#and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there

[theflyingfeeling]

yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋

[ashleyisartsy]

Problems (objective and personal) I'm not seeing discussed a lot w this new WatcherTV thing, in no particular order:

-Alienates people internationally who literally CANNOT GET the streaming service!

-Alienates casual fans who don't watch or want to watch all of their shows. Putting down 60 bucks a year to watch just one or two shows is kind of insane, at least for me.

-The volume of content Watcher has produced historically hasn't been enough to justify a separate streamer. I understand there's no way a small team could compete with something like Netflix, obviously, but that's what you're trying to do by putting yourself in the streamer market.

-Will this streamer be secure? What steps are in place to protect your viewers info? ESPECIALLY payment info.

-Will it be easily watchable on multiple devices? I watch YouTube videos on my phone at work 90% of the time, or at home on my TV thru my switch. Is this a browser only deal?

-What are the internet requirements for this? Believe it or not most streaming services won't run on my internet personally. I don't have any for that reason. I can watch YouTube on 360p, or on my 2-bar-reception phone data. Not everywhere has stable reliable internet.

-The suddenness and totality of the move was going to be jarring no matter what, if the idea had been introduced gradually or started as a hybrid model to test audience interest there wouldn't be nearly this amount of pushback.

-I understand the people saying "pay artists!!" Bc I am one, and I get that their quality is expensive and they have a whole company's worth of people to support. I do actually think their work is worth paying for! Everyone's is! But convincing anyone to pay for something they previously got for free is going to be a hard sell. They were still getting paid before, they're now just asking us to pay instead of the advertisers. Idk about you, but that's a way bigger hit to my pocketbook than a multimillion dollar company's bank account.

-I get that YouTube can be a really shitty place to be a creator sometimes, and that being beholden to advertisers is something they don't want to be. It's why they left Buzzfeed! They already have a patreon and merch and it's clearly not been enough for their ambitions. But shooting yourself in the foot because your running shoes are wearing out isn't going to make you a better marathon runner. They had to know that there was going to be a not small portion of their audience unwilling to make this move with them (and again, lots literally aren't able to!)

-If they had a free w/ ads option, or even did a hybrid model with whole shows behind the pay wall, or even just ran a fucking crowd funding campaign to help cover costs of new seasons of shows, any of those things could have worked. They don't even have YouTube memberships turned on, which I've personally seen many many channels do even when they already have a patreon. It really doesn't seem like they've exhausted other options, at least from an outside perspective, which is all we have as viewers!

-I get that this has been in the works for a long time, and that there probably isn't a way for them to back out now. But I hope they can find a way to make this more accessible if they want it to work at all. I truly am not wishing for their downfall, but the whole situation is an awful mess.

Idk, rant over. As a lot of you are I'm feeling very disappointed and upset with this one, and I'm not paying for it either. Hope the boys can salvage this one for their and their crew's sake. Would really hate for this to be the end.

[ckret2]

Rewatching take back the falls, and one little detail made me want to turn to gf's resident watsonian analyst: if bill already told ford his story of how "a monster" (Implying somebody else did it) destroyed his dimension, then why is he studdenly admitting it was actually him who actually 'liberated' it, thus erasing any possible sob story he could cash in to convince ford to give him the equation?

answer one: it's possible Bill already found out somehow that Ford learned who actually destroyed his dimension from the Oracle

answer two: what would the sob story be? "Remember how a monster destroyed my dimension? Yeah, that was sad, right? It's got nothing to do with the situation but could you give me the equation anyway?" At MOST he might could try "I need to invade because I'm homeless :,( please let me out of the barrier" but then (Bill probably expects) Ford would go "what's in it for me/my dimension?" Well, """liberation,""" but Bill has to convince Ford he HAS liberated a dimension successfully

answer three: we know he's told at least some of the Henchmaniacs he liberated his dimension. We know he puts them through grueling hazing when they join the gang and that he claims the immediate pre-portal era torment was just him hazing Ford in preparation for inviting him into the gang. It's possible the "I liberated them" story is part of his standard Henchmaniac-recruitment spiel, and presenting himself like a hero + getting them on board with seeing him that way is, for him, a key part of ensuring his newest minion will view him the way he wants to be viewed. (This has been my headcanon for ages; pleased some evidence in TBOB/TINAWDC can be used to back it up.) Conversely, the moment where he says a monster destroyed his dimension was a brief moment of sincere vulnerability, even buried as it was under subterfuge even then—but that's NOT the image he wants Ford to hold of Bill & his universe, so he has to "correct" it even if it means he's less pitiable. If he's KEEPING Ford, Bill wants his respect & admiration, not his pity.

answer four: Alex has said in an interview that they considered having Bill give a much more convincing (dishonest) speech about how him conquering the world was actually a good thing, and the reason we instead got Bill going "I'll make a more fun world!!" *depicts himself eating earth* is because he's getting impatient & rushing and not up to his peak manipulative abilities. I apply that to everything Bill's doing from the moment he discovers the barrier onward: he's not having fun, he's frustrated, he's getting sloppier and sloppier in his efforts to get the equation, he quickly drops from charming manipulative host offering a deal with the devil, to just plain old torturing Ford (and Bill's been manipulating humans long enough to know torture is one of the worst ways to get them to do what you want), to flat out "give me the equation or I'll kill your family I swear to god I am SO tired I just want that goddamn equation why is this so hard." Just blithely retconning the story he told Ford thirty years ago and thinking YEAH FORD WILL JUST ROLL WITH THAT seems like part of his competence/patience downward spiral.

[partyanimal167]

Okay so I SHOULD be working on the next chapter of my Miguel fic...and I promise I am. But I can't stop thinking about this post from @luxthestrange with my lovely man, Crocodile (also ignoring the fact that I'm behind on updating his fic by alot...) So here's a little something to get the writer vibes flowing

cw: none, blurb, one-sided pining, gn reader

Sir Crocodile x Ex-Secretary!Reader

You never thought that you'd end up having a WANTED poster, but you made some questionable choices as a youth which made entering the 'normal' world extremely hard and ultimately not worth it after awhile.

You did managed to get a desk job, but that didn't last long when it was revealed to have owed some money to a dangerous, business-smart pirate named Sir Crocodile. Amidst the raid, you were called out by said captain as it was your questioning of the numbers and certain other connections that brought some attention to what your then-boss was doing. (Oops). Either way, you expected to get interrogated then disposed of.

You got a handshake and job offer instead.

Now of course, you didn't immediately join Crocodile's side, but he noticed your attention to details and ease of conversing with even the seemingly shadiest of connects. Crocodile didn't think you were a pirate, but you certainly weren't a normal civilian either.

The secretary offer came after Crocodile witnessed you boldly standing up to one Warlord (Doffy) when he tried to barge into Crocodile's office while he was on a phone call. You were merely passing by. But you knew that Sir Crocodile didn't like to be interrupted, and the secretary then wasn't holding his place against the giant man.

Doflamingo was pissed. But Crocodile approved.

So then started the years of partnership and endless work where you kept tabs and details organized for Crocodile's use while you were rewarded in both finances and work benefits.

You enjoyed it, so you were a bit let down when things hit the fan and your boss in jail.

However, you were able to start an underground consulting business while hiding from the Marines. It was quite successful. When news came of Crocodile's escape, it was easy enough to track him down and send him a wealth of information ranging from old contacts to accounts that were still untouched. As a courtesy...

Sir Crocodile was quick to send over a bouquet of flowers and a beautiful invitation to welcome you back to working for him. You gracefully declined citing your new business adventure and gave warm wishes.

And so started a relentless array of attempts of winning you back. Several initial consultations for 'new clients' were just lunches of the man trying to convince you. Each time, you'd just sit and listen before taking the check for your time. Gifts of your favorite fragrances, coffees, pastries, and the like were always welcoming you either home or to your office. It did surprise you a bit how much the man knew about you. Your actual clients seemed to nervous to be caught between you both since Crocodile was trying to scare them off, and you were stern in getting your demands and continuing your work.

After some time though, it had been silent. You caught wind of Crocodile's new partners, and you felt some relief that others were able to take on and work with the man. Things would be easier now. You'd both cross paths maybe as partners or each other's clients in the future.

A knock at the door rattles your calm evening and tea. You stood from your living room and peek out your peephole. However, you didn't see anything. You were just about to walk away when you could've sworn you smelled a familiar robust smoke and opened the door.

You nearly gasped when you see Crocodile on his knees with the largest ramo of lilacs, Adam's needles, and roses you'd ever seen--although they were on the ground under his hand. He looked up at you with both desire, stress, and relief.

