#whereas at school all your work was practice for the final exams so you could improve

[whispers-of-gallifrey]

Side of my brain panicking about the future vs side of my brain panicking about not living to see the future fight!

[illegal-spiegel]

To Love a Jerk

Pairing: Neito Monoma x gn!reader Genre: angst, fluff Warnings: getting shot, mention of blood Summary: you and Monoma have always butted heads but things take a turn when class 1-A is attacked by the League of Villains Word Count: 2.4k words

It wasn’t always like this. 

At one point, you and Monoma were good friends. Then, entrance exams came around and you somehow made it into class 1-A while he was stuck in 1-B. It honestly didn’t make any sense to you. People like Mineta can be in class 1-A while other people with amazing quirks and skills are in lower classes? Maybe Mineta will be better once he acts more courageously.

Either way, the school splitting you up like this wasn’t a problem for you but it was for Monoma. He’s always been prideful and being put in a lower class rather than being with other top students wounded his pride. In return, he pokes and prods at class 1-A. Luckily for you, his teasings directed at you are normally just playful because while he doesn’t like being a ‘lesser’ to you, he still remembers the friendship that you two once shared. 

You actually got into UA under recommendation and passed the entrance exams with flying colors. Because of this, you were in the top three of your class, alongside Bakugo and Todoroki. For some reason though, Mr. Aizawa pushes you harder than the other two. Maybe because he sees your potential and wants to help you improve. Who knows. Either way, you don’t appreciate being worn down like this every day. 

After practicing out in the field with your class, you all make your way back inside. Once inside, he lets you have a restroom and water break before returning to the classroom. You’re currently gulping down water like you just got out of being in the desert for a week when Monoma comes over to you and the others that were waiting for water. 

“Wow, you guys look tired. I can’t believe class 1-A is so weak! You were out there for, what, an hour? How pathetic!” You pull your head away from the fountain, turning to look at him. Once he sees you, he goes quiet for a moment before smirking and walking over to you. “Aww, what’s wrong, (Y/n)? Are you tired? Want me to fetch you a towel for all that sweat and dirt on you?” he coos. 

You sigh and roll your eyes, not really feeling in the mood to be putting up with him right now. “You sure are talking big but we both know that if I wanted to, I could still wipe the floor with you in this state,” you say boldly, staring at him with fierce eyes. His smirk falls and he stares back at you quietly for a couple of seconds. 

“You do realize that I can just copy your quirk and then it would be a pointless fight, right?” he replies, quirking a brow up at you. You aren’t sure why you decided to say this next. Normally, you would never say such things to him, or anyone else for that matter. It’s just that you’re so tired, you hurt all over, and your head is too hot, making it hard to think straight. 

“Yeah, you’re right. It would be pointless because you don’t have your own quirk. You have to steal other’s quirks just to fight. How does that feel? Being so unoriginal, I mean.” As soon as you finish, you want to take the words right back. Everyone stares at you both, looking between you two in complete and utter shock. 

Luckily for him and unluckily for you, Kendo comes over to save the day for Momona before you can apologize. “C’mon, Monoma. Stop tormenting class 1-A,” she says weakly, looking at him with concern. She’s never seen him like this. No one has. 

He’s silent. 

Monoma just stares at you in silence, hurt shining in his eyes. If anyone else insulted him, he would’ve laughed cockily and fired something back. He never thought you would ever say such things to him. He looks over at Kendo and nods before walking outside with the rest of his class since it’s now their turn to go out. 

You sigh and close your eyes, guilt and shame filling you to the brim. Stupid, stupid is what you are. “(Y/n)? We are walking back to class now,” you hear Deku softly call out to you. You turn away from the door that leads outside and turn to look at him, smiling weakly at him as you walk with him back to class. 

After that day, he refused to come and talk, or torment, you. It was eating you alive inside. There was no “Need some help with your homework, (Y/n)? You’ve never really been the sharpest tool in the shed.” or “Hey, (Y/n). I got a ninety-eight on my quiz whereas you got a ninety-seven. How does it feel to be such a sore loser?” He always used his insults as an excuse to talk to you and to even help you with said homework or something else that was ‘embarrassing’ for you.

He still talked to the other 1-A students though, continuing to make fun of them and the like. His insults were actually worse than usual. You decided after the third day of him not talking to you that enough is enough. You were determined to corner him and talk to him after school.

Today, your class was to go to USJ and practice your skills for saving and helping people from natural disasters. You were actually pretty excited to be able to work on these abilities. Well, that is until the League of Villains appeared. They separated you all and caused havoc amongst all the students. 

After fighting through villain after villain after villain, you and some of the others finally reached the source. The villain had hands all over him along with a dressed-up villain with a purple smoke-like substance emitting from him. All Might was fighting tooth and nail to beat some bird looking figure. 

It took a little while for things to start looking up and you started to believe that the good guys will win. You even helped to stop the bad guys and you’ve never felt more proud of yourself. You helped save All Might! 

It all came crashing down though when a villain with gun barrels for fingers fired shots at your group. You were hit and you honestly didn’t feel it at first because of the adrenaline. The villains warped away, letting you collapse to the ground and relax. Once your adrenaline started to subside though, it was the worst pain you’d ever felt in your entire life. You ended up blacking out from all the pain. 

When you woke up, you were in a bare white room, which you figured out was a hospital. You shift your position a bit and then feel it. You turn to see Monoma sitting in a chair with his head on your bed, his eyes closed as he peacefully sleeps. You sigh and gently place your hand on his blond locks, planning on running your fingers through the silky strands. 

That is until he pops up the second you touch him. He stands up with a shout of your name, his chest heaving with each heavy breath that he dragged in. “Are you insane? What were you thinking? What part of ‘top bad guys’ made it seem like a good idea to fight them?” he shouts. 

You stare up at him with a blank expression as he yells before a smile starts to break out on your face. “I’m fine, thanks for asking,” you reply teasingly. He huffs and crosses his arms over his chest, glaring sharply down at you. 

“I know you’re fine, you dope! The nurses who have to keep checking on you because you decided to do something stupid told me as much!” he snidely replies back. You bite your lip, trying to stop smiling. He’s honestly such a dork. Instead of saying he’s worried about you and he’s glad you’re okay, he insults you. 

It goes on like that for a while until a nurse finally comes in and tells him to lower his voice. The nurse, seeing you’re awake now, goes to get the doctor. The doctor explains you were shot and lost a lot of blood, but they got you here in time and were able to save you. You didn’t realize how serious it was until the doctor finished telling you everything. She then tells you that you’ll have to stay at the hospital for a little while to make sure that there are no complications.

“You know, you’re very lucky to have such a kind boyfriend. He made sure you were always wrapped up in a blanket, the window open to give you light and fresh air, and—”

“Okay! Thank you, doctor!” he hisses, a blush spreading across his face. The doctor chuckles as she and the nurse leave, teasing smiles on their face. You turn to look at Monoma with a raised brow and a smirk. Before you can tease him though, he’s standing up again and grumbles out, “Are you hungry? Thirsty? You were out for quite a while. I’ll go get you something since your weak body can’t handle it.” He then walks to the door before quickly leaving, your giggles following him out.

He visits you every day and even stays when your whole class comes to visit you. “Look at that, I didn’t think Monoma liked anyone,” Denki teases. Monoma’s face lights up as dark as Kirishima’s hair. 

“Look at that, I didn’t think you knew so many words,” he hisses back at Denki. 

“Monoma,” you say in warning. He turns to look at you before huffing and leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. “He didn’t mean that. He’s just in a pissy mood,” you excuse for Monoma. Denki didn’t seem to mind one bit as he grins, turning to look at Sero and Kirishima before making a whip sound. Monoma opens his mouth to give a snide remark, placing his hand on the bed to help him stand up. You place your hand over his though, successfully stopping him. He instantly shuts his mouth and stares down at your hand. 

You then notice that Deku isn’t there amongst your peers. Once you ask where he is, everyone explains that he, once again, went too far and injured himself. You hum in understanding, knowing how reckless Deku can be. The class catches you up on what you’ve missed out on as they leave their flowers, balloons, cards, and the like all over your room. You thank them for visiting as they leave, your eyes moving to Monoma once they’re gone. 

He remained quiet the entire time and still appeared to have a blush on his face since you kept your hand over his. “We really need to work on that temper of yours,” you tease, giggling as a pout comes to his lips. 

Once you’re finally released from the hospital, he takes you home and makes sure you are 110% fine before finally leaving. When you come back to school, everyone is ecstatic to see you back. Everything goes back to normal after that. 

Well, except for the fact that Monoma follows you around like a lost puppy now. At first, you thought it was cute. I mean, he wasn’t the only one worried about you. After a while though, he was the only one still fretting over everything you do. You didn’t want him treating you like glass anymore, so after school one day, you confronted him. 

He’s walking you home like always, making sure there’s nothing blocking your path as you two walk. “Monoma, why do you treat me like porcelain?” you ask, coming to a stop as he moves a branch out of the way for you. He pauses and turns to look at you, acting like a deer caught in headlights. 

“Well, it’s not my fault that you’re so weak. It was pathetic how you—”

“You need to stop,” you interrupt, crossing your arms over your chest. He stands up straight after moving the branch off to the side. 

“Stop what? Helping you? You always complained that I’m not nice to you and now you’re saying I’m being too nice? Make up your mind,” he says after scoffing. You sigh and walk over to him, coming to stand in front of him. 

“Monoma, please. Talk to me. Why are you acting like this? It’s been weeks since I was shot. Why are you still treating me like this?” He turns to face you, his eyes seeming to shine under the sun. 

“Because I…” he trails off, looking away from you once more and starting to walk away. 

“No, Monoma. We are talking about this,” you command, taking a hold of his arm. He spins around and turns to face you, suddenly in your personal space. 

“Because I care about you, (Y/n)! As soon as I heard what had happened, I felt like someone punched me in the gut. I suddenly couldn’t breathe and I prayed to god for the first time in years. I prayed that you were okay, that you wouldn’t die before I could tell you how I feel,” he says in one go, gasping for air when he finishes. 

Your brows furrow though, this explanation not clearing anything up for you. “How you fe—” He cuts you off with his lips, deciding to show you instead of telling you how he feels. Your eyes go wide at the sudden kiss, your heart trying to jump out of your chest. You close your eyes to return the kiss but before you can, he pulls back and stares into your eyes once you open them again. 

“I love you, okay? Jeez, how stupid are you?” he breathes. You can’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl, tugging him back in for another kiss. He wraps his arms around you with a low hum, a breeze blowing through you both and making his hair tickle your forehead. The kiss is sweet and loving, your lips sharing the words that you two have always had trouble saying. 

“You did it again. Is it that hard for you to say something to me without insulting me?” you ask once you two pull back. He scoffs and tightens his grip on you, his eyes playfully squinting at you. 

“Is it so hard for you to say it back?” he sasses, a smirk coming to his face. You bite your lip and bring one of your hands away from his chest to brush his hair out of his eyes. 

“I love you too, jerk.”

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[maknaesdancersrappers]

the truth about you.

⁕ commission  ⁕

warnings » smut (explicit sex scenes; oral, fingering, corruption kink), language (repetitive use of profanities), themes (friends with benefits, underage drinking, pregnancy scare), angst (please have a fluff fic ready to read after this one)

genre » high school!au, fwb!au

word count » 25k

playlist » link

dedicated to  » jae ♡ ; thank you so much for commissioning this fic, it was draining to be honest, but i’m happy of how it turned out and i’m glad you enjoyed it.

+ timeline is a bit messy, but hopefully none of you catch it ㄟ( ▔, ▔ )ㄏ

terminology » yakgwa (korean honey cookie), ssireum (korean wrestling)

The library is your safe haven. The soft murmurs, the books, the cold air — all of these brought you peace and was the most ideal studying environment for you. It didn’t matter to you if your schoolmates called you a nerd all your high school life; let’s see who’ll be graduating with honors and, hopefully, a full scholarship to Seoul National University.

The only time you didn’t enjoy the library was when midterm exams were around the corner and students were cramming at the library, rushing to make reviewers, or even learn what they should have already known had they listened during class. This was the breeding ground for one of your pet peeves: people who can’t control the volume of their voices. Why do they even bother whispering if the entire library could hear it? You especially hated those whose voices get gradually louder and louder until they’re already practically exclaiming.

You would have gone to a lesser known cafe but you’d have to pay for a drink to stay there, whereas the library allowed you to bring in your own drinks as long as they were in reusable cups or tumblers. Today, however, you were only dragged here despite it being peak cramming season because your best friend had begged you to tutor him.

“I love you with all my heart, [Y/N].” Jungwoo grabs your hands and brings it to his chest. “Only you could teach me chemistry better than Mrs. Yoon—”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” You had just arrived at the table he was able to reserve and barely put your things down before he started acting dramatic. “Just highlight which topics you don’t get—”

“Everything.” He says in one breath, pulling out the best puppy eyes expression he could muster.

“Everything?” You browsed through your chemistry notes and sighed. This was going to take longer than you expected.

Sensing your apprehension, Jungwoo grabs your hands again, “I’ll buy you lunch for two days, please!”

You sit down beside him after shaking his hands off yours and settling in, “That’s not why I’m having second thoughts, Woo. I need to study for other subjects, too.”

Jungwoo scoffs, crossing his arms and leaning away from you, “Baby, you’re top 1 of the entire batch.”

“No, I’m not.” You scowled, turning around to grab your pencil case from your book bag. As you did so, excited murmurs erupted from the table beside yours and curiously, you followed the gazes of the girls to the door that had just closed. Sitting back up, you huffed, “I would be if he wasn’t around.”

Your best friend moves his attention to the person in question and lets out a sound of acknowledgement.

Jaehyun was never your classmate, but he’d been vying for the top spot against you for years. He was the living proof that God had favorites; blessing him with brains, beauty, and brawns. Aside from being an honor student, he played for the school varsity basketball and was a substitute player for the soccer team. This guy was annoyingly handsome as well; drop dead gorgeous with flawless, fair skin.

“He’s so hot.” Jungwoo sighs, taking a second to realize what he said and looked around to make sure only you had heard. “You know I was classmates with him freshman year, right? After gym, all the guys would shower in the locker room and I could confidently tell you that he’s packing—”

“Jungwoo!” You scolded, raising your voice just loud enough to get hushed by the librarian and everyone turns their heads towards you. You mouthed an apology and bowed your head, feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Of all the places your eyes could fall onto, it had to be on Jaehyun, who by the looks of it, was amused at what had happened. “I hate you.” You whispered to Jungwoo.

“Sorry. At least everyone’s a lot quieter than earlier.” He gestures to your notebooks, “Let’s get started. You know I can’t fail chemistry.”

Before you could open your notes, Jaehyun is looming over your table and leaning on one arm.

“Hi, Jungwoo.” He greets, flashing that infamous dimpled smile.

“The last time we spoke was during freshman year.” Jungwoo points out, unaware he sounded rude, but Jaehyun didn’t seem fazed by it. In fact, he seemed to agree with the statement.

“Do you need something?” Your peripheral vision catches some jealous frowns from the other table, “We’re kind of busy.”

“[L/N] [Y/N].” Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, “I was just wondering why you’re here during midterm season. You never study in the library during this time.”

“How do you know?” You ask, glancing at Jungwoo. He’s already ignored Jaehyun, reading through his notes.

“I like to keep my eye on the competition.”

Even this makes Jungwoo look back at him, moving his gaze back and forth between the two of you.

You stare up at him, a little dumbfounded, before your brows slowly rise up. “So you keep tabs on me?”

“I was really disappointed in myself when I was top 2, you know. But I gotta admit,” He chuckles, “It’s impressive how you were able to beat me a couple of times.”

There was something in his tone that didn’t sit right with you. It wasn’t just him being conceited about it. Is he taunting you?

“Well, it’s not a difficult feat to beat you.” You shot back.

Jaehyun smirks, clearly enjoying this squabble with you. “So you think you could beat me? There’s only two major exams left for senior year. This week’s midterm and next year’s final exams before graduation. You think you could beat me for both?”

“You can bet on it.”

“[Y/N].” Jungwoo whispers, putting a hand on your arm, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Bet? You wanna bet on it, [L/N]?” Jaehyun straightens himself up and crosses his arms over his chest, emphasizing how tight his sleeves are on his shoulders and biceps.

You could have been swooning with Jungwoo right now but there was a flame of aggression burning in your chest at the prospect of beating Jaehyun and getting him to do something for you. “We can decide what’s at stake after the exams.”

“Deal?” He puts out one hand towards you, a confident smile plastered on his face.

For the brief second you hesitated, you thought of all the possible things he’d ask for. Bragging rights, definitely. Personal assistant, maybe? He wouldn’t ask you to do something wild like run naked during one of his halftimes, would he?

“Scared?” He pulls you out of your thoughts and you huff at him, grabbing his hand and giving it a firm shake.

“Deal.”

Jaehyun grins at you, repeating the agreement, and bids both of you a good day. Once he leaves and joins the table two rows down. Did he really skip his table just to challenge you?

“Are you crazy?” Jungwoo pulls on your arm and you wince at the pain, “The only reason that guy is an honor student and plays for two sports is because he’s competitive as fuck. Don’t you remember he got benched for the consecutive fouls he got in sophomore year because we were losing by 2 points? 2 points! And it was only the first half of the game!”

You do, in fact, remember that time. You couldn’t stay long too watch the game and ran into him while you were heading out. That was the first time you ever interacted with him, as well as putting a face to the name that stole the top spot of the honor’s list. He was visibly annoyed; silently fuming in front of the vending machine and angrily jabbing his finger at the canned iced coffee button. Curiously, you approached him to ask if it was broken and he apologizes, saying he just didn’t have change on him since he was wearing his uniform. He moves away to let you use the machine and you end up buying him one before catching the bus to your old dorm.

“I remember and so what? Do you think he’s going to cheat? He’d be expelled.” You briefly glance at your notes before glaring back at him, “Do you think I can’t beat him?”

“No.” Jungwoo shakes his head, “But what if he does? We don’t know what he would do to you.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” When he opens his mouth to rebut, you quickly ask him, “What’s the atomic number of gold?”

You always entered the classroom during exams with confidence; not an ounce of panic or distress in your system, unlike the rest of the class as they scrambled to check their reviewers a few more times until the teacher came inside. 

Today was a little different.

There was a heavy, upsetting feeling in your stomach all because the bet between you and Jaehyun was nagging at you in the back of your mind. You poured in a few more hours a day to review, even during your part time work at the convenience store Jungwoo’s family owns.

Speaking of Jungwoo, he looked a lot more confident than you. He was fiddling with his pencil and murmuring to himself, probably recalling the terms needed for the exam.

The teacher comes in and the whole class falls silent, sitting straight in their seats. Because you were seniors, Mr. Cho took it upon himself to give a small speech about how this exam isn’t something to worry about as he has full confidence in everyone that they’ve studied well. Of course he said this while smiling at you and you’re hoping you didn’t over-study yourself to the point of blanking out when the test papers are in front of you.

Fortunately, when he was done with his little monologue and finally passed the papers, you were able to breeze through the questionnaire once he gave the go signal to start. You were even able to go through your answers thrice until time was up. Your worries start to ebb away as the day continues on and until the last test is submitted in, you finally feel the weight over your shoulders lift.

“That was exhausting.” Jungwoo complains once he walks over to your table with his bag haphazardly hanging off his shoulder. “Why can’t there be two days for exams?”

“We had too many suspensions because of the monsoons.” You reminded him, standing up once you’ve gathered your things. “But at least it’s over. How was chem?”

He groans, hiding his face into his palms, “I messed up a few of the balancing chemical equations, but I think I did pretty well. I mean, I can only thank my wonderful tutor if I get so much as a B- on chem.”

“Aunty said she’d make yakgwa for us for finishing our midterms. Could you save some for me?”

Students were rushing out of the room, meeting their friends in the hallways to express their joy and relief that the exams were over and discussing their answers. You and Jungwoo always waited until the crowd had thinned before heading out yourselves.

“Sure. Where are you heading off to?”

Reaching your lockers, you grabbed a book and slipped it into your bag. Seeing this, Jungwoo bleats at you.

“We just finished midterms and you’re going to start studying already?”

“The next exam we have is CSAT in November. I just want to start refreshing myself since the coverage is what we’ve learned through high school. I’m not pulling an all nighter or anything.” You close your locker and adjust your bag strap on your shoulder. “Do you wanna join me?”

He makes a face at you, stepping away, “No, mom made yakgwa and I’d like to eat them as soon as possible. I’ll leave you one piece, okay?”

You swing an open palm at his arm and he flinches away, retracting his statement and promises to save you no less than 5 pieces. With that, you two part ways down the hall and you head for the library.

The silence was welcoming as you walked through the automatic sliding doors of the library. There’s a few people scattered throughout the first floor tables, maybe passing time or preparing for CSAT like you — you couldn’t possibly be the only one thinking about it, too. For a change, you head up to the second floor and find a nice corner table that was tucked away between the towering bookshelves of the periodical section.

You set your little station up, taking your pencil case, notebook, and your history book out and setting it down in front of you. Opening it up to the first page of the first chapter, you look through the words you’ve already highlighted, remembering each one while mumbling it to yourself.

“Studying already?”

You gasp, whipping your head up to the newcomer and huffing when you recognize his face. “Oh my god, Jaehyun. Can you not sneak up on me?”

He pauses for a moment before his lips grew into a little smirk, “Midterms just finished and you’re burying your nose into a textbook in the library. I feel like I shouldn’t even be surprised.”

“So I want a head start in reviewing for CSAT, what of it?” You watched him take a seat on an empty chair with disdain. “You’re here, too.”

“Yeah, because I saw you go in here after you separated with your boyfriend.”

“Jungwoo’s not my boyfriend. We’re best friends.” You quickly correct him, “So you’re stalking me?”

Jaehyun sighs, leaning his cheek on his knuckles over the table. “I’m just keeping an eye on the enemy.”

“Enemy?” You frown at him, “You think of me as your enemy?”

“Well, we’re both running to be valedictorian, aren’t we? There could be only one.”

You nod at his words, “Yeah, but I don’t think of you as the enemy. I think it’s too strong of a word.”

“Then what am I to you?”

“Some guy,” You shrug your shoulders, “Some guy who’s in my way.”

Your words make his mouth slowly drop open and you can’t figure out if he’s stunned or offended by your statement. Eventually Jaehyun scoffs in disbelief and smiles, “I’m in your way?”

“Yep.” Emphasizing your answer by popping your lips at the ‘p’, “Like you are now.”

“Am I distracting you?” He gestures to himself and items on the table.

“Obviously.”

“Good.”

You closed your eyes and heaved a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. Glancing around, you two were practically concealed in the corner and you couldn’t see where you could move to.

“Are you really here just to annoy me?”

Jaehyun purses his lips and you scold yourself for staring at them. How could a boy have such pretty lips? They look naturally pink and plump. Even Jungwoo’s pouty puckers couldn’t come close to his.

“Unless you consider me trying to get to know you a nuisance, then yes, I am most definitely here to annoy you.”

You prop your elbow up on the table and leaned your cheek on your knuckles, “Now why would you waste your time on something like that?”

He mimics your posture, except he cradles his chin on an open palm, “What makes you think it’s a waste of my time?”

The longer he stares at you, smiling softly with his dimples just peeking through his cheeks, the more your heart beats faster. This was only the third time you’ve ever interacted with him and the most you’ve exchanged words.

“Why are you flirting with me—”

“Why not—”

“ — and don’t,” You unconsciously lean away from him and cross your arms in front of you, “answer with a question.”

Jaehyun pouts, jutting his lower lip out, and it makes you wonder how they feel like; against your fingertips, your skin… your own lips.

Unconsciously, you lick your own lips as you divert your attention down to the open book.

“Hm,” He hums, “Have you thought about what you want if you win our little bet?”

“I have.” You rest your intertwined arms on the table and straighten your back, “Are you free every Friday and Saturday nights?”

There was a sleazy grin on his face that immediately tells you he’s misunderstanding your question. He chuckles, “You don’t have to win a bet if you want to go out on a date.”

You giggle, making it sound as real as you can as you fight the urge to roll your eyes, “I’m not asking for a date, Jung.”

It was oddly satisfying to see his face fall and stutter over his mistake, the tips of his ears turning a little pink.

“I just want you to take a few shifts for me at my part-time job.” You explained, “I work at a family convenience store every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights, and every morning on the weekends.”

“So let’s say you do win the bet and I take over your shifts,” Jaehyun grabs your pencil case and inspects it. Seeing it in his hands makes you realize just how old and dirty it was; it’s a furry case that was a shining silver when you first got it, as if the fibers were spun out of real silver. Now it was just a light gray with its once soft fur now patchy and rough. He looks at it contemplatively, “What are you going to do on your free nights?”

“Go on dates, duh.” You roll your eyes at him, gesturing with a hand. After a few seconds of silence, you snort, “I’m kidding. I don’t go on dates — never been on one. What I’d do on my free nights is not your business.”

He looks at you like you’ve grown another head, “You’ve never been on a date?”

“N-no...” You clear your throat, “Unless you consider all the times I’ve went out on Jungwoo—”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“No!” You hissed, “I already told you that we’re only friends.”

“Then it’s not a date.” Jaehyun says in a-matter-of-fact tone, “You go on dates with people you like to get to know them more. Wait.”

His eyes squint at you, but not in a manner of judgement. It's as if he’s trying to rack his brain for the right words to say.

“You’re a virgin, then.”

You feel your heart drop to your stomach and your cheeks burst into flames. It was purely reflex, reeling your hand and swinging an open palm across his cheek before either of you could blink. The snap of your palm on his cheek left a resounding echo in the nearly empty library and thanks to his pale skin, your handprint grows bright red right away.

It takes a second, but you realize what you’ve done and you begin to pack up your things.

“No, wait,” He grabs your wrist, “I deserve that. Don’t leave yet.”

Against your better judgement, you stayed put, although keeping your book bag on your lap.

He breathes in, “I’m sorry. That was none of my business.”

“Did I,” You move your head closer to the imprint on his face, “Did I hit you too hard?”

He raises his fingers to where you’ve slapped him, doing his best not to wince, “I’ve been through worse. You know, you’re the first girl to ever slap me.”

“Are you insinuating that you’ve done things that you should have been slapped for?” You ask in an incredulous tone, “Either way I can’t say I’m proud of it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, by the way. It’s your life.” He licks his lips, “So you want to wait until you’re married?”

You shrug your shoulders, “It’s not that I want to wait until I get married… it’s just… it seems daunting. How do you even know what to do?”

He stifles a chuckle, shaking his head, “It’s human nature. It’s not something you study for.”

“As someone who takes studying seriously, I don’t think I can be put into a situation where I’m expected to do something I have no knowledge on.”

Jaehyun stares at you, considering your words as he slowly nods, “Okay… would you… like to learn?”

You cock your head, thinking you misheard him, “What?”

“I’m asking you if you want to learn… firsthand… about sex.”

When you finally wrap your head around his question after a good minute, you scowl at him, “Is this some ploy for you to get laid?”

“Don’t slap me!” He leans away when you move your arm, “You said you find sex intimidating and I’m telling you it’s not. You think you have to learn to have sex, well then I’ll—”

“Offer to teach me with your extensive knowledge and skills on it?” You deadpan, pulling your lips taut into a tight line. “What makes you think I'd say yes?”

Jaehyun raises his shoulders, “Most girls would have.”

“Oh.” You say, tasting something bitter in your mouth, “So you’ve offered these kinds of services to other people then?”

“No.” He quickly denies, “Just you. Other times, it’s the other way around and before you say anything smart, no, I don’t always say yes.”

Unconsciously, you hug your bag to your chest. You barely know this boy and he’s here offering to teach you about something you have absolutely know nothing about aside from the reproduction aspect. Are you willing to bare yourself to him? You hear the rumors in the girls’ bathroom; how they say he’s good in bed and going as far as calling him a sex god. What does that make you?

“Okay, wait,” Jaehyun starts, “I’m telling you right now so you have time to think it through. I don’t wanna force you so you can say no if you don’t want to and I’ll think of something else. If I win our little bet, let me teach you about sex.”

You internally scream at yourself for even considering his offer. You made a promise that you’ll only focus on school and won’t date to avoid distractions — but what Jaehyun was offering wasn’t even technically dating. What would your parents think about their breadwinner sleeping around with some guy she doesn’t even love? What if the school finds out? How would the girls pining after him, who are undoubtedly prettier than you, treat you, the school nerd?

“I don’t have to think about,” You held your chin up, “Because I’ll be top 1.”

“How tenacious.” He muses, leaning his cheek on his knuckles..

“I can say the same about you.” You mumbled under your breath, checking your phone for the time. “Well, you’ve successfully derailed me from studying.”

He flashes a victorious grin that both gives you butterflies in your stomach and fist clenching in annoyance. “Do you need a ride home?”

“I don’t need you to know where I live.” You snap, “And if you even try to follow me, I promise to get a restraining order against you.”

Jaehyun pouts at you and you feel them again, the butterflies wreaking havoc in your core. “Fine. But I have one more question.”

“And that is?”

“Have you had your first kiss?”

You sneer at him, a little offended, “Yes.”

“Don’t tell me it’s Jungwoo.”

“And if it was?”

He presses his lips together before sighing, “Let me be more specific with that question. Have you ever kissed anyone, not with just your lips, with your mouth — tongue and all.”

You suck your teeth and gaped at him, clearly looking like a deer caught in the headlights. When you had your first kiss with Jungwoo, it was only because both of you were in high school and have yet to kiss anyone. It also served as the reason that neither of you will ever see each other as anything more than friends.

“I’ll take your silence as a no.” Jaehyun hums, “What would you do if I’d kiss you right now?”

“I’d slap you.” You answer immediately, not batting an eyelash to prove how serious you were.

He inhales sharply, “Okay, uhm, what if I asked?”

“Do you always think with your dick?”

“That’s not a no.”

“And you didn’t deny.”

You bite on your lower lip to stop yourself from smiling, looking away when his face breaks into a wide grin. What were you doing? Get a hold of yourself. But… 

“I’ll admit there are times I’ve thought with my dick. Just your average hormonal teenager.”

“And I’ll admit,” You pause, “that I can’t say I’m not completely opposed to kissing you right now. Just, you know, your average curious teenager.”

He studies your face for a moment, “Yeah?” He starts scooting closer until he’s right where the corner of the table is.

“T-this doesn’t mean I’m agreeing to sleeping with you. I’m still firm with my decision of declining your offer.” You raise your hand in front of him and he takes hold of it.

“Maybe this would sway you.”

He waits for you to lean towards him, still holding your hand. His hand was soft and warm around yours, his thumb gently moving over your knuckles like it was fragile. He looks different, almost a little serious compared to the flirty, playful persona he had a few seconds ago; his eyes looked considerably darker, watching you study his face. His lips are parted, just as pink and full like always.

You nervously glanced at the opening of the little area, worried the librarian or another student would catch you two, although it was unlikely since no one really bothered going to the periodical sections.

“Don’t worry.” He whispers, “It’s just you and me here.”

“You’re not going to tell others, are you?”

With his free hand, he tucks your hair behind your ear. It was cliche and you would have pulled away or slapped his hand off, but all you could feel were the butterflies fluttering in your stomach for the third time in the past hour.

“I won’t. Whatever is going to happen stays here between the periodical section shelves.” His eyes shift down to your lips and you gulp when his tongue darts out between his.

“I… don’t know…” You’re losing your ability to speak, tuning everything out and focusing on him.

“It’s okay just follow my lead.” He guides you to lean forward, inclining your body over the table corner. His face was a few inches away, with his breath ghosting over your philtrum, but he doesn’t kiss you yet, waiting for your go signal.

When you fervently nod, he closes the gap between your faces. Just as you thought, he had soft lips; like the petals inside of a rosebud. Cupping your face, he runs his thumb over your cheekbones while he tilts his head to the side for better access. You gasp at the sensation of his tongue skimming along your bottom lip and he uses this as a chance to slip the muscle into your mouth.

It felt foreign, but also oddly nice. He tastes like bitter coffee and sweet mint combined. Without meaning to, you sucked his tongue and he let out a soft groan. Whenever you overhear someone saying how hot it is for a boy to moan, you never understood them until this moment and you want to hear more of it.

You push yourself closer to him, moving your tongue against his and fighting for dominance. Your head was spinning as if he was some hard liquor and you’re getting drunk off of him. When you feel his hand disappear from your cheek and find its way by your chest, inching towards your back, you panic and pull away.

He looks surprised and a little disappointed, nonetheless he doesn’t say anything and watches you. You’re breathless, face hot and flustered, unable to meet his gaze.

“I…” You swallowed, still tasting him on your tongue, “I need to go.”

“I…” Jaehyun nods, “Yeah, okay. Are you sure you don’t need a ride?”

“Yeah, thanks anyways…” Your hand twitches and it was only then both of you realize you were still holding hands. You retract yours first, using it to grab your bag by the strap and shrugging it over your shoulder. “Uhm, bye.”

“Y-yeah, uh, take care.” Jaehyun stays glued to his seat as you scurry off away from him. He stares back at the hand that held yours, discerning how cold it was now that you were gone. He groans, lurching forward to rest his head on his folded arms as he wills his little problem away. You looked so pure and innocent, cheeks bright pink and glowing, looking absolutely breathless from the kiss.

Meanwhile as you hurriedly walk out of the library, you swipe your tongue over your lips, still tasting the mix of coffee and mint. That was your first real kiss. Jung Jaehyun gave you your first real kiss - no, you had your first makeout session with him. You could still feel your cheeks burning at the thought, but you’re hoping it’s just your annoyance at him because he was right.

You really were considering his offer.

“Why are you so nervous?” Jungwoo grabs hold of your hand and pulls your fingernails away from your teeth. “I’m sure you’re number 1. And if Jaehyun is, then he couldn’t have betted on something bad, right? He doesn’t seem like the type.”

It’s been more than a week since the exams and the… event… at the library. It took you a day or two to go back and Jaehyun, thankfully, didn’t turn up. You didn’t tell a single soul, not even Jungwoo, who you’ve been confiding every dark secret you had to.

You both woke up early to see the results posted on the schoolyard before the other students flocked the bulletin board and it’ll be a battlefield for a chance to read the results up close. 

Walking up the rickety bulletin board, you hold your breath before approaching the list for seniors on the left. You could hear your own heart beat hammering in your chest.

“Hey! I’m 53! Dang, that’s 3 spots from being top 50.” Jungwoo points at his name on the middle section of the board. “Ha! Nakamoto Yuta is 51! I just need to surpass him and these other two for the finals. How about you?”

His face drops when he sees you staring at him, crestfallen. It wasn’t hard to spot your name; there were only two spots possible for you and this time it just had to be below Jung Jaehyun’s. Your mouth feels dry as you respond to him, “I’m second…”

“Oh, [Y/N].” He comforts, pulling you into a hug. “Maybe he’ll ask for something petty?”

