#by pov first . i am Not complaining tho c:

[ahalliance]

would it be freak behaviour to rewatch the entirety of the life series pov by pov . all in the name of accurate meta for fic writing, naturally

[fasa-umich]

Sofia Gestiada || FASA's 2023-2024 Co-External Chair

POV: my dear Tito Jason throwing _ _ _ (you get it) at PCN 2014 

Hi! My name is Sofia <3, if you’re thinking, “hey that’s not sofia”, well you would be correct! This is my Tito (uncle) Jason. He is the reason I wanted to go to UMICH, the reason I’m in FASA, one of my favorite people and my role model. If you know me, you know that I get quite stressed out easily and if there’s someone that’s gonna hear me complain about something, it’s him. So here’s a look into our conversations because I think it really showcases my journey through FASA!

POV: Sofia is going through it (she has taken a bio172 quiz 21 times with harley… in the picture on the right) and doesn’t really think things are going to get better

POV: Sofia and Ate Irene after Tagalog class 

The transition to college was rough to say the least. I was so excited to go to college but I didn’t expect to feel so alone. I didn’t know how to gauge what organizations to be involved in, what questions to ask, or what people to talk to. I just wanted to surround myself with good people. Coming into UMICH, I knew about FASA through my Tito Jason, but I was honestly too scared to go to anything on my own so I never did. But, one day in Ate Irene’s Tagalog class she said that if I went to a FASA event, that I would get extra credit. So, being the academic weapon I am still waiting to be, I jumped at the chance of helping my grade and with some pushing from my future Ate Kris who was also in class with me, I begged the Filipino girl that lived down the hall from me to go to FAM/Lin with me. 

POV: Sofia with $wag and the girl down the hall (to my left) at FAM/Lin

POV: freshie girl from down the hall and Sofia confused because they’re being told they should try tinikling

Tito Jason told me that everyone in FASA would be good people and that I would find my people there, but I was unsure if that would be the case. Fun fact, I really thought there was gonna be Filipino food and told Taryn that surely there would be food at the event  (even though no one told me there was going to be food) so I was extremely hungry when I got there. Shoutout to my Ate Emily for giving me half of her No Thai tho. Anyways, I got sorted into the best fam, $wag (which my Tito Jason was in bye) and into KIKILAN <3!! 

Fast forward to PCN, because I became inactive for a while oops (the BIO sequence hit me like a truck what can I say)…Anyways, I went to PCN impulsively because Mikey told me that getting PCN tickets was a bloodbath. I remember I set an alarm and tried really hard to get tickets, and I honestly didn’t know what PCN was but again I told Taryn that we HAD to go together (we came as a package) and that our families should sit together. At PCN I got my first lin pic with my beautiful favs. Ate Kris was sadly not there so I photoshopped her in. 

POV: me and my Kikilan girl bosses at PCN 

Real quick imma do a shoutout to Ate Kris. Having you in my lin, in tagalog class and as my $wag fam head was so fun. I never would have been so comfortable and open to going to things if it weren’t for you. Whenever I decided to show up to things it was never as daunting because I knew at least you’d be there. Also, thank you for always inviting Kendra, Jenny and I to 815. It really felt like home there during my first year away from home and I will always remember the many nights we stayed up doing random things.

POV: Kendra and I hugging Ate Kris after our Senior Farewell speech (fishtail braid and bow by THE elias atkinson)

Back to PCN. My Tito Jason watched PCN on Facebook live and texted me asking me if I went and you’ll see how that went. Okay, so hear me out PCN was the first time I heard the FASA chant. I remember Taryn and I did not want to get up because we were like uhhhhh but let’s not talk about that. 

POV: Sofia didn’t do the FASA chant cuz she’s lame

After that night I had the best time and I was in awe of so many of the performances. I laughed, I cried, I had fun, but I also felt a little out of place. From that night I knew I wanted to be more active and put in more effort into getting to know everyone. 

My first steps into becoming active were to go to more events and become an intern. One of those two didn’t quite work out womp womp lol, can you guess which one??? Yah. I didn’t get to be an intern lol. But it’s fine!! Why do you ask? Oh, because I got really close to two people that also didn’t become interns, my lovely beautiful best friends Kendra and Taryn (AKA RAHFIRYN). 

POV: sofia n da gorls 

Anyways fast forward again, I decided to rush DEM since I didn’t become an intern. And I GOT INN woot woot. And megdalinda became my pinsan (cousin). Now fast forward to the moral of this whole story and it starts with Battle. 

POV: Sofia is RiRi from the Superbowl at Big Little

Now, minutes before leaving for battle I texted my Tito Jason that I wouldn’t do a dance like ever. But I was wrong. Somehow Taryn convinced me to sign up like 30 minutes before the deadline to sign up for GENAPA. 

POV: Sofia don’t wanna dance 

Post GENAPA, I realized that I loved every minute of going to practice and doing tinikling with everyone and performing. Every chance I get, I try to sign up to do it and I’m even doing it again this year with miss Taryn <3, and I will every year. 

POV: Pip and sofia humbly doing tinikling for PCN

Now if you remember earlier I also said I was unsure about finding my people in FASA. Well, I’ll say that I was wrong. Again lol. Because look at my little support system. 

POV: serving face post PCN 

Now fast forward to me becoming external chair. If you’re still here you would also remember that another thing I said I wouldn’t do was the FASA chant. Wrong again. Cuz I lead the chant with Therese at external PCN’s and I say it loud and proud (even the body roll guys) with Therese <3. 

POV: Sofia and Therese cold af but sitting pretty

Now I’m going to shout out my lovely co-chair Therese. Therese it’s been one of the best experiences to work with you, I don’t think I could have accomplished so much without you. You were always there for me, made me laugh hella, listened and lifted me up when I was stressed. But at the same time you made sure to handle things with grace, patience and professionalism. I loved that we pushed and supported each other to do better in FASA but to also do things outside of FASA too. We have met a lot of people and I have admired how genuine you are to everyone and how you take the time to appreciate every interaction. Most of all, I have appreciated that throughout this whole process, we became such good friends. And just know that I will continue to support you even after FASA. I am not gonna lie, you and I are going to have to hangout because man Therese I miss you already. (Let’s make taho to pretty isn’t pretty!)