He puffed out his smoke before yanking out his cigar and pleading. "You are the most competent, skilled, and amazing person I know. I need you back in my life even more now. Please dear, come back to me."

~~~

Teehee

[francis-writes]

could you write something about Feyd and Rabban competing for reader's affection?

It's a dream scenario... at least until you actually partake in it. None of Harkonnen brothers is willing to give up and they both are able to almost everything to gain advantage.

(By the way, in this scenario they both fell for you, but it would be possible that one seduces you just to piss off the other; it would be more likely that Feyd tries to win over Rabban's crush just to assert his dominance. Or perhaps Rabban tries to take Feyd's partner to get a revenge for Arrakis and also to at least this time not be the second, worse brother)

They are both rather straightforward but still their methods are a bit different.

Feyd would be more subtle and strategic. He would observe and listen to you to find out what you like and to know more about you. All these informations help him to give you things you may like or to randomly mention some facts you told him to prove that he cares. He doesn't hide his intention to seduce you but he's more subtle in his approach. He tries to use his charm and sweet words to convince you to him. He also invites you to watch his fights because he also wants to impress you with his fighting skill (and he would be happy if you enjoyed the murder as much as him). Feyd is likely to send servants to observe you and tell him what you're doing, whom you're meeting and what you're talking about (as i said, he has yandere tendencies). If there's a need, he will try to manipulate you into a relationship.

Not saying that Feyd's methods are much better but Rabban is more honest. Or simply not concerned with subtlety nor formalities. He tries to impress you by showing his strength and bragging about his power. He spoils you with gifts, not necessarily connected with your interests, he rather chooses things representing luxury and wealth he can give you. He may get a bit touchy - nothing too far but Rabban often puts his hand around your waist or on your thigh or he randomly lifts you up to show his strength (i am sorry, me and my friends sometimes lift each other for fun but now i imagined that considering size difference with Rabban it may look like that scene from lion king and it's too funny. I may draw it one day). He also wants to suggest that he can make you happy but uhhh idk if talking about his previous romances (with all intimate details) is a good way to do it.

Their rivalry goes on behind your back as well and it's even more ruthless. They threaten each other both with violence and blackmailing, there's also perhaps a few physical fights.

At one hand, they both often make sure that you aren't alone with the other. At the other hand, you can't spend time with them both at once because of the tension. They try to stay calm and make good impression but sooner or later (usually sooner) there starts a little squabble. They start mentioning each other failures or embarassing memories. After some time Rabban can't control himself and starts yelling, meanwhile Feyd-Rautha looks coldly at him as if he barely holded himself back from murdering Glossu.

By the way, of course Baron would quickly notice this competition but he wouldn’t interfere as long as the situation isn't out of control and as long as brothers' fight for your feelings doesn't disrupts his plans. Moreover, he may even use this occasion to turn them against each other even more and manipulate, perhaps promising help in winning your affection.

No matter which one you choose, the other one is P I S S E D. Probably they won't try again after you rejected them and hurt their pride (unless...?). Rabban will just be bitter and angry seeing you with his brother, he may start avoiding you or lash out when you meet. Feyd-Rautha on the other hand will just claim that you have bad taste and it's your loss, but he still becomes cold and distant. He may plot a way to take a revenge on you.

Also, you can't choose both. Both are pretty possesive and wouldn't share you, especially with each other. And if you don't want any of them? You are fucked. They reconcile temporarily just to get a revenge on you for rejecting them.

[hadesisqueer]

I appreciate The Dragon Prince because it gave me tragic antagonists or villains that I love (Claudia), villains that while I don't really like them I understand how they came to be and can feel a bit of sympathy for (Aaravos or Viren), villains I straight up fucking hate (Sol Regem) and villains that I don't really hate because when they appear on-screen I just sigh wondering how they can be so fucking stupid (Karim). They really give you everything.

No but for real, Karim's entire character arc consists of 'The risk I took was calculated but I am bad at math' because. He's so dumb. He keeps saying he wants to restore the Sunfire Empire to its former glory, but like-- how? What plans do you have for the future? Are you going to try to retake Lux Aurea? Because you can't. Oh, you want humans out? Okay-- how would that help to restore the former glory, though? You're just being a bigot?

The thing is that all Karim ever did was talk about his birthright —that's not even his birthright, actually, because he's the youngest sibling— and keep babbling about history demanding blah blah blah of people and how his sister wasn't a competent queen when actually it is the opposite. Janai proves, by allowing the architect to live while still giving her an according punishment, that she is a fair queen who chooses mercy and allows people to grow while still choosing justice; also, that she's more practical, because what good is a talented architect dead —who did something awful but still was sorta right about fire being dangerous around the camp— when you can just make her build a shrine so this kind of incident never happens again. Janai also had the Sunseed and plans to nurture it and help it grow, help her own people grow. She actually had plans for the future, and she had the patience necessary. She understands that you must learn from history but that it also doesn't define you, that you must not let it define you.

Karim doesn't get that. He was obsessed with history and the old ways. He didn't have any patience. And he didn't have any long term plans. Or even backup plans for when his plans inevitably failed, either! He was so convinced Janai would refuse his duel he was shocked when she actually fought him, and resorted to fighting-- with fire magic-- against someone who's fireproof-- again, no actual plan. He tried using an assassin to kill his sister, the actual person the assassin had a life debt to. He wants to steal the Sunseed, actively fucking over his people. When Ezran tells him to take his followers and start somewhere else, Karim refuses because he says he doesn't want crumbs off his sister's plate, but at the same time it's like-- that's exactly what you were gonna get, buddy. You wanna use Sol Regem to torch your sister's army. The only thing you're gonna rule over is the followers you have now plus what remains of Janai's, if they even accept you. So, yeah. Literally crumbs.

Also, again, he's so fucking entitled. 'What's rightfully mine' he's the youngest sibling, nothing is rightfully his, he's an usurper. Part of his demands being that humans leave and go back to 'their side of the border, where they belong', buddy, you'd be the king of the Sunfire Elves, not the King of all of Xadia. As king you could make humans leave your territory, but not Xadia. If a bunch of humans, hypothetically, befriended Moonshadow or Skywing elves and lived at the Silvergrove, or wherever the Skywing elves live, with them-- what, now you're gonna try to wage war against the the other elves, too, because they're not following your ways? You can threaten them with Sol Regem, sure, but also consider, because you didn't even consider it when you went to him-- he's an Archdragon, yeah, but the weakest of the Archdragons right now. Let's say Ezran and Janai follow through and give up and leave. They could go with Zym and head straight up to the Mushroom Mage and come back with Zubeia, the current Queen of the Dragons, right after she's done with her treatment. They arrive. Who's gonna win? A healthy Archdragon on her prime or an old, blind Archdragon that hasn't flown or fought in centuries? Also, once you give him the Sunseed he actually has no reason to be on your side, he already got what he wanted. Even if the Katolis thing didn't happen, he could've turned against you very easily. He likely would've done so.

He's an awful leader who doesn't actually care about his people. He disrespects other world leaders like Ezran immediately. He's an entitled, bigoted idiot who doesn't actually think things through and that actually makes him both incredibly annoying and very realistic, which actually makes me like him as an antagonist but still makes me let out a exasperated sigh every time he talks. Best part of him is that he's obsessed with going down in history as someone great when, with his actions, he's only going to pass down as the prince who tried to usurp his sister three times and failed the three times, each failure worse than the previous one. Lmao.

[yuri-is-online]

Hello!

Congratulations on getting 300 followers! Feel free to ignore this request if you'd like, but can you do prompt #7 with Jamil, Ace, and Trey?

7. Wearing a maid outfit during a culture fair

Thank you <3 And there is no way I am ignoring this one when you picked maybe the best possible line up for it.

notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu, mild cringe, a bit... suggestive and light spoilers for the white rabbit event in Trey's part (i.e. Yuu references the event costumes) Check out the rest of the event requests here.

Jamil

"Welcome back master!" You cheerfully give the greeting Ortho had helped you practice and immediately wish for death as soon as you see just who the customer you gave it to is. Jamil stares at you, really stares at you, eyes shot wide cognitive thought completely evaporated from his brain.

"Do- have you-" He coughs, fighting off the urge to hide in his hood. "Have you been greeting everyone like that?"

"Um yes, Ortho said it was the appropriate way to greet customers at a maid cafe." Not that this was a maid cafe exactly, it was a booth handing out bottled water to attendees of the NRC culture fair the school nurse had insisted on setting up. You were supposed to be wearing a dorm uniform to really sell that school pride, but Ramshackle doesn't have one so you had jokingly offered to wear a maid outfit, something Ortho apparently decided was brilliant and convinced Vil to let you borrow one from the film club. You weren't sure why you agreed to this but hey, at least it was cute. Jamil certainly doesn't seem to disagree.

"Well you should stop, it's extremely undignified." That's what he says, but it's missing the usual edge his critiques usually have. If you didn't know any better, you would think that he's embarrassed, which gives you a brilliant idea.

"Maaaaaster," you make sure to whine out the title with a big pout as you move directly into his personal space keeping just enough distance between you two to be tempting, delighting in how his throat twitches at the title "I'm working really hard to make you happy y'know? It's really rude to say that's 'undignified.'" You stay like that for a brief moment, gears in Jamil's mind whirring so fast they might as well be letting off steam. Finally, the breath he's been trying to catch finally goes down taking him with it.

"JAMIL!" He huffs at your concern from his new home on the pavement in annoyance.

"Seriously, it's rude to tease."

Ace

"Oh come on what even is the point of this?" In today's episode of Night Raven Comedy, Ace is shouting in disappointment at his reflection in Yuu's bedroom mirror while they and Deuce stand hands folded in disappointment just behind him.

"Really I don't get why you are so surprised." Says Deuce. 'Wasn't this entire thing your idea?"

"What's that got to do with it?" He snaps, face softening slightly when he looks at you but returning to annoyance when Deuce starts to smirk at him. "Don't tell me you're actually excited about dressing like this?" Deuce shrugs.

"I mean don't get me wrong it is embarrassing, but honestly seeing you dressed up like this makes it worth it." The grin on Deuce's face is outright evil, and you silently sigh, searching around your room for Grim's ribbon. About a month ago, Crewel had announced that your class would need to put together a booth for the school culture fair and asked for suggestions. Someone had complained it would be useless to try and compete with the other classes without a gimmick and Ace, for some reason, had suggested maid outfits. You weren't sure what surprised you more, that suggestion or that everyone had agreed with it.

"Why did you suggest a maid cafe if you didn't want to dress up like a maid?" You ask, already annoyed and adding ibuprofen to your mental list of things to make sure to bring with you when the three of you are finally ready to leave. He mutters an answer and you sigh. "Speak up I can't hear you."

"Yeah Ace," laughs Deuce, dodging a pillow Ace throws at his head "why did you suggest it?"

"Because I wanted to see you dressed like one." He mutters, pouting while Deuce laughs before turning on you. "And don't act like you didn't go along with it! Why did you vote for it?"

"Because I wanted to see you in a maid outfit too."

Oh, judging by the judgment Deuce is passing on both of you and Ace's shock you said that out loud, didn't you...

Trey

Breathe in breathe out. Busy your hands by adjusting your glasses and fix your smile in place and take another deep breath before you speak and focus on the eyes.

"That's an interesting outfit you have on Prefect." Trey says, and you sigh in relief. Finally someone normal.

"Thanks! I was worried it would be a bit too much." Realistically speaking you know it is, seriously maid outfits are already cute enough, adding bunny ears, ribbons, and a frilly tail just makes it lethal. Cater almost made you late with how many pictures he insisted on taking before you managed to escape.

"Well I don't know about that, it's certainly extremely cute though." Trey crosses his arms and tries to avoid gripping his bicep too hard. The way you light up at his praise doesn't help. "Where did you get it if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh Deuce's mom gave it to me when we visited Clock Town." Your nod causes the bunny ears to bounce and someone takes in a sharp breath. "Riddle said it would be helpful if Deuce could wear his costume for your booth about the Queen of Hearts, but he didn't want to dress up alone so I volunteered to help."

"Is Deuce wearing a... similar costume?" It could be just you, but Trey sounds like he's feeling a bit sick.

"Well kind of? He isn't a maid bunny. But speaking of Deuce I should really get back! Wouldn't want Riddle to get angry." You are clearly waiting for him to say something, but Trey doesn't trust himself to speak. "Trey?" You reach up towards his forehead forcing him to get a really good look at the entire costume as you try checking his temperature and frown in distress. "Oh you're practically burning up, let me walk you to the hospital wing I don't think Riddle will mind if-"

"You should be a bit more careful." Trey catches your hand as you go to take it away from his forehead, keeping you close to him yellow eyes daring you to step in just a bit further. "You aren't from around here, but surely even you know how deep a rabbit hole can go, right Prefect?"

[dairy-farmer]

Presented to you as if I was a cat and this idea was a dead mouse:

Scent is incredibly important in the world of omegaverse. Interestingly, it is a well documented, if not necessarily well known or publicized, that pups actually have the best sense of smell of anyone in Omegaverse: and it does make a lot of sense! Sure, Alphas need to be able to pick up on what other Alphas feelings are so they don't accidentally cause a territory dispute (those should only be done intentionally), but don't necessarily need a vastly more well developed nose compared to the other two dynamics to pick out when an Omega is in heat - if they are interested, the Omega will let them know with actions as well as scent.

What this kind of thing means, very broadly speaking, is that while all dynamics have fairly good senses of smell when it comes to identifying this person or that person or picking up on some of the more strong emotions, being able to tell what someone else's dynamic is can be nigh on impossible with even a mild scent blocker... Unless you're a pup. Because it is incredibly useful, especially in the past when people weren't perhaps as civilized as they are now, to be able to tell quickly and with very high accuracy whether the person you are approaching for help was an Alpha that may be territorial or aggressive, a Beta with little 'pull' in their pack (remember, only things developed tens of thousands of years ago before society was even a thing), or an Omega who is vastly more likely to be protective and nurturing toward pups, and also hopefully has milk.

So! The point to which I am building up: Tim had been hiding that he's an Omega for whatever reason - maybe he's worried old style sexism would have prevented Bruce from letting him be Robin, or maybe he was worried about the optics of a young Omega boy hanging out with a pack of Alphas (Alfred is a beta, but outsiders generally just consider him the help so he wouldn't really count). Heck, maybe Tim just thought it was funny that he managed to hide his secondary gender from Batman... And then Damian shows up

