#but that's been true for years? idk man
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went to doctor and got a new prescription to go with an increased dose of the other one bc it all (the afflictions, horrors, etc) has not improved/has gotten a lil worse. but! i did actually go and arrive on time despite v deeply and strongly Not Wanting To so go me
#mental health talk#weight loss mention#tagging just in case#also i somehow lost 9lb since my last appointment 6 weeks ago????#this is possibly the least i’ve weighed since i was a teenager??? how????#i have done literally nothing???#i don’t THINK my eating habits have changed really??#i don’t have much appetite most of the time but the meds were supposed to improve appetite and i did notice a change at first#but then i stopped noticing#idk#i usually eat at least twice a day sometimes even three times#but that's been true for years? idk man#also dont worry im still within a healthy range#its just that now its on the lower end where i usually stay in the middle#idk!!!!
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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MICHAEL AFTON DRAGGING HIS FATHER TO HELL TO TORTURE HIM FOR ETERNITY 🎉🎉🎉🎉HERE'S A BUNCH OF VENGEFUL SPIRIT MICHAEL ART IN CELEBRATION + WILLY BOY GENERALLY GETTING TORTURED
[Commissions for Palestine are open! Check my pinned for details!]
#cassie draws#five nights at freddy's#ultimate custom night#vengeful spirit michael#the way i personally conceptualize mike's vengeful spirit appearance is like#he is frozen in his 14 year old state#he is frozen as the kid he was when he shoved cassidy's head into fredbear's mouth#in the same outfit with the same mask. the mask's teeth stained red with his blood.#he still fucking hates himself for what he did to his brother#still sees himself as a monster#the kid he was died with cassidy#and now in hell with his father he still looks like that fourteen year old#sighs. kicks legs. i love symbolism#fnaf#william afton#michael afton#in the it's-us-both image william's true self is sorta reflected#his true self is the yellow rabbit. the monster. the man who murdered the five children.#he's been ripped out of that form as part of his punishment. he does not get that power.#he is no longer the hunter but instead the hunted by all the children he killed AND BY SPRINGTRAP#while michael stands there. his body too is rotting away. and he doesn't have a suit to hold him together. only bandages and anger.#and yet he is the powerful one. he is the one to trap his father in hell for all eternity.#idk i love symbolism#also it's their states when they were dead-undead vs their spirit forms. somethnig something symmetry or something#the one you should not have killed#vengeful spirit#blood#fnaf firelight
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I know we all focus on the crazy, insane cosmic stuff that Destiny's book foretells.
But I don't think we give enough credit to the fact that that also means there are these silly little events in there too.
Destiny, reading about the growing threat of Lucifer: ...
Destiny, flipping a page: ....The Cubs will go all the way again this year.
#the sandman#destiny of the endless#i love this man cloak#bookend implied#Only the really COOL ppl will understand what bookend is-- the ONE TRUE SHIP#Every Destiny post I have is going to have to include an implied bookend tag now#But srsly can we appreciate that the Cubs would have been written in there-- in the middle of some cray cosmic bull?#And then everyone in the diner is gonna BANG AND EAT THEIR FINGERS OF-- CUBS WIN! THEY DID IT LADIES AND GENTLEMAN! 100 YEAR CURSE BROKEN!#Idk WHY the only funny mundane thing I can think of to interrupt the main plot is baseball...i don't even like baseball
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i miss her…
#cant believe i forgot about her till the photobook q&a im so sorry witch mona~~~~~~~#press f for honeypre atelier gachas it was gone too soon™️#(currently e x t r e m e l y worried and stressed for tomorrow like never before b u t i have to appear like im fine sobs save me monachann)#(can i go on a stress-prompted tangent here about something inane? no? toooo bad im gonna go off anyway~~~~)#ok so. like. since witch mona is the image i have up ‘ere and since it’s still 七月… today’s tangent will be on irl spooky stories!!#s o. presenting a decently repressed memory from my childhood that resurfaced while i was hibernating at home:#anyways. well. thoughts about the afterlife can vary from person to person yes? there’s no one true correct belief after all#but the one question that unites us all is probably the one and only ‘are ghosts real?’#and well. for personal reasons i think so. i mean i’ve seen this one dude i hate get possessed a couple of times so welp. cant deny it ig.#wild story about that actually. back in the day my family’s finances were allegedly doing so badly that [dude i hate] had to pick up#a *c e r t a i n* side hustle for extra cash. that side hustle? literal grave digging at the cemetary. at night no less#and *ofc* he wasn’t respectful about it in the least so ofc some spirits followed him home. yay. free roommates.