Now here’s a mini run through of our year together: 

POV: Sofia and Therese’s first PCN together at FASOU PCN

POV: Sofia and Therese at Ricebowl (one of my favorite events we put on)

POV: Sofia and Therese’s last PCN together at PASS Halo-Halo

I’m so proud of the work that Therese and I did this year. We accomplished everything that we hoped for and I’m so glad that I had Therese by my side through it all. The one thing about the external position is that you get what you put into it, and Therese and I really poured our hearts into making sure that we worked with as many orgs and said yes to as many things as we could in order to open the doors for FASA to make connections. I would say that we truly did make FASA an org that was open to working with others and a presence inside and outside FASA. 

For my future external chairs, make meaningful connections, I promise it’s fun. Also, while I think it’s important to be realistic, find the balance between being ambitious and realistic. Don’t be afraid to ask your board for help and to show your excitement and passion for something that you are planning or want to plan. Your passion will rub off on other people. Also, while it is important to be independent, take the time to know when to depend on others. You don’t have to do everything alone. Especially in a co-chair position, it is important to communicate and work as a team. Grow together, learn from each other, and never forget to have fun. This is not a job, this is an opportunity. 

POV: Sofia fell

POV: Sofia is still goin (barely)

So, after reflecting on these photos (i think they really showcase my journey) and my previous messages to my Tito Jason I have realized that I shouldn’t be too caught up in thinking I have everything figured out, I clearly don’t know what I am doing all the time but that’s okay. Stay open minded, try new things, and meet new people, and keep pushing forward. Some of the most unexpected things can become some of the most important or fun things in your life. 

POV: me and $wommy meesh smilin after a good day

To everyone in FASA, thank you for cultivating a community full of good people that reminds me of home. And thank you for making college more bearable, and for giving me the opportunity to reconnect with my culture. <3 sofia

[stimmypaw]

stimmypaw reads Shattered Sky, a late tumblr post

I just, forgot to post this for some reason. It’s me writing my thoughts on the third book of A Vision Of Shadows, I also did that with the first and second ones! Very full of spoilers, enjoy!

Omg.....meet Darktail's Kinnies... someone should name their wc kin server that its a great name, most of them seem to have wc names tho I thought he was a whole gang?? Did more of them get wc names or have already than we knew???

Oh no I barely got to see echosong :c I hope the others are okay, frecklewish is a wonderful name

Chapter one they already have all of the clans going 2 fight???? This absolutely won't go well and that terrifies me

Onestar realized Darktail has a beautiful voice :/ and he feels bad battling him /j

Yup just as I expected, awful loss. Plus Twigpaw was sure her sister was gonna kill her which killed Me

Alderheart parent mode

YASSSS ITS TIME FOR SKYCLAAANNNNNN

obviously the clans are pissed why the hell did they have this as a secret bro!!! why?? bramblestar was just ashamed now firestar???? bro WHY i seriously need to read firestar’s quest I just don’t get it

scenes of elders being cared for by apprentices is always so comforting, seeing it being interrupted and taken from violetpaw feels awful

WHO THE FUCK IS THISTLE he isn’t in the allegiances??????????????????? HELLO ah okay the rogues are showing up slowly ok

Violetpaw did a u-turn to her character here it seems?? She didn't find the elders were lecturing her at first, was Darktail's lil speech about how she was brave enough to convince her they are wrong??? A few compliments couldn't possibly be enough for that. Plus again she is seeing Darktail brutally murder someone and how despite seemingly treating each other nicely these cats are ready to betray each other anytime. Surely this would be enough for her to feel like the elders are still right and she can't trust these cats???

Hope she doesn't start seeing this violence as normal

I'm so sorry for blossomfall I can't believe she got with thornclaw of all cats

LIONBLAZE JAYFEATHER CINDERHEART AND TAWNYPELT, ALL JUST CASUALLY LISTENING TO GOSSIP. ABSOLUTELY SCANDALOUS I LOVE THEM

I love like how the book will take breaks every now and then to show for a millisecond ivypool being mad at tigerheart or vice versa and dovewing looking at tigerheart or vice versa and have the POV go "wonder what thats all about" and just proceed with the plot. Wonderful

Twigpaw :c

"A "mrrow" of welcome" has got to be my favorite line on this book

The cats complain there's already enough plots going on.

Whitewing is a very nice background cat and I appreciate her. But God Omen of the Stars only proved Starclan is just a bunch of old dead cats and that can be both good and terrible. Her argument is needed tho.

The others have a point tho, how can they leave the clan with less cats right now? I guess they would come back with more but what if they're not strong enough to defend themselves? A lot of trouble could happen with Skyclan coming as is to the territories and its understandable for the cats to be concerned

Violetpaw and Needletail cope with trauma as best they can and thats not a lot

I hope Violetpaw at least realizes how fucked up it is that they are scared of their leader who is supposedly their kin and the one who they should be the most loyal to

Oh Boy kittypets!

I love kittypets so much they're always fun. Darktail is so creepy tho I read some quotes he said to my girlfriend and she said he sounded like GLaDOS and yeah he's creepy I can feel it without Violetpaw agreeing with me that she's scared of what will happen next. Where did Darktail get that blood thing????

I like Zelda. She seems to be Violetpaw's age I hope she is so they can kiss. ALSO THIS IS KINDA LIKE MENTORING??? Violetpaw should get a warrior name

TWIGPAW PUT A PILLOW UNDER HER BLANKET SO NO ONE WOULD NOTICE SHE LEFT AHAHAHHA I bet she went to find Skyclan didn't she

PURDY

NOOOOOOO PURDYYY NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

my gf said indigestion can sometimes have those effects on a cat if its really bad i didn't know that

PURDY CANT BE GONE PLEAS

I am SO sad I knew this was coming and I hated it terrible awful

I never saw a vigil so sweet. We Are All Love Purdy.