“Jungwoo, there’s something I need to tell you. Can we go to your club room?” You look back at the school entrance, seeing a few more students come in. Jaehyun was the few students who already had their license so it should be easy to know if he was arriving or already here.

Jungwoo was part of the board games club. You’ve sat in a few times during their club meetings since they only had a few members and it was always fun playing board games that aren’t monopoly or snakes and ladders. Their club room was one of the extra rooms under the library’s second floor that was only accessible outside, beside the anime club, and was very secluded. 

He digs his fingers inside a flower pot on the window sill and fishes out a key that he dusts off before unlocking the door. You enter first while he puts the key back into the soil of the poor, harassed petunia plant.

“Jaehyun said he wants to teach me about sex.” You blurt out once Jungwoo closes the door behind him. His eyes go wide and he pretends to clean his ears.

“Come again?”

“Remember how I went to the library after midterms? He followed me there and we started talking and he kept asking these questions and — and it somehow ended up with him figuring out that I was virgin and I slapped him and then he said if he wins the bet, he’d want to teach me about sex but if I don’t want to then I can say no and he’ll think of something else.” You inhaled deeply once you let it all out like vomit.

Your best friend stares at you, visibly confused, “Wait, that’s a lot to take in… you slapped him and then he offers to teach you sex? And if you can decline it, then why don’t you just say no?”

“We kissed.”

“You what?!” Jungwoo screeches, “You kissed him and you didn’t tell me?!”

“I’m sorry! It’s just,” You shrug your shoulders before defensively crossing your arms in front of you, “you know me, Woo. I’ve never kissed — made out — with anyone before and…”

“You want more?” He finishes for you and you slump down the nearest chair.

Exasperated, you stared up at him, “Tell me I shouldn’t say yes to his offer.”

“I think you should say yes to his offer.”

You sighed in relief, grateful you had someone like him to help you — wait a minute.

“What?!”

He holds his hands up in front of him as you jumped up from your seat, “I mean, if Jung Jaehyun had offered to teach me sex, then I’d definitely say yes. Is it a friends with benefits type of deal?”

“We’re hardly friends. If I say yes, then we’re fuck buddies.” You sit back down and look at the shelves where they kept the board games. “I need time to think about it. Please help me avoid him.”

“[Y/N]...”

You put your hands to your face, “I swear I’m not running away from it. A deal is a deal. I just need a little more time to think about it.”

Out of habit, you bite on your thumb and space out. You’ll handle this situation like how you handle every decision: weigh out the pros and cons.

Pros: you’ll learn something you’ve been very curious about and your “teacher” is quite skilled according to the female populace, so you’re in good hands. It’s not a merit you want, but you can say you’ve slept with the ever popular heartthrob, Jung Jaehyun.

Cons: you could get pregnant regardless of the use of contraception and you’re prone to sexually transmitted diseases. You could get possibly addicted to it to the point it would distract you from school and ruin your chance to get your scholarship.

Where does falling in love with Jaehyun fall under?

You mentally slap yourself; no one is falling in love in this predicament.

The sound of the door opening pulls you out of your thoughts and your eyes meet with sophomore member of the board games club, Mark Lee.

“Oh! No wonder the door is open. What are you two doing here?” He nods at the two of you and you respond with a smile.

“Just needed a private place to talk.” You explain, catching Jungwoo’s gaze. “And you?”

“Oh,” Mark sheepishly scratches the back of his neck, “I was gonna skip my first class to study for recitation on my second one.”

Jungwoo puts a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry we all have days for that — unless you’re [Y/N].”

“Hey! I saw that you were top 2! Congrats!” He claps his hands, but eventually stops when he senses neither of you were in a celebratory mood. “Is… something wrong?”

“I was just really… betting on getting top 1. No big deal.” You wave a hand in front of you, “It’s not like being second affects my academic standing.”

“Well, if you won’t celebrate that, then let’s celebrate my birthday! I’m having a party at my place this weekend. Nothing big, just the club and a few other people.” He rubs his hands together, “You don’t even have to give me a gift. Your presence is a gift—”

Mark’s mouth forms into an ‘o’ and he snaps his fingers, “Your presence is a present!”

Maybe Jungwoo laughed out of pity while the younger nearly pissed himself in a fit of giggles, but your mind is thinking about the bet again. What were you going to tell Jaehyun?

By some miracle, Jaehyun didn’t hunt you down for your answer and you wouldn’t say you avoided him since you two never really crossed paths before. Jungwoo’s mom let you and Jungwoo off for your Saturday shifts for Mark’s party and even though he said not to get him anything, you and Jungwoo still got him something.

It was a casual gathering so you didn’t feel the need to get dressed up, however you do enjoy wearing light dresses since it was summer season, throwing a cardigan over your shoulders when the night air gets too cold on the way home. You might be a nerd, but like any other girl, you liked to put on makeup when you felt like it, but today you simply wore strawberry-flavored lip balm.

The two of you were at Mark’s place a little after six and the birthday boy opens the door with a huge grin as you both greet him.

“You’re both here! Come in!” He ushers, stepping to the side. When Jungwoo hands him your gift, he clicks his tongue, “Ay, I said you didn’t have to.”

“We can serve this, you know.” You quip and Mark cocks his head, eyes growing wide when Jungwoo finally drops the gift into his hands.

“Yo! Is this what I think it is?” He exclaims, ripping the lid of the box off to reveal a watermelon.

You’ve never seen anyone get so excited over watermelon before — but maybe that’s what makes Mark loveable. You open your arms to him for a hug and once he returns the gesture, your eyes go down the hallway and see the one person you didn’t expect to see here.

“Uhm,” You push Mark off a little hastily, “I-is that Jaehyun?”

Mark glances back to see the boy in question helping himself to the drinks on the kitchen island, “Yeah. He was my student facilitator during freshman orientation. Do you wanna meet him?”

You scowled, “Oh, we know each other. I didn’t know you two were friends.”

“He’s cool.” Mark shrugs, “Well, let’s go in! I’ll figure how to slice this up.”

“Let me. We don’t want the birthday boy to lose a finger during his birthday, now do we?” You nervously laugh, taking the large fruit away from him. You shot a nervous glance at Jungwoo and it was all he needed to know that you were finally going to talk to Jaehyun.

While Mark and Jungwoo head into the living room, where everyone was gathered, you walk to the kitchen just as Jaehyun was about to return to where everybody was. He stops in his tracks, clearly surprised to see you.

“[Y/N]?”

Hugging the melon to your stomach, hoping it crushes the butterflies before they go wild, you nod, “Hi.”

He was wearing a plain black shirt and some ripped skinny jeans; something so simple but it looked like he walked right out of a photoshoot.

“I didn’t know you know you were friends with Mark.” 

“I said the same thing about you to him.” You look around the kitchen for the knives.

His eyes drag down your body and you suddenly feel self-conscious, “What are you holding?”

Finally spotting the knife rack, you smile at him, “Mark’s birthday gift.”

Walking over to the counter, you pick a knife and a chopping board before removing the watermelon from the box.

“Ah, that’s a smart gift.” He comments, appearing beside you all of a sudden that you flinch as you look up at him, “I’ve never seen anyone love watermelon so much.”

“It’s cute.” You shrugged, starting to slice the fruit up. “Congrats, by the way.”

“Hm?”

“Congratulations.” You peek up at him, “Congrats on being top 1… and winning the bet. I’m surprised you didn’t hunt me down.”

Jaehyun leans on the counter and watches you make delicate movements with the knife, “I figured you needed more time to think about it.”

“Yeah, I did.” You quietly admit, putting the knife down and starting to look for a plate to serve it in.

“So?”

Licking your lips, you swallowed, “Yes.”

“What’s your answer?” He asks, not understanding you had already given him an answer.

You spin in your heels and cross your arms, a little annoyed, “That was my answer. Yes.”

You curse yourself for melting at the sight of his lips quirking upwards and eventually growing into a huge grin.

“Really?”

“Do you want me to take it back?”

“No!” He puts a hand out, “I just can’t believe you said yes. Well, okay then. When do you want to start?”

You didn’t think this far ahead. “I have work Friday nights, weekend mornings, 6-12 noon, and Saturday graveyard shifts.”

He frowns, “You have work later?”

“No, someone filled in for me since I said I’d have a party to attend to.” You hesitated; should you tell him that you live with Jungwoo and work at his family’s convenience store? “I think they expected me to get drunk, but I don’t really drink.”

“What time do you end on Fridays?”

“10pm.”

Jaehyun purses his lips and you realize it’s a habit he makes when he’s thinking. “Then Mondays through Thursdays, after school. Whichever day you want. Basketball training doesn’t resume until next month.”

“Okay.” You slowly say, “Uhm… where?”

He blinks at you, “We can’t do it at your place? Don’t you dorm alone?”

“No!” You vehemently shake your head, “N-no, I’m… renting a room at… Jungwoo’s.”

“You live with him? Is that even allowed?”

“It’s a gray area. Don’t tell anyone.” You instinctively reach out and hold on his arm, giving it a soft squeeze. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.” He licks his lips, visibly having an internal debate within himself. “I guess we can do it at my place. My dad is abroad at the moment and my mom works late shifts.”

“Alright.”

Jaehyun turns around and finds two plates for the watermelon slices, arranging the fruit for you. “Great. So—”

“Wait.” You grab his wrist, “Can we keep this a secret?”

He twists his hand so he’s holding yours, “Of course. Whatever you want.” He brings your hand up to his lips and kisses it.

“This is just a,” You stare at the hand holding yours, “physical relationship, right? I mean, how long does it take for someone to learn sex.”

“Oh, baby.” He chuckles, low and slow, “You can’t learn a whole new world in a few nights. You keep learning new things every time. I’ll teach you the basics up until you have your sexual awakening.”

“And if I never have my sexual awakening?”

He leans closer, just like in the library, and his breath is just ghosting over your lips. He lets go of your hand to tip your chin upwards to him, “Then we keep trying until you do or you find someone else, but that’s a blow to my ego.”

“The next person I should be sleeping with is my boyfriend.” You inch away from him and he reluctantly pulls back from you while you pick up one of the plates, “If I ever get one.”

Jaehyun mimics you, picking up a plate and following you out of the kitchen, but stops you before you pass through the door frame. “Let’s be friends, alright? I don’t like pretending not to know someone I’ll be getting intimate with. You won’t either; I’d like to see you try to explain the sexual tension.”

“Okay.” You enunciate each syllable. “Friends, then.”

He gives you a swoon-worthy smile and you try to leave before doing so, but he stops you again. “By the way, you look really good tonight.”

You roll your eyes, the gesture making him chuckle, and continue to head into the living room, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

The rest of night plays out like how it always does when you’re at a party; you and Jungwoo are stuck by the hip, the board game club members make petty problems with each other bigger than they really are and settle it through — you guessed it — board games, non-club members were taught new board games, and it wouldn’t be a birthday party without cake — being smashed into Mark’s face.

It was a fun night. You almost forgot that you made an agreement with one of the attendees to teach you about intercourse, but you can’t deny Jaehyun had made things a lot more interesting during the evening. You caught him multiple times watching you, especially during your little victories in board games, and he’d either give you a little smile or boldly wink at you. You’re thankful no one caught you getting flustered over it, but it took you some time to calm your heartbeat.

Today was the day. You’re embarrassed about actually preparing yourself today ever since Jaehyun sent you a text the day after you exchanged numbers at Mark’s party. You woke up an hour earlier to exfoliate your body and wore the best undergarments you owned. You didn’t want to try too hard that it’ll be too obvious since you still had school.

You told Jungwoo’s mom that you’ll be home later to tutor a classmate and she didn’t find anything suspicious; you’re just hoping she’ll relay the message to your mom whenever she calls to check up on you. 

Because you didn’t want anybody in school to know you were going home with Jaehyun, you had him pick you up three blocks away from the school district.

“My mom should probably be gone by now.” Jaehyun checks the watch on his wrist briefly before returning his attention to the road, “Do you wanna eat first?”

“No, I feel like throwing up.” You confessed, holding onto the hem of your school skirt. 

“You know you can back out, right?” He shoots you a sympathetic smile, “I don’t wanna force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I know. I’m just nervous.”

“I’m not going to jump you the second we get inside. We’ll take it slowly — as slow as you want and need. We don’t even have to go all the way tonight.”

This makes you smile at him. For someone audacious enough to offer sex, one would assume he’d be a jerk, but he’s truly a sweetheart. It was wrong of you in the first place to think he was the stereotypical mean jock in a high school food chain.

“Oh, shit.” He curses under his breath, slowing the car down to a full stop in front of a simple two-story home.

Seeing that he lived in a house in Seoul was enough to tell you that he comes from a rich family, which you should have guessed already since he mentioned his father working abroad. It made you feel uneasy though, knowing you two are from completely different backgrounds.

“My mom’s still home.” Jaehyun checks his watch again, “It’s past 6, she’s late.”

Following his gaze, you see another car in the garage — another indicator of their wealth. 2 cars? Geez.

“The gates are open. She must have forgotten something?”

He doesn’t say anything, driving past the gate and parking it beside the other car. As you both unclipped your seatbelts, you see a door open in your peripheral vision and make eye contact with a young woman.

She looks a little frazzled, but more surprised to see you in the front seat of her son’s car. Getting out of the car, you bowed at her with a smile.

“Jaehyun, I didn’t know you were having someone over. Hello!” She waves at you.

“Hello.” You meekly reply, “I’m [Y/N].”

“What a beautiful name. Welcome! Had I known you were coming, I’d tidy things up more inside and made more dinner.” She frowns, putting a hand on her cheek, “Jaehyun, if the food isn’t enough you can always cook for her, yes? I don’t like having house guests being hungry.”

“I know, mom, I will. Aren’t you late for work?” He gripes, kicking the floor like a child.

She tuts at him, “I thought I left the oven on so I had to turn back around. Don’t worry about me. What are you two going to do?”

Her eyes are looking straight at yours and you answer in the steadiest voice, “Well, Jaehyun and I are the top two students and our teachers asked us to work together to help create reviewers for the upcoming CSAT.”

Jaehyun’s mom gasps, “Already reviewing for CSAT?”

“Well, it would take some time before we figure out the topics we need to focus on, compile everything, have it approved,” Jaehyun drawls, glancing at you, “Mom, aren’t you running late?”

She wags a finger at him, returning her attention to you. “Top 2, you say? My, then you’ve quite got a brain on you. A beautiful face and a beautiful brain; your parents must be so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” You feel your face grow warm, not used to compliments at all. “But I hope you don’t take offense to this, Mrs. Jung, but I have every intention of beating Jaehyun and claim top 1.”

This makes her laugh, “A feisty one! Well in case you do, my Jaehyunnie has his momma to comfort him.”

“Mom.” Jaehyun strains, pointedly looking at her.

“Remember this: he blushes with his ears.” She winks at you and this makes him physically usher her to her car. She waves at you, “It was nice meeting you, [Y/N]! Come by again soon! Make sure you bring her home, Jaehyun.”

“Okay, Mrs. Jung.” You wave back, stifling your giggle as Jaehyun continues to hassle her into her car, but not before she demands to kiss him on his cheek.

When she was finally coerced into leaving and left you two alone, Jaehyun lets you into the house. 

“I’m sorry about my mom.” He sighs, removing his shoes and handing you spare house slippers.

“It’s fine. I’m not as nervous as I was on the way here.” You wear the slippers he hands you and put your shoes beside his on the mat. You look around and spot some picture frames on the wall, approaching one family photo. “You’re an only child?”

He stands beside you, “Yeah. That explains why my parents and I act like best friends.”

“Aw,” You coo, moving to a baby picture, “Baby Jaehyunnie is so cute.”

“Okay,” He puts a hand on your shoulder and gently pulls you away from the wall, “That’s enough. Let’s go up to my room.”

On the way up to the second floor, you start to tense up; his arm was still around you like he was a personal escort to your deflowering. From the stairs, his room was the second door to the right. 

It was a lot cleaner than you expected, although it had trophies and certificates that proved his achievements growing up. It reminds you of the living room back at home; a shelf full of awards for spelling bees, best in subjects, and honor certificates. You remember the pride and joy in your parents’ eyes every time they put a new one up.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?” Jaehyun asks, closing the door behind him.

“I’m good.” You walk over to his bed and sit down on the edge, looking everywhere but him. He had a fancy looking computer set-up in the corner of the room by another door that probably leads to his bathroom. “So… what now?”

The space on the bed beside yours dips, “Let’s get you in the mood first. Look at me.” His hand falls on your thigh; most of it still over your skirt but his fingertips touch your skin.

You look down at his hand before meeting his piercing gaze, without meaning to, you lean away from him.

His expression immediately softens, “I’m gonna remind you that you can still back out. I don’t want to force you into doing something you’re not sure about.”

“How do I get into... the mood?” 

“Remember how we kissed in the library?” Jaehyun says, “Let’s do that again. This time, I’m gonna touch your body, alright? There’s no table between us now. You can touch me, too.”

Your mouth goes dry at the memory. Ever since you went back to that area in the library, you can’t help but think about kissing him. It makes your face burn, heart rate pick up, and core clench. “Okay.”

His other hand tips your chin upward to make you face him, “You’re so cute, you know? So innocent like a little kitty.”

He kisses you all of a sudden, just pressing his lips over yours. The fingers on your chin move to tuck your hair back behind your ear just like last time and he whispers, “I haven’t stopped thinking about our kiss. If you only knew how excited I am that I get to kiss you again… kiss you and more.”

And more.

There it is again, the action your body never made before; your vagina clenching at his words. Your breath hitches as he slowly moves forward, capturing your lips once more. Just like before, he tastes like coffee and mint. The kiss is gentle and calm, almost tentative, like he’s giving you a chance to stop him. You bring your hands up to his chest and nape, threading your fingers on his soft, thick hair. And when you feel his tongue glide along your lips, you part your lips for him and everything just clicked.

The kiss grew carnal; desperate for more. His hands have moved to hold your midriff, thumbs just barely caressing the bottom of your breasts. It felt too hot — literally. You wanted to take your clothes off, but you don’t know how to feel about him seeing you naked, which was a dumb thought since you had to be naked to have sex.

“I wanted to kiss you so badly at Mark’s party.” He confesses when he pulls away to catch his breath, panting over your mouth, “If you’d have let me, I would’ve taken you upstairs and fucked you there.”

Fucked. You’ve only ever used the word to curse so hearing it from him as something he’d do to you sounds like it would hurt.

“But I want to take my time with you,” He kisses the corner of your lips, trailing down your jaw until he settles on a spot on your neck that simultaneously tickles yet you crave for more, “I’ll show you a whole new world you’ve been missing out on.”

You slide your arm around him, instinctively pulling him closer to you as he finds a new patch of skin on your neck to kiss. You couldn’t help but moan when you feel his teeth lightly biting your flesh.

“You even sound cute.” He muses, working his lips back up your face. “This is lesson number one: foreplay. It can stretch on for hours, but this helps make penetration a lot easier.”

Damn. Penetration is such an ugly word, but the way he said it made it sound hot. When a hand comes over your breast, your entire body freezes and he stops.

“Is this too fast for you?”

“N-no, I’m just not used to it.” You take a deep breath, “Please keep going.”

Jaehyun smiles, “You’re liking it so far?”

You nod, bashfully bowing your head in embarrassment. Other girls must be throwing themselves at him at this moment.

“Can you learn with your head down?” He playfully scolds, “Keep your eyes on me.”

He kisses you again, slipping his tongue into your mouth as his hand tenderly squeezes your chest. He starts to nudge you to fall back against his bed and he tugs your shirt out from being tucked into your skirt to sneak his under. His fingers leave a hot trail in their wake, burning your skin the most satisfying way, reaching for its previous purchase but hindered by the tightness of your school blouse.

He pulls away once more and you whine, chasing after his lips. With a little chuckle, he grants you a quick peck. “Can I take your clothes off or do you want to do it yourself?”

“I’ll do it.” You start to pop the buttons of your shirt when you hesitated, “Wait, what do you prefer?”

“Don’t think about it; this is about you.”

“No, this is about you teaching me about sex and among the few things I know about sex is that it’s all about making each other feel good. So this is about you, too.”

Jaehyun stares at you, considering your words and smiles to himself, “Alright. We can do it together. Unbutton my shirt for me.”

He reaches for the button beneath the last one you had unbuttoned and continues down the line, licking his lips as more of your skin is exposed. Meanwhile, you shakily began to unbutton his.

Sensing your nervousness, Jaehyun ducks his head back to your neck to kiss it. It makes you sigh, losing your grip on the button you’ve working on and when you try to blindly find it, your fingers find the smooth, hard muscle of his chest instead.

He momentarily pulls away to push your blouse off your shoulders, kissing each one before moving to your collarbones. You feel your face heat up as you completely shrug your shirt off and throw it by your feet. His face is right above your chest, kissing down your sternum and just over the swell of your breast.

He tugs on your skirt’s zipper as he does this, jerking the flimsy material off your hips once you lifted yourself up off the bed to help him. He stands up in front of you, pushing you back until you’re lying down on the bed.

“It feels like an honor to see you like this.” He finishes popping the buttons you failed to remove, shrugging the material off his upper body and leaving you to ogle his body. It’s no surprise he’d have such a good physique from all the sports he does.

“Oh, you have an outie.” You pointed out, biting back a giggle. “That’s cute.”

Jaehyun looks down with a slight pout and covers his belly button, “Is that what you’re really looking at?”

“My baby brother has one and it reminded me of him.” You shake your head, almost forgetting you’re nearly naked in front of him, “Sorry.”

He hooks one finger each on your socks and drags them down your legs until they’re completely off and joining the rest of your uniform on the floor. He climbs onto the bed and hovers over you, watching your reaction as he cups your midriff and raises it up to one of your breasts.

His hand was warm and heavy, gently kneading your breast, and focusing his thumb over your nipple. Straddling your hips, he gives your neglected breast the same treatment with his other hand. You’ve never even touched yourself like this, not even when you lather soap on your body, and it felt so good. 

“Let’s take this off of you, hm?” He reaches between your back and the mattress, unhooking your bra faster than you could have. Once he slips the straps off your arms, you instinctively cover yourself and he chuckles, “Can I see them please?”

It annoyed you that he spoke to you like a child, but you relent and drop your arms to your side, looking away from him.

“Ah, beautiful.” He murmurs, putting his hands back over each of your breasts. Without warning, he bends down and licks your nipple causing you to gasp and grab his shoulders. He doesn’t say anything, continuing to lick and suck one nipple and rub his thumb over the other until they’ve both hardened and pebbled. He switches between them for a while until he pulls back, satisfied after seeing your flustered face. “Did you like that?”

“It felt weird at first,” You admitted, “But I liked it.”

“That’s good.” He kisses your forehead and moves so he was practically lying beside you, “So you like having your boobs played with.”

You don’t know how to respond to that, but you don’t have to because he kisses you again. A little more confident, you tried to slip your tongue into his mouth and you’re met with a happy, surprised hum. He lets you take over this kiss, welcoming your tongue.

“You’re getting good at kissing.” He comments as soon as you two break for breath of air.

“It’s addicting.”

“You’re addicting.” Jaehyun counters, pressing his lips on your jaw. “So sweet.”

His hand soothingly rubs your side; up and down in a lazy manner while locking lips with you again. He then brings his hand between your legs, making you flinch and gasp into his mouth. Instead of asking if it was okay first, he decides to continue his action, moving three fingers over your panties.

You want to shut your legs close, but his thigh is holding one of them down. 

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks when you cover his hand with your own.

“N-no, not really.” You hide your face in the crook of his neck as you press his hand over your clothed mound. “Keep going.”

“Do you like this more than playing with your boobs?”

“I think so.”

Jaehyun stops to slip his hand into your panties and you choke down a moan. “You can be as loud as you want. Let me hear you so I know you feel good.”

His fingers slide along your labia, petting you like a kitten. You’ve never even masturbated before yet here you are having someone else’s fingers touch and please you.

“Ah, there it is.” He chuckles into your ear, making you look up at him, “You’re getting wet.”

“Don’t tell me that!” You scold, shying away from him, but he quickly maneuvers his body so he’s back on top of you.

He starts to push a single finger inside of you, observing the way your mouth drops open at the new sensation. You’re wrapping quite nicely around his finger, sucking the digit in bit by bit the more you clenched your walls. When he starts to move it in and out of you, you whimper, holding him by his shoulders again.

“Does it hurt?”

You shake your head. It didn’t hurt, but it just felt too odd and new for you to like it just yet. 

Jaehyun continues his action a little longer until you start getting used to it, even when he adds another finger. This was your first taste of pure, unadulterated sexual pleasure. It was just as addicting as kissing him and the longer he does it the more your toes curl.

You let out a loud moan, a sound neither of you expected. Fueled by your moan, Jaehyun pumps his fingers into you faster. A hybrid of moan and cry falls from your lips as a surge of pleasure pulsates through your veins. You shut your eyes and hold onto his bulging arm for support, curling your upper body towards him. You could hear the wet squelch as he fingered you.

There was something tightening in the pit of your stomach and you can’t decipher if it was good or not, but when Jaehyun removes his hand from your underwear and the feeling disappears, you want to cry.

“Why’d you stop?” You whine, pulling his hand back.

“I don’t want you to come yet. I don’t think it’s best for you to be too sensitive on your first time.” He kisses your forehead before sitting up to put the two fingers he had in you into his mouth. He moans a little, “Sweet.”

He starts to take your underwear off, rolling it off your hips down to your ankles. He chuckles at your attempt to squeeze your thighs together and hide your pussy from him.

“D-do you have a condom?” You stutter, trying to stall him.

“I do. I always have one.” He nods at the drawer by his bed. “But I wasn’t going to do that yet.”

He massages your thighs, silently coaxing you to open your legs for him. Still covering yourself, you obediently part your legs and he makes himself comfortable between them with his face right by your core.

“This is my favorite kind of foreplay. If you don’t mind, I’d like to show it to you.” He kisses your knuckles, “There’s nothing to be shy about, [Y/N].”

You let him pry your fingers off your, watching his eyes light up once they lay their sights on your pussy as if they had discovered gold. With two fingers, he spreads your labia apart and you hold your breath as he veers forward to latch his mouth onto you. You gasp, bucking your hip upward at the sensation of something wet and warm against such a private part.

You could feel his tongue slithering and teeth teasingly nibbling at your lower lips. Again, it felt so foreign and unusual, but so, so, so good. You moaned out his name and he groaned in response, the vibration adding fire to the burning pleasure he’s building up in you.

Like last time, when you start to feel that knot in your stomach, Jaehyun pulls away and you whimper in frustration.

He stands up to walk over to the drawer, fetching the condom you requested for and returns to the foot of the bed. “Scoot up a little.”

After doing so, you watch as he unzips his pants, letting it fall to the floor with his boxers.

“That’s not gonna fit.” You immediately fold your legs close and sit up. Are penises supposed to be this big? It’s entire length is pink and veiny, while the tip was a bit more red. It bobbed up and down as he clambered onto the bed, pointing at you as if it knew you were its prey. Gulping, you repeat, “That’s not gonna fit. I can’t do this.”

“It will. You’ll stretch around it. Give me your hand.” He kneels in front of you, knees apart.

You give your hand to him and he brings it around his cock. It was a lot warmer than his hand. You wrap your fingers around it a tad tighter and he moans, biting his lip. Meekly, you ask, “Do you like that?”

“Sorta. Here.” He moves your hand over his length, all the way to the tip and back to the base. “I like it better this way.”

“Like this?” You followed what he showed you, twisting your wrist a bit.

“Yes, fuck, like that.” Jaehyun closes his eyes, letting you take over. “Just like that.”

With his eyes closed, you feel a little more comfortable studying his body up close. He has such pretty skin, fair and flawless. His muscles were beautifully defined, rippling with every movement, especially the muscles on his abdomen as they flexed with each sharp breath he takes. Your attention is brought to cock in your hand after feeling it twitch a couple of times. The tip started to glisten under the lights of his room. You watched in amazement as a small, translucent white substance emerges from the tiny opening on the top, something akin to a pearl, and it dribbles down to your fingers.

He had your mouth on your genitals and you liked it. Will he like it if you do the same? 

You bend forward to taste the thick liquid on the tip of his cock. It was incredibly salty and just as hot as his length as you continued to work your fist around him. Wanting to taste more of him, you bring your lips over his tip.

“What the fuck?!” He exclaims, hands flying to your shoulders, and you immediately pull away.

“I’m sorry.” You retract your hand away from his body.

“No! No, you just caught me off guard.” Jaehyun takes hold of your hands and smirks, “I didn’t expect you to blow me.”

You look away, flustered at his expression, “I was curious.”

“It’s okay. God, you’re so cute.” He cups your cheeks and kisses you, “I’ll teach you some other day, okay? I don’t think I’ll last a second if you use your pretty little mouth on me.”

“O-okay.”

“Now watch, this is how you put a condom on.” He takes the foil square and rips it open. He shows you the condom, pushing the center out a bit to pinch the end, and places the rubber ring on the tip of his cock. He rolls it down about a quarter way until he stops and grabs your hand, “Finish putting it on for me.”

Without another word, you obey him, pushing the ring down until his cock is completely sheathed with minor difficulty.

“Lie down.”

Once again, you silently obey him, maintaining eye contact with him. He adjusts your position in front of him by grabbing your hips and parting your legs to kneel between them. He runs his hands over your thighs, “Are you ready?”

“I think so.”

“I need you to be sure.” He leans down to kiss your belly. “I’m not going to continue if you’re not a hundred percent sure.”

“I am.” You nod, “I’m sure.”

He kisses up to your neck, licking the expanse of skin. “This is going to hurt, okay? You just have to relax. The more you tense up, the more it’ll be difficult for both of us, and the more it’ll hurt for you. Just relax.”

“Okay.”

Jaehyun kisses your lips, flicking his tongue into your mouth for a brief moment. He tasted a little different now. Was it from him giving you oral? Were you tasting yourself on him?

“If the pain is too much, just tell me and I’ll stop.” He sits back up, holding his cock in his hand and positioning it right in front of your entrance. He waits for a while, moving a fist over his length as he studies your face. “I’ll ask you once more, [Y/N]. Do you really want to do this? Not because of the bet, but because you really want to?”

“Yes. I do.” You answer in a firm voice. When you give him a little nod, he runs the tip of his cock over your entrance a few times until he pushes into you.

It definitely hurt. It was like you were trying to put something where it didn’t belong. Although it was bearable, your body’s instinct was to stop it.

“Fuck, [Y/N], baby, please relax, you’re squeezing me.” He grips your thighs with a sense of urgency, “Relax, baby.”

You’re breathing heavily, trying to do as he says. You look down between your bodies and you feel your eyes well up with tears when you see he’s barely halfway in. You don’t know how but you try to accommodate his girth. 

When he’s pushed the remaining inches inside you, you choke down a sob. It hurt a lot. You feel stretched out and full; unable to open your eyes as you absorb the pain. But underneath it all, you can’t deny that it felt good in a way.

“Are you okay? Shit,” He starts to pull out and you yelp.

“No! No! Don’t move. Please don’t move. Just,” You hold onto his shoulders, sniffing, “Let me get used to it. You’re… big.”

Jaehyun chuckles, “At least it fits.”

“Barely.” You retort. As you blink, the tears drip from the corner of your eyes. They left a cool trail over your burning face. He kisses each one, lapping the tears up with his tongue.

“Tell me when it’s okay to move, alright? Just don’t… squeeze me too hard or else I’ll come before I get to make you come.” He sees you pout as you move your head to acknowledge him and he can’t help himself but kiss you again.

It helps distract you from the subsiding pain. You try to think of other things as well. Is he always this sweet to the other girls he sleeps with? You hope your first boyfriend would be like him.

A surprised moan escapes you after you try to pull him closer to you and your hips move against his. For a moment, you even forgot he was inside you. He has a wide grin on his face, clearly pleased at hearing this. With a hold on your hips, he slowly pulls out of you and just before the tip is out, he pushes back in. He observes your reaction, slowly gaining speed as your mouth loses its ability to close and is perpetually agape, letting a string of whimpers and mewls escape you.

“Lesson 2 is all about positions, baby.” Jaehyun starts, falling forward and uses one arm to hold himself up above you, “This is the most basic one: missionary. Guy on top.”

You can’t even process his words, mind clouded with lust as your body experiences something it never has before. It felt good… amazing — you couldn’t even explain it.

“How are you feeling, [Y/N]?”

“So,” You gasped, “Good.”

“Yeah?” He moves the hand on your hip up to your chest, giving one of them a hard squeeze. “You feel really good; nice and tight.”

He gives a particularly hard thrust and you gasped, holding onto his shoulders for purchase. “I’m going to go a little faster. Tell me if it’s too much and I’ll slow down.”

Right as he said it, his thrusts grew faster and faster. His movements shook the bed, the headboard bumping into the wall. Your body was burning hot, like he was pumping lava right inside your body, filling you up until you’re melting in his hold. 

“Jaehyun.” You moan, arching your back off the mattress. You don’t even know why you’re calling out to him. You just want to chant his name, so you did.

“God, I wish you could see yourself, baby. You’re taking me so well for your first time. Does it still hurt?”

“No.” You mewl, “I feel really good.”

“You’re so pure, [Y/N]. Fucking precious. Now look at you, enjoying your first time at sex. Think of all the other things I can teach you; things that’ll corrupt your innocent little mind.”

You whimper at his words. He sounds like he’s degrading you but why does it sound so hot? You voluntarily clench around him and earn a guttural moan from him.

“And you’re fucking enjoying it, aren’t you?” Jaehyun brings a hand down between you and massages your clit. “Like a fallen angel.”

There it was again; that tightening feeling in the pit of your stomach. You were afraid he’ll notice like the last two times and he’ll stop, but he doesn’t. His hips start to move frantically, gyrating against yours as he enters you deeper.

“Jaehyun.” You cry, “Wait—”

“It’s okay, baby, just let it go.” He hushes you, “I’m going to give you your very first orgasm.”

The fingers on your clit rubbed faster and you try to stop him, “Oh god—”

You feel like your bladder is full and you explode, convulsing beneath his body as his thrusts slowed to a stop. He kisses you, sloppily on the mouth, drowning out all your moans. You feel lightheaded, head spinning as you catch your breath after he moves his lips to your cheek.

“I—” You wheeze, “Wow.”

Jaehyun laughs, pecking your cheeks repeatedly. “Cute.”

His cock is still inside you, hard and throbbing. He sits up and carefully pulls out of you until his cock is freed and bobbing up to hit his abdomen. The sheer latex is shining with your essence. It hits you late, but you’re not a virgin anymore. You didn’t feel any different — well, you felt like you were on cloud nine — but you didn’t feel like anything changed.

You watch Jaehyun as he takes the condom off, tossing it to the floor and begins to touch himself. “What are you doing?”

“Just finishing myself off. You can rest up a bit and we can have dinner.”

