#but we're uh not super quirky right now

[thalialunacy]

[for the @calaisreno May Promptadoodledoo; land o Goshen, this was a tough one, so thanks for sticking with me]

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) 12: family (13) (14) (15) (16) (17)

Breach imminent

MH

Sherlock groans, shoving his phone between couch cushions and drawing a sleeping Rosie closer to him. 

'Bad news?' John asks from his chair. He looks over his reading glasses at where Sherlock is curled around his daughter, and feels affection sting so hard in his chest that he absently rubs at it.

'The worst,' Sherlock answers sullenly

John runs through the likely options in his head, then goes with his gut. 'Your parents are coming to town?'

Sherlock opens his eyes and stares at John, his expression full of surprise, then affection, then shammy casualness. 'I have been a good influence on your deduction skills, clearly.' 

John chuckles. 'That, or your brother advised me to clear my calendar and clean the flat.'

'Meddling queen,' Sherlock mutters into Rosie's hair. Then his phone pings again. 

I haven't told them.

MH

John doubles down. 'He knows, I take it? About our… development?' 

'You are doing very well today.' 

'Feelings, Sherlock. I'm good at people and their feelings.'

'Yes, yes, that's why I keep you around. Of course he knows; I let him keep the surveillance up in the stairwell in exchange for having none in here.' 

'Ah.' John had suspected as much, though admittedly he had not considered it at the time of the first (very unplanned) tryst. 'Has he told your parents?' 

'Apparently not.' 

Silence stretches. They've come a long way, but John feels too keenly the risk/reward scenario here, and is undecided.

This time it's John's phone that pings. 

It's up to you, of course, but rest assured: they would be inordinately pleased. 

MH

John's eyebrow quirks. 'Your parents like me?' he finally says, going for casual but missing, and he knows it. 

'You're very likeable.'

'You know, from anyone else that would be a compliment.' 

Sherlock doesn't answer beyond a grunt. It's somehow safe to have this conversation in this arrangement, with the comforting stretch of the room and the gorgeous sleeping toddler between them. They're connected, but not so much as to overwhelm. 

'How much time have we got, do you reckon?' John asks, almost to the air.

'Far too little,' Sherlock grumbles.

'Right, but from you that could mean three months.'

'Yes, well, seeing as your birthday is in two weeks, but tis the season of primroses so they have to schedule us in between, I'm surmising it to be about three hours, in actuality.'

John snorts. 'That's a bit harsh.'

'No, no, they're beautiful primroses.'

'Hang on,' John says suddenly, running back through what Sherlock has said. 'They know when my birthday is?'

'Of course.'

'They care when my birthday is?'

'Don't be daft.'

'I'm trying, but they hardly know me. And what they know of me is not altogether flattering.'

'I said don't be daft.'

John can't stop a frustrated noise. 'Then explain it better.'

Sherlock opens his eyes, considers him for a moment, then he breaks eye contact and buries his nose in Rosie's hairline. 'They know of my affections for you. And that's enough for them.'

John's breath deserts him for a moment. 'Sherlock…'

'Don't let's make a big thing out of it, please.'

John wants to laugh. It's already literally the biggest thing in his life. 'Alright,' he says instead. 'But... let me be the one to tell them, yeah?'

Sherlock goes very still, not lifting his gaze. 'You'd be amenable to that?'

Sod this, it's been long enough. John shunts his reading glasses aside and stands, listening to his bones crick as he crosses and crouches in front of the two most important people in his orbit. 'Yeah, course.' He presses his lips against Rosie's forehead, then Sherlock's, without hesitation. 'Try and get rid of me.'

Sherlock finally, finally meets his eyes, and John feels so much he wants to tackle both of them and just cocoon for a little while. Tell the world to bugger off.

So, of course, there's a knock at the door. Sherlock groans, and Rosie's face scrunches up in the universal expression of, "How dare you wake me up, you rude creature."

'Three hours?' John says while scooping his daughter out of Sherlock's embrace. She needs a change. Maybe he should use that baby magic and let Sherlock's parents do it, he thinks with a grin.

'I am not in control of all variables, unfortunately,' Sherlock mutters into the sofa, where he's pressed his face.