OH RIGHT TWIGPAW GSGWHAHAH

I appreciate no one is annoyed or pissed theyre all just worried, I am too

Apparently Alderheart and Bramblestar disagree lot? They seem to get along great though. And uh I guess Bramblestar doesn't always take his advice but, that doesn't mean much they like talk about stuff and Bramblestar forms conclusions taking in consideration the stuff his son said and all. Idk, feels like a weird statement Twigpaw something tells me the Erins are failing to send a message somewhere

Fuck I hope someone finds twigpaw soon, her adventure has been fun but I'm terrified for her

Violetpaw seems to be having a hard time too, not only is everything awful and terrible plus we had a time skip of a few days so who knows what happened to Twigpaw. Anyways Violetpaw having to care for Needletail like a mentor is like a young teen having to care for a young adult's mental health and that always sucks for the kid, there's not much else that can be done though Needletail probably doesn't want to worry

Violetpaw :C

This is so sad and terrible, I wish Violetpaw could be with Twigpaw right now she wouldn't be starclan knows where if they were just together!!! I hope the other cats don't start saying nonsense about Violetpaw now. She's scared she won't be accepted in Thunderclan and doesn't see herself as worthy of acceptance, and feels responsible for her older friend. I'm :CC

PAGGDHAHAHA Zelda is a trash cat and I love her

Violetpaw is suffering so much and Darktail is absolutely brainwashing her ass and she can't understand how he is to blame for everything.

Oh boy when she does.

This is such a good story God im like very tired and in need of sleep but I can't stop reading

Oh God so much has happened, this is so terrible, I love that Mothwing and Alderheart are hanging out tho I forgot what a fun character she can be!!!

Thinking about how so much would be easier since book 1 if Onestar agreed to lend a helping paw. Thinking about the begging dying bodies piling up at his door. Thinking about onestar.

Oh scratch what I said earlier guys WHEN VIOLETPAW FINDS OUT DARKTAIL KILLED DAWNPELT OH BOY

Its terrible knowing dawnpelt isn't there and like, so far thinking she was in thunderclan, only to have thunderclan cats wonder if she's in shadowclan like oh God oh fuckle this is IT

I feel so bad for Loki and Zelda :c I would give them treats

What the fuck Darktail

Holy shit Darktail

I am noticing like, cats making seriously spot on assumptions of things that happened out of small information and idk if that really isn't realistic and just a way to make cats realize things or if I'm just too autistic to relate

I'm so glad the medicine cats treat anxiety. Last time I remember that happening was the prophecy begins but I might be forgetting somethin

The fear these cats have of the clans ending feels so real I am absolutely terrified for them and I love it

It doesn't make sense for twigpaw 2 die so I'm not buying it but wow this hurts

Violetpaw time

I am itching for them to find skyclan so bad

Violetpaw you're not Squirrelpaw or Leafpaw in the new prophecy you wouldn't have felt if Twigpaw died :P

Bro Needletail :c I miss when she was a wild free creature

This prisoner smuggling deal is so fun I am absolutely excited about everyone's plans, it can't all go well so soon though.

TWIGPAW YESSSS BABY I MISSED YOU

Twigpaw lactose intolerant moment

omg she had a vision

Vision cat be nice 2 my baby she is dying

TWIGPAW FOUND SKYCLAN YESSSS YES YES YES

OMG......HAWKWING.....AAAAAAA THATS HER DAD BRO SHE FOUND HER DAD IM YESSSS YEAYESYESYEYD

This is so good im so happy

This is so awful I'm so sad WHERES THE CLAN CATS they were supposed to show up when they were asleep right????? Fuck!!!

This is so scary

NEEDWETAIL IM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Violetpaw definitely could have used a better friend at times, but God was Needletail good im so sad

Bramblestar: alderheart we need a point of view from thunderclan of what's happening so you're coming to the battle

OMG THEY DID IT!!!! I DID NOT EXPECT THAT WROW VERY NICE

Oh this is so exciting, how will they get Windclan back????

Twigpaw baby you always had your place here

I think they should both go to Skyclan but I understand if Twigpaw is indecisive she has always had a good life in Thunderclan.

Nononono Rowanstar, Scourge is the villain from the The Prophecy Begins here, your guy is named Darktail

Ominousnestar

I have been vaguely spoiled about Onestar being related to Darktail but I have no clue how

I can see Onestar's, Smoke's and Darktail's designs rotating in my mind its beautiful

I'm loving this story this is so cool

You dare challenge the warrior cats Fandom?

SKYCLAN, DROP YOUR CATS

RIVERCLAN, GET THE BUCKET

WINDCLAN, GRAB YOUR LEAFBLOWERS

THUNDERCLAN, GRAB YOUR LIGHTNING RODS

SHADOWCLAN, IDK MAN SAY BOO OR SOMETHING AHHAHA

I'm glad this is the prophecy this series really is Tumblr vs 4chan

Oh my god

This is so surreal

What an astounding battle wow and what an ending

I loved it

That was so so good

Everything here was fantastic, looking back its hard to believe they managed to fit so much plot into one book and like the pacing was Very Good this was just good writing wow? The development of Darktail, everything with Onestar, very fun I was on the edge of my seat through the whole thing it was incredibly fun. I’m very excited for what’s to come too, I worry it probably won’t be as fun and exciting as this since they already got rid of the biggest threat, unless they get another, but still like I really wanna know what’s gonna happen with Skyclan! And Violetpaw and Twigpaw!!!! How will the clans cope with all this loss and receive a new clan in the territories??? There’s a lot of good build up that I don’t know if it will live up to all that happened so far, but I think it can be very good and I’m excited, lots ahead of us!!! Oh boy!!

[birdie7272]

Life.

The short version.  Very to the point. 

haha. I’m not capable.  This was as short as I could go.