He's small and angry and secretly scared about having a place in a pack of Alphas. Even the Beta, Timothy, is supposedly incredibly skilled and competent according to his grandfather. So Damian is ready to bite people (Dick and Jason mostly), because one thing the League taught him was that the proper response to fear and unease is violence against the thing causing that feeling. So Damian had been at the manor for a couple days, everyone is stressed and snapping at each other, when Tim finally returns from a mission/hangout with YJ. Damian is prepared to meet this final rival for his father's regard with violence, sneaking up on him when Tim is alone after being deprived of the Damian situation... Except he gets one tiny whiff of Omega and is instantly calmed. The pack Omega would never harm him or allow one of the Alphas to do so! So instead of attacking, Damian allows his footsteps to be heard -sneaking up on his new Mama wouldn't make the best impression- and as soon as he has Tim's attention he basically plastered himself against him.

Tim is shocked and confused, because everyone had been warning him about what a vicious little hellion Damian was, and here was that same pup greeting Tim for the first time with a big hug! He becomes alarmed fairly quickly though when Damian starts tugging on his shirt and making cute puppy noises asking for milk (getting an Omega to feed them is a sure fire way for a pup to quickly create an affectionate and protective bind with said Omega). Pups being able to identify dynamics regardless of scent blockers isn't a secret or anything, it just almost never comes up because most people aren't trying to hide like Tim is. So now Tim is conflicted because he wants to feed and bond with the pack pup, but he's also been lying to said pack for years and isn't sure how to explain himself.

I picture Tim convincing Damian to keep it a secret (not that Damian needed convincing: if no one else knows Tim is an Omega, there is no risk of one of the Alphas trying to take Tim's attention or get him pregnant!) and the rest of the bats are confused. Why doesn't Damian like them but seem to love Tim? (Obviously Tim is very lovable, but that's beside the point!) It can't be because he's a Beta, because Damian has been just as rude and standoffish to Alfred and Steph. Dick is particularly hurt because he's a nice person! Strangers and pups usually like him, so why doesn't the new pack pup 😫! It's not fair! Tim and Damian sleep together every night, and Dick would love a chance to cuddle his sweet beta brother Timmy and new pup brother. (and No, Dick (and Bruce and Jason) have never had any dreams or fantasies about Tim being an Omega and getting mated! Sure, they could do that anyway except alpha/beta matings can be painful for a bottom beta because they're not really meant for knots, and he/they love Timmy too much to risk hurting him. So stop asking!)

Tim and Damian's sleepovers are just a perfect excuse for Tim to get to relax and be himself and take off the scent blockers, while Damian gets a bell full of milk and cuddles from someone he knows he can trust in this new place: his new Mama would never let anything happen to him, up to and including being sent back to the League!

How do the rest of the family find out about Tim? Maybe he forgets to put his patches back on one morning, maybe Damian calls him Mama in front of them by accident... Or maybe it's after Damian presents and someone walks in on him knotting Tim for the first time, panting and growling about how it's now his turn to look after and protect his mama. The fallout is honestly not as bad as Tim had been worried about: his reasoning is considered silly but understandable so no one's really angry about that. Mostly, they're just annoyed at how much sex and knotting they've missed out on thinking they were protecting Tim! ( Damian is of course Very Unamused at having to share his Omega - he didn't have to share before, why does he have to stay now!?

a gift 🐁!!! i love this so much!!!! one thing i love about omegaverse is how the world has a direct impact on the story- pups having an incredible sense of smell would make so much sense given their needs! and damian immediately forming a connection and trying to bond with the only omega/his new mother who will make sure nothing happens to him in this den full of alphas!!

i LOVE the idea that no one figures out tim's an omega until they literally come home one day and the manor is filled with the scent of an omega very clearly getting mated and of course they do a tally and realize who is present and who is not, they realize the scent is coming from damian's room and initially think oh he's fucking a little omega and then are very quickly filled with horror because oh no damian's fucking a little omega. and that's a very BAD thing, for an alpha, even one as young and freshly presented as damian, to fuck another pack's omega without a packhead's permission that is, at best, a brawl on the front lawn sort of confrontation with the other packhead and at worst a lawsuit and damian ending up on an offender registry so damian fucking a strange omega is very bad for SO many reasons and so they burst in because if they put a stop to it they can save damian from putting himself in a very bad situation. but then they burst in and the squirming whining omega laying bellyside down on damian's bed and getting roughly mated by a panting damian is a drooling and whining tim- tim who they all thought was very much a beta!

it's just so good!!!

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 沙海/Tomb of the Sea/Sand Sea.

Sand Sea is the 2018 installment of the DMBJ/Lost Tomb franchise, which tells the story of the search for an ancient desert city, a fight against a secretive assassin family, the raiding of more than a couple tombs, and a whole bunch of other action-packed bullshit.

Have you ever watched an anime adaptation that outran the as-yet-incomplete manga it was adapting, necessitating it throw together a largely befuddling ending based on the available clues? That's Sand Sea. At time of production, only ~75% of the Sand Sea novel had been written. As I am making this post, that's still all of the Sand Sea novel that has been written. I finished watching the show and had a lot of questions about its loose ends. I read the book. It didn't help.

So, I'm not going to try and summarize the story, much less try to sell you on the show on the strength of the plot. What I am going to try and do is convince you it's a good time anyway.

As I mentioned earlier, it's part of a larger franchise, but you shouldn't let that stop you from diving in here. Most of the DMBJ shows and books are narrated by Wu Xie, the series' special little birthday boy. Sand Sea takes a different tack -- your main POV characters are completely new to the world of the tombs, meaning that the show explains things to you while it's explaining things to them. Wu Xie's still a major character, but you're seeing him through the eyes of a befuddled teenager who wasn't even supposed to be here today.

I'm going to give you five reasons to watch this series, and all five of them are relationships. I'm pitching it to you this way because, as was the case in my rec for Reunion (one of the other tomb-raiding dramas), I'm assuming you have zero familiarity with DMBJ, which means that any appeals to the larger franchise or its twists and turns will have no impact. Instead, I am here to sell this to you on the strength of character interactions. If you're interested in what the characters are doing, the plot will come.

1. Dudes Rock

The aforementioned teenager narrator is Li Cu, a too-cool-for-school underachiever who lives with his abusive father and has no direction in life. He comes with his two best (and only) friends: earnest pushover Su Wan and neighborhood bully Yang Hao.

They're a trio of problem children who cannot succeed by the metrics of society at large: Li Cu and Yang Hao are both from family circumstances that have hampered their ability to perform academically, while Su Wan, bless his heart, is just not that bright. They do, however, all do well when put in situations that play to their strengths and given appropriate mentorship. (Alas that all of their mentors are terrible people; see point 4.)

They're set up as an intentional next-generation parallel to the Iron Triangle, which is the term DMBJ uses for Wu Xie and his two closest people. Normally, the Iron Triangle would be the core of a DMBJ story -- but since that threesome is broken by Circumstances at the moment, these boys become the substitute triad whose friendship is one of the main bonds holding the narrative together.

They have such teenage boy dynamics, it's great. They're stupid about girls and alcohol and money and homework and all the other things teen boys are stupid about, while also being stupid enough to get themselves entangled in shadowy international conspiracies. Huge parts of the plot are fueled entirely by their dumbass decisions. But they also barely have any competent adult supervision in their lives, so you know, when you're seventeen and basically feral, renting a warehouse so you can beat a bunch of frozen snakes to death actually sounds like a good solution to the problem at the time.

It's not all comedy, though. Li Cu and Yang Hao in particular are deeply traumatized young men even before the story starts, and events of the series make it worse. They're definitely the "feelings are for girls!" type of young men, and they need Su Wan there as their eternally bippy buffer. When he's not, they can get mean.

What's also charming about this trio is that they're all pretty darn straight. In a franchise chock full of (unintentional?) homoeroticism, these three manage to keep their platonic dude dynamics pretty platonic. I mean, I myself come at most things with slash-colored glasses on, and even I'm of the opinon that they're befuddled heterosexuals struggling with how the entire tomb-raiding industry's gay. And even if you assume everyone in this entire show is straight, these boys are still going to get a bunch of real-time lessons in how to love other people, whether they like it or not!

So if you like a Teen Boy Squad of goobers who don't want to admit they're close or have emotions or anything like that, right up until they're all each other have, this may be just the thing for you.

2. The Only Good Het in the Tombs

DMBJ is not known for its high-quality heterosexual romance, to put it mildly. Most of the time, it makes the smart decision to not even try. When it does, you mostly wish it hadn't.

Therefore, you cannot imagine how shocked I was to find myself falling head-over-heels for the incredibly weird canonical love story between horny hot mess Dr. Liang Wan and emotionally constipated 80-year-old virgin and arsonist Zhang Rishan.

Their relationship goes a little something like this: He needs something from her, so he contrives a plan to ask her out. She declares him her boyfriend. He continues the relationship in order to continue getting things from her. She thinks he's hot, so she's fine with that. He warns her that continuing their relationship will involve messing with some very bad members of the Tomb-Raiding Industrial Complex. She's like, again, you're incredibly hot, so that's not a problem. He makes her memorize maps and sends her to a desert. She dresses up like him and pepper-sprays him. And somewhere in the midst of all that, he falls for her and she gets sick of his shit, and they wind up for-real dating as equals.

Part of what's so delightful about their relationship is how awful they are to one another. It'd be bad if that awfulness were one-sided, but man, they each give as good as they get. He's heartless and exploitative, and she's neurotic and insecure. She makes constant demands of him that he's almost too confused by to refuse, and he keeps putting her in situations no sane person should want to be part of. He comes from a cutthroat world of complete bastards, while she wears her heart on her sleeve whether she wants to or not. They're extremely good for one another, because he trusts her competencies and is going to make her demonstrate every one of them, while one of her chief skills is calling him on his bullshit.

It is at this point I need to sing the praises of Liang Wan, hottest of the hot messes. She's one of the principal POV characters for the novel, where she's just as boy-crazy (though for a different boy, because Zhang Rishan's not in this book) and just as far in over her head. The adaptation has absolutely done her character justice. What makes Liang Wan so charming to me is how much she absolutely refuses to let herself be stopped by being completely out of her depth. She doesn't know what the hell is going on most of the time, but fuck it, she's rolling with it. She's just also going to be applying moisturizer and anti-aging serum the entire time, because you know what, sometimes when your whole world is falling apart around you, the one thing you can count on is your skincare routine.

Zhang Rishan is surrounded by people so cool, butter doesn't melt in their mouths. He can be balls-out naked in front of them without batting an eyelash. It is her thirsty disaster charms alone that have set fire to his frozen heart. I love them to bits.

3. Enemies to ... ???

This is Sand Sea's Wu Xie. You're not going to like him at first, because he spends the first several episodes tormenting a teen who only mildly seems to deserve it. What you find out as the show goes on is that Wu Xie is having a bad time -- more than that, he's having a straight-up bad decade. He has taken a lot of psychic damage and decided to cope with it by being absolutely insane. He's a bitch with no sense of self-preservation living in constant gremlin mode. He is no longer under the active supervision of his husbands, and he's going to make that everyone else's problem.

The show chooses to start out by inflicting Wu Xie on a bunch of strangers through an arc that's bizarre, lengthy, and mostly completely unrelated to the larger plot. It does introduce a few elements that will matter, though, and one of them is Su Nan.

When Su Nan appeared as the badass head of a mercenary outfit, I was braced for one (or both) of two things to happen. Thing one, I figured she'd die or otherwise leave the narrative after the first arc, which made me not want to get attached to her, if she wasn't going to stick around. Thing two, I was all but certain the show was going to try and make her Wu Xie's love interest, which made me make such a face, because [see last point].

Neither happens. Su Nan is still around in the final episode, and what she becomes to Wu Xie is much, much more interesting.

They're not friends. They're never friends. They can't be friends, because they absolutely can't trust one another. Except sometimes they have to trust one another, and in return they have to allow themselves to be trustworthy.

In the last relevant chapter or so of the novel, Wu Xie gets his throat cut and shoved off a cliff ... and because the novel isn't finished, we have no idea why that happened or who did it. The drama decides that when he goes over that cliff this time, throat unslit, Su Nan needs to go with him. This means they spend much of the later part of the series depending on one another for survival, getting real vulnerable, sharing trauma, and occasionally fucking one another over anyway, because they are both bad and untrustworthy people.

And they're ... kinda into one another? But because it's not textual, it winds up being great. If the show had tried to write their romance, I would have hated it. Instead, it chooses to leave things fraught and unspecified, with the two of them obviously having a lot of feelings but not even knowing themselves what all those feelings are, much less how to react appropriately to them. That is delicious. Pour that right into my mouth.

I also choose to interpret Su Nan as being transfemme (complimentary), if only because that's the most charitable explanation for her dedication to keeping her tits out and her lipstick game sharp even in wilderness conditions.

4. This Man Should Not Be Trusted With Children

As I mentioned before, all members of the Teen Boy Squad wind up paired with adult men who act as their mentors. Li Cu and Wu Xie are the main duo, since they're the main character of this show and the main character of the entire franchise, respectively. Yang Hao winds up in an even more abusive dynamic with a bitch of a man who takes advantage of Yang Hao's capacity for rage. But precious baby Su Wan is lucky enough to be adopted by, well...

If you read my rec for Reunion, you will recognize him as the guy I called "this giant fucking loser" with all the affection in the world. Hei Xiazi is both the worst and the best, which makes him the perfect man to take care of the tender soul that is Su Wan.

Su Wan's a poor little rich boy who is happy to be bullied by his friends, because it means he has friends! He's a dipshit because he's sheltered by his family wealth, and he's also a dipshit because he'd be a dipshit no matter how much money he had. He needs someone to kick his ass in a way that builds him back up again and helps him make the transition from doormat to functional adult.

The circumstances that bring these two together are so batshit, they're not worth recounting here. Suffice it to say that as one adventure arc ends, Hei Xiazi is tasked with taking Su Wan home. Su Wan expresses interest in whatever Hei Xiazi's whole deal is, and Hei Xiazi responds by offering (in a roundabout way) lessons in what exactly his whole deal is.

Hei Xiazi is a terrible teacher, but he's a perfect teacher for Su Wan, who is the kind of boy who would go find the nearest dictionary if you told him the word "gullible" wasn't there. They're preciously weird at one another. The work so well together because Su Wan believes the best of everything, which leads him to see right past the parts of Hei Xiazi that other people (correctly) find inscrutable and offputting. With Hei Xiazi's questionable guidance, Su Wan finds for the first time in his naive, privileged life a goal for himself that is both achievable and worth the effort.

Later books give evidence that all three of the boys eventually go to work for Hei Xiazi, which I think is great, especially since he is somehow the least toxic and terrible of all the mentor characters. ...Man, though, that bar is low. It's a miracle anyone in DMBJ survives into adulthood.