#one(?) of them even took residence in my room at the time and im 80% sure they ate my history textbook :( much sads#anyways well once that guy had too much to drink (which was rather often tbh) he’d get possessed. fun!#the only possession i ever saw was the n-rarity angry ghost who’d just huff and puff in silence with unfocused eyes most of the time#he’d occasionally put on a leather jacket too. but that was like a r-rarity event that didn’t happen that often#my mother had the chance to also witness the mosquito (who tried to barge into my room for fresh blood) and the 姑娘 (self-explanatory)#which is kinda unfair tbh. i wanted to see the ur-rarity ones too :( mostly bc it’d be funny to see a guy i hate act ooc (impure intentions)#oh right. how did we get the dude out of his possession? we just shook his arm really hard. prolly caused some lasting effects but who know#i think he could also just sleep off the possession but idk i was asleep for the ur-rarity incidents.#cant ask the one witness of it bc i dont want to bring back unnecessary flashbacks of [guy we hate]#anyways it’s been years since we moved out from that place and i still want my history textbook back. mostly for the principle of it but—#and so that’s the tangent of the day. i feel weirdly less stressed now thanks witch mona#i do wonder how my grandparents are faring on this 七月 though…#b u t !!!!! tomorrow’s date on the lunar calendar says it’s an auspicious day for wishful activity and starting a new job!!! so… maybe~~~~?#hauauauauauauauuauaaaaaa anyways insane tangent over stream mona’s new album ok bye#oops forgor to disable rbs i hate how easy it is to forget to use this function man
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when people who like seasons 1 and 2 better explain why it was better they always lose me when they say "the characters were what mattered the most the supernatural plot was basically not that important it was ALL about the characters" like...that's just what YOU were more interested in not what was happening in the show? like wdym the supernatural plotline wasn't that important in seasons 1 and 2. saying that it was more balanced or more subtle i get but saying that the supernatural plot wasn't THAT important and that it's not what made anyone love the show is a blatant lie
#and like i say: brf slt#and i've seen people say this many times on many occasions i'm not even exaggerating. or making anything up#and i've been saying this for. a year and a half. minus two months. when volume 1 came out someone tweeted 'what the duffers fail to#understand is that no one watches st because they care about the russians or whatever. people watch st to see a ragtag group of kids be#nice to each other! to see a lesbian and a man with nice hair be friends!' and i said i agree with this at like 60% the 60% being ofc that#i hate the russia stuff we know this. but like. as much as i like the relationships between the characters if there's no life-threatening#things going on for more than a few dozen minutes...then i don't really care like that would be another show. (this has been a constant#i was not as into the show or the characters as i am now when i said that like volume 1 was my first time watching the show#since 2019. and it's a constant because it's still true) like that's literally what fanfic is for. or other shows.#and plenty of people watch stranger things for the russians or whatever i was actually surprised when people were ranking the subplots i#saw quite a lot of people put russia in their top 2 i was stunned. it was mostly older people older people meaning anyone who was 22 in#the past. i'm kidding but like idk people who were like 40+ and also guys? idk. like there's actually an audience for that my bad you guys#(not my bad i will always be a russia in st anti. because i hate it.)#my point is. no that was actually it. i just don't get it wdym people don't like the STORY plenty of people do. in the fandom especially i#totally get focusing more on the characters and being more interested in that i literally never talk about the supernatural plot and i#really like the characters yk and i understand when people say that they enjoyed the distribution between character things and supernatural#plot things in s1-2 more but saying that the supernatural stuff was like an afterthought and that no one actually cares or cared ever and#that it was never important is? like i get where they're coming from but also...no#and i get doing the 'if you don't take it as literally the monsters and supernatural plot things mean this and that for real life and for#the characters' i think it's very fun but like. if you don't like the genre and ignored it for the characters...?that's not really on them#i worded this like my joyce and bob post from july i hope you like it. the first sentence only#wait i actually didn't. just realized. false advertising sorry#saying this as someone who likes seasons 1 and 2 better too that goes without saying
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oh my ... what you said about Oda using the "I want to be a man bc women are weak" trope made me think about Kuina.