“Can’t I help you? Why didn’t you come in me?” You sit up, although your body feels heavy.

“You can help me just by spreading your legs and giving me a nice view of your pussy.” Jaehyun kisses you, “Besides, you’re sensitive after coming. I wouldn’t want to overstimulate you on your first time.”

“I’m not sensitive.”

He raises a brow at you, pushing you back on the bed and ducking his head between your legs. He blows a soft puff of air on your vagina and you flinch, automatically trapping his head between your thighs as you try to close them.

“See? Be a good girl and listen to your teacher.” He teases, turning his attention back to your core.

“Then…” You lick your lips, “How about teaching me how to give a blowjob now?”

Jaehyun looks stunned, “I’m starting to think you’re not a virgin from the get-go…”

“Hey,” You frowned, “Why would I lie about that? I just like to learn.”

“Then you probably have a nympho asleep in you.” He crawls beside you, sitting against his headboard and motions for you to go between his legs.

Once you situate yourself between his legs, you take his dick into your hand and form a fist around it. He’s a lot wetter now, sticky from all the precum that accumulated. “Would it be a good thing if we wake her up?”

“Maybe.” He pets your head while you find a position you’re comfortable in, settling to lie flat on your stomach with his angry, leaking cock just by your face. “I’d love to see her.”

You kiss the tip, tasting the salty substance on your lips. You look up at him as you hesitantly licked him, collecting more of the precum on your tongue. He nods, chewing at his bottom lip. Glancing down at his cock, you lick a strip from the base of his length up until the tip. You do it a few more times until you wrap your lips around the head and gently suck.

“Fuck.” He grips your hair, the action stinging your scalp, “Don’t focus on the tip just yet. Try to take my entire cock in your mouth.”

“The entire thing?” You repeat, “Are you aware how thick this is?”

“Then take as much as you can. I’ve never been deepthroated before.” He sounds a little proud as he tells you this. He adjusts his grip on your hair, combing most of it to hold it back like a ponytail.

“Deepthroat? You mean shoving this thing all the way into the back of my throat? That sounds like torture.”

“I’m not telling you to do it. I’m just saying I’ve never had anyone put my entire cock into their mouth without gagging so badly.” He shrugs, “This is what you do: put as much as you can in your pretty little mouth and hold onto the rest, squeeze me a little, maybe twist your hand a bit. Just don’t bite me.”

You follow his instructions, getting probably a little more than a half of his length into your mouth.

“Now suck.” When he feels your lips wrapping snuggly around him, he pulls your head away from his cock and pushes you back down. “Again.”

You treated him like a salty push-pop, bobbing your head as you continue to suck him. His grip loosens on your hair once you get the hang of it and don’t need his guidance. Although you still look up at him through your lashes to make sure you’re doing okay and from the way his dick twitches in your mouth, he definitely likes it.

Curiosity and greed gets the better of you; is deepthroating him that big of a challenge? You push yourself down on him until your lips are at the base. Both your mouth and throat are squeezing down on him as you still attempt to suck his cock.

“Oh my god.” Jaehyun groans, throwing his head back and re-tightening his grip on your hair. “Fuck, [Y/N].”

You like how he moans your name and you want to hear more of it. Flattening your tongue on the underside of his dick, you dragged your mouth up just before releasing the tip and plunged his length back to your throat.

There was a frustrated grunt from him as he holds your head in place and starts to thrust into your mouth. It was a lot harder to control your gag reflex like this, but you stayed put and let him do as he pleases; it’s getting you excited, too. Tears spring to your eyes as you start to choke, losing your breathing pattern for a moment when his movement became sporadic.

“Oh, fuck.” He stills, plugging your entire mouth with his cock and making it a little hard to breathe. Warmth drips down your throat and once his grip loosens, you pull away. His cock is still twitching, still shooting out the thick liquid in your mouth.

And quite frankly, you hate it.

Out of courtesy, you wait until he’s done, falling slack against his headboard. As he catches his breath, he gives you a sleazy smile, reaching out to you but you bolt away from him.

“[Y/N]?” He worriedly calls out after you as you run into his ensuite bathroom.

Hurriedly, you switch the lights on and knelt down in front of the toilet to spit his load. You’ve never tasted something that foul in your life. It was like you tried to swallow salty battery acid — and you don’t even know what battery acid tastes like.

You feel fingers in your hair as Jaehyun helps you hold your hair back when you end up gagging yourself and emptying the contents of your stomach.

“I don’t want to do that again.” You wheeze, wiping the back of your hand over your mouth before flushing the toilet.

“That’s too bad, but for the record, I didn’t tell you to deepthroat me.” He helps you up and gestures you to the sink.

“I didn’t mean the deepthroating part,” You open the faucet and begin to wash out your mouth of the acidity left over, “I meant swallowing. Do other girls swallow your cum and not complain?”

He looks slightly offended, “Most do, some don’t…”

You pat your lips dry with tissue paper and throw it in the bin, “Then they’re either lying about wanting to swallow or your cum burned their taste buds off.”

Jaehyun huffs, “It can’t be that bad.”

“Then see for yourself.” You’re about to step forward when you feel something drip down between your thighs. The same translucent substance is dribbling down your length and you quickly clean it off with tissue paper.

“Are you hurting though?”

You glance back and you become hyper-aware that you’re still both very naked, and despite being intimate with each other just a few minutes ago, you become shy around him.

He’s quick to take notice of your sudden change in demeanor, trapping your body against the sink. He kisses your shoulder, “We just had sex, what are you getting shy for?”

“I don’t know.” You look at him through the reflection. Is this what it feels like having a boyfriend? You avoid his gaze just before he meets it through the mirror; you shouldn’t have those thoughts while you’re with him.

“Well, that’s our lesson for today. Unless you want to review.” He chuckles, cupping your boobs and kneading them with his palms.

You tear his hands away and laugh, “It’s a school night.”

“Oh, so if it wasn’t, you’d be down to go another round?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I thought you would have already figured out that I like to review things I’ve learned. Repeatedly. Even though I’ve understood the lesson already.”

“Fuck, [Y/N], don’t say things like that. I’ll get hard again.” He tuts, pinching your ass.

You yelp, giggling as you dodge another pinch from him. 

“Let’s get dressed and let me feed you before I take you home.” Jaehyun hums with a small smile, cupping your cheeks and kissing your lips.

Your heart flutters; a different kind of warmth floods your senses. It feels like all the holidays you get to go back to your family, greeting your siblings with bear hugs, and scarfing down all the meals your mother made from scratch. You move away from him, blinking your eyes and looking mortified at your realization.

Jaehyun mirrors your expression, pupils shaking as awkward silence surrounds you.

“Uhm,” He clears his throat, “I…”

“Can I,” You say at the same time with him, “use the bathroom?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll— I’ll, uh, go down to the kitchen and dinner— prep dinner — prepare dinner.” He leaves you in the bathroom and closes the door for you.

You immediately wash your face to cool it down. What the hell was that? It couldn’t be what you thought it was. It should be the last thing on your mind after having sex with him. Falling in love with Jaehyun is out of the question; you want a storybook kind of romance — meet him in a bookstore type of situation. Not making a bet in the library that involves losing your virginity.

You switch the tap off and go out to put your clothes on. You stare at the mattress, the one you just lost your innocence on, and somehow remember Jaehyun’s face after the last kiss. It looks like he didn’t want to be in that kind of relationship with you either. You’re just another girl that he sleeps with and he’s just someone teaching you the ropes of it all. That’s all there is here.

“Wanna take a break?”

You gasp out loud, dragging the tip of the neon green highlighter upwards onto words that didn’t need it. You stare at the jagged line in shock before sending a piercing glare to the reason behind it.

Jaehyun sheepishly apologizes, sitting down on the chair to yours.

“Why aren’t you studying for CSAT?” You cap your highlighter and close your review material.

It’s been a couple months now and Jaehyun still had plenty of things to teach you in terms of sex, but ever since his basketball training started, your meetings turned into something just a twice or thrice a month rather than the usual once every week. 

He’d taught you a handful of positions — that you all liked — and learned how to have sex in different places like under the bleachers and at the back of his car. Like in the very secluded corner of the library you two were in right now. He had you bent over the table once and from the looks of it, he wanted to do it a second time.

“I’m done for the day. You should take a break, too, you know.” He moves your materials away from you, “You’re top 2 in school. You don’t need to study that hard for CSAT.”

“Is there something else you want me to study?” Flirting with him got a lot easier, although you still get flustered from time to time, you’re still able to hold a flirty banter with him.

He taps your nose, “Smart girl. What are all the lessons I’ve taught you so far?”

“Foreplay. Positions. Masturbation,” You whisper; the library was full today since everyone was reviewing for the test this weekend. A few weeks back, he gave you “homework” to masturbate while thinking about him but with barely any privacy in your place and feeling awkward to even touch yourself, you failed the very first homework of your entire life. He made you sit between his legs and watch porn, guiding your hands in your panties. Shrugging, you finish answering, “And places. Is there still something you have yet to teach me?”

“Kinks.” Jaehyun slowly drags the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip, staring at your lips.

“Like… fetishes?” You glance at the opening of your secluded area, “You have fetishes?”

“A good number of them.” He hums, “But forget about me. We’re going to see if you have any kinks.”

“Well,” You feel embarrassed to say this out loud, but you’ve actually researched these things already. You wanted to surprise Jaehyun with something, but you never knew when to since he’s always in command of how things go, “I’ve read a couple of things.”

He grins at you, “Oh? Advance reading?”

You roll your eyes, “Shut up.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. So?”

“Your hands.”

“My hands?” He lifts one up in front of his face, “What about them?”

You get distracted just by seeing them, “Uhm, I like it when you touch me with them.”

There’s a growing smirk on his lips, “Touch you where?”

“Anywhere.” You watch as he holds his hand out to you and cup your cheek, “Everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” He repeats, moving his hand down to your neck and wraps it around your throat. “Even here?”

You gasp, your own hands flying to grab his wrist, “Jaehyun.”

“I’m not going to actually hurt you. Choking can be hot; it can increase pleasure during sex.” His gaze flickers down to where he held you, “It brings out this innocent little look on your face that I love.”

You scoff, “I’ve learned that you have a corruption kink.”

“And you’re to blame. God, it’s been months of fucking you but you’re still so innocent.” Jaehyun brings his hand down to your thigh, “Like a tainted angel.”

“I’m hardly an angel now.”

“Oh? Then spread your legs right now.”

You blink at him, “Now? But—”

“See? You’re hesitating.”

“I’m not doing this with you here, not when there are clearly more people in the library compared to the last time.”

He frowns, almost pouting, crossing his arms in front of him like a child put on timeout. He glances around and swiftly moves his chair beside yours. 

You warily watch him, confused at his actions until he brings his hand back to your thigh. “What are you doing?”

“No one’s gonna see and if you keep quiet, they’ll never know.” He inches his fingers under your skirt, close to touching your mound but you stop him.

You can’t deny that doing something risky like this in public — in school — gets you excited, although at the end of the day, you had to keep your dignity. You’re glad he’s kept his mouth shut about this arrangement as well, but it was rather odd that his friends don’t wonder where he goes off to when he goes to you.

“You’re already so wet, baby.” His fingers drew lines over your panties that were undeniably wet the moment he came up. It was a natural reaction for your body to want him just by looking at him at this point, craving to be touched like you are now.

Baby. He calls you this so fondly. Of course, it was only during times like these when he does so, but it makes your insides gooey and your heart flutter.

You exhaled slowly, eyes wide and staring at him. He merely smirks, thinking it was from his fingers slipping past your panties. This was the worst possible scenario; being fingered in public while you were reviewing for the CSAT — the test you cared about passing the most — by a boy out of your league and realizing you’re falling for him.

You’ve done so well for the past months to foster such feelings for him. Why now? Why now while you’re in the middle of messing around with him? While you were studying for the single most important test of your entire student life?

He flexes a finger inside of you and you flinch, grabbing his arm and biting down your lip.

“You like that, huh?” He teases, kissing your ear.

It’s not the only thing I like, you scream in your thoughts.

It doesn’t take long for you to come, shaking in his hold as he softly sucks on a patch of skin under your ear. He even fixes your panties for you before pulling his hand away and licking his fingers clean of your essence.

He notices how you’re still distraught, blown out eyes staring up at him and heaving slowly, and asks if you’re okay.

You manage to nod at him, waving his concern off and adjust yourself in your seat.

Jaehyun stands up and puts the chair back in its proper position, “I’ll go now. Good luck this weekend.”

“You, too.” You mutter, watching him leave and your heart drops. You’re not stupid. You know he’s only using you for sex and it wasn’t something you minded because you were benefiting from it too. He doesn’t see being in an actual romantic relationship with you, and you can’t blame him for it. You’ve made it very clear that school is your priority.

The only thing left to do is either tell him about your feelings and face the consequences, bottle it up and will them away, or end things with him and maybe these emotions will leave with him. After CSAT, you promise yourself, you’ll make a decision after this weekend. 

“Am I in trouble?” You quietly ask, looking between the principal, Mr. Jang, and the guidance counselor, Ms. Kwon.

Ms. Kwon had run after you as you finished your CSAT, on your way to the front gate to meet up with Jungwoo, and she escorted you to the principal’s office. She’d been of tremendous help for you when you applied for scholarships. Your first thought was someone had caught you and Jaehyun somewhere in school and reported it, but didn’t think that was the case since he wasn’t in the office with you.

“Heavens, no. I would like to personally tell you and congratulate you about your scholarship in SNU.” Mr. Jang reminds you of a typical, jolly grandfather, had silver, combed-over hair, and wore suspenders everyday.

“S-scholarship?” You repeat, thinking you misheard him, “I-I thought… scholarship announcements aren’t made until the end of the school year.”

He grins at you, handing a large white envelope with the university insignia on it, “Yes, but they saw your outstanding school records and gave you approval right away. Congratulations, Ms. [L/N], your application for a full scholarship to SNU has been approved. You’re the first student in my 30 years working here to get one.”

Your mouth is perpetually agape, accepting the envelope and opening it right away. Your eyes scanned through the letter inside a couple times until it finally hit you: you’re going to SNU. “I… but…?”

“Of course, they still have to wait for the results of the CSAT, but it should be no problem for you, given your previous records. And between us three,” He leans forward on his desk, “You should start drafting your graduation speech.”

“My… graduation speech?” You pause, “You mean I’m valedictorian?”

“If you maintain your class standing and stay out of any trouble until finals, then congratulations again Ms. [L/N], you’re this year’s class valedictorian.”

“But… Jung Jaehyun—”

Mr. Jang sighs, “Ah, yes, Mr. Jung. His grades are remarkable, yes, but he has a couple of misdemeanors on his file to even qualify for salutatorian. It’s a shame. Are you friends with Mr. Jung?”

You open your mouth to answer, but you realize you don’t know what the answer is. You’re not exactly going to tell the school principal the exact premise of your relationship. But are you two even friends? “Uhm, we know of each other?”

“Hm, well I would avoid befriending Mr. Jung if I were you, Ms. [L/N]. I’m sure he’s a wonderful person, but he could still be a bad influence on you.”

Your stomach drops as you consider Mr. Jang’s words, nodding to them even though you were still processing it. Was he being a bad influence on you? 

As you leave the principal’s office, it finally hits you: you’re going to SNU. You’re going to your dream school with a full scholarship and there’s a high chance you’ll graduate as valedictorian. The slow, steady footsteps you took since stepping out of the office broke into a sprint as you ran towards the school gate to meet Jungwoo and tell him the good news. 

As you turn around the corner that led to the lockers, you almost collide into Jaehyun, who was just as surprised to see someone hurtling towards him.

“[Y/N]? Why are you crying?” He closes his locker and steps closer to you, concern etched on his face.

“Crying?” You touch your cheeks, feeling the damp streaks and laughing at it, “Oh. I didn’t know I was crying.”

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head, “Nothing’s wrong. I’m— I’m just— Jaehyun, my application for a full scholarship to SNU has been accepted. I just need to score high on CSAT—”

“Then you’re definitely in! [Y/N]! Congrats!” He opens his arms to you and by instinct, you just jump into them and let him engulf you into a giant hug. “That’s amazing! You did it, [Y/N].”

“Thank you.” Your voice was muffled from having your face pressed up into his chest. You pull away first, “I can’t believe it.”

He offers you a small smile, “You’ve worked so hard for it. You deserve it. I’m really happy for you.”

A phone chimes just as you were about to thank him once more. You check yours and find an impatient, yet worried text from Jungwoo, who you had completely forgotten about. “I, uh, need to go.”

“Hey, wait.” Jaehyun stops you just as you were about to side step him, “We should celebrate this. There’s a party at Cha Eunwoo’s house tonight. You should come.”

“It’s a Saturday. I have work tonight, remember?”

He looks disappointed, “You’re going to work after taking the most draining exam in our lives?”

You shrug, apologetically, “I need the money. Big crowds aren’t my thing either.”

“Then how about just the two of us? Tomorrow night. I’ll drive you somewhere out of town and we’ll get drive thru.”

Your heart races in excitement at the prospect, but you catch yourself. That sounds like a date although you knew it would end up with the two of you doing it at the back of his car. Nonetheless, you agree to the arrangement and wave at him before leaving.

“But Auntie,” You stand up to take the dishes from her, but she swats your hands away, “I don’t mind working tonight.”

“[Y/N]! You and Jungwoo can have the weekend off! You two have worked so hard. And to think you got the scholarship for SNU!” She tuts, sashaying to the sink, “If I could afford it, you can have the entire week off with paid leave!”

“She’s our valedictorian, too!” Jungwoo pipes up, doing a little shimmy after taking a bite of the cake his parents got the both of you for finishing the exam.

“All the more reason for you not to work.” She pinches your cheek. “Isn’t there a party or two being thrown by your schoolmates? There’s bound to be one, right? There were about 8 during my time. You two should go to one.”

Jungwoo brings his empty plate to the sink and exclaims, “Oh, yeah! Eunwoo invited me to his party. Do you wanna go?”

You stare at him, “Cha Eunwoo? You know him?”

“We were classmates last year. We’re not close, but he’s really nice and friendly.” He claps his hands, “Oh, let’s go, [Y/N]!”

A part of you only agreed because you wanted to see Jaehyun. It would be hard to interact with him since your real relationship with him was still a secret, but you still wanted to see how he’d react to see you there. Perhaps that’s the reason behind the extra effort of getting ready; putting on that same dress you wore to Mark’s party, patting the lightest blush on your cheeks and a soft red tint on the inner parts of your lips, and spritzing perfume on your hair. 

“Wow, all this for Jaehyun?” Jungwoo teased, simply changing out of his house clothes into a pair of blue jeans and a raglan shirt. 

“Shut up.” You snap, “Wait, is it too much?”

“No.” He shrugs, “I just noticed because I’m not used to it. I bet he’ll appreciate it though. Are you ready?”

After another look in the mirror, you let Jungwoo lead the way to Eunwoo’s house. It was only a short bus ride there and it was the richer side of town, a few streets away from Jaehyun’s. You’ve never met him and you’re pretty sure you’ve never interacted with him either. You just know that he’s one of Jaehyun’s close friends, also part of the basketball team, and just as popular with the girls from school.

It takes no less than half an hour for the two of you to arrive, spotting the other teens walking up to the huge house that had strobe lights and muffled music blasting inside.

“I can tell I’m not gonna like it inside.” You warily watch a rowdy group of boys cheer each other on as a ssireum contest begins in the empty, open garage. “We don’t have to stay long, right?”

“Let’s have a few drinks and leave.” Jungwoo walks up to the house and you follow closely behind him.

Not all the faces were even familiar to you, maybe they’re from other schools. The music gets progressively louder as you walk up to the open door and you can pick out a few voices trying to talk over the bass. Past the door, Jungwoo greets a few people and you offer them all a small smile. They all seem surprised to see you here, obviously knowing this isn’t your kind of scene. Jungwoo holds a conversation with them and you look around some more.

There were people drinking out of red cups, bouncing on the balls of their feet to the fast tempo song, some were brave enough to make out against walls, and others were just blatantly humping each other in lieu of dancing. You make eye contact with a girl who you recognize as Kim Minkyung, twin sister of Kim Mingyu, who was also another close friend of Jaehyun’s. She was notoriously aloof and introverted compared to her social butterfly of a brother. 

Minkyung stares at you, eyes just squinting slightly as if to discern if it was really you she was seeing, and you feel both confused and nervous by it. Is it really that weird that you’re at a party? You break eye contact with her to tell Jungwoo you’re heading to the kitchen to grab drinks for the two of you.

It was a big house, bigger than Jaehyun’s, but you think you can guess where the kitchen was from the number of people leaving the room with a drink in hand. You managed to catch Minkyung’s gaze again and her expression this time looked… worried? You ignore it and step into the white room. There were food and drinks lined up on the kitchen island and counters, a large stack of red cups beside a keg. As you approached it to get beer for Jungwoo, a roar of laughter erupts in the next room over. Being naturally curious, you walked over to the opening and peered through other curious people’s shoulders to see what the commotion was about.

It looked like the dining room with a large wooden table in the middle that had been turned into a beer pong arena. You see Kim Mingyu taking a shot beside the house owner, Cha Eunwoo, over to the other side and huffs as he misses his shot. Looking over at their opponent, your chest constricts. It was the soccer team’s MVP, Nakamoto Yuta, who was also your acquaintance as he liked to crash the board games club from time to time to bother Mark, and his partner for the math, the only boy you wanted to see in this party.

Jaehyun had his signature black outfit on; you’ve spied the contents of his closet once and reeled at the sight of it being 80 percent black, 15 percent white, and just a handful of miscellaneous colored clothing articles. His hair was pushed back to prevent the fringes getting into his eyes. But that’s not what you’re focused on, that’s not what made your heart crack. With one hand, he held a ping pong ball, waiting for his turn, while the other held another girl’s hand.

Areum. You think that’s her name. That’s right, Cho Areum. She’s the embodiment of her name; beautiful and stunning from head to toe. Funnily enough, she’s part of the cheer squad. Classic, you think, a cheerleader and a basketball player. A cliche, but perfect pair.

It’s finally Jaehyun’s turn and he gets the ping pong ball right into the farthest cup, and his team rejoices. He gladly turns his head to Areum and your heart falls to the floor, shattering in tiny pieces as your ears ring. You’ve never felt jealous in your entire life, you just weren’t raised that way. You’ve lived your life with people who have so much more than you, but you never wished you were in their shoes until you see Areum. She’s pretty, she’s tall, she’s also top 20, meaning she’s smart, too. She also gets to kiss Jaehyun in public, while you’re just the girl he keeps a secret.

But now you’re just confused. Was he cheating on her with you? And if he was, why would he cheat on her for you? 

Your thoughts are interrupted when a hand is placed on your shoulder and you turn to find Minkyung, looking distastefully at the same scene you were witnessing.

“You shouldn’t be here.” She finally turns to you, voice soft and almost sympathetic. “They’re going to make fun of you if they see you, especially with your eyes looking wet. Come on.”

You blink and you realize what she was talking about as your vision blurred. You nod and she leads you away from the party, out to the backyard where there were less people and considerably darker. You sit by each other on a lounge chair and stare at the pool.

“I don’t…” You pause, not knowing what to ask.

“My brother and his friends aren’t nice people.” Minkyung states, looking past the pool and into the window that showed the living room. “They spend a lot of time after school at our house so I know about the things they talk about… all the shit they do.”

“Okay…” You don’t know where she’s going with this but your gut tells you it’s not going to be good.

“At the start of the year, the basketball team was at our house and they were drinking. And I don’t know how it came to be but someone suggested to make a checklist for all the girls they should fuck. From every clique like a girl's sports team to distinguished individuals… like the class valedictorian.” She glances at you, apologetically, as if it was her fault or to apologize on her brother’s behalf. “But I guess yours was a different case.”

“I’m… wait, I don’t understand—”

“Everyone agreed that it would be hard to sleep with you. No one knew you well enough until someone pointed out that you and Jaehyun were always volleying the top 1 spot between each other every semester. But even he didn’t think he could do it, so his friends did the only thing that would make him agree to trying to sleep with you. They made a bet and riled him up because everyone knows how competitive Jung Jaehyun is.”

You let her words sink in, “So he made a bet with me to be top 1 and offer to teach me sex so he could win an entirely different bet.”

“Wait a minute—” Minkyung grabs your wrist, “He said he’d teach you sex? Oh my god, that’s just fucking gold.”

She bolts up to her feet and scornfully laughs, pacing in front of you.

“What?”

“Let me guess,” She spins back to face you, “He’ll teach you lesson by lesson because you can’t learn a whole new world in a couple nights? That lesson 1 is foreplay, 2 is positions, and so on?”

“H-how did you know that?”

“Because he said the same things to me 3 years ago. Jung Jaehyun took my virginity from under the guise that he liked me, too. And guess what? When shit went down, he turned my own brother against me. He turned the person I shared a womb with against me and branded me a slut. Don’t you ever wonder why I don’t run in the same circle as my twin? Mingyu used to be so protective of me; I was off limits to his friends until Jaehyun happened. He joins his friends branding me a slut. Jung Jaehyun ruined my life and he’s going to ruin yours.” Minkyung grabs your shoulders and squeezes them, “Walk away from him now, [Y/N]. Please, I know we’re not friends but I’m telling you the truth. You saw him with your own eyes; was it you he was kissing in there? Because here’s the cold, hard truth, [Y/N]: Jaehyun owns each and everyone of us, but we can never own him for ourselves.”

You expel a harsh breath, unaware you had been holding your breath. You stare into her eyes and it’s glistening under the underwater pool lights. You wanted to give Jaehyun the benefit of the doubt, but you could sense how genuine and concerned Minkyung is.

“Okay.” You mumble, licking your lips. You’re better off without him anyways. Aside from sex, what else has he given you? You stand up and accept the hug Minkyung offers as she holds out her arms for you. “Thanks.”

“I wish I warned you sooner. I’ve tried to warn every girl he was after — or any girl the team was going after — but my reputation makes it hard for them to believe me. If anything, they made it worse.” She pulls away and looks back into the house. “Thanks for believing me.”

You follow her gaze and see Jaehyun, jumping to the beat of the song playing, with Areum in tow. “Does she know he’s cheating on her?”

“Areum? They’re not exclusive, that’s what he claims. She says they’re in an open relationship, so she probably knows about you.”

Knowing that she, as well as his friends, knows about you and Jaehyun sleeping together doesn’t sit well with you. Does he tell them about it every time? They must laugh at how innocent and pathetic you were.

“God,” Minkyung scowls, “What did I even see in him? If he wasn’t at the top of the class, I would have believed he had a dick for a brain.”

You giggle at this, knowing she’s doing her best to lighten the mood.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant yet.” She laughs, “I wonder how he’d react to that.”

Your laughter falters.

Minkyung watches as you scramble to take your phone out, opening up an app you kept to track your period. You had a normal cycle, this tracker is proof. But the past month has been so hectic that you didn’t even notice.

“I’m… two weeks late.” You look to her for help, fingers shaking in panic. “I’m never late. I—”

“Wait, [Y/N], calm down. Being late for your period doesn’t mean you’re pregnant.”

“I know that!” You exclaim, “But what if I am?”

You think about your scholarship, graduation, your parents — how are you going to tell your parents if you were, in fact, pregnant?

Before you bring yourself into a panic attack, Minkyung shakes your arm, “[Y/N], calm down. Do you want to take a pregnancy test?”

“I can’t take that back home—”

“Then take it back at my place. I’ll buy you the pregnancy test.” She fishes car keys out of her pockets, “Come on. Mingyu can find a ride home himself, I don’t even know why I let him drag me to be his personal driver.”

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Minkyung doesn’t answer immediately until she shrugs her shoulders, “If I were in your position, I’d wish someone would be there who understands and helps out.”

She was right. You don’t even know how Jungwoo would react, let alone do.

“Wait, let me go back inside and tell Jungwoo I’ll be going.”

“Kim Jungwoo? He’s gay, right?”

You gasp, petrified at her question, “How did you— I mean, no!”

She chuckles, “Don’t worry. I understand. It takes one to know one. I’ll go get the car. It’s a red volvo.”

As she leaves, you head back inside to look for Jungwoo and it’s not that hard thanks to his height. You flag him down, grabbing his wrist and dragging so you could talk right into his ear. 

“Can I go ahead? I’m not comfortable.”

“Okay, let me say goodbye—”

“No! You’re clearly having fun. It’s not that late, I can go home by myself.” You try to walk away, but he seizes your hand.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”

Bless his heart. Only Jungwoo could read you like a book. But you’re not ready to tell him, not until you’re sure, so you just smile and nod. Fortunately, he lets you go and you quickly make your way through the crowd to reach the front door. Just as you were about to step out, a hand wraps around your wrist and you think it’s Jungwoo.

But of course it wasn’t.

“Hey, you came.” Jaehyun lets go of you once you turn around. “I thought you had a shift?”

“Yeah. I’m heading back over now. I thought I’d drop by with Jungwoo.” You hug yourself, doing your best to meet his eyes so he wouldn’t suspect anything. In your peripheral vision, you see his friends watching from another room. “So, I have to go.”

“Did you try and find me?”

The wording to his question was off, but you shake your head, “The crowd is a little… overwhelming. I don’t think I could have seen you even if I tried… I’m gonna be late for shift change.”

“Do you want me to drive you there? My car’s at the house though—”

“Then no.” You forced a smile, “You don’t have to. I’ll be fine.”

Jaehyun frowns, but relents, stuffing his hands in his pockets, “Okay. Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Our own little celebration about your scholarship?”

“Oh… yeah, sure.” You try to think of an excuse to back out of it, but you’re too flustered under his gaze to even do so. “S-see you then.”

He cracks a smile, and maybe it’s just your feelings for him, but you swear he seems genuinely excited about it, “Okay. I’ll text you.”

You turn around and start to walk, taking slow steps out the door until you see a red volvo pull up. Minkyung rolls down the window to let you know it was her and you get in. After putting the seatbelt on, she hands you a pack of tissues.

“You can cry. I’m not going to judge you.”

“I know.” You let the initial tears slip down your cheeks. “I should have known something like this was going to happen.”

She rubs your back for a while before starting the car and driving away. It was strange to think you barely talked to her for an hour but still felt closer to her than Jaehyun, who you’ve spent months with. Did she have a pregnancy scare as well? More importantly, did she have someone to confide to?

You finally let yourself break down into a sob. It was dumb and foolish of you to think he had the best intentions for you. You were both in it for the sex and all you asked was for it to be kept secret, but the worst people to find out about it already knew about it. It was stupid of you to even fall for him — no, it was more stupid of you to make a bet with him in the first place. You can’t even believe you walked into that party with the intention of confessing your feelings for him.

“He’s still coming by the store. You should have never told him where you worked.”

You sigh, lathering the washed cabbage heads with the bright red paste your mother had already made. It was the holidays and you went back home to your family like you always did. Being with them brought you so much relief after everything that had happened after CSAT. You excitedly told them about the scholarship, presenting the letter as proof, as well as the high chance of you graduating as valedictorian. You even introduced Minkyung to them through video call as you two had become considerably close. The only thing you left out to your parents was Jaehyun. They didn’t need to know that at all.

You thanked every god and your lucky stars that you weren’t pregnant — the missed weeks probably due to the stress — and the dreaded red week came a few days when you went back home.You had burst into tears of joy at the sight of blood stained sheets and your mother excused it as your hormones acting up.

As for Jaehyun, you didn’t reply back to him when he asked if you were ready to meet up the day after the party. You didn’t pick up his calls. You worked twice as hard, enlisting Jungwoo and Minkyung’s help, to avoid running into him at school. Minkyung had to block his number for you because you didn’t have the heart to do it. You felt bad for doing this to him, but they reminded you of everything he did to you and you just feel just a tiny bit of guilt for ghosting him.

But as Jungwoo had just reported over the group call you had with him and Minkyung, he came by the convenience store almost everyday, hoping to catch you on your shift. When Jungwoo finally snapped and told him you were back at home, he comes in every other day to ask where you lived.

“I would ban him from the store if I were you.” Minkyung suggests.

“You know I would’ve if I could.” Jungwoo gripes, “But you can’t ban people if they’re just annoying you. I can’t even say it’s borderline harassment since he leaves after I shoo him off.”

“I don’t get it.” You huff, stuffing the freshly made kimchi into a large jar. “Min, you said he’d stop after a week. It’s almost the end of Christmas break and he’s still trying to contact me.”

“I’m just as confused as you. Maybe his pride is hurt. He’s the one being dumped for the first time and you know what? Good for you, [Y/N], for being the first to break his heart.”

You smile at them through the camera, but you hope it was believable enough through the screen. You’re still in love with him. You realize this after finding yourself constantly thinking and worrying about him when you’re not occupied with house chores or farm work. You’ll never tell Jungwoo or Minkyung, but a part of you really misses him.

“Oh my god, he’s here at my house.” Minkyung whispers as if he could hear her as she peeks through her blinds. “I’m gonna eavesdrop on them.”

“Kyung.” You warn, wiping your hands on a kitchen towel after you washed them. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” She huffs, “What if he’s trash talking you? You’re my friend now and this is my house, I have every right to throw him out.”

“If he’s trash talking me, then I’m gonna want to talk to him. You know,” You put the jars of kimchi you made into the fridge, “For closure.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Minkyung sighs, “That’s a dangerous plan.”

“I agree.” Jungwoo pipes in, “He was able to convince you to sleep with him. He can definitely do it again. You’re in a vulnerable state, [Y/N], whether he knows that or not. You don’t have any prior knowledge on this while he’s an expert.”

“It’s breaking off a relationship — not even, it was just a deal we made.” You look outside the window to make sure your family is still outside, “How hard could it be?”

“Says the girl who let someone teach her sex after losing a bet.” Minkyung snides, “Your emotions could get the better of you once you face him. I think it’s better to avoid him until he finally accepts the fact that you’re done with him.”

And she was right. Although you really did want to talk to him, at least one last time and face to face, they were right about him possibly coercing you again. You didn’t think you would fall for him this hard even though you know about what he’s done.

Returning to the city a week before the holiday break ends always puts you into a sad mood since you have to leave your family and now it makes you feel anxious because you can’t possibly hide from Jaehyun until graduation. Minkyung tells you that he and his friends will be out of town for a few days and she invites you over to hang out. Jungwoo couldn’t come because he and his parents visited his older sister’s family.

“As promised,” You said after greeting Minkyung as she opened the front gate, “Kimchi made by yours truly using my mom’s pepper paste made from our farm’s chili peppers.”

It was a sizable container, good for a family of 5 for two weeks at most. Minkyung squeals as she accepts it, “Thank you! I’m so excited to try it out. We’re definitely eating this for dinner later.”

Her house had almost the same layout as Mark’s house, but had a more contemporary interior.

