#but they were there. physically. so whenever im unhappy as a kid its like

[kil9]

my mom when i was a kid: when you were an infant your bedroom caught fire lol but it was fine.

me: ok. im sure some freak accident that no one could have prevented in any way

my mom at 26: the smoke detector was beeping so i took the batteries out and stashed it in a closet without telling you, like a couple weeks ago. i figured you would probably fix it for me despite never telling you about it

me: ah. ok. connecting dots here. . .

[mosstalon4]

dnd school

ok so my brother and i were joking about how he’s gonna be a TA for a stats class, and how while he hasnt taken a stats class himself in a while, he does “recreational stats” (dnd). he then proceeded to create an example with his newest character, their stats (like. their charisma and strength and such) and their weapons, seeing what build would do the most damage for his character. i offhandedly said “they should make school questions like that so that people can actually engage with the classes” as a joke, but now that im thinking about it, while it (obviously) wouldnt help everyone, i think it has potential. so. i am proposing.... DND SCHOOL.

(and please dont mind the semi-random bolding and italicizing, its meant to help read this chunky post.)

or, more accurately, a dnd-themed summer camp. altho prefereably it would be a school. maybe an extracurricular? whatever. ill figure it out.

at the beginning of each year, students can either make a character (with help, or without if they prefer), or can be assigned a character (if they are feeling overwhelmed and dont know how things work, or if they're being surly little guys who are only here because their parents made them go so theyd stop failing geometry) to “be” for that year (characters dont have to reflect themselves, but at least for the first year they should. this helps the students to find their own strengths and weaknesses through their characters). they then obviously go thru a school structure that is the same (or as same as it can be) to whatever schools are structured like in that region, with various different subjects- but all of them have a dnd twist.

for example, history- the history teacher is a very studious orc man who peers down at his students over his silver spectacles, sternly reminding them that “this may not seem like your history, but if you do not learn from your ancestors, they will be very unhappy.” (the history teacher has a mysterious past that is Probably Not (read: absolutely definitely) related to the weird artifacts he carry around. he can often be heard muttering to himself. If the students pay close attention, they may eventually figure out that the guy is a time traveler, and each artifact comes from a certain time in history that he is teaching his students about. learning more about these artifacts also teaches the students about the times they came from.)

the math teacher - teaches you how to maximize your dps (damage per second). and your healing. and your- ok they basically just teach you to minmax. artificer.

the language (grammar) teacher is just a little guy. theyre just a little guy and also its their birthday, and they Probably aren’t fae. regardless, the students who excel in that class always come out of it knowing more puns and wordplay (and how to deceive with the truth) than most average folk these days.

the gym teacher is a very polite halfling who Will slowly remove their heart-shaped glasses and “i beg your fucking pardon” anyone who’s bein an ass. they do try to teach healthy ways to exercise and such, but they also do a lot of in-class work - teaching the students how and why their bodies Do Weird Things, and teaching them to recognize what their bodies are telling them. if a student says they feel tired, then that student is allowed (sometimes even required, if necessary) to sit out- but they do still have to pay attention so they can learn the strategy of whatever Physical Exercise the class is doing. the first time someone tried to bully a kid who had decided they couldnt participate, the gym leader very calmly and politely told the bully to shove it up their ass, or the teacher would do it for them. no one gets made fun of in that class anymore. (at least, not in front of the teacher. it can be difficult to track bullying behind closed doors, but whenever bullies are discovered, they are dealt with and their victims are consoled.)

the various science tracks really lean into the mad scientist vibes. the chemist calls her chemical equations “weird alchemy sentences.” [might write more here later.]

The Judgement Wizard - instead of of a dean, the school has a Judgement Wizard (a licensed therapist, preferably one who specializes in youth behavior). if youve been misbehaving, your teacher and/or peers can go to the Judgement Wizard, who will give them weird and rather inane advice. following that advice almost always works, for some reason. (more seriously, if a student has a problem, the Judgement Wizard will give them private lessons made to target their problem. for example, if someone has been feeling like theyre always being watched, the Judgement Wizard (licensed therapist) will tell them to draw little eyes in various places and squeeze lemons into them whenever they can. she will also give Actual Advice, but sometimes the lemons do help.)

if you are injured, please go to the nurse and TELL THEM how you got hurt so they can TREAT YOU PROPERLY. i promise, our Judgement Wizard may be wacky, but she is Very fair.

the custodians all have cool little sigils and stuff on their cleaning tools, and sometimes mutter nonsense words that they claim encourage the dirt to bend to their mops’ wills.

and its not just the teachers and staff that are weird fantasy rpg fellas. remember how i said each student creates a character? well, based on their character, that student receives somewhat customized schooling.

is your character terrible with charisma, but can already lift four fully filled backpacks with ease? you wont be ignored in gym, but you will likely be left to your own devices once you’ve demonstrated that you know what you’re doing. conversely, the grammar teacher will offer them extra classes after school if they notice you’re struggling, and will try to group you with students that help you come out of your shell.

does your character have great charisma but doesnt understand how language works at all? guess what! i already described someone who would learn wonderfully with you. time to befriend a shy barbarian who could probably bench-press your mom if she got on their nerves.

