#but she's a spider menace at heart so shes all for joining on shenanigans around the society

[vamprnce]

surprisingly never had ideas for Nel interacting w other spider ppl in the spider society til now

[isobel-thorm]

I don’t have a quote or anything for a prompt but I’d love to see your take on your deputy meeting Sharky, or maybe some random crazy incident with cultists. Just general Sharky shenanigans please lol

Sharky’s Angels (The Good, 70′s Kind) 

(Putting both of my Deps in again because I need to buck up and write Grant’s fic)

After all the shit Deputies Nic and Grant go through, Sharky invites them for a night out on the town. It goes about as well as a night on the town hosted by Sharky could go: Shit’s on fire, John gets a confession, and there’s a giant chunk of the last night missing from their memory. At least one of them wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“I mean, seeing as y’all helped liberate the place, you should come out for a night. See how we really live it up in Falls End!”

For Deputy Grant Lyons and Nicolette Raylan, Sharky’s invitation for a night out was just what they needed. Their time in Hope County was a bigger clusterfuck than either of them could have anticipated, and after almost dying twice daily for the last week, they needed a fucking break, and a beer sounded great. 

They felt bad that Staci and Joey weren’t there to join them, but they hoped the others would do the same in their shoes so they accepted.

And then word got out that they were showing up to party, so nearly every single townsperson had shown up for a drink and to encourage the two deputies to unwind.

Of course, their idea of unwinding after everything was picking the corner table in the bar, nursing a couple of beers each and watching everyone have fun. They didn’t want to let their guard down, considering they had discussed that if the rumor that they were going out for the night reached the entire town, it would probably get back to John, and he’d gladly crash the party.

However, by 10pm, the only danger was Sharky nearly elbowing every single person on the dance floor as he did some odd, hilarious combination of the little jumping jig he did when they had first met him, the robot, and disco moves.

The pair of them were nearly in tears when Sharky stepped on his tenth victim’s toes, jumped back and blubbered a quick apology before getting right back into it- but not before he tried to wave them over.

They had waved and promised to get on the dance floor ‘in a little bit.’ Sharky had taken it upon himself to give them a ten-minute limit. He had come back, done a couple of shots and dragged the pair of them onto the dance floor. They had caved for his sake, danced together for a couple of songs, and then retreated quickly back to their table.

Sharky had drifted back a song later, taken another shot and declared “Shark Attack is on the prowl!”

Within minutes, Sharky had been hanging off of every third girl in the bar. Grant wasn’t sure who to feel worse for, the women or Sharky. He liked the man and considered him a friend- something both of them had very few of. But watching the man in action when all he talked about was his prowess in eating women out, well, it was... something. Once he caught a few of Sharky’s attempted conquests women giving him a pleading look with a side helping of bedroom eyes, he felt even worse.

He wasn’t the only one who noticed, either. Nicolette had spotted a couple of them and full-on cackled. “Oh, Grant, you’ve got some admirers…”

“Shut up,” Grant elbowed her.

She didn’t. “The blonde over there is sexy.”

“If you’re into that,” Grant countered.

“I kinda am,” Nicolette replied.

Grant chuckled. “Careful, John’s liable to get jealous.”

“Shut up.”

Grant laughed. “I’m not the one giving the enemy sex eyes every time I’m in a hundred-foot radius of him.”

Nicolette opened her mouth, then shut it firmly and jabbed a finger in his face.

Grant grinned, til he realized what it meant. If he knew about any of her trysts before they arrived in Hope County, he’d give her shit, and she’d respond with something about him pining over Staci. And now out of the genuine goodness of her heart, she couldn’t bring herself to mention Staci with all the trouble he was in, miles away and in Jacob’s clutches. He forced a smile and kissed her cheek to make up for the mistake he had essentially forced on her. 

She smiled reassuringly at him, then looked at the other women who were still looking to Grant for help. She turned back to him, reached over, and finger walked from his abs to his chest and grinned that little up-to-no-good smile of hers. 

Grant smirked as he caught on and tried to look like a man very much in love with the woman beside him - which wasn’t far off. If platonic loves of someone’s lives existed, she was his. 

Still, the show worked, because the women immediately seemed to fall for the trick and disappeared back into the crowd. 

“Thank you,” Grant sighed. 

“Don’t mention it.” 

The sound of someone being slapped echoed throughout the room and they turned towards it to see a redheaded woman storming away and Sharky holding his cheek that had the visible edges of a bright red handprint on it.