“Oh my god,” You gasp, approaching the photo wall and pointing at a portrait of two children as you unwrapped the scarf from your neck, “You’re so cute!”

“Our mother was obsessed with making us match clothes before.” She sighs, stopping beside you.

“Wow, you two looked really identical.”

Minkyung scoffs, “Yeah, thank god we don’t anymore.”

Before she turns to lead you to the kitchen, you swear you caught a frown form on her face.

You two had a baking agenda today ever since you found out she loved to bake with her mother when she was younger but never got to do it again since her mother got busy with work. She still bakes from time to time but doesn’t find it as fun when someone else is around.

The kitchen island had all the ingredients laid out and the oven had preheated. You two only talked about making cookies and cupcakes, but it looked like there were enough to make cake and bread.

Minkyung puts the kimchi inside their fridge and you wait for her in front of the ingredients, “So how do we go about this?”

“Let’s do a headstart on cupcakes first so they can cool down before we get to decorate them.”

It feels like a nice change to be hanging out with another girl. You love Jungwoo, but there are things you can’t say or do with him because it felt too awkward. Also, compared to you, he has other friends he likes to hang out with while you can count all yours with one hand. Minkyung was a lot bubblier once you got to know her. She always kept to herself in school and seemed so chic and mysterious, but was just as eccentric and clumsy as Jungwoo. It was a weird way to start a friendship, sharing the same experiences with Jaehyun, but you’re really glad you’ve become friends with her.

A couple of hours into baking, you took charge of icing the last couple of cupcakes while Minkyung tries a bite of the experimental cookies you made with cinnamon and marshmallows.

“Is it good?” You place the cupcake you finished icing on the cake rack.

She walks over to you to feed you a piece, “Like a starbucks drink. It’s not bad, no?”

It did taste like a starbucks drink made into a cookie, but you liked it. “I think it’s okay. Nothing beats your chocolate chip, though. I can’t wait to go back home and make it for my siblings. Thanks for sharing your recipe. I promise to take it to my grave.”

“Tell me what they think of it.” Both of you pause when you hear the car gates creaking open. She looks at you, clearly confused, “Did my mom come home early?”

You put the piping bag down and went to wash your hands in the sink of stray icing as she bounds towards the foyer. Minkyung talks fondly of her mom and mentions how she wanted to meet you. You dry your hands on the apron before taking it off, placing on the counter and following after her.

Just as you walk out of the kitchen doorway, you hear Minkyung exclaiming, “Why are you here?”

It was a split second realization from the hostile tone of her voice that tells you who was at the front door, however your body reacts a split second too late and you end up stepping into the hallway that led to the foyer.

“[Y/N]?”

You’re frozen in your spot, absolutely mortified to see Jaehyun standing behind Mingyu.

“What are you…?” He steps forward and pauses, connecting the dots in his head. He turns to Minkyung and grabs her arm, “What did you tell her?”

“The truth about you.” She hisses, shaking his hold off. Once she does, she moves away from him and closer to you. “You ruined my life and I’m not going to let you ruin hers.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, sis.” Mingyu puts an arm out between them.

Jaehyun moves around him to walk towards you, but Minkyung blocks him. He scowls at her, “[Y/N], whatever she told you is a lie.”

The Jaehyun in front of you scared you; he looked so angry and hurt… like that time he got benched in sophomore year. His jaw is tight and his nostrils are flaring as he and Minkyung stared each other down.

“No, it’s the truth.” She glances back at you, gaze firm and unwavering.

“Kyung, give it up.” Her brother grabs her hand, “It’s been, what? 2? 3 years? Get over it.”

Minkyung indignantly huffs, slowly turning her head back to them, “Get over it? He took everything from me and you just want me to get over it? He took everything from me.”

Her voice cracks as she begins to sob, shoulders dropping as she faces her brother. “And you let him, Mingyu… You chose him over me, your goddamn twin sister.”

Your heartbreaks at the scene in front of you. Minkyung always made snide remarks about her brother, scowling as she speaks about him, but that frown you caught earlier should have told you that she misses him. You can’t imagine the pain she feels of losing someone she spent her whole life with — her own brother — and be torn apart because of something Jaehyun had said and done.

Minkyung sniffs, snatching her hand away from Mingyu and walks to you, “I’m sorry. We were having so much fun… but I want to be alone right now. I’ll drive you home—”

“No, go ahead. I…” Your eyes flit towards Jaehyun, “I want to talk to him.”

She stares at you, briefly sending a glare over to him, “Are you sure?”

You nod, “I can’t run away from forever. I’ll be fine.”

She gives you a tight hug before heading towards the stairs. Mingyu tries to stop her but she starts to run up the steps.

“I’m gonna talk to her.” Mingyu pats Jaehyun’s arm, spares a glance at you, and goes up after his sister.

You and Jaehyun stood in the foyer, awkwardly waiting for each other to say something.

“Can we talk?” He finally breaks the silence.

“Yeah.” A door being pounded on and shouting was heard above your heads and you smack your lips, “Uhm, somewhere else?”

“Yeah, okay,” He takes his car keys out of his pocket, “I know a place.”

Sensing your hesitation, he quickly follows it up with, “Don’t worry, it’s not my house.”

You decide to trust him, gathering your things and following him out the door to his car. It felt weird to be seated back inside and even weirder to think about the times you’ve spent together in it. He plugs his phone to the aux cord and chooses a random song to play on the softest volume before he begins to drive.

“I thought you guys had an out of town trip?” You quietly ask, seeing the duffel bag on the backseat.

“Yeah.” He clicks his tongue, “We were uninvited. The villa we were going to is owned by Areum’s family and you can say I chose the wrong day to upset her.”

“What did you do?”

Jaehyun sighs, keeping his attention on the road, “You know, when you didn’t respond to my texts, I got worried about you. I thought you got in trouble or something. You wouldn’t pick up my calls, Jungwoo wouldn’t tell me where the fuck you were, and up until I realized you blocked my number, I started to understand the situation.”

You turn your attention to the window, watching the world pass by.

“You saw us, didn’t you? Me and Areum. You saw us that night at the party? Is that why you stopped talking to me?”

“It’s so much more than that.” You cut in, making sure your voice is as steady as you can make it out to be, “Besides, it’s not my business. I’m just the girl you keep a secret—”

You let out a disbelieved laugh, “Wait, I can’t even say I’m the girl you’ve been secretly fucking.”

“What are you talking about?”

Taking a deep breath, you ask him, “Is it true that you and your friends made a — a fuck checklist and I was on it?”

The car was stopped at a red light, it was the only time for him to look at you but he chooses not to.

“Did you agree to a bet with your friends that you could sleep with me? And that was what prompted you to approach me in the library in the first place?”

He finally looks at you, stunned like a deer caught in the headlights, and it was enough to break your heart all over again. He opens his mouth to respond, but the car behind you honks its horn and Jaehyun starts to drive, not noticing the green light.

“All I wanted was for us to be a secret. I wouldn’t care about Areum or any other girl… or so I thought,” You grumble the last part, “I thought you were holding up that end of the deal, but it turns out people already knew. God, Jaehyun! For someone who’s top 2 in school, I’m so fucking stupid to believe you.”

He stops the car and lets out a heavy breath, “I’m sorry.”

“You think that’s enough?” You snap, facing forward and seeing a lakeside picnic area. “Where are we?”

“My parents and I went here during spring when I was younger. I like to come here and just watch the water.” He licks his lips, “I was supposed to take you here that day after the party.”

“Why?”

“I…” He shrugs, “I’m gonna sit outside for awhile. You can join me if you want.”

“It’s nearly 3 degrees outside.”

He opens the door and the cold rush of air makes you hug yourself. He steps out and closes the door behind him, walking up to one of the picnic tables to brush off some of the snow and sit down on it, looking off into the distance of the frozen lake.

You gather up the courage to face the biting, icy air,  pulling the hood of your jacket up and going after him. You take a seat on the bench of the table beside his and hide half your face into your scarf. His face was ghastly white, save for the apples of his cheeks, tip of his nose and ears, and his lips that were bright red.

“Do you have plans to freeze to death?”

Jaehyun chuckles, “I like winter.”

“I prefer spring.” You mumble, crossing your arms to preserve your body warmth. Looking back at the lake, you comment, “Must have been a nice view if I had gone with you that day.”

“I personally think it’s a nice view all year round.”

Silence falls over the two of you, along with it was the awkwardness and tension. You feel like you couldn’t breathe despite being in an open area.

“It’s true.” He breaks the silence after a few minutes, “We were all drunk and I don’t even remember who suggested it, but everyone thought it was a great idea — a fuck list. From cheerleaders, to band geeks, to bisexuals… to the valedictorian… one of us will sleep with any of those and it’ll be checked off the list.”

This makes your stomach churn; disgusted and disappointed at the thought. Being drunk isn’t an excuse for the nasty things that go through someone’s head.

“No one was willing to do you. No one had connections to you. Until Eunwoo said we were always switching places as top 1 every semester. They said it would be like an ice breaker between us and they left me to think about how I could get in your pants.” He took in a deep breath, “But believe me, I didn’t want to. I didn’t even think you’d give me the time of day. You didn’t seem interested in anyone and your nose was always stuck between textbooks. So they riled me up and I let them push me into doing it.”

“And then you orchestrated this whole plan of baiting me into making a different bet with you where you try to sleep with me and disguised it as teaching me sex.” You click your tongue, “I was a much easier target than you thought, huh?”

“It was supposed to be a one time thing, but I meant what I said that you can’t just learn sex in one night.”

“Minkyung said you told her the exact same words 3 years ago.” Your heart grows heavy at the thought of her, “Did you even really like her back?”

Jaehyun closes his eyes, hanging his head low and slowly shaking it sideways. “No.”

“How could you turn twins against each other?” You scowl, “I can’t even fathom how you were able to do that!”

“Well, I don’t either! I care about Mingyu, too. I knew he’d kill me if I even dared touch Minkyung, but she practically offered herself up to me.”

“Choose your words carefully, Jung.” You warn, gritting your teeth, “That doesn’t mean you accept it, let alone use that fact against her. She was— was ostracized! By her own brother!”

“That’s on him! I know what I did was shitty and I owe her an apology. I’m not the same boy I was 3 years ago!” He shoots up from his seat and walks closer to the lake, “My high school life is full of regrets, okay? I have vices. I let my dick decide for me. I’m a fucking teenager. I know I’ve hurt people and they probably won’t forgive me so I don’t bother with apologizing to their faces, but I regret my actions, alright?”

“So you regret sleeping with me?”

Jaehyun looks back at you, staring into your eyes with an unreadable expression. After a moment, he inhales, “I regret sleeping with you under those circumstances.”

You frown, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I liked being with you. Aside from the sex or the pillow talk — the small conversations in my car or at the library… I looked forward to those the most.”

“Then why did we always have sex?”

“Because that’s what you were looking forward to.”

“Because that’s the reason why we were meeting up in the first place!” You exclaim, “If you wanted to talk, you could have just told me. We can be actual friends, you know.”

“But what if,” Jaehyun nervously licks his lips, blinking rapidly as the wind picks up a bit, “What if I wanted to be more?”

Your ears are ringing as if they popped. Did you hear him right? He wanted to be more than friends? “But… Areum…”

He immediately denies it, “We’re not even dating. I mean, we act like we are, but all we’re doing is using each other. We have sex and she uses me as a status symbol or something — we got uninvited to her villa because I told her last night that I didn’t want to share a room with her. I didn’t want to do anything with her anymore, to be exact.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? I like you!”

You gaped at him like he had grown a second head, “You like me? Jaehyun, you could literally have anyone — anyone — in the whole world!”

“Then why can’t I have you?”

“But…” You shake your head, “Why me?”

Now it was Jaehyun’s turn to look at you bewilderedly, “Why not you?”

“God! You know I hate it when you answer my questions with a question!” You stand up and march towards him, “Why would you choose me over Areum or Minkyung—”

“Stop bringing other people into this,” He interjects, “This is about you and me.”

“You’re better off with them. Or anybody else.” You look down at your feet to avoid his gaze, “I don’t have time to be in a committed relationship. Not when high school is almost done and college is around the corner.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that.” His lips form a forlorn smile, “I wanted to tell you earlier. I wanted to tell you that day we were supposed to come here.”

“You wanted to tell me that day?” You repeat, waiting for him to confirm, “You wanted to tell me that you like me that day when just the night before you were partying with another girl… kissing her and holding her hand… you want me to believe that you like me the entire time you were doing those things with her?”

Jaehyun starts to look flustered, “I-I told you. Areum and I aren’t dating. It’s all for show—”

“Could’ve fooled me.” You say in a higher pitch than your regular voice. “Do you hear yourself? You wanted to tell another girl you liked her after you were with someone else the night prior?”

“[Y/N], just listen to me first—”

“No. You listen to me.” You demand, “I was on cloud nine that day, Jaehyun. My scholarship application for my dream university was accepted, I was told I was graduating as valedictorian... just all the hard work I’ve dedicated my entire school life was paying off. I didn’t mean for you to be the first one to know, but I wanted to celebrate it with you, too — so, so badly, Jaehyun.”

Your sight starts to blur as you pause to take a breath, “I didn’t mean to go to that party, but I wanted to see you again. I spent extra time to fix myself up for you because you always called me nice things when I was naked and I wanted to hear you say those things when I’m clothed. I hate crowds — I hate them so much because I feel so out of place, but I ignored them all. I just wanted to see you. And I did. And I saw her.”

Your throat burns as you do your best to choke down your tears. He watches you, unmoving and unsure, so you continue speaking.

“And— and I-I’ve never… I’ve never felt that, you know? Just pure pain in my chest. I’ve never been jealous of anyone until I saw her. My head hurt with so many questions and if Minkyung hadn’t brought me out, I would have passed out. When she told me her story, my heart ached even more. I couldn’t believe you were capable of doing that to anyone but our stories matched up, word for word, Jaehyun. It made sense and up until on the way here, I would have given you the benefit of the doubt, but you didn’t even deny it.” Unable to hold back, you start to sob, “I wanted to tell you I loved you that night, Jaehyun.”

Saying those words out loud brought both relief and horror to your system; it felt nice to have something you kept to yourself for so long to finally see the light of day, but the last person you wanted to hear them was the person those words were for.

He’s visibly astonished by your confession; eyes wide and misty, and mouth agape, letting you see the soft wisps of his warm breath react to the cold air.

“H-how long have you been…”

You angrily shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know. I had inklings of it every time you were sweet to me, but I ignored them. But I knew I was when I saw you with Areum… because why else would my heart break for someone who isn’t mine.”

“I can be yours.” Jaehyun takes a step forward but you put your hand up to stop him, “It’s not too late, [Y/N].”

“I had a pregnancy scare, Jaehyun.” You softly admit, “I realized I was late, ironically, at the party and Minkyung took me back to her place so I can take a pregnancy test. It came out negative, but until I finally got my period days after I went back home to my parents, I was so fucking scared, Jaehyun.”

“Fuck.” He curses, “Shit, I’m sorry, [Y/N]. I… I should have told you the condom broke.”

Your ears were ringing again. It was as if the entire world decided to stop and the silence was deafening.

“You knew the condom broke and you didn’t tell me…?”

“I panicked, too! It’s the first time it happened—”

“Well, fuck, Jaehyun! Congratulations, you know what to do next time it does!” You start to breathe heavily, remembering the anxiety you felt a few weeks ago. “Do you know how hard it is to look my parents in the eye and tell them everything is fine when in the back of your mind you don’t know if you’re pregnant or not? And if I was, how the fuck am I going to explain our relationship to them? I’m the breadwinner of the family. I had one goal: succeed in school to get a good job in the city. Getting pregnant in high school? That is the easiest way to ruin everything both me and my parents have worked hard for.”

He swallows hard, “Would you have kept… the baby?”

You answer in a broken voice as another sob escapes you, “Yes.”

“I wouldn’t have let you go through that alone, [Y/N].” Jaehyun holds your hands, both frosty from being exposed to the winter weather, “I’m going to take responsibility. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, [Y/N]. I should have told you the moment I found out. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

Your palms started to feel warm now that he held them tightly. This was the first contact you had with him in weeks. You would have thought you would crave more, but you don’t. You liked his hands, you told him this, you liked it that he touched you with them, but now they just felt like any other set of hands.

“You’re as clueless at love as me… just like how I was with sex a few months ago.” You try to crack a smile and force out a chuckle, but you end up streaming new tears down your cheeks. “And it’s easy to say that we can learn this together.”

His eyes light up, hopeful with your words. Only to grow wet as you struggle to say the next words.

“But I can’t.” You choke out, “I can’t be the one to learn this with you.”

You retract your hands from him, slipping them out of his hold, and curling them into fist to keep the warmth in.

“[Y/N].” His voice quivered, looking down at his empty hands, “What do I have to say or do for you to stay?”

It was odd and painful to see him cry; he exuded such a strong image and power with charisma that can be seen and felt for miles. Yet here he was, crumbling in front of you.

“Nothing.” You bit down your lip to keep it from trembling, “It was a mistake to even make that bet with you… but I don’t regret it.”

Jaehyun sniffs, cheeks and nose even redder now. You bravely put a hand on his cheek, wiping his tears with your thumb.

“A part of me will always be with you. It’s a part I’ll never get back and I don’t mind. Even though it was brief, I don’t regret falling in love with you.” You step closer to him, placing your other hand on his chest. He puts his hand over yours on his chest and the other on your waist. You look into each other’s eyes, studying each other for the last time before you push yourself up and kiss him.

It was bittersweet knowing this was the last kiss. Maybe that’s why both of you made the most of it, clinging onto each other like you were each other’s lifeline. There was no fighting for dominance, just moving your mouths against each other in complete sync. You exert every last drop of your emotions for him with this kiss until both of you pull away.

You start crying again, burying your face into his chest. His arms go around you, holding you tight as he starts to quietly sob as well.

“I wish I realized I liked you from the start…” He whispers, “If I had, I wouldn’t be saying I love you as a goodbye.”

His shoulders shake a little harder after he says those words and you hug him tighter. You stand in the freezing air, holding each other in silence until both of you notice the specks of white falling around you.

From an outsider’s point of view, seeing the two of you standing under the snowfall could probably paint a picture perfect scene of winter romance.

“I’m sorry.” You say, “You shouldn’t have brought me here. You had fond memories here.”

Jaehyun follows your gaze to the stretch of ice, the surface scratched up from ice skates. There’s no use in telling you that he still went here that day and witnessed a man go down on his knees in front of a woman. It had him thinking, but even then he knew it was ridiculous.

“And I still do.” He sniffs, returning his gaze to yours. “I’ll come back to this place and remember the times my family had picnics, or the times my dad and I went fishing, or skating, or skipping stones. Other than those, I’ll come back and remember this as the place I was able to tell the very first girl that I love her.”

Your chest constricts once more, but this time it doesn’t hurt. “You can come back here and remember that she loves you too.”

He smiles, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, or even bring out his dimples, “Even if she was the one that got away… I love her, nonetheless.”

You had always imagined breaking up would leave you broken beyond repair, sobbing in a crumpled up state on the ground — but then again, this wasn’t a break up. You two were ending things; a toxic relationship that neither of you acknowledged until it was too late. You still want to cry, you’re still hurting, but a part of you tells you it’s going to be okay.

The wind blows again and you gasp, shivering as the icy air seeped through your clothes.

Jaehyun chuckles, “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

You eagerly trek back to his car with him, putting your hands up to the heater once he turns it on. You think you heard him call you cute under his breath, but you don’t let it linger in your thoughts. You wait for him to play a song, but he never does. As he was about to reverse his car out of the parking lot, he pauses to look at you one last time.

He doesn’t say anything, so you don’t either. After a few seconds, he starts to drive and you watch the lake disappear from the side mirror.

 » hope you liked it ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ let me know your thoughts through here

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

One Shot: Wings

Intro: They say that once you’ve been inked, it kinda becomes an addiction…

Warnings: Bad language.

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR STARK SPANGLED BANNER

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Forever Masterlist // Main Masterlist

 “Jamie, ”Katie sighed exasperatedly as her 9 year old looked up from where he was sprawled on the rug of the den, piecing his newest lego kit that Sam and Bucky had bought him for his birthday “You need to get your stuff for school.” “Don’t wanna.” he pouted.

“Tough.”

“I don’t feel well.”

“Oh no, really?” Katie bent down, feeling his head. “Hmmmm. You do feel warm. What’s wrong?” “Sort throat.” “Oh, well… that means no soccer practice tomorrow then…and you should go straight back to bed until I can take you to the doctors later today…”

Jamie paused and looked up at her and she raised an eyebrow “Nice try Pal.”  

“Mommmm”

“Don’t make me shout your father.” she used her ace card.

Jamie gave an exaggerated sigh and stood up, rolling his eyes. Katie bit her lip to stop herself laughing at the utter indignation on his face.

“It’s Friday dude.” she smiled at him. “You got all weekend to play legos if that’s what you wanna do.”

“Does that mean I can stay up late tonight to work on it?” he asked hopefully.

“Define late.” Katie looked at him.

“11?”

“Hmmmm, I dunno.” she said playfully.

“Please?”

“I’ll speak to your dad.” she said and he smiled at her, the pair of them both knowing full well that Steve was a soft touch when it came to stuff like that. He’d probably be there helping him out with it anyway.

“Ok Mom. Can you make sure Harry doesn’t touch it whilst I’m at school?”

“I’ll keep this door shut, I promise.”  Katie assured him.

He left the room and true to her word Katie shut the door to the den and watched him head up the stairs, passing Aurora who was on her way down with her rucksack, Steve right behind her with their youngest placed on his hip.

“Hi mammamama!” Harry babbled at her and she grinned, taking him off Steve and planting a kiss to his cheek.

“Hi baby!” she grinned as his hand instantly went to grab the chain of her necklace.

“Jamie not planning on going to school today?” Steve asked her with a grin as Rori headed off to find her shoes.

“Tried telling me he was sick so he could stay home and play legos.” she snorted “Soon decided he was ok when I told him that meant no soccer practice tomorrow morning.” Steve shook his head, smiling to himself.

“Daddy?” Rori tugged on his trouser leg and he turned his attention to her.

“What’s up Princess?”

“I can’t find my sneakers.”

“Where did you leave them?” he asked, his hand gently dropping to the back of her head.

“Erm…” she pondered for a moment, before she looked up at her mom bashfully.

“Somebody left them in the middle of the lounge…” Katie looked at her. “So the Fairies put them away.”

“Sorry…” Rori wrinkled her nose and blinked up at her mom.

“It’s ok. They’re on the shoe rack sweetie.” Katie nodded to the kitchen in the direction of the utility room located at the back of the house.  

“Thanks momma.” she said, running off to retrieve them.

“What time does Emmy’s train get in?” Steve looked at Katie.

“Just after twelve.” Katie said, blowing a raspberry on Harry’s cheek. “I’ll meet her and then take her straight to get inked…” Steve let out a breath from his nose. All Emmy had talked about since turning 21st was a tattoo. Steve wasn’t particularly sure he approved but then what could he do? She was an adult now. Katie hadn’t been bothered, but then as she’d pointed out, she had a big enough one on her thigh so it would be fairly hypocritical if she had. Emmy had won Steve over though when she’d asked him to draw it for her. She’d described what she wanted, a small Phoenix type bird that would sit just above her ankle. So after a few designs and sketches she’d finally settled on something she wanted and after a consultation she was having it done this afternoon.  

“You staying with her?” Steve looked at Katie, concern etched across his face. Katie gave a soft laugh.

“She’s a big girl now Steve but yeah, I’m gonna stay.” she said, tugging on his beard playfully.

“Good.” he nodded, jerking his head out of reach. “Do you need me to pick the kids up later or…”

“No, by the time their afterschool clubs are done we’ll have finished so I’ll do it.” she smiled as Rori came back, sneakers in her hand. She sat on the bottom step and proceeded to push her feet into the pink converse, Steve crouching down on one knee to tie her shoelaces for her.

“Thanks daddy.”

“You’re welcome sweetheart.” he said, dropping a kiss to her head before he turned to look up the stairs “Jamie! Come on!”

“I’m coming…” came the surly reply, and no sooner had they heard it he appeared at the top of the steps, rucksack in hand.

“Drop the attitude.” Steve said sternly as Jamie trudged down the stairs, scowling. Steve looked at Katie, raising his eyebrow as their eldest son stalked past them, heading to the door, Rori running behind him.

“Wait for me Jay…” she called, her small feet slapping on the tiles of the hallway as she went.

“Told you…” Katie said, smirking “He’s a mini you…”

“That filthy look he had on his face? That is a Stark expression.” Steve said, looking back at her as he picked Rori’s rucksack up.

“Is not.” Katie laughed “That’s the face you make whenever someone’s pissing you off.”

Steve gave a snort before he dropped a soft kiss to her lips, making Harry shriek.

“Kissy!” he laughed.

“See you later.” Steve smiled against her mouth “Love you.” “You too” she said, and with a last peck and a ruffle of Harry’s hair he headed after Jamie and Rori, barking out an instruction for them to quit their squabble over who was sitting in the front seat.

“Easy solution…” Katie heard Steve say loudly “You can both get in the back. End of discussion.”

Their protest’s died as the door snapped shut.

Katie chuckled to herself and looked at Harry “Shall we get you ready to go too baby boy?”

“Go!” he nodded, grinning. 

*******

Katie’s morning was reasonably easy. A meeting and a manuscript to review which she’d managed to do by half 11. Changing out of her office clothes into a loose pair of sweats, trainers and a hoody she headed out and made her way to Grand Central.

She spotted Emmy emerging into the main terminal and swept her daughter up into a hug.

“Hey mom.” Emmy said, squeezing her back.

“Ready to go get inked?” Katie asked, Emmy grinned and slung her satchel over one shoulder, linking her arm through her mom’s.

“You eaten?” Katie asked as they walked out into the early April sun.

“Yeah, followed the instructions.” Emmy nodded.

“Good.” Katie said. “Nervous?”

“A little.” Emmy shrugged “It’s gonna hurt right?”

“It’s not so bad.” Katie shrugged, “Some places hurt more apparently but…most important thing to remember is if you need a break just ask.”

“Ok.”

The two women walked a few blocks, catching up. It had been a couple of weeks since Emmy was home, fast approaching the last few weeks of the semester at Harvard before her exams started. All of her marks so far had been sky high, leaving her parents immensely proud, although both had taken great pains to tell her that they didn’t care what the outcome was, as long as she tried her best.

Eventually they reached the place and Emmy opened the door, stepping in. David, the man that had done the consultation a few weeks back beckoned them both through.

“Ok, so…” he said, tilting the screen to show Emmy the picture of her design he’d scanned “I gotta say I’m excited about this one, it’s pretty unique.”

“My dad drew it.” Emmy beamed.

“It’s phenomenal.” David smiled “I had to sharpen some of the lines up but there’s no major changes. Are you happy with it?”

Emmy nodded.

“Ok, and yours Mrs Rogers…” David clicked and the imaged changed. “The touches we’re adding to your thigh are fairly straight forward but this one…this is what I think it is right?”

Katie nodded.

“Awesome…” David smiled, and hit print and stood up to collect both the prints.

“Have you told Dad?” Emmy looked at her. Katie smirked and shook her head.

“Nope.” she popped the p on the word “Thought it would be a nice surprise when he gets to see it later.” “I’m not sure if I should be grossed out by that thought or not.” Emmy mumbled and Katie simply laughed.

Just over 2 and a half hours later they were done, leaving the parlour with strict after care instructions. Emmy had hardly flinched through hers, whereas Katie’s new one had been slightly uncomfortable due to the placing.

“Think that earned us a beer…” Katie said checking her watch. “Come on, we got time before we need to collect the heathens.”

***** “Show me! Show me!”  Rori demanded.

“You can’t see it yet short stuff.” Emmy said fondly “It’s still wrapped up.”

“When can you unwrap it?” Jamie asked.

“Another hour or so yet.” Katie answered “So quit bugging your sister and go put your school bags away.”

“Emmy do you wanna watch Sponge Bob with me?” Rori asked. 

“Only if we can sing the special song…” Emmy grinned, holding her hand out for a hi-five. Rori giggled, and slapped her smaller palm against her sister’s.

“What special song?” Katie looked at her.

“Oh just a variation on the theme tune we made up.” Emmy said, grinning mischievously 

“I dread to think.” Katie muttered, watching Jamie and Rori head up stairs to deposit their rucksacks in their room.

Katie bustled around making dinner, simple spaghetti and meatballs as requested by all 4 kids…well, the elder 3…Harry merely clapped his hands and yelled “getty” in agreement. She was stood stirring the sauce when she heard Steve walk through the door an toss his keys onto the table in the hall little under an hour later. 

“Daddy’s home!” she heard Rori shriek and a moment later Steve chuckled.

“Hey…” he said, sweeping her up and placing a kiss on her cheek. He carried her through to the kitchen where he greeted Harry with a ruffle of the hair as he sat by the table doodling on a pad with Emmy.

“Hi sweetie.” Steve said, as Emmy stood up to give him a hug. “How was the tattooing?”

“Good.” she nodded, “Oh, actually, mom….should I unwrap it now?”

“Errr, yeah.” Katie said, turning the heat down on the stove and accepting the kiss Steve offered. “Can you watch these 2. I’ll go help Emmy out…”

“Sure.” Steve said, “Where’s Jamie?”

“2 guesses” Katie grinned at him and Steve shook his head, smiling, knowing full well that meant he was nose deep in lego.

Katie and Emmy bounded up the stairs and returned about 15 minutes later, Emmy proudly showing off the design on her right ankle. Steve had to admit, it did look pretty good, but then he would say that, he drew it after all.

They dragged Jamie out of the den for dinner, where the boy managed 2 helpings before he ran off again, almost having a meltdown when Katie told him he had to share the den as Rori wanted to watch Cartoons. One stern look from Steve nipped the tantrum in the bud and the 4 kids departed once dishes had been deposited in the sink, Katie waving away Emmy’s offer to help, telling her to go spend some time with her siblings. It didn’t take her and Steve long to clear down and they were heading towards the living room to collapse onto the sofa together, but the shriek and cheers coming from the den made them both stop in their tracks.

“What on Earth are they watching?”  Steve looked at his wife.

“Sponge Bob, apparently…” Katie said. The two looked at one another, before they headed back towards the den and peeked through the door which was open a crack.

Emmy was stood, swaying with Harry held on her hip, the pair of them laughing, whilst Jamie was doing some kind of strange running man dance as Rori bounced up and down on the sofa as the opening credits began to roll. Emmy opened her mouth and started singing along to the opening theme tune in a pirate voice.

Only she wasn’t singing the theme tune. They were completely different words.

“Who lived as a Capsicle under the sea?” Emmy paused to look at Jamie and Rori who both yelled back in chorus, Harry mimicking them as best he could whilst clapping his hands.

“CAPTAIN ROGERS!”

Steve blinked, looked at Katie, his mouth dropping open as she burst out laughing at the look of utter confusion and perplexment on his face. She pushed the door open further and all the kids turned to see their parents watching them. But instead of stopping, they continued to sing even louder at Steve as he folded his arms and leaned against the door frame.

“Saluting a hello and killing Nazis…” Emmy continued

“CAPTAIN ROGERS!”

“If patriotism be something you wish…”

“CAPTAIN ROGERS!”

By this point Katie was laughing that hard she couldn’t breathe. She doubled over, tears pouring from her face as the kids continued their relentless serenade to their father.

“Then throw a big shield and punch with your fist…”

“CAPTAIN ROGERS!”

That was it. Steve couldn’t keep his face straight any longer and he too started to laugh, grinning as Rori ran over to him and pulled on his hands dragging him into the room to make him twirl her round.

Eventually the song stopped and the room was simply filled with laughter which died down. Steve wiped his eyes and looked at his kids before he crossed his arms.

“You’re all grounded.” he smirked, and then ran as they started pelting him with throw cushions.

****

Later that night, as always, Steve couldn’t stop his eyes from roving his wife’s body as she walked out of the en-suite and into the bedroom, dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of sleep shorts ready for bed. As he lounged on top of the duvet, back propped up against the headboard, his gaze travelled down the lines of her body and he frowned as he spotted something on her thigh that looked different.

Suddenly it dawned on him what it was.

“Is that…is that a new tattoo?” Steve sat up, looking at her leg then to her face, and back again.

“Technically it’s an addition to an existing one.” Katie grinned as she made her way to the bed and knelt up in front of Steve. His hands gently fell to her hips as he examined the new ink. The area surrounding one of the 4 stars that formed part of the original tattoo had been shaded with red and gold in a water colour effect. He didn’t need her to explain, but she did anyway.

“That’s for Tony.” she said softly, “And these…” she pointed out 4 additional stars she’d had placed within the existing design “One for each of the kids.”

“Not one for me?” he eventually pouted playfully, looking back up at her.

She bit her lip and grinning slightly, pulled his shirt over her head leaving her top half naked, and she turned her torso slightly the left, holding her arm over her breasts so he could see. His eyes widened as he saw the design that was now etched onto her skin just underneath her left breast on her rib cage.

It was his wings. The wings he had worn on his helmet. The wings adopted by the Howlies as their symbol in the war. And above that sat a star that was the same as the others on her thigh.

“That’s for you…” she said softly.

Steve was struggling for words. There was something he was finding outrageously sexy about the fact she’d had that placed somewhere that no one would really see other than him. And something ridiculously sentimental about the design she had chosen.

“Do you like it Soldier?” she asked softly, biting her lip.

He looked up at her, smiling as his hands gripped her bare waist and he pulled her down with him so she was led on top of him. “I love it.”

“I love you…” she grinned, melting into his arms as his hands ran up her bare back, her nose nudging his softly.

“Back at ya pretty girl.” he smirked, before his lips claimed hers in a heated kiss.

 **Original Posting**

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Potions and Princes (Pt.1)

-------------------------

Virgil never really had much talent, at least not where his family was concerned. His brother Logan was the brightest witch their teachers had ever met, his mother the most beautiful, and his father the most powerful.

And then there was Virgil, utterly useless and utterly pathetic at any and all magical endeavours.

He wasnt even sure he should still be at the boarding school for witches in training, he'd barely passed his entrance exams, Logan always told him that he was better at magic than he gave himself credit for, but Virgil never really believed him.

"I'm telling you Lo, they're gonna kick me out any day now! You graduate next year and then there's nothing stopping them from doing it!" Virgil said, spread out across the couch in the common room.

"Virgil, they're not going to kick you out just because I'm not here, you've been performing magic perfectly well for a sixteen year old witch, and you've still got five years left to improve," Logan said, twirling his wand in his hand and watching the blue and pink waves emanating from the end of it.

"That's easy for you to say, you've never had a problem getting a spell to work or a potion to mix correctly," Virgil said, pouting slightly.

"I think you're perfectly attentive with potions," Logan replied, spinning his wand in a quick circle to cancel the spell and putting it back in his pocket.

