#a lot of bad things and news lately and this is one thing thats kept me kind of sane lately

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

[pumpkinsy0]

could you pls write hc’s about tim and darry’s reactions and thoughts about finding out about purly

•first off, it was by TOTAL accident, like literally, tim rolled up to the drive in bc he knew pony would b there and he was gonna ask pony where tf he was and he saw them kissing it up in the back seat and tims seen a lot of things but thats one of the things he wishes he could forget honestly

•tim aint no tattletale and he doesnt like meddling w his siblings love lives so he just kept it to himself honesty, but he was kinda glad curly was w someone who was actually good, lord knows he needs it maybe itll rub off on him or somethin (hes only semi right)

•like im so serious, unless something bad is happening w them, tim doesnt rlly gaf WHAT they doin, theres not much to say bout tim tbh

•darry tho??? different case scenario, chances r while cleaning ponys room, quite a bit of times he noticed small things like new clothes being in his closet thats too big for him, a new ring, and pony being out a bittt later than usual and not walking w the others in the gang, those kinda things

•he’d be glad ponys branching out and getting w ppl, but IKKKK he found out that it was curly bc someone told him or he questioned pony after he was out TOO late

•darrys even surprised pony can get along w A shepard in general, he didnt rlly think pony would even genuinely befriend someone like curly, he thought he was being pranked for sure😭😭

•hes worried for pony to even WEAR what curly gave him bc he know the shepard gang has enemies, so what if one of em recognizes what ponys wearing and starts targeting him

•also darrys already pushing the line w even interacting w tim, ik the social worker probably dont like that all too much as is so if PONY gets w curly hes shitting bricks

•im not saying darrys exactly plotting to get them break up but hes def trying to convince pony to break up w the guy, just not as outwardly as sodapop prolly

[littledigits]

That time when working in animation made me realize I needed therapy

Since we're on the topic of overworking / being passionate in animation and blah blah blah.  I want to share my story about working on the first season of Hilda (for context I was the animation director), specifically..how completely garbo my mental health got because 

I INSISTED ON WORKING MYSELF INTO THE GROUND. 

This is a story I've shared when I've had a chance to do lectures or talks, and if there is one really awesome thing that comes with ..weird ..animation clout, its that you can use those powers for good in terms of teaching people about the BS that comes with the job...anyway.

The reason why I like to talk about this is because I insisted on doing it to myself, and that was really got me thinking about the factors that do lead us into over working. Because heres the deal

Hilda season 1 was, without getting into too many details, a heckofatime...especally for the core crew. we were a small group, doing something new because most of us haven't worked on a show before that included pre production. My entire career up to that point had been working on service work for shows that were created in Burbank, so the new pipeline had a ton of challenges. We did all care, and we all believed in the project SOOOO much. I would tell people not to work over time, because I want my team to leave on time - but I was there...a lot. Leaving the studio by 11pm , working through the weekends..it wasnt an uncommon thing for me. sure , it wasnt all the time, but this stuff spans years sometimes so it went in waves. But whenever the challenges came up, i doubled down. because I super believed in it.

  And the thing was - other people told me to stop. I had a lot of valid concerns given to me by my friends and team members who saw how I was burning myself out at both ends. And I thought like, well , its my *choice*.  Its my chance to have a voice and be creative and try to do something different and we all have to push ourselves and yes its HARD but. THATS HOW YOU DO IT RIGHT? surely if I just make sure I’m the one overworking and my team isn't.. that's fine. 

Well, no, I was immensely effecting my team maybe I wasn’t telling them to work late, but they were seeing me get more and more tired and stay later and later.  I thought they would still approach me for help, or if they struggled. But the issues they had they kept to themselves without wanting to put more on my shoulders. Because they *cared* , just as much as I did ..and we all took more on our shoulders then we should have and there were a lot of things that I could have solved had I fostered a better communication environment.  I became really resentful in my head over the smallest things, I actually saw myself becoming a more hateful person and easily annoyed. I came home every day rambling about the frustrations. Now, let me preface this by saying - my mental state did not only have to do with overworking. I had and have things still to unpack, but the control I had over work and the validation I got from it was a coping mechanism for me. I really didnt think i had any worth as a person outside of this job. It basically was a very nasty cycle that didnt stop until ...well I had gotten so bad I had to.  By the end of the first season I was actually incredibly close to quitting . I was in big anxiety attack territory because I was so worn thin- I had started therapy but eventually moved onto getting medication as well and that was what allowed me to stick it out. ( I have the same therapist and I am on the same meds, it was very hard to do at the time, but i cant imagine my life now without making that choice ). After it was done I was immensely supported by the studio and worked part time as a trainer, which is what i requested to give my brain a break. (Only a few of my closer friends knew how bad I was getting but it was pretty obvious I needed to rest) I'm really proud of the work we did and we keep doing on the show, ..and some other people may have gone through something similar and found it was worth it, but thats not me. I still struggle not to fall back into that mindset, but it helps knowing that if i keep myself out of it , i can help my team out of it, because I know they care about this show just as much as I do. I’m not a martyr, I am a leader, and its up to me to keep myself healthy so I can keep my crew healthy.   I always strive to be better, but i get to decide what that looks like - and for me ..better has nothing to do with the image on the screen. Its got more to do with the experience of the people around me. Readjusting those priorities has helped a lot with keeping my head above water and not add to the pressure that makes it so hard not to get sucked down in the first place.  I do think its good to talk about though , how our passion and language and drive can lead to a lot of us being a part of this cycle. And if theres one good thing about the challenges, its sharing them so at least others can learn faster then you did ;) . take care of yourself friends.

[coldmori]

my brain thought of an ending to coldmori

rant:

tw in tags

mari only sees everyone suffering and slowly dying so as a final resort she uses the horror of the forms they see her to drive everyone to kill themselves (mercy kill)

in this, i imagine some headspace shit went down, few lore things happen, sunny wakes up, and the only person hes able to see "alive" is maybe basil or kel

basil wouldve already slitted his wrists and would just be waiting to die

sunny cant really save basil, basil refuses saving, but he can sit with him until he dies

in an alternate reality sunny goes to see kel

he'd find kel in a drug induced comatose

sunny can find a note on kels desk addresed to him aswell as other letters to his mom, dad, hero, sally (for when she gets older), aubrey, basil, and mari

sunnys note:

"you made it out! im so happy you're reading this Sunny! man its been such a long time! i hope you remeber me! it's your old friend, kel!

when are you reading this? is it DECADES into the future? is it tommorow?

what do you think of all the new tech and stuff! im sure you got real confused if you ever saw a brand new phone! haha

what's your new house like? where did you move too? does it snow there as much as it does here? ha i bet not!!!

i hope you arent too upset that im gone, well, i mean not yet im not, but, y'know, you probably already know what happened since you're a future man!

i wanted to see you so bad while i was here, Sunny. I dont blame you, i would've done the same thing if i lost hero or sally!

oh btw, how's sally? hows she look now in the future? does she remeber me? i dont remeber anything from when i was a baby but maybe sally is a secret genius!

you're my best friend, and you cant see it, but im probably right beside you right now, so happy

id never leave your side buddy! God wouldnt dare pull me from you!

i hope not."

(back of page)

"hey Sunny theres one thing i forgot to tell you, i've been having a lot of back and forth in my mind as to whether or not i should say this but

when will i get another chance? haha

please dont tell anyone! it's my dying wish!!!

but uhm...