It's also cute to think about how the boys are no doubt context-appropriately homophobic, because it's so easy to picture their respective reactions to finding out that their strong, terrible male role models are queer. Cue Li Ci and Yang Hao's respective no-homo freakouts, while Su Wan just has a million slightly offensive but ultimately well-meaning questions about how bisexuality works.

And I'm just going to say, if you watched the Untamed and loved Xue Yang? You owe it to yourself to see that actor suddenly become the sweetest little butterscotch muffin ever. ...Yes, if you didn't recognize him earlier, that's Wang Haoxuan, and he turns in an incredible comic performance here. Su Wan is consistently one of the funniest characters onscreen. The bit with the saxaphone kills me dead.

Anyway, unlike the first three relationships I've talked about here, this is one you have to wait a good long while for. Su Wan shows up in the first episode, Hei Xiazi appears about a dozen or so episodes later, but it takes their storylines much longer to cross. It's worth the wait, though, knowing that eventually you'll get to see these two weirdos bounce merrily off one another.

5. Everybody Loves Pangzi

This is the Iron Triangle I mentioned earlier. Obviously there's Wu Xie in the middle. The perfect boy in the hoodie is Xiao Ge, who is at the time of this series slightly stuck in what's basically a giant time-lock safe, so you're only ever going to see him in flashbacks. (Xiao Ge is trapped, so you can't have Xiao Ge.) And then, over there on the left is the man whose nickname translates to "fatty," Wang Pangzi.

Hold on to your butts, because I am now going to wax poetic about how much I love this fictional man.

Pangzi is the best. The best. He's funny. He's kind. He's got terrible taste in men and only slightly less terrible taste in women. He's a gentleman. He's the party shock absorber. He's prone to making things explode. He's impeccably dressed. He's charmingly superstitious. He's not subtle. He's got an excitable little stammer and an atrocious Beijing accent. He's a flexible fat man. He's the most fuckable person onscreen no matter who's onscreen with him.

He's also usually the DMBJ everyman character, except Sand Sea has a ton of everyman characters for a change, so he winds up filling the role of a badass insider instead. His job is basically to hold down the fort while Xiao Ge's indisposed and Wu Xie's off being insane. In the absence of both his beloveds, Pangzi's going to do what needs to be done, and he's going to be incredibly hot while he's doing it.

Usually, DMBJ shows serve up a huge amount of Pangzi and Wu Xie interaction. Sand Sea only puts them in the same room near the very end -- but they're collaborating throughout. In fact, the only way the whole story works is if they're basically so much in each other's back pockets that they can function as a single unit even across great distances. The record will show that I read them as husbands -- but more importantly, they're good friends who understand and trust one another completely. As much as it pains me that they're apart for basically the entire thing, they're never really apart, you know?

However, because Wu Xie is physically elsewhere for so much of the show, Sand Sea provides a unique chance to see Pangzi interacting on his own with other characters. Wu Xie is the special little boy who always takes up all the oxygen in the room -- and of course Pangzi doesn't begrudge him this, because Pangzi loves him. Without Wu Xie around, though, we get to watch all the other relationships Pangzi has cultivated over the years.

One of the best is with Xie Yuchen, a.k.a. Xiao Hua. In other series, we see the two interact, but only in the context of having Wu Xie around. Sand Sea presents us with a little window into what is clearly a longstanding friendship. From the tiny bit we get of their interactions, it's obvious they hang out on a pretty regular basis. They're chilling and having spa dates while their husbands are out there getting sandy and fighting snakes, proving that these two urbanites are absolutely the brains of their respective marriages.

...Hold up a second,

I hear you say,

IS this show actually gay? Because you keep using words like "husbands" and talking like it's intentionally, onscreen, boys-kissing-boys gay.

On the one hand, no.

On the other hand: Is Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid gay? Textually, taking it at face value, and especially considering the context in which it was made, no, it is absolutely not gay, nor was it meant to be gay. But when you step back and realize everything it's doing, you kind of can't avoid the really romantic implications. Maybe Butch and Sundance never smooch, maybe they don't even want to, but they're each other's other halves. We would instantly recognize what they are if one of them were a lady. In a narrative setting where gayness is unthinkable, nothing they can do can be gay, which loops around to making everything kinda gay, and ... look, I'm just saying, if Pangzi were a woman, we'd know immediately what she is to Wu Xie (and holy fuck she would be so hot). If Xiao Hua were as female as the opera characters he plays, we'd have no questions about her relationship to Hei Xiazi. Keep everything beat for beat, line for line the same, and there'd be no missing it.

This is something you get a lot with stories about men written by men, this unintentional homoeroticism from male authors who don't realize their misogyny has actually poisoned them against heterosexuality. Remember what I said earlier about DMBJ's regrettable het? So much of it stems from the assumption that getting a girl and a boy together will inevitably to romantic feelings from at least one of them, so there's no reason to bother spending time giving either of the participants any actual reasons to like one another. (Sand Sea does this too! Just with a character I haven't mentioned here, because I'm trying to talk about the good dynamics.) This kind of thinking treats women not as people, but as as basically interchangeable desirable objects. But men are people, which means the male characters' feelings are worth discussing in the narrative! So what you get is these well-developed, intimate relationships between men described in loving detail, sat right next to perfunctory heterosexual couplings -- and we're supposed to believe that one is romantic and one is not based solely on the genders of the participants? Yeah, no, I call bullshit.

And -- if you'll permit me to loop back to the boys for a minute -- we now have a model for how a straight Iron Triangle would behave, and it is not the way the actual Iron Triangle members are about one another. Those teens love one another in a way that is fierce and strong and not what Wu Xie, Pangzi, and Xiao Ge have going. Maybe it could become that, but it's not now. It's not better or worse now for being what it is, but it is different, and it makes by contrast some things very clear (and very queer).

So that is why I feel justified in referring to them as husbands and will continue to do so despite the lack of explicit textual support.

Anyway, back to Pangzi!

Where were we? Right, Xiuxiu!

Pangzi's always at his best when he gets to be a knight for someone he cares about. This time around, that's Huo Xiuxiu, who who only shows up after you've met several of her matriarchal family's other members, all of whom would be at home in a Tank Full Of Dangerous Ladies. Xiuxiu is not a fighter like they are, but she does have an object that means everyone's out to get her, and as such she relies on her Pangzi to keep her safe while she's trying to survive the fucked-up games her family is playing.

And Pangzi clearly loves it. He absolutely thrives on being the big brother/bruiser figure for her. He loves how cool it makes him look to her. He doesn't have Wu Xie around to be a tank for, so he's going to tank for her. In fact, he's even going to bring in reinforcements to help him do it. (What's the deal with the cute Tibetan boy? Look, shh, just appreciate that you've got a cute Tibetan boy.)

Then there's his dealings with the rest of the Tomb-Raiding Industrial Complex, who are a bunch of shady dudes with impressive family pedigrees and expensive suits, all of whom are trying to play twelve-dimensional chess with one another. There's going to be lots of names dropped, of families and of individuals, and the show is going to act like you're supposed to be impressed. And if you're familiar with DMBJ canon, yeah, you could be impressed! Or you could be like Pangzhi, who rolls up in his amazing Holstein shirt, not giving a single fuck what any of these rich bastards think about him.

This is actually some character development for Pangzi, who has in the past been cowed (pun unintended) by the wealthy, mostly due to his own financial situation. That stage of his life is over now. Honey badger has ceased to care. The cool, pretty people are going to try and give him shit, and he is impervious to it. You better believe the Iron Triangle trashed this fancy restaurant the last time they were in here, and if you give Pangzi half the chance, he'll fucking do it again.

No wonder Zhang Rishan likes him. A pair of little firestarters.

Don't let me oversell you on how much Pangzi is in Sand Sea, because he's not. There's maybe a dozen of the 52 episodes that have any Pangzi content, and he's only in small parts of those episodes. Pangzi is a rare and precious event, like an eclipse. Cherish the Pangzi moments and all the wonderful interactions contained within.

caveat: You call that an ending?

Buddy, if you'd seen how most other DMBJ series end, you wouldn't be asking me that. But because I'm assuming you haven't: Yes, I call that an ending, because it actually attempts to do a winddown and conclusion, instead of just wandering off on a cliffhanger. The ending isn't wholly satisfying, but it is an ending. There is a narrative, and that narrative concludes. Does the conclusion make sense and tie up all the loose ends? Absolutely not! But it does follow basic story structure and resolve the action semi-competently.

As I said about the sweet disaster that is Psych Hunter (which was also directed by the guy who did Sand Sea!), I think knowing in advance that an ending sucks makes the ending suck less. It removes the disappointment factor and lets you enjoy what is there, instead of making you grumpy about what isn't. No, you're never going to understand a lot of things. That means whatever you want to be true can be true. The book is unfinished. The series is nonsense. Canon has no hold on you. You are free.

As compensation, here's a picture of Xiao Ge without his shirt on.

Are you feeling like it's Tomb Time?

There are a couple places you can get this one! Try Viki, WeTV, this YouTube playlist (which is missing the first episode for some reason), or this YouTube playlist (which has the whole thing). Note that subtitles vary in quality from place to place. The YouTube versions also have the bizarre, amazing in-character commercials, and it's up to you if that's a plus or a minus for your viewing experience.

I love this bonkers show. It is balls-to-the-wall weird, to a point that will make you question the translation. I got to the part where Zhang Rishan explains that ancient people worshipped fish with snakes in their eyebrows, caught the fish, took out the snakes, and implanted the snakes in their own human eyebrows -- and I thought, surely that's not what he's actually saying. Nope! The subtitles are accurate. It's the show that's off its rocker.

Anyway, once you've watched Sand Sea, scroll down to the bottom of my rec post for Reunion and find out how you can get even deeper into said tombs! Trust me, there's a lot down here.

As those other posts would indicate, this would not be my first choice for how to get into DMBJ. It is, however, how a fair number of people have gotten into DMBJ, so what the hell do I know! Or maybe this post has convinced you that Sand Sea is worth watching, but you'd rather build up to it than go into it raw. That works too! Whenever you get to it, it'll be here: under a bunch of sand, tattooed and inexplicable, and extremely gay whether it knows it or not.

Go to the desert, they said. Find Gutongjing, they said. Solve the mystery, they said. Fuck it, we nap.

[melancholicmarionette]

[Oh shit I did something. I wrote Val and Sam as podcasters. Warning: this is fucking stupid. I literally had to just stop writing bc it made less and less sense as I went on. But I love writing dialogue and it’s silly and this is tumblr. here have a little snack my dudes]

Graveyard Girls Episode 12: Roasting Ember’s Beauty Guru Era at 1 AM

“Hello and welcome to Local Ghost Smash or Pass—”

“I will fucking kill you.”

Valerie had to admit that Sam Manson’s ability to keep a completely straight face while saying the most unhinged nonsense was probably one of the reasons their video podcast was so popular. Her own ability to refrain from actually killing her was the reason it still existed at all. How they’d made it to episode twelve, however, still remained at least partially an enigma.

Though it was overall Danny’s kindness that slowly made his trio of friends into a tenuous quartet, Valerie had slowly become accepted by all of them, once she finally came to terms with Danny’s secret. Sam was the last to come around, though by the time they were both seventeen their tension was less due to fighting over a boy and more due to the fact that they could agree on almost nothing.

Most of Graveyard Girls was the two girls arguing, originally spawned by a viral TikTok Tucker posted, in which Valerie—at Danny’s bizarre request—tried to explain The Bachelor franchise to them and Sam being convinced she was making some of it up. People had been interested, and with Amity Park being a niche-but-also-hot topic, a weekly podcast was born.

“Okay but,” Sam leaned back in a vintage-looking office chair, “if I returned as a ghost, would you sma—” Sam cut herself off with a grunt as she dodged a throw pillow.

The show was mostly the two competing to see who could get the other to essentially rage quit, and while Sam’s personality was surprisingly just as strange as those of her best friends, Valerie was competitive enough to be a worthy opponent.

“You might just be, like, the worst person,” Valerie said, expertly catching the throw pillow as it was hurled back at her. “We’re not even three minutes in and I’m so uncomfortable with the energy you’ve created.”

“So our very last episode is three minutes long and titled Valerie Quits, then?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you Manson?” For a tense moment they stared each other down. “Say it one more time, see what happens.”

“So what is today’s topic, then?”

It was a challenge, to see if Valerie had forgotten it was her turn to start. She had.

They had the Box Ghost to thank for it, too.

“Okay, so—full disclosure,” she began, and she looked at her phone, “it is…1:16 in the morning. And both of us have been awake for like…”

“More hours than usually recommended,” Sam continued, “for reasons. We wanted to get this episode out on time so we are crunching.”

“And suffering.”

“And suffering quite a bit,” Sam concluded, nodding. “So my topic is that Ember McClain is trying to release eyeshadow palettes.”

“You cannot just drop that on me.”

“It was dropped on me,” Sam told her, “I’ve had to live with this. You don’t read the DMs for our official account so you didn’t see it and this poor lady, she has this indie cosmetics company and she slides into our DMs asking ‘is this person for real? I think she’s a ghost? She wants to collab.’”

“Collab…”

“And she sent me like…a mock up. I’m putting it in the google drive so get ready.”

Valerie picked her phone, opening their shared drive and—sure enough—seeing a digital version of a very Ember-esque palette, showcasing both dark and neon shades.

“She’s unhinged. But like…some of the shimmers on here aren’t terrible.”

“That’s the thing—I don’t like the bright blues and greens but there’s potential here. I could make a look out of it.”

“I’ve got conditions—if she wants to start the beauty guru era of her ‘career’ I need a full press release saying it’s not a complex murder plot,” Valerie said.

“I swear under penalty of perjury that I’m not imprisoning your parents in hamster wheels to power my sound system,” Sam affected an impression that would positively enrage the ghostly pop star as she spun around in her chair.

“My mad power-grab via subliminal mind control is so over, okay? That was the old me. Get to fucking swatching.” Valerie continued, snickering. “We kid, but this is actually peak influencer already.”

“We’re writing her YouTube apology for her,” Sam said, and she trained her eyes on the camera before continuing, “you cannot use this. I know you’re watching, I said your name once, and your Obsession is name-searching the universe. You have to do your own YouTube apology.”

“We should edit her name out before we upload.”

“We should.”

“…We’re not going to.”

“No, and a certain somebody’s gonna be on my ass about it. We should perhaps move on…”

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Thinking About Astarion x Evie (Ace!Tav) Post Game

Astarion x Evie (Ace!Tav) Masterlist

A/N: Some stuff with them in the underdark, some stuff with them exploring more of Evie's family. Honestly just random ideas I've been sitting on for a while. Please let me know if any of these sound like something you'd like to see expanded on in a fic. I've got so much, I have no idea what to focus on. As always thanks to @leighsartworks216 for letting me ramble.

So basics first, Evie convinces Astarion to let the 7,000 spawn live and retreat into the underdark meaning that once the Absolute is defeated, they have a lot of work to do

I am sticking with the idea that Evie actually is Gur, but due to circumstances didn't grow up among her tribe, so not only is this her helping the spawn, but a chance for her to reconnect with that part of herself

Astarion helps the spawn adjust to their new lives while also teaching the Gur how best to help their children, understanding and empathizing with their cravings. 

Evie meanwhile gets the opportunity to learn more about her culture acting as a kind of middle man when Astarion gets a little too heated with some of the leaders

