#but the time constraint for getting things done is so anxiety inducing

[halfdeadwallfly]

the only thing getting me through is the thought that i don't have physics lab next week

[ilikekidsshows]

I love Marinette but I have such a difficult time writing her due to how much of an enigma she is. She is confident in herself as a person and believes that Adrien could see her in a romantic light, but at the same time, fears she isn't good enough for him. She wears her heart on her sleeve, always open about how she feels (girl does not know the meaning of subtlety), but keeps so many feelings bottled up and is lowkey afraid of them. Thoughts?

Yo, I'm actually a fanfic writer too! I just got lost in meta woods and don't know how to leave. So, I'll throw in some things that I think someone looking to write a story about Marinette should keep an eye on.

At first glance, Marinette looks like a character built on contradictions. This makes her an excellent viewpoint protagonist because everyone can find something about her to relate to. But there's a method to the madness, she's not random.

A key thing to remember about Marinette is that she's both an optimist as well as an anxious mess. Marinette is mostly a dreamer, she's very romantic and has highly fantastical daydreams. However, once her anxiety starts acting up, her fantasies turn into nightmares. She isn't really as contradictory as she flips between extremes depending on what else is going on in any given situation.

Basically, the hopeful optimist who thinks Adrien could totally be into her is the core Marinette, but the insecure side of her that creates daymares about how she'll mess up her love scheme so badly she'll have to leave town intrudes on that. Marinette is reasonably confident in most situations, unless there's an anxiety-inducing element (like a person whose opinion matters, or a time constraint).

Example scenarios:

If there are no stakes, Marinette is chill

If she's done it several times before, Marinette is chill. In fact, focusing on doing something generally keeps Marinette from overthinking things

If what she's doing will be seen by someone she wants to impress, she'll panic

If she's put on the spot, Marinette panics

If there's enough time to put together a plan that suits her standards, Marinette is chill

If she has too much time to think about it, Marinette starts catastrophizing

If the emotion is a defining aspect of her relationship with someone or something, or it's just a part of her reaction to them or it, she won't hide from it

If her emotions are more complicated and demand her to self-reflect to make sense of them, she'll prefer to ignore them

There are probably other rules too, but the main one is this: Marinette's panic goes in cycles: a sudden thing will cause her to panic, but she'll start settling if there's time in between and she gets a chance to think of a plan, however, she'll cycle right back into panic when she's given too much time to think because then she'll overthink. A good measuring stick for this is how busy she's being kept by whatever she’s doing. If there's time to think about her actions, she'll overthink them.

She deals with emotions in a completely different way: the more sudden the emotion, the less problem she'll have expressing it, but if it's something multi-faceted or confusing that she'll have to interpret, she'll avoid it. Thinking about it is not an option. Marinette thinks about actions, not emotions. That means even giving her more time to think about it won't work to bring it back to her accepting the emotion.

I haven’t actually written any Miraculous fics yet, but if there are any Marinette writers especially reading this, feel free to throw your favorite tips here too!

[heavensickness]

Abandon time as a construct, give your body permission to rest and work when it feels comfortable to. Adjust your schedule as your restless mind needs, if you awake to a new day then it’s a new day. Just be sure to still get things done within the constraints of “time” others may place on you for whatever reasons. Coming from someone who is a long time sufferer of anxiety induced insomnia. Hope you find ways to rest and carry on healthily.

thank you so much 🌼🌼🌼

[damnit-samnit]

Small V!Might x Reader [Lemon]

A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FOR THE LOVELY @zeemonster

I owe you some impreg kink stuff though since this isn’t how it turned out. That’ll be the follow-up to this when there’s some good ol’ fashion banging. But happy birthday my fellow degenerate. You are wonderful and amazing and the best and you make my world smile.

NSFW below but I heard we’re back on the fruit/citrus system so there’s some big ol’ throbbing lemons below the cut be warned.

“Stop,” he grunted, jerking his head away from the curl of your fingers as they danced across his cheek.

You hummed at him, face nuzzled beneath his sharp chin, your body shifting to drape better against his. To his irritation, you weren’t heeding to his warning to leave him alone -- you had begun kissing his throat, your rejected hand falling instead to rest at the side of his neck, thumb brushing the cartilage of his Adam’s apple.

Despite uncomfortable alarm bells going off in his head at your closeness while he was like… this, a shudder traveled across his slender frame, eyes fluttering closed as your affections continued to deepen. When you cooed his name, teeth grazing his jaw, he found himself teetering on the edge of surrender.

Maybe he would just… let it go.

Let it happen.

But a slow stirring deep within his groin startled him out of his daze and he flinched away. A large hand pressed against your chest and you were roughly pushed back, bright eyes clearly glaring at you even in the dark.

“Enough,” he hissed, the animosity in his voice making your skin prickle with warning. You sat up on the bed, frowning as you looked over the man you often shared it with -- a petulant, wild-hair scarecrow.

This form, his actual form, was one you had met only relatively recently -- it was his blown-up, bombastic alter-ego who had been courting you over several anxiety-inducing, yet oddly passion-fueled, months.

You still didn’t know the various intricacies of his life but you knew enough. You knew both forms were originals, both were him. But the one he identified with the most, the one he was most comfortable in, had become a mask ruled by time constraints.

It didn’t matter to you though, what he looked like. The same man you had (surprisingly) grown to love was still there, the same spark, though in his smaller size it was surrounded by bigger walls and sharper thistles.

The last time you implied as much, that you liked him regardless of his appearance, he scoffed at you. So you had been trying to show him--

And failing at it.

“All Might,” you murmured and he rolled his eyes at your hurt tone. Without a word he pulled the comforter over his shoulder, turning so his back was facing you. “Yagi...”

“Shut up and sleep,” he grumbled.  

“Hone--”

“Enough.”

You ran your tongue along your teeth, doing your best to be understanding of his obvious insecurities without accidentally acknowledging them. You sat for a bit but, when it became clear he was finished with the conversation, you sighed.

Carefully, you slid back under the covers, leaving a good portion of empty bedspace between the two of you. Staring up at the ceiling, you reflected on the scene, trying to pinpoint what you had done wrong to make him jerk away so suddenly.

You’d gone too fast, hadn’t you? He was like a stray dog, nervous and on edge. You had to be slow with him. Patient. Sudden moves would have him growling and snapping at you.

In the dark bedroom, you had no real concept of time. Maybe an hour passed? More than that? Perhaps it had only been twenty minutes, the focus on your internal dialogue dragging out each second.

You knew one thing though -- All Might was awake too. He snored when he slept and the room was painfully silent.

Before long, the distance between you became too much to ignore. With slow, deliberate motions, you wriggled closer to him before pressing your forehead against his back, fingers lightly grasping the fabric of his shirt. There were questions on the tip of your tongue and fears that you wanted to address. It was dark and you weren’t looking at one another. It was perfect.

But you didn’t.

Once upon a time, he had actually shared something personal with you, admitting that there would come a point where he wouldn’t have two forms. Just the one.

The one in your bed.

What were you both going to do then?

Yagi had been drowning in his own thoughts as well and feeling you connect with his back didn’t help matters. The overwhelmingly large portion of his mind wanted to just leave.

It was the human part of him, however, that forced him to reach back and grab your wrist, tugging it across him so it was cradled against his midsection.

He was a contradiction -- someone who craved touch and shied away from it. You didn’t pull your hand back from where he placed it… but you didn’t do anything more either. You just kept it there, unaware that he didn’t want to cuddle against your arm.

With clenched teeth and his back to you, he was trying to rekindle the earlier spark. Was trying to goad you into something more.

But, as a rational person, that wasn’t your first thought.

Impatient, and on the cusp of changing his mind and recoiling back into himself, he grabbed your wrist again and placed it under his shirt, pressing your hand against his lean stomach, his dwarfing yours.

That’s when you started questioning what was going through his head.

He was moving his palm so that his thumb could brush the back of your hand. Gingerly, your curled your fingers, falling into your own petting motion. Eventually it wasn’t just your fingers caressing him, your entire hand moving along his belly.

You were waiting for him to dropkick you out of bed or bitch at you listening to his advances. But all you could hear was his steady breathing.

“All Might?” you swallowed, brushing your nose against his back. “Do you want me to…?”

He shifted his jaw.

Don't be weak. Don’t be weak. Don’t be weak.

Hurdles were keeping him from telling you what he wanted. His mouth and tongue refused to work together to form a verbal thought.

His answer to your question?

He shifted and guided your hand, pressing it against his groin.

Ah.

What a strange old man.

“Alright,” you said, nuzzling against his back. “I’ll take care of you.”

Yagi wasn’t particularly thrilled about the way you phrased it -- that made him seem feeble and, in his mind, he was anything but (despite what reality said).

“I’ll take good care of you,” you continued in a drawn-out way, digging into the fabric of his sweatpants while he ignored the second set alarm bells ringing in his ears. Anxiously he waited, feeling your steady fingers blindly trace out the shape of his dick. Tracing turned to palming and he felt you sigh into his back.

“Just relax, big guy,” you cooed, dragging your hand up his pelvis so that it was back beneath his shirt. With a ticklish touch, you were dipping soft fingers beneath the waistband of his pants and boxers, testing the waters before plunging in.

The stirring was back.

“This is nothing new,” you said with a grin, starting your slow descent into his pants. “You should know by now I love every inch of you, pretty boy. I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”

When your hand bumped against his stiffening cock, all bets were off. He inhaled deeply. Fanning fires flared to life at your direct touch -- both the hand on his member and the hand you had slipped up to rub against his back.

“Still so big,” you cooed and he shifted beneath you. “Still so thick. You’re a lucky man, Yagi Toshinori. Having this bad boy tucked away in your pants. A third leg.”

A quiet groan fell from him as you gripped his shaft and began to pump. His hands squeezed into fists while you caught the tip of your tongue between your teeth, listening to the ragged, hiccuping breathing his had already dissolved into.

“That’s it,” you cooed. “Feels good, right?”

A strangled grunt answered you.

“You know I’ll always take care of you.”

He didn’t answer that time -- not that you minded. Your focus had turned fully to the thickening rod in your hand. It was the same cock you loved, the one you had grown to crave. It felt the same -- the outer skin of his shaft was still soft and incredibly warm, gliding so easily across the blood-filled meat of his organ as you jerked him.

But it was different not being able to see his reactions. All Might was all about holding eye contact, keeping focused on you. Pressed against his back, however, you could hear him. Feel the subtle tremors of his body as he continued to grow harder. Any small change in your pace or grip seemed to produce a new reaction from him -- a wobbly breath, a quick squeeze of your wrist. Each time you pulled his foreskin pulled back, pre-cum smeared over the knob, helping keep your grip well-lubricated.

