to its almost rhythmic popping. It would almost be soothing if it wasn’t pitch black around us in every direction.

“So,” said Jaebum suddenly. “You and Jackson.”

I turned to look at him. “Me and Jackson what?”

“Are you two, like, together?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“We don’t feel that way about each other.”

“That’s not true on his part.”

“And how would you know that, stranger?”

My emphasis on the last word makes him smile. “I don’t have to know either of you very well to notice the way he looks at you.”

His gaze on me is too intense and I have to look back at the fire. ��And how is that?”

“Like you’re his whole world.”

My skin prickles at that. “Your skills of observation are off.”

He chuckles. “They’re definitely not. Jackson is so in love with you, it’s almost sad. Why are you doing this to him?”

I jump to my feet. “Why are you doing this to me?”

He just looks up at me with his dark eyes and the slight smirk on his face tells me that he’s gotten what he wanted. All he wanted was to get a rise out of me and I gave it to him on a silver platter.

“Do you think this is easy for me?” I continue. “You’re a loner too. You of all people should know what it’s like to not want to get close to anyone. We’re both going to get hurt eventually and this is the lesser of all those possible evil. So, just leave it alone. I’m going to sleep. You can take this shift.”

I march off into the building before he can get another word in, but I know what I said will resonate with him. It wasn’t as simple as jumping into a relationship with the first person you find. I wanted to minimise the damage I did to other people and getting romantically involved with anyone increased the chances of doing just that. I needed to keep my options open. If, for whatever reason, I needed to make a run for it, I could because I’m essentially on my own. Yes, Jackson and I were travelling together, but that doesn’t make him my responsibility. All I wanted was to do right by him without things getting too serious.

As I walk into the staff room and see Jackson asleep on the floor, I’m struck with the realisation that I would be forever indebted to him. He has saved my life so many times that I don’t think I would ever be able to repay him.

I lie down in front of him and as I watch his steady breathing, I fall asleep too.

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