John's mouth curves into a smirk as he heaves up (bloody hell, getting older is not for the weak) and turns towards the door. He wishes fleetingly that Sherlock was behind him, in solidarity if nothing else.

Then, suddenly, he is, his mouth pressing against Rosie's sleep-rumpled cheek over John's shoulder. He doesn't turn to John, but he doesn't have to. 'Into battle?'

John nods, then reaches for the door.

[❤️]

[lazaruspiss]

Justice League x RW/BY: Super Heroes and Huntsmen (Part Two)

dear god it opens with a quirky exposition dump/summary of the first part. ueghhh. its a little shorter at least. man i hate the sunken cost fallacy.

"classic superhero stuff right?" i think its better to just do the trope than it is to acknowledge the trope and then do it anyways without any twist or subversion. like, just going "its pretty funny how [x] always happens" and then doing [x] isnt like. anything. tropes are fine and you dont need to make any self aware jokes to try and get permission to do a trope. 2 full minutes of ruby summary. sigh.

they cant go a single scene without teenager level jokes, so since they dont have any teens theyre having black canary deliver those sweet sweet lines i guess. oh killer croc looks like shit huh. they really cant do anything but anime teens huh.

rw/by can do decent fight scenes, that was always where most of the appeal came from.

is batman dead. cmon itd be funny. let rw/by movie kill off batman itd be funny. then smth smth rw/by girls fight over nothing. this time the ptsd flashbacks are animated!

[left for a bit, came back with cookie dough and a cup of margarita mix]

barry going thru it or smth. why does black canary just have all the worst traits of team rw/by. whys the old man weiss calls for advice got color changing eyes and 3 personalities. cross dimension video call. why does diana have the worst makeup ive seen. oh i forgot that every weapon in rw/by is a weapon + a gun.

oh bruce is meow meow huh. pathetic dying man. the costumes are cool but why couldnt blake keep her ears smh. "a massive grimm attack!" before they even see the state of the alert. "grows tentacles to silence her" huh?? why tentacles??? oh for choking ok. also is canary usually airheaded comic relief orrr.....

man blake just looks like a huntress knockoff. and theyre really laying the flash angst on thick. flash villains are fun dont be mean guys. oh god weve hit the bruce/weiss junk. hopefully it stays footnote-y like the stuff in the first part.

fight scenes are cool if you like fight scenes. im not that big on them so. kinda bored. oh weiss ur the only bitch i missed from ur series. i dont think we really saw this group finish their fight but theyre done and joining a different one. its just fight scene after fight scene. on and theres the other group whose fight we dont get to see the end of. exposition of all of rw/by's big bads that could be involved. oh we're back to still image flashbacks.

the action scenes are. normal. the story is boring. team rw/by just gets more annoying the more i watch this. pep talk time for reasons. oh they even call it an awkward pep talk! i guess barry really is the main character of part 2. and he has trauma :). man he sounds like me talking about my dad.

id think the JL would have uh. more advanced training sims. than cardboard cutouts. more pep talk stuff. onto bruce n weiss again. daddy issues bonding time. heart attack? cy casually having mari electrocute him. killg%re reaches out to JL for something. barry continues to have ptsd.

movie i would like to sleep thru. 16 minutes left. then i am freed.

man this sure would be impactful if i cared about ruby. now back to fight scene. barry panic attack. fight scene. they went back to team rw/by's normal outfits and abilities for reasons. every once in a while i remember how rw/by didnt really cast voice actors and just used the employees and personalities that they had at rooster teeth.

the final fight strategy is all over the place. no explanation for where the dust is coming from. arent they still supposed to be on earth? oh cool they do the thing where they turn the villains against each other by having one monologue about how they used the other. problem solved?

[gureishi]

ok so your girl caity just finished DAY 2 of AS, and it's going goooooood so far (also aww thanks for wanting to know updates of how things go along as I move through the game, really seeing that gave me a big fat ugly typa smile)

I was thinking that in an irl situation no one would (at least me anyway) fall for Ray's obvious trick here, what do you mean you have to blindfold me??? why cant I see where we're going HUH RAY?? just everything, the fact that you also can't move around the building besides the floor your on and the way Ray speaks about the 'AIs' is so very suspicious (well ofc your character does begin to have some suspicions too) also how can a person just decide to up and leave their life for an undefined amount of time because someone wants you to test their way too realistic game?? what about your JOB, your FRIENDS or idk FAMILY, just a very unlikely situation to find yourself in if that makes sense

though despite all that ranting I must admit, I DONT CARE, Ray is the BEST BOY EVER, it does kinda hurt to be mean and suspicious of the RFA (I love them all so much cmon) and also of V! am kinda worried I accidentally end up on his route somehow :/

also Saeyoung Choi is still my one true love in this game, I can't help but mess around and joke with him whenever he appears in a chat room, and whenever Ray asks I can't help but tell him tomato boy is my favourite (sorry I love him, what can I say???)