“Ah--” Your ears perked up, warmth pooling in your belly as he released a sound more than just a grunt or groan.

Suddenly, listening wasn’t enough.

When you released him and sat up, he turned his head slightly to look back at you, clenched teeth and bright eyes wondering what the hell you were doing. You were pressing on his side, trying to get him to roll over on his back.

“I want to see you,” you explained to him. The look he gave you was a strange one -- angry. Mortified. Worried.

Swallowing, he hesitated before following through, pressing his back against the mattress as you maneuvered yourself next to his lower body, pushing his sweatpants down to free his trapped cock.

You flashed him a disarming smile, holding his gaze while your hand settled back around his cock again, restarting the steady pumping motions from earlier.

“You’re handsome,” you said softly, pretending not to notice the way his hands twisted into the sheets beside him.

It looked like he was going to snap at you in annoyance but your thumb passed across the velvet head of his dick before petting the sensitive stretch of skin beneath it.

Any complaint he was going to raise died in his throat.

“I love everything about you,” you continued, bringing your free hand forward to tug and roll each of his balls in your palm. “Your eyes. Your hands. Your face. Yagi Toshinori, you are the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.”

‘Liar’ was on his tongue but for some reason he couldn’t get it out.

“Waking up beside you is a dream,” you continued, leaning your head down to drool and spit some of the saliva that had been pooling in your mouth across his member. Bright blue eyes fixated on that, mentally saving that sight for a rainy day.

And then you were looking at him again, that same easy smile on your face and suddenly clicked that you were, without a doubt, the most beautiful creature in the world.

Maybe you weren’t trying to get under his skin. Maybe you honestly, earnestly, liked him regardless--

That was the moment you decided to lean your head down and run your tongue across the steadily-beading tip of his dick. 

At feeling your mouth, all thought disappeared from his mind.

At that distraction, he had also forgotten to fortify himself against the pleasure and he groaned. A loud, prolonged sound that arose from a place deep within his chest. You answered -- he felt your stretched lips vibrate as they puckered around him, tongue swirling around the part of him you had trapped inside your mouth. 

He was completely stiff, veins throbbing as blood pulsed through them, overwhelming your senses with the taste, the texture and the smell of him. There was no doubt you were enjoying it as well -- in that position, you felt powerful, completely in control of the normally deadly man beneath you.

The muffled groans your villain was producing were louder and more continuous than when you had been jerking him off. In response, your sucking became move vigorous -- you were actively doing your best to make him feel good, slurping your mouth along his shaft, using your tongue, stretching your mouth as wide as it could go, trying to fit more of him in that you previously could. You were also starting to taste him more strongly and when you felt him leaking onto your tongue, you made the connection -- he was oozing a steady trickle of precum at that point and wasn't far from erupting.

“That’s it, honey,” you said, breaking off of him to rub your lips across his shaft, pushing it against your cheek when you looked up. He was opened mouth, baring his teeth at you as his chest bobbed in rough, uneven motions.

“You want to finish in my mouth?” you asked, offering him another dazzling smile before leaning and placing a few soft kisses along his pelvis. He unintentionally jerked his hips up toward you and you chuckled at his neediness, licking a long stroke up his member while your other hand returned to cupping his balls.

“Shit.”

You heard the cracking of joints as his toes curled in his plain white socks, his left hand flying out to settle at the top of your head. Not pushing or pulling just... resting there. That’s when you choose to pick up the pace, holding his hazy gaze while your hand went into overtime pumping his piston. Heavily-lidded eyes suddenly went wide and he was pressing harder into your hand, watching as you lowered your mouth to seal your lips around as much of him as you could take.

Hands were dancing across the sheets, his legs were shifting and rising beside you. A snarling whine escaped him.

“That’s it,” he growled, fisting the hand in your hair. “Right down your throat.” 

Your mouth was pulled tight around him. He was pulling your hair, lightly thrusting up at you, relishing in how oddly familiar the scene was. That was before the champagne bottle in his gut finally popped and his hips pushed upward.

The first jet, when he came, hit the back of your throat with a force that almost made you recoil. But determination kept your lips clamped tightly closed, and the next rope fell directly across your tongue. That’s where the subsequent loads landed, coating your tongue in heavy waves while you continued to suck, hollowing your cheeks. 

When it was too much, when your body threatened to gag at the overpowering taste of him in your mouth, you swallowed. And you kept swallowing until his hips finally fell back onto the mattress and his harsh grunts turned to into pathetic wheezes.

“That’s it,” you hummed, patting his hip. “That’s it, big boy.”

With a tilted head you looked him over -- his cock was already going soft and he looked to be completely worn out. Even in the dark, you could make out the sheen that covered almost his entire person. This was not the man you were used to -- the man who could go for rounds without breaking a sweat. 

You had exhausted him.

God damn if he wasn’t gorgeous.

You cleaned him off as best as you could with your hands, wiping sex-spoiled palms on your shirt and deciding it was definitely going to be a laundry day. You worked his underwear and baggy pants up, squeezing his thigh reassuringly when he lifted his narrow hips slightly to assist you in your quest to settle them back around his waist.

He pulled you closer when settled under his arm, doing your best to toss the covers back over both your bodies. A rough hand twisted in your hair. It wasn’t in an unkind way, however --- the tips of his fingers were scratching lightly at your scalp.

“I expect you to take over next time,” you said, faux-haughtily. “And I expect to be properly compensated for the effort I put in tonight.”

Instead of some kind of mean remark or sound, he laughed -- a low-rolling chuckle that had your head bouncing against his breast. 

“Maybe,” he said, voice hoarse. You heard the clicking of his mouth as he wetted his tongue. “Wasn’t the best but... it was good enough. You might deserve something nice after all that.”

Not too long after, his steady snoring filled the room.

And, for once, you managed to find peace in it.

[ren-c-leyn]

Hi! For the fantasy ask game, Monster: The biggest challenge for you as a writer?

The fantasy ask game in question.

 That’s a tricky one, because I have several challenges. But I think the biggest one for me is pressure.

 There’s the pressure I put on myself to make my stories perfect, even though I full-well know and accept the word perfect is a lie we use to put ourselves and others down.

 I don’t do well with time constraints or rules, either. Whenever I try to make myself get X amount of writing done in X amount of time, my brain freezes. If I try to follow writing rules you see floating around here, I find myself hating my writing.

 Then, there’s that particularly anxiety inducing pressure to try and write about things and characters I don’t understand, which is pretty prevalent here in the writeblr community.

So, yeah, my biggest challenge is pressure. If I let myself get pressured, I start freezing up and just can’t keep myself focused on my writing. Or, I focus too hard and wind up hating it and quit writing for a while.

Thank you for the ask, and I hope you have a great day/evening =)

[amazonia-love]

When Love Comes To Town

You guys ever have that moment when you hear something and, all of a sudden, finally understand a concept you have never really grasped before? It happened to me recently at a TBT-S (Temperament Based Treatment, with Supports) workshop for carers of kids with ED run by Drs Laura Hill, Stephanie Knatz Peck and (I forgot the other name – doh).  Dr Hill was talking about why CW purging is so compelling. As she talked, I suddenly had complete clarity about my own history with purging. I suffered with AN/BP for nine years from before I was a teenager to age 20; I don’t have to describe the struggle. I know that you who have it, or have had it, or have cared for someone who has it, understand already. It is hell, isn’t it? No matter how many times I promised myself I would “stop”, no matter how many times I begged the God of my childhood to forgive me and to help me not do this to myself any more, I was unable to break the habit. I would suppress my intake for as long as I could and then bust out into a spree; or it would just happen over and over again every day for weeks – no rhyme nor reason – and no way out that I knew.   I had breaks of being behaviour free – but they were few and far between. Plus, I lost my ability to function well at those moments. The behaviours worsened when I was involved in a relationship of any kind with a boy. They became the way I managed distress about expectations; on one hand, the expectations of the religion in which I was raised, and which was all consuming, about physical behaviour between “the opposite sexes”; on the other, the expectations of boys and men about physical behaviour. And somewhere in the middle of those, me myself, and my absolute hatred of being “groped” competing with an all-consuming craving for being “loved”.  I would find myself in a relationship (which was  really just one big struggle to feel validated while repeatedly peeling some guy’s fingers off my body?) and enjoy the euphoria that came with feeling wanted, and with being held, and being touched in a non-sexual manner. Trouble is, non-sexual touch was never enough for most guys; cue the usual battle, hands from no-go zones, while trying to avoid rejection.

My  craving, above all, was to be wanted.

I remember sitting in a car with a guy friend once and telling him that I just wanted someone to want to marry me. He just about died on the spot. I didn’t understand why he was so nervous. But he misunderstood the words. I wasn’t saying I wanted him (or anyone else) to marry me, just that I wanted to be WANTED. Poor guy probably shat himself.

Given that I was raised in a misogynistic religion, where women were seen as temptresses, leading men to sin, and sex outside of marriage was about the worst thing anyone could do, it was natural that I struggled with overwhelming guilt. Hell, when I was a pre-teen, I used to tickle my own arms as a means of soothing myself. I know now that it was stimming, and it is not a big deal. Back then I felt as guilty as hell because I believed it was “masturbation”, which was right up there with some of the worst things as mentioned. I had no concept of  physical pleasure being “allowed” or that I was ok to bring it to myself.  To complicate things further, I had been sexually abused as a small child by a family member. My response in that situation had been to “freeze” (my default fear response), and later to shame myself for it having happened, a pattern that would play out many times in my later years. The worst part of that experience was losing the innate response to say no and resist, and not ever having that response validated or reinforced by someone else. It was only as an adult that I began the difficult task of validating my own responses to that situation.

Add to this the rhetoric in my family religion around “gluttony”. Hoo boy. Can of worms anyone? Gluttony was a “huge” sin, and as a child I listened to many bible-based talks (given by the same men in suits that roundly condemned all things sexual) condemning “desires of the flesh”…. Overindulgence in food and sexual pleasure – an incredibly damning combination. Add in my father’s eating disordered behaviours and personality, and his incessant discussions about fat people – linking body size to weakness and lack of discipline, greed and “not really being spiritual people” as he himself struggled against his own hunger and deep sense of self-loathing, and his rigid control over the clothing his daughters wore, and his constant attempts to supress any signs of blooming sexuality in our actions or dress.

It was a shitstorm that enabled my ED to flourish. The only way of managing my anxiety  was, of course, practicing ED behaviours;  either severe restriction (usually fasting on vegetable juices, something our family had done since I was 9), or reactive eating followed by purging.

