#but therapy isnt possible rn so I will be patient

[sanchoyo]

thinking abt that text post I rbed like a week or so ago that was like abt being thankful for older butches existing in public. and I cant stop thinking abt it.

like retail def made me more evil and the job itself was miserable but one thing I did like abt working at walmart was the sheer amount of gay ppl there. specifically on my morning team there were SO many older butches. so many. like there were maybe 10-15 of us there on most days on that team and out of us 7-8 were gay and like 5 were older butches it was incredible. im talking like 50-70 yr olds that would tell me they loved my hair and my energy and my weird little pins. they would bring me donuts n tell me abt their wives (actually several couples worked on the team too...so wonderful to see gay love in public)

my manager was even a lesbian and I met her grown sons and her wife once and seeing older gay ppl doing well and thriving and having familes. idk man something abt that.

the other week me and my mom were out shopping and I met one of my cousins for the first time (we have a LOTTTT of cousins on her side of the family so this isnt unusual for there to be ones I've never met, I joke that we're related to everyone in the state, lol) and this was a man older than my mother, shopping with his husband, and my mom told me he was basically the first family member she can recall coming out, like back in the EIGHTIES. we live in such a conservative area and I'd never even heard of this guy, but he's related to us and has been so brave and living his truth for so long...idk I've just been emotional abt this lately.

I wish there was a non-weird way to reach out to older queer ppl and be like. thank you. thank you for existing publicly it means everything to me. I need them to know how much it means to see that.

and I try my best to do the same around my younger cousins too, to use the word lesbian and tell them its a good thing to love who you love and that ill always be there for them too even if some ppl in our extended family are homophobic, that theres more ppl who will love and accept them.

and my sister was telling me she met an older man at the salon who was telling her abt his husband, and my sister was telling her salon lady abt her gf at the same time, and the salon lady was being so sweet abt it.

and idk. im emo about it. I felt so isolated as a young preteen when I first realized I liked women bc I thought there was really no one like me around here. everyone was a christian and id heard a lot of ppl who said they loved me say gay ppl go to hell and. I was so scared theyd hate me and that I would be alone... and its like. no. older queer ppl have been here this whole time. and there will always be people that are accepting, and a lot of the reason my family was okay with it is because of older gay ppl. one of my moms old best friends at the time came out as a lesbian a few yrs before I did and I KNOW that impacted my moms opinion abt gay ppl, bc that lady was amazing and I actually still have a lot of ppg toys she would give us as kids.

im so thankful for every older gay person. I've been out for like 10 years now and I'm still choked up anytime I meet an older queer person... ;_;