#but that's the interior of my brain 24/7 and i have to cope with it somehow

[seance]

Your gifs are just so so beautiful, truly something else! /weeping

me right now, reading this. thank you so much this means a lottttt, with the current state of reblogs on this site, i've learned not to expect much in terms of reception but i still like giffing cause it's fun and cause when people do reblog stuff they're all the nicest, kindest, funniest tags around ♥ it's truly a blessing feeling so inspired for a fandom that can be so engaging, thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[ofmerrit]

*  ◜  kristine froseth  ,  cis  woman  &  she/her  ◞  *  according  to  school  records  ,  that’s  merrit  antonietta  unn  hornsby  walking  on  campus  grounds  with  their  usual  iced-americano  from  the ancient  grounds  cafe  .  they’re  known  for  their  long  ,  dark  blonde  locks  outshining  their  surprisingly  tall  figure   and  are  often  spotted  at   the  versailles  garden  reading  wild  geese  by  mary  oliver  .  almost  everyone  knows  their  family  is  worth  like  1.2  billion  dollars  ,  so  we  suspect  they’re  a  member  of   olympus   ,  you  know  ,  the  one  for  old   money  .  do  you  know  where  they  were  the  night  that  the  scholarship  student  died  ?  they  claim  they  were  touring  around  the  campus  for  inspiration  ,  must  be  an  architecture major  thing  ,  right  .  and  hey  ,  don’t  you  agree  that  the  sophomore  reminds  you  of  muffled  screams  into  silk  pillows  ,  the  bellyache  you  get  after  doing  something  wrong  &  vacant smiles ?  you  better  watch  out  h e s t i a  before  something  dangerous  happens  to  you  and  life  ends  at  twenty-two  .  *  ◜  barb  ,  twenty-two  ,  gmt +3  &  she / her  ◞  *

alright alright . it’s me , wrinkle free brain bar from gmt +3 !! so pumped to be here w you sexies mwah <3 here’s merrit’s pinterest board if you’re interested ( pls im a virgo n pinterest addict .. lemme make boards for our muses .. id d*e ! ) imma . bore u to de*th w this intro pls .. forgive me .. i only hav 2 brain cells , this is all over the place HDFJK rip </3 tw: kidnapping, death.

starting w the boring statistics :     full name: merrit antonietta ‘antonia’ unn hornsby     nicknames: mer, antonia, ant, tbc.     code name: hestia ; the goddess of hearth , the family , the state & the domesticity.      star sign: libra sun , virgo moon , scorpio rising.     sexuality: bisexual.     favourite literature piece: wild geese by mary oliver ,  an anthology .                                              “meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,                                              are heading home again.                                              whoever you are, no matter how lonely,                                              the world offers itself to your imagination,                                              calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting                                              over and over announcing your place                                              in the family of things.”

merrit is the only child of the young hornsby couple. she doesn’t remember much of her childhood, according to her grandma, she was the happiest kid. had everything she could ever ask for and more. 

the reason why merrit can’t remember any of this is the beginning of a tragedy — a stormy december night, she and her parents went missing. grandma says they were gone for over five months. a kidnapping case gone cold, they thought. right when the old couple was giving up on them, an angel from above delivered antonia to their door step. malnourished, void of any memory but alive.

life after losing her parents was easier than expected, grandma hornsby ( nee du pont ) made sure merrit would recover from this without any trauma & in a way, she did.

doesn’t have the best relationship with her grandpa, he’s harsh and cranky and too smart for his own good, merrit is lowkey afraid of him lmfao 

she’s currently studying architecture — her dream major was interior design but grandpa encouraged her to pursue architecture to follow her father’s footsteps.  kinda made sense because she’s fascinated by houses .. in reality the insides, the families living there are the real source of interest for her but she’s happy to settle for outside for now gshdjkf

personality stuff !!!

uMM.... i’d say she’s lowkey a people pleaser sdhjkf like ?? making her grandparents proud is . literally the only thing she’s ever wanted in this world n now she feels the same responsibility for every single soul in her life . a torturous existence if you ask me 

can’t say no <3  if she thinks its gonna make u feel a tiny bit better . boom . she’s in .

the friend you’d call to bury a body . no questions asked . she’s pickin up the shovel as you speak asdghfjk unless it’s between her grandparents n you, then *michael scott vc* how the turntables.... sdhjfk shes rattin u out instantly rip

LOVES to talk n listen . fills her heart with joy . a blabbermouth . 

an overachiever . doesn’t sleep much, rocks the dark circles 7/24 lmfao works bc doesn’t like the idea of .. wasting life if that makes sense ??

loyal 2 a fault. mostly to olympus. wld do anything to stay in the secret society / establish her place .

extremely gentle n caring . sometimes ?? its just . too much sdjkf like. tone it down <3

likes poetry ,, especially mary oliver n louise glück ! her fav poem is the orange by wendy cope.

i imagine her wearing flowy, tulle dresses with floral embroidery or vintage pieces idk 

has shit ton of plants but struggles to keep them alive rip

!!! im . terrible at explaining her fr i hate it here ok i hav a vision but ??? i cant explain it

safe 2 say shes having difficulty deciding who she’s supposed to be . a part of her wants to be the golden child for her grandparents n the other side .. jst wants to live her life y’know ??? 