And then love came to town. Someone wanted to marry me. A manboy of 20, same age as me. He had the same urges as all the other boys, of course, but it was a little more permissable in the context of “getting married”. Sex was all good in a married state (until misogyny and patriarchy reared their ugly heads, along with our complete ignorance about adulting, and my trauma history came home to roost). And, because the religious constraints around “going too far” were in place, I was getting all of the physical affection I had been craving, without being pressured overly much for more.

I “confessed” to him about the purging. He “confessed” a “great sin” of his own. And, naively and hopefully, we promised that that was the end of those behaviours. Which, of course, it wasn’t. But we thought it would be. I did stop purging. Only had a couple of lapses after that. It was like switching off a light. One moment the purge was there, and the next it was gone.  (What I didn’t know was that I was not “cured” of ED, and that it was still running the show behind the scenes, and that it would overwhelm me in the future any time I faced an anxiety-inducing situation.)

In my mind I had always tied it up with “being in love”. I used to jokingly say that I had “traded addictions”. Turns out, I was partially right. Partially.

Back to Dr Hill. In her discussion about purging, she mentioned  the huge rush of a nine-amino acid peptide, vasopressin, at that moment, which has a euphoric, heady, calming effect (it also affects fluid balance in the body). Vasopressin is one of the reasons that purging is so compelling. I registered with a shock that I had taken a photo of a newspaper article that mentioned vasopressin, and that it was still stored in my phone. I  flicked through my gallery until I found this.

                                   And there it was.

Dr Hill’s words completed and validated my understanding of how I had been able to stop purging at the time. I replaced one source of vasopressin with another, and added in high levels of oxytocin (which has been used to some success in treating AN) to boot. I knew back then the purging was problematic. But I didn’t have a name for it until a few years later. And, the fact that I had been able to stop the behaviour fooled me into thinking that I had been cured at that moment. As more became known about ED, I used to  believe that I had “had” an ED in my younger years; I used to believe purging was an addiction; and I used to think that my eating was an addiction as well, and that all I had to do was to get the same control over it that I had gained over purging. Which I endeavoured to do for most of my adult life, and came closest to perfecting, between the ages of 46-52,  before realising that I had a very long term relationship indeed with ED, and that my seeming “perfect control” was classically typical AN.  

ED and anxiety are bosom buddies. All too often we focus on the behaviours, or on our current weight, or on the foods we are eating, or on how are clothes might fit. Practising remission isn’t about “what “ we do or how much we weigh, but hinges on whether or not we are using ED modalities to manage our anxiety. Stopping purging was great. But I STILL had an active ED. If I map out my life from that moment, there is a clear pattern. I resorted to getting into, or staying in, an overall calorie deficit whenever things got stressful. And until I interrupted THAT pattern, I was unable to practise remission. 

Deal to the anxiety; and you deal to the ED.

[krnaturalphoto]

10 Days of Freedom

I went on a 10 day camping trip to the Adirondacks. I reserved campsites at two different campgrounds because I couldn’t get 10 days straight at one site. That is the extent of the planning I did for this trip. I had lots of ideas running through my mind of what I wanted to do, but I did not actual planning of what I was going to do or when I was going to do it. I am not the kind of person that needs to have an itinerary of my day planned out or me on trips, but generally I do plan when I am going to do big things during a trip. But for this trip I didn’t even know what the big things I was going to do were. I was just going to wing it and have a nice relaxing trip. I just wanted to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.

The more I thought about this trip leading up to it the more I thought about all the things I could possibly do during a 10 day trip to the Adirondacks. While I did not plan out specific details I knew in general what I wanted to do was spend a lot of time in the High Peaks region of the Adirondacks. So that lead me to reason 1 that I decided to camp at Meadowbrook Campground. It was the closest state campground to the High Peaks region as far as I could tell. So I would have less traveling. This worked out perfectly because I really didn’t’ have to drive far at all for any of the hiking I did even when I was outside the High Peaks region. Reason 2 I chose Meadowbrook Campground was that it had a trail that lead directly from the campground out into the forest and up a mountain. I figured I could run or hike that as much as I wanted with no travel involved at all. In my mind I figured I would be on that trail repeatedly. In reality I only accessed the trail one time and that was for my one and only trail run during the trip. I think this was in large part due to the fact that the mountain had no view at all. When I imagined it I thought it would be perfect for hiking up in the evening and watching the sun set, but since the mountain summit was completely forested there would be no watching of sunsets. Reason 3 for choosing to camp at Meadowbrook Campground was that it was only 4 miles from Lake Placid and I reasoned that would allow me to literally run into town any time I wanted. I wouldn’t even need to drive if I wanted to go to town. Running 8 miles in a day has become something I do regularly. Turns out I never did that at all, and I was kind of surprised as to why.

I purposefully chose to go on this trip alone. I have camped alone before. I enjoy a certain amount of solitude. It is peaceful and relaxing to me. However, it turns out that going to a small relatively bustling tourist town, Lake Placid, alone is not peaceful for me. It is the exact opposite. It was extremely anxiety inducing. I don’t know if it is because I am generally an introverted person or what but wandering around this small town amongst the other tourists was very stressful for me. I could not relax. The only things I did while I was there was go to REI and a bookstore to look for trail maps and was not relaxing at all that made things worse, go down to the park by the lake which was better than being on the strip with all the businesses, and go to the small art gallery. The art gallery was the only place in Lake Placid where I felt relaxed and calm. I love the art scene and was able to just relax and enjoy the artwork. I only stayed in ton about an hour and a half and did not return. I learned there is a very big difference between solitude and being alone in a crowd.

I imagined so many things that I could do on this trip: Run up mountains, Hike a mountain every day, Trail running, Photography, Read books, Write, Relax, Nap in my hammock. While I don’t need plans I think that I left my possibilities so wide open that even making a decision as to what to do was anxiety evoking at times. Sometime making the decision of what to do when you can literally do anything is the hardest thing to do of them all. I did manage to fit a little bit of everything into my trip but not as much of any one thing as I imagined I would.

I ran up a mountain. I hiked up 7 mountains. I did a little road running. I read 2 books cover to cover and started a third. I spent some time writing my book. I sat around relaxing. And best of all I took many naps in my hammock at whatever time of day I felt like it. I even slept in it out under the stars one night. A funny side effect of having so many things you would like to do and the very real possibility of doing them all is that you then have to pack like you might do any or all of them. And you have to pack like you might decide to do that one activity a lot if you want to be able to do it whenever you want as much as you want to. There was a real possibility that I would decide to hike every day or that I would run every day. Those two activities require certain types of gear and most importantly proper clothing to enjoy them. I literally packed just about all my running clothes and all my regular summer clothes which at this point are hiking clothes. I think I had one duffle back full of regular clothes and a separate one of the same size of jut running clothes. I give a lot of my friends grief for having a lot of running shoes, but I also have a lot of shoes. They are all just very task specific shoes and some of which I have had for a long time. I literally took a garbage bag full of shoes on this trip. I took multiple pairs of hiking shoes, road running shoes, trail running shoes, casual shoes, and a pair of sandals. It doesn’t help the packing situation when you have size 14 feet either.

Also, in case you haven’t noticed the photographs accompanying this post I am also a photographer. This trip presented a plethora of photographic possibilities. I wanted to be prepared for them all. I would not want to be caught without a camera and miss out on a good photographic opportunity due to being unprepared. I have a bunch of gear but not all gear is suitable for each type of situation. I packed 2 DSLR camera bodies, 4 DSLR camera lenses, 2 mirror less camera bodies each with their own lens, 2 GoPros, 2 small tripods, and other assorted gear. If I am going to be running I need a camera I can carry and access while I am out running so a GoPro or small mirror less camera. If I am hiking up a mountain I probably will only be able to bring one camera body and one lens with me. If I am hiking a flat trail I have many more options available and could carry multiple camera bodies and multiple lenses plus additional gear.

The purpose of this trip was to get out of the daily routine, to stop being stuck in a rut and just relax and enjoy life. I wanted some freedom. What I learned is that even if you have the freedom to do anything you want, you still can’t do everything that you want. Even on a trip with no limits on free time. No constraints. No plans. A trip where I was completely in control of what I would do. There simply are not enough hours in the day to do all the things one might want to do. Even over a 10 day trip. The depressing thing about that is, if there is not enough time to enjoy all the things one might want to do when we have the freedom to just do it how in the world are we supposed to find time to do the things we love when we have all the time constraints that daily life places on us. I am not sure what the answer to this is. I feel like it has something to do with take time out of every day to do one thing that you love. It doesn’t matter what it is. It doesn’t matter if it is big or small. It doesn’t matter if it is accomplishing a monumental task you never thought you would get done or doing some tiny seemingly insignificant thing. It doesn’t matter if it is extraordinary or mundane. Do what you love and love what you do. Find time and find peace in that.

I didn’t do all the things I imagined I would on this trip but I grabbed every minute of peace and joy I could and I embraced it with no regrets and it was a great trip.

from 10 Days of Freedom

[cwkrp]

have a little imagination, will you?

INTRODUCING   son minsik, he/him, 12/04/97 COURSING   ba in applied cinema, third year AFFILIATION   crux ANNOTATIONS   n/a

a note from the past.

TOKEN.

He always remembers it a bit differently, always slightly altered, something he blames on the years of revising his childhood during therapy sessions. It’s always either too hot or too cold, moral ground shifting. His mother says that all that is tangible is indirectly a threat. A knife protruding from his back is only a problem if he bleeds all over the place. The thing about misplacing truths is that he doesn’t know if it will unfurl like the long lines of yawn his mother winds through her knitting needle gauge. He can’t measure the scale of trauma stretching across decades of syrupy boyhood. Doesn’t even know if its an accurate inner image.

It is just, if anything, a color coded concept for the convenience of the set dressers.

One thing he knows is that his father never quite contented with his lack of an independent shape. So he had him stripped of agency, showcasing family tree anxieties in the form of rigorous method acting.

There are several unimportant things to note about Son Minsik’s filmography: it’s a short list, with a total of three entries, one of which is a glorified cameo; It’s genre consistent, with all of his projects having been leaning toward neorealism, with heavy grainy overlays and desaturated colors; And all of them have him die increasingly gruesome deaths.

(Sometimes, and he wonders if it’s the root of the problem, he can’t picture himself alive.)

His father becomes notorious for treating his actors horribly. Especially his son, who plays the main antagonist in a well received trilogy. Which relies more on surrealist themes than qualitative storytelling. But nothing can quite compare to the influx of strongly worded accusations that overwhelm his studio, when a crew member gets laid off and collects their next paycheck from tabloids. ‘Child abuse’ is featured in tacky newspaper headlines that are often difficult to distance from the body of works that feature explicit death scenes with a child front center.