ALSO I LOVE ZEN IN THIS TIMELINE?? love how his still finding himself as an actor and look his selfies are too gorgeous for us mere mortals, how blessed we are to even know that a presence such as his exists!

okay I'm finally done, thanks for probably reading through this, and also thanks for the guide recommendation! Will still probably only get like 3 hours of sleep a night (I really don't wanna miss out on any chats, obsessed much???) , but I'll try to use it!

OOOOOOH, thank you so much for the update!!! It made me really happy to read this! You're on like day four now, right?? I worked for a gazillion hours yesterday so now I'm behind, but I'm dying to know whose route you end up on!

I one hundred percent agree: it's so difficult to imagine being in a situation or emotional state where you'd go along with Ray's plan. Personally, I rationalize it by thinking about times in my life when I've been really lost—times when I might've gone along with something clearly dangerous just because I didn't know what else to do. In my mind, it's not that the another story MC believes Ray, necessarily—but perhaps they don't have anywhere else to turn at that point in their lives, and so they think why not? There's just something about him that draws them in.

That's just my rationale, though—I personally don't think I'd trust him, but I can envision feeling so hopeless that going with him seems like my only option. I'm super curious how you think about it!

It sounds like you're having the same kind of experience with AS that I did: I was so sure I was going to get a bad end because I just had so many red hearts. I was getting them in chatrooms he wasn't even in! And I was like, uh...what happens here if I still just only love my boy?

But I did okay, and I think you will too! <3

And yes, AS Zen is wonderful. @quirky-and-kind has some awesome posts about this (check her #my adventures with zen in another story tag)!

Keeeeeeep me updated!!! ❤️ And please try and get some sleep!!!

[buckmecaptain]

Violence

(Image is not mine)

Pairing: None, really.  F!Reader/OC flirts hard with all 3 men

Word Count: 2168

Summary:  After a weapons-smuggling bust involving Hydra, Captain America, The Falcon, and the Winter Soldier chase down the last few bad guys and run into a quirky and rough SHIELD agent whom Bucky has yet to meet.  (Cap and Sam have known her for a while)

Warnings: Mentions of weapons, heavy flirting, physical violence and dead bodies.  Nothing too descriptive or explicit.

A/N:  This is my first fic posted here on Tumblr, and it is in response to a prompt from @stars-inthe-sky​  who gave me permission to use the prompt/incorrect quote they posted and said they would like to read the fic.  Thank you for giving me the inspiration and a bit of a push to write this! <3

SO... I got some anon hate over the "sexual chocolate" line in dialogue between 46 and Sam. It is a reference to one of my favorite movies, which is also the very favorite movie of my dear, dear friend Dashawn- "Coming to America". He adores iced mocha, as well ( calls it his sexual chocolate) and absolutely has the hots for Anthony Mackie. :D That was my little nod to my friend

It was all over but the clean up work. A huge alien tech weapons bust had been made in Midtown Manhattan, the contraband confiscated and most of the criminals -a Hydra splinter cell- apprehended.  Time to chase down the stragglers.  That task was up to the three-man team of Captain America, the Falcon, and the Winter Soldier.

"Team Cap, head over to fifty-third off Jackson," Sam called out over the comms,  "Redwing spotted the last seven hostiles near Schein And Lobell's attorney's office.  Headed that way now."

Steve swore under his breath and gestured at Bucky to follow him.  "Repeat, Sam.  You said Schein and Lobell's?"  

"Yeah, yeah, I know.  Better move it," the Falcon confirmed as he soared overhead.

"C'mon, Buck, gotta hurry," Steve urged.