“Oh, Honey…” she sighed.

“You gonna go Legally Blonde him or save him in general?” Grant asked.

“Legally Blonde,” she replied. She rose to her feet, tossed her hair and stuck her chest out- then promptly stopped in her tracks when she noticed the redhead talking to a bulky man who was easily a foot taller than Grant and a few inches wider. “Abort, abort, save him, save him now!”

Grant was already halfway across the floor before she had even corrected herself. He tossed one arm around Sharky’s shoulders to block him from view as he dragged the man through the densest crowd and slid out the side entrance before Mr. Tall and Menacing could find him.

“The fuck man?! I was just getting somewhere with Ellie May-”

“Yeah, and the last one’s boyfriend was gonna make you Sharkbait. Ya get me?” Grant hissed.

Sharky stared at him for a solid few seconds like he very much did not get Grant, but after a few added seconds, the lightbulb went off. “Man, you guys are so cool, swoopin��� in with a rescue. Like my own personal angels without the bliss. Ha, you’re Charlemagne’s Angels. But yeah, Harry’s a dick.”

Grant blinked at him. “You mean you know that guy… you know what, nevermind. I don’t wanna know.”

Sharky waved his hands, then looked around. “You know what would make this party way better? My black label.”

“Your what?” Grant asked, just as Nicolette finally rejoined the group.

“Liquor I made! I don’t even remember what’s in it or what it’s supposed to be. I just remember trying to blend whiskey, moonshine and absinthe and hopin’ for the best.”

Nicolette sighed and cupped his face in her hands. “Sharky, I love you, but how’re you not dead?”

“Will to live, disco, and pyromania,” Sharky replied without missing a beat- like he had rehearsed it.

The two deputies merely exchanged glances, but said nothing.

Sharky looked between them. “So, you in or not?”

Nicolette sighed. “Fine. Whatever. I do kinda miss letting loose.”

Sharky absolutely beamed, then looked at Grant hopefully.

Grant sighed. “Someone’s gotta make sure you two don’t fucking die.”

“YES!” Sharky jumped up and down. “Wait, goddamn it, John ruined that word. HOO-RAH! That’s your word, right Grant? Wait, Jacob ruined that one too.”

Grant immediately felt some of the buzz he had accumulated fade out at the reminded that he had the Army in common with that fucking psychopath. “Let’s just go, Sharky.”

“YEAH! … Wait-”

“SHARKY!”

“Okay, let’s go.”

——————————————-

The moment Grant came to he knew two things:

One, he was never ever drinking again.

Two, he was never ever trusting Sharky again.

He let the night sky come into focus, and prayed he had only lost a matter of hours and not days in whatever drunken stupor this clearly was. He was dimly aware of orange glows spotting the edges of his visions, but the fact that the last time he had seen this exact sight was after the fucking helicopter crash, he immediately had one giant glaring priority. “Nic?!”

There was suddenly a reassuring pat on his chest. “I’m here, but at what cost, holy shit. I can’t feel my body.”

Grant merely groaned in agreement. “Where’s Sharky?”

No idea. “I kinda want him to stay lost right now,” Nicolette supplied.

“What the fuck is on fire?” Grant asked.

“Kind of been terrified to look.”

“… On three?”

“On three.”

“One… “

“Two…”

“Three,” they said together, then awkwardly tried to help each other into a sitting position and turned towards the larger mass of orange off to their right- and promptly stared in awe as well as confusion.

Sharky was leaning casually against what they could only assume was the Telecom Tower- which was somehow rigged with burning ropes or sheets,  spelling out ‘FUCK YOU JOHN’ in giant letters that anybody within a few hundred feet of the tower could see clearly. 

The moment the man spotted them, he beamed, and they were horrified to see that he looked no worse for wear when they weren’t entirely sure they had survived the night. He jogged over. “There y’all are! Man, you two sure know how to party more than anyone expected.”

“Who…?” Nicolette asked, motioning at the sign.

“Why?” Grant cut in.

“Oh, that was a mutual decision on all our parts,” Sharky explained. “We wanted to do something that would annoy the man but not enough to get him to come and ruin the fun. Man, Grant, you scaled that thing so quick, it was some Spider-Batman shit.”

Grant gawked at him, then at the top of the tower. “I did…?”

