#so he could have some closure and say goodbye to his long-time race engineer and trusted confidant in whatever way he saw fit

[leqclerc]

[tobiosmilktea]

umpah umpah! smau

↪︎ bokuto x f!reader x iwaizumi

[015] — the half of it!

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a/n: keep in the mind that y/n doesn’t have a faceclaim so that instagram photo is not a visual representation

also this wasn’t proofread and lowkey i’m not sure if this entire chapter even makes sense. read with caution lmao

the night went by in a flash with the second hour passing just as quickly as the first one. you were grateful that there wasn’t a single ounce of awkwardness drenching the lighthearted atmosphere of the restaurant when bokuto arrived fashionably late—rather that’s what he told you and the rest of the ddd team when he slid into the booth right across from you.

however, if bokuto was truly being honest, he actually made it right on time, yet something in him had held him back longer. he probably took a good fifteen minutes sitting in his car as if he was waiting for a sign to fucking walk in already. bokuto would have been lying to himself if he didn’t believe (even for a second) that he was absolutely terrified to see your face. no matter how much he wanted to see you again, the mere thought of your past relationship with iwaizumi had his knuckles turning alabaster as he gripped his steering wheel.

the athlete scoffed at his state that was so unbelievably wrapped around this idea that happened such a long time ago. admittedly, why in the hell would thee bokuto koutarou of the msby black jackals be hung up over a girl from high school anyway? he wanted to laugh at himself because akaashi was right.

it simply didn’t matter anymore.

or at least that’s what bokuto kept affirming in his head over and over and over again as he marched himself into that restaurant. there was confidence in the way he approached the nearly filled booth, yet the moment you shifted your eyes towards him, it all melted into oblivion.

goddammit, why did akaashi force him to sit across from you? it’s almost like he knew exactly how to torment both you and bokuto just by asking sugawara to scoot closer to the other side of the bench.

surprisingly, bokuto can handle his alcohol and knows how to moderate his drinking habits, yet tonight was his only exception. with you constantly throwing him knowing glances that reminded him of your shared relationship, it was his only driving force that kept him throwing his head back with shot after shot of soju.

by the time the entire group was all set and done, everyone was considerably drunk. it was kaori, yuko, and bokuto who were so severely wasted that it honestly forced you and the rest of the group to hold back in order to get everyone home safe and sound.

semi, who was sitting next to you, stands up first as the bill is handed back. “kaori and i will head out first. you guys get home safe, okay?”

you nod, waving ddd’s musician goodbye as he helps a tipsy kaori from stumbling over herself.

“i guess i should get going too,” sugawara adds in a beat later, motioning to yuko with her eyes closed and rested against the wall right behind her. “i know damn well she’s going to make me carry her ass up to her apartment.”

“bye, stay safe.” akaashi mutters as the four exit the restaurant, leaving you, him, and a drunken bokuto.

you held back an amused chuckle as akaashi gave you a look satiated in aversion. you couldn’t help but feel the tiniest bit guilty knowing that he’s going to be the one struggling trying to take bokuto back home safe despite knowing damn well it was going to happen sooner or later as the night of drinking continued.

akaashi let out a sigh, “well... guess i should take this one home too, shouldn’t i. you can go home first since you live close.” he offers, but you quickly decline.

“no, it’s fine.” you shook your head as you stood from your seat, “since i live so close, we could try and get him sobered up a bit so it’s easier for you to take him home.”

“are you sure?” asked akaashi as you gathered your things.

nodding, you make your way around the table to help bokuto stand. “yeah, i kind of feel bad. i don’t know if you noticed, but something was up with him today.”

perhaps akaashi was glad you didn’t notice the way his expression suddenly changed. he didn’t want to pry too much into your personal life or your past, but he knew damn well that the secrets need to be told. you two have been good friends since high school, yet it wasn’t until you and akaashi started working together with love cemetery did you two become so close. it’s never his business to be so caught up in whatever web you somehow got caught in literally years after everything happened, yet here you guys were.

he couldn’t stand and watch his best friend potentially hurt because of your in ability of communicate. granted, akaashi knew how personal those feelings were to you with no way to express it.

that’s the entire reason why you started love cemetery anyway—your both your relationships with iwaizumi and bokuto ended so abruptly, if you thought about it hard enough, there was no distinct closure despite ending on good terms with both of them. this, this sense of blurred lines of your webtoon and your past relationships were honestly just a coping mechanism for you.

how badly did akaashi just wanted to sit you down and talk your head on straight, but once again:

it wasn’t his business.

“alright, then.” akaashi sighs, helping you lead bokuto into his car. “let’s go.”

there was a special sense of silence in the air that tensed the moment akaashi started the car, engine humming in the background of the radio on low volume. the bright downtown tokyo lights simmered down as they reached the suburban areas of the city, filling you with a sense of serene peace as fatigue was slowly catching up to you as well.

a weight fell on your shoulder then as the car pulled into a stop. bokuto’s white hair brushed against your cheek as you looked down on him, pushing the man up and towards akaashi who had opened the door opposite from you.

the volleyball player muttered something incohesive beneath his breath as his weighted eyes attempted to open. bokuto had no idea where he was, but at this point, he couldn’t care less. he wanted to just crash into bed and sleep until the afternoon.

akaashi let out a grunt as he slung his best friend’s arm over his shoulders, following just behind you as the three of you walk up to your apartment. you threw a glance over your shoulder, watching your poor friend struggling to get the beefy athlete up the last flight of stairs.

an amused laugh left your lips, “are you sure you don’t need any help?” you offered as granted, you did offer to help get bokuto up to your apartment only for akaashi to say no. at this point, his struggle was on him.

“just hurry and unlock the door,” akaashi grumbles.

“right...” you mutter, reaching into your bag for your house keys only to feel a buzzing in your pocket.

“shit.” you say under your breath, forcing your seeping thoughts and increasing heart rate back as you opened the door.

your exes seeing each other at work was a different story. considering that neither of them knew of you past relationship with the ladder, it surely wouldn’t be a problem, but this was literally one of the last things you wanted to happen tonight. like seriously, doesn’t finding a drunk athlete that happens to be from the volleyball team you work for bad enough? surely having bokuto be in your apartment wouldn’t help your case either.

you stepped back into your living room, swallowing the bundle of nerves down your throat as bokuto seemed to regain enough conscious to form coherent words.

“kaashi~” he whined, voice muffled by the pillow he wrapped his muscular arms around. “i’m hungry.”

“we literally just had korean barbeque dude,” his best friend scoffs. 

“we literally just had korean barbeque dude,” his best friend scoffs. 

“we literally just had korean barbeque dude,” his best friend scoffs. 

“we literally just had korean barbeque dude,” his best friend scoffs. 

“okay, and?” bokuto pressed on, causing akaashi to roll his eyes.

“fine,” he deadpans before asking, “what do you want?”

the volleyball player smirked slightly, “ramen.”

akaashi stands up then, giving you an unenthused look as you approached him. you feigned a look of shock from appearing on your expression as you brushed past, frustration coating your very figure. this was not good.

a sigh left your lips as your brain scavenged desperately for a plan. at some point, the truth had to be revealed sooner or later whether you liked it or not. you just didn’t like how they both had to find out this way. 

you set the water upon the table in front of your sofa, setting the medicine gently upon bokuto’s palm. 

bokuto always thought you had the softest hands. he would often find excuses just to hold your hand back when you two used to date. it would always make him feel safe and warm, yet nowadays he still yearned to feel that sense of familiarity again—even if it meant it was the last time he would ever get to.

“thank you,” he says.

“yeah, no problem.” the words left your mouth softer than you had anticipated when bokuto made eye contact with you—familiar and warm as if you were home.

you didn’t know what to think then as you placed yourself next to him, yet still leaving space for comfort. bokuto looked so cute and vulnerable in such a state, how in the hell were you supposed to kick this guy out of your apartment?

the thought spiraled in your head. surely there had an excuse conjured somewhere up in your head. you cleared your throat, “never thought you’d be a lightweight.”

your words left your mouth in a hurry. it seemed a bit unnatural but at this point with bokuto wasted, you barely tipsy yet panicked that iwaizumi is on his way, and akaashi not knowing a single thing besides deliriously making ramen for his best friend—nothing about tonight was natural.

bokuto let out a playfully offended scoff, “i’m not! the alcohol was just strong tonight...”

“whatever you say, kou.” you mused with a smile that left bokuto’s heart racing.

your lips looked nice at the moment. with the dim florescent lights casting shadows upon your face, he wondered whether or not it was a good idea being this dangerously close to you. hell, now that you two were alone and akaashi was preoccupied this would be the perfect place to ask you the questions that had be plaguing his mind all day. that would have been the correct option, yet something within him wanted different with the way bokuto’s gaze flicked down to your lips.

you couldn’t help but notice the way he would look at you, deep brown eyes that would send red heat to your cheeks until it reached your ears. you weren’t exactly sure if he was going to do anything, but it wasn’t like you entirely opposed anyway.

bokuto cleared his throat suddenly as he pulled you both out of your trances. 

“can i ask you a question?”

your eyebrows furrow slightly with a tilt of your head, “hm?”

curiously filled you as hesitance drenched bokuto’s thoughts, drying out his mouth as he gulped his drunken nerves. “i know this is from a long time ago,” he starts, not even having enough courage to look at you. “but how come you never told me about your past relationships when we first started dating?”

bokuto’s words sobered him up—he needed to be i order to even comprehend an answer from you whether or not it would suffice. to no surprise did it catch you off guard either. as your eyes has widened into saucers, heart thumping against your ribcage, palm perspiring, all while you searched for a plausible answer in your head. you weren’t entirely sure if you should panic at the chance that bokuto did in fact find out about you and iwaizumi, or if he was just entirely curious.

it certainly didn’t matter if she lied, either, they were bound to find out now that both of them were in your life regularly and they’ve both read love cemetery, they are bound to find out sooner or later. bokuto and iwaizumi had all the clues placed out in front of them, it was just a matter of time when they would piece them all together and connect the dots.

you let out a shaky sigh. the best way to answer this was to be as calm as possible knowing bokuto was drunk and you weren’t entirely sure how he would react. “i just didn’t think think it was an important detail,” you mutter. it was neither a lie or the entire truth.

“i feel like it would’ve made sense to mention it at least.” says bokuto, “i mean... what happened to telling each other everything back then?”

god, you really didn’t want to have this conversation right now, especially when akaashi could easily walk back in. “i’m sorry that i didn’t tell you, but it’s not like it’s relevant now, is it? it’s been years.”

“it’s still very much relevant, you know.”

“how so?”

but before bokuto could part his lips to answer, the doorbell rings, sending a sharp echo throughout the apartment. your body immediately stood up, flinching and completely grimacing at the idea that both your pieces are only a few meters apart.

you couldn’t here anything then as you made your way to the door. your the beat of your beat was so loud that you swear bokuto could hear it quicken as you turned the door knob.

capturing your bottom lip between your teeth, you cracked the door open slightly with only your head peaking out through small opening.

“hey, (y/n),” the sound of his voice sent shivers down your spine, yet it still ended up comforting you more than expected. you just hoped bokuto couldn’t hear who it was.

“hi, iwaizumi.” you say almost in a harsh whisper.

you cursed yourself internally—of course out of all people, this would happen to you. you couldn’t help but grumble at the fact that surely this was some sort of karma life was giving you a universal punishment. whatever it was, you prayed it would end soon. maybe it should just put you out of your misery...

iwaizumi gave you a charming smile, the moonlight absolutely doing wonders as it casted shadows upon his chiseled face. seriously, can this guy get even more handsome?

you licked your lips absentmindedly at the thought of this as iwaizumi held up your belongings. “i brought your things! sorry for coming by so late, i just wanted to see you tonight.”

crimson red heat decorated your cheeks at his words. your thoughts were going hundreds of miles an hour just by your hands slightly brushing against each other as he handed you your jacket.

“thanks,” was all you could say.

it was calm and light as relief was almost near knowing you two were about to say your goodbyes. yet as fate always liked to give you the short end of the stick, footsteps clambered from behind you.

