#but the kids ar school started asking questions and eventually he stopped because technically I’m not

[just-rogi]

.

[estherroberts]

esther roberts!

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts​ , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are responsible for the hijinks found in this post. today though, it’s @estherroberts especially. (that’s me!)

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.

this is one of many individualized advanced PLACEMENT works, for the stories of each character involved. we each picked three kids to write about, and this is the first one of mine! without further ado, here’s esther! 

esther roberts is tiny but she is not delicate- which is to say, she looks fragile but she will kick your ass. she is feminine but she is unyielding. and she will beat you to the chair and pull it out her damn self.

pencil skirts, fancy blouses, necklaces with tiny charms, and three rings with varying sizes of stones are like a uniform for esther.

she has honey blonde hair in the sunlight and mousy brown in dark and her hair wiggles just past her shoulders. also, she has bangs. they're cute but they don't help her look any older.

she has brown eyes and sometimes they're warm and welcoming but mostly they're analyzing and looking and curious and questioning

she doesn't want any more piercings than the basic ear ones and she likes to wear long chained dangly earrings because they feel nice

she wears heels for the click clack and the height and ballet flats for the comfort 

she’s an aquarius

she has a cat named johanna and when she was younger she had fish but she was a horrible fish mother and gave them to jack’s sisters

esther’s father died when she was four years old

the only things she has left of him are

a) a deck of cards

b) all kinds of russian swear words

c) an ability to withstand incredibly cold weather

d) an ability to withstand her mother

technically the occupants of her house are just her and her mom, anita

anita is from new york and certainly sounds like it

she is loud and affectionate and even though she is grieving her husband, does her best to raise her daughter

there are aunts, uncles, and cousins living across the street and on either side, and her mother’s parents are less than a block away

and there are always people over

most of her cousins are a lot older than she is, some of them have children by the time she’s a junior and so she is both the baby and the babysitter

also always over is jack wyatt

they grew up together, and jack talked to esther’s cousins as much, if not more, than esther did

they did ballroom lessons together, they cooked together, they have embarrassing photos of each other when they were babies, they even are very close to having their own language (there’s more on that in the jack post)

if you asked esther at five, at seven, at fifteen, at seventeen, who her favorite person in the world was? she would say jack. (she might throw bridget in there too, but we’re not there yet)

she loves him a LOT

esther figured out she was gay in 5th grade bc she watched glee and wanted to kiss quinn (later she realized how GARBAGE FIRE the show was but she’s glad it got her this, at least)

she’s maybe 11 and she’s freaking out. she thinks about it before she falls asleep and sometimes she looks stuff up online but she feels like it’s Extra so she stopped doing that. and it’s her secret, it’s a Big Secret.

sometimes she asks jack if they would still be friends if she was gay and he looks at her funny and tells her that she’s an idiot and he would still be her friend if she was green and came from the moon

“actually it’d be so cool if you were green and from the moon,”

and one time she held hands with a girl who was like, a study buddy or something as they were walking down the hallway and her heart hurt because she wished it could be real, really real

lots more under the readmore! 

when she is 12 her and jack meet anthony in detention, and through him, they also meet quentin

the four of them have lunch together every day and talk about advanced math and sciences, comparing notes and theories and arguing constantly

sometimes anthony does her nails

she really likes light solid colors like white, beige, pink

but one time he brings gold flecks to put on top of her pink

and he’s a little unsure about how she’ll react but she agrees

and is UTTERLY DELIGHTED with the final result

in 7th grade, tiny practical esther still doesn't understand most social interactions very well

she doesn't see the value in communication so spends no time learning how to do it

but toward the end of the year she starts to actually worry about this

their school is a middle and high school combined but

anthony has been complaining that all his friends are younger than him, that by high school he STILL won’t know anyone his age, that making friends is SO HARD

and so esther starts spending a lot of time interrogating her mom about how to initiate conversations and when you should ask someone about their day and what you do if someone doesn't like you

and her mom thinks it's great that she's finally expressing interest in people, for the love of god, so she gives her practice assignments to try to get to know the people around her better and get more friends

over summer she meets sally this way, by complimenting her star trek shirt and then dragging her to lunch with The Boys

of course, sally ends up becoming best friends with anthony, but her and esther are close too

anyway this is how esther becomes a CHARMER. teachers, when they aren't telling off her for talking to jack, LOVE HER. store clerks and waiters feel a little bit better about themselves after she leaves them (and internally she still has a script running because she needs it, but she gets better at improvising and she learns to smile a little bit more, because people like that)

it’s not that she’s being fake? because she genuinely does care, it’s just that she’s cracked the code of being like a Great People person

esther invited four non family members to her bat mitzvah:

jack, anthony, quentin, and sally.

they’re all super impressed with her confidence and jack actually cries a little

the party half of it isn’t so much of a party as it is a smorgasbord of incredible food

anita tells the kids they can just the tiniest sips of wine and they all get so excited about it she changes her mind

her freshman year there’s a GSA club and she’s rly scared but she signs up and asks jack if he’ll come with her to a meeting and he’s like, absolutely

and she passes him a note in the middle of it and it just says “i’m gay?????????” and he passes it back with “probably, also, same” and she nods and he smiles and for a while he’s the only one who knows

sophomore year she’s in science and math with sally bc she’s Smart for a little one

and they’re doing group work together and she’s texting instead of talking to sally

and sally’s like “are we gonna work now?” and esther’s like “yeah sorry, uh"

“i was in an argument with jack over who gets to marry hayley atwell"

and sally’s like, “is she, like, your woman crush wednesday whatever”

and esther’s like “oh no, i’m a giant lesbian”

makes a face, mumbles, “woman crush wednesday, god”

and sally’s just like, bubbly, happy, excited (but it takes her a minute to process)