Puzzled at his friend's burst of urgency, Bucky nodded and turned to follow.  "What would Hydra want with a lawyer's office?"

"It's not the lawyers they're after, pal.  It's a couple of doors down that concerns me, and we need them alive for questioning," came the terse reply.

Shrugging, Bucky picked up his pace, and within moments both soldiers rounded the corner of Fifty-third Avenue.   Steve came to a sudden stop, almost causing his teammate to crash into him from behind just as the Falcon dropped down beside them.

"What the hell?"  Bucky drew his pistol as they surveyed the scene before them: Five Hydra operatives in black tactical gear were lying on the street, unmoving.  He approached and nudged them one by one with the toe of his boot.  

"Dead. One shot each.  Sniper's accuracy," he ascertained.

The Captain immediately whirled around, scanning the rooftops for shooters.  "You see anyone above as you were flying in, Sam?"

"Nah, man.  Complete silence.   It's Forty-six.  This... this could be bad, Cap.  Seven is not a small number when we're talking about trained Hydra agents." he warned, gazing at the shop in front of which the agents were lying. Kitty's Sweets.

"Oh boy," Steve exhaled loudly, hanging his head. "Get ready."  He squared his shoulders and faced the shop, Sam shaking his head and grinning at his side.

Bucky readied himself and his weapon.  Just as he opened his mouth to acknowledge the order, the huge plate glass window of the shopfront exploded outward, slivers spraying in all directions, followed by the body of another Hydra operative.

Captain America led the charge, shield raised, and the three Avengers burst into the bakery.  As expected, the interior of the once adorable sweet shop was a mess;  pastel-painted tables and chairs broken and scattered all over the dining space, cash register and displays overturned, glass and bits of baked goods and blood splattered everywhere.

In the midst of the chaos was a strong, curvy woman in an adorable lavender and baby pink striped retro waitress uniform - short and ruffled, complete with an apron- standing over the seventh Hydra agent, her right hand fisted in his tactical vest and the left landing backhand after backhand.

She. Was. Pissed.

"Do you have ANY idea," she snarled, "how long it took me to decorate six dozen gourmet cupcakes?" SLAP! "It takes patience!" SLAP.  "Talent!" SLAP. "Energy! "SLAP.  "Did I mention talent?" SLAP SLAP.  "And YOU, you fucker.... you busted in here and tried to stab me." SLAP.  "Then your clumsy ass slammed into the case and smashed' SLAP "them" SLAP "ALL!"

Seething, chest heaving with, she swung her right arm behind her, forefinger raised in a "Be right with you" gesture toward the three Avengers, then dropped hard onto one knee on the agent's crotch.  As he gasped and cried out from the pain, she landed a hard punch to his nose.  Smirking at the sound of crunching bone, she stood and turned to face the newcomers.

"Okay, fellahs.  This one is still in decent enough shape to take in for questioning."

Bucky, mouth agape, muttered to no one in particular, "God, I love that in a woman."

Sam side-eyed him and smirked.  "What, Passion?"

The long-haired soldier shook his head. "Violence."

Steve stepped toward her and nodded. "Agent Forty-six, always a pleasure."

Forty-six chuckled and smoothed back her wildly disheveled hair.  Generous cupid's bow lips turned up and her lashes fluttered coquettishly. "It could be a pleasure.  I mean, I've offered but you never take me up on it."

Steve blushed and cleared his throat.   "Wanna fill us in on the details?" he deflected, gesturing to the last intact table in the shop, eyes looking anywhere but at her.

"Sure thing, Cap.  Might as well feed y'all while I'm at it.  There's still a bunch of pastries that didn't get ruined. Afraid I only have iced coffee though.  Fuc--- uh, jerks broke the coffee pot and espresso machine.  What'll you boys have?" She rattled on as she busied herself with washing her hands, back to business as if she hadn't just bested seven Hydra operatives without suffering so much as a scratch.

"Big ol' iced mocha. Dark and super sweet, just like me," Sam called out with a grin.

Forty-six laughed.  "Sammy, you know in my head I call that drink 'Sexual Chocolate'."

Sam guffawed.  “Hey, babygirl, we’ve gotta get together and watch that movie again!”  He received an enthusiastic nod and an "It's a date!" in reply.

Bucky's eyes went saucer-wide and Steve facepalmed at the nickname.