[ DIRECTOR SON CHUL JANG (39) ALLEGEDLY MISTREATING SON AND CHILD ACTOR SON MINSIK (8), STAFF MEMBER CLAIMS ]

He doesn’t remember the press conference, or the microphones being shoved in his face. But he remembers clearly, almost vividly the way his father had trashed their living room, and then turned to him and said that it was somehow his fault. He should just drop dead. He doesn’t compare to all the dead little Minsiks before him who didn’t make it out of his mother’s womb alive. He can’t do anything right.

He shouldn’t be alive.

Yeah, maybe he shouldn’t be.

GROWTH.

In a way, it’s always going to be 2003.

There’s some narrative quality to the way he keeps to artificial constraints, not exactly there, yet exhausting like connecting xanax induced conflicts. He composes a list, because that’s what he always does. Things he wants his audience to know. Things he doesn’t want his audience to know. Things that aren’t important.

He’s unsure where to take it, where to house information.

He shoots short movies that star nothing but landscapes, water, flowers, useless cinematography that holds no spiritual weight. Hair clogging the shower drain likes clumps of memory that he has no use for, accompanied by a heavy bass intro that he mixes together on a shitty DAW.

No one watches movies lacking substance. No one watches boring flicks.

There’s this never ending cycle he’s forced into, that has him trying to catch up to his father, and to a lesser extent his mother. Maybe it’s a form of a misguided, overt cry for attention. Every second counted by 120 frames is just him trying to fill the frame with confessions. Gestures. Every open window is skin being pulled. 34 mm of focal length up close and personal. His father doesn’t trust him. That’s why he’s spent more of his childhood in boarding schools than at home, fed psychotropics throughout to keep him comfortably numb. Always barely hanging on, sedated to the point of passivity.

Sometimes he films himself talking until his throat caves in.

It boils down to this: An onslaught of expectations that eats at his consciousness. He’s trying so desperately to be like his father. Long Takes for everything, close ups on nothing, scenes in nonsequential order so he doesn’t have to make sense of it.

He’s not making sense.

In a way, he’s still eight, nine, sobbing uncontrollably in front of a camera, holding up bloodied palms and confessing to fictional crimes he is unable to separate from his person.

Maybe one day he’ll grow out of it.

a color for the present.

GREEN.

As most things are, love, in a household with a net worth of over $700 million, is seen as a commodity. His mother equates time to affection, and limits what she gives away of herself. A succession of vaguely whimsical moments in terms of front-page photos on a tabloid. Barely enough to not seem like a negligent mother, but not enough to make a significant impact as a supposedly nurturing figure. She has her publishing house to care for, social events to attend, friendships to maintain. A son, as much as he’d been wanted after two miscarriages, wasn’t supposed to be more than an afterthought.

It’s an attitude that translates over to the way she treats his interests. A dismissive nod, a belittling pat on the head, an expensive suit he gets to wear to a gala. She prefers to flaunt his achievements rather than acknowledging him as a her son. He’s an award winning actor (it doesn’t matter than he hasn’t been able to stand in front of a camera without going hysterical since the early 2000s), he’s a talented director (even if his short films are tedious to watch at best and pretentious at worst), he’s attending seoho! (and has managed to assault school staff in a fit of misplaced anger).

In the corny sitcoms he loves, mothers are always warm, pliant, caring. A suicide attempt earns a sympathetic response. A rebellious outburst earns an attempt to understand, reconciling childish whims. Mothers cry, coo, coddle. Mothers defend their children. Mothers accept and embrace the good with the bad.

His mother can’t. But he can’t be the perfect son, either.

BLUE.

“I want you to know that you can be honest with me, okay?” The social worker is nice, with evenly applied make up and shiny hair. His father is always making him buzz his head, offering no real explanation as for why. His mother standing behind him has a steady grip on his shoulders, nails pressing carefully down on his sweater. “I am here to ask you some questions. There’s no need to feel nervous or scared.” He’d tell her that he doesn’t really know what fear is supposed to feel like, but the even weight of his mother is making him feel self-conscious, so he nods instead.

“Last week, one of your father’s colleagues– I’m sure you know him, Kang Duri– has accused your father of mistreating you.” His mother’s fingers furl into his sweater and he can feel his collar growing snug. “He told us that your father often hurt you during filming. Is that true?”

His mother’s hands grow closer to his neck and go slack when she speaks up, “Those are frankly ludicrous accusations. My husband has always been a loving father to my son.” She made him wear a thick sweater in mid July because he’s covered in bruises. She sounds whiny, nasal. Maybe she’s having a panic attack. He knows about those.

The social worker looks apologetic, “I understand that this might be very difficult for you, ma’am. But there’s evidence to back these allegations up, which is why I’m here.” She’s so polite, sitting on one of his mother’s hideous kitschy loveseats, foundation blended down to her neck.

“Minsik, tell her that your father’s never done anything to you.” He can’t see his mother, but he can imagine what her face looks like. A ghostly paleness contrasting her black designer one piece. If anything, it’s always been about her. His whole life. Even at eight, sitting opposite someone who might actually be able to help.

But his mother would be sad. And he wants so much to please her.

“My father is a good father.” It’s not exactly the truth, but it’s an inoffensive statement.

When the social worker’s gone he’s left to himself, trying to ignore the sweat accumulating under his sweater, hands wet and sticky. He guesses, if he were to put a name to the uncomfortable, heavy feeling growing in the pit of his stomach, it’d be disappointment.

Now, almost thirteen years later, he wishes he’d said the truth.  

[damienmuench83-blog]

What Will Make Me Pleased?

I typically learn through spouses that genuinely would like to know exactly what their partner properly really feels in the course of his affair. Through adhering to the do's and also carry out n'ts over you can easily keep a male pleased and also create him addicted to you. In case you have any kind of queries concerning where by in addition to how to utilize yellow pages london [http://upustati-snapajanjem11.info], you'll be able to call us in our own site. You are actually enslaving yourself to your bad emotions if you do not have activity to make your lifestyle a lot better considering that you do not believe like this. I'm free of charge to become pleased even if my pal uncovers me, my child howls all night, or my loved one criticizes me. View the quotes around, it has to do with passion, being actually along with her or even him is the happiest instant for a person. Reassessing these delighted quotes is simply the very first step on ending up being a genuine optimist. Now unless you desire the relationships to finish, you must perform something to earn amends for your activities that disturb your good friend (or even sweetheart or sweetheart). I chose to check into factors that make me satisfied, then looked for ways to earn money through performing all of them. I hope you located something useful in this quick write-up and want you best of luck and satisfied functionalities. Do something brand new now and then making every experience remarkable as well as exciting. You will certainly locate that this will certainly be actually hard not to become happy along with your shower after you enable your own self to experience and also observe just how fantastic your shower truly is actually for you! Incorporate fresh, totally free web information to your web site such as latest articles, web tools, and also quotations along with a solitary item from code! If you possess any type of problem reading this fic with a display screen visitor, satisfy perform allow me know as well as I will certainly perform positively every little thing I can easily to correct this. As a whole, the tunes are not should understand the tale, having said that I'm servicing including the verses to the tracks on the video clip posts so that should be actually up soon. I marvelled - no longer do I presume that acquiring that wonderful bag or even pair of footwears (that I never ever wear, since in the outlet I believe 'of course I could walk in these heels' and also receive the home of discover I can't walk as well as they hurt!!) will definitely help make me delighted. The limitless reparations that a daddy makes to ensure his family members enjoys makes you wonder just what our company would certainly give up him. Eat delicious chocolate along with out shame, be actually nise to decrease paid persons and make them believe included, Inform cops what you realy think! Once they get the points they presumed would certainly create all of them satisfied, the truth is actually that the majority of people perform not end up being delighted. Outside resources can easily bring us greater internal tranquility and also happiness but only if our company are actually presently in contact with our interior sensations as well as not reliant on all of them to create our team delighted. Countless health insurance brokers, doctors, centers and also hospitals have begun making use of the distinct programs as well as items, particularly created for medical care, baseding on their necessities. If you are trying to find ways to make money, try to follow your heart, however you ought to still stay functional. A lot of few which delight in the swinger way of living do that BECAUSE they have a delighted and powerful partnership and also a wonderful sex life initially. Help make certain that you possess pin pointed the explanation responsible for this as well as that you have found the option to it if you are actually shying out off the marriage relationship. If you are seeking the most effective solution, see to it that you choose the Kamni Capsules for the best interests of your connection. I was actually thus happy as well as headed to him, that was exactly how we started living together gladly once again. That supplies some tantalizing foods like Grilled Mahi, Shrimp Jumbo Shrimp Scampi, Spanish Paella, Pan Seared Atlantic Salmon, Cuban Braised Fish, and also Veal Piccata and so on I thought that the techniques I carry out will make people ponder and also this is actually not therefore crucial exactly what I point out. I regularly try to educate individuals on my blog as well as write-ups to become unbiased and also not making any kind of constraint on their own. Dark chocolate peanut butter no bake biscuits create excellent grandparents gifts, teacher gifts, birthday gifts, thank you presents and additional. After the event has actually been kept, personalized fixed is ideal for thank-you details. Properly, this is actually quick and easy - yes, presently I can possess some horrible mood swings (which performs not make individuals around me satisfied I make certain!!), hot flushes, my 'middle aged spread' is there and extra, yet when that is around, I will no longer possess durations monthly, no more have to fret about getting pregnant, and also I am going to only have the capacity to stay my life without the regular monthly theatrics! Seeing you handle the breakup therefore properly will definitely make your ex lover realize he skips you like crazy. If you want to observe their lead and learn effective ways to create a guy fall for you, here are some do's and also do n'ts to remember. Those crazy emotions that you experience due to your anxieties require not define you. I'm at a cross-roads in lifestyle as well as I must know who I am actually and just what really creates me pleased. I wish you appreciate these hilarious relationship quotes as long as I like discussing them along with you! That our team tend to perform this two times a time, five times a week, creates that unsurprising that its own result would certainly develop in time as well as create our team a lot less and also less happy. He might agree certainly not to do that any longer, yet that does not imply he'll be material and also delighted along with his new sexual activity lifestyle. The trick right here is actually to come to be familiar with that gap then opt for the action that is going to see to it you are in command of your emotions as well as activities. I can be delighted due to my setting and also not depend on my conditions. Ask your youngsters, What can I carry out to make you believe liked?" You'll be actually surprised to hear exactly what children have in mind. Aries is actually quite satisfying when in a connection, if you may consider something he has not done that you think he may enjoy you need to deliver this up. The important things is actually that the Aries man are going to appreciate herself most when you more than happy as well as because he is not shy regarding taking opportunities, he is going to try everything as soon as. Through doing frequent workout you change your anatomy, you change your body chemicals, which will make you experience various, so you start focusing on different points. Maybe you are actually to cook delicious foods at my beloved bistro (which makes me delighted) as well as while you are developing excellent meals, your insides are agonizing along with pleasure! While there are definitely traits that take place in your life that make you think either delighted or even unhappy, the truth is that these take ins happen as well as they go. The much better outfitted you come to be at handling the celebrations that induce you underline the a lot less impact it will certainly have on your health and also happiness.