"Clearly you've never actually watched me make a potion," Virgil replied, grimacing.

"Well, you have some of the highest potion marks you can get, so clearly you must be doing something right," Logan continued.

Virgil paused for a few seconds, fidgeting with the hem of his black skirt.

"Can we talk about something else. . ." Virgil said finally.

"Of course," Logan said, sitting down next to Virgil and moving so Virgil's head was resting in his lap.

"How'd that meeting about your top surgery spell go?" Virgil said.

"Swimmingly," Logan said, a grin spreading across his face.

Logan and Virgil were similar in a lot of ways, but they were also very different. Whereas Virgil could go ages without a hair cut, wear skirts, and didnt mind not having his binder on, Logan wouldnt be caught dead dressed femininly, Virgil liked the darker aspects of magic, those made Logan shudder just to read about, Virgil laughed at just about anything, it took a very well times joke to get Logan to laugh, Logan had a loving boyfriend named Emile, and Virgil was so undesirable that not even a toadstool would've chanced him.

"That's good, how do you feel?" Virgil asked.

"Its a little sore, but it wouldve been like that without magic to," Logan answered

"I'm just glad your happy," Virgil said, smiling.

"Have you written to mom and dad yet?" Logan said.

"No. . ." Virgil replied. It wasnt that he didnt like exchanging letters with his parents, but they always wanted to talk about his classes and his marks, never how he was feeling or if he'd made any friends.

Granted, Virgil hadn't made any friends, he was just as lonely now as he had been when he started attending the school at age six.

But none of that was helped by his status in relation to the most famous family of witches in the millennia.

Roman Prince-Duke and Remus Duke-Prince were the most coveted pair of twins from the moment they made their availability known. Within the year Remus had found himself smitten with one Patton Boleyn, but Roman was still very much available.

Not that it mattered since he practically hated Virgil's guts. He'd glare at Virgil when he walked into the room, whisper about him when Virgil thought he wasnt listening, and would absolutely lose his mind if they had to work together.

So Virgil had given up hope of being noticed positively by the handsome prince, because Roman had made it very clear where he stood on Virgil's existence.

Virgil awoke the next morning twice as exhausted as he'd been when he went to bed. This was of course, perfectly normal form him, he never got sleep, that was just how he worked.

He checked the schedule on the side of his bed and felt his heart sink as he read his first class of the day, dueling.

Virgil was a complete disaster when it came to duels, he couldnt focus enough to get any spells to work right and he was always so busy thinking about spells that he never remembered to block them.

The sinking feeling in his chest was only amplified once he read over his partner for today's duel. Roman, of course it had to be Roman. Roman with the smile that could stun better than any form of magic, Roman with the brain that could come up with a new spell within seconds, Roman that could block any attack with a flick of his wrist.

Virgil began mentally preparing his will as he walked inside the building.

"I cant duel with him! Are you sure theres no way to change the pairings?" Virgil froze as he overheard Roman's voice talking to the instructor, he sounded scared, maybe even upset. But Virgil just assumed he was imagining things and moved on.

He barely paid attention to the other duels until his name was called, only then did he finally look up to the stage.

He felt numb as he stepped up to the center, and even worse as he watched Roman approach from the other end. He wanted to curl up in his overly-large sweater and disappear into the abyss.

"On my count, the duel will begin in five!" Virgil's grip on his wand tightened.

"Four!" He watched as Roman dug his feet into the wood.

"Three!" Dear gods why was he smirking? Did he have to be smirking?

"Two!" Virgil tried to keep himself focussed.

"One!" A flash of light, sparks, and then it all disappeared.

And in the center of the smoke, was a small, red and white, frog.

Oh gods oh gods oh gods nonononono please tell me someone else did that nonononono this cant be happening- Virgil's mind was racing as he watched the teachers rush over to what had been Roman mere seconds ago. He wanted to run, he heard yelling, angry yelling, he felt things being thrown, heard people getting their wands out.

The teachers made quick work of getting Roman back to normal, and Virgil had rushed out of the room almost as soon as he saw the shock on Roman's face.

"Virgil!-" Roman called after him, but Virgil was already rushing across the grounds back to his dorm, he didnt need to hear anything else about what a horrible witch he was, and he certainly didnt want to risk getting cursed.

He was so busy rushing off in fact, that he barely noticed the figure watching from the tallest tower of the school.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

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[morwensteelsheen]

I’m starting grad school this autumn and honestly I’m getting nervous. Like yes I am v excited about the whole prospect overall and I do miss being a student but am intimidated by 3 hr long seminars and thesis writing and massive amounts of reading… everyone keeps saying it’s gonna be very different from undergrad so okay, but how specifically? Is it the large amounts of reading? I already had insane amounts of reading (humanities degree hurrah) especially in my last two years but could you expound on your own experience and how you take notes/read quickly/summarize or just how to deal with first time grad students?

Oh, yeah for sure! A necessary disclaimer here is that I'm at a certain poncy English institution that is noted for being very bad at communicating with its students and very bad at treating its postgrad students like human beings, so a lot of these strategies I've picked up will be overkill for anyone who has the good sense to go somewhere not profoundly evil lol.

So I'll just preface this by saying that I am a very poor student in terms of doing what you're supposed to. I'm very bad at taking notes, I never learned how to do it properly, and I really, really struggle with reading dense literature. That said, I'm probably (hopefully?) going to get through this dumb degree just fine. Also — my programme is a research MPhil, not taught, so it's a teensy bit more airy-fairy in terms of structure. I had two classes in Michaelmas term, both were once a week for two hours each; two in Lent, one was two hours weekly, the other two hours biweekly; and no classes at all in Easter. I also have no exam component, I was/am assessed entirely on three essays (accounting for 30% of my overall mark) and my dissertation (the remaining 70%), which is, I think, a little different to how some other programmes are. I think even some of the other MPhils here are more strenuous than that, like Econ and Soc Hist is like 100% dissertation? Anyways, not super important, but knowing what you're getting marked on is important. I dedicated considerably less time than I did in undergrad to perfecting my coursework essays because they just don't hold as much weight now. The difference between a 68 and a 70 just wasn't worth the fuss for me, which helped keep me sane-ish.

The best advice anyone ever gave me was that, whereas an undergrad degree can kind of take over your life without it becoming a problem, you need to treat grad school like a job. That's not because it's more 'serious' or whatever, but because if you don't set a really strict schedule and keep to it, you'll burn yourself out and generally make your life miserable. Before I went back on my ADD meds at the end of Michaelmas term, I sat myself down at my desk and worked from 11sh to 1800ish every day. Now that I'm medicated, I do like 9:30-10ish to 1800-1900 (except for now that I'm crunching on my diss, where, because of my piss-poor time management skills I'm stuck doing, like, 9:30-22:30-23:00). If you do M-F 9-5, you'll be getting through an enormous amount of work and leaving yourself loads of time to still be a human being on the edges. That'll be the difference between becoming a postgrad zombie and a person who did postgrad. I am a postgrad zombie. You do not want to be like me.

The 'work' element of your days can really vary. It's not like I was actually consistently reading for all that time — my brain would have literally melted right out of my ears — but it was about setting the routine and the expectation of dedicating a certain, consistent and routinized period of time for focusing on the degree work every day. My attention span, even when I'm medicated, is garbage, so I would usually read for two or three hours, then either work on the more practical elements of essay planning, answer emails, or plot out the early stages of my research.

In the first term/semester/whatever, lots of people who are planning on going right into a PhD take the time to set up their applications and proposals. I fully intended on doing a PhD right after the MPhil, but the funding as an international student trying to deal with the pandemic proved super problematic, and I realised that the toll it was taking on my mental health was just so not worth it, so I've chosen to postpone a few years. You'll feel a big ol' amount of pressure to go into a PhD during your first time. Unless you're super committed to doing it, just try and tune it out as much as you can. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a year (or two, or three, or ten) out, especially given the insane conditions we're all operating under right now.

I'll be honest with you, I was a phenomenally lazy undergrad. It was only by the grace of god and being a hard-headed Marxist that I managed to pull out a first at the eleventh hour. So the difference between UG and PG has been quite stark for me. I've actually had to do the reading this year, not just because they're more specialised and relevant to my research or whatever, but because, unlike in UG, the people in the programme are here because they're genuinely interested (and not because it's an economic necessity) and they don't want to waste their time listening to people who haven't done the reading.

I am also a really bad reader. Maybe it's partially the ADD + dyslexia, but mostly it's because I just haven't practiced it and never put in the requisite effort to learn how to do it properly. My two big pointers here are learning how to skim, and learning how to prioritise your reading.

This OpenU primer on skimming is a bit condescending in its simplicity, but it gets the point across well. You're going to want to skim oh, say, 90% of the reading you're assigned. This is not me encouraging you to be lazy, it's me being honest. Not every word of every published article or book is worth reading. The vast majority of them aren't. That doesn't mean the things that those texts are arguing for aren't worth reading, it just means that every stupid rhetorical flourish included by bored academics hoping for job security and/or funding and/or awards isn't worth your precious and scarce time. Make sure you get the main thrust of each text, make sure you pull out and note down one or two case studies and move right the hell on. There will be some authors whose writing will be excellent, and who you will want to read all of. Everything else gets skimmed.

Prioritisation is the other big thing. You're going to have shitty weeks, you're probably going to have lots of them. First off, you're going to need to forgive yourself for those now — everybody has them, yes, even the people who graduated with distinctions and go on to get lovely £100,000 AHRC scholarships. Acknowledge that there will be horrible weeks, accept it now, and then strategise for how to get ahead of them. My personal strategy is to plan out what I'm trying to get out of each course I take, and then focus only on the readings that relate to that topic.

I took a course in Lent term that dealt with race and empire in Britain between 1607 and 1900; I'm a researcher of the Scottish far left from 1968-present, so the overlap wasn't significant. But I decided from the very first day of the course that I was there to get a better grasp about the racial theories of capitalism and the role of racial othering in Britain's subjugation of Ireland. Those things are helpful to me because white supremacist capitalism comes up hourly in my work on the far left, and because the relationship of the Scottish far left to Ireland is extremely important to its self definition. On weeks when I couldn't handle anything else, I just read the texts related to that. And it was fine, I did fine, I got my stupid 2:1 on the final essay, and I came out of it not too burnt out to work on my dissertation.

Here is where I encourage you to learn from my mistakes: get yourself a decent group of people who you can have in depth conversations about the material with. I was an asshole who decided I didn't need to do that with any posh C*mbr*dge twats, and I have now condemned myself to babbling incomprehensible nonsense at my partner because I don't have anyone on my course to work through my ideas with. These degrees are best experienced when they're experienced socially. In recent years (accelerated by the pandemic, ofc), universities have de-emphasised the social component of postgrad work, largely to do with stupid, long-winded stuff related to postgrad union organising etc. It's a real shame because postgrads end up feeling quite socially isolated, and because they're not having these fun and challenging conversations, their work actually suffers in the long term. This is, and I cannot stress this enough, the biggest departure from undergrad. Even the 'weak links' or whatever judgemental nonsense are there because they want to be. That is going to be your biggest asset. Talk, talk, talk. Listen, listen, listen. Offer to proofread people's papers so you get a sense of how people are thinking about things, what sort of style they're writing in, what sources they're referring to. Be a sponge and a copycat (but don't get done for plagiarism, copy like this.) Also: ask questions that seem dumb. For each of your classes, ask your tutors/lecturers who they think the most important names in their discipline are. It sounds silly, but it's really helpful to know the intellectual landscape you're dealing with, and it means you know whose work you can go running to if you get lost or tangled up during essay or dissertation writing!

You should also be really honest about everything — another piece of advice that I didn't follow and am now suffering for. The people on your courses and in your cohort are there for the same reasons as you, have more or less the same qualifications as you, and are probably going to have a lot of the same questions and insecurities as you. If you hear an unfamiliar term being used in a seminar, just speak up and ask about it, because there're going to be loads of other people wondering too. But you should also cultivate quite a transparent relationship with your supervisor. I was really cagey and guarded with mine because my hella imposter syndrome told me she was gonna throw my ass out of the programme if I admitted to my problems. Turns out no, she wouldn't, and that actually she's been a super good advocate for me. If you feel your motivation slipping or if you feel like you're facing challenges you could do with a little extra support on, go right to your supervisor. Not only is that what they're there to do, they've also done this exact experience before and are going to be way more sympathetic and aware of the realities of it than, say, the uni counselling service or whatever.

Yeah so I gotta circle back to the notes thing... I really do not take notes. It's my worst habit. Here's an example of the notes I took for my most recent meeting with my supervisor (revising a chapter draft).

No sane person would ever look at these and think this is a system worth replicating lol. But the reason they work for me is because I also record (with permission) absolutely everything. My mobile is like 90% audio recordings of meetings and seminars lol. So these notes aren't 'good' notes, but they're effective for recalling major points in the audio recording so I can listen to what was said when I need to.

Sorry none of this is remotely organised because it's like 2330 here and my brain is so soft and mushy. I'm literally just writing things as I remember them.

Right, so: theory is a big thing. Lots of people cheap out on this and it's to their own detriment. You say you're doing humanities, and tbh, most of the theory involved on the humanities side of the bridge is interdisciplinary anyways, so I'm just gonna give you some recommendations. The big thing is to read these things and try to apply them to what you're writing about. This sounds so fucking condescending but getting, like, one or two good theoretical frameworks in your papers will actually put you leaps and bounds beyond the students around you and really improve your research when the time comes. Also: don't read any of these recommendations without first watching, like an intro youtube video or listening to a podcast. The purists will tell you that's the wrong way to do it, but I am a lazy person and lazy people always find the efficient ways to do things, so I will tell the purists to go right to hell.

Check out these impenetrable motherfuckers (just one or two will take your work from great to excellent, so don't feel obliged to dig into them all):

Karl Marx and Fredrich Engels (I'm not just pushing my politics, but also, I totally am) — don't fucking read Capital unless you're committed to it. Oh my god don't put yourself through that unless you really have to. Try, like, the 18th Brumaire of Louis Napoleon for the fun quotes, and Engels on the family.

Frantz Fanon — Wretched of the Earth. Black Skin White Masks also good, slightly more impossible to read

Benedict Anderson — Imagined Communities. It's about nationalism, but you will be surprised at how applicable it is to... so many other topics

Judith Butler — she really sucks to read. I love her. But she sucks to read. If you do manage to read her though, your profs will love you because like 90% of the people who say they've read her are lying

Bourdieu — Distinction is good for a lot of things, but especially for introducing the idea of social and cultural capital. There's basically no humanities sub-discipline that can't run for miles on that alone.

Crenshaw — the genesis of intersectionality. But, like, actually read her, not the ingrates who came after her and defanged intersectionality into, like, rainbow bombs dropped over Gaza.

The other thing is that you should read for fun. My programme director was absolutely insistent that we all continue to read for pleasure while we did this degree, not just because it's good for destressing, but because keeping your cultural horizons open actually makes your writing better and more interesting. I literally read LOTR for the first time in, like February, and the difference in my writing and thinking from before and after is tangible, because not only did it give me something fun to think about when I was getting stressy, but it also opened up lots of fun avenues for thought that weren't there before. I read LOTR and wanted to find out more about English Catholics in WWI, and lo and behold something I read about it totally changed how I did my dissertation work. Or, like, a girl on my course who read the Odyssey over Christmas Break and then started asking loads of questions about the role of narrative creation in the archival material she was using. It was seriously such a good edict from our director.

Also, oh my god, if you do nothing else, please take this bit seriously: forgive yourself for the bad days. The pressure in postgrad is fucking unreal. Nobody, nobody is operating at 100% 100% of the time. If you aim for 60% for 80% of the time and only actually achieve 40% for 60% of the time, you will still be doing really fucking well. Don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. Don't make yourself feel bad because you're not churning out publishable material every single day. Some days you just need to lie on the couch, order takeout, and watch 12 hours of Jeopardy or whatever, and I promise you that that is a good and worthwhile thing to do. You don't learn and grow without rest, so forgive yourself for the moments and days of unplanned rest, and forgive yourself for when you don't score as highly as you want to, and forgive yourself when you say stupid things in class or don't do all of (or any of) the class reading.

Uhhhh I think I'm starting to lose the plot a bit now. Honestly, just ping me whatever questions you have and I'm happy to answer them. There's a chance I'll be slower to respond over the next few days because my dissertation is due in a week (holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but I will definitely respond. And honestly, no question is too dumb lol. I wish I'd been able to ask someone about things like what citation management software is best or how to set up a desk for maximum efficiency or whatever, but I was a scaredy-cat about it and didn't. So yeah, ask away and I will totally answer.

[clockworkswans]

you are my dream.

summary: ‘I like Suho. Is it wrong that I look at Seojun more than I should too? That I...I also like how they watch each other? Do they feel the same way I do?'  an ot3 fic to end love triangles for GOOD.

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28763412

                                                          ~

                                              Suho. The Moon.

Keep to yourself. Manage what you can. Deal with the past by...well, don’t deal with the past.

Suho orbited these rules - more like self-inflicted shackles - with careful calculation. Grades? He could master. Friends? Didn’t need them. He didn’t need a repeat of the scar named Seojun. Couldn’t again deal with frosty glares, couldn't deal with the thin-lipped smirk coming from the mouth that once laughed softly beside Suho in the too-early hours of the morning.

Their shared hangouts and sleepily composed song drafts felt like a lifetime ago...

What can I give to return to those days? To listen as Seojun boasted over his gaming records...To watch his hands trace across his motorcycle, lip caught between his teeth...To hear Seojun laugh with me again...I’d swallow my pride if I only knew how to break down the wall between us. Seyeon would hate to see us so torn apart…

But as with after every winter, the spring came. Lim Jugyeong. His old friend, new friend, and stranger-on-a-rooftop-i’ll-never-see-again-but-wish-you-well.

She skipped, fell, stumbled and ran into Suho’s life before he could understand he’d been waiting for the rain to stop and the skies to clear.

He clumsily fell right back into her orbit; tentative, sullen, scared, alone, smitten and clinging onto the fragments of hope he found in each interaction, Suho began to breathe again. Jugyeong’s kindness warmed Suho out of his loneliness; he opened up bit by bit and in return, she shared her secrets and ambitions and fears.

But Seojun haunted Suho. His remarks and jabs prickled Suho out of his carefully designed nonchalance. Whereas Jugyeong brought him into the present, Seojun’s presence reminded Suho of a hidden part of the past, a self he’d locked away and was trying hard to keep away.

Suho knew his feelings were complicated. Even now, when he was happy dating Jugyeong, he felt frustrated and jealous. It was misdirected, Suho knew this. Each of Seojun’s lazy grins bit into Suho’s skin like a flame held too close. Seojun liked Jugyeong but Suho couldn’t focus on one emotion; he disliked the way Seojun looked at his girlfriend but there was something unnamable burning hot against his ribcage, as though Seojun was pressing his fingers to his chest and keeping Suho’s gaze right there, in the space between the three of them. An empty space didn’t seem to be lacking anymore. There was something new waiting to fill it.

I dare you, Seojun’s gaze seemed to tease. I dare you to see what you truly want.

Weeks of unspoken words - and fights over things that were never quite about the right thing - finally culminated in the car accident. He remembered running out after hearing Seyeon's song. Remembered Seojun's shout and the car hurtling towards them-

Suho blinked, awake and dreary. He could already sense the throbbing aches of his injuries and groaned.

He was hit with a horrible memory and gasped.

Seojun? Was he awake? Was he okay?  Please don't take him from me too-

“Suho! Please, be careful,” the girl’s voice sounded far away but the arm it belonged to gripped him tightly, fingers trembling. “You want to sit up? Okay, no, no, let me…”

Suho’s heart calmed at the sight of Jugyeong sitting by his bed, her open face kind and concerned. He managed a small smile before wincing.

“I’m...okay. Seojun? Is he…?”

“His arm is broken but other than some bruises, he’s fine, Suho, I promise.”

Jugyeong’s eyes grew wet and her voice shook as she continued. “We were all so worried but you're both so stubborn and strong. Thank you for waking up. I don’t know what i’d do…” She broke off and gave in to the tears this time.

Suho pulled her close to him and they embraced until the pain didn’t seem so unbearable. Suho whispered ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’ and Jugyeong didn’t ask why. He was grateful because he had no idea if he was praying for himself or his own tears were for Seojun.

I can’t lose you either of you. I...like you both so much.

A knock sounded at the door. Jugyeong wiped away her tears with his sleeve - Suho suppressed a grin and nodded for her to open the door.

“Uh...hey. Glad you’re awake. Bye-”

“Seojun, wait-” the words burst from Suho before he could compose a response as equally cool and casual as Seojun’s.

His friend stood in a hospital gown, adorned in one of his favourite black and white leather jackets - of course he’d requested it as soon as he woke, Suho thought, fondness softening the embarrassment he felt. He scanned Seojun's face and traced the faint bruises and shadows under Seojun’s eyes.

Beautiful eyes. Why are his eyes so goddamn beautiful?

“Stare much? Do you want an autograph?” Seojun scoffed, ducking his head and running a hand through his dishevelled hair.

A quiet giggle came from Jugyeong and she beamed between them. “You two are just ridiculous, you know.”

Before either of them could question her further, the doctors began to do the daily rounds, but not before Suho felt his breath catch. In the small, plain hospital room filled with scars and tangled histories, a new page turned over. Between himself, Seojun and Jugyeong, something precious began to shape itself.

                                                             ~

                                               Jugyeong. The Stars.

Peaceful days bloomed after the accident. Jugyeong found herself enjoying her studies, studying outside of school to prepare for cosmetology exams and tests, and relaxing with her friends and boyfriend.

I’ve come so far from the trembling girl who had no friends. I’m so proud of myself.

Although Jugyeong didn’t yet have the courage to face school without makeup she knew the time was closer than it ever had been. She would get there at her own pace, learn to love herself gradually, be content to share her friends’ affections and trust they were genuine. They loved her for her.

Suho likes me for me.

She didn’t hide the goofy grin splitting her face. She didn’t care if people in the library stared at her. She was so happy. Especially as in the following weeks after their hospital discharges they’d been hanging out so often, she, Suho and Seojun.

In fact, Jugyeong couldn’t remember the last time they’d been apart. After school, they held movie nights at Suho’s place - when he was lonely and didn’t want to admit it so Jugyeong planned a crash-in with Seojun. Sometimes they went to the arcade or out for food and karaoke with their friends, followed by a late walk, just the three of them. It often ended in light bickering over who was walking who home; Jugyeong dealt with the two idiots by declaring whoever started the fight next ought to kiss the other.

They were both rather quiet afterwards and Jugyeong watched their cheeks turn violent shades of pink.

I like Suho. Is it wrong that I look at Seojun more than I should too? That I...I also like how they watch each other? Do they feel the same way I do?

Jugyeong wasn’t quite brave enough to ask Suho about his feelings, not when her own were fogged with doubt. All she knew was: the three of them filled in each other’s missing parts - Suho was quiet, smart and cool, Seojun burned bright and laughed loud, and Jugyeong?

Well, every group needs a hug-first-talk-later soul. She smiled to herself, happily lost in thought as she waited for Suho outside by the playground. She reached a hand to her mouth and slowly traced her lower lip. The memory of her first kiss with Suho in the forest filled Jugyeong with a sweet aftertaste. But it still felt...lacking. Not because it was Suho.

Someone was missing.

She never felt that way when it was the three of them hanging out; her best days belonged to their school lunch hangouts or shared classroom notes; they belonged to weekends of part-time work with Seojun and Suho visiting them on breaks; they belonged to soothing Suho when his father stressed him out again, or sharing makeup tutorials with Seojun’s sister and laughing to the sound of Seojun’s shower singing.

She’d even managed to convince the boys to indulge her cosmetics practices. Suho and Seojun would sit cross-legged on her bed as they let her exploit their pretty faces with makeup tutorials.

“Hold still, please,” she would beg as Seojun squirmed. Suho would scoff quietly beside him but blink quickly when Jugyeong turned her brush and attention his way.

“You both look beautiful,” she told them once, surprised by her own confidence. There was a vulnerability in the way Suho smiled back at her, and when Seojun tilted his head towards him, the smile only widened.

“What?” Seojun asked. “You only just realised I’m hot?” The husky quality of his voice made Jungyeong swallow. He was looking at Suho the same way he’d eyed her up in that photoshoot.

“No.” Suho’s voice cut through the tension but his words created a different kind of pull. “I knew a long time ago.”

“How long?” Seojun’s demand was a white-hot flame. His fist sat closed beside Suho's open hand on the bed, the space between them almost non-existent.

Suho shrugged and cleared his throat. “Long enough to bury it. Should we eat?” he casually said, changing the subject. Jugyeong didn’t realise she’d become frozen and was staring like a fool.

“O-oh. Yes. Let’s eat! You can help me order, Seojun,” she said quickly, tugging him up by the arm and dragging him to the door. “Stay and...listen to some music!” she told Suho, who blinked, adorably confused, as she dragged his best friend from the room and into the hallway.

She watched Seojun struggle to regain his cool for a few moments as he scanned the delivery menu, pretending his thoughts were anywhere other than in the room upstairs, beside Suho. But Jugyeong knew how scary it was to accept your true feelings. It had taken her a long while too.

“Are you feeling okay?” She placed the back of her hand to his forehead and Seojun’s gaze held her own.

“Well, I am now,” he said, his lips twitching. Despite the tease, she could read him better now. She shook her head, smiling fondly.

“You’re both fools. My fools.” She said it lightly enough but cupped a hand against Seojun’s cheek, smiling as he instinctively leaned into the touch. He seemed to realise a moment later and hesitated. She reached up onto her tiptoes and kissed his cheek before the courage escaped her again.

“W-what was that for?” Seojun’s eyes widened. He pressed a finger to the spot on his cheek.

“It was from both of us. He just won’t admit it. I thought you were a man, hm?” Jugyeong couldn’t help but tease him. Really, Seojun was such a bluffer. She adored it.

I hope we can all be happy together.

                                                          ~

                                                   Seojun. The Sun.

Despite his numerous personal struggles with friends and his mother’s health, Seojun never paid much attention to who attracted his attention; the pretty girl smiling at him in the hallway of the trainee building, the barista at his favourite coffee shop who had dimples and a guitar tattoo on his right hand.

It never mattered. Beautiful girls and boys attracted Seojun’s eye but having met many trainees, friends and people across different friendship groups, he knew he’d always come back to him. Back to  Lee Suho. And more recently, back to Jugyeong too.

Why’s it so hard to believe they have room for me?

The two people who could challenge him and appreciate his quieter sides and his passionate side too....Seojun wanted them. He wanted them both beside him, to be brave enough to admit it. He had forgiven Suho a long time ago for the pained history between them, and asked for forgiveness too.

But when the pain left, hope and something tender took shape; Seojun felt threatened by the overwhelming newness of it. The completeness of watching Jugyeong drag Suho up to sing with her in their favourite karaoke booth. The way they shared looks and included him too.

Jugyeong’s presence had been the glue to the frayed string of fate between Suho and Seojun, he knew this now. She’d woven her own string into theirs and created a kaleidoscope of colours known only to them.

                                                         ~

Seojun felt the kiss coming a mile away and yet, it still surprised him.

After so much hard work, their graduation day arrived. Seojun found himself suited up and with nowhere to go after the ceremony. His family had gifted him flowers and after forcing him to take many, many photos, left him to enjoy the evening with friends. Only he’d been indecisive and excused himself from every option; there had been a few parties planned by rebellious students and one gathering at Soojin’s house but...he just wanted to feel at home. So he found himself at Suho’s place, where Jugyeong was already, and smiled.

“Hello. Room for one more?”

“Always,” she said, letting him in. Suho sat in a white shirt, the sleeves rolled up enough for Seojun to appreciate his muscle definition. He swallowed and greeted him as cooly as he could.

They sat together on the floor for a while and played some games and Suho teased them both about their studies finally paying off, to which Seojun and Yungyeon teamed up to beat him at the next game.

“I had a great tutor,” Jugyeong said, all giggly and delighted and looking at Suho like he was the moon. Which he was, Seojun supposed, eyeing him without shame. He was looking away anyway. Suho was cool and beautiful and Seojun felt he could burn up the sun for a bit of his attention. If Suho was the moon, Jungyeon was the stars; scattered in pieces of dreams, love and insecurities but binding everyone together.

If I'm the sun, I burn and burn until there’s nothing left.

“Careful, don’t hurt your brain.” Suho’s voice clipped at his thoughts. Seojun scoffed and nudged him with an elbow.

“Never fear, my friend. I can’t hurt what’s not there.”

“True.”

“Hey! You weren’t supposed to agree.”

“Then study more-”

“Excuse me but remember what I said would happen the next time you fight,” Jugyeong piped up. She gave them a warning look and although it was playful, Seojun felt a sense of competition light him up from the inside.

He leaned closer to Suho, placing his hands on either side of his legs.

“What? No words, smart boy?”

Suho kissed him first. It shouldn’t have caught Seojun off-guard, especially as he half-initiated it, but it did.

Stupid. You’re so stupid to think a kiss from Lee Suho wouldn’t absolutely destroy you. You fool. You’ve wrecked yourself for the both of them now.

The kiss was brief but hard and Seojun had enough time to slip a hand around the back of Suho’s head, drawing him closer. When he pulled away, their foreheads pressed together. He swallowed.

“I want to play you something. Both of you,” Seojun said. If he didn’t do it now, he’d never get a more perfect opportunity to try. He led them into Suho’s music room - pausing briefly to squeeze Suho’s hand as the brief pain they shared flared up. Suho stood by the piano and Jugyeong sat on the stool with Seojun, her body warm and safe against his.

He played for the both of them, the song he’d tried to start and finish and rewrite over and over again in their months together. The honesty of it poured out in gentle piano chords and a deeper, pained but intimate voice. Seojun was so proud of it. Proud of them. When he was finished, he turned and smiled.

“Thank you,” Jugyeong said. She met him halfway and this kiss was the opposite of his first with Suho; gentle and slow. She chased his mouth, surprising Seojun, and they shared a laugh as they relaxed and tried again. When they broke away, Seojun sensed Suho coming to stand closer, and they sat on the sofa together for a while, tracing hands, lips, lines and scars still not quite faded.

“Let’s make our own path,” Jugyeong said brightly, head against Seojun’s shoulder, hand in Suho’s free one. His other hand curled around the sofa to reach the back of Seojun’s neck, where he toyed with the strands of hair, making Seojun shiver and lean into his touch. The quiet intimacy of it was irreplaceable. Seojun knew he’d found a home amongst the two of them.

They fell asleep in Suho’s bed, tired and happy, Jugyeong wrapping her arms around Seojun’s chest as Suho cradled her from behind. They drifted off into dreams, curled around each other; the stars scattered between the sun and moon to keep them connected.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Stark Spangled Forever: Wings

Intro: They say that once you’ve been inked, it kinda becomes an addiction…

Warnings: Bad language.

Pairings:

Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N:This takes place in the SSB universe way beyond Endgame. You don’t have to have read that series to understand or enjoy this but feel free to check it out but be warned this kinda reveals a few things...

SSF Masterlist // WIYPT Masterlist

This one shot was written for @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan​ ‘s Follower Celebration writing challenge.  My prompt was “Is that a new tattoo?”

I also can’t claim credit for the song contained within this fic, I just tweaked one line…all will become clear when you read! 

Please re-blog and comment if you enjoy. Tagging all my usual SSB readers. 

“Jamie…”Katie sighed exasperatedly as her 9 year old looked up from where he was sprawled on the rug of the den, piecing his newest lego kit that Sam and Bucky had bought him for his birthday “You need to get your stuff for school.” “Don’t wanna.” he pouted.

“Tough.”

“I don’t feel well.”

“Oh no, really?” Katie bent down, feeling his head. “Hmmmm. You do feel warm. What’s wrong?” “Sort throat.” “Oh, well… that means no soccer practice tomorrow then…and you should go straight back to bed until I can take you to the doctors later today…”

Jamie paused and looked up at her and she raised an eyebrow “Nice try Pal.”  

“Mommmm”

“Don’t make me shout your father.” she used her ace card.

Jamie gave an exaggerated sigh and stood up, rolling his eyes. Katie bit her lip to stop herself laughing at the utter indignation on his face.

“It’s Friday dude.” she smiled at him. “You got all weekend to play legos if that’s what you wanna do.”

“Does that mean I can stay up late tonight to work on it?” he asked hopefully.

“Define late.” Katie looked at him.

“11?”

“Hmmmm, I dunno.” she said playfully.

“Please?”

“I’ll speak to your dad.” she said and he smiled at her, the pair of them both knowing full well that Steve was a soft touch when it came to stuff like that. He’d probably be there helping him out with it anyway.

“Ok Mom. Can you make sure Harry doesn’t touch it whilst I’m at school?”

“I’ll keep this door shut, I promise.”  Katie assured him.

He left the room and true to her word Katie shut the door to the den and watched him head up the stairs, passing Aurora who was on her way down with her rucksack, Steve right behind her with their youngest placed on his hip.

“Hi mammamama!” Harry babbled at her and she grinned, taking him off Steve and planting a kiss to his cheek.

“Hi baby!” she grinned as his hand instantly went to grab the chain of her necklace.

“Jamie not planning on going to school today?” Steve asked her with a grin as Rori headed off to find her shoes.

“Tried telling me he was sick so he could stay home and play legos.” she snorted “Soon decided he was ok when I told him that meant no soccer practice tomorrow morning.” Steve shook his head, smiling to himself.

“Daddy?” Rori tugged on his trouser leg and he turned his attention to her.

“What’s up Princess?”

“I can’t find my sneakers.”

“Where did you leave them?” he asked, his hand gently dropping to the back of her head.

“Erm…” she pondered for a moment, before she looked up at her mom bashfully.

“Somebody left them in the middle of the lounge…” Katie looked at her. “So the Fairies put them away.”

“Sorry…” Rori wrinkled her nose and blinked up at her mom.

“It’s ok. They’re on the shoe rack sweetie.” Katie nodded to the kitchen in the direction of the utility room located at the back of the house.  

“Thanks momma.” she said, running off to retrieve them.

“What time does Emmy’s train get in?” Steve looked at Katie.

“Just after twelve.” Katie said, blowing a raspberry on Harry’s cheek. “I’ll meet her and then take her straight to get inked…” Steve let out a breath from his nose. All Emmy had talked about since turning 21st was a tattoo. Steve wasn’t particularly sure he approved but then what could he do? She was an adult now. Katie hadn’t been bothered, but then as she’d pointed out, she had a big enough one on her thigh so it would be fairly hypocritical if she had. Emmy had won Steve over though when she’d asked him to draw it for her. She’d described what she wanted, a small Phoenix type bird that would sit just above her ankle. So after a few designs and sketches she’d finally settled on something she wanted and after a consultation she was having it done this afternoon.  

“You staying with her?” Steve looked at Katie, concern etched across his face. Katie gave a soft laugh.