TL;DR at the bottom

Nov 2019 - I was passed over for a promotion by someone who had been working there a lot less time than me and less qualified.  Why?  Diversity.  They needed a man to be manager.  Also because one of the other managers, someone who I had believed to be my friend, took things I said outside of work when we were drinking in her apartment -misunderstood venting for actual complaints- and spread horrible HORRIBLE rumors about me to the staff and my boss’ boss.  For her, this was nothing.  She never saw complaining about me to the staff as an issue (thinking venting and rumours were different).  To this day she does not understand how much the staff love her and will do ANYTHING for her.  If she hates someone, EVERYONE hates that person. 

Hate being a strong word.  She didn’t hate me.  We just didn’t vibe.  Different styles of managing/different personalities.  She manages by being friends with the staff under her.  It works for her but it is dangerous.  Such as calling me such a bitch.  Everyone now thinks I am a bitch.  Even if they know me better or do not know me at all.

To give you an idea.  After this hand happened, months after, she came to me crying because she didn’t understand what happened between us.  She thought I was one of her closest friends.  Yeah.  She talked shit about me but she thought that was fine.  I thought she was my closest too.  Owch all around.  Spoiler: we talk it out but we dont’ go back to being friends.

Dec 2019 - I am then moved to work under the man promoted over me.  At the store the former friend/manager JUST moved out of. AKA I moved to the store with a staff full of people who HATED ME.  And they were not afraid to let me know it.

The manager knows how upset I am, vows to try and make me as happy working under him as possible.  I don’t blame him.  He wanted a promotion.  He took the opportunity.  He says he’ll try and get the staff on my side.

2020 - I become friends with this manager.  We talk about everything.  We only hang out at work but due to COVID we are the only two people.  Everyone else laid off.  We become very close.  We don’t want to mix seeing each other outside of work with work and that’s fine with me!

Safe topics for him are sex and drugs and those taboo topics that make you feel close to someone.  Politics, gay rights, woman’s rights, poc rights.  Food, cleaning, blah blah.  You get it.

When it comes to work tho.  I’m not happy.  I was promised (as much as one can) that I would be the manager of the next store opening Summer 2020.  I find out through someone else (not my boss or my boss’ boss) that this store is not opening due to COVID. 

My depression has always been something I battle.  December was rough.  Then with COVID and learning my promotion was not going to happen this year (my boss’ boss asking me to stick it out b/c who knew what would happen?).  My thoughts go to self harm and suicide.  Never would I do it.  But I have reoccurring fantasies of other people doing it for me (car crash, work injury, etc).

My depression gets really really really bad.  The worst its been in 5 years.  I go to work, come home, go to bed.  That’s all.  I can’t do anything else.  For a weeks on weeks.

I have a partner.  He has been bless to not have to deal with someone like me before or deal with this state himself.  Which is great in a way.  We can’t be mad at people for not feeling our misery.  However, it does mean he does not know how to help me.  He tries his best but... well.  You know. 

I opened up to my boss about it.  My boyfriend did not know about my suicidal thoughts, but he did.  Just to let you know how close I was to him.

June 2020- I apply for a new job.  Clearly I need a change.  My boss offers up his recommendation if I need it. 

I don’t get it b/c I put my foot in my mouth during the interview.  I accidentally let them know I was leaving, basically, because I was promised a promotion (twice now) and did not get it b/c of COIVD.  (I didn’t mention it was twice and that the first time was b/c of rumours from a misunderstanding with a friend at work situation).  The interviewer was not happy with that! “We don’t know if a manager spot will be available next year.  How do I know you won’t just leave here?”  -- fair.  But I couldn’t exactly tell her the real reasons!

I talk to my boss’ boss to let her know how I’ve been feeling.  Roughly.  Mostly just that I feel like I don’t have a future at the company.  She’s upset.  She never meant to make me feel that way.  We restart the plan to make me manager next.

This is when I start to realize my relationship with my boss (the man) is not working.  We’re friends, sure.  But I realize that every time I try and talk to him about managing/improving the store/ways to improve sales/ WORK stuff.... he does not want to talk about it.  Any idea I have gets shot down and his reason is “our store is fine”.  Yes.  It was fine.  But it could be great!  I want it to be great.

Every time I’ve asked him for feedback on my job performance, he says I’m doing everything great.  That he doesn’t know what those rumours about me being a bitch were about.  I’m great at my job and am doing a great job and should keep it up!  

I feel re-inspired.  I’m talking to a therapist again.  I have my boss’ boss supporting me for my promotion (only between me and one other woman -outside hire but she does have more retail and managing experience than me so tough competition).  And most of the staff who hated me are gone.  Turnover high due to COVID and also b/c the company was bought out a year before and people no longer stick around since they went corporate.

I am much more productive at work!  I start going back to managing more.  Competitions, fun stuff, new ideas, more productive learnings, etc.  The new staff and I get along great.  Lots of work done!

Which is when I realize exactly how much I”m doing.  I’m doing my boss’ job.  All of it.  Stuff I don’t need to do.  I have been all year.  I know it was because I was a ‘manager in training’.  But I’ve already learned how to do operational stuff.  I’m doing his job.  What is he doing??  Wow.  I realize he’s not doing anything.  Even managing the staff.  I’m the one coaching and motivating and giving feedback.  When I’m not around, the staff tells me he does nothing.  When I am there, he’s asking me what he should be doing.  He refers to me as the ‘real’ manager and that he’s just the face.  ALL THE TIME.  I suddenly realize (thank you therapy and unbiased pov) that this has been our dynamic since I moved under him. 

Why do I Let him do this?  We’re friends.  I forgive him.  He has anxiety.  He’s threatened by me.  He knows I could do his job.  He wants to keep me happy so he doesn’t lose me because I’m the one doing his job!  Of course.  Well I love the job so I can keep doing it, right?

Ignore the fact that he makes 10,000 more a year than me.  I’m getting that promotion next so.   My boss’ boss -in a talk with her and my boss- tells me that I am 100% the next manager according to her.     Yup!  It’s FINEEEEEEeeeeeeee.....

Then.  He talks about MY sex life to one of the staff.  One of the new girls that works under me. 