[adriannabown5-blog]

Growing An Indoor Veggie Garden.

Organic gardening is the specific same as regular horticulture except that no man-made fertilizers or pesticides are actually utilized. Succulent blossoms such as Aloe vera, cacti and also sempervivum are actually something that is actually both a great found and also one thing you could definitely look after easily, without must handle the issue of using gardening from your own to earn it happen. And if you can easily speak your pals, your husband or your little ones into assisting you develop the blocks, you'll be gardening in much less opportunity than it needs to perform your grocery shopping. Great ground for vegetable horticulture is actually attained through farming as well as the application of organic components. This is emboldening to understand that traditional all natural gardening techniques are actually 'in' once again. Suitable planning needs to be actually done to ensure that every single yard horticulture alternative possesses a suitable space. Rooftop horticulture works as an excellent choice for those, specifically in urban areas, that experience constraints in space but still dream to perform horticulture in their own homes. The greatest perk to hydroponic horticulture is actually the capability to computerized the hydroponics system with cooking timers as well as distant monitoring tools. Prior to launching a floral gardening planning, know the two principal sorts of blossoms. When building and developing the actual residential or commercial property, many choose to leave a bigger area in the spine. In simple foreign language hydroponic horticulture suggests raising vegetations and plants without dirt. Yet to get best of the services perform not overrate the expense element and also dismissing the top quality of companies. The smaller sized area criteria makes hydroponic horticulture excellent for restricted room house landscapers. Never ever press the mower around a newly mowed section - this will certainly leave behind a dreadful looking pipe diagonally across your great. Any type of activity that is actually enthusiastic sufficient to leave you somewhat out of breath and also bring up the heartbeat tallies as moderate magnitude exercise, which, according to the professionals, could aid safeguard from cardiovascular disease. In the existing temperature most of our team have located ourselves without work - either our tasks must let our team go or even we have actually discovered that our certifications we spent grows older earning are no longer visiting cut it. This is additionally essential to consider proximity to your horticulture resources as well as very easy clean-up if things acquire messy. In addition to watching gardening as an understanding expertise, expanding vegetations and also operating the ground is actually simply ordinary enjoyable! As you become much more proficient at hydroponic gardening you can will certainly upgrade to a more advanced watering and drainage system. Inevitably, choosing regardless if to carry out a horticulture project, are going to mostly depend on the form of venture, your know-how or even ability, as well as your total wellness. This could have devices a long time to dry inside a shed or garage, therefore keep an aged towel by where you put your tools out as well as provide a fast wipe down each opportunity you placed them out. This activity gives a possibility to those that desires to know gardening to have a varied experience in that. This is a typically overlooked activity provides you a chance to generate a well-balanced culture, inform as well as offer back something fruitful to your community. If you are, after that this write may aid you manifolds in improving your horticulture techniques. 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Other methods from command include the elimination from infected plants, making use of biostimulants as well as fertilizers to improve the health and wellness and also vigour of vegetations so they a lot better stand up to strike, practicing plant turning to avoid bug build-up, using companion planting, 22 as well as practicing excellent landscape hygiene, including getting rid of as well as disinfecting resources particles and also grass which may harbour pests. It is actually a process from growing and growing of plants as a component of Horticulture, on a specific parcel particularly indicated from gardening. Composting is the old-time approach of returning back to the earth gardening components that are impassive. Horticulture is a tool to dwindle life's stress and anxiety, boost the setting, establish people, and also construct communities. When that happens to vegetables, this form of gardening allows you to increase the plants from your option within a restricted area and have an excellent crop. For more information go to where you could additionally receive an audio model of Hydroponics Horticulture. Ask somebody without a turf plant pollen hatred mow the grass for you and also ask them certainly not to leave yard cuttings on the grass. Included are actually a series of post hole borers, post motorists and various clearance resources. To conserve loan on gardening in general, let's check out in all the things in a garden that could possibly cost you additional money. If you loved this article and you simply would like to receive more info about mountains in scotland to climb (academiafitness.es) please visit the webpage. Within that circle, you will likely locate at the very least someone who is experienced in natural horticulture and also possesses tips or ideas that will definitely aid you. Gardening for kids will definitely use them countless forms and also colours to enjoy with. In hydroponics, dirt isn't really made use of in growing vegetations Thus, it is actually commonly described as soilless gardening So as to possess a successful hydroponics yard, you have to make use of the proper products Below are actually a few of the many things you'll need to have. Chris and also the men have done a few tasks for our team as well as have actually been the model from efficiency and focus on particular. For celebrations along with present substitutions, guests can easily take items relating to gardening including a vegetation, device, compartment, backyard accessory, etc Landscape devices are actually required by a gardener for his/her strategy of growing and preserving vegetations and also plants. If you are actually intending on a fruit or even veggie landscape, there are lots of farming tools from which to choose. And also, one more factor is actually that youngsters will definitely certainly not meet the garden devices and also kids will definitely certainly not play with all of them. Among the absolute most crucial points to keep in mind in increased horticulture is actually that roses weigh farmers as well as will definitely need numerous fertilizer applications. Anyone who does any sort of organic gardening will certainly aspire to discuss the suggestions as well as handy concepts they have obtained. Exactly how you water depends on you, your grass measurements and what tools you possess readily available. Many individuals start a backyard with the suggestion in mind that they will certainly grow their own veggies, while others merely wish to observe one thing come to life through their personal hand and make use of horticulture as a leisure activity. Organic horticulture is a method of horticulture where you function in compatibility with attribute. To experience the maximum health take advantage of your horticulture use as little bit of machines as achievable. Our team want to encourage as lots of people as possible to use any type of room they must increase plants either to help wild animals, eat residence increased food or merely to learn more about the enjoyments of horticulture. Horticultural specialists have located that, for aged patients in particular, horticulture can induce all the feelings - delivering fascinating sights, sounds, scents, flavors and also appearances - and stimulate memories and hookup along with the past. I understood that the point of gardening really isn't truly growing points, however getting rid of traits. The Meals For Every person groundwork instructs the Mittleider technique of natural horticulture. Gardening magazines are going to provide you tons of innovative suggestions regarding things you may do to maintain your horticulture resources Traits like placing your long handled devices right into an assigned plastic pipe full of linseed oil or even storing your excavating devices move down in a container of sand that's possessed a quart olden motor oil gathered. Gardening is among the favorite activities among folks across the globe and also everybody possesses a viewpoint concerning the best ways to perform it the proper way.

[trendingnewsb]

The One Aspect Of Marriage Nobody Prepares You For

My wife’s job has her flying across the country for a week at a time every so often. These weeks to myself always sound incredible. At first. Yay! I’ll finally get to rub my butt on everything without her there judging me! But alas, the high of rubbing butts on things is fleeting. Inevitably, within 48 hours, I’ll face a hard truth: I have no idea what to do with myself.

Within a day or two of losing the person who keeps me tethered to reality, I’m left with a lot of alone time, which I use to slowly demolish all that is good about myself. But there’s a trick to filling the void before it consumes me, a trick that you can also use. And it begins with …

5

Establish Clear Goals With A Detailed To-Do List

You’re an adult. You’re independent. You’re sharing your life with someone you love, but you don’t need them. You don’t need a crutch. You’re psychologically and genetically superior to most other humans. You can be totally cool with long periods which don’t involve seeing your closest loved ones, because you once survived a plane crash on a mysterious desert island inhabited by a smoke monster.

Read Next

How The 'GOT' Fandom Impacted The Story In Major Ways

No. That was definitely the show Lost. Turns out you don’t know how to do any of that. No one prepares you for it when you enter a long-term relationship. You’re so used to being with someone that the sudden absence of their major and cherished presence is disorienting. I envy people who can look at that sudden vacancy without having a panic attack. Before the loneliness freakout sets in, I try to set myself up with goals that give me something to do so I don’t stew in my boredom. I need to know there’s something on the horizon that’s gotta get done. It’s not about occupying a week’s time. If it was that simple, I’d just watch the Lord Of The Rings special edition Blu-rays once. It’s about goals. If I set out to accomplish a set of specific goals throughout the week, I’m much more likely to not go stir-crazy.

I have a small chalkboard on which I write my list of goals. If I ever feel like I don’t know what to do with myself, I do something from the list. At the same time, I have a daily to-do list which covers the details that build up to the accomplishment of the larger stuff on the chalkboard list. Sometimes I’ll even make nano to-do lists on my phone which further break down the steps I need to take to accomplish things on the daily list. If I could pay my neighbors to scream “MAYBE TRY OUT A NEW RECIPE!” at me every hour on the hour, I would.

My definition of a goal is maybe a little too wide. Reading a book cover to cover usually makes the list. It’s a noble and enriching activity that has never been scratched off once. The ones that do are usually the sad ones, like the time the top goal of the week was “Go outside,” with a little drawing of a thermometer next to it. I’d celebrate each outing (walking the dog and getting burritos didn’t count) by filling a fifth of the thermometer with red, on up ’til the red thermometer juice (lava?) sprayed victoriously from the top.

Trying to replace my wife with a lot of menial accomplishments isn’t as rewarding as you’d think. But accomplishing so little can be exhausting, which is why it’s nice to work in some well-deserved relaxation …

4

Being Physically Unable To Relax

You’d think that with no one around, it’d be easy to finally get in some of that good no-pants-and-kind-of-drunk relaxation you’ve been craving. It’s just you and whatever you do that pulls you out of the world and makes you melt into the couch. Be around someone long enough, and you’ll find that it’s next to impossible to feel calm unless you lower the standard to pacing while cranking up the playback speed to see if you can speed-read an audiobook. The side effects of missing the company of someone you love sound like being on meth.

My brain’s natural reaction to boredom is to kill it; no remorse, no survivors. So it releases an elite squad of soldier brain cells to end my boredom’s reign once and for all. They have the discretion of an atom bomb. Where light reading or watching a couple episodes of a show might do the trick, the squad suggests weird shit like trying to bounce a racket ball from hand to hand for as long as I can while listening to an ’80s hair metal playlist at 2 a.m. This is where I remind you that this part of the column is about relaxing. One day soon, the squad will go AWOL and live off the grid and suggest I prepare for bed by wingsuiting through a canyon.