“(y/n), who’s there?” bokuto’s voice calls out to you rather loudly, causing your eyes to practically jump out of it’s sockets the moment the athlete pulled the door wide open. at the sudden jerky movement, bokuto revealed himself to a surprised athletic trainer.

his eyes blinked together multiple times as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. you see, iwaizumi has always been a rational person when it came to misunderstanding and he would never ever jump to conclusions but at this rate, what else could he really assume seeing his ex-girlfriend and his coworker together late at night?

there was a boiling limbic inkling within iwaizumi that he wasn’t know what it was composed up. it was like a mix of annoyance and unsolicited anger that he couldn’t help but feel his muscles tense and his hands tighten into fists.

the silence that ensued you three was so violently loud that you didn’t know what to do. never in a million years would you have ever imagined that this is how it would all end.

this is how everything would come crumbling down.

fun facts! —

while bokuto was in the parking lot hesitating to go in, satomi was hyping him up the entire time

meanwhile satomi and iwaizumi were actually still at work during all this

satomi thought it was a good chance of alone time with him, but the entire night iwaizumi was hurrying to get his work done so he could see (y/n)

taglist: (closed!)

@moonlightaangel @elianetsantana @k4tiepie @memorableminds @wheeshllumi @suhkusa @kitsunetea @airybby @noeminemi @truly-a-snitch @keichan @cosmicmermaid25 @bap-kingdom @saturnfarie @kwdflash @ennos-baby @dinablossom @chrisrue15 @seikamuzu @nestlevanilla @chasekudo @yammmers @pixcldust @iwaizluv @h0ngh0ngh0ng @emogril @tiredandkindaoverworked @tsumue @underratedmage @bokutosuwus @kellesvt @unstableye @oh-tapeworm @scrappyfka @alittlebitofrain @mxngy @tpwkatsumu @atsumuwoah @macchiatoast @dicerawr @kageyamasbabygorl @some-random-stranger-007 @vhskenma @wntrmn @little-plants @stargirlara @kissungjae @je11yfishwriter @sbaepsae @apollochjld

[sweet-cynical-writer]

Zai's Notes: I heard my sweet daughter hasn't been feeling well lately. So I wrote her favorite! Hope you feel better soon, @soukokuwu (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Death (Rachel's favorite)

Word count: 1k

You Made My Heart Stop

This was it. You were going to do it this time. Life has dragged you along far enough that you couldn't take another minute breathing. Nothing mattered in life to you from the moment you understood no one was tying you down to continue on. You carried the sweet innocent girl who would help anyone in need for so many years. Those years began to reflect in your mindset of how you viewed the world too. 

How people are so quick to take what they need and leave others alone in the dark. Then claiming they are helping others in return. So many ugly people who hold such entitlement to themselves just because they were once someone special to you. And it took a lot for you to lose your patience on anyone. But thanks to those in particular, part of you wishes you could just disappear so you don't have to deal with it.

The idea not only popped into your pretty little head, but that idea was tangible. You had plenty of time to achieve that sweet relief you wanted — what you needed most. And once you had it in your head, it wouldn't leave. It burned into your brain, making your heart race as your feet began to move on their own accord. This was the day, you thought to yourself. To think, you've contemplated this on numerous occasions and now you were finally carrying it out. 

There was no point in a suicide letter. You didn't care much for goodbyes or leaving notes. It would make the situation more messy and you considered it to be unnecessary to pour out feelings when you'll be gone in a few minutes anyway. Taking a final glance back at your beloved home with your boyfriend who was at work currently, you closed the door to the garage and opened the driver's side to climb inside to sit. 

The windows are all sealed tight and you are alone in the dimmed lit garage as you turn the key to ignite the engine. Your vehicle releases a low rumble and it begins to produce carbon monoxide. The key to the end of your suffering. All you had to do now was sit back and breathe in the toxins like air. Even as your heartbeat thumped against your chest uncontrollably, your palms were sweating at your sides — you felt at peace. 

Every ounce of strength you had left was fading fast. You felt utterly weak to even think of any last thoughts. The dizziness had settled in the first minute, making it difficult to breathe. But you didn't fight it. You refused to listen to your body trying to alert you that your life was in danger. A faint smile graced your lips as your vision blurred out into spots then dark. Absolute darkness. Then nothing. 

***

He loved you so much. The way you made his heart flutter was like a dream he never anticipated to come true. If you were still here with him, if he could have made it in time to save you — He would smother you in all the love he could give you and more. Chuuya had the habit of scolding you for being a little too friendly to everyone around you. At times it was out of jealousy, but more than half the time it was because he couldn't bare to see people take advantage of your warm heart. 

That sweet smile of yours was infectious to even some of the worst people he's ever seen. And yet there was something more — What did he fail to notice? You were always smiling, always laughing, always optimistic. A ray of sunshine that was more than willing to put aside your personal affairs to assist those in need. 

But there was more to you than rainbows and happy endings. They say the sweetest people who give the most, lost the most. Those who wear a smile every day are not always happy with their lives. And it took him too long to realize — to notice how you hardly frowned, how you wouldn't shed a tear in front of Chuuya except maybe the one time that he was injured from a mission. 

Were you internalizing your emotions this entire time? Why didn't you say anything to him? He clenched his fist then slammed it into the brick wall of your shared home. The foundation came crumbling down at his feet as if it were stacked like building blocks rather than cemented together. 

“Fuck, why did you have to leave me like this?! I can't keep going.. Why couldn't you leave me a note. Some sort of explanation… a good-bye at least..”

The red head was in anguish over your suicide. He blamed himself naturally, as it was his fault he didn't reach out. His fault that he couldn't do the bare minimum like tell you it was okay to not be okay. That he was here for you no matter what. Instead he went along with how you acted. Smiling carelessly as if nothing ever bothered you. 

He should have known better. And he constantly beats himself over the fact he thought it was perfectly fine that things were going a little too perstein. That your feelings only consisted of positivity and you didn't have a need for venting. Even when someone slapped you across the face you never raised a hand to anyone. When things were settled through talking, you wouldn't hold a grudge. In fact, you would continue to help that person if they ever needed a helping hand. 

And now that you were gone, he would never know what was eating at your happiness. Chuuya was left with the hopeless thoughts: I should have done more for you. How could I be so stupid to not see you weren't okay all the time? You deserved better than this. And most of all, he was sorry his love wasn't enough to keep you alive. With no closure to your planned suicide, he believed that he was that push to the edge — what destroyed your will to live in the end. 

[ajoy3fanfics]

Missing PT XIII

‘You need to let him go’

That’s what Sango had told her; If she had been honest with any of her other friends, she was sure that would have been their advice too. What on Earth was she doing, hanging around an ex, the very one who shattered her heart and didn’t think twice? When he left her, he didn’t call, didn’t try to rectify his wrongs. He moved on, never looking back at the damage.

But then there he was, showing up at her doorstep, begging for a moment of her time. Just when she thought she could move on from him, he came bursting into her life, shining his attention on her and making her feel starved without it.

She shouldn’t feel that way! They were over! O-V-E-R. She had to keep reminding herself of that; He was sick, his love was sick, and all of it was just temporary.

It became a mantra; ‘he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t love me’. Somehow, Kagome thought that if she kept repeating it, it would make it feel less real. Yet no matter how many times she mulled it over in her head, it was hard to turn away from the man she loved.

Loves?

Loved.

Her phoned vibrated and she thanked God for the distraction. Any more time spent thinking on the hanyou would lead her down a rabbit hole she didn’t dare to follow.

‘Up for a movie?’ Koga, of course. Kind and sweeter than she deserved.

She should reply quickly; it wasn’t good to leave him on read. She didn’t feel much like going out, or seeing even him for that matter. Before, she looked forward to their dates, to getting out of the house and spending time with him. Their last meeting left a heavyweight in the pit of her stomach that took days to shake. Not that he had done anything wrong- the complete opposite, really. He wanted more, wanted her and she didn’t exactly know how she felt. They were not exclusive, although she knew the wolf demon was not seeing anyone else; it put a pressure on her she wasn’t sure she was ready for. No, she and Koga were just casually dating, or at least that’s what they had agreed to; So why did it feel so much like cheating every time she thought of Inuyasha?

When she was with him, she felt like she was sneaking behind Koga’s back, and when she was with Inuyasha…

All her thoughts were on him. He was always present, her mind never cast off in a million directions. Her attention was always on him, on the way he looked, the sound of his laugh, how good he smelled or the way one corner of his mouth turned up more than the other when he smiled.

It wasn’t good to be like this, to let these feelings fester. How long was she going to let the hanyou control her? She should focus on Koga, focus on her future. She should ask Inuyasha if he ever went to his doctor's appointment.

Damn it!

She should choose Koga, chose a new path, someone who wouldn’t take her feelings for granted and run off when their relationship became rocky. Koga wasn’t like that; but then again, she didn’t think Inuyasha was either.

It was so out of character, so strange how it happened. It was as if his personality did a complete 180. Sure, his temper could be short at times, but he was never cruel. How could someone go from such a loving man to someone who turned their back so easily? By the end of their relationship, she felt like she didn’t recognize him anymore.

She was shocked to learn he was calling for her at the hospital; The desperation in his voice, the way he clung to her… she had never seen him afraid. If he lost his memory, he was working off his feelings from back then. He must have loved her, must have truly cared at some point. How could it all have gone so wrong?

It didn’t matter.

And yet it did, and it was driving her nuts!

She couldn’t just continue on like this, stuck in limbo, waiting for Inuyasha to fall out of love with her, waiting for some closure that would probably not happen.

Kagome knew what she needed to do.

She had made up her mind.

~.~

The phone buzzed, immediately catching his attention, making him put down his pencil and halt his work on the clients blue print; it seemed that no matter what he was doing, he was never too busy to respond to her texts. She did that a lot now- texting him. When they first started talking it was minimal communication; awkward and brief, only relaying the basic message that needed to be sent.  Now, she was opening up, talking about her day, her frustrations, the good parts and boring. It reminded Inuyasha of how they were, before; He dared enough to take it as a good sign.

Especially when she texted late at night. That itself was something that had him fantasizing in a million different ways. Was she lonely? Did she miss him? If she thought of him in the early hours, it must mean that she was alone and Koga wasn’t warming her bed, and that was fucking brilliant.

It drove him crazy to know that that damn wolf was still sniffing around her; He had found out that they weren’t official, but they were dating, and that alone was enough to make him rip Miroku’s couch to shreds, which, by the way, was getting fucking old. He needed to find a place and soon, but apartment hunting took so much damn time.

‘You’re going to the doctors today, right?’

Boring. He wished she would talk about anything else- what she had for lunch, the color of her panties, when he could see her next. Really, anything else; But no, his ex-fiancé was in full-on nag mode. He knew that when she was like this, there was little that could stop her.

‘Not today. Too busy. I’ll go on Friday.’ He responded, rolling his eyes as he tossed the phone on his desk. Miroku, his mom, hell, even Sesshomaru had been on him about going to get a check-up; he had meant to, but he just kept missing the appointments. How could he get to the doctors when there was so much work to do? It buzzed again, and even though he knew it would be grating, he was still thrilled to receive something, anything, from her.

‘You better to go, Inuyahsa. I mean it!’

She was concerned, that had to be a good sign, right? Kagome was worried enough about his well-being enough to argue with him about it. That had to be good, right?

‘Yeah, yeah. Thanks mom.’ He sent back, biting on the corner of his lip. He knew that it would get under her skin, but he said it anyway.

‘You better. Don’t make me get your mother involved.’

Ouch, a real fucking threat. She’d do it too, if history was any indication. Not that Kagome called his mom over petty arguments, no she wasn’t that type. His mom just fucking loved Kagome, a lot, and they always seemed to team up and back him into a corner when they were on the same page.

‘You should. She misses you.’ He sent it on impulse and regretted it immediately; he tried to keep it light, did his best to stay in the friend zone and not bring up their relationship. Yes, it was the giant elephant in the room, but he was a coward and he’d rather dance around the issue and be with her than to confront it head on. There would always be time for that some other day.

‘Yeah, I miss her too.’