“She’s a big girl now Steve but yeah, I’m gonna stay.” she said, tugging on his beard playfully.

“Good.” he nodded, jerking his head out of reach. “Do you need me to pick the kids up later or…”

“No, by the time their afterschool clubs are done we’ll have finished so I’ll do it.” she smiled as Rori came back, sneakers in her hand. She sat on the bottom step and proceeded to push her feet into the pink converse, Steve crouching down on one knee to tie her shoelaces for her.

“Thanks daddy.”

“You’re welcome sweetheart.” he said, dropping a kiss to her head before he turned to look up the stairs “Jamie! Come on!”

“I’m coming…” came the surly reply, and no sooner had they heard it he appeared at the top of the steps, rucksack in hand.

“Drop the attitude.” Steve said sternly as Jamie trudged down the stairs, scowling. Steve looked at Katie, raising his eyebrow as their eldest son stalked past them, heading to the door, Rori running behind him.

“Wait for me Jay…” she called, her small feet slapping on the tiles of the hallway as she went.

“Told you…” Katie said, smirking “He’s a mini you…”

“That filthy look he had on his face? That is a Stark expression.” Steve said, looking back at her as he picked Rori’s rucksack up.

“Is not.” Katie laughed “That’s the face you make whenever someone’s pissing you off.”

Steve gave a snort before he dropped a soft kiss to her lips, making Harry shriek.

“Kissy!” he laughed.

“See you later.” Steve smiled against her mouth “Love you.” “You too” she said, and with a last peck and a ruffle of Harry’s hair he headed after Jamie and Rori, barking out an instruction for them to quit their squabble over who was sitting in the front seat.

“Easy solution…” Katie heard Steve say loudly “You can both get in the back. End of discussion.”

Their protest’s died as the door snapped shut.

Katie chuckled to herself and looked at Harry “Shall we get you ready to go too baby boy?”

“Go!” he nodded, grinning. 

*******

Katie’s morning was reasonably easy. A meeting and a manuscript to review which she’d managed to do by half 11. Changing out of her office clothes into a loose pair of sweats, trainers and a hoody she headed out and made her way to Grand Central.

She spotted Emmy emerging into the main terminal and swept her daughter up into a hug.

“Hey mom.” Emmy said, squeezing her back.

“Ready to go get inked?” Katie asked, Emmy grinned and slung her satchel over one shoulder, linking her arm through her mom’s.

“You eaten?” Katie asked as they walked out into the early April sun.

“Yeah, followed the instructions.” Emmy nodded.

“Good.” Katie said. “Nervous?”

“A little.” Emmy shrugged “It’s gonna hurt right?”

“It’s not so bad.” Katie shrugged, “Some places hurt more apparently but…most important thing to remember is if you need a break just ask.”

“Ok.”

The two women walked a few blocks, catching up. It had been a couple of weeks since Emmy was home, fast approaching the last few weeks of the semester at Harvard before her exams started. All of her marks so far had been sky high, leaving her parents immensely proud, although both had taken great pains to tell her that they didn’t care what the outcome was, as long as she tried her best.

Eventually they reached the place and Emmy opened the door, stepping in. David, the man that had done the consultation a few weeks back beckoned them both through.

“Ok, so…” he said, tilting the screen to show Emmy the picture of her design he’d scanned “I gotta say I’m excited about this one, it’s pretty unique.”

“My dad drew it.” Emmy beamed.

“It’s phenomenal.” David smiled “I had to sharpen some of the lines up but there’s no major changes. Are you happy with it?”

Emmy nodded.

“Ok, and yours Mrs Rogers…” David clicked and the imaged changed. “The touches we’re adding to your thigh are fairly straight forward but this one…this is what I think it is right?”

Katie nodded.

“Awesome…” David smiled, and hit print and stood up to collect both the prints.

“Have you told Dad?” Emmy looked at her. Katie smirked and shook her head.

“Nope.” she popped the p on the word “Thought it would be a nice surprise when he gets to see it later.” “I’m not sure if I should be grossed out by that thought or not.” Emmy mumbled and Katie simply laughed.

Just over 2 and a half hours later they were done, leaving the parlour with strict after care instructions. Emmy had hardly flinched through hers, whereas Katie’s new one had been slightly uncomfortable due to the placing.

“Think that earned us a beer…” Katie said checking her watch. “Come on, we got time before we need to collect the heathens.”

***** “Show me! Show me!”  Rori demanded.

“You can’t see it yet short stuff.” Emmy said fondly “It’s still wrapped up.”

“When can you unwrap it?” Jamie asked.

“Another hour or so yet.” Katie answered “So quit bugging your sister and go put your school bags away.”

“Emmy do you wanna watch Sponge Bob with me?” Rori asked. 

“Only if we can sing the special song…” Emmy grinned, holding her hand out for a hi-five. Rori giggled, and slapped her smaller palm against her sister’s.

“What special song?” Katie looked at her.

“Oh just a variation on the theme tune we made up.” Emmy said, grinning mischievously 

“I dread to think.” Katie muttered, watching Jamie and Rori head up stairs to deposit their rucksacks in their room.

Katie bustled around making dinner, simple spaghetti and meatballs as requested by all 4 kids...well, the elder 3...Harry merely clapped his hands and yelled “getty” in agreement. She was stood stirring the sauce when she heard Steve walk through the door an toss his keys onto the table in the hall little under an hour later. 

“Daddy’s home!” she heard Rori shriek and a moment later Steve chuckled.

“Hey…” he said, sweeping her up and placing a kiss on her cheek. He carried her through to the kitchen where he greeted Harry with a ruffle of the hair as he sat by the table doodling on a pad with Emmy.

“Hi sweetie.” Steve said, as Emmy stood up to give him a hug. “How was the tattooing?”

“Good.” she nodded, “Oh, actually, mom….should I unwrap it now?”

“Errr, yeah.” Katie said, turning the heat down on the stove and accepting the kiss Steve offered. “Can you watch these 2. I’ll go help Emmy out…”

“Sure.” Steve said, “Where’s Jamie?”

“2 guesses” Katie grinned at him and Steve shook his head, smiling, knowing full well that meant he was nose deep in lego.

Katie and Emmy bounded up the stairs and returned about 15 minutes later, Emmy proudly showing off the design on her right ankle. Steve had to admit, it did look pretty good, but then he would say that, he drew it after all.

They dragged Jamie out of the den for dinner, where the boy managed 2 helpings before he ran off again, almost having a meltdown when Katie told him he had to share the den as Rori wanted to watch Cartoons. One stern look from Steve nipped the tantrum in the bud and the 4 kids departed once dishes had been deposited in the sink, Katie waving away Emmy’s offer to help, telling her to go spend some time with her siblings. It didn’t take her and Steve long to clear down and they were heading towards the living room to collapse onto the sofa together, but the shriek and cheers coming from the den made them both stop in their tracks.

“What on Earth are they watching?”  Steve looked at his wife.

“Sponge Bob, apparently…” Katie said. The two looked at one another, before they headed back towards the den and peeked through the door which was open a crack.

Emmy was stood, swaying with Harry held on her hip, the pair of them laughing, whilst Jamie was doing some kind of strange running man dance as Rori bounced up and down on the sofa as the opening credits began to roll. Emmy opened her mouth and started singing along to the opening theme tune in a pirate voice.

Only she wasn’t singing the theme tune. They were completely different words.

“Who lived as a Capsicle under the sea?” Emmy paused to look at Jamie and Rori who both yelled back in chorus, Harry mimicking them as best he could whilst clapping his hands.

“CAPTAIN ROGERS!”

Steve blinked, looked at Katie, his mouth dropping open as she burst out laughing at the look of utter confusion and perplexment on his face. She pushed the door open further and all the kids turned to see their parents watching them. But instead of stopping, they continued to sing even louder at Steve as he folded his arms and leaned against the door frame.

“Saluting a hello and killing Nazis…” Emmy continued

“CAPTAIN ROGERS!”

“If patriotism be something you wish…”

“CAPTAIN ROGERS!”

By this point Katie was laughing that hard she couldn’t breathe. She doubled over, tears pouring from her face as the kids continued their relentless serenade to their father.

“Then throw a big shield and punch with your fist…”

“CAPTAIN ROGERS!”

That was it. Steve couldn’t keep his face straight any longer and he too started to laugh, grinning as Rori ran over to him and pulled on his hands dragging him into the room to make him twirl her round.

Eventually the song stopped and the room was simply filled with laughter which died down. Steve wiped his eyes and looked at his kids before he crossed his arms.

“You’re all grounded.” he smirked, and then ran as they started pelting him with throw cushions.

****

Later that night, as always, Steve couldn’t stop his eyes from roving his wife’s body as she walked out of the en-suite and into the bedroom, dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of sleep shorts ready for bed. As he lounged on top of the duvet, back propped up against the headboard, his gaze travelled down the lines of her body and he frowned as he spotted something on her thigh that looked different.

Suddenly it dawned on him what it was.

“Is that…is that a new tattoo?” Steve sat up, looking at her leg then to her face, and back again.

“Technically it’s an addition to an existing one.” Katie grinned as she made her way to the bed and knelt up in front of Steve. His hands gently fell to her hips as he examined the new ink. The area surrounding one of the 4 stars that formed part of the original tattoo had been shaded with red and gold in a water colour effect. He didn’t need her to explain, but she did anyway.

“That’s for Tony.” she said softly, “And these…” she pointed out 4 additional stars she’d had placed within the existing design “One for each of the kids.”

“Not one for me?” he eventually pouted playfully, looking back up at her.

She bit her lip and grinning slightly, pulled his shirt over her head leaving her top half naked, and she turned her torso slightly the left, holding her arm over her breasts so he could see. His eyes widened as he saw the design that was now etched onto her skin just underneath her left breast on her rib cage.

It was his wings. The wings he had worn on his helmet. The wings adopted by the Howlies as their symbol in the war. And above that sat a star that was the same as the others on her thigh.

“That’s for you…” she said softly.

Steve was struggling for words. There was something he was finding outrageously sexy about the fact she’d had that placed somewhere that no one would really see other than him. And something ridiculously sentimental about the design she had chosen.

“Do you like it Soldier?” she asked softly, biting her lip.

He looked up at her, smiling as his hands gripped her bare waist and he pulled her down with him so she was led on top of him. “I love it.”

“I love you…” she grinned, melting into his arms as his hands ran up her bare back, her nose nudging his softly.

“Back at ya pretty girl.” he smirked, before his lips claimed hers in a heated kiss.

 @the-omni-princess​  @momobaby227​ @geekofmanythings16​ @angelofhell-666​ @thewackywriter​ @marvelfansworld​  @cobalt-gear​  @asgardlover75​ @jennmurawski13​  @jtargaryen18​ @saiyanprincessswanie​  @navispalace​ @patzammit​  @joannaliceevans-fanficblog​  @icanfeelastormbrewing​ @djeniiscorner​  @ayamenimthiriel​  @coldmuffinbanditshoe​  @disneylovingal​ @madzmilllz​  @sgtjaamesbaarnes​  @official-and-unstable-satan​ @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​

[guineapigsinwinter]

Cat among the canines

Chapter two:

I'm thinking I will double this in length wise before posting it to ao3, go over the next or so,or should I just do what I have and time skip to the cannon start time?

--------

A week after New Year’s day, room 701.

“Ta, ta, tall, I’m the tallest!” Jack’s roommates were all staring at the dancing Labrador, stunned by the level of his excitement at the impromptu measuring results he’d excitedly demanded as soon as he as he saw Collet’s height now nearly matched his.

“Yeah.. he will likely be like this for a few minutes unless something gets his attention” Legoshi quietly said smiling, as he moved to corner of the room to check on the ant farm the others had gotten him for Rexmas, wail gently wagging.

Later that day

It was a small group making a circuit around the snow covered garden, checking which plants appeared to be fine and which had been damaged by the weather over the holidays. Susan, the Highland Cow who was the gardening club’s president was using it as a chance to catch up with Haru, Jack and Miguno.

“And it actually worked! We were able to sneak into Tem’s dorm and watched all three Lord of the Rings films, Bill had never seen them before!” Jack rapidly said, his voice matching his tail wagging.

“Really dude, you inflicted that on him? Star Wars would have been better” Miguno countered, causing a gasp of shock and childish outrage from Jack. “Take that back! Everyone knows Lord of the Rings is better!”.

It had started out when the guys had found Bill had never really read or watched much beyond what his family had approved. He had quickly fallen in love with the various science fiction shows, manga, comics and games Collet, Miguno and Voss had introduced him to. Jack, Legoshi and Durnham preferred fantasy, and the argument and had become a recuring debate in room 701 and the cause of multiple of dog piles.

“Personally, I don’t really like either, historical or modern stuff is better” Haru casually added, causing the two first years to stop and stare at her in horror.

Susan chuckled as the three younger students went into a passionate argument about films, the club president enjoying the energy and childish passion of the younger club members.

Ahh, to be that carefree and not have to worry about final year exams the Highland cow thought, before she gently ended the debate and started explaining everything she knew about the holly bushes they had reached to the young animals.

Meanwhile, in room 701.

Voss sighed as he sat down at his laptop on the table that covered Bill’s bed, the 13 year old relishing in the silence that filled the room. Bill and Collet had dragged Legoshi to their wrestling practice, Miguno and Jack were at gardening club and Durnham at the swim team practice. He loved his dorm mates, he really did, but fennec also loved this rare chance to have peace and quite to himself. Sipping at his mug of milk, he started to work on the next instalment of comic series he was writing for the school paper.

Several hours later, Miguno was the first to get back, Voss’s nose wrinkling when the smell of chlorine filled the room. “Open the window please Miguno, your making the place stink like a pool” he grumbled as he finished up the history report he had moved onto after he finished writing his comic.

“But it’s so good! You should come sometime Voss” Durnham replied, bouncing across the room as his swim bag went sailing into a corner and he opened the window, the crisp winter air flooding into the air.

“Please don’t turn into Jack and Bill, it’s hard enough with them trying to drag me to their respective clubs.” Voss replied, putting away his battered laptop, sensing the incoming storm just from the sheer energy radiated by the coyote.

Durnham’s response was cut off as the room opened and Miguno and Jack came in, the latter wearing a crown of dark plum coloured winter roses.

“Just admit it Miguno, I’m better at Smash then you.” The Labrador said laughing.

“Nuh, I beat you last week remember? You pouted all night afterwards.” The hyena bit back smirking.

“Well I’ll just have to prove it –“ Jack’s response was cut off by the door slamming open, and the last three residents of the dorm coming in. Immediately, Bill excitedly started shouting, hopping from one foot to the other.

“Guys, guys! I learned the best word today, it’s really cool!” the tiger’s ecitetment got stares from the others except for Collot and Legoshi, who just chuckled as they took their coats and shoes off.

Smiling, Jack asked “What is it?”

Taking a breath, Bill then shouted at the top of his voice. “FFFUUUUUCCCKKK!!! FUCK! Fuckity fuck!” giggling at the dumbstruck expression on the Labrador’s face, and the muffled cries of “What are you kid’s doing” from other rooms.

Jack’s horrified expression caused everyone else in the room to laugh as he launched into a rushed dressing down of Bill. “That’s a bad word Bill, you can’t use it! You could get in trouble! Please don’t use it in any essays!”

Bill continued to chant his new favourite word to Jack’s displeasure, which only grew as the other boys started to teasingly shout it out as well.

“C’mon guys! Stop using it, we will get in trouble if you use it! Jack tried to persuade them to stop to no avail. Smirking, Legoshi called out “Hey Jack. Fuck”.

The horror on Jack’s face turned to rage as pounced onto a cackling Bill, knocking him to the ground. “Stop corrupting Legoshi!”.

A month later, at spring Bio week.

This Bio week was weird for Bill. Whereas previously he and the other first year big felines had been showered in affection and attention for “having to put up with those dumb dogs” now he was alone except Tau, the panther he and Legoshi had befriended in the drama club. Anytime they approached any groups, regardless of age or species they would be ignored, and briskly told they were not wanted if they persisted in trying to join in.

It had been several hours now, and Bill was pissed, Tau was trying to calm him down when a shadow loomed over them, they turned. A large tiger who looked similar to Bill, easily at least twice their height with a unpleasant smirk had come up behind them and grabbed Bill.

“C’mon cuz, we got to talk, especially as you got Ma, your own aunt sent to jail you Rex dammed disgrace.” The tiger, Bill’s cousin Sam said, kicking Tau down as he tried to pull Bill out of the teenagers grasp before running off with him.

-----

Legoshi grinned, tail wagging as he entered the drama club room and ran up to Tem who was talking with Elis and Rizz. The bio week session with the guys had been fun, especially as he had actually felt more confident in joining in with the various games with the other canines, and even managed to get the courage to apologise to the other wolf students from hiding from them at the previous events. There was the usual small talk, but Legoshi slowly withdrew from it more and more as his old anxiety started to build up again as more time had passed without any sign of Bill.

“Anyone know where Bill is? He normally doesn’t miss this for anything, and he was fine this morning” he asked, but everyone murmured they hadn’t. Concern growing for his dormmate, the wolf looked around, and spotted Tau uncharacteristically hanging back in the corner, seemingly studying the floor.

Going over to Bill’s friend, he asked him if he knew where he was.

“N,no.. his cousin grabbed him and ran off, I tried to stop him but couldn’t, the teachers said it was just cousins being cousins..” The panther couldn’t lift his head up, the sheer sadness that filled his voice caused Legoshi to go up and hug him.

“We will look for him after this is over, the guys will help, Jack will know what to do, he always figures things out you know.” Legohsi said, trying to convince himself as much as Tau.

----

Gentle guitar music filled the garden, Miguno was practicing next to some rose bushes after having pruned them, enjoying the peace of the garden and focusing on the music. He could get this piece right except for one bit in the middle which no matter how many times he tried, he couldn’t quite get it to work.

Jack was beside him wearing his glasses, reading some textbooks for geography. He had just pulled out a notebook to make notes when a horrible stench hit his nose, causing both him Miguno to gag.

Looking up, they Bill belting it into the gardening shed, the door slamming behind him.

Miguno put down his guitar and ran over to the shed, stopping at the door when he heard Bill sobbing inside.

“Bill? What happened dude, are you okay?” The only response he got was continued sobbing, and after a minute he knocked on the door “Er.. I’m coming in Bill, I just want to help.”

The site and smell the Hyena got when he stepped in shocked him. Bill was curled against a large cupboard, his uniform a mess, bruises and small cuts visible, his head and tail soaked whilst the smell urine came off him.

Horrified, Miguno rushed to Bill, the tiger flinching and trying to bring his sobs under control. “S,s,s,sam.. he .. he said I, I smelled too m, much of dog a, and needed to be made a cat again..” Bill whispered, shivering.

Miguno threw himself at Bill and hugged him hard, causing Bill to freeze “He can’t get you, Rex that is so messed up.” He found himself crying, though just as much from rage as shock at what had been done to his dormmate, but not sure what to do.

Bill gradually uncurled and sat up, not leaving Miguno’s hold, still sniffing. “He.. he held my face and tail down in a toilet and flushed, h, his mates poured buckets of water and ice on me. I tried to fight back but Sam’s 15 and all his mates are so they just beat me down instead. Then said they had to get me smelling of cat again a, and pissed…”

“We’ll get them back somehow” Both of them jumped at Jack’s voice, neither having realised he had entered the shed, Miguno’s guitar on his back. Neither remembered having ever heard his normally bright and warm voice so cold or angry, the 13 year old’s body language radiating protective anger.

Taking a breath and closing his eyes, the lab then smiled weakly but warmly, and knelt before Bill, taking his hand in his “C’mon, let’s get you cleared up, I still have some of that fudge you guys got me for Rexmass and you can have some.”

__

Miguno texted the others, who met them at the showers after he and Jack had managed to get Bill washed and had brought the Tiger’s pajamas, the Canines forming a protective huddle around their tiger, Legoshi holding his hand, trying to distract Bill with bug facts.

As they got to their dorm, they found Tau nervously standing there, the young panther running up to them when he saw the group approach. “Bill! Are you okay! I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop him, please tell me your okay, is there anything I can do?” He spoke almost too fast to be heard, and other then Legoshi and Bill who knew him the room 701 members warily looked at Tau.

“You tried to stop him though, and you hung with me before even if it got you treated like fuck as well, thank you man.” Bill said, some of his usual confidence having returned to him and pushed out from the protective ring of canines to embrace Tau.

After they had gotten into the room, Tau still being anxious as he was dragged by the group onto Legoshi’s bunk, all of them other then Jack who pushed the battered second hand tv Collet had brought to the room after Christmas in front of it.

Handing a bar of fudge to Bill, who had been wrapped in blankets and currently had Legosh pressed up against him on either side, Voss on his left shoulder and a confused Tau in his lap, Jack sighed.

“I’m guessing if I put my vote to that stupid old dalek film Collet’s cousin sent him that wil help right?” The rest of 701 blinked, Jack never voted for any film Collet suggested, this was.. new.

Bill looked up from the bar of fudge which he had already half devoured, blushing “R, really?”

Grinning like his normal self, turned the tv on and settled next to Legoshi, leaning on the grey wolf. “Yeah, and Legoshi, you know those stink bugs you told me about a couple of years ago?”

“Halyomorpha halys? Sure what about them?” he replied, his tail becoming a blur in response to being asked the question.

[hufflepuffliest]

Flirting prompts - Hyung Line x Reader

Hello hello I saw this post a few weeks (months?) ago and I really want to use them as a prompt so I will lol. Hope you enjoy and if you ever want to request something, please do! I love to write and quarantine gives me time but my creative brain juice is drying up lol so help a girl out :) 

How the Hogwarts houses flirt Gryffindor: But is it morally okay for me to secretly wish your relationship doesn't work out?

Hufflepuff: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T AN ANIMAL PERSON WE ARE GOING TO A PET STORE RIGHT NOW AND ADOPTING ONE

Ravenclaw: Let's be workout buddies. Marathons count even if they're for movies, right?

Slytherin: I don't like your clothes. Take them off.

RM:

You were studying in the library when the sharp, scraping sound of the chair next to you made you look up from your books. You had read so many spells in the last few hours, they were all darting before your eyes, taunting you. You sighed as you looked at your best friend, Namjoon, opening up the same book you had in front of you.

“How are you holding up?” He asked, “Getting any wiser?” You sighed in frustration as you slammed the book shut.

“No,” You picked up your wand and practiced some of the movements without voicing the spells. “The longer I look at them, the less distinguishable they are to me. The exam is in a few days, and Peter keeps nagging about our Hogsmeade date tomorrow. I don’t think I have time to go, but he’s so insistent. Maybe I can practice some on the way. Oh Merlin!” You exclaimed, as you accidentally thrusted your wand a bit too aggressively during your rant, and made one of the book stands collapse. Mrs Pince was behind you in an instant, and almost literally tried to throw you out of the library, whilst simultaneously waving her wand around to mend the fallen books.

“Maybe look at what she’s doing,” Namjoon said with a smirk, but changed his expression when he saw your gloomy face. “Hey, Y/N, don’t worry. I can help you study every day until the test comes. You can do this. Maybe just go to bed early today, get some rest, and we’ll continue the spells tomorrow.” You locked eyes with him and nodded, a forced smile on your face.

“I wish I could do tomorrow. Stupid Hogsmeade is waiting for me. I don’t even have enough sickles to last me a butterbeer or two.” You dodged one of the ghost that suddenly rounded the corner, and slacked dramatically against the wall of the corridor until you were seated on the ground, your bag full of textbooks discarded next to you. Namjoon scooted before you and stuck out his hand towards you.

“Why are you so nice?” You scoffed, but still took his hand and let him pull you up.

“I’m not.” He replied, as he gave you your bag and continued the walk.

“You are.” You said, matter-of-factly.

“Definitely not,” He stated. “For example, I took the last muffin during breakfast this morning, even though it was plainly obvious Jin wanted it.” You snorted, and stopped to look at him.

“You are still nice.”

“And for example, is it morally okay for me to secretly wish your relationship doesn’t work out?” He turned a bit red, but kept looking at you. You broke the eye contact as you walked away.

“No.” You said, as you pushed your bag on your shoulder. “But I do too sometimes.”

Jin

“Isn’t it the perfect weather for a quidditch game?” Jin exclaimed, as he eagerly looked up to the quidditch pitch you two were approaching. “A small breeze, not too cold, not to warm. No clear skies, but no dark clouds either, just cloudy enough to block the sun. Merlin, what I would give to be up on a broom right now!” If he would have on with him, he probably would have, you thought.

“Isn’t it the perfect day to watch a quidditch game without having someone shout in your ear all the time?” You said, and Jin squinted at you. 

“Such a sour plum today, Y/N.” Jin said, as he threw his arm around you shoulders and bopped your nose. “It’s way too good of a day to not be happy.” 

You entered the quidditch pitch, and the two teams were already warming up, flying in circles and throwing balls up and down the field. A quaffle came soaring towards you, but Jin caught it with his right hand. A figure quickly flew towards you, halting in mid air as he waited for Jin to throw back the quaffle.

“Hey Y/N, be careful around the pitch, okay? Don’t want any bruises on your pretty face.” Your boyfriend winked at you, and Jin reluctantly gave him the quaffle. You quickly wished him good luck and during your trek up to the best seats around the pitch, Jin was remarkably quiet.

“Okay, what’s up with you?” You asked as you finally sat down, way up high.

“I know he’s your boyfriend and all, but I still think I’m the better player.” He kept following the boy on the broom with eyes that almost shot daggers. 

“Well, the team captain doesn’t think that.” You said, receiving one of the eye-daggers yourself. “I’m sorry Jin,” You lowered your voice, and put your hand on his. “I know how badly you wanted to play, but you were a starter last year! And first replacement if someone gets injured! Besides, you’re a prefect too! You won’t even have enough time to play and keep an eye on all the troublemakers in the school.” He smiled at that, and slightly squeezed your hand before he let go.

“You’re right, I know you’re right.” He let his eyes wander back to the game that was about to begin. “I also don’t like him as a person.” You laughed out loud.

“So you have said. Many times.” You rolled your eyes, but the smile lingered on your face. “He’s nice, Jin. At least to me.”

“Well, he better be.” Jin scoffed. You understood Jin, really. Your boyfriend didn’t have the best reputation. Him sending one of the bludgers into a Slytherin’s face just now and blatantly laughing about it didn’t help his case. 

“He’s… interesting.” You just said. “I just want-”

“But is it morally okay for me to secretly wish your relationship doesn’t work out?” Jin intercepted, and you looked at him with shock in your eyes.

“Well, it’s not secret anymore.” You said, still a bit perplexed. You looked from Jin, to the brooms flying through the air, back to Jin, who was still looking at you. “But I guess, you should never give up that hope.” 

He smiled at you, turning his eyes back to the game. After a few quiet moments, he started to commentate as usual. You relaxed, sat back in your seat, and finished watching the game, and your boyfriend being hit by a bludger in the face, with a sly smile on your face.

J-Hope

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN'T AN ANIMAL PERSON? WE ARE GOING TO A PET STORE RIGHT NOW AND ADOPTING ONE!” Hobi yelled as you walked with him through the halls on your way to the courtyard, his voice echoing through the ancient castle walls, almost amplifying his voice even more.

“You are overreacting.” You said, grabbing his yellow-and-black scarf and gently pulling it to get his attention. It worked, as his eyes settled on you. “I just said I don’t necessarily see the need in people having pets at the castle.” You continued.

“The need is: pets are awesome and cute and fluffy and a buddy for life!” Hoseok beamed, no doubt thinking about his little black kitten, probably curled up on his bed, waiting for him in the dorms.

“I thought I was your buddy for life?” You teased.

“Yes,” He said, as he teasingly poked your side. “But you can’t always cuddle with me. A small, cute pet can! The pet can keep you warm at night if I can’t enter the dormitories and you can’t sneak to mine.” He reasoned, and you puffed out some cold air when you entered the path towards Hogsmeade. As you walked through the barren British air, your hands found his and your fingers intertwined, his heat radiating through the gloves and warming you up.

“I still don’t get it, don’t you have pets at home?” Hobi started again, and you sighed.

“Yeah, we have a dog that’s been in the family for ages. He’s old but still hanging on, he’s been there as long as me probably.” You smiled at the memory of your family hanging on the couch, the old, muffy dog sprawled on the floor.

“Okay, hear me out. A family dog is awesome too, but having one for yourself? Doesn’t that sound great?” He almost beamed as he spoke the words, and you chuckled.

“But that also means I have to take care of it, whereas my parents mostly take care of the old dog I have at home. Besides, I already have you to take care of, so in a way, you’re my pet.” Hoseok fawned fake hurt at this.

“Are you saying you don’t like me? After all, you aren’t an animal person.” You rolled your eyes, but a smile was still stuck on your face.

“Am I not taking you out on a walk right now? You can’t ask too much of me, Hobi.”

After a short while, you finally arrived at the wizard town. At Hogwarts, you’re allowed to keep some small animals, including cats and owls. Your mom has always been fond of frogs, so you were thinking about getting a toad, if you really had to get a pet. Hobi hated this idea, as a slimy toad would debunk his argument of your pet being the best cuddle buddy to have, besides him. You spotted the pet’s place and entered, a small bell signaling your arrival to the owner. Hoseok was gone in an instant, off to pet some cats. You sighed and strolled after him. Cats did not really interest you that much. Owls were okay, they could deliver notes and letters so they had a usefulness to them, but they would also defecate everywhere. You left Hoseok behind and finally ended up near the toads, their croaking drawing you in. You were looking at them, a total of five, and actually liked the little creatures. They weren’t fluffy, or cute, by default. They didn’t have big eyes or small, pink noses, but they were interesting. 

You felt two arms wrap around you and the weight of a head leaning on you, which woke you from your daze.

“I want that one.” You said, pointing at the toad nearest to you, silently lounging on a rock. He wasn’t as warty as the others, and a shade of green. “I like that one.”

So Hobi bought it for you, along with a cage to fill with water and greens. So at night, you would listen to the song of the toad, and imagine it was Hoseok, then tell him that the next day to annoy him. But if one could not sing you to sleep, the other would.

Suga

It was a breezy Sunday afternoon, and you and your friends we’re lounging near the lake, trying to enjoy some of the sun before another busy week of classes would begin. Some people we’re discussing the latest quidditch game, arguing about whether Gryffindor had deserved the win. You just closed your eyes and tilted your head back, enjoying the warm sensation of the sunshine that shone on your face. Someone sat beside you, the grass rustling under this person’s body. 

“I can’t believe this is our last taste of free time before our OWLS start.” Yoongi said, and you opened one eye to look at him. His normally neat attire was bit messy today, his tie hung loosely around his neck. His robe hadn’t even left the dungeons today, as he was just clothed in the simple pullover, the green and silver crest worn proudly on his chest. 

“Me neither. You replied, shifting to sit up a bit more upright, and scooting a bit closer towards Yoongi. Unintentionally, of course. You yawned, and stifled it by holding a hand before your mouth. “Looks like the weekend still didn’t help me regain some much needed sleeping hours.” Yoongi laughed quietly.

“I think none of us sleep enough these days.” He looked at you, his eyes darting downwards towards the sweater you were wearing. You knitted it together with your grandma over the Christmas break, in your proud house colors. You loved it, as it reminded you of home and also smelled like home. “I don't like your clothes. Take them off.”

You raised your eyebrows to him, and simply said: “No.”

“Feisty.” He replied, and you stared back at him, continuing the intense eye contact.

“Are you trying to flirt with me?” You asked.

“What if I am?” He replied, and you lost the battle by looking away, trying to hide your blush.

“I’d advise you to try another tactic.” You just said, leaning back into the sun again, closing your eyes, and trying to escape this awkward conversation. You’ve liked Yoongi for a while now, but he isn’t the most talkative, and when you’re with the big group, it’s hard to find time alone to talk to him. This proved to be true this time too, as some other people decided to join you in this place of sunshine, and started some small talk with the two of you, ending the conversation.

You just exited the great hall, eating your belly round of the delicious foods served at supper, when you heard someone call your name. You turned around, surprised to see that it was Yoongi, catching up to you. He matched your pace easily, and didn’t say anything at first. You were perplexed, and also unsure of what to say, plus majorly crushing, which didn’t help the situation at all.

“Did you make this sweater yourself?” He asked, and you looked at him, chuckling.

“I thought you said you didn’t like my clothes.” Now it was his turn to blush, but he didn’t look away from you.

“You said to try another tactic, so I’m trying. Did you make it?” You slightly shook your head in disbelief, but also didn’t quite understand that he was in fact trying to flirt with you again.

“Yes, actually. Together with my grandma, she taught me over winter break.” You said, absentmindedly stroking over the slightly oversized sweater.

“I do like it.” He said, and you glared at him. “I do! Before was just a… failed attempt at being smooth, I guess.”

“I forgive you.” You said. “But only if you treat me to a butterbeer after the OWLS are over.” He beamed at this.

“Done. And maybe you can make a sweater like this in my house colors too?

“We’ll see about that.” You said, still smiling when you parted ways to enter your common room.

Maknae line is on the way :)

[rigelmejo]

How much effort does the mass immersion approach require?

(one of my many lol) final thoughts on the mass immersion method:

*information on the mass immersion method can be found at massimmersionapproach.com and on various language study youtuber’s videos.

so, contrary to what it looks like from an outsider’s perspective, it appears to be plenty of hard work and study. from an outside glance, it looks a bit ridiculous, in the sense that the method looks like “just watch/read target language content and you will magically learn it over time like a child!” 

that is not the actual method.

the actual method, (to my understanding) boils down to:

Immerse often. Start on day 1. Immerse all in the target language (no language-you-already-comprehend subtitles or anything as a crutch). Immerse in anything you can manage to - shows, radio, podcasts, reading if you can bear it, etc. Look up new words every few to several minutes, when desired.

**Use mnemonics, repetition, SRS flashcards/review methods, or whatever you want to learn the kana (and romaji pronunciations) if studying Japanese. Or use these methods to at least get somewhat familiar with the radicals, if studying Chinese. (My personal additional suggestion: if studying chinese, use whatever methods to read through, listen, and become somewhat familiar with the pinyin system, tones, and radicals. You do not need to have these memorized, as immersion activities and vocab study will keep reinforcing these things, so just get a quick overview of what these things are.) Do this in the first few weeks/first month.  

**Use mnemonics, SRS flashcards/review methods, and possibly a reference book, to learn the 1000 most common characters if the language is Chinese or Japanese. Do this in the first few months, to first several months. 

LEARN the first 1000 most common words in a language. Do this in the first few months, to first several months. (My understanding is mia suggests doing this after the 1000 characters.)

READ through a grammar guide, early on. Do this in the first few to first several months. (mia suggests doing this while learning the 1000 most common words, if desired).

Once done with the two steps above, switch to learning more words are you run into them with sentence mining. Preferably, sentences where there is only one new concept or word you’re learning in the sentences. Preferably, make SRS flashcards for those sentences you’re studying.