(theres a noticable amount of erased text making this part hard to read)

i remeber feeling different with you when we where kids, from aubrey or basil, kim, mikael...

everyone, you get the point

it was like, a good different, like "Sunny is so cool that no one else compares" different

and as i grew up i kept, like, feeling more different, and i think i knew after the first year of waiting for you but your parents and my parents, and the whole town is christian yknow and the elders esspecially, i always hear them say that one verse and

i think you know where this is going...

please forgive me Sunny,

but i am in love with you.

it feels weird to say

i dont know how to continue saying things after this

uhm well

goodbye then

i love you

- kel

p.s. dont follow after me. please."

sunny will find kel in his bed, he was hours too late, kels parents still think he's sleeping

if sunny brings his violin after reading the note he will play something for kel,

i like to think kel could hear it

and thats the ending !!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎊🎊🪅🪅

[boxheadpaint]

diary post baby. Heavier than usual or at least probably but i dont know or remember a good portion of the things ive ever said about myself on this line. For the normal guys though i had fun making that comic, usually when i get the motivation to make anything in that format i get pretty bummed about it pretty quickly simply because of the paneling

its fun to imagine making dynamic pages of comic panels, but when you have no experience beyond trying to make manga in your teens you mostly just have the squares/rectangles stacked next to eachother. for anyone else this is fine and isnt boring to look at by its nature alone, but for me i always believe that my own work would be too dull and unexciting to eye-catching to even bother reading. trying to just lose that pressure i give myself for a day and make something silly like some animals looking at eachother is nice

one of the things i kept hearing from my own head during the call about The Good News Of Getting Disability Income And Payment For The Time I Wasn't Recieving Benefits, was that i needed to kill myself for some reason. my body reacts badly to experiencing a lot of things, though of course its worst when its negative feelings. not even particularly strong ones, maybe a little nervous or a little mad and it likes to tremble or tense up totally. i dont know why exactly i reacted in this particular way other than the usual "what do you mean i dont need to freak out about this anymore. what am i going to do with all this freaking out juice? just chug it?"

im worried lately that ive built up too much of a tolerance to my sertraline, if thats something that happens. but i dont know for sure, and i dont know what ill do if that is the case. maybe it is still working and i just cant tell because even though its bad things would be much worse if i stopped taking it. it just feels like these days it doesnt do anything to help me feel better or more in control. can i speedrun making it work again by going cold turkey for a week and then getting back on it so my brain is like wow this awfulness stopped after i took this awesome pills.

can i give the money i recieve from social security to someone else to save? is that legal? or do they hunt you down for sport for doing that. what if you wanted to buy a house. or rent a house. Or just fucking live somewhere because these days prices are fucking absurd. ridiculous even.

hey girl, rat piss. hey girl, rat piss. I realize other than the blue puppy video i havent posted anything for pride. partly of anxieties of course, especially given the Great track record of the site withing the past month, but also straight up forgetfulness. I keep forgetting too many things and being too tired to remember. At night though i can do just about anything. I think ill take a nap and then wake up at 2 am to keep drawing. I have things to draw

6/24/2024

[its-elvie-innit]

Dsmpblr stuff in one big archive post

The fake ranboo arg (run by a blog some people thought was ranboo or a kinnie. It never was, but instead was some sort of arg surrounding the ranboo lore. Multiple characters, like the Duke, duchess, and a discord server where people started translating the posts (which were all in ender, or minecraft galactic) (link to doc)

Minesonas, and then subsequently citizen memes. This was contained within three non-consecutive weeks, where people were discussing whether lmanburg had citizens or if it did, what would it be like?

People upset over ghostburs library being blown up. There were a lot of books in there important to a storyline, and some blogs were very upset they couldn't be archived

Mcytblr awards, which had a doc and everything (link)

DSMP sexyman!!!!! The competition one blog held to go over all the supposed sexymen in mcytblr, and if they were or not. The doc for this is here (link)

Dilfcourse (world sluttiest absent father) this went on prior to philza eventually finding out he was being called a dilf, and I think there may have been a poll (?) About who was the biggest dilf right after the one mcc with all new art of certain male ccs, but it also basically ended when philza got temporarily mad about tumblrites not wanting him on tumblr, and discovered dilfza. Then when he said he didn't like it, the entire "titty window" philza design disappeared and everyone stopped posting dilfza.

Philza nerfing a blog for an url (I think it turned out that tumblr did it? But it was still WEIRD) and EVERYONE got mad about it.

The one quackity kinnie blog? During this time, a ton of kinnie blogs popped up and the quackity one sticks in my head because it was kind of convincing

Drinnie. Another kinnie blog, I actually never knew if this one was real. It was more activ3 before I joined, but it was still a pretty large thing in small mcytblr.

Whatever we had going on with piss. I think dream started the pissbaby thing and it stuck. That was so big for so long

The split between dteamblr and dsmpblr. Also the protectiveness we kind of handed off between them. Being such a closely related fandom in the publics eyes, dsmpblr and dteamblr would both get hate anons about Dream and I still recall going to bat for them sometimes. Also the discussed "gnf sickness". I don't want to mention him because he's a horrible man and deserves jailtime but it was a part of it.

Mcytboundaries. Does anyone else remember that blog? That thing was so important in the first seven months I was here.

The death of kinnies. When those few kinnie blogs that cropped up started getting really upset over getting tons of copypastas and took them seriously. I remember being so annoyed at them because if you make a kinnie blog (NOT a roleplay blog) thats the culture!!! You knew that was going to happen!!!! Put a disclaimer in your bio or something gosh.

Beacon lamps sudden ubiquitous posts. Similarly with 420technoblazeit, sometimes there would be a joke that just stuck around because it was them who posted it.

This one's more recent, but those sootblr bloggers who kept having almost e-sex in random peoples notes. Even bloggers outside of mcytblr. What was up with those guys

Not wanting ccs on tumblr. Not an event, just the overarching opinion that it would be a bad thing. It slowly died off as an opinion during late 22, something that made me and a few other og mcytblrs very sad or hesitant because people would start sharing tumblr posts with the ccs. I remember It felt like the final death of og mcytblr to me

Does anyone remember if there was that one dsmp citizen server and if it actually happened???? That might be a fake memory.

Tubbo tumblr!! This is multiple events, but he mentioned he had one in early dsmp, and it kind of overjoyed people. Then, months later, he started scrolling on stream and people made posts (INCLUDING myself) about being so genuinely scared of him being online. Out of all of the "dsmper makes a tumblr" instances, I think this was the one with the most positive reaction.

Fuck dream hoodie (instagram) and mcytblrs reaction. Went in a really funny direction

Youtooz stealing mcytblr artists fanart

Hermitblr theory stolen by matpats yt channel and no reply

KARL HATEPOSTING. When for a month in 2021 everyone just HATED him for no real reason, maybe because of tftsmp?. I think it stemmed from two blogs, and then got its start in og mcytblr circles. I remember my ex mutual squid got too into it, it was really crazy. Why did we even do that.

Love or hosts.....love or hosts and the liveblogs...

The like, Hermitcraft vs Dsmpblr sudden dichotomy. One day I remember all of a sudden there were hermit blogs, and a few dsmp blogs after them, that started getting really pissy over people referring to dsmpblr as "mcytblr" because it wasn't the whole of mcytblr. Gosh that was so stupid and funny.

Those days people posted about crying over lost vods. Whenever someone did, it would catch like a virus and EVERYONE would start talking about how sad it was.

Kroger anon...Hearty anon...my loves. Hearty Anon was like the darling of mcytblr. I didn't even know they were a real blog I just thought they were like Kroger Anon. Always wanted one of those.