Then there are times when I’m on the cusp of relaxation, and it’s interrupted by a sudden deep fascination with whatever lulled me. One night, when I was already tucked into bed, wearing my jammies and my long sleeping cap with the fuzzy ball at the end, I was flicking through whatever YouTube’s recommendation algorithm spat at me. Suddenly, like an 18-wheeler into my REM cycle, it gave me a whole list of ESPN’s 30 for 30 shorts. Seconds before sleep, I fucked up and clicked on The Bad Boy Of Bowling, a shockingly compelling documentary about an all-time great pro bowler who doesn’t play by your tight-assed rules of decorum. And then a short about the history of the most despised mascot in all of baseball autoplayed right after. And then one on the history of the high five in professional spo- WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS IT DAWN.

Once video becomes the crutch, things start to go downhill pretty fast, in the most boring way possible.

3

Having No Hobby, I Watch Videos Of People With Hobbies

Around the time that you’re making a strikingly lifelike facsimile of your spouse out of pillows so you can have someone to gab with as you binge Gilmore Girls, you’ll realize you should have developed a hobby. And not just a “see how many marshmallows you can fit in your mouth”-type hobby or a “see if I can meow in a way that the cat thinks that there’s another cat in the house”-type hobby, but a hobby that demands solid crafting skills, attention to detail, and hours of undivided focus.

In a committed long-term relationship, it’s nice to have separate hobbies that you can retreat to as a small escape from the world and the relationship itself. A drop of selfishness goes a long way. That’s why my wife is into embroidery, while I do absolutely nothing constructive with my free time. It’s really only when she leaves that not having taken up a hobby becomes a problem. I have nothing that lets me devote the kind of singularly focused attention only the manual labor of a creative hobby can draw out.

So I end up watching tons of videos of people who do, like of this guy who makes amazing scenic dioramas.

Or this guy who has over 40 videos in which he makes beautiful Japanese wood joints and nothing else. No larger project to attach it to. Just one video after another of a guy so good at what he does that he can make hypnotic videos about corners.

Just hours and hours, deep into the night, of nothing but people way more talented than I am creating incredible works of art that will slowly grow a jealousy within me that will fester until I watch an “Epic Fails” compilation of people stumbling a little, just so I can take the edge off. They have a hobby that’s almost meditative, and I hate them for it. Yet it’s the only thing that comes close to easing the anxiety of suddenly being thrust back into living alone. But I’ll take whatever distraction I can get, because after a couple nights alone …

2

Childhood Fears Of Monsters Return With A Vengeance

With another person, any noise in the house is easily ignorable. It’s just the building settling after a long hot day. Remove a person, and that sound means the house’s demon is telling you to get out. Without realizing it, all this time together turns your significant other into a security blanket that wards off all irrational supernatural evils. You know there’s no one else around, so any errant noise must not only be someone else, but a something else.

I hit the point when I should start calling friends to hang out when I’m following noises around the house hoping it’s just my cat fucking around with the drapes again and not, ya know, the face of Linda Blair from The Exorcist. (Specifically in the picture of her in full makeup that was above the actual contact lenses she wore in the movie that were on display in the Planet Hollywood I ate at once as a kid. I sat facing the wall that fucked-up face was on. It burned into my retinas and sometimes makes a guest appearance on Night Four of my descent into spouselessness-induced madness.)

Marriage bestowed me with a bravery I never previously had. Almost nothing’s scary when you’re in this together. The furry monster with razor-sharp claws that stalks the living room at night is going to have to get through both of us. Sure, my wife would be functionally useless in a real furry-monster-in-the-living-room attack, but the power of our love fills me with a certainty that lets me know it’s going to be okay, because while it’s closing in on her, I can be somewhere else making a break for it. Can’t feel that confidence in my escape if she’s not there.

1

All Of Your Dietary Constraints Go Out The Door

A good partner is a moderating influence. They’ll let you get away with an extra slice of cake now and again, but they’ll stop you from trying to swallow the whole thing in one gulp like it’s an Advil. As much as we’d all like to believe we’re an island (even one with smoke monsters), we are social creatures. We need human contact. Remove the primary source of contact, and it’s only a matter of time before you’re trying to fill the void of the other person with a vice, like food, as if calories and a carbs are a suitable replacement for love when all they usually deliver is loose stools.

Without someone to keep me in check, I end up falling into a pit of indulgence that ends up eating at me. I do all the cooking in our home. I make sure we eat sensibly. I love my wife and want to protect her, even from foods that could do her harm in the long run. I don’t want her heart to explode in 30 years, and as she’s clutching my neck she whispers with her final breath that it was my twice-weekly bacon, guava, and brie grilled cheeses that did this. I did this, with the destruction power of my BGB sandwiches.

Me without my wife plus about four days equals driving out of the Taco Bell drive thru and deciding that the only thing that can wash down these two Quesoridos is a 12-inch Italian sub. When I have no one else to elevate my self-respect game, my weaknesses shine. If I’m only responsible for my heath, things are going to get gross. Including more feels like manslaughter, and explaining the aftermath feels like a crime scene.

When my wife gets back, everything adjusts back to normal. This happens every time she leaves. If I’m an inflatable wacky arm tube guy at a car dealership, then she’s the power plug that blows air up my ass to make me dance. Take it out and I fall into a sack of my own skin.

Luis is sitting on the couch watching TV with his wife. In the meantime, you can find him on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

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Finding The Greatest Vertical Climber That May Do A Fantastic Task For You Personally

It will not have to be like that. You see, there's a way to receive out a complete human body work so perhaps not only are you able to exercise at which once you want, however, you also can work your body out from top to underside. Oh, also you also can certainly do it in less time than with conventional devices. Providing aerobic, toning and core exercises, there is a vertical climber precisely what you want to become in shape and stay that way. Cost things. While most devices have been much less than it charges to go to the fitness center, they can be expensive, so know your financial plan before appearing. Shopping within your price point saves you money and sets your needs. Fitted with isometric grips, you also can step and pull guaranteeing motions and maintaining your concentration where it goes: on your own form. The system is more secure on each surface, and has a work out timer which stops and begins together with you personally, so it's possible to see just how long and hard that you exercised. Offers an entire work out and is also fantastic for people. Climbers drive and challenge the human body, which keeps you focused and induce you to stick with this. There are a variety of physical exercises thus boredom is never an issue and many develop with patterns to guide you. For example, you might want the version that is more fancy that appears quite, however, maybe not even if this means forfeiting quality. The idea of the machine will be always to get in shape, not be stressed as the machine slows down or as you paid too much. Safety is an advantage of utilizing a climber. They'll not set strain allowing you to strengthen weak muscles and increase endurance since these machines are somewhat more pliable. 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Knowing everything you want and want would be merely a component of figuring out that which climber is suitable for you. There are so many possibilities, out of function and cost in extras and sizes, that it might be really hard to determine which would be your best suit for you personally. A climber is a weight-bearing workout machine that delivers aerobic workout, along side toning and strength training, giving complete workout experience to you from the convenience and solitude of one's home. And seeing as you are working the human body it burns off more calories in half the time compared to ordinary fitness routines. "Conquer" your anxieties and insecurities about getting fit with this specific climber, which is just a powerful pick for professionals and amateurs alike. With the power to offer aerobic and anaerobic exercise, then it may create muscle and burn up fat on a whole additional level. Best of all, it works by using your own body weight for immunity, which means you can effortlessly tighten and tone without even putting far too much pressure on your body. Great for it performs in virtually any space small or major. With arm and leg grips pulls lean and upright, they have been intended to engage your own higher and lower body, side your heart, mimicking the moves of a hill scaling. Your heartbeat rises, like a outcome, you burn off more calories and you also build muscle at a way that's easy on joints, so and only about anyone can use it. On top of that, they provide wide variety thanks to the routines readily available, hard the human entire body and thoughts. The truth is which is certainly can encourage upto 300 lbs., in conjunction with all the flexible height feature, means that it is terrific for all human types. The elevation feature allows so you can exercising the suitable way and lessens the threat of injury. Moreover, this device may be properly used for cardio vascular exercises, ramping up metabolism and your pulse, for burning talents. With the ability to fold and store it into your cupboard or under the mattress, this specific system can get results for anybody serious about getting fit. The machine's size is another big consideration. It doesn't matter in the event that you fail to match it in your own place what your system could perform. Find out exactly where you intend to set the device, as well as though each day you need to fold it up. Then gauge the space you want to use it and select a version that matches together with room for you to maneuver about it. It also ensures that you pull or may not strain out a muscle hitting to your hand grips or damage your own crouching to suit right. That you really don't want to spend money on a machine you are feeling on awkward, also climbers might be faked, and therefore you will need to use it. This vertical climber is designed out of your advantage in your mind and lasting. With a pricetag of just below £ 150, it's created from steel which may last you for a long time in the future. That brings me. You certainly can certainly do it after work, before work, early or even late. There are not any constraints and no reasons not to get it done Additionally, they truly are streamlined and easily fit in any area of any dwelling you can have one where your home is. That will assist you to find the one that's correct for you personally, have a look at my finest climber buying a comprehensive evaluation of what these devices can do, guide, how to decide on a rundown of the most useful of the best and one. Additionally, there are lots of benefits to possessing one of these machines, even probably the being they give you a work out in two the moment. These machines burn off off more calories than any machine, rower, or a treadmill, and that means you may observe results. Equipped out attributes and made with quality construction, the Maxi Climber is light weight, streamlined and designed to last. It fits in virtually any space and could fold up for straightforward storage, so you're able to put it in a living room, office or the bedroom. maxi climber reviews

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Here’s What The First 100 Day Of A GOP Presidency Could Look Like

The various GOP presidential hopefuls, like all politicians since time immemorial, have made a lot of promises this campaign season. Here are some of the things they’ve vowed to do if they make it to the White House.

Reverse action on climate change.

Republicans across the board have sworn to roll back the country’s efforts to mitigate climate change, despite polls showing that a majority of Americans are in favor of addressing the problem. First to go would be the Clean Power Plan, which the Environmental Protection Agency announced in August. The plan would cut carbon emissions to 32 percentage below 2005 levels by 2030 and enable the U.S. to meet its current commitments to the United Nations.

Every GOP candidate running for chairman has come out against the Clean Power Plan. Even former New York Gov. George Pataki, who has supported other measures to rein in climate change, told Bloomberg in August that the Clean Power Plan “is a classic top-down, government-imposed solution” that will “result in higher costs of energy[ and] an increase in the vulnerability of the electrical supply, and I think it’s just completely wrong.”

Other candidates have taken a harder line against the Clean Power Plan, and indeed against all executive actions taken by President Barack Obama.

“If you live by the pen, you die by the pen, ” Sen. Ted Cruz( Texas) told The Washington Post in June for an article about what his first 100 days would look like. So there’s that.

Repeal Obamacare.