While doing the step above, start using your immersion activities as the basis for your sentence mining. The words you have are looking up in immersion activities will be a source of your sentence mining. If desired, you can also look up word-frequency lists to get ideas for what to add to your sentence mining. If desired, you can utilize pre-made sentence mining decks like 10k core Anki deck for Japanese (although mia highly encourages making your own decks). My personal suggestions: Clozemaster app for sentence mining, using example sentences from Pleco as your sentences (when looking up new words in pleco), sentence examples from Baidu Translate app or Tatoeba, sentences from shows/novels you’re consuming. 

At any point, but definitely if you have learned 3,000ish words, start immersion using long texts - articles, novels, stories, etc. (In comparison to only using target-language-subtitles as your reading immersion.) Read regularly, read a lot. Look up new words every once in a while. Continue sentence mining as desired, as long as its helping you. 

** = steps which are specific to certain languages. Some languages will require similar steps to those. Other languages will not need anything like that done. 

There it is, the method. So, is it as easy as “immersing and magically learning a language effortlessly”? NO. NO IT SURE ISN’T.

Let’s go over how it’s definitely got its share of difficulty. Even though it’s not a standard textbook and structured course approach, that doesn’t mean it’s any easier. It still is going to take hard work, dedication, consistency, and effort. 

I would guess, the main reason this method looks “easy” from an outsider’s perspective - is because it tries to focus on primarily engaging the learner’s interests, and in building up comprehension skills as quickly as possible (so the learner can enjoy engaging in their interests). The immersion means a learner is regularly engaging in content in the language they specifically care about and want to understand - compared to standard textbook study that may include various topics some learners care nothing about. The immersion focus also means learners study how to comprehend more than they study how to produce the language themselves in a way with minimal-errors. So learners are more quickly rewarded with being able to listen to speakers, watch shows, read. Learners also will ultimately be able to communicate, although (and this is only my guess) their communication may have more errors earlier on. Communication is possible even with imperfect production. So a learner, once producing, can comprehend well enough to at least recognize their errors and comprehend when others tell them of errors they’re making. At this point, I am guessing, is when studying of more accurate production happens and errors are worked on. For learners who simply wish to communicate for enjoyment and engagement with others, this is fine and much quicker than many traditional classroom based courses. 

The downside being, traditional textbook/classroom study is going to more specifically be helping students learn what they need to pass tests of fluency level (such as job/school required exams, JLPT, HSK, CEFR, etc). Mass Immersion Approach learners may not be developing those same ‘perfecting production’ skills of certain levels, at the same time as traditional textbook/classroom learners. Since traditional classroom/textbook learners are studying in the same order as often widely used tests, they’ll be prepared according to those test levels to do the ‘expected things’ each test level requires. Whereas a mass immersion approach learner, may end up with some gaps that the traditional course would have covered, and so the mia learner will have to fill in those gaps later if planning to take a test. This is probably an issue that stems from mia learners getting to immerse in content they desire which will be specialized to THEM, versus traditional textbook/classroom learners being forced to study ALL topics considered relevant by commonly used tests of language proficiency level. Now... many mass immersion approach learners claim, that after a certain amount of time, their grammar/word use is MORE NATURAL/correct then many people who studied traditionally from a textbook/classroom. Perhaps they are right, and they do ‘naturally’ pick this up over time. But I would still guess there are differences in WHEN mia learners versus traditional learners can utilize certain words/structures to a sufficient level to pass exams they need to pass to get jobs/get into schools etc. These differences could matter, depending on the specific needs of the learner. I would imagine that if an mia learner say, needed to pass HSK 5 in a year for a job - they could use their mia approach, and also HSK 5 prep-materials as desired to help them fill in gaps/practice points they MUST do correctly within a year on that test. 

In summary - the mass immersion approach appears easy at a glance, not because it is easy, but because it has the learner always engaging in specialized content they ENJOY and always USING what they’re learning (either for comprehension, or eventually for producing with the goal of communication over perfection). Encouraging a learner’s passion to keep studying, will make them feel motivated and make them feel the subject is not unbearable. While still difficult, it is often going to be enjoyable at least.

So, how does the mass immersion approach require effort? Why is it difficult? Well, it’s not exactly “learning how children do” and it’s also not easy just because some of it is a little bit LIKE “learning how children do.” The learning like children angle, refers to how the learner should be picking up a lot of new words/grammar concepts in the context of real use of the language - real dialogues in shows/books, real writing instead of textbook examples, sentences mined from that content, and mass amounts of exposure so learners have a LOT of context to help them comprehend all these words/grammar concepts. In mia approach, learners are not learning from textbook examples that may or may not be natural, and may be limited in how many are even contained in a given book. Learners are learning from massive amounts of input, massive amounts of examples they’ll see and hear. In this way, yes, it is picking up a lot of things the way a child does.

But mia approach also involves learning these things much faster than a child would, by doing specific activities to maximize how to speed up the process. This part is why mass immersion approach is a lot more hard work than just “turn on shows and watch and you’ll magically learn.”

Lets go through the steps of the approach again, in regard to effort:

Immerse often - you are using none of a language you already understand to rely on. So no, watching anime with english subs doesn’t count. Immersing in totally target language content is exhausting! The less you comprehend, the more exhausting it is! So it is very difficult for beginners starting out on day 1, month 1, etc! Immersion also generally means the learners should be trying to comprehend whatever they can manage to comprehend, and that requires attention and focus for the duration of immersion. Which is also exhausting, and the MOST exhausting at the beginning stages. Does that sound easy? This is one of many reasons it is vital a learner picks immersion material they are interested in. Because they need to be paying attention to it, and enjoying it enough to keep immersing. They’ll fail the whole approach if they give up immersion because they can’t tolerate the ambiguity and focus required at the beginning stages! (As a personal note, this is likely why my personal study approach is not as similar to the mia approach as it could have been - I had low tolerance for ambiguity and the exhaustion of trying to comprehend anything as a beginner, so I only immersed once every couple weeks for short periods. Whereas a mia learner would need to be doing it every day, or every other day!) Try to immerse in target language only content, in any language you don’t know yet or have just begun studying. Tell me it’s easy... I really don’t think it is.

**Learning romaji/kana if studying Japanese, or pinyin/radicals if studying Chinese. This step is pretty much exactly the same as a traditional textbook/classroom approach. It’s the same amount of effort. So mia learners still have to put in that initial effort, that includes reading and listening to an explanation of these things, repetition (either drilling or SRS). It may even be more effort for mia learners, if they had no textbook or resources suggested to them - then this step is also when they have to look up those things on their own, and find ones they like, to study these things from.

**Learning the 1000 most common characters. WOW IS THIS ONE AN INTENSE AMOUNT OF EFFORT! This is a step that many traditional textbook/course methods stretch out over months or YEARS, and usually teach alongside vocabulary and grammar so learners can integrate the characters into things they already know and use the characters they’re learning right away. mia learners do not get the luxury of having these characters integrated into a web of thing they already know. mia learners have their immersion, so they at least get regular exposure to start SEEING the characters they’re learning. But the sheer effort it takes to grind through learning 1000 characters is immense. It takes a lot of people years. Even with diligent learners, it takes several months. With the most dedicated learners, with the most intense amounts of time they can spare, it takes them a few months. This step is where, I imagine a lot of learners attempting the mass immersion approach will just give up. So I guess, if you’re studying a language without this particular hurdle, congratulations you may have an easier time getting yourself to keep studying consistently using the mass immersion approach! (In my own personal studies, I could not bear to do this with japanese or chinese - so I have always delved into learning maybe 200-500 characters this way, then immediately moving on to learning common vocabulary at the same time. I personally prefer to have a web of connected information in my head, so knowing vocabulary that uses characters, helps me learn characters better than studying characters in isolation. I just learn my first 500ish characters first so that I have a rough idea in my head of some really common characters, so I’m used to seeing the radicals in different ways, and so I’m used to making mnemonics. I have NEVER been able to get myself to purposely work through the 1000 most common characters before studying other things too. My method has its own benefits and drawbacks. The biggest benefit for me was it allowed me to keep studying consistently instead of giving up, since giving up would have been the worst thing. The biggest drawback - it took me 10 months to learn around 1000 characters. Whereas dedicated mia learners may have achieved that in 3-6 months). So, yeah, this step is a MASSIVE AMOUNT OF EFFORT. Arguably a lot more frontloaded work than traditional textbook/classroom learners. The benefit of doing this is that, later down the road, mia learners will comprehend reading more easily with less effort, and have less of a struggle learning new words compared to traditional learners. And a lot of this just has to do with when the different approaches learn this bulk of characters. A mia learner will either give up at this stage (so then they wouldn’t improve in the language reading-wise to any degree), or they’ll get through it and then have the tools learned to be able to keep improving their reading skills and vocabulary indefinitely without too much struggle. In comparison, a traditional learner may find limited gains in reading ability with each course they work through - maybe first they can read short informational signs, then menus and shopping tags, then short emails and texts, then news articles, then simple stories, etc. But they will also find if they quit, they may struggle to be able to improve their reading level because they have a limited base of characters they know, so they struggle to learn more words/characters unless they purposely pick up active studying again. This would be most noticable if they took classes that start off with pinyin only, or take courses that only end up teaching say 800 characters after 2 semesters, etc. If this learner quits too early, having less characters under their belt may require more effort for them in the future. mia learners put in most of this effort upfront, in the first several months. It is... a slog. 

Learn the first 1000 most common words. First off, it will pay off immensely in improving your comprehension. This is a great thing to do no matter what language you’re learning, and no matter how you do it (whether you study like a maniac and learn them in 2 weeks or a month, or whether you take your time and learn them in a year). Now, if you’re an mia learner - it is a slog. In the mass immersion approach you are trying to learn them relatively quickly so that they’ll improve your comprehension for immersion. Whereas in a traditional learning approach you’re probably just learning them as they pop up slowly over time in your textbook/course over a year. An mia learner will benefit more in their other study activities, if they prioritize learning these 1000 words at a relatively quick pace. This is why mia learners are probably encouraged to use SRS flashcards for study, because its fast and efficient. They’re also encouraged to use mnemonics and associate the words with context to help the new vocabulary more easily stick in their memory. Alternatively, one could probably also learn these words through rote memorization, golden lists, exposure (probably the slowest way?). Now, learning new words is hard. We know its hard. There’s choices - mnemonics and memory tricks are faster, but require a learner to figure out how to do them and then dedicate time to doing them for each new word (versus traditional learners that in a class might skate by memorizing for tests by just looking at a word list then forgetting). SRS flashcards mean purposely dedicating study time to review, on a regular basis (also making the cards yourself if you can’t find/don’t like any pre-made resources). Some learners prefer physical flashcards and spaced repetition review of them - that means making the cards yourself. And, if you hate flashcards as ardently as I do, it means hell. (My personal study method involved picking up some of 1000 most common words from - reading word lists and reviewing them on occassion, since I think that’s less draining then flashcards; reading through some pages of high frequency dictionaries; reading the vocab lists in my textbooks and character reference books; looking up common words during immersion; and finally going through an SRS flashcard deck of the 1000 most common words to fill in the gaps and also to REVIEW in an efficient way so that they’d stick in my long term memory. I do think SRS review is a very efficient way to remember things long term, and I do recommend it if you’re trying to be efficient. If you are like me though, and hate flashcards - its up to you how much you want to use other approaches as an alternative or in addition). Learning these words is again, putting the bulk of the effort required on the beginner stage learner. A traditional learner may learn these words over a year, or years. A mia learner will probably want to learn these within the first year, hopefully within the first several months. Like the previous point about characters - there’s benefits and drawbacks to each approach. An mia learner is going to have more to study upfront, regularly, so they might want to give up from the workload. But the payoff is that the words they study will pop up regularly in their immersion, and they’ll be rewarded with greater comprehension for each word they study. This reward will happen a lot faster than for a less-intense paced traditional study plan. So more effort, more reward. The traditional learner, if their course isn’t too intensely-paced, will probably learn these words over a greater length of time - and so won’t get to read them or listen to them and comprehend as fast. But they’ll be less likely to give up because of intense effort required and burnout. In contrast, a traditional learner may be more apt to give up because its taking them longer to get to the level of comprehension they want. 

Read through a grammar guide early on. This is easier than traditional learning, in that an mia learner doesn’t have to do ANY grammar exercises or read to the point of memorizing/internalizing any grammar points. It is harder... because a learner needs to read over ALL of the main grammar points, in a matter of weeks or months. Many traditional learning courses will cover that material over a period of years, spending a week on one or a few points at a time. Reading through a grammar guide requires an mia learner to read one or a few points a day, and to read MANY grammar points in the few weeks-months that the learner spends going through the guide. While completing exercises is not required of mia learners, instead they are required to read through material in a short amount of time that is complex and requires attention and focus. Material that traditional learners are exposed to much slower and with more support as they get a plethora of examples on how it works and in depth details on the topic if they want/need it. Traditional learners also often get to skip reading a formal grammar guide at all, if they have teachers who through example teach them, or if they have textbooks that have a plethora of examples if they don’t want to read ‘why’ to do things in a formal way. An mia learner must read through this grammar guide knowing they’re not going to have any of it memorized, knowing its all basically a ‘summary overview’ for them. Knowing they’re going to be re-looking these points up in the coming months as they keep seeing them in context of immersion and struggling to comprehend them because they look familiar but the learner can’t remember the specifics of the grammar point. Also just... have you ever read technically informational texts like a grammar guide? They’re draining to read through. It takes effort and dedication to start reading a grammar guide (when you aren’t motivated by needing to pass a test in class), and consistency to complete it. (My personal studying experience: YES, YES, YES, I recommend doing this. It’s a slog but if you’re dedicated it will take 1 week to 1 month tops, and can be done alongside any other study activities you’re doing. I can’t emphasize enough how immensely reading a grammar guide in the first few months helped my own progress down the road for any language I’ve ever studied. It helps so much, because after you read through one, everything you run into that is ‘confusing’ you already have a summary in your mind for to build connections and more understanding to. And you can start noticing all grammar points at work immediately, and recognize their examples and proper use. Compared to a traditional study method, where you may only be aware of a few grammar points even Existing when you’re a beginner. YES, I highly encourage you no matter how you are studying a language, to do this sometime in the first year. You don’t have to memorize anything, just read through a grammar guide and try to treat it like a curious interest-read you’re doing. Try to understand the explanations you can, and try to just get some exposure to those explanations that don’t click yet then move on. It will pay off so much later on.)

Sentence mining. In my opinion, this is almost like making your own note-version of your own textbook. Writing your own study book is a lot of effort! Making all the sentence mining flashcards it will require as you keep studying and improving will eventually add up, and take a lot of time and effort to make. Then, as usual, also means dedication to regularly studying and reviewing. Studying and reviewing material is something you’re doing regardless of if it’s the mass immersion approach, or a traditional textbook/course approach. The big difference again, is mainly that mia learners are learning based on their specific interests/needs based on what they’re immersing with, and mia learners are making their own study materials instead of relying on a pre-made textbook. Making your own sentence mining materials is a huge undertaking over a long span of time, it’s not ‘easy’ (unless you are the very opposite of me, and absolutely LOVE flashcards and think they’re the funnest thing in existence - in which case, yay, the mass immersion approach is at least 50% your dream study method!). As someone who does hate flashcards, this sounds so horrible! Although the method itself makes a ton of sense - its studying vocabulary and grammar in the context of examples. So, if you learn better from examples instead of explanations, this method is very well suited to you. And if you need explanations - you just go find that grammar guide again and reread a section on the topic you want further explanation for. Alternatively, a traditional learner’s equivalent studies may be: continuing to work through a grammar book with examples, reading graded readers in progressing difficulty so they’re also basically exposed to sentences that introduce new vocab/grammar over time based on their level, eventually branching out into reading/watching native material at or just above their comprehension level - and possibly writing some sentences down for study or flashcards, on occassion. Sentence mining, in essence, is not easy unless you think flashcards and all the efforts that go into making your own study material, are so fun and delightful you happen to not notice the effort you have to put in. 

Immersion using long texts (also just immersion, generally, as your comprehension increases). This is learning by doing. See the very first thing I wrote in this list, about immersion the first time - immersion where you are aiming to comprehend without anything to rely on but your target language takes attention, focus, and effort. It will only get easier over time, if you keep practicing consistently. It only gets easier by doing it more. Every other step in the mass immersion approach, just seems to be ways of helping make THIS step more bearable and easier. The alternative would have been... to only do this step, immersion. Can you imagine doing that? Just consuming native content and looking up new words either intensively (every single time you ran into a new one), or occasionally (every few minutes)? Some people in this world must have learned a language this way. It certainly does not sound easy. Even harder... would be to truly learn it like a child, where you would do only the immersion step and barely look things up until you comprehend enough to understand a monolingual dictionary. That would be a mega-slog. Which pretty clearly shows why the mass immersion approach is not exactly the same as “learning language exactly how a child does.” The mass immersion approach relies on immersion to learn from context, but it also includes several other study activities to help a learner build a basis of vocabulary and grammar early on in that language (the character, grammar guide reading, and vocab grind in the first several months). Then activities for the learner to keep studying grammar and vocabulary based on their interests and what they’re immersing in, by doing sentence mining - which is like textbook study with examples catered to the specific learner. Only after that, once a learner should be comprehending at least the GIST of material, is the learner expected to be learning a big chunk of things from context of the immersion material - and even then, everything made into sentence mining sentences is getting the added support of srs flashcards that can be regularly reviewed to help speed up learning. Immersion, once a learner can comprehend the basic gist of things, is the act of practicing a skill to improve. Practicing, as with anything you aren’t good at, is difficult until it gets easier. A mia learner may find it less draining at this stage, because they have so many tools that allowed basic comprehension to be managable - so their attention and effort it hopefully only being used on a few new confusing parts of material per immersion content. Whereas a traditional learner, especially if they weren’t doing any listening/reading immersion throughout, is going to have to suddenly start doing this when they’re ready to ‘consume target language content.’ The traditional learner is going to find it brutal, because they haven’t been practicing this skill from day 1. So this... may be why it seems like sometimes mia learners seem to ‘learn’ faster. I can’t say for sure if they lag in other areas of learning a language - but in the area of basic comprehension of the gist of content, to the point where consuming immersion content is bearable, they win. Every study activity they do helps to make this task easier for them as quickly as possible. A traditional learner, depending on their own study methods and how their class/textbook taught, may not have developed these skills and may not have had as many study activities that specifically focused on building THESE skills. Being able to basically comprehend, is when people can start to do things with the language - watch, listen, read, and communicate (comprehensibly, if not perfectly). Maybe an mia learner, depending on how they studied, cannot do buisness emails or talk about college majors in chinese - but maybe an mia learner CAN read an article in chinese ABOUT business emails, about college majors, and quickly look up the unknown words that involved the details they don’t understand. Maybe they’d still have to practice to learn to do such things. But maybe the mia learner’s goal was being able to discuss video games instead, so they know a whole bunch of topics specifically in their area of interest (because of the sentence mining). Whereas the traditional learner maybe never practiced reading novels so is still slogging through, where a different learner practiced that from day 1 and is much better at doing it. In the end... at this level of language proficiency, I think either learner who used any study methods, at this point will have difficulty/ease depending on what practice they personally did and what vocab/grammar they personally studied up to this point. And also at this point, practice for anyone will generally be showing where their knowledge lags and needs to be improved. So... this part is hard, no matter how you studied a language. And this part is years, maybe your entire life.

Does the mass immersion approach take effort? Yes.

It is one of probably a plethora of independent study approaches that will work for learning a language. (Probably the most important thing, I think, is just whatever methods keep you studying consistently, since consistency over time is what will ensure improvement eventually no matter what else you’re doing.) The mass immersion approach seems to be very ‘front-loaded.’ As in, the bulk of the ‘hard work’ is in the first several months to first year.

It seems very make-or-break. Learners are expected to study and review a broad overview of the language within the first year (most common words, overview of all grammar, overview of writing system), and also expected to practice comprehending target language material from day 1 (which for any learner, is a process that starts out difficult and only gets easier with lots of practice, and as you learn the language). So learners will either give up during that initial year of studying tons of words, *characters, grammar points, while also constantly regularly immersing and attempting to practice comprehending what they can while their comprehension is at it’s absolute lowest beginner-levels. When trying to comprehend anything in immersion content is likely to be the most draining, intensive, that it is ever going to be. 

Then, if the learners get past that initial front-load of constantly studying and immersing, things ease up a little. They’ve made themselves go through all the ‘hardest’ parts of studying. Comprehension of immersion material becomes more bearable, now their study material will largely be words/sentences/grammar they choose to pick based on their own goals (so study material is creative and self directed). All new words/grammar will be surrounded by a lot of context the learner already understands. Any new grammar that a learner runs into, will be something a learner already has at least some other grammar basis to compare it to and build it from. The immersion portion of study will be incredibly enjoyable and rewarding. The new word/concept initial study will be relatively rewarding too - it will be based on content the learner cares about, and will be surrounded by context the learner understands and so easily can digest. The only real ‘slog’ will be reviewing new concepts/words every so often (like srs flashcards). Which is not too hard of a task, it’s just flashcards to jog your memory until you don’t need them. And beyond the structured sentence mining, any immersion will now be word/concept study review for you for any material you can comprehend. And you will eventually be able to learn some new words only from context in the immersion content and repeated exposure, so not everything will require any structured study at all. At the point when that becomes a relatively normal occurrence, SRS flashcards won’t even be necessary - they will just be an option to use if you want that particularly efficient review method. 

Now, this second part - any language learner will eventually get to this part. I and the level of difficulty at this part I think will probably be mostly the same. Any learner is going to have to get through the initial hurdle of understanding-almost-nothing and struggling to comprehend anything. mia learners go through it throughout those first few months. Traditional learners either will go through it from day 1 (if they start immersion immediately) until whenever their textbooks/courses give them the basis needed to reach the immersion-while-comprehending-the-gist stage (or until they self-study to learn those things early). Traditional learners who wait to do this until after all their courses/textbooks, will hit that initial difficulty - and may find it a bit more bearable since they likely will have way more stuff they comprehend than an mia learner did on day 1. And then that difficulty will soon wane until they’re also at immersion-while-comprehending-the-gist stage. 

Mass immersion approach seems like a good study method to consider looking into if you are a self-study learner, or if you’re learning from a textbook/course and are considering some other study activities to add onto what you’re already doing. Mass immersion approach seems geared on getting the learner to comprehend the basic gist of immersion content as quickly as possible, so that they can learn from the context within immersion material as quickly as possible. That means a lot of intense study in the beginning. That means that although there isn’t a lot of focus on doing exercises. But there’s still a lot of focus on studying/reviewing basic common vocabulary, getting an overview of all the grammar, and on ‘practicing’ the language in other ways such as attempting to comprehend immersion material every day from the very start. 

[weasleydream]

The life and grief of Percy and Y/N Weasley - Part 3

Hey guys! Here we are for the third part of the serie!

Be careful, mention of panick attack.

Also, feel free to give me your opinion, I would like to know... Anyway, hope you enjoy this as much as I do!

Masterlist 

(gif not mine) 

Part 1 - Part 2 

Their first exams

My relation with Percy had been different since this fight. It was strange at first, but I quickly realized it was for the best. We were closer than ever, yet we spent less time together. We just didn’t feel obligated to stay with each other anymore, and, surprisingly enough, we discovered more and more differences between us. Percy was becoming quite pompous, he always talked with a barely irritating superior air and always had his head higher than most of normal people. I, on the other hand, was less and less interested in the great careers at the Ministry of Magic. When we were younger, Perce and I would dream of being Minister or Ministress, however, it wasn’t my goal anymore. In fact, I had found a new passion: the magical creatures. Professor Kettleburn was my new favourite professor and he had confessed me I had a true talent with magical creatures, and he had inspired me to work with them.

This new goal didn’t prevent me from feeling a sting of jealousy when Percy received a shining Prefect badge. Errol, our owl, had brought our Hogwarts letters after the breakfast. I was already in our room, looking for a book about the hipogriffs, when Perce barged in with bright eyes and red cheeks. 

“Look Y/N! Look! They choose me!”

He put his badge under my nose while repeating how much he was happy and how much Mum was proud. I slowly pushed his hand away before taking him in my arms. 

“Congratulations, Perce!”

I wouldn’t ruin his happiness. Plus, I didn’t really want this badge, the only thing bothering me was that it meant Percy was better than me. In everything. And it was kinda vexing. But of course he didn’t need me to say it, this stupid twin thing we had did it for me. Suddenly, his eyes darkened a bit and this time he hugged me.

“I’m sorry, you should have had one too.”

“Don’t worry. More responsibilities? Whereas I have to keep an eye on Fred and George? No, thanks.”

We both giggled. Indeed, our younger brothers had fully developed their potential when it came to pranks when they arrived in Hogwarts. Two weeks after the beginning of the school year, they had already been to Filch’s office, a place they would visit almost weekly. They had even showed me something they had stolen from there: a magical map which showed everyone in the castle, along with secret passages. They trusted me enough not to talk about this to anyone, not even Percy, and I didn’t want to betray their trust. Their secret was well kept. Anyway, Mum had made an habit to ask Percy and I to keep an eye on them, not that it would change anything. 

Another big change for us was Ron’s arrival at Hogwarts. Ron was maybe the most shy of our brothers. He was excited, of course, but also nervous. His biggest fear was to be sorted in another house than Gryffindor. Indeed, all our family had been in the lion house. Fred had joked telling him he wouldn’t be a Weasley anymore; the poor boy was on the verge of crying when Mum had intervened. 

His nervousness reminded me of mine just before my first year. I also remembered how much it could be disabling and I made a point of helping him. Before the beginning of the year, I explained him everything he wanted to know, and I promised him I would help him whenever he would need it at Hogwarts. 

The first of september arrived after quite an uneventful summer. The morning was a typical Weasley-back-to-school-morning: Mum was literally running everywhere, screaming at Fred and George and urging a stressed Ron. Percy was making sure his badge was in his bag (for the sixth time in less than an hour) and I was looking for my jumper, which had been stolen by Ginny because she wanted to cover the cat. We finally left for King’s Cross and arrived ten minutes before the departure of the Hogwarts Express. I followed Percy across the barrier and we waited for Mum, who arrived with Ginny after Fred, George, Ron and a black haired boy. 

Fred and George were joking about toilet seat (“Making the toilets explode? We hadn't thought about this. Thanks Mum!”) in order to reassure Ginny. Our little sister would stay alone at home this year, for the first time ever. She didn’t seem pleased with the idea. Mum turned toward Percy and I and hugged Perce first. She kept repeating how proud she was, the third prefect in the family, a future Head-Boy for sure, and I saw George pretending to vomit. I giggled, and that seemed to remind Mum of my existence. She took me in her arms while lecturing us about how important it was to watch over Ron. She added in my ear that Fred and George could use a bit of supervision too. Then she practically choked Ron to death while hugging him, warned us not to bother the black haired boy who was in fact Harry Potter, and let us go with watery eyes. 

 Fred and George were gone with their friends and Percy had to fulfill his prefect duties. I put my hand on Ron’s shoulder. 

“Do you want to sit with me? We can find an empty compartment if you want.”

“Ye… No, let me alone Y/N. I don’t need you.”

He had been on the verge of accepting, but I saw the arrogant look a boy threw him. Blond hair, pale skin, pointy chin, the boy corresponded perfectly to the description of a Malefoy according to Dad. I sighed, and sat alone in the last empty compartment. I took a book about unicorns and began to read. I stayed alone for more than two hours before Percy eventually joined me. He was complaining about some third years who played with Dungbombs. 

“I’m pretty sure Fred and George have used some too.” He groaned.

“Have you seen them?” I didn’t look up from my book; I was reading some super interesting informations about the baby unicorns.

“No, but they were smirking like crazy when I looked at them.”

“Your year will be way more complicated with them.” I concluded while laughing. 

I told Percy about Ron’s behaviour in front of the blond guy. Percy thought the same: the boy had to be a Malfoy. 

“I bet we will have problems with him.” He stated. 

I nodded. We chatted for a while but soon, Percy returned to his duty. He took it to heart and my jealousy had completely vanished. I was really proud of my twin, and glad he had the occasion to distinguish himself. I just hoped he would stop being so pompous with everyone, because it was kinda annoying and Fred and George constantly made fun of him for it. I feared the day when he would have enough. What if it led to a fight like the one we had two years ago? I didn’t think I would be able to bear it.

The Sorting ceremony started after the first years had arrived with Hagrid. Ron entered the Great Hall next to Harry Potter with wide open eyes. Percy and I applauded, along with Fred and George who were sitting in front of us. The Sorting Hat sang its traditional song and Professor McGonagall called for the first student. 

“Abbot, Hannah!”

I could hear Fred betting on which house Hannah would be sent to. I didn’t really pay attention to the ceremony, only waiting for Ron’s turn, but he would be called in the lasts. However, some students seemed apart from the crowd: a girl, Hermione Granger, showed an unusual impatience and almost yanked the Hat out of Professor McGonagall's hands. A young boy with a clumsy aspect forgot to give it back. Both were sent to Gryffindor, along with Harry Potter. Eventually, and to Ron’s immense relief, the ceremony ended with our little brother being sorted into Gryffindor too. At the end of the feast, Percy got up at the speed of light and took a powerful voice.

“The first years, follow me please!”

I smiled and followed Fred and George who were mimicking our prefect. We climbed the stairs and arrived to the common room. Percy was explaining some things to the bunch of first years in front of him. Then the younger ones went into the dormitories while the older ones installed themselves in the couches near the fire or at the table in order to catch up with the friends. I sat next to my twin and listened to him while he was repeating how much he was afraid he wouldn’t be as good prefect as Bill and Charlie. 

“Relax Perce, you’ll do great. I’m pretty sure you’re even already Head Boy.”

He smiled, obviously flattered by the compliment, but his grin vanished as soon as two girls in our year passed next to us while talking about the OWLs. 

“I wonder how difficult this is gonna be.” I murmured. “Mum counts on us, we have to obtain as much OWLs as possible.”

“I’m sure we won’t have any problem.” He smiled to reassure me but his eyes told me otherwise. 

“I hope so…” 

I yawned and my eyes almost closed by themselves. I tried to stay awake, wanting to spend some time with Percy as it was something we had less done lately. However, he took my hand and slightly caressed it with his thumb.

“You should go to bed Y/N. You’re exhausted. Good night.”

I gave up, muttered something I hoped would sound like a good night and joined my dormitory. 

Obviously, all the professors had synchronized their watches because as soon as we entered a classroom, we were sure we would be bothered with the OWLs, because it was gonna determine our future, it was very important, we better had not to take it as a joke...These lectures lasted all our first week. To be honest, even Professor Kettleburn irritated me with this. However, all the teaching team was determined to make us understand the difficulty of this exam and we spend our first weekend writing essays. All sorts of swearings could be heard in the common room, and that seemed to freak out all the younger students, except one girl. It was sunday afternoon and I was on the verge of yanking my hair out when Hermione Granger sat next to me.

“Can I look?” She asked while pointing at my transfiguration essay.

“Of course.” I mumbled. 

She read it and asked me some definitions. I gladly gave it to her, using this opportunity to take a break. This girl was incredibly smart and it was a pleasure to discuss with her. She reminded me a bit of Percy - intelligent, proud, determined - but also of me, alone and sometimes mocked.

I got along pretty well with Hermione. She was like a little sister I had taken under my wing, and she talked to me whenever she needed it. Sometimes, when she was alone at diner, I would sit next to her and we would chat about the muggle world. I asked her a lot of details, mentally promising myself I would tell Dad everything at Christmas. 

Percy understood why I liked Hermione and why I saw myself in her, Fred and George didn’t really care, but Ron wasn’t pleased at all. It looked like he didn’t like her. When I heard what happened the day of Halloween, how Ron had been mean and had made Hermione cry, I went to see my little brother. He was sitting in the common room with Harry - the two boys were good friends - and blushed when he saw me. Perfect, he knew why I was here.

“Can I talk to you, Ron?”

Harry awkwardly looked at the both of us before mumbling he had to do something and running in his dorm. 

“I heard what you said about Hermione. You know she’s hurt, right?”

“But this girl is so annoying! All she does is belittling us by always reciting the books she had read!”

“Can’t you try to understand her Ron?” He snorted. “She’s muggleborn. She just thinks being the best will persuade the others like you that she’s a real witch! I want you to apologize to her.”

“No way.” Ron said. “You’re not a prefect, you won’t force me.” He added while glaring at me. 

I sighed and left the common room, slightly hurt. 

During the following months, Ron talked less and less to me. He had become friend with Hermione but it seemed like he had decided to forget I was his sister. Percy thought he was jealous, George said he was an idiot, Mum, in a letter, had said he was young and big sisters were embarrassing for young boys, but none of this made me feel better. 

As if it wasn’t enough, our exams were arriving. We were all more stressed than ever, sleepless nights multiplying for everyone, either because of our revisions or insomnias. The latters were frequent for me, and I often happened to spend my nights in the common room, plenty of parchments and books in front of me. Sometimes, I would fall asleep like this and I would always wake up with a blanket around me. 

If there had one positive side, it was the fact that Percy and I took care of each other more than ever. Don’t get me wrong, we always had, but being totally panicked with the OWLs approaching made us get closer. Percy used his prefect powers to threaten me when I didn’t want to do something (“Y/N, if you don’t go to sleep right now, Gryffindor will lose some points.”). However, he never listened to me when I told him he needed to sleep too. One night, when a nightmare had woken me up, I went into the common room to find him sitting on the couch, the table in front of him covered in books and his eyes almost closed.

“What are you doing here, Perce?” My voice was soft, yet it made him jump. 

He mumbled something about the dragon blood. I went next to him and took the parchment from his hand. 

“Perce, this is about werewolves. You should sleep, really.”

Suddenly, I felt something on my shoulder. Percy was asleep, his head resting on me, soft snores escaping his mouth as his face was relaxing. I smiled, glad he finally took some rest, and fell asleep almost immediately. 

The last week before the exams was the worse of my life, no kidding. I was constantly on edge, snapping at everyone who disturbed me in my revisions, even Hermione or Percy. My last full night of sleep was a distant memory, and the exhaustion was unbearable. My stress was flooding in me, and I felt like a feather could break the barrage that prevented me from going crazy. 

The feather happened to be a letter. A letter from Mum. Percy had brought it to me in the common room as I had quickly eaten the breakfast in order to revise and I had missed the mail. She had written she was proud of Percy and I, and she knew we would pass these exams hands down. I didn’t understand why it upset me that much, but I felt burning tears in my eyes and I began to shake uncontrollably. My brother kneeled in front of me, trying to calm me, but I barely heard him. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like I was drowning, and nothing could help me keeping my head out of the water. 