Astarion working with his "siblings" as well

It's a hard adjustment for them from competing for survival to realizing they won. Obviously old grudges and resentments remain, but working through them to be more than what Cazador made them.

Being the oldest of all the spawn, some of them start to step up as leaders in their own right, or while others decide to embrace their freedom and leave the Underdark. 

I want to say that Astarion and Evie stay for at least a year, if not a little longer; enough to get things stable, but neither of them want to stay there forever

Astarion has a lot of the world he wants to see, and he knows it's selfish to keep Evie in the dark forever

Evie too, having now learned more about the Gur, realizes that she might still have family out there and wants to find them

Astarion brings up on occasion about how he doubts they'd be keen on her walking into their camp with a vampire, but that's a bridge they'll cross when they get there

They spend the in between time adventuring

Neither of them really considered themselves heroes before The Absolute, but they find they're actually rather good at it

Evie's more altruistic tendencies have rubbed off on Astarion a bit, but not enough for him to shy away about asking for that promised reward

Astarion also takes this time to experiment with hobbies

He genuinely enjoys embroidery and sewing. It relaxes him and gives him something tangible he created by the end of it.

Evie would try to teach him how to play an instrument and while he’s not completely tone deaf, he insists he’s a better audience member

Astarion in turn starts to teach Evie how to properly read. Although that doesn’t stop him from reading out loud to them when they ask.

He admittedly isn't the most patient of teach at times, but they're both learning

Eventually though, they do find Evie's family

The find themselves battling a vampire lord and get way in over their head resulting in Evie being hit bad

Astarion is able to escape with her, but it’s obvious she needs help fast so he stops for help with the first group he finds, a tribe of Gur who currently have their caravan based on the other side of a river which keeps monsters like him from crossing. 

Still he knows there is nobody else and so yells across the river for help

The Gur come out and tell him to cross, he says that he can’t and that alerts the Gur as to what he is

Astarion realizes he's in trouble, but the love of his life bleeding in his arms takes precedent

He lays her down, holding his hands up and begging them to help her. The Gur recognize her as one of their own, but don’t trust Astarion. So as they start to cross one of them shoots him nearly in the heart sending him down as the other rush to grab Evie.

One of the younger ones looks like he’s going to finish it when another speaks up saying they remember speaking with another caravan about a pale elf spawn traveling with one of their own. Best hold off until they get some answers. 

So they get Evie to their healers and tie Astarion up with silver chains in one of the caravans and out of the sun. Astarion is cooperative enough, save for his tongue which the Gur can do nothing about except tell him to shut up.

Most of his comments boil down to asking about Evie and calling them some variety of the word idiot. 

All of this to say I now have an image in my head of Astarion being tied to a post when Evie comes in. Whatever anger or annoyance he had at the current situation slides off his face when he sees her, breathing out her name in sheer relief. 

Evie then quickly closes the distance ignoring any warning from the guards and checking him for injuries. He’s still hurt from the arrow to the chest and obviously the silver which he’ll worry about in a second as he uses his limited movement to kiss her. 

She starts to untie him which the guards protest against, but Astarion dryly counters “And where will I go this time of day?” Evie then starts to heal him and that’s when the leaders show up and some answers can be given.

Not the best first impression to say the very least, but answers are given and the leaders quickly realize her mother and father were originally from their tribe

I got into it a bit more here, but basically her father was turned away and her mother followed leading Evie to be raised away from her people

She holds her breath expecting them to turn her away, but is shocked when they embrace her too; they won't hold her responsible for what her father did

And while many of them are wary of Astarion, the Gur in Baldur's Gate have let it know that he is their ally

As soon as Evie realizes that not only did she have a family out there, but they would have accepted her back completely shatters her sense of self

All those what ifs start flooding her brain. Resentment towards her father rears it’s ugly head until all she can do is scream at everything she might have had. She could have been happy and safe and loved, and instead…this. 

It makes her want to hold on tighter, diving head first to learn everything she can to the point where maybe Astarion gets a little nervous. Yes, he has his prejudices against the Gur and he’s been working on it, but they also don’t know these people and he doesn’t want to see Evie get hurt. 

Astarion actually starts to back away for a bit. He knows this is important to her and she needs time to figure it out. So having him around, somebody who this new family is rightfully suspicious of might not be the best. He wants to stay with her. He wants to be her family, but it’s selfish of him to assume he can be her only family. From what he’s been able to glean her mother made that same mistake. Perhaps he should go back to the underdark for a time.

Evie feels him pulling away and confronting him about it. 

I imagine Astarion would clam up at first; denying it before eventually blurting out everything he’s been feeling in some not so polite terms. He’s a monster in their eyes not matter how much Evie tries to claim otherwise. Some might see him as a novelty, but they can’t ever trust him. He doesn’t blame them. Smart really. 

Evie then suggests they both leave. And he’s tempted.

He wants to just go, just the two of them on the road going wherever they like whenever they’d like. She’s the only family he really wants, but he stops himself. Hell he’s angry at himself for stopping. He’s about to make the biggest mistake of his life. In what world would she ever come back to him?

But he says no. He tells her she needs to stay. He knows she’s not ready to go. (She may never be ready to go, but that’s a fear he keeps to himself.) He loves her. He loves her in ways he didn’t think he could love another person, but he can’t stay. He’ll be waiting for her when she’s ready.

Evie meanwhile is mentally scrambling. She wants to stay. She still has so many questions. This is the first time she’s felt like she’s belonged in so long. But she can’t lose Astarion. She just can’t. The idea of him leaving only makes her think of every back turned her way, of being a burden, too much, not enough, never enough. But Astarion loves her. She knows he does. So, she has to trust that he means it.

It's their first real test, being away from each other

Evie takes the opportunity to explore aspects of herself she kept buried for a long time

Astarion meanwhile doesn't go straight back to the Underdark

He takes the time to go to Waterdeep to see Gale. He visits Shadowheart and Wyll and Karlach and is surprised every time that they’re happy to see him. He still misses Evie. Gods he misses her every day, but he comes to recognize that there are other people in his life. He’s not alone in the world without her.

Evie would reach out to him first, sending a letter that admittedly takes some time to find him as he’s bounced around the sword coast

Eventually Astarion does gets it and writes back in a heart beat to see her again. Or maybe even gets somebody to cast sending so he can contact her faster.

He only thinks after that maybe he was a little too eager. This is just a chance to see each other again. For all her knows she’s going to tell him she’s going to stay with her people. But he couldn’t seem to help it.

There’s a difference between missing somebody you know you’ll never see again and missing someone you might. Just that little bit of hope makes it so much more painful. He’s not used to it.

So they meet. Maybe in Waterdeep or just some place else between where they are.

Astarion deliberately forced himself to wait at least an hour after sunset. Yes, he could go earlier, but, again, he doesn’t want to appear too eager. He still has his pride, but any bravado disappears as soon as he sees her.

She’s already sitting at a table, an empty plate and drink in her hand. Clearly she had been waiting for some time. And Gods she’s even more beautiful than he remembered.

She’s dressed a little differently, more clearly Gur from the fabric to the way her hair is done, allowing herself to stand out in a way she didn’t before.

She then meets his eye and he all but sighs in relief; she missed him too.

Maybe there was a time they both would have played this a little closer to the chest. They would have politely sat down and danced around the question of who wanted to stay and who wanted to go, reflectively waiting for each to deliver the killing blow. There’s no such hesitation now.

Evie is up and across the tavern in the next second, all but jumping into his waiting arms. He has to tease her just a little, even when he holds her to him like she’s the only thing real in the world. “Miss me darling?”

She only hugs him tighter, tucking her head beneath his chin. “Always my love.”

They do eventually talk. They sit down and tell all of what they’ve done. They talk about where they’ll go next and the list of people they need to see along the way. But there is never a question of whether or not they will stay together.

One separation is more than enough for a lifetime

[stinkypeanutbutter]

silly Aiden headcanons because I have no impulse

i probably already done these before in other headcanon posts I made but ermm I’ll do it again 😹

small TW for scars at the end 🗣🗣

AIDEN :

Aiden has the most unhinged playlist ever like oh my giggly goodness we got metal we got rock we got classic we got indie we got pop we got vocaloid Idfk whatever you can think of ( same 😹 )

totally had an immense phase of just everything . Creepy pasta , animation , FNAF , idk any other phases from 2016 help

Probably dated like once or twice , but they weren’t serious at ALL and mostly online . He just said yes because he wanted to be nice since he never really had friends ofc , so why hurt someone you barley know if it means getting a friend ? ( I’m gonna explode 😭 )

I’m not sure when this was actually invented , but he’d probably try and convince everyone to make battery acid candy drinks . ( they all say no 😔 )

Sorta sad headcanon they if no matter how hard to tries to solve a difficult puzzle , and he fails , he just starts silently bawling his eyes out . Cause you know he’s really good at them right ? He can solve them pretty quickly ? So if he’s like absolutely pressured by a bunch of people watching expecting him to win ( or like his friends cause yk they believe in him !!!! ) and he can’t solve the puzzle he’ll be like “ why can’t I solve this why is this hard why am I failing “ or something and then start crying ig ( Yeouchers angst 😿 )

Bro is the heaviest napper ever you can stack things on him for HOURS but the moment he actually sleeps most things can wake him ( if he’s not comfortable at least . He’ll sleep pretty well at sleepovers )

I can’t figure out an art style for him but I updated it so ignore that last drawing it’s grody anyway he sometimes draws people but prefers just random splotches of color . He has extremely stylized art but yk , it’s just ‘ weird ’ according to some people since it’s really . . graphic . Not in a BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD way but very mixed ( if you get what I mean )

Hugs everything when he sleeps you can’t tell me otherwise like you seen his old bed ?? He had NOTHIN so absolutely is he gonna cuddle everything near him

Hates competing . ( idk if he did it before but we’ll see ) like he doesn’t like doing puzzle competitions anymore that much , he just got bored of it and was really kinda forced to do it when he was younger . BUT if it’s in a game against his friends , he’ll probably do it just to help them out cause they always get stuck if Logan can’t figure it out either .

Does that thing with music where If it absolutely hits he just starts spazzing out and dances to it

that one thing where he walks around in a circle talking to himself if he’s really deep in thought ( he could go on for hours so someone has to pull him out to drink water at least )

TONS of posters in his room

Him and Taylor binge shows together , often ask the others to join when they aren’t busy . They totally watch anime ( Tyler calls it childish then gets really invested in uhhhh let’s say full metal alchemist and sport animes like haikyuu or something I can’t think of any he’d like . But I’m gonna make them all watch Ghost stories because it’s funny )

Aidlyn cuddling is mostly done at Aidens house cause his parents rarely go up to check on him ( 😅💥 ) and also he had a ton of blankets for Ashlyn to wrap herself in . He got her a heavy weighted blanket for her birthday one time so when that’s not around she just uses Aiden as a blanket if she’s feeling affectionate ( he’s warm in the winter time and pretty light believe it or not )

Has a medium spice tolerance , eats more then what he can handle like a stinky loser

doesn’t like anyone pointing out his growing hair roots so just don’t talk about it much 😅😅

steals chopsticks from restaurants cause who needs to buy any ??? They’re free if you don’t get caught / hj

sometimes just locks himself up in his room and lays in his bed thinking about life

LOVES drawing his friends ( especially Ash ) in his free time because he rarely draws in front of people , and will make an airplane out of it to throw it over to them . But he has that mentality where “ Everyrhing I make kinda sucks “ so expect to find doodles in the trash or hidden in his room

IPad kid , can’t tel me otherwise .

Loves hover boarding but he kinda sucks at it so he just 🧍🕺☠️ ( falls )

Will ram into everyone in bumper cars , almost sent someone flying ( Lilly , he bought her candy as a sorry )

rarely catches cavities because he actually has really strong teeth and willingly bites down on hard candies ( I do the same thing because I’m impatient 😹 )

Does all his school work at home cause school has too many distractions ( real )

Buys like body foundation to smear onto his legs and arms . He doesn’t want anyone to point out them out , and if they do he just tells them their from skateboarding . It can come off after a few days if he doesn’t reapply , but it’s fine since he does it again in between and would have to reapply anyway . Idk how it works 😿

Anyway who shall I do next ????? Put your answers in the comment section below subscribe like and support my Patreon see you in the next video 😹😹😹☝️☝️💥💥

[punderdome]

The Fine Print: Chapter 8

Summary: Tav seeks out a set of Infernal translations from the Archivist.

[AO3]

Rating: 18+, Minors DNI

Chapter 8: The Archivist

Tav woke alone in the Archduke’s chambers.  She was stiff and slightly sore but knew what she had to do.  Raphael enjoyed it when she spoke Infernal to him.  How much?  What could she convince him to do using the Devil’s tongue?  What would the devil's tongue do if she spoke the Devil's tongue?

First, she needed a competent translator that wasn’t her husband or his incubus.  Since she had negotiated for the ability to speak to the staff, the Archivist was her best bet for a translator, but he had never even looked at her before.  There was no way he was going to translate filthy lines unless she managed to gain some rapport with him.

Tav visited the archives after breakfast.

The Archivist was pouring over a tome and making notes on the side about a pair of gauntlets sitting on his desk.  They hummed with Weave and required a thorough characterization.

“Good morning,” Tav greeted warmly.  For the first time, the Archivist looked up at her and caught her gaze.  He seemed displeased by the interruption but completely unwilling to express it to the Master’s wife.

“How may I assist you, my Lady?” he asked patiently.

“What is your name?  I’m Tav - Tavara,” she corrected, unsure if he would ever consider using her name or if titles were all she was going to be given.

“Kilzire Ozvius, Master Archivist of the House of Hope,” he returned the gesture.  “Now, what can I help you with, Lady Tav?”

“I am trying to learn proper Devilish Infernal, can you help me with a few translations?”  Tav held out the Infernal copy of the book on Asmodeus that he loaned to her a few days prior.  The Tiefling considered her question for a brief moment before he nodded.  He gestured for her to show him the passages she was struggling with.

“I have been struggling with this passage that describes Asmodeus’s true serpentine form.  I initially read this as ‘wounds dripping of acid black blood’ but the Common tongue version says ‘a series of never-healing wounds that exude blood blackened by sin and torment.’  Can you help me understand the difference?”  Tav requested.

He took a second to understand her request before going through the section rune by rune.  “I see,” there was a look of slight hesitation in his eyes.  “So you’ve never studied Devilish Infernal before?”

Tav swallowed.  “No.  My lack of study is what led me here.”  Kilzire had a look in his eye that twinged with embarrassment, though whether it was from her husband’s view on Tiefling Infernal or some sort of forbidden knowledge of how she actually became the Archduchess, she couldn’t say.

He pointed out the runes that described the blood of Asmodeus.  “This word means never-healing wound in Infernal, but in Tiefling Infernal it means just wound.”  He gave her a different word in Infernal to indicate that the wound could be healed, then added a suffix to indicate that the wound was in the process of being healed.