He didn’t know what to say next, how to move the conversation along from there. Should he change the subject? What the hell could he talk about? His mind was racing as he panicked, his claws tapping on his wooden desk as he searched for an answer, Kagome supplying one before he could.

‘Are you busy tonight? Can we meet up?’

It felt like a mistake and an opportunity all at once.

‘Of course.’

What else could he say?

~.~

The ride back to her apartment seemed too short, at least in Inuyasha’s opinion. They had gone out for coffee, she walking and he driving to meet her. While they sat sipping it suddenly began to pour, the rain heavy on the concrete sidewalk, and Inuyasha was more than thrilled to give Kagome a lift home. It was nice to have her in the passenger seat again, to have her by his side.

He pulled up, parking in his old spot, the feeling more nostalgic than he would have thought. A simple gesture, but one that threw him back, took for granted back then. As he cut the engine, he turned to look at her, his breath-stopping, all thoughts lost.

The air felt heavy, hot. She was looking at him half-lidded and if he didn’t know better, he would have thought she wanted him. He had seen that look on her often enough, fuck it was ingrained in his mind, but she hadn’t looked at him that way, been so close to her like this in a long time, and fuck if it didn’t make him nervous. He felt like a bumbling idiot, too afraid and jittery to make a move. “L-let me grab my jacket.” He stuttered. “I-I can walk you to the door.” Kagome bit her lip and nodded and Inuyasha just about died.

Shutting his door behind him with a loud bang, he whipped around to Kagome’s door, holding his jacket high overhead to protect her from the rain. She stepped out, squeaked a bit from the weather and the two of them ran to the front steps of her apartment, the small awning making them huddle in together as they said their goodbyes.

“I should go.” He said, silver hair damp with rain, sticking against his forehead. Kagome smiled, reaching up to push away the stray locks, tucking one behind his ear, the hanyou doing his best to control his blush. Her hand rested on his cheek, cupping it tenderly as she searched his amber eyes, looking for hesitation, looking for recognition, for truth or love- she wasn’t sure anymore.

“Kagome,” he breathed out, covering her petite hand with his own. “I-“

She cut him off, unwilling to let him finish lest she lose her nerve. The kiss was slow and tentative at first, an underlying hunger they were too afraid to indulge in. When they broke away, quickly, much too quickly, Inuyasha knew he was panting and he didn’t care; Kagome’s hands had traveled down, grasping his muscular arms like they were her lifeline. Had her eyes looked this blue before? Had her lips been so full, so plump? Her scent so spicy and alluring? Everything about her in this moment set his senses in overdrive, leaving him feeling both drugged and charged for more.

“Don’t go.” She pleaded, her tone hinting that she was worried. As if he could turn away.

“Are you sure?” He asked, the words sounding foreign to his own ears. This had to be a dream. And to his utter surprise, she nodded, clutching him harder, her eyes never leaving his.

She didn’t have to ask him twice.  

~.~

A/N: Hey guys! I am super happy about getting to this point, and even more excited for the next chapter! Thanks for sticking with the story and reading! I hope everyone had a great holiday and has a happy new year!

[anattitudesoblue]

“Spirits haunt the street that are abandoned, my hometown never felt that much like home”

Coraline Debut Solo - Returning Back to the Pink Palace.

——————————————————————————

My fingers drummed onto the steering wheel of my bright yellow Volkswagen Beetle. It was old, it was knackered and it was on its last suspension, I was sure. But I have had it since I past my driving test at seventeen, and even then it was past it’s sell by date, but I loved it. It was all I could afford but I had worked hard, saved up and purchased it myself for a few hundred dollars. However it truly wasn’t built for cross countrying from New York to Oregon, and I was surprised it had survived the three day drive, though secretly at times I hoped it would break down and I could head home instead. If I had travelled straight it would have taken me forty-two hours but I wasn’t doing that. So I stayed in some cheap grotty motels along the way, so I would be arriving in just under three days instead.

Not that I was in a rush to get back to Oregon. I hadn’t been there since my parents and I moved away nearly a decade ago. After everything that had happened at the Pink Palace, and the hidden door, the other world. I was never the same. My parents had sensed that. Sensed my change. So once everything was finished with the catalogue garden and their contracts were up, we left. Packed up in a day and left in a midnight flit. I was unsure even my parents were the same. Even with the door locked and the key down the well, there was still a darkness cast over the Pink Palace. The Beldam was still there, locked in the other world.

Thanks to the power of social media, eight years ago Wyborn Lovat found me on Facebook and added me. It took me months to accept the request. Unsure if I wanted to or not. When I first met Wybie, I truly didn’t like him, he was boring, annoying and got on my last nerve. But near the end of my year in the Pink Palace, he had become a friend, a close one. We did so much together and went on so many adventures in the surrounding woodlands. But when we left, I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t even give him any indication of our leaving either. I told him that my parents renewed their contract and lease. It was a lie. We disappeared. I disappeared. I did eventually accept him. I scrolled his timeline, reading his posts, his adventures without me.

I waited for Wybie to contact me first. He never did. Now and again he would like something I posted and I would do the same. So I poked him. He didn’t poke me back. After about a year, I was then fourteen, I was already unhappy where I was. I didn’t make friends, I was quirky and awkward. Only Wybie understood me, got me. He was weird and quirky too. So I sent him a message, a long one. Rambling on about nothing at all really. I didn’t apologise or explain my disappearance. Nothing. Just rambled about our adventures. He didn’t respond. Three days later he read it, and didn’t respond. I felt deflated. Maybe he was still angry. I had just left, disappeared and here I was showing up and ruining it. But after a week I woke one morning to find a video message from him. Wybie apologised, was stuck on assignments. He was still weird, still quirky. We were fourteen and he was already an apprentice at a film studio in Oregon. I was proud. I didn’t really have a goal, an aim, I was just sailing through. But we kept in contact. Not often. Just random there and then. But it was nice. He was doing well, enjoying doing what he needed and wanted. He still lived with his grandmother.

We headed back to Michigan, where we stayed until I was seventeen and then I disappeared. I got my little yellow beetle, I packed up my car, and I just drove and drove and drove until I couldn’t drive anymore and that’s where I stayed. I ended up in New York. I stayed with my grandmother, my father's mother, she was nice enough to take me in. Her bum ass granddaughter. My parents tried to get me home. I refused. I didn’t belong with them. I just didn’t belong. The Beldam taught me that. I was selfish, I only thought of myself, that is how the Beldam lured me in, nearly caught me in her web, nearly taking my life. Because I always wanted more, always needing more and never being grateful for what I had.

I finished my final year in New York and then enrolled in a community college and got into art. That was something I wasn’t a fail at. But my artwork was the same, it was dark and depressing, like a dreaming nightmare on the page. Black widow spiders plagued my mind, tortured rag dolls with buttons for eyes sprawled on the paper. There was no sunshine or light, there was nothing happy and joyous, just darkness. I got full grades for my work, I finished both high school and college with honours. But I still had no focus or direction. I worked two jobs, one in a library in the day, I loved the peace it bought, and the other as a bartender in a rowdy night club in New York. I was a drifter with no direction. No focus.

So when I got the message on Facebook a week ago from Wybie telling me that his grandmother, Mrs Lovat, had passed away, I wasn’t surprised. But I could hear Wybie pain in the message. He didn’t invite me. He was letting me know. But I found myself responding “I’m coming” and I was already packing a suitcase and packing the car ready to make the cross country trip back to Oregon. I was already in Ohio before I picked up his message saying I didn’t have to come. And I didn’t want to go. But there was something in me that was pulling me back there.

Mrs Lovat had lost her sister to the Beldam, but now she was at peace, to be with her sister, to have that happiness back. Wybie has no one now. His life was his grandmother. So why was I going back? It wasn’t my business. I didn’t want to go and he didn’t want me there. But I was still heading back. I was still pulling off the intersection and heading into Oregon. I wasn’t far from Ashland. But damn, I knew I was in Oregon the moment I crossed the state lines. The rain hammered down. Pelting against the windscreen. I turned on my wipers to full power, but it still didn’t help. It was like a monsoon out there. So squinting I drove carefully. The traffic was heavy, like it was telling me to turn back and leave. I ignored my gut instinct. Stupid I know. It was telling me this was a bad idea. I couldn’t even argue that Wybie and I were close. That we were best friends. That I was returning to comfort him. We were strangers, who didn’t really know each other anymore. I was just an intruder in such a devastating moment in his life.

Before long though, I was driving up the familiar drive. That led to the familiar pink building. The massive pink sign saying ‘Pink Palace Apartments” was looking worse for wear. It felt colder now. It was like the brightness of the place has dimmed in my time away, or had it dimmed because Mrs Lovat had passed away? I didn’t know but it was eerie, and I felt uneasy, more than I had ever felt before since coming here.

Pulling up outside of the chipped white painted stoop, everything else was painted pink, which was now faded and ragged, like it hadn’t been maintained in such a long time. Shutting off the engine. The monsoon rain had now calmed to a steady trickle, so I could see out of the windshield, looking up at the large building. My heart was racing and my chest felt tight. I kept my foot on the peddle and my hand on the handbrake. Debating if I wanted to start the engine and speed out of here quicker than I came. Maybe I shouldn’t have come. Maybe I should have waited for Wybie to invite me.

Why did I come? I had closure from the other world. The key was gone, the Beldam was trapped in the other world. And yet here I was. Returning to check that it was still true. Swallowing hard, I released my grip from the handbrake and reached over to the back seat to grab hold of my bright yellow rain coat that matched the colour of my car and forced myself out of the car quickly, before I changed my mind entirely.

[writingwithadragon]

Destructive Behavior

Description:  Inside every person, there is a demon. Demons can never be unlocked, even if the world depended on it. The demons are connected to the soul, and no one can live without a soul. A group of boys thought that one of their closest friends lost his soul. John went missing four years prior after he went to cool off after another rough day. But he was found, unconscious, but found. And almost instantly his friends knew something was wrong.

Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

Chapter Three ~ Skin and Bones

I held my phone close to my chest. Tears flowed down my face. With a shaky breath, I stood up and headed towards the door. I could hear all of them silently bickering with each other. Things along the lines of 'We should've seen this coming", "Jaren will need our support”, and "At least John is at rest" were heard through the door. Trying to calm my breathing I opened up the door to be greeted by three sad faces. Toby looked like he was about to cry. Cam was biting his lip in worry. And Swagger, his eyes were darting between all of us. A shaky sigh came from my lips.

"So? What was the bad news?" Cam frowned taking one of my hands in his.

"We need to postpone date night for a couple of days," I weakly smiled, "As a certain someone is fighting for his life in the hospital."

"What?" Swagger questioned, his anxiety seemed to multiply by my statement.

"It’s John! He’s alive, and I need to be there for him. Since I wasn’t there when he needed me the most. Officer Erza said he looked like he went through hell. I need to say goodbye just in case he doesn’t make it. I need the closure to this awful story,” I said tearing up again, a gentle kiss was placed on my forehead by Cam. Looking away from Swagger I looked up to face Cameron, I could see happy tears in his eyes.

“Then let’s go sweetheart. We all need to get some closure,” he smiled sadly, he took my hand in his and took the lead.

My steps were slow, I felt so anxious as we walked through the apartment to get to the front door. Toby held my other hand tightly as he dragged me forward with Cam. Swagger brought up the rear, his breathing was growing heavier as Cam opened the door. The hallway felt smaller, more enclosed than it has ever felt. One of Cam’s neighbors was out of his room and quickly became concerned. My vision started to blur as the neighbor started asking questions. Balancing became harder to do as I wobbled on my feet, Toby quickly noticed the change. He seemed to call my name but I didn’t know where it came from. The next thing I knew I was being pulled away by Toby and Swagger as the hallway spun violently.

My breathing became more erratic as I was pushed into the elevator. Soon I felt my body being pressed into another. Clutching their sweatshirt in my hands I held onto them for dear life. Gentle and soft hands rubbed my back calming me somewhat. Their chest vibrated as they hummed softly, they started to sway. Minutes seemed to pass as we stayed like this until the elevator doors finally closed.