My sex life is a whole ‘nother thing.  It does not exist.  He doesn’t understand that.  I don’t understand it either.  I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years but we haven’t had sex since... six months into the relationship.  It’s why I opened up to him about it.  That’s actually something I really need to find someone to talk to about so... will do that at some point!  sure. 

NOT COOL.  I found out about this through deductive reasoning actually.  The coworker asked me about my sex life which I NEVER brought up to her before.  She asked me if I even had sex.  NO ONE would ask me that.  EVER.  I’m not a bitch but I am a bit of a hardass.  No one would ask me that out of the blue.

Then my boss said something about regretting what he says when his anxiety makes him panic.  Okay.  Yup.  I can put two and two together.

I wait.

He comes to me a few days later and admits what he did.  I told him I already had forgiven him because I did.  His anxiety is bad.  I get it.

I thought I did.  But he did exactly what the other manager did back in 2019.  Made me feel like I could open up and then gossiped about me to the staff.  Worse, he knew that’s what happened before.  He saw me crying for weeks over it.  He was my shoulder to cry on about it.  Now he did it to me. 

I’m suddenly no longer cool with being friends and doing his job.  What am I getting out of this?

Sept 2020 - I go to another manager for advice.  She’s older, mature, and is not my manger’s boss so she can’t get him in trouble.  She tells me this is so NOT OKAY and that I should have come out with this stuff much sooner and that I need to talk to our boss.   My boss’ boss.  The one that’s been working with me.  We have a great relationship.  She’s my boss’ boss but she won’t just fire him or tell him I went to her about this. 

I ask her for a call, she’s busy, so she calls me when I’m next working.  Same day I’m working with my boss.  He -being paranoid and anxiety ridden- freaks out when I take the call in the office.  He keeps coming back, as does the other employee (Same one he gossiped to).  I get frustrated and half tell my boss what’s going on -it’s messy and not at all how I planned to talk to her- but I get the main points out.  My boss fucked up not only with that gossip but in some other ways that affect the company and I can’t keep pretending everything is fine.  I don’t want him fired or anything but I know he can do better and I want to help.  This is all true too!  B/c while I”m hurt I do understand and I do want him to do better.  I want his job and I hate watching someone do the job I love and not give a shit but I don’t want it b/c I get him fired.  WHELP.  One of those times he came back to the office, he called his phone via his smartwatch and listened to my half of the messy convo from the bathroom.

I have the real convo in my car during my lunch break, pretending to call my mom.  He says some stuff to me that makes it apparent he was eavesdropping.

We have a big talk.  I tell him exactly what I want.  I want to take a step back from doing his job because I have been doing it.  I want to give him the chance to actually manage.  Tell me what to do.  Anything you want, I will do it.  But I also want to take a step back from being friends.  Trust broken.  He’s upset.  We’re both crying.  He wants to make it up to me.  Hates breaking my trust and what we had.  I say it’s not forever but I just need to get back to that point.  We can be friends again.

Things are a bit messy at first.  I hate being unproductive at work.  I know how much there is to do.  But I can do it! 

He cannot.  He freaks out at how much his job actually entails.  I didn’t know it yet but he was already looking for a new job.  We have some disagreements and it’s odd to not talk about our personal lives but we make it work.  A bit awkward but that’s okay.  I work on other projects and he takes over operations again. 

Fri - Then he puts in his two weeks.  I am genuinely upset because we are friends!  And we’ve been working in each other’s laps almost a year.  He gets a job that he loves tho and he says I’ll be getting his so everyone is happy! 

Sat - We talk about the next steps.  I tell him I don’t want him to feel like I’m pushing him out but I want his advice on the transition b/c I respect his opinion.  He says he knows/he’s fine with it.  We talk about being friends/hanging out when he’s at his new job.  He says he’ll do everything to ensure I’m the next manager.

Tue- I come into work unhappy but try to be happy.  There was a holiday manger call and I’m concerned b/c I wasn’t on it.  However my boss’ boss told me she already put my name in for the promotion and all it needed was a stamp of approval.  She told me that as long as nothing dramatic happened, I would get it.  Told my boss this and he was supportive.  We talked about one of the new girls’ training and I mentioned I wanted to take it over.  My boss was unhappy about this (he loves training) but he was leaving and he knew it.  I take over the call b/c he has it on his phone on earbuds.  However he’s texting his boyfriend angrily.  I can sense he was upset by this but based on saturday’s convo I know he’ll remember and be fine.  I plan to talk to him before he leaves but give him some space. 

The power goes out.  The call is cut off for us.  I make calls and set up the backup program while he goes out for a smoke.  He comes in and leaves and comes in and leaves.  I think nothing of it b/c that’s what he does when he’s angry or anxious. 

I deal with some customers and then we’re dead so I go to the office.  His keys are on the table.

I walk to the backdoor.  I see him in his car.  He sees me.  He peels out of the parking lot. 

I call my boss’ boss.  He emailed her.  Said that I was a horrible person, awful to work with, and should not be made manager.  He attaches something I emailed him back in January 2020.  A profile I wrote on one of our employees.  He thought it was proof of how horrible a person I was.  (it was not bad. Even my boss’ boss said it was fine.  It read like a FBI profile.)  He claimed I wrote these on everyone and kept them in a file.  Really, that one I wrote and emailed him b/c I was so upset over what happened in nov/dec 2019 because I felt like people didn’t understand me when I spoke.  That my brain worked differently.  He asked what I meant and when I said it was like a profile he didn’t understand and HE ASKED ME to write it down. 

So my boss’ boss things this is bs to me but she still has to forward it to her boss.  B/c they had an employee not fill out his two weeks.  That’s bad for him and the company.  Ppwk.  Stats.  That sort of thing.

I check social media.  He’s blocked me on all accounts. 

I cannot express how confused and hurt I was.  We were friends.  I KNOW we were friends.  I know he had anxiety.  I know why he acted the way he did with me.  But no one in my life had actively tried to hurt me so purposefully before.