“May I have some parchment and a quill, I would like to take notes.”  She wrote down the new terminology along with other examples of various types of wounds that may or may not be healable, in the process of being healed, mostly healed, failed to be healed, festering, fouled, necrotic, infected, and filled with devilish black pus.  He went through and explained the subtle differences between them, often with only a single letter difference or a change in inflection or tone marked by the slight changes in angle of the letters.

“In spoken Infernal, your original reading would be sufficient to communicate most of your ideas, but written down or in a contract, the translation provided would be the correct way to interpret the writing.”  Kilzire walked out from behind his desk and into the stacks.  He returned with a relatively thin book bound in brown leather.

“Wound Treatments for the Front Line of the Blood War?” Tav asked as she read the title on the cover.

“Should you wish to practice your new knowledge,” Kilzire explained briefly.

Tav realized how much of his time she had used, and she only asked for clarification on a single word.  “Thank you, Kilzire.”  She collected the two books and her notes and returned to her room.

She lay the books on her table.  She had an eternity to learn to properly read the works in front of her.  It was the only way she was going to be able to correct her mistakes.

That evening, Tav was summoned to dinner with her husband in the dining hall.  

The table was set with entirely too much food for the two of them to eat but nowhere nearly as lavish as the feasts for their first days of marriage.  She stood alone in the dining hall to wait for Raphael.  He came from behind her, probably having relocated from his study.

“Dear husband, how was your day?” Tav started the pleasantries.  She took an offered elbow, and they sat together at the dining table.

“Quite challenging, I’m afraid,” Raphael responded, starting to serve himself a large portion of some sort of dark meat that dripped black juices as he cut into it.  Tav declined to serve herself from that platter.

“With contracts?” Tav probed.  She took a buttery roll from the breadbasket and noticed an unappetizing yet familiar meat stew lurking behind it.  A platter of whole roasted fish on the table seemed like a safe choice.

“I was repairing the Orb of Karsus,” as he spoke of the artifact, Tav could sense his frustration as his knife cut deeper and more firmly into the flesh in front of him.

“I see, I’m sure it will be done soon enough,” Tav offered politely.  “Whenever it is ready, I’m curious to see it.”

Raphael chuckled slightly.  “How did it feel when it was within you?” he asked, taking a sip of wine.

Tav cocked her head slightly, startled by his question.  “I didn’t know that it was there, but for me I guess it felt more like an ache.”  She brushed her fingertips over the scales on her sternum.  “Like my stomach was upset because I consumed too much whiskey or that sensation when you poke at a bruise.”

“Such an adept description,  I felt a similar sensation upon testing it.  I shall have it complete soon, and then I will show you its dark beauty.”

When they finished eating, Tav took Raphael’s offered elbow and they strolled through the corridors together.  Tav pulled him gently towards the balcony that they had fucked on the day prior.  He chuckled and raised an eyebrow.

“Again?” Raphael teased.

“I didn’t really get to look at the horizon last time, as I was preoccupied,” Tav teased back.  She smirked at his radiating smugness.  She paused and gave a short chuckle.  “And yes, that position did feel very good,” she added, trying to play coy.  “Perhaps we should do that again,” she suggested with a smile.  The growl in Raphael’s chest was almost imperceptible.

Tav gazed over the reddish horizon at the low, inhospitable rocky mountains.  The land was jagged and barren, it was hard to believe that this was the site of so much conquering and conflict.  This was the place her dear husband wanted to claim.  This was the place she would eternally call home.

Raphael offered her a hand to lead her back to their chambers.  Tav was lost in thought as they headed back to his bedchamber for the evening.  They walked together in silence, her hand wrapped around his arm at the elbow.

She was starting to observe how Raphael took her contact.  The Infernal flirting was hot and exciting.  Direct requests were met with more challenges and demands.  When he fingered her it was an ‘indulgence.’

When they entered his bedchamber, Raphael wasted no time undressing her as soon as the latch clicked shut.

“Why don’t we take our time?” Tav suggested as Raphael slid her smallclothes down her thighs.  “We can relax and savor it.”  Her suggestion gave him a slight pause.  Now that she was bare, he lowered his mouth to hers and started to kiss her softly and slowly.

Tav took her time exploring him over his clothes.  She was hoping that he would find the experience enjoyable enough to reciprocate.

“Come,” Tav bade him, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the bed.  She motioned for him to lay down, but he stayed standing.  Alright, standing it would be.

Tav circled around to his back.  She let her hands roam softly over the Infernal ridges hidden by his doublet.  She gently ran her hands through the hair at the back of his neck.  She stroked the skin of his wings gently, feeling the softness of the greater membrane and gently contrasting it to the firm leathery skin that covered the bones and muscles beneath.  She wrapped her arms around him from behind and felt a deep, contented hum emanate from his chest.

Raphael sighed slowly, as Tav started undressing him.  She undid every button on his doublet slowly, and removed it from his body.  She unlaced his undershirt, tracing over his chest with her hands lightly, trying to tease him, and a quick tension in his breath indicated it was working.  He pulled the undershirt off over his head and discarded it.

Tav rested her cheek against his chest as she started to trace the hem of the waistband of his pants with her fingertips, eliciting a breathy growl from her devilish husband.  She unlaced his pants and slid them off, leaving both of them bare.

She met her husband’s gaze.  He was eager and hungry, with an erection to support that assessment.  Her hands gripped his shaft and gave a few eager pumps, and deep groans emanated from his Infernal chest.

Tav took his hands and placed them over her breasts, encouraging him to touch.  She grabbed one of his hands and moved it to her ass, encouraging him to squeeze.  She moved the hand that was groping her ass between her legs, encouraging him to stroke.  She moaned into the sensation of Raphael pleasuring her.

Within the next ten seconds, Raphael had decided foreplay was done, and Tav was deposited on the bed for the evening’s activities.

***

Tav visited the archive the next morning.  She was prepared with the first test of what Kilzare was willing to translate for her, and it was prudent to start with something benign.  The Archivist was in the process of cataloging old tomes.

“Good morning, Kilzare,” she greeted warmly.

“Good morning, Lady Tav.  Did you need something?  More reading materials perhaps?”

“You know well enough that I am trying to learn Devilish Infernal, can you help me with a phrase?”

“Why of course, I speak all forms fluently,” he asserted gently with a smile.

“Can you teach me to say ‘I want you to kiss me all night’?” Tav requested.

He laughed and gave a bright smile.  “For the Master of the House, I presume.  I’m sure he will respond well to your gesture of romance.”  He spoke the words in Devilish Infernal, and Tav took detailed notes, documenting the word differences between the translation she anticipated and the one she was presented with.  “Should you require additional reading materials or inspiration, that section contains poetry and there is a section in the back for romantic classics of both Faerun and the Nine Hells of Baator.”  Tav smiled at him sweetly.

She pointed out a section of his translation.  “And this word, how does it mean ‘all night?’” she asked for clarification repeating the confusing part of the sentence.

“Without the suffix, it means ‘at nighttime’ but with the suffix it means ‘for all nighttime.'  As you can gather, that doesn’t get much use here in Avernus.”  Tav laughed, nodding at the clarification.

“Thank you, Kilzare.”

Tav smiled to herself as she walked the corridors of the House of Hope. The Archivist had been willing to translate romantic lines, so there was a chance he might be willing to assist her with a more carnal set of translations.   Still, this evening would be a small test on how willing Raphael was willing to follow verbal instructions or requests before he lost patience and claimed his pleasure.

***

The test of Raphael’s patience and interest had not gone well.  Tav whispered in Raphael’s ear, “I want to kiss you all night,” in a voice as seductive as she could make the harsh language sound.  He grinned and was highly amenable to a passionate make out session on the settee, for a while at least.

His control over himself for quite some time, and he even managed some light groping while keeping his composure.  Before long, he had dumped her on the bed and was quickly unlacing her corset.  His mouth was still on hers, locked in a deep kiss and a low groan emanating from his throat.  Then, they fucked.  Twice.

Raphael lay wrapped around her, running his claws through her curls.  “My love,” he whispered in her ear before they fell asleep.

The next morning, Raphael had left to finalize contracts in his study, leaving Tav free for the day to visit the archive at her leisure.  Maybe a more seductive statement would lead to a better outcome.

Tav walked into the archive, and saw Kilzire taking copious notes on a scroll over something he had been reading.  He gave a slight smile as she approached.

“Good morning, Lady Tav, how may I assist you?”

“I need a Devilish Infernal translation of something.  Can you help me smooth out the language?”

“Why yes, of course.  Whatever do you need?”

“I need you to teach me to say ‘I want you to trace my entire body with your tongue, ” Tav explained.

Any warmth that had been in his guise or his voice immediately vanished.  “You must be joking.”  

“Not in the slightest.”

“You realize that there is an entire section dedicated to erotica right over there! ” He pointed wildly at a back corner.  She would have to investigate it later.

She steadied her emotions.  “Will you help me or not?”

“Yes,” he bit back, rubbing his temples in an act of self soothing.  He gave her the correct translation and slumped over his desk.

“Thank you,” Tav said quietly as she left the archive.  Kilzare irritably waved her away with the back of his hand.

After dinner that evening, Raphael eagerly took her back to their bedroom to continue celebrating their honeymoon.

Tav whispered the Infernal line to Raphael telling him how she wanted him to trace her entire body with his tongue, and he immediately leapt at the opportunity.  He was attentive and eager, holding, kneading, stroking and licking.  They both gave warm moans of arousal as he traced each of her nipples slowly.  He just couldn’t make it any lower than that.   As soon as his tongue finished tracing both breasts, it was time for sex.  He just couldn’t wait any longer and was eager to be pleasured.

Tav finished herself off that night while Raphael was asleep, curled tightly around her.

She would have to think of other things much filthier to compel her husband to follow her instructions in his bedchamber.

***

After a tenday of honeymoon beddings, the appropriate number of nara root tea doses, and Kilzare’s flustered breakdowns, Tav sat frustrated at her vanity in her room, preparing to meet her Lord husband for dinner.  

He wanted her every day, and usually twice.  He had never once given her an orgasm.  The times she was close to coming when they fucked, he finished too quickly for her to reach that peak.  He didn’t like it when she touched herself, and he always swatted her fingers away from her clit when she stroked herself.  It was like he was jealous that her hands could give her pleasure without him being involved.

She couldn’t just ask Raphael to eat her out.  Everything with him was a negotiation.  If she asked him to pleasure her with his mouth, he definitely would demand she did the same to him in return.   He wouldn’t even finger her to orgasm, and there was no chance she was going to suck his cock if he wouldn’t put in the minimum amount of effort when they fucked.

Tav wasn’t sure the Infernal seduction phrases were working on her husband.  They seemed to only make him more eager to discontinue foreplay and move straight into fucking.

There was a knock at her door.  “My Lady, the Master of the House has requested you join him for dinner,” a maid relayed through the door.

“Very well,” Tav responded through the closed door.  She donned a red dress and the silver bracelet Raphael gifted her as a wedding gift.  He had enjoyed fucking her several times while she was wearing only the bracelet.

Raphael stood waiting in the dining hall.  “My beloved,” he greeted her magnanimously, grinning ear to ear.

Tav smiled nervously.  “You seem delighted, husband.  Are contracts going well?”

Raphael didn’t answer, he pulled back a chair and motioned her to sit.  Tav sat down and allowed him to indulge her.  He took his place by her side.

“I have mended the Orb of Karsus, and this merits a celebration.”  He poured two goblets of wine and passed one to her.

“Well, now you are in possession of the full Regalia of Karsus.  So much power at your fingertips,” Tav complimented.  Powerful fingertips that couldn’t be bothered to bring her to orgasm.

“It is indeed, my love,” Raphael grinned.  “The godlike power of the Regalia will enable me to take over the nine Hells.”  He grabbed portions of the meat dishes nearest to him.  Raphael cut into the toughest cuts with glee.

Tav served herself vegetables and a dish she was confident was beef.  “I have full confidence in your abilities,” she offered up in conversation.

“When I have spent more time exploring the power of the Regalia, I would love for you to see a demonstration.”

“I look forward to it, husband.”  Tav took a slow sip of her wine.  If Raphael had the Regalia already, maybe the Hells would leave her alone.  She was clearly not a threat.   There was light conversation as they finished their meals.

“I have a gift for you, my beautiful wife,” Raphael moved behind her.  He snapped and an object appeared in his hands that Tav couldn’t see.  He extended something around her neck and she immediately recognized the coldness of jewelry.  “I asked for five pendant rubies this time instead of one.”  He idly grasped her hand that bore the ruby bracelet from his wedding gift.  He turned her wrist over several times.  “One gemstone wasn’t enough.”

Tav brought a hand up to her throat, feeling the coldness of the silver.  “Thank you, dear husband.”   

Raphael extended a hand.  “Shall we go to bed?” he asked with a grin.  Tav sighed and took it.

***

Tav was pretty sure her plan wasn’t going to work, but at present she had no better ideas.  Maybe she could have a reliable way of making him come quickly when she just wasn’t excited about her husband’s affections.

Tav entered the archive, and Kilzare gave an audible groan.

“I don’t want to hear it, my Lady Tav,” he protested.

“Raphael needs to hear it, Kilzare.”

“Hells, what do you want me to translate now?” he demanded, the look on his face indicating that he was eager to get back to his work and to put the very concept of his boss having active nether regions out of his mind.

“ ‘Give me your fingers, so I can show you just how much I desire you,’ ” Tav answered in an absurdly straightforward fashion.  

Kilzire stared at her.  His mouth tightened in a deep frown.

“I studied at the top universities to be competent enough to serve an Archduke of the Hells.  Now, here I am, doing this,” he lamented. 

“Think about it,” Tav started with her prepared argument,  “has Raphael hurt you or threatened to hurt you since we started our honeymoon?  Who has he flayed?”

His eyes hit the rafters and he swallowed slowly in a deep show of indignity.  “No one, Lady Tav.”

“Do you want to keep it that way?” Tav inquired.

Kilzare took a deep sigh before translating the sexually charged statement for her. He gave her the phrase in Devilish Infernal, and Tav took detailed notes about each word choice he made.  There were only a few small adjustments from the initial translation that she had fabricated earlier.  “Can I just translate them in bulk?” he asked with a twinge of disgust.

Tav sighed, trying to respect his boundaries but also trying not to betray the real reason that she needed the phrase list updated daily.  “Not really,” she grimaced.

Tav’s assessment of her husband’s reaction to infernal seduction turned out to be correct.  He was never going to do what she asked, and it made him too excited to last long.   Tav utilized the second half of the effects many times, much to her displeasure.

***

One night, Tav woke to cambion claws gently tracing her naked curves and a very hard erection pressed into her lower back.

“Raphael?” she asked, still slightly sleepy.  He hummed a throaty acknowledgement into her ear.  They were spooning, with Raphael draped around her and caressing her with his free hand.  The one laying beneath her grasped her stomach.

“There you are, my dearest.  I was just admiring you.”  His fingers traced circles around her nipples, making them hard.  Tav sucked in a breath of anticipation.

Raphael traced his forked tongue down the back of her neck.  His tail had crept all the way up her thigh and squeezed gently in a subconscious rhythm.  He left kisses down her back and shoulder.

Tav moved to try to roll under him, but his tail and the arm stroking her wouldn’t let her move.  “Naughty, eager Little Mouse,” Raphael whispered in her ear.  “I want you just like this.  A slow, languid bit of pleasure for us to enjoy.”