Finding out wooteena was like 11. Not actually eleven, but seriously everyone thought they were like an adult person I don't know.

Subtle, but the mcytblr friendgroups and different parts having beef with each other. It was really lowkey, but I'm sorry metfell and conarcoin and their whole deal had some real haters. thats probably because they were kinda mean sometimes.

INNITER OPRESSION. gosh I remember how giddy I would get defending myself over the url and saying it was just the first thing I thought of. If you had a certain url you were a magnet for sections of mcytblr in the silliest of ways I loved it so much. little cultural pockets for every streamer.

Mcytblrs reaction to the mcytwt trending writer. I thought that was so funny.

THE TUMBLR PODCAST. Those guys on tumblr that talked about us once!!!! On a podcast!!!! Similarly, all those times we dominated not only the trending page when there was a stream, but also the fandom reports tumblr put out about which keywords and tags were most popular. Whenever someone dropped down or moved up it was really "campeao del Mundo" in the mcytblr tags. And the slow decline and us being really really sad when a spot went -15...

DOES anyone else remember the triad. Mcyt reddit, Twitter, and tumblr. How Twitter thought we had a rivals to lovers thing but actually we just hated their guts. There was fanart and everything

When the Twitter refugees came over and the first wave was semi hate and semi welcoming. Everyone came around for the second wave, but the first exodus was 85% hesitant welcome and 15% vitriol and fear.

The discourse about calling them Twitter refugees??? Because refugees are "an actual thing" we couldn't call them that anymore. I just thought it was a little stupid.

Not a specific "event" but more a shift from analysis posts and liveblogs to art and headcanon posting. There was a time in the beginning where everyone theorized about anything and everything. As the dsmp aged and mcytblr grew it became so much more isolated, I still don't understand why people stopped using liveblog tags. Bring them back!!!!! Aurghh!!!!!!

When mcytblr (like nine people out of it) started going after some dude? I forget. But there was a harassment campaign, and death threats allegedly and some big blogs made a whole deal out of it and started saying how mcytblr was no different or better than mcytwt and I don't remember if it was justified or stupid. It was for sure after the first Twitter migration and possibly after the second.

Mcytblr crafting stuff. Such an awesome group of people. I think there's an archive for mcytblr crafts, btw, it's @mcytcrafts

Just about everything I remember, besides the discourse about tommy/others getting rid of the dsmp monuments or builds that had been there a really long time like the Wal-Mart and it being really heated for a while. By the time jack and tubbo started planting potatoes everyone was cool about the whole thing.

@mcytblr-archive

I don't want to write anymore :( I think like two of these are kind of my-circle specific but I'm unsure so I included them anyway. Hope it's useful!

Edit; Tapeworm post.

[petewentzisblack1312]

I was gonna ask you this anyway actually bc you know a lot of artists but I just kept forgetting bc adhd is kicking my ass rn but since you wanted asks: do you know of any cool online stores or artists selling stickers? im trying to decorate my new laptop and I bought a few on etsy but I wanna get more

made in a lab to answer this question bc all i do is look for artists that skew cool. i will also give artists that skew cute. some artists are in between these categories, that is, they have a cute artstyle with subject matter that at least at times skews cool. my metric for whats cool and whats cute is pretty much 'based on aesthetics if this were being sold at a basement show in the 90s to 00s would someone get called gay'. if the answer is yes, its cute. if the answer is no, its cool. i dont know if this makes sense but im gonna use this categorizing anyway. i will tag the artists who are on tumblr but otherwise im naming everyone by their instagram handle because thats where i look at art and im on my phone and cant link everyone without losing my sanity

coming back after writing this list i have GOT to put this under a cut

@cursedluver: cute/cool, mostly cool to me, very bright and colourful and his starpions are really fun

ummmheather: cute/cool, mostly cute but shes got some stuff thats silly in a more cool way if that makes sense.

strikegentlyco: cool, they only recently started making stickers so the selection is a bit limited but they do have lots of enamel pins

sheselle: i would say firmly on the cute side of things in aesthetics but i think her sense of humor can be interesting. new to me though. i think you will really love some of her stuff and not really be into others.

@sweatermuppet: cool, lots of queer political stuff

luluvanhoagland: cool but with a soft artstyle so it feels cute.

@sofftpunk: cute/cool, lots of lgbt stuff

thegraveyardrave: mostly cool, they do have a tumblr blog but its specifically for clownposting so i will not tag him

leestrawberrryshop: cute with a cool tilt, mostly white and pink with just lineart but its an interesting scribble/doodle style. memey at times

prettybadco: cool but lately this guys been doing so much i think you should leave fan merch and its not bad but i dont watch i think you should leave and its not what i followed for. the original stuff is pretty neat though

catcoven: medieval. giving this one its own category on the grounds that thats pretty self explanatory and more precise than cool/cute

interrupted by finding a bee in my bedroom while drinking slightly warm tea (house is closed and the windows in my room (also closed) have mosquito nets)

@verdant-succubus: cool but there is body horror and guts and stuff so tread lightly if youre sensitive to that sort of thing.

radhia rahman (knivesmeow): cute but i feel cool when i look at her art

abprallenuk: cool but the colour palletes are strictly pastel

svv.art: very cool

smdefelice: cool. mostly does screenprinting but i am pretty sure they do stickers also. however the shop is currently closed for con prep do i cannot confirm

lilboatboutique: cute/cool has a homesick at space camp sticker which is currently on my water bottle and which i own in 2 variants as an enamel pin.

kerin cunningham: cool. emo. the goat. what else is there to say.

@darbydraws: cool. quite like her stickers although her bread and butter is t shirts. also emo

xraeart: cool. alt streetwear brand so. yknow.

skullingway: cool. theyre one of my favourite artists hands down. not a lot of stickers tho

jordandebney: cool. this guy makes the coolest stickers but most of it is for his subscription box which is fine. theres 2 stickers not behind a paywall

elrosabel: cool stuff, cute style. she kinda like. soft closed. to do polymer clay sculptures. but she might have reopened? i know shes selling stuff under this project again

piratesarrrt: cool but in a soft style. similar subject matter to luluvanhoagland. which is to say weird girl heads.

seankeetonart: cool.

@moonlume: cute. the concepts are cool though

jimibiscuits: cool. this is one of my favourite artists i have. so many of his pins. he doesnt have a ton of stickers though iirc

@8pxl: i am going to invent a category called 'pretty'. i love pixel art and this is my favourite pixel artist ever.

i gotta fuckin stop

go forth and get some stickers

[wulvert]

WHTS UR LORE ON UR ALIEN OCS IF U HAVE ANY NEW INFO,,,WHICH ONE IS THE ONE WHO GOT INSIDES REPLACED ND WHICH ONE IS THE ONE WHO GOT OUTSIDES REPLACED,,,👽?

ok so! these guys r rly early in development still but I will loredump! but nothings concrete atm all due 2 change)