"Iced Americano for you, mon Capitan?  And you, Mr. Hotness-who-has-not-been-introduced-to-me-yet, what would you like?" As she offered, she turned to face the men and Bucky got his first real look at Agent Forty-six. Even with her hair a mess and makeup smeared, he was instantly smitten, causing him to lose the ability to speak when he locked eyes with her.

"Aw, kitty cat got your tongue, handsome?" she teased, "How about a large iced, extra creamy, lots of sugar, whipped cream with caramel drizzled all over the top?  Sticky sweet and it'll keep you awake for hours," she offered with a wide-eyed innocent smile.

Bucky swallowed hard and nodded.

"Yep, that's exactly what Frosty needs.  Been ages since he had something sweet," Sam confirmed, fighting back laughter.  

Steve glared at Same, then lay his head on the table and groaned.  "For the love of Pete, Forty-six.  Why are you like this?"

She rounded the counter with two trays piled impossibly high with food and drinks. As she placed the trays onto the table, she reached down and ruffled Steve's hair.  

"Well, Captain," she began in a throaty, sultry voice, "I've offered to be any way you want me, so it's your fault.  I'm just waiting for your...command."  She winked at Sam and Bucky and took a seat.

After a quick briefing on the altercation with Hydra, Forty-six pushed her chair back and regarded Bucky thoughtfully.  "So..." she began, leaning back and stretching tired muscles, “James Barnes, yeah? Winter Soldier, now Fist of the Avengers, super soldier, metal arm, best friend of Captain America?"

He found his voice long enough to reply with a quiet "yeah."

"Nice," she grinned, "So is there some sort of restriction in place to join the team?  'You must be this hot to enter', or what?  'The Earth's Panty-droppingest Heroes?  Jeezus-please us, Fury cornered the market on-"

"Forty-six, please," Steve interrupted.  He sighed and rubbed his temples before continuing. "Yes, this is James Barnes – Bucky, to his friends- and yes he is an active team member now.  No, there is no restriction.  You know that wouldn't be allowed, especially in this day and age."

She whistled.  "Look at you, all PC and stuff.  Honey, I was just yankin' your chain.  You know me.  I'll have all the required forms submitted before nine tonight, don't worry.  I'm a capable agent, despite how I might sound."   She stood and pushed the chair back into place.  "Great seeing you guys again.  Bucky, it's a pleasure to meet you.  I know you'll be a strong addition to the team." She graced him with a tight but genuine smile and moved to the stock room to check for supplies to board up the window.

Bucky regained his voice and senses after she left. "That's some dame.  She always like that?"

"Like what, flirty?" Sam grinned.  "Yeah, she's got a mouth on her, she's like Tony in that way, but she's more than capable. Nearly unstoppable in the field.  I've seen her accomplish some extraordinary feats, and if you need a marksman she's your woman."

Steve hummed in agreement.  "Yes, but she's got a quick temper, and that gets her saddled with the lower-end assignments.  Highest kill-count in SHIELD history... as you can probably tell by the bodies outside.  That makes her dangerous and a liability."

"Cap, she's more than competent and loyal to a fault," Sam reasoned.  "I'd be just as happy for her to have my back as one of you guys.  Give her a shot, man."

Heaving a defeated sigh, Steve stood.  "You're right.  I'll go talk to her."

Sam nodded.  "Good call."  Turning to Bucky, he smiled slyly and offered, "She's also single, Barnes.  Very available.  And in case you didn't notice, she's hot."

The soldier coughed and took a long drink of his iced coffee concoction.

Forty-six's rummaging around was interrupted by a throat clearing behind her.   Not bothering to turn around, she called over her shoulder, "I hope y'all will take home a couple of big boxes.  The baked goods will go stale and I hate for them to waste."

"I'm sorry."

She turned to see Steve wringing his hands, a penitent expression on his perfect face, his shoulders hunched and .drawn in.  It made the formidable Captain America look smaller and somehow quite vulnerable.

"I'm sorry I ran out of patience with you, Forty-six.  I'm still trying to balance duty and professionalism with basic... human instinct, I guess."  He hung his head and shifted from foot to foot.  "I'm not judging you for the things you say. I just can't process them quickly enough.  I respect you, very much," he paused and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly, controlled.  "Sometimes it's difficult to reconcile that respect with bawdy language and sexual innuendo."