I was roughly aware of what surrounded me, but I felt all the curious students that wanted to see me. Their presence made me suffocate. All of sudden, they all vanished, and I heard the echo of another familiar voice. I didn’t know who it was. I didn’t know anything, except that I was probably dying, because the air couldn’t reach my lungs, something was blocking it, something as heavy as a rock, and my lungs were burning along with my eyes and soon all of my body, and I couldn’t stop the shaking, and my heart was beating furiously to keep me alive, and I was all alone in the pain and the fear. 

No. The voice was low, very low, and it was in my head. I’m not alone. My eyes were still burning, my cheeks still covered in tears, but my lungs were a bit less painful. I managed to breathe. Once, twice. It’s going to be okay. The sobs were less violent, they didn’t tear my throat apart anymore. The pain in my body decreased, it was just a strange sensation in my arms and my legs. Slowly, I began to realize someone was holding my hands, and someone else was stroking my back. I was barely shaking, now. My eyes were still closed. 

Finally, when I felt like my strength was back, I opened them. Percy was still in front of me, his eyes full of worry and tears on me. He let out a shaky breath when our eyes met, and he sat next to me to pull me in a bear hug. 

“It’s okay Y/N. It’s okay.”

When he let me go, I saw George sat on the other side of the couch. He was probably the one who was stroking my back earlier. Fred stood behind him, an hand on Ron’s shoulder, and Professor McGonagall was next to them. 

“How are you feeling, Miss Weasley?” Her voice was unusually sweet.

“I’m fine.” Mine was raspy and low, it was quite painful to talk.

“Good. I would like you to go to the hospital wing, just to be sure.” 

I nodded, unable to protest. I was totally exhausted, and Percy had to half-carry me. He helped me installing in a bed while Madam Pomfrey was looking for particular potions. 

“I hate this place.” He mumbled. Seeing my interrogative look, he added: “Bad memories.”

I looked down.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

He was obviously concerned, and I sent him the biggest smile I could - which wasn’t more than a very little grin, in fact. I changed the subject.

“How…” I started, wincing because of the pain in my throat.

“How did McGonagall know?” Percy finished. I nodded. “Ron was in the first ones to arrive in the common room. When he saw you, he kinda freaked out and left to warn her. He ran into Fred and George. Fred left with him and George came in the common room. He sent everyone away and came next to you.”

Madam Pomfrey arrived at this moment, handing me a blue potion and a purple one.

“The first is for the pain, the other for the sleep.”

She left, probably to help someone else. I drank the two potions and grabbed Percy’s hand.

“Can you stay with me?”

“Of course.”

He smiled and sat more comfortably on the chair. 

“You know Y/N, you don’t have to worry about the exams. It’s going to be okay.”

He couldn’t be more right: two months later, Percy and I opened the envelopes containing our results. Twelve OWLs each. Not too bad!

To be continued

Part 4

[blackcoffeeandblankpagess]

Things

Was scrolling through my blog yesterday (because who doesn’t scroll through their own blog?) and realized that I haven’t done a life update/list of random thoughts in awhile and I honestly like to look back at them and be reminded of where I was in life at different times + it’s a good way to flesh out my thoughts

So! I guess we can start with law school-I have heard back from 8 out of 9 schools and I have incredibly mixed feelings, I have only been accepted to two schools, and they were two safeties, I have been waitlisted at FOUR and straight rejected from 2 (will go into more details once I have finalized my decisions). Honestly I feel like the two schools that appear to be my options right now in a weird backwards way really are the best choices (at least for my mental health and happiness) because they are in the locations I prefer by far BUT I have also felt a LOT of stress because the legal field is one that places a LOT of emphasis on where you went to school and it seems like if you aren’t at a T-14 you might as well get out now...it’s ironic because when I was applying to undergrad I was so crazy about wanting to go to the school with the best name and seem impressive and when I first started the law school process I just wanted to go where I would be happy and then I found out how much the name matters and I was like wait what no go back. BUT, the schools I have gotten into have AMAZING programs for my specific field soooo Idk, it’s all a give and a take, yeah they aren’t the most prestigious school in the world but they have incredible opportunities for what I want to do and I think that matters too. I’m going to go visit both of them in the next month or two and I’m excited

^also, like I said, mixed emotions. even though I feel like the schools I got into truly are where I will be happiest, I have been feeling a LOT of disappointment in myself for essentially feeling like I ~failed~ in my quest to get into these other schools. I am a super type A high achiever and honestly the past year has been very out of character for me. Sure on paper I did a ton of cool shit and traveled a lot and now I’m working in an impressive position I suppose but I have just felt...off. Like giving 100% of my effort to something is pointless and I have no desire to, and I don’t like that! that’s not me! at the same time I know the admissions process is literally a game. Half the time schools don’t let you in because they think they are your safety and you’re too good and you won’t actually come so they don’t want to waste their space on you, the other half of the time they really aren’t your safety and they are an amazing school but they know that even if you are good enough to get into them, then you’re probably good enough to get into other amazing schools and again, you won’t actually come. IT IS REDICULOUS. and then of course sometimes you really just aren’t good enough but I am SURE that some of my schools are playing this game which on the one hand makes me feel better about myself because wtf is there for me to do in that situation but on the other hand....WTF.

^^also, also I listened to a podcast months ago that someone here actually recommended about the LSAT and they mentioned how big of a deal your score is in determining if you are admitted to a school or not and I 100% believe it. I think my score is a large part of why I’ve had the outcome I have. And that sucks. Because my score is good enough to get me really, really good scholarships to most schools, but not quite good enough to get me into the best schools. And I want to get into those schools. Also I lost my mind studying for that test and I literally just had a bad day on the test day. I never have test anxiety but at the end of the first section I got overwhelmed and just blew it. And that’s what really kills me. I spent months studying, preparing, devoting SO much time to get a score that was literally exactly the same as what I got on my first practice exam. And it was just because I had a bad day.

But it be like that sometimes I suppose!

Okay anyway....so yeah law school things are almost done and I’m honestly really just excited to know where I will end up...also where jared will end up. So far he has been accepted to 2 PhD programs which is really, really exciting because they are HARD to get into...and I think he will get into more because he is a great candidate. It’s crazy to think that we will be long distance for at least 3, maybe 6 years...it’s crazy to even think that it would be possible to be long distance for 6 years because like wtf. I feel like an idiot even thinking that. But in all honesty we have no idea what could happen and it could be much shorter than that or maybe we aren’t even The Ones for each other but...crossing all of these bridges when we get to them. 

Keeping on the subject, living together has been really, really hard if I’m being honest. Sharing a small space with another person...sharing a BEDROOM has been rough because so much of me managing my mental health comes from alone time and having a chance to process things and recharge (also I’m an only child so....alone time). Also, like I’ve said, working at the same place is nice in some ways but it means were are together sooooooooo much of the day (not actually when we are working but on the way to work, way home, never being home really when the other one is at work because we commute together, etc.). It’s been a tough adjustment. I feel like moving in with your partner can be hard and nobody talks about it so hello world here I am talking about it.

but at the same time it sucks because I keep feeling like I Need To Enjoy Every Second Of This Right Now because we are going to be apart for 34234112412424 years

But living together aside, jared is still just as incredible and wonderful and loving as ever and I appreciate him so much

It’s also kinda crazy that we only have like 2 months left here and they are SO busy. I think we only have 4 weekends that we are both here at the same time with no other plans. Because he has 2 grad school visits, I have 2 law school visits, he has to travel for a family event, his parent’s are visiting one week, my mom is visiting one week, etc. And we still have so much to cross off of our california bucket list 

That being said I think we might take a few weeks to road trip around the west coast in may because 1. I want to travel a lot this summer and 2. we are here 3. there is so much to see out here and a lot of stuff that I wouldn’t necessarily want to take an entire trip to see in the future but places I would want to spend a day or two visiting

Think: California national parks, OR, WA, vancouver, etc. Depending on where we both end up going to school aka where the car needs to get to we have talked about driving through canada a bit/the northern U.S. (I’m looking at you glacier national park)

But it’s all very up in the air (much like our lives) so we shall see!

Food stuff....idk, I’ve felt stressed just because my anxiety in general has been high and that applies to food because food is part of my life but overall I know I am in a good place, or at least I am continuing the general upward trajectory. I was looking through old food posts on here and realizing so many places where I have come so far even in just a year. A few examples- I honestly love beer and wine (and whiskey) and I enjoy going to breweries or opening a bottle of chilly white wine to have with dinner once in awhile or ordering a fancy cocktail, and I think enjoying alcohol is fun! and normal! and for so long I told myself I didn’t like to drink because I was so scared of the calories in alcohol and how it didn’t have any nutritional value and was a ~waste~ but it is fun and social and often delicious and I don’t stress about it and I enjoy it when I want it and I don’t have it when I don’t! I think college is also just weird because alcohol use is often just about Getting Drunk whereas as you age I feel like you are more often drinking because something sounds good or because it’s a holiday or w/e. Idk it just isn’t as drastic if that makes sense. Other food things that have changed- I used to be so scared of burritos specifically and now I literally eat them all of the time because they are delicious. There are others but this is already so long so I’ll leave ya with those. 

Another related food thing- I feel like I used to be so stressed about food because I was terrified of gaining weight (I guess? I don’t even think it was that I think it was just about being in control.. but anyway) but now I feel like most of my food stress just comes from the fear of feeling uncomfortable- i.e. it’s saturday and 3pm but I feel antsy about eating lunch so late because I don’t want to not feel hungry at dinner time. I have SO much more trust in my body and I literally never worry about it changing in a drastic way because....your body does not really want to change in a drastic way unless you are doing something drastic (or it needs to change to be healthy) in the first place

wow who knew I had so much to say I’ve been typing for like 20 mins and don’t feel like I’ve even gotten into the exciting little details but I should probably stop now because SOMEONE is gonna read this and I don’t want your eyes to fall out of your head (or my fingers to fall off)

[miningmyminecraft]

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[rainywritingsx]

Torn • BNHA OC X reader • Chapter 6

words: 3.2K

warnings: none?

look who finally updated her fanfic :D I promise yall I’ve been working on it, writer’s block had just hit yet again which was why I struggled to update more frequently. I’ll hopefully post more often from now on, I’m doing my best. I hope you enjoy this chapter of Torn! 

 Part of me just wanted to laugh at myself. How pathetic… Why was I so worked up about this? I had signed up for this with the sole thought that I was just going to try it out, not that I really wanted to get into UA… But then again, I’d most likely never get the chance to ever do anything hero-like again so if I looked at it that way, doing my best actually was important. This was a once in a lifetime experience and the only way I could make it more fun was by putting effort into passing this exam and showing everyone what I was capable of, even if I would most likely never see them again.

A loud crash caused me to flinch and whip my head around. The same robot that I had been trying to beat the whole time was coming closer to me. At this point I was annoyed, to be honest. When was it just going to leave me alone? I was so tired of it. However, giving up wasn’t an option either. That wouldn’t get me anywhere at all so the least I could do was attempt to beat it.

As I instinctively bit my lip, my eyes scanned over the ground. There was still some water left, which meant that I could still use my quirk for a while. The only issue now was that I didn’t have a plan. I could feel that my heartbeat had sped up at this point. It was like something or someone kept on banging the inside of my chest and it made thinking clearly almost impossible for me. How was I going to get those points? I didn’t have much time left and my mind was completely blank when it came to finding a plan.

A soft sigh escaped my mouth. If I couldn’t even come up with a plan during an exam, how could I ever be good enough to participate in an actual battle? Exactly, I couldn’t. I sighed to myself, ready to give up. I didn’t have much time anyways and I’d never be accepted just by a high score for the theoretical exam.

“Hey you! Stand up straight, won’t you? You’re a hero, not a sloth.” I looked up to find the source of the voice and was incredibly surprised to see the not-so-nice guy I bumped into earlier today. Did he say that to me? I looked behind me only to find nobody else. Wait, why was he saying this to me? Why didn’t he beat the robot himself?

“You’ve got five minutes left to beat that thing over there. Use that quirk of yours and show everyone what you can do!” and before I could say a thing he was gone. To say I was confused was an understatement. He was an interesting character… I didn’t really analyse him earlier today, but he really seemed like a regular guy, whereas his personality was far from that. His words though… Somehow they managed to motivate me a little. Honestly, as of right now I was definitely far from a hero.. But i did want to become one. I wanted to save people, to be a source of happiness for others when they’re sad. Even if it seemed impossible to become a hero with my background, the least I wanted to do was try.

Suddenly this whole day actually mattered to me. I wanted to do my best. I wanted to show my abilities. I wanted to get into this school. I wanted to become a hero. I wanted to win.

But why the heck did I have to realise all of this five minutes before the exam ended?

Anyway, I had to focus on beating that thing instead of pondering about me being a slowpoke. I slowly breathed in, trying to regain strength and pay attention to what was right in front of me. It was now or never. As if on cue little ideas popped up in my head. What if I slammed it to the ground while it was in a bubble? I could do that... Or what if I tried hitting it with water like arms? I’d never practiced that before, though. Playing safe was a better option right now, so I decided to go with the first idea.

I extended my arms and slowly raised them until they were at the height of my chest before gaining focus. I almost managed to put all of the bits of water together when the robot took another huge step towards me which caused the ground beneath me to shake. I let out a frustrated sigh when I realised that I had lost control of my quirk. I couldn’t give into my emotions, though. Letting my feelings get in the way was not going to get me anywhere, so I just had to keep going and concentrate even harder.

As an attempt to calm myself down, I closed my eyed and breathed in slowly. I held my breath for a little and then slowly breathed out. My eyes opened and I realised I was already much more relaxed than before, which truly was a relief. Paying attention would be a lot easier now that I was calm.

I repeated my actions from before, except this time I tried to be more attentive. Still, I couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous. I quickly shook my head as a way to push all of those insecure thoughts aside and focused back on trying to defeat that robot. I needed to hurry up, or I wouldn’t get those points at all!

After what felt like eternity (but really it was 10 seconds) I managed to form a bubble which was the perfect size for the robot. Now I just had to try and hope that this plan was actually was going to work out. An overwhelming amount of anxiety slowly filled my body, which made concentrating even harder for me. My hands were shaky as I tried to move the bubble to the robot steadily and I almost leapt through the air when I did it. However, I knew it wasn’t the time to celebrate yet. I had to defeat this robot and get those points and if that was a success, I could celebrate.

With my gaze focused on the robot, I tried slowly lifting it up. That was until a voice suddenly called out.

“Thirty seconds left.” As if they had a mind of their own, my hands almost caused the bubble to drop to the ground. No, I couldn’t throw the robot yet. It wasn’t high enough for the impact of the fall to really knock out the robot, which meant that I wouldn’t get those points at all. At the same time, my heart was pounding, yelling at me to drop the bubble at this instant, while my brain was saying I had to keep going. For once I listened to my mind instead of my heart. As each second passed, I could feel my breathing becoming heavier from how uneasy I was feeling.

“Twenty seconds left.” Would it be possible to run and get the points within ten seconds? It was risky... But it wasn’t high enough yet, so I was certain that I would definitely get nothing if I dropped it now. Come on Janie, just a little more... Just a little longer and when the time was right I was going to use all of the strength within me to smash it to the ground. Stay focused, stay calm. I could do this.

“Ten seconds.” Now! I took a deep breath before raising my arms and pulling them down as quickly and powerfully as I could. My eyes gazed in anticipation, as my hands instinctively went up, preparing for the impact of the drop.

A loud crash was heard.

Then silence.

The realisation that my hands were covering my eyes had only hit when I put them away. My gaze immediately went to the robot and upon seeing that it wasn’t getting up anymore, determination filled my body.

“Five seconds.”

It felt so weird... it seemed as if everything went in slow motion at this instant, as if everything and everyone had stopped. But I had no time to think, as my only goal now was to get those points. My hand quickly reached out and touched the golden coloured ‘S’. Not even a second later, a loud bell was heard which indicated that the exam was over. I chuckled to myself, panting heavily as everything slowly sank in. Did that just happen? A wave of happiness soared through my body, and at this point I started to wonder if I had a second quirk because I felt like I could fly into the sky.

“I did it!” I yelled out as I threw up my hands and let my body rest against the fallen robot. My chest was heaving up and down and my legs were shaking, but I felt like the happiest girl in the universe. I did that! I participated in UA’s entrance exam and I managed to defeat this robot with my quirk. This felt so unreal... Was I dreaming?

“Nope, you’re not, water girl.” A voice said before I felt someone flick my forehead. I whined and looked up to see the guy from earlier. Confusion was pretty evident on my face I think, because he just scoffed before looking away.

“You were talking out loud. Now get up, we have to gather back at the cafeteria.” I couldn’t help but sigh. Really? I was so tired because of all this that I really wasn’t in the mood to walk anywhere.

“Come on, lazy ass. You wanna be a hero, don’t ya? If you can’t even walk, will you even become one?” while he was right, there was still a question lingering in my mind. I slowly got up, ignoring my burning legs as I followed the boy.

“Uh, why did you say that earlier?” I asked, feeling a bit shy as I didn’t really know this guy.

“You would’ve gotten in trouble if you ended up asle-“

“No. I mean, when I was trying to defeat that robot. You encouraged me.” He didn’t say a word. Why was he acting so strange? Wait... he didn’t know who I was, right? Oh my goodness, what if my parents found out about all this and sent him to keep an eye on me? Or he was someone from the villain school that saw me walking towards UA? What if he was a serial killer that lured in young girls and-

“Hey, Yagami, you were awesome out there, dude.” Out of curiosity my head turned to see a guy walking up to us. So this boy next to me was named Yagami? The unfamiliar guy walked up to ‘Yagami’ before high fiving and hugging him. That was the moment that he noticed me standing there.

“Ooh~ who is this lovely lady here?” He asked teasingly as he took a few steps closer to me. It was impossible to hide the faint blush on my cheeks, but could you blame me? I was not used to getting attention from boys in any way, except for conversations and annoying teasing from my brothers. The boy standing in front of me was tall, had orange eyes which had sparkles that radiated mischief. A big smile was plastered on his face and his navy blue hair was tied in a small ponytail, but a few strands were hanging loose. Compared to his friend, who just had brown eyes and a black haired bowl cut, he was really standing out.

“Wait a sec, is this your girlfriend?” the unknown boy smirked as he wiggled his eyebrows, which only made me blush deeper.

“No, no! We just met today...” I trailed off and desperately looked at Yagami to support me. In this situation he was the person I trusted most and I had no idea how to deal with this guy.

“Your jokes aren’t funny, Suzuki-san.”

“Ah, how many times do I need to tell you, no need to be so formal with me? We’ve been friends for years, man!”

“You constantly following me like a lost puppy since kindergarten don’t make us friends.” Ouch... Poor guy, I felt bad for him. What surprised me though, was that ‘Suzuki’ was completely unfazed as his happy mood didn’t drop at all.

“Don’t worry, he’ll realise it one day.” He whispered to me. “I’m amazing, he can’t resist me.” I guess he was right... I mean he didn’t cut off contact with him so that’s a good sign?

“So, why don’t you introduce me to this lady?”Suzuki asked Yagami, who just stared back at him, emotion completely absent in his gaze.

“I have no idea what her name is.” Suzuki’s mouth formed an “O” shape before his gaze went back to me.

“I’m K-“wait, using my real name was a bad idea. That made me remember, I used a fake last name when I signed up for this entrance exam. Using that was best for now since you never knew who did and didn’t know certain things. My first name wasn’t that common, but it raised less suspicion than my last name.

“Kagura Janie, it’s nice to meet you Suzuki-san and Yagami-san.” I said and made a small formal bow. Suzuki chuckled and spoke up.

“Ah, please drop the honorifics. We’re the same age and you’re basically our friend now!” he said before wrapping arm around my shoulder and pulling me against him. I’m their friend? Really?

“Suzuki, friendship doesn’t work that way. It is built on-“

“What do you mean, man? Isn’t it fun to start a friendship like this? I can’t wait to get to know you, Kagura!” I couldn’t help but smile at his words. His friendly attitude managed to lift up the whole mood, despite Yagami’s pessimistic remarks.

“Let’s just go. We need to leave, the exam is over.” Yagami spoke before starting to walk without looking back. Suzuki sighed and looked back at me.

“Sorry about him, Yagami is a strange guy. He’s a really cool friend and laidback once you get to know him, but this whole entrance exam has him all uptight and stressed.” Trying to imagine Yagami all happy and smiley was hard... But since I wasn’t the one that had known him for years, I decided to believe Suzuki and nodded.

“Anyway, maybe we should go indeed?” I suggested, to which he nodded.

“Gosh my body is dying! I want to go home and just watch cartoons and sleep.” A giggle left my mouth at his dramatic tone before we both started walking. I like these guys...

As we walked, my mind started to wander. Did Suzuki mean it when he said they were my friends now? I’d love to have friends, of course... But did they really want to? And how does friendship even work? What if I’m a horrible friend? What if they find out who I really am? They’re students who want to become pro-heroes so of course they wouldn’t react well to a villain. Maybe I shouldn’t get close to them; it would only end up in pain... And while I would love to have friends, I knew that it wasn’t worth it if it meant they ended up hurt. Explaining it all was unnecessary, though. Chances of seeing them again were really small anyway.

As we got closer to the cafeteria, I saw more and more people who were talking about the entrance exam. A small smile played on my lips as little parts of their conversation were heard. Maybe the fact that I never was close to anyone was the reason that I found people in general so interesting. Observing them and seeing everyone’s uniqueness was just something so precious. Humans are such interesting creatures and we don’t even realise it. Just like animals, we have eyes, noses, lips, hairs, I could go on. But unlike animals, humans are still all visibly different.

“That was so fun!”

“Oh my, I totally screwed up! There’s no way that I’ll get into UA...”

“According to my calculations, chances of me getting into UA are about 1.64%... Eh, I can live with that.”

“Did you see the guys here? They’re so hot... I have to get into this school!”

As my gaze went to the clock, I realised it was getting pretty late already. It was 2:20pm; would any sane person stay at the gym for that long? My parents would definitely not buy that.

“Hey Suzu-” I turned around only to see that Suzuki wasn’t there. Instead, Yagami was standing next to me. I immediately closed my mouth and turned away from him. He was kind of intimidating... His gaze was just piercing through me.

“If you’re wondering when you can leave; you can go home now, just notify one of the teachers.” My head tilted in confusion as my eyebrows furrowed. How did he know I was going to ask that?

“Uh... T-thank you...” I managed to say, before awkwardly saying goodbye and leaving. Part of me wanted to look for Suzuki to say goodbye, but then I remembered I wasn’t supposed to get close to him or Yagami at all. I mean; maybe I wouldn’t even be accepted into UA. The practical exam seemed to have gone well, whereas the theoretical part was incredibly difficult.

Wait...

Weren’t the scores up in the sky during the exam? Did I forget to see how many points I received by beating that robot? I stopped in my tracks and face palmed me. Why was I so stupid? Now I had to wait until I received the results and lord knows when that will happen.

Before I knew it, I was back home, away from all of the pro-heroes, away from the future students that gave their all to be the best, away from the fantastic atmosphere, away from what already felt like home.

Arriving at my real ‘home’ felt incredibly odd. My parents weren’t home and I honestly didn’t even want to know what they were up to. My brothers were just gaming, not moving in the slightest when I entered the living room. I decided to let them be, as it wasn’t like we ever really talked any way.

It really felt like I was in two different dimensions today. One felt warm, familiar, cosy and lovely meanwhile the other one was cold, strange, lonely and silent. Part of me already felt homesick which clearly proved where I really wanted to be.

Without saying a word I went up to mine and my twin brother’s  room, tossing my bag on my bed before throwing myself on it as well, landing on my stomach. Today was tiring to say the least, but it definitely was an experience I’d never forget. Even if I didn’t get in, which I was pretty sure of, being a part of the exam itself already felt like an immense honour to me.

As I drowned in my thoughts, I could feel sleep slowly but surely taking over me. Before I knew it, I ended up in a deep slumber, finally closing today’s chapter and feeling incredibly excited to see what tomorrow had to offer.

[razieltwelve]

Prodigy (Final Rose AU Snippet)

Ruby did her best to tune out the whispers. Having one prodigy in the family was remarkable enough. Having two was downright ridiculous. Her lips twitched. If only people knew. Her other siblings were every bit as talented as her and Averia, but her parents had always been content to let them progress at their own rate. It was why they had agreed to let Diana be accelerated through Beacon whereas Jessica was likely to adopt a more normal pace.

It wasn’t about talent. Jessica was more than good enough to be accelerated to. However, Jessica’s friends - her future teammates - weren’t ready to be accelerated, and their parents weren’t going to force her to leave them behind. Teammates were family in all but blood. Breaking up great teams before they could really even form would not turn out well for anybody.

“You’re getting your own team too, you know,” Averia murmured as they made their way toward the hall for the welcoming ceremony.

“Did Diana tell you that?” Ruby asked. “Or is that another prediction from Saviour?”

“Diana helps our Aunt Vanille run team compatibility simulations.” Averia lowered her voice. “She may also have hacked the database to find out what the teams are.”

“Doesn’t Aunt Vanille do security for that database though?” Ruby’s brows furrowed. Diana was phenomenal, but their Aunt Vanille was one of the few people who could potentially keep her out of a system she wanted to get into.

“Diana got in through Atlas’s database. Beacon is locked up tight, but Atlas handles its own cyber-security.”

“But Uncle Hope is no slouch,” Ruby countered. “He should be able to keep that database secure.”

“You can thank internal Atlas politics for Uncle Hope not being in charge of that. Diana found out, which is why she was confident of getting in.” Averia’s lips twitched. “So… do you want to know who you’ve got?”

“No.” Ruby grinned. “I want it to be a surprise.” She paused. “Unless my team is awful. Please, tell me they’re not awful.”

“Oh… I think you’ll find your team interesting, and you’ll have at least one familiar face to help you get started.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” Ruby’s eyes narrowed. “Is it Claire? Or maybe’s it’s Trajan. How about -”

“I thought you wanted it to be a surprise?” Averia ruffled Ruby’s hair. “Don’t worry. I think you’ll like your team.” She paused.��“And you might want to buy some tuna before you meet them.”

“Tuna?”

Averia shrugged. “I don’t know why you’d need tuna, but Diana was pretty firm on it being a good idea.”

“Hmm… I wonder why she didn’t tell me about this,” Ruby mused.

“Probably because she finds the idea of me advising you to buy tuna amusing.”

“Probably.”

X     X     X

Ruby tried not to stare at the very, very pretty heiress. “Uh… hi.”

“Good morning.” Weiss extended her hand. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Ruby. I am Weiss Schnee.”

“I know.” Ruby’s brain finally caught up to her mouth. “I mean… it’s a pleasure to meet you too, Weiss.” She shook the heiress’s hand and took careful note of what she observed. As Tifa Mom was so fond of saying, people’s hands always told a story. Weiss might have delicate-looking hands, but there was a wiry strength to them that spoke of experience in handling a weapon, and the calluses on her hands could only have come from many, many hours of practice. “It’s good to have you on the team.”

“I must say, I was a little disappointed to not be leading my own team, but in light of the circumstances, I can understand why you were chosen.” Weiss chuckled. “As impressive as my pedigree might be, I think you have the edge since your parents are certainly quite prominent.”

Ruby scratched the back of her head. “Yeah. They’re pretty famous.” That was a massive, massive understatement. Tifa Mom was probably the least famous of her parents, and she was still super famous. Summer Mom, Lightning Mom, and Fang Mom were all like… super mega famous. “But I’m kind of hoping they didn’t just pick me because of my family, you know.”

“Ah, relax.” Yang threw one arm around Ruby and pulled her into an impromptu headlock, and Ruby tried very hard not to think about how her face was being pressed into Yang’s chest. And it was a really, really nice chest. “Ruby here got the second highest score on the tactics and strategy portion of the exam.”

“Oh? Who else was in the top three?” Weiss asked.

Yang let go of Ruby and then lifted her up like a trophy. Ruby’s eye twitched. She might not be as short as Diana, but it was kind of galling to be waved around like a trophy although Yang somehow had a way of making the whole experienced pleasant. The blonde was just so warm and affectionate. “First place was Averia. No surprise there. Pyrrha Nikos came in third. Ruby had her beat by half a point.”

“And Averia was ten points ahead of me,” Ruby countered, squirming free and doing her best to channel Averia’s glare. To her dismay, Yang just smirked back. They both knew that Ruby was awful at intimidation unless she was truly angry, and she couldn’t really remember the last time she’d gotten truly angry at Yang. “So I’ve still got a long way to go.”

Weiss smiled and extended her hand to Yang as well. “It would be remiss of me not to formally greet you as well, Yang Xiao Long - gah!”

“Forget the handshake,” Yang said, tugging Weiss into a headlock. “We’re teammates now.”

Ruby bit back a laugh as Weiss struggled briefly before realising the futility of it. Yang might not be as fast as Ruby, but Dust she was strong. Weiss had also seemingly realised that being in a headlock put her right next to Yang’s bust. “Don’t worry, Weiss. You’ll get used to it. Yang is just, well, Yang.”

“Yep.” Yang let go of Weiss. “By the way… has anyone seen our fourth member? We were supposed to meet at this training ground, but she hasn’t shown up yet.”

“Hmm…” Weiss’s brows furrowed. “Could she have gotten lost? Beacon Senior Academy does have a lot of training grounds, and this is the first day of school.”

“I don’t know,” Ruby said. “But I brought tuna.”

Yang tilted her head to one side. “Why would you need tuna?”

Ruby shrugged. “Diana told Averia to tell me to bring tuna.” She made a face. “It’s Diana. She says a lot of crazy stuff, but she’s basically always right.” 

“But tuna?” Weiss pressed. “What does tuna have to do with anything?” “Like I said, I don’t know.” Ruby took out the can of tuna and put it on the ground. “Hmm… nothing’s happening.”

“Maybe you should open it,” Yang said. 

“Sure, why not?” Ruby laughed. “Maybe opening it will magically summon our teammate somehow.” She opened the can of tuna, and barely five seconds passed before someone hopped out of the tree next to them. In an instant, she and Yang had already moved to intercept them. Ruby had never worked with Weiss before but given the Schnee family’s reputation for doing extremely extravagant things involving Dust and Glyphs, it was probably safe to guess the other girl was a heavy hitter who could drop the hammer while Ruby and Yang covered her. 

However, Ruby screeched to a halt as she took in the appearance of the person who had dropped out of the tree. Her first impression was to try not to gawk. Did Beacon have like some kind of attractiveness criteria because so far all the girls she’d seen had been gorgeous? If Yang was more the tall and busty type and Weiss was the elegant and petite type, the dark-haired girl in front of them was somewhere in between, athletic and graceful but not nearly as delicate in appearance as Weiss. 

“Is that tuna?” the girl asked.

Ruby blinked. “Yes. Yes, it is.”

“And you just opened the can and put it on the ground?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t actually know,” Ruby said. “But… are you our teammate?”

The dark-haired girl’s lips twitched, and she sketched them a rough bow. “Blake Belladonna.” Her eyes drifted over them. “And you would be Ruby Rose, Yang Xiao Long, and Weiss Schnee.”

“Technically, my full name would be Oerba Yun Ruby Rose-Lockhart-Farron but, yeah, Ruby Rose is kind of easier to say.”

"That’s quite a mouthful,” Blake drawled. “I can see why you just go by Ruby Rose.”

Ruby giggled. “When I was younger I tried to change it to Ruby Awesome, but my parents said no.”

“Ruby Awesome?” Weiss asked. “Really?”

“Yeah… because I was awesome,” Ruby replied.  “I… see.” Weiss evidently couldn’t if her tone of voice was anything to go by. She glanced at Blake and then extended her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Blake.”

It took a moment for Blake to shake Weiss’s hand. Ruby took note of it. Was Blake just not big on physical contact or was there something else there? She couldn’t be sure, but she could have sworn Blake’s expression had tightened ever so slightly when she’d seen Weiss.

“Am I going to shake your hand too?” Blake asked Yang.

“Nope.” Blake was promptly introduced to the greatness that was a Yang headlock. “Handshakes are boring.”

“So… we’re team RWBY, huh?” Blake looked at each of them, and Ruby had the distinct feeling Blake was taking their measure. Hopefully, she measured up. 

“Yep.” Ruby smiled. “And we’re going to be the best team ever!”

X     X     X

“So…” Vanille murmured. “Are you spying on your sisters again?”

Diana glanced away from the holographic display. “Mostly Ruby. Averia should be fine. She’s got Elsa, Claire, and Jahne. She’s known Elsa and Jahne for years, and Claire is our cousin. Ruby’s got Yang, but she’s not really familiar with Blake or Weiss. At the least the tuna trick worked.”

“Like mother like daughter,” Vanille said. “Have you got eyes on Team JNPR?”

“Yeah. I think Jaune is doing his best to not throw up in panic about being made leader. He’s managed to succeed so far.”

“Good for him. Pyrrha took it well though.”

“She did, but everything I’ve been able to find out about her suggests that she really is just super nice, sweet, and kind despite being almost as much of a killer robot as Averia.”

“Meh. Maybe she’s got better software installed.”

“Maybe.”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

This is another snippet set in the Summer/Lightning/Fang/Tifa AU. Probably the biggest change for Ruby in this AU is that everyone - absolutely everyone - will know who she is since not only is Summer still alive but she also never gets crippled by the Grimm in this AU. Given how much Ruby looks like Summer, her fellow students are going to put two and two together. There will be a huge amount of pressure on her to live up to her parents’ standards, just like there is for Averia, but Ruby is two years younger.

On the other hand, it does make some things easier. Weiss would normally be more aggravated about not being leader, but she knows who Ruby is, so she can’t exactly get upset by that. If anything, she’s pleased because being on a team with Ruby is a very, very favourable outcome for her. From a purely pragmatic point of view, being on the same team as Ruby is fantastic since teammates generally becomes close friends and allies (or possibly even more).

Ruby’s response to Yang is also very different than in canon because they aren’t sisters. Moreover, although they get along great and consider themselves close friends, Yang was raised in Patch whereas Ruby was raised in Vale. As a result, Ruby is not oblivious to the fact that Yang is a very attractive person in more ways than one.

And then there’s Blake.

In this AU, the White Fang is generally more peaceful because the last time they stepped out of line, they got smacked down so hard they never forgot about it. This is largely due to one of the establishments the more militant White Fang attacking in the past being a hotel owned by Tifa. She took exception to their attack on the hotel, and Lightning, Summer, and Fang were similarly unimpressed. Things after that did not get well for the White Fang.

As a result, this Blake is less filled with regret over being a former terrorist and although wary of Weiss is less hostile to begin with. She has, however, left home in a bid to carve out her own identity, so she doesn’t have to live in the shadows of her parents who rule over Menagerie. Yes, she basically is a princess, so both Ruby and Averia have got one on their teams. Of course, Elsa also doubles as an air conditioner, but Blake can make clones, so it’s not a total loss.

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