SO as i have stated I'm really bad with names- most of my ocs don't get names until really late stage, so I usually call the girl with the pink and yellow eyes PZ or lot/lottie as a placeholder, the other one, with the metal back parts doesn't even have a placeholder so for this I'll call her axe (bodyspray) (lynx here but still)

so- essentially, pz is the first human on earth to have contracted an extremely destructive alien parasite, that under the right circumstances can eat planets and destroy solar systems. but its kinda gone wrong and hasn't noticed her brain- so she's still in control of her body (whats left of it) and it hasn't managed to feed on enough alive stuff at a fast enough rate to do any actual damage. she doesn't really have many internal organs left, or bones. she doesn't remember much and is pretty lost at the moment. shes a little creepy

axebodyspray is a human, but was abducted from earth as a baby and raised as a member of an alien species- they do this because they send people out to gather information from certain planets and any destructive events that could impact the greater universes society, and its easier to do that when you blend in with a planets species. if that makes sense. unfortunately for her, alien planets are much harsher than earth, earth is considered rly cushy and soft as far as atmospheres go so humans are considered physically really fragile- so their human (and similarly squishy aliens) members of society are usually kept in safer environments as kids, then undergo pretty intensive surgery when they reach adulthood to make them more durable and capable of more basic stuff, most of her joints are metal and a lot of her skins been replaced by metal shells. they do try to keep them aesthetically still human esp under clothes, axebodyspray is wearing clothes in that picture thats not her body- but she's pretty metallic under them. her torso, legs and stuff, her necks been reinforced a lot (that's more careful and under the skin, they try to keep openly metal stuff where humans would wear clothes. she's very precious abt her hands even on earth because they haven't been meddled with at all, and she considers them the most. janky unstable things ever. but her hands are very normal. she usually wears protective gloves. she doesn't like it when people crack their joints, she hates accidentally doing it to the bone joints she has left. which is like. probably just her hands/wrists.

so, axebody spray has been sent to earth to investigate a lost blob of parasite (its blobby) and loses contact with her superiors. so shes stranded on earth looking for this blob and hoping she doesnt get caught up in a planet destroying mess. but the blobs just a freak girl. whos trying to keep her job. and she forgot what her job is. and axebodysprays never really been hugged before. and pz is angsting when she can bc sheliterally. is a skin bag of goo.

scifi bullshit aside they ere GAY

[miss--river]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

thank you so much!❤️ sorry this took me so long to answer 😅

i'll start with jori since she's the first one i created! i know it may not seem like it lately but she's the main baby of the other 2 main babies i have! ive projected so much of myself and interests onto her that i became attached quickly lmao! she's also the one who i insert into every piece of media that im consuming and like enough. like, if im playing dead space i totally imagine her in the place of isaac. or if im playing a backrooms game she's the one running around and trying to escape from the monsters lmfao! her story has taken different shapes and changes since i actually brought her over from red dead online. her twin brother, mika, doesnt exist in red dead online and was solely create for cyberpunk purposes. i love the pic on the left because i just think she looks really badass lmao! and i like the one on the right because im not usually patient enough to set up sets and backgrounds but this time i stuck it out and i loved it! it's simple compared to what others can do but im still proud of it!

next is the love of her life, driss! back when i first started getting into modding my game i actually shipped her with river. i was trying to get a cute shot of her and river looking out at the sunset over the ocean, but sine i was so new to modding i didnt know bigger characters like river had a different locomotion type so i couldnt get any poses to work. as a test i replaced an NPC couple with jori and driss and that was when i fell into a hole lmfao! i thought they looked so much better together so i kept them going! their ship name is Broken and Beautiful because both of them have past traumas that still effect them but they found comfort and understanding in each other. i love how soft both of these pics are! especially the fire behind them in the one on the right!

lottie is my second of the main 3! she also started out as a red dead online OC! i usually try to make her come off as a flowery, cottage core, disney princess aesthetic type. she's the softest and shyest of my OCs but she can be fierce too! she smiles at strangers in the street and will lend a hand if they look like they need it but she does it with caution because... its night city lmao! i chose these pictures in particular because i just thought they were the coolest ones. i do have some pics that showcase her as soft and flowery but i just couldnt resist showing these ones instead! the one on the left was made to be a tarot card called The World. the pic on the right was me trying out a greaser AU on her! i really love how they both came out!

the last of the main 3 is phoenix! i made her fully expecting to just leave her to collect dust, just like certain other OCs, (and i feel so bad for them 😔) but i became attached to her very quickly too. i based a chunk of her personality off of vash the stampede from the 1998 anime trigun. after a short while of that i actually ended up shipping her with him lmfao! currently she doesnt have a backstory because nothing has really inspired me yet but at least i know some things about her current life! i think these pics are perfect for show casing her as she currently is. she lives in clutter but not, like, dirty clutter if that makes sense? she just likes having stuff and buying things that interest her. i mean doesnt everyone? haha! she doesnt really save her money for anything other than rent and bills, everything else is purely impulse. her favorite treat is donuts and when she's willing to share one with you thats how you know she likes you! her favorite thing is to make people smile!

onto stuff that i made for other people! i really loves these pics that i took of mishka and claire for @thelonestrider! mishka looks SO GOOD in purple! and claire is chef's kiss! i had a lot of fun taking pics of her! i got such freeing vibes from her so i had to have her enjoying the sun's rays!

i took these ones for @holofishes and i totally consider wren to be one of jori's besties! i think they'd have so much to talk about and i get such warm vibes when i see them together! jori is usually very sweet and kind but when it comes to her friends she'd kick anyone's ass 😉 the sunflowers and butterflies in the first pic took so long to place! but it was totally worth it! they're both rays of sunshine!

[rhaegnarokmidwinter]

weird bleach headcanons part 4: can’t stop won’t stop

Shunsui Kyouraku: This man consumes his respect women juice as religiously as a medieval monk invents new ways to circumvent Lent restrictions, that said do not let his laid back nature fool you. This man will destroy you. Like full on annihilate you in the best ways, ruin you for everyone else and when you realize what has happened it’ll be too late and you will know not only why storms are named after people, but why storms are named after sexy people. Hurricane Shunsui takes no prisoners and you throw yourself into that maelstrom with no heed to the property damage or personal injury that will occur (shit gets broken in a hurricane you’ll be thankful for the lack of bedframes in the Seireitei). You’ll be devastated, but you’ll be happy about it. Whoops. Got more poetic than weird. Lets round that out a bit. Shunsui has a thing for chaotic femdom and a bit of a voice kink. Sometimes knives get involved. Stick that in your maelstrom and vape it. Uryu Ishida: Bless him he tries, Uryu, he likes to dirty talk but he is really fucking bad at it. Ranges from outright boner-killers to hm, thats kind of weird lets try not to think about that too hard or the mood is gonna be killed. Half the time he’s busting out words you need to look up later because who brings a pocket dictionary to sex? Quincies, apparently (just this one #notallquincies) Coyote Starrk: This man doesn’t have a lot of weird headcanons, what he deserves is an entire wholesome headcanons series reserved especially for him, meet me in the Tim Hortons parking lot and fucking fight me if you disagree! Weird-wise, it isn’t really weird but it sorta fits so whatever: Coyote Starrk is a fucking sub. I’m talking praise kink, little spoon, light-to-medium bondage, subbywubbadubdub submissive. Disagree? Meet me in the Tim Horton’s parking lot. We’ll sort out our differences. 

(Also he’ll never admit it, but Starrk actually fell asleep mid-fuck once. And just? Kept going??? Sleepwalking, but fucking. Sleep fucking?) Renji Abarai: This is who supplies Shunsui’s respect women juice. Renji gets turned on by fighting and arguing with who he’s attracted to. Sometimes people he’s not attracted to??? Which is a bit weird when you’re getting the patented Byakuya Kuchiki Disdain Stare and you’re 6-foot something, red hair and tattoos popping a pup tent in your hakama cause this isn’t your girlfriend it’s her brother and thats a little too much for a normal Tuesday morning. Something about the tension gets his blood flowing a little too much if you know what I mean.

[abimee]

For what it's worth, I've been following you for a few years and I do think your skills as an artist have grown. You've seem to get more confident in the way you build the human body and face, your coloring has gotten more complex, and in general I feel like I've watched you settle more and more into a defined and unique art style.