As he stared at the floor and the tips of his ears turned bright pink, Forty-six smiled softly.  Heart melting for the Captain, she approached him and lifted his chin with a forefinger, searching his eyes with her own. "You're a good man, Steve Rogers.  I appreciate you." She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, then turned back to

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her task, missing the goofy grin on Steve's face.

He helped her carry the plywood to the front of the shop and the four made short work of boarding the shattered window as SHIELD agents removed the subdued Hydra operative.

"Well, that's that," she frowned as she dusted off her hands.  "Y'all want to take the boxed goods with you now, or do you want me to have them delivered to the tower?"

"Yes to all!" Sam cheered.  "You could just come back with us and crash there for a while.  I'm sure the team would love to see you."

Forty-six turned and entered the shop, muttering "Sure, sure they would."

Bucky shot Sam and Steve a look, to which Steve responded with a mouthed "tell you later."

A few minutes later, the four piled themselves and multiple boxes of baked goods into Forty-six's Jeep and were on their way to Avengers Tower. Sam reached over the seat and tugged her ridiculously cute uniform sleeve.   "You are keeping the outfit though, right?"  He winked at her in the rearview mirror.

She chuckled.  "Nah, I don't think these are my colors.  Besides, it makes my ass look fat.  I've gotta say, I'm looking forward to not having to get up at four in the morning to bake.  Another shi-  er, crummy gig in the books.  Wonder where Fury will send me next?" She pulled over in front of the Tower entrance and turned to grin at the guys.  "Home sweet home!  See y'all the next time I have to beat some ass.  Tell Tony I said 'hey', and nice to meet you, James."

The heroes said their goodbyes and made their way inside.

In the elevator, Sam broke the silence.  "Well, as run-ins with Forty-six go, that one was incredibly mild."

Bucky snorted.

"I'm serious!  The last time, there was a two-block wide explosion, a half-ton of gummy bears, and an ostrich. Then just when we thought the roof was gonna collapse on-"  Sam was interrupted by the elevator doors opening to reveal an agitated Tony Stark.

"I see bakery boxes.  Many bakery boxes," he gestured toward them with a wagging forefinger.  "What I do not see is coffee, and what else I do not see is my favorite baker. You three had the audacity not to bring Forty-six up here to visit her favorite genius?"  He stomped toward the common area as he ranted.

Sam and Steve chuckled as they dropped off the boxes of baked goods, then toward their rooms for showers, Bucky following suit, still puzzling over earlier events.

"Wait!” he shouted, "What happened to the gummy bears and the ostrich?"

There we go.  My first, very mild (in all ways) submission to Tumblr.  Anxiety is going to eat my face now.

[bootheng]

modern!au k(lance)

they're all in their 20's except for Shiro who's 30 and coran who's 50

first of all. miss me with that 'pining roommate' shit. I love miscommunication and making characters that r sexy bffs with one another

Lance meets Nyma through a Craigslist ad he put up saying he needed a roommate. the moment they met was a tragedy for everyone but them because they're that powerful and beautiful

lance with tousled hair, wearing a half-unbuttoned silk shirt and designer jeans, Michael kors sunglasses pushed up atop his head, arm wrapped around nyma: hi guys this is my roommate, nyma!

nyma, with her blonde 3-ft long box braids down her back, perfectly manicured red nails, bodycon dress and loubitons, hand on lances waist: hey

allura, shaking and on the verge of tears: STOP MAKING US LOOK POOR AND UGLY

Lance is in school for marine biology and Nyma works as a hairdresser and the both of them are small beauty gurus on YouTube that collab with one another

lance: hey guys we're going to be trying out the new anastasia pallete we got today :)!

nyma: and by got we mean shoplifted from sephora

lance: NYMA YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT

they're also insta baddies and both gender non-conforming baddies. Nyma is a nonbinary lesbian icon and lance is a nonbinary bicon.... those are like the fucking BEST senses of style

anyone with eyes can see that nyma is into and ONLY into girls but of course... heteronormativity.

rolo: I still don't get why you're dating lance. he's super annoying.