UPDATE ! i’ve realised that by hiding her secret, i also unintentionally hid a big portion of her personality and she comes across as the typical, soft & gentle soul. don’t get me wrong, she is indeed gentle and soft but she’s also volatile and deceitful !

connection ideas !!!

childhood friends - except she doesn’t remember any of it. maybe your muse thinks she’s changed. maybe they don’t care. maybe they are no longer friends . idk 

penpals - seriously ???  i imagine her as someone who writes letters jst bc they’re nostalgic n cute ??? cld be fun.

a home - i kno home’s not a person but a feeling but tell that to merrit lmao. this person’s probably the only one in the whole damn world she’d choose over her grandparents. platonic or romantic, doesn’t matter.

betrothed - super old school yikes. nt exactly betrothed either .. maybe her grandma thot it’d be better if these two were in a relationship . maybe they remained as friends . maybe they hated each other . maybe they kept the publicity stunt ( cue 2 merrit begging to keep faking the rel so her grandpa wld be happy )

exes - a classic. ts this is me trying vibes . on good or bad terms . lingering feelings ? yes please .

bad + good influence - again, classic sdhjfk

saw u at the garden but cldn’t say hi bc i’m a dumb binch - basically someone she has a minor, unrequited crush on. probably knows this person through her other friends but she’s too damn timid to take the first step

a friend from labyrinth . ok hear me out . this is a big deal for her bc she’s all in for her society n v opposed to the idea of a second one even existing . wouldn’t say shes openly mean or .. rude to labyrinth members but ?? jst . wants to protect her own , so this would be a v secret friendship .

a project - could say she has some sort of a savior complex . wants to ‘fix’ people up .. toxic much, mer? <3 anyway ashdjk maybe she thinks .. she can change your muse ? i truly dont know. 

ok final one . its juicy . someone who’s suspicious of her . she has a secret n for the obv reason i didn’t talk abt it, your muse’s suspicious n it’s just . hashtag awkward

these r the only connection ideas i have rn my brain said get tht fire exit door im off im so sorry forgive moi bUT im a sucker for angst : ) so theres that 

something inspired by my queen n savior phoebe bridgers or . folklore ?? yeah.

give me noora / william vibes . the ex friends . the dan / blair dynamic . i live for them ok sgdhfjkl

[lipstickandillegitimacy-blog]

12.01.17 - 12:22am

it’s another restless night for me, i can already feel it. i’m sitting outside in 40 degree weather smoking my umpteenth cigarette of the night. i’ve been stewing in a state of bad depression this past week. i have good days, i have bad days. but when the bad days are bad, they eat me alive. 

i sit here wanting to write a story but have nothing to write about. i want to draw or paint but something keeps getting lost in translation between my heart, my brain and my hand. so naturally, i decided to start up a blog documenting whatever it is i’m documenting.

there’s almost something calming about sitting on my patio listening to the white noise of the town i live in. listening to my dog sniff and sigh, the cars on the distant highway driving by, the sound of an AC unit kicking on...

anywho...these days i feel like im losing myself. i’m no longer the creative driven soul that i once knew. having that realization isn’t an easy thing to cope with. there are so many things that i want to be doing and that i should be working towards but i’m just...not. i’m sure we’ve all been there. i have my regrets about the choices i’ve made. but of course, i know i have to live with those decisions. i’m hopeful that the will to change the things that i am unhappy with comes soon, but i know it’s something i will have to work towards, and i think my lazy soul is afraid of working towards anything.

i know that i’m capable of change. i’ve seen it. i used to be an absolutely messy person. my apartment was a complete embarrassment and it was one of many things that caused my relationship to fail previously this year. luckily, we are trying everything again and working really hard at changing the negative things that contributed to our downfall. now, our apartment is nearly spotless and smells like cherries 24/7. i know that i am capable of changing the things that i thought i could never change. but it’s so much effort and finding the will to put forth that effort is seemingly impossible. especially feeling how i’m feeling.

i think the most frustrating thing to me is the fact that everyone around me keeps trying to give me their unsolicited advice. “maybe you should see somebody about that.” “have you tried this medication?” “try this natural remedy” “have you tried smoking pot” .......... “have you tried not being depressed?” i have tried everything it seems. i want to stop feeling this way. i want to get out of this rut. i want to get my interior design certification. i want to start my own business. i want to stop being 3 months behind on my car payment and start helping my boyfriend pay the god damned bills. but everything seems nearly impossible right now. like i’m permanently stuck between a rock and a hard place. i’m stubborn by nature and i used to stop at nothing to make things work out for me. but for the first time, i’m becoming a passive version of myself that is sitting on this rollercoaster called life and i’m stuck in the seat with the lap bar pushed down as far as it will go. 

my boyfriend is taking me bar hopping tomorrow night in hopes that i can find a little bit of relief from this funk i’m in, so i guess all that i can hope for is that tomorrow is a better day and that i can get out of my own head. 

feel free to drop me a message or an ask me while i’m away. i will respond to all of them.

thanks for reading my thoughts. have a beautiful night. i’m going to smoke one last cigarette and try to sleep. good night, friends.

~Mackenzie