I am bit upset we didnt encountered a strong swordwoman yet. I hope we will soon. Some people think Tashigi could be Kuina but that would really hurt me. She isnt near Zoro level at all. I dont want Kuina to be right.
This would be stupid.
But.
I think the best case scenario we could have, is if Zoro somehow encountered Ivankov before Mihawk, he could ask for HRT so that he could then go fight and defeat Mihawk "as a woman" and fulfill Kuina's dream for her and prove that a woman could be the strongest (and maybe get turned back into a man afterwards)
That's not how gender works of course, but Oda doesn't get it either, and I'm trying to picture the best case scenario Oda could actually give us
Because the only way Kuina's fears could be proven wrong is if both Mihawk and Zoro lost to a swordswoman at the end, and I do not think that is ever going to happen. Because the clash between Mihawk and Zoro has been like The Ultimate Goal of Zoro's whole story, so him losing to someone else would just feel bad
Like it'd be a lil dumb (from a queer POV (unless Zoro turned out to be a butch trans woman, which to be fair, valid, and I would enjoy the dudebros getting Fucking Angry About It lmao)), but like. Oda does have his issues with the gender essentialism and misogyny, and the way the chesspieces are arranged on the table right now, it's either that or Kuina's fears end up correct. And it definitely sucks
#Moon posting#Of course when thinking about Kuina's fear#Like emotionally I do think part of the point was that Kuina's gender did not have an impact on her skill despite her fears#Like yes she was afraid of being weaker because she was AFAB but just because she was afraid it didn't mean it was true#Or alternatively Oda wasn't making a statement about misogyny etc with that backstory and the ''women can't be strong'' was like for real#It's hard to fucking tell which it is#Especially because the series has changed so much over the years#IDK man#Time will tell#One Piece#Although hey remember what I said in the last post about trans people just wanting be seen as regular people etc#How it's the same person deep inside regardless of the gender presentation and they still deserve to be treated with respect#It would be interesting if Zoro was a non-dysphoric trans woman and it could help drive those ideas home#And it would force the fans to like. Respect people who've just come out/are starting transitioning#And not just the people who you've only known ''post-transition''#There was actually this video from the channel Berry For A Thought called ''Escalation and Mythology''#(''A One Piece Theory about Crocodile (also Crocomom)'')#And it went into detail about queer and trans rep in One Piece and how the representation has been slowly ''escalating''#From Kuina ''wanting to be a man'' to Bon-chan to Iva-chan to Okiku and Yamato#Suggesting trans man Crocodile could then be the ultimate stage of the escalation#But imagine if trans femme Zoro was actually the peak of the escalation#How am I slowly warming myself up to this idea#OP Meta
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just before going off grid for a week is not the ideal time to start having so many thoughts about these fictional gay old men
#idk if y'all have secret wonk tags for them or if i'm the only sane person looking at eduard and sam#i'm just thinking about how the good ending means that sam destroys both his big chance to get home to his family#as well as the guy he's suddenly found and had such a spark with#forget that eduard is like 70#the world already ended and we're doing over they could have had some happiness#something SOMETHING for poor sam#leaving his moscow family and then losing what might have been his one chance to see his blood family again#(since he's worried about his dad even being alive anymore bc of age regardless of whether he survived the initial war 23 years ago)#and then he has to kill eduard#his actions potentially save the world from more nuclear risk and show eduard that sam is a true good man#something tragic about the only way sam is able to prove to eduard that he's a man he can put his faith in being something that kills him#eduard dies knowing he found a good man and his little war has finally been put to rest#sam has to live with the bittersweet sorrow of another person to leave behind#another body to bury#metro exodus
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like. only engaging with art made by women is an insane way to cope but I can name one toxic woman in the whole industry and the men who've ruined their own music forever are innumerable.