I know it can be frustrating to not see the growth or changes you want but it does break my heart to see you be so harsh on yourself. I think you're genuinely extremely skilled and I always looked up to you as an artist, even when I was going through art school myself. I feel like you have a way of capturing people that's just so emotional and lovely and I want to see more of it in my own art, though I've been struggling to capture the same vibes too...

It's also never too late to pick up or try out something new, to find new skills or return to old ones. I loved the fics you posted, your prose is wonderful, and the way you speak about your characters is so thoughtful. It does hurt to feel like you've lost out on the time to do something, but please don't give up completely. I think you have a lot of genuine skill and talent and it'd be lovely to see you take it in any direction. Regardless of where the future takes you, I hope you have a nice day.

THANK YOU.... THAT MEANS A LOT TO ME TO HEAR.....

ive been like, trying to mull it over in my head because sometimes what i think is one way might sometimes morph into another and idk i dont think its its a dislike for my own art but like a sort of external critic ive decided to consume thats trying to sway me one way. i hate to be like ''the support i got on my art when i was younger was sort of really bad for me'' but maybe the years of being pushed To be an artist by adults and people around me saying they like my art only when its X or Y thing has like made me prey to feeling like im drawing not for myself. like i failed the expectations put on me and i dont have the chance to ''re-do''

maybe i just need to like reconsider what i like drawing or try smthn new that isnt like. hinged on this idea in my head that i need to keep peoples attention or what support i have because like. thats another fear is always like ''what if all these people who say they like my art one day just stop and im left alone'' but thats a different plate of cookies for a different glass of milk. i think i just need to figure out what I personally want out of my art and stop hinging everything on years-old circumstances

but then at the same time i dont really have any idea what i would want to do differently, i really like what i draw now but idk maybe theres something else for me in some way. i think im worried of just alienating people so used to one thing from me that changing that will just feel wrong. not really in like art style or anything but just like What i draw. i feel like ive always kept to the same concepts and ideas and imagrey that changing it will be strange or worse. but maybe i do just have to make that chance and not be so scared 😞

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

'Do you guys have any theory on why Camila left the group? Like all I have read was how the girls made her feel uncomfortable and not welcomed and tbh I don’t buy any of that.'

2015 was when they all wanted to leave the group, but because of 5H's contract they couldn't (i believe 5h label always wanted Camila to go solo and they were secretly screwing her over in 5h so she had no choice but to leave, thats why she hired her on lawyer) 2016 came and Fifth Harmony's label wanted Camila to leave the group so they could make profit off Camila's solo music, Camila didn't want to leave just yet and wanted to make one more album with the girls, they were all supposed to disband together. I don't know if anyone remembers this, but in 2016 some contract got leaked which showed for the 7/27 tour Camila didn't make any money from it and she wont make money off any future 5h songs, because she never renewed her contract with 5h, however I believe 5h label never asked her to renew it, and thats why she didn't know she wasn't going to make money from the tour. However Camila wanted to continue and finish the tour for the fans despite not being paid. This is where all the shady business went on. Camila and MGK received a gold certification plaque for bad things in 2016, that same day they received the plaque Camila got kicked from the group. I think 5h managers and Epic made some kind of contract behind Camila's and the girls back so that if bad things was a success like IKWYDLS they would immediately terminate Camila's contract from 5h. And then the whole Camren situation, I think late 2015 to 2016 camren were having problems in their relationship (they were never official, just used to hook up with eachother, they had too much to lose if they got together) Lauren started dating Lucy and Camila hated it. When Lauren got outed there was also no way 5h label was ever going to let Camila come out as well. Seeing Lauren and Lucy together was slowly killing Camila because she wasn't afraid to be with Lauren, Lauren was afraid to be with her. Lauren knew Camila wanted more but she always kept it casual, I think today Lauren knows she hurt Camila and understands she was in the wrong and they've both now moved past it. Lauren in 2016 was more selfish in the sense that she cared more about herself and image and was afraid of what people would think about her. With all that happening and everything with her label Camila could have got more lawyers and renewed a new contract with 5h, but in the end her mental health was more important so she agreed to leave the group, despite it not being want she wanted to do. The girls all felt betrayed about her leaving especially since 5h team and label were towards the end trying to create a rift between Camila and the girls, telling them all different things about eachother, which created a lot of miscommunication. They all now have been in contact with eachother and realised it was the label that created a rift between them, and they've now all forgiven eachother. I don't think they can talk about anything that went on in 5h because of contracts, even though they're no longer with EPIC, its kinda like an NDA we'll just have to give it a few more years for that to be officially over to get the real truth.

Of everything you've said there is only one thing I can agree with you on. THEY FUCKED UP WITH THE GIRLS.

And they did it through completely abusive contracts that I am sure are still active and that is why they are the way they are.

[cerealmonster15]

I’m acting on a whim and posting some unfinished(?) fanfic stuff I wrote like a year ago. Part of my many branches of caterella aus that has vague reference to one of my rsa ocs (dañarte)… but with a cater/idia main plot with jamil/azul happening in he background. My blurbs ended in a bit of a sad spot BUT it was always the intention in my mind that there would be happy resolutions 🙏 these were just little things I wrote for my friend and me bc it was an au we talked about…

Context: idia and cater are bonding, but only online over magicam, and idia is kinda catfishing cater (though not maliciously). when i was trying to name my original rsa oc (char) and looking at names, eppa was one of my initial possible choices. It was maybe my friend who had the idea initially of idia having a fake, RSA princely identity that cater gets to know over magicam?

Eventually I picked char for my actual guy, and dañarte became his cousin via me making typos and more discord sillies lol, but prince eppa became a pseudonym for idia and created another branch for the story. I’ve talked a bit about the dañarte lore and some of that comes into play here. Char I guess would too but I don’t think he got mentioned anywhere lol sorry buddy. But ya idia is pretending to be a prince at rsa named eppa who “secretly likes video games” or whatever I think lol. Idia likes his bond with cater but can’t even begin to think of how cater would react if he found out idia was lying to him.

Anyway. This is more cater/idia (and board game boys friendship) focused than anything (lots of idia pov pining lol) and idk if anyone would wanna read it but I’m putting it here to record keep anyway. No ao3 Bc It’s very unedited and unfinished and just kinda blurb writing lol

But it’s the only time if technically written for caydia. And I do like it. It’s just embarrassing bc I get embarrassed with my oc things and my love for romance drama but i guess I’ve been exposing more of it lately lol… shout out to anyone who recognizes the fic I’m referencing that I DID post lol.

Anyway. Copy pasted from my Google docs:

Idia’s computer pinged as a message appeared on screen.

C.Dia - eppa, are u awake?

Idia looked at the clock, startled. It was 3AM… Idia was still up because he was grinding a new event in one of his many, many, many games, but what the heck was Cater Diamond doing up at this hour? Had he just gotten back from a party?

PrinceEppa: ya, why r u tho? It’s crazy late lol

C.Dia: lol ikr

C.Dia: i just cant sleep rn >.<

PrinceEppa: how come?

C.Dia: i got into a fight w/my bf again…

Idia sighed at his computer. Right… Cater’d started dating that prettyboy from RSA.

PrinceEppa: 0~0 thats like the third time this month…

C.Dia: ya ik ;-;

Idia fiddled with the strings on his hoodie. He didn’t really know if his heart could take hearing Cater talk about another guy, but the thought of Cater laying around sad and alone made him ache just as bad… But what was he supposed to say in times like these? Idia didn’t know anything about comforting someone about relationships! He barely talked to people in general!