Though he held her facing away from him, she reached back around him to grab his ass and run her hands over the ridges on his hip bone.  He raised his hand to trace a claw over her jawbone, and Tav lifted her top thigh, so his legs could entwine with hers.  He shifted her so that the arm that rested under her was able to assist in soft caresses.  Tav brought her hand to her clit and pressed in firm, slow circles.  She let out a soft, breathless moan.

His free hand grabbed his hardness and pushed it between her legs, waiting to enter her.  Tav quickly tested how wet she was.

“Not yet, I’m not wet enough,” she breathed before going back to touch herself.  Raphael continued to kiss her back and shoulders, though they became staccatoed instead of soft with an undercurrent of frustration.  As Tav let out another soft groan of pleasure, Raphael replaced her hand with his and took her place pleasuring her.  She could feel his restlessness pulse through his tail and his erection between her legs.

Tav pressed two fingers into her entrance and scissored and thrust them in a rhythm she liked.  The moan she let out was no longer soft or breathless.  Raphael grabbed her hand and removed her fingers.  He brought her slick fingers to his mouth and licked them clean.

“Now?” Raphael asked softly with an air of tension in his voice.

“This feels so good, finish me,” Tav moaned as Raphael continued to stroke her.

He stopped stroking her and ran his hand over her breasts.  “Such a greedy, greedy Little Mouse,” he growled in response.  Her husband thrust deeply into her.  He was slow and languid as he moved with a consistent rhythm.

Tav angled her hips properly for Raphael’s movements, and he began to take his pleasure in earnest.  He held her tightly within his arms, one hand gripping her hips while the other wrapped around her torso with his hand gripping between her shoulder and collarbone.  She enjoyed the joining and the pleasurable way his ridges dragged within her, but this angle refused her friction where she wanted it.

Tav reached between her legs to stroke her clit.  Her breathy moans met Raphael’s.  After a few more thrusts, Raphael grabbed the hand stroking her clit and removed it.  He replaced her fingers with his own.

“I am your pleasure, my Little Mouse,” he growled into her ear.  He gave a few more thrusts before coming inside her.  “My beloved,” he purred in her ear.  He held her tightly and fell asleep again still inside her.

It had been two tendays of their honeymoon trying to get Raphael to do anything to please her.  The Infernal flirting and seduction had only served to wind him up more.  He didn’t actually listen to anything she asked for or consider anything she wanted.  It was so much simpler for him to buy her things and fuck her rather than to try to build some sort of actual relationship.  S he really was just an object to him, exactly what Haarlep had told her.  She was his new sex toy.  That was all she was ever going to be.  Forever.

Tav closed her eyes tightly as the cambion lay wrapped around her and softened inside her.  Sleep was not going to come easily.  She had a new plan, and she had to begin tomorrow.

She was going to find the divorce loophole for her contract.

[helloalycia]

the king’s ward [one] // morgana pendragon

summary: when you and your brother travel to Camelot to compete in a fighting competition, there's one problem: women can't fight. So, naturally, you convince him to switch places with you whilst you have your chance to fight. And impressing the King's Ward is merely a bonus.

warning/s: mentions of fighting and violence.

author's note: hello! so this was impulse written not long ago when i rewatched merlin bc who doesn't love katie mcgrath? it's inspired by that merlin ep where arthur uses a decoy in his jousting (?) match! and it's kind of like she's the man if you think about it haha, so do enjoy! it's a multi-part imagine :)

two / three / four / masterlist / wattpad

"This is gonna be amazing, Y/B/N," I said with a grin, trying to contain my excitement as we approached the tournament grounds.

"Reign it in," he said lightheartedly, though I knew he was right. I wasn't supposed to be competing, he was, so I had to play the part.

Every year, Camelot held a fighting tournament that anybody could compete in, even those who weren't knights. There were no rules and it was an open competition, however despite nothing explicitly saying women couldn't compete, it was a given. And so every year, I only dreamt of competing so that I could see if I was as good as I hoped. Finally, I came up with the genius idea for my brother, Y/B/N, to pretend to compete whilst I actually did the fighting. It wasn't foolproof, but I was desperate, and he agreed after much convincing.

We'd arrived in Camelot last night, our first ever visit to the kingdom, and were staying in the full to-the-brim tavern in a room above the pub. It wasn't ideal, but it would do the job. The real reason I was here was right before me and I couldn't be more excited.

"Y/B/N Y/L/N?" a voice called, and my brother and I both spun around to see a servant boy approaching. "You're up first. You can use the tent over there to get into your armour, if you have any."

"Thank you," Y/B/N said with a nod before we both headed over to his – AKA mine – tent.

"This is perfect for making the switch," I said with a contained grin, looking around the enclosed space.

"You heard the boy, you're up first," Y/B/N said with a smile, before dropping our bag on the bench. "Let's get you suited up."

He helped me pull my armour over the top of my clothes, a bulky-looking but lightweight set that fit us both and was easy enough for me to manoeuvre in whilst also hiding any distinguishable feminine body parts that could give me away. After that, he handed me my sword and gave me a supportive nod.

"Good luck out there," he said, my helmet in his hand. "You're gonna smash it, sis."

I grinned. "I will indeed. They aren't going to know what's hit them."

He laughed and helped me put on my helmet, the metal covering my whole head except for some slits in the eyes to let me see.

"You ready?" he asked once more, and I gave him a thumbs up, already committing to staying quiet. He patted my back. "Go and win!"

Taking a deep breath, I left the tent and headed to the grounds, the sight of all those people watching only exciting me more. All I'd ever dreamt of was showing people my skills, for them to take me seriously. Not as a woman or a man, but a fighter. And this was my chance, finally. I wasn't going to let it slip by.

"I'm sure you're all excited about the tournament, as am I," the King began to speak, silencing everyone in seconds. "It's going to be a magnificent week of fighting, skill and talent. We shall see who the best fighters of Albion truly are. Starting with our first match of the tournament – Y/B/N Y/L/N versus Henry Wright!"

The crowd erupted into cheers as my opponent and I walked in the centre, our chosen weapons at our side. The King looked down at us both with anticipation, waiting for quiet. And then when he was ready, he raised his hand.

"You may begin," was all he said, and I barely had chance to take a breath before my opponent, Henry, swung first.

His mace, spiked and heavy, almost took my head off if I didn't move in time. The crowd 'ooh'd' as it did and I tried to tune them out, focusing on the fight. I couldn't afford distractions.

As Henry kept moving forward, slashing his mace at me and trying to touch my armour, I dodged effortlessly. Henry may have been strong, but he was slow, and his weapon of choice was particularly terrible. Once he'd worn himself out, it was my turn to take a swing at him, my sword coming down on his gauntlets in a wide arc. Contact was made and he grunted loudly, grossly, and stepped back. I slashed a few more times, to which he was now on the defensive, using his clunky weapon as a barrier. But it didn't faze me as I kept on slashing, trying to back him into the side.

Once he was trapped, I let him take a shot at me, only to roll to the side at the last second and swipe his legs out from beneath him. He hit the ground as quickly as I directed my sword at his neck. Lifting his hands in defeat, I couldn't fight the grin from my lips.

The crowd erupted into cheers, yelling my brother's name, and I lowered my sword before offering out my hand. Henry let me pull him up before letting go bitterly, walking off the grounds. I laughed to myself before looking around me at the crowd, waving a little too cockily. I couldn't help it – I'd won! My first match!

When I turned to face the King, I saw he was clapping in his chair, impressed at my handiwork. Seated beside him was his ward, Morgana, and I'd heard so much of her but never seen her before. I wasn't prepared for her beauty, nor the vibrancy of her green eyes in the sun, even from a distance. And once again, I couldn't help but let my cockiness get the better of me. Between waving, I blew her a kiss, facing her directly in a way that I hoped she knew it was for her. Judging from the way she immediately turned pink in the face, I knew I'd succeeded.

After soaking in the glory a moment longer, I left to return to Y/B/N who was waiting for me in the tent. As soon as he saw me, a grin was on his face.

"Sounds like you gave them a good show," he commented as I rushed to remove my helmet and armour.

"Y/B/N, it was like nothing I've ever experienced," I admitted, still buzzing with adrenaline and excitement. "It was perfect. And you should've seen the way I got the other guy on his butt!"

He chuckled as I helped pull the armour onto him. "I'm sure it was something special. It's a shame I can't watch."

"We can't risk you being caught," I reminded him, before handing my sword and helmet. "Go on. Do your final waves. Don't forget to rub it in their face that I won, yeah?"

He rolled his eyes playfully. "I'm not doing that."

I laughed as he left the tent. My smile was permanent as I stood alone. One round down, several more to go.

"The other guys are pretty rough," Y/B/N said as we hung back to watch the other matches and get a better feel for the competition. "You sure you're up for it?"

"Don't even joke," I said to him with a knowing look. "You know it's all I want. They don't scare me."

He raised his eyebrows. "Hey, I was thinking more about them. They're gonna get smothered and not even know it. You don't wanna give them a chance?"

A smile grew on my lips as I shoved him in the side. "You're so stupid."

He mirrored my smile before paying attention to the fights. We stayed there until the last fight before chatting about what we'd seen by the tents. The crowd was dispersing and the other fighters were talking about getting a drink at the tavern, even inviting my brother to join them. He found it strange, the attention, especially since he knew it wasn't for him. I assured him he had to be a team player and not raise suspicion, but he wasn't impressed.

As we were chatting, I couldn't help but notice a blur of black hair in my peripheral vision, and when I looked, I saw the Lady Morgana walking by with her handmaiden. She spotted my brother and I and, naturally, her attention was on my brother. She flashed him a smile, to which he awkwardly returned, and then began to approach us.

"Er, why is the Lady Morgana coming to talk to us?" Y/B/N asked nervously.

"No idea," I said, though my own smile was tempting to break out as my eyes wandered over her figure. She was seriously stunning.

"Hello there," Morgana spoke when she stopped before us. "It's Y/B/N, right?"

He nodded slowly, before clearing his throat and bowing. "A pleasure to meet you, my lady."

"Please, no need for the formalities," she said with a slight laugh, one that I knew I'd be dreaming of for days. "I just came to say that you put up a good fight this morning. I look forward to seeing your performance throughout the week."

"Thank you, my lady," was all he said, and I almost rolled my eyes at his dense self. Couldn't he see she was interested him?

"And who is this pretty lady?" she continued, and I realised she was speaking to me.

"I'm Y/N, my lady," I introduced myself with a smile. "Y/B/N's twin sister. Not identical, thankfully."

Y/B/N rolled his eyes as Morgana laughed at my joke.

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, Y/N," she said, eyes lingering on mine. "Might I say, you have a very talented brother."

I hummed in agreement, biting my tongue and trying not to laugh. Talented... I'd take it.

"I should be going, but have a good evening, both of you," Morgana finished, glancing between us before leaving.

"Y/N, what did you do? Why is she suddenly interested?" Y/B/N asked as I watched her walk away, entranced.

"Nothing," I reassured him, before tearing my gaze from Morgana and looking to Y/B/N. "What? I didn't do anything!"

He rolled his eyes and shoved me before walking away. I bit my lip to contain a grin and skipped after him. I was beginning to like it here.

The next fight was soon upon me and it was safe to say that I was nailing it. My opponent was supposed to be a challenge, but I could swear it was only getting easier. He was over six feet tall and towering over me. Compared to me AKA Y/B/N, he was huge. Luckily for me, height wasn't an issue as my brother and I were close enough in height, a solid five foot eight and nine respectively, so it wouldn't give us away.

The fight was over in minutes, with me landing a winning blow to my clown of an opponent, right in the gut. As soon as he was down, the crowd were up and out of their seats, cheering me on. The intensity of their cheering surprised me at first, as I didn't realise they loved me so much. It took them longer to calm down, and a few flowers were thrown from the stands, making me grin as I waved at them. When I looked to the King, he was surprisingly smiling as he clapped his leather-gloved hands heavily. Morgana was stood up beside him, clapping with the crowd, and I couldn't stop myself.

Without thinking, I picked up a flower from the ground, dusted it off on my armour and threw it up to her. I was relieved when it landed at her feet, worried I'd missed, and she seemed surprised as she picked it up. When she looked at me, I bowed respectfully, making the crowd cheer even louder, and I tried to pretend I couldn't see King Uther losing his smile as he looked at me with suspicion. Oops?

I jogged back to the tent, feeling lightweight and overwhelmingly happy. Y/B/N clapped me on the back in congratulations before we exchanged gear and he headed back out to reveal his face, waving once more.

After he soaked in the glory for a little longer, I packed up our things and we left the tent to get some water. A few knights, to our surprise, approached us and began chatting to Y/B/N about his technique. He played along perfectly, since he was a decent fighter himself, and I merely watched as they spoke of my moves and skill, grinning to myself. Clearly I was doing better than I thought if the knights of Camelot were complimenting me.

"Hey, Y/B/N," a voice called from behind, and we both turned to see a flirtatiously-smiling Morgana walking past. She nodded at my brother, saying, "The flower was cute."

Poor Y/B/N was clueless. "The flower?"

Morgana laughed, thinking he was joking, and left. I suppressed a smile as we both turned to the knights. One of them gave Y/B/N a knowing look.

"Bold move giving the King's ward a flower right in front of the King himself," they said with a snicker, before leaving.

Y/B/N blinked and began to turn to me. "I did what?"

I smiled sheepishly. "What? She was impressed by my skill! How could I resist?"

"Y/N!"

"Look, she's pretty and she deserved it, okay?" I said nonchalantly. "It's no biggie."

He facepalmed and I could tell he was already regretting changing places with me.

Later that same evening, Y/B/N and I were making the most of the training grounds that Prince Arthur was letting the contestants use for the week. To everyone else, I was merely practicing with him, but to us, he was actually helping me practice. 

For the third time in five minutes, I knocked Y/B/N on his butt and laughed at the expression on his face.

"C'mon, at least give me some sort of challenge," I teased, holding out my hand for him.

He let me help him up as he gave me a knowing look. "Don't be too good or people will suspect."

I scoffed. "Nobody will think twice about me."

"Oh yeah, because you're so inconspicuous dressed like that," he said sarcastically.

I ignored him, though I knew he was only looking out for me. Ladies wore frocks and dresses, not pants and shirts. But I didn't like to be restricted – why was that such a bad thing? I hated that I had to put myself in a box just to make others feel comfortable. It wasn't fair.

"Are you ready?" I asked, readying my sword.

He nodded and did the same before coming at me without warning. I held my own well enough, even with him giving his all, and with the utmost satisfaction, I managed to land him on his butt yet again. He narrowed his eyes at me and I began to laugh before pissing him off that little bit more by twiddling the hilt of my sword on my forefinger in the air, watching it spin before catching it. It was a silly little celebratory move I liked to do, one that Y/B/N hated because it usually meant I had beaten him.

Grumbling to himself, Y/B/N helped himself stand up as I watched on with amusement.

"Impressive."

Surprised, I turned around and definitely didn't expect to see the Lady Morgana approaching us.

"You're almost as good as your brother," she commented, looking at me.

Smile fading slightly, I tried not to draw anymore attention to myself. "Something like that."

She lifted a brow curiously. "It's a shame you couldn't compete. You're better than half the men in this competition."

"It's just how it is, my lady. The King's rules," I said, though I was secretly smiling because she thought I was good. As me, the real me, not my brother.

"If it were up to me, I'd have loved to watch you fight," she said, making me smile to myself. I risked glancing at her and saw she was watching me with her own smile, before looking to my brother.

"Good luck tomorrow," she said to him considerately.

"Thank you, my lady," Y/B/N said, bowing.

She nodded her head at him before catching my staring, offering a smile, then leaving.

