#but not just like monumental architecture or like just cathedrals and shrines and skyscrapers

[vampirehowl]

do you think pbs has a suggestion box for documentaries

[coldlipsmag]

The Traveller in the Perfect City by Geoff Nicholson

WELCOME TO PERFECTION:

The perfect city is well within sight, well within reach, and well within your budget.

The perfect city is easily accessible by train, plane, charabanc, amphibious landing craft, armoured car, overloaded ferry, by pony or indeed Shanks’s pony.

Make sure your passport, visa, medical documents, right to reside papers, are all in order, submit to a short but thorough interview, a few background checks and security clearances, and we’ll welcome you with open arms.

The perfect city teems with life and possibility. It is a city that gives and gives back. The smell of history is in the air.

The perfect city is a city on the move. Development and redevelopment are the watchword. And demolition. Our bridges, skyscrapers, monorails, moving walkways, underpasses, tenements, mean streets, skid rows and gasoline alleys are second to none. And we intend to keep it that way. Our architecture is timeless. We have mid-century buildings from almost every century. Our abandoned industrial zones have been described as “chic.”

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Here in the perfect city we are all conservationists now. Pollution is a thing we simply don’t worry about.

We are saving the planet one dirty towel and one power outage at a time. The city is green, the city is verdant. Spillages of toxic materials are rare, and our environmental remediation units are top notch. Our air quality is officially classified as “acceptable.” Our water is perfectly drinkable and many have described its taste as “pleasantly earthy.”

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ARE THE NATIVES FRIENDLY?

Yes. As with any city, it’s the people who make it what it is. The perfect city is full of locals eager to point you in the right direction. Our taxi drivers are prepared to drive to almost any part of the city. Our tradesmen, tinkers, pedlars, costermongers, are as honest as any, likewise our financial analysts, our money changers, and our sex professionals. Of course there are a few aliens and predators out there, but they’re nothing if not colourful.

The perfect city prides itself on its diversity – all classes and types, races, tribes and sub-cultures rub along together. In any of the city’s many watering holes you’ll find former liberals, conservatives, champagne socialists, champagne Falangists, radicalized youth, one-time anarchists, Nazis and neo-Nazis, all getting along splendidly. Heterogeneity is the name of the game. Why spoil it for the sake of ideology?

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IS THE PERFECT CITY PICTURESQUE?

You bet. And scenic. Photo opportunities abound. However please note that the photographing of civic buildings, monuments, military installations, schools, hospitals, housing developments, power stations, telephone exchanges, sports arenas, and prisons (whether state or private) is strictly forbidden.

Personal cell phone ownership is impractical in the perfect city and the taking of selfies is severely frowned upon. Nude photography of any kind whatsoever is forbidden within the boundaries of the perfect city.

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FOOD?

Yes we usually do have food in the perfect city. The periods of food shortages are well behind us, and were in any case, much exaggerated.

Bistros. Tavernas. Smorgasbords. Cantinas. Soup kitchens. Gruel houses. These are just some of the establishments that have opened and closed in recent years.

Are there affordable, high-quality restaurants using organic, farm-fresh ingredients? Well, we’re working on it. Our cooks and waiting staff put in long hours for low wages, and are rarely as resentful as they seem. Tipping is permitted but seldom deemed appropriate.

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IS THERE CULTURE IN THE PERFECT CITY?

How could there not be? Performances featuring folk music, sword dancing, and trained animals are our forte. Tickets are easily obtained – terms and conditions (and certain restraints and legal waivers) do apply.

There are museums too – of abnormal psychology, taxidermy, ventriloquism, eugenics, and of course childhood deformity. The Museum of Tolerance is shuttered until further notice.

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WILL I HAVE A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE IN THE PERFECT CITY?

No you will not. Religious worship was outlawed over fifty years ago. There are still the remains of churches, cathedrals, temples, mosques, sepulchers, holy sites, shrines, sweat lodges, open air altars, sites of propitiary offerings and sacrifice dotted throughout the city, but they are for entertainment purposes only.

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IN CONCLUSION?

The perfect city is a peaceful city. The air raid and fallout shelters are there if you need them, but chances are you won’t. War is a thing of the past. There isn’t even a war on drugs. Ask your concierge for details.

Of course this is a metropolis, not toy town. There are pickpockets, muggers, footpads, white slavers, multicultural slavers: most are not unduly vicious, unless the victim attempts to fight back.

The perfect city is above all a safe city. Our police, security forces, national guards, and well-regulated private militias have the public good at heart. As do we all. Our surveillance systems are state of the art.

Protests, marches, riots, political gatherings of all kinds, are very rare but have been known to escalate into deadly violence. The traveler is advised to avoid such activities and to obey all instructions given by officials whether uniformed or not. Do not be lured into conversations about regime change, and under no circumstances resist arrest. Our legal system is scrupulous and thorough, if slow-moving. Allegations of torture remain unsubstantiated.

*

So what are you waiting for? Aren’t you ready for the perfect city? It’s certainly ready for you? Come as you are, stay as long as you like, but chances are you won’t be quite the same person when you leave, and maybe you never will.