“oh. OH! :D i hope you win the argument!!”

and esther grins wickedly and is like, “i will"

this eventually leads to a Bond they share over queer stuff, which leads to regular talks down at the garden shed, which eventually winds up at detention

but that’s another story 

later in the year she tells june and helen, who are in orchestra with her, and theyre so sweet about it and it’s the only time (until, of course, Chuck E Cheese Night) that june smiles at her

she doesn’t say it to anyone unless it comes up, but she doesn’t say silent on her opinions in class discussions and she figures everyone’s figured it out by now

telling her mother, on the other hand, scares the SHIT out of her

like, she knows anita will be chill about it she knows this but it’s so so scary for some reason? like what if she’s wrong and what if her mom is disappointed or doesn’t believe her?

her and bridget start dating the summer between sophomore year and junior year

that summer, before they get together, they text constantly

and esther, like is absolutely flirting, she’s doing her best

she thinks very highly of bridget as an academic but the selfies bridget sends... oh god, the selfies are so breathtakingly beautiful 

even the silly ones

like, wow

WOW

esther has never had a girlfriend, she doesn’t know how to flirt, but being smooth is like, in her dna

(jack makes fun of her all the time and tells her she’s being cheesy)

(but it appears to be working, so she tells him to fuck off)

eventually her efforts do pay off and bridget officially asks her out while they’re eating ice cream

their relationship is so healthy like, they talk about everything and they’re super honest with each other

and when they have miscommunications they talk about what they feel and try to say what they mean

her whole life esther has always been “the cute one”

it comes from being smol and from being the youngest in her family and bc, well, she is pretty cute

but bridget calls her beautiful one day and she nearly cries

because she’s never gotten to feel beautiful before

also, bridget’s the only one who calls her ettie and very quickly becomes the only one who’s allowed to call her ettie

esther loves her so much, she would do anything for bridget and anything to keep her

and she knows, she knows she needs to tell her mom soon, but one month passes and then three and then six and it’s hanukkah?

and her mom tells her she can invite as many people she wants on the third night, that they won’t have any cousins and it can just be esther’s friends

because of orchestra, and The Gay, and the poly chain and other couples, the gang has taken shape, and esther, for the first time, has more than four friends. she has eight now, eight people she loves and (mostly) get along with

trying to explain all of it to anita is a literal nightmare, but she can’t quite speak bridget’s name

“mom, again, you know jack, and his girlfriend penny, and then sally and her not-not? or is it not? boyfriend anthony and his girlfriend helen and her girlfriend june and her boyfriend quentin and-”

anita is patient and is really doing her best to understand the tangled relationship web but she does notice that esther said eight and only gave her seven names

“who’s the eighth person, esther?"

“aaaaaaaaaaa she’s uhhhh she’s ummmmmmmmmm aaaaaaa……..her name is bridget. she’s my age. she’s beautiful. she’s like. really good at english. she makes a mean apple pie. she’s a libra. she volunteers at the library. she’s like, an actual angel and she makes me smile every day and also she’s kind of my girlfriend?????????????”

anita:    :O

“i’m so sorry i didnt say sooner, i just. i got scared. i really don’t want to lose her. and i didn’t know how you would react, if you knew and i didnt- i didnt… i didn’t want to lie but i didnt know what to SAY and i waited too long and i’m sorry and-”

god bless esther’s mother, because although she is absolutely freaking out internally, just says, “i cannot wait to meet her"

needless to say they all have a BLAST and esther’s mom really does her best to get all the pronouns and relationships right and she appreciates how captive of an audience she has when she tells stories esther’s heard hundreds of times

and bridget is so polite and she offers to help clean the kitchen after

and esthers mom keeps making faces at esther like “SHES A KEEPER” and esther is ready to Die of happiness and embarrassment

up until her junior year, homework was incredibly easy. all she had to do was hyperfocus and she could work on it all night. but the more work she got, the more overwhelming it was, the more pressure she put on herself, and the harder it got to do

her grades didn’t really drop but ?

it took her a lot longer to get her homework done

she got distracted more easily

and then get mad at herself for getting distracted

being diagnosed for adhd helped a lot

she’s not on meds (she’s thinking about it though) but knowing that this is something to manage and take care of is really helping her

she’s learning to be okay with that part of herself? jack doesn’t stim the same way she does but he helps her figure out what she likes

and eventually she’s even a little proud of her neurodivergence, the way she’s proud of her sexuality and proud to be jewish

i’m not gonna pretend i know the rules of dilemma. but esther does, anita does, jack does, and sally….? sort of does?

just like in canon, her and jack play all the time

she’s better than he is but only SLIGHTLY, he’s been playing just as long as she has

she just gets a little more practice

esther’s dedication to STEM is sort of a mix of a lot of things

she has a genuine natural interest in math and science

she likes that things make sense and that there are universal rules (this doesn’t mean she won’t try to break them, she just likes knowing that they’re there)

(it’s a bit like a finish line, except you get to keep going)

(esther takes statistics really early in her hs career and just, LOVES it. like if she didn’t want to save the world, she’d probably be a data analyst

testing things to discern their significance is 300% her jam

and she loves hand drawing graphs

she has enough graph paper in her backpack to fill up a large dictionary)

also designing projects is a really big strong suit of hers

she’s an incredible planner/diagrammer

which works SUPER well with jack’s buildy skills

she comes up with the shit, and he makes it

also her handwriting is incred so whenever they write up things with the scientific method she’s the one who has to do it

she doesn’t know what she wants to do in the field but she knows she LOVES it 

overall she’s a pretty happy gay

she loves her friends and she loves her school and she loves her mom and she can put up with her cousins

she’s not afraid of the future, she’s ready for it.