"Gosh, she's so pretty," I said, unable to look away from her.

"Not here, not now," Y/B/N said in a warning tone before slapping me on the back.

"I'm gonna win just to see her smile," I decided, finally looking away from her retreating figure.

Y/B/N rolled his eyes, shaking his head with disbelief. I raised an eyebrow challengingly.

"Another round?"

"No way," he said immediately, making me laugh as I watched him walk away.

"Like you always do," I whispered to myself as I stood face to face with my next opponent. "Come on."

My opponent carried a sword and shield and was very good with both, as I'd seen him using it these past few days. Probably the first real challenge I had, I was a little nervous, but one look at my sword reminded me why I was here and what I was capable of. I wasn't going to let this man throw me off.

As we fought, I quickly realised he wasn't going to tire out easily. As quick as he was skilful, he dodged all of my slashes, blocked all of my stabs and avoided all of my feigned shots. He was too good, keeping me on my toes. I was growing tired as the minutes dragged on and he knew this, using it as his opportunity to slam his shield against me, knocking me back. I tuned out the audience's reactions, shaking my head to get back into it.

I let him believe he was going in for a strike before rolling out the way and slashing the back of his legs. He groaned as he spun around, blocking my next hit. This seemed to piss him off as he came at me quick and hard, striking every second and driving me further and further backwards. One sturdy hit with his shield and I was on my back. Just as he tried to strike me, I rolled out the way and stood up, putting some distance between us.

Collecting myself, I saw that he pulled his shield over him once more and knew I needed to use that to my advantage. He wasn't going to let it go, no matter how hard I hit it. And I was already growing tired, my body battered and bruised, my energy depleting. If he kept going like this, he'd surely win. And I couldn't let him.

A stupid idea came to my head and I figured it was worth a shot if I was already losing. Why not?

Running directly at my opponent, I watched as he tucked in, shield up and ready to block my hit. Just when he was about to shove it towards me, I used the momentum to jump on it, over his head and hitting the ground, just about. I was so shocked it worked that I almost forgot to use his own surprise to my advantage. Without wasting a second, I spun around and smacked the hilt of my sword at the back of his head, knocking him to the ground. Worried I'd hit him too hard, I kneeled down to listen in.

When he let out a breath, I sighed with relief and stood up, eyes closing for a moment. Then the stands shook as everyone stood up, cheering and yelling and clapping, and I opened my eyes with a smile. As I waved my sword hand in the air, bowing, the cheering only intensified and I couldn't stop grinning. Admittedly, the thrill of it all got to my head and I began to show off, waving to the crowd on all sides. Just because I could, I twiddled my sword on the tip of my gloved forefinger in the air and threw it up before catching it by the hilt. The crowd seemed to love it and a grin was permanently fixed on my face as I left the grounds to return to my tent.

"That's the loudest I've ever heard them," Y/B/N said as soon as he saw me. "What did you do?"

"Whatever I could," I said between a laugh, before pulling off my helmet. "Get me out of this, I'm so hot."

He chuckled and helped me out of it, and I helped him into it as usual. Giving him his sword and helmet, I sent him off before taking a deep breath and drinking lots of water. My body was aching and there were definitely bruises all along my legs and chest, but I didn't care because that was insane. How the hell did I manage that?! Whatever it was, it was incredible and I couldn't wait to do it again in my next fight.

Y/B/N returned after soaking in the glory, pulling off the armour and ready to help me pack it all away, but to both of our surprises, Prince Arthur walked in the tent.

"Hello," he greeted awkwardly, before looking to Y/B/N. "You fought excellently today. I wanted to ask if you'd have a word with me outside."

I hid my smile as my brother nodded, exchanging glances with me before following after the prince. Prince Arthur was impressed by me? No way. There was no way! I'd have to fight him soon enough, since he was also competing, but who cared? He was impressed!

I tried to contain my excitement as I went about packing away my armour, stuck in my own daydream land. So much, in fact, that I didn't hear anybody enter the tent behind me.

"It's you!"

I nearly jumped out of my skin when a familiar voice came out of nowhere. Spinning around, I was surprised to see the Lady Morgana standing there with a shocked smile on her face.

"Huh?"

She licked her lips, stepping fully inside the tent and glancing behind her, before looking to me. Lowering her voice, she said, "It's you. The fighting out there. It's not your brother, it's you."

When I finally managed to stop getting distracted by her pretty smile and listened to what she was saying, my own smile faded.

Swallowing hard, I played dumb. "What? That's crazy."

I tried to busy myself with packing my bag whilst also panicking inside, but she kept going with it.

"The sword trick at the end," she stated with confidence. "Where you twirl it on your finger. You did the same thing when you beat your brother yesterday. It's you, isn't?"

I closed my eyes, cursing myself at my stupidity. The damned sword trick. Why did I have to let my cockiness get the better of me?

"Maybe," I admitted, turning to face her, and she smiled to herself.

"I bloody knew it! Well– okay, maybe I didn't, but it makes sense," she said. "Your brother acts like a completely different person out on the grounds compared to when he's literally anywhere else. Because it's not him."

I stayed quiet, both embarrassed that I'd been caught out and nervous to what it meant for me.

"Wait," she realised, pausing, and I could practically see her brain working everything out. Green eyes met mine as she asked, "The flower. Blowing me the kiss. That was... that was you?"

If only the earth could swallow me up there and then.

"I was committing to the role...?" I said dumbly, making me her chuckle. Beginning to panic even more now, I said, "Look, if I'm in trouble, please don't punish Y/B/N. He didn't even want to do this, but I made him. It was the only way I could compete. I just wanted to see how far I could get."

She furrowed her brows, a confused smile on her face. "Y/N, you're not in trouble."

I blinked, taken aback. "I'm not in... huh?"

"I won't tell a soul," she promised, expression softening. "Keep doing what you're doing. You've single-handedly impressed every member of the court, all the knights, the prince and the King himself. You're amazing, Y/N."

At her words, I began to smile, feeling a sense of pride take over. "Why are you doing this?"

She shrugged, playing coy. "Maybe it's women sticking together. Maybe it's because I enjoy watching you fight. Or maybe I don't want to see you getting punished for being such a good fighter."

I sighed quietly, a sense of relief spreading through me. "Whatever it is, thank you, my lady. Truly."

"It's Morgana," she corrected, eyes flickering between mine.

I pursed my lips to stop my smile from widening, and then she stepped forward and kissed my cheek, making me freeze at the contact.

"And thank you for the flower," she whispered in my ear, before stepping back.

My mouth went dry as I watched her red lips curled into a smile before she left the tent. I was certain I was as red as her lipstick, my heart racing in my chest. A grin soon formed on my lips and I couldn't stop.

Moments later, Y/B/N returned and seemed surprised with his chat with Prince Arthur, but I was too distracted thinking about Morgana, my cheek still tingling from her touch.

"The prince wanted to personally congratulate me on my progress thus far," Y/B/N shared. "He hopes to see me make it to the finals so he can see what I'm all about up close."

His words went in one ear and out the other. Did Morgana always smell of jasmine, I wondered?

"Seriously? I thought you'd be dying to know more," Y/B/N said with suspicion.

"What?" I finally tuned back in, kind of. "Yeah, that's great, Y/B/N."

He studied me curiously. "I just saw the Lady Morgana leave here. What did she want?"

"Huh?" I asked, half listening.

"Y/N!" he said, startling me.

Finally, his words settled and I answered, "She just wanted to compliment how great you did today."

"How kind," he said, not believing me.

I couldn't tell him that she actually knew the truth – he'd get cold feet and back out of the competition, and then I'd never get to prove myself. Besides, Morgana said she wouldn't tell anyone, so we were still good to go. What Y/B/N didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"Wait," I said, finally acknowledging what he said earlier. "What did Prince Arthur say about me?"

Y/B/N groaned dramatically and grabbed the bag of armour, ignoring me. I was forced to chase after him, doing his head in about everything the prince said.

[mariejordans]

#thinking back its so obvious how much jordan actually liked marie even from episode 1

Fucking THIS! I keep thinking about the first interaction we see between them. When Marie first introduces herself, she kind of fangirls- she is literally a fan of Jordan and thinks they're so cool. She sort of puts her foot in her mouth with the fangirling (a bit cringe) but it's okay because Marie is just so genuine and sweet. (Despite everything she is still so kind).

And Jordan, due to their own experience, is probably immediately skeptical. They aren't used to something as genuine as Marie's immediate affection and kindness. But they give her this look. When they first meet. It's so clearly curious and interested. My theory is that Jordan definitely knew who Marie was too, before their first meeting - they did deny her request to join Brink's seminar. And I think, that was a self-serving, sabotaging move - Jordan knows Marie is powerful and doesn't want to compete with her.

But then they really meet her for the first time, and it's all "fuck." They immediately jump to insulting and defensiveness because they shouldn't like someone they just met so soon.

(sorry for the long rambling! I love talking about them)

omg YES i agree with all of this! (also never apologize for the long rambling bc i too love talking about them)

the thing that really sold it for me was during the whole club sequence in episode 1. they tried SOO hard to act like they hated marie just for them to give her the softest heart eyes whenever she wasn’t looking…i made a post pointing this out but like even after the whole “i’d love to reject you from this outing” thing, they still looked at marie like they were seconds away from proposing marriage. i mean…

I MEAN……..

.

.

.

LOOK????? AT THIS???? JORDAN YOU JUST MET HER AND HAVE HAD EXACTLY ONE POINT FIVE INTERACTIONS WITH HER YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN??????

and i don’t even need to mention the “yeah she’s cool scene” bc i mean, we all know…i didn’t think their face could get any softer than the above image, but it is quite literally the softest heart eyes i have ever seen.

the little involuntary smile but then they try to wipe it away like they’re trying to hide the fact that they like her but it’s literally sooo obvious at this point…

i am so convinced that had andre not accidentally slit that woman’s throat open, something would’ve happened between them, like they would’ve danced, maybe hooked up or something, idk but SOMETHING would’ve happened, i’m sure of it.

[btstulip]

Wait, what did I just watch?!

When I first became interested in BTS, it was because my Facebook algorithms thought I might be interested in them and kept showing me fun videos. They were not wrong and I got sucked into watching BTS more and more.

As you can imagine, I quickly started getting fed videos of popular ships... mostly Taekook. Being new to BTS (and K-Pop and "ships" for that matter), there were definitely moments that I could admit looked like the actions you might see between romantic partners and it did get me wondering if any of the BTS members might actually be together. But I also knew close friends could sometimes look like a couple to people that don't understand their relationship. I have friends I kiss and cuddle with, but never once did I plan to date them. Add to the fact that I originally assumed some of this was just fanservice, something I no longer believe after much research here on Tumblr convinced me that BTS doesn't participate in traditional fanservice after their early debut stage. I knew it would take a lot to convince me any relationship was more than that of two very close people that cared about each other very much.

So I watched these Taekook and other videos with a lot of skepticism. I dismissed many of these videos right away as just playful people that enjoyed skinship with someone they were close to. But a couple caused me to find longer clips to check context. Most of these looked like nothing when played at full speed, uncut/edited, or with conversation context. And the more I watched of BTS, the more I could see how close and unique each of their relationships were. I loved how much they cared for each other and I wasn't invested in any of these guys having more than the close family relationship I could see they all shared. Still, I was curious if there was something all these fans knew about Tae and Jungkook that I didn't, so I kept looking.

I should add here that I was only days in to my BTS obsession research at this point. I had lost more sleep than I want to admit watching "one more video" for hours at a time desperately trying to answer the next burning curiosity, but still, I had only just started learning about the members of BTS. At this point, I absolutely believe all the BTS members care deeply for each other. They are family and have a bond I don't think any of us can really understand. These are 7 individuals that each share a unique bond with each other and as a whole. I don't think any relationship "competes" with another and each should be honored.

Though I wasn't expecting to be convinced that any of these members were actually dating, my desire to put context to these cute clips I kept seeing made me want to understand their relationships more... especially Tae and Jungkook because my video feed was FULL of these! I often found tumblr posts explaining the moments/relationships that gave me clues and insights about the members that I didn't have yet. The arguments I read for Taekook seemed possible, but I was sure there were similarly convincing arguments for all the ships. So I decided that I had to research the other ships to either prove or disprove that Tae and Jungkook actually had something extra.

I decided to start looking into Jimin and Jungkook. At the time, I just picked that "ship" first. But I am sure it was because I had already noticed how close those two are. Most of the stuff I dismissed, especially anything on stage. But I kept reading and watching "evidence", rinse and repeat. Definitely cute moments, eyebrow raising moments, some super questionable stuff on stage (2018 I am looking at you!), but I saw that stuff with Taekook too. I saw GCF Tokyo mentioned several times, how Jimin and Jungkook went to Tokyo together and Jungkook made a music video. And somehow this was amazing "proof", so I decided I should look that up.

The skeptic I am, I started watching and saw two guys that are very close, on a trip together, having fun. Lyrics talking about being there for each other. So cute! They are so close and this shows how much Jimin's friendship means to Jungkook. I loved it, but I could not understand how this was the ultimate proof everyone accepted. And then, 3 minutes in, when the video was almost over and I had basically decided it was about a beautiful bromance, it happened...

Boy, I'm holdin' onto something Won't let go of you for nothing I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

Eyebrows raises, well that is definitely romantic. And then, seconds later, my brain broke...

There was a time that I was so blue What I got to do to show you? I'm runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you Runnin', runnin' just to keep my hands on you

My jaw was on the floor. What did I just watch?!? That wasn't "proof", that was PROOF! There was no way to spin that other than a full on love confession. Did he actually do that? I can't believe any member of a K-pop group would do something so loud that is almost impossible to take any other way, unless you cover both eye and plug your ears!

I needed confirmation. More context. I read blogs all about GCG Tokyo and they delivered. Jikook fans gave me even more details, things I didn't understand because I was a BTS newborn (still a baby, maybe toddler, but growing quickly). Solo trip together on personal time, big deal. Jungkook recorded and edited the video, releasing it only a week later. Wow. Jungkook is a perfectionist that cares about his art and chose the song for a reason. Check. The song is by an openly gay artist? Why are we still discussing this?!

Still, I wanted an outside perspective. One not looking for this video to confirm anything with little context. So I made my sister watch it. Told her it was these two guys went on a trip together and one recorded and made this video. What did she think? "It's a love confession." Two of my kids also agreed... the third is a teenage boy that is horrified that his mom is obsessed spending all her time watching BTS and he refused to see it as anything other than someone saying "you need to be there for me too".

I suppose it's possible this was just about friendship. I suppose I could be wrong. I'm not Jungkook and unless he tells us, I will never know. But unless Jungkook denies it directly, you CAN NOT make me believe that video was anything other than one person telling another that they love them.

Sorry this post is SO LONG! I didn't expect it to be this long, but it was super fun. Thanks for sticking around and reading my TMI. <3