maybe you play someone who hates physical exercise, just despises it with all your being. well, you will have to do physical exercise Sometime, but the teacher will try their best to find something you can enjoy without hurting yourself. if anyone tries to make fun of you for not being Big and Strong, well. i already discussed that.

most of all, the teachers pay attention. they see each new student and try their best to bring you out of your shell and actualize your greatest strengths. they definitely teach the importance of teamwork (cant play dnd without a party!) but they also teach you how to balance. they dont want you to fall off of that tightrope. they want you to be able to cross that chasm however you see fit- to dance, to zipline, to crawl, to simply walk. regardless, they will teach you to cross that chasm. and when youve reached the other side, you can look back and say “damn. that one was easier than the first time. let’s keep going.”

your teachers smile at you, wave, and begin to guide the next group across.

[bpdmagic]

sorry i need to vent for like a sec about how much my life sucks right now just ignore it i guess or read it and feel better about your life

since leaving college in may i’ve

- been dumped and gained 30+ pounds i literally want to just starve myself like i did when i was really depressed in college but i live with my dad and his fucking terrible wife and the tiny ass dog that terrorizes my cat so i cant 

- i also cant starve myself because i work full time (40 hrs a week which i know may not seem like a lot but its my first time having a full time job) fucking chasing around 2-3 year olds at a daycare (many of which have behavioral problems). most of the people here are not friendly, unhappy and underpaid. i dont make enough to live on my own and 

- because i work with small children i have been sick since i started working in september. i had a sinus infection a few weeks ago (right before christmas) and had to miss 3 days and pay $50 to see urgent care. i am now sick again with a fever but i dont know if its another infection i have to go spend another $50 to find out i hate this job you do so much and no one appreciates it.

- i havent had sex or been in a relationship in 8+ months which is a fucking nightmare for me because ive always been that girl with a long term boyfriend (i know big fucking deal vanessa, no one cares ok but ive been diagnosed with bpd and while im not actively trying to physically hurt/kill myself anymore, i still have symptoms and if you dont know anything about bpd sometimes it makes you seek emotional support from someone because you never really got it growing up) 

- i completely ghosted my therapist and stopped taking all the antidepressants i was on back in may so i dont know what the fuck is going on with my mental health ive just been suppressing everything and have random outbursts at the dentist like a normal person, right? my family is super against medication and keep telling me “its great you got off it, its bad for you and makes you gain weight”

- its been 8 months since i graduated and im not sure how/when im going to graduate school or how/when im going to find another job and people keep asking me about my future and i just have to blindly accept that everythings going to be okay. 

- im at a point in my life where im just so tired of dating and pretending to be interested in someone who has nothing in common with you. like yes looks and attraction are important but i mostly want someone i can genuinely enjoy spending time with. and i thought maybe i had found someone like that through some means other than the internet and my friend decides to be a shady bitch about it and ask him out SOLELY because i told her i was interested (and does this regularly to her other friends but theres nothing i can do about it because you cant change people like that) and he flat out rejects me. while im fucking sick in bed with a fever. not to mention winter is super fucking depressing and seasonal depression is a very real thing but i usually had someone to spend it with. new years was horrible because i was surrounded by couples. NOT TO MENTION the very real fear of never being able to fall in love with someone ever again because the only time ive ever felt real love i was in an abusive relationship that i literally keep coming back to and has ruined all of the relationships after it. 

- ive been feeling shitty since leaving school tbh but ive been trying so hard to distract myself with conventions and making costumes, playing video games, seeing friends whenever i can but now i dont want to see them anymore because of this whole ordeal so. 

- i guess im basically having ANOTHER quarter life crisis because i now have a bachelors degree from an esteemed college and i thought id be somewhere better by now.. and im 22 and i feel like time is running out. there are so many people in their 20s that are either married, with kids, or highly successful doing what they love... 

- finally, ive been switching addresses like crazy and dont have a place to live because my mom rented our house to just genuinely BAD PEOPLE she found on craigslist who have overstayed their welcome for 8+ months and have stopped paying my mom rent and theres nothing she can do about it. so ive been sleeping on a fold out couch for 8+ months at my dads. ive never stayed with him this long and clearly my stepmom doesnt like that because she literally gave us both the silent treatment for FIVE FUCKING MONTHS. and i guess she pitied us or started to feel lonely or sorry because of the holidays and my dad being sick so theyre better now but i am still very angry at her and want to leave as soon as possible. 

i literally had a mental breakdown at the dentist on tuesday. i guess the bottom filling and the huge needle in my face was the last straw (i have a bad fear of needles, ive had to be pinned down before at the doctors and cry almost every time im confronted with them). i couldnt stop crying but i went through with it and now ive had a fever since then so idk man. to take the edge off i started a free trial for netflix and started watching black mirror after watching a couple of eps at a friends house but no one said there were a lot of potentially triggering things in the show such as self harm and suicide so :-) ive stopped watching cus ive found myself having thoughts but yeah i love being rejected woooo its probably because im fat now gr8 i love it