That whole ‘as long as nothing drastic happens’.  Yup.  My -well- she’s now my boss- let’s me know.  That was it.  I’m not getting the promotion.  This email combined with the gossip about me from 2019 and the fact that I am very vocal when it comes to worker’s rights.  Yup.

Ask anyone I worked with.  They LOVED me.  I still feel like telling this pOV I come out looking like a bitch or something.  I cannot express how much I loved my job and had fun and how much my employees loved me.  When they found out I didn’t get it- I had multiple people from multiple locations threaten to strike.  Literally, strike.  They meant it too.

Yeah, god my ego.  But it’s true. 

They offer to allow me to manage the store until they can hire someone else.  So they are okay with me short term, but not long term.  I ask if I do a good enough job if they would promote me instead of hire someone else.  Like a trial.  NOPE.  I ask if I could have some sort of development plan to ensure I actually do get the promotion I was promised three times now.  NOPE.  There is literally nothing else for me to work on.  I’m ready.  This email from my closest friend just cost me.

I think long and hard, talk to my therapist (Second one this year).  I decide to quit.  I put in my three weeks notice and work it out till the end.  I deal with many a phone call with people who are upset at me leaving and customers who are very upset to see me go.  There was a lot of crying for a month.

Nope.  didn’t have another job lined up.  Couldn’t keep working at a place I loved when they didn’t want me.  Couldn’t watch someone else do the job I loved. 

They offered me a raise they offered me an extended vacation to come back. 

I couldn’t do it. 

They wanted an outside hire.  They spent all 3 weeks trying to find one but they couldn’t.  Rather than ask me to stay on as manager, they asked that other associate (the one with more managing experience) to do it. The one with all the complaints from customers and transphobic/racist complaints from associates.  Yup.  That one.

Now my parents were some of the people I talked to.  My parents and I have a complicated and distant relationship.  However, one hold they have over me is money.  I hadn’t seen them in over a year.  They wanted to see me despite it being COVID peak in November.  I agree as long as I quarantine.  I was hurting so much I just wanted a break.  I wanted to get away.

My last week my dad texts me.  My childhood dog was not doing well.  He was having her put down that day.  A week before I was about to go home.  She was my dog. 

I deal with a lot of tears and  a wonderful shower of gifts and visits.  I’m crying now.  Damn.

And then I leave and go to my parents’ house.  I didn’t realize how bad COVID was b/c I don’t watch the news.  I also didn’t think it thru.  My parents have never been there for me emotionally.  NEVER.  I stupidly thought they would step up their game b/c of how fucking awful my life was.  Yeah.  no.  It was like I was transported back to my teenage self.  Only this time, everyone is home 24/7.  Now retired, my dad is always there.  My mom works from home b/c of covid.  Her office is the only secluded room.  I am around them always.

Tough convos like; You don’t like us do you? and So you’ll never come home again, huh?  GREAT. 

Oh.  And I lost my thearpist when I lost my insurance. 

My boyfriend really does try.  But he’s not good emotionally either.

It’s a fucked up mess all around.  

Anyway.  Unemployed.  Figuring shit out.  I am still unemployed b/c I can’t look at getting a job.  I’m actually starting a blog and a podcast and a youtube channel.  It’s the same passion as this job was.  Only now I’m doing it myself.  It’s a lot of work and will hopefully launch soon but I am drowning in bills.  The reason I went to my parents was so that if I need their financial support I will still have it (amongst the naive idea that they would help me).  So I won’t go homeless.  I am blessed with my boyfriend having a job.  I won’t go hungry or homeless.  But my mental health is.... yeah.  I’m in a panic over a timeline that doesn’t exist. 

Yeah. I’m gonna throw up if I talk more about it.

YES THIS WAS THE SHORT VERSION.  hahaha

TLDR: My closest friend cost me a promotion at my absolute favorite job I’ve ever had.  I quit the job I love.  My dog died.  I spent two weeks with my emotionally abusive parents.  My boyfriend tries but... it’s not good enough and that makes me feel worse.  I’m unemployed and starting a blog.

[rqs902]

yang chaowen’s drawing with himself as the prickly center in a circle of flowers is so deep .-.

randomly gonna add my ep 3 thoughts here lol

adding on but chaowen’s primary criteria that his group mates should not be selfish is realllyyy interesting again “I don’t like selfish people” 

similarly, lin mo’s criteria that group mates should be able to get along, rather than all be talented sounds like something he has learned from personal experience /cough

istg if jin fan literally just gets 1 stage and its a cutesy stage YET AGAIN im srsly gonna flip a table....

LOL I love kou cong being the super energetic and leaderly one bringing them together and giving them energy and acting all old even though he’s 1999......

lol rip they used all the practice room footage time to showcase zlj’s group instead of hong weihao’s.... YAYYY FOR SHAOPENG’S RAPPPP YAYYY i was so scared there wasnt gonna be any in this song 

omggggg lin ran starting the song is so perfect, hes so sassy and cute but cool at the same time ooooof he is really good at facial expressions and this song suits him well 

Ooooo the fact that kou cong was willing to say he 認可 linjie as a leader says a lot I think, considering how much he had wanted to be a leader originally. 

wow im so surprised that zuo linjie’s group lost tho!!!!!!!! is this some sort of youku play to get linjie some pity points or make his fans dislike the kids on weihao’s team out of spite or something lol jk but actually I guess I respect that the show is not making it an straight-up easy run for the kid

its so meaningful that lin ran and kou cong are the ones huddled closest to linjie while he crying after their performance because the two of them have really been there and really understand his heartbreak and how devastating it feels to work so hard and still lose... oof but im most sad that huang enyu didnt really get much time to shine despite being hyped as a vocal and since hes not got popularity to fall back on, this could be real bad for him :( 

aw im glad they talked about lin mo’s strong leadership abilities during the babel practice and how much they respect and like him and are learning from him.... SO WHICH OF YOU COMPLAINED ABOUT LIN MO’S PART DISTRIBUTION THEN!??!!? hmmmMMmMMMMMM why do i have a sneaking suspicion it was su xunlun HAHAHAH 