“Hell yeah you did! Nic tied the shit together and stayed on the ground to run damage control in case John did show up and she could and I quote ya, Nic, for the record- ‘take one for the team like Addie suggested and get us out of it.’”

Nicolette gripped Grant’s arm tight enough that the man knew he’d have a bruise. He pried her hands off of him.

Sharky looked between them again, then grinned. “Hoooolllllly shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. You guys don’t remember shit, do you? That’s hilarious.”

“It’s really not,” Nicolette objected.

Sharky waved at her dismissively. “Whatever. I got you guys to unwind. You’re welcome.”

After ten seconds of dead silence and Sharky shrugging, announcing he had to take a piss and leaving the area to do so, Grant finally spoke. “… … I’m gonna kill him.”

“I might actually help yo-oh my god, don’t turn around.” Nic cut herself off and reached for him.

“What, you see his dick?”

She sighed. “The other thing that was on fire, you idi- NO I SAID DON’T-”

But Grant had, and stared as he saw smoke billowing out of the windows of what used to be an orange pickup truck.  “IS THAT MY TRUCK?! BOSHAW!”

Nicolette flinched, not willing to see whatever carnage was about to occur when Grant stood up and faced Sharky. 

“What?! You were insistent that ‘fuck you John’ needed an exclaima- fuck you run fast for a big guy with a hangov- OH GOD.”

Nicolette winced harded at the sound of the pair of them hitting the ground, Sharky yelping a couple of times, and then the familiar sound of Hungover Grant Regretting All His Life Choices. Well, Sharky was spared- for now. They just needed to find a new truck. Wouldn’t difficult in the long run.

The radio at her hip clicked on, and she reached for the transmitter. “Fuck off, John.”

“… I understand the sentiment entirely, but I ain’t him.”

Mary May. “Fuck. Sorry. Flight Captain Asshole’s been really adamant about talking to me lately.”

“Honey, you were kinda adamant about talking to him last night,” Mary May cut in.

“Funny thing about that is that I don’t remember any of it so I can willfully deny it,” Nicolette countered. 

“Plead the fifth. Charming.”

“Plausible deniability,” she corrected.

“God, Nic, do you remember anything?” Mary May asked.

“Should I?” she replied.

Mary May was silent for a moment, then laughed. “Aaaand another victim falls to Sharky’s black label. We’ve all been there.”

“Should. I?” Nicolette repeated. “… What the fuck did I say to John?”

“Oh, nothing to him, thank God. You just kinda tried to yell at him through us because ‘he always does it to you and it’s annoying as fuck’,” Mary May replied. “My personal favorite was ‘John I’ve got a confession for you. I confess to thinking you’re a little bitch.’ But that was really early in the night. Was that other message to John at the tower your doing too?”

“Apparently.”

“Shit, you really don’t remember. Well, turns out y’all took a bunch of pictures  before you disappeared.”

Right, so this was probably going to be their version of The Hangover. Fantastic. “Please tell me I’m fully clothed in all of them.”

“Uh, well, it looks like you are in the latest few, but now I’m afraid to check.”

“We’ll be back at your place in ten.” Her body throbbed at the mere implication it was going to have to move soon. “Make that twenty.”

“I’ll expect you in half an hour.”

“Thank you. Love you.”

“See ya later, Nic.”

Nicolette switched the radio off, groaned and then leaned back again, only to hit her head on something. She glanced to the side and saw some sort of liquor bottle. She picked it up, opened it and gave it an experimental sniff. The resulting full-on assault of her sense of smell confirmed that it was whatever this Black Label was. She could dimly hear Grant snoring in the distance- the very stuff in the bottle she was holding had provided a hangover that could knock people back unconscious. It was a damn mess. She swore, then after making a quick, all-life-choices-questioned decision of her own, took a quick pull. Hair of the dog that bit you seemed like a smart idea if it ended that bad after a bender. She regretted it immediately since every part of her body burned as it went down and it left an abhorrent aftertaste.

“Hey! Nic! You still with me?!” Sharky called after a moment.

“Yeah, still with ya!”

“Awesome! Woman outlasts the fucking man, good for you!”

She merely groaned again. “Sharky, I hate you. So much.”

“No, ya don’t.”

“Kinda wanna right now.”

“As if you could ever. You got this far, you’re stuck with me. Ride or die, Darlin’!”

“Ride or die,” she chorused. She cracked one eye open, and as much as it pained her to admit it, his answering ear to ear grin made the whole entire fiasco worth it.