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#but uni theyll give you your mark and a comment like oh you should have included x
whispers-of-gallifrey
·
4 years
Text
Side of my brain panicking about the future vs side of my brain panicking about not living to see the future fight!
#tw death
#this post brought to you by the panic attack i had this morning about everyone i love dying and it being my fault
#and the panic attack i had 10 minutes ago about failing second year when i dont even start till next week
#i mean ive always had panic attacks thinking about the future so thats nothing new bc theres so much uncertainty
#i wish i could have a step by step breakdown of everything bc then i could actually do stuff
#like all of my lectures are pre recorded and released every monday so keeping ontop of them is gonna be hell
#like its hard enough to remember to do the reading for things but the lectures too??? i have to chose my own 2hr timeslots in which to watch
#them????
#2nd is gonna be hard and it actuallt counts so im probably gonna get a third and the amount of work i put into getting a first last year is
#meaningless so why did i even bother trying and crying so much about everything i did
#i wish i could get a diagnosis for something bc somethjngs not normal about me and i want to be able to focus and work normally and i cant
#ive always been a high achieving student which sounds like a really stupid thing to complain about like oh no i got another a* how horrifyin
#but i have such a huge fear of failure and an inability to start a task unless i know precisely what to do bc i dont want to get it wrong
#and uni is so hard for that bc the only time you get feedback is when they grade your work and thats your final grade
#whereas at school all your work was practice for the final exams so you could improve
#but uni theyll give you your mark and a comment like oh you should have included x
#and like that would be good for future reference except im not doing that topic again so whats the point
#okay i guess my panic attack is still going rip
#sorry for rambling i just need to speak this into the void
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