#man what do you do#that was my bias. is all their music gonna be spoiled for me now?? goddamn#i know thats a selfish question to ask rn but like ive not gotten any better at coping over the last five years#with the number of secretly evil men in entertainment#and i still dont know how to answer 'now what' for myself#it's always my bias too 😭 the skz dude ravn now taeil#it's not a nice feeling to keep guessing wrong. especially with moral ocd#idk. knives at suju's throats they're the only men that havent disappointed me and im Scared#part of why i decided to get into them was because it seemed like all their ugliness had already been aired#so far thats held true.. truly will have to take time off work and maybe start therapy if it comes out any of them are secretly evil#sorry im just talking just rambling bc if i get it out of my head i won't turn in into an obsession#says kenna
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explaining my lifestyle: no see this looks like horrible depression but I actually feel much better than I did when I was putting work into improving myself ♥️
#my apartment looks fine and average and my grades are fine and average#my skin looks fine and average my clothing is just okay my relationships aren't in the trash fire#yes i spend 10-12 hours a day zoning out or doing stuff unrelated to anything i'm supposed to be doing#yes i only leave this apt a few times a week#yes i struggle to eat enough sleep at consistent times and turn stuff in on time#but being kind of dysfunctional is incredibly relaxing#i go to bed actively hoping i'll wake up! like i will be there going oh hope i get to live the whole year/decade/next fifty years so i can#do my fun activities!#idk if this is actually true but it *feels* like the very first time since i was 18 that nothing is on fire#love to not be actively on fire#i think everyone should experience 'oh man i've been exhausted for a decade and i am going to spend most of a year being weird about it'#you truly have to work it out of your system it makes you hateful and anxious otherwise
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Must we pit two bad bitches against each other?? [og post]
#im a trapper girlie myself and I have participated in anti BJ rhetoric HOWEVAH!!#im tired of seeing so many bj vs trapper posts in the main tag#character wars ?? in MY anti-war show????#every time i see a post even insinuating that one of them is worse than the other i imagine them sucking each other off so ¯\_(ツ)_/#i feel like it's gotten worse recently but that could just be my imagination.. theres definitely a few blogs that keep vaguing at each othe#IN THE MAIN TAG#honestly this was more of a vent post than anything so im not tagging it but you can do what you want with it dear reader <33#ive lost the fighting spirit in my old age (<- guy who's only one year older than when he first started watching the show)#prefer whichever character you want but must there still be arguments? idk man#for love and peace and that stupid gay 50 year old sitcom 🤞#i do hope you all take me out back and shoot me tho. gay sex style you know how it is#ANYWAYS happy oliver sunday to the TRUE superior swamp rat 🫡🫡#miss you every day babygirl id have loved to see what the show wouldve been like if theyd kept you 👊😔
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therapy is going to be a struggle bc i just know that as soon as i mention The Divorce the therapist will try to trace all my problems back to The Divorce and to be completely honest with you, i dont think ive ever had a specific problem with my parents not being together anymore (i kinda knew itd happen eventually) and i feel like my issues come more from the aftermath than from the event itself
#you could argue that this would mean it is actuallh a product of divorce but like. man. thats just not true if im completely honest#i wish i could be one of those fictional characters people write fics about where they overcome a decade of trauma in one conversation and#then get magically better and theres this line thats like ''its not always easy but theyre trying their best'' but the relationship the#author built is in fact perfext and flawless and the times where it isnt easy dont come from the characters unhealthy behaviour affecting#the relationship it actually comes from when the character js SAD#sigh idk. i need a therapist. ik its gonna be a struggle but its better than nothing.#ive been trying to get one since last year but the last lady bailed on me like twice and it killed a bit of my willingness to go to therapy#and now i keep asking my parents to help me out with getting a new one and they just arent (this is not somwthing i can do by myself)#anyways ^____^ life goes on#talk#oh also yes i feel like this about therapy specifically bc of this lady. so sorry to all therapists that i will talk to this is a thing now
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🧍♀️
#so one of the s.vt concerts for follow again is gonna be on their anniversary#and they're not gonna be in kr and soooooooo many people are upset about it#like kcarats are Mad mad about it#and i'm like. maybe i Am the asshole because i keep thinking is it really such a big issue#i thought maybe caratland was around those dates but it has always been on march#like i don't remember them actually doing something for the anniversary besides special videos#and lives. i'm still looking for stuff because i know that since 2020 things have been different#i get being upset and wishing it was in kr instead but someone literally wrote#''now that your dreams have come true. are we not longer in them"#and i'm like ?????????? because svt keeps doing sooo many things in kr like am i insane#am i really that much of a dick LMFAO because it's not like they're getting nothing also#idk man i'm just kinda baffled at this situation#i would understand it more if they did something special every year for their anniversary in kr#and suddenly they were like actually? we're changing it up#but they never have so that's why i'm very 🧍♀️#and everyone is complaining about jp having so many concerts. like yeah man it makes sense#they sell them out every single time of course the company is going to milk that#td#most likely LMFAO#also feel free to call me out i truly wanna have a conversation about it
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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!
