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#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
theflyingfeeling
·
4 months
Text
yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋
#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭
#''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs
#job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating
#first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview
#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there
#and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me
#(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.)
#it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol''
#like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam.
#it's something you can actually directly affect yourself
#but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do
#(at least that's how it usually works on my field)
#in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway
#and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!!
#and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure
#and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether
#so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷♀️
#that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field
#but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo
#i can't afford to be picky
#I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT!
#i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭
#when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair
#to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation
#(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships
#but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)
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