Thankfully, Cater kept going and spared Idia the anguish of trying to figure out what to do next.

C.Dia: are u going to bed rn?

PrinceEppa: no lol ill be up for a while longer.

C.Dia: royalty keeps busy at all hours huh?

Idia tensed at the mention of his lies.

PrinceEppa: something like that. Balancing the princely duties and the princely gamer sessions is tough work 😌

C.Dia: LOL. never change eppa <3

His face grew warm, a bittersweet swelling filling his chest.

C.Dia: can u chat with me a lil longer then?

C.Dia: tell me about ur day or ur games or w/e? I kinda just want a distraction, i dont really wanna be alone rn

C.Dia: if ur not busy anyway >.< it’s oki if you wanna focus on ur gamer mode lololol

Idia paused for a moment, before moving his mouse and closing out of his game. The rest of the event grind could wait.

PrinceEppa: im never too busy for you, cay.

C.Dia: thx <3

Sometimes, even for the prince of otakus, there were more important things than gaming…

But only when those things were really, really, really special.

*

“I heard Cater and that RSA boyfriend of his broke up.” Azul spoke after several minutes of silently moving chess pieces around the board.

Idia frowned. “Don’t try and use that as a distraction from the game just because I’m winning.”

Azul kept his face neutral so as not to betray any bluff he might have. “Perish the thought. I just thought his sweet prince eppa would be interested in such information.”

“SHH!” Idia hissed. “Not so loud! Besides, I-I already know. He told me…”

Azul raised an eyebrow. “He told you, or he told Eppa?”

Idia focused on the chess piece he moved. “Same thing.”

Azul sighed as he took his own piece and contemplated his next move. “Hardly. Honestly, how can you ever expect to move your relationship forward if you don’t unmask yourself? All this bonding will be for nothing if you don’t use it to the full extent!”

Idia rolled his eyes. “I don’t wanna hear it from you of all people. How long have you been saying you’re gonna ask Jamil out?”

It was Azul’s turn to shush Idia, face reddening. “How is that even relevant?!”

Idia grinned. “Cuz you keep going on and on to me about how I should be more confident with Cater, but you won’t even take the plunge with Jamil! Hypocrisy much?”

“I’m simply waiting for the right time. I would be a fool if I didn’t stick with my patient strategy of getting him to warm up to me before striking! Move too early, and I’ll undo all my progress…”

Idia sighed, thinking back to all the hours he’d spent DMing Cater under a fake name. They’d gotten quite close, but as far as Cater knew, Idia was still that vague acquaintance in the back of his classes.

If he messed up by telling him his identity at the wrong moment, or didn’t phrase it right…

“Lost progress… that’s exactly what I’m afraid of…”

*

“Idia!” Cater’s cheerful voice called out as he approached the lecture hall desks. “You’re in person again today; that’s three for three this week!” He spoke with a smile as he slid into the seat next to Idia.

Idia jumped at the sudden appearance of his classmate. “O-oh, uh, yeah…”

“Oh, B-T-W, did you hear that Azul and Jamil were on a date Friday night?” Cater said in a half-whisper, leaning close to Idia’s ear.

“Uhh…” Idia didn’t really know how to answer that. Sure, he knew Azul had some overly complicated date-but-not-a-date plan to get Jamil to hang out with him, and then ask him out for real, but how did Cater hear about…?

“I was hangin’ out with the pop music club on Friday when Ruggie texted Kalim that he was serving their table! Isn’t that just crazy?”

Ah. Kalim and Ruggie. That explained it all.

“I mean, I always wondered if those two had something goin’ on, y’know? Like, they had that ‘will they, wont they, playing hard to get’ kind of vibe. Super cute, if you ask me.”

Idia wasn’t really sure that ‘cute’ was a good way to describe anything those two were involved in, but he simply nodded his head along to Cater’s blathering, as he discreetly pulled his phone out of his pocket and switched to his Prince Eppa magicam account, reading the messages from that morning.

PrinceEppa: howre u feeling?

C.Dia: like total trash lol…..

C.Dia: ik he was a jerk but like i miss him, yknow??

C.Dia: or maybe i just miss having someone there. And its almost valentines day lol. Shit timing amirite?

PrinceEppa: that really does suck… im sorry, cater.

C.Dia: thanks, it’s oki tho. Better to get it overwith lol

C.Dia: i really dont wanna get out of bed or go to class…

PrinceEppa: mood

PrinceEppa: u really should tho. Ik it’s hard but itll feel worse if u stay there all alone

C.Dia: urk. Idk if i have the energy to be around people today

PrinceEppa: tbh i get that… i dont rlly wanna go face people either today…

PrinceEppa: how about we try it together?

C.Dia: i wish u went to my school so we really could go to class together <3

C.Dia: but oki. I'll try, for you :)

PrinceEppa: :)

If Cater really was feeling as bad as he felt, he was pretty good at hiding it with that blinding smile and bubbly laughter.

Sure, Idia’s first instinct would be to immediately enable anyone that wanted to spend the day hiding in bed, but… The thought of Cater lying alone in the dark with his thoughts just made Idia sad.

And, if he did that, Idia wouldn’t get to see him in class today…

“Oooh, do you think Azul and Jamil are gonna go out again on Valentine’s day?”

That depends on what Jamil answered on Azul’s questionnaire, Idia thought to himself. He was sure he’d get a full report from Azul later that day at their next club meeting.

Cater sighed. “Another Valentine’s day, and Cay-Cay’s single yet again!” He smiled, but Idia felt that his eyes weren’t lit as bright as they normally were as he spoke. “But, I’m sure some of the boys at Heartslabyul will be hangin’ around like always. It’s never lonely when you live with friends!” He turned to face Idia again. “What about you, Idia? Any steamy plans for Valentine’s day?”

“U-uh…” Idia started fiddling with his hair. It was now or never. ‘A-Actually, Cater… M-my dorm, Ignihyde, we’re h-hosting a movie night that night… Y’know, ‘cause a lot of us don’t really have plans for Valentine’s day and don’t wanna be sulking alone…” He swallowed a lump in his throat and took a deep breath. “...Y-you can come join, i-if you want…?”

Cater blinked a few times, a look of surprise on his face, before breaking into a smile and giving Idia’s arm a small squeeze of a hug. “OMG, movie night at Ignihyde?! I hear you guys have like, the sickest setup! That sounds great; count me in!”

Idia breathed a sigh of relief as the professor began class.

A few seconds in, his phone quietly vibrated as a single message came through. Idia glanced at it from down in his jacket pocket.

C.Dia: a rlly sweet guy in my class just invited me to hang out w/him and his dormmates on valentines day

C.Dia: u were right about getting out of bed. i think ill be okay today ^.^

***

“Hey, Idia…” Cater put his phone down, magicam abandoned where he’d paused on a video of a turtle swimming around an aquarium. “We’ve gotten a bit closer lately, huh?”

Idia paused the game he had up on his tablet. “H-huh? Oh, uh, y-yeah…”

“So, uh,” Cater played with a strand of his hair. “Do you mind if I talk to you about something a little… personal?”

Idia froze. Abort mission, find an escape route, he was not a high enough level for this kind of topic yet! Maybe Eppa was, but Idia!?

And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to just say no when Cater was looking at him with those soft green eyes.

“S-sure…”

“Thanks! Y’know, you’re really sweet, and like, such a good listener…”

Idia hoped the redness of his face was hidden behind the flames of his hair that flickered in every direction.

“And I’ve just been feeling so… confused lately, about where my heart’s at. My feelings feel like they’re being pulled in so many different directions!”