nyma: he doesn't bitch nearly as much as you even when he's got my cock in his ass

they do this thing where when people assume they're a couple they pretend they're some kind of kink couple and freak everyone out

which is why when hunk and pidge meet nyma they're like :eyes: but when nyma flirts with pidge lance doesn't even bat an eye and then lance starts pining about Keith's greasy mullet and his bags under his eyes and nymas got this look on her face that perfectly resembles a man who's lost all sense of normalcy and righteousness in his life and now sits in a bar every night listening to this dumb romance novel type shit and then pidge and hunk are like. oh. no they're just gay.

speaking of keith. he's one of those gays. one of the quirky emo gays that never sleeps and listens to 'coffee and cigarettes' on repeat and has like 3 strings of lights in his room and not only is an art major but ALSO a photographer. and yet somehow he still has the will to wake up at 5 am every morning and go to the gym like some kind of HEATHEN.

Lance knew Keith in high school for 3 years until he got expelled for fighting at the end of his junior year. He was also universally crushed on and was the bad boy jock of the school with a heart of gold so naturally Lance pretended to despise him so he could pine for him in peace

that all goes down the drain when Lance recognizes Keith in one of his classes and goes through the five stages of grief because a) he's hot and b) Lance is openly bi now so he doesn't have an escuse to not tolerate him

(He wasn't gonna do anything about it until he was put in a group with Keith a few weeks into class and he off handedly mentioned he went to Keiths high school, and Keith claimed he didn't remember him, and Lance was just a tad bit upset but was gonna leave it at that except after like 5 days of working together Keith slams his fists into the table and is like 'HOLY FUCK LANCE MCCLAIN?' And Lance is like. w. What.)

turns out Keith does remember lance. very vividly, actually. because he was the guy that everyone kind of had a crush on because he was so nice and charming to everyone he met, and Keith was SO gone for him. he just didn't recognize him tbh, which makes sense, bcuz in high school lance wore blue contacts and had straight hair and now he just wears glasses occasionally and leaves his hair wavy. Keith is gay and stupid don't blame him

keith, bursting into Shiro and Adams apartment at 2 pm: SHIRO HOLY FUCK

adam, bags under his eyes, underneath the covers of him and shiros bed: good fucking god not again

I'm tired of talking about ppl other than Lance and nyma though so I'm gonna talk about them for a bit because im love

as I said Lance has wavy hair and his actual eye color is brown but as he was growing up he was hella insecure about it that's why he wore blue contacts.... nyma caught him once trying to put them on again and put an end to All That Real Quick

nyma has brown eyes too and they're super dark, almost black, and that shits breathtaking bro. she usually has her real hair dyed blonde all the time and permed but she also likes to wear wigs and get braids too because she knows she looks damn good in them. everyone is jealous.

lance has tons of super light freckles. Enough said. nyma has a birthmark on her hip that's kind of shaped like a horse if you look at it from the right way

lance: you were a horse girl as a kid weren't u

nyma: how fucking dare. how fucking dare you say that. I really do have to laugh.......

nyma: obviously I was a warrior cats stan

lance's sense of fashion ranges from 'i went to California for a week once and now I can't stop wearing sweatpants and slides' to 'It's surprising I haven't gotten robbed at this point'. Lance is a scholarship baby so all the money he saved up through countless jobs and the one he already has at a coffee shop almost exclusively goes to clothes and kombucha

Nymas sense of style is definitely more on the eccentric side but since she looks good in EVERYTHING she gets away with it. think dollskill but with more neon colors and designer. she's the kind of person that never wears the same shade of lipstick for a whole month and has a box full of makeup palletes that are almost untouched and everyone who has seen it is both jealous and in wonder FENTYWAYS...

Keith goes over to lance's apartment for a project of sorts and immediately assumes that Lance and Nyma are a thing (they're very platonically affectionate, Nyma will kiss lance's cheek and they cuddle sometimes) which is disappointing but it's not a surprise considering Lance is so Lance and everyone else acts like they are dating so that must be the case, right?

lmao you thought.

nyma: holy shit. holy Fuck. God, allura is so hot. I would probably die if she brushed past me. I would die happily knowing I've been blessed by the touch of an angel.

lance: yeah haha she's really pretty.

keith, struggling to not choke on his coffee hearing All This at 9:31 A.M. in starbucks:

Keith asks if he can take photos of the two of them for his photography insta and they both jump on it so they can flex being sexy and afterwards Lance thanks him with a kiss on the cheek and Keith is sent REELING into gay mayhem.

lance: do you think that was like..... too much.

nyma: i think men are dumb that's what.