#diary#miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands#john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened#in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head#on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now#and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the#person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems#serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will#take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and#you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg#not literally of course here but also literally. lol#but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands#who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes#i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so#sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)
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Zoro with tashigi makes me so insane.... "I can't tolerate your existence" "you say all the stupid things she said"
#which btw the things kuina said were not stupid.... like that's just misogyny zoro that's just them facts.... he is just mad it is true#and like reasonably but he internalizes them still lmao#zoro is like the most misogynist feminist ally#its the i cant handle my feeling so i cant handle yours either#i won't fight you bc you're a woman but not bc i hate u is bc women are weaker than me (a man) but like respect#SHE DOES HAVE SORU. WHY NOT USE IT MORE IDK.....#nami will hit the children with the stick or what...#TASHIGI SHIGUN!!! SHIGUN!!!#AND IS THIS THE FIRST TIME A WOMAN HAS BEEN BADLY INJURED IN A FIGHT???? BC NAMI IN ARABASTA WAS THE FIRST GETTING HER FEET IMPALED BUT IT#DIDNT MATTER THAT MUCH AFTER LMAO#well at least zoro hit her lmao#this is a loss for feminism everywhere this has set women back 100 years#and all this so zoro can hit a woman. i guess that's progress but not on poor tashigi's honor and physical wellbeing lmao#did he use haki to scare her???? hello? what happened???? IN HALF???#jesus christ he couldnt have done that earlier#so no haki???#what the hell is that then#i think the problem is that zoro respected kuina bc she was better than him. and like thats his standard to respecting women....#and as he gets better it gets harder to reach lmao#zoro hates sanji so much bc deep down he is the same#... omg#also tashigi end his ass!!! wdym he lets you have the credit. cut him in half hamburger style#luffys climbing technique.... interesting to say the least...#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 613
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#idk how accurate the source is [formu1a__uno] bc ive heard conflicting opinions about them and their reliability#but either way that's just really fucking disrespectful if true?#like this isn't even xavi had to go because bono was available to be charles's engineer#you just axed a man that worked with your driver for almost 5 years and gave the job to a guy who's afaik never been a race engineer before#without consulting said driver or yknow even making him aware before/during the miami weekend#so he could have some closure and say goodbye to his long-time race engineer and trusted confidant in whatever way he saw fit#which would've like. the bare minimum decent thing to do just on like a human level???#and you're telling me with your whole chest this is an upgrade. um. pass 🙅🏻♀️#and if it was xavi's decision (hearing this i highly doubt it was tbh) then i dont see why he wouldn't have told charles beforehand?#this is so messy#i love how when the news was made public so many people defended & justified it#saying this was something either charles wanted himself or at least was consulted about and approved of#lmao tell me you don't know how ferrari moves without telling me#just like they praised binotto for as long as they could until it became obvious that his relationship w charles is strained#and then suddenly people started noticing that oh maybe he's not actually fit for the tp job after all...#like im sorry but if we heard that charles fought to keep xavi as his RE when binotto wanted him gone#and now fred's basically done exactly that without taking it up w charles or letting him know in advance#then uh. :)#xavi marcos#ferrari
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um. Um. i want to selfship with somebody from the ki.lljoy comics. *dies
#lily.txt#... you know. the g.erard w.ay comic.#NOT THE KI.LLJOYS THOUGH I THINK THEY'RE MINORS LMAO#idk man i never read the true lives of the fabulous k.illjoys even though i've been a mcr fan for... one year and counting#I HAD A KILLJOYSONA it was so much fun
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