*

Geoff Nicholson 2017

[jambo-tanzania]

The Tanzanites Down Under

March 12 - 28, 2019

Photo credits - Thanks to all those who contributed photos to this blog post - especially Christian Pantke and Al Prior.

Well it only took me 52 years, but I finally made it to Australia. I’ve wanted to go my whole adult life, and Oz did not disappoint!

Looking back on it now, I don’t know how we did so much in so little time. Every day was utterly packed, and for good reason. Two weeks just isn’t enough time to get it all done.

The thing that struck me most is how quickly the vistas change in the space of just a few miles. Rocky coastlines, lush rain forests, sandy beaches, sprawling vineyards ... all within a short drive of the urban centers of Melbourne or Sydney. It’s almost too much to take in.

Tuesday - Arrival Day

There is one down side about any trip to Australia, of course, and that’s the getting there part.

Oh. Holy. Hell.

Dallas to Sydney is seventeen hours. Seventeen very looooong hours that for me commenced at 10 pm Dallas time on Sunday. By the time I checked into my hotel in Melbourne around noon on Tuesday, I’d essentially been awake (I don’t sleep on airplanes) something like 36 hours. Nothing to do at that point but POWER THROUGH to a respectable bedtime!

Christian & Claudia arrived shortly before I did, so Al (our host) came and collected us for a preview of the city.

The first thing I noticed about Melbourne is the varied architecture ... magnificent Victorian structures right next to modern skyscrapers right next to 1930s art deco buildings. Much like the country itself, Melbourne crams a lot of diversity into a relatively small space.

Birgitte had arrived several days earlier and was off on a driving tour, but she joined us for an early dinner at Chin Chin - one of my favorite restaurants of the whole trip.

Wednesday - Melbourne Walking Tour & Queen Vic Market

Our first full day in Melbourne was a walking tour of the Shrine of Remembrance and the Royal Botanic Gardens, both of which were stunning.

The Shrine of Remembrance was built to honor Victorians who lost their lives in World War I. It’s one of the more thoughtful and impressive monuments I’ve seen anywhere.

The Royal Botanic Gardens cover 89 acres of public space in the middle of Melbourne and rival such privately-funded botanical gardens as the Dallas Arboretum.

Dinner that night was at Queen Victoria Market, where a multitude of vendors sell their crafts and international cuisine.

Al’s girlfriend Hope and his - now our - friend Kellie joined us for dinner, which was a little of this and a little of that.

I was introduced to a delicious Australian dessert called pavlova, which I highly recommend trying next time you’re down under.

Christian bought himself a Crocodile Dundee hat (as one does).

Thursday - 12 Apostles & Rain Forest #1

Our first road trip took us about three hours southwest of Melbourne to The Twelve Apostles, a spectacular section of eroded shoreline near Port Campbell that forms 12(ish) stacks that somehow came to be known as the apostles.

Birgitte decided to get up close & personal with the apostles in the front seat of a helicopter!

On the ride back to Melbourne, we drove along the Great Ocean Road, stopping in Lorne for a glass of wine, and a little further on, a stroll through the rain forest.

Friday - Wine Day

Friday was our first of several wine tastings, this one on the Mornington Peninsula. I was surprised at how many wineries there are, and I was particularly surprised at how GOOD Australian wine is, given that the only Australian labels we know of in the US are Barefoot and Yellow Tail (which incidentally can hardly be found in Australia)!

The drive back to Melbourne took us to Dromana for a stroll along Safety Beach.

This was also my first introduction to beach boxes - tiny little empty huts along the beach with no electricity or running water that people pay upwards of AUD $100k for. (And I totally get it, given the setting!)

Saturday Morning - Prahran Market

For our final morning in Melbourne, we started at Prahran Market, where I would be myself every Saturday morning if I lived in Melbourne. It’s basically Central Market on steroids. I’ve never seen anything like it. Fresh vegetables, meat, seafood, and prepared dishes as far as you can see.

We met up with the Melbourne crew for brunch at Gramercy Social before heading to the airport for a quick flight to Sydney.

Saturday Evening - First Night in Sydney

Like Melbourne, Sydney is very much a walking city. The evidence of this can be found on my iPhone, which registered in excess of 25,000 steps on just one day. I even lost a couple of pounds on this trip despite eating many meals that looked much like the one pictured above.

So as in Melbourne, day one was a walking day. Sydney is all about Queen Victoria, for whom the state is named. Victorian influences can be found everywhere - in the architecture, the street names, and the monuments.

Dinner that night was at Phillip’s Foote, a former Sailor’s bar, where one goes to cook one’s own steak on the barbie.

After dinner, we walked down to Sydney Harbor, where the postcard photos I’d seen since I was a child came to life. It was an especially poignant evening to be there, as the horrific shootings at Christchurch had happened just the day before, so the Opera House was illuminated with a silver fern, a national symbol of New Zealand.

As if on cue, the fireworks started the moment we arrived.

Sunday - A Good Day to Be Indoors!