I mean u can't really blame Keith because Lance and Nyma are constantly joke-flirting with one another on social media and are in almost every one of the others photos in some way, or at least tagged, so by the time Keith actually works up the nerve to ask about that, it's been WEEKS since Lance kissed him and he's been miserably failing to ignore it

keith: so.... how's nyma doing?

lance: she's good! She's spent all day dying one of her wigs so she went for a coffee run lol. probably will hang with allura and shay later too

keith: and.... that doesn't make you jealous?

lance: LOL no.... they could never compete with me (talking about being Nyma's best friend)

keith: oh.... well, it's good that you trust each other a lot in your relationship.... you seem like a really good boyfriend

lance: wat the fuck did you just say.

as soon as lance explains that nyma is not his gf and they're just bffs Keith is like ohthankgod.jpg and almost accidentally asks lance on a date before he stops himself and is like.... dumb gay bitch calm DOOOWWWNN

after that it becomes very obvious that nyma and lance r just friends at least for Keith mostly through dumb shit they say to one another

lance, sitting with hunk, pidge, and Keith at the library: hey guys wanna see something cool.

pidge: go for it

lance, clearing his throat: she think she bad but I'm better, these bitches tryna play catch up-

nyma, coming out of nowhere: SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M TALKING LIL BITCH, PUT YO HEAD DOWN WHEN YOU TALK TO A PIMP-

Nyma and Lance have self-care nights every Friday, sometimes Allura or Shay will come, and very RARELY Keith if only to spend time with Lance. also? Allura and Shay are dating, die mad about it.

They do waxing, exfoliation, mud masks, moisturizing treatments, hair masks, painting nails.... need I go on. it's basically whatever they want to do that week and when Keith reluctantly agrees to participate one day Lance goes mental

lance: OK so here's what I'm thinking. it's obvious you haven't really had a self care day for a while, which is like, fine, you do you, but holy shit are your split ends bad. I was thinking maybe I could trim them and then we could do a hair mask? Oh! A face mask would be good as well, even though you've practically got perfect skin. I'd offer to wax but for first timers the pain is a bitch to handle on the face. I'm not sure if you'd be an acrylic kind of guy but I have some black nail polish that I could put on- wow, your hands are really big compared to mine, and they're so soft, haha, isn't that crazy? so what do you think?

keith, still reeling from the fact that lance is going to touch his hair, face, and hands in the next several hours: uh......yeah..... sounds great.

nyma, sitting on lance's bed in nothing but a bra and sweatpants, smoking a blunt and readjusting her sheet mask: *long exhale* christ

Shay got Lance into the whole healthy organic food thing and in turn he got Nyma into it so they're both the bitches who drink nothing but Fiji water and almond milk and will offer you a plate of sliced cucumbers and tomatoes as a snack. we Stan a vegan couple.

keith: these are actually really good.

nyma: we usually put them on our eyes, but go off I guess.

keith:

nyma: nah I'm just fucking with you, we have different cucumbers for that

by the end of the night Keith feels like he's been cleaned by a car wash and he's dizzy from all of lance's thoughtless affection and when lance says he can stay the night because it's already late, Keith mindlessly blurts out 'only if it's with you' and nymas like.... um. Wig.

keith, laying stiff as a board on one side of lance's bed: uh

lance: oh my God you gay bitch get over here and spoon me. also kiss me on the fucking lips bro.

Nyma owns a cat named Beezer that she stole from her old roommate (rolo) but calls her beebo because quote 'beezer is so fucking lame bro i hate men'. Lance owns a Russian blue mix called, you guessed it, Blue, that he found stuck in his apartments basement only a few days after moving in. Nyma and Lance are WEAK

lance: ohhhhh look at my pretty baby sitting on the table all cute and relaxed!!! look at that baby!!! fantastic stuff!

nyma, putting her head on beebos belly: You Are So Soft And So Chubby I Would Die For You

pidge would also die for the both of them

OK I'm tired and uninspired so I'll stop here but I MAY ADD MORE LATER