After two years of sign-ups following the implementation of the Affordable Care Act, more than 16 million people now have health insurance who didn’t have it before. But every GOP candidate except Ohio Gov. John Kasich has promised to repeal Obamacare — though for the most proportion, they’ve been pretty vague about what would take its place.

“[ I’d] figure out a way to repeal Obamacare, ” former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush said at a roundtable in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, this May, responding to a question about actions he’d take in his first 100 days. “I think repealing Obamacare and replacing it with a 21 st-century consumer-directed, patient-driven health care insurance system has to be a high, high priority.”

Deport, deport, deport.

Last year, Obama bolstered the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program and initiated a new one: Deferred Action for Parents of Americans and Lawful Permanent Residents. These actions would defer the prosecution of children arrivals to the U.S. for two years and allow the parents of any U.S. citizen or resident to live and work in the country without anxiety of expulsion — meaning that 6. 3 million U.S. citizens wouldn’t have to see their families dismantled.

But the Republican presidential candidates have opposed this, for the most proportion characterizing it as executive overreach, a la Cruz, who called the measure “patently unconstitutional.”

Real estate mogul Donald Trump has been the most aggressive nominee on immigration. He has repeatedly promised that his plan to lead the forceful removal of 11 million immigrants, reminiscent of a 1954 program called “Operation Wetback, ” would be done in “a very humane way.” Experts tell that’s not possible.

Win McNamee/ Getty Images Demonstrators appeal to the Supreme Court to implement President Obama’s immigration reforms.

Make America “great” again, and stimulate China a loser.

On Trump’s campaign website, the candidate have committed themselves to take swift action against China for not playing fair: “On day one of the Trump administration the U.S. Treasury Department will designate China as a currency manipulator.”

Democrats like Sen. Charles Schumer( N.Y .) would exult. He and many in Congress agree that China’s intervention in the world’s currency market is stifling U.S. exports and costing the country millions of manufacturing tasks.

China purposely devalues its currency — which should be traded at the highest rates, because it’s in greatest demand by all the countries that need to buy China’s exportations in the local currency — by using its massive reserves to buy up U.S. dollars. This lowers the supply of the dollar compared to the Chinese yuan, which induces U.S. exportations more expensive, and therefore tougher to sell.

The U.S. trade deficit “has increased by $ 200 billion to $500 billion per year as a result, ” according to a 2012 report by the Peterson Institute for International Economics. “The United States has lost 1 million to 5 million jobs due to this foreign currency manipulation.”

Earlier this year, the International Monetary Fund declared China’s currency “fairly valued.”

Remind Congress that it’s super important for everyone to get along.

In response to a question about how his first three months in office would be unique, former neurosurgeon Ben Carson told at a National Press Club event that he would call a joint session of Congress to address hyper-partisanship in the legislature, emphasizing the importance of Judeo-Christian values.

“We’ve gotten to the point which is something we believe that if somebody disagrees with you, then you need to try to destroy them, destroy their family and their subsistence, ” Carson told. “Where did that come from? I assure you, it did not come from our Judeo-Christian values and roots.”

Wage yet another war against same-sex marriage.

This summer, a week after the Supreme court ruled in favor of marriage equality, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee said he would not accept the ruling.

“I reject this decision and will oppose from ‘Day One’ of my administration to defend our Constitution and protect religious autonomy, ” Huckabee told of the Supreme Court’s ruling in a press release.

On his website, Huckabee promises to push for a constitutional amendment to define marriage as between one man and one woman.

Those endeavours would likely be a waste of time, since a constitutional amendment requires a two-third majority in Congress — or in a state election — and same-sex marriage currently enjoys record-high supporting among Americans.

George Frey/ Getty Images Demonstrators protest new anti-gay policies from the Mormon church.

Roll out the red carpet for Wall street, and let them wipe their feet on consumers.

Everyone in the GOP field has promised to repeal the Dodd-Frank Act, which put into place a package of Wall street regulations following the 2008 fiscal meltdown. Dodd-Frank also established the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau to act as an arbiter for the public in the face of unscrupulous business practices.

In July, Carson wrote in a Washington Hour op-ed that the CFPB is “the ultimate example of regulatory overreach, a nanny state mechanism asserting its control over everyday Americans that they did not want, did not ask for and do not need.”

For what it’s worth, the CFPB has secured over $10 billion in relief for customers since its creation in 2011. It’s currently addressing the student indebtednes crisis by suing for-profit colleges for fraud and taking on the country’s largest student loan company for allegedly cheating borrowers.

Reduce college student loan debt by discouraging liberal arts degrees.

Sen. Marco Rubio( Fla .), who has voted consistently against Dodd-Frank and the CFPB, said in November that within his first 100 days as chairman, he would deal with the student indebtednes issue by adjusting the academic accreditation system to incentivize low-cost training of professions like welding, rather than doctrine degrees, for example.

Renege on the Iran deal.

GOP candidates Rubio, Cruz, former Hewlett-Packard CEO Carly Fiorina and former Sen. Rick Santorum( Pa .) have all promised to instantly undo an international agreement that lifts fiscal imposing sanctions on Iran in exchange for constraints on uranium enrichment programs entail for the development of atomic weapons.

Expressing dissatisfaction with the deal in September, Fiorina said the first thing she’d do in the Oval Office would be to stimulate two phone calls. The first would be to reassure Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of America’s support. The second would be a message to Iran’s supreme leader: “Until you open every nuclear and every military facility to full, open, anytime, anywhere, for-real inspections, we are going to make it as difficult as is practicable for you to move fund around the global fiscal system.”

Chip Somodevilla/ Getty Images Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu fulfills with U.S. Senate leaders following the Iran nuclear bargain.

End mass government surveillance?

Rand Paul’s staunch opposition to the government collecting metadata from U.S. citizens is one reason the Kentucky senator may not win the Republican nomination in a time of heightened fear over national security. To date, he’s been the only person in the fields who’s was contended that privacy should win out.

“The president generated this vast dragnet by executive order, ” Paul said at the beginning of his campaign. “As president, on day one, I will instantly objective this unconstitutional surveillance.”

Boost cybersecurity, somehow.

Carson has said he would prioritize stiffening cybersecurity, although he’s been less specific about it than some critics would like.

“We must immediately hardened our electrical grid and have multiple layers of alternative energy, ” Carson told The Washington Examiner in September. “That’s critical … We also must beef up our cyber abilities both offensive and defensive.”

Keep former lawmakers from running straight to K Street.

Pataki has taken a strong stance on eliminating the “revolving door” between lawmakers and lobbyists, though he’s in the minority as far as actually making this a campaign issue.

In September, Pataki said he would “propose a law on day one” of his presidency: “You serve the working day in the House or Senate, there’s a lifetime forbid on you ever being a lobbyist in Washington , D.C.”

Invade Chinese airspace with Air force One.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie would solve U.S. challenges with China by flying Air force One over military installments in the South China Sea to show them “we mean business.”

At the undercard GOP debate in November, Christie said this would be the first thing he would do when it comes to China — surely a smart way to establish a good rapport with the United States’ primary trading partner.

Send Vladimir Putin a message — that we’re gonna keep doing what we’ve been doing.

Fiorina pledged at a town hall meeting in August to address the threat of Russia by “rebuild[ ing] the 6th Fleet, ” a part of the U.S. Navy that conducts operations in Europe and Asia. But as Vox’s Ezra Klein points out, the 6th Fleet doesn’t actually need rebuilding. In fact, most of what Fiorina has promised to do regarding Russia in her first 100 days, including starting military exercises in the Baltic States and putting more troops in Germany, are things the Obama administration is doing or has already done.

Balance the budget, by sheer force-out of will.

Never fear! Amid all the flurry, Kasich has promised he’ll was also able to balance the budget, using … methods.

“I spent my entire lifetime balancing federal budgets, growing tasks, the same in Ohio. And I will go back to Washington with my plan. And I will have done it within 100 days, and it will pass, and we will be strong again, ” Kasich said during an October GOP debate. “Thank you.”

No, governor, thank you.

Actual Strategy From A Leaked GOP Memo — We Didn’t Make These Up

Actual Strategy From A Leaked GOP Memo — We Didn’t Make These Up

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5 Productivity Hacks for Home-Based Business Stars

Home-based businesses often come with a huge amount of freedom. That means you have the chance to plan like George Clooney, setting up an Ocean’s Eleven style heist. It also means that you can end up like Curious George, with cake batter in your hair and a bicycle in the bathtub.

$50K-$100K Investment Businesses – Visit the Home Business EXPO

No matter what sort of system you use, I can guarantee going in with a plan will make you more productive.

If you do nothing else after reading this article, you should at least devise a weekly or daily plan for time management. Once the basics are in place, though, you can start carving out extra time to get more done with these five productivity hacks for the home office worker.

Also, please don’t use your newfound time to break into a Las Vegas casino. Unless you’re George Clooney – the man can do no wrong.

Take better notes

If you spend all day talking to clients, working on existing projects, and chasing down new customers, you need a way to keep track of everything.

I’ve always been partial to the classic notebook, as I love the scratch of pencil on paper. As Roald Dahl wrote in Lucky Break, the story of his career, “Without my little notebook, I would be quite helpless.”

These days, I’m partial to the Bullet Journaling, but you just need to find whatever works for you. The key is to use a system that allows you to index or quickly search out details. If this means you put things in Evernote, OneNote, or Keep, so be it.

Being able to easily capture and reference notes can save you minutes every day and hours every week. Overlooking the basics will never result in success.

Get it done, Pomodoro style

Systems, systems, systems. Everything should have a system, even if the system is effectively chaos embodied.

Compare the way you walk to the way a baby toddles. You step out there, pothole be darned, and make the world yours. A toddler doesn’t have a system in place for walking. They have to calculate every single step.

Your business should have a process in place for every repeatable event, including the daily tasks of communicating, working, and even taking breaks.

My coworkers are currently split between Getting Things Done (GTD) and Pomodoro. I find the time constraints of Pomodoro anxiety-inducing, but some people have to have the clock on them to really produce.

Find a time management system that works for you and then layer in all the other activities. The less you have to think about your daily tasks, the easier they’ll become.

Pull a Hemingway

My friend and yours, Ernest Hemingway, used a counterintuitive little trick to get more done. He never got everything out of his system in a day. He never went to bed having left it all on the page.

Instead, stop yourself in the middle of a thought or a process. This gives you a simple place to pick up the next day. Instead of spending those first hours getting settled and figuring the day out, you can jump right in where you left off.

This is an easy one for me, but for the home office, you’ll have to put a bit of planning into it.

Write most of an email or do some SEO research. Finish everything in the PowerPoint presentation except for the conclusion. Get most of the way through a task but leave yourself that little mental snack for the morning – it should perk your day right up.