OOF CHEN JUNHAO SINGING TO CHEN XINHAI AWWWW SO SUPPORTIVE LEADER such words of encouragement so touching ahhh i would’ve cried if i were xinhai ahhh and the way he asks for a harder dance so that the dancers can show off their skills more and the way he asks to give his parts to some of his members so they can have more time to shine... and then the way he immediately goes to li chenxu after the stage ends and tells the camera people to leave him alone because he knows how hurt his teammate is feeling :(

omg li xikan has really improved so so much. im so so proud and happy for him, he really has improved so much in his dancing (!!!!) and even singing and stage presence overall. on ipd he gave me such a little brother vibe and he was kinda clueless, one of the ones who needed teaching, and now hes the one leading others, having confidence that his group will succeed, and having the confidence to teach and encourage others. it’s craazyyy these last 2 years have really changed him. he seems so much more mature and self assured and capable, im so so happy he’s getting recognition and love still. THEIR STAGE WAS AMAZING. the older brothers really taught the two young kids (and ybz lol) well! and mannnnn zhan yu get that recognition for your high note!!!! yay for kou cong and akey cheering zhan yu on from backstage I love friendship c: and yay for zhan yu and xikan being in the same frame omg i wish they showed more of zhan yu’s silly side because I feel like he and xikan would get along REALLY well being silly together hahahha and lin mo calling xikan “我家侃侃” hahhahaha so cuute!! im happy to see tyger & xikan friendship 

oof see the wheels turning in shengen’s head when he realizes his team is going against xikan. id be calculating the odds of winning if i were him lol.... shengen’s the only one who realllyy knows how rough its gonna be for them. taking into consideration the skill levels of their members and his members and their levels of popularity and levels of difficulty  

i appreciate that xzx acknowledges that their group works hard, but since the other group is very skilled and theyre staying up all night practicing, they have no choice but to also stay up all night to practice. it’s a very realistic pov, like he knows he needs to work at least as hard as the others, if not more. rip li zaixi this is not gonna be a good look for you lol but yay for mu xingyuan getting more recognition! i think he deserves it because he didnt really get much on afo either....

cheng xiao speaking only truths when she said xu shengen held up this whole stage lol

wow thats so wild lzx brought his team down by 10 points and xikan brought his up by almost as much... but that makes sense xikan would get the most votes and shengen would for lzx’s group lol but its really so wild to see xikan being regarded as like this amazing performer and working so hard and bringing his group together because that really says so much about how much he’s grown and improved since ipd. 

the whole issue with gjm not letting akey and jin fan dance to the theme song too.... I feel like part of the problem is also because akey and jin fan didn’t ask for it. I wasn’t there so I wouldn’t know but maybe they could’ve spoken up but didn’t. but I think their personalities are both more passive like lin mo’s and zhan yu too. i feel like that might be a problem for why mr tyger is where it is still today. theyre not very good at advocating for themselves and speaking up confidently even though they have the skills. it’s disappointing for them that their talent cant speak for itself and I’m sad that they have to be more vocal in order to stand out, but it kind of seems like they’ll need to change this in order to get farther. it’s so sad and awkward to see them standing off to the side watching guo zheng, zuo ye and hu wenxuan... because lets be real they have just as much ability to dance the theme song just as well. maybe they were all shaken at the time, but even zuo ye as the leader could’ve said something like all of them can do this lets do it together. 

ayyy look at xue en getting recognition in the votes!!! the blue hair somehow works on him hahhaha but also junhao said xue en helped lead their dance practices ayyy that cto experience hahaha

awwwww xikan’s speech says a lot. he really had the lazy sleepy image during ipd but he mustve really felt the responsibility to change so much. and he felt the need to apologize for his shortcomings despite his team doing so well. im hoping xikan remains humble

welp all in all except for what happened to uuu im actually pretty happy with this first stage! at least they were able to fit everyone into 1 ep, since there’s less contestants. I feel like that’s always bothered me on other shows, bc whoever happened to get aired in the week prior always gets an advantage in voting bc people have already seen their stage for a whole week longer than those who dont get to perform until the week following. the song arrangements weren’t spectacular (except I really liked xikan’s group’s!!!) but at least they were better than afo.... lol......... and i think the smaller number of contestants really makes it easier to recognize everyone so im feeling relatively comfortable that I am familiar with most of the kids already and it’s only the first stage. I’m just reallllyyy hoping they don’t eliminate way too many people too fast at every round, because I really hope the kids im looking out for can get at least one more stage..... esp jin fan and akey omg if jin fan only gets 1 stage and its a dumb cutesy stage (YET AGAIN) im gonna be SO MAD. 

im not gonna even get into them evil editing zhan yu at the end... anyone who knows anything or cares about zhan yu at all will know that that isnt his voice so...... im just appalled that youku would be so low as to try to make him look bad like that. they barely give him any screen time already. im encouraged by comments I read that support zhan yu tho, it makes me feel hopeful that people acknowledge his talent! 

[wyrmsandrocs]

You know what you dared (anyone really) me personally to send all the writer asks so FUCKIBG ALL OF THEM BETCH