Idia could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

Cater sighed, laying his head down on the table. “My ex asked me on a date today. He wants me to give him another chance.”

The burning sensation from Idia’s insides made a 180 as he felt his blood go cold. This was the last thing he wanted to hear his normie crush come and tell him without warning…

“And the craziest part? I said I’d think about it.”

Oh god.

“I know that’s like, totally insane after everything that happened, but… I dunno, seeing him around now that he goes to school here just has my head all scrambled!” He picked his head up from the table, opened his phone again, and gave the turtle video a like before standing back up suddenly. “Gosh, sorry, I don’t know why I just came over here and dumped that on you, Idia. I guess I just find you so easy to talk to, I get a little carried away!” He said with a nervous laugh.

Lucky Idia.

“But, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure things out for myself. It’ll be A-okay!” Cater gave an unconvincing thumbs up before turning to leave.

Super lucky.

*

“Azul, today might actually be the worst day of my life.” Idia said as he dragged himself into the clubroom and plopped down in the seat across from Azul in their usual spot.

“...Hm? Oh, hello, Idia.” Azul looked up from his phone. “I believe you said the same thing when you came in here to lament about Cater getting together with his… boyfriend, a while back.” Azul seemed tense at the very concept of Danarte. He hadn’t exactly been a fan of the guy since he transferred to not just NRC, but into Scarabia specifically, where he’d made a point to hover around Kalim and Jamil as much as possible.

“I mean, it’s basically the same level of despair. Cater just told me Danarte not only asked him out, but that he’s considering it!” Idia dropped his head facedown onto the table in sorrow. “Like, how could I lose to the same guy twice!? Ugh, honestly, there’s no one as pathetic as me. I am having the WORST time, and NO ONE could possibly understand the agony I’m in right now!”

Azul chuckled, his tone solemn and hollow. “I’ll do you one better. Jamil broke up with me today.”

Wait, what?

Idia’s head shot up as he squinted at Azul, who was gazing sadly at his phone again. “Huh!? Wh- Huh!? What happened?”

Azul sighed. “We had another fight- and I mean, you know how we are. We have our differences, our disagreements, and the two of us can be a bit… stubborn at times. But we always figure it out! We were doing so well… At least, I thought we were.” Azul rested his chin in his hands. “But I suppose Jamil didn’t feel that way. He said he’d had enough of the relationship. Enough of me.”

Azul bowed his head to stare down at the table.

Idia wondered if he was trying not to cry. He looked out the window, both out of respect, and also because it felt kind of awkward to stare at his friend who was clearly just barely holding it together after getting dumped.

After a few seconds of awkward silence, when it was clear neither of them wanted to discuss their woes anymore, Idia spoke. “Uh, wanna play the VR headset boardgames today? Now’s kinda the perfect time to… Escape reality, right?”

Azul lifted his gaze to Idia. “...You just want to make me use the virtual dice again because you know I can’t use my perfected dice strategy on them, don’t you?” He straightened his posture, standing up to get the headsets. “I’ll have you know I won’t let your silly game of virtual chance best me today!”

Oh thank god that worked. Idia didn’t think either of them could handle any more emotions for the day, so he stood up and followed Azul with a grin. “Hehe, we’ll see about that, Azul.”

[rottytops]

gonna be talkin abt my meds for a bit

so i started adhd medication arounnndd a week ago, maybe. and the effects have honestly been almost immediate and very drastic.

for starters everything is just a lot easier, doing tasks is easier, going to work is easier, staying on task at work is easier...just a lot of tiny things i struggled with before are way easier for me now, i feel.

part of me is like, what if this is a placebo!! and i could always do this, but another part of me is like wow if i wasnt medicated i couldnt have done x or y thing. like i keep finding myself in spots where adhd absolutely would have taken over at this point and made me stop but i just kept going. i have this weird. feeling. inside me a lot more often, like...my blood is jelly or something, sorry if that sounds weird but i cant explain it better, so i definitely dont think the meds are fake or anything like that, but it was something i was worried about.

however even if they WERE fake (for some reason), i think what really makes the difference is just knowing i have something thats helping me out in my daily life. living with adhd sucked so bad, but it sucked even worse when i realized i had it because it was like, there was nothing i could do! but now i KNOW i have medication and i know things will be fine if i keep taking them and i KNOW if something weird happens i have my doctor's visit at the end of the month so im just. so much more relaxed about things.

....thats another thing, i used to be so so so anxious about random stuff all the time, labor over every interaction i had either online or off, spend 10+ minutes debating on when to send a message and if what im saying is okay, but that doesnt happen anymore, in fact ive been talking to a ton of new people lately and its easier than ever to just go up to someone and say hi. I had a whole ass convo with my coworker about stuff i honestly wasnt that into, but i was still alert and engaged in the discussion, that's literaly never happened before!!

theres still things im struggling with and problems i still have that medication cant just. whisk away or anything, but i dont mind taking the time to work things out, im at the start of my medication journey and the doctors were saying yeah the root of your anxiety and even deppressive episodes can be traced back to the ADHD, so dealing with one can fix the others and that tracks to me i guess. overall though im currently in suuucuh a better mental place than i was at the start of the year where it was just breakdown after breakdown

thing are different, things are better!! its such a liberating thing to think and say but its the truth lmao

[tv-gh0st]

Day 1- But now this room is spinning while im just trying to fill in the gaps

Day 1- "But now this room is spinning while im jus trying to fill in all the gaps" (726 words) by Prime_Path Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Four & Legend (Linked Universe) Characters: Legend - Character, Four Additional Tags: Sickfic, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Four (Linked Universe)-centric, Wumptober, Is that not a tag?, Damn, Legend is a good big brother, or atlest hes trying to be, im pissed that isnt a tag, i will make that a tag with my own bare hands if i have yo, Four (Linked Universe) Needs a Hug, Legend (Linked Universe) Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug Series: Part 1 of Wumptober 2023 Summary: Four is just having a bad day, and Legend is trying his best to help he swears. Wumpee- Four, kinda Legend Characters- Four, Legen

today was a doosy, im posting this technically on october 2nd yes but the fic was posted on 11:59 pm so it counts

now why is this so horribly done and posted so late, because although ive started almost all the prompts already i technically havent finished them all(im not gonna be ad bad as today i swear) and i had really bad writers block on todays the today came around and its all shit

anyways thats my rant you can actually ready the fic now ig

Everyone was cold wet tired hungry and you know one or two of them would be sick(they couldn’t sleep out unless they all wanted to get sick), and it seemed like a miracle when a portal opened up, bad news they got thrown into Wilds goddessdamned Gerudo dessert. And it was fucking cold. 

Atlest they could make a fire now.

But that really didn’t matter right now, because the moment Four walked through that portal he passed out, the last thing he heard was Legends squeaky noise as he was suddenly on 'make sure Four doesn’t die' duty.

The next time Four woke up he was very disappointed to find out they were still in the dessert. Apparently they got fucking split up And Four got really sick from the rain from the last Hyrule. He also felt very very fuzzy when he woke up. His head was pounding and he could barly  hear anything his vison had black all around it and whatever wasn’t black spots was blurry as fuck. The thing that bothered him the most was how loud it was, he couldn’t hear anything yet everything was so loud in his head.

"F-r -OUR!" 

"R-red?"

"ye- m- tuic red"

Four couldn’t hear a word of that so he just squinted at Red? Well he tried but the need to close his eyes won and Four effectively passed out, the last thing he hears being a grunt of some kind.