Almost as an afterthought, I purchased a poncho just before I left Dallas. On Sunday, I was VERY glad to have done so! The skies opened up in the morning and it rained virtually the entire day.

So what better day to do museum and cathedral tours? We started at The Australian Museum, which is more or less a natural history museum, then walked through St. Mary’s Cathedral, and finally The Art Gallery of New South Wales.

I enjoyed the Australian Museum, but St. Mary’s and the Art Gallery of NSW were my favorites.

I especially enjoyed the aboriginal exhibit, created by artists from Australia’s indigenous community.

Another favorite was this painting called Holiday Sketch at Coogee (1888). Saro pointed it out because she knew we’d be standing in more or less the same spot a couple of days later.

And sure enough ...

The sun never really came out that day, but the rain let up enough to enjoy walking around and gawking at the incredible trees found all over Sydney, which look like they would be more at home in a sculpture museum than a city park.

Monday - Alarming Start to a Great Day

Nothing like waking up to a fire alarm! No need for panic, it turns out. One of our fellow hotel guests decided to do a little laundry and hang it from the fire sprinkler. (What could go wrong??) Turns out - the sprinkler system can flood the elevator shaft and cause the hotel staff to have to relocate EVERY SINGLE GUEST to a nearby hotel.

Evacuations and relocations notwithstanding, Monday was a good day. We did a nice walking tour, taking in more of the architecture and public spaces.

Monday night was opera night! A highlight of the trip, to be sure! The performance was Salome. It was - in a word - GRAPHIC. (And also a bit different than depicted in my childhood Sunday School lessons.) I thoroughly enjoyed it, though, if only for the venue.

Tuesday - Beach Walk & Bridge Climb

On Tuesday, I logged 24,962 steps (not including the 1,400+ steps it took me to walk up and down the Sydney Harbor Bridge).

The day started with a long and scenic coastal walk from Coogee Beach up to Bondi. In just a few miles, you come across one sandy beach after another ensconced in craggy, rocky shorelines.

Another HUGE highlight of the trip was climbing the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Radka and I were supposed to do it together, but she had to cancel her trip at the last minute because her mum was ill and died just a few days before our trip. They were on my mind the whole time, though, and they climbed with me in spirit.

The bridge climb was FANTASTIC! Don’t go to Sydney without doing it! It’s not cheap, and it takes several hours of your time, but it’s well worth it. The views are incredible, and the tour guides tell great stories about the history of the bridge.

Wednesday - Wildlife Park & Blue Mountains

Wednesday was another road trip.

First we visited the Featherdale Wildlife Park.

From there we Headed up to Katoomba for a visit to the Blue Mountains.

I was again astounded by the panorama and the fact that you could go from mountaintop to rain forest in under two minutes.

Thursday - More Wine Tastings & Nelson Bay

Another road trip - this time up to Nelson Bay, with a stop at Tyrell’s Wines.

Friday - Last Night in Sydney

We got back from Port Nelson on Friday and enjoyed a final, casual night in Sydney. We started out at The Glemore Hotel for happy hour. This is a great place to see a bat show, notable because the bats are the size of ... I don’t know ... CONDORS ... as opposed to the bats we get in Texas, which are essentially the size of sparrows.

For dinner, Al took us to Myung Jan for Korean BBQ, which incidentally is NOTHING like Texas BBQ (just so you know).

Saturday - Farewell to Sydney

We started the day at Paddington Market, a great place to buy textiles and souvenirs.

We said goodbye to Birgitte, who had to get back to real life, and Christian and Claudia, who were moving on to Tasmania.

Then there were three.

Al, Hope, and I took a ferry to the iconic Manly Beach for a lazy last afternoon in Sydney.

Apparently there’s a VW bus club that meets at Manly, which only made the place even cooler.

Dinner Saturday night was cocktails and hamburgers at a crazy-loud joint in Newtown called Mary’s, which at various points in its history was a Greek sporting club, a women’s sanctuary, a Masonic hall and an STD clinic.

Sunday through Tuesday - Port Douglas

Sunday afternoon we flew to Cairns, then rented a car and drove down to Port Douglas, a quaint little beach-side community which is also a gateway to the Great Barrier Reef.

The main reason for going to Port Douglas was to go SCUBA DIVING!! I spent many hours getting my PADI certification for this very reason, and the experience was everything I’d hoped it would be! What a perfect capstone to an unbelievable trip!

Wednesday and Thursday - Final Goodbyes

Wednesday we drove back to Cairns for lunch, then I flew back to Sydney for one night before my return flight to Dallas.

Thursday afternoon I got on my SIXTH Qantas plane in less than three weeks. I have no idea what happened to the previous sixteen days. I just know they went really fast.

This was one of the greatest adventures of my life - one that would never have happened if it weren’t for the IBM Corporate Service Corps. I remain astounded at all the ways that my CSC experience has changed my life, and I look forward to all the reunions yet to come.

As for this one - many thanks to those and shared it with me and those who made it happen - Saro Yeo and Alastair Prior.