1. Favorite place to write. - I really like taking my laptop with me and writing at parks or in hotel lobbies when my fam travels, but its comfortable and familiar to write at my desk in my room2. Favorite part of writing. - letting characters be sassy and snarky. also letting characters heal.3. Least favorite part of writing. - actually putting words on the page lmfao4. Do you have writing habits or rituals? - i put on my writing playlist and if i can grab a diet coke bc it helps me feel like im ready to be productive5. Books or authors that influenced your style the most. - ooh, for writing style Caroline Lawrence’s books influenced me a lot when i was younger and more recently @lbardugo and six of crows6. Favorite character you ever created. - ahhh probably Linde, a shapeshifter who rejects all human concepts including gender7. Favorite author. - again, Leigh Bardugo. also @canipetyourdragon but like technically shes not published yet 8. Favorite trope to write. - enemies to lovers lmfao9. Least favorite trope to write. - ahh idek 10. Pick a writer to co-write a book with and tell us what you’d write about. - @canipetyourdragon and we’d probs write abt some wacky adventure11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish. - 1) have an idea and daydream abt it for a month 2) worldbuilding/character building for a g e s 3) finally get around to writing a shitty draft 4) s u f f e r 12. How do you deal with self-doubts? - whine at someone and then remind myself that nothing starts perfect and i have time to make it better. tbqh a lot of the time i remind myself that Six of Crows started as smthn like 31,000 words and is a lot longer in the final form and, no offense to leigh, was probs kinda crap at first lmfao13. How do you deal with writers block? - i remind myself that its not gonna get written if i dont write it, i sit my ass down, and i write something. anything. any stupid sentence. and then i write another one.14. What’s the most research you ever put into a book? - hoo boi am i bad at research n o t m u c h 15. Where does your inspiration come from? - a lot of my inspiration comes from music and other books, i have playlists that remind me of my characters and story on spotify and those help a lot16. Where do you take your motivation from? - i remember that i’ve always wanted to be a writer since i was like 5 and could barely write my name and i think about how much i want that to be a reality.17. On avarage, how much writing do you get done in a day? - ehh i’d say maybe 400 words on average? the least ive written recently is 100 words the most was 1,50018. What’s your revision or rewriting process like? - ah i havent worked on one story enough to know yet19. First line of a WIP you’re working on. - No matter how many she saw, Siora couldn’t get used to Outer Land bars.

20. Post a snippet of a WIP you’re working on. - “In a shocking plot twist, the rich Kitonian girl used to be a thief,” Linde said, mimicking some sort of announcer.

“Are you just here to add sarcastic commentary?” Siora glared at them.

She seems to glare at them a lot, Dema thought.

“That’s the whole reason I’m following you,” they said, then added, “Don’t give me that look, you know I don’t really care about the war.”

“My question is why is Siora still putting up with you,” Asteria laughed.

“Don’t give me any ideas,” The Beati girl grumbled, a smile playing on her lips.

“Oh yes, don’t encourage her. She might try to hurt me with one of her toothpicks.”

Dema laughed, “Don’t insult a lady’s knives, it’s not wise.”

“What’s a lady?” The Gerum asked, feigning confusion.

“Dema is a lady,” Asteria kissed the girl on the cheek, laughing.

“Doesn’t seem very ladylike to me,” Siora snorted.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Dema shot back.

“If anyone here is a lady, it’s me,” Linde said, sticking their nose in the air.

“You aren’t even a girl!” Asteria shrieked, grinning.

“Fair enough,” They nodded.

21. Post the last sentence you wrote in one of your WIP’s. - “Yep, now we’re just doing a final check to make sure we have everything,” The girl said without looking up.22. How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied and a project is ultimately done for you? - ahh depends i havent really “completed” any big projects, but for short stories usually only one or two23. Single or multi POV, and why? - multiple because i have so many characters and none of them is really the /main/ character24. Poetry or prose, and why? - i love prose but tbh im a poet at heart i write a l o t of poetry

25. Linear or non-linear, and why? - linear, otherwise i get too confused26. Standalone or series, and why? - standalone, because i think the story im working on rn is only one book long. altho i do have another story in this world planned dont tell anyone 27. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished? - i share as i write

28. And who do you share them with? only sharing with @canipetyourdragon tho29. Who do you write for? - myself and my future readers30. Favorite line you’ve ever written. - for prose? “You complain so much I’m starting to think it’s a religious observance,” Siora said, leaning against the wall. the answer is dif for poetry tho31. Hardest character to write. - a s t e r i a i love her but shes not fully fleshed out yet. also shes so good32. Easiest character to write. - linde that snarky bastard33. Do you listen to music when you’re writing? - yep i have a playlist that reminds me of my story34. Handwritten notes or typed notes? - both35. Tell some backstory details about one of your characters in your story. - Siora was raised to be the right hand guard of the princess, but was exiled when she died.36. A spoiler for story? - the villain gets redeemed37. Most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you. - hm i really dont know. writing wise, i love the quote “if the muse is late for work, start without her.”

38. Have you shared your outline of your story with someone? If so, what did they think of it? - I tell wyna about all my story shenanigans and schemes, and so far i think she likes it lmao39. Do you base your characters of real people or not? If so, tell us about one.- not characters i like. sometimes background redshirts are based on people i hate so that i can kill them40. Original Fiction or Fanfiction, and why? - both. I love writing fanfiction, but i also have a lot of original stories to tell41. How many stories do you work on at one time? - only one at a time for me42. How do you figure out your characters looks, personality, etc. - a lot of the time it just comes to me, but i also answer ask memes like this as that character43. Are you an avid reader? -  y e s 44. Best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten. - hm im really not sure45. Worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten. - most unhelpful? “it sucked ass” - daedalus46. What would your story look like as a tv show or movie? - o h dude i would love to see it as a movie it would be a really cool fantasy aesthetic omg the effects for the shapeshifters would be so cool to see

47. Do you start with characters or plot when working on a new story? - this story actually started with setting48. Favorite genre to write in. - YA isnt a genre is it? technically fantasy i guess49. What do you find the hardest to write in a story, the beginning, the middle or the end? - the middle for sure50. Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had. - idk abt story idea but when i was 12 i killed a character by turning him into a tortilla ¯\_(ツ)_/¯51. Describe the aesthetic of your story in 5 sentences or words. - fantasy eclectic influence and design.52. How did writing change you? - honestly writing poetry gave me a way to express my feelings safely. it honest to gods helped me stop self-harming.53. What does writing mean to you? - to me it means putting my ideas and thoughts and self into the world in a way that people (hopefully) read and enjoy54. Any writing advice you want to share? - start writing and dont stop. if you think that its crap, remember that everything starts as crap, and if you think no one in the world wants to read it, remember that i definitely want to read it if you tell me about it.

tysm for asking omg!