Stretch yourself thin

Jack Welch hated the idea of having excess time. If he had time lying around, he was sure to dive into the minutiae instead of spending more on the big stuff. As a result, he recommended taking on extra direct reports and more work than normally planned.

By stretching yourself a little thin, you force yourself to focus on the big things. Get five clients lined up instead of three. Promise that deliverable next week instead of the week after. Get over the little stuff and get caught up in the whirlwind of big issues.

Being overworked is tiring, but it will help you refine your daily system, prioritize your work, and get more done, even if you don’t think more is possible.

Automate your world

I don’t know what kind of business you run, but I’m going to guess that you didn’t get into it because you love paperwork. You probably love giving financial advice or consulting on human resources or making dresses for kids.

Instead of spending your time on paperwork, start automating it.

Every major accounting software (many of which are free, by the way) now supports some sort of tie-in with automation tools. Take pictures of receipts and have them automagically put in the right account. Get alerts when your cash flow is in danger. Have employees use self-service portals to update info instead of sending all their requests through you.

Business software is getting cheaper and better. There is no good reason not to use it, especially since there’s a free option for just about every task, these days. Get that time back by making a computer do the heavy lifting.

Final thoughts

Getting more out of your day doesn’t mean that you have to work 15 hours. You can keep working your usual 14 and just make some minor changes in the way you plan. The beauty of home-based work is usually that it allows you to set up your schedule in the manner that best works for you.

Take advantage of your freedom and make more out of every day.

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The One Aspect Of Marriage Nobody Prepares You For

My wife’s job has her flying across the country for a week at a time every so often. These weeks to myself always sound incredible. At first. Yay! I’ll finally get to rub my butt on everything without her there judging me! But alas, the high of rubbing butts on things is fleeting. Inevitably, within 48 hours, I’ll face a hard truth: I have no idea what to do with myself.

Within a day or two of losing the person who keeps me tethered to reality, I’m left with a lot of alone time, which I use to slowly demolish all that is good about myself. But there’s a trick to filling the void before it consumes me, a trick that you can also use. And it begins with …

5

Establish Clear Goals With A Detailed To-Do List

You’re an adult. You’re independent. You’re sharing your life with someone you love, but you don’t need them. You don’t need a crutch. You’re psychologically and genetically superior to most other humans. You can be totally cool with long periods which don’t involve seeing your closest loved ones, because you once survived a plane crash on a mysterious desert island inhabited by a smoke monster.

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How The 'GOT' Fandom Impacted The Story In Major Ways

No. That was definitely the show Lost. Turns out you don’t know how to do any of that. No one prepares you for it when you enter a long-term relationship. You’re so used to being with someone that the sudden absence of their major and cherished presence is disorienting. I envy people who can look at that sudden vacancy without having a panic attack. Before the loneliness freakout sets in, I try to set myself up with goals that give me something to do so I don’t stew in my boredom. I need to know there’s something on the horizon that’s gotta get done. It’s not about occupying a week’s time. If it was that simple, I’d just watch the Lord Of The Rings special edition Blu-rays once. It’s about goals. If I set out to accomplish a set of specific goals throughout the week, I’m much more likely to not go stir-crazy.

I have a small chalkboard on which I write my list of goals. If I ever feel like I don’t know what to do with myself, I do something from the list. At the same time, I have a daily to-do list which covers the details that build up to the accomplishment of the larger stuff on the chalkboard list. Sometimes I’ll even make nano to-do lists on my phone which further break down the steps I need to take to accomplish things on the daily list. If I could pay my neighbors to scream “MAYBE TRY OUT A NEW RECIPE!” at me every hour on the hour, I would.

My definition of a goal is maybe a little too wide. Reading a book cover to cover usually makes the list. It’s a noble and enriching activity that has never been scratched off once. The ones that do are usually the sad ones, like the time the top goal of the week was “Go outside,” with a little drawing of a thermometer next to it. I’d celebrate each outing (walking the dog and getting burritos didn’t count) by filling a fifth of the thermometer with red, on up ’til the red thermometer juice (lava?) sprayed victoriously from the top.

Trying to replace my wife with a lot of menial accomplishments isn’t as rewarding as you’d think. But accomplishing so little can be exhausting, which is why it’s nice to work in some well-deserved relaxation …

4

Being Physically Unable To Relax

You’d think that with no one around, it’d be easy to finally get in some of that good no-pants-and-kind-of-drunk relaxation you’ve been craving. It’s just you and whatever you do that pulls you out of the world and makes you melt into the couch. Be around someone long enough, and you’ll find that it’s next to impossible to feel calm unless you lower the standard to pacing while cranking up the playback speed to see if you can speed-read an audiobook. The side effects of missing the company of someone you love sound like being on meth.

My brain’s natural reaction to boredom is to kill it; no remorse, no survivors. So it releases an elite squad of soldier brain cells to end my boredom’s reign once and for all. They have the discretion of an atom bomb. Where light reading or watching a couple episodes of a show might do the trick, the squad suggests weird shit like trying to bounce a racket ball from hand to hand for as long as I can while listening to an ’80s hair metal playlist at 2 a.m. This is where I remind you that this part of the column is about relaxing. One day soon, the squad will go AWOL and live off the grid and suggest I prepare for bed by wingsuiting through a canyon.

Then there are times when I’m on the cusp of relaxation, and it’s interrupted by a sudden deep fascination with whatever lulled me. One night, when I was already tucked into bed, wearing my jammies and my long sleeping cap with the fuzzy ball at the end, I was flicking through whatever YouTube’s recommendation algorithm spat at me. Suddenly, like an 18-wheeler into my REM cycle, it gave me a whole list of ESPN’s 30 for 30 shorts. Seconds before sleep, I fucked up and clicked on The Bad Boy Of Bowling, a shockingly compelling documentary about an all-time great pro bowler who doesn’t play by your tight-assed rules of decorum. And then a short about the history of the most despised mascot in all of baseball autoplayed right after. And then one on the history of the high five in professional spo- WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS IT DAWN.

Once video becomes the crutch, things start to go downhill pretty fast, in the most boring way possible.

3

Having No Hobby, I Watch Videos Of People With Hobbies

Around the time that you’re making a strikingly lifelike facsimile of your spouse out of pillows so you can have someone to gab with as you binge Gilmore Girls, you’ll realize you should have developed a hobby. And not just a “see how many marshmallows you can fit in your mouth”-type hobby or a “see if I can meow in a way that the cat thinks that there’s another cat in the house”-type hobby, but a hobby that demands solid crafting skills, attention to detail, and hours of undivided focus.

In a committed long-term relationship, it’s nice to have separate hobbies that you can retreat to as a small escape from the world and the relationship itself. A drop of selfishness goes a long way. That’s why my wife is into embroidery, while I do absolutely nothing constructive with my free time. It’s really only when she leaves that not having taken up a hobby becomes a problem. I have nothing that lets me devote the kind of singularly focused attention only the manual labor of a creative hobby can draw out.

So I end up watching tons of videos of people who do, like of this guy who makes amazing scenic dioramas.

Or this guy who has over 40 videos in which he makes beautiful Japanese wood joints and nothing else. No larger project to attach it to. Just one video after another of a guy so good at what he does that he can make hypnotic videos about corners.

Just hours and hours, deep into the night, of nothing but people way more talented than I am creating incredible works of art that will slowly grow a jealousy within me that will fester until I watch an “Epic Fails” compilation of people stumbling a little, just so I can take the edge off. They have a hobby that’s almost meditative, and I hate them for it. Yet it’s the only thing that comes close to easing the anxiety of suddenly being thrust back into living alone. But I’ll take whatever distraction I can get, because after a couple nights alone …

2

Childhood Fears Of Monsters Return With A Vengeance

With another person, any noise in the house is easily ignorable. It’s just the building settling after a long hot day. Remove a person, and that sound means the house’s demon is telling you to get out. Without realizing it, all this time together turns your significant other into a security blanket that wards off all irrational supernatural evils. You know there’s no one else around, so any errant noise must not only be someone else, but a something else.

I hit the point when I should start calling friends to hang out when I’m following noises around the house hoping it’s just my cat fucking around with the drapes again and not, ya know, the face of Linda Blair from The Exorcist. (Specifically in the picture of her in full makeup that was above the actual contact lenses she wore in the movie that were on display in the Planet Hollywood I ate at once as a kid. I sat facing the wall that fucked-up face was on. It burned into my retinas and sometimes makes a guest appearance on Night Four of my descent into spouselessness-induced madness.)

Marriage bestowed me with a bravery I never previously had. Almost nothing’s scary when you’re in this together. The furry monster with razor-sharp claws that stalks the living room at night is going to have to get through both of us. Sure, my wife would be functionally useless in a real furry-monster-in-the-living-room attack, but the power of our love fills me with a certainty that lets me know it’s going to be okay, because while it’s closing in on her, I can be somewhere else making a break for it. Can’t feel that confidence in my escape if she’s not there.

1

All Of Your Dietary Constraints Go Out The Door

A good partner is a moderating influence. They’ll let you get away with an extra slice of cake now and again, but they’ll stop you from trying to swallow the whole thing in one gulp like it’s an Advil. As much as we’d all like to believe we’re an island (even one with smoke monsters), we are social creatures. We need human contact. Remove the primary source of contact, and it’s only a matter of time before you’re trying to fill the void of the other person with a vice, like food, as if calories and a carbs are a suitable replacement for love when all they usually deliver is loose stools.

Without someone to keep me in check, I end up falling into a pit of indulgence that ends up eating at me. I do all the cooking in our home. I make sure we eat sensibly. I love my wife and want to protect her, even from foods that could do her harm in the long run. I don’t want her heart to explode in 30 years, and as she’s clutching my neck she whispers with her final breath that it was my twice-weekly bacon, guava, and brie grilled cheeses that did this. I did this, with the destruction power of my BGB sandwiches.

Me without my wife plus about four days equals driving out of the Taco Bell drive thru and deciding that the only thing that can wash down these two Quesoridos is a 12-inch Italian sub. When I have no one else to elevate my self-respect game, my weaknesses shine. If I’m only responsible for my heath, things are going to get gross. Including more feels like manslaughter, and explaining the aftermath feels like a crime scene.

When my wife gets back, everything adjusts back to normal. This happens every time she leaves. If I’m an inflatable wacky arm tube guy at a car dealership, then she’s the power plug that blows air up my ass to make me dance. Take it out and I fall into a sack of my own skin.

Luis is sitting on the couch watching TV with his wife. In the meantime, you can find him on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook.

Tell the world you don’t need to play by any of society’s rules (except for commerce and some other stuff) with this renegade cat mug!

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