The next time he wakes up Four feels every so slightly more lucid, he can even hear again(the static in his head is sounding more and more like fighting by the minute) everythings still hot and blurry but he soon feels a wet towl? On his face.

"Hmm"

"Four!"

Said boy tilts his head, that’s not red is it? Maybe it is. No. 

"thank godesses your finally awake." Legend? He thinks that’s who it is.

"yes im Legend." 

Oh hes talking outloud. 

"mhm"

"Come on you have to eat something, which means you have to sit up, I only have rations and ingredients but its better then nothing." as he said that Legend was helping him sit up, well Legend was kinda just doing it all but Four aprecieted it a lot actually, as he had to get helped eating the tastless jerky that the captain hands out for rations.

And that’s were they were now, Four getting basiclly fed and he just felt horible and the arguing got louder in his head and it felt like it just kept getting louder and louder and louder until.

"SHUT UP" 

Hed barly been awake for 10 minutes and he couldn’t take it anymore he just wanted to go back to sleep and wake up in a nice cool inn where they had food and water and were his brothers were with them. 

"-our Link?"

Oh yeah legend, fuck legend. Hed yelled, it wasn’t ment at him everythings just so loud and everythings spinning and he just wants everything it shut up shut up shutup shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup.

"link!"

He felt heavy presence of Legends hands on his shoulders and everything else stopped. 

Legend sighed.

Besides that it was silent 

"m sorry…"

Legend just looked at Four in a way that screamed, confused, a little mortified even, sad, and angry but not at him Four hoped atlest. 

He really looked like that little kid who was trembling in his tiny boots thinking he didn’t need Elzo while he was really listening for Elzos every word.

He really did think Elzo was just a saftey net didn’t he. 

"no- god no Four fuck uhm. Your sick im sorry I know somethings happening its loud er like in your head right? Im ausuming the mutturing you’ve been doing was them right? The uhm I don’t know what you call em."

What?

Wait.

Did Legend know?

"How-"

"I sorry I didn’t say anything I- your like uhg I cant do this now im sorry I Shouldn’t have said anything I just, I get it well I don’t but it- your sick and it cant be easy I just im not mad or anything okay"

Four sighed, hed deal with the fact legend knows later, and the fact that the yelling is still promanint hes tired and everythings still spinning, and well hes happy that legend isnt mad? He supposes"

[keefwho]

August 25 - 2024 Sunday

10:40am

I haven't been journaling mostly because I was getting to sleep late every night and also my power went out the day before yesterday overnight which was terrible.

Friday was looking good for most of the day, I remember feeling good. I especially looked forward to all the plans I had been making because I finally feel like I can do things I want to do if I start committing to when I plan them instead of rescheduling until I'm in the perfect mood. But the power went out at 4pm while I was drawing. It looked pretty bad but my hope was that it would be back in about 6-8 hours like the usual average but it took 20. That night was fine, DS and I called on my phone and she screenshared memes while I drank. It was really fun. I didn't expect to talk about some of the stuff that came up while also stressed about the power loss but I was very open to it, I guess I was just in the right mood. It was good that we did. I always like to think I'm good to talk about anything at just about any time and I mean that. If it's needed, it's needed. I would expect the same thing from my friends.

Saturday was rough, I woke up from my rough sleep and became extremely stressed about the situation. It didn't help that I was also extremely hungry and starting to feel dirty from not showering. My toilet was also disgusting since I couldn't flush it. I remember laying on the floor and listening to Bob Ross while waiting for anyone to respond to my DMs and that got me to relax. I asked dad if he could take me to the store where I got some much needed snacks and a big container of water to flush my toilet with. So things were looking up. Something that really got to me was my LED strip going out. The battery it's hooked up to did not accurately calculate how much energy it still had, not even close. Good to know I can't rely on that I guess. BR and JG kept me company in the morning a little and that was nice, even if I couldn't use my mic because of the poor connection. I think the biggest thing I needed was company, but that also says something about my state of being. I think I should be able to be okay for 20 hours alone, even if it's dark and I lack basic amenities. Looking back I wonder why I wasn't able to focus on playing things on my switch or reading one of my books. Eventually I had accepted my fate and laid down, more or less banking on the power coming back before I decided to get up. And it did, at about 1pm. I can not describe the intense relief that happens when it comes back, every time.

The first thing I did was clean up and get myself showered. I was so happy to finally get my dishes clean and my hands washed. The shower was heavenly. For lunch I threw together a chicken stew but it wasn't great. I think I've learned I need the tyson grilled chicken chunks to make it real good, thats my best option right now but I used canned chicken instead. I had that and a chocolate twinkie with a late cup of coffee while I prepared everything for book club. I had to rush it but I got it done just in time. We had a good turnout but UP didn't show despite showing a lot of interest and promising to be there. I guessed correctly that she must have slept through it. When I asked her, she said she was really excited and was reading the book out loud to some people, kids maybe? I thought that sounded sweet. She also asked if she could bring other people along and I do want new recruits so that was promising.

After the book club, TK, WX and I hung out until real late. We went to that pink, Barbie-esque world I love and had some interesting conversation. GOOD conversation because we all shush and let each other talk and really listen. It was so refreshing given the last week's poor success conversing with people. I had one big takeaway from our discussion: that the only thing you need to do to be worthy of love is to be yourself. It sounds corny but here is my logic. I'm someone who has struggled to be my own person my entire life. This is largely due to pressure to conform from a young age, especially from my parents. I'm someone who has mistook poor dynamics for true connection, mostly becoming attached to others and incorporating into their identity. But the purest form of connection happens between 2 individuals that recognize each other as such. It takes a lot more and means a lot more when someone doesn't have to take interest in you or be there for you but they do it anyways. They can go off and have their own adventures but they always come back to you. That requires both parties to be their own people, to be themselves. I'm not sure real love can happen between two people without that. So instead of focusing on things like financial status or even something important like emotional maturity, I want to focus on being who I am. The good thing is that I assume most of us want to be better people inherently so stuff like maturity will still come with my self discovery. I dont think I worded any of this as well as I meant to but it's more for me to get out and process anyways.

Saturday night I felt connected to the people I was talking to and I contribute that to my recent focus on what is really happening in my life in this moment and viewing myself as an independent person doing MY own thing. Right now I'm trying to change my relationship with others. Usually I am afraid of change and I still am, but I'm putting the power in my own hands. If things have to change then at least I have the reigns. I really am tired of being guided around by others or by circumstances. In regard to others, I think I'm learning to enforce real boundaries.

10:55pm

6.5/10

This morning I took the time to shave my whole body and super moisturize, that felt good. I made a delicious combo of spam, green beans, and spicy ramen. The new frozen green beans I got are really good. Then my dad taught me how to use a chainsaw briefly. It was cool, a little scary and harder than I thought. Then I made and sipped my coffee while I got on VRchat with TK. I didn't have any plans or desires and neither did she so we decided to experience whatever happened in public worlds. We found ourselves in some sort of anime murder high school RP thing they we incorporated into and actually played. She was the one actually doing it and I was her emotional support horse. There weren't enough slots at first for me to participate and I had to keep stepping away to prep lunch. We were there for awhile and DV joined too. He told me all about his current racing phase. After he left, we went to a hide and seek world which was a cool little experience. Then I got off to eat my lunch and chill with DS. We watched Twilight Breaking Dawn part 2 and I liked it. I think the only one I hated was BD Part 1. We also watched some Otakon content while she made her birthday party announcement pic which I posted in my announcements channel. In bed we did our usual puzzles and then I joined BR and friends for an hour of Minecraft but I was kinda bored.