“Jaren babe? Are you alright,” Cam had asked, I shook my head slightly, “Thank you too, Swagger, for comforting him, and holding the door for me. My neighbor was worried that something bad happened.”

“No problem. Jaren is probably having a bad panic attack over the fact that John is alive. But I think he needs you right now, I can drive,” Swagger paused and switched positions with Cam, “Jaren? Do you know what hospital he is at?”

“Yeah, Clarmin hospital,” was all I muttered as I buried myself into Cam.

“Thank you again, Swagger. What’s eating ya, baby?” Cam asked allowed as he started to sway like Swagger.

“What if we don’t get there in time and he died. Or what if I can’t go and see him?” I began to sob, a comforting ‘shh’ came from Toby as he hugged us from behind.

“I have no idea what his condition is right now but I know for a fact that they are going to let you go and see him. We’ll even give you a few minutes alone if you want,” Toby whispered, I nodded in response. The silent tears streamed down my face.

“I would like that. Thank you, Toby,” I smiled softly as the elevator door opened with a high pitched ‘ding’.

Removing myself from Cam and Toby, we walked into the parking garage. It took little to no time to find Swagger’s vehicle. Once the car was unlocked we all piled in. Toby and I sat in the back as Cam sat in the front seat with Swagger, who was driving, the engine roared to life. The images outside was a big blur as we sped off towards the hospital. I rested my head on Toby’s shoulder as I zoned out. The last thing John and I did before we went missing was driving around in my then-new car. I haven’t driven since.

Did he go for his normal thought walk because he was jealous of me? Or did I say something then and he felt very hurt by it? Was I the reason why he went missing? Did I make him feel so hurt that he needed time alone to deal with it? A shaky breath left my lips again, my tears had finally stopped as I forced myself to look out the window. Toby took one of my hands and squeezed. I couldn’t hear the music as I thought about John and his stupid jokes. His laugh rang through my ears as I scooted closer to Toby.

I didn’t even notice when the car stopped, I was stuck in my memories. But the slight push from Toby sent me back into reality. Sniffling slightly I got out of the car, Cam instantly took my hand. Making our way closer to the entrance I became calmer. Just knowing I’m so close to seeing John again was all I had on my mind. Toby opened the door for us as we entered the building, the lady at the front desk looked up. At first, she looked bored, but once she realized who we were, her face lit up.

“Room one-sixty-five, to the left. Visiting hours end in three hours,” she smiled, pointing to a long hallway.

I gulped as I took the lead. My eyes scanned over door numbers until they land on the door that led to him. Just as I let go of Cam’s hand, John’s family walked out of the room. His mother and sisters were in tears while his father seemed to be holding back all of his emotions. They all looked over to us and gave us a small sad smiled. My heart stopped, my mind raced as I quickly went for his room. I looked back at the group and they sent me reassuring smiles. Taking a deep breath I opened the door and quietly shut it behind me. Turning to face John I gasped. He was much taller than he was in high school, but he looked like he was nothing but skin and bones.

His hair was much longer than his above shoulder length it originally was, now it was half of his height. But his injuries, I gagged. A scar ran across his neck, deep cuts littered his arms randomly. The tears started to spill out from my eyes as I took in John. I rushed to his side and grabbed one of his hands. A sob left my lips as I ran my thumb over the back of his hand. His skin was extremely pale and rough to the touch. He felt so cold.

“I knew you were still alive, John. But your family? They lost faith sweetheart. But I didn’t, I never stopped looking. So come back to me, to us, your friends. Please, John, I’m begging you.”

His hand clutched mine weakly.

\|/\|/\|/

@justaopheling

[thedefinitionofbts]

Where the rain falls

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader | Park Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst, Romance, Scifi 

Words: 12.5k

Description:  Growing up in a society where perfection is the norm and there is no room for uncertainty, your view of the world changes when you meet a boy who believes that all the beauty of life can be contained in crystal droplets that fall from the sky.  

“Aren’t you afraid?”

“We are only able to feel alive because one day the sensation we call life will leave us.”

There are moments that define your story beyond your life. Days where it feels like everything you’ve ever experienced could be contained in one single instant. Points in your memory where your heart feels so, so full, like hearing your soulmate murmur those three words for the very first time or that satisfying feeling of closure at the end of time. 

...

The world outside of the glass biosphere that has housed most of the earth’s population for several decades now is full of danger and uncertainty, well, at least according to the unembellished descriptions you’ve heard.

It almost seems like not too long ago, world leaders were still addressing the debilitating effects of climate change and pouring funding into research in order to save the planet from the virus that is the human race, while simultaneously attempting to save said species from its own self-destruction. So it was only a matter of time before the scientist of the world came up with a solution to end this vicious cycle. They called it the biosphere, an artificial self-regenerating system where carbon emissions and other byproducts of energy waste could be recycled and reused in the most efficient way possible.

According to your grandparents, who were amongst the first generation of people to be moved into these ginormous man-made spheres, it's simple a place that provides a clean sustainable life.

According to the government, it’s a high-tech ecological system that has the potential to support and maintain human life even in outer space.

And according to Park Jimin, your best friend who moved to the biosphere from the outside world when he was in middle school, it’s a place void of the natural phenomenon that he loved as a child.

Merely decades ago, people where still concerned over erratically extreme weather and unpredictable natural disasters, but once all of the large cities in the world, along with most of the world’s population, were fully housed in these man-made domes, the unrest and concern died down.  

You, as well as many others of your generation, have spent your entire lives knowing only sunlight that has been refracted by glass and what water from the sky looked like having never reached the ground. As a child, you longed to experience the world outside of the confining glass walls, where anticipation and uncertainty was what laid beyond the horizon and adventures were born from that which was unknown.  But as you got older, you’re innate curiosity melted away as more practical knowledge about life and modern society slowly replaced your wondering of what life outside the one you knew was like.

…

It’s officially the last day of classes and graduation was just around the corner. This summer was one that you had been looking forward to. It was supposed to be the best, the epitome of the transition from youth to adulthood.

College classes would start in the fall, when the leaves of the lush green trees would transform into bright warm hues of reds, oranges, and yellow, as if they were releasing their last burst of beauty before their lives ultimately faded. But before that, you had a whole three months of seemingly endless adventures and long summer nights, spent with your best group of friends before you guys would inevitably have to split up and go down your separate paths. College would mean starting a new life, but although most of your friends had decided to attend different universities, your best friend, Park Jimin, had decided to apply to the same colleges as you had, and with his stellar grades, it wasn’t a surprise that he got into all of them. You, however, didn’t have as many options to choose from, and yet Jimin never fails to surprise you with his (what you deemed to be) childish decisions.

“I can’t believe you’re giving up going to your dream school, and going to the lame university I got into.” You say, as you spot a loose piece of gravel that happened to be lying on the sidewalk all-perfect and just asking to be casually kicked like a soccer ball. There were sounds of high schoolers playing football in the field, and others doing skateboard tricks near the basketball courts in the background. Their laughter spoke volumes of homework free liberation and uncontained excitement for the upcoming summer. The last class of high school had just officially ended, and it sort of felt surreal, like that mixture of relief, disbelief, and that ever so slight hint of sadness for a phase of your life that was coming to an end.

“Hey, I’m not doing it for you. They have a good engineering program.” Jimin defends, but it was so obvious of a stretch that you were rolling your eyes.

The feeling of change was in the air, and even though everything around you was preparing for a metamorphosis of sorts, one constant seemed to have been left untouched. Your best friend, Park Jimin, was still walking you home, the same as he always did every day since he met you freshman year; back when you were still young, naïve, and just fifteen years old.

“You’re grades place you in the top 1% in the nation, I can’t even…” You shake your head, knowing that he’s not going to change his mind no matter how convincing you attempt to make your argument.

“Don’t act like you’re not secretly happy on the inside” Jimin jokes, looking at you with that signature half crescent eye smile that seems to make all those high school girls swoon. You’ve seen it enough to become immune, but you still can’t help but smile back at his cuteness.

 Opening the door to your apartment on the 15th floor of an old condo that was probably going to be torn down soon, you walk in to the smell of seared steak, mashed potatoes, and steamed vegetables. Your mom was home early today, that was a first, and she’s making a gourmet meal, unbelievable. It was probably to celebrate your high school graduation. She’s normally busy at her office; working in the fashion industry is hard work, not to mention the added stress of being a single parent to a teenager who may or may not cause trouble from time to time. But hey, at least you were well behaved and not the rebellious type, right?

“Mom, I’m home,” You shout as you close the door. The delicious aroma was making your mouth water, so you quickly take off your shoes, throw your backpack on the couch, wash your hands, and seat yourself at the dinner table. 

Your mom smiles, and kisses your cheek as she sets the plate full of food in front of you. “How was your day, dear?”

“Good. Yours?”

“Oh, same old. Same old.” She sighs but continues to smile as she seats herself across from you. “Congratulations, you’re officially a high school graduate.” She lifts her wine glass to give a toast. You lift up your juice glass in unison.

The two of you begin eating. You were starving like always and the food tasted great, but it was not long before your mom breaks the silence.

“Oh honey, you’re dad called earlier. He wants you to spend this summer at his place.” It comes out nonchalant, like the way you saw her speak to her clients, but there’s a sort of tension underneath her words that would otherwise go unnoticed by people who didn’t know her well.

“What?!” You initially thought you were hearing things, but the look on your moms face confirms she was in fact being serious. You hadn’t seen your dad in years, ever since your parents signed the divorce papers and he decided to leave the biosphere and move to the rural mountainous countryside. You had basically cut off all ties, except for the occasional phone call and birthday package in the mail.  And now, of all times, of all freaking summers, he suddenly chooses this one to throw you a curve ball?

“It’s perfect because I’m going on a company trip to the European biosphere for most of the summer, and the movers will be moving everything to our new apartment downtown.” Your mom says casually, putting down her steak knife and taking a sip of red wine, as if all of this was expected and everything was falling in place like it’s supposed to.

“But mom, I would be perfectly fine staying here by myself. I have friends too. Friends that I might not see when I go off to college.” You try to keep your voice steady, but the last sentence sounded borderline hysteric. The last day of classes had already stirred up conflicting emotions, and you were not prepared to deal with news as ground shaking as this.

“Y/N. Your father probably misses you.” You mom says, making direct eye contact with you for the first time tonight.

And you were well aware of that look, that look in her eyes that no matter what you said afterwards, no matter what you did to protest, would not change her mind. 

…

 There was only a week left before you were off to be condemned into solidary confinement in a place that’s probably going to seem like a less developed alternate universe. Even the excitement of graduation wasn’t the main thing on your mind when you had to get a physical exam to make sure your body could handle the new environment you will soon be placed in. Your primary physician had given you medications to take in the next few days before stepping out of the biosphere and some emergency pills in case of an allergic reaction to some foreign substance in the wild. It all sounded crazy and almost terrifying, but you had to pretend you were brave.

Graduation events gave you just enough time to spend with a few days saying goodbye and having farewell meals with your group of high school friends.

“I know you guys are probably really sad that I won’t be lighting up your summers” You joke, trying to hide any sigh of disappointment in your voice.

“Actually, it’s just Jimin, hahaha” Seokjin laughs obnoxiously. “He was the only one really looking forward to this summer, even though he’s going to college with you anyways.”

“Ya! No need to say it like that,” Jimin shouts, while playfully swatting Seokjin’s shoulder. “I’m just worried you won’t be able to handle the wild.”

“From what we’ve learned about in class, I’m sure I’ll manage,” You think about the old survival shows you’ve seen online, videos of people’s sorry attempts at entertainment. Places from pictures in your geography textbook also flash through your mind, and you had remembered thinking it honestly didn’t look that bad.

“I predict you coming back with a bunch of battle scars from wrestling grizzly bears and lone wolves.” Seokjin says.

“You guys clearly live in a bubble. Literally.” Jimin says while rolling his eyes. He’s the only person you know who has actually lived outside the biosphere. Having moved to the metropolis during middle school, Jimin was one of the many outsiders who gained the eligibility to join the elite. According to him, you just have to show you’re capable of contributing and advancing society. Made sense, since his dad is an accomplished aerospace engineer.

“Jokes aside, it sure is going to be different without you” Namjoon says with a sigh. “But it’s good that you’ll be spending quality time with your dad.”

“Please” You huff a half-hearted laugh. “He’s probably going to make me think about the meaning of life and shit, and talk about how life in the mountains really changes your perspective of the world.”

“Like convincing you to major in philosophy or something in college?” Jimin adds, trying to sound playful, but the look in his eyes was kind of empty, lacking his usual twinkle.  

“Whatever, I’m just going to get through this, and look forward to starting school in the fall.”

“Wow, looking forward to starting school. That’s a first.” Namjoon says. He of all people knew exactly how much you hated school. Well, it wasn’t pure hate, but definitely not at the top of your, “things I want to do” list. He was always the one who helped you out with your math homework, whenever Jimin was busy at least, and quite familiar with your so-called struggles and procrastinating habits. 

It was true though. This summer was going to long and most likely uneventful. There was a reason your dad moved to a rural area, he wanted to take some time away from the bustling world.

Maybe five years ago, you would’ve looked forward to explore the outside world, to see what was really out there, outside everything you ever knew. At a time when a revisit to earth’s past, a summer in the countryside sounded like an exhilarating adventure, where you could view things as strange as landscapes that didn’t end until the horizon or to breathe air that was raw and unfiltered and everything that it was meant to be. But that was when you were a different person, before you grew up and had to place your mind on the more practical things of futuristic human society.

Things at the top of your list of concerns for this summer was going to include surviving over five minutes without your phone and not dying from a bug bite.

 …

  After the official walk at graduation, Namjoon being the class valedictorian gave a memorable and touching speech as expected. It was well worded, moving, and inspiring, reflecting every bit of his intelligence and charm that every student in your class was already familiar with. When all the mandantory events at school were over, Seokjin had invited you and the rest of your crew to his extravagant mansion for what he deemed an “after party” of sorts. Seokjin’s mom had made enough food to feed an army, and the entire living room was filled with balloons and yearbook photos.

They were mostly of your group of friends. There was one of Yoongi performing a piano piece at the school talent show last year, and another of Hoseok performing a dance that he had personally choreographed for months prior. Then there was you and Jimin giving a presentation in history class and eating lunch under a giant oak tree next to the soccer field. But the one that really caught your eye, the one that made your smile falter for a fraction of a second, was a picture taken when everyone had gone out to get pizza at the end of school last year to celebrate the start of winter break.

What caught your eye wasn’t the fact that everyone was making silly faces at the camera and goofing around with holiday decorations, but the fact that Jimin gaze was pointed off to the side. His eyes were warm and full of affection, staring at something too his left side, off camera. You clearly remember not being in that picture because you were too busy playing with the restaurant owner’s dog near the Christmas tree. A decoration that just so happens was placed on the left side of the restaurant.

“Y/N?”

You turn around to see Jimin walking towards you. His bangs were parted today, and it was clear that he was wearing a suit under his graduation gown from the way his dress shoes peaked out at the bottom and the tip of his bowtie poking through the neck opening.

“Needed some fresh air?” You ask, wondering why he had come out to the balcony when everyone else was chatting away and having a good time back in the living room.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to you” He replies, while walking up next to you and leaning over the edge of the railing. He looks at his hands, fidgeting with his fingers and gazing out at dimly lit garden below. It was dark and Jimin’s face was only visible from the glow of the light shinning through the large glass windows of Seokjin’s mansion, but you could still see his defining features, partly because of the light and partly because you had come to know them so well.  

“If it’s about being prepared for the wild, I-”

“It’s not about that” Jimin cuts you off. He turns and faces you, looking straight into your eyes. You had never seen him this serious, except maybe when he was trying to get you to stop procrastinating on writing that final essay for literature class. As much as you want to believe that you aren’t completely sure of what he wants to say, deep down you know. It’s a moment that makes your heart feel like it’s trying to jump out of your throat.

“Y/N, I-”

“Do you have to tell me now?” You hold your breath, hoping he gets the hint that you’re not ready for what he wants to convey next. As much as it pains you to see the disappointment on his face and the dejection that glosses over his eyes, you’re friendship with him is the most important thing you have right now, and you didn’t want any complications to jeopardize something so precarious.

He bites his lower lip, hesitating before sighing and looking away again.

You laugh nervously. “Jimin, you’re acting like you’ll never see me again. We’re going to the same university in the fall remember?” You pray that he can’t hear the awkwardness in your normally carefree voice, but he can.

“I know you’re not exactly excited, but I have a feeling you’ll like the outside world” Jimin says while smiling and changing the topic. It's a smile that you’ve seen countless times, but his eyes don’t turn into full crescents.

This is what he was always good at doing. Completely changing the mood, hiding whatever he was feeling on the inside to create a comfortable atmosphere for others. The way he would smile as if he was ok, as if there was nothing bothering him, it always hurt a hundred times more.

“There are a few things I’m looking forward to.” You pause. “Like sunburns and getting soaked in rainwater.” You weren’t sure if you were trying to be sarcastic, or if that was really all you could think of saying in the spur of the moment, trying to tip toes around the awkward tension.  

Jimin chuckles, this time genuinely by the sound of the lighthearted rumble that escapes his throat. “That’s definitely what I remember loving as a child” He jokes.

You playfully punch his shoulder.  

When the laughter dies down, you feel a familiar melancholic throb in your chest, something that has been steadily growing stronger in the space between the two of you for the past few months.

You wonder if Jimin feels it too.

…

 There is a circuit of high-speed trains that connect all the biospheres on the mainland. They are contained in glass tubes that create a vacuum to maximize efficiency by eliminating air resistance, all pretty standard in the view of modern technology. Your dad would be waiting at the station to pick you up, since the railway circuit doesn’t go up into the mountains.

The train glides through the tube-like apparatus; its magnetic wheels lifting it slightly off the rails, making the ride smoother than physically possible with previous “outdated” technology. The scenery outside zooms by too quickly for you to enjoy or contemplate what exactly existed on the other side. Something you would have all summer to do anyways.

Seeing you’re dad for the first time in three years wasn’t as weird as you had originally prepared for. He’s barely changed, still sporting that plaid button up shirt and round glasses. He even kept the same SUV. Something about four-wheel drive being able to handle the steep road even in the snowy winter.

Snow.

Your teachers had described it as cold but pretty to look at. There was artificial snow at the amusement parks you had visited as a child, but you had heard it wasn’t special. Well, at least not in the way real snow was. Real snow was fluffy white particles that drifted in the sky, and although seemingly infinite, you had learned that each and every snowflake still manages to be unique.

“So how have you been?” You hear the question leave your dad’s lips as his eyes are still focused on the winding road up ahead.

“Good.” You reply. You don’t add anything to your statement. Partly because you didn’t see the need in going into detail about a life your dad intentionally chose not to be a part of. You continue to look out the window,

“That’s good.” Silence follows.

“You left us just to come here?” You say as you realize there was absolutely nothing but trees.

“It’ll take time to get used to, but I think you’ll learn like it.”

“Yeah…sure” You lean your head against the glass window of the car, already bored without your laptop and the Internet to entertain you.

Your dad speaks again after noticing you had fallen silent. “It is not something I can force you to understand. It’s something you have to discover for yourself.” You can almost see the smile forming on his face through your peripheral vision, and because you don’t want to disappoint him, you make a grunting noise that conveys agreement.

The land somehow catches your attention as you travel higher into the mountains where a clearing in the forestry reveals a different scene. You look out at the dense forest covered hills in the distance, forming jagged shapes and messy lines that stray from the calculated and controlled ones you were so used to seeing. There’s a river cutting in between the valley below, and although you’ve seen the artificial streams in the city, there’s something about the naturalness straying away from perfection that’s intriguing and captivating even upon first glance.

The clouds in the sky are painted with subtle hues of the setting sun, transitioning from warm toned yellows to pink and finally blue. You could see the sky from the biosphere, but buildings usually always got in the way of fully realizing its uninhibited vastness.

A quaint little cottage soon comes into view. It’s two-stories tall, constructed fully with logs excluding the large glass windows facing a clearing that allows for a full view of the valley below.

“We’re here” You hear your dad say as he turns of the engine.

Stepping out of the car, you initially hold your breath, overcome by the irrational fear that unfiltered air was going to kill you. But as you let out your breath and cautiously breath in you notice it’s actually quite nice. The air smells light, musky, with hints of floral mixed with the earthy smell of wood and grass. It’s not of optimal temperature, its warmer sometimes and cooler others, but the inconsistency wasn’t unpleasant in any way.

 …

 The next morning, you wake up in the early hours of dawn, unable to fall back asleep. Sitting up in your bed, you stare out through the large glass windows of your room. The woods are dark, but the faint light filtering between the gaps in the trees is enough to call you outside.

Hopping down the steps of the two-story cottage, you give in to your curiosity by letting your feet take you where they actually want to go. A sense of curiosity that you had lost a long time ago, entangled with a foreign hint of apprehension slowly crawls up your spine. You’re rational mind tells you to turn around and go back, but something deep inside your heart urges you forward.

As you walk towards the woods, you feel the cool morning air sweep across your face. The grass was wet with dew and glistening from the first signs of light at dawn. Anxiously inch closer and closer to the path that leads deep into a place you would normally stray away from. It feels like the beginning of an unending search for something mysterious.

It’ll get brighter. The sun will light up the darkness. You whisper to yourself in an attempt to calm your fear of the unknown.

The ground is damp and the multitude of plant species is densely packed, except the occasional clearing that opens up to multiple forks in the road or just a large rounded space with no end or beginning.

Walking in a maze was not a good idea, especially not alone. It’s just begging to get lost, and you were the idiot to get down on both knees to do it. You wander for about three hours, and each time you look down at the bright screen of your phone that icon of  “No signal” is the only annoying thing that you’re greeted with.

Great. Having completely forgotten that modern technology wasn’t going to be able to help you out here no matter how high you stretched your arms, you huff a sigh of defeat and toss your phone off to the side.

Too tired to worry any longer, your sleep deprived self eventually dose off when the weighted sleepiness paired with the fatigue of walking drags your eyelids closed.

When you wake up and dreamily open and close your eyes in an attempt to blink away the blur of sleepiness, you notice that someone or something has placed a blanket over you. An initial wave of panic hits you after you’re mind has fully awaken from sleep.

 Shit. Where am I?  

Your eyeballs dart around to see if anything is around. But the note next to the a packed lunch and a bottle of water delicately placed on your left side, prevents you from having an anxiety attack and going full on defense mode. Ok, so whatever left this was most likely a human.

You casually unfold the piece of paper.

 If you’re afraid I poisoned this, you don’t have to eat it -JK

A human who apparently likes to be funny… a small laugh subconsciously escapes your mouth. Momentarily unsure of what to do, you look around and notice another note hanging from a tree branch above you.

If you keep walking and turn right at the clearing, you’ll be back on the main road -JK

Despite the doubt crossing your mind at the instructions left by a complete stranger, you really have no other choice than to trust this person. Luckily, he or she doesn’t seem to have ulterior motives, and it wasn’t long before you finally make your way back to the cottage. It was so easy that you couldn’t believe you weren’t able to find your way before.

Having lost track of time, you just notice the sun is gradually sliding behind the mountains. Thank goodness for whoever left the note because you would’ve been stranded in the dark woods otherwise. You breathe a long sigh of relief.

Standing on the porch on the verge of walking in, you turn and glance at the forest one last time. This is turning out to be more interesting than you had hoped.

Determined to meet this mysterious person, you vow to go back the next day.

 …

 The sky was darker than it was yesterday. Cloudy. Ominous. Almost a warning for you to stay inside today, but something about the layers of various shades of gray layered across the troposphere and the foggy air that wraps around the valley, swerving between old trees that have witnessed centuries of everlasting stories like sleeping dragons provokes you to do things you normally wouldn’t even consider doing.

The very first time you witness rain is magical. That moment when you feel a few drops of cool liquid make contact with your skin, sends shivers of adrenaline down your back, is one that you will never forget. Looking up at the blanket of stratus clouds rippling with motion from the wind that sweeps them across the earth, you pause to admire its hypnotic lull. The rain clouds are light gray, not the stormy kind that covers everything in darkness, but the kind that allows for enough light passing through to bring the world alive.

The pouring begins slowly, and you’re already soaking wet before you can even think of going back. You hastily begin searching for some kind of shelter, but end up clumsily slipping and falling into the mud. It’s squishy and unpleasant, but the next scene in your life happens in slow motion.  

Turning to try and pull your foot out, you realize it’s stuck, but then the raindrops on your neck stop, and you know it's not because it stopped raining because someone is standing beside you holding an umbrella over your head. That’s when you lift your gaze. Today you experienced rain for the first time. You also experienced something else for the first time.

Looking up you are met with a pair of clear doe eyes that seem to contain all the wonders of the universe, complimenting features so mesmerizing your mouth is left slightly agape.

This is the first time you associate a person with rain.

“It’s you again,” He says with a clear but slightly husky voice.

“You’ve seen me before?” His strange comment makes you temporarily forget about the fluttering in your chest.

He nods shyly. “I’m Jungkook”

JK

The familiar letters on the notes just a day ago flashes in your mind.

“I don’t want to sound like a creepy stalker, but in my defense, you’re one of the only people I’ve seen around here.” The wrinkles around his eyes soften his features as he smiles.

“I’m…ugh…. a visitor.”

“Yeah, I figured you weren’t from around here.” He scratches the back of his head.

You walk with this Jungkook person under his clear umbrella until the rain has calmed to a misty drizzle and the sun is on the verge of peaking through the clouds. Maybe you’ll see a so-called rainbow today, but your mind doesn’t linger on that thought for long because besides the portion of time you’re just staring at the ground trying to organize questions in your head, the other half of the time you’re subtly steeling glances at the boy strolling next to you.

“So you live up here?”

“Yup, well in the town down the road. You’re from the biosphere East of here right?”

You nod. “I can’t imagine having to live up here. I mean, it’s really pretty and all, but a lot of people in the city will immediately notice the untapped potential, like the amount of natural resources that could be used for development.” You laugh nervously.

He stops walking, and you wonder if what you said rubbed him the wrong way. You had intended for it to be a compliment of sorts, but you were never good with first time interactions. Blame the awkward introverted personality.

“You city people are too calculating. Overly concerned with perfection and how to make things better more efficient or useful for materialistic goals.” He takes a deep breath and sighs. “When you strip all of that away, what are you left with?” He looks at you, not threateningly so, but leaning more towards genuine concern and perhaps disappointment. “But what do I know right? I’m just a boy from the countryside, diagnosed with a terminal illness.” He shrugs, almost like he was unaware of the weight of his words that suddenly hits you.

“Terminal illness? I thought those where eradicated.”

He chuckles a little. “For the record, people outside the biospheres are not  designer babies, and Mother Nature does tend to mess up here and there. ”

You were perfectly aware of the government’s initiative to control human evolution, because although the new way of life in the biospheres was indefinitely sustainable, the overall amount of natural resources was still limited. It was only a matter of time before overpopulation had become the center of attention, hence came the ever growing use and reliance on genetic engineering and designer babies (human embryos that have been genetically modified to ensure they possess the best hereditary traits of their parents). The leaders of the new world made it perfectly clear that finely tuned high-tech ecosystem where no place for the diseased and handicapped, especially since technology was now advanced enough to prevent such “mistakes” to even be conceived. But even so, science was advanced enough to cure just about anything at this point.

So it was safe to say you’re confused at Jungkook’s statement, not the kind that prevents you from comprehending what he’s saying, but the kind where you don’t know what the speaker is implying.  “Isn’t there treatment for that now?” You query, wondering why he’s acting like he doesn’t have a choice but to accept the unfortunate fate that was handed to him. 

“There is”

“I mean, if you’re scared of sterilized hospitals and surgical instruments…” The words just pour out of your mouth, almost like the rain that was falling in sheets earlier.

He smirks. “You clearly haven’t seen actually scary things.”

“Aren’t you afraid?” You tentatively ask, wondering how he can be so nonchalant about his own death. “I know we all eventually die, but you’re still young and…”

He looks off into the distance, and that’s when you realize you’ve reached the edge of a cliff overlooking the valley below and patches of fluffy white marshmallow-like clouds dabbled across the now only mildly gray sky.

“We are only able to feel alive because one day the sensation we call life will leave us.” He picks up an orange tulip from the ground. “The life-span of flowers are ephemeral, but their burst of beauty when they bloom is what defines them, not the length of their life.”

He twirls the flower in his hands before taking a step forward and offering it to you.

“Nothing lasts forever. It’s the impact that’s important.”

You’re pupils move away from staring at the smooth reddish orange petals of the tulip up to his crystal clear eyes that are indescribably tender and compassionate in that time stopping moment.

He turns away and walks to the edge, taking a deep breath of fresh air. Staring at his silhouette, you don’t know it then, but it makes an everlasting imprint in your brain.

“You should probably start heading back now. It gets dark pretty quickly.” He says after a moment of silence.

You nod, realizing you haven’t said anything for a while now.

“Umm, so will you-”

“I’ll be here.” He says before beginning to play with the leaves on a tree branch that has snapped from the storm and is bending low to the ground.

You don’t know why, but his reassuring answer makes you smile.

 …

 There are a lot of things you learn about Jungkook in the next few days after your first face-to-face encounter.

He’s someone who has spent his whole life in the mountainous countryside. Born and raised amongst the pine trees and wild flowers, never been inside a biosphere and thinks he’ll go crazy if he’s ever confined in one of them. He has a brain tumor that doctors have advised to get removed when he’s past the age of 25, or else he could lose his life then.

Oh yeah, and that he loves rain.

“So you just want to live thinking you’ll die at 25?”

“They’ll replace part of my brain with those artificial nanobots. How is that not dying?”

“Well for one, you’ll still be alive.”

“I’m going to be a completely different person.”

For the most part he’s right. It’s like if you replace the engine of a car, although it would look exactly the same on the outside, it’s definitely not going to run the same way, and that’s supposedly a good thing given the old engine was in dire need of replacement to begin with.

“So are you coming up or not?”

You look up to see his hand is still outstretched. He’s already up on the tree in front of you, but you look at him, hesitating long enough for him to tilt his head and gesture with his hand, waiting for a response.

Climbing a tree was not something new, or some extraordinary feet, but no one in the city would do it just for fun. Sitting on a tree branch that could potentially snap at any moment? That’s too risky. Anyone you knew would agree.

“Umm, I think I’m fine down here.”

“For someone not afraid of brain replacing surgeries, you sure hesitate over the weirdest things.” He grins, taunting you with a playful tone.

You bite your lips, competitiveness pushing you forward as you follow in his steps and hoist yourself up on the tree. The bark is rough enough to make you flinch, just imagining how it could potentially scratch your skin, opening it up to bacteria just waiting to cause an infection, but the touch of Jungkook’s hand helping you up is enough make you forget all that your mind makes you believe is dangerous and outside your comfort zone.

Going as high as the tree allows for, you see a lake in the distance. Its enchanting surface is like a mirror reflecting the unhindered rays of sun, and speckled with the colors of reflected light.

“So what do you guys do for fun?” Jungkook asks, when you guys are comfortably settled in a spot that offers a great view of the tree tops spanning the entire forest and the vast land that seemingly stretches for further than the eye can see.  

“In the city?” You look at him. “We’ll most people kill time online, playing games, watching random videos, or just posting on social media, but work and school take up most of the day, so that’s a huge part of our lives.”

Jungkook nods a little. “I guess these kinds of things are the same whether you’re inside a biosphere or not.”

You give him a puzzled look.

He chuckles a little. “Don’t tell me you thought we lived like primitive humans up here.” He shakes his head in disbelief.  “We have Internet, schools, and work buildings too, you know.”

“Oh, I just assumed…” You trail off, realizing you probably sound really ignorant right about now. Of course they would, it’s not like you traveled back in time. You blame Jungkook’s country boy vibes for making you assume civilization outside of the futuristic biospheres was underdeveloped.

The breathtaking sunset you witness with Jungkook later that afternoon puts all those pictures of sunsets you’ve seen in your lifetime to shame, because an authentic work of art, such as itself, doesn’t lie within the confines of a textbook or virtual screen. It’s beauty travels across the atmospheric layers of the earth, sending invigorating shivers down your spine and tugs at the corners of your lips as they stretch into a smile as wide as the distance between your ears.

It’s a light that fades slowly at first, but the darkness soon hovers over the skies like a growing fog.

“We should get back,” Jungkook says as he begins to climb down. You nod, following pursuit, but shaking a little as you look down and are fully aware of how high off the ground you had been this whole time. Jungkook notices your hesitation and helps you down.

You watch as he hops off of the last branch, swiftly and smoothly. He was clearly a veteran at this; his physical adeptness was evidently displayed by his graceful and agile motions.

“So are you coming down, or are you planning on staying up there forever?”

“But I’m going to break my leg if I jump like that” You mentally measure the distance between you and the ground, and bite your lip.

“Just jump, I’ll catch you” He positions himself directly below you and holds out his arms, waiting.

“Says the guy who tried giving me poisoned food” You smirk. You didn’t know how you could still whip out a joke at a time like this, but everything about being out here had been compelling you to do things you normally wouldn’t.

“That was a joke” He sighs and shakes his head.

You don’t know if it’s some sparkle in his eyes or the subtle pursing of his lips, but something about Jungkook makes you trust him sooner than you probably should, so you find yourself squeezing your eyes shut and take that leap of faith.

The first thing you feel is the millisecond of zero gravity, like being on a wild roller coaster and experiencing that feeling of free fall, but it’s different in that before you know it, you’re in the safety of someone’s arms. His shoulders are broad, and he’s firm but soft enough to act as a buffer. You open your eyes only to be met with his, surrounded by the fading light in the forest it feels like you’re staring at a window open to all the stars in the night sky.

His warmth is that of home and his laughter is that of someone close, but Jungkook isn’t your home or even someone you understood beyond a superficial level. He was the thrill of exploring a new world. He’s the other side of the moon.

And everything about being with Jungkook felt foreign, a new sensation just below your fingertips that you’re almost reluctant give into at first, but when you do, you quickly realize it’s the best thing you could’ve discovered. He is that new drama that you fell in love with by episode one and can’t keep yourself from binge watching until the last episode. He’s that first listen of an amazing song that quickly becomes your new obsession. He’s something that makes everything you thought was important in life seem completely insignificant in comparison.

He’s not perfect. He’s not a genius, and he doesn’t possess superhuman abilities or promise you fairytale endings. But Jungkook is everything you never had and everything you ever wanted all at the same time.

 ...

  You’ve seen videos of waterfalls. The powerful flow of rushing water being pulled by the earth’s gravitational field, but you had never felt the wind rushing past your face and the cooling mist of spring water mixed with the scent of pine saturating your senses. Moss covered rocks and fluffy shrubs frame the edges of the portrait that is one of the most spectacular natural wonders of the world.

“I can tell you’re impressed”

“Wait, what? No I’m not.” You put on a straight face after realizing you had probably been standing there with your mouth gaping open for who knows how long. “There are waterfalls in the city” You say as you picture the man-made, fountain-like, nature copying contraptions that you grew up seeing. You sounded so unconvincing that you didn’t even believe what you were saying yourself.

“But they’re obviously not this cool, right?” He smirks.

And as much as you don’t want to admit he’s right. He is.

He takes off his white t-shirt, and you quickly turn in embarrassment, causing him to laugh. The shirt was so thin that he might as well have been shirtless the whole time, but who are you to complain?

You hear a splash and turn around to see that he’s already jumped into the water.

“Let me guess, you can’t swim.” He says.

“I can!” You quickly retort.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

That familiar feeling of hesitation greets you once again, but you take a deep breath and give into impulse.

  The second time you associate Jungkook with rain, you can feel his wet hand intertwined with yours as he leads you up a path to the edge of the mountain. It’s drizzling enough to dampen your hair and clothes, but not enough to blur the scenes that scroll past you. Gray skies, but transparent rays of warm sunlight are able to filter through the cracks in the blanket of clouds. Unobstructed natural lighting forces the forest green color of various species of tree leaves to stand out against the cool toned backdrop.

The sound of his lighthearted laughter paired with the wrinkle of his face trying to contain a smile too big to fit on a smooth canvas, feels like something beyond what this world is even capable of offering. With him, you are standing on the edge of a rocky cliff while the rain is slowly but surely beginning to let up enough for a rainbow to magically appear in the sky.

Meeting Jungkook was like receiving something you didn’t know you longed for, and it was blissful and magnificent, as with everything about the summer that soared by too quickly.

 …

 The light drizzle

 The summer after freshman year of college was one that you hadn’t particularly looked forward to if it wasn’t for a certain boy living up in the mountains.

“So this summer you’re just going back because you want to” was what Jimin had said. It was a question turned statement because Jimin knew you all too well for him to think otherwise.

First year of university is either one of the best or worst times of your life, or so you had heard during orientation. There are the people who fit right in, making friends in all their classes, joining all sorts of clubs and student groups, and finding exactly where they belong, and then there are those like you, introverted and not as crazy about jumping into new things. So you didn’t really make any new friends year one, but luckily, you had Jimin.

The one person who was always there to remind you of upcoming exams and project due dates, bringing you coffee for 8am lecture and late night snacks when you were pulling all-nighters trying to finish that coding homework due the next day.  

“I got an internship this summer.”

“Oh right.” You sigh, of course, Jimin was always the over-achiever type. Figuring out what to major in was hard enough, but he’s already got that down and probably his whole future planned when you’re still sitting here struggling with choosing a major.

“But hey, maybe I’ll pay a visit the summer after we graduate. You know, when we have time to maybe take a year off before entering the work force or going to grad school. I’m assuming you like it so much, you’re planning on going then too, right?” He grins. It was his way of making you feel better. He never liked to reject any offer you threw at him because Jimin was an angel who descended from the heavens. And as much as it sounds like a dream, he was too nice for your own good.

You find your legs once again, carrying you into the forest. As quickly as the city in the biosphere changes, the world outside seems to steadily transform at it’s own pace. The familiar smell of pine needles and wild flowers fills your nostrils, and the scenery of the mountains once again graces your visual field. You navigate up the path that Jungkook had previously guided you along countless times last summer.

“Y/N”

The sound floats across the space that divides two worlds, carried by the cool breeze. You turn with a racing heart to see its source.

“I almost thought you wouldn’t be able to find your way up here” Greeted again by none other than the sparkly doe-eyed boy who loves to tease you.

“Because you didn’t take me up here a hundred times before” You roll your eyes, but can’t help the smile that forms across your face.

 Normally being out in the wild with seemingly no connection to civilization would have you going crazy, and the you a year ago would not understand why anyone in their right mind would actively choose to spend a summer out here, but there was something out here that was too simple to be significant yet impossible to let go of.

You didn’t purposefully build a grand image of him in your mind, but seeing him in real life still managed to shatter whatever your mind had the ability to conjure up because Jungkook’s presence is like the arrival of spring after a grueling winter, the morning after a night that you feared would never end.

  …

 “A friend of yours is coming two summers from now?” Jungkook asks, raising an eyebrow curiously.

“Yeah, the one I told you about. Jimin.” The name floats in the air after escaping your mouth. For an extra second, neither you nor Jungkook says anything.

“Are you and him…” His voice trails off and he looks down at the ground.

“Oh..no, like I said we’re just really good friends.” You reply, unsure of where Jungkook would get the idea that you and Jimin were anything more than just friends. You hadn’t told him about Jimin having feelings for you or anything, and you had always just talked about him casually, or so you thought.

“He cares about you a lot,” Jungkook says so softly that you probably would’ve missed it if you weren’t waiting for his response.

“Huh? What makes you think that?”

“You said he’s always there when you need him.”

“Oh” You laugh. “That’s what friends are for right? I mean, Jimin and I, we could never ‘date’ ” It even felt awkward hearing you say it yourself. Jimin was without a doubt, one of the most important people in your life, but you had never thought of him in that way.

“How will you know until you try?” Jungkook’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Try….” You think about the look in Jimin’s eyes when he sees you laughing, and the way that he always knows what to say to make you feel better. Jimin’s smile that makes his eyes disappear into crescent moons. The falter in his expression when you change the topic whenever you think he’s about to confess something you don’t want to hear because you’re a coward. The pain he hides under the guise of a perfect best friend.

“Y/N, are you ok?” Jungkook tilts his head to meet your eyes.

You nod, but it feels mechanic.  

 …

  Over the past year, you had almost forgotten what it felt like to be immersed in Jungkook’s world. Never have you ever been so incredibly overwhelmed with excitement than when you were with him. Spending time with him was addicting, like a drug you can’t quit or curiosity that won’t go away until you address it. He was like a dream you never wanted to wake up from.

The way he viewed the world was incredible, so different from anyone you had ever met in your life. You came to realize that when you were supposed to be submersed in awe of the stunning world outside of man-made biospheres, you mind was instead constantly filled with thoughts of a doe eyed boy with an inherent fervor for the ephemeral and simplistic beauty of life.

“Happiness isn’t about what the world gives you; it’s what you make of it.” He says as he throws a rock towards the surface of the lake. You watch as it skips one, two…seven times before plopping into the water.

“Sometimes I feel like you’re secretly a middle aged man disguised as a teenager.” You say, as you attempt to find a good skipping rock.

“Well, if you consider the fact that my full lifespan is supposed to be 25, I’m technically equivalent to being in my 70s or 80s.”

You frown. “I also don’t understand how you can just talk about death so casually.”

“Given the option, I wouldn’t choose to live forever. Dying is the driving force of our lives. If we lived forever, there would be no motivation to do anything because we could just push it off until tomorrow.” He pauses. “But because our time is limited, we are able to feel that urgency to love, to do what we want now, not later.” He turns to look at you. If sincerity and melancholic acceptance could manifest into a tangible expression, then it would be the look on Jungkook’s face at that moment.

The image of him standing there next to the lake, seemingly small compared to the mountainous background, alone with the conclusions of his endless contemplation about life and where a mistake like him fits in, tugs at your heart. It clenches it in a way that makes you want to pull him into a hug because Jungkook was a young boy, a little kid who was given only 25 years to be whole.

“Still, it’s so sad…” You reply, still looking into his eyes but unable to move closer.

“Like I always say, life, no matter how fleeting, has the potential to make a large impact.” His lips curve up slightly in a reassuring smile. You take one step forward, but it’s clumsy and just looks like you tripped on your own feet.

He notices and immediately prepares to rush over and keep you from falling on your face, but you regain your balance and gesture to him that you’re ok. Still, he’s made his way to your side, close enough for you to touch him if you just reach out your hand.

“When I was little, my mom always took me walking in the rain. She told me that rain washes away your worries and jumbled thoughts and brings peace to you soul.” His attention is drifting off into the distance again. “She told me it would take away my pain, and she was right.” You watch the rise and fall of his chest as he sighs.

Tentatively you raise a shaky hand to caress his cheek.

“Rain is bittersweet. It’s not purely cheerful and lovely for everyone. Some find it gloomy and depressing and they can’t wait until the sun breaks through the clouds again, but the most distinct characteristic of rain is that it’s the same wherever you are, and that’s how it has the ability to bring you solace and stability. ” He places his hand over yours and looks down at you. “Like fixed points in time that you know you can always revisit, so you can be comforted when you miss things that have long gone.”

“Like a song that reminds you of someone special?” You whisper.

He nods. “Because rain carries memories in addition to new beginnings.”

“Memories?”

“Yeah, it brings back emotions associated with whatever you grant it permission to take. That’s why it’s so great when significant moments in your life happen in the rain, because the emotions associated with it are forever saved there.”

He tilts his head and gazes up at the sky.

“In my next life, I want to be the rain.”

  …

 Moderate showers

 Jimin was someone you could share your emotions with. There was always an unspoken understanding between the two of you, ever since he befriended you back in high school. Being the introverted one, he was the one who approached you first and initiated a conversation that eventually lead to finishing late night homework at his house and lazy Sunday afternoons at the park.

You had always told Jimin that going to your dad’s place in the summer was a way to escape from college and city life, but that was an excuse he had stopped buying.

“Tell me the real reason,” He had said, looking you straight in the eyes, and you can’t deny how charming he is. He was always cute, but now there was an air of manliness surrounding him.

“Ok, so I met a really good friend there.” You admit for the first time. Surprisingly, you had never told Jimin about Jungkook, and you weren’t really sure why. Like you had a bit of an idea, but you chose not to think about that reason.

“Thought so” He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. It’s not threatening because there’s a hint of a grin on his face, but you know Jimin is sometimes like an iceberg, hiding his true feelings underneath whatever was visible on the surface.

“Jimin, just say it” You shoot him a serious look, directly into his eyes. You were tired of avoiding the big question. It was now or never.

“Say what?”

“How you really feel about it, about us?”

“What? We’re just friends. What do you want me to say?” He avoids eye contact.

“I hate it when you pretend like nothing’s bothering you when I know something is.”

“You want to know what’s bothering me? You really want to know?” This was the first time you could hear raw strain and frustration in Jimin’s voice. He runs his hand through his hair and wets his lips with his tongue. “Well, I’m not going to say it.”

“Jimin!” It comes out almost as a scream, and you don’t know why you’re getting angry. If anything, Jimin should be the one who’s furiously annoyed.

“You know.” He pauses and looks at you. “I don’t have to say it. You’ve always known.”

You groan. “Why can’t this be easier?” You cover your face with your hands.

“I’m not going to say it, because I don’t want to lose you as a friend. Because that’s more important to me, it always has been.” His voice is softer now, and there’s no other emotion besides pure sincerity and something that’s unique to a boy named Park Jimin. And that something makes your eyes well up with tears that you have to use every last bit of your strength and dignity to try and keep from falling.

“Jimin” A whisper of the only response you could muster.

He walks over and pulls you into his arms, and that’s when the tears start streaming down your cheeks.

 …

 “I’ve learned to always be prepared for the worst. It’s the secret to avoiding disappointment.” Jungkook smirks. “Secret to life number 1.” He’s taking you to the beach, because according to him, going through life without ever having seen the ocean should be considered a crime.

“What’s number 2?”

“Find something to keep you grounded in times when your emotions are overwhelming.”

“What’s that?”

“For me, rain.” He shrugs and you roll your eyes at his obvious answer.

According to Jungkook, there are three main type of rain, as he liked to categorize them:

1.)  The Light Drizzle

2.)  Moderate showers

3.)  Thunderstorms

He’s saying all this as he’s driving you away from the mountains for the first time with you in the passenger seat of his pick-up truck. The body of water that moves closer and closer and takes up more and more space in your visual field is unforgettably majestic. Liquid water is one of the things that makes the earth strikingly unique from all other planets in the solar system, and it’s not until today that such a distant fact hits you tangibly. A planet that’s 71% water, and all your life, you’ve probably only seen less than 0.01% of it because 96.5% of it is contained in the grand formation that is the ocean.

“Guess which one is my favorite”

“Thunderstorms?”

He shakes his head.

“The light drizzle”

“Nope.”

“Ok, so it’s the moderate shower.”

 He laughs. “Wrong again”

“What? That’s the only other option” You look at him dumbfounded.

“I never told you, but there’s actually a fourth category.”

You raise your eyebrow. “And what might that be?”

“Love rain”

Now things are starting to sound cheesy, and you’re sure Jungkook is just going to turn this into some sort of childish joke, so you laugh. You don’t notice him giving you a strange look until you stop and clear your throat.

“Oh, that wasn’t a joke?”

Jungkook chuckles a little before turning to face the water that stretches out towards the horizon. “Yeah, I called it that because I couldn’t think of anything better, and to be honest I’ve only experienced it a couple of times.”

“So what exactly is it?”

“Love rain is when it’s raining, and you’re with someone you love. It’s when it’s raining and you’re with the only other person you want to be with at that moment.”

Something about the endearing look on his face against the dreamy backdrop of the ocean makes you feel like you’re a female lead in a movie with an impossibly happy ending because Jungkook’s voice is like a love song and his hair ruffling in the salty breeze is a home away from home.

“And where it rains, that’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”

 …

 Jimin is a gentleman. He dressed up nicely just to meet your dad, and was every bit as polite during dinner as you could imagine. You’re dad takes a liking to Jimin, but who wouldn’t? He’s caring, kind, smart, and friendly. The sort of perfect boyfriend anyone could introduce to their parents.

But Jimin wasn’t here to meet your dad; he was here to make a new friend. Jungkook was going in for surgery in two days, and what better than for someone like Jimin, who has gone through the shock of entering a biosphere for the first time, to reassure Jungkook that it’s not so scary?

“Jungkook, Jimin. Jimin, Jungkook.” Textbook introduction, but you weren’t creative or skilled enough to act as a smooth-talking wingman.

Jungkook and Jimin get along right off the bat. Jimin, having spent part of his life in the outside world, was able to connect with Jungkook in a way that you couldn’t. And no, it doesn’t make you jealous. 

“Ah, I remember these. They were my favorite.” Jimin exclaims as he takes the berry that Jungkook had handpicked from a bush and pops it into his mouth.

“Was it hard to adjust?” Jungkook asks Jimin about his experience moving and most likely feeling nervous to receive his surgery in a city inside an artificial environment.

“In the beginning, yeah” Jimin answers as he twirls a piece of grass with his finger. The three of you were sitting in a wide field full of yellow wild flowers between two giant mountain ranges. “It was like embarking on a spaceship and landing in a pocket-sized universe that pretends to be everything it's not.”

“I can’t tell if that sounds good or bad,” Jungkook replies.

Jimin laughs, covering his mouth. “To be honest, I can’t either. But rest assured, it doesn’t send you into a state of shock or cause you to go insane.”

The three of you converse for the entire afternoon until the sky changes colors several times and numerous birds have flown over your heads, forgetting about your differences like people who have been friends for years. At one point, Jimin makes you laugh with a funny inside joke, and Jungkook smiles, but it doesn’t quite make it to his eyes.

“Jungkook, can we go to the cliff?” You suggest, realizing Jimin hasn’t been to your favorite place yet.

“I’m kind of tired, you two go ahead.” Jimin says as he stands up, stretches and prepares to head back to the cottage.

You attempt to convince him to stay, but he quietly reminds you that it’s Jungkook’s second to last day before he goes in for surgery. You nod, understanding what he means.

 “I hope you can love this place enough to come back without me,” Jungkook says as he spreads out his arms and welcomes the cool breeze that sweeps by. 

“Why do you sound like you’re never coming back?” You walk up next to him, and look over the edge. It’s steep and daunting, but exhilarating all at once. “Jungkook, the surgery is going to save you and you’ll live for a very long time. You’ll come back and you’ll finally be cured.”

Jungkook sighs and looks at the ground blankly. It feels like an eternity passes before he says the next thing.

“They say I’ll lose all of my memories.”

It’s takes a moment to register, but once you do, you can feel the air in your lungs being sucked out of you, like someone threw a punch right at your gut and now your heaving and desperately gasping for oxygen that’s not there.

“That-that’s ok, as long as you’re-“

“Y/N” Jungkook cuts you off plainly. There’s no irritation or annoyance in his hollow voice. “For the 25 years I’ve been alive, I’ve never had anything I was afraid of losing…until I met you.”

“Jungkook” You’re voice is a whisper that’s barely audible. You’re hands are shaking, and you can’t seem to process what he’s saying because you’re using every last ounce of strength to not break down right then and there.  

“I don’t want to risk that”

“But the rain will help you remember”

He laughs. It almost sounds hysterical, and you know he’s hurt and confused and scared, and it might even be the effects from the tumor growing in his brain, but not matter how desperate you felt, there was just no way you could do anything to calm him at that moment. “I’m just now realizing how stupid that sounds.” He shakes his head.

“I’m not going to stand by your side and watch you opt out of this procedure.”

“What? You’re going to run back to Jimin? Is that it?”

Oh now you were feeling the anger start to bubble. How dare he drag Jimin into this? Does he not know how difficult it was to straighten out your feelings? To hurt the one person on this planet that you never in a million years would want to even scratch the surface of his skin?

“So what if I do?” You don’t know why that response shoots out of your mouth, and regret immediately washes over you, but there’s no way you could rewind and take that back.

You can see his body tense at your last statement.

“Jungkook, I didn’t-”

“You should head back, it’s getting late” He stands up and before you know it, he’s gone.

He was leaving tomorrow, and this is how you chose to mess up everything. But maybe it was for the better. This way he can go into the surgery without any burdens. You keep telling yourself things to make you feel better. Like not knowing the answer on a multiple choice test, but nevertheless convincing yourself the answer you blindly chose by process of elimination has to be the correct one.

 But it never is, is it?

 …

 The Thunderstorm

 The rain is starting to pour harder.

“Are you sure your not going?” Jimin whispers, looking directly into your eyes and even through the tears that are beginning to blur your vision, you can see the sincerity and pain in his eyes.

You bite your lips, and nod. Knowing that this decision may have you imprisoned in regret for the rest of your life. But of all the things in the world that would stop Jungkook from living the length of time he deserves, it wasn’t going to be you. Because you had convinced yourself in one sleepless night that no matter the cost, you would do whatever was in your power to get him to go through with the surgery.

Jimin sighs and walks out, towards the forest, down the path that was always filled with the excitement of creating new adventures, new memories that could be added to the rain. But today, the water was relentlessly pounding on the large glass windows of the cottage, drowning out the heart wrenching cries of your soul. Perhaps this was one of the ways rain offers comfort, because you feel almost numb staring at the water blurring the beautiful scenery you came to know because of one special boy.

 An hour passes. Maybe two or three?

Your mind is blank until a loud clap of thunder snaps you back into reality. No, you can’t not see him one last time. You can’t let the him you knew, die thinking you were angry at him for loving you, that he didn’t change your life in the best way you could have ever hoped for or give you everything you obviously didn’t deserve.

You can’t let him go without telling him that every rainy day you spent with him was love rain.  

You push open the sliding glass doors and run out into the pouring rain. No umbrella, no shoes, not caring.

“Y/N, he left” You see Jimin’s figure walking towards you.

“No…no, no….” You voice comes out hollow, distant, and lacking emotion. Your legs give way as you drop to the ground, sinking pathetically into the squishy mud that would normally make your skin crawl. Jimin holds his umbrella over your head, shielding you from wind that makes the raindrops feel like shards of glass piercing into your skin.  

“What did he say to you?” You look up at Jimin with desperate eyes. “Did he tell you he wished he didn’t have to deal with something so unfair? I can’t believe I’m stupid enough to abandon him when he needed me most. I’m such a fucking idiot. ”

“He never said he wished for those things” Jimin murmurs. He looks down.

“Just tell me. I can handle it.”

Jimin hesitates. Moments pass before you hear him take a deep breath and look up at the sky.

“He told me he could never give you the world you deserve, and the pain from that is more than he’s ever felt.” Jimin says. “He told me to give you what he couldn’t, and to love you with all my heart and if I don’t mind, his as well.”

You slowly shake your head. Squeezing your eyes shut as the tears stream down your face.

“Y/N, he gave me his heart. To give to you,”

You head is shaking vigorously now, and you want this all to be a terrible nightmare because the pain is eating you alive.

“but he doesn’t know that I could never give you what you’re looking for” Jimin’s voice shakes you out of your denial. “He left you this” Jimin holds out a piece of paper that has been folded. Folded the same way you saw the note folded by the packed lunch, and the one that hung from the tree branch four summers ago.

And at that moment, you know what’s written on that piece of paper is going to be the type of heart wrenching sadness that keeps you up at night, the kind that pulls you away from the fatigue of slumber and causes your brain to recall every last detail of a memory until the emotions associated with it are as clear as the day you felt them. So you tuck it away, safely, because it’s the last that remains of something that not only could’ve been beautiful, but actually was.

Jimin understands, and you welcome his familiar embrace because he’s the only one now, who does, and at that moment, it’s all you could really ask for.

 …

  “There’s something about this place that seems magical,” Your dad says as he helps you pack on your last day before you head back to the city. It was the last summer you would visit, and he knew that too.

And for the first time, you understand what he means.

Jimin had left last week, and although you contemplated going back with him, you weren’t ready to leave quite yet. Maybe it was that last sliver of hope that Jungkook might comeback. But it’s ridiculous, and even your hopelessly desperate self thinks so.  

Lying in bed you wake up to the sound of water pellets splashing against your window. You quickly run over and open it, not caring if the water drops carried by the wind will get your carpet wet. The fresh scent hits you almost immediately, and the rush of adrenaline sends goosebumps shooting down your spine. You just stand there, listening to the rhythm of the falling rain as it lulls you into a dreamy state of half consciousness.

And it is that night, in the darkness surrounded by the sound of rain, that you find yourself reaching over to unfold the note that Jungkook left you.

 Y/N,

           I’m sorry for being the way I was that day. I was afraid. You were right, it is scary. It's terrifying to lose yourself, but it’s nothing compared to losing someone else because you lost yourself. Maybe I don’t have the right to say this, but I hope I can stay in your memory as something that can bring you comfort and happiness.

          If you ever need me for any reason, just open your heart and welcome the rain, and I promise it won’t be painful.

                                                              -the JK that will forever be a memory in the rain

 You hold the note as your legs carry you down the steps and out into the rain once again. You’re barefoot and in your pajamas, but no one’s going to see anyways. Feeling the water droplets splash on your face and drip down your neck, you give your memories to the rain, like the way people give their wishes to dazzling comets that soar across the night sky or the fluffy seeds of dandelions that seem to float endlessly.

Jungkook would want you to forever remember him by the things he loved, because it defined who he was, and you refuse to let him be a memory that would bring you anything but the happiness and beauty that he represented so well.

Loving him was like an emotion so inexplicable yet so powerful that it always leaves you glossy eyed and breathless. It was heartache that you would always happily welcome with open arms, because few things in the universe could move you in such a way that made everything else seem insignificant.

You breathe in the unfiltered air of nature.

The gentle wind lifts your hair almost as if to tuck it behind your ear.

Jungkook and rain have finally been intertwined, and the pain is gone.  

 …

 Five years later

 Jimin found his sun in the form of an art student named Kim Taehyung. You thought you knew what Jimin looked like when he was genuinely overjoyed, the kind of untainted happiness that spreads to everyone around him, that is until you saw the way Taehyung made him laugh. It’s laugh that starts as a light rumble in his stomach and moves on to saturate his whole being, reaching his soul and back.

It’s been five years since you last left the biosphere. Graduating from college meant no more summer vacations, and work life was a year round grind. Changes happen so quickly, so relentlessly, but unsurprisingly one thing manages to remain the same.

Rain. It’s unapologetically stubborn because even when it's wrong, rain tells you it’s right. Rain somehow manages to absorbs change and makes it part of itself.

Hiking back up that cliff for the first time in years you’re glad you brought an umbrella today, because you don’t think your aged body can handle being soaked in cold water like it used to when you were slightly younger. The beat of your heart is pounding in sync with the droplets hitting your umbrella, and something in it tells you there’s a place you have to go today.

It’s a message that rain whispers to your heart.

“And where it rains, that’s where I’ll be waiting.” You think it’s just your imagination, that your overthinking things, because you had convinced yourself to move on. And although he’s never left your memories, the pain associated with him had long ago.  

Finally reaching the top, you see a figure standing by the edge. His silhouette making your heart flutter in a way that it hasn’t in several years. A moment passes, several seconds, maybe a few minutes, but you lose track of time. The figure stirs a little, umbrella lifting ever so slightly. The rain has become a steady, calm drizzle. A soft gust of wind sweeps by as the figure turns.

One second. Two seconds.

And in that instant when his head turns and umbrella lifts, you are met with a pair of familiar doe eyes that seem